Win Some, Lose Some
by obsidian dreamer
Summary: Bits and pieces are sometime the best things in life. Non-related Naruto oneshots, anyone interested in writing them into full stories is welcome to do so. Naruto/Many Anko, Yugito etc
1. Chapter 1

**Win Some, Lose Some.**

A/N: For those who know who I am, you might be a little surprised that I'm writing a Naruto fiction; I'm a Sonic writer most of the time. Just to reassure my usual fans that yes, I am alive and yes, I am still writing, but at the same time, I have to tell you that recently, in fact since just before the last time I updated many moons ago, I've been holding down a full-time job, a part-time job and a part-time degree; as you can imagine, this is has reduced my leisure time to zero and my writing time to less than that. Still, now it's Christmas I might be able to put more work in; I promise it'll be worth it, just bear with me for a bit and I'll come up with the good.

Until then, enjoy this little one-shot; just to make things clear:

"----" – Speech

_Italics_ – Thoughts.

And with that, on with the show

XXX

Once more checking herself in the small mirror pinned to the side of the hostel wall Shizune gaze a last, brief look up to her hair, brushed a stray strand away from her face and nodded to herself in satisfaction; without another glance the aspiring medical sannin walked to the door and pulled it open, shoes clicking softly on the polished room flooring and Ton-Ton as always at her heels, the sound of the small pigs' trotters echoing in a softer counterpart to her owners' heavier tread. _Well, this will be interesting if nothing else_; the thought swirled around in the young womans' head as she ducked into the spacious bar of the travelling party's lodgings for the evening, itself a damn site finer than some of the flea-pits she'd been forced to slum in during her long, at times torturous apprenticeship to arguably the finest medical kunoichi to have ever walked the earth, the fiery slug sannin Tsunade; _though believe me Naruto, nothing will stop me finding out just how you managed to pull this one off. Mastering the rasengan in three days and then using it in a life-or-death struggle I can just about understand but this_; standing up and seeing a very familiar orange-clad arm waving at her from one of the tables, she let a gracious smile and friendly attitude mask her inner deliberations; _this one really puts the naruto on the ramen!_

"Hey Shizune nee-chan", her train of thought was jolted on the rails at the genins' voice, Naruto being as usual oblivious to her inner thoughts as he studied the menu in front of him, "I haven't seen the pervert all night, has the pin-up disappeared as well?"

"Naruto", Shizune instantly defended her sensei, though the struggle to keep the smile off her face was harder than she'd have liked it to be, "don't call Tsunade-sama a pin-up; she's a well-respected sannin and more than earnt her rank". As expected, he merely looked over the top of his menu and shrugged,

"It's either that or baa-chan", once more Shizunes' lips flickered before she could iron them straight again, though Ton-Ton proved her worth once again by jumping into the seat next to the smaller ninja and placing a trotter on his leg, immediately rewarded with a scratch just behind her ears, "hey Ton-Ton, she managed to talk ero-sennin out of cooking you for another day then?"

"Too right I did", just for once the young kunoichi's face darkened as she remembered the laughing toad-sage offered the idea up as a change from the packs of ramen Naruto had brought with him; if her scowl hadn't quashed the idea the impact of her sensei's fist to his jaw a split-second later certainly had; Tsunade had always had a soft spot for her apprentices' pet, "anyway, seen anything good on the menu, or is it ramen for you again tonight?"

"Ramen is the Kami of foods", Naruto shot back affronted before his sudden ire collapsed in on itself and he muttered mutinously, "though they don't serve it here; if I'd known that I'd have made sure I picked somewhere else to stop for the night – it would have been better food and probably cheaper into the bargain". Unable to stop herself this time Shizune simply watched the blonde ninja pout at the same time as try to get the few pieces of information she had gleaned so far stick together to form something like a picture in her mind.

In truth if was nothing to go on; she'd been as surprised as anyone when, just as Jiraiya had finished collecting firewood from the small copse near the campsite they'd decided on for the night, Naruto had suddenly stood up and declared he was sick of camping out under the stars and was going to do something about it; before anyone else could stop him there were hundreds of orange-clad bodies almost tumbling over one-another in every direction. Once this mass shadow-clone melee had dispersed Naruto had simply sat back down and resisted all attempts by both sannin to reveal what he was up to, driving both Jiraiya and Tsunade to distraction by deflecting attention to their age and questionable hobby activities respectively. Eventually, just as dusk began to fall and Shizune started to become seriously worried about both the blonde shinobi's sanity and imminent physical health (Tsunade had had that look in her eye that usually spelt murder for anyone standing between her and the nearest bottle of sake), he'd jumped into the branches of the nearest tree and said, somewhat less than politely, to keep up with him unless they wanted to spend another night in the tents listening to the toad sages' snoring and perverted dreaming giggles.

_And follow him we did, right to this place_; how he'd known exactly where it was the kunoichi wasn't entirely sure – something else she wanted to find out before the night was over, but it was at the inn he'd eventually led them to that he'd pulled out his biggest surprise; _though whether that was from generosity or to try and ward off the killing intent those two were sending his way I'm not sure_. Either way, without turning a hair he'd casually walked in and ordered two rooms; before anyone could muster a protest about how limited funds were at the moment his hand had dived into his bag and withdrawn Gama-chan; the size of the roll of notes the stuffed frog had contained was enough to make even Shizunes' eyes widen while Tsunade was virtually drooling at the sight, already translating the cash into bottles of sake and hands of cards she could play at the local gambling table. However, as with most things not related to ninjutsu the money simply hadn't mattered to Naruto; once the rooms were paid for he took his still-considerable amount of change, replaced it in Gama-chan and strolled up the stairs to his room without another word, leaving two sannin and one sannin-in-training stunned speechless in his wake.

From there it had come to this; her sensei had said nothing beyond a few muttered words that she was going out for the evening with Jiraiya and Shizune hadn't seen her since, leaving her with the proverbial hot potato in her lap. Still, she decided that a little fishing couldn't hurt and, truth be told, she was damned curious as to how the jump-suited shinobi had managed to earn himself such a respectable wad of currency, but even in the little time she'd known him she knew that going in completely open wouldn't quite work with Naruto; though it often got some results, to get the best reactions out of him, a little tact and a little time were the tools of the trade.

"Be that as it may", she opened her own menu and smiled at him, "I'm glad to be here, it looked like it would rain earlier and I hate waking up to a drizzly morning; anyway to answer your question I don't know where either of them are, though knowing the pair of them probably having a whale of a time for old times' sake". Naruto grinned,

"For old times' sake with old-timers' sake", he quipped, making his partner for the evening sputter before she could control herself, "though how they drink that stuff is beyond me, it's like trying to swallow smoke".

"You've tried?" He shrugged at the question,

"Ero-sennin gave me a sip out the corner of his saucer once, said it wouldn't do me any harm", he made a bitter face as though tasting something sour, "he was half-right, which, give him credit, is better than average for him". Shizune shook her head; _he's just unstoppable when he's in the right mood – Tsunade I think you got it right tonight, by now you'd be a quivering mess of either laughter or rage_;

"Maybe, maybe not, you'd be a better judge of that than I would; still", deciding that was enough of the groundwork laid, the medic-nin leant forwards slightly and gestured around the room with her eyes, "I must say I'm curious as well as grateful – how did you…?"

Even before she finished she could see from his azure eyes that he'd second-guessed the question; his grin spread even wider, becoming positively fox-like as he quirked an eyebrow towards her, stretching his arms behind his head as he smiled contentedly,

"I wondered who'd be the first to ask – have to say I put odds on it being Tsunade-baachan but, ah well, can't win them all", he suddenly chuckled at a joke Shizune presumed she wasn't privy to before finishing, "just as long as you win the important ones hey?"

"I suppose", the medical kunoichi answered after a long seconds' pause before, realising she was hooked, decided to hold her breath and take the plunge feet-first, "am I going to regret asking or can I back out now?" To her complete non-surprise, Naruto shook his head, smile now just about separating his head into two,

"No place for quitters here neechan; okay, I'll spill", he leant across the table again, lowering his voice, "just one thing though, don't tell either of the others because, well, I'm sure one would kill me and the other…" he tailed off, shuddering, "…I don' t even want to think about that".

"Okay, silence is golden", Shizune said almost without realising her lips had moved; before she could get too far ahead of herself however, Naruto had spoke again,

"Suits me; fine well, to tell this one I've got to go back a few steps; remember the bet I had with baachan about this", his hand disappeared beneath the neck of his shirt and emerged a second later with a necklace of black rock held beneath it; seeing it Shizune nodded – how could she not remember that?

"Yes, of course I do – you won when you got Jiraiya-sama to…"

"No, no, no", Naruto cut her off gently before giving a mental prod, "the _other_ bet".

At the mere mention of this memory Shizune felt her cheeks go red and her face fall into her hands; true enough this was another memory she'd never get rid of, this one for all the wrong reasons,

"How could I forget; I've never been so embarrassed in public in all my life and this is coming from someone who's been living with _Tsunade_ for the past Kami-alone-knows how many years; Tsunade, the world's worst gambler and second-worst drunk who occasionally pieces together someone important enough to keep the debtors off our backs for a few weeks. I was just forgetting that nightmare, why'd you have to go and dredge it up again?"

"Because", suddenly Shizune felt the skin on the back of her neck prickle; _if his voice were any lower he'd be purring – what's he got up his sleeve this time?_; "there was a bit more to that bet than met the eye…"

XXX

"I never thought I'd say it but looks like the ero-sennin was right", the voice cut through the smoky atmosphere of the gambling den like a thrown kunai, "you really suck at this".

"Beat it gaki", Tsunade grumbled out the corner of her mouth as she scooped her cards up, "you're throwing me off my game". Shizune, sat at the side of the sennin with an expression that spoke volumes of how often she'd been here before, saw his eyes skirt over how few chips lay on Tsunade's side of the table and mentally counted down; _three, two, one…_;

"What game? The let's-give-my-money-to-the-casino game – it's about the only one you can play well; your luck's worse than that BBQ in Konoha that had offered an all-you-can-eat buffet on Choji's birthday". The cards in Tsunade's hand started to crinkle from her grip as she turned her slightly bloodshot eyes towards the boy smirking just off to her left,

"I won't say it again gaki", she stated clearly, killer intent starting to leak from her body as she took in her latest antagonist, "beat it; unless you've got that air-ball mastered yet I've nothing to say to you".

Those words hit a nerve; for the first time Naruto winced and, as he drew his right hand out from behind him, so did Shizune; it was blistered and blackened, showing symptoms of chakra burn as well as heavy impact damage – it was obviously a hand that had seen some very heavy abuse during his training.

"Eh, it's coming", he remarked semi-cheerfully, obviously wanting to change the subject, "anyway, I'll just watch; Jiraiya told me to wait here while he 'did his research'", Shizune was grateful to see that his expression at those words matcher her own – obviously the super-pervert hadn't corrupted the boys' mind entirely yet – though his face brightened as he finally picked her out from the drab curtains at her back, "hey Shizune-neechan, Ton-Ton". Hearing her name, the pig pricked her ears and stood up from where she'd been laying at her owner's side, hopping off the flat cushion and trotting smartly over to where Naruto sat down; as he patted his lap the pig gratefully jumped into it, closing her eyes as she received a pleasing back-rub.

Though at first Naruto had been a little wary of Ton-Ton, wondering who in their right mind would want a pig as a pet rather than a more useful, aggressive animal like a tiger, he'd come to see her as something similar to a chubbier, hairless version of Akumaru, though with less hair and, more importantly to him, less of an odour problem, especially following rain of any kind. Anyway, true to his word he merely watched quietly as the game wore on, not making a comment or a sound no matter how often Tsunade cursed, swore and railed against the fates as she lost hand after hand and pot after pot until, finally broke, the sannin threw down her last hand a cursed foully,

"Argh, damn it all; Shizune"; _oh no_; the assistant kunoichi had been hoping the sake would blur her sensei's perception enough to make her forget she was there at all, but obviously there was no such luck to be had this time, "get another thousand, and a better bottle of sake; this one tasted like it came out a cow".

"But, but Tsunade-sama", it was probably a hopeless effort but she had to try anyway, "we need that money for…"; _here we go then_; it had been a lost cause from the outset but, seeing the way the slug-sennin's eyes suddenly flashed Shizune braced herself to prepare for the worst; however, her deliverance came from the most unlikely source imaginable,

"You don't need money baachan", Naruto said calmly, rummaging in his pocket for something, "I've got what you need right here".

As Gama-chan was brought into the air Shizune breathed a silent sigh of relief; the sight of money, especially someone else's' money, was always enough to turn Tsunades' head for a few minutes at least. However, her relief curdled into confusion a few seconds later as, rather than unclip the frog wallet, Naruto instead flipped it over and undid a tiny zip along the belly of the little green beast. A couple of fingers slipped inside and, with an exclamation of triumph a second later, Konoha's number-one knucklehead pulled something from its recesses into the light, holding his prize up for all to see,

"Behold", he demanded, the light catching off the coin in his hand, "my lucky charm".

"Lucky charm", Tsunade repeated in a dead tone of voice, taking in the grubby, slightly battered form of the silver of metal before her, "how in Kami's name has that thing ever been lucky – it's got you as an owner hasn't it?" Ignoring the barb, Naruto merely explained in his own time,

"Found it one night when I was out for my evening jog", he mentioned, casually ignoring the circumstances behind said jog, including a mob of angry, possibly drunken villagers and several heavy items landing within inches of his heels, "I can always call right with this coin, doesn't matter how often it's never wrong".

"Really?"

"You bet; look, dragon", he held one head of the coin towards both sensei and apprentice, letting them see the slightly faded metal face of the mythical beast staring at the from the minted surface before flipping it over, "and dragon", he explained, the two sinuous tails entwined on the rear of the coin proving him right, "it never loses". _A double-headed coin, well, sort of_; technically it wasn't double-headed but, going by Naruto's logic, it was hard to call it otherwise – the offer wasn't something a professional gambler like Tsunade was going to miss but it was his next words that brought her up sharp,

"How about a wager?"

_Oh no_; if there was one sentence in the world Shizune hated, other than 'just one more for the road', it was that one; her mentor could never turn down a challenge and she could understand that in a way – it was just the fact that she could never win them either that irked Shizune the most. As usual though, Tsunade simply suspended her common sense and let her addiction take over in her mind as she swivelled in her seat to face the other blonde,

"You're on gaki", she grated, cracking her knuckles, "what's the bet?"

"This", Naruto idly flipped the coin and caught it on the back of his hand before pointing at what, at first looked to be a very rude and, from his point of view, very unwise place to be looking, "for that necklace; don't worry baachan", he said, half-mocking and half-sincere as Tsunade's hand instinctively flexed to her neck, "I'll make a gamble even you can win". _No_; Shizune shook her head, absolutely convinced that this was the one wager not even Tsunade would take up, not for something that precious to her heart; _not for that, not even she would…_;

"I'm listening gaki – make it good", as her apprentice all put face-planted in shock the sennin gulped the rest of her sake down in one, though her eyes never left the new opponent in front of her as he stood up, dislodging Ton-Ton who jumped to the floor with an irritated snort before pacing back to his owner and jumped into her arms, "my time usually costs money, a lot of money".

"Can't think why", Naruto muttered under his breath before speaking properly, holding up his hand for all to see, "okay, you're a medic-nin, Kami help us", Tsunade growled softly but let him carry on, "so you probably know better than I do how screwed up this hand is; I can barely feel it even now. The bet's this; you remember the basic, the first thing you learn in the academy to get your hand-eye co-ordination up to speed? You can remember that far back I…"

"One more word gaki and I'll hit you so hard you're ancestors'll wince", the slug sage snarled, temper already irked by her consistent bad luck so far in the night, "but yes, I know what you're on about", with a flourish Tsunade lifted the necklace up and held it by its string, letting it sway softly, "so, you're betting you can catch this out the air while I'm swinging it with your bad hand", at his nod the sannin laughed, clapping her hands harshly, "you're on gaki; tonight my bad luck lifts forever, no way you can do it". He snorted and rolled his eyes,

"That's the idea baachan; in fact just to make sure of it I'll have my eyes shut when I'd doing it", he boasted boldly; at this Tsunade simply cackled and reached forwards eagerly, grabbing his nearest hand and seemingly unaware as her opponent nearly fainted at the sudden explosion of pain from the end of his arm,

"You're on; Shizune you're our spotter, make sure the little baka doesn't try to pull a fast one". With a resigned sigh, the younger woman stood up slowly and squeezed past her seated sensei with Ton-Ton in her arms, coming to a halt just behind where Naruto was now stood and standing with her arms folded. She stood in that position for no longer than a few moments before almost leaping through the roof in shock as a heavy hand slapped down on her shoulder,

"Sorry I'm late, hope the gaki wasn't any trouble"; _Jiraiya!_; it was indeed the toad sage who had startled her so, his rough voice softening as he looked past her at where his student stood facing off against his old team mate, "er, what's going on?"

"Some kind of crazy bet", Shizune sighed as Tsunade suddenly twisted her wrist and the necklace went from stationary to a propeller, blurring and humming through the air as Naruto tensed up, "the necklace against some kind of lucky coin Naruto has; he has to catch the necklace with his eyes shut in his bad hand to win". She felt rather than heard the older man snort, feeling the creasing of the fabric around him as he folded his arms,

"Hmm, a bet she might finally win at last", he said eventually, seeing the muscles in his student's back tense; the moment of the strike was merely seconds away, "what is Naruto up…" It was a sentence he never finished as, at that precise second, the blonde boy's hand whipped forwards; a second after that, a complete hush fell over the gambling den like a funeral shroud.

Shizune felt the blood drain from her face as her hands flew to her cheeks, eyes almost bulging from her head as she tried, and failed, to take in the scene before her, Ton-Ton falling to the floor with an outraged squeal. All that was running through her head were two thoughts; _how on earth did this happen?_; and; _how am I going to put him back together when she gets through with him afterwards?_

As Jiraiya was borne away to the happy place perverts go whenever they see one of their life-long fantasies acted out before their eyes on the back of an S-class nosebleed, the only thing souring his sensation of ecstatic bliss was the disappointment that it hadn't been him who had had the courage to act out his fantasies.

"Ha!" As he felt his fist snap closed over something even over the throb of agony from his injured arms Naruto felt himself flushed with triumph, "Looks like you really have the worst luck in the world baachan – you have to pay up…"

It was only then as he opened his eyes to see Tsunades' eyes inches from his own, mouth open in a perfect O of shock, that he realised something wasn't quite right with the situation; however it was only when he rolled his eyes downwards that his eyes bulged out and his mouth ran dry that he finally understood what it was that was keeping his hand so unfeasibly warm.

"Ahh!" Without thinking or releasing his grip Naruto ripped his hand back out of the proverbial danger zone; unfortunately as Tsunade, like most kunoichi, wrapped herself rather than wore anything else and Naruto had inadvertently grabbed a large handful of the aforementioned wrappings, this wrenching motion resulted in the exposure of the slug sannins' heaving bosom to the majority of the gambling den, most of the assembled men simply passing out on the spot from an unexpected pleasure overload. Naruto finally let go as Tsunade hastily fought to stuff her dignity, amongst other things, back down her blouse, face aflame and pride in tatters as she was rendered speechless by the inadvertent violation. _How did that happen?_; finally managing to spark some life back into her previously spinning mind the kunoichi tried to rationalise that she had just let someone barely out of his teens get hold of something that most of the men in her life had been lusting after forever; _there's no way, this is just a bad dream, a genjutsu – a quick release and I'll be back in the gambling den, wasted on sake…_;

"You know, I always wondered the where medic-nins kept their bandages", the beautiful illusion was shattered by the knucklehead's words, Naruto's face still as red as hers as he looked away in a belated attempt to give her some privacy, "is that why they're always nice and warm when you use them?" Shock once more blanketed her mind; nothing was present in her mind, not reason, logic or even good old-fashioned bone-breaking anger could sparkle in her mind in the face of such a blatant cheek after his earlier, unforgivable conduct. She could only watch, open-mouthed still, as with a sigh he slowly slipped his uninjured hand into his pocket and reluctantly pulled out the coin he'd shown them all earlier and, even more reluctantly, offered it forwards,

"Oh well, all good things come to an end; here", the little disk of metal winked and flashed in front of her unfocussed eyes as he waved it in front of her, obviously wanting her to take it, "you won it Tsunade-sama; hope it's as lucky for you as it was for me, you sure need it". As though in a dream, the sannin lifted one leaden hand and plucked the coin from his fingers, marvelling at the feel of the cold, rough metal between her fingertips as the gaki's words echoed in her head; _you won, you won, you won_;

"I won", she breathed, the message finally sinking in as she clenched the coin in her fist, "I won, this is it, the curse is broken", suddenly, madly delirious joy surged through her veins as she clutched the spoils of her victorious bet to her recently-ruffled chest, grin almost as wide as Naruto's usually was and laughter echoing raucously all around her, "I'm on a roll, nothing can stop me now; Shizune, Shizune-chan stop gawping like a landed flounder and get some more chips", with the speed of a demon and predatory gaze of a hawk she pounced on and began shuffling the deck, apparently unaware that all her former player partners were currently sprawled out unconscious with extreme blood loss from their noses and happy smiles on their faces as she slammed the cards down on the table,

"The winning streak starts here!".

XXX

Even now that image lingered in her mind, almost an unprecedented length of time for someone who's best friend in the world was legendary almost as much for her drinking and gambling as she was for her medical skills. Shizune once more fought down the blush in her cheeks as she grappled with the memory, glaring across the table at her diminutive partner as he beamed across at her as though butter wouldn't melt in his mouth.

"Why'd you have to go and dredge that old ghost up?" She demanded with a hint of irritation, though, hand on heart, she doubted she'd ever feel truly angry with Naruto for any reason; in that regard she imagined she was very much like her sensei, however much the sennin might have openly cursed the blonde shinobi's name. For his part Naruto merely reclined in his seat, smirking as he steepled his fingers on his stomach,

"Hmm, well I brought it up because, I needed to", before she could question him further, he answered her unspoken question, "ever heard the phrase 'lose some to win some' – well that's what I did that night. You know", he beckoned her over with a conspiratorial wink, "if there's one thing I've learnt travelling with Jiraiya-sama, it's that the more perverted the man, the easier he can be manipulated".

"What?" Totally bamboozled by now, Shizune could only offer a blank look that had Naruto chuckling again,

"I was watching while I waited for the game to finish and the owner of that place didn't get his eyes past Tsunade's neck-line once all night; about the only thing holding him back was the fact that death by angry baachan would be long, painful and, worst of all, excruciatingly embarrassing".

"So? What's that got to do with…?"

"Everything; all I did was make a little bet with him before playing my game with granny", the boy explained, eyes sparkling with glee and triumph, "I bet him his whole night's takings that I could cop a better feel off Tsunade than anyone else in the bar all night without getting punched halfway to Iwa in retaliation; the jokes afterwards, well", he shrugged as Shizunes' jaw dropped, "that was just fun. Do you know how much a place like that turns over in a night – enough to keep us happy as Ton-Ton in mud until we get back to Konoha".

The silence that followed that announcement was so deep it was almost profound; between the flabbergasted kunoichi and gleefully-satisfied shinobi existed a gulf of understanding so wide a cloister of monks could have meditated for years and not come even close to understanding it. It seemed to immense, so monolithic, that nothing either of them did could break it, and indeed nothing either of them did; it was only the sound of a smashing bottle from somewhere behind them that made both their heads turn.

A few tables behind them, an old woman was coming to her feet in a puddle of spilt sake and broken glass with far too much speed and agility for someone of such advanced age, and the even older man by her side, no way he was that old if he could vault over the table like that…as Naruto felt a cold, hard ball of dread solidify and drop into his stomach like one of Sakura's rice balls, there was the charismatic cloud of a dispelling henge and a sudden band of pressure constricted his knees, Jiraiya hugging him as though her were life itself as tears poured from his eyes,

"Teach me oh master", dropping his grip the toad sannin dropped prostrate to the floor, voice muffled as he spoke directly into the floorboards, "ask anything of me and it's yours; any jutsu, any money, the entire first collection of Icha Icha Paradise signed and illustrated – just tell me your secret in the ways of women…"

Luckily at that point the perverted ero-sennin's tirade came to an end courtesy of an enraged Tsunade's boot landing in his side with a painful crunch; he crashed into the doorframe at the opposite end of the room with a resounding thunk and lay still, twitching occasionally as his ungentlemanly desires ran rampant in his comatose subconscious. In the meantime Naruto was busy mentally composing his own death-poem at extremely short notice as the extremely enraged slug sage whipped her head around to him, fist clenched and murder in her eyes as what he'd said to Shizune in supposed confidence echoed in her head, the kunoichi glared down at the genin as though he were a worm on a dissection board, sizing him up as though where to make the first of a thousand deadly, painful cuts that would be his end…

"Meep!"

At once her burning gaze travelled singed the air and flayed her apprentice alive; Shizune had one hand clamped hard to her mouth, face rapidly purpling as noises like a mouse being strangled escaped from her pinched lips. Faced with such base betrayal the sannin merely felt her rage swell to epic proportions, such a destructive force coalesced inside a single mortal being that would have made the Kyuubi no Kitsune itself back down in terror; with breath all but smoking from her lips Tsunade extended in single, deadly digit towards where Shizune flopped over sideways on the seat, still trying to choke off her laughter as best she could,

"Traitor!" The sannin ground out before transferring her attention back to Naruto, fully expecting the boy to have passed out after exposure to such a potent killing intent; instead, incredibly, his gaze was set towards the entrance of the inn, eyes huge and terrified as he pointed and gabbled desperately,

"Debt collectors, bailiffs!"

At that her anger left her for a moment, fled and run away as she jumped back, excuses already in her mind and on hr lips,

"I swear I'll pay you next month", she shouted, hands up as though pushing a foe away, "I just need a few more wee…huh?" There was no-one there; she turned back in confusion, just in time to see an orange-clad form vault over Jiraiya's prone form and run like hell for the stairs of the inn. Realising she'd been had twice in a week by the same shinobi Tsunade's wrath exploded again, this new wrath eclipsing its predecessor like a bonfire would outside a candle; without another word she charged in pursuit of the jump-suited posterior, screaming at Naruto to stand and fight like a man, not hearing as Shizune finally broke down completely, hugging her stomach as the laughter roared out of her unstoppably, her mirth only spurred on further as she heard the muted thunder of feet on the floor above her and snatched of conversation filtered down to her ears,

"You can't run forever!"

"Watch me try!"

"Stop dodging around the table, to the decent thing and receive a beating! I'll even put heal you when I've finished, you can't say fairer than that!"

"Fairer than that – man baachan, is there anything you can't lose at – yipe!"

"_DIE_!_"_

_I was worried about settling down in Konoha once_; in the small part of Shizune's mind that could still think rationally instead of simply babbling with uncontrollable hysteria, the trainee medical sannin, decided that she might be able to return to her former home at last; _but on this evidence, it's going to be an absolute riot._

A/N: Sorry, just a little something that popped into my head and wouldn't leave until I wrote it. I've not read much Naruto and think I might have got the blonde shinobi himself slightly OOC, so I hope you'll forgive this writer his flaws. For the Sonic fans mentioned above, I'll get back to you over Christmas; I promise it'll be worth the wait!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Bells and Masks.

A/N: Yeah, me again – just an idea that flitted into my mind and refused to leave until I exercised it – what would happen if Naruto approached his first serious challenge in life as a prankster rather than a serious ninja? Hope you enjoy my take on what would happen...

Let's get this show rolling...

In the Village Hidden in the Leaves, in the Hokage's Office, many unusual things were happening.

The elite ANBU unit, sworn protectors of the venerable Hokage himself and ninja without compare, were stunned into absolute speechlessness, swords hanging slack by their sides and fingers that could have summoned city-levelling jutsus in an eye-blink completely still, faces as frozen as the masks that covered their faces and identities.

The resident genjutsu mistress was trying frantically to dispel the illusion before her, knowing what she was seeing could not be reality; even as she focused and released her chakra however, a small sliver of her mind was a little disappointed that she'd have to break such a wonderful illusion – it wasn't every day that she could look one of the most notorious perverts in the Leaf in the eye without having to peer over the cover of the book she despised so much.

The father-and-son duo of smokers were currently not partaking in their usual vice; the younger of the two didn't seem to have realised that the cigarette he'd been about to light was now on the floor rather than between his lips and he was in danger of setting his beard on fire with the lighter spluttering in his slack fingers while the elder, having dropped his pipe on the desk and overcome his shock slightly quicker than the younger shinobi around him, tried to subtly waft the ashes towards the resident paperwork mountain while everyone else was gaping at the apparition before them.

Meanwhile, the reason for all this commotion seemed oblivious to the reactions around him and merely stood leant against the wall next to the window he'd come in from, chin in his hand and a far-away look in the eye not covered by his slanting headband, seemingly considering a weighty matter indeed.

It was a tableau that could have been frozen in time forever and indeed looked like it would; it was only the scent of burning parchment that seemed to snap at least one of the assembled zombies back into the real world,

"Hokage-sama!" there was a sudden hiss as a low-level water jutsu drenched the smouldering pile of paper on the desk of the aged village leader; _hmm, that went about as well as I could have hoped – I might even get a few hours relaxation today_; keeping the glee of outwitting and banishing the bane of all Kages for the moment off his wrinkled face, Sarutobi looked towards the ANBU who'd put out the fire and nodded gravely in thanks before turning his attention back to the root of the issue before him,

"Ne, Kakashi?" The masked ninja blinked as though shocked at the voice before shaking himself and looking at his superior,

"Hai Hokage-sama?" _No excuse, nothing_; Sarutobi's eyes narrowed – this was unusual and he didn't like unusual, it usually meant there was trouble on the way and he'd dealt with enough of that to last several lifetimes,

"You are on time and you don't seem to have your usual reading material with you; knowing what day it is today, I assume this may be due to the results of your genin test? Not that I would blame you if it was", despite himself the Hokage smiled fondly, knowing one of the members of the cell Kakashi had tested and wondering if the bewhiskered shinobi had once again done the impossible and broken one of his finest ninja of his virtually life-long tardiness habit, "Naruto is the Kage-killer for a reason – I imagine a former ANBU captain would be easy meat for him now".

With those words the tension in the room was broken and fled like a pack of Inuzuka dogs threatened with bathwater and shampoo; everyone in the office relaxed, least of all Kakashi himself; giving his infamous eye-smile, the masked ninja chuckled before speaking again,

"Kage-killer eh? That does surprise me, though I suppose it shouldn't knowing what I know about him now; he's the reason I'm here, distracted me enough that I didn't keep an eye on the time like I should have..."

"For once in your life", Kurenai muttered just loud enough to hear, a little annoyed that Kakashi had turned out to be real rather than a new illusion technique she could learn, "at least there's no lame excuse this time". The older nin simply eye-smiled again before continuing as though the raven-haired kunoichi hadn't spoken,

"...but aside from that, I wanted a little advice before I made a decision on the fate of team seven".

That was enough to get all attention focussed on the man; very few people in the room had ever known Kakashi be stumped by a problem, least of all one that seemed to be posed by a mere genin of all things, even one containing a mythical Bijuu. Even Sarutobi raised an eyebrow at the declaration before his analytical mind, the prized asset that had allowed him to attain his prestigious title of 'God of Shinobi', went to work on the problem,

"I see – you gave them your standard bell test I assume?"

"Hai, hai, it went as well as it usually does", a collective wince ran around the room; the bell test was almost as infamous amongst the ninja of Konoha as Tora the cat, the reason Kakashi had never passed as genin team, "but while it was going on I had some shadow clones watching my team and Naruto's behaviour was a little, unusual".

"Unusual", Asuma repeated, seeking a nicotine buzz to aid his thinking as he stooped down to retrieve his dropped cigarette, taking the opportunity to sneak a glance at Kurenai's shapely derriere as he did so, "unusual how – last I heard he was a kid who couldn't sit still and would tell anyone who got close enough he was going to take Pop's job one day".

"He was", Kakashi said with another of his smiles, "tried to attack me before I said go and, when I did and the other two scattered, he just stood there waiting for a fight – said he wanted to check something. His taijutsu is abysmal by the way, even with those shadow clones he uses he didn't come close, though I doubt he'll sit down tonight to think about it", seeing a few raised eyebrows among the newer jounin, he brought his fingers together in a tiger seal, sending another wince rippling through the assembled crowd. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat as unpleasant memories of his own graduation came back to him, Sarutobi cleared his throat and tried to move the discussion on,

"I see; any idea what he wanted to check?"

"No, at least, I didn't then, but I'll come back to that", the scarecrow replied, all business in his tone now as he recounted the remainder of his test, "after I left him to cool down near the river with a shadow clone to keep an eye on him, I went after the others; the girl needs help – she fell apart in a fairly low-level genjutsu and is a fan-girl of the highest order, she'll need some help to break out of that mentality before it gets her killed", almost without meaning to he saw Kurenai's face harden into a scowl; _good, if I can get her on my side that might sugar the pill for what I want to do with these three_; "and the Uchiha, well, not as gifted as he likes to think he is, though his fire affinity is quite well-developed. He has no sense of teamwork and an ego bigger than the Hokage monument; the title Rookie of the Year has gone to his head and it needs work to puncture it".

"As is always the way; I think Gai is still struggling with that Hyuuga from last year", one of the other jounins piped up, pushing his glasses up his nose as he did so, "so they didn't work together then?" Kakashi shook his head,

"No, though the clone I left with Naruto reported some interesting things; after I left him he tried to track me down, pretty well as well as my clone almost lost him a few times, but when he came across Sakura he didn't help her immediately, which was odd. He took off her headband and did something to it, couldn't see what, before replacing it and waking her up".

"What happened then?" Asuma asked, curious as in all the time he'd known Naruto, he'd never seen or heard of the boy not coming to the help of one of his precious people immediately; _and Sakura is nothing is not precious to him, though Kami alone knows why_;

"He got a punch on the head, a short rant that he'd never be as good as 'her Sasuke-kun' and a declaration that she was going to find the Uchiha and prove 'love conquers all'", Kakashi smirked behind his mask as he realised his numerous prods were having the desired effect; Kurenai was looking almost murderous by now, "then she left, the wrong way by the way, before Naruto picked himself up and sent a shadow clone after her; after that he shot off looking for Sasuke".

"Did he find him?"

"Yes, it wasn't hard; the Uchiha wasn't going anywhere fast, in fact buried up to his neck he wasn't going anywhere at all", the image got a few smirks, even an outright chuckle from Aoba, sensei of team two and well-known as the jounin with a sense of fun almost as keen as Narutos; _as expected of the only ninja ever to prank Miterashi Anko and live to tell the tale_; "of course Naruto found him and promptly fell over laughing; the look on Sasuke's face was worth a thousand words, even more so when Naruto took off his headband 'just to check if this thing was real'", Aoba was outright snorting by now, half-hunched over and probably, Kakashi guessed, cursing that Naruto hadn't been on his squad, "but after that he replaced it and summoned some clones to help dig him up. As he was doing this Sakura finally arrived and started to help, which quite surprised me; Naruto was saying he'd trapped an area of the training ground but the others weren't listening from what I could see and hear. Sasuke was convinced he could go it alone and Sakura was right behind him, but before anything else could happen the buzzer went off".

The anticlimactic ending seemed to depress the whole room; despite himself Kakashi was quite the storyteller when it came to descriptions such as this – Sarutobi remembered that even as a genin he could turn a standard capture-Tora mission report into a heart-pounding chase across most of Fire country while dodging villagers and missing-nin alike; _though that was before he lost his team and sensei – it is a shame you've never been able to let that go Kakashi, the future is a brighter place than you can see, even with the Sharingan_.

"So, they didn't pass then", one of the assembled jounin, Genma, ventured, rolling his ever-present senbon across his lips as he did so, "the council's going to raise hell over this; the last Uchiha going back to the Academy for another year". The thought was enough to make Sarutobi groan and reach for the headache medicine secreted in a corner of one of his desk drawers before another voice cut across his depressed thoughts,

"Ma, ma, not so fast", Kakashi mentioned lightly, making everyone look up at him again, "I wasn't finished; yes they were out of time but one of them wasn't out of ideas. I appeared with my usual dramatic flair and took them back to the training posts before roping Naruto to one of them..."

"Why him?" Though he'd not had much to do with the boy beyond being dragged into the odd chase as the boy sought to get out of town following some prank or other, Aoba felt compelled to stand up for a fellow prankster-in-need, "From what you've told us he did the best out of all of them, certainly better than the girl in the squad, no offence Kurenai-san", he added hastily, remembering present company and ensuring the kunoichi knew he meant no offence to her gender. Before the genjutsu mistress could reply though, she was cut off by Kakashi himself, a brisker, more business-like tone to his voice now,

"I had to in order have any chance of their second-chance working; if I'd used Sasuke Sakura would have fed him regardless of what I said, if I'd used Sakura Naruto would have done the same – it wasn't fair but it had to be him. Thing was, after I'd tied him, put down the hissy-fit Sasuke threw and explained the rules, Naruto threw a shuriken in the works..."

XXX

"...but if anyone feeds Naruto before the second test starts you all fail regardless". Having said his piece, Kakashi prepared to vanish away before a sudden voice, or more accurately the claim that voice was making, made him pause,

"Ne, Kakashi-sensei, we don't need another chance". _Is he for real_; looking over at the restrained member of team seven with a hardened eye, the jounin was pleased to see the boy squirm a little before dropping his gaze to the floor,

"Oh? And why do you have any reason to say that; at least your team mates may have a chance to graduate if you pull your weight". It was a little harsh, especially as Kakashi had seen it wasn't true – in his opinion Naruto had a lot of potential untapped and he knew at least some of that was due to neglect at the Academy, but having lived through and grown up in wartime the older ninja belonged firmly in the 'tough-love' camp. If mere words were enough to break a ninja, what good could he be where the kunai were flying and all hell was breaking loose? He was expecting disappointment, possibly even tears for trampling so casually on a dream he knew Naruto cherished; what he did not expect was for the demon-vessel to suddenly look up, face ablaze with a grin that shone more brightly than any ration jutsu and lightness in his voice,

"I don't have to say anything; Sakura-chan, Sasuke-teme", he nodded at each of his team mates in turn, "undo your headbands".

Obviously, Kakashi wasn't the only one who thought the boy had lost his marbles,

"What are you talking about dobe?"

"Naruto-baka stop trying to show off and be cool like Sasuke-kun; we're all in trouble because of you, shut up before you make it worse".

"From where I'm standing it can't get worse", he shot back, trying to shrug as best he could with his shoulders wrapped up by ropes, "just do it". Interested despite himself, Kakashi looked over the top of his book and reluctantly removed his eyes from the inspired scribblings in time to see his other two students shared a look before, with a final huff, Sakura reached up and roughly pulled on the cloth of her headband, tugging the whole thing off and letting her pink hair spill over her face and down the back of her neck,

"There, okay baka, what was the big..." A musical tinkle by her feet made her pause at the same time the grin on Naruto's face threatened to consume half his head and Kakashi came closer than he'd ever thought possible to dropping his beloved Icha Icha Paradise limited colour edition, signed by the author.

Rolled up against the cherry blossom girl's left foot was a small, slightly battered toy bell.

All was still, each of the assembled nins gawking at the tiny toy before, with a strangled cry, Sasuke almost ripped his own headband off without undoing the knot; sliding the cloth through his fingers the so-called prodigy let out a very un-Uchiha gasp as the second bell fell into his palm. Seeing this Kakashi whipped his free hand down to his belt; as he drew his hand up he was equal parts confused and relieved to see the two bells still attached to his belt; _he cheated, he must have extra..._; that comforting line of reasoning was cruelly ripped away from him as both bells in his hands exploded in clouds of smoke; _...shadow clones, henged shadow clones – they're chakra constructs so are virtually weightless, I never noticed! When, how did he pull the switch?_ Before he could think too long on the matter, however, there was a strangled scream from the student who appeared to have tricked him,

"Naruto!"

Despite her apparent dislike of the boy it seemed Sakura had her heart in the right place; seeing Naruto's face drain to the pallor of a corpse and his body fold in on itself as a response to some pain she couldn't see, the girl was at his side in a heartbeat trying to inspect the damage. Kakashi started forwards as well, stepping past the still-stunned Sasuke, though even as he did so it appeared Konoha's number-one surprising ninja was recovering; there was a little more colour in his cheeks and his breathing seemed to even out a little as he looked up and managed a grimacing smile,

"I, ah, I just learnt something", he shuddered again before continuing, "about shadow clones".

"Really?" Feigning boredom now the crisis appeared to be over though his mind was racing a million miles a minute behind his mask, Kakashi examined his book again, "What was that?"

"When you dispel a shadow clone", Naruto continued in a laboured tone, shaking like someone who'd either just run a marathon or had a little chat with Ibiki and Anko over a cup of tea and a hot branding iron, "you get all its memories and...experiences".

"So", stepping back as she realised there was nothing wrong with her team mate, Sakura folded her arms with a firm, if accepting expression, "what's that got to do with anything?" Naruto turned to look at her with a pained grin,

"Uh, well, umm, this is awkward...put it this way Sakura-chan; if it had been me dangling like those bell-clones were, I'd probably make the male star of Kakashi-sensei's porn book green with envy right about now".

XXX

Kakashi paused, wiping his fingertips across the back of his jounin pants at this point as the majority of the Hokage's office winced and moaned from the sympathy pains from an important part of their anatomy. Unfortunately Kurenai, not affected beyond a quirking of the eyebrow and a sudden smirk on her lips, spoke up,

"Really; might have to suggest that one to Anko sometime", without meaning to she saw several of the men around her wince again, Aoba almost turning green as he realised if that did happen he was going to be first in the firing line, "but, Naruto, he passed the bell test? Solo?"

"It looked that way", the copy-nin confirmed before seeming to remember something and looking at the Hokage, "ah, Hokage-sama, would it be possible for you to summon Umino Iruka here? I need him to confirm a few things after this story is over". Sarutobi nodded, dispatching an ANBU to the task with a flick of his hand before looking over at Kakashi once more,

"He'll be here shortly, assuming they've let him off of the hospital probationary period yet; anyway, continue Kakashi, I'm sure all of us here want to know how Naruto-kun pulled this one off".

"And that", Kakashi filled in with a deep eye-smile and chuckle as he leant back against the wall, "is a story well-worth me telling..."

XXX

It took a few seconds to sink in but, when it did, it didn't take more than a split-second for Sakura to sink her fist right into the helpless boys' cheek,

"You perverted baka!"

"Hey, ow, it wasn't my, oof, fault", Naruto tried to defend himself as much as he was able to, writhing against the post to try and avoid Sakura's assault, "Kaka-ouch-shi-sensei picked them uuukk!"

"Ma, Sakura-chan", Kakashi decided to cut in at this point, his facade of boredom as rigid as ever as the pink-haired girl looked up at him, letting Naruto fall slack against the ropes as he tried desperately to breathe again, "don't kill your team mate, you might need him later on, especially as he managed to get both bells. How did you do that Naruto, and I want the truth".

Though the tone was light and word spoken almost in jest, Naruto had spent enough time around and running away from ninja to know a command when he heard it. Sucking down a second breath, the boy began his tale,

"Well, I started after you did that smoke-disappearing thingy yesterday; you said about your test and I wanted to find out about it. So I went and asked Iruka-sensei if he knew anything about you, said I owed him some ramen and wanted to say thanks for caring, you know, after what happened with Mizuki-teme", despite himself Naruto smiled at the memory, though it was and probably always be bittersweet knowledge for him, "so we went to see Ayame-chan and old man Teuchi. He told me he couldn't tell me about your test, but he said you were always late and about the book you're always reading; he also said something else that caught my interest"; _oh really?_; as the whiskered visage leant forwards to look at him directly Kakashi raise his visible eyebrow, wondering what the scarred chunin could have told his adopted little brother,

"He told me, that you've never passed a genin team before".

At those words the temperature dropped several degrees; even the ice-cube of the Academy, the sculptured god Sasuke Uchiha shivered as that particular nugget of information was unearthed, though as usual it was water of a ducks' back for Kakashi,

"And it's true, I never have", he mentioned as though commenting on the weather before dragging the conversation back on track, "though knowing this, what did you do then?"

"Oh that was easy", Naruto explained brightly, "jounin senseis' always keep the same team number, so all I did was go back into the Academy and trawl the records; I looked up the names of the previous team seven members you failed. Just out of luck I knew one of them, or at least I've heard the name; Kuruda Jozo, he's a civilian now, helps out at that clothing and cleaning store I turned neon orange about a month ago".

"Ah, I remember that one; the Hyuuga were most upset you chose that particular day for a prank"; _not least because it was their washing day – I've never seen Haishi go as red as his daughter before, and in the middle of a council meeting too. Inuzuka Tsume might still be laughing now_; he'd been on duty in the council meeting that day and was sure that the Hyuuga clan head's expression as the Branch-family member whispered the message that most of the clans' traditionally white clothing was now glowing in the dark would never leave his memory; _it was probably due to her and some of the other clan heads having a sense of humour that the execution order Haishi tried to put on you failed Naruto._ True to form the prankster in question was oblivious to his inner thoughts and instead merely glared at no-one in particular,

"Well that'll teach their gate guards to kick mud at me as I'm walking past", he muttered, though not low enough to evade Kakashi's chakra-enhanced hearing, "but anyway, I knew where he was and I knew he'd know what your test was, so I went and asked him".

The brass neck of the child in front of him almost made the copy-nin gape; it was something so out far out of the bathtub that in an obscure way he was as surprised as he was disappointed that no-one had thought of it before, himself included. Keeping such feelings to himself, he was surprised to hear the next question he had planned asked by a voice that wasn't his,

"But, why would he want to talk to you", despite her personal feelings for the boy in question, Sakura was naturally a curious person, "you just said you'd pranked his business, I know I'd just kick you out on the street".

"And you wouldn't be the first, but much as I never thought I'd say this, being Uchiha smoothes all paths", before too much confusion could reign Naruto seized the reins and explained, "I knew Sasuke would just go home brooding after sensei vanished, Kami knows it's all he did through the Academy, so I henged into him when I went in. Of course everyone just fell over themselves to answer what I wanted to know; Kuruda was singing like a bird and I got what I wanted to know like it was nothing. So this whole test", he shrugged again, sniggering a little at the violated look on Sasuke's face, "I knew it was coming, and I made a plan for it. All I did was find out your address sensei, then I..."

"How do you know that?" As always when confronted by a threat to village security, Kakashi was pure business and killing intent, "Where the jounin of this village live is classified information". Naruto shrugged,

"Henge again; walked into the postal section of the administration building, and before you say they should have seen through it", he shot down Sakura's question before she could ask it, "my henges aren't like yours. I talked about it with Iruka-sensei, we figured out it must be because I've got so much chakra, like why I can't make regular clones; when I henge I actually change shape, it's not a genjutsu. Look, I'll show you; don't hit me Sakura-chan", he said apologetically before, with a puff of smoke, his girl-form appeared, modesty preserved by the ropes around her, "see, in this form I'm actually a girl; pull my hair". He, or she as he was claiming he was at the minute, nodded at the closest person and, dazed as much by the information as by a decently-clad female version of Naruto appearing rather than the nude model that usually sent all men within eyeshot shooting backwards at all sorts of interesting angles, Sakura complied, seizing the golden braid before her and giving a swift yank,

"Yeow! Oww, ow, I meant gently", with another puff of smoke Naruto returned, pouting at his long-time crush, "that hurt Sakura-chan".

"Yeah, uh, sorry Naruto", the girl apologised before starting, "That, that shouldn't happen – henge is meant to be a genjutsu!"

"Not for me it's not", the boy confirmed, grin back in place before he turned back to Kakashi a bit more seriously, "but yes, I henged into a postal ninja I'd seen around town, ducked into the back office and scanned through the address book; I've done it before when I need to know where someone I needed to prank lived or worked. When I knew where to go, I went there and, ah, well, you left a window open...

"You broke in?" Kakashi wasn't sure whether to be impressed, amused or angry, "Why?"

"Well, I knew what you were going to do and I had a plan to deal with it; I went in and, by the way, you need to work on your trap-making skills", he told the jounin solemnly, Kakashi raising an eyebrow as he did, "if you want can give you some pointers; check the forest about half a mile north of here if you don't believe me".

_I am slowly but surely losing the will to live – is it too late to go nuke-nin already?_; Kakashi just about resisted the temptation to slap his face into his palm at the genin who continued to show up both him and the village at large,

"Naruto, I take it you got in without a problem then?"

"Yep, they don't call me Uzumaki 'broke-into-the-Hokages'-tower-and-stole-the-Forbidden-Scroll' Naruto for nothing", he confirmed before wrapping up his tale, "but you left the bells Kuruda mentioned on the table by your bed, so I swiped them and had two shadow clones henge to replace them. After that, it was just a case of making the plant on Sakura-chan and the teme, though you made that bit easy Kakashi-sensei. What was the jutsu you used on Sasuke, it looked really cool".

XXX

"Cool?" The word echoed around the silent office like a gong of a funeral bell, "he makes a monkey out of one of the elite jounin of the village and he calls it cool; ah, no offence to Enma and the other Pops", Asuma was quick to offer amends as memories of the last time he'd accidently insulted the monkey king rose up in his mind; a chastening experiencing it had been, a pleasant one it was not. Fortunately though the Hokage seemed too pre-occupied with trying hard not to copy what Inuzuka Tsume had done a month ago and fall into hysteria in his chair, though the grin on his face was unmistakable as he looked up at the copy-nin,

"I should be surprised but, knowing Naruto, somehow I'm not", the aged leader spoke mirthfully, looking around the assembled and seeing expressions that ranged from hold in gut-busting laughter to thunderstruck shock and, in the case of a recently arrived academy instructor, deep pride in a student, "so, what happened then; it seems to me that whichever way you slice it Naruto won, he got both the bells off you".

"True, but as I told, he didn't actually have them..."

XXX

_This kid will go far_; that thought was foremost in the copy-ninja's mind as he beheld the roped-up form of his potential student; however, though Naruto had shown a lot of promise and a mind of such devious cleverness he was already making mental notes to ensure the jump-suited shinobi was never introduced to Anko, it was now the other two members of the team he had to check had the right stuff for his squad,

"Hmm, very impressive for a so-called dead-last", Kakashi commented mildly, smiling with his one visible eye before pointing to the bells on the floor and in Sasuke's hand, "but at the minute you don't have one of the bells you stole so it looks like you're the one going back to the Academy".

"But, but Kakashi-sensei"; _she seems to have the team ethic after all, and even Sasuke seems to be coming around_; hope was stirring around in the pit of Kakashi's stomach as Sakura stepped forwards, almost in front of her blonde-haired teammate, "he got both the bells; we, uh, I", she hastily corrected herself, retracting the finger she'd been about to point at her living deity and hanging her head as she carried on, "I didn't do anything, nothing like what Naruto-ba-ah, Naruto and Sasuke-kun did – I should go back".

"Wait, wait!" Before anything else could be said, Naruto's shout had brought all the attention back to him and made Sakura jump afoot in the air and three feet backwards, "Sakura-chan, please don't say that; look, Kakashi-sensei", the masked jounin looked up, putting his book in his equipment pouch as a mark of his sincerity to listen, "I put the bells where they were for a reason; Mizuki-teme taught us all a lot at the Academy, especially the taijutsu and survival sections. He taught me aside from the rest of the class a lot, because I", he looked away, face slowly reddening as he revealed how badly he'd been duped by the traitor, "he said I needed help and he'd teach me different forms and different things from the others, but it was wrong, all of it. I was never any good in the Academy spars and bottomed out the survival tests, and you just completely knocked seven bells out of me just now, er no pun intended"; _that got it, she's much prettier when she smiles and laughs, though even when she's hitting me she's cute_; Naruto loved it when Sakura smiled and he made sure it happened as often as possible when he was around, usually by clowning around or playing the fool that came so naturally to him, "so I know I can't be a genin, not with skills like that; I'd be a liable...liab...li, dangerous to my teammates because I couldn't defend myself properly".

As a ninja Kakashi respected many things; he respected honour, diligence, courage, skill and fighting spirit; out of all things though, out of respect for his deceased team and sensei, he respected a team player and Naruto, in saying those words as he just had, proved beyond all doubt in Kakashi's eyes that he would be the man to sacrifice anything, including his life and afterlife if necessary, to protect other people. For a brief instant the jounin didn't trust his voice; in fact it was an effort to zone in to listen to the rest of what Naruto was saying,

"Iruka-sensei and I talked about it while we were talking about you; he said that if I didn't make it this time he'd give me some one-on-one teaching to try and get me up to speed for next time. So I don't really want to pass now, I know I'm not really ready; besides", in an instant his frown was banished and a smirk was back on his face, "could you image what would happen if I sent the teme back? The council would pitch a fit and once Sakura-chan got through with me there wouldn't be enough left to cremate, let alone bury. And as Kami is my witness I'm not sending Sakura-chan back, unless you want to end up dragging Sasuke-teme back from a D-rank mission in a body-bag; they'd make a better team together than I would with either of them".

Kakashi did nothing for a moment; he knew there was nothing he could do now, there was too much here to cover – much as he wanted to pass this team he knew these diamonds were too rough to cut it at the minute, even the supposed genius Uchiha. But at the same time, there was so much he could do with them after a little more polish had been applied; he needed time to think about this and he couldn't do it in front of these genin. In the circumstances, he made the only decision that made any sense to him at the minute; Naruto yelped as he kunai buried itself in the ropes by his side,

"Cut him free and go home, all of you; report here at nine tomorrow morning and do not be late; I'm not sure what to do with you all and haven't yet decided if you've passed but you'll know tomorrow. Know this though", everyone looked up, even Sakura from where she was trying to saw Naruto loose, "pass or fail, you've come closer than anyone I've ever tested". With that, he gave an eye-smile and vanished in smoke.

XXX

"I didn't leave of course; I was in the trees to see what happened next, it was quite interesting", the copy-nin spoke with his chin in his hand, seemingly ignorant of the thunderstruck expressions of his audience, "Sakura got him loose and hugged him until he turned blue, and Sasuke", the eye-smile was back in place, "he threw him his bell – 'dobe or not, you earned this', I think were his exact words. But, all that aside, what do you think I should do with them?"

There was no answer for a moment and Kakashi wasn't surprised; it was not too great to have a genin surprise a jounin with a particular skill or trick in these tests, but to hear a genin openly admit his deficiencies as Naruto had done was a rare occurrence indeed. It was only when the Hokage himself, after wiping what looked to be wet eyes on the sleeve of his ceremonial robes, spoke that the silence was broken completely,

"The will of fire burns brightly in that boy, the flames of youth too as Gai would say", the mention of the noble green beast of Konoha snapped everyone else out of their stupor and brought several flesh-crawling cringes that brought a smirk to the old man's lips before he continued, "before I make any suggestions though, I take it you have a solution Kakashi?" The copy-nin nodded,

"With you permission Lord Hokage, I would give them a deferred pass, if you will", before anyone could interject he'd outlined his plan, "six months back at the Academy to iron out their flaws and then I'll take them on, no need for any further tests or anything like that. For this to work though, I'll need your help Iruka-san". Finding himself addressed by a superior ninja, the chunin snapped to attention,

"What do you need Kakashi-san?"

"While they're at the Academy, they'll need specific training; Naruto already knows his weaknesses and you know how to address them, if you need any further help post him off to Gai, that'll make or break him", Kakashi gave his customary 'youthful shudder' at this point as memories of his eternal rival broke over him like a cold sweat, "Sakura needs serious physical fitness training and someone to kick her out of being little more than a door mat for the Uchiha; Kurenai, would you and Anko-san care to oblige?" The kunoichi knitted her delicate brows for a minute before a predatory smile broke over her face,

"Oh definitely, send her my way after our team training, and Anko will see her whenever her schedule allows; if that doesn't do it nothing will. What about the Uchiha?"

"Teamwork and shinobi ethics", Kakashi said simply, folding his arms, "I've known Uchiha in the past and it was tragic what happened to them when Itachi went rogue, but Sasuke must learn he is not special, he will not be able to defeat Itachi alone and the Sharingan is nothing more than a tool, a powerful one granted, but a tool nonetheless".

"Well said Kakashi, I see no reason for this approach not to be adopted and I would be grateful to have you active in the ranks for a while longer; the number of missions has increased since the Wind Lord approached us again", the Hokage reasoned before a sudden thought occurred to him, "before that though, the matter of Naruto's traps; you did see them I assume?"

That brought a chuckle from the elite jounin,

"I did, the reason I didn't arrive here early in fact; that boy is a trap-maker extraordinaire, almost tagged me a few times when I wandered into the area he pointed out; took me about three shadow-clones, a few substitutions and almost all my shuriken and kunai just to get out of there alive. Give him a patch of ground and some basic ninja tools and you've got a nasty terrain piece to deal with; just as well he didn't have any explosive notes on him at the time". Iruka smirked at this, as did several of the other jounin who'd seen the number one prankster of Konoha at work through the years,

"True, in that if nothing else the student has surpassed his teacher", the scarred man said with pride suffusing his tone, "by your leave Hokage-sama, I shall go and plan the remedial classes for those who didn't make it this time".

"Very well, in fact I believe that concludes this year's genin selection; congratulations to the new jounin sensei and one jounin sensei-to-be. Good luck to you all, you are dismissed". The assembled jounin (and Iruka) bowed slightly and made to leave before they were all stopped by a sudden bellow of laughter. Looking over to see Aoba on doubled over and heaving with hysteria, the Hokage raised an eyebrow,

"Something wrong Aoba-san?"

Unusually, as despite his joking nature Aoba was an exemplary shinobi, the jounin ignored his superior and stumbled towards Iruka; the chunin had the look of a deer in the headlights as the taller man came to an ungainly halt in front of him and bowed deeply,

"Iruka, he has surpaahahahased, surpassed all of us; Hokage-sama", the man collapsed against his leader's desk, apparently heedless of his forehead protector grinding into the squelchy morass of damp paperwork that had accumulated, looking up at the older man with tear pouring from his eyes, "let me take him, please let me take him on outside of missions when the Academy's out; my team didn't pass and I'd kill for a shinobi like him to train; oh the T&I department wouldn't know what hit them, I'd have Anko on her knees and begging us to stop in a week".

"Er", surprise wasn't something Sarutobi was used to feeling but he got over it with admirable haste and reasserted his authority over this bizarre situation, "Aobi-san, control yourself and explain". Trying to comply the jounin stood up, coughing into a hand that failed to hide how broad his grin was and looked across at where Kakashi, who'd been leaving through the window as he usually did, was once more leaning against the door,

"Hai Hokage-sama, but I think a visual demonstration is in order – Kakashi-san", the named ninja looked up at his name, "you got tagged, in a big way you got tagged; turn around".

Stupidly, as the copy-nin would later berate himself, Kakashi did just that; as the entire room behind him simply dissolved into giggles he realised immediately something was up. Turning back around to see all his peers in various stages of mirth and laughter, the former ANBU captain raised an eyebrow and reached behind his back; his spine froze when it came into contact with paper; _no, it can't be – all those traps, all to try and prank me?_ With a tug he dislodged the slip from his back and brought it up in front of him only to go suddenly pale and silent swear a bloody, furious revenge against the prankster known as Uzumaki Naruto.

It was a piece of paper framing a photograph that had been stuck onto it with tape, a photograph that Kakashi had sworn would never see the light of day as long as he was alive. In it, sitting in a high-chair and staring at the camera with an apparently affronted expression was a baby, a baby with short, sticking-up silver hair and what looked like chocolate smeared liberally all over his lower face and both hands, hiding the features completely. It was the baby photo from hell, and Kakashi knew there was only one way Naruto could have gotten hold of it; _looks like he didn't just check out my bedside table during his impromptu smash-and-grab job_; though the caption underneath the picture was definitely original.

_PUDDING OR NO PUDDING..._

_...THE MASK STAYS __ON!_

"Six months Iruka, Aoba", the whisper sliced through the atmosphere of laughter and piled up bodies; even if the way Kurenai had fallen against Hayate and was almost crying into his shoulder from laughing so hard was certainly suggestive, the elite jounin was feeling far too bloody-minded to mention it as he made his dire promise of a lifetime, "six months to train Uzumaki Naruto, then his ass is mine!"

A/N: Sorry again, but it had to be done; remember it's not cheating as a ninja can't cheat! Naruto's not intelligent but he is devious and he is cunning, able to come up with plans on the fly – this is my version of what he could have done during the bell test if he'd thought about it. Hope it was fun to read, and the prank of Kakashi was definite payback for the copy-nin blowing him off during their introductions; revenge is best served cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Of Swords and Sexy Nurses

A/N: Slightly second-guessed this story was by one of my reviewers, but I don't mind as I think it'd act as a spring-board for another writer to have a go at a different angle of Naruto becoming stronger than he usually is. As always, a canon scenario where Naruto is a bit more switched-on and more of a prankster than usual, let's see how he deals with this new challenge...:

Film's rolling and the show's a go – enjoy folks.

Deception is the way of the ninja; if an opponent believes you to be an idiot and an incompetent; he'll be most surprised when you reveal your full potential and surprises, especially those involving kunai, shriuken, jutsus or impressive taijutsu of any kind, have a nasty of habit of being very fatal for those involved. In following this line of thinking there was one true exponent of the ideal of deception, though he had recently taken on a pupil who he hoped would follow in his footsteps as soon as he actually developed the skills to back up his ridiculous exterior. Regardless of his follower however, everyone who had ever met him would immediately agree that, bumbling fool and letch though he might have appeared to be, in the middle of a life-or-death struggle there was no-one you'd want on your side more the Jiraiya of the Sannin.

An example of the Toad Sage's faux-idiocy was his sleeping habits; as Naruto continually complained on a daily basis; it generally took nothing less than an exploding tag in each ear-hole to get the old pervert moving in the morning. However Jiraiya was a ninja and had from a very young age developed a hair-trigger sense of getting up and out in the blink of an eye, though this was more out of indulging his vices than any formal training despite Sarutobi-sensei's best efforts; more than one brothel madam, innocent servant or irate father had blundered into a comely young ladies' room in time to catch a glimpse of Jiraiya's half-naked backside rapidly vacating the premises through a convenient window. He chose to play possum in the morning simply because he had the choice to and liked to sleep in, not to mention it wound his student up something chronic and that was a good enough reason both in and of itself; however, given the appropriate stimulus the Gama Sennin was guaranteed to be combat-ready in an instant.

A girly shriek of terror echoing through the night more than counted as an appropriate stimulus.

_Naruto!_; he hadn't been there for his godson's early life but he'd be damned if he screwed it up now – Minato's legacy would become the legend the Yellow Flash had always said he would be or Jiraiya swore he would throw himself into the Shinigami's stomach to let the Yondaime kick his ass willingly with a smile on his face. Throwing himself out of his sleeping bag and not even bothering to take the large toad-shaped sleeping cap off his head (a habit, he noted with equal parts hilarity and pride, that Naruto seemed to have taken up even from a young age), the older nin sprinted towards the source of the cry, inwardly cursing at the same time as trying to work out why Naruto would have snuck out to train again; had yesterday's brush with Akatsuki taught him nothing? He'd nearly been captured by Itachi and Kisame – only dumb luck and lots of it had saved both him and Sasuke from death or, in the jinchuurikis case, a fate worse than death according to the report Gai had gasped at him prior to dragging a chagrined Sasuke back to Konoha. _Stupid gaki_; the toad sage berated himself before focussing on the matter at hand; _if it's one of the Red Dawn I will make sure the sun goes down on them this day...huh, what's that?_

Stumbling to a halt, the ninja master focused more chakra to his ears and listened into the conversation he could hear his student having; realising Naruto was not in danger any more, Jiraiya began to plot ways of making him pay for losing precious minutes of sleep at the same time as try to figure out who the fox-containing boy was taking to,

"...Oh okay, you're not slicing me, that's good...right, you need more, no problem I got plenty to spare..."; _if these are his pick-up lines he needs more help than I can give him_; the thought made the Toad Sage smile before listening in again; _though in the realms of womanly affection, there is no greater master than the legendary Jiraiya_; "...man, did that guy ever feed you – no wonder you went for me, it must have been like throwing a starving Akimichi into an all-you-can-eat barbeque buffet".

"Okay, that's enough", deciding to announce himself before things could go too far, Jiraiya strode into the small clearing Naruto must have found for himself and his lady friend, one hand pushing the ferns and branches out the way while the other fingered his trusty notepad, just in case, "gaki you have a lot to learn about wooing the fairer sex if that was the..."

It was at that point Jiraiya looked over at the source of the soft giggling he'd heard earlier and all the words died in his throat; the sight of some hideous, spiky..._thing_ resting across his students lap was enough to make him wince even if it didn't appear to be doing the boy any harm. Looking up in alarm, Naruto calmed down when he heard saw the flabbergasted form of the older ninja,

"Hey Ero-sennin", he greeted casually; _oh sweet Kami, that thing can move!_; seeing the monster shift its bulbous, spined head as though sniffing him out made Jiraiya feel queasy, almost ill enough to miss the last of his student's statement, "sorry if I woke you up earlier but it's okay now; I think she likes me".

With that Naruto simply ran his free hand over some of the spines on the back of this beast's back and Jiraiya swore he could see the thing sigh at the caress. Tearing his eyes from the disturbing spectacle, the Toad Sage grated his next words,

"Explain, now", Naruto raised an eyebrow at the request and the gesture was enough to break Jiraiya's fragile temper, "what the hell is that thing and where did it come from?"

"Ehehehehe", seeing the traditional Naruto grin and back-of-the-head scratch Jiraiya groaned and slapped a hand over his face – he'd seen that look before and it never boded well, "well, yesterday I, uh, I may have told a little fib..."

"Well tell me the truth now", his mentor sighed, knowing it was no use getting angry and crying over spilt milk now, "I'm not angry but I'm curious".

"In that case get your notebook out Ero-sennin", to his surprise Naruto, rather than shrinking and mumbling his report like he usually did when he'd done something wrong, he was grinning wider than ever and stroking the beast on his leg with more vigour than before; _it's moving, I swear that thing can scuttle – what the hell is it?_; "this'll make your next porn novel a best-seller. Believe it!"

XXX

Naruto was naturally a cheerful person but that didn't mean he wasn't also naturally cautious; years of living in a village where people treat you, at best, as a walking natural disaster waiting to happen will breed a streak of paranoia in even the most sunshine-filled soul. That same streak had been subconsciously pinging away ever since he and Jiraiya had come to this town, had really started sounding alarm bells when the Toad Sage had left to go chasing tail and, now that he'd sensed two of the largest chakra presences he'd ever felt heading straight towards the room he'd rented in Jiraiya's name, it was screaming at him to do something drastic. The only problem was that, in the face of a rising panic, right now his mind was a blank.

_Oh shit, oh hell, I'm too young to see Sandaime-jiji again_; part of the reason he'd agreed to go on this mission had been to make his adopted grandfather proud of him wherever Sarutobi was in the afterlife – it had hurt to be at the old man's grave side but that pain had been tempered by the knowledge that he was going to recruit the Sandaime's successor and that the old man had gone out protecting his village and had crippled the man who'd killed him almost beyond repair. The image of the kind old teacher helped calm him somewhat as he breathed rapidly, trying to figure out what to do next; _they're ninja, they've got to be and the only person I've met with bigger chakras than them is Ero-sennin. They've got to be after me, no way they'd come here first if they were after him – what do I do? I can't outfight them and the second I try to run they'll be all over me like bugs on Shino and fleas on Kiba_.

Out of desperation and the knowledge that he needed any kind of an edge here, he triggered chakra to his ears like Kakashi had taught him and listened, drowning out the pain as other noises of life battered his heightened senses to listen in. _Focus, I know it hurts but focus...wait, I know that voice, but it's not him so it has to be..._; the knowledge he was listening to one of the Leaf's most infamous traitor-nin filled him with dread, even more so when there was a polite knock on the door and he knew who waiting for him behind the simple plank of wood, but even as he stood there, the fear began to drain away. An idea, a truly crazy, mad idea dredged up from the very depths of his desperation to survive bloomed in his mind and he broke the shackles of terror on his limbs; after all, he decided with a shrug as he smiled shyly and decided he didn't have anything better to go on at the minute so he'd give this a go. After all, winding up Uchiha was one of Naruto's pet hobbies at home and if nothing else it might give whoever was with Itachi a good laugh before the missing-nin killed him in a suitably brutal and stomach-churning manner.

XXX

"Come on Itachi", the massive blue-skinned half-shark made a concerted attempt to sound wheedling, "just one leg?"

"No", came the monotone reply, the Uchiha turning his head just enough to see the Kiri missing-nin from the corner of his eye, "if we damage the vessel we may damage the Bijuu and make the sealing process even more arduous". Grinning at the same time as hefting his infamous blade over his shoulder, Kisame smirked as his partner knocked on their next victims' door,

"Ah, but where's the fun in life if it's not a challenge; I hate getting bored".

"After the Kyuubi is taken we will request another Bijuu, one in an experienced host – that should give you enough of a challenge. Ah", hearing the door open, the former Leaf-nin turned towards the jinchuuriki, "Uzumaki Naruto, you will come with us now".

There was a long moment of silence, one that Itachi had expected; after all, their target was only a boy of the Leaf, an unusually strong one it was true, but still a boy likely stunned into shock to stand in the presence of such an infamous figure in the Leaf's history. Realising he wasn't going to get an answer, Itachi sighed softly and reached forwards to grab his target before the paralysis wore off,

"Dude, do you have any idea how creepy that sounded?"

Itachi blinked, his hand frozen as it appeared their roles were reversed; suddenly the genin before him was animated and he was stood as still as stone, only able to listen as Naruto went on,

"Come on; asking a young boy to come with you – man that sounds like something Oroichimaru would try to pull, he's always giving them 'gifts'. It must be a nin-thing, all the powerful nin I know have got something wrong with them; Ero-sennin's a pervert, Kakashi-sensei's a pervert and he's always late, Gai-sensei's always running around screaming about youth and Oroichimaru...", he seemed to shudder at the thought of the snake-nin, "...let's not go there. Is that it, the secret to power is to let out your inner pervert, slacker or pea...other vices and bang, all of a sudden you're sannin level?"

Kisame's shoulders started to shake.

"I mean", Naruto carried on, seemingly oblivious to his audience while internally he was both praying for Jiraiya to get his act together and pull off a dramatic rescue and praying neither of the two missing-nins looked over his shoulder to see what a couple of his clones were up to in the room, "it must be me; I must have a sign over my head or something that says 'Uchiha-lover' – Sasuke's just the same", Itachi's eyes widened at the mention of the brother he'd abandoned but before he could get a word in edgeways Naruto had simply steam-rollered over him, "still, I guess I should have seen this coming", he sighed melodramatically, ever second precious to him as he carried on, "he takes after you in so many ways; you know, tall, dark, brooding and the personality of a half-brick in a sock, I suppose it's only natural his tastes developed similar to yours".

Kisame was forced to turn his back on the scene.

_Man, is this guy made of porcelain or something?_; it was working on the taller of the two as far as Naruto can see and hear, the muffled snorts of laughter coming from the back of the broad cloak giving the game away there, but Itachi seemed unmoved and Naruto was starting to sweat as he was starting to run out of material. He reached back into his mind for something else to go for and internally praying for a miracle when, just for once in his life, Kami took pity on him and sent an angel of mercy to guide him in this time of need,

"Itachi! Today is the day I avenge our clan!"

_Thank you Sasuke_; there was a first time for everything and gratitude for the teme of his class was definitely a first for Naruto – right now though he was desperate enough to take what he could get and to that end, before this whole thing devolved into fisticuffs and both he and Sasuke got their collective behinds beaten black and blue, he slapped a palm over his eyes and turned back towards Itachi, his tone long-suffering and tired,

"See what I mean; even after leaving Konoha I can't get rid of him. You know Sasuke", after dragging his hand down his face, he let his voice rise and cut through the younger Uchiha's posturing, "if you keep chasing after me people are really going to wonder if you're serious about resurrecting your clan. I can help with your ninja skill, your eating habits, blasphemer against the ramen gods that you are, and hell I could even have a go at changing your 'warm and sunny' personality, however I draw the line at us attempting procreation; it'll take a lot more than you copying and using my Sexy jutsu for me to see you as anything more than just a friend".

By now Kisame was leaning on the wall opposite him, hunched over and hammering on the plasterboard with unreleased laughter juddering through his body.

As Sasuke stood thunderstruck in the hallway, even his hatred for his brother buried under the shock of his blonde teammate's insinuations, Naruto capitalised on his advantage and looked Itachi directly in the eye; in shock, the Uchiha had failed to activate his Sharingan,

"I don't blame you, in fact I'm flattered and I'll even admit it as a casual observer; you both really pull off the bishounen look, you really make it work well for you but it just doesn't do anything for me. Sorry to break your heart like this but, still, look on the bright side, there are other fish in the sea, ah, no offence big-and-blue", even if Kisame heard him the shark-man was too far gone in holding back an outright breakdown into hysterics for the comment to register, "you'll find the right person eventually, just keep those red eyes open and a sexy pout on your lips and whammo, they'll be under your spell the second they let you get close enough. For now though, I've had a rough day so I'm going back to bed". With that, he slammed the door shut, nodded to his clones and began to frantically prepare his survival plan for the next few minutes.

XXX

_Well, that was...unique_; seeing the target quite literally shut the door on him like that was a first for the elder of the Uchiha siblings, though he discounted the jinchuuriki's earlier comments as false; _truly you are Konoha's number-one surprising ninja Uzumaki Naruto. And there is the other annoyance to deal with as well_; from the corner of his eye he could see his younger brother, still as foolish as he had been all those years ago, overcoming his surprise and getting ready to attack. Swiftly analysing the situation and reminding himself that murdering your partner was much frowned upon in the Akatsuki, even if said partner was currently bluer than usual in the face and biting holes in his cloak to stop himself laughing, Itachi made his commands,

"Kisame, detain the target while I deal with Sasuke; my brother requires another lesson". For a second he was unsure if the Kiri-nin heard him but as Kisame stood up tall and rubbed his eyes with his free hand, he was relieved to see the taller man nod his consent,

"Damn", the former member of the Seven Swordsmen shook his head as one hand curled around the handle of Samehada, "as corny as this sounds I really am going to regret this"; _too true – kid should have been a court jester rather than a nin, can't remember the last time I had a laugh like that._ With the memory of the recent monologue running through his mind, the half-shark brought his leg back and casually booted the door in, sending splinters everywhere.

Unfortunately, distracted as he was by his current good mood, it never even crossed Kisame's mind that his target might have taken precautions to defend himself and he therefore left himself open to the attack that hit him full in the face.

As any good prankster should, Naruto always kept a scroll full of his pranking material close at hand; after all, you never knew when inspiration for a really good prank would strike and there was nothing more frustrating than having the perfect plan mapped out in front of you but nothing to pull it off with. As Kisame cleared the threshold of the hotel room he found this out the hard way as a balloon filled with ink caught him full in the mush and burst open; though when diluted in water the ink was harmless (Naruto never intentionally incorporated anything that would hurt in his pranks just in case he hit the wrong person), concentrated it was a nasty skin irritant; it also didn't do much for the eyes either if the way Kisame suddenly howled like a baby and clutched a hand to his face was anything to go by. Casually deflecting Sasuke's rage-empowered blow with his elbow, Itachi had to catch himself from sighing and wondering what else was going to go wrong on this mission,

"That's it kid, I'm ripping your legs off", former funny comments forgotten, Kisame raged as he took wild one-handed swings with his weapon; Naruto ducked under one of the shark-mans' blows and made some hand-seals that were immediately swallowed up by Itachi's revealed Sharingan,

"Hmm, you're looking a bit green around the gills there", had he not been slightly pre-occupied with dodging and parrying his brothers' offence Itachi would have groaned at the lame pun at the same time as applaud the blonde shinobi for being able to throw his voice like that to confuse and misdirect his blinded opponent, "clear the decks, medical emergency, we've got a sick shark here...", there as a puff of smoke that quickly cleared to reveal a female Naruto clad in a nurse outfit that left little to the imagination; _a henge, but why?_; Itachi pondered the question as he casually caught his brother's lightning-encased fist and punched just above his elbow with his free hand, deadening Sasuke's arm and dispersing the technique. He caught his younger brother by the collar and hefted him from the floor in time to hear the last of Naruto's words,

"...Nurse Naruko to the rescue. Calm down Kisame-san, be a good boy and you might get a lollipop". The shark-man bellowed in rage, the noise making both Uchiha brothers look over at the ongoing fight and forget their quarrel for a minute,

"Forget the legs, everything below the waist is getting fed to Samehada, piece by piece!"

"Now, now calm down", Itachi wondered for a minute why Naruto had given away his position by not throwing his voice again; when the answer arrived a second later, however, he found himself regretting his curiosity, "I said...", the henged boy hopped back, the tip of the legendary blade ruffling the midriff of her uniform before dodging back inside Kisame's swing,

"...cool off!"

There is a school of thought in the ninja world that states emotions make a shinobi weak; however Konoha as a majority did not subscribe to this belief and therefore taught its children to experience all the emotions life can bring. In addition, many emotions such as fear, rage and anger, to say nothing of the desire to protect something you love, can empower anyone to heights they never dreamed they could tap; Hyuuga Hinata's performance in the Chunin exams, gaining a glancing hit on her seemingly invincible prodigy of a cousin to prove herself to the one she fanned a flame for was proof enough of that. Sasuke's hatred for the man that had massacred his family was another, albeit darker, font of strength he could draw from, but regardless of the depths of his hatred there are some experiences even more primal, causing such bonding between humans of the same sex that they can smother all emotions and force even mortal enemies to react in a set, pre-determined pattern.

Therefore it should have been no surprise to anyone involved that when Uzumaki Naruto's henged foot landed with surgical precision in Hoshigaki Kisame's groin, two-thirds of the remaining Sharingan eyes in the world simultaneously watered in sympathy for the Mist-nin.

Sasuke even winced and added a small 'ooooh' to the proceedings.

Kisame for his part simply collapsed, Samehada clattering to the floor as the mist-nin's face went from ocean-blue to swamp-water green, both his eyes and mouth opened to their fullest extent. Both hands grabbing the new sun of pain that had eclipsed all other sensations in his world, he fell to his knees and came eye to streaming eye with the one responsible for this agony,

"There, that wasn't so bad", 'she' grinned before leaning forwards, "now stick out your tongue and say 'ahhh'".

"I'm gonna kill you kid"; the threat would have sounded more impressive if the one administering it wasn't talking in a voice that would have put a falsetto choir girl to shame. Seeing his partner incapacitated in such a below-the-belt manner (literally as well as figuratively), Itachi felt his patience finally snap; casually flinging Sasuke over Kisame's head and into the room, the Leaf traitor seized the henged Naruto by the back of 'her' uniform and brought her up to eye level, Sharingan spinning and morphing into the deadly Mangeykou form,

"No, put me down; bad Bishie", Naruto scolded before seeing the transformation of Itachi's eyes and grabbing for her top, yanking it downwards, "uh oh, Flash no jutsu!"

Itachi would have scoffed and claimed he was immune to such a crass technique, but the fact of the matter was that he was a man, he had urges that most of the time he suppressed very well and it was a very convincing henge Naruto had come up with – a combination of these reasons meant that for an instant his eyes were diverted from their original target. He had just enough time to notice the small strip of paper nestled between a relatively generous bosom before the tag went off and the world turned white.

Sasuke had been caught in the brightness as well but, as he'd been trying to recover his breath and had his eyes half-shut, to say nothing of the fact he was partially shielded behind Kisame's still-kneeling bulk meant he was only dazzled by the tag rather than blinded by it. He still felt battered and light-headed from the lack of air but pushed himself upright regardless, hatred alone forcing him upright – now was the chance to kill his brother, regardless of Naruto's interference. He glanced across, palming for a kunai, just in time to see the figure dropped by Itachi's reeling form vanish in smoke before he felt himself move against his will, as though someone had wrapped a thin twine around his waist and given it a hard yank. _What, where the...ahhh!_; gravity being the annoyance it was, Sasuke found himself falling down the side of a building with no idea how he'd got there; instinct took over and he adhered to the nearby surface with chakra, just in time to see another Naruto grab his hand and whisper urgently;_ his clones, he must have pulled me out the building with a substitution jutsu_;

"Can you run?"

"Uh, yes but..." there was a sudden pull on his wrist and he was nearly jerked off his feet again,

"Then do it! That tag won't keep them busy for long and either of them could kill us blinded anyway".

"But", the bright dots imposed on his vision were playing tricks on his as it looked like Naruto had to wrestle a shiny white something into a pouch of his before carrying on, "Itachi..."

"Is going to be really pissed off when he can see again", Naruto cut him off as he jumped the last six feet to the floor, looking around for the next way to run, "he just owned you now even with chidori, you think he'll give you a chance now he's just been pranked?"

That was a valid point; despite his pride Sasuke was intelligent enough to know when he was beaten, though the fact his brother had defeated him so effortlessly was a bitter pill from him to swallow. Still, his eyesight was mostly regained he was in a position to run, there was just an annoyingly large green blob that had attached itself to the left and was moving forwards slowly, heading towards the lobby of the hotel they'd just abandoned. In fact, now that he saw it clearer, it looked like something he remembered, a lot like...

"Gai-sensei!"

The jounin looked up just as Naruto turned around, still straining at Sasuke's hand to get him moving again; next second the two of them were moving together faster than either of them could have moved alone. Forsaking stealth for speed, Gai had seen the target he'd been sent to retrieve and took off, grabbing a boy in each hand and tearing for the outskirts of the town to put some distance between Naruto and the two who were hunting him. Buildings blurred past and the wind howled in his ears as the taijutsu master ran and didn't look back, as pre-occupied with his route and dodging civilians as his new charges were with keeping the last meals contained below their oesophagus's, none of the three hearing as, from the building they'd just abandoned, a final roar of mingled rage and shock echoed across the town.

XXX

Gai hadn't stopped running for hours, setting a furious pace away from the little town Naruto had come into earlier that day and stopping only when the sun was starting to set. Looking back with his chest heaving, the Leaf jounin set his charges down,

"Yosh, that should be enough to lose them"; neither Sasuke nor Naruto were in a fit state to answer; the nausea of the high-speed trip had made both boys lose their lunch, breakfast and was currently delving for last night's supper, "now we must hope our flames of youth burn bright enough to light the way for Jiraiya-sama to find us".

"No, no need", Naruto managed to croak out after flopping onto his back, "tracking seal, in my sock, he'll find us". There was a sudden ribbit from the side of him as a frog hopped into the clearing; a second later, all three watched on as a hand, then an arm, then the rest of Jiraiya emerged slimily from the toads' innards.

Even Gai looked grossed out by that one, though he managed to avoid disgracing himself like Sasuke and Naruto did.

"Ah, sorry about that but I had to get here fast", the sage apologised before his voice took on a hard edge and he folded his massive arms, "Naruto, what happened back there?" The gaki shot him a filthy glare and pouted,

"Because you had to go out researching I had to get away from his", he jerked a hand towards Sasuke, "older brother a big blue Mist-nin called Kisame". That got a response, for a minute he thought his current teacher would faint but Jiraiya managed to keep his composure and merely asked,

"How?"

"Clones and a flash tag", Naruto shot back shortly, "then me and Sasuke pegged it out of there before they recovered and ran into Gai-sensei, he got us here". Unusually the jounin merely nodded, face serious as Jiraiya finally seemed to notice the Uchiha in the party,

"Sasuke, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Itachi and his partner were in Konoha; Kakashi is in hospital because of them. I knew he was following you, so I followed him to avenge my clan". Jiraiya considered this for a minute, finger on his chin, before nodding at the Uchiha,

"I understand", he just left it long enough to let the Uchiha look smug before delivering the cutting line, "you are an idiot".

Naruto had to clamp a hand over his mouth at the expression of his team mate as Jiraiya tore into him,

"You wanted to take on Itachi Uchiha, the man who destroyed an entire clan of ninja in one night, as a genin with one, maybe two, jutsu over B-rank? That's not a plan for anything other than suicide; Itachi does not care how skilled you think you are, or even that he's your brother, if you get in his way he will kill you. Get it through your head; you are not strong enough to even think about taking on a water-clone of Itachi yet – you need years of training and a back-up team before you can try to avenge your kin".

"But..."

"But nothing", this time Naruto spoke, surprising those involved and making Sasuke curl his lip derisively, "look teme, back there you got the hell beaten out of you, I got us out of there and I'm the _only_ reason we got out of there, right or wrong?" Sasuke glowered at the reminder but, eventually had to confess,

"Right".

"Okay, progress; want to know how I did that? How I pulled one over on your brother? It's easy, I didn't do what he told me to do, I did something different and it caught him flat-footed, exactly what you _haven't_ been doing all these years. What did he say Sasuke, on that night, what did he tell you to do; I know he said something, it was chucked around the Academy enough and some of the others there had family in high places".

The last loyal Uchiha said nothing for a minute but seemed to be thinking over Naruto's words; this in itself was a sign of progress as far as the blonde was concerned as he suspected Sasuke hadn't taken a blind bit of notice of anything he'd said for the past fourteen or so years. The onyx-eyed child looked away but, eventually spoke in a grating whisper,

"Hate", his answer began, "he said to hate him and grow strong, then I could stand before him when I had the same eyes he did".

"And you believed him", Naruto slapped his forehead – it was either that or he was certain he'd slap Sasuke, "for Kami's sake, they call _me _a dobe. Just think about this Sasuke, use that genius brain of yours; Itachi kills your clan and leaves you, a potential rival right? So what's he going to do to make sure you don't grow into a threat to him? How about, tell you exactly what _not_ to do in the hope you're dumb enough to listen to him and, guess what, he was right; you've swallowed the crap he told you without even thinking about it and it's led you to this", he gestured with his hand, measuring the Uchiha up and down, "rushing in without thinking, trying to take on a superior opponent from the front with an _assassination_ jutsu; the clue's in the title genius. Just", suddenly he felt tired, exhausted by what he'd just done and the fact that he'd got away with it – he did not have time to put up with Sasuke now, "go back to Konoha, we'll bring back this Tsunade and heal up Kakashi. Just remember this though, if you keep listening to Itachi and using hatred to grow strong, eventually someone or something", he pointed towards a spot on the other boy's neck, Sasuke reflexively flinching to cover up the Curse Seal of Oroichimaru, "is going to tempt you away from Konoha. When that happens, someone is going to have to stop you leaving, and that will probably have to be me".

Sasuke would have scoffed at this; Naruto had been lucky earlier, that was the only reason he was still alive – on an equal footing Sasuke knew he would crush the Uzumaki into paste all day long. However, looking into the eyes suddenly full of a brilliant blue fire, backed up with a will that simply did not know how to say the word 'quit', the loyal Uchiha found himself a little less sure of his victory than he would have liked as the other ninja finished his impromptu speech,

"Don't make me choose between my friend and my village Sasuke", Naruto's words were calm and measured, but the underlying threat was unmistakeable, "because I'm not sure what my answer would be".

Sasuke wasn't sure what to say to that so said nothing, merely shrugging and not reacting as Gai put a hand on his shoulder tentatively,

"Come Sasuke-kun, we have to go back to Konoha now".

"Hn", Sasuke nodded before, just as he was about to turn away, he paused unexpectedly, "hey dobe", Naruto looked up at his unofficial name, "for the save back there", Sasuke knew this was going to hurt but he could do nothing but try to stomach his pride this time around, "thanks".

_Now that was unexpected_; Naruto honestly couldn't remember the last time Sasuke had apologised to him, or to anyone else for that matter, but he'd take what he could get and decided to leave it at that,

"Any time teme, it's what friends are for after all. Anyway, when you get back tell Sakura-chan I'm okay and we'll be back with Ero-sennin's team mate soon". Sasuke nodded and wordlessly turned towards Gai, dogging the older man's footsteps as the Green Beast of Konoha started making tracks back towards the Leaf village. Naruto watched them go before turning to Jiraiya, fingering something in one of his pouches before the looking up at the sage,

"So, was she worth it?" That wasn't the first question the Gama sennin had anticipated,

"Huh?"

"The girl", Naruto explained with a long-suffering air, "you know, the one you were after while I was taking care of a couple of S-ranked nuke-nins?"

"Oh her, well", Jiraiya thought it prudent not to mention to his student that he'd been had by a genjutsu cast over the woman, the last thing he needed now was to give Naruto any more ammunition after the boy had just done his protection job for him, "yes, she was a rare beauty, but as soon as I heard of your distress I had to leave her and come running to your..."

"Che, save the fiction for your Icha Icha Ero-sennin". There was a sudden thump, followed by a yelp of pain,

"I don't care how many nuke-nins you run away from, stop calling me that!"

XXX

"So", Jiraiya hadn't written a word down but it didn't matter; he was certain this story was one he was never going to forget for the rest of his life, "you're telling me you managed to escape, with your team mate, from two S-rank missing-nins, including probably the strongest traitor to ever come out of Konoha, using a couple of shadow clones, a balloon filled with ink, a flash tag and your Sexy jutsu?" Naruto nodded at the succinct summary,

"Pretty much", he commented breezily, one hand continually caressing one of the spines of the creature still draped over his lap; hearing the thing sigh again at the attention, Jiraiya pointed his pen at the still-nameless monster,

"So how does that...is it growling at me?" Noticing the change in pitch, Naruto's face grew hard,

"Probably; oi", he said, an air of annoyance about him as he flicked one of the spines sharply, "no growling at Ero-sennin, he's a friend". Suitably chastised, the thing seemed to settle back down, though Jiraiya had a suspicion it was somehow keeping an eye on him as Naruto spoke again, both hands behind his head and a pleased grin on his face,

"Happened when I dragged Sasuke out the room; after all, Kisame had just threatened to chop my legs off so I thought, he'll have a hard job if he's got nothing to cut with"; _oh no, not even he would..._; Jiraiya had a sinking feeling in his gut that only got worse as his student's smile broadened, "so I made a second clone and had it substitute at the same time the other one did with Sasuke, managed to seal her into a scroll while he was still blinking spots out his eyes; okay", he spoke to the thing on his lap, "enough for now; back to what you used to be".

The Toad Sage was so desperate for his guess to be wrong but, as the spikes receded and fanged grin seemed to meld together into another, more recognisable form, he buried his face in his hands and despaired,

"Samehada", ashen-faced, he looked up at his pupil again, not believing Naruto would do something so simultaneously brilliant and stupid, "you stole, Samehada; Naruto, do you know what that sword even _is_?"

"I know it _was_ hungry", the blonde shinobi said nonchalantly as he stood up, "poor thing, no wonder it ate everyone's chakra like there was no tomorrow, Kisame must have kept her starving on purpose to do that – now I owe him another kick in the nuts". Having said his piece the Hokage-to-be grabbed the handle of his new weapon and, with a grunt of effort, placed it awkwardly on his shoulder before looking at his mentor,

"Coming Ero-sennin; I'm a bit tired, Samehada; hmm, have to see if I can change that name, I don't like it; anyway, she really took it out of me so I could use a lie-down". Overwhelmed by miracles, Jiraiya simply nodded dumbly and stood up, his voice deadened as he asked another question that had become obvious to him,

"Naruto, how can you even pick that sword up? It should stab anyone but Kisame who tries to use it". He grinned ruefully, holding up his left hand and displaying the palm; even with his healing factor, Jiraiya could see recent lacerations in his skin that hadn't fully regenerated yet,

"She did at first; even when I sealed her in a scroll the first time she slashed me a few times", he griped before patting the pommel of the legendary blade, "I was out here trying to figure out why when I channelled some of my...other chakra", Jiraiya nodded to show he understood; despite being what he was, Kyuubi was still a sore subject for Naruto to discuss, "just to see what would happen. That was probably what woke you up; Samehada transformed into that sword you saw and it caught me a bit off-guard, but since then she just took a couple of bites out of my chakra and we've been good".

_Only you Naruto_; he already knew the boy could win over hearts and minds like no-one else he knew – it was the reason he'd decided to take the gaki along on this trip in the first place, but this was something else; _only you could pilfer a Mist-nin's sword and make it yours in the space of less than a night_. Still numb but with ideas and questions pouring through his mind at a rapid rate of knots, mostly involving just how powerful Naruto was likely to become with that blade now backing up his already monstrous chakra reserves, one last thing about his students recent speech made him pause and then shudder suddenly,

"Ne, Naruto", the shinobi looked over both his shoulder and Samehada's blade as Jiraiya fought to master his voice, "how do you know that blade is a she?" To his relief the brat looked perplexed before shrugging,

"Tenten-chan always said most swords have female names and I wasn't sure what this one was called, so she's got to be a she; oh I never thought of that", a devious grin flitted across his lips for a minute, "I've got to show her this when I get back, she'll go green with envy, no, scratch green, she'll turn puce seeing me with a legendary sword".

Filled with a cackling glee Naruto headed for his bed, not noticing as Jiraiya behind him paused and turned thankful eyes to the heavens; _it's just a convention not a fact_; breathing out a sigh of relief, he gave the back of Samehada a last wary glance before following after his student; _after what I've seen tonight, that'd be a date even I wouldn't want to go on!_

A/N: Just a bit of a laugh but, as always, if anyone wants to take on this story and extrapolate it (how good could Naruto be with Samehada, and what would Tenten's reaction be), they're more than welcome to. The next in this little series won't involve Naruto directly but will be a lot longer, so it'll take time to come out. Until then, hope you enjoy and keep reading.


	4. Chapter 4

Talk it Up.

A/N: The long chapter I'm working on is taking a lot longer than I'd anticipated as I'm having to do a lot more research and work than I'd thought about – while that rumbles on in the background though, this new idea popped into my mind – in a slightly different time-line, what would happen in the Chunin exams if Naruto decided jutsu wasn't the way to win? This is just my theory, read on and see if you agree with me...

Time to party, this show is rocking...

In the Hokage booth of the Chunin exam arena surrounded by the helpless, boisterous noise of the crowd around him, only Sarutobi Hiruzen, Sandaime Hokage of the Village Hidden in the Leaves, found himself apart from the general feeling of the rest of his citizens as the spectacle of the first match of the Chunin exam finals had played out before them. Slowly dragging his hands down his face, the old nin steeled his nerves and turned to face his opposite number from Suna, trying to make light of the situation,

"Hokage-dono", it wasn't often that Sarutobi was beaten to the punch but these were far from usual circumstances as the veiled village leader pointed a slender finger at the victorious figure bounding back up the stairs to wait for his next fight after sportingly bowing to his opponent, "just remind me again, which of your genin was that?"

"That was Uzumaki Naruto", Sarutobi intoned heavily, trying hard to quash the upwelling of pride in his breast as he saw his adopted grandson advance to the next round of the exams, "Konoha's number one surprising ninja and currently waging a one-genin war on Konoha's diplomatic friendship with Suna and my blood-pressure. I can only apologise..." He fell silent as the other man raised a hand gently,

"No apologies necessary Sarutobi-dono; he acted completely within the rules of the exam; in fact I doubt we'll see a finer example of the ninja basics today. The boy confused, misdirected and drove his opponent up the wall before administering the coup-de-grace – a textbook example of a shinobi battle, and he used only one jutsu in the whole fight".

"True, though I have no idea where he learnt a concealment jutsu that advanced"; _in fact I know perfectly where he got it from_; grateful for his experience in thinking one thing while saying another, Sarutobi smiled at his guest at the same time as plotted a furious revenge against one of his students; _Jiraiya if you taught him that jutsu for the reasons I think you did Minato will soon be having company in the Shinigami's belly_; "still, it will be interesting to see if he can repeat the trick again". At that, the Kazekage laughed,

"Very true, even if another of my shinobi will be the target, though I must confess I doubt he would be able to hold his own against Gaara", the man broke off of a minute to pick his red-headed son out from the other competitors, a fond smile on his lips as he did so, "he's grown so much, and finally has Sunas' thanks and respect rather than its fear", despite the veil covering his face Sarutobi could almost see the sadness clouding his opposite numbers' face like oil poured on still water, "the hardest decision I ever had to make came when he was born, and even now I still don't know if it was the right choice. I damned him to a childhood no father should have to see, let alone ask his son to bear".

Sarutobi said nothing, merely placing a steadying hand on the younger man's shoulder as he too remembered the pain someone who loved for a jinchuuriki could feel; more than once the visions in his crystal ball had driven him to tears and sake. The world of ninja was one of deception and in this field Sarutobi stood almost alone in his experience, only the Sandaime of Iwa could possibly hold a candle to his years of experience. Even in such a cut-throat world though, the aged Kage could think of no finer deception than the one pulled by the man to his side; knowing that Suna was much weakened at the end of the third great Shinobi war, the current Kazekage had made a carefully-calculated gamble in sealing the Ichibi, the one-tailed tanuki Shukaku of the desert, into his youngest son. The sealing had cost the life of the priest who had performed the sealing, though both mother and son had survived and the power of the bijuu had been harnessed in the creation of the new jinchuuriki.

That alone would have brought Sarutobi's grudging respect; though distasteful to use a child in such a manner, he wasn't so blind as to see the necessity of the Kazekage's actions in such desperate times for his village. However, what the man had done next had been equally cruel and brilliant in equal measure; though the seal had held perfectly and Gaara was mostly dominant over his prisoner, even going so far as to impress the bijuu in his early life and for a semi-symbiotic relationship with it that led to his automatic sand defences and mastery of the desert terrain, the Kazekage had spread rumours that the sealing had gone wrong, killing the boy's mother and turning his baby son into a monster. Sarutobi didn't presume to know the whole truth but knew that the Kazekage had 'remarried' his wife in a private ceremony and kept his youngest son away from Suna as a whole, though his older siblings were still his family and messed with him like a normal little brother. Once Gaara was old enough to understand the situation, the Kazekage had apparently sat his family down and asked them to perform a great sacrifice for Suna as a whole; though the situation was much improved for the desert village, Suna was still the weakest of the five great nations and its leader knew that Iwa still harboured grudges against the Sand for standing with the Leaf when the Yellow Flash had been alive.

For that reason, until the next generation of Suna shinobi were battle-hardened and ready to fight in a war if need be, Gaara needed to act the part of a demon to ensure his villages' safety; though the Kazekage was wounded that he needed to ask a young boy to take this burden and tears were shed on all sides, the youngest Sabaku proved equal to the task and the desert demon's prowess waxed strong – in fact the heavy make-up he wore under his eyes to feign insomnia with the reasoning that Shukaku would devour his soul if he slept had been Gaara's idea and help re-inforce his persona as a killer. His brother and sister, strong shinobi in their own right, had made up his team and allowed him to drop the mask around his family and sensei, as Baki was as close to the Kazekage as his own right hand and the only non-family member to know how safely the Shukaku was bound, giving the boy some much-needed respite from the burden of wearing a murderer's mask every day. On missions Gaara was, or had been, a blood-crazed sociopath with his talk of Mother and voices in his head, killing any opponent regardless of whether they surrendered or not unless his family could 'talk' him out of his rage; every time Sarutobi had met him, both on missions and in private, he had proven to be a little shy, and possibly a little cautious around people he didn't know as his sand would automatically rear up at strangers until it got to know them, but apart from that he was as well-balanced a jinchuuriki as any Sarutobi had ever met or fought save maybe Naruto. The Kazekage's deception had been so complete, so astute, that even Oroichimaru had been fooled and fallen head-first into a trap that had, Sarutobi hoped, drained most of the poison from that dangerous snakes' fangs.

The Hokage had first gotten wind of his treacherous students' intents from Jiraiya, the spymaster informing him that he'd spotted Oto agents gaining audience with the Kazekage, one of them bearing the Cursed Seal of the Hebi Sennin. Seeing the potential danger, Sarutobi had sent Son Goku himself, King Enma's son and the second-most powerful of the ape summons, to petition the Kazekage of his student's intentions; the news he received back was disturbing – apparently Konoha's recent revenue increase had come at the cost of their allies. The Wind Daimyo, apparently distrustful of his own shinobi, had been siphoning off more mission to Konoha, leaving Suna's military to starve – like the vulture he was, Oroichimaru had seen this and sought to turn Suna against the Leaf for his own ends. In this though, he was foiled by the foresight of two of the most experienced Kages in the Elemental Nations as Hokage and Kazekage worked together to thrash out a deal that would both remove Oroichimaru and force the Wind Daimyo to see the quality of his own forces.

After correspondence and minor concessions from both sides the basic plan had been formed; Konoha had kept taking the missions from Suna but kept the payments aside while the Kazekage became more frustrated with his 'lost' business, listening to the honey Oroichimaru poured into his ear. Eventually, after months of waiting, the trap had been sprung as the Kazekage agreed to meet the Snake Sage with a few bodyguards in attendance and plan the first stages of an alliance; however when Oroichimaru arrived, he found his schemes unravelled, his backup plans quickly crushed (mostly literally) by the jinchuuriki of the desert and himself facing two Kages and his one-time team mate.

The battle that followed was spectacular, and it spoke highly of Oroichimaru's skills that he was able to escape alive, though not entirely unscathed; while Sarutobi was sure he would be able to heal up his wounds at the hands of Enma's diamond staff form, the blow Jiraiya had caught him with had, in the Toad Sage's own words, 'busted a few of the Snake's fangs'. The seal had been derived from an idea Minato had drafted but, thanks to Kyuubi, never had time to finish; after its first field trial, however, Jiraiya was heard to grimly nod that it had worked as well as famous student's other great seal. It had immediately been entered into the Forbidden Scroll of Konoha as an S-ranked kinjutsu, as anything that could break a shinobi from any summoning contract they held was a powerful tool indeed; once the Toad Sage had brushed his former comrades arm and intoned the seal, Oroichimaru had simultaneously lost his summons, all the techniques that relied on the snake contract, including the Hidden Shadow Snake Hand, and the Kusanagi sword, held in the belly of a snake he could no longer call upon. At this point the Hebi had turned tail and fled, screaming his intentions for revenge and leaving his former minions to their fate.

It was a fate Sarutobi had left with the Kazekage, and it hadn't been unmerciful; aside from the last Kaguya that he'd had to personally put down with Enma as the boy had been fanatically devoted to Orochimaru and would die rather than surrender, the rest of the Sound Five had been captured and Jiraiya had new samples of the Cursed Seal to study. After getting the prisoners back to Suna, an amusing relief from the battle in and of itself as the girl of the group continued to swear and curse until Gaara gagged her with some of his sand, stating he was getting a headache, the Toad Sage had worked night and day until, at last, the Seal was understood and could be nullified properly. Last the Hokage had heard, the former Sound Four were starting to come to terms with what had happened as the Cursed Seal apparently warped the perceptions of the people it was implanted on, and were adapting to life in Suna, though the girl Tayuya was repeatedly making a nuisance of herself by going out of her way to try and get Gaara back for the indignity of being dragged though Suna's gates with a ball of hardened sand between her teeth.

_Young love_; Sarutobi thought to himself, masking a smile as he recalled his own courtship in younger days; _how quickly does it go from fighting in battle to fighting in bed – well if that does happen Gaara deserves it, he's owed some happiness in his life now. Aside from that, Suna was reimbursed for the missions Konoha took in their stead, Oroichimaru is now in hiding due to the loss of Oto's anonymity and Suna now has the respect of the man who finances it. Though it perhaps is a blessing from Kami that the Wind Daimyo is absent today_; seeing the boy Naruto had beaten finally trudge up the stairs to where his sister and younger brother were lending him a less than sympathetic ear to his moaning, Sarutobi permitted himself a slight smile at the irony of the boy everyone claimed was the dead-last beating a supposedly-superior shinobi with little more than deception and a mean pranking streak; _as that performance may have given him more doubts about his shinobi forces_.

XXX

Kankuro was feeling pumped up and ready for this; though he wouldn't be able to use his disguise trick with Karasu again since his opponent had seen it in the preliminaries, he'd seen the boy he was fighting, one Naruto if he remembered rightly, fight in the preliminaries and didn't think much of his performance, though he had to respect his opponent's chakra capacity if the number of Kage Bushins he could pop out was any indication. Still, if the other genin was hit by a single one of his poisoned weapons this match was as good as his; the paralysis agent would freeze a man up in seconds, giving him an easy win. He kept his confident face on as the other genin skipped down the stairs, the eye-searing orange of his uniform almost reminding the puppeteer of the desert sand of his home as Naruto crossed the arena and beamed at the referee.

"Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage, is here and ready to go". The jounin simply coughed wetly again and turned to look at both nin before looking up to the Hokage's booth, waiting for the signal to start the match; while this happened, Kankuro noticed that the smile had dropped from his opponent's face and, seizing the advantage, laughed loudly, pointing at the diminutive nin,

"What's the matter kid?" He spoke tauntingly, "Scared of me – you should give up now and come back when you're out of nappies". The other boy seemed to flinch at the blow and Kankuro gave himself a pat on the back as a ripple of approval raced around the crowd at his psychological attack – with any luck he'd be back in the stands and cheering on his siblings without even having to unwrap Karasu,

"Of course I'm scared of you; you're the only guy I've met more perverted than either of my two teachers and believe me that's some accomplishment".

_Eh?_; that one hadn't been in the script; before the puppeteer could reply, Naruto had carried on, holding up his fingers as he went along with a new list,

"You tie yourself up like a mummy in public, walk around in a gimp suit in broad daylight, wear more make-up than your smoking-hot sister and you play with dolls; man those are some habits even Kakashi-sensei and Ero-sennin wouldn't touch with a ten-foot pole, and even worse you've corrupted your little brother into wearing eye-shadow! What kind of freak are you?"

Up in the stands Gaara ran a finger under his eyes self-consciously – it wasn't his fault, or Kankuro's either for that matter, it was an essential service for his village!

In the arena Kankuro felt his face grow hot as he heard a couple of sniggers from the gantry and with a flush he threw Karasu off his back, the bound puppet making a hollow wooden thump as it impacted in the tightly-packed sand,

"That is not true, it's..."

"What, you don't think your sister's smoking hot?"

"Yes, no...She's my sister!" Kankuro realised what the other boy was driving at and fought to keep himself from ripping the blonde brat limb from limb; it was a struggle that only got harder at Naruto's next words,

"After saying you wanted to see me in nappies, nothing about you would surprise me now"; _he's dead, he is going to beg me to kill him before I leave this arena!_; Kankuro said nothing, the breath all but boiling the air in front of him as he formed his battle strings and Karasu unfolded itself from the wrappings as its master spoke in low, measured tones,

"Referee-san, start the match please so I can make this brat eat his words". To his infuriation said brat merely smirked and shrugged as he nodded at Hayate,

"Just as long as you make sure that's all he tried to make me eat", seeing and sensing confusion around him, Naruto made to deliver another cutting line; _just keep them off-balance and go from there – believe me it's only going to get worse from here buddy_; "let's face it, that puppet doesn't look much like a girl..."

He left the rest unspoken but the crowd understood as muffled, and in some cases not-so-muffled, laughter began to rain down on them both; deciding that the puppeteer would be out for Naruto's hide and that it would probably be best if the bloodbath started during the exams rather than before it, Hayate brought his hand down at the same time he jumped backwards,

"Hajime!"

"Shazam!"

Naruto threw something at the floor and a blinding light forced everyone to look away and cover their eyes; by the time the light faded, Kankuro and Karasu were alone in the centre of the coliseum; Naruto had vanished. _He didn't attack when I was blinded – idiot_; as he blinked back his vision and set Karasu to guard him while he thought up a plan, the Suna nin smirked; _he's too soft under that bluster, he won't kill – now, let's track him down_. Moving his puppet around, the eldest son of the Kazekage gathered his chakra before releasing it in a pulse,

"Kai!"

Nothing happened.

_Damn, strong genjutsu_; Kankuro cursed as his enemy was still invisible – it looked like he'd be forced to reveal some of his puppet's area-effect weapons after all, he didn't want to waste any more chakra. Okay then, he had a plan, now to make it happen while his opponent was still idle,

"Right Karasu, can't see him..."

"Of course I can't", the puppet snapped moodily, "you're the one with eyes and, Kami help us, brains".

Another spanner was thrown into Kankuro's mental gears as he registered who had spoken; with disbelieving eyes he looked up at the puppet in front of him, not fully processing what had happened,

"You", his voice trembled, "you talked...?"

"Thank you Captain Obvious", it quipped back snippingly in a manner that Kankuro, with a distinctly sinking feeling, thought he recognised, "anything else you'd like me to do – in fact", the puppet seemed to consider, an impressive feat as Kankuro wasn't making it move at the time, "don't answer that; I'm not voyeuristic". Trying to ignore the disembodied voice and the giggles it was generating from playing to the audience, the puppeteer stuck to his task of trying to root out the annoyance teasing him like this,

"Ah shut up", he jerked his fingers and the wooden construct flitted about, a rain of senbon peppering the area behind him with no apparent success, "I'm going to kill you and then laugh about it". There was another laugh, this time from Karasu,

"No, you mean _I'm_ going to kill him, lazy puppeteer", the puppet groused even as the air around it became saturated in an evil-looking purple mist, "always the same, I do the work he gets the credit; kill the genin Karasu, carry my lazy ass around Karasu, bend over and think of Suna Karasu..." There was sudden jerk on the puppet's strings that brought it to a complete halt as Kankuro, face red as he realised everyone was now laughing at him through his puppet's insinuations, lost sight of the antagonist he couldn't see in favour of the antagonist he could,

"Oi! That not true..."

"Denying your issues doesn't make them go away", the puppet countered snidely, the mastermind behind this audacious scheme taking a second to make sure he wasn't about to give the game away by laughing at the jokes he was putting into the puppet's mouth, "and don't try to say it's for maintenance either; your body fluids do not count as a suitable lubricant for my interior joints!"

It might have been a long-term mission to suspend the threat of war over Suna but never before had it been in more jeopardy; watching his brother getting beaten down in a one-sided argument with his own puppet was driving Gaara to the brink of laughing out loud. This wasn't something a demon should be doing, though his father had recently said that he should start to let go of that persona now as, following the implosion of the Mist into bloody civil war, Suna was no longer the weakest of the hidden villages, but he still wasn't entirely convinced this would be the best way to tell the world he was free of his supposedly mad Mother. However, as the dialogue continued, he was forced to bite down on his tongue and watch Temari keel out of her seat, face bright red and tears streaming down her face, he realised he might not have a choice in the matter in a couple of minutes.

Kankuro for his part was flabbergasted, and not just because it was getting harder by the second not to blow his own puppet sky-high with a few explosive tags; subconsciously he knew he was being led a merry dance and was deep into the other ninja's trap but the second he tried to break free, the damned nuisance would trigger another snare that would land him right back at square one,

"Where are you, you son of a bitch!" The Suna nin howled aloud at the end of his tether, not noticing the killing intent being levelled at him for a small, feral-looking section of the crowd, "I'm going to rip you apart and show you the true meaning of pain!" As he breathed heavily and scanned the arena again, still not sure how his opponent was keeping himself so well-hidden, he heard a sickeningly-familiar snigger,

"Oh like that's going to scare him; a threat like that from the guy who defines 'morning wood' as 'wake up and check for splinters'; why can't you use a blow-up like everyone else – are you allergic to latex or something?"

"Shut up!"

"Make me"; it was the closest Kankuro had ever come to hurling Karasu away from him – it wasn't supposed to be like this, it was a fight not a comedy routine, "and I didn't hear you telling me to shut up when you were inspecting my kunai holster with your 'special' kunai". All but breathing fire by this point Kankuro yanked his weapon around brutally and fired off a rain of kunai randomly around the fighting area, hitting nothing but sand as the howls of the audience crashed in his ears,

"None of this is true, I...!"

"You got that right", he was so surprised with his pseudo-opponent agreeing with him that he stopped mid-sentence, a fatal mistake, "you couldn't get your rocks off there, you had to use the senbon launcher".

At that final insult Kankuro snapped like a dry twig; screaming in rage the puppeteer hurled the disobedient puppet around , firing off weapons like they were going out of fashion in the vain hope of flushing out his hidden quarry,

"Come out and fight me you coward; you're nothing if all you can do it taunt", someone cleared their throat nearby but Kankuro was too far gone in his rage to realise it, "you're not a shinobi, you're a joke, a freak and a dead-last", the throat was cleared again, this time louder but still the Suna nin ignored it, "you're not fit to be a chunin, you don't have the guts or the skills to lead a squad and kill". He paused for a second, breath heaving in his lungs and not recognising the audience suddenly falling silent, focussing all his attention on Karasu as it spoke again,

"You tell him boss, but there's one thing you forgot to mention that he is".

"What?"

A sudden impact pitched the puppeteer forwards on his face, Karasu going limp as his concentration broke and the chakra strings animating it faltered and flickered from existence. Dry sand and dust filled the Suna nin's nose as something grabbed his hood and yanked his head up; he struggled and tried to kick the assailant off his back but froze as he felt a shock of cold steel under his throat, listening to a voice in his ear that was suddenly bereft of the teasing lilt Karasu had used,

"He's behind you", Naruto informed him before looking up at Hayate, "jounin-san, from here I could kill him at any time, I claim victory". Hayate inspected the scene for a minute before nodding, coughing and raising his hand,

"Shousha, Uzumaki Naruto".

The audience, which had been stunned into silence as the orange boy had shimmered back into visibility and stalked the back of his enraged opponent, broke out into spontaneous applause that Naruto lapped up eagerly; it was an amazing feeling to hear so many people cheering for him. He raised his head and gave a wild grin, only to hear a sudden whisper from below,

"Hey, Naruto", hearing his prisoner talking, the jinchuuriki leant over to listen as the painted boy hung his head, "just do it will you? You beat me and I never got close; I can't look at the other Suna shinobi now so just give me..."

"I'll give you a clout around the ears if you finish that sentence", the genin growled, taking the kunai away from Kankuro's throat in case the other ninja got any ideas, "you lost a fight but not your life, be grateful and learn from it. Oh, and just to make it up to you...", twisting around as much as he was able to the puppeteer saw an evil smirk on the blonde boy's face as he leant down and whispered something that only Kankuro could hear.

It was a simple enough promise, but one that blew all the cobwebs and thoughts of seppuku right out of the older nin's head and dragged a matching evil smile to his lips.

That smile was still in place as the puppeteer finished gathering all his spent weapons and reloaded them into his now mercifully silent puppet; as he stepped back up the stairs to the competitors' box it dimmed a little as he saw Naruto being virtually mugged by the other Konoha nins, the tattooed boy he'd fought in the preliminaries in particular laughing and bowing in thanks to the prankster that he hadn't fought that way a month ago. Kankuro shrugged and walked away to beside the rest of his team and family, nodding as he accepted some half-apologetic smiles from the contingent of nins that were starting to recover from their laughing fits. Slumping into his seat he massaged his eyes with a free hand and grunted to the person sitting next to him without looking,

"Go ahead; I know what's going to happen next".

And happen it did; Temari and, to his surprise, Gaara as well burst out laughing again, though the Ichibi container was far more constrained in his mirth compared to his sister; the Wind Mistress was actively bumping her forehead from the tip of her fan as she rocked forwards and back like a leaf in a gale of laughter, thumping her brother on the shoulder,

"So, sorrehehehehe", she broke off to wipe her eyes, grin on her face a mile wide, "bu, but that was something else; I never, never, he's a ventriloquist! To use that on a puppeteeheheheheer, oh that's going down in Suna history". She broke down again, taking advantage of the impromptu lull in the matches that had followed Naruto half-killing the audience with his one-liners and Karasu's unwitting assistance; Kankuro merely massaged his forehead and looked over at her, face set in a basilisk stare,

"You know 'Mari, there's only one thing that makes this whole thing just about bearable for me right now. Guess what that is?" Shaking her head in a way that made her ponytails shake, Temari waited in anticipation for her younger brothers' answer, though the grin his painted face split into when he spoke next punctured some of the mirthful mood that had surrounded her,

"He's up against you next round".

Temari went pale.

A/N: As always this is up for adoption if anyone wants it, though I have got a plan about the 'next round' of this tournament – let me know if you want me to write it up and I'll put it in as the next chapter! Until then, ja ne!


	5. Chapter 5

Blow Me Away.

A/N: Okay, I heard enough reviews to convince me to give this 'next round' a try; I'm glad people seem to like my take on a more peaceful Suna, though as I said these chapters are simply seed ideas for other people to take and expand on, so there's a lot of 'condensed' background in the chapter – it's up to others if they want to flesh it out. If anyone wants to go on and take any of these chapters for inspiration or to turn them into a full story you have both my permission and my benediction for good fortune, though a brief note in the authors' notes wouldn't go amiss. For now though, seconds out, round two – can the Original Ninja Prankster overcome the Wind Mistress of the Desert?

Let's find out...

During the recess after all the first-round matches, Sarutobi stretched back in his chair and fanned himself gently with the Hokage's hat, wincing as something in his back let him know its displeasure with the sudden movement in the form of a sharp grinding pain and dull snap; _Kami, I'm too old for this – I need to get Jiraiya on the case of tracking down my replacement as soon as these exams are over, after I finish raking him over the coals for teaching Naruto the ways of the Super Pervert_. Still, on the bright side it was a nice day to be outside and the exams had been a great success so far, though Sarutobi was forced to mask a smile as a part of his conscience reminded him that there was at least one genin candidate who was probably wishing he hadn't got out of bed that morning. Masking his humour with a contemplative look, the Sandaime looked across to his opposite number from Suna, the younger man likewise sat back in his chair with his fingers steepled under his chin,

"A ryo for your thoughts Kazekage-dono?" Startled, the leader of Suna's military strength jerked upright before relaxing again, nodding as he spoke carefully,

"Hai Hokage-dono, the matches have gone well so far – two of Suna's nins are through and at least one of them should reach chunin, if not higher".

"I agree, Gaara-san's strength is far beyond that of any of the other candidates here", the old man agreed diplomatically; _though if he and Naruto decided to go all out I wouldn't want to be anywhere near the danger zone_; "the way he handled the Hyuuga prodigy was truly inspired – Neji never got close and he is, despite his attitude, a formidable nin. His...chivalry", despite himself Sarutobi couldn't help but smirk as the Kazekage shuddered silently, though the veil he wore concealed any potential blush, "also won him many friends, especially from team eight".

XXX

That much was certainly true; everyone in the stands knew the match was over the second the Suna nin had managed to wrap the Hyuuga up in his sand after disrupting the so-called 'perfect defence' of the prodigy by forcing the sand under his spinning feet to shift unexpectedly. Most of the audience had expected Neji to meet a messy end at that point, but what had happened next had shocked everyone there, even the jinchuuriki's own father – poor Hyuuga Hinata had nearly fainted dead away when Gaara had shouted for her loud enough for the entire stadium to hear,

"Lady Hinata-san, this fools' fate is in your hands", at once all eyes had swivelled to the girl Neji had brutalised in the preliminary rounds and she let out an 'eep', almost missing the rest of the Suna-nin's proclamation as she sought to hide behind Kiba, "do you want me to kill him or spare him for what he did to you?" It took a moment of virtual hyper-ventilation and Akamaru licking her hand reassuringly for her to gather the tiny scraps of courage left in her body and reply in a whispering shout that, regardless of its quiet nature, everyone in the stadium heard,

"A-ano, Gaara-san – p-please don't k-kill him", trembling slightly she looked down at the restrained form of her cousin, lavender eyes radiating concern and possibly pity despite the wounds he had inflicted upon her not a month earlier, "he , he has been hurt by the past, more than anyone could know". The redheaded Suna jinchuuriki nodded before looking forwards again, skilfully manipulating the sand around Neji's body to force the older Hyuuga to lock eyes with him as he spoke again,

"Your life was spared by your 'weakling' of a cousin – because of her kind words and _only_ her kind words you still have a fate in this world", he raising his hand forwards, eyes suddenly becoming teal jade stones and tone expressionless as he commanded his battle sand once more, "remember that when you wake up".

XXX

"That girl was always very kind, never did have the heart to kill from what I hear", Sarutobi reminisced as he absent-mindedly pulled his pipe from a pocket of his robe and lit it, "I must remember to see if the medical corps would be interested in teaching a Hyuuga, or at least, teaching Hinata".

"I agree", the sudden noise almost made the Sandaime jump – he hadn't realised he was speaking out loud, "the Main Branch heir; she is different from most Hyuuga I have met. From what I know of the clan, most Main Branch members would have had Gaara crush his opponent like a grape in that situation, assuming they didn't use that controlling seal on their opponent first". It was a fair point; the Hokage was forced to concede that at any time during the inter-clan bout Hinata could have forced her cousin to submit via use of the Caged Bird seal, though the fact that she had not spoke much of her courage in the aged nin's eyes,

"I agree, and it was both kind of her to ask Gaara to spare him and noble of Gaara to ask, though did he have to break Neji's arms before the bout ended", the Kazekage looked over as Sarutobi shrugged, "I only ask because the council will probably moan if I don't – they must protect their 'geniuses' after all". Considering this for a moment, the other man shrugged,

"Gaara hates bullies, and they were clean breaks – he should be back in duty in less than a month", he stated dismissively, privately agreeing with the actions of his youngest son as the arrogant Hyuuga's actions in the preliminary round, against his own flesh and blood no less, had sickened him, "though my son was very impressed by that Hyuuga's team mate – no-one I know of has ever broken out of the Sand Coffin before, or landed a hit on him without the use of chakra in a duel". The Hokage chuckled,

"Yes, Rock Lee is well on his way to becoming the Leaf's latest taijutsu master in time, and that he can open so many of the Celestial Gates so young bodes well for him. I think he will prove his nindo – he can become a great ninja without chakra".

"And his loyalty to his team and his sensei's word is commendable", the Kazekage agreed, remembering being forced to shield his eyes during the preliminaries as Gaara's technique had suddenly exploded everywhere, forced away from the body of its victim as Lee opened his first gate before forfeiting immediately afterwards in respect to his teachers' wishes, "'I promised Gai-sensei not to open the gates except to protect a precious person; it would be unyouthful of me to use them just to attempt promotion' – that will and five of the gates in reserve. He will make chunin I assume?"

"Oh most definitely", Sarutobi confirmed with a nod of his head – though Lee hadn't progressed to the finals, what the genin weren't told was that every stage of the competition was graded; technically a genin could be failed at the first stage due to the actions of his team mates but still get promoted if a specific branch of the village's ninja took interest and accepted his performance, "though I imagine the council's going to pitch a fit when they realise the Uchiha didn't make the grade".

"True, but the Aburame was perhaps his worst match-up", the Kazekage said fairly, "I was quite surprised his coup of techniques was as small as it was; has his Sharingan only recently awoken?"

"I'm not entirely sure when he was able to access it, but I know his sensei has enough experience with that eye to train it well enough", Sarutobi waited until the Kazekage was able to put the pieces together, speaking only when the other man visibly jolted with surprise, "Kakashi is not just the owner of all his jutsus, he is the master of most of them – unless he copies a technique he cannot use for some reason, he will train himself relentlessly until the new jutsu is second-nature to him. He must have set Sasuke the same example – either that or he tried spying on someone else's training session and got caught", he shrugged as his guest raised an eyebrow, "it happened a few times before the Uchiha tragedy. It was not tolerated then and will certainly not be tolerated now". The Kazekage appeared to consider this for a moment before letting his opinion be known,

"A sensible precaution, both for the Uchiha and the village – no shinobi likes his hard-work being stolen after all. Still, in Sasuke's case I doubt the latter would come to pass – he apologised to his teacher for accidentally stealing his jutsu after all".

XXX

"Jounin-san", as with all Aburame, Shino's voice was cool and logical as he held out a hand to control the swarm buzzing around his opponent, "from here I could drain the chakra from my opponent, and I claim victory". Hayate looked over at the beleaguered Uchiha and, seeing the raven nod shallowly, raised his hand and called the match,

"Shousha, Aburame Shino".

As expected the crowd was rather quiet at this supposed upset, though the ninja in the crowd reviewing the battle were nodding with the verdict; Shino's strategy had been all but perfect as he had isolated the one weakness of katon jutsus – the user had to breathe in prior to using them. By having a single insect flying around Sasuke's head and threatening to fly into his mouth every time he looked to take a big breath of air, the silent nin had shut down a large amount of Sasuke's offence and, after skilfully forcing the Uchiha to move and using some of his swarm to burrow underground in a delayed trap, had managed to drown his opponent in the midst of his swarm. Calling in his symbiotes once more, the Aburame bowed towards the Hokage's box while Hayate turned towards where Sasuke stood scowling in defeat but still resigned to it and asked the traditional question for defeated nin,

"Coup?"

At this Sasuke brightened somewhat; he always did enjoy a chance to show off regardless of the circumstances. Coup was a chance for a nin beaten during a selection exam to give examples of any jutsus they knew that they weren't able to use in the tournament, making up for nin who were forced to withdraw or beaten by opponents who had an inherent advantage over them – in this case Sasuke knew it was his big shot for promotion and attacked it with a will, hurling fire and flame around the arena at a terrifying rate. The demonstration had lasted over two minutes before the Uchiha came to a halt in the centre of the ring, breathing slightly heavily but still upright; when he didn't move for a few seconds Hayate spoke once more after coughing again,

"Finished, Sasuke-san?" The boy didn't respond for a moment; in fact to Hayate he looked to be deep in thought, though before the jounin could call time on his performance he turned and called into the crowd,

"I have one more jutsu, though...Kakashi-sensei", the copy-nin looked over his book as his student shouted up to him, "I copied this one from you inadvertently but have been studying in my own time to make it work as it suits my affinities; I hope you find me worthy of it". With that, the genin bowed to his teacher and flexed one arm, concentrating hard; for a moment nothing happened before, with a recognisable crack and distinctive noise, a small ball of lightning flickered to life in his palm, Sasuke roaring the name of his technique as he thrust his arm forwards and allowed the lightning chakra to disperse,

"Chidori!"

Silence met his announcement for a second before thunderous applause rained down from the civilians present; once more the Last Uchiha had surpassed the norm for his age by knowing such a high-level technique. Sasuke fell to one knee, heaving for breath like he'd just run a marathon, though he recovered enough to wave off Hayate's offer of assistance and climb back to his feet and bow to the village leaders unaided. Knowing he'd done all he could and the rest was out of his hands, Sasuke walked slowly towards the stands and levered himself up the stairs, nodding politely at the well-wishers offering him luck and appreciation on the way. On reaching the seating area the Uchiha raven collapsed into the nearest seat, flexing his hand experimentally and grimacing – though it didn't burn any more, trying to use that jutsu still made his hand cramp like there was no tomorrow,

"That was awesome Sasuke-kun, there were at least two more fireballs per shot than the last time I saw you", as expected Sakura spoke to him first, though her tone was no longer the blind squealing of someone hopelessly infatuated with another person; since they had become team seven, all three genin on the squad had matured, Sakura perhaps more than the others as she was now offering a critique of his skills, "next time though, try breathing through your nose, it's harder to see".

"I'll keep it in mind", he commented off-handedly before turning to see a grinning Naruto and his sensei smiling with his one visible eye, "sorry I missed your match Naruto, but it's easier than you think to get lost on the road of life". The blonde grinned before clapping his team mate on the shoulder,

"Ah, if Kakashi-sensei wasn't late for anything but his own funeral the ANBU would be checking for an imposter; anyway, I'm sure the others will fill you in", he mentioned with a gleam in his eye that made even Sasuke nervous; _looking like that, he either won by a fluke or by a mile and right now I'm banking on a mile_; "still, what was the last jutsu you used again?" At this point, Kakashi interjected,

"Chidori, my one personal jutsu and a high B-ranked assassination technique", he rolled a stern but not unkind eye towards the genius of his team, "not something that should be taught to a genin, but I'm proud you didn't go overbroad with the training on it". Sasuke shook his head,

"Never again; one lesson I didn't need the Sharingan to learn", the raven confirmed, the memory of being held by both Sakura and Naruto for nearly half a day at their training ground after the mental blocks he had built up over the years had shattered under the combined weight of the memories of the murder of his entire family, years of relentless training without so much as a single day's break and the visual knowledge of Naruto, the dobe and class dead-last, learning a skill faster than he, the clan genius and Rookie of the Year, could pick up, haunting him even to this day. In that moment he'd completely snapped over the simplest little thing, seeing Naruto pitch a tent faster than he could; the memories immediately afterwards were a bit of a blur, but as far as he could recall he'd gone from trying dementedly to kill the blonde with a kunai and his own bare hands to sobbing into his shoulder as the pressure of his own expectations finally ground him into the dirt and drove tears from his onyx eyes, the smell of his friends' blood heavy in his nose as the orange jumpsuit and the shoulder of Sakura's dress soaked up his crying.

_I changed that day, we all did_; it was a truth that Sasuke couldn't doubt as since that time he'd felt, almost lighter, as though vengeance against Itachi was more a long-term goal, rather than something to be pursued regardless of the cost to both himself and others. While still proud of his achievements, he was also able to enjoy the skill of his team and the achievements of others; the memory of tying the ribbon Sakura had worn in her bout against Ino into her hair, and her grateful smile as he arranged her hair around his artwork, was somehow more important than the urge to master a new jutsu, or show off his Sharingan to wow the civilians. Similarly, Naruto had been more than willing to share his trump-card jutsu, the Kage bushin, with both his team mates once they had Kakashi's approval and supervision once they asked him how it worked, rather than demand or try to coerce him into revealing his secrets. The jump-suited boy was still the master of his jutsu though, as Sasuke could only manage a single Kage bushin at best and Sakura couldn't even do that until her reserves increased or she had help from soldier pills, but such a team ethos and camaraderie was helping him, and the others, far more than isolated training ever had. As he heard Naruto's name being called once more, Sasuke slapped his team mate on the shoulder and smirked,

"It's up to you now Naruto, go knock them dead". The grin he knew so well flashed into place and at that point Sasuke knew, instinctively knew, he and the rest of the audience were in for a real bout this time,

"Just watch me knock their socks off, believe it"; _I do believe it, just like I believe you'll be Hokage someday – just as long as you can help me out with bringing Itachi to book before you do it_; seeing his smaller team mate vault down the stairs, Sasuke stretched out before looking over his shoulder to his other team mate, wondering why she looked so stricken at his parting words,

"So, what did we miss?"

XXX

"The Nara will have to make chunin, given his results on all three stages of the exam", the Hokage stated before chuckling, "that I'm sure will upset him; he'll have even less of an excuse to slack off without his team to pick up the slack".

"I agree; I never thought I'd meet the nin who could give Shikaku-san a run for his money in the laziness stakes but his son has the potential", the Kazekage agreed, having met the soon-to-be chunin's father on a couple of occasions both on and off the battlefield, "hopefully his mother will be able to motivate him enough".

"Enough to move into his own apartment at least", Sarutobi muttered under his breath before clearing his throat, "still, your daughter Kazekage-dono? She appears to have leadership potential when her youngest brother is absent, and her wind affinity must be approaching mastery".

"Ah, you flatter both me and her Hokage-dono", the other man chortled, waving off the older man's comments as though they were a cloud of flies, "though perhaps that is not Temari-chan's fault. Her first match gave her all the advantages – I will leave it to her next match to see if she has earned her vest yet". _Oh yes_; realising that it had all boiled down to this and knowing he'd run out of wriggle room, Sarutobi braced himself to seize the bull by the horns; _or, more appropriately, the fox by the tail_;

"True, but the last match – Uzumaki Naruto..."

"Konoha's most surprising ninja, and with good reason", the Kazekage intoned, folding his arms as he did so, seemingly deep in thought, "even had Kankuro won I would not have pushed for his promotion; between Gaara and Temari he's had no experience in a leadership role. But Naruto's strategy..." He fell silent for a moment before looking across, "...the saying in Suna is that genius and idiocy differ only in success – even now I confess I'm not sure what camp to put him in".

"You and everyone else in the Hidden Leaf", Sarutobi informed him, inwardly cringing as he realised the time was almost upon them to see what mischief his adopted grandson was going to cook up next; _please Kami if you can hear an old man's prayer, please let the Kazekage keep his good mood until the end of these exams – I really don't need a diplomatic incident on my desk before the day is out._ Having mentally said his prayer, the Hokage paused for a second to ensure all his guests were seated comfortably before nodding and raising a hand to Hayate; the proctor bowed at the signal and called up to the contestants' booth,

"Sabaku no Temari and Uzumaki Naruto to the floor please".

XXX

Despite her outward composure Temari felt a cold chill run right through her at the summons, and Kankuro's expectantly evil grin wasn't helping matters any as she whipped open her fan and glided gracefully down to the arena. _If there was one consolation to getting caught by that lazy bum_; she clenched her teeth at the memory of the cold, alien sensation that had flooded her body as Shikamaru's shadow had merged with her own, trapping her completely and putting her at his mercy – no-one in Suna had been able to outthink her to that extent before and she realised, belatedly, how sharp the mind hidden behind that uncaring exterior actually was; _it was that I assumed he was going to have try and put this gaki down rather than me – in fact, I'll bet this was one of the reasons he forfeited in the first place!_ It all made sense now and Temari felt her heart sink; if Shikamaru had known, or at least guessed, at what Naruto was capable of and decided it was too troublesome to even try and fight him, where would that leave her against the orange-clad nin who was now standing across from her, smiling brightly as he looked around and shot her a thumbs-up? _Give him nothing_; despite his cheesy attitude Temari remained stone-faced, half-listening as the proctor explained the rules again,

"Ne, Temari-chan", the name almost made her slip up but she wrestled the blush down – no-one in Suna had ever called her chan, too afraid of her father and little brother for such familiarity but it seemed Naruto either knew no fear or had no sense, "something on your mind?" She blinked for a minute before smirking and hefting her battle fan over her shoulder,

"Yes, thinking of all the ways I'm going to stomp you into the ground before this match is over".

"Oh, right", the boy appeared to be disappointed before suddenly shrugging it off and smiling again, "well, just as long as you're stomping my face I won't mind", he left in a second, just long enough for his opponent to look confused, before going for the jugular, "at least that way I'd get a glimpse of heaven before ending up in hell".

Temari didn't have a chance of holding it at that one and a blush spread over her cheeks as she choked in equal parts anger and outrage; quick as the proverbial creature sealed in his belly, the Konoha jinchuuriki was onto it and not letting go,

"Aww what's the matter Temari-chan?" You weren't thinking about some boy back at home were you?" Knowing, just somehow instinctively knowing he'd take and spin her silence as a yes, Temari was forced to run as much damage control as she could get her hands on and pray just wait for the chance to snap the little gaki in half when the match started,

"Hah, as if", she tossed one of her pony tail back over her shoulder, giving the best haughty glare as she could, "never yet met the man that could come close to keeping up with me"; _good, that shut him up_; breathing a silent sigh of relief the kunoichi prepared herself for a war only to be brought crashing back down to earth by his infuriating voice once more, but why was he bowing in apology?

"Oh I see, I understand and I'm sorry if my earlier comments offended you", he straightened up before suddenly looking towards the gantry and calling up in a cheerful voice, "Tenten-chan, looks like you have an admirer down here". There was a sudden outburst of snickering at this point, as well as a sudden surprised gasp from one particular bun-haired kunoichi in the crowd, before the Suna nin wrestled back the initiative,

"I'm not interested in women you little gaki...", she drew herself upright again, ready to deliver a line of her own, only for Naruto to sneak in and get the drop on her,

"But, but the way you swept her out the air, just as she fainted", he clasped his hands dramatically in front of him, face a beatific expression of appreciative grace as her celled the preliminary match, seeing once more the Suna nin sweep Konoha's unconscious weapons' mistress from the air with the body of her war fan, "so noble, so romantic..."

"What, you think I should have impaled her on her own weapon stash", Temari's colder voice pierced his ideas cruelly, her face curled into a derisive expression of scorn, "I didn't think you Leaf nins were that callous". To her surprise Naruto seemed to stare at her, blinking and she gloried in the sensation of wrong-footing the sharp-tongued shinobi; _now just start the match so I can bury him properly and my life shall be..._; that train of thought hit the buffer as she saw his eyes light up and was overcome with a sudden feeling that she'd just handed him something on a plate,

"What you impale your girlfriends with is entirely your business, though I must say", he paused for just an instant, just long enough for most of the audience to get the joke and start pitching in with their laughter, before finishing the line, "I think the tetsubo might be asking certain things to stretch a _little_ too far".

XXX

That was it, Kankuro was helplessly gone as he watch his sister splutter at her opponent's latest insinuation; somehow, being beaten by the Leaf nin didn't seem like such a massive problem now he was observing someone else getting the same treatment. Wiping his eyes before they could run and ruin his war paint, the puppeteer looked over at the rest of his last opponent's team and promptly redoubled his laughter at their looks; the black-haired boy had a hand over his face and appeared to be muttering under his breath, their sensei had the book in his hand a little closer to his face than was necessary to ensure easy reading while the girl was leaning over the back of her seat, looking for someone. Seeing the cherry blossom perk up and curious despite himself, Kankuro casually channelled a sliver of chakra to his ears to listen in as Sakura bowed to the kunoichi the puppeteer recognised as being Tenten, the girl Temari had rolled over in the preliminaries,

"Tenten-san, I apologise on the behalf of my baka team mate and I promise you..."

"Apologise for what?" Hearing the voice the bun-headed girl looked up and revealed her red face and wet eyes to be due to tears of laughter rather than humiliation, "I had this before off dad until I could prove Neji was actually a guy; go Naruto!" The last part was a shout directed to the floor, a sentiment echoed by the tattooed boy who had been the dead-lasts' opponent in the preliminaries,

"She said it, go get her bud", leaning back in his seat Kiba reviewed the last minute or so and found himself chuckling again; out of all the clans of Konoha the Inuzuka had a bawdiest sense of humour and he could almost hear the others of his clan who had attended laughing from where he was sat, least of all his mother and sister, "when I get home tonight I'm going to burn a ton of incense, get down on my knees and thank every Kami in existence he didn't try to pull this crap in the preliminaries – right now a fart seems tame compared to this".

"You got that right", Chouji chipped in, offering a bag of crisps that Kiba immediately dove his hand into, fishing out a couple of crisps to share with Akamaru, "I'm sure glad I didn't square off against him, it'd only take one F-word to drive me up the wall".

"A-ano", both boys looked over to see Hinata poking her fingers together, posture hunched but voice stronger that Kiba could remember it being for a while, "N-naruto-kun would not say things to hurt people; h'he makes fun of them b'but that's all". Both boys shared a look, gathering the attention of the others in their teams, before Ino spoke up, flipping her shortened hair over her shoulder,

"Fun or not I'm going to give him a piece of my mind when he drags his sorry butt back up here", the youngest Yamanaka declared, looking annoyed as she saw Hayate raise his hand, "you don't say things like that to kunoichi and hope to get away with it – all girls together right Hinata, Kurenai-sensei?"

"Talk and watch Ino, it's going down now", Kiba informed her, the other genin quickly dropping into their seats as both fighters jumped backwards from each other, though a second later a grin appeared on the Inuzuka's fanged features, "though, while we're on the subject, who up for a bit of a bet...?"

XXX

Temari sprang backwards, all senses straining to try and catch a hint of what her opponent was planning for his next move; when it looked like he too was contemplating the same problem, the wind mistress whipped her fan forwards quickly. The technique had no real power in it, just enough to ruffle the younger nin's bright blonde hair, but the intent was there along with the message she delivered with an arrogant sneer,

"You can't pull that stunt that worked on my brother", she told him, snapping her fan open to emphasise the point, "doesn't matter what stone you crawl under, I'll just blow it, and you, away".

"Ah Temari-chan", she was beginning to hate that name, she realised, casually deflecting a brace of thrown kunai with the steel edge of her weapon, "you blew me away the first time I saw you". _He's flirting with me, in the middle of a battle – I'll kick his ass so hard his grandfather won't sit down for a week!_; the age-old memories of less than savoury treatment from other male nins, at least before she had pinned them to the nearest wall for their derogatory comments, made her vision flash red and with a snarl she swung her fan around, a lot more venom in her blow this time,

"That's it kid, I'm going straight to the third moon on you; Wind-cutter!" The technique kicked up a storm of dust from the ground but Temari had a suspicion Naruto was too slippery to get caught with an attack that obvious and kept her senses alert. As she felt a chakra flare off to her left but slightly behind her; _right where those kunai went, he switched with them_; and spun, only to find herself facing not one but a baker's dozen of opponents, all making hand-signs with grim faces as their ring-leader shout solidly,

"Three moons, is that it; take this"; _shit!_; with no time to dodge and nothing convenient within line of sight to switch with, Temari crouched and raised her fan, channelling chakra through it to make the weapon nigh-unbreakable though she lost a line of sight to her target, "Uzumaki Naruto secret technique – a dozen deadly moons!"

Temari involuntarily flinched but no impact came; she waited a split-second before, detecting no chakra being used and hearing the sudden silence, punctuated only by a couple of sudden barks of laughers from some people in the crowd, she peeked over the roof of her fan only to gawk as she found herself staring down the barrel of a twelve-bum salute.

XXX

Unfortunately, as Naruto and his clones had been facing the competitor's box just prior to twelve of them dropping their trousers, the rest of his year group had been caught in the crossfire. As a result of that oversight team eight were left trying to rouse Hinata from her sudden dead faint (though they were forced to agrees with Kiba's observation that the smile on the sleeping girls' face was almost too cute to ruin by shaking her awake), most of the other guys in the audience were howling with laughter and cat-calling the cheeky shinobi, the kunoichi present were silently plotting ways to make the Uzumaki's imminent beating, castration and possible murder look like an accident and team seven were currently wishing for the earth to open and swallow them whole.

"B'Baki-sensei", hunched over clutching his juddering stomach as he was Gaara had to force himself to stand upright and address his sensei over the sprawled form of his brother, Kankuro having to fight hard to breathe at the minute, "your girlfriend's dignity is under attack, shouldn't you do something to protect her innocent eyes?"

"Bah", the older nin chuckled back; the idea that the eldest Suna sibling had a crush on their instructor was the in-joke of their team, birthed when a six-year old Temari had blushed bright red as the then-handsome jounin had complimented the kimono she was wearing, and was still running strong even now, "she can take care of herself; besides", as a feminine shriek of rage echoed up to the galley, Baki was forced to mask a smirk as Kankuro howled with laughter again, tears pouring from his eyes, "right now all she's got is plenty of indignity. But dignity", he shook his head, recognising a kind of demented genius at work against his student, "not after that nin gets through with her".

XXX

It was like the first time she'd seen the aftermath of Gaara's Desert Burial; it was horrible but she couldn't tear her eye away from the unedifying spectacle in front of her; she was locked in place by the sight of so many rear ends facing her way, so much so that it was only when one of the clones looked under his arm, flashed a brilliant grin and spoke that the spell was broken,

"What's wrong Temari-chan?" Said clone gave a wiggle, making her feel sick, "Like what you see?"

That was it; with a roar she whipped the fan around and a split-second later twelve of the Narutos burst into smoke, the last one of the unlucky number scrambling to safety and distracting her follow-up attack by dint of a couple of shuriken forcing her to jump aside, not taking her eyes off her opponent this time,

"Aww, that was mean Suna-hime; some of the girls at the Academy said I had a cute butt", Naruto had to hide his self-satisfied grin as he rolled out the way of another concentrated wind blast; the last bit was a bare-faced lie but she didn't need to know that – everything was all going according to plan, "you could have spared my pride at least".

"That'll be the only thing I spare", his opponent shot back, using her fan to vault backwards as he ran up the arena wall and kicked off; she thought she had him when her wind blast knocked his launched kunai from the air but gnashed her teeth in frustration as he popped a shadow clone out in mid-air to throw him clear of the danger zone, "everything else you've got is going to die when I get my hands on it".

"Hey, all you need to do is ask and you can get your hands all...over...me"; _he is going to die – I cannot let a nin this damn aggravating live – it's my civic duty to shinobi everywhere to put him down_; Temari was forced to repress a shudder as Naruto put his hands behind his head before running them over his jumpsuit suggestively, "though, fair must be fair overall – I gave you a free show of the goods, I reckon..."

"Die!" Realising what he was after this time Temari decided to end the farce; her fan opened to its fullest extent, she whipped her body in a full circle, pouring chakra into the air and sending out a rain of wind daggers; there as nowhere for her opponent to run, she could see the fear in his eyes, he was about to...he vanished! _He switched with something_; looking around the entire arena Temari gripped her fan close and tried to hide her breathing – the last move had cost a lot of chakra; _but where did he go?_ It was only when she heard a characteristic poofing noise above her that she looked up and gasped, along with some of the audience that had seen her opponents' latest strategy.

Naruto was in the air and falling, but he was falling under control; he had a kage bushin underneath him and was riding its shoulders to the ground. Every time the journey picked up a bit too much speed, he merely jumped off, let the bushin dispel and conjured another one under his feet. _Damn, I need more time_; she knew while he was in the air he was in her element but she didn't have enough chakra immediately to hand to use a technique; instead she took a breather as the jump-suited shinobi made one last ride and, with a theatrical flourish, six of him landed on the floor together and gave a victory pose,

Mizuki-sensei always said I was a shower of a shinobi", one of them stated, shrugging with a grin, "guess he was right in the end". The grin dropped from his face like a stone, however, as his opponent, rested from her last attack, stood tall again

"And he was", Temari informed him, hoping to make him as angry as he had made her, "how the hell did a midget prankster like you graduate? You've not laid a hand on me and I'll scythe you down before any of those clones get close – dead last", she spat the title like a curse, "don't make me laugh, you're a disgrace to dead-lasts the world over".

_Nailed him_; at once all the clones dispelled, leaving only the original standing there with a murderous look on his face; Temari clenched her fan tightly shut, the odds now back in her favour as she'd taken away his ability to strategise,

"Dead-last am I?" He said coldly before cracking his fingers, "Kakashi-sensei thanks for the inspiration; you can put this down as the thousand-and-first jutsu you copied. I'll lay a hand on you Temari-chan, and more besides". He crouched as though ready to sprint, his opponent let her fan hang low, ready to whip it up at a second's notice and dash his headlong charge to ruin and hopefully a coma; _come on little boy, just run at defenceless, weak little me like the headstrong little lemming you are and I'm in the final_; "Konoha ultimate taijutsu technique number two..."

With those words, he vanished.

There were no hand-signs, no smoke and no object appeared in his place; the disappearance was so sudden Temari almost swung regardless, thinking he'd upped his speed like that green spandex-wearing freak from the preliminaries had; before she could even think about what had happened, a voice suddenly bellowed in her ear,

"...eternity of pleasure!"

The voice had made her jump involuntarily, probably the worst thing she could have possibly done as two chakra-laden hands suddenly rushed towards their now-exposed target, impacting with a loud slap before giving a very firm squeeze.

XXX

Up in the stands Kakashi was virtually bouncing with pride on the inside as the Suna kunoichi was catapulted away from his student's below-the-belt strike, though for his own safety he hid it, and his usual book, behind a facade of indifferent; with so many of the kunoichi around him now out for blood after Naruto's latest move, this wasn't a safe place to be a pervert,

"I've created a monster", he muttered under his breath before suddenly breaking out a sweat as the killing intent of several genin and one jounin-sensei sought to pin him to the wall, "I'd just like to point out that technique was absolutely nothing to do with me, unfortunately". The last word slipped out involuntarily and Kakashi found the killing intent doubling – as he tried to talk himself out of getting staked out in the forest for the ants, Gaara found himself at a bit of a crossroads and sought leant over to ask his brother a question,

"Kankuro", the puppeteer looked up and wiped his running war-paint again – he knew it was ruined but right now he didn't care as watching Temari, the big sister who used to beat him up for even looking at another girl with a twinkle in his eye, get her rear end slapped and grabbed was too deliciously ironic for him to do anything but laugh,

"Yeah?"

"I'm confused", seeing his brother raise an eyebrow, he elaborated, "half of me wants to shake Uzumaki's hand for doing that to Temari, the other half wants to rip his arms off for molesting our sister – what should I do?"

"Well for a start win your next match and meet him in the finals – 'Mari's already lost this, she just doesn't know it yet", the puppeteer told him after thinking for a minute, "as for the other bit, how about a compromise", Gaara raised an eyebrow, listening to his grinning brother, "rip an arm off, _then _shake his other hand". The Ichibi jinchuuriki considered this for a minute before smiling in kind,

"I can live with that, and I'm sure he will too when I'm through with him".

XXX

_A man's temper is like cup ramen – red hot after three minutes, but stone-cold three minutes after that_; Naruto mused as he watched his opponent flip away from him, using the tip of her fan to cartwheel away from his attack; _a woman's temper, on the other hand, is like the ramen Tenchi-jiji serves – it must be simmered before it can be brought to the boil. Right now though_; seeing Temari come to a stop and bring her murderous gaze up to meet his face, the Kyuubi container slapped the proper, awestruck expression on his face as he finished his internal monologue; _time to put a bit more oil of the fire_;

"Perfect", he breathed noisily, expression awestruck as he gazed as his hands, "pert, firm and not a hint of cellulite – I'll never wash these hands again. Though really Temari-hime", she was oh so close; if the next comment didn't break her the one after it certainly would, he thought as he quirked an eyebrow at his foe, noticing how white the knuckles were as she gripped her battle fan almost tight enough to dent the steel,

"Granny pants at your age?"

_Bingo_; there wasn't a scream as he'd been expecting, but if the number of attacks heading his way was any indication the Suna princess was rather upset with him at this point. However, as he ducked another attack and used a second sealless body replacement to avoid the follow-up, he decided just to be sure he was going to have to bring out the big guns to make sure his grand finale could work properly. With that in mind he ran away from the kunoichi, dodging left and right with a few summoned shadow clones to swap placed with to make sure her attacks missed, throwing a few barbs over his shoulder to make sure she drew deep on her chakra reserves,

"Temari-chan, don't be like that, you're a beautiful person; you don't need clothes like that to help you at all", he broke off to swap places with the nearest clone, grateful that he dodged that attack as he guessed that a blade of wind _there_ would probably have put a damper on his eventual plan of getting a family with Sakura-chan, "you just don't know how wonderful you are – here", after throwing a glance over his shoulder as seeing the girl breathing like a racehorse he realised this was the perfect time for his penultimate strategy and raised his voice for everyone to hear, "let me show you what I mean!"

Realising what his surrogate grandson was talking about the Hokage groaned, slapped a hand over his eyes and tried to think of a way he could try to talk the other village leader out of demanding Naruto's head on a pike before these exams were over.

There was a sudden explosion of smoke, quite a feat as none of Naruto's previous techniques had used them during summoning; even the kage bushin he'd used had been smokeless, just appearing from thin air. This time, as the smoke cleared, everyone in the audience gaped at the two Temari's now facing each other in the ring, each identical to the last detail, save one.

The Temari that stood where Naruto had been was completely nude, save for a few wisps of strategically-placed cloud.

XXX

"Yes", Kiba leapt up and punched the air as Naruto came through for him, "I owe you one buddy; sorry big man, pay up". He reached a clawed hand forwards and, grudgingly, Chouji slapped a fresh bag of crisps into his open palm. Kiba grinned and made to look at the rotund ninja's team mate, only for Ino to fold her arms thunderously,

"That doesn't count, it's not Naruko", she stated, pointing at Naruto's girl form without looking at said henge, "she's got too many pony tails".

"It's close enough", the dog-nin argued, flexing his fingers – after looking around and seeing she was going to get no support from her team (or sensei for that matter, Asuma being too pre-occupied with trying to stop Kurenai throwing her most potent genjutsu at the henged ninja to help his student), she huffed and slapped a twenty-ryo bill into his hand.

"Pleasure doing business with you, suckers", Kiba smirked as he pocketed the note and opened the crisps, offering them around his team before laying one on the seat for Akamaru, "lesson one when dealing with Naruto; he doesn't think inside the box, outside the box or on the box – he's unique and you just can't predict him".

"Ain't that the truth", another voice broke in, Kankuro seeking a distraction from the sight of his 'sister' disrobed in such a manner, "forget dropped on his head, he must have been thrown out the window at birth to end up that screwed up. Temari will kill him for this, if not in the match then after it". Kiba chuckled, offering his crisps forwards as Sakura, face as pink as her hair, walked over to them, unable to watch any more,

"And if she doesn't I will", she declared, thrusting her hand into the open bag and shovelling the crisps into her mouth, "I don't believe him sometimes; what made him pull _that_ technique, and in front of the Kazekage, with his daughter for Kami's sake! I just pray he's got a sense of humour or team seven's going to be a man down by the end of the day, not that I'd shed a tear over his gravestone after this". Kankuro chuckled, helping himself a couple more crisps as he watched his real sister, crimson if not puce if the face, pull back her fan for one last attack,

"He should have, I wouldn't ask for his death and 'Mari'll get over it when this is over. He's a nice enough guy – didn't kill me when I asked him to".

"That's Naruto for you; even if he doesn't mean to, he always makes you feel better in the..."

It was a sentence Sakura never finished, along with the bag of crisps that went uneaten (by humans at least, Akamaru ate well while everyone else was distracted) as they fell from Kiba's numb hand as he, along with the rest of the audience, was taken completely aback as Naruto wrapped up the match.

XXX

"See, you've got a wonderful body Temari-chan", Naruto said, holding his hands down as he looked up and down the body he'd henged into, "you just need to flaunt it a bit – ah", seeing the potential attack coming the henge waved a hand forwards, "don't do it, you'll blow the smoke away!" Unfortunately Temari either didn't care or was too angry to think about it as she prepared her most devastating attack, one of her summoned weasels already in her fan and ready to be launched at her opponent. She snapped the weapon open ready to let fly, when she saw, too late, the gleam of triumph in her body-doubles' eye.

Suddenly the weapon was gone, snatched from her hands and sudden pressure was on her wrists; as the world tilted around her and orange filled her vision, a glimpse from the corner of her eye told her what had happened – somehow, Naruto had switched places with her fan in the middle of her using her technique! Her own momentum worked against her, the smaller nin managing to roll her over his hip in a throw, though one of his knees under her shoulder blades stopped her tumbling to the floor. His free hand, the one not around her wrist, gripped the back of her neck under her hair as she reached for her kunai pouch, mouth still open in a scream of defiance, only for her to look into the face of her attacker and realise with a horrible jolt of foreboding what his plan had been all along.

The realisation flooded her, paralysing all her ability to think and react; by the time she thought to even close her mouth, it was far too late.

Silence fell like a shroud over the entire arena, the only noise coming from the two figures wrestling in the centre of the ring as Temari fought to try and muscle her way out of the situation, though her struggles weakened as the seconds ticked by. A horrible sort of certainty settled in the minds of everyone present; surely this would have to end soon, if only for one of the two partners to breathe, but it didn't look like happening any time in the near future. The quiet dragged on, pregnant and heavy with potential, until at last it was pierced by the single extending digit of an Inuzuka genin who was repelled and impressed in equal measure at his friend's performance,

"He's a _machine_!"

XXX

He could probably have swept the indecent exposure under the table as an albeit unusual battle strategy and he could even have had a game go at bowing and scraping an excuse for the molestation that had taken place but now, seeing Naruto perform an impromptu tonsillectomy on the Kazekages' daughter in front of all the visiting dignitaries, all Sarutobi could do was close his eyes and wonder how many Kami he'd pissed off in his previous life for it to come to this,

"I was not aware, Hokage-dono", despite everything the Kazekages' tone was light, almost airy and certainly _not_ the tone of voice one would expect from a father forced to watch his eldest daughter being ravaged in front of him, "that Konoha taught its genin advanced seduction techniques". _No, but I know who would, and I know where he is as well_; Sarutobi was not the Professor for nothing, he already had that problem in hand and was looking forwards to getting the memories back when the beating ended – until then though, all he could do was try and smile his way through this mess,

"It does not, but Naruto is...an unusual case".

"So it would seem", the other village leader commented dryly, looking down on the spectacle with an inscrutable expression on his face, "the fact he appears to be able to breathe without the aid of his lungs alone would make him a valuable village asset". The Hokage could merely smile wanly at the humour and wait for two things to happen; he needed his favourite genin to break his lip-lock with the sand princess, and he needed his shadow clone to find and beat Jiraiya to within a half-inch of his life.

XXX

The upper tier of the coliseum of the Hidden Leaf village was mostly deserted as many of the potential guests had not arrived; however, despite appearances it was not completely without habitation, though any casual observers may have been a little disconcerted at being unable to see the source of the giggling that seemed to come from somewhere on an empty row of seats.

"Oh this is priceless, this is gold", hidden behind the cloaking jutsu only his team mate had even been able to breach (and that was only after repeated exposure to the jutsu, not that he'd ever let Tsunade find that out), Jiraiya was writing double-time and almost aglow with pride as he watched his godson score with one of the hottest kunoichi at this tournament; his latest novel was all but writing itself, "the brave competitor fights against his heroine, a fierce battle of hate and love colliding until, unable to bear the passion, they consummate their brawling love on the bloodied san-ahhhh..."

Precious little could interrupt one of the super-perverts' novel-planning monologues, but that precious little did not include the sudden grip that clamped around his left ear. Managing a shaky grin, the Gama sennin turned as much as he was able to see his sensei staring down at him with a thunderous look that plainly stated 'your testicles are in peril if you don't answer my questions truthfully',

"He, hello sensei – please remember my ears aren't detachable".

"Yet", the older man's clone informed him, twisting even harder to ensure he had his student's full attention, "Naruto. Your cloaking jutsu. Explain. Now".

"He asked me to teach him it; I swear to the Kami", Jiraiya all but shrieked the last part as Sarutobi's hand inched towards his kunai pouch, "look, it went smooth as silk for the first part; Kakashi took him to Ebisu, he got his chakra control halfway decent and then we 'met'; he signed the contract after I knocked Ebisu out, but then things, changed a bit", seeing his teacher think about this Jiraiya took a chance and pulled his ear out of the danger zone, bringing a hand to the side of his head as he did so, "the brat's a lot smarter than I, hell, than anyone gives him credit for; he told me to my face that summoning won't be any good in the Chunin exams except against maybe the Aburame and he wasn't likely to face Shino at all. In the end we made a deal – if he summoned a toad I'd teach him whatever he asked for the rest of the month; it took him two days sensei"; _two...?_; summoning was a low jounin level skill, though mostly that was due to the chakra drain of the technique; still, to manage it in such a small time-frame was nothing short of miraculous; _though this is the boy that learnt Kage Bushin in a night_.

"I see", the Sarutobi-clone said, folding his arms before taking a seat next to his pupil, "so what did you teach him, and did the toads accept him".

"Of course, never a doubt about that, though he hasn't been introduced to 'Bunta yet, that'll happen when we track down your successor", the toad sage informed him before starting to tick things off on his fingers, "but summoning, my cloaking jutsu – apart from that we just really practices what he already knew until he's perfect at it; henge, body-switch, shadow clone, he can do them all without seals, words or smoke if he wants to. Though", the white-haired mans' face went grim for a minute and his tone was stony as he faced his old mentor again, "he has stumbled on the perfect assassination technique now, you saw it just then, but it's so simple I don't think even Naruto realises what he's got yet".

"What do you mean Jiraiya-kun?"

"The ah", the pervert leant down to examine his notes for a minute, flicking through his pad until his finger stopped under a particular entry, "the 'eternity of pleasure' – no, not the slap, what he did before that", seeing the Hokage trying to work out what he was driving at, Jiraiya put him out of his misery, "sensei, there was nothing to replace himself with behind the girl; he body-switched with air".

Sarutobi went very still and very quiet for a moment; when he turned to face his student again, his voice was nothing more than a dry croak,

"Hirashin..."

"No, it's not summoning and he can't chain them as quickly as Minato could", Jiraiya had to quash that rumour as quickly as it had spring up – Naruto was smart in ways his former student hadn't been but he had yet to learn the intricacies of seal work, "but it's still a nasty skill for anyone to have, never mind a genin".

"A genin not for much longer if I have any say in the matter", the clone promised, idly cursing when it realised it couldn't find a pipe in its robes, "still, you've given me much to think of Jiraiya, and just for the record if I even suspect Naruto is involved or mentioned in your next release I will permanently ban the sale of Icha Icha within Konoha", the Toad Sage went white and nodded – he knew Sarutobi could and would do such a thing as the Hokage had the latest volumes delivered direct from the printers, "Naruto was the character in one of your books, he doesn't need to be in any more".

XXX

With a sudden smack and a push away Naruto broke his lip-lock and scooted backwards; luckily Temari's thick hair had hidden his left hand as it had been around the back of her neck, pumping chakra into the muscles around her jaw, preventing her biting his tongue out. He was no Hyuuga but he knew the rough location of those tenketsu and had chakra to burn; throw enough mud at the wall and some of it would stick eventually. He allowed himself a smile as he pushed himself to his feet, seeing the effect of his handiwork already apparent as his opponent swung around drunkenly to stare at him,

"You", Temari tried to focus on her now arch-nemesis but everything was shifting, moving up and down and destroying her focus, "wha' you do t'mee..." It was as far as she got before the darkness rushed up to claim her and she collapsed into unconsciousness.

_Whew, just quick enough_; when he'd seen her go to collapse he'd rushed to get to the right place and had just managed it, sliding his arms around the taller girls' shoulders and mid-section to stop her breaking her nose on the arena floor. Turning to face Hayate, who was viewing the Suna Kunoichi with concern, Naruto shrugged as much as he was able to,

"Spat a sleeping pill down her throat; what", seeing the jounin's disbelieving look Naruto grew affronted, "that wasn't for pleasure you know, well", not even he could hold back a blush as he recalled that he might have held the kiss for a little longer than was strictly necessary to ensure Temari swallowed the medicine he'd held under his tongue for the whole match, "not all of it anyway". Seeing this, and realising the kunoichi was truly gone and asleep, Hayate raised his hand,

"Shousha, Uzumaki Naruto".

At those words the orange-clad genin sagged for a minute; _just one more match to go_; before hefting Temari in his arms and slowly turning her over to carry her bridal style; it wasn't that easy, she was a fair bit taller than him, but he eventually managed it and began to pace towards the exit of the arena, not hearing the cheering from the rafters as much this time round as he beheld the sleeping face of the girl he'd just defeated,

"Sleep well Suna-hime", he breathed as he ascended the steps, shaking his head at the medic-nins that approached him; the pill was fast-acting once it hit the stomach but it wore off in less than quarter of an hour, and five of that at least had already gone – all Temari needed was a few minutes sleep and a drink of water when she woke up. Still, explaining this to her brothers might not be all that easy, and that was assuming, he winced as he felt the killing intent from halfway up the stairs, the other kunoichi didn't rend him asunder the second he walked into the box. _Oh well, no going back now, and I've always been a fast healer_; with that, he took his life in his hands and poked a cautious toe over the threshold, Temari still comatose in his arms,

"Ehehe, um", even he quailed as every female pair of eyes homed onto him like Anko onto fresh genin blood, "hi guys, guess I squeaked it huh?" No-one said anything to either damn or redeem him and Naruto felt the cold sweat start to trickle down the back of his neck before, with agonising slowness, Kankuro walked over slowly; _great, he's going to be really happy that I tongue-wrestled his sister – hopefully Sasuke will avenge my death_; and stood before him, face blank – Naruto offered a weak smile and wordlessly extended his arms and the prisoner in them,

"You not only beat, you humiliated my sister in front of an entire village of people, and knocked her out without her laying a hand on you"; _ah, when you put it like that, it really does sound bad doesn't it?_; Naruto flinched as the older genin spoke and took his sister off his hands, "it's official then, you are a Kami".

_Huh?_; obviously, Naruto wasn't the only one confused by this,

"I've been bugging 'Mari for years to get a boyfriend, maybe that way she'll get off my back and onto his", the painted boy explained, turning away and leaving Naruto, with no brighter ideas at the minute, to follow in his footsteps, "this at least should prove there are some men in the world as strong, or at least as sneaky, as she is".

"Though not many sneakier than you", Naruto suddenly froze as a hand fell on his shoulder and he looked around to see the hard, red eyes of Kurenai boring into him, "was that necessary Naruto?"

"Ah, gomen Kurenai-sensei", the boy mumbled apologetically, rubbing the back of his head in response to her hard tone, "I guess that must have looked bad and wound you up right?"

"Yes it did; kunoichi have to..." The jounin was entirely ready to give Kakashi's student the same lecture she'd given hers after Shino had politely informed her that her taijutsu skills were not quite jounin level, but was cut off when Naruto stood taller and looked her square in the eye,

"In that case..."

"...You're already dead", he said from over her shoulder.

As everyone blinked at the shadow clone that had appeared behind the bandaged jounin, kunai placed against her spine, the original darted out of reach of the aggrieved teacher and shook himself down,

"I don't care if you're a shinobi, kunoichi, jounin, chunin, kage, bijuu or Kami himself, if you're my enemy I will do whatever it takes to win and beat you down; if I have to drop my pants as a distraction I will, if I have to slash my wrist so I can spray blood in your eyes and blind you I will – I'm a ninja damn it, there is no such thing as a fair fight when we're involved, even in training. Because out there, out on a mission", he looked at Kurenai and the other kunoichi, his eyes lingering on each of their faces as he smiled darkly, an expression that truly didn't belong on his bewhiskered face, "the only thing that differentiates a woman from a man to the enemy is what they can do to you if they catch you and I will do anything, and I mean anything, to make sure that doesn't happen to me and nin on my squad".

Having said his peace Naruto flopped into the nearest available seat and looked around, stopping when he met the unblinking stare of Gaara; seeing this, his normal smile broke over his face and he called over,

"Gaara-san, Shino", both nin looked over at him as looked fearfully over at where Temari had been propped up in a seat by her brother, "good luck in your match, but please make it quick; that pill only lasts about another ten or so minutes and I need to be back in the arena before it wears off; I'd like to be out of Fire Country by then but even I can't pull off a shunshin that far". There was a scattering of laughter at this comment, more so when Kankuro chipped in his ryo's worth,

"Yeah, and I need you back here pretty soon as well Gaara; I fully intend to make the most of my divine right to tease her after this but I'll need your shield to survive it". At this, Gaara smiled as he folded his arms, preparing to flicker into the arena,

"I'm an insomniac Kankuro, that doesn't mean I'm insane"; before his brother could comment he was gone, leaving the other nin to snap his fingers and curse.

"Damn, I don't suppose anyone else wants to stand in as a convenient barricade; no? Ah well", he shrugged and steeled himself for a beating in the knowledge it was going to be worth it, "someone's going to get hurt here", he said half to himself as his unresponsive sister shifted in her seat, obviously fighting an orange oni in her dreams, "just my luck it's probably going to be me".

A/N: The ending to this was a bit more serious than I'd have liked, but I wanted to get across the truth that these exams seem to miss – there's no such thing as a fair ninja fight. It's all about trickery, deception and sleight of hand, not who's got the most powerful techniques and fastest hand speed (that's for samurai); the ninja who wins is the sneakiest SOB with the most information and time to plan out a strategy. Still, apart from that, if anyone wants the third and final round of this contest to be written, please say so in your reviews.


	6. Chapter 6

A Storm Warning

A/N: So then, we come to the end at last – I've been convinced to give this idea a try and see if I can really go all out for it. This is a self-challenge as to see if I can give Naruto a truly unique, off-the-wall skill that at the same time appears completely believable for him to have; see if you can find it and see if you think I've succeeded. Until then though, it's the last round of these finals; can Naruto manage it one last time, or will the relentless tide of the Desert Warrior be too much for him?

Seconds out, final round – hold on to your hats and here we go!

_Typical, just bloody typical of my luck today this is_; seeing the form by the side of him squirm and moan ever louder, Kankuro tried to look up beseechingly at his normally-impassive brother, only to curse as he was forced to blink sand out his eyes as the youngest Sabaku teleported into the arena for the final match; _as soon as she starts to wake up he makes himself scarce – though I suppose I'd do the same if this wasn't such a golden opportunity to get one over on the Wind Mistress_. With such a thought in his mind and a gleeful smile on his lips, the puppeteer looked over as his sister finally began to come to and hefted the small glass of water he'd brought with him as though it were a talisman against her rage – Naruto had mentioned the pill, though fast-acting, tended to wear off and leave the user with a nasty headache; _and Kami alone knows Temari's a real bear at the best of times when she's just woken up_;

"Uhhh, oh, ahh, too bright, oww", feebly flapping her arms forwards, the eldest of the Suna trio moaned in pain as she blinked and the bright light of the midday sun scoured her sensitive eyeballs, "oh headache, killer – why does this hurt? Did I overdo the sake?" Kankuro's shoulder shook with silent laughter at this idea, if only for the fact that his sister had only ever gotten drunk once in her life that he knew about and had forever sworn off the demon drink the morning after; _luckily though she was too out of it to think me and Gaara managed to hide the camera in time – those snaps are going on public display on your wedding night sister, revenge for all those times you teased me for playing with puppets!_ Completely oblivious to her brother's scheming, Temari groped for her battle fan only to knock it from where it was leant by her seat; the resultant crash sent fresh lances of pain into her mind but seemed to help bring the world back into focus again, especially the big, black blob on her left side,

"Kankuro?" He pricked his ears at the name, "What happened, I wasn't drunk was I? Wait, why's it so noisy, where are...the Chunin exams?" Having forded that particular mental bridge Temari grabbed at her brother, almost choking him as she half-hoisted him into the air by the front of his battle suit, "How did you let me fall asleep through this; if I've missed my matches because of you I'll be carrying you back to Suna in a _matchbox_! Who's my opponent, what's his strategy and, and...?"

She tailed off at this point, unable to continue as the most recent of her memories finally unjumbled themselves and she was left to examine the full, gristly picture they painted; she'd been in the Chunin exams alright, and her opponent had...had,

"Umm, let me think", doing his best to put on a concerned expression that still didn't quite cover his mirthful smirk, Kankuro pulled himself gently from his sibling's slackened grip and set about answering her questions, ticking them off on his fingers as he did so, "no you weren't drunk; we're in the Hidden Leaf village and it's noisy because the Chunin Exam finals are about to kick off; you haven't slept through any of _your _matches", he said casually, though the subtle emphasis on one particular word made the blonde girl shudder, "and your opponent _was_ Uzumaki Naruto. His strategy", at this Kankuro finally let his smirk blossom into a total grin, reflecting the enjoyment she'd had at his expense not a half-hour ago and returning it ten-fold,

"Well he started out with a couple of insinuations; no insults by the way, he's too well-mannered for that according to his team mates, though you might have a few more _female_ friends knocking on your door before we leave Konoha", Temari sank lower in her seat, starting to blush again, "then it kicked off, he flirted with you a bit; weird mating rituals these Leaf nin have you know, don't think exposure like Naruto's would go down that well in Suna", Temari slouched another few inches in her seat as her brother went on, determined to milk this opportunity for all it was worth, "but after that, and you were blushing at his butt by the way; never fancied you for a bum-woman 'Mari; he copped a feel himself after a quick replacement behind you, at least he brought a blush to _all_ your cheeks I guess"; _I think I'm getting Naruto's attacks now – hell of a lot easier than fighting for a win I'll admit_; the epiphany almost made Kankuro pause as his sister curled up in her seat, forehead on her knees as she began to rock back and forwards, lost in her own world of embarrassed misery; _still, better bring it to a close – now should I be nice and let her off gently or...nah!_; "but after that, having pinned down your preferences in a partner he quickly henged into you before rushing over in place of your fan and planting a proper smacker on your lips; he said he had a sleeping pill under his tongue and forced you to swallow it while he tried to suck your tonsils out, but I personally think he just suffocated you; you were snogging long enough. After that, you just passed out and he carried you up here".

"You're really enjoying this aren't you?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Kankuro tried to sound contrite at the sound of Temari's accusing voice, muffled as she tried to speak through her knees, but failed spectacularly as a massive grin broke out on his face and he chortled before offering the little glass of water forwards, "Here, drink this slowly – he said that pill should give you a bit of a headache but it'll clear up in a while". The Sand kunoichi slowly unfurled herself, face as crimson as the kanji on her brother's forehead as she wordlessly took the water and sipped at it mechanically; the two shinobi sat silently for a moment before she broke the silence again,

"You realise there's no way I'm ever going to be able to show my face around home again?"

"Speak to someone who understands", Kankuro told her, slipping an arm around her slim shoulders and giving a soft squeeze to ease her sense of shame; despite the arguments and occasional cranial trauma he suffered at the edge of her battle fan as he did something she judged as being stupid and/or perverse, he loved his sister very dearly; _you'll be okay 'Mari_; "I've been there too and I got through it".

"Only 'cause your name was already mud", she snapped back without any malice in her tone; _thanks brother_; "could have been worse though", she crossed her arms and sat back, empty glass now at her feet as she gently nudged the younger boy in the ribs, silently thanking him for his support, "at least I went down fighting; if he hadn't been paralysing my jaw I'd have ripped his tongue out".

"He was?" Baki's voice broke in suddenly, making the two of them jump as their sensei appeared in the row behind them, "We couldn't see; his hand was hidden in your hair". With a snort Temari looked up at her teacher, smirking smile back on her face,

"What, you think I'd let anyone take liberties like that; in fact", seeing Kankuro's painted face turn away from her suddenly she sighed as she realised she'd just walked into that one; _just as well the match is over – I'd be handing it to Naruto on a plate at this rate_; "on second thought don't answer that; at least there'll be no doubting my 'preferences' at the end of this". Baki chuckled, running his calloused hand down one of the kunoichi's pony tails in a gesture of rough affection,

"There was ever any doubt Temari; you truly are the Desert Beauty"; _and he wonders why that old joke never died_; Kankuro shook his head as once more his teacher inadvertently made the cheeks of one of his students erupt into a volcanic blush, "though I pity the boy who tells your family that over the dinner table; even if your father misses your brothers certainly won't".

"And you wonder why I don't bring any guys home", the shamed girl muttered under her breath so softly even she barely heard herself; just to be sure she'd thrown them off her trail, however, she suddenly raised her voice and stood up straighter, "so, when's the last match start; I want to see Gaara crush the little brat into paste".

Looking down into the arena she saw with a jolt that she'd woken up just in time; both fighters were in position and the jounin proctor was just waiting for the signal to begin the final match. Looking at the dignitary box and seeing her father in conversation with the Hokage, she realised she had a few minutes' grace and looked around to her sensei,

"Do you think he can do it Baki-sensei? Naruto managed to put Kankuro and I down, but that won't work against Gaara – he's got a sense of humour I'll grant you but surely not even he can bring Gaara down that way". Seeing where this was going, Baki lowered his voice as he chipped in his thoughts; friendly village or none, the walls still had ears,

"No, not with the tactics that beat the pair of you", Baki agreed, shaking his head as he sat back in his seat, "if nothing else 'Mother' should keep Gaara on the straight and narrow enough for him to win the match"; _that makes sense – if it's good for nothing else Shukaku hates being laughed at_; both siblings nodded at this, as did their teacher, remembering the few times they'd ever spoken to the incarnation of the desert as Gaara had allowed the demon a little freedom over his body as he slept – seeing their comatose brother staring at them with those strange star-shaped pupils had been unnerving at best, downright weird at worst, "the problem is we know nothing about what else Uzumaki can do. His...unorthodox tactics managed to win all his earlier matches without showing anything of what he's really capable of; because of that, Gaara is at a slight disadvantage – however, as Uzumaki's main tactic either won't work or will be, at best, less effective, he'll have to go with a different strategy. I'm not averse to a little flutter..."

"A truer word was never spoken", Kankuro broke in, recalling that one mission to the land of Tea where their sensei had vanished one night only to come back in as the siblings were eating breakfast with a shamed grimace on his face as he was forced to admit he'd lost the rest of their mission fund at the local casino; only his rapidly-gabbled promises that he'd replace it from his share of the mission payment saved him from Gaara's suggestion that his head would fetch a decent price in Kumo. Fastidiously ignoring his mouthy student, Baki merely looked towards the fighters once more, noticing one of the two boys already moulding his chakra for something; _though no hand-signs – what could he be planning this time?_;

"...but even I wouldn't want to call this one. Sit back and enjoy the pair of you", despite his words Baki couldn't help but crane forwards as the tension in the stadium rose to a fever-pitch; Hayate had raised his hand and the start was just seconds away as the chakra levels of the two boys spiked once more,

"This is going to be a match for the ages".

XXX

_Hmm, either he's not taking me seriously, or he's taking me very seriously and not showing it by not looking at me_; though he was working on removing his reputation as a blood-crazed killer Gaara was forced to realise there were going to be some disadvantages to acting more like a normal person, the lack of opportunity to practice his perfectly-blank fighting face being one of them; _and right now I'm not sure which of them's worse for me_. Seeing this and feeling, very slightly, his opponent moulding chakra even as his face was pointing towards the sky, seemingly examining the clouds as that other thin boy with the oddly-styled black hair had done prior to fighting his sister, Gaara subtly let the cork pop out of his gourd and similarly gathered chakra into the sand nestled within it, barely hearing as the proctor spoke to them both,

"Gaara-san, ready?" He nodded, knowing silence was an effective way of intimidating a lesser opponent but already realising such a tactic was all but useless against a man who was prepared to display several copies of his buttocks in front of a village-wide audience; _so, intimidation's out – straight to phase two we go_. As he was thinking, it appeared Naruto was as well; in fact the blonde was so deep in his contemplations he didn't appear to hear Hayate calling for him until the proctor gave his shoulder a sharp nudge,

"Oh, gomen jounin-san", he answered with a cheesy grin, scratching the back of his head with one hand, "just looking out for the weather – looks like rain's on the way, might be a storm coming". _That isn't good_; Gaara wasn't an expert on code but as the sky was as balmy and calm as midday in Suna, though thankfully not quite as hot as the desert village, the Ichibi jinchuuriki was left with only one conclusion to be drawn – his enemy already had a plan in mind, though what it was he couldn't be sure. Either way he couldn't afford to be distracted as the jounin raised his hand; the second the signal came down he sent his sand shooting onto the arena floor, infusing the entire ground with his Shukaku-reinforced chakra at the same time he felt the chakra the other nin had gather whip over his head as Naruto let off a chakra burst for no purpose that he could see; _that's not a technique and I never had time to use a genjutsu – why fire off his chakra like...?_;

Before he could complete that thought the rain, or to be more accurate, the waterfalls came down from the stadium walls and began turning the sandy ground to a bog.

XXX

"Ah, knew I'd forgotten to mention something", seeing the steam start to rise as the obviously hot water gushed into the arena from at least six spots on the walls, Jiraiya was forcibly reminded of a fraction of the training he'd gone through with Naruto that had slipped his mind as the shadow clone of his teacher groaned in annoyance next to him,

"And what technique, pray tell, could have possibly caused all this?" Sarutobi demanded, waving a hand idly at the water saturating the ground, not showing any signs of stopping as Naruto, or at least the boy he thought was Naruto as the steam made it difficult to see specifics from their current altitude in the stadium, hopped away from his opponent. Jiraiya merely chuckled, packing his own pipe with his preferred blend of tobacco and spices as he answered, motioning to where one of the miniature waterfalls had blossomed from the wall opposite and below them,

"It's not a technique, or at least not directly; the bloodline breeds true sensei; that's just a basic storage seal, Naruto-style"; _storage seal, but there has to be gallons of water in there, and how did he heat it while it was sealed?_; even as he listened to his students' explanation with one ear, Sarutobi tried to fit the pieces together in his mind and make them fit, "little gaki kept putting too much chakra into them, same way he does pretty much everything else; ask him to seal a kunai, he'd put in enough to seal half a warehouse full into a single scroll. He couldn't do much about it realistically in a month, so we just adapted the seal to work with what he had until he gets better chakra control; every seal he scribes now has a lot of what you might call 'waste space' in it, just to hold the extra chakra he has to use. He's done the same here, only this time", despite himself the Toad sage smirked in pride at his second student; not a month into his studies and Naruto already had a seal that could hold enough to keep a team of ninja supplied for a month, "he's filled each seal full of water. And unless I miss my guess that water's from the hot springs he learnt to water-walk on, so it's very hot – quite smart when you think about it, water-walking is a chunin-level skill after all".

"I see, but when did he put the scrolls...of course"; _forward-planning like that, almost jounin-level tactics, and by the dead-last no less_; the Sarutobi clone smiled deeply in pride as he watched on, the rising steam from the water flow that was finally starting to slow to a trickle beginning to abate in the slight breeze, "during his first match, hidden by your genjutsu".

"Yep, a delayed trap; put the scrolls in place on the walls and trigger them with your chakra", Jiraiya commented, bringing his pipe to his lips and releasing a cloud of aromatic steam, "couldn't see him do it of course, but I'm not ashamed to say I've had the same idea a few times, only with video cameras and a kunoichi hot tub; perfect research, and no chance of getting a beating if they find anything". He broke off into silence, a lecherous grin on his face as his sensei looked torn between sighing at his student's incorrigible ways or joining him in his fantasy.

Such a choice was, however, taken out of his hands as a sudden flash of colour flew up into the air; wordlessly the Hokage body-double looked to Jiraiya only to find the Toad sage looking as perplexed as he felt,

"No idea what that was about", the hermit muttered, pipe negligently held in one hand as he watched the spark of red gutter and die high above the air in the stadium, "unless he thought he could freak his opponent out with a real damp-squib firework display?" Ignoring the lame pun, the false Sarutobi shrugged and forcibly reminded himself to keep his mind open – to do otherwise would have left him vulnerable to another Naruto-style surprise and he wasn't getting any younger; too many shocks to his system and the blonde jinchuuriki might end up wearing the Hokage hat sooner than even he expected.

However, open mind or otherwise, as the shadow flew in overhead both sage and kage were rendered absolutely motionless in shock and awe; as they beheld the swirling mess that had consumed both combatants, they might have sat there indefinitely had Jiraiya's crotch not spontaneously combusted due to the embers from the pipe that had fallen from his slack lips into his lap. As he listened to his students' yelps and curses as he tried to gently beat the flames out without endangering his livelihood any further, not for the first time that day Sarutobi resigned himself to the fact that Kami was for some reason displeased with him and Konoha as a whole; _and if there was any doubt before, the fate of my student proves the Kami is definitely a woman_; the clone reasoned distractedly, rolling an eye over the foetal form of the white-haired man next to him, Jiraiya moaning in pain as he clutched his 'injury'; _and right now she's a woman who hates perverts and is on her time of the month – bloody hell I need to retire again, I'm way too old to deal with this!_

XXX

Up to his ankles in virtually-scalding water Gaara cursed and pumped more chakra into the sand armour around his feet; however in doing so he knew he was dancing to the other shinobi's tune. Though the Shukaku had increased his chakra reserves to many times that of a normal human, it was still a draining technique to maintain and the fact the water had made his sand heavier than normal was only increasing the burn. _I have to make a platform, though even that's nothing more than a stop-gap measure_; dimly Gaara recalled one of the training exercises reputedly practiced by Konoha was using chakra to walk on water but that wasn't an option in Suna, so until he could adapt the sand-skating exercise he knew to this newer medium he was forced to waste chakra maintaining a solid surface of wet, and still hot, sand, and that was assuming Naruto gave him the time and space to do so. Still, there was nothing more to be done; pulling on his chakra the desert warrior forced the sand under his feet to obey his commands; he winced as he realised how sluggish the normal fast weapon was in his hand but it still worked, allowing him to drop the thickened armour around his legs and feet and recoup some of the chakra he'd lost; _though to know of such a weakness for Suna-nin, and to use it so well against one of us_; the sweat that threatened to bead on the jinchuuriki's head suddenly wasn't entirely due to the steam around him; _this is one enemy I wouldn't want to fight in battle, unless I had the home-ground advantage_.

Still, there he was back on solid ground and Naruto hadn't pressed his attack, though with his sand underwater Gaara couldn't sense him; he must have been stood on the water, masking his chakra from the grains of his sand infiltrated around the arena floor. However, just as he was trying to pin down the location of his enemy, a breeze displaced some of the steam around him and Naruto's head seemed to bob towards him. Snarling, Gaara tried to call the sand under the nin's feet to attack him, hoping to force him closer so he could use some of the drier sand that made up his sand armour to attack at faster speed, but the ripples in the water must have alerted his quarry and Naruto smoothly slid away from the attack, hands toying with something as he called over,

"Hey Gaara, guess the rain shower's over huh?" Hidden as he was from the crowd Gaara allowed himself to smirk at the comment, though he didn't answer back; _figures – even when he's serious he can't help but be playful_; "but I bet you've never seen this before – after all, it doesn't snow much in the desert".

Dread welled up in the pit of Gaara's stomach at those words; if Naruto somehow knew Hyoton jutsus he was well and truly in trouble; but his confusion only grew as his opponent raised the object in his hand over his head and yanked the pull-cord, releasing a small, concentrated ball of fire into the air. With nothing more than a flick of his eyes the Ichibi container watched it go and tried to think of his next move, all the while wondering just what the strange, laughing shinobi in front of him had up his sleeve next.

A moment later, as he coughed through the cloud of blinding grit that surrounded him, it was a curiosity he found himself regretting very deeply.

XXX

All eyes in the competitors' box shot skywards, tracking the course of the flare as it span into the sky; the main emotion running through the genin and their senseis was confusion as to why Naruto was firing off a crimson distress flare in the middle of a one-on-one match; however, when those eyes turned to the other members of the jump-suited shinobi's team, confusion was replaced with consternation in some cases (and outright fear in others) as they saw Sakura, Sasuke and Kakashi still staring at the sky, faces pale and voices little more than ghostly whispers,

"No, no way..." the Uchiha breathed in equal parts awe and terror; next to him Sakura was somehow managing to shake her head without moving her eyes, keeping them fixed on the flare until it burnt itself out,

"Not now, not even he would..." Both genin were brought out of their relative stupors by the sound of a book slamming shut behind them; Kakashi eye-smiled at his two remaining students, though the other jounin in the area were struck with unease as they tried to think of something that would make even the Copy-nin nervous,

"You've forgotten again, my cute students", he reminded them lightly as he stowed his precious book away in a safe pocket, "this is _Naruto_ we're talking about right?"

Those words seemed to act like a lightning conductor for the two genin, earthing the tension right out of them; when Sasuke spoke again, he seemed to be completely at ease, almost relaxed, as he faced his pink-haired team mate; _relaxed around one of Naruto's schemes_; seeing this sent a new ripple of fear around the Konoha jounin, and even some of their students were looking concerned; _this is never a good sign_;

"We forgot again didn't we?"

"Yeah, amazing how easy it creeps up on you", she commented back, ignoring the pointed stares of her peers and the sound of Ino irritably shouting her name to try and get her attention, "shall we get under cover?" Sasuke smiled before suddenly diving to the floor and rolling up against the front of the competitor's box, Sakura a fraction behind him and his sensei landing protectively on top of them, the raven's last words almost lost,

"Way ahead of you pinkie; everyone down!"

To their credit some of the surrounding genin took the advice literally, though as Shikamaru was actually asleep at the time and merely slumped to the floor as someone knocked his chair it was arguable as to whether that counted as the Nara using his formidable brain to get somewhere safe. However, the shock of seeing Kakashi of all jounin-sensei's fling himself over his student's curled-up forms, the last-ditch resort required for all jounin-senseis to learn in order to protect their students from lethal danger (commonly referred to as the 'stick-your-ass-in-the-air-and-kiss-it-goodbye' pose) made some of them hesitate fractionally. In fact it was actually the quietest person in the room who saw the danger first as Hinata, remembering Kurenai's lessons about the duties of a tracking team like hers, instinctively activated her bloodline limit and, through her All-Seeing Eyes, foretolled the doom that was coming,

"Ano, over the Hokage's box", she was so caught up in the moment she almost shouted, thrusting a finger forwards towards the shadow she'd seen descending towards them like the fist of an angry Kami, "it's going to hit the arena!" Shooting his eyes forwards and rationalising the situation in a split-second, Asuma reacted first, spitting his cigarette out and tackling the two nearest standing people, in this case Shino and Chouji, who's stood up to get a better view of the action, to the floor as he bellowed,

"Everybody hit the dirt!"

XXX

At the dull 'whump' of impact the crowd was on its feet, and so was one of the visiting dignitaries; the Kazekage was all but climbing over the balcony of the box he shared with his opposite number from Konoha, peering desperately into the dust-bowl underneath him as he tried to see what had happened to his son,

"Gaara", the man called out, forsaking any thoughts of personal pride over the potential safety of his child, "Gaara; Sarutobi, if he's dead because of this I will demand the head of that Uzumaki bastard in retribution". At this threat Sarutobi also stood, his visage hard as he made a subtle signal with his hand and feeling the slight rush of air as the operatives he had ordered left to begin their tasks,

"Calm yourself Kazekage-dono; there was no sound of great impact and though we didn't have the clearest view I don't think your son was in the impact zone. Also", seeing the younger man regain his composure as the logic of his argument began to sink in, the Hokage raised a hand, "I have my ANBU tracking what happened; if they're back in more than a minute I'll demote them back to jounin". The Kazekage took a deep breath before casting a final look into the billowing cloud of grit below him and, finding it as impenetrable as it had been seconds before, nodded and retook his seat, though his movements belied his concern for his youngest child,

"Very well Hokage-dono, I apologise for my earlier words but my threat still stands; if there has been outside interference in this match I will demand an explanation and restitution".

The Hokage nodded at this, though he too was at a loss to see what could have happened; as far as he was aware Naruto didn't know any doton jutsus, and certainly none this powerful, and if the flare had been a signal of some sort who in the village would have liked the 'demon brat' enough to move at any signal he gave? Something about the whole scenario didn't feel right at the minute and Sarutobi hadn't done as well as he had in his long life without trusting his own instincts; however, as a sudden scattering of leaves marked the return of the operatives he had sent out, he was certain the mystery would be resolved in due course; before the body flickered had even finished, the Hokage made his demands,

"ANBU, report".

"Hai Hokage-sama", the ANBU known as Goat had never been as grateful as he was at that moment that his mask showed no emotion; at the sight of two flabbergasted kages he doubted even Morino Ibiki himself could have kept a straight face; but the mask stopped the two village leaders noticing as Goat pushed his 'captive' forward, Naruto greeting the Hokage with a cheery wave and benediction of 'hey Jiji', "I think it might be better if we heard the story straight from the horse's mouth".

XXX

"Okay", Kiba exclaimed as he dusted off his jacket and pointed at the cloud of grey dust that had spread over the arena, eyes hard as he watched team seven pick themselves up, "I think I speak for everyone present when I ask what the hell just happened?"

The dog-nin had a point; the entire stadium seemed to be in a delayed form of shock following the massive nameless bundle flying through the air and impacting, or at least, seeming to impact, on the arena floor before exploding into a huge plume of ash that had smothered everything in grey, including the lowest tier of seating closest to the impact zone. Coughing was clearly heard from some of the nearby affected area indicating the material wasn't directly poisonous, though as Kakashi stood up and straightened his head band again, he gave his typical response to a question he wasn't prepared to answer,

"Hmm, you say something Kiba?"

For the second time in less than an hour the Copy-nin was spared from being almost literally ripped apart by a horde of annoyed genin and jounin by one of his students speaking up on his behalf,

"That was one of Naruto's more...unorthodox strategies..." Sasuke began, only to be cut off by Ino of all people, shock overcoming her normal fangirlish tendencies,

"You call _that_ unorthodox!" She shrieked, echoing the dog-nin by pointing at the cloud that was still in the air, though the dust within it was moving noticeably less as it began to settle, "What the hell did that baka do this time?"

"Hey", another shock to the system of many came as Sakura spoke up in defence of her once-loathed team mate, "that 'baka' got further than all of us in these exams, so watch your snout Ino-pig. Anyway", having delivered her stinging rebuke, the cherry blossom shifted back to a more scholarly tone, reminiscing a scene in her mind as she explained, "he dreamt this one up when Kakashi-sensei said we had a game of 'hide-and-hunt' for team training one day after we'd been let go for the night; Naruto set up an attack similar to that one and set the record for the most number of hits on a team over a minute".

"Having seen that I can believe it", Shikamaru commented, the fact he was awake showing his interest in the subject as he pressed for more information, "but what did he actually do?"

"Actually Shika, you'd probably remember this", Sasuke carried on after a short pause, the Nara quirking an eyebrow as he considered the next question, "when we were at the Academy, what lessons did Naruto ever pay attention in? Here's a hint", the Uchiha smiled as Shikamaru crouched in his normal thinking pose, pondering the question, "he was never pulling any pranks in them either, and he never played hooky for one of them".

"I wasn't aware he paid any attention at all, not that I did any better though", Chouji commented jovially, no malice in his voice as he knew he'd never been any great shakes at the academic side of his shinobi training; _in fact after seeing this, I'm pretty sure that If Naruto had paid any attention to studying it'd be either me or Kiba labelled as the dead-last_; his long-time friend, however, merely considered things for a minute before answering carefully,

"Outside of practical training and theory of stealth and concealment, the only ones I can remember him definitely being there for were history, especially ancient history. But that doesn't..."

For the first time ever, team ten and the rest of the Rookie Twelve had the dubious pleasure of seeing Shikamaru absolutely stunned by the conclusion he had drawn; as he looked at the dust, then at the sky and put it together with the question he'd just answered, for once the genius's brain was blanked and numb, his jaw hanging loose and his eyes as wide as saucers as he slowly shook his head from side to side, unable to even contemplate the thought that he was right,

"No...no I can't, in fact I _refuse_ to believe..."

"Funny old thing, we felt the same at first when he told us how he'd managed it", Sakura commented gently, knowing the shock was a hard thing to get over, "but see for yourself; he can't do a doton jutsu, how else could he have got all this dust here?"

"But", Shikamaru was still shaking his head, making Asuma quite concerned as in his experience nothing had ever rattled the Nara this badly before, "but, a _siege catapult?_"

Shikamaru's shrieked declaration had the effect team seven had been anticipating; some of the assembled nins fell about laughing, others simply echoed the Nara's disbelief, still more were struck dumb with the sheer impossibility of what he had suggested and a certain weapon mistress clapped her hands over her mouth and fought to stop herself salivating; _oh, the possibilities..._;

"You've got to be joking, right my youthful rival?" As always Maito Guy was the first to respond to the unusual circumstances, "Naruto's flames of youth may burn brightly but such a thing, to use such a weapon...it cannot be. You are joking Kakashi? Please tell me you're joking my eternal rival", by this point even Gai's youthful enthusiasm was being tempered by the bored expectation of the Copy-nin, so much so that when his last comment of, "you're not joking are you?" was mentioned, no-one could find it within themselves to disagree further. Instead, they moved into the other meat of the issue,

"But, but how did he build one?" Interestingly this question came from the Suna jounin; knowing this and quietly aware of the requirement not to give away potential village secrets, Kakashi merely shrugged,

"To quote Naruto 'a Kage bushin workforce and lots of blood, sweat, toil and tears'; apart from that he just told me he tried to copy the pictures out of the history books; apparently lots of trial and error was involved", the jounin informed him passively, inwardly chuckling as he recalled Naruto recounting the memories he'd acquired from his Kage bushin; _or at least, I hope it was just from his Kage bushin_; of being fired from the weapon he'd just built and flying freely through the air before gravity reared its ugly head to spoil the party,

"When? Just, just how..." Kurenai held her head in her hands to try and stave off a forthcoming migraine as this new information about the genin who'd recently embarrassed her in front of everyone threatened to completely fry her mind, "...how long has Naruto of all people had access to a Kami-damned artillery piece?" There was a sudden snort from behind her, making all heads turn,

"I know, in fact I'll answer that Kurenai-sensei", Kiba said as he straightened up, face brightening and a snicker in his voice as he tried to keep himself from laughing at the memory, "it was that time we were out on the D-rank to shore up part of the village wall – we saw Kakashi-sensei's team come in absolutely drenched apart from him and they all said they'd been practicing suiton jutsus; I'd met Naruto the night before at his usual ramen place, he said he had something special set up for team training the next day. Akamaru said they smelt of water and rubber when they went past; I just assumed it was a prank he used". As he finished off the jounin snapped her fingers as the memory came back to the forefront of her mind, spearing her opposite number of team seven with an accusing finger,

"That's right; I thought you were being more evasive than usual", Kurenai exclaimed before lowering her hand and speaking more rationally, "but for all our peace of mind, tell the truth now". Knowing there was no way out of this one, Kakashi merely sighed as he snapped his book shut and stowed it away before telling his story,

"It was mostly as Sakura said", he began, ruffling the hair of his squads' kunoichi as he did so, "we had a game of hide-and-hunt; each student would get a point for a hit on another student, five for a hit on me and a quarter-point for a Kage bushin. I was there too, just dodging and setting traps, when Naruto made a break for a clearing in the forest and suddenly fired off a mass shadow clone barrage. This trapped all of us in a brawl, I only just noticed he'd sent up a flare because one of his bushin jumped me from above and I saw it out the corner of my eye, but either way myself, Sasuke and Sakura were fighting and racking up a legendary score when they, all the bushins, just went up in smoke and Naruto was gone. We started looking for traps and a trick, but Sakura saw it first", the cherry blossom shuddered as though reliving a bad nightmare as her sensei chuckled, "and that made Sasuke and I look behind us and up. First time in years I've frozen up in fear".

"True for both of us as well", Sasuke shivered as though he was back under that hellish barrage again; though he wasn't aware of it, he had everyone within earshot on tenterhooks now, desperate to know how this story played out, "it was horrible; water balloons, hundreds of them, all flying through the sky like a fat flock of pigeons", he said suddenly, making everyone jump at the same time as eliciting gasps from the audience and a yelp from Akamaru, who got his paw accidentally trodden on when Hinata jumped backwards; as she picked the dog up and let it snuggle into her jacket in apology, the Uchiha carried on, "they were heading straight for us, virtually pin-point accuracy; one of those horrible moments where my brain was screaming at me to move but I couldn't do anything. All I, in fact all we", he corrected himself, indicating the rest of his team with his hands, "could do was watch and wait for it to land. And as Kami is my witness, it landed – closest I've ever come to drowning in my life, and in the middle of Fire country as well".

As this story was finished a strange sort of silence fell; there was a fair bit of disbelief still involved that was for sure, but at the same time, team seven was beginning to think that everyone was slowly coming around to the idea of the smallest member of their team having created and used the largest weapon ever to have come out of the Hidden Leaf. _Any minute now_; the mental countdown began until someone would speak again and the last (and in their minds, most impressive) bit of the tale could be told, though when the silence was broken it was by one of the most unlikely people they could have imagined,

"So, you mean to tell me", Temari said faintly in a tone suggested that she was going to burst into either laugher or tears and wasn't sure exactly which to go for at the minute, "that Naruto, the little orange-wearing gaki who basically humiliated me and my brother out of these exams, built, set up, sighted and fired a weapon that hasn't been seen in over a hundred years to win a round of team training? And he's done the same thing here to get a load of this...this _dust_", she pointed to the cloud that was still present in the air before them, though noticeably thinning out as more of the dust settled into the arena, "into the stadium now?" To relief from all concerned though, Sakura answered that question with a tinkling laugh,

"No, that'd be silly"; _wait for it, wait for it_; if hanging around Naruto had taught the cherry blossom one thing, it was that timing really did count for a lot when imparting a truth or trying to tell a lie; _and, now!_; "this is _Naruto_ we're talking about, he never does anything by half; he built, set up, ranged and fired a dozen weapons that haven't been seen in over a hundred year to win team training, and as Kami is my witness at least nine of those dozen were bang on the money. Anyway", she looked over the stadium mostly to hide her grin at the slack jaws and goggle-eyes of her friends (though in the case of one bun-haired kunoichi, said expression might not have been present for the same reasons as everyone else) and spoke as though giving a casual appraisal of the situation, "Gaara got lucky here; looks like Naruto only used one catapult this time".

"Oooh, so close".

At the voice from no-where everyone jumped; as Naruto shimmered into view at the side of the competitor's box Kankuro only just managed to hold in a squeal of fright as he leapt out of his chair and made it to behind Baki without touching the ground once. However before the questions could begin, Naruto merely looked down at the mayhem he'd created before smiling over at him team,

"I only had eight, maybe eight and half, out of the twelve on target Sakura-chan; had a henged bushin in with the water balloons to help judge how accurate they were", he explained with a carefree shrug before finishing, "and it wasn't a catapult this time; it was a small-scale trebuchet".

XXX

"Ne, Jiji", having given his report the shadow clone of Naruto the ANBU had located around the base of the war machine he'd seen deployed on a nearby flat roof looked up curiously at the sight of the Kazekage slumped in his seat, "I think I broke him".

It was certainly true that the leader of the Hidden Sand village looked like he'd seen better days; though he wasn't unconscious, he was certainly less aware of his surroundings that a kage could be, though for that Sarutobi didn't have the heart to blame him; he was fairly certain the only reason his reaction to this whole fiasco had been little more than a long-suffering sigh was because he was used to the eccentricities of his surrogate grandson – compared to what he'd done at the Academy, this was relatively small potatoes. _Though what he'd have been able to do with something like this then he was in the Academy..._; the Hokage terminated that line of thought before it could run its natural course – he did want to sleep at night after all,

"That would be because most chunin candidates tend to spend their month's grace training, spying on their opponents or analysing their tactics Naruto-kun", the Hokage informed him conversationally before looking over the wall the war machine's shot had flown in from, "as a rule they don't tend to spend their time ranging artillery pieces onto the battleground". At this, the genin folded his arms, looking disgruntled,

"And why not; just because its old-fashioned doesn't mean it doesn't work", he raised an eyebrow with a smirk at the village leader, "I thought you'd have known that better than anyone Jiji". At this, and the muffled snicker that he was going to make sure landed Goat with the next available deployment to the land of Snow, Sarutobi narrowed his eyes,

"If it weren't for the fact I know it'd disperse you I'd clip you around the ears for that comment"; Naruto only beamed and offered his head forwards,

"Ah, go ahead; the Boss thought someone might come looking when this all went down and I've done my job now, unless there's anything else you need?" His answer was a calloused hand to the ear hole as Sarutobi moved much faster than a man his age had any right to, popping the Kage bushin in a cloud of smoke; _ah, smoke, that's what I need now_. Mind made up, the Hokage sat back in his seat and hooked out his pipe, only for a thin, ghostly voice to interrupt him before he could light it,

"How?"

Turning to the man by the side of him, Sarutobi raised an eyebrow,

"How?"

"That boy, how...?" The Kazekage gestured furiously with his hands, "...he, he is a complete...there's no word for what he is! He just fired a weapon of potentially mass destruction into an arena full of people; for anyone else that would sound like attempted mass-murder, but no, he wouldn't have that in his village. So to avoid any mistakes, prior to today he'd done week's worth of ranging shots in the dead of night, and firing Kage bushin in with the bundles of dirt he was shooting so he could check his accuracy, to avoid suspicion. Because of that he was certain he wouldn't hit anyone aside from Gaara, and even then he made sure my son was outside the immediate impact zone before he sent the signal for the shot. He used a siege machine to fight in a ninja duel", unable to go on, the Kazekage's head sank into his hands, the rest of his tone muffled through his hands, "what kind of a ninja can do that, and what kind of ninja can get away with it and win!"

"The Uzumaki kind; Naruto truly lives up to his namesake, a living maelstrom at times that no-one can really tame", the older man informed him, forcing the Kazekage to stare at him goggle-eyed, though the expression simmered down as he realised Sarutobi wasn't referring to fishcakes, "I suppose I'm immune to him as I've been there all his life and watched him grow up – his way of thinking is completely different to most other nin I've ever known. You, unfortunately, have been thrown right in at the deep end so all I can do is offer you my support, although", he fumbled in his robes for a second before pulling out what he was searching for, offering a second pipe forwards to his opposite number, "I've always found a good smoke helps settle the nerves".

For a moment the Kazekage looked from the pipe to the Hokage before, slowly, reaching up and accepting the small gift, Sarutobi firing a small katon jutsu into life on his fingertips to light the pipes of himself and his guest. Sitting back and breathing in slowly to get himself used to the sensation of the smoke, the leader of Suna slowly tried to let the tension seep out of his body as the impromptu stalemate of the match in front of them dragged on for a moment longer – it appeared neither competitor could fight until the dust had settled. Sarutobi folded his hands in his lap and thought things through, as he was wont to do in his advancing years, and tried to work out what Naruto's next move was likely to be; in this, however, he was disturbed as the Kazekage's voice broke into his thoughts again,

"Hokage-dono, after these exams are concluded, would it be possible for us to quickly examine the terms of the alliance between our two villages?" _That doesn't sound good_; suspicions, or possibly rheumatism, immediately flaring up in his mind, Sarutobi kept his next words guarded but polite,

"Of course Kazekage-dono; to what end?"

"To ensure the alliance remains strong for as long as Uzumaki Naruto remains a ninja of Konoha", the younger man replied simply through a cloud of tobacco smoke, inhaling another lungful before finishing, "after what I've seen today I don't want to run the risk of any of Suna's children meeting that nin on the battlefield now or in the future, and I'll make any sacrifice to ensure that possibility never comes to pass!"

Sarutobi should have let it lie there, he really should have been old and wise enough to know better; unfortunately something about meeting his favourite genin, even as a clone, had sparked his sense of mischief into running riot and, as such, he had no choice but to go with the flow and speak certain truths as they came to him,

"So I suppose this would be a bad time to mention that Naruto's goal is to become Hokage one day?"

Only a rapid thump on the back saved Suna's leader from the most ignoble fate possible of befalling a kage of a hidden village; choking to death on the dregs he inadvertently inhaled through his pipe.

XXX

Once more as people continued to gape at his sudden appearance and process the words he'd just spoken Naruto merely mentally counted down until someone had the courage (or the breath – it looked like Asuma-sensei was on the verge of hyper-ventilation, though that might have been due to all the cigarettes he kept puffing away on) to speak again. His count was actually cut short, though, as Sakura seemed to recollect her wits first and shake her head at him, the brain shielded behind her larger-than-average forehead mulling over what she'd just heard,

"Naruto – how'd you get there? Wait, trebu...you got it to work!" She clapped delightedly as Naruto flashed up a megawatt grin and gave a thumbs-up,

"Yeah, had a sod of a time with the counterweight system but it was well worth it in the end", the aspiring siege engineer grinned, eyes tracing the shot that his clones had sent arching beautifully over the stadium walls, "much more accurate that the catapult and it gets a higher arc on the shot, but on the other hand you can't put a trebuchet on wheels – shame really, but that's the way the ramen boils".

"Your next project I assume Naruto", Kakashi eye-smiled as everyone else seemed to shake themselves down and stop gawping at his sudden appearance, "I take it that was clone down there at the start?" Naruto looked stunned for a minute before rapidly regaining his composure; _damn, leave it to Kakashi-sensei to see underneath the underneath of a supposedly-unbreakable concealment jutsu_;

"What gave it away?"

"No dust on your jumpsuit", the Copy-nin remarked nonchalantly, inwardly revelling at the nonplussed look on his whiskered students' face; _oh, duh – how'd I miss that? Well, at least he didn't break Ero-sennin's genjutsu_; "so, aside from the shot which I'll admit I'm impressed by, don't you think you should win the match now?"

"Maa, maa, patience", the genin countered, fingering the zip of his jumpsuit as he looked down at the stadium again; most of the dust had gone now, but he still didn't have a clear sight of Gaara yet, "I had to get out of there for a minute to make sure the conditions were right; the dust must clear before I can move on. Just as well I had some explosive notes in the middle of the bundle though; otherwise it would have made a heck of a splash"; _and it would have made the last step of my plan all but impossible – all the dust would have been in a big soggy mess in the middle of the arena and damned near impossible to mix. At least having the bags blow up just before landing and form this lovely cloud meant I could have a shot at getting rid of all that damned sand in one shot, even if getting the right timing on those explosive tag fuses nearly drove me insane_; at the sound of a clearing throat, Naruto was thrown back into the real world and turned to field his next question,

"What is that dust anyway?" At this question Naruto merely tapped the side of his nose, irking Kurenai, who still hadn't quite forgiven him for the shadow clone trick in the second round despite the lesson he'd taught everyone, even further,

"Trade secret I'm afraid Kurenai-sensei; you'll see by the end of the fight though"; however, at that point someone else decided to wake up and ask the obvious question,

"Ne, Naruto", Shikamaru knew the answer to four out of five questions, namely who, what, where and how; now all he needed to know was why, "as a matter of interest, why have you build all this siege stuff anyway? It's not like you can really use it on a mission, so why have it with you?" To his surprise, this question seemed to stump Naruto for a minute as his chin fell onto his hand, though his eyes never left the arena floor through the thinning cloud as he thought about it and eventually shrugged,

"Uh, not sure exactly; everyone needs a hobby I guess"; recovering from her face-fault with admirable haste, Kurenai face the orange nightmare with one hand over her eyes, brain aching from the information it was being forced to digest,

"Naruto, a hobby is reading, walking your dogs or pressing flowers", she dropped her hands to look at him directly as she used some examples her team had told her the first time she'd been introduced as their jounin sensei, "knocking up and firing antique weapons of indiscriminate killing does not class as a normal hobby!"

"Oh that's rich; this coming from Konoha's female answer to Bondage-boy over there", Naruto stated in exasperation, Kankuro glowering as a thumb was jerked in his direction and Kurenai, realising what he meant when he flicked his eyes towards her bandages, felt her face flush darkly – this blush darkened to the colour of spilt wine as the infuriating gaki went on, "unless you can think of something else I could knock up", only the memory of what had happened a few minutes ago stopped the genjutsu mistress ripping the genin front of her a new one at his insinuation, and only Asuma's hand on her arm stopped her at the comment afterwards, "although, seeing how many times you've blown off the human chimney over there...", to his credit Asuma didn't react at the nickname, choosing instead to tuck his latest cigarette behind his ear as he got into position to restrain his hopefully-future girlfriend if Naruto managed to break her temper and melt the Ice Queen of Konoha, "looks like you might have a new playmate soon Suna-hime, assuming Tenten-chan doesn't mind sharing that is".

Unusually there wasn't much laughter at this comment, though that may have been due to the expressions of most of the guys present changing from bafflement to dreamy imagination, though these quickly became grimaces of pain as the girls nearest them realised just what was running through their minds – hell, even Sasuke winced as Sakura trod heavily on his foot, forever dispelling the notion in some minds that he would forever be the Last Uchiha due to his preferences; _after all, no straight man could resist the idea of a scene like that one – hell, even I'm glad I'm still wearing this suit for a minute, and I came up with the idea_. Naruto was jerked from his sudden thought by a shout as Tenten, about the only one who completely kept her head through his latest exchange as her mind was on a subject far closer to her heart than relationships at the moment, spoke up,

"Uh Naruto – just out of interest, how many of those engines have you made so far"; _and if they're for sale just tell me that – for a fully-working catapult I will sell you my body, soul and first-born child!_;

"Got a couple extra catapults now, 'bout fifteen in total", Naruto began reciting, ticking off on his fingers and, his attention firmly on the stadium in front of him, failed to notice the aura of sparkles around the weapons' mistress becoming thicker with each word he spoke, much to the alarm of the two bowl-cut, spandex wearing taijutsu maniacs presently within earshot, "just got the trebuchet working, so two of them, a couple of ballista – what am I saying, here", he dropped into a crouch on the edge of the box, opening in a thin pocket on the side of the shin of one of his jumpsuits' left leg, knowing he'd have to make a move soon; _got about a minute left before I can finish this_; "I was going to show these to Jiji later but", even he had the grace to look abashed as he felt a phantom throbbing in his left ear, "he already knows. This scroll contains some small-scale replicas of everything I've made so far".

At the sight of the thin, tall piece of rolled up parchment Tenten was having to virtually steal herself away from letting out a fangirlish squeal – forget Neji and his fancy hand-to-hand tricks, she'd go for the guy with the biggest weapon any day of the week!

"And", she was virtually gasping at the minute, all attention fixed on the scroll before her, "and they work right? How good are they?" At that Naruto laughed,

"Tied a kunai to a broom handle once; the baby ballista in there sent that through two inches of wood at fifty paces. Here, you can have it; I'll get Jiji to see a full-scale demonstration as soon as he's got time", and with that, he casually flipped the scroll end over end towards the stunned girl. Forgetting any and all sense of dignity the kunoichi threw herself towards the tumbling paper in a flat-out dive, only for her flight to be brought abruptly crashing to the ground as someone else saw the potential danger of his keen-eyed student getting her hands on another long-ranged slaying machine and realised holes in spandex, much as they were useful for ventilation, really didn't help it gain any more credence from the local fashion police,

"Yosh, your flames of youth are a raging inferno Naruto-kun", without anyone seeing him move Gai had snatched the scroll of the air with one hand at the same time as bring his other up to stop Tenten's headlong charge, gracefully but almost imperceptibly swaying his body to avoid her flailing, grasping hands as the booming nature of his voice drowning out her outraged shrieks of 'gimme!', "if I cannot match such youthful gift-giving I shall climb up the Hokage monument a dozen times carrying all your creations on my back, and if that is impossible for me I shall..."

"Sorry Super-Fuzzy-Brows sensei", Naruto, much like everyone else, had simply tuned the bombastic jounin out and stood to his full height, suddenly unzipping his jumpsuit, "but right now I'm putting this one away; hold this for a minute", with that he'd whipped himself out of his usually attire and moulded some hand-seals, calling out his jutsu as he moulded his chakra, "suiton, Condensation!"

The topic of what Naruto actually wore under his jumpsuit was a matter of some, but not too much, debate amongst the other members of the Rookie Twelve, if only because no-one, not even his team mates or sensei, had ever seen him without it on; this mystery had, of course blossomed into various theories that he was deformed, his skin was actually orange or that the jumpsuit itself was some kind of symbiotic life-form that he couldn't remove without killing them both. However, as he stepped out of the orange monstrosity, those genin who were aware enough to take not of the momentous occasion found themselves slightly underwhelmed by the plain black training shorts and mesh T-shirt that appeared – compared to his normal attire Naruto looked almost ordinary, not a word that was usually in the blonde shinobi's resume. However, before anyone could truly take in his sudden change in appearance he'd used his jutsu and dispersed the rest of the dust remaining in the air as all the steam and water in the air was forced into liquid and rained down on the arena, reducing the floor to a muddy grey sloshing mess. As he threw his jumpsuit behind him he leapt down back into the fray, not seeing the sudden explosion of colour on Hinata's cheeks as by sheer luck she happened to be stood directly in the flight path of the airborne clothing and couldn't, or didn't, move away in time. The end result had both her team mates cringingly awaiting the inevitable as the empty suit appeared to fold itself around the Hyuuga heir as though embracing her, though Kakashi didn't appear to notice as he turned another page in his book and commented off-handedly,

"Well, that went better than I expected".

With an almost audible shattering noise the tension was gone and away; everyone turned to stare and gape at the Copy-nin but, before a word could be spoken, Sasuke cut in as he had an idea of what his sensei meant by that comment,

"True enough, at least he hasn't studied much fuuinjutsu yet; come on", he said, an amused smile on his face as he pictured the scene in his mind and idly tried to tot up how much of the landscape would be rearranged by just a single salvo of Naruto's catapult fire, "using those things to chuck around water balloons and dust is one thing, but can you imagine what would happen if he figured out how write his own explosive notes for those things?"

Dead silence greeted the Uchiha heirs' pronouncement, broken only by a sudden thump; as one all eyes rolled around to see the comatose form of Hinata splayed out under the clothes of her long-term crush, only for those eyes to widen as they found her still standing, swaying slightly and still as crimson in the face as the flare Naruto had sent up earlier, but still completely conscious nevertheless. As she became aware of the attention the shy Hyuuga immediately engaged in her normal defence mechanism when she was the centre of attention, namely hunch her shoulders, poke the tips of her fingers together and seek refuge behind the nearest solid object or conveniently-place team mate, Shino in this instance doing an admirable job of standing in and deflecting the attention as the girl scooted behind him, the jumpsuit still appearing to cling to her possessively as it folded over her arms and shoulders as she moved. _But if not her then who...?_; that question was answered with a smattering of giggles (and two very thick pairs of eyebrows rising in horror) as Chouji cleared his throat and pointed out the sprawled form of Tenten laying between two rows of seating, a trickle of blood seeping from her nose and a gleeful, malicious grin on her face.

XXX

Though the dust cloud had caught him completely by surprise Gaara was a native of a desert and all children of Suna were taught from birth how to survive a sandstorm; even while he'd been coughing he'd closed his eyes and ripped a piece of cloth from his shoulder to clasp over his nose and mouth, allowing him to breathe freely. _Damn it, does he know everything about me – just how much information does he have?_; though the situation appeared desperate Gaara had in fact been relatively pleased with the situation – after all, however he'd contrived to do it Naruto had just given him a lot more sand to work with, and most of it dry – but having tried to touch some of the material that had settled on his face with his chakra he'd been dismayed to learn he was right back to square one. Whatever this substance was it wasn't sand, it was a powder; though Gaara could if necessary create sand by grinding up rocks in the earth to bolster his own reserves, the same process couldn't work in reverse and he was unable to stick this grey dust together to make sand he could use in battle. _About this only thing this is good for is throwing in his eyes and blinding him_; Gaara though dismissively, keeping his breathing light through his impromptu mask; _though why did he use it, and how did he avoid being hit by his own att-ackk, cold!_

As the sudden rain fell all over him and soaked the rest of his sand armour the sudden shock made him gasp and drop the scrap of cloth that had been over his lips as he saw the stadium around him suddenly become clear again, the sudden bright light almost making his watering eyes squint to adjust to the brightness. Something, a suiton jutsu he assumed, had dragged the rest of the ash from the air and onto the stadium floor and him; rubbing a now-wet hand over his face to make sure his eyes were clear, he scowled as he saw his opponent again just under the area where his brother and sister sat watching him, though he had to look twice to check it was actually him as he wasn't wearing his usual uniform. The boy was crouched with both hands on the surface of the water he was standing on, shadow clones appearing behind him with no warning or smoke and running to other areas in the arena as the original looked up, a wolfish grin on his lips as Gaara made his intentions plain,

"Mother is screaming for your blood Uzumaki Naruto", the Suna jinchuuriki intoned menacingly, keeping his trepidation off his face as he realised it was harder than ever for him to control the sand around the arena as the extra pressure of the water interfered with his control – though he was a long way from chakra exhaustion, he was almost sure he would hit that point before Naruto did, "for this insult, you will die".

"I've lost count of the number of people who've said that to me in one form or another", his blonde opponent shot back, the statement eliciting raised eyebrows from the Suna contingent present in the crowd and a wince from the Hokage, "but I'm still here and not going anywhere. I warned you what was coming Gaara", Naruto started to stand and for the first time the Ichibi container saw the whirlpools that had formed around his hands, the miniature typhoons being dragged upwards as Naruto continued to stand to his full height; _and something tells me his clones aren't just standing around looking ornamental either_; "you've had the rain and snow, but now it's time for the storm to break! A maelstrom has come and you", he smiled, beginning to walk slowly away as Gaara tried to attack from range, the sand too sluggish to grab his opponent's ankles this time as the Suna nin realised the water that made up the typhoons was slowly turning colour as it sucked up sand from the ground and the dust that had been laying in a slick atop the water; _but those twisters are impregnated with his chakra, I can't quite break them yet but I can destabilise them over time_; despite his thinking, however, Gaara couldn't stop himself meeting his enemy's eyes for a moment and hearing the last line of his speech,

"You're just in the wrong place, at the wrong time".

XXX

"Jiraiya, is that...?"

"Yes", the Toad sage said simply before wincing again as he was forced to gingerly move in his seat as the cold compress he'd pressed against his injuries slipped, "the first step of his fathers' legacy; I'll be teaching him the other stage when we track down the Legendary Sucker".

"Other stage?" The shadow clone looked at him perplexed, "I thought the Ransengan had three stages". Jiraiya merely chuckled before wincing again as the motion jarred his nether regions,

"It does and I showed him the first briefly, said it was a chakra control exercise. But looking at this performance sensei, I reckon he's probably got the power phase figured out on his own!"

XXX

"What is he doing now, not that it would surprise me", Ino commented as she looked out over the soggy battleground, watching the strange dance unfolding as Naruto and his clones, each with two twisters of muddy water attached to their hands, striding across the water surface as Gaara, remaining mostly stationary but occasionally rushing forwards to try and hit one of the clones that came to close, sought to disrupt the pattern with his sand control, the occasional burst of smoke signifying his successes in this endeavour, "after hearing what I've just heard I don't think anything I've heard about him would surprise me now".

"Oh you'd be surprised piggy", Sakura chuckled, "there's never a dull moment with Naruto on your team I can tell you, though this time he's got me baffled; I just don't see what he's doing. It's not a suiton technique, and Gaara can still control his sand", she observed as another clone expired as one of its twin typhoons suddenly lost cohesion and a spear of grey-streaked sand lanced through his chest. To her surprise, it was the jounin of the sand team that answered, the scarred man looking pensive as he watched his student fight,

"He can control it, but the speed of his attacks is much slower as the sand is wet, and while that boy has his chakra in the water because of his technique Gaara has to use more chakra to break through it. It's a very clever strategy, but I still can't see his end move – he's got his opponent in a trap, but what's the killing blow?"

"It must have something to do with that dust he used..." Kiba began, only to find himself the target of a sharp-tongued Yamanaka,

"Oh well done genius; with brains like that it's a wonder they didn't make you Rookie of the Year instead of Sasuke-kun", the blue-eyed girl snapped, though truth be told she was thinking the same thing. Kiba, after mentally telling himself that while Ino herself was little threat, her father was reputed to be one of the greatest interrogators the Leaf had ever seen and he might take exception to seeing his little girl get the spanking she deserved from the irate Inuzuka, instead gritted his teeth and spoke as though trying to explain something to a child,

"What I meant was, if we could get some of the dust we could find out what it is".

"Where from though?" This time Ino appeared mollified by his explanation, maybe even a little contrite as the thought she might have spoken a bit too soon rose up in her mind, "Naruto washed it all down to the floor with his Condensation jutsu", at that memory the platinum blonde smiled, "talk about used a hose to fill a shot glass – that jutsu's only meant to refill your canteen in the field!" At that even Kiba chuckled before jerking a thumb towards the side of the competitors' box,

"There's some about five or six feet down on the side of the wall, I can smell it; the rain couldn't get everywhere. Be back in a second". With that the Inuzuka strode over with every intention of simply walking down the wall to gather a handful of the dust; he got about half a step before a giant hand fisted in the back of his jacket and brought him to a dead halt, Asuma explaining as he lit another cigarette with his free hand,

"You won't; any nin using chakra in that arena before the match is over will be counted as outside interference – that might well get Naruto disqualified. I'm as curious as you are", he explained as Kiba looked a little downhearted at the thought that he'd nearly cost his friend the most important fight of his life, but he perked up at the big man's' suggestions, "just ask him at the end of the match, he'll let you know then".

"Yeah, but I want to see if I can figure it out now – I'm a tracker, I have to be able to spot and work out something like this", he went quiet for a few minutes, not watching the match as he pondered and only broken out his musings by Ino's sudden shove in the shoulder,

"Kiba, you're thinking", she chortled as the dog-nin glared at her, "this is never a good sign".

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up; although", he paused for a minute, looking the girl up and down – however, just before she could give him an earful about eyeing up a girl like a piece of meat, he finished, "I've got a plan to get that dust".

The response to this was as predictable as it was explosive; Ino leapt backwards and, paying no attention to Shikamaru groan as her dainty foot landed squarely on his own, frantically started distancing herself from wherever madcap scheme the Academy's runner-up prankster in chief had thought up this time,

"Oh no, no-no-no never again; fool me once and all that, not happening a second time", she announced, waving her hands as Kiba merely folded his arms and watched on without saying a word, "you conned enough of us out of our pocket money with those 'wolf-fang talismans' that turned out to be Akamaru's puppy teeth on string; you are not talking me into another dumb idea this time!"

_How did I let him talk me into this dumb idea?_; with throbbing inevitability the same question rolled around Ino's mind as she found herself being dangled over the side of the commentary box, Kiba holding onto her ankles and lowering her down as Asuma watched on, immediately on hand should anything go wrong. She was face-down along the wall but as she wasn't using chakra, it was perfectly legal and within the rules, now if only she could grow another couple of inches,

"Ino", the disembodied voice of Kiba floated down over her shoulder, "got any yet?"

"Another few inches", she whispered back, trusting to the Inuzuka's hearing to pick out her words as she spoke back her threat, "if you drop me now I swear to the Kami I'll walk your naked ass down the main street of Konoha when you least expect it, and you'd better not be trying to peek up my skirt!"

In all truth Ino felt a little bad about that one; despite his rough edges Kiba was actually very respectful around women, even to the extent that Mizuki-sensei had repeatedly told him off for going too easy on the girls in sparring practice; _must be due to his mother and sister – I don't know what Tsume-san does to her son but by the Kami she scares the hell out of me, dad as well for that matter_. She wasn't worried about flashing the rest of her class as her shirt, though short, was actually reinforced with steel mesh and held in place by thin steel wires, and just in case she wore training shorts underneath it, but still, she had an image to maintain and that definitely extended to warning the resident dog-nin that he couldn't hope to get away with trying to cop a free eyeful of her assets. Fortunately she didn't hear Kiba's response, but as she dropped a few more inches down she realised she was in range to sweep a handful of dust from the wall; claiming her prize, she made sure she had a good hold of it before whispering back,

"Got it, pull me in". There was a noise that might have been 'thank Kami' before the young Yamanaka saw the floor underneath her recede and felt one of Kiba's hands suddenly detach from her left ankle and wrap around her shin, the fur on the cuff of his jacket brushing her knees and making her squeak in shock and wriggle,

"Damn it Ino", Kiba's curse was low and desperate, the pressure around her ankle and legs tightening as he made sure he wouldn't drop her, "stop squirming around, you want me to see how big a splash you'd make on the floor?"

"Sorry, your jacket tickled my knees, I hate that", she apologised and explained before whispering back, "quick, pull me in now".

"Hang on", she slid up the wall another inch before she heard the Inuzuka curse – before she could query what was wrong, however, he'd answered her question for her, "right, Ino I'm not being perverted but this is the only way to get your legs over; don't yell and don't hit me afterwards". Before she could answer her temporary partner in crime, she felt a sudden grip around her middle tighten and her body flew upwards.

As soon as he'd decided he was going with his plan Kiba had closed his eyes and blocked everything out except making sure the youngest mind-walker in Konoha got over the wall without getting her knees dislocated; luckily such single-mindedness prevented him noticing a couple of sniggers from nearby at his unintentional double-entrendre, Asuma in particular having to hide his grin behind his hand as Kiba leant forwards with one hand at the same time as pulling up with the other. Working blind, he felt his fingers grip the back of Ino's skirt and pulled upwards with all his strength, letting go of her clothing immediately afterwards and hooking his arm around her stomach as the top half of her body was yanked upwards and into range. _Whew, got her nicely_; knowing Ino was safe Kiba let himself breathe easily before gently pulling his passenger up and back into safety; when he opened his eyes, however, he felt the breath leave his body as he suddenly found his face inches from Inos', the kunoichi having twisted in his arms to try and get back to her feet and suddenly staring in his opening eyes, cheeks flushed with the sudden adrenaline rush.

Somehow Kiba found he could hear nothing beyond the thunder of his own blood in his ears, the pale blue of the Yamanaka's eyes almost swallowing him whole as his mouth ran dry. He knew logically he should have let the girl down to the floor and then accepted the righteous feminine-rage empowered beating run its natural course, but his body remained locked in place as surely as if Shikamaru had caught in the Shadow Bind. Luckily Ino seemed afflicted by the strange paralysis as well, not even trying to fight her way out of the grip she'd rolled into as she'd sought to stop Kiba's furred clothing ticking her stomach; _if anyone ever found out about that I'm doomed – Shika knows how ticklish I am but I told him what would happen if he told anyone_; but somehow flipping onto her back had landed her like this – almost helpless looking in the dog-nin's grip, and strangely enough she couldn't bring herself to fight back. In fact it was only when her sensei genteelly cleared his throat from over Kiba's shoulder that the two seemed to remember themselves and sprang apart, breathing harshly and flushed as the shinobi managed to recover the use of his tongue first,

"So", he tried to sound casual but it sounded hollow even to his own ears, "you get it?"

"Uhhmm, yeah"; _oh well done Ino, that sounded intelligent – put the ball back in his court and see what he does with, apart from slobber on it_; keeping her thoughts off her face the Yamanaka pulled the back of her skirt down again and scowled, "I hope it was worth me losing my dignity at your eyes".

"Huh, why would I look? The only half-decent butt on your team's the one in your sensei's mouth", the dog-nin shot back, eliciting a sudden cough from behind him as Asuma immediately ground out his latest smoke with a woeful look,

"Thanks Kiba, I was really enjoying that smoke", he lamented before turning more serious, "still, you've got what you were after, now what is it?"

"Yeah, we're all curious here", Kankuro chipped in, standing up from his seat to get a clear look at the mystery substance; jarred by the reminder of what was in her left hand, Ino brought it forwards to get a good look,

"Oh, well it'ssaahhh", Kiba, who'd leant in to see, suddenly got a closer to the stuff than he'd ever intended as it enveloped his head in a blinding grey cloud, the dog-nin coughing and cursing as a result of Ino's reaction to seeing a large beetle crawling on her hand, "Shino!"

The Aburame of course had no reaction as the beetle flew back to him, though Ino would have bet more money than she spent on shoes in a year that behind that high collar was a smirk a mile wide as he made his report,

"It is not organic in nature, but it is a particulate dust-like compound. I have no idea as to its practical uses but", those round sunglasses moved to observe his team mate, who's coughs had now been replaced by chuckling as he tried to knock the dust free from his wild hair, "I assume you do Kiba-san?"

"Oh, oh yeah", he knew it wasn't going to be much longer before he really broke down into hysterics but he had to get his point before he allowed himself that luxury, "I know, remember when we were having that renovation done, there was loads of this around then", folding up around himself, Kiba managed to blurt out the last of his words and reveal the mystery, "leave it to Naruto to literally turn an enemy's strength against them; he's not casting a jutsu down there..." With that Kiba finally collapsed into the nearest seat, laugher erupting from his throat as he pointed towards where one of the Naruto clones, unable to make twisters now out of the gloopy mess around him, had resorted to simply scooping it around with his hands,

"...he's mixing cement!"

XXX

_There is no point to this any further_; having seen the battle for its entirety the Kazekage knew when the game was up – Gaara could not win against this strange nin of many skills as his main weapon was in the process of being mulched into building materials, so if his son wouldn't win, he would do the next best thing. As he stood up, the Hokage mirrored the action,

"What is your plan Kazekage-dono?"

"The match is over Hokage-dono, so I am ending this battle on my own terms", the younger man informed him, though before the Professor could determine the meaning of his words he had raised his voice and called out over the stadium as a whole,

"Gaara!" Both fighters looked up at the fighting booth in shock, one of the Narutos actually managing to overbalance and dispel itself by falling backwards into the wall, "This match is over; there is no need for you to continue. Stand down"; _let it go son, I don't want to see you risk getting hurt now_.

_Thank Kami_; for Gaara his fathers' intervention hadn't come soon enough; he was running out of chakra and could barely feel his sand any more as he'd belatedly realised what was going on and how Naruto was completely neutralising his main weapon. He knew he was on to a loser with this match as he couldn't free enough of his sand at any one time to make any worthwhile attacks from distance, and Naruto was shrewd enough not to get too close and give him the chance to attack with the drier sand around his body; a forfeit was the only sensible thing to do; however, reputations still needed to be maintained,

"Mother is still thirsty", he deadpanned towards the standing form of his father, "I will not leave until that thirst is quenched".

"You have no choice Gaara, the sand is gone for now", the man replied, folding his arms and glaring down imperiously, "your opponent could kill you at any time with little effort and Suna needs you alive"; _and I would throw myself onto a kunai if I allowed you to get hurt while there was a way I could prevent it_. Gaara seemed not to answer for a long, long moment, enough to make even the Kazekage sweat before, with a very slow nod, the Suna jinchuuriki turned to the examiner,

"Proctor", Hayate, who'd been on the stadium walls for most of the match, teleported into the middle of the arena to hear the tail end of the competitor's statement, "I forfeit"; _thanks father_.

There was a stunned silence at this, mostly because of the sudden ending of the match but also due to those in the crowd who'd been waiting to see if Naruto could pull yet another rabbit out of his hat to win the match. However, the latter category of disappointed spectator were soon cheered up as Naruto, after realising he'd won the whole Chunin exam and leaping up to punch the air, suddenly came to a halt ad looked over at his opponent,

"Hey, um, Gaara", as the redhead looked over at him, Naruto scratched the back of his head again, grinning sheepishly, "will you be able to get your sand out of this mess; I can dry it out if that'd help". For a minute he wasn't sure if he was going to get an answer but, eventually, the smaller boy nodded shallowly,

"Yes, if this is dry I could grind it down into fresh sand".

"Cool, right, everyone out the arena", Naruto sang out joyfully, jumping up the walls as Hayate made himself scarce and Gaara teleported to stand next to his father, no-one in the arena seeing the smile and unspoken messages that passed between father and son; _I'm proud/grateful of you_. Naruto meanwhile, had walked up to the top of the arena walls and conjured up a lot of shadow clones, a sea of blonde heads moving out to stand around the stadium before, as a sign from the original, they all began making hand-signs.

Sasuke, recognising the technique, merely closed his eyes to avoid being blinded as fifty or so copies of his team mates voice roared out,

"Grand Fireball jutsu!"

The floor of the stadium became a sudden sea of flame and fire as every clone burnt itself out pouring chakra into the jutsu, heating the cement on the floor and vaporising all the water still present; how long the firestorm went on no-one was quite sure, but when at last it burnt itself out only Naruto himself was left, trembling with exhaustion and panting as he looked up at Gaara, giving a shaky thumbs-up,

"That, ah, that ought to do it", he breathed, looking down at the newly-concreted stadium floor, "think I might be a bit tired now though – anyone up for some ramen; Kakashi-sensei's paying?"

It was the closest the Copy-nin had ever come to throttling one of his own students.

Omake 1

Seeing the atmosphere around the table wasn't going to get much better than this, the Kazekage cleared his throat and addressed the table as a whole, each of his children looking up as he stood up to speak,

"So, I know you have had a hard day fighting, but I would like you to be honest with me now", he looked at the faces of Kankuro, Gaara and Temari respectively as he made his last request, "what do you think of Uzumaki Naruto, as a ninja and a person? Gaara, you go first".

As he'd expected the temperature had dropped several degrees at the mention of the forbidden name, each of his children glaring at him for bringing up the source of their newest joint shame. However, after a moment Gaara sat back from his food and spoke quietly, fingers steepled in front of him as he spoke,

"He is unique, that is all I can say; I've never felt so damned helpless in a duel with another nin. He had me, in fact he had all of us, scoped out from the get-go and he made sure we never had a chance, and his tactics and weapons choice were...unique".

"I hear you brother", Kankuro backed up his younger sibling's assessment, "he knew what I was about and stopped me cold because of it, and without a drop of blood being spilt. Even more than that the genjutsu he used was a killer, I couldn't even see a thing about it; the more I think about it the less I believe it – one kid managed to beat us, the top genin team in Suna by a mile – at least the Wind Daimyo wasn't there today, that would have taken some explaining".

"Quite; you'll be a politician yet Kankuro", the Kazekage complimented, knowing that it got under the puppeteers' skin as his middle child hated anything to do with running the village or handling the council; _now the real fun begins though_; "and you Temari, what's your opinion?"

_This ought to be rich_; though he kept his face neutral Kankuro was dying on the inside to hear what his sister was going to say now; _if it's anything boring I'm going to spice it up, risk of a whack to the head or otherwise_;

"That kid's got a pair made of solid brass", the Wind Mistress spoke calmly, analytical in her tone as she spoke, "very few would have even attempted what he did, and even fewer could have succeeded. However, aside from that, he's a devious strategist who can obviously forward-plan well and use...unusual weaponry to best advantage, provided he has enough time set it up properly".

"But apart from that he's a great kisser with a cute butt, right 'Mari"; the fork in the kunoichi's hand almost bent double at her brother's words, though she resisted the urge to leap over the table and batter him to dead as bad manners and instead settled for a filthy look and a muttered comment,

"Get lost Gimp-boy"; Kankuro merely smirked,

"You first Granny-pants".

"Enough", the Kazekage said firmly, wanting to stop the insults before it all went to fisticuffs and someone, probably him, got hurt dragging the warring siblings apart, "I just wish to make sure that you'd be, willing to fight beside Uzumaki Naruto if push came to shove". At this question all three siblings looked at each other before, unusually, Kankuro seemed to be elected as the spokesperson and nodded at their father,

"Yeah; put it this way I'd rather be on his side than in his way, especially knowing what I know about him now – that kid is a one-nin army, especially if he can sight a couple of catapults before the main battle goes down". At this the Kazekage smiled,

"Ahh, that is good to hear, it settles my old mind to hear you speak so highly of our allies"; Kankuro appeared happy with this but Temari, and to a lesser extent Gaara as well, seemed to smell a rat, the eldest speaking this time with danger edging her voice,

"What do you mean by that father?"

"Nothing, nothing", he waved her concern away as though they were a cloud of mosquitoes – he waited until all his children were settled once more before he spoke again, "it's just that the Hokage and I were discussing our alliance earlier and I thought it might be prudent to arrange a marriage to ensure strong relations endure between Sand and Leaf", before anyone else at the table could guess his meaning the Kazekage had soldiered on,

"How would you feel about becoming Temari Uzumaki, 'Mari-chan?"

Gaara nearly drowned in his drink as Kankuro's latest mouthful became somehow lodged in his nostrils; hastily snorting the revolting mixture back down and trying very hard to forget what he'd swallowed, the puppeteer thrust a finger towards his silently-sitting father,

"What the hell...you can't just marry my sister off like that to a jerk like him, regardless of how good a nin he is. Did you see what he did to her in that arena, that was humiliation and she shouldn't have to be shackled to the guy who did that to her, right Temari? 'Mari – oh crap", as he looked over at his sister and examined her for a minute he suddenly realised that the reason she was so red in the face wasn't due to outrage, as he'd originally suspected, but more to do with the fact that she was choking to death. The puppeteer tried to race around the table but before he got halfway around a ribbon of sand fired over the table and wrapped around the girls' middle before giving a sudden squeeze. As she finally managed to swallow the errant food and nodded her thanks to Gaara for the save, Temari was about to swing around and tell her father exactly where he could stick that particular proposal, only for the man to beat her to the punch by collapsing onto the table and howling with laughter,

"Bwahahahahaha, the, the looks on your faces", he choked out, eyes streaming with mirth as he recalled the effect his joke had had on his children, "oh, my village for a camera to catch that moment forever – don't worry 'Mari, I'm not that cruel, it was a joke. Oh lighten up all of you, I wasn't...err, Kankuro, why are you wiping the butter knife on the table cloth? And Temari, put the salt cellar down, what example are you setting for...no, Gaara, put the forks down, and get your sand off the place mats, they're not projectile weapons – it was a joke, it was a joke!"

A moment later Baki, fresh from a profitable night at the card tables, strolled into the kitchen to see all of his students eating peacefully, a pair of legs sticking out from under the chair where the Kazekage should be sat and a plateful of grapes, his favourite food of all time, in the centre of the tab...;_ wait_; reviewing what he'd just seen, the jounin used all his ninja knowledge to quickly realise exactly what was wrong with the picture;_ what happened to the Kazekage!_ In a single bound he was at his leaders' side and looking over his appalling injuries, mostly involving various items of cutlery painful inserted into sensitive orifices, but when he stood to try and get an explanation he didn't have time to blink an eye before he found himself, not for the first time, wrapped up tightly in sand,

"Unless you want the same fate to befall you", Gaara told him in a tone that, while not unfriendly, told him in no uncertain terms that resistance would not only be futile, it would be exceptionally foolish, "if anyone asks, what happened to our father, you will say Oroichimaru did it. Are we clear?"

Baki was tempted to shake his head but a second quick glance of his beloved village leader quickly got him nodding in agreement; he was a tough and seasoned warrior it was true, but no man on the planet ever wanted to even think about receiving a pair of nutcrackers _there_!

Omake 2

Even after his match, it had been a long and tiresome day; though Naruto had been kind enough to dry out the cement he'd used the jinchuuriki's sand to mix, he'd still had to sit there and break the cement down to refill his gourd once more, and he was still covered in grime and damp from the blonde shinobi's earlier attacks. Therefore all Gaara wanted to do when he got to his room was collapse into bed and sleep for the next millennium; for that reason his actions upon coming to his room door were very, almost depressingly, familiar; he opened the door, he stepped inside, he plucked the trio of kunai his sand had automatically engulfed from the air into his hand and then commanded the same sand into his ears until he was sure the coast was clear. When he was certain his fellow redhead had finally run out of air, the jinchuuriki unblocked his ears and smiled,

"Good evening Tayuya-chan, how can I help you?"

"Kami-damned cheap-ass ultimate sand defence", the former Sound kunoichi snarled before her face broke out into a smirk, idly whistling as Gaara casually tossed the kunai she'd thrown back to him, "still, didn't help you today did it – I heard some snot-nosed punk from this faggot village kicked your ass all over the arena".

"I'm afraid your information is a little out of date", Gaara commentated dryly, knowing politeness was the best way of all drive Tayuya up the wall, "I lost by forfeit rather than defeat. Anyway, why are you here exactly – did you give your watchers the slip again?" Flipping her long hair out of her eyes, the kunoichi snorted at the mention of the chunin who were supposed to keep an eye on her for as long as she was in Suna, though she, as well as the rest of her squad of the former Sound Four, took the restrictions they were under with a very large pinch of salt,

"Heh, those idiots couldn't find Kami unless he fell out the sky onto them; I came here to see if I could get any tips for getting even with you from the screw-ups you were fighting today".

"And you need all the help you can get after attempt number twenty-six", Gaara told her sardonically, though inwardly he raised his defences as rather than fly off the handle at his dig, Tayuya simply smirked and stood up, walking towards him with a evil smile on her otherwise pretty face,

"Yeah, but I heard something that caught my ears and, hell"; _this isn't good_; for some reason Gaara backed off as the woman sashayed towards him, and to his horror his sand didn't react as she gently placed her hands on his shoulders, "I thought why not, let's give this a try".

With that, Tayuya leant forwards and pressed her lips to Gaaras, the jinchuuriki going rigid at the contact before, as the kunoichi gently wrapped her arms around him, some of the tension drained away from him and he relaxed into the kiss.

After what felt like eternities cocooned in a warm, loving kind of paradise Gaara felt his partner moved away from him and he staggered, face as red as his hair as Tayuya licked her lips and then winked at him, heading for the door and apparently not caring that her face was now smudged with the concrete dust that had covered him,

"You've got half an hour to get showered, get changed and get your ass downstairs; you're taking me out for the night and we're going to rip this Leaf village down", she opened the door and turned around at it, tilting her head coquettishly as she shot him a wink and a teasing smirk, "don't keep me waiting Gaara-kun". With that she was gone, pulling the door shut behind her and disappearing down the door.

_Going out?_; it was a novel concept to the jinchuuriki but, as he felt the idea take root in his mind and burn away his former tiredness, he found he couldn't shift the smile from his lips as he leapt towards the shower, pausing only to grab some clean clothes as he did so; _sounds good to me – maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all!_

A/N: It's been a monster but I think it was worth it – be honest, did you the reader think it was a realistic idea for Naruto to use and fire catapults and other siege weapons? Other, more important question, did you enjoy it, and did it inspire you to try your own stories (such as what would Tenten do to make sure she could get her hands on Konoha's new siege specialist, or how about a little Gaara/Tayuya romance?) Hope it was worth the wait, and I'll see you next time.


	7. Chapter 7

Forever Loyal

A/N: This idea follows on from a scene from my previous chapter but is also a shout-out for one of my favourite Naruto characters who can, in my humble opinion, occasionally be misrepresented by fanfiction writers. This is my attempt to balance the scales; as always, if you think I managed it well please let me know.

Roll up, roll up, grab your popcorn and find a seat; the show's about to start!

As the music played on and the wine flowed freely, Hyuuga Haishi allowed himself a small, contented smile at the way things had played out; _a daughter married to the future Hokage and possibly grandchildren on the way in the next few years, and all before I turned forty as well_. Subtly activating his bloodline limit the clan heads' smile deepened as he saw the expression of delirious joy on the face of his eldest daughter; Hinata looked so much like her mother in that kimono as she danced beautifully in the arms with the man she had just married, for once managing not to faint in close proximity to Uzumaki Naruto, Konoha's latest husband and, at least if Haishi and the other ninja heads of the council had any say in the matter, future Rokudaime Hokage.

It hadn't been an easy marriage to maintain or set up, and of course the elders of the regal Hyuuga clan had been in uproar at the thought of some vulgar orphan claiming the hand of a potential clan head, but Naruto was far shrewder than any of them, and Haishi himself, had given him credit for. He had quite literally won Hinata's hand after a fair duel against her former fiancé and, because of the stipulations put forwards by the arrogant nin he had pummelled into the dirt in short order, the elders had been left tied up in their own rules, leaving Hinata free of their plotting and able (and more than willing) to tie the knot with the boy she had fanned a flame for ever since their Academy days. Deactivating his bloodline limit as even with his level of mastery over the All-Seeing Eye trying to use it in such conditions, with so many people dancing and dining together under the massive marquee that had been set up in the middle of the Hyuuga grounds, placed a strain on his eyes, Haishi stood up with a slight cloud of consternation crossing his face as he noticed the sight of someone he knew very well present on the clan grounds. Thinking quickly, he smoothed out his expression and stood up, determined to resolve this situation himself; _this is my daughter's perfect day, I will allow no-one to ruin it. Not even you_; despite his pre-occupation he possessed enough self-awareness to bow in thanks to the greetings of the original Ino-Shika-Chou trio, each other them congratulating him on his daughter's wedding and thanking him for the invitations for both themselves and their children to the festivities; _you may have been her team mate and even her former fiancée, but you will not ruin this day for her Inuzuka Kiba!_

With that thought foremost in his mind the Hyuuga clan head ducked out of the front of the massive tent, dodging a couple of young Akimichi children as they ran about playing a game of tag while Akimichi Chime, matriarch of the clan, watched over them with a benign smile on her face.

"Haishi-kun", the tall but surprisingly small-built (by Akimichi standards – she was one of the few women in the village who could look the Hyuuga clan head in the eye without the aid of high heels) purred as she bowed down both to respect the Hyuuga clan leader and pick up a child that had stumbled and grazed his knee; as she shushed the tears, she looked up with hair as black as Haishi's own framing her round, smiling face, "you've done a wonderful thing here for your daughter; I can imagine you're looking forwards to the orange maelstrom shaking things up in your dusty old mansion". Away from the prying gaze of the elders Haishi allowed his standard mask of indifference to drop slightly, smiling at the woman as he returned her bow and simultaneously offered the girl who was holding Chime's hand one of the treats he'd picked up from one of the buffet table earlier and kept in his pocket to snack on later,

"Hai, that will be a treat to see; with any luck he'll drive a few of them permanently demented, or just bump them off via stress-induced heart attacks. Anyway, my apologies Chime-san, I have a private matter to attend to now".

Despite appearances Akimichi were sharper than most people gave them credit for; understanding what the Hyuuga clan head was driving at Chime nodded and turned to the rest of the running children, gaining their attention with little more than a soft whistle; _and some people wonder why she heads the Konoha nursery – had she been around there when my son-in-law was growing up I have an inkling Naruto would have had a far kinder childhood_;

"Come on you 'orrible brood, inside", she chided them along gently, holding the tent flap open with one hand and waving the rag-tag bundle of kids inside with the other, "if you're well-behaved I'll see if I can talk Chouji-kun into giving you all piggy-back rides". Squeals of delight met that proclamation and in seconds Haishi was alone once more; he took a second to smile at the antics of the future generation of Konoha before shaking himself down, reaffirming where his quarry was in the grounds and hurrying off to find the Inuzuka before he could cause any potential trouble.

As expected when the wind was in his favour, Haishi saw the dog-nin scion before Kiba could smell him; _at least he stayed away from the main tent, thank Kami for small mercies_; Haishi thought quietly to himself as he finally saw his one-time future son-in-law sitting with his back against one of the carefully-sculpted rocks that dotted the immaculate lawn, the surface of the stone worn smooth over the years by the hands, feet and bottoms of countless Hyuuga children and adults using it as an impromptu seat, climbing frame or training post. The light of the half-moon shone down, casting the lawn into shades of pearly opalescence, making the massive canine at the side of the Inuzuka glow an eerie white as his master gently stroked his side. For a moment Haishi faltered, his fatherly rage dimming as he beheld the younger man simply sitting where he was, not causing any trouble or demanding Naruto's head, just lying back against the rock and enjoying the moonlight.

However, the other person who seemed to have had the same idea as Haishi had no such compassion on the matter.

"Well I have to say", she said harshly, a distinct sneer evident in her voice that even Haishi could pick up from where he was stood, "I didn't expect to see _you_ here tonight".

XXX

Not even noticing the Hyuuga clan head standing in the shadows of one of the nearby mansion wings, Ino strode up to the reclining Inuzuka she'd been looking for ever since she'd heard he was attending from his mother, having bumped into Tsume accidentally while she'd been dancing with Chouji. Having finally tracked him down on the lawn and grateful that he hadn't caused any trouble yet, the Yamanaka had no restrictions in stormed up to the dog-nin and slapping on her most disdainful expression, just desserts for what he'd put her friend through in the years before Naruto had finally opened his eyes in time to stop Kiba finally sinking his fangs into her friend too deeply,

"Well I have to say", she snorted, glancing down at the Inuzuka as though he was something she might have found on the sole of her shoe as Kiba looked up at her, "I didn't expect to see _you_ here tonight". For a moment he didn't reply, but where he did it wasn't with the snapping rage she'd come to associate with the youngest Inuzuka; instead of rabid curses and possible physical violence, the dog-nin instead drew his knees up into his chest and gave a world-weary chuckle,

"Well aren't I just full of surprises?" He commented sardonically, ironically winding Ino up much more effectively than if he'd tried to argue and bluster his way out the situation; in the face of such blasé indifference, the Yamanaka had to catch herself from stomping her feet and take a second to compose a suitable reply,

"Why are you even here teme?", that got a reply as Kiba grimaced; there was nothing as abhorrent to the Inuzuka as a traitor so calling him by the title most of the Rookie Eleven still referred to Sasuke, Konoha's most active traitor until Naruto had tracked him down and forcibly returned him to Konoha to honour his ancient promise of a lifetime about half a year previously, was a cheap way of scoring points, "Hinata's gone and you're never getting her back", she couldn't have called herself human if there hadn't been a hint of gloating in her tone but she justified it by remembering how abominably Kiba had treated her friend, "she's Naruto's wife now and he'll never let her go".

"I know"; _why is he being so calm about this – he should have flown straight off the handle by now_; before Ino could ponder this too much, however, his next words stopped her absolutely cold, "this is what I've been working towards for years", Kiba closed his eyes as the irony of his next words bit into him deeper than any of the dogs of his clan ever could have; it was a testament to his fortitude that his eyes just about remained dry,

"This is the happiest day of my life".

XXX

_What?_; understandably Ino was utterly shocked by this, only able to stand there and gape as the dog-nin scratched his partner behind the ear, growling softly in the language of the dogs as Akamaru had groaned softly and shuffled up, nudging his master in the shoulder at Kiba's forehead had sunk to his knees.

"B, but", Ino was left completely bereft of ideas, had no clue as to why Kiba would have said that, "how...you were, you were going to marry her, how can this be, your best day?" The Inuzuka rolled his head up to see her with a single eye, the tattooed mark on his cheek looking like a fresh tear in the moonlight as he opened his mouth to answer, but before he could speak another, older voice cut in and both teens looked over to see Hyuuga Haishi striding towards them, the clan heads' face as inscrutable as it was usually was as he looked from Ino's guilty face to Kiba's suddenly-apprehensive one,

"I must say", the Hyuuga lords' voice was soft and even as he came to a halt the other side of the rock from where Kiba was sat, "I came here with the intention to ask the same question Yamanaka-san has, and I am similarly confused as to your answer. I would, appreciate a more thorough explanation". His tone was pleasant, perhaps even fatherly but the hidden message was lost on neither nin; Haishi was a concerned parent who wanted to know Kiba's intentions on his daughter and he was going to find them out, one way or another. Having heard his one-time father in law approach and cursing his bad luck that the wind hadn't let him pick up the older man's' scent, Kiba had scrambled to his feet and was now looking from Haishi to Ino, his gaze flicking between them both as he appeared to be debating something in his head. The silence dragged on to the point where Ino was about to speak up and break it herself but, just as she breathed in to gain the ammunition needed to craft her words, the dog-nin shrugged and gestured to the rock that lay between them both,

"Okay then, I'll clue you in; take a seat", he waited until the audience he'd hoped never to have had made themselves comfortable before carrying on, "right, I won't deny what I've done but I'll ask you this favour – hear me out before you decry how black my sins are, okay?

"Where did you learn to speak like that?" Ino queried after a second of digesting the Inuzuka's latest speech; at that Kiba had the good grace to look embarrassed as he scrutinised the floor, mumbling his answer,

"Read it on a beer mat in Tea country", he admitted before raising his voice slightly, "but, that aside, hear me out".

Settling herself down on the rocks' surface and shifting over as Haishi sat down next to her, Ino smoothed down her kimono and made herself comfortable as Kiba spoke again, Akamaru nudging his hand with his nose in a supporting gesture as the dog-nin began revealing what he had done to lie, steal and cheat his way to Hinata's hand,

"It started just after Naruto left on his long training trip; once he was gone I sat down and figured out what I had to do to get Hinata – first step was becoming clan heir..." He was cut off at this point by Ino's curiosity,

"But I thought you always were the clan heir, you were the oldest boy"; Kiba goggled at her before chuckling,

"You really think we go in for that macho bullshit – have you met my mother? Anyway, that aside", skilfully navigating the diversion, he quickly jumped back on track, "Hana was clan head, so I upped my training and, when I had the upper hand, I challenged her for the position – it came as a shock to her, and mum as well for that matter; they just thought I was happy to be a runt and another ninja, that I wasn't bothered about leading the clan. But still, I threw down the gauntlet and Hana had no choice but to pick it up; by tradition she picked the time and place, I told her the match, so I challenged her to a ninja duel for the position of clan head. I won, though doing that", he shivered as the memory tore at him again; even now, years after the event he knew he was still in disgrace in the eyes of his clan, his sister in particular spitting on his shadow at every opportunity,

"I was very lucky to dodge being exiled, or even killed, by my own clan for winning the way I did".

XXX

The traditional fighting pit of the Inuzuka was thronged by all members of the pack present within Konoha; looking up at her kinsmen Tsume once more looked over to her son and sighed, wondering why he had called his sister out like this,

"Hey pup", once more Kiba blinked that faraway look from his eyes, the expression one Tsume had only just recently noticed her son adopting when he thought he had time to think; _he looks more like a Nara when he does that – what has changed so much with you Kiba?_; "sure you can do this; Hana won't go easy on you". She was half-hoping her son would respond as he usually did, with a brash gesture and self-aggrandisement; instead he merely nodded, face set in a grim line of determination as both he and his mother picked up the scent of Hana approaching the through the only entrance of the fighting pit. Seeing her daughter approach, Tsume realised it was too late to try and change his mind and resolved herself to patch him back up after her daughters' dogs had stopped using him for a chew-toy,

"Right you pack of flea-bitten brutes", a family they might have been but no-one would ever say gestures of affection between Inuzuka were anything but rough, "you know why we're all he...hey!" A sudden rush of brown hair and killing intent shot past her like an arrow, Hana not even slowing down from her dead sprint as she hurled herself at her brother, "Hana!"

"I'll _kill_ you!" It was a rare day when Kiba didn't hear that threat from his sister but it was an even rarer day when he believed her; _though she's closer to the triplets than even I am to Akamaru – no wonder she's upset_; the thought ran through the dog-nin's surprisingly calm mind as he and his puppy ricocheted around the walls of the pit, keeping just out of range of Hana's lethal talons as the kunoichi, face white with rage and eyes blotchy from tears, never slowed down in her quest for her brothers' blood. It was only when Tsume, having finally caught up with what was going on, sought to restore order by dint of wrestling her enraged child to the floor that the situation calmed down somewhat, though Hana still strained to break free and fly at her brother again,

"Hana", Tsume shouted again, struggling to hold her daughter's rage-empowered form, "what are you doing, stop this..." Just then the younger woman managed to pull a hand free from the melee and stabbed her finger towards Kiba as though it could pierce straight though his heart, her accusation flying loud enough for the entire clan to hear,

"Him, he's done this", she sagged in her mother's arms, fighting hard to stop herself crying as she remembered the sprawled forms that had greeted her in their kennels not moments ago, Kiba's scent still lingering in the area and confirming his guilt, "he's poisoned my partners!"

All sound immediately ceased at this; much as there were few actual laws of conduct in the House of Dogs, interfering with another nins' partner was considered utterly taboo, and it was a law Kiba looked to have broken as he didn't react to his sister's accusations save to fold his arms around Akamaru, shielding him from potential harm as Tsume, having dropped Hana in her shock, stared at her son with a whitened face as the potential ramifications of his actions ran through his head; _no, this, this can't be happening – Kiba wouldn't, whatever he's doing he couldn't stoop that low_;

"Kiba", torn between her beliefs as a mother and duties as a clan head, Tsume felt the anguish roiling in her stomach as she was forced to ask the fatal question, "is this true?" _No_; as her son didn't answer at first the Inuzuka head felt her blood turn to ice in her veins and her heart stop beating, a sensation that the sudden yells from the rest of the clan did nothing to thaw,

"They are not poisoned, they're just sedated", Kiba said stoically, ignoring the insults and spittle that rained down on him as he looked at his sister, then to his mother, and Tsume found she could barely recognise her son's expression in those almost dead-looking brown eyes, "I have incapacitated her partners, I have won".

"_Won?_" Ice was replaced by fire as his words struck home; how dare he treat the lives of the Inuzuka pack so callously? "Kiba, for what you have done I..."

"You will name me clan heir", it was the coldness, not the volume, of the reply that made her stop dead; Kiba's eyes were alive once more, and they bored into her with almost fanatical determination, "this was a ninja duel, agreed to by Hana and by those rules there are no rules! I have won dishonourably, but ninja have no honour".

It was flawless; cold, calculating and utterly undefeatable by the Inuzuka's own clan laws – never, never in her darkest nightmares would Tsume have thought such a devious cunning lurked in the mind of her brash but still beloved son. He said nothing more, still protecting Akamaru from the storm of flying curses with his arms and jacket as he moved towards the exit of the fighting pit, head held high even as the rest of the clan let their fury and disgust at him show. Kiba had cheated his way to being top dog, but even as he had done so there was nothing Tsume could do but nod even as she fisted her hand in Hana's hair, stopping her pouncing at her brother at he walked past and was lost to sight in the shadows, the future of the clan now in his devious hands.

XXX

Haishi felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up as he heard Kiba tell how he had become clan heir; he'd suspected that something wrong had happened as the few times he'd cornered Tsume to ask about it, she'd been evasive and told him curtly that he just was now. He also knew she'd been seen in the local shinobi bars more frequently since then and more than once one of the Ino-Shika-Chou trio, usually Chouza as his clan house was closest to the Inuzuka, had been forced to support or carry the drunken clan head home as she sought to drown her worries in sake_; and having heard that I can understand why – this was the boy that would have married Hinata? Now I know Naruto was a blessing from Kami, I'll burn an extra stick of incense tonight for avoiding such a fate_;

"So, I was the future clan head", Kiba's voice jerked him back to the present and it was all he could do not to strike the arrogant brat before him, the trembling from the slip of a girl at the side of him telling him Ino was a hairs-breadth from doing the same thing, "so it was obvious what my next move was, when I could get away from learning clan duties that was and there were many of them; the rest of the clan might not have been able to stop me becoming the heir, but they could make my life difficult and they did; Hana's barely spoken to me since and I can't blame her", he paused for a minute, regret on his face before, inexplicably, it was swallowed up by determination to continue his story, "but anyway, I was now equal to Hinata in status as the heir of a noble clan of Konoha, so I could court her. I'd been a team mate for many years so it was easy to become a little closer than friends, but I knew she still loved the baka she's just married", once more Haishi bristled at such slander but restrained himself as he began to think that there was something else at work here; all his comments were leading somewhere and Haishi had no idea where, so it was better to listen and get more information before coming to a conclusion,

"Don't insult Naruto-kun like that teme", obviously Ino didn't agree with the wait-and-see approach, "even if he is a baka, that's a hundred times better than a cheat and a poisoning coward".

"I'm a ninja, it's what I do", Kiba said flatly before carrying on his story, "but apart from that, I asked from her hand in marriage some months later; I knew there was nothing the Hyuuga could do legally as we were of equal standing and I was a competent and trustworthy soldier of Konoha", Ino grumbled under her breath at this point but the dog-nin ignored her, "but to make sure I could pull things properly in my favour, I wanted to write the marriage contract. Of course", he inclined his head to Haishi at this point, the older man's pupil less eyes narrowing at the reminder, "you know what happened when this occurred?"

"Yes; trial by combat, at the end of Konoha's last round of hosting the Chunin exams", the Hyuuga glowered, trying to stare a hole through the Inuzuka, "you wagered that if you lost Hinata would not have to marry you, if you won she would and you would draft the marriage contract. Neji called you out and you fought..." He trailed off at that point, hoping Kiba would let it lie at that point but it seemed his hope was dashed as the dog-nin smile, a sad sort of smile true, but a smile nonetheless,

"Yes; that was probably the proudest moment in this mess for me", he reflected softly, the memories of the fight of his life, and not just his life, flashing before his eyes once more.

XXX

The roar of the crowd was deafening as the last two fighters took position in the stadium, Haishi looking down from his position and internally crossing his fingers that his nephew would be able to prevail,

"Should be a hell of a match", Akimichi Chouza piped up, looking down as the jounin raised his hand to start the fight, "Inuzuka taijutsu against the Gentle Fist, I wouldn't want to bet on a winner. What do you think Tsume-chan?" The dog mistress was quiet for a moment and, even when she spoke, her voice was noticeably subdued to the ears of the other clan heads,

"Kiba has the speed and aggression but Neji-san the grace, and if he takes only a few strikes it should be enough to end this fight", she considered slowly, some of the others raising eyebrows at each other as they noticed the missing honorific in the case of her son, "apart from that I agree with Chouza-san; too close to call"; _unless Kiba did something before the match again – I thought he might have had that thousand-yard look in his eye this morning, and none of the clan tried to trip him up as he prepared_.

The match, as it began, was indeed very close; unlike the norm for his clan, the Inuzuka didn't rush straight into combat, instead using his unique henge with his partner to stay away from Neji, avoiding the Hyuuga's attacks and trying to punish him from distance. He'd also been training in his spare time, including in jutsus Tsume wasn't aware he knew as waves of shadow kunai raced from her son's hands. It was a game of cat-and-mouse and appeared to be a case of which combatant would drop from chakra exhaustion first, before suddenly, at least to Haishi's eyes, the unthinkable happened.

Both Kibas had sent out a rain of kunai which forced Neji, who didn't have time to replace with anything, to play his ace; a dome of white and blue surrounded the Hyuuga prodigy as the Heavenly Spin, their ultimate defence, came into play. However, to general shock, this appeared to have been what the dog-nin was waiting for; one of the duo picked up the pace of his throws, forcing Neji to maintain the technique, while the other Kiba ran headlong towards the spinning sphere. Just before impact he channelled chakra to his legs and jumped, high above the rotating dome before roaring out his latest attack,

"Hell's Drill!"

With that the Inuzuka became a tornado that crashed down on the very top of the Heavenly Spin; both techniques ground against each other for long seconds before, suddenly, both stopped dead. Haishi was on his feet in an instant as Kiba, under gravity, fell directly into Neji and, stunned by the sudden failure of his prized ultimate defence, the prodigy was floored. A second later it was all over; Kiba had one clawed hand resting on the flawless skin of Neji's face – one move and the feral nin would be able to rip his face off and eyes out. All was quiet for a minute before the proctor, seeing the position Neji was in and wanting to avoid unnecessary bloodshed, stepped in to call the match,

"Shousha, Inuzuka Kiba!"

At this announcement there was a great cacophony of cheering from the rafters, many of the assembled jounin and clan heads clapping Tsume on the back and congratulating her on her sons' win while at the same time as commiserating with Haishi, though those who had their eyes on the clan heads the instant the match was called were left pondering one question; if Kiba had won the match, why was it that Tsume looked more distraught than Haishi?

XXX

The strange smile she'd seen on his face earlier was back on Kiba's face as he recalled the fight, looking at his audience as he explained the technique he'd used,

"I broke the Heavenly Spin and beat Neji; it was actually quite simple when I thought about it, and I'd been sweating on that match for ages before I figured out the answer. Your ultimate defence works like our offence, by spinning and deflection, so if I was able to hit the top of the dome while spinning the opposite way to Neji, the techniques would cancel each other out and I'd be able to wrestle him down before he could get away; Hell's Drill to break Heaven's Spin. After that, I wrote up the marriage contract between Hinata and myself and she became my fiancée".

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with this whole thing?" Ino still didn't see where Kiba was going with his rambling; _he did all that but still, he lost her to Naruto after being a jerk to her – why's he telling us all this?_; "You beat Neji but Naruto returned the favour when he got back".

"He did, but how did he do that; Haishi-san", the Hyuuga looked up from his contemplations, still not quite getting the pieces he could see to fit together, "you read the contract I assume; tell me, or tell Ino, I remember it, when would it have been fulfilled, the conditions I said had to be in place before we were married?"

At that Haishi really did have to think; at the time he'd been so cut up about losing his eldest daughter to the Inuzuka and signing the contract in the face of both Neji's regret and little Hanabi's tears, that he'd blocked most of the small print from his mind. However, over time as he thought about it, the words on the parchment he'd reluctantly scrawled his signature over swam up to the forefront of his mind,

"You wrote that, you both had to be over...eighteen?" As Kiba nodded he carried on, "And that you both had to be jounin in rank. Unusual I would agree, I was expecting a large dowry, but I don't see..." A gasp by the side of him made him pause and turn to see Ino as pale as the moonlight, looking as though she were about to faint as a single, trembling hand groped blindly forwards to point out the dog-nin,

"But I do", Ino had heard the conditions and her mind had thought as only a reformed fangirl with a passion for trashy romance novels could think; at blinding speed she realised she might have seen through Kiba's scheme but even so, she couldn't believe it after the years she'd been through seeing Hinata miserable at being trapped in a contract she couldn't break free from, "but Kiba, why? I don't understand – why do all that; why get yourself engaged to Hinata is you never meant to marry her?"

It was the closest Haishi had ever come to smacking himself hard in the forehead; _eighteen for marriage, for ninja – when I was that age I had Hinata on the way and Hanabi was a twinkle in my eye. And jounin rank for both of them_; now all the holes in the dog-nins' plot were exposed he couldn't believe he hadn't seen them; _that's so easy to avoid, not even an amateur would make such a crass mistake. If Hinata had simply stayed at chunin-level she'd have been a spinster for life – Kiba may have been her fiancée but he can't force her to rise in rank_;

"I did it", Kiba spoke again, his voice with more life and acute pain in it this time as he continued, "to make sure the woman I love had a chance to make it this far and marry the man _she_ loves; you know how kind and caring Hinata is Ino", at the blonde girls' dumb nod, he spoke again, "well when we were younger to the Hyuuga that made her weak, useless and not fit to be clan head. The Hyuuga elders", he sneered the title as though it were a curse, "knew that Haishi had two daughters and were pushing Haishi-san to make Hanabi his heir; if he had done that, Hinata would have been branded with the Caged Bird seal and relegated to the Branch house; they would have made her a glorified slave! But I saw a way around it", this time there were tears in Kiba's eyes as finally he could rest from his years of labours and scheming behind the scenes, speaking to Haishi as the elder Hyuuga reeled at how well the youngster had manipulated everyone, including himself and the elders of his clan, "if she was engaged to me, she couldn't be branded even if you decided to make Hanabi your heir as on the wedding day she'd become an Inuzuka, so she was safe as long as that contract endured. I made it so hard to fulfil because I knew Hinata would never want to marry me and Naruto was gone for three years; I needed time to get that blonde bakas eyes open to the fact that she'd been crushing on him since Kami-knows-when and..." he paused, heaving down a breath as he did so, "...and you know Pain let me do just that".

There was silence at this, enough to allow Kiba to dry his tears before Ino spoke, her tone this time one of solemn awe as the realised the magnitude of what Kiba had sacrificed for the sake of two of his friends; _and he did it_; she swallowed a sudden lump in her throat, ashamed of herself as she realised she'd come out here with the intent of chewing him out for showing his face here; _without any of us knowing – Kami we all nearly hated him, and all the time he was doing it to protect Hinata and make sure she had a chance with Naruto – Neji told us that the Branch family never marry outside the clan, so she'd have lost him forever if Kiba hadn't been there_;

"You really loved my daughter, didn't you Kiba-san?"

"Not loved, love", the Inuzuka croaked out in a dry rasp, trying hard to stop himself crying at his revelations, fist clenched in Akamaru's fur as the nin-ken recognised his partners' distress and sought to comfort him as best he could, "I know she's got Naruto now, but I will always be there for her if she needs me. If Kami-sama had appeared before me in the Academy and said he would make it so Hinata-chan would love me and only me if I cut my hands off Iruka-sensei would have had to teach me to throw kunai with my teeth! The second-hardest thing I've ever done in my life was trying to act hard when Hinata was found after Pain's attack; I was so overjoyed I wanted to hold the ceremony then and there but I couldn't, knew I couldn't", even Kiba couldn't stand upright for that long with that much emotion pouring through him, falling to one knee and burying his face in Akamaru's fur as Ino wept openly, cursing herself as being the worst kind of bitch as she watched her friend destroying himself, "she was lying in that bed with Naruto and everyone there and I, I told her she should have been with me! That she shouldn't have tried to save Naruto, her place was by my side – you don't know how close I came to bottling it then, I nearly ruined everything by not ripping up our marriage contract in front of you all, but I did", he knelt and wept, feeling nothing any more as he heard Akamaru's keening in his ears and the reality hit him yet again; Hinata was married to Naruto and his duty was done, now all that was left was a big, empty ache where his heart had been, "I did, because I knew it would hurt her and if Naruto is anything he's not able to let one of his precious people _be_ hurt while he's around. He beat me to a pulp because of that for the right to marry her in the eyes of your bloody elders; I didn't throw the match but I knew I never stood a chance against the man who crushed all six of Pains' bodies, that was why I never had Akamaru fight with me, I didn't want him to get hurt; but more than that because of our match he finally, finally, saw Hinata was the one for him; because of that, here we all are, and this is the best and worst day of my life".

The scene remained where it was for a moment, all the shinobi present unable to do anything but weep in the cases of Kiba and Ino, and think and considered the situation and try to hide their emotions as Haishi was. Eventually however, all settled down once more, the silence broken only by the occasional sniffle until Haishi slid from his seat to his knees, and then lowered his forehead to the ground in deference to the man who had saved his daughter from the Hyuuga's seal,

"I owe you a great debt Inuzuka Kiba", the clan heads' voice was muffled by the floor but Kiba still heard it as he reeled; as far as he knew Hyuuga Haishi bowed to no-one except maybe the Hokage, "I know your House of Dogs prides itself on loyalty to the pack, you have shown far beyond loyalty in the years you were by my daughter's side". Kiba could do nothing but nod at this, gesturing for the man to stand up as he wiped his eyes,

"I've done what I needed to do", he said glumly, "Hinata needed Naruto to be her strength; when he's Hokage he'll need her to be his sense and to make sure the villages don't try to use his furry problem against him – you know how popular she is at the hospital"; that much was certainly true; though the public mood towards the jinchuuriki was much improved there was still an old guard of civilians who would never forgive the container for the sins of Kyuubi, "so that's all there is to it now; nothing else really matters".

"Of...of course it matters", Ino almost shouted but the looks both men gave her forced her to quieten down, "what about you?"

"What about me – this is what I had to do", he shrugged, standing upright at last and rubbing Akamaru behind the ears, "what, you think I should have trapped Hinata in a loveless marriage?"

"No, of course not but..." Ino blinked, having never thought the day would come where she would be getting lessons in love, or at least the sacrifices made in the name of love, from Kiba of all people, "...it's just not fair on you; I'm so sorry Kiba". He shook his head and rubbed the tears off his cheek tattoos, smiling wanly once again as he shrugged,

"Save it", he said without venom; he did appreciate her concern but knew, had always known, that it was going to boil down to this in the end, "just go back and enjoy the party, and don't tell anyone about this, only the four of us now know about it, apart from Akamaru you're the only two I've ever told but this is their night tonight".

"But when this gets out I can guarantee it will be your night soon", Haishi told him as he smoothed out his robes again, looking down at the younger man as he inclined his head, "if there is anything within my power I could do..." He stopped as Kiba held up a hand,

"Well there was one thing I was thinking of but I think Hanabi's got that in hand already"; _Hanabi? But what could she do that I can't?_; before Haishi could puzzle it out Kiba had grinned and enlightened him, "she seems to have her All-Seeing Eyes fixed firmly upon one Sarutobi Konohamaru; if she ends up married as well you'll have to make Neji the clan heir and I know for a fact what his first order will be". Ino gasped, both hands flying to her mouth as she remembered Tenten being forced to tell her and the other kunoichi her boyfriends' most secret dream in a game of truth or dare,

"The Caged Bird seal, he'll ban it or destroy it", she exclaimed, feeling her smile spread under her hand, "Kiba that's brilliant".

"Maybe, but I have to say it's a shame little Hanabi's not a few years older", he scratched the back of his head before grinning sheepishly at where Haishi was folding his arms – great debt or not, he was still a father first, "mum might not have mentioned it, but she was curious to see what would happen if you mixed your bloodline with our heightened senses – Hinata and I's kids could have been the ultimate tracker-nins".

That thought, and the mental image of a black-haired Inuzuka with pearly white eyes, made Ino laugh out loud and even brought a snicker from Haishi, the raven-haired man raising an eyebrow as he contemplated the idea,

"Well if that had been on her mind I she should have talked to me; we might not have really gotten on as team mates but I've always found Tsume, if not drop-dead attractive, then at least extremely cute"; that comment made Kiba bring a hand to his forehead, at least after he'd stopped sniggering at the novelty of hearing the words 'cute' and 'Tsume' in the same sentence,

"Ah, mum, knew I forgot something; she knows about this whole thing as well, you can talk to her about it".

"Of course", Ino smirked, though inwardly she was still in awe of Kiba's actions, "no boy can keep a secret from his mother". To her consternation however, Kiba merely smirked,

"Oh no, nothing like that; it's just that she's been stood behind you for the past five minutes".

_Oh dear_; he didn't even need to use his bloodline to recognised the feeling of oppressive doom that had settled over him and only increased as a pair of arms snaked around his torso, a soft, warm weight pressing into his back; _this just got a lot more complicated, and embarrassing_;

"Haishi-kun", Tsume purred into his ear as she rubbed her tattooed cheek against his own, though she had to stand on tip-toe to do it, "I knew there was a heart in there somewhere under all that Hyuuga superiority crap. Anyway", she looked over his shoulder at her son, eyes narrowed but still slightly puffed from the tears she'd shed as she'd arrived in time to hear Kiba's explanations of his actions, "I never thought I'd say these words again pup, but I'm proud of you Kiba; Hana and the clan will be too when they hear of what you've done, and why. But why didn't...?"

"I couldn't", he answered before she'd even finished asking, "had to keep this a secret because if the Hyuuga elders caught wind of it it'd have been my testicles on a skewer and Hinata would have been branded just out of spite. Besides, I'm a ninja and I keep secrets, it's my job – you're losing your edge if you can't remember that much grey-back", Tsume snarled playfully at the gentle insult, the word used to describe an old wolf past their prime, "you'd better pass the clan onto Hana so you can start taking tea with the other old fossils in our clan". Unusually for Tsume, she didn't let rip with some ribald comments of her own in the face of such provocation, instead she let slip a dark chuckle that sent shudders right through Haishi; _if she's this bad with her son, what the hell is she going to do with me – Kami-sama, I might not have been the best of men in my lifetime but right now I really need a favour_;

"Oh no you don't pup; I'm a firm believer that no good deed ever goes unpunished and that means you're the clan heir until I pop my clogs or pass it on; you've certainly got a handle on this politics malarkey, I could never get my head around it – not a word you", she demanded of Haishi, knowing the Hyuuga clan head could argue rings around her in council meetings; when she was sure he was going to keep quiet due to her charismatic request (though she conceded the fact she had her fearsome fangs very near his neck at that point might have had something to do with his silence), she smirked at the sudden expression of horror on her son's face before turning back to her recent partner, "still, we'd better get back or we'll be missed; come on Haishi-kun", she stepped back pulling on Haishi's arm, ignoring the Hyuuga's sudden look of horror, "I want a dance and you're going to give it to me".

"Just as long as that's all he gives you", Kiba chuckled, revelling in Ino's sudden blush and Haishi's dumbstruck expression; _ah yeah, forgot they're not used to Inuzuka sarcasm – oh well, too late now_; "I don't want to have to write up another marriage contract in the morning just because you two got a little carried away". He shook his head at his mothers' answering rude gesture, watching on in amusement as she dragged the Hyuuga lord away to the festivities before turning to Ino, still blushing from his earlier insinuation,

"You better get going too Ino; Shika and Chouji'll miss you if you're gone too long and no, before you ask", he forestalled her question with a shake of his head, "I'm not showing up; this is their night and me just being there will spoil it for them".

"At one time I thought you were too cruel Kiba", Ino confessed, shaking her head as she reappraised the young man in front of her, "now I'm just worried you might be too kind instead. Either way though", she gave an impish grin as she stuck her tongue out, feeling less tension in the air and happy because of it, "you're still a baka".

"Oi", caught off-guard by the accusation he dropped into a battle stance, guard up and eyes challenging, "watch it Ino; you wouldn't want me to..."

"To what, get Akamaru to slobber on me?" _Oh is she ever asking for it_; luckily, he knew just this thing to put the upstart Yamanaka in her place as she finished her taunt, "It's the best attack you've got at the minute". The dog-nin chuckled as he curled his hands into fists before extending a single finger from each one, immediately filling Ino with trepidation at the sight,

"Oh is that right; get real Ino, I can put you down with two fingers".

"You wouldn't – ah, okay, I give I give", she darted away from his sudden rush, knowing that if he got close enough to deploy those fingers it was curtains as far as she was concerned – not for the first time she cursed her father for forcing her to inherit his ticklish genes, "you win Kiba, this time at least". Blowing on the tips of his fingers, the Inuzuka smirked,

"Was there any doubt? Anyway", at that point his voice softened and he gestured towards the main reception marquee with his head, "you really better go, they'll be missing you soon and I don't want you to get caught with me here, it'll look bad for both of us".

At this Ino nodded; _thinking of someone else again – he's more like Naruto than anyone realised_; not quite trusting her voice at the minute as she stepped forwards; before Kiba was acutely aware of it she'd wrapped her arms around him softly and pecked him on the cheek; as he rubbed the spot she'd kissed she made her own promise,

"The other will know in time Kiba, I'll make sure of that", with those words, a respectful bow and a last wave, she traced the footsteps of the older two nins and was gone into the night.

_That was sure...different_; as we watched her lithe form vanish into the night Kiba found himself still rubbing his tattoo subconsciously – only a warning nudge in the side from Akamaru reminded him of the need to get going. Patting his dog on the head, the future clan head turn on his heel after giving one last look towards where his life-long love was finally happy and content with the man of her dreams, before letting out a last regretful sigh, turning away from the still-blazing party and disappearing back towards his clan home.

A/N: A bit of a more melancholy story this one, but in a lot of the stories I read Kiba tends to be either written as a bit stupid or a complete pervert; coming from a family of dog-owners, I thought he needed someone to redress the balance. I hope this did the job for everyone and you all enjoyed it.


	8. Chapter 8

Harder to Stomach

A/N: This one introduces one of my favourite characters from the series apart from Jiraiya and Naruto himself; I like the pairing and I hope you agree with me. BTW, the poison in this fic really does work, so don't kill yourself trying it out and I'm not liable if you do!

The show must go on, oh, hang on a minute, it is...

_The second I get my hands on that gaki_; Jiraiya felt relief course through him though he'd rather have been beaten to death a copy of his own Icha Icha that voice it out loud as he finally came into sight of his wayward students' residence; _I'm going to send him back to Konoha in separate packages and let Tsunade-hime figure out how to stitch him back together_.

In all honesty what had he been thinking; from the message Gamachiki had given him the brat had run off to fight Akatsuki with nothing more than hope and the tracking seal that Jiraiya had made him carry for back-up. His last contact had taken a little longer than he'd anticipated to verify his findings so he'd been running late; the sight of the tent in front of him with a burnt-out fire nearby made the breath whoosh out of his lungs in a relieved sigh – at least he was okay, the Akatsuki hadn't caught him as he'd been afraid they had. _So, I don't have to beat those cretins before I beat him to within an inch of his life_; finally realising his student and godson was safe, the Toad Sage settled in for a wait, wanting to pounce on the gaki the second he woke up; _and lucky me_; the man's grin turned almost wolfish a second later as he saw the tent flap twitch; _he's up early today. Hmm, what to do, and should I tell...what?_

All thoughts were driven straight out of his head as the blonde figure before him stepped out of the tent and stretched as Jiraiya's mind had to quickly reboot itself and set out some very basic parameters to function with. For a start, Naruto's hair was a brighter blonde than that, and his eyes were blue, not black – most importantly, unless he was using his truly unique jutsu Jiraiya was certain his student had never filled out a kunoichi uniform quite as well as the person in front of him. _Well, I can safely conclude that's not Naruto, so that means_; for a moment anger fled in the face of pure paternal pride and potential pervertedness; _ah, my little boy's growing up at last_;

"Hoi, gaki", Jiraiya's yell made the girl jump a foot in the air, he surprise at seeing him making her drop into a fighting stance as Naruto half-stumbled, half-fell out of the tent, topless and with the worst case of bed-head Jiraiya had ever seen. Laughing like a maniac internally, the self-professed super-pervert fingered his trusty notepad and called out again,

"I've just _got_ to hear this one!"

And hear it he did; after introducing himself to the girl Naruto forcefully denounced was his girlfriend (though not without seeing the disappointment in her face at said announcement, much to his inner glee), the older shinobi found himself listening to the story his student told, all the while internally debating whether to hug the boy or hit him, and figure out where he'd heard about the girl before.

XXX

As expected of a ninja, when she came to she was up, on her feet and with a weapon in her hand as soon as was possible, even as her mind sought to piece together what had happened to her. With slit pupils roaming the darkness around her, the jounin assassin of the Cloud and jinchuuriki of the Nibi no Nekomata tried to remember something other than the pain of being impaled to a wall with her own kunai as that strange albino zealot finished his bloodthirsty ritual; _I remember..._; it was so hard, the fragments of her recollections swam through a sea of pain, blood and dizziness like fishes in a muddy river, making it almost impossible for her to catch them in any coherent order; _dragging, they beat and captured me, we were going through some woods, days later – something happened, we went off the road, then there were a lot of..._;

Someone cleared their throat and her reaction was immediate; without conscious thought, one of her hair pins had been launched at the source of the noise, away from the light of the fire she'd belatedly realised was crackling away merrily behind her. Her keen ears amplified by the bijuu held with her, she was forced to hold back a hiss of triumph as she heard the dull whump of impact, though as she failed to scent any blood in the air she cursed in her mind; _clone of some kind, now I've lost a poisoned weapon_. Sensing no attack, she reached up and pulled her last pin into her fingers, making sure not to touch the seemingly-ornamental bulb on the end of the pin as she knew it was loaded with a nerve-shredding impact poison, and tensed, waiting for the attack. Long seconds snailed by, every one of them like a separate psychological assault on her nerves, until, eventually, her opponent made a move,

"Easy", it was a male voice, one that was calm and evidently aimed towards pacifying her, "you can relax, I'm not going to hurt you". Of course a promise such as that meant nothing to a ninja, but despite herself the kunoichi relaxed a fraction, trying to peer out into the darkness and see something; _but he picked his place well – with the fire behind me all I can see is different shades of orange_;

"Come into the light, slowly", her tone was measured but commanding as she shifted her posture slightly, her stance becoming slightly more relaxed as a sign of her new reluctance to attack before the other nin made his move. As she heard soft footsteps off to her right and a new figure emerged into her vision, she suddenly found herself feeling a little stupid – this was the guy she was afraid of?

He was shorter than she was by a clear foot and had no weapons on him that she could see, though he was clearly a ninja by the way he stood and moved; _though if he is a ninja he must he a spectacularly poor one – no ninja in Cloud would think of turning up dead in clothing that colour_. That much was certainly true; though the dark navy ninja-style trousers seemed okay, they clashed awfully with the orange T-shirt and charcoal-grey jacket he wore on top, and his headband, though black, couldn't hide the shock of blonde hair, much brighter than her own pale locks that sprung up over it like a badly-trimmed hedge. As she tried to take in his appearance and he reciprocated, she belatedly realised both his hands were facing her, palms up, in an effort to talk her down,

"It's okay", despite his appearance his voice seemed to be strong enough to appear calming at the same time as have an element of command in it, "you're not in any danger or a prisoner or anything like that; I did rescue you after all".

"Rescue?" She repeated blankly, poisoned pin still not leaving her hand as he memory failed to function properly; things were getting a little clearer but still she could recall nothing of him, nothing beyond the two strange men in the black and red cloaks that had subdued Nibi and captured her as though she were little more than a rookie genin. Some of her confusion must have shown in her face as the other nin nodded slowly,

"Ah, yeah I must've looked a little different to you then; I'm just going to put up the henge I used, maybe you'll recognise me then". He waited for her to nod before clapping his hands together and disappearing in smoke; the face that met her when the smoke drifted away did jar in her mind, but how she couldn't quite recall,

"You! Yes, I know you but...but what happened", she brought a hand to her head as her brain started to throb, her weapon dangling loosely in her hand as her confusion grew, spurred on by the belated hunger and thirst she found waiting for her like a scorpion in her shoe, "I don't...don't remember all that well".

"You've been out for a few days", she looked up at the voice, seeing the visage before her fade back into the short blonde figure she'd seen earlier, "after I got you out of there I, ah, I just ran for a long time to make sure any teams the Akatsuki sent after us wouldn't find us – I'm not sure exactly where we are at the minute but my sensei should find us soon".

"Akatsuki? Who are they, and who's your sensei – ah sod it", her headache bloomed upwards into a full-blown migraine, making her screw her eyes shut in pain, "my head hurts so much".

"I can understand that; come on", he moved past her at a respectable distance, making sure he was in her line of sight at all times, "I'm not the greatest chef that ever lived, that title goes to Teuchi-jiji, but it beats ration bars and soldier pills any day of the week".

The mention of food made her stomach almost roar, the virtually-crippling hunger pangs only increasing in power and malice as she turned towards the fire and the smell of roasting fish hit her in the face; almost before her host had offered one of the spitted animals towards her she'd ripped the stake out of his hands and devoured it whole, bones and all; _not like I'd choke on them, Nibi-chan would see to that_;

"Wow", there was a chuckle from the side of her and she looked up to see her host smirking, as he reached for the skewer she'd used she had to fight back her urges to claw at him for threatening her possessions – much as her bijuu was a boon when the going got tough, sometimes the animalistic urges that came with having such a feline in her stomach made social interactions difficult, especially when she was stressed as she was now, "guess you really were hungry. Still, you looked like those bastards had put you through hell", there was a sudden spike of urgency in his tone that almost made her jump as he leant forwards, a curious note of concern in his voice as he spoke again,

"Oh Kami, they didn't...I know they beat you, but please tell me they didn't...force themselves on you?"

Despite herself she was strangely touched by his concern; this was a man she didn't know and who was probably younger than her, who had seemingly pulled her right out of the fire considering the two combat monsters she'd last fought had been dead-set on not letting their prize escape them, and one of his first questions was to make sure she hadn't been molested,

"No", that much at least she was sure of; from what she could recall of her captors one was in love with his bloodthirsty deity of a god and the other seemed to love only money – for some reason she could only ever remember seeing the robed nin peering with his glowing green eyes into a bingo book, "no, they didn't". The tension seemed to drain from the other nin and he seemed genuinely relieved; _though of course, when he realises what I am that'll change_; the jinchuuriki thought sourly as she'd been here before – right now though, all she was interested in was getting more food, something cold to drink and then sleeping until the end of the world,

"Thank Kami for that; it'd be his head on the fire if he had", the young man spat savagely, looking at something she couldn't see over his shoulder before turning back to her, face still radiating concern, "still hungry?" At her vigorous nod he offered more fish forwards, not eating himself for some reason as his guest continued dining; things continued in this vein for a while as both strangers in the night ate and observed each other over the fire.

_I remember his henge, but not very well – was it something to do with bandits, and then he attacked the other two, but how did he beat them?_; that was the crux of the issue, the piece of the puzzle she couldn't fathom as how did a nin as unpreposing as the specimen before her deal with two ninja who'd crushed a jinchuuriki in full synch with her bijuu? As she was finally full at last she made to ask the question before the light glinting from the fire caught of his headband and made her gape as the symbol there stood out in golden fire,

"You're from Konoha?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah", he gave a sheepish grin, scratching the back of his head with one hand, "that's not a problem is it?"

"No, but where's the rest of your team; you tree-huggers never go around in packs of less than three".

"I'm on a training trip at the minute, just me and sensei – that answer your question mountain-rat?" She snarled at the derogatory nickname before realising she had started it and, swallowing her pride, spoke again,

"Fair enough; in that case why did you stick your neck out for me? And how did you beat those two nin – I'm a jounin and one of the strongest in Kumo, how did a brat like you put them down?"

He grinned again and she felt her neck hairs rise in tandem; this was not a sheepish grin like last time, this was a cheerful smile that hid a razor's edge, a dagger edged in velvet and his voice as he spoke again made her reassess her earlier assumptions about the nin in front of her; either he was truly incompetent and had gotten extraordinarily lucky, or he really was a prodigy of a ninja who could take out that duo single-handedly and would therefore go through her without breaking a sweat, especially in her weakened state,

"Well, that's an interesting story kunoichi-san – listen up, hopefully this'll sort things out with your memory so you can fill in the blanks".

"I hope so, and my name's not kunoichi-san", he cocked his head with an eyebrow raised; "I'm Yugito Nii".

"Uzumaki Naruto, a pleasure", he said pleasantly before sitting back, grabbing a fish of his own and beginning to speak his tale.

XXX

As he fought back the nausea that came with a summoning, Naruto once more found himself wondering how the toads dealt with being summoned all the time; after a long second he managed to wrestle down both the feeling of nausea and his lunch and took a deep breath, once more recalling his last month training with the toads and how close he was coming to unlocking the final stage of senjutsu and awakening his sage mode, and how this training came about.

About a month into his three-year training trip Jiraiya had suggested that his newest student try meditation in order to improve his abysmal chakra control, though admittedly this was not entirely his fault due to the presence of Kyuubi in his system. However, the toad sage had been surprised to see Naruto shake his head almost fearfully at the thought of sitting still; as expected the boy had tried to blow off his fear and bury it behind his usual facade of hyperactivity but Jiraiya was a master of seeing through masks and was persistent enough to grind the truth from his reluctant student, though the answer he received brought him up short. Apparently, Naruto _had_ tried meditation while he was in the Academy but something, in the boys' own words, scary had happened and frightened him off trying again, and apparently it was nothing to do with his prisoner – thinking no more of it than a childhood phobia, Jiraiya had eventually coaxed his student to try again with the reassurance that he would make sure nothing went wrong. Reluctantly the orange maelstrom had given it a go, sitting still in the middle of the camp site Jiraiya had picked out for the night and sinking into meditation as the sage watched on, wondering what all the fuss had been about.

The unmistakable sensation of sage chakra being collected nearby quickly answered that question.

Once more the self-proclaimed super-pervert found himself flabbergasted by his student, who had absolutely no idea that he was gathering one of the most potentially powerful forms of chakra known to man whilst clueless as to how to use it properly. This was not something Jiraiya could let stand so, after shaking his student awake before he turned himself into a petrified frog without having a clue how he'd done so, he introduced Naruto to the elder toad sages several years ahead of schedule. At first this didn't sit well with Pa, who swiftly reacquainted Jiraiya's skull with his training cane while chewing him out that no mere human tadpole could come close to even sensing natural energy, let alone gathering it as he was claiming Naruto was doing inadvertently. Of course, Naruto had interpreted this as an insult and told the old toad in no uncertain terms that he something did happen if he tried to meditate; the look on Pa's face when the tadpole went and proved it was something the Toad Sage was certain he'd never forget and he found himself suddenly grateful that Pa hadn't, as he'd first suspected, succumbed to a heart attack – love the irascible old amphibian as he did, he still didn't want to risk mouth-to-mouth with a toad if he could help it.

_And from there to now – five months down the line and my third month at the mountain over_; with a stretch Naruto grinned once more; he had cracked gathering natural energy with the toad oil right at the end of his previous month at the Toad Mountain and had been looking forwards to trying it without, much the same as he'd enjoyed moving up stages in his Rasengan training. It had been hard but he and Pa were nothing if not hard-headedly stubborn and he was close, he could feel it, but it wasn't there yet exactly; _but soon, hopefully next month and I'll be a sage just like Ero-sennin_. That excitement made Naruto tingle, much like using sage chakra did, though he was brought down to earth as he once more cursed his latest reason to hate Kyuubi; though the solution to use clones to store sage chakra, suggested by Gamachiki oddly enough after the young toad had seen Naruto training in a field after Pa had let him go for the evening (and he'd avoided Ma's famous stewed insect soup, a challenge in and of itself), would theoretically let him continue his senjutsu over time, thanks to the damned fox preventing fusion with the toad sages there was no way he'd ever be able to keep up his sage mode for as long as Jiraiya could.

_Still, it's a neat ace in the hole to have, and working at the mountain is really peaceful – I can really fine-tune the ninjutsu Ero-sennin teaches me there_; that much was true – Naruto had been there when Jiraiya and his old sensei had thrashed out a training plan that would hopefully allow Naruto to bring back his errant brother and mend the hole his previous failure had ripped into Sakura's heart. Basically Pa and Jiraiya swapped the genin every month; in his month Jiraiya would teach him ninjutsu and some taijutsu forms, while in his month at Toad mountain the jinchuuriki improved his senjutsu and worked on mastering the jutsus Jiraiya taught him; when the month was over, Pa would reverse-summon his student to a previously-arranged location and Naruto would wait for Jiraiya to pick him up. It was an arrangement that suited everyone, especially Jiraiya; the spymaster had explained that in the months Naruto was absent he could visit contacts in areas Naruto wasn't yet skilled enough to infiltrate; _and get a lot of peeping done without me being there to ruin the party...whoa_; his newly attuned chakra senses suddenly flared and he whipped his head around in a flash; _what the hell was that?_

It had felt like a chakra explosion, and it wasn't human chakra – remembering what Jiraiya had told him when he'd asked why the Toad Sage was teaching him, Naruto knew there weren't many option that would explain a chakra flare that huge so close, little more than ten miles away. _A bijuu, it must have been, but would that mean..._; he didn't even need to finish the thought as a cold dread seeped into his heart – even with his training he knew he was no match for even a single member of the Red Dawn, the organisation Jiraiya had said was hunting him and his kind, but at the same time what if it wasn't a bijuu they were attacking? Sudden thoughts of Gaara, jinchuuriki of the desert flashed up his mind and Naruto swallowed, knowing he'd already lost the argument with himself and halfway through the necessary hand seals before he consciously realised what he was doing,

"Yo, got any candy?" Despite himself he smirked at Gamachiki's usual greeting before setting his face in a grim line, the toad likewise coming up serious as he knew Naruto looking like this meant serious business,

"Not right now 'chiki; wait here and tell Jiraiya", what could he tell him – every second was precious right now for the bijuu he knew he had to look out for now, "tell him the dawn has risen and I'm going to help one of my own". With that, he paused just long enough to see the toad no before setting off into the distance, towards the raging chakra flare that echoed in his senses still.

He arrived too late; the ground was scorched and a newly-formed crater showed three figures present, two moving one not, though one of the standing men had his cloak ripped and looked to have been burnt badly on his left arm, obviously the quarry hadn't gone down without a fight. Unfortunately by the time Naruto got into a good position in a tree branch overlooking the battlefield having cloaked himself with Jiraiya's peeping jutsu and banked his chakra to background levels, something he'd have been unable to do without his sage training and with Kyuubi still running rampant through his system, the fight was over and he was forced to grit his teeth at the sight of two Akatsuki members, he recognised them by their distinctive cloaks, standing over a form he couldn't quite see; _damn, it is a jinchuuriki and they got her. Don't get stupid, you can't take them – just listen and get info_; with that, he channelled chakra to his ears to listen to the conversation,

"Damn rag-man", the albino with the pale hair was saying, hefting his wicked-looking tri-bladed scythe over his shoulder, "you've got the luck of the devil – after a missing-nin bastard who pissed off Cloud and we run into their jinchuuriki bitch".

"Hmm", the other man, still shrouded by his cloak, looked on; for a minute Naruto thought he was looking at another, much more deadly version of Kakashi-sensei as the man peered into a novel, only to then recognise it as a bingo book, "shame we didn't get her a few years later, she'd have had a good bounty on her head then".

"Hah", Naruto had to resist the urge to gag as other man rammed the butt of his weapon through his own stomach, collecting the blood that poured from the wound as though commenting on the weather; _how the hell isn't he dead?_; "all you ever think about is money you heathen bastard – Jashin-sama needs nothing beyond blood and sacrifice to ensure his immortality, and mine". As he began scattering the blood around him Naruto found himself thanking Pa's training stick and Jiraiya's toad-style training – if he'd tried his former tactic of rushing in against this pair he'd have been pretty much parcelling Kyuubi to the Akatsuki with a pretty pink bow,

"Even gods die Hidan, only money is eternal", the other man said stoically, his voice gravelly and grave as he looked on, "and do you have to do that ridiculous ritual now?"

"Hey, screw you Kakuzu", the albino shot back, his ritual circle almost complete as he faced his partner, "only through pain does Jashin-sama heed my prayers; my only regret is that there's no heathen blood here to spill, unless..."

"No, we need her alive". The man Naruto now recognised as Hidan scowled before plastering a faux-wheedling expression on his face,

"Aww, have a heart Kakuzu, not that you need another you grizzled old bastard; what are you up to now, five?" _Five hearts?_; this only made Naruto confused, though that confusion rose to horror as Hidan lay down in the centre of his circle and threw his scythe into the air; as the weapon impaled him squarely through the chest, all three blades scoring lethal blows, the madman hissed in a combination of ecstasy and pain, "Jashin-sama, I offer this bounty of agony to you, heed the prayers of your faithful servant as I fall into communion with your bloodlust". With that, his eyes rolled back in his head and he fell silent, though Naruto was certain he wasn't dead; _what the hell is he – is he an immortal or something? And what does he mean when he said the other guy had five hearts?_

It was a question Naruto pondered before realising he didn't have quite enough information to go off; though he was fairly certain the albino was almost immune to death via sharp, stabby things, he didn't know what the partner was capable of. However, he now knew that Hidan was the servant of Jashin-sama, some kind of mad god he assumed, and the other one, Kakaza or something like that, was motivated by money. They'd come across this jinchuuriki, who Naruto couldn't see behind Kakaza's cloak, by luck on their part, but it was luck they couldn't be allowed to keep; though not even Jiraiya knew what the organisations' eventual goal was, by letting them get hold of another bijuu Naruto knew those goals were one step closer to completion and he swore he wasn't going to let that happen. _But what can I do – the two of them beat another jinchuuriki who must have used their bijuu and it looks like only one of them got injured, and he's survived having a damned scythe stuck straight through him. They're a pair of bloody psychos, how can I stop them?_

Luckily for the budding sage, the duo seemed to give him time to consider his options; whatever depraved ceremony Hidan was embarked on took time, allowed Naruto to dream up an idea. It was obvious he couldn't kill the two in front of him in a fair fight but he was a ninja, so fighting fair to him were just two pretty words in a dictionary. Also, it appeared that Hidan considered both himself and his partner to be the 'Immortals' of the Akatsuki, so they wouldn't die easily; indeed Hidan seemed impervious to normal death, but then, not all deaths were caused by blades and knives. In fact, if he played his cards right here and remembered a few words of wisdom from Teuchi-jiji, he might be able to injure them enough to make sure he could put them away for good, knock a couple of Akatsuki members out of the equation and rescue a fellow jinchuuriki into the bargain. Creeping away from the victorious duo, the sage-in-training silently summoned a couple of shadow clones, instructing them to keep an eye on the pair and track their movements while he quickly located the nearest town and went to get and make a few things he'd need to make this plan of his work.

About a day later, having triangulated co-ordinates with his clones and pitched the tents he'd brought in what he judged to be a likely spot for a camp of small people, Naruto crossed his fingers and hoped like hell that this went well for him, otherwise it'd be his head on the block either from the Akatsuki, or from Jiraiya when the Toad Sage got his hands on him after finding out about his little escapade.

XXX

Though they were aware someone was close by, the arrow that suddenly buried itself in the ground about five feet ahead of Hidan's shoe came a slight surprise; while both immortals looked at the weapon in something close to disdain and amusement (after all, what idiot attacked shinobi with such simple weapons?), said idiot then compounded his error by stepping out from the tree-line and shouting his intentions for both intended victims to hear, either not aware or not caring about the unconscious girl the shorter of the two had slung over his shoulder,

"Halt, your money or your life!"

_He cannot be serious_; Kakuzu honestly had thought he'd seen it all in his long life but this was beyond even him; the callow youth in front of him, with chakra levels barely approaching a civilian adults, was threatening two shinobi, at least one of them very obviously armed and dangerous. The Taki missing-nin was about to allow Hidan to make a sacrifice of the moron but, before either of the two Akatsuki could do more than share a perplexed look, a second, older voice rang out from the tree on the other side of the path the two nuke-nin were cutting towards the Akatsuki headquarters; by order of the leader, all travelling was done in a manner that eliminated much of the risk of coming into contact with large numbers of people who might otherwise start asking questions, especially if they noticed the captured jinchuuriki the teams were supposed to take down between them.

"You _idiot!_" An older man strode between the two tree-lines right in front of the ninja duo and clipped the youth around the ear, belabouring him with his voice and repeated blows to the head, "look at their foreheads, they're shinobi! We do _not_ mess around with ninja, let alone try to rob them; a Kami-damned wet-behind-the-ears genin could probably take down all of us, even Ginaba-san and I'm sure these guys aren't genin. Just", with an effort the man stood back up, allowing the younger man to move away whilst cupping his sore ear, "go back and get something for us all to eat, we'll need it to shift camps and let me tell you I'll be reporting you to Gin-san so you'll get the heaviest load. Now get out my sight while I try to ensure we get out this with our lives". Muttering the youth walked away; Kakuzu watched on amazed as he saw the other man shake his head at the retreating figure, muttering just loud enough for the ancient shinobi to hear,

"Cack-handed pillock, a peasant in Kumo that stupid would be smothered at birth", with a last sigh the man turned towards the two shinobi with his hands up, bow slung carefully over his back as he shouted across, "shinobi-san, I can only apologise for the actions of my companion and offer you money and food to apologise".

_Money!_; he'd said the magic word, raising a hand to stop Hidan from making the man in front of them a sacrifice to his god, Kakuzu passed his burden over to the albino while moving forwards to talk business with the man who assumed was a would-be bandit,

"I'm listening bandit; make it good, I'm not patient and my friend is very bloodthirsty". To his credit the other man gave only a single shiver before forcing down his self-doubt and continuing to speak,

"It's what we do when the local civilians sic ninja on us; we offer the nin half of everything we have and move on – we're a small group, don't need much to get by and it usually covers the mission cost and more so they leave us alone and let us pack up for a different area, so we'll extend the same offer to you and then move on".

"How much?" The man shrugged,

"Don't know, our leader Gin holds the purse strings but we had a good haul last month", he pointed towards the forest, "camp's about a mile that way, not many people come here. You're welcome to come and I guarantee none of us, well, apart from the idiot Hukuna you just met, are dumb enough to try anything against shinobi".

"I should hope not", Kakuzu spoke back, muttering out the corner of his mouth to Hidan, "they have money; if it's not enough you can kill them, if it is we let them live".

"But..."

"No", Kakuzu was very firm on this point; though Hidan couldn't die, the Jashinist needed him to sew various parts back onto his body over the course of his many battles and was therefore as indispensible to the immortal as a heathen could be so he could usually be brought around to the older man's point of view, "all men have the right to barter for their lives; if they manage to meet my price they can keep them". Hidan said nothing but looked as though he'd just bitten a lemon; still, he kept his peace this time and hefted his scythe over one shoulder and their teenage captive over the other, following Kakuzu as the aged Taki nin moved off, following the bandit to the camp of his men.

The trip was uneventful, the bandit, who's name the duo discovered as Aedi, calling out to various hidden positions along the way, each one revealing itself to be another hidden potential attacker; _interesting, these men are well-trained, and know not to stick their noses in where they're liable to get broken_. That thought ran through Kakuzu's mind as he pushed aside the bushes Aedi had led them through and stepped into a recently-raised clearing, a motley collection of tents raised inside it. A couple more men, a two women the nins noticed in surprise, were lazing around the area, looking over at the newcomers before Aedi raised his hands,

"Standard deal; keep quiet until the boss sorts it out".

"He's out foraging", one of the other men called back, not directly looking at either of his groups impromptu guests or their captive, "where's Hukuna-kun?"

"Out of my sight, the better for him; he's the reason we've got company". The other man grimaced,

"Don't tell me..."

"Oh yes, that genius though it'd be a good idea to fire a warning shot off at this pair", Aedi jerked a thumb over his shoulder at the two nins, "so I made 'em the offer and here we are. Start packing up lads, and lasses of course", he mentioned at a none-too-discreet 'humph' from the side of him, "we need to be away from here and gone after we've eaten and boss has traded for our lives".

There was a general deflation of the atmosphere at that statement; sullenly the other bandits present rolled up what they were doing, including a pair that looked to be locked in a duel of shogi, though Kakuzu noticed one of the gamers made a quick sketch of the board before he swept the pieces off it, evidently wanting to continue the game at some point, and headed for the tents. Working together, the dozen or so people began stripping them down and moving things out of them, Aedi bowing to the two shinobi and inviting them to take their leisure nearby as he was going to try and track down Gin, the leader of their motley band. Without another word Hidan let the jinchuuriki on his shoulders flump unceremoniously to the ground and sat down, fingering his Jashin pendent irritably as he looked at all the potential sacrifices around him,

"Get the feeling these dumb bastards have done this before?"

"Probably more than once", Kakuzu grunted back, though in reality he was surprised; most bandit groups were well-policed by shinobi from the nearest village, though this Gin seemed to have found a way to buy off their predations on his business, kind of a small-scale version of what Akatsuki was aiming to achieve in the long-run. _I may have to mention this to Leader-sama_; the Taki nin noted idly, inconspicuously watching the tents get knocked flat and bundles of material roughly partitioned into what a single man could carry, the rest left to one side and a single tent left completely untouched by the industry; _this bandit, while he's not important enough to be an ally, might well go down as a useful contact for Sasori-sans' spy network_.

Just as he finished the train of thought Kakuzu heard the sounds of two people approaching the camp site and looked up, warning Hidan not to try anything with his free hand. As he saw Aedi return with another man by his side, this one slightly taller and a little younger-looking than the iron-haired old bandit was, the missing nin stood up in time to respond to the bandit leader's respectful bow with a irritated jerk of his head,

"Let's talk business", the Taki-nin growled, "one of your men inconvenienced myself and my partner; we want adequate compensation for our troubles". To his credit the younger man didn't flinch at first; only when Kakuzu reinforced his statement with a little killing intent did he manage to break a sweat out on Gin's face,

"I can understand that", the man squirmed uncomfortably, beckoning Kakuzu over to the single tent that hadn't been pulled down yet, "I'll get our funds and we'll work something out".

"For your sake we'd better", Kakuzu promised him lowly, stumping over behind the bandit leader and waiting at the tent entrance, "I'll start at ten-thousand ryo per life for your men; I hope you're a bartering man". There was a whistle from the inside of the tent before Gin reappeared, a stout box in his hands that he undid with a key from around his neck,

"You drive a hard bargain ninja-sama, but as you said yourself", he walked over to where the rest of his men had been sitting, beckoning Kakuzu to take a seat on one of the logs opposite him, "let's do business".

Kakuzu would be the first to admit that he'd become jaded in his advanced age, but there were still a few things in his life he was guaranteed to derive pleasure from; gaining a big bounty was foremost among these, but haggling and bartering ran a very close second to that. Though the lives of the men and women around him meant nothing and he would slaughter them all, Hidan included, in an instant if his temper rose, the fact that Gin was almost able, on a couple of occasions, to bait a rise out of him whilst haggling tempered his fury easily – he did enjoy a challenge. However, as all good things must eventually come to an end, Kakuzu eventually stood tall and nodded, signifying the deal was done and the time for talk was over,

"Done; a total of ten-thousand ryo for all the lives of your band and half the contraband you carry, less food and tents". Gin also stood and nodded, though he looked pained to do so,

"Done, and Kami have mercy on the man who opposes you in the market-place", at that Kakuzu allowed himself a brief chuckle as he collected a roll of bills from the groups' strong box, Gin then locking it and placing it in his tent,

"Kami have mercy for I have none", the Taki nin assured him before looking around to see if Hidan had gotten up to any mischief while his attention had been elsewhere. To his slight surprise there was a distinct lack of blood where the pale man was sitting, still fingering his pendant with his eyes closed, though they opened for a moment as though sensing Kakuzu looking at him. The Taki-nin was about to ask what the problem was before the same odour that had captivated his partner went to work on him.

Looking across at the camp fire, both members of the Akatsuki were surprised by the sour face of Hukuna staring into the flames, occasionally poking something in the fire with a stick as a couple of the other members of Gins' band seemed to prepare something else nearby. Kakuzu wasn't sure exactly what time it was but the aroma from the fire, not meat but at the same time not vegetables either, acutely reminded him that it had been a while since he'd eaten last and he'd subdued a bijuu since then, so it must have been time to eat. Masking his surprise, he turned back to Gin only to see the man smiling at him, replacing the key to the strong box around a cord on his neck,

"Heh, the reason we keep Hukuna-kun around – he might be a baka at times but he's a damn fine cook", the man snorted, looking over at the boy with an expression somewhere between annoyance and fondness, "you and your friend are welcome to eat with us".

"Hell yes", _damn_; Kakuzu winced as he realised Hidan's hearing had returned from earlier when a claw-swipe from the bijuu of the girl they'd run into had shot cleanly through his ear, "finally something around this pissant hovel I can enjoy". With that the Jashinist left their captive, still unconscious and likely to remain that way for a good while yet, where she lay and moved towards the fire, scattering bandits left and right as they sought to get out of the way of his lethal weapon.

"Just don't kill anyone", Kakuzu warned his blood-hungry partner as he stalked up beside him, smirking as Hukuna jumped back nervously after recognising them both, "they've paid for their lives, this time". Hidan scowled,

"Just as long as the food tastes like it smells", karma being the sod that it was of course, at that point a terrible reek met his nose, causing him to gag, "and who the hell just shit themselves?"

"Ah, gomen, that's the seasoning", one of the women answered, holding something in her hand out to Hukuna, both bandits turning away from the source of the offensive pong, "the smell goes after cooking though".

"Praise Jashin-sama for that", Hidan muttered murderously, the scent of that fruit or whatever it had been still haunting his nostrils as he moved around the fire out of the way of the slight prevailing wind, "if dinner stank like that money or no money every one of you is getting staked out for Jashin-sama to dine on at his leisure".

As expected a ripple of fear raced around the camp at that proclamation, Hukuna in particular sweating and nearly burning himself as he half-dropped his cooking stick into the fire. Unsurprisingly, Kakuzu found himself being presented with what looked like a thick, brown pancake, though what it actually was eluded him completely; however, he was a ninja and therefore thoughts of treachery were always foremost in his mind; in a single smooth movement he grabbed the item out of the cooks' hands and thrust it towards Gin with a single command,

"Eat it".

There was no room for argument in the missing-nin's voice, and to his credit Gin didn't seem too concerned at the demand, merely sighing and reaching for the article as he voiced his thoughts,

"One reason I never wanted to become a nin, I'm not paranoid enough", with that he bit a huge chunk out of the meal and chewed vigorously, swallowing before nodding at Hukuna, "cracking as always brat; get the rest for the guests, assuming you're happy with that?"

"As happy as he is with anything that doesn't have a dead guy printed on it", Hidan quipped, ignoring the sudden look of irritation that flared in Kakuzu's eye, "what is this crap anyway?"

"One of the mushrooms that grows around here; we just strip it off the trees it grows on and leave it to the brat to work his magic", Gin enlightened him before finishing his own meal and moving off to his own tent, saying he needed to pack up his own things. Finding themselves left alone for the time being, both Akatsuki members retreated to where they'd previously been sat and ate the food brought to them, having seen it was prepared at the same time as Gins' and nothing had been done to it since. Unsurprisingly Hidan finished first, the man being as messy with his table manners as he was in battle,

"You know rag-man", he spluttered, showering his partner with crumbs, "they're a filthy bunch of Jashin-sama damned heathens, but they're not so bad this bunch". Fastidiously wiping the residues of the zealot's last mouthful off his cloak and making a note to maim his partner in his mental bingo book, Kakuzu shrugged,

"As long as they can pay their way it doesn't matter to me", he began, only to tail off at the sudden raising of voices from the gaggle of bandits loading up their gear, "though this could be interesting; if one of them starts something and we happen to be in the way I'll demand double last time".

"And I'll get the sacrifice my god demands" Hidan chipped in chillingly, gripping his scythe as Gin suddenly strode out of his tent, demanding to know what was going on, "this should be good, unless that prick ruins it for me". It certainly looked that way, as Gin pulled a couple of his men aside and shot down the raised voices with his own, the situation calmed down enough for the two missing nin to hear what was going on,

"She's held out on us", one of the men accused, thrusting a finger at one of the women who glared back defiantly, "all booty is to be put in the pot equally and that was never in there".

"For good reason; that merchant gave it to me after I stopped his horses bolting and I wasn't handing it over to any of you", she shot back with venom, meeting his glare with her own, "I lost my husband to the demon drink, I'm not risking it with anyone else. I was going to sell it and give Gin-kun the money from it; you can use that better than you can a bottle of that poison". The man seemed about to retort when Gin himself stepped between the warring parties and wrestled the object free,

"Enough, all of you; I understand both views but we've enough problems as it is at the minute without coming to blows over rubbish like this. Get back to work, I'll deal with this", he waiting until the others grudgingly turned away before sighing and moving back over to the nin, his tone apologetic as he spoke again,

"Sorry you had to see that ninja-sama; you might as well take this", he handed the object forwards and Kakuzu was surprised to see it was a bottle of sake, a decent vintage as well, "they'll only fight or moan if I smash it or pour it away and I need them all sober; if you need to check it's not poisoned use her".

Kakuzu was marginally surprised, both by the man's presumption and his ruthlessness as he prompted the Taki-nin's question and pointed out a solution in the form of the jinchuuriki by the side of him; _and they're supposed to be all but immune to most poisons as well due to their bijuu_. It was a tempting proposition – though not a drinking man, Kakuzu could appreciate a decent vintage of sake every now and then and this was certainly a decent bottle, not even opened and, as he inverted the bottle to make sure there were no holes where a powder or liquid could have been poured through the cork, no sign it had been tampered with. He was jarred out of his thinking by Hidan, the zealot looking over his shoulder as he eyed the bottle hungrily,

"So rag-man, what's the hurry? Want me to wake the bitch up – she might as well be of some use before we rip the cat out of her and she ends up as plant-man food". Totting things up in his head, Kakuzu shrugged and moved to uncork the sake jar, offering it to Hidan,

"No, no need; I doubt these bandits would know how to poison sake without opening the bottle"; at that Hidan grinned even wider and grabbed the pro-offered bottle, taking a generous measure before passing it back,

"In that case share the blessing – it's not blood but it'll do until we run into someone else".

"Quite", Kakuzu commented idly, taking a small sip of his own from the top of the bottle; though far from the ideal way to enjoy fine sake, beggars couldn't be choosers and finding a gem such as this in such a sty was, as Hidan said, a blessing in its own right. Taking another sip, he offered the bottle to his side again only for a sudden gasp from Hidan to give him pause enough to turn around.

The Jashinist was pale, paler even than normal and with a cold sweat beading his brow; before the Taki-nin's appalled gaze, his partner tried to stand only to stumble and fall, only his weak grip on the haft of his scythe stopping him from landing on his face. Anger replacing all other emotions as he realised they'd both been tricked by mere bandits, Kakuzu hurled the tainted alcohol away and made ready his hearts, only for the sudden pain to hit him hard enough to drive him to his knees.

If Hidan had swung all three blades of his scythe into his guts and given a firm yank it wouldn't have hurt as much as the sudden pain now ripping through his belly and spreading, paralysing some muscles and sending others into spasm as each breath became a razor-edged agony against his ribs. Kakuzu couldn't stand, couldn't think and couldn't even try to channel chakra; all that existed was the pain he was in and he could do nothing to fight against it. On his knees and only dimly aware of Hidan by the side of him throwing up his breakfast, lunch and dinner, the Taki-nin didn't even notice the kunai that lanced into his body, nor the sharp, thin spike of metal that had once been Hukuna's spitting stick slicing clean through one of his hearts, each of these was lost as a ripple in the ocean of agony he was drowning in. He couldn't even raise his head, instead falling forwards into a foetal ball and landing in a position that allowed him to see his end before it arrived.

Charka smoke was all over the clearing, henges having been dropped and the resultant clones were now swarming towards Hidan; the Jashinist swore and lashed out with his scythe but the fearsome weapon was held in mid-strike by nothing more than a kunai, allowing the clones' companions to surround the immortal and slice him apart with their own blades, beat him down with their fists. Kakuzu couldn't have cared less by that point about his partner, all that mattered was trying to survive this assault himself; he managed to focus just enough to activate his steel skin jutsu, only to look up and realise his death was upon him, and ironically from a man who must have faked his own death in much the same way he had. There were only two men who could use the technique that was spinning in the figure's hand and only one had hair that shade; before the massive Rasengan fell onto his prone back and ruptured the rest of his hearts, Kakuzu managed to speak a final word, the name of the doom of Akatsuki's immortals,

"Y-Yondaime!"

With that last word, the massive technique landed and ground straight through his weakened defensive jutsu, ending his immortality and making his world darken to nothingness.

_And done_; just to be on the safe side Naruto plunged the kunai into the back of the shorter nin's head, half-severing his head as he heard his clones still pummelling Hidan, the Jashinist still refusing to die if the curses he could hear were anything to go by. He took a second to pull himself together, still absent-mindedly stabbing his supposedly dead quarry as right now he considered overkill to be an oxymoron in the case of this odd pair; when he was finally certain Kakuzu was gone and never coming back, he reached down, channelled his wind chakra and sliced through the missing-nin's head, just about keeping the mushroom he'd eaten down as a huge bundle of severed black threads flopped out of his opponent's neck instead of the vast quantities of blood he'd been expecting; _Kami, is everyone in the damned Akatsuki a freak of nature or is it just my luck to pick the oddest couple those fruit-cakes have got? Still, they're dead, or_; he corrected himself as he watched his clones, having given up trying to kill Hidan, seemed to be content to removing him from the battleground one small piece at a time; _as dead as they're going to get at least – so, take the heads, take the rings, take anything else they've got, get rid of the bodies, including potty-mouth over there, and then get the hell out of here!_

XXX

"And that's just what I did", he finished, bringing the cord that had held the key to the storage box he'd used as a prop whilst playing the part of a small-time bandit chief, two rings now clinking together softly as Yugito looked on, amazed at his story, "these rings are important to Akatsuki, though I don't know why. But apart from that, got their heads in a scroll", he tapped a pocket on the side of his shinobi pants and smirked, "and looking forwards to the pay check I'll cash in when I hand them in".

"But, but..."

"Yeah I get that a lot", once more he reacted to her flabbergasted virtual hyper-ventilation with a scratch of the back of his head and innocuous comment, "but don't worry, they can't get you anymore. In fact", he reached into his pocket as he spoke, drawing out a scroll with a look that promised pure mischief on his face, "I'll prove it". Realising what he was driving at Yugito felt her stomach clench; it was one thing to know her captors were dead but to see it...

"No, I believe you, it's..." he quieted her with a raised hand,

"Trust me, it'll be fun"; _fun?_; that was about the last thing she'd expected to hear as a plume of smoke erupted from the scroll before her;_ what the hell's fun about a pair of severed heads?_;

"Oi, you jumped-up piss-headed piece of crap", she didn't quite faint at the sight of one of the mangled heads in front of her insulting the one who'd beheaded it but it was a near thing as Hidan spat up at his vanquisher, Kakuzu's severed skull beside him remaining mercifully quiet as his former companion in life raged, "what the hell's the big idea?"

"From your perspective everything's big now titch", the boy smirked down, tweaking the nose of the severed head before whipping his fingers away as Hidan sought to bite him, "anyway, don't try to run off looking for the rest of you; it's currently at the bottom of a very deep pool turning to stone".

"You son of a...!" The immortal was silenced by a ringing slap to the top of his head, half of the scalp missing from where a clone had taken a swipe with a chakra-enhanced kunai and missed his intended target of the throat as Hidan had shifted due to the agony of the poison he'd ingested,

"Language, there are ladies present; anyway, I doubt you've been formerly introduced so", he carefully turned the head around so it faced Yugito, the jinchuuriki by now having overcome her surprise and instead finding it hard to laugh at the preposterous sight before her, "Yugito this is Hidan; Hidan, Yugito".

"M, my pleasure", the kunoichi stuttered, having to fight down a laugh as the severed head before her seemed to seize up in apoplexy at seeing its original target before it, free and running around unchecked, "I've heard of losing your head Hidan-san, but losing your entire body seems a little extreme".

"I'm going to come back", the head promised them, trying to glare a hole through the sniggering kunoichi in front of it, "I'm coming back bitch and you are going to the first one I send to Jashin-sama – you'll scream for your death before I grant you that mercy!"

"Ah shut up slap-head, get back in your scroll", Naruto commanded, moulding chakra as he did so; before Hidan could curse him again he slammed his fingers onto the parchment and both the talking head and dead one beside it vanished back into storage, "sorry about that Yugito-chan, I swear I'll domesticate him someday".

She had no hope at that one; the thought of Hidan's head mounted on a wall and swearing out everyone it saw until the end of time tickled her funny-bone too much and she did something she'd been afraid she'd never have the chance to do again – hugging her stomach, Yugito burst out laughing, carrying on until tears started at the corner of her eyes and she ran out of breath to laugh with. Naruto watched on, letting her recover from the ordeal she'd been through at her own pace; she'd been semi-conscious he guessed since her capture and had come close to waking while he'd been dodging around the countryside, avoiding any potential pursuit from the Akatsuki despite the fact he'd burnt Kakuzu's body to ash at the scene and summoned a toad to transport Hidan's remains to Toad Mountain for burial at sea in the lake of toad oil, where hopefully it would turn to stone and wear away with time. He waited by the fire-side until his companion recovered and sat up again, holding a stitch in her side as she looked at him through sparkling eyes,

"Ohh, I'm sorry but that was a good line", Naruto merely shrugged, a happy smile on his face until her next question made him pay more attention, "but, apart from that, who were those guys and what's the Akaksupi-thing you said earlier? And why did you save me?"

"The Akatsuki", Naruto began after a minute, not sure exactly how much to give away before realising that, right now, he had a golden chance to gain the trust of one of the other eight people in the world who could truly understand the hell he called his life and he couldn't afford to waste it by holding back information that could possibly save herself again, "is an organisation, a very powerful one made up of missing-nins, all of them high A-rank at the very lowest, most of them S-rank", he felt as much as saw Yugito's eyes grow huge as he continued onwards, "and they're after all the bijuu for some reason. I don't know what that is but I do know they're clever, powerful and utterly merciless when it comes to getting what they want; from what I heard from Tweedle-dumb-and-dumber before I took them out, you were a lucky find for them, after the same missing-nin they were".

"yes, that was my last mission", she confirmed before launching into the meat of the issue; _I failed it, but I think Raikage-sama will understand when I tell him why_; "but why did you step in – you're from Konoha, you're not allies with my state. And how did you know I was...am, what I am?" Naruto held up a finger,

"Wrong; Konoha and Kumo aren't allies, but we should be; as for your tenant", he watched as she flinched and grimaced to himself; _same as me – are all jinchuuriki alike like this? If so I can sometimes see why Gaara decided to go in off the deep end – it's just easier that way_; "well, which one do you hold?"

It was rather a personal question but, considering the debt she owed him, Yugito felt it was only fair she answered; not looking at him, she poked a fist forwards, two fingers extended as her answer; she waited for a long minute for his answer, not sure what he could say to that, before the tension broke her and she looked across at where Naruto sat cross-legged. To her surprise, however, he was looking at her face rather than her hand; as he eyebrow rose he smirked and nodded, just slightly; it was enough to get her to look down and promptly lose both eyebrows in her hairline as she saw his hands opposite hers, fingers spread into a number she recognised all too easily,

"Kyuubi", she breathed, mind reeling; _but they said it was dead, the Yondaime killed it_; "you hold the nine-tails?"

"Yeah, I'm Konoha's dirty little secret, the thing they wish didn't exist", Naruto grimaced as the memories of his childhood stormed through him again, the cold eyes and hateful glares still poisonous to him even now, "the Yondaime couldn't kill the fox so he sealed it into me; that's why I stepped in to help you, I know what it's like for jinchuoooff!"

That was as far as he got before Yugito moved, hurling herself across at him in a tackle-hug as she felt her heart race fit to bursting; her finally, finally was someone her own age she could talk to, who knew the burden of being a demon-host and didn't have the political connections Bee-san had – though the current Raikage had tried to make life easier for her and to an extent had succeeded, he couldn't erase the past and the harsh lessons she had learnt there, that she would never be fully accepted by her human peers. Strangely Naruto didn't struggle in her embrace as he felt the same way she did; this was a person he didn't need a mask around, someone who truly knew the burdens he carried, so instead he relaxed in Yugito's arms and reciprocated her hold, feeling himself start to cry and not really caring as he did so, stroking through the girls' long hair as she nuzzled her cheek against his own, breathing something into his ear about him being the first jinchuuriki close to her age she'd ever met and he spoke back something similar, he didn't think his words, he just said them as they came to him and went from there.

Just for a moment, for perhaps the first time in his life, Uzumaki Naruto felt safe in the arms of another person, knowing without fear that this time there were no concealed daggers poised behind his back ready to strike when he lowered his guard.

He didn't know how long he lay there, side by side with Yugito Nii, but when he came back to himself the fire had burnt itself out and there was a distinctive chill in the air; night was upon them and he was tired; _before I go to bed though_; he made to slide out of the older jinchuuriki's grip, only to feel Yugito instinctively clamp her arms tighter around him; _time to wake her up before she gets a cold_. Reaching down, the nine-tailed jinchuuriki gently ran a few fingers over the side of the girls' stomach where her uniform exposed her midriff, relaxing when he felt the flesh twitch under his fingers – a few seconds of light tickling later and Yugito's slightly slanted eyes blinked open in front of him, peering around blearily before focussing on him and jerking away in shock,

"Ah, gomen I'm..." she stretched out, wincing at the kinks in her muscles as she covered her yawn with a hand, "...I'm still tired from, everything".

"I guessed; just out of interest is the Nibi a cat-demon by any chance?"

"Yeah, Nibi no Nekomata – how did you guess?" Naruto grinned,

"You stretch like a cat"; _ah hell_; Yugito fought to stop blushing at the reminder as once more she cursed her still-slumbering tenant lightly, though the Nibi must still have been sleeping off its battle wounds as it didn't respond to her mental rants about accidentally embarrassing her. To cover up her sudden shame at her tenants' influencing of her behaviour, the kunoichi stood up and offered her hand, pulling Naruto to his feet before yawning again,

"Ugh, I have to go to bed".

"Yeah, tent's that way; have a good night".

"What? You're sleeping too right?" _Oh no, if those Akatty bastards are still out there does that mean he's on guard?_; to her surprise Naruto looked up quizzically at her question,

"Uh, yeah, but there's only one tent; I'm kipping out for..."

"Finish that sentence and I'll lock you in the tent all night with Hidan's head for company", Yugito told him in no uncertain terms, gripping his shoulder as he looked at the floor, "look, I'm a kunoichi and we're now in this together; you are not freezing out here all night because you're a prude. Get in that tent, oh and while you're at it", a sudden question she hadn't heard the answer to yet jarring her thoughts, "tell me what you poisoned those two clowns with – it must have been effective if you knocked them both out with it".

At this question Naruto seemed to ponder for a minute before, to her consternation, he broke out in an irritating smirk,

"Ah, now that would be telling; I've given you all the clues in the story, you'll just have to put the rest together yourself". Yugito felt her jaw drop before she hardened her visage and demanded again,

"Tell me".

"Umm, no".

"Tell me!"

"No, n-o; work it out".

"Damn it, I've only known you a few hours and I already want to kill you".

"That long; damn, I must be losing my edge".

"Grrr, just get into the tent, I'm tired and I'll get the truth out of you in the morning!"

XXX

"Yugito Nii, I knew I'd heard that name before", Jiraiya said as he looked to the girl again, nodding his head as she couldn't meet his eyes; _figures though – to her I'm the legendary Jiraiya-sama, one of the Legendary Three and the Toad sage, not like this brat with his Ero-sennin_; "so, you hold the Nibi then?"

"Hai Jiraiya-sama", she replied quietly before finally being able to look up, "so, you're Naruto-kun's sensei". _Naruto-kun?_; though his face didn't show it, in his mind a chibi Jiraiya was dancing around manically with sparklers burning on both hands and a party hat on his head; _oh boy did this just get interesting_; before he could answer though, his student's voice cut through to him as Naruto finished collapsing the tent,

"Yeah, that's him, but don't bother with the –sama Yugito-chan", chibi-Jiraiya blew a party whistle and started break-dancing, "he's just plain Ero-sennin".

"Ero-sennin?" Yugito looked over to her fellow blonde with a raised eyebrow, "why do you call him that?" Naruto's megawatt grin was almost enough to make Jiraiya wince – bang went his chance of playing match-maker here if the girl thought he was a pervert; the fact that he was a pervert was beside the point – Naruto always put such a negative spin on it though,

"He writes those Icha Icha books and peeps on pretty girls everywhere to get inspiration for them".

As expected, Yugito whirled around at him, eyes wide as she extended a trembling hand towards him,

"_You_ write Icha Icha?" _Here we go then_; fatalistically Jiraiya nodded and made ready to defend himself from an onslaught of righteous feminine outrage – the sight of Yugito suddenly rifling through her pockets for something made him quirk a bushy eyebrow at the sight.

"Where is it? Come on, they can't have...yes!" As something white flashed into view Jiraiya cringed; explosive tags were rare even for kunoichi to use on him, but not unheard of – in fact he was so busy preparing for the forthcoming explosion that he didn't realise it was a scroll until Yugito had unsealed something from it and held it out to him, a pleading look in her eyes as Jiraiya found himself looking at the front cover of the original Icha Icha paradise,

"Please could you sign this!"

A pin could have dropped around the campsite and been heard for miles; in actual fact a tent-post was dropped and Naruto's resultant cry of pain probably was heard for miles as it landed squarely on his littlest toe, but Jiraiya was too busily engaged with keeping his chibi inner form from forcibly seizing control and drafting a marriage contract for his student on the spot to realise Naruto's pain. Instead he slapped on a grin worthy of the Kyuubi jinchuuriki himself, pulled a pen from his pocket and opened the book at the first page,

"Of course, anything for my fans, though I didn't realise I was that popular in Kumo". Yugito clasped her hands in front of her – it was Jiraiya, _the_ Jiraiya in front of her and he wrote her favourite novel series, there was nothing that could make life more perfect for her now,

"Not with the civilians but most of the shinobi are fans", Yugito told him, almost snatching the book back and cuddling it to her chest, "oh I can't believe it; Naruto, I got a copy of Icha Icha signed by the author!"

"And you're proud of that", Naruto shot back, still hobbling around trying to ensure his toe hadn't been broken by the metal bar he'd dropped on it, "it's smut and he'd a pervert". _If I was just a little younger_; the Toad Sage couldn't help but smile as he saw Yugito puff herself up at this comment, ready to defend his honour; _you'd have me for competition for this one gaki_;

"It's literature and it's great".

"Humph, ero-Nibi".

"And proud of it"; before things could devolve any further, Jiraiya cleared his throat and raised his voice,

"Now now children, play nice", he had to hide a smirk as both warring parties suddenly rounded on him before he deflected their attention, "still, Naruto having heard what I've heard one thing still eludes me; what was the poison you used?"

That got the attention of both younger ninja, if only for the reason that Yugito was as curious as he was and Naruto could never resist a chance to show off a little,

"Oh ero-sennin, look underneath the underneath", he said infuriatingly, though Jiraiya held his temper forcibly in check with the reasoning he'd beat the little gaki up later when Yugito was safely back in Kumo, "there was no poison, or at least, no _direct _poison; smelly fruit and sake, figure it out". _Nope, still lost_; completely bamboozled Yugito turned to the old sage by the side of her only to see Jiraiya's eyes turn to dinner plates as his hand fell from his chin and he stared at his pupil in awe,

"You evil little git; that's just nasty".

"And effective", Naruto reminded him, fishing in his pocket for something and drawing a kunai with his other hand, "it's this Yugito-chan". With that he cut something he drew from his pocket and quickly threw it towards her; out of reflex she caught the object in one hand only to wish she hadn't bothered immediately afterwards,

"Urgh, gaaah", dropping the severed fruit the Nibi contain sprang away, trying to dislodge the stink from her nose, "what'd you do that for?"

"It's duran fruit..."

"I know what it is", she barked back, sniffing hard and wiping her watering eyes, "that stuff stinks, I can't share a table with it at the best of times so why bring it here now?"

"Because it was the poison; I remember now you poured the juice over those mushrooms you fed the Akatsuki immortals", Jiraiya recollected, once more floored by the guile his student could show when the chips were down, "normally that juice is harmless, but when you combine it with alcohol like Naruto made sure they did..."

"...It's a really nasty poison, but it didn't affect me because I didn't drink anything, and the stronger the alcohol the stronger the reaction", Naruto finished for him, "Teuchi-jiji taught me that one just in case some of the fruit vendors in Konoha tried to bump me off through an 'accidental' poisoning; best ramen chef in the business he is, and an expert poisoner if the situation calls for it". Jiraiya folded his arms and made a mental note to thank the man next time he was in Konoha – that little titbit of information might just have stopped Akatsuki landing two jinchuuriki for the price of one,

"I doubt a ramen vendor would need to poison anyone Naruto". The brat stared at him dumbfounded,

"Have you seen some of the people who tried to get a date with Ayame-neechan? Anyway", he looked up at the sun and sealed the tent away, "where's the nearest place around here with a bank Ero-sennin".

"About thirty miles that way, and stop calling me that", Jiraiya groused, seeing out the corner of his eye Yugito hide a snicker behind her hand at their behaviour, "why'd you need a bank anyway?"

"Because I have here, a ledger", true to form, Naruto produced said ledger from his back pocket, holding it up for all to see, "in the name of one Kakuzu, apparently the treasurer of Akatsuki", Jiraiya's eyes grew huge at that information but before he could put such a thought into motion Naruto had thrown the notebook to Yugito, "here, as a victim of the Red Dawn I guess it's only fair you get some compensation for your troubles".

"Uhh thanks, how much is...?"

That question was answered as Yugito flipped open the ledger to its last page, noticing some of the bounties that had gone into the book up until that point; at the place where the bank teller was having to use powers rather than actual numbers in the ryo column, she stopped reading, closed the ledger carefully, put it in her pocket alongside her Icha Icha and keeled over backwards in a dead faint.

Omake

"I didn't think this was your usual haunt Naruto", looking around blearily, said jinchuuriki saw the form of his mentor sit down beside him and help himself to a saucer of sake, "not with only a month left until we get back to Konoha and all your friends, or are you worried that you'll miss someone too much?"

"Something like that Ero-sennin", Naruto said before signalling the barkeeper for another bottle, "I just got a summon from Yugito-chan, apparently the Raikage's had some interesting news".

At this Jiraiya sat slightly straighter; since rescuing the aforementioned Nibi container from the Immortals of the Akatsuki, the two teens had been close and one of the main reasons for the strengthening of ties between Kumo and Konoha – now the Raikage was aware of the danger of Akatsuki, they were actively hunting down the organisation of missing nin, now much quieter since Naruto had pulled off his grand heist of the majority of their funds by use of a henge and forging Kakuzu's signature in pretty much every bank in the five nations. He knew Naruto and Yugito kept in touch through their summons and, occasionally, their paths crossed when the Kumo kunoichi was on a mission outside her lands' borders; _in fact the last time that happened, I think Yugito finally made their relationship official_; that memory made the Toad Sage smile as he thought back to seeing the now-nineteen year old jinchuuriki just prior to her ripping up the town with his seventeen year old student:

_"Ah, Ero-sama", Jiraiya had grimaced at the nickname but, unlike Naruto, knew Yugito meant it as a compliment rather than an insult, "just a word of warning, put some privacy seals around your room tonight"._

_The boldness of her declaration almost made the sannin's nose erupt in a fountain of blood but he just about managed to contain himself, though the shock must have been evident in his face as Yugito blew a strand of hair out of her face as she answered his unspoken question,_

_ "I've tried flirting, talking suggestively, adult discussion of the subject and hell, even 'accidentally' walking in on him and letting the vice-versa happen, so I've come to the conclusion that the only thing left to do is drag him into my room, pin him to the bed and do unspeakable things to him before he can get away, and no", she held up a hand to stop him speaking, "you cannot write about this one or idol or otherwise I will hunt you down and make your death stand out as a warning to perverts everywhere as to why you don't mess with jinchuuriki women"._

_ "But, Icha Icha Catgirl..."_

_ "No"._

_ "He'll never..."_

_ "No"._

_ "I'll be discreet..."_

_ "No"._

_ "Selective audience only..."_

_ "No"._

_ "Limited copies..."_

_ "No"._

_ "I'll pay..."_

_ "Definitely no", Yugito told him before smiling, hearing a door above her slam, "don't do it Jiraiya-sama, neither of us would forgive you if you did". Seeing the battle was lost the Toad Sage held up his hands and gave up,_

_ "Okay, just, be gentle with him Yugito-chan or I definitely won't forgive you", his face suddenly morphed into a stern mask as he folded his arms, "he's gone through more shit than anyone else in life I know, least of all the Uchiha brat he's made it his lifes' mission to track down and bring back. I don't think he'd survive a broken heart"._

_ "Then I'll just have to be careful; ah, Naruto-kun", seeing his date, Jiraiya watched Naruto's face change into a true smile, not the mask he used so much around his home, as he embraced the Kumo kunoichi, "so, where are we going tonight?"_

_Good times_; Jiraiya remembered before focussing on his student again, watching as Naruto drank his was though another bottle of sake and a sudden fear gripped his heart; _oh no, not to Naruto – Kami can't be that much of a bitch to take Yugito from him_;

"So, ah", desperate to know but hesitant to brooch the subject, the Toad Sage crossed his fingers under the table, "what did the Raikage say?"

"Two things, one for you the other for baa-chan", Naruto paused to take another swig of sake before continuing, "firstly, no news on the Akatsuki, though Kumo has recently raided something they thought was one of their hide-outs recently and found some of Hebi-teme's soldiers there instead, new subjects of the Cursed Seal for you there Ero-sennin, but the real one, oh this one Tsuande-baachan's going to love", he grinned at his own joke before turning to face his godfather, remarkably sober for all the sake he'd obviously consumed,

"Apparently the standard kunoichi anti-pregnancy jutsu doesn't work on jinchuuriki".

It took a few moments for the message to sink in but, when it did, Jiraiya felt his face split into a gargantuan grin as he swept his godson up in a massive embrace,

"Naruto-kun, this is perfect; you and Yugito-chan, you two really understand each other, two jinchuuriki – your kid will be the most well-balanced child in the elemental nations. But", as he set the smaller man back down, he swept an arm over the table, taking in the number of empties, "why all this, I thought something terrible had happened,

"It hasn't yet but it will", Naruto told him, a hint of gallows humour in his face as he did so, toasting with his most recent flagon of sake, "believe me Ero-sennin it will".

"How? You're a father-to-be now, what could go wrong?"

Jiraiya knew that was a loaded question, however the way Naruto suddenly turned to look at him with a deadpan look told the Toad Sage that he might have just shot himself in the foot with it,

"What indeed – tell you what, how about I let you tell baachan how _I_ ended up getting a girl pregnant while on a training trip under _your_ supervision, I'm sure she'd love to hear that one. Ah, you understand the problem", Naruto made that observation after watching Jiraiya's face turn from red to translucent pale in record time, "now, what do you propose we do about it?"

The older man didn't answer, or at least, he didn't answer with words; instead he simply grabbed the sake jar and upended it down his other throat; Naruto watched on amazed as his mentor emptied a half-full flagon without pausing to breathe before the Toad Sage set it down on the table, looked around with slightly glassy eyes and looked at his student with a vacant expression,

"Got any duran?"

A/N: I love screwing up Naruto's life occasionally, though in a nice way. As always anyone who wants to take this on (the child of two jinchuuriki, and what will the Akatsuki do with no money?) is welcome to – until next time, ja ne!


	9. Chapter 9

Dead Man Walking

A/N: A one-shot story hook; what is Madara's intervention made the Fourth look at a different way of truly getting rid of Kyuubi and take the weapon out of the hands of a madman? What would happen to Naruto if he was truly a sacrifice, rather than a vessel? This is one idea of when the Shiki fuuin is done differently, and Naruto bears a burden of a different sort.

'_I'm not strong enough...'_

_It was a thought that had plagued Minato all his life, the idea that someone he loved would be put at risk or worse due to his own weakness; right now, with his own death mere seconds away, that fear looked to be realised in the worst possible way. With the hand of the Shinigami stuck through his stomach and the burning red eyes of the Kyuubi glaring down at him, fighting against the death god's power, he realised there was no way he could use his original idea of sealing the monster into his newborn son. The masked madman that had brought the demon here and fought him for his convoluted reasons of war and peace, the man who had killed his beloved Kushina by ripping the Kyuubi from her seal, he could not be allowed to have even the possibility of regaining control of the strongest being in the elemental nations. No seal would be strong enough if the man recovered and came for his son, so he had only one option left; to save Konoha and everyone in it, Namikaze Minato had to become the first man in history to slay a demon._

_But his strength was failing, and even with Kushina expending the last of her life-force beside him to chain the monster down, he could not drag the beast into the Shinigami's stomach with him._

_Suddenly the chains, noticeably thinner than before, finally snapped; Minato's eyes widened and he let out an anguished gargle of pain as the redheaded woman by the side of his finally slumped to the ground, her life expended having used every scrap of power to save her adoptive village. The Kyuubi reared up, free of its binding with a deafening howl, and Minato knew that it would soon be over; he could not finish the beast and his life was therefore forfeit to the kami of death. In mournful rage, he silently prayed to any god who was listening to heed his prayer and save his village..._

_...and the god immediately over his shoulder answered._

_With a voice like nails down a chalkboard, the Shinigami spoke, and its words filled Minato with dread; there was a way to achieve his goal but the price, the price was too steep; he had lost his wife, must he lose his heir as well? A decision that no man, no father should ever be forced to make was thrust on his shoulders and he had but a second to make his choice of Naruto, his newborn son Naruto, or the entire village of Konoha. With tears of grief dripping from his cheeks, the Hokage wrestled down his grief and paternal duty, making the sacrifice for the good of his people, and suddenly, let his arms drop a little lower, delivering the bundle he carried into the Shinigami's extended arm._

_His last thought was that he had failed his family and deserved his torment for all eternity, and it was a grief so deep that even the look of horror in the eyes of the Kyuubi as it realised its death was finally upon it could not ease the burden of guilt that crushed his soul as the Shinigami's jaw descended._

XXX

_Wonder what the boss wants me for?_; the question was in Miterashi Anko's mind as she whistled idly, walking through the Hokage's tower with a kunai spinning negligently on the end of her finger. The T&I operative and special jounin casually sauntered past the receptionists' desk, flipping off the secretary that greeted her presence with a disdainful sniff, and nodded to the hidden ANBU guard at either side of the Hokage's door. Opening it and letting her trench coat flare around her, the snake mistress stepped inside as though she owned the place and greeted casually,

"Yo Hokage-sama", retrieving an old dango skewer from her coat pocket and picking her teeth with it, ignoring the look of distaste that flicked across the face of the chunin in the room, she asked the hundred-ryo question, "you do you need me to kill?"

Sarutobi Hiruzen was an old man who looked older, almost crushed by the burden of running a village in his advanced years. However he was the ninja who had been the God of Shinobi in his prime and he still possessed that aura of power around him such that, when he spoke, even the outspoken Anko paid very close attention,

"Thanks for your quick appearance Anko-chan, but your next assignment should involve no killing, at least not for the moment..."

"Awww", Anko interjected, face a childish pout, "and I was looking forwards to getting out of the office – you got me all excited for nothing".

"...and whether that excitement is a good thing or not is a matter of opinion", the Hokage muttered before speaking out loud, "sorry Anko, but your next assignment is as a teacher", before the look of amazement could fade from the kunoichi's face he pressed on, "one of the students in Iruka's latest class has the potential for SAID – I want you to bring it out of him".

All was silent in the office, until,

"Bwaahahahahahahahaha!" Anko's hands fell to her knees as she laughed uproariously, "Wh'what did this gaki do to piss you off so much? Giving him to _me_ as a student – if he's lucky I'll poison him, break every bone in his body, kill him and make sure he's never found, and if he's really lucky I might do it in that order!"

"Not this one you won't", Iruka chimed in, and such was the conviction in his voice that Anko stopped laughing and looked up, "he is...different from the others..."

"...for reasons I will not divulge", the Hokage said mildly, though both nin present knew that point was now cast in stone, "if he wishes to tell you he will do so, in fact I'd prefer it if he did as it might help him trust you and vice-versa". Anko nodded at this before becoming more serious,

"SAID you say; that's a lot of assumptions about a genin", and it was; SAID, or Sabotage, Assassination, Infiltration and Demolition, ninja were rare and highly prized assets for a village as it was they who could cripple a rival village before a war even began, or go into deep cover and siphon valuable information back into Konoha. Most SAID's were trained when they reached chunin level at the lowest, so to hear of a genin being potentially groomed for the role was almost unheard of; _especially since Itachi went off the deep end, even if he never actually completed the training_; "which brat is it?"

"Uzumaki Naruto".

A silence fell over the room at that name, as it always seemed to do when brought up in casual conversation; Anko immediately became more wary and would have asked a question had she not seen the faraway look in the Hokage's eyes. The old man was in the room but not present; he was thinking backwards, his mind on the past...

...remembering...

XXX

_He had been the first to arrive after the Kyuubi vanished, and tears sprung from his eyes as he saw the prone body of both Minato and his wife. They had been married only a few scant months, since Kushina's pregnancy became immediately noticeable; it was far too short a life for them both to share together. Wearily the former Hokage (soon to be reinstated, he cursed again at the death of his successor) steeled himself against the pervading aura of doom that lingered even after the Kyuubi had been sealed away, and gently moved the cold body of Minato to retrieve the new Jinchuuriki he had been forced to create from his own son. Wearily giving orders to others as the others arrived on the scene and trying to shake the sensation of wrongness from both him and the others around him as they did so, the Hokage formed hand signs and teleported both himself and Naruto back to the Hokage's tower, writing off the fact that he botched the simple technique twice as fatigue from the battle twice._

_It was only when he arrived back at the Hokage's tower with the strange sensation still all around him that he looked down at Naruto; as soon as he found himself having to fight his own body to look at the baby, he realised something, somehow, had gone horribly wrong._

_It was only three days later, when Jiraiya stumbled into his office after looking after his godson and checking on the seal without pause, trying to see Minato had done to alter the seal and cause such a calamity, that Sarutobi would have even the slightest inkling of what the Yondaime had damned his son to live as. Jiraiya had looked worse than at any time the Sandaime had ever seen him, even after Tsunade had caught him peeping at her or following Orochimaru's defection. His skin was pale and gaunt, lines on his face that had never been there before as he clutched his sensei's desk, the first words he spoke chilling the blood of even the God of Shinobi,_

_ "Uzumaki Naruto", the Toad Sage croaked, voice dry even as his eyes were wet with unshed tears as he found himself remembering the past three days, trying to work on a baby he should have loved but could hardly bring himself to look at, "should...not...be..."_

XXX

A slight clearing of the throat from next to him made the Sandaime blink and he realised he was in his office again; he shook himself as he realised he'd slipped back into his memories again; _damn, it's becoming more frequent – I must find a successor soon_. Looking up at Anko again, he hid his concerns behind a paternal smile and folded his hands in front of him again,

"Yes, Uzumaki Naruto", he reaffirmed, as much for his benefit as for hers, "his grades have been deemed acceptable and his work last night, the capture of the rogue chunin Mizuki, have shown that he has the potential to succeed in your line of work". Anko's eyebrows rose,

"Mizuki came in from him?" She shot a glance at Iruka and, seeing his nod, whistled, "Damn, and I thought that was you Iruka-kun – Kurenai-chan was on your genin squad, I thought you used one of her genjutsus on the traitorous bastard". At that Iruka had the grace to blush,

"No, by the time Naruto-kun took him down I was, ah, unconscious due to the shock of my wounds, and the poison the traitor used on his weapons", the chunin teacher rubbed the back of his neck subconsciously, a little put out that he had been taken down so easily and had his bacon saved by one of his students, "we found out later that Naruto's genin exam had been sabotaged by Mizuki and he'd been tricked into stealing the Forbidden Scroll. However, he managed to learn a technique from it last night and used that to...incapacitate Mizuki". Anko laughed again,

"You call that incapacitated; man, the Academy's sure changed since I was a genin", even now Anko could still picture the former chunin laying in his cell, eyes blank and staring forwards, not reacting at all even as Ibiki branded his skin with a hot iron to encourage him to talk about his betrayal, "what technique did he learn?"

"Kage bushin", the Sandaime answered, making Anko's brow wrinkle in confusion; _how would that account for the mental trauma?_; "I tested him last night and he can make almost ten of the things now, but that is beside the point", getting the meeting back on topic, the Hokage half-stood and pushed a folder across his desk to the special jounin, "he is your potential apprentice and currently waiting at the Academy. Please test him and determine if you can take him as an apprentice – the meeting for success or failure will be held at five o'clock this afternoon".

"Is that normal or Kakashi-time?"

"Normal time".

"Okay", scooping up the folder Anko bowed and turned to leave, "now I've got a cute little student to torture, it's like my birthday". Whistling happily to herself, Anko had one hand on the door handle before a sudden shout gave her pause,

"Oh, Anko-san", looking over her shoulder the special jounin saw Iruka fiddle with something at the back of his neck before drawing something that looked like a necklace over his head, "if you're going to be Naruto's sensei you'll need this". He tossed it towards her, Anko catching it negligently in one hand before looking at the plain grey stone; _though, is that a seal array?_ Keeping her doubts off her face, the snake mistress of the Hidden Leaf village let her eyes sparkle with delight and slipped the necklace over her head, caressing the stone as it slipped down her chest and making both men in the room look away,

"Aww Iruka-kun", the chunin blushed again, "I knew you cared, you were just too much of a goody-goody to show it. Don't worry", she thrust her chest forwards, almost making steam rise out of the teachers' ears as her cleavage threatened to erupt from the top of her battle armoured shirt, "I'll keep it warm for you, just don't expect me to roll over and lie down when you want to take it back". With that innuendo and a last, cheery wave, Anko departed with a grin on her face as she opened the folder on her soon-to-be-ex-student.

XXX

_Well his awareness isn't all that, and the less said about his fashion sense the better_; having snuck into the Academy ground and made herself comfortable on a window ledge outside the relevant class room, Anko had observed the four genin before her and recognised them as her and Kakashi's students. Luckily picking out her gaki was simple; he was the one sitting well apart from the others and dressed in a blinding orange jumpsuit, apparently reading from a scroll in front of him. It wasn't good enough from someone who intended to go into SAID, they had to be as sharp as knives at all times; _so, lesson one..._; without further thought, Anko flicked a dango skewer into her hand and threw it at the back of Naruto's head.

The reactions of the four students was immediate and varied; the pink-haired girl screamed as the wooden weapon thunked into a desk, the Uchiha jumped up into a combat pose and palmed a kunai and the last boy, the one Anko recognised as an Inuzuka when he turned around and faced her, jumped back as he saw her and tried to get into a fighting stance as he saw where the attack had come from, though he was hampered by the desks around him. Naruto, however, had a different reaction to all of them; he moved, just enough to get himself out of the way of a lethal shot, though the jerk of his head wasn't enough to stop the sharp tip of the stake gashing open his cheek. _That's strange_; even as the blood dripped onto the scroll he was reading Anko felt her appreciation rise slowly – despite the wound he had given no reaction, not a twitch, flinch or hiss of pain, he just seemed to swallow the sudden hurt,

"You missed, sensei".

It took a second for Anko to realise he was talking to her,

"Oh?" She climbed in through the window, ignoring the gawking of the other genins as she stood to her full height and addressed Naruto, "and what made you think I was aiming to kill maggot? You could have dodged that shot fully couldn't you?"

"Yes, but if you were aiming to kill you would have used a more suitable weapon than a dango skewer"; _interesting – he knew what I used after just one look at the weapon_; "and besides", he continued as he rolled up his scroll, a trace of something that might have been amusement in his voice, "it said on your bio that you had a fascination with blood so I figured that if you get some now, you won't need as much later".

"You've done your homework I'll give you that", Anko admitted grudgingly, realising it was important for a SAID operative to be fully briefed and informed on their targets at all times; _though that doesn't mean I have to like a smart-arse_; "but we'll see if you've got what it takes over the next hour or so. Follow me maggot". With a nod, Naruto turned around and stood up in one movement, showing his sensei his bright blue eyes and blonde hair, as well as the strange mark on the left side of his head, about level with his eyes.

_What the hell is that thing?_; for the first time Anko realised she might have done better to give the preliminary notes more than a brief skim through; _it looks like a clan tattoo, but he doesn't have a clan_. Dismissing the thought for now, the special jounin jumped back onto the window sill and beckoned Naruto to follow,

"First test, keep up with me on the way to the training ground, oh and you three", black, brown and pink hair looked up at the woman as she favoured them with a predatory smirk, "make yourselves comfortable, Kakashi should be here in the next hour and a half or so". Jumping out the window just as the cries of dismay from the genin rose in the air, Anko landed on the Academy ground and pelted away for the training ground, her potential student hot on her heels.

XXX

"Right, well you made passable time", Anko admitted cheerily, though she was a little impressed by his stamina and speed as he was only trailing her by about two minutes – not like she'd ever admit that to the gaki however, "still, we'll have to beat the remaining snail-speed out of you during training. Kami alone knows why but your sensei and the Hokage have got it into their heads that you're suitable for SAID work, you know what that means right?" Naruto smiled, though there was no warmth in it, something that perturbed her a little, but as they'd only just been introduced she brushed it off as nerves,

"Yes". Anko waited a moment but he didn't elaborate – not all that unexpected as his file had said that he didn't have much to say at the best of times; he had always been one of the quiet ones in class,

"Okay, because of that you'll have to pass two tests of mine before I even think about graduating. First one's this; we're going to have a little game of hide-and-hunt", Naruto flicked his eyes around the training ground as Anko's smile broadened, "I'll give you...thirty seconds head-start, and get your eyes off what you can't afford gaki before I make sure the Yamanaka clan will be the only blonde to proliferate in the village again". Naruto didn't react to the threat, instead he merely smiled that same bland smile; _this reminds me of something, but I can't put my finger one exactly what..._;

"I am merely looking at my handicap sensei", he explained, pointing at the necklace her could see around her neck, "and I already know I'll never have children". Anko snorted,

"Handicap, apart from that orange monstrosity you're wearing". Naruto likewise snorted before looking at his sensei and speaking in a perfectly calm tone,

"If I didn't wear this I doubt most people in Konoha would be aware I existed at all"; _what does that...?_; before she could think on it, Naruto had carried on, "Still, thirty seconds..." With that, he was gone.

Anko wasted a few of her seconds thinking about what he meant by a handicap, pulling the necklace out from between the breasts and trying to examine the seal matrix imprinted on the stone, though fuuinjutsu had never been her thing and she couldn't work out what they did, or how this tiny thing would constitute a handicap for him. And what did he mean by never having children, that sounded a little morbid for a child, unless he was still in that 'I-hate-girls' phase every boy went through. Shrugging as she realised his time was up, Anko leapt into the tree to pursue her erstwhile quarry.

She found him within eight minutes, not terrible considering his new status as a ninja and his inventive use of Kage Bushin as decoys, though the heat-vision of her snake summons negated most of that techniques' confusion factor. He even managed to set up a few traps along the way, though they were sloppy due to time constraints, but as she approached her cornered quarry, one of her summoned pythons keeping an eye on him but, surprisingly for the snake summoner it hadn't wrapped around him, she felt herself slightly disappointed he hadn't given her a better run,

"Tsk, tsk", she wagged a finger and dismissed her summon, "I guess all those reports on your stealth were exaggerated..."

"They were not", he cut her off, and she was so shocked that a genin would do so that she fell mute and even forgot the throw a senbon through his tongue, "as I said I was under a handicap. Let us try that again sensei; thirty seconds, but take Iruka-sensei's necklace off before you come for me", he smiled, a challenge in his bottomless eyes that hadn't been there before, one that Anko just longed to take up and beat so she could rub his face in it, "that will be a challenge for you". The special jounin snorted,

"On this evidence I doubt it, but what the hell", she shrugged carelessly, "if I catch you this time I'll bleed you out". His sickening smile only widened, once more sounding alarm bells but she couldn't recognise where from, as he nodded, spoke,

"Deal", and was gone.

_What the hell is wrong with me?_; it had been half an hour, thirty minutes since she'd started this hunt, and Naruto was eluding her. Nothing she had could track him, not her snakes, not her senses; several times she'd flared her chakra, thinking he had a genjutsu over either himself or her, but the feeling of discomfort that lingered over her at times wouldn't dispel. She leant against a tree, feeling slightly sick as she realised that, this time, she was going to have to admit defeat,

"Okay gaki", she shouted, forcing the quaver out of her voice as for some reason she felt like she wanted to cry, "come out, you've passed this half of the test".

"Good", the voice from the other side of the tree made her reflexively bury a kunai into the bark, the alien sensation of weirdness creeping over her as Naruto stepped into sight not five feet from where she'd been standing. Even as he was there, though, Anko felt herself straining to keep an eye on him, almost as if her body or, perhaps not even her body but some other part of her, instinctively rebelled and tried to move away from this strange boy who could hide almost in plain sight,

"Alright gaki", mastering herself she forced herself to look him dead in the eye for a second before, against her will, she was forced to look away, "whatever this is call it off".

"I cannot", she was ready to retort before he spoke again, realising she couldn't see his upraised hand, "put your necklace back on; it will act as a buffer to my...abilities".

Anko didn't need telling twice; she rushed back to the tree branch she'd hung the necklace on and slipped it over her head, almost sighing in relief as she did so as something seemed to crystallise in her mind again, the ominous presence banished for a moment even as Naruto once more stepped back into her eye line. Sensei and student regarded each other for a moment before Anko planted her hands on her hips and demanded,

"What the hell was that gaki, some kind of bloodline limit?" To her equal consternation and frustration, however, the orange-wearing brat chuckled darkly and shook his head,

"No, it is not an ability of the blood", he stressed the last word slightly, though before Anko could puzzle on that he carried on, "what is the next part of my test sensei?"

"What? Oh yeah, that", unease still prickling at the back of her mind, the snake jounin found she wasn't getting the same kick out of explaining her next task as she would normally – for some reason, even as she outlined the task, she wasn't as confident as she had originally been that Naruto would fail the supposedly-impossible mission she'd set him.

XXX

_Well, another year, another genin team failed_; seeing the slumped shoulders of the would-be Team seven disappear over the horizon Kakashi flipped another page in his book and sighed – like all those that had come before them, this team had never had a chance of working together properly. The Inuzuka was too hot-headed, the Haruno too much of a fan girl and the Uchiha...well the less said of him the better – the boy was spoilt, arrogant and would be killed in his first serious mission unless someone knocked him down a few pegs, a process Kakashi had hoped he'd just started. He was running a draft of his mission report over in his mind when a vague feeling of unease, similar to killing intent, slid over him and he deftly pivoted on the ball of his left foot, seeing another ninja behind him, staring him down,

"Uhh", caught slightly flat-footed by this, Kakashi scratched the back of his head at the same time as tried to fix the short, orange figure with his single eye, "can I help you?" The other genin, he had to be, raised a hand to the left side of his head as though scratching an itch before speaking,

"Hai Kakashi-san; my jounin-sensei requires me to obtain those two bells at your waist to pass my genin exam; I would prefer to resolve this peacefully". _O...kay_; that was unexpected, even for the Copy nin, a man it was said was impossible to surprise,

"And your jounin-sensei is?"

"Miterashi Anko", ah, perhaps not so unsurprising then, she had always been one for impossible tasks and genin humiliation, she was probably around here now, waiting for the show to begin; _and what sort of man would I be if I didn't oblige an attractive lady?_

"I see; well I know Anko-chan and she only takes the best", Kakashi put his book away just to be on the safe side, no telling what this gaki could do, "we'll have to do this the hard way". To his surprise, when he managed to refocus on the genin (he seemed to keep having to blink dust out of his eye whenever he looked at the small form, or it might have been the atrocious orange of the jumpsuit burning his retina out), the boy seemed calm,

"So be it"; Kakashi dropped into a stance just as the fingers on the left side of the boys' head twitched...

...and Hell began.

XXX

The alarm bells that had slowly been building up volume in the back of her mind exploded into full volume as she saw the taller of the two forms suddenly drop his arms slack and recoil backwards, moving away from her student clumsily as Naruto rushed over to him. _What the hell is going on – who is this damned kid? No-one should be able to do this, least of all to a jounin of Kakashi's quality_; the man might have been lazy and pervert but give the devil his due, Kakashi was a damned fine ninja, but now, somehow, Naruto had utterly destroyed him without appearing to do anything. The jounin had collapsed bonelessly near the posts of the training ground, curling up into a ball apparently against his will as Naruto approached; she saw the genin reach down and tug something from the prone jounin before leaping backwards, hand to the back of his head again and Kakashi seemed to relax out of the foetal ball he'd curled himself into; before he could react, however, there was a scattering of leaves and Naruto was gone. Almost before he finished his body-flicker, however, Anko was in front of him, a kunai at his neck as she hissed venomously,

"Who the hell are you? There's no way you're a genin; I've worked with Kakashi Hatake and nobody puts him down like that, nobody! No genin in the world could pull the stunt you just did..."

"I am very grateful for that fact and you should be as well", Naruto intoned, casually dropping the bells he'd retrieved at her feet, "Kakashi-san will recover, they always do; he'll probably rationalise that he took a nap at the training ground for a minute, or zoned out reading his porn – he'll probably use that as an excuse later tonight for the jounin meeting".

Once more his logic deceived her – how was it a good thing that only he could cripple a jounin with little more than a dirty look? Naruto took this opportunity of her hesitation to jerk himself back out of range and beckon her to sit down, face grim as he made ready to speak,

"I will explain as best I can – if you will be my sensei you have to know what I am capable of, and why I can do what I do. However, for you to understand _what_ I really am, I must ask you for a favour". Anko looked at him warily,

"What?"

"You can't explain or rationalise Hell, until you have been there yourself".

It took a moment for the message to sink in but, when it did, Anko shot to her feet and backwards, kunai drawn and levelled at the monster in front of her,

"You want, you want me to...after what you did to Kakashi! Are you out of your mind?"

"No", Naruto assured her, "I am fully sane, however, for my explanation to make sense you have to understand what it feels like to be around me; from there you'll understand why most people don't see me, don't associate with me. It's not because they don't like me, it's because they _can't_ get close to me – I repel people by association even when not actively using my, gifts", she didn't miss the bitterness in his voice at that word but held her peace as he carried on, "this is what makes me an ideal SAID ninja – I can walk into any village in the world and not be seen, simply because people can't bring themselves to see me so convince themselves I'm not there". Anko nodded at this, digesting his words before, slowly, lowering her kunai,

"Okay, so after what you did to Kakashi, how come I'm not on the floor screaming like a little girl?" Naruto turned his head, pointing at the tattoo on the side of it,

"This is a control seal for my power; it tones down the affect my presence has on the world as a whole. It can't fully seal away my presence but, when combined with that necklace", Anko instinctively clutched at the necklace like a lifeline, the only thing stopping this child drowning her in horror like he had her former senpai, "it renders you immune to me. Take off the necklace and I will slip the first level of this seal, the same as Kakashi experienced".

Anko's mouth ran dry but, as she rationalised the idea with herself, she realised that if she wanted to train this potential prodigy in front of her, she had to know how he was, how he worked and what had made him into something akin to a...a Root! That was what she reminded him of – though he wasn't emotionless there was something about him that gave her the same vibe as she had around Danzo's emotionless zombies. Almost before she realised it Anko had slowly slipped the necklace off and was immediately assailed by the strange aura around Naruto's form; she had to fight hard, almost as hard as she did against the Cursed seal that still blighted her neck, to looked up and see his fingers resting on the seal on his temple, a finger on the trigger as he looked at her, forcing her to look away again,

"It will be brief", he intoned, though even before she could nod she had started to drown.

It was not killing intent, it was not bloodlust; it was like nothing she had ever felt before.

It was simply...nothing.

There was no sensation around her, an alien blankness that swept over her entire form and rendered her virtually incoherent; she could barely think to defend herself because she could barely think. Terror, or something like terror, swept over her mind in great, smother waves, crashing over everything she had ever felt before in her life and rendering it nothingness. Unlike exposure to killing intent she couldn't even end her own life to escape the nightmare; it took all she could scrape together just to breathe and tremble, she couldn't unclench her locked jaws enough to bite her tongue. Her eyes were squeezed shut, lost in the darkness...it was gone and she gasped, a cold sweat over her entire body as she blinked her eyes open, feeling hands over her cheeks as Naruto hopped back. She sat up, feeling something clink against the mail of her dress and realising he'd replaced the necklace around her neck after shutting off the unearthly terror he'd generated. Looking across at him, heart still pounding in her chest, Anko pointed at him with a single finger,

"Wha...What...?"

"What I am about to tell you is an S-ranked secret of the leaf", Naruto said, allowing her to catch her breath as he sat down and made himself comfortable opposite her. Before he could continue though, Anko had recovered and jabbed her finger towards the side of his head,

"Gaki, how many levels does that damned seal have?"

"I don't know", he replied simply, "I have only ever used up to level three for certain, and then only for a split-second – you saw the results of that last night". He smirked a little as Anko joined the dots and gasped,

"Mizuki! That was you!" Naruto nodded, actually looking a little shamefaced at that admission,

"Yes, I believe I broke his mind; I was only aiming for level two but I was angry enough to slip. I was lucky that Iruka was wearing the necklace at the time otherwise I might have broken him as well – as it is he merely believes Mizuki poisoned him. However, apart from that", he clapped his hands to returned to his original conversation, "I'm sure you're dying to know what my power is and how it works, so this is the secret – you know the story of the Kyuubi yes?" Anko nodded,

"Yeah, the Yondaime killed it by sacrificing himself and his wife to the death god". The genin, _her_ genin she realised now with a jolt that might have been panic or perhaps pride, nodded,

"That story is almost true", Anko's eyebrows rose as realised Naruto knew something about that night that most of Konoha was in the dark about, "don't be alarmed the Kyuubi is dead, but that was not the original intention of the Yondaime. I don't know exactly what happened, no-one really does, but the original plan to deal with the beast was to seal it and create a Jinchuuriki – all the preparations were in place and a vessel ready for the sacrifice", he looked over at her directly and the snake mistress felt horror grip her heart in a cold iron glove, "any guesses who the vessel was supposed to be?"

"You", he nodded and she felt the world spin – how could the Yondaime, such a paragon of the Will of Fire, stoop so low as to ruin a child's life like that? Had there truely been no other way on the dark night so long ago?

"Yes, I was to be the Jinchuuriki of the Kitsune. But something happened before the sealing, something that made the Fourth alter the plan; rather than sealing the beast, he decided he had to kill it outright. For that reason he changed his request to the Shinigami, but from what I, the Sandaime and Jiraiya of the Sannin can determine, the sacrifice of his soul was not enough kill the beast. He could only seal half its chakra that way".

"So how", Anko took a moment to compose herself, a chill set deep within her now, "how did he...no", her face turned bloodless as she looked across at the boy in front of her, hairs raising on the back of her neck as she tried to disprove the obvious conclusion, "no, he couldn't, you were a baby – Kushina was there!"

"And she died holding the beast down long enough for the Yondaime to finish the sealing", Naruto explained, "but for the good of Konoha the Yondaime made a sacrifice to the death god that night and the Kyuubi was sent screaming to his realm. That is the secret to my power Anko, the reason I can never be accepted to society – by all rights I should have dies that night but somehow, perhaps due to the Kyuubi passing through me as the Shinigami dragged it to hell, perhaps by the intervention of the Kami, I survived, but as something that should not exist. I live and breathe, I have chakra and emotions, but because of what the Yondaime and the Shinigami took from me all life instinctively knows my presence is alien and rebels against it, running away or avoiding me, rationalising the cold chills or tears that follow me or shutting down and even breaking their sanity to survive if they can't escape me, because the most essential part of me was ripped away the same day I was born...", tears were running down Anko's face as she tried to comprehend the life he must have led; compared to that hell exile with Oroichimaru seemed like ne of Heaven's peach gardens, but much as she tried to block out his last words she heard them anyway, the last explanation of the eternal pariah,

"...I don't have a soul".

Naruto said nothing after this admission; he knew that it would time for his teacher to come to terms with the enormity of his admission and rationalise it in her own way. He looked away to give her some privacy as she dried her tears and sniffled, waiting for her to regain her voice enough to speak; _and she will, for she is strong and she knows what it's like to be on the outside looking in – this is probably the reason Sarutobi-jiji chose her to be my sensei apart from her skills_;

"And", she managed to gasp before looking up at him again, drying her eyes completely, "and the seal?"

"A modification of the Shiki fuuin, inked on me by the Yondaime", Naruto explained, "Jiraiya managed to change it while I was young, and create the necklaces that allow him, the Sandaime and now you to see me as a normal human, before my power could truly manifest and give me a chance at life and to serve Konoha – believe it or not I don't blame the Fourth, I pity him. He was said to be a kind man, so to seal away the soul of a child must have been a terrible burden on him even if it was the last resort. But I will honour his intentions", he stood up slowly, Anko likewise coming to her feet as she realised what he was saying and took it on board, "I have the potential to be a great shinobi, a weapon for Konoha and I will do so, though I will never be Hokage, too much of a bogeyman for that". Anko snickered,

"Yeah, I keep saying Ibiki should go for the post but the stubborn old git never goes for it, says the same thing you do. But, you're mine now gaki, so get ready for training and you'll get your code name tomorrow, though right now you owe me a shed-load of dango for that little scare earlier".

"That I can do, but before that, I have my own idea for a codename".

_Oh really?_; this intrigued Anko as she quirked an eyebrow, nodding for him to go on and explain his reasoning, something he did with a will,

"I read a lot when I was younger, books don't run away after all", he explained with a chagrined grimace, something Anko knew all too well as she motioned for him to go on, "and I came across readings from the times before the elemental countries. I read them because they were there, most of them made no sense but one of them, a fantasy writing about false wars fought with dice and tiny models, mentioned that in their world, or one of their worlds, a warrior existed that was like me. I liked the name they gave him so, if you accept Anko-sensei, my name is Uzumaki Naruto..." He stood to his full height, a genuine smile on his lips this time as she put a hand on his shoulder, contact he was not used to but drank in like a fine wine, allowing him to finish his introduction,

"...and I am Culexus".

A/N: A little dark, a little unusual and a little bit of a crossover (bonus points of anyone who can see what I've crossed over with here). I always liked Anko-Naruto sensei or brother/sister relationships as the two are alike in many ways. But as always, if you want to take this one on it's there, and before anyone asks why Naruto's not jumping around like a flea on a sugar high it's because due to his loss of soul people can't pay attention to him no matter what he does. As his condition was explained to him young, he understood this and calmed down, honing his skills and preferring to read rather than prank. Hope you enjoyed it and, until next time, ja ne!


	10. Explanation of Chapter 9

Explanation for Chapter 9.

Okay, this was meant to be an A/N for chapter 9 but it would have been too long; instead I decided to put it in as a separate semi-chapter to avoid confusion. This will explain the background of the previous chapter, Dead Man Walking, and give some information that anyone who wishes to adopt the idea and write it up as a full story can refer to to understand how and why Naruto has his unsettling powers.

The actual story is crossed-over slightly with Warhammer 40,000; well done to those who knew that – Warhammer 40,000 (or 40K for short) is a tabletop game played with miniature models set in the grim darkness of the far future, the 41st millennium to be precise. This gothic universe has a massive realm of background information, but for brevity I'll try to stick with what a potential writer will need to know to make Naruto's powers make sense in the Naruto-verse. Note that, as I haven't played 40K in years, this is only my interpretation of the 40K background, so no flaming if you think I've got it wrong – it makes sense to me and that's all I'm saying.

One of the defining characteristics of 40K is the Warp. The best way to think of the Warp is as a shadow or mirror galaxy of our own, overlaid over the top of ours but completely intangible to most people. The Warp is constructed and contained by the collective emotions, or psyches, of all the inhabitants of the galaxy of the 41st millennium, humans being one such species. All humans have a very slight impression in the Warp, this impression being formed by the persons' soul, and can be characterised by these impressions; in terms of the Warp therefore, there are four classes of humans:

1) Average humans make up most of the population and leave a very faint trace in the Warp, little more than a candle flame in the darkness.

2) Some humans are more perceptive to the Warp and therefore have a brighter 'flame' in this place; the more powerful and open they are to the Warp, the brighter this flame will be. In our tangible universe, this perception usually manifests as psychic powers such as ESP, telepathy and the like, so these humans are called psykers. However, psykers for all their gifts are vulnerable to demons that live in the Warp, so most are tightly controlled by the governing bodies of the Human empire (the Imperium). About one in every ten or hundred thousand humans is a psyker.

3) Blanks are the opposite of psykers; these are humans who have souls but leave no impression in the Warp due to them possessing the Pariah gene. In the tangible universe blanks are often almost indistinguishable from normal people, but as their soul has no presence in the Warp (think of them as unlit candles there), they are immune to possession by Warp demons or psychic powers. Only about one in a billion humans is a blank.

4) The last and rarest group of humans are the people who can become a Culexus (plural Culexi?); only one in a billion, _billion_ humans suffers this unhappy fate. Culexi are humans who are born without a soul; like blanks, this makes them immune to the Warp, but unlike blanks their presence there is as a small, moving void of utter vacuum. If a Culexus comes into contact with a normal person, their Warp-presence will begin to smother and dim the Warp-presence of the other person; in the tangible world this means most people tend to run away screaming from Culexi as their souls force them away from the sense of wrongness surrounding the Culexus. People who are forced to be close to Culexi quickly go insane or even die as the their Warp-flame is completely crushed and destroyed by the Culexus, leaving them as a lifeless, withered husk. People exposed fleetingly to Culexi, after getting away from them, rationalise their exposure as something else and forget, or force themselves to forget, their experience, making it impossible for Culexi to interact with anyone but another Culexus. Psykers, with the brightest Warp-flames, can't stand being even remotely close to Culexi as their presence cuts off their connection to the Warp, rendering their powers inert.

As you can hopefully see, Culexi in 40K are very rare, very frightening and very, very powerful; the Imperium trains Culexi for the sole purpose of assassinating enemy psykers and causing massive terror in enemy battle lines due to their unnatural presence forcing the enemy to get away from them regardless of orders or other such factors. To control their powers when not in battle, the Imperium has engineered damping equipment, the Animus Speculum, to mask the presence of a Culexus, though most people still can't stand to be in the same room as one.

As you have gathered from my story in Chapter 9, Naruto is now a Culexus; the battle between Minato and Madara forced Minato to accept that he had to kill, not just seal, Kyuubi to save the village not just now but in the future, in case Madara returned. To do this, he sacrificed his soul and the soul of Naruto as well as Kushina kept the bijuu busy with her chakra chains. Neither was expected to survive, but somehow Naruto did and exists as a Culexus, his soul being taken by the Shinigami. Needless to say, as a baby this wasn't too much of a problem as his 'vacuum' was very small, but the Sandaime and Jiraiya realised something was wrong and therefore set about fixing it as best they could.

The seal around Naruto's temple acts as the damper, like the Animus speculum, to mask his presence around normal people, though most instinctively still avoid him as their regular 'souls' recoil around the fact that he's not normal, and in fact could be lethal if he gets too close for too long. Jiraiya made this seal just a few days after Naruto was born and became a Culexus, modifying the Death God seal that was obviously never used by Minato. Jiraiya also made three necklaces with the same seal on it; when worn these fortify a normal persons' soul against Naruto's presence, allowing them to see him as a normal person. In Chapter 9, these necklaces are owned by the Sandaime, Jiraiya himself and Naruto's present teacher, either Anko or Iruka.

Note that Naruto still has chakra, as this is simply a mixture of physical and mental energy, both of which he possesses, so he can do ninja techniques; however as he doesn't have Kyuubi his chakra reserves aren't ridiculously massive. However his other gifts, as he explained to Anko, would make him an ideal assassin or spy; how can you defend against someone who your entire population recoils from and pretends they don't see?

Oh and as for his code-name, the books he was reading from the times before the elemental countries must have been an old copy of White Dwarf, the magazine dealing with 40K; he must have found the term there and carried it on. How did White Dwarf arrive in the Naruto world, and what do I mean by times before the elemental nations? Questions, questions for a future author to answer I think...

How this would be carried on, how he would grow and learn to further harness his gifts, being able to crush the souls of his adversaries, or direct his power against a target while leaving other people nearby less affected, I leave to you to try and write; I already have TMOK to deal with now and don't like to spread my focus too far. I hope this has been enlightening for you and gives you the information you'll need to take Dead Man Walking further.

Until next time then, ja ne!


	11. Chapter 10

The Importance of Tipping

A/N: well, here we are, back to the Chunin exams but with a different twist on the old story this time. Here Naruto puts one of his unique skills to the test and shows just how much a low-rank jutsu can do to change the world. Hope you enjoy it, as always, if you want to pick it up and run with it I'll be right behind you leading the cheering.

This show just took a rather risqué turn...

The great hall was silent save for the sound of ravenous chewing; regardless of the eeriness of the situation or the fact that his team stood alone in an area designed to hold at least ten times the number of people currently sitting within it, it was going to take a lot more than that to put Uzumaki Naruto off his ramen.

To their credit, though his noisy eating and appalling table manners must have grated on their nerves, his team mates let him feast undisturbed as they picked at their own food, occasionally shooting glances from the corner of their eyes at the shortest, loudest but, as they had discovered in the few scant minutes they were present within the Forest of Death and certainly in the aftermath of the first exam, most intriguing member of team seven. After all, Naruto was the only reason they had come through the forest unscathed and in absolutely record time; the gate had barely opened before he'd grabbed both Sasuke and Sakura by the arms and made the world around them blur; by the time both had got their bearings back Naruto had thrown both a Heaven and Earth scroll at the foot of the tower underneath the incomplete poem and, with a burst of smoke, Iruka-sensei had appeared, looking bewildered but, as he recognised the three short forms before him, not a little relieved as well. He had ushered them into the tower and bade them wait for the remainder of the teams to come in from the forest; when five days were over, it would be time for the third exam.

_But_; Sakura had been thinking this through in the time they had been within the tower when she wasn't occupied with learning shunshin from Naruto – the orange-clad prankster had surprised them all by knowing what was meant to be a chunin-level jutsu and using it to transport them through the forest, but had been all too willing to teach them both the technique in exchange for a low-level fire jutsu from Sasuke and lessons in detecting and dispelling genjutsu from her; _this is the fifth day, and we're the only team that made it in. Was the second exam so deadly that they all killed each other out there?_ A cold chill ran through her at that idea; were the rest of the Konoha rookies out there somewhere, cold and alone in the forest, injured or...worse? Yet again a pang of guilt, possibly survivors' guilt, choked up the girls' insides as she thought of all the things she should have said before the exam began; what if she never saw Ino again, never said sorry for sacrificing her friendship with the Yamanaka over Sasuke? Thoughts like that had plagued her over the past few days, the solitude from the other teams making her feel almost claustrophobic as the uncertainty gnawed at her; it had gotten to such a state that, when the doors to the eating area of the tower opened and a large collection of jounin came in she nearly sighed in relief, regardless of the narrowed eyes and muttered suspicions on their lips as Sasuke looked up and saw a familiar slanted headband in amongst the crowd,

"Kakashi-sensei", the jounin looked up from his book at his name, "is the second exam over?"

"Yeah, the deadline just elapsed; we came to get you just as soon as we finished a debrief with the other genin and the jounin-senseis".

"What about the others?" Sakura could hold it in no longer, standing up at the table with her large green eyes pleading, "The other Konoha rookies, are they okay?"

"Yes Sakura", the crimson eyes of Kurenai, sensei of team eight, helped soothe her concerns, "aside from some bumps, scrapes and a minor case of chakra exhaustion all three other Konoha teams made it in".

"But it is suspicious", one of the other jounin cut in, his forehead protector marking him out as a ninja from Hidden Rain as much as his rebreathing apparatus did as he stepped forwards and regarded the only passing team with barely-masked hostility, "this is Konoha's exams and the only team to pass was a Konoha team, and the team containing the Last Uchiha as well. This smacks far too much of..." A clearing throat from behind him brought the man up short, face paling behind his visor as he looked over his shoulder and beheld the face of the man who's ninja he had nearly slandered,

"Of what jounin-san?" The Hokage's voice was mild, perhaps even mildly curious, but the hardened gleam in his eyes told everyone present that it would be a very bad, perhaps even fatal, mistake to sling around accusations before they knew the truth, "I know you are all disappointed that your teams did not pass through the second exam, but I see no reason to place the blame on the team before you".

"Ah, actually Hokage-sama..."

At the almost-chastised admission all eyes turned to the jounin that had spoken, those from Konoha gaping in disbelief that Maito Guy actually had a volume setting lower that shouting at the top of his lungs. The man also had a sense of embarrassment as well, hard as that was to believe, if the way he was trying to explain something without sounding accusatory,

"...I was just debriefed by my, ah, genin team", the spandex-wearing jounin spoke, trying for the first time in his life to be tactful and delicate around a subject, "apparently Neji-kun, he had his bloodline active at all times when in the forest. According to him their scroll, which was being held by Lee-kun, well it...disappeared, in a cloud of smoke".

It was the pebble that started an avalanche; all at once the other aggrieved jounin were speaking over each other with their own grievances coming to the forefront,

"My team said it went as well..."

"I knew they couldn't lose it..."

"All the scrolls were booby-trapped – Konoha has cheated..."

"Enough!" The last comment was enough to break the Hokage's temper and everyone fell silent as he fired off a burst of killing intent, "I will tell you all here and now that Konoha has not cheated; all of those summoning scrolls were validated two days prior to the start of the Chunin exams by an independent seal expert – they were not 'booby-trapped' and I will suffer any fool smearing dirt on the name of my village". At the old man's declaration everyone fell silent; well, all but one person, who immediately leapt to the defence of his surrogate grandfather,

"You tell'em jiji", swallowing down the last mouthful of his ramen Naruto half-stood in his seat, reaching into his pocket for something, "there's nothing wrong with those scrolls; they got me, Sakura-chan and the teme here didn't they?" The Ame jounin scoffed at this,

"And that is exactly the problem gaki; why did your team scrolls work when no-one else's did? I will not, as Hokage-sama rightly says, cast aspersions without proof, but it seems a little suspicious that only two scrolls worked while the others disappeared".

"Huh, I'm no seal expert but those scrolls all looked okay to me", Naruto assured him as the Hokage, by dint of long exposure to the orange maelstrom, recognised the gleam in his eyes and internally groaned; _what have you done this time Naruto-kun?_; "here", he tossed a sealing scroll over the table towards the Ame jounin who caught it negligently and regarded it suspiciously, "check them yourself".

A thunderstruck silence filled the air at the genin's pronouncement, broken only when the Ame jounin, breathing harshly through his respirator, swiped a trembling thumb over the scroll he'd been passed and was forced to hop backwards to avoid being buried under parchment. Before several pairs of disbelieving eyes every single scroll that was supposed to have been used in the second exam save two tumbled to the floor, pristine and unopened as Naruto smirked at his latest plan working to perfection, only to freeze as he felt cold steel prick the back of his neck,

"Oh gaaa-kiiii", from the corner of his eye he saw the proctor of the exam, the crazy snake lady Mitarashi Anko, holding a kunai to the back of his neck with a sinister smile on her face, "if I thought for a minute you sabotaged my exam I would have little choice but to invite you over to the T&I department and find out how you did it". Naruto heaved a sigh and folded his arms, holding up two fingers as he spoke back to his accusers,

"Right, first off this is a ninja exam I assume, so therefore if I did sabotage anything the only thing that should get me is extra credit", he spoke with a shrug of the shoulders, careful not to move his head and run the risk of splitting the back of his neck open on Anko's kunai, "if the rest of those dummies are stupid enough to play by the rules what the hell are they doing being ninja? We cheat, lie, steal and do whatever we can to win right, it comes with the territory – and before you get too friendly with your sharp stuff", he looked over his shoulder at Anko, a foxy smile on his lips that made her narrow his eyes even as she was forced to fight down a sudden blush as his voice went on, "I'd just like to point out that _you_ helped me pull this heist off...sweet-cheeks".

That little nickname brought snickers to the lips of many of the assembled jounin; heck even the Hokage, who hadn't been present at that little scene and had heard about it by proxy had to hold in a chuckle as he saw Anko's face turn to a bone-white mask as the memory of that humiliation burned through to her once more.

XXX

It was a sight that had been beheld by very few, and in the case of most of them it was one of the last things they ever saw. Every jounin in the room who knew the man either personally or by reputation immediately stepped away from him, trying to casually ready hidden weapons and focus on jutsu as his eyes swept the room, seeking someone who was probably going to wish they'd never been born when that expression found them.

Because Morino Ibiki was _grinning_.

Everyone present held their breath as the special jounin, known in the Bingo Book by a variety of monikers including Mind-breaker and the Shinigami's Herald, scanned the room; as his eyes swept over each individual they had to fight to keep themselves from shivering as they felt him scouring their minds, combing their emotional state for weapons to break them down. The process went on for so long that, when it ended, it was with all the suddenness of a thunderclap as he homed in on a single jounin present and spoke,

"Kakashi..."

The man so named saw his life flash before his single eye as he snapped his book shut, racking his brain to wonder what he could have done that had been so wrong that it had garnered Ibiki's attention; _okay, so maybe I was a little rash to take fresh genin on an A-rank, and I have been a little late for a few occasions over the past few years, and I maybe favoured the Uchiha over my other two students a little..._

_...I am so boned_.

"Hmm, sorry Ibiki", it was a compliment to how much he had mastered his calling as a ninja that he could panic so much internally whilst maintaining such a bored expression, "what did you need me for?"

"That Uzumaki brat, he's one of yours isn't he?" _Okay, it's not that bad, no need to panic – just find out what Naruto's done this time, then start panicking_;

"To my very great regret yes", the Copy nin sighed before adopting his traditional slouch as he awaited the forthcoming bad news, "what did he do this time, and is he in any fit state to compete in the second exam?"

"Oh he'll compete all right, and because of him so will a number of other genin who would have quit but for his example", the torturer chuckled darkly, pride still a little dented that the smallest genin had shown such a lions' heart in response to his tenth question, "but apart from that, he has my compliments; not many genin would react as he did to one of Anko's entrances".

At that every jounin from Konoha, as well as a few from villages allied to the Leaf, shuddered as they remembered the slightly unhinged special jounin; her flamboyant entrances to anything from a dango store to a jounin meeting were almost as well-known and documented as her addiction to dango and vengeful bent against her traitorous teacher. As Kakashi winced for one of his students' future health as he had visions of Naruto throwing a kunai or hurling himself headlong at the flying kunoichi as she entered the room in her unique way, it fell to one of the other jounin, this one from Hidden Waterfall, to ask the killing question,

"So what did he do that was so special? He didn't try and rush her did he – I'd have paid money to see how much of a mess she'd made of him". Ibiki chuckled, a dark sound that sent shivers down every spine as they heard the noise,

"You'd have paid more to see what he actually did", Ibiki informed him, "when introduced to Mitarashi Anko I've seen genin scream, faint, cry and-stroke-or reach for the nearest weapon, but he's the first one I've ever seen to greet her with the words 'woohoo baby, take it off!'"

The room went dead silent; heck even Kakashi hadn't even thought of that one coming and he was well-renowned for knowing more ways out of any given situation than he did jutsus. A couple of jounin were sniggering at the image, though those that actually knew Anko and what she was capable of when annoyed were rather more cautious about the whole scenario as Kurenai swallowed down her trepidation and asked tremulously,

"Is he still alive?" The head of Konoha's T&I department nodded, a secret little smile on his lips,

"Yes, and he's one I've got my eye on for the future; anyone with rocks like that is going to go far in the world on shock-value if nothing else. Oh and it got better; she'd landed on his desk and, having heard him, it all went south from there..."

XXX

_ "I'm sorry gaki", the snake mistress's tone was sugar-coated venom as she leant down to get as close to eye to eye with the brat as she could manage, "I don't think I heard you right; what did you say to me?"_

_ "My exact words were 'woohoo baby, take it off'", Naruto repeated, grinning up at the taller woman as he folded his hands behind his head, apparently not noticing her predatory smile or the way she was reaching for a kunai as he carried on, "there's a good chance I might die in the next few days so when a beautiful woman crashes through the window and all but lands in my lap I'll be damned if I don't take the chances Kami grants me"._

_ "You do of course realised you're talking to a woman who could kill you without blinking?"_

_ "Ah, what's life without a few risks? If I didn't go out on a limb occasionally I'd end up like poor Iruka-sensei – he hasn't had a date in his life and he's a chunin now. So", he brought a hand into his pocket and seemed to fish for something as Anko watched on amazed at his bravado, or stupidity, "shall we talk business or just find the nearest convenient closet?"_

'_Okay I'll admit it – this kids' got stones made of diamond to try pulling this off'; with that thought running through her head the snake mistress smiled like a viper and licked her tongue across her teeth, showing off pointed fangs as she squatted on Naruto's desk to look him in the eye,_

_ "Gaki, you're about fifteen years too young and fifteen hundred years too dumb to even think about trying to hook up with me". Naruto shrugged, bringing both hands onto the desk with one hand tightly fisted as the other reached for the pencil that had miraculously remained on present following Anko's dynamic entry,_

_ "What can I say, I sure as hell didn't learn from the best; Iruka-sensei's a great teacher but if he was any more repressed he'd be a Hyuuga in all but name and Kakashi-sensei...", he tailed off and for a fleeting second Anko felt a touch of sympathy for the kid – she'd worked with Kakashi Hatake before and though he was a fine ninja, a stable paternal influence he most certainly was not, "...let's just forget that mental image before it scars me for life. Tell you what, let's make a deal – if I survive your exam call me and we'll talk, here's the number". _

_Having said his piece he scribbled something down on what Anko realised was a badly crumpled fifty ryo bill; when he was finished he crumpled it up again and, with a motion that appeared well-practiced, swiftly darted his hand to the kunoichi's cleavage, pressing the bill down between the valley of her chest,_

_ "Call me later", he removed his hand as Anko tried to blush in embarrassment, blanch in rage and stare in amazement at the gall of Uzumaki Naruto all at the same time, resulting in a face like Orochimaru with bad sunburn, the patches of mottled puce only darkening as the genin removed his hand enough to pat her cheek softly a few times before withdrawing with the last, parting pet-name, "sweet-cheeks"._

XXX

"Are you certain he's still alive?" Having heard what she had Kurenai was more than a little concerned about the Uzumaki's health, "Anko didn't just henge a clone into him so she could hide the body?"

"No, he's alive and kicking", another voice broke in; everyone turned to see Anko herself emerge from the window to stand in the room, everyone close to her immediately stepping backwards as though repelled from the virtually-tangible field of fury that thrummed up around her, "though the second he crawls out of that forest his bedraggled little ass belongs to me".

"After what I've heard you can have him, though I have to ask, having never seen the boy pay for a ramen binge in his life when someone else has been there to pick up the tab", Kakashi mentioned with a slightly teasing lilt in his voice as he carried on, "is he a good tipper?"

Everyone immediately cleared the impact zone between the two nins, though to the amazement of all Anko didn't erupt as they'd been expecting her to; instead the snake mistress flipped the one-eyed jounin off with one hand while the other made signals only a Konoha nin would recognise,

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up Cyclops; you're only jealous one of your students had the balls to do what the rest of you have only dreamt of trying. Anyway, because of the excitement and the fact that the more perverted genin are currently all in comas due to Naruto, the second exam's been put back by four hours; it'll begin at four this afternoon rather than midday. Right, message delivered, I need some dango", she shrugged, casually displaying the fact that she still hadn't removed the bill Naruto had stuffed down her cleavage, "catch you all later". With that, the snake mistress jumped back towards the window and dived out of it, leaping towards the safe house where the preparations for the second exam were being held until their transport towards the Forest of Death just prior to the exam beginning.

With the excitement over, the other jounin left to prepare their teams; however the Konoha jounin, having seen Anko's signals, quickly departed and, after making sure they weren't being followed, met up at the safe house. Seeing them arrive, Anko quickly set up some privacy seals and beckoned them all in,

"Right, change of plan; there's a chance that someone none of us wanted to see back in Konoha's trying to get into these exams". Caught out by her sudden seriousness, it fell to the laziest nin in the group to break the silence,

"What makes you say that?" Asuma chipped in, lighting up a cigarette and casually averting his eyes as Anko pulled the currency Naruto had planted on her and unfolded it; before anyone could question her there was an explosion of smoke and the jump-suited shinobi himself stood there, holding up his hands as he did so,

"Clone, don't hit me", he gabbled as Kurenai's face in particular darkened, recalling as she did one of the side effects of Kage bushin and how Naruto would get the memories of this particular clone back; _memories that, considering where this clone's been, he'll be enjoying for a very long time_; "listen, it might sound crazy but I think there's a spy in the exams; Kakashi-sensei, you know I can sense chakra right, because of my reserves?"

"Yes, that is true", the Copy nin confirmed; he had been as surprised as anyone when Naruto of all his students had displayed this ability, "due to his chakra reserves Naruto can get a rudimentary feel of how much chakra people have if he gets close enough to them; he can't sense elements yet but that may come with time".

"I hope so but right now it's not important", the clone said before beckoning the jounin closer, "basically I think we've got a spy; it's Kabuto, the guy who's failed six other exams", at their blank looks, especially Ibiki's, he hastily began to explain himself, "he's got way more chakra than an average genin, hell", he focussed for a second before nodding, confirming his personal hypothesis, "some of you guys don't have as much as him. And I used to work with jiji filing mission reports and I know all missions A-ranked and higher are classified to jounin and above only; I was never allowed to see them".

"So", Ibiki folded his arms; the child wasn't lying but he was nervous, though considering who he was talking to that wasn't that surprising, "what does a mission have to do with this?"

"His ninfo cards", Naruto replied, looking at the special jounin with steel in his eyes, "Kabuto had way too much information on everyone, and he knew that my team had been on an A-ranked mission; it was reclassified after what happened in Wave country, everyone outside that office just thinks, or should think, it was a C-rank gone wrong, B-rank at the highest. So how did Kabuto get that on his cards; if he's only a genin he shouldn't have been able to get within bow-shot of the mission room, and Suna's even more paranoid than we are; they classify all ninja dealings – so how did he, a Leaf nin, know that Gaara had been on B-ranks? The Kazekage doesn't assign mission ranks until the mission's been completed and he gets paid, it's never told to the teams there what rank of mission they've completed; they just turn up, get the check and go for the next mission. No", the clone shook his head as the other jounin began to realise just how many pieces Naruto had stumbled upon and how well he'd played this game of subterfuge, "something was fishy about him and I thought you all needed to know".

"So you scribbled something down on a note and passed it to the examiner, without making it look too suspicious", Asuma finished for him, nodding his head with a glimmer of respect in his dark eyes as he looked the smaller ninja up and down, "nicely done kid; you might have just save us a lot of aggravation". To his consternation however, Naruto looked down, hands fisted as though about to tell a very unpleasant truth,

"Not yet, there's something else", he admitted, swallowing hard before looking up, "I only realised this now, but while I was with Kabuto before you showed up", he nodded at Ibiki, though the man remained stone-faced, "I tried to get as much on him as I could; I used chakra to enhance my senses, including smell and, it was faint but..." he tailed off, looking over his shoulder at Anko, expression mournful as he tried and failed to smile at her,

"...he smelt like you Anko-san; he smelt of snake".

The temperature in the room dipped below freezing point at that pronouncement; all the jounin, even Maito Guy, were looking serious as heart attacks as he made that confession, though before he could speak again his sensei had darted forwards and grabbed his shoulder,

"Naruto, don't tell anyone what you've just told us; make sure you and your team get through the second exam in one piece and if you smell snake again just run, don't argue, don't try to fight, just get Sasuke and Sakura and run like old man Teuchi just heard you asking Ayame-chan for a date". The clone gave a chuckle and a salute before nodding,

"Got it sensei; I'm out of here", there was an explosion of smoke as the bushin dispelled, leaving the jounin alone to discuss what to do with this new information,

"Anko-san", though technically lower in rank than the jounin present no-one gainsaid Ibiki as he took charge, face grimmer than any could remember it being for a long time, "tell the Hokage what we've learnt here and then come back here to start moving this to the Forest of Death. Rest of you, go with your teams and tell them to be careful in these exams; in fact no, tell them to pull out once they get into the Forest, a few hours at most before we get them out of there; if Naruto is correct and Oroichimaru is hunting for new talent I don't think we can risk them, he could cripple our forces by killing off the new blood. Leave Kabuto and his team to me; this will need tact and delicacy to pull off right but if we can do it and fit in a phoney team for that traitor, it may lead us right to the snake himself. Everyone clear?" There was a collection of nods as Ibiki brought the impromptu meeting to a close,

"Right, good luck and let's go". With that, all the assembled Konoha nins scattered.

XXX

Naruto didn't mention any of the last part of course; as far as he was concerned he'd done his duty as Kakashi-sensei had told his team to quickly pull out of the exam after a few hours; due to his plan, however, Naruto had short-circuited that requirement by passing the exam so quickly; _and with any luck_; the expressions of the jounin surrounding them, including the Konoha senseis, were of equal parts dumbstruck awe and suspicious, if grudging, admiration; _this'll take the heat of the Konoha teams withdrawing so early – if no-one had any scrolls, what was the point of fighting?_;

"Yeah, one of my brighter ideas this one", he shrugged smarmily, inwardly revelling in the looks of shock around him as he carried on, "sorry sweetness, but that was a clone you were talking to in that exam, and just as well. When you run your twins don't half swing around a lot, any poor clone I made would have died from erotic crushing or asphyxiation – hell of a way to go I'll grant you but, not all that conducive to my plans".

"So you", as the kunai dropped away from his neck the genin looked over his shoulder to see Anko's face whiten again as she realised just what, or more accurately who, had just been given a free ride in her top, "that note you wrote on...?"

"Oh yeah, that was me; amazing what I can do with a henge and a huge amount of chakra", he quoted with a undercurrent of suggestion in his tone that made Anko raise an eyebrow, "but yeah, I was nice and warm on the journey back to your place, you left me on that side while you went to shout at your chunin minions and left me all alone in that cold, small room. Why'd you do it sweet-cheeks?" He mock-wiped his eyes, tone reproachful and full of regret, "I thought we had something special but you just abandoned me like that, in a small room with only a lot of scrolls for company".

From there of course, every nin present was able to join all the dots, though just for the sake of completeness the Hokage, who out of all the nin present was most used to Naruto's eccentricities and slightly unusual thinking patterns compared to the vast majority of people in the world, painted the full picture,

"So, when everyone was gone", the Konoha nin present realised that the 'clone' that had told them his suspicions of Kabuto hadn't dispelled but transformed into another small henge, creating the smoke they'd mistaken for a bushin dispelling, "you swiped all the scrolls for the exam and henged some shadow clones to fool all the other teams, and used two of the scrolls you took along with shunshin to get back here in record time", he sighed as the jounin watched on amazed, "so because of you most of the competition out there have been fighting and roughing it for five days for nothing?"

"You could look at it that way, or you could think of it as teaching them about looking underneath the underneath", he said, shrugging his shoulders, "any teams that realised the exam was hopeless as they couldn't complete it should have forfeited and called in for extraction; no matter how good you are, or think you are", he gave a very pointed glare to his right where Sasuke sat glowering, "there will be some missions that you just can't do, either because someone screwed up and assigned you to a mission too high for you to go on, or circumstances changing or faulty intelligence, anything like that can really screw up your mission. When that happens, what are you going to do – that was a question I made the teams in there answer; those that wanted to fought, those that didn't got out of there; there's no right or wrong answer, just a question of how sure your teams are of their own abilities".

The wisdom of the smaller ninja was enough to make everyone consider his words and, conveniently, forget that all the Konoha teams had withdrawn early; _mental note, must ask jiji if I was right, and if so how did it go nabbing that spy_. However, Naruto was jerked from his internal musing by the characteristic sound of someone unsealing something from a scroll nearby; he looked up in time to catch something thrown at him by one of the jounin that had spoken earlier. Turning it over in time to hear Sasukes' outraged growl and Sakura's choked cough of shock, the former genin looked over the top of the chunin vest he'd been thrown and glowered at the one responsible,

"What the hell is this about?" The Ame jounin shrugged, chuckling as he nodded at the pile of scrolls by his feet,

"I'd hoped to hand that one of my students at the end of these exams but hell, I know when I'm beat. If that had been real life and a real war you'd have just saved all of Konoha's forces and thrown the rest of us into a blender – if that's not cause for promotion I don't want to know what your village actually needs someone to show they're ready for chunin rank".

With that and a unanimous nod of approval from all the other assembled jounin and the Hokage, the first chunin in history who had never had to fight for his rank was crowned and inducted into Konoha's forces.

Omake

"Ah, Kabuto-kun", the sibilant voice echoed through the dank tunnel, abandoned since before the coming of Kyuubi as it had proven unsuitable for the work of the Hebi sennin, even at that early stage, "you are very late". The silver-haired teen immediately bowed down low in the face of his master as he saw Orochimaru emerge from one of the damp walls, yellow eyes slitted in displeasure as he beheld his protégé,

"Forgive me Orochimaru-sama", he sidled greasily, pushing his glasses up his nose, "following the...unusual ending to the Chunin Exams, security was tight and I was unable to leave until now". Jaundiced eyes narrowed but, after a long moment, the Hebi sannin turned away with a final warning,

"Do not fail me again Kabuto, my tolerance is waning; all I had planned for Konoha is in ruins due to the actions of one brat shortening the Chunin exams. I want you to find out who did this; his fate will be most...unpleasant. Apart from that however", his tongue licked his lips slowly as he considered the next stage of his grand ambition, about to be realised despite the fact he'd not had the chance to brand the last Uchiha as his own, "tell me some good news about my latest vessel".

"You ain't getting him!"

Decades of experience was all that kept Oroichimaru's head on his shoulders as Kabuto sprang, the kunai in his hand nicking the side of the sannins' neck as his unique taijutsu style had him flow away from the attack like water. Kabuto landed and span, shuriken in his hand as he glared at his former master with naked hatred in his eyes as the Konoha traitor looked over his shoulder at his protégé, seemingly amused by such an assassination attempt,

"Why Kabuto-kun", the sannin's voice was oil, "I would almost think you didn't like me anymore".

"Not for many years now Orochi-teme", there was a cloud of smoke as Kabuto disappeared, replaced with the snarling visage of Anko, slowly licking her former sensei's blood off her kunai, "sour and rotten as hell, same place I'm about to send you". The sannin laughed as he casually deflected some of her poorly-thrown shuriken with his bare hands; her anger was obviously destroying her skills,

"Kukuku Anko-chan", the sannin immediately raised one hand and the kunoichi seized up, falling to her knees as her Cursed seal flared into unimaginable pain, "you need to remember who your master is. Now tell me", he raised his hand higher and a hiss of pain escaped Anko's lips as the sannin paced towards her, "where is Kabuto-kun these days, and is Konoha preparing my next body correctly – Sasuke-kun will be so strong. So much hatred towards his brother, so much untapped potential-aarrgh!"

The sudden pain broke the sannin's words from a whimsical, teasing tone to an agony-wracked scream; one of the shuriken Anko had thrown that he'd stepped over had suddenly burst into smoke and the resultant ninja, the genin who had spoilt all his plans completely, had slashed out with two kunai, driving them deeply through the back of Oroichimaru's ankles, destroying his ability to stand upright. Naruto darted backwards from the toppling figure though not before lashing out one more time, sending both his kunai into non-fatal spots of the pale man's bodies as he spat at the swearing figure,

"You don't touch Sasuke you snake-freak; he might be a teme but he's my team mate and Konoha sticks together". Oroichimaru opened his mouth to answer, preparing to switch bodies to heal the awful damage Naruto had done to his current shell, when the sudden eruption of killing intent from the front of him told him in no uncertain terms he had bigger problems that a sneak-attacking genin. Freed from the pain of her seal by her former mentors' loss of concentration, Anko pounced on the prone form of her sensei and ended the battle that had raged in her soul for nearly fifteen years.

Oroichimaru's end was not glorious, it was not heroic and he died knowing that he had failed in his quest for immortality at the hands of one he had dubbed a useless, failed experiment; Anko's kunai found a home in his neck and lodged there, preventing his escape as the special jounin, tears of relief and revenge springing from her eyes, snatched weapons out of her pouch and slammed them into lethal points on even his warped anatomy, over and over again, not letting herself stop until she was certain the Hebi sennin was dead and never coming back. Even then, just to be absolutely sure, she jumped into the air and fired off a katon jutsu, consuming his body to ashes in the darkness, Naruto catching her as she hit the floor and threatened to collapse.

"Easy, easy Anko-chan", the shorter nin set his stance as she wrapped her arms around him, unable to believe that finally, finally her traitorous sensei might be dead, "it's okay, he's gone".

"No, no, not yet", her partner was forced to look away as she ripped at the top of her collar, ripping down it down to see, at long, long last, pure, unbroken skin as the Curse seal faded away, "there are others, seals were different; he might be able to live on through them".

"Well then we'll just hunt him down and kill him; again, and again, and again if we have to", Naruto told her seriously, "you know Ibiki won't sleep until Kabuto's little more than a broken mess and he knows everything that traitor does; probably the first time in his life that four-eyes had been regretting his fast healing ability", Naruto admitted with a wolfish smile, causing Anko to smirk despite the tears in her eyes, "and since he was Hebi-teme's favourite trouser-snake buddy, we'll soon know where he stashed the bodies and we can put them down from there".

Considering his words Anko nodded and slowly picked herself up, running a hand over her face as she looked at her partner with new respect,

"You know kid sometimes you're too damn smart for your own good; that shuriken idea was an absolute peach, he never saw it coming".

"Of course not, he was arrogant", Naruto told her, convinced of his correctness as he knew all about fighting conceited people, "you're talking to the guy on a team with Sasuke, Mr Rookie-of-the-year-and-don't-you-forget-it; I've lost count of the number of times I could have killed him in spars while he was there gloating over my beaten body using tricks like that. Oroichi-teme's just cut from the same cloth – horribly skilled but so big-headed they've got more blind spots than a Meat-tanked Akimichi". Chuckling at the analogy, Anko suddenly darted in and wrapped the diminutive nin up in a hug, squashing Naruto's face against the same breasts he'd travelled between not a week previously,

"You are so damned...dammit I don't know what to call you", she let him go, watching as he heaved down a breath of much-needed air,

"Damn Anko-chan, if you're trying to kill me like that could you at least succeed? If I'm going to die I want to go down happy and I can't think of too many better ways than drowning in a bosom like yours", despite herself the kunoichi blushed slightly at his compliments as he shook himself down and carried on, "anyway, apart from that I need a couple of favours off you".

_Now this could get interesting_; thinking she had an idea about one of his requests she allowed her eyebrow to rise slightly as she asked the loaded question,

"Oh, and what would that be gaki? I have to admit this wouldn't be my ideal trysting place but, over the ashes of my former sensei, I might be tempted if only to spite him in the afterlife". Naruto looked confused for a second before his face screwed up in disgust and he spluttered,

"Urgh, get your mind out the gutter before it rots", he admonished before becoming slightly more serious and holding out a slip of paper, "no, I need you to sign this; it's the official paper that says it's a successful mission and will cement me as a chunin. Because no-one saw me fight during the exams jiji said if I survived this mission I'd get the vest, though I think he might be surprised we never used those summoning scrolls for the other jounin".

"Him and me both", Anko admitted, knowing that one of the newly-christened chunin's pockets held some of the scrolls from the second exam, reconfigured to summon Konoha's most famous and lethal jounin for this confrontation, though due to the strategy the two had discussed working so well they'd never used them, "but yeah, you more than earned it with this one gaki; hell carry on like this and I'll be calling you sir by the end of the year. Apart from that, what was the other thing?" Naruto's smirk suddenly widened as he beckoned the special jounin forwards to listen,

"Weeeelllllll..." he wheedled, smile a mile wide as he banished a few last regrets and realised that no, overall this was a good thing for his friend, "...there's a chunin I know who could use a lady like you in his life..."

At that precise moment in time Iruka sneezed, shivered and wondered why he had a sudden urge to pray to Kami for the deliverance of his immortal soul.

A/N: Run Iruka, run far, far away; she's gaining on you! Heh, just kidding, I really like that pairing, just as much as I like Naruto and Anko working together; they're funny most of the time but when there's a job to do, no-one does it better than either of them. Anyway, hope you enjoyed that and until next time, ja ne!


	12. Chapter 11

Ready to Rumble

A/N: Right, this one is coming at you from way out of the usual ball-park; Naruto shows off a new skill in Wave and explains how he developed it, though the story is, as always, rather an interesting and convoluted one. Also includes two free omakes guest-starring Yugito! Enjoy.

Quiet, it's curtain up and first act rolling...

The chief librarian of the Konoha library liked to consider himself a decent, honest and hard-working human being; he did his duty to the village in his own little way and, while he'd never had the body, skills or inclination to even try to become a ninja for Konoha's ranks, he did his bit in strengthening his village when the yearly crop of new Academy students came through to look for scrolls on chakra, village history and politics. Apart from that he was a simple man who did his job diligently, provided help when his patrons asked for it and, when the Kyuubi-brat had appeared one day and asked for help finding a suitable fighting style that would make him a kick-ass Hokage, he promptly did his civic duty to stop the little monster accruing power that would one day burn the Hidden Leaf to the ground. He'd quickly accompanied the hidden devil to the history section, making sure not to actually touch the poisonous skin of the beast or breathe its air, and pointed out a very old scroll containing a fighting style so bad it wasn't actually considered taijutsu, more a ninja observation of an ancient form of ritualistic combat that had no practical use on the battlefield at all. Of course the brat had snapped it up without thinking, higher concepts such as reasoning and logic completely alien to such a monster in favour of the intent to crush, smash and kill, so as the orange abomination slunk back to its pit the librarian patted himself on the back for his quick thinking and turned away back to his more deserving, human customers.

It was such a little thing that, though the man remembered it with pride, when he felt a cold shiver sweep though him almost eight years to the day after Naruto's visit to the library, he merely shrugged it off and failed to see any kind of connection between the two events. In fact even when an extremely irate shinobi with a very short temper and a _very_ large sword burst into the library and started demanding the head of the 'stupid librarian baka who'd been handing out forbidden scrolls to dobe gakis' he still didn't see the link and therefore reacted as most civilians would when confronted with a madman with blood on his mind.

With a strangled squeak of abject terror the head librarian of Konoha's library when white as a sheet, felt his eyes roll up into his head and fainted dead away at Momochi Zabuza's feet.

XXX

_Oh this is going to be interesting – where did I put the spare headache medicine again?_; not for the first time when dealing with this particular genin team the Sandaime wondered idly if it would just have been easier to shift his office wholesale to the village pharmacy, or the nearest bar. Slowly rolling his eyes up at the form before him and seeing the two jounin, one of them looking apologetic and the other borderline-murderous, along with the three genin he knew and one he didn't, Sarutobi just knew this was going to be a debrief that was going to knock years of his remaining natural lifespan,

"Kakashi", he began, said jounin seeming to smile weakly and scratching the back of his head as his superior addressed him; the fact the one-eyed smut lover wasn't even reading his beloved Icha Icha was a testament to how out of the ordinary this scenario actually was, "could you please explain to me why there is an A-ranked nuke-nin in my office?"

"Uuuhhh", the Copy-nin rolled his eye sideways as though measuring how far he'd have to jump back to get out the way of his unwilling companion's swing should the former Kirin in lose his already fragile grip on his temper, "not easily sir – all I can say is he has been captured and did come here willingly...ish".

"I see", the old man blinked owlishly from behind his desk as his attention fell on the ominous chunk of metal the taller man was carting around with him, "so if that is the case why does he still have his sword on him?"

"Well, ah, two reasons for the Hokage-sama; firstly the deadly duo on the gate weren't stupid enough to try and take it off him", the ex-Kiri nin gave a gruff snort of laughter at this, remembering the looks on the faces of the gate chunins as he hammered Kubikiri Honcho halfway through the nearest gate post prior to his escort leading him here, "and secondly...", Kakashi tailed off for a minute but, just before Sarutobi could raise his voice to demand answers the Leaf jounin mumbled under his breath, "...the one who captured him said he could keep it as long as he behaved".

"The one who...you didn't..." Sarutobi felt the blood start to drain from his face as Kakashi shook his head, "...so who...?"

By dint of long exposure it appeared to the Hokage that an inverse relationship had developed between the level of his gut and the width of Uzumaki Naruto's smile; therefore as the self-christened Number One Unpredictable Ninja coughed lightly and flashed out a grin wide enough to make Maito Gai weep (manly) tears of envy and joy Sarutobi just about bit back a groan as he felt his stomach sink down into his shoes. Realising there was no way out of this one the old kage tried to sit up straighter in his seat and turned to the jounin-sensei of Team Seven,

"Just give me the debrief Kakashi, and try to make it brief – I feel a headache coming on". _Ah, sorry Hokage-sama_; even as he could see the pleading in the old man's eyes the Copy-nin knew he this was one request he had to deny; _but if it's any consolation I'll pick up the tab for the aspirin we're going to need by the end of this_;

"Unfortunately Hokage-sama, I don't know the full story – Naruto", the genin perked up at his name, eliciting a grunt from his raven-haired team mate and a dark scowl from the renegade Swordsman of the Mist, "said he'd tell you as there were some things, he assured me, only you would want to know in his report". This time Sarutobi didn't even try to hide his sigh of frustration as he looked over to his surrogate grandson,

"Wonderful", he said dryly before, as he always did when the old man was feeling down, Naruto's presence brought a reluctant smile creeping over his wrinkled face, "all right then Naruto, your report please and no embellishments – adding things to it", he explained, seeing two blonde eyebrows knit together in confusion, "just the truth about what happened in Wave country after Kakashi sent his message back".

"No problem jiji", the effeminate figure standing beside Zabuza seemed to shake with laughter for a moment before pulling him-or-herself back together as the taller man looked over and raised an eyebrow at the genin's disrespect for his kage, "right, well after Kakashi-sensei dealt with the Demon Brothers, we carried on and got into Wave with the old drunk. No-brows over there", Zabuza growled in this throat, hand clenching around the handle of his sword but, as always, Naruto seemed oblivious to the danger in his casual insult, "showed up and had a fight with sensei; Kakashi was about to win after me and the teme busted him out of that water-prison-thingy he was caught in but before he could finish him off, Haku over there", the feminine figure bowed to the village leader as Sarutobi swept a gaze over him-or-her, "chucked a couple of senbon into No-brows neck, made it look like he was dead and then got out of there. Kakashi-sensei had chakra exhaustion then so guess who got lumbered with dragging him to Tazuna's house; you're heavier than you look Kakashi-sensei".

"Well muscle is heavier than fat..."

"Yeah, shame about the relaxed muscle you were carrying – you need to work out with your eternal rival more", Naruto told the older jounin, forcing Sakura and Sarutobi to cover their heads with their hands in embarrassment and hilarity respectively, "but when we got there sensei realised No-brows wasn't dead and we figured out what was going on and how Gatoh was involved in this whole mess in Wave. So we had a week's training before we'd have to fight again, so we were all working really hard until the week was over. I had a, uh, an altercation with Inari, that's Gazonas' grandson by the way, the night before and stayed out a bit late training; that was where I bumped into Haku actually, though I didn't know that 'til the next day when all the dust had settled. But because of that I slept in for the big fight, but that was a bit of a blessing from Kami as it turned out in the end..."

XXX

"Urgh", peering around blearily for something to drink Naruto saw the two men armed with katana threatening the whiny little brat and his nice mother, "mind keeping it down guys? And please let Tsunami-chan go before I have to hurt you".

"Hurt us?" The bandit laughed, throwing his captive away from him as he readied his blade threateningly, "A shrimp like you couldn't come close to touching me".

"A shrimp like me wouldn't want to touch you – no offence but you're really not my type", Naruto tossed back over his shoulder as he drank from a pot of cold tea that Tsunami hadn't cleared away from the kitchen table yet, "oh, and Inari, nice idea standing up for your mother like that but I doubt that butter knife would even cut butter. Stand back and look after Tsunami-chan kid", setting the cup down and stretching off the shinobi waved the younger child back, keeping both bandits' attention fixed squarely on him as he saw Tsunami sidle away from the man who'd thrown her to the floor from the corner of his eye, "this is a job for the professionals". The other bandit, this one with a nasty scar on the side of his face, chuckled menacingly as he drew his own sword,

"We are the professionals here baka; enough looking at your ugly face, prepare to die!" With that he thrust his blade up high and let out a fierce battle-scream as Naruto, having finished cracking his knuckles, charged towards where the two enemies were waiting.

_He's going to be killed, he's going to be killed, he's going to..._; as the battle-scream suddenly changed pitch and volume immediately before being cut off with a meaty thump and an unhealthy sounding gurgle Inari found his mouth falling open and his eyes bulging as he watched the blonde boy work; _...how the hell did he do that?_ As he felt his mothers' arms wrap around his shoulders and helped Tsunami come shakily to her feet the Wave country inhabitant couldn't tear his eyes away as the boy who'd thrown his belittlement back in his face earlier in the week did one final move and brought his opponent crashing to the floor, completely unconscious as the blonde shinobi wiped a trickle of sweat from his eyes and reached into his weapons pouch,

"Huh, and Sakura-chan said nothing good ever came from being late", he muttered under his breath as he casually bound the two bandits up, "Inari, make sure these two don't go anywhere and look after your mum while I'm gone. I've got a bad feeling that something's about to go down on your grandfathers' bridge so I'm going to help the rest of team".

"But Naruto-san", as her son was still gaping at the skill he'd displayed it was left to Tsunami, herself shocked and not a little afraid of what he'd just done to two fully-grown men, "what did you just do?"

"Ninja fighting; I've been training – what, you think I wear this thing for fashion", Naruto chuckled as he checked the last few knots and pointed at his jumpsuit, "nah, this is just so can walk around town without getting mobbed by fangirls – ugh, I can feel my flesh crawling at the thought. Oh, and Inari, good job standing up to these two jokers; I guess heroes aren't dead in Wave after all. Keep the tea on Tsunami-chan; I'll be back by dinner time".

With that last benediction and a cheerful wave he turned on his heel and sprinted away towards the bridge, chakra pumping and smile a mile wide as he realised that this was the day, this was the time when he showed everyone, especially the teme, who was the boss when it came to laying the smack down on missing-nins with no eyebrows.

XXX

Every sense she had was on a hair-trigger and her breath came in short, sharp pants; in the cursed mist she could barely see a hand in front of her face as she gripped her kunai stoically and backed up, protecting the client as she'd been ordered to do by her sensei. The old man was still behind her and she took a little comfort from that, though she couldn't reasonably see what she be expected to do if either Kakashi-sensei or Sasuke-kun were overcome by their respective foes. What made her more nervous was the fact she couldn't see anyone from her team anymore; Kakashi was somewhere in the mist if the sounds of clanging metal on metal was anything to go by and Sasuke-kun was in that strange prism thing that had been raised over just outside the mist blanket Zabuza had summoned, a few tendrils of fog seeping over and through the structure as she watched on. Biting her lip the kunoichi forced herself to keep a tight grip on her weapon and stop her hands shaking; _they're relying on me now, they need me to protect Tazuna-san if anything goes wrong. I won't let them down, I won't be weak_; there was a cry of pain from inside the dome and Sakura felt the blood in her veins turn to slush; _Sasuke-kun! Oh I'd cut off my right arm to be there and help him – this just couldn't get any..._;

"Have no fear, Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage and all-around most surprising ninja in Konoha, is here to save the day!"

_Spoke too soon_; having recovered from her three-foot leap into the air and trying to calm her hammering heart Sakura just about prevented herself from lashing out at the orange-clad annoyance that came charging down the bridge with his usual disregard for the ninja traditions of stealth and discretion. Skidding to a halt some fifteen feet from her (just as well for his health after that idiotic entrance, the kunoichi swore to herself) and summing up the situation as best he could, he turned towards her and called out,

"Okay Sakura-chan, what's going down?"

"You baka, you just gave away your surprise..."

"Yeah yeah", he cut off her lecture before it could build up a head of steam; right now he had some serious backside to kick and every second was precious, "just tell me where the bad guys are". A little shocked by his abruptness Sakura stuttered as she answered,

"Uhh, Zabuza's fighting with Kakashi in the mist and that fake hunter-nin just did something over there; Sasuke's fighting him".

"In that thing?" Seeing the cherry blossom nod a wolfish grin split Naruto's lips, "Perfect, nice and private – right, stay here Sakura-chan, I'll go fish the teme out of whatever mess he's landed in this time".

Not sticking around to hear the girl lambasting him for dragging the name of her precious Sasuke-kun through the mud Naruto hared away, coming to a halt just outside the dome of what looked like mirrors; tapping at one experimentally, his eyebrows rose as he realised he was actually looking at a mirror carved from ice. _Weird – then again I've got a demon fox stuffed in my gut so I'm not really in a position to comment on normality. Now, where's...?_; there was a flash of blackness across one of the gaps between the mirrors that skidded to a stop to reveal his team mate panting and with blood dribbling from minor puncture and scratch wounds in his arms and face; _...ah, that answers that question. Okay_; his fingers moved into a single seal, a big improvement over the few months he'd been a genin and he was sure in another couple of weeks he'd be able to pull the technique off without needing seals; _time for a dramatic entrance!_

XXX

As smoke exploded around the stationary form of her target Haku felt her eyebrows rise slightly; she hadn't felt the boy mould chakra for a jutsu so...hang on, what was the orange – it was that other boy, the Uchiha's team mate! The knowledge made the ice-user pause in her attack, long enough for Naruto, the boy she'd met the previous evening while picking up herbs, to re-orientate himself after switching himself with his team mate,

"Brr", as she watched on, incredulous that Naruto would be so selfless as to willingly throw himself into the lion's den to save someone else from a painful fate, the orange-wearing shinobi rubbed his arms, "it's a bit nippy in here. Hoi, hunter-nin-san", he looked around at the multiple masks found reflected in the mirrors, "any chance of some central heating?"

Not for the first time Haku was grateful for her mask as it stopped her enemy seeing the dumbfounded look on her face; what the hell was this guy on? He'd wandered willingly into a trap to save someone she was relatively sure he didn't actually like, and now he was complaining of the cold while staring down his almost-inevitable death? It was so far out of the bathtub for her that her mind shut down for a minute, enough time for her blonde adversary to get the next word in,

"Oh come on, don't tell me you're a mute? I get enough of people on my own damn team not speaking to me; I was hoping that at least my enemy would give me a decent chat while we were fighting". Still a little shaken by the sudden appearance and declaration, Haku managed to force her tongue to work properly again after a long minute of silence,

"You...", she collected her thoughts and tried again, "...you protected your team mate at the risk of your own life? He must be a precious person to you". Naruto seemed struck by her words and smiled awkwardly, scratching at the back of his neck as he did so,

"Ahh, not quite hunter-san; thing is back in Konoha he's the famous 'Last Uchiha', so if he were to die out here I'd bet my home and everything in it that they'd all find a way to blame me for it which would make my life hell, you know what I mean, a living hell". _Hmm, maybe not quite the right motive but at least his heart was in the right place_; before she could come back to his reasoning however, the aforementioned Last Uchiha decided he had to get his ryo's worth in,

"Dobe, get the hell out of there! That dome's a giant trap, she can move between the mirrors faster than any of us can see; you'll be dead before you know you've been hit!" From her multiple points of view around the dome Haku had a grandstand seat to see her opponent roll his eyes and hold up a finger towards one of her reflections,

"Excuse me a moment", he asked before raising his voice, "teme, shut up and go help Sakura-chan, I'll deal with this. And if you even think about coming back in here so help me I'll kick your ass back out myself". He gave a pointed glare to someone just outside the mirror and held it until he was certain Sasuke had the message and wasn't going to do anything stupid before turning back to his opponent, only to be beaten to the punch by the hunter-nin,

"You are very brave to face me alone, or very unwise", Haku interjected, Naruto looking around to try and find the source of the voice that seemed to come from everywhere all at once, "your friend is correct; you are in my domain and no-one has ever escaped this jutsu alive". To her consternation if not actual surprise, Naruto simply smirked as he dropped one leg back and beckoned forwards with one hand,

"All right, now I'm interested; I love a challenge". Haku readied her senbon, wondering idly why she hadn't felt her new enemy gather any chakra or attempt to cast a jutsu,

"Very well then, I'll see what I can do to oblige you".

With that, she began her dance of death within the mirrors.

XXX

"Sasuke-kun", the onyx-eyed boy scowled, pride already dented by the fact that he'd been rescued by Naruto of all people and now Sakura's voice the salt in the wound as the useless fangirl looked him up and down, "you're bleeding..."

"Well spotted", he cut back acidly, seeing the girl wilt but brought up short by a gruff cough from behind the other ninja,

"Hey, I'm no ninja but I know better than to curse off someone who's trying to help", Tazuna brought the young ninja up short before looking behind him, "wait, where's the other one?" Sasuke looked at the floor, emotions a seething cauldron of shame that he couldn't defeat the other ninja and rage at himself that, because of his weakness, Naruto was in danger and may very well not make it out of the trap the other ninja had constructed for him,

"He, he's in there", the admission was dragged grudgingly out of his lips as he pointed back to the dome, "he switched with me to get me out of there, took my place". Sakura's hands flew to her mouth – okay Naruto was loud, obnoxious and annoying but she wouldn't have wished that on her worst enemy, except maybe Ino-pig,

"But, but can we get him out? Help him somehow?" Sasuke shook his head,

"I tried, believe me I tried everything I could think of but there's no way I can see; he should have used a shadow clone to switch with me, that way we'd both be free, but because he was that much of a baka nothing we do will help him. In there that hunter-nin's almost impossible to hit with kunai so throwing them from the outside-in would be more likely to hit Naruto and my katon jutsu", he shook his head, scowling and clenching his fists as his sense of inadequacy scoured his senses like a whip dipped in acid, "I can't melt the mirrors and I'd probably fry the dobe trying".

"Well, if he can last long enough Kakashi-sensei should be able to get him free", Sakura said hollowly, her reasoning sounding far-fetched even to herself, "if nothing else that baka's hard-headed enough to survive a couple of..."

What he was able to survive in Sakura's opinion was never voiced as a sudden crashing noise, like a pane of glass being shattered but a hundred times louder, exploded over the mist-shrouded bridge. All heads turned, even those still stuck within the mist, as one of Haku's mirrors suddenly was reduced to nothingness and, as the twinkling shards of the Hyoton ice began tinkling to the floor, a pair of figures clattered to the stonework, the shoulder of one buried deep in the midriff of the other.

XXX

_What the...?_; though the noise distracted his opponent Zabuza was in too much shock to take advantage – he'd never seen anything so much as scratch one of Haku's mirrors before never mind smash straight through it. As he was able to see through the mist his own jutsu had created better than his opponent, the renegade Swordsman moved silently away from the Copy ninja and made to observe the scene more closely, but what he saw made his jaw drop ever further. Haku was down, curled up and hugging her stomach as her opponent stood over her; with a movement that seemed to be well-practiced the orange-wearing gaki who'd tricked him into dropping the water prison he'd used in his first encounter with Kakashi lashed both hands down and seized the sides of his protégé's mask. Scowling Zabuza felt his hands curling around the handle of his sword but knew he was too far away to save Haku; bitterness and bile swirled in his stomach as he began swearing a mental oath to avenge her death. The oath, however, was cut off halfway as rather than snapping her neck as he'd been expecting, the genin instead cradled her head as she began to come back to her feet and, why the hell did he throw one of her arms over the back of his neck as he bent down to the same crouched position she was in, and what made him grab the belt of her kimono with one hand and wrap his other arm around her own neck in kind?

That question was answered in the next second, Zabuza's non-existent eyebrows rising to his hairline as somehow the boy straightened up again and dragging Haku above him, her body somehow straight as an arrow above his head and while he supporting her weight with only a single arm. This tableau was held for just a second before, with a movement that made even the hardened ninja wince, Naruto seemed to throw himself to the floor and twist his body at the same time, the movement snapping Haku around to beneath him and smashing her into the unyielding stone again. As she lay there limp Naruto moved again, this time flipping her over onto her front and sliding his hands over her shoulders; Zabuza didn't see exactly what he did but, as he seemed to stand upwards in a semi-splits and glared into the mist, Haku was still prone under him and twitching in pain,

"Right No-brows, I know you're in there", such as his shock that it actually took the rogue ninja a minute to realised Naruto was addressing him, "drop that mist and let's talk face to face. Otherwise", he rocked his body forwards slightly and Zabuza snarled as he saw a tremor run through Haku's body; the hold she was in must have been painful, "well it'll be hard for your accomplice to make a convincing performance as a hunter-nin with both arms in casts, got it?"

Though he hated to admit it Zabuza realised he was in a tight bind here – much as he considered Haku nothing more than a tool to accomplish his goals he'd never been hard-hearted enough to kill his emotions off completely towards the little stripling he'd rescued so many years ago. However though Naruto appeared to have him over a barrel, he had a reputation to maintain and therefore when he answered, it was from within the concealment of his mist,

"You've got a lot to learn about shinobi tactics kid", the voice once more floated from everywhere, "why would I care about the fate of my tool? Once I've dealt with your sensei I'll come looking for your head next". Naruto's eyes hardened, though he took care to keep his grip soft as his voice became very hard and very low, sending tremors through some of his audience,

"You disgust me", he spat, looking down at the captured shinobi he was holding below him, "throwing away the lives of your men like they were nothing. You heard him hunter-san – why do you follow a creep that would throw you away like trash?"

"Zabuza-sama", the answering voice was soft and sent a jolt straight through Naruto, though he couldn't place it immediately, "is the one who saved me when my father killed my mother. I owe him a debt I can never repay and am a tool to be used by his will...Naruto-kun".

"Haku!" _Oh man this just got really screwed up_; looking down again and shifting back immediately to take some of the pressure off his friends' elbow and shoulder joints he cursed that he couldn't reach down enough to take that mask off, "Is that you? You work for No-brows?" Despite herself the fake hunter-nin chuckled a little at the nickname he'd given her master – it was just so much like him to treat life as a laugh and death as nothing more than a joke to be taken in stride,

"If by that you mean Zabuza-sama", she turned to look over her shoulder as best she could, just about managing to see a glimpse of orange from the corner of her eye, "then the answer is yes, I work for him".

Cursing internally, Naruto realised he now had to rearrange his plans at extremely short notice – it would have been bad enough hurting a stranger to get what he wanted but he couldn't even countenance hurting someone who was a friend. There had to be another way, if only he could think of it...

XXX

_I know that look_; alarm bells were blaring away in Kakashi's mind as he stepped as silently as Zabuza to the edge of the mist as saw his orange-clad student apparently thinking hard; _he's about to do something stupid that is either going to work ridiculously well or backfire spectacularly, and is going to land me with the mother of all headaches no matter what happens_. The Copy-nin couldn't sense Zabuza anywhere near him but realised that, as Zabuza had said to him in the mist that Haku was stronger than he was, the Mist-nin needed to free his so-called tool to win this fight, so couldn't attack him without jeopardising Haku's safety. Thinking quickly Kakashi kept his guard up but slowly began to work his way out of the mist of his opponent's jutsu, though his stealthy approach was almost blown as he was forced to bite back a groan as he saw Naruto's face snap up with a fox-like grin stuck firmly in place; _okay then, here it comes.._.;

"Alright then No-brows, you still in there?"

"I'm listening".

"Right, here's the deal; you and me, one-on-one, mano-a-mano"; _and there we go – perfect plan, simple but insane_; Kakashi didn't even bother to hold in a moan of disbelief and let his head sink onto a free hand to try and massage away the forthcoming migraine as his student carried on, "no mist, no jutsu, just my fists, your sword, one big dust-up and let's see who walks out in one piece at the end of it".

"Are you _insane_?" Sakura's shriek at her certifiable team mate was echoed by even Sasukes' goggle-eyed stare, "He's a jounin and he beat you to a pulp last time he met you, and that was just a water clone! He'll rip you apart!" _Yep, it's official, he's crazy, absolutely no cheese on his cracker and well and truly gone fishing, the wheels are turning but the hamster's dead_; that and a hundred other thoughts swirled through Sakura's mind as, rather than being browbeaten by her words, Naruto seemed to start to laugh,

"Am I insane?" He chuckled as he shook his head before looking over at the other two genin in his team, smirking, "I'm a ninja who wears bright orange, do you really need an answer to that question? Anyway", he turned that smirk towards the mist, eyes narrowed and challenging, "last time I wasn't even trying – how about it Zabuza, up for a fight with a genin?"

The challenge was answered by a dark, dangerous laugh; with a gust of wind the mist dispersed to reveal the Demon of the Hidden Mist standing tall, his sword held negligently in one hand as his bandaged face swung towards Naruto, not even sparing the snared Haku a glance,

"I accept brat – let's see if you can back up your words with your fists".

"With pleasure; first though, the terms – what, gotta have conditions if either of us win right?" Zabuza threw back his head and laughed louder,

"You really think you'll walk away from this alive?"

"Would I have challenged you if I didn't? Still, I'm guessing that if you win you'll kill me..."

"That", the swordsman hefted his blade onto his shoulder, testing the keenness of the edge with the flat of his hand as his slitted eyes made a dire promise to the genin, "goes without saying". If Naruto was intimidated by this he gave no sign, instead carrying on where he left off,

"Fine, so if I win you and Haku-chan stop trying to kill the old man and you take orders from me – sound fair?"

"Fair enough for a dead man", Zabuza acknowledged with a shrug before beckoning his opponent forwards, "now let go of my tool and come here to die; Haku don't interfere, this gaki is mine". Naruto nodded and slowly released his pinned opponent, springing away from the prone Hyoton user as Haku rolled over and slowly stretched the kinks out of her arms, wincing in pain. There was a sudden pop by the side of her and a familiar hand extended down to her,

"Here; clone by the way", the shadow clone said gently as Haku squinted up confused at the extended arm, "boss just wants someone to keep an eye on you through the fight, nothing personal". Haku nodded as she came to her feet by herself, though if the clone took offence he gave no sign as she stretched her arms off again,

"Nothing, we are ninja", she replied, wondering if there was something odd about this clone that she couldn't put her finger on just yet as she looked over to see Naruto rolling up the sleeves of his jumpsuit and approaching the man who would kill him, "why did he do it; he can't win against Zabuza-sama".

"Sasuke said the same thing against you didn't he?" The clone chipped in snidely, making Haku once more grateful for the mask concealing a sudden fiery blush as the chakra construct went on, "People keep underestimating him and those people, much like No-brows is about to", the clone smirked as the original Naruto charged forwards and Zabuza got ready to swing, not knowing this was what the boy was counting on, "tend to get hurt".

XXX

"I can't look", despite her words Sakura's body betrayed her, rooting her to the spot and not even letting her close her eyes as her team mate lunged into his final, doomed charge. Sasuke said nothing but his face had gone paler than the mist that still clung to the shadows of the bridge and Kakashi seemed to have his head bowed, reciting something like a prayer under his breath as he realised he was about to fail his sensei's legacy. He could not interfere though, through Naruto's own words this had become a personal duel and to step in would shame not only Naruto but Konoha as a whole and such shame, as it had in the past, would be used by the Leaf's enemies to drain business from its shinobi, but he would avenge the blonde shinobi's death. As the second came closer and the zanbatou began to move on its final swing Kakashi flipped a kunai into his hand, ready to follow up and kill the Mist-nin before Naruto's body hit the floor, only to see Naruto fling up an arm in a pointless blocking motion against the edge of the sword that Zabuza had thrown all his torque and body-weight behind.

That kunai then clattered to the floor as its master fell to his knees, overwhelmed by witnessing the miracle he'd seen before him.

Zabuza felt the teeth rattle in his skull as the Kubikiri Honcho's blade was suddenly stopped absolutely dead mid-swing; through his blurring vision he saw a sight that nearly made him drop his beloved sword entirely. The dreaded zanbatou that had claimed countless lives and hewn necks without number since its forging had hit the blonde gaki's block and all but bounced off, the tiniest ribbon of blood along the bare arm the only indication of his hit; _impossible! No armour should be able to stop a hit that..._; unfortunately that line of thought was never completed as Naruto, grateful for his sensei teaching him to stick to surfaces with his chakra as he was certain that blow would have sent him flying had he not adhered himself to the bridge itself, launched his counter-attack.

The kick wasn't the best he'd ever seen the dead-last throw but, all things considered and given the fact Naruto had stopped one of the seven deadly swords of Kiri with nothing more than his bare forearm, Kakashi was willing to forgive his student a little sloppiness. Only just keeping the tears of relief from his eyes the Copy-nin watched as the front kick buried itself in Zabuza's gut, blowing the air out the taller man and forcing him to double over; _now a knee to the face to break the...what are you doing?_ Only the fact that he was still in shock that he still had a team of three genin kept him from voicing his frustration and surprise as Naruto, once more forgoing common sense, grabbed his opponent by the shoulders and, Kakashi raised an eyebrow, rammed the Mist-nin's head brutally between his knees.

"...the hell kind of move is... _that_ looked painful!" Once more the sensei found himself agreeing with Sasuke as the method behind the dead-last's madness became clear; having trapped Zabuza's head, Naruto had then reached forwards and slid both his arms under those of his opponent, holding them up and out of the way as he suddenly jumped backwards, hoisting up his knees as he landed. The result of this was the introduction of Zabuza's face to the concrete of the bridge at very high speed, bursting his nose open and dazing the swordsman completely and making him lose his grip on his weapon.

Not even pausing, as though this was some kind of kata he'd practise for years Naruto moved again, this time dropping Zabuza's right arm and diving over his opponent's back, transferring the left arm he still had hold of in his left hand to between his legs as he did so, trapping the limb and keeping it immobile as he snaked his hands forwards. In the next second both his hands were around the front of Zabuza's face and pulling back hard as Naruto reared backwards, applying pressure to the swordsmans' neck and arm simultaneously, the grip obviously excruciatingly painful if the way Zabuza suddenly began yelling and trying to rip at least one of the hands off his bandaged face was anything to go by,

"Tap out", Naruto demanded, giving another yank that made the Demon of the Mist flail around with his feet and free hand, "you can't break this No-brows, there's no way out!"

"AAAAhhhhhh, I'll kill you fo-aaahh, for this!" Not surprisingly Naruto seemed to take this as a challenge and merely pulled back harder, making the grown man scream,

"You're just hurting yourself Zabuza; I can keep this up all..."

"So", a nasally, unpleasant voice made them Naruto look over his shoulder, though he didn't relax his grip too much as he saw the short, fat figure in a business suit standing at the end of the bridge, watching the exhibition before him with cruelly-amused eyes, "this is the fabled Demon of the Mist? Beaten by an infant – just as well I never intended to pay you, why throw good money after bad work?" Curiosity piqued, Naruto rolled back around and dropped his grip slightly, whispering to his pinned captive,

"This guy's your boss?"

"Not any more by the sounds of things", Zabuza swore as he tried again to jerk himself free, "let me up gaki; if he has come to betray us I've no quarrel with you any longer".

"Tap out".

"What?"

"You heard", Naruto cranked on an ounce of pressure as a warning, an evil sort of humour burning in his blue eyes as he looked down at his captive, "I beat you No-brows and that means I'm your boss now; tap out so Haku knows that as well".

"But..."

"It's either that or we wait until tubbo over there gets enough of his goons together to rush us", Naruto looked over his shoulder again, "and there's a fair few of them right now. I can hold you here 'til they get here; I'll survive but you won't". Realising he was trapped with nowhere to go Zabuza, grumbling and swearing under his breath the whole time, raised his free hand and banged it down on the bridge three times, a clear signal of surrender. As soon as that was done Naruto let go and rolled off his victim, not even looking behind him as he stared down the corrupt business tycoon and the small army he'd brought with him,

"You know with the amount of money you're supposed to have I'd have thought you could hire a better class of scum", the genin quipped as his former captive stumbled upright, trying to get feeling back into his arm and looking around for his sword, "still, since you've decided to try and flush these two down the river and they now work for me; No-brows, Haku, first job, one that I'm sure you'll enjoy", he suddenly stared into Gatoh's eyes and snarled as he watched the confidence drain from the fat figure as he saw his previous employees look at the mercenaries he'd brought with him, neither of them appearing particularly friendly as they hefted sword and senbon,

"Form up on me, we're going in; No-brows try to keep the blood to a minimum or we'll have to clean it up later. Apart from that I want the fat midget in a Wave jail by tea time! Charge!"

XXX

"I give up", Sakura said faintly, swaying on her feet as she watched Naruto, flanked by the man and child he'd just single-handedly beaten in single combat, went sprinting towards the small army gathered at the end of the bridge, "I just give up with him".

"I think I might have to agree with you", Kakashi nodded as he watched Zabuza hit the first rank of mercenaries like a thunderbolt and start raising hell with the flat of his zanbatou, ghosting away from retaliation and keeping his swings clear as the other two came up behind him, guarding his flanks with senbon or, in Naruto's case, the body of the first thug stupid enough to let him get a grip on his arm, "if he can take out a missing-nin like Zabuza that easily there's not much I can teach him. Hey", there was a flash of orange in the corner of his eye and he called out to the shadow clone that had been guarding Haku, "where are you going?"

"You think I'm going to be left out of this?" The clone called back over his shoulder, voice muffled by the wind as it sprinted towards the melee, "Are you three ninja or not, they're threatening our client", as he carried on his reckless rush the clone threw back his head and howled in joy, hearing the other members of his team snap out of their stupor as he leapt into the fight and drove his elbow point-first into the sternum of a knife-wielding thug as he finished his battle-cry,

"Let's rumble!"

XXX

_Sake or smoking, sake or smoking – sod it, both and lots of both_; that was the only the only thought left echoing in Sarutobi's mind as he heard the story and realised that if it were anyone other than Naruto telling it he'd have had them sent to either Ibiki or the mental trauma ward about halfway through the tale. Knowing this was only going to be more of a headache if he didn't do something about it now, the Hokage rubbed his forehead and looked at the beaming genin,

"So Naruto, you now, ah, are responsible for Momochi Zabuza and Haku...sorry my dear, I never heard your last name". The Hokage smiled gently at the young woman and, seeing his benevolent smile, she bowed again and spoke,

"I have no last name Hokage-sama, I am simply Haku".

"Very well then Haku-san, you and Zabuza are now the responsibility of Uzumaki Naruto as he is currently, for want of a better word, your employer..."

"Not for much longer jiji; last job you two", Naruto cut off the village leader before looking up at Zabuza, "you especially, get yourself signed up for Konoha's forces and stop wandering around as missing-nin. Haku I know you don't actually like fighting so while No-brows is out bringing in the bacon you can find something else you want to do".

As always when Naruto tended to speak the room fell into a shocked silence; Team seven because they were amazed Naruto could cut off the Hokage, Zabuza and Haku because they couldn't believe his last command and the Hokage because, once he overcame his shock, he began considering the matter more carefully; _hiring missing-nin is rare but, as Kiri's civil war is now over and they're rebuilding, they might be persuaded to let one of the seven Swordsmen go forever if Konoha was to offer materials and money to get them back on their feet. We lack decent kenjutsu as it is and Hayate will soon be too ill to teach effectively – yes, this could work_;

"You", Zabuza growled, sword tapping the floor as his anger began to pump out again in the face of such cheek from the blonde genin, "you've got a lot of nerve trying to get me to abandon my task – I can't rest until I've killed the Mizukage, that bastard has to die for what he's done to my homeland".

"And what has the Godaime done to earn your ire Zabuza-san?" The Hokage commented mildly, steepling his fingers under his chin and forcing his face to stay blank as he scented an opportunity presenting itself, "Last I heard she had only just been installed and was working to re-establish effective government in the power vacuum the Yondaime left behind". Zabuza stuttered to a stop, staring at the village leader,

"Yagura's dead?"

"Yes, the Godaime is Mei someone, I haven't had a recent update from that area in a while but the rebellion was successful", the Hokage sighed regretfully, shaking his head, "it appears someone else beat you to it Zabuza-san, the civil war is over, though I doubt the blood-purges will cease immediately", he gave a very pointed look towards Haku which made the Demon of the Mist narrow his eyes, "old habits die hard after all". Realising where this was going and deciding he didn't want to be bullied into a corner Zabuza decided to stall for time, folding his arm and grunting non-commitally,

"I'll think about it; give me some time around this knothole and I'll go from there; I remember Mei from the old times, she'll do good things for the Mist. Still, apart from that the only reason even came here was because you", he pointed at Naruto, "said you'd spill you guts about how you stopped Kubikiri Honcho on the bridge. So start spilling", he ran a finger along the blade of his weapon, smile a chilling gaze, "or I'll start doing it, literally". In the face of such amateur-dramatics Naruto folded his arms and sighed,

"Actually the reason you came back here is because I kicked your ass and ordered you here; still, I said I'd explain to jiji and I will, so listen in", despite themselves everyone leant in to hear how Naruto had accomplished such a miracle and avoided a killing strike,

"First thing you need to know is that it's a two-stage technique, and you can't copy either stage so keep your eyes to yourself", he glowered at Sasuke for a minute before getting back to his explanation, "first stage is what stopped your sword; it's this. Hey Sakura-chan, don't bother with the teme tonight, come on a date with me instead".

As he'd expected this comment hit some hair-trigger switch in the cherry-blossom girl's brain and without conscious thought she sent a fist hurtling towards the side of Naruto's head. There was a crunch as her punch connected and the tableau was frozen in time until, with a slow retraction of her fist, Sakura spoke in a high-pitched, warbling tone,

"I think I just broke every tiny bone in my hand". Ignoring the sight of his squad's kunoichi dancing around waving around her hand Kakashi, who'd examined the whole process with his implanted Sharingan, nodded as he lowered his headband again,

"He's right, nothing can be seen through the Sharingan", he admitted, not missing the scowl on Sasuke's face as he said so and resolving to do something about it later as Naruto carried on,

"Well of course you can't, it's under the skin not on it; basically it's a very thick layer of chakra just under the skin, so the kunai, fist or whatever it is gets through the first layer or two and then just bounces off the chakra. It also makes it hurt more if I hit you or put one of my moves on you because, hell, there's a bloody big layer of chakra there".

"So you could cut it with a chakra blade?"

"Not easily", the orange-wearing genin said to Sakura's pain-wracked question before carrying on, "it's easier to break than without a chakra blade I'll grant you but it's still hard to do, and before you ask I can keep it up all over my body for a total of about six hours".

"Six hours?" Unusually it was Haku who exploded at that knowledge, absolutely stunned by this admission, "How much chakra do you have?"

"A lot", he answered shortly before carrying on, "but I've been practicing with it, and each shadow clone cuts the time in half as it halves the chakra I've got. So, that's half the secret, for the other half I need a willing volunteer; Haku-chan, this won't hurt a bit".

Needless to say this instilled a certain amount of trepidation in the kunoichi but she stayed where she was as Naruto moved over to her, speaking all the while as he did so,

"Right, the chakra shield stops people injuring me, this makes people I get hold of move like I want them to; a lot of my moves require, or should require, two people to work together which is hard when you're fighting someone. This is sort of an extension to the chakra-under-the-skin idea and it works", he laid his hand gently on Haku's shoulder, "like this".

For a long minute nothing happened; Haku herself felt nothing but a slight chill down her arm but, beyond that, felt nothing out of the ordinary as she looked around,

"I'm sorry Naruto-san, I don't...huh, what's...", she looked down as she felt something happen with her hand and did a double-take as she saw her arm move independently of her conscious thought, "...my arm, what are you doing? I can barely feel it".

"The way I understand it", Naruto said as he made her arm rise up above her head and wave at the Hokage, "I'm forcing my chakra into your limb and overloading your chakra control over it, making it move the way I want it to move. I use more chakra", Haku suddenly squatted down and let Naruto throw his free arm over his shoulder before picking her up as he had at the bridge – this time everyone saw Haku jump upwards as Naruto stood up, making the move easier for him, "and I can do things like this. Because I know the moves I do so well I don't have to actually think about what I want you to do, I just sort of picture how I need your body to move and my chakra does the rest. It's also how I broke your mirrors I think; when I rushed you I had my chakra running through your body, and when we hit the mirror my chakra overloaded it and blew it apart".

"Very impressive Naruto", Kakashi commented as he beheld the spectacle of the two genin in their unusual position, "now I think you should let Haku-san down, I think the blood's rushing to his head". Naruto stifled a snigger as he allowed Haku to return to the floor, one hand still on her shoulder as she steadied herself woozily,

"It would if it wasn't Haku-chan you were talking to".

"Uh, Naruto-san", Haku said with her free hand on her head, blood draining away from her head, "did you forget I'm a boy?" Naruto looked over at her, one eyebrow quirked,

"Riiiiiight..."

There was a flash of movement, an 'eep!' that rattled the window panes and an explosion of killing intent from Zabuza; Naruto had made Hakus's hand grope her chest area and, if the sudden blush didn't give the game away, the lightning-fast slap that rocked Naruto back on his heels certainly did,

"You're not a girl", Naruto muttered in a muffled tone as he held his cheek, "and No-brows isn't using that oversized cleaver to compensate for something", luckily for Naruto's hide (not to mention the rest of his organs that Zabuza was planning to rip out and force-feed him prior to lopping off his head) Kakashi was on hand to place a hand on the Mist-nin's shoulder and prevent unnecessary bloodshed. As both master and not-quite-tool recovered, Naruto apologising and saying he completely understood why Haku chose to hide her gender as she did Sasuke, already hacked off that the dobe had a skill that he couldn't copy or learn as he didn't have Naruto's raw chakra reserves, snorted and tried to ask casually,

"So you've got this ability dobe, but where did you learn those moves you used?"

"Bit of an interesting story there actually", Naruto admitted, rubbing the back of his head, "basically when I was younger I wanted to learn to fight but didn't know anyone who used taijutsu, or at least, anyone who'd be willing to teach me any taijutsu. So I went to the library and asked if they had anything that could help; the guy there pointed me out this old-looking scroll and said I could keep it, no-one else could _possibly_ learn it". Naruto snorted and, seeing the end of his quest was imminent, Zabuza leant forwards and tried as best he could to sound mildly interested rather than pathologically obsessed,

"The Konoha library you say?" Naruto nodded and the Mist-nin clapped his hands together, heading for the door, "Right, that's all I needed to know; I'll see you around later brat". As the swordsman prepared to leave Haku, left a bit behind by his sudden shift in mood and purpose, asked casually,

"Where are you going Zabuza-sama?"

"To renew my library card", the Demon of the Mist grinned happily before glaring at the newly-revelled girl, "and enough with the –sama while we're here; I might not like it exactly but I can be civil until I work out what to do next and that won't happen if you're bowing and scraping to me the whole time". With that the swordsman departed, whistling a happy tune as the Hokage made a signal with his hand and an ANBU appeared soundlessly,

"Just make sure he doesn't kill anybody", the village leader instructed; when the white-masked operative was gone Sarutobi took a moment to clear his mind and levered the conversation back on track, "but apart from that, what was actually on that scroll Naruto-kun?"

"Well, I didn't quite understand it at first, just copied the diagrams, but when I figured out how to read it got easier", the genin explained, remembering fondly the fun he'd had in his younger years flinging himself and his partner around his apartment, for once grateful about the lack of parental supervision to his actions, "basically it wasn't a taijutsu scroll exactly, it was more like a ninja, uh, criticising, if that is the right word, an old, really old form of taijutsu and explaining why it could never be made to work".

"But you made it work", Sasuke cut in half-condescendingly, half-appreciatively; choosing to ignore the sarcasm, Naruto nodded,

"Yeah, but only because I've got the chakra for it; that's the main problem with the style you have to get in close, which is hard, and then force your opponent to work with you to pull all the moves off, which is harder", Naruto explained before laying out the final piece of the puzzle, "the scroll said the moves in there were the moves used by a caste, if you like, of warriors who fought each other for entertainment of other people, kind of like gladiators, but the moves were never meant to hurt each other. Everything they did was designed to look painful but not really hurt; from what I understand these warriors all fought for the honour of becoming a 'Legend' for their god, the great 'Whheeee', that's spelt W-W-E by the way, and the warriors all called themselves 'wrestlers' – some of the more famous ones were really powerful, able to use things that sound like jutsus to throw fire around, summon lighting, work closely with animals or use feats of incredible strength. It sounded like a really cool style so I started practicing, though", at this point he looked a little uncomfortable as he smiled weakly at the Hokage, "I did have a bit of help at this point, though I think you should know who my helper was jiji".

Reading between the lines at this point and sincerely hoping he'd grasped the wrong end of the stick at this point the Hokage determined the need for privacy at this point and, dismissing the remaining ANBU with a hand sign, stood up and spoke warmly to the entirety of Team Seven,

"Well, I am delighted to express my thanks on behalf of the Leaf for Team Seven's completion of an A-ranked mission", Sakura let out a little squeal as Naruto, once he'd picked his jaw off the floor, leapt up and punched the air, "and will credit the mission payment to your accounts as normal. Sakura and Sasuke, you are dismissed, free to go; you two", he pointed to Naruto and Kakashi, "wait a moment if you would. Your new taijutsu style will have to be documented Naruto and I'll need a jounin signature as well as my seal to validate as your personal technique – from there it will be yours to do with as you wish and counted as a property of yours in cases of theft", the Hokage managed the very difficult diplomatic feat of making a point without sounding accusatory to anyone as though it were second nature, "so, I believe that is everything, though could I ask the two of you to look after Haku-chan until Zabuza-san returns from his errand". Sakura bowed low before smiling at the other girl; _well that's a nice change – it'll be good to have another kunoichi to talk to, and maybe she'll want to train together_;

"Of course Hokage-sama; come on Haku-san", the black-haired girl nodded a little shyly and began to follow the pinkette towards the door, listening as Team Seven's kunoichi explained all about Konoha and where the important landmarks were, for once almost completely forgetting Sasuke's existence as the last Uchiha departed back towards his abandoned family mansion, "it's a really nice place here in Konoha; I've never actually been to another ninja village though but at least we're not in Suna, that'd be well too hot to survive in. Anyway, I'm sure you'd love to get a bath after the hike back here and I'm sure my family will have some clothes in your size, so let's head back to my place, ditch our gear and I'll show you the local onsen, sound like a good idea?"

"Perfect Sakura-san, but how will Zabuza-sama, I mean, Zabuza-san find me?"

"Oh he'll be about, if nothing else we can borrow Akamaru from Kiba to find him..." Two voices drifted away down the corridor away from the office; once they were finally lost Naruto turned back towards the Hokage's desk to find his jiji and sensei looking very grave,

"Heh, okay I know what this is about; right, here's the deal". He made some hand-signs, the sequence ending in a very familiar cross-shaped seal and, with a puff, a single shadow clone appeared by his side, just like it had on the bridge in Wave country. However now, unlike then, Kakashi had a chance to get a good look at the copy and, as the second face came up and he took in the crimson eyes with their slit pupils, before he was consciously aware of the fact there was a weapon in his hand as the Hokage likewise stood and made ready to defend himself,

"Oh, need me out again bud?" Apparently not aware of where it was the imposter Naruto turned towards its former prison and held out a fist which, before the appalled gazes of the older nins, Naruto bumped before nodding at the audience, "What, what's...oh", finally aware of the company the clone raised a hand in greeting, red eyes narrowed due to the smile underneath them, "yeah, Naruto mentioned this might be coming – you must be Kakashi-sensei and jiji right?"

Both men nodded; what else could they feasibly do when engaged in a casual conversation with the doom of Konoha? There was a very pregnant pause that swelled within the office, billowing out like a storm cloud as both men tried to wrap their minds around what they were seeing and the two 'boys' were trying very hard to give them time to adapt. Eventually though, just when Naruto had gotten to the end of his very last nerve, Kakashi-sensei, his voice very quiet and solemn, looked over at him and spoke,

"Naruto, is that what I'm afraid it might be?"

"Hey", the sudden shout from the ignored child made both men jump, Sarutobi looking a hairs-breadth from passing out at the sight of the red-eyed child folding his arms thunderously, "I am not an 'it' and yes I am – before you all go off on one though I'd like to point out that this is just a shadow clone with my personality and a small sliver of my chakra fortifying it. I am therefore not 'free' and I certainly haven't escaped from Naruto-kun, not that I all honesty I'd really want to", the Kyuubi-shadow clone snickered as he tipped his head towards where Naruto was standing and likewise smirking, "we've had a real scream since we started with that style; I never knew the human body could bend and move like that, it's been a real education".

"I...see", Sarutobi managed after a short pause, just about bringing himself to stand down in the face of even a fraction of the Kyuubi's power, even if it was wearing the face of the genin he felt closest to in the village, "so you are the reason Naruto-kun learnt his style Kyuubi-sama". The incarnation of the bijuu shook his head and sighed,

"First off, like No-brows said"; _oh Kami, it's a demon with Naruto's personality – it's official, Konoha is doomed_; "less of the –sama; call me Kyu, I don't technically have a gender due to the fact I'm made entirely of chakra and therefore can't reproduce. After that though, I suppose I'd better make a few things clear; I've already told Naruto this..."

"Sorry", the Kyuubi looked up, looking slightly annoyed at the interruption but nodding as Kakashi went on, "but I thought you only learnt of Kyuubi following that incident with the Forbidden Scroll?"

"Nah, that was a ploy on my part; I wanted Mizuki-teme to chase me away from Iruka-sensei so I could take him out on my own but Iruka-sensei wasn't as badly hurt as I thought, so it didn't work out", the boy answered before gesturing the jounin to silence, "anyway, this next bit is important Kakashi-sensei, it's about why Kyu attacked the village, well, sort of". The jounin and Sandaime both nodded at this and, once he was sure silence was forthcoming, the shadow-clone bijuu began,

"Right, thanks 'Ruto; basically, the fact of the matter is I don't remember much about it; before you start", he held up a hand to dissuade questions until the end, "what I do remember is that most of the time I avoid humans when I can before this mess all started – foxes are shy and smart after all. But all I remember is, after your First Hokage calmed me down at the Valley of the End and I realised I'd been genjutsued by that damned Madara, I realised I owed the man a debt; I could have done a lot of damage under that teme's genjutsu, it made me really mad and that's a bad place for me to be. So I decided to allow myself to be sealed into my first jinchuuriki, the Shodaime's wife, as part of the First's plan for peace; from her I transferred into a new host when she was too old to bear me any longer – don't look like that", he admonished the disbelief on the faces of his audience, a feeling of distinct déjà-vu washing over him as he realised he'd been here before with Naruto the first time he'd met the child, "you humans might call me a demon but all I, and most of the other bijuu for that matter, though Shukaku's mad as box of frogs at the best of times but that's another story, want out of life is a quiet time without any trouble. It was all going fine as well, there'd been no real war for the better part of forty years after the end of the Third Great Shinobi war, but that changed when my last host came to term with her first child", at that point the Kyuubi lowered its head, the next memory a bitter poison for it once more,

"The seal of a jinchuuriki is weakened when, in the case of a woman, she gives birth; in this case it wouldn't have bothered me, I was quite happy living in the seal and having a generally quiet life, but someone altered that. I don't know exactly what happened but someone ripped the seal apart and dragged me back into the world – before I could get my bearings again I saw the same man who'd used me last time and he used the same damn genjutsu to snare me again. It's all a huge blur after that; the next thing I remember is I'm all but in the middle of a huge human town and there's all sorts of havoc blowing up around me; I'm as confused as hell but trying to figure out what to do next without tearing the place down around me as I get out the village when this huge toad appears and gets right in my face. I was trying to defend myself when I saw the Shinigami appear, felt him too, man that leaves a real chill in the bones and I don't even have bones to chill, and I figure out what the guy on the toad, your Fourth Hokage, is planning; I didn't struggle through the sealing, figuring I caused all this damage even if someone was playing me like a fiddle the whole time so the least I can do is try to preserve peace through my new jinchuuriki. This time though", the Kyuubi looked over his shoulder to see Naruto nodding and the familiar smile that never said die on his face, "I thought I'd better take a hand in training and protecting my host – I'd tried the pacifist approach before and that just ended up with me back where I started, so this time I've got Naruto's back and he's got mine".

"And the next guy that comes after Kyu is going to wish he'd never been born when I get hold of him", the jinchuuriki finished, knocking his knuckles against those of the Kyuubi clone as a form of promise and reassurance, "I met Kyu about a week after I started training in my new style, I was just exhausted from training to hard and passed out..."

"Liar, you fell over your own feet and smacked your head on the coffee table; it was only due to me you avoided brain damage and believe me there's precious little in there you can afford to lose".

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up", Naruto huffed, trying to fight down a blush as his prisoners' voice mocked him through his own clone, "but either way, we met and worked out a way to get the new style I had to work. The chakra shield under the skin was actually Kyu's idea but I added the bit that had the same chakra overwhelm my enemy and make him my training dummy – it was an absolute sod trying to work out the chakra control needed to get the shield exactly the right thickness and even more of one to get it to go up in a split-second even with both of us working at it, and even after that we spent so much time on it trying to learn chakra control for other purposes, including bloody tree-climbing, was like starting from scratch. But it was worth it", Naruto and Kyu's faces split into identical evil grins, "especially once we leant bushin jutsu – once we worked that out Kyu was able to come out to play and we were able to work together every night to actually learn the wrestling style with each other".

"But", desperate for some kind of normality after having most of the recent history of his village overwritten overnight, Sarutobi clutched at a feeble straw, "but Naruto-kun, you couldn't do the bushin jutsu". This time it was Kyu that was forced to look away,

"Yeah, my fault; to get him up to speed as a wrestler I decided to up the speed of my chakra's merging with him and no before you ask that won't kill me off any faster. As a being of pure chakra I can't actually die and my soul isn't directly bound to his, the Shinigami has no power over a being who answers directly to Kami at the end of the day. Worst-case scenario for me is Naruto dies and I go back to the real world at much-reduced power until I can regenerate any tails I gave to Naruto. Anyway, that aside I've slowed down the rate of the merger to get him used to direct exposure to my youkai, which is a whole different animal but'll be like his chakra shield on all three Akimichi pills at once, but the fact of the matter is that, basically, once he hits about fifteen-sixteen he'll be able to keep up that shield twenty-four seven and still have enough chakra left over to fire out enough Kage bushins to drown Iwa. Problem with that was that it was impossible for either of us to train his chakra control enough to master a technique like bushin; his reserves were increasing too much too fast..."

"But it was worth it jiji", Naruto chipped in beaming, "I knew the theory behind bushin and the hand seals for it, so when I wanted a partner to learn with I channelled the chakra and made the seals while Kyu did the rest. It wasn't ideal, the Kyu-bushin was like a Kage bushin that could take a few knocks but every few moves or so I'd have to make another, and for some of the harder hits like some of the suplexes and the high-rise drops it was every other hit. But after that night", the expression on Naruto's face was beatific, almost shining in rhapsody as he recalled unfurling that parchment and immediately getting on his knees to deliver the most sincere prayer to Kami he'd ever uttered in his life, "that magical night where we learnt Kage bushin..."

"That was where the fun _really_ started", Kyuubi finished, pointed teeth bared in a devilish grin, "one of these bodies can last me a full training session, though I can only have one at a time as I can't split my consciousness like Naruto can. Even so, it was enough for me to get a promotion".

"Pro...motion", Sarutobi's voice was faint and he felt himself teetering on the precipice of utter despair; even so though, he had no choice but to ask the dreaded question, "to what exactly?"

"Well", Naruto began, trying to rack his brain end remember the exact words on his training scroll, "according to Misisha, oh that's the guy who wrote about the wrestling cult by the way, sometimes to appease Whheeee more than two wrestlers would fight in the same match, though only two could be in the fighting pit, the 'squared circle' at the same time. Because of that the wrestlers of the same team would have to 'tag' each other in and out of the fight, so right now because of his Kage bushin Kyu's not my training dummy any more...", Naruto bumped knuckles with the bijuu one last time before turning back to the two flabbergasted nins before him,

"...he's my tag-team partner".

Now neither of the two parts of the jinchuuriki whole had expected their proclamation to be greeted with waving flags and confetti but, after a minute of observing the scene before them, Kyu felt compelled to make a comment,

"'Ruto, is your sensei crying?"

"Probably, and I don't like the way jiji is banging his head on the desk much either".

"Yeah, you've really got to throw yourself at it to get a decent sell on that one".

"No, I meant he's old, it might not do his health much good".

"Ah, he's a kage, he can take it", Kyu mused before dropping his voice to a whisper, "think we should tell them about the weapons we'll be needing in the future".

"Ummm, not right now", Naruto put in diplomatically, watching his two favourite adults trying to come to term with the truth in their own manner and failing quite spectacularly in that regard, "let's leave that one for later". Kyu nodded,

"I hear you; right now, normal place, pile-driver contest, sound good?"

"I like what I'm hearing; see you in a few", Naruto smirked as he motioned for the bushin to dispel so he could walk through the village without putting half the civilian population into either terror-induced coma or apoplectic rage, "okay jiji – uh, tell you what, I'll tell the secretary to bin your afternoon appointments so you can have an afternoon to get over it, how's that sound?"

Taking the noise of two heads thumping on solid surfaces (Kakashi by this point had located the nearest wall and was taking a leaf out of the Hokage's book) as nods of agreement, Naruto shrugged, headed out of the office, shut the door behind him and began preparing himself for the trials to come; _must remember to put the shield on the neck as well as the head this time when I'm soaking a pile-driver – don't want to jar myself in time for the D-rank tomorrow..._

Omake 1

"I must say Sarutobi-sama", at his name the Sandaime looked around to see one of the jounin assigned to his escort for the peace treaty negotiations looking at him somewhat askew, "that genin you brought with you. His manner is...somewhat unorthodox". Sarutobi chuckled and nodded,

"That he is but believe me Nii-san, Naruto-kun has known me since he was a baby and, well", he gave a self-depreciating chuckle as he pointed to some of his numerous wrinkles, "I _am_ rather old". Despite herself the Kumo kunoichi sniggered a little before looking around as though missing something,

"Actually speaking of the devil, where is Naruto-san?"

"Oh I believe he stayed behind after the negotiations were concluded", the Sandaime replied, careful not to let any hint of satisfaction that his plan was in progress cross his face as he once more patted himself on the back for wrangling Naruto away from his team for a fortnight to accompany him to these negotiations as an unwitting trump card, "he wanted a word with your ji-san for some reason". Yugito Nii laughed, knowing how quick-tempered her adoptive grandfather could be when pestered, especially after boring topics like hours of mulling over paperwork,

"Well good luck to him if he thinks he can crack that tough nut after a long day", she began, recalling how the Yondaime Raikage, the feared Killer E, would probably right now be back at his official residence training hard and pumping iron to sweat out the days' trials, "E-sama is not a man to..."

At this point the explosion started and Yugito felt her heart seize up for a minute; _no, surely he's not back already – ji-san sent him away to train specifically to avoid a diplomatic incident while the Sandaime was here!_

"Uh, ex, excuse me Sandaime-sama", she stuttered, bowing deeply as he turned towards her, "that, that disturbance; I may be required to...assist in clearing it up". The old man inclined his head graciously as he moved his hand to give her permission to go,

"Of course Nii-san, please do your duty to your village; I assure you", he gave the ghost of a smile as he gestured to the Konoha jounin standing silently just behind him, "nothing will happen to me in your absence". Yugito bowed a final time and sprinted away towards the source of the disturbance, not seeing the sly smile that spread over the Hokages' face as watched her depart.

_If it's B I'll kill him_; Yugito snarled as she ran over rooftops towards the source of the noise, seeing civilians below her, well-used to this sort of thing when the Hachibi jinchuuriki was in town, evacuating the area in a hurried but calm manner; _no, I won't kill him – I'll rip off his tails one by one and make him eat them. Now, if I were a knuckle-headed ox with a bad taste in music where would I..._; that line of thought hit an abrupt brick wall and almost sent her pitching into the street as she looked over and saw in horror the actual cause of the ruckus.

In the centre of a little crossroads people were diving into the cover of open stores and under vendor carts as their strongest warrior, the Yondaime Raikage, hefted something above his head in one of his most dangerous and serious attacks, the Raikage Liger Bomb. As she saw a flash of orange suddenly appear over her grandfather's head like a second sunrise Yugito felt her heart cease beating as she realised what was going to happen; _he'll kill him, there's no way he'll stand up after that!_

"Ji-san", she couldn't remember the last time she'd called E that in public but desperate times and all that, "don't do it – it's very bad for..."

_Boom!_

"...diplomacy!" Yugito finished in a very small voice as half the street jumped into the air at the impact of the technique and she saw her life flash before her eyes as it did so – so much for being one of Kumo's youngest jounin; all she'd had to do was keep an eye on the Hokage's party and now the Sandaime's pet genin was little more than a squishy red smear on the sidewalk. _How the hell am I going to tell him about this?_; she moaned mentally, Nibi wisely staying quiet at the rhetorical question as her host lamented; _'Sorry Sandaime-sama, the Raikage got a little over the top training and, well Naruto just got in the..._;

"That all you got!" The sudden shout snapped her out of her stupor and as she saw her grandfather, the strongest shinobi she had ever met, suddenly double over and the bright blonde hair of his tiny antagonist, by some divine intervention not only alive but moving freely, hook his arm around the coloured man's bull-like neck, she gaped and fought down hyper-ventilation,

"Try this on for size"; _I am not seeing this_; as E was lifted, actually lifted off his feet by the midget genin Yugito tried desperately to break the genjutsu around her, especially as the genin, Naruto if she remembered rightly, suddenly pushed upwards and before gravity could return the Raikage's feet to the floor threw himself directly backwards and down, cracking the top of her grandfather's skull of the already-battered street floor; _I am not seeing this – it's an illusion! He cannot be that strong!_;

"That", Naruto spoke as he rolled away from the prostate kage and stood up, not looking any the worse for wear after taking a technique that would have laid her up for at least a day even with Nibi's regeneration, "was the Impaler Don't Try it Twice, Impaler DDT for short", he waited patiently as E pushed himself back to his feet, shaking his head to clear the dust from his eyes as his miniature opponent smirked up at him,

"Still think I couldn't show you a trick or two?" There was a long moment of silence as boy and man stared each other down before, inexplicably, E smiled, a light in his eyes that Yugito knew well and had never seen on his face outside of a challenge from his little brother or, occasionally, herself,

"Okay kid, you've got me interested; let's go somewhere a bit more private and carry this on". Naruto nodded and didn't move as the Raikage placed a hand on his head; there was a sudden crack of thunder as the lightning shunshin activated and whisked the two of them away to the only place Yugito knew the Raikage trained, his private grounds. After a moment to finally convince herself that what she'd seen hadn't been a hallucination or a minor bout of severe mental illness, the Nibi jinchuuriki activated her own shunshin, dying to know what was going to happen next.

She arrived just in time; Naruto and her grandfather were at opposite ends of the training ground and staring each other down, as she approached as close as she dared, she was just in time to hear the younger combatant speak,

"Okay Raikage-jiji", that almost made her choke in outrage but she held her tongue, knowing her grandfather didn't need her help to fight his battles, "no jutsu, we both know I'd never get close to you if you used yours, just chakra and some good old-fashioned beating".

"Something the Sandaime should have given you while you were younger gaki", E cat-called back as he stretched off his formidably-muscled arms, "that way you might have learnt not to insult people more powerful than you so casually". Naruto, to Yugito's amazement, merely smirked,

"Whatever it takes to get them wound up; a punch thrown in anger is a sloppy punch for me to work with". E chuckled, cracked his knuckles and settled into his favoured stance, eyes trained on his opponent and all other concerns melted away in his mind; he was no longer the Raikage, no longer a adoptive grandfather or even a father – right now all that existed was him and his opponent,

"Nice idea gaki, shame it didn't work".

"Can't win them all", the moment was seconds away, they both knew it and so did Yugito, who was craning her neck in anticipation for the start of the fight, "just as long as you win the important ones".

"Indeed", suddenly the Raikage moved, from stationary to flat-out sprint in less than a split-second, one arm trailing behind him as he called out his technique, "Lariat!" To Yugito's horror and consternation, Naruto echoed the more powerful fighter with his own attack,

"Clothes-line!"

In the end the only thing that ended the fight was not a final blow or an over-powered attack, instead it was flat-out exhaustion that drove Naruto to his knees and made him raise a trembling hand to stave off the Raikage's next attack,

"Okay, you got me", at the those words E just about managed to smile before his hands fell to his knees and he panted like he'd run non-stop for three days and nights, "I'm dead-beat, haven't had a work-out like that since...well, ever". The Raikage looked up, just about picking out the boy's head of hair flaming in the light of the sunset that framed him from the rear,

"And me, not from a genin certainly", with a grunt of effort the taller man forcibly pushed himself upwards, sweat steaming off his body as he stretched off, Naruto eventually forcing his protesting body to obey and copy the victor in a more stiff and jerky manner, "Sarutobi wasn't lying when he said you were the strongest genin in your village; no-one aside from my brother has ever stood up from one Liger before, let alone the three you took just then". Despite himself Naruto chuckled even as his body ached in places he was fairly certain he shouldn't even have places,

"If we'd been using jutsu you'd have destroyed me before I even got close", he admitted casually, prompting the older man to look over with a raised eyebrow, "some of the other genin can kick out jutsu like there's no tomorrow and I'm not quite as good against them as I am hand-to-hand; I'm working on upping my speed to get around that but", he shrugged and immediately winced as his shoulders lodged a protest at the motion, "got a long way to go yet". E was just about to answer when a sudden shout beat him to it; looking over he noticed Yugito coming over, the young jinchuuriki with a disbelieving look in her eyes as she stormed over to Naruto and grabbed the front of his jumpsuit and started shaking him as though she was expecting his skull to rattle if she knocked it hard enough,

"How did you do that?" The Nibi jinchuuriki was all but frothing at the mouth as she tried to shake the answers out of the smaller boy, "I can't even last fifteen minutes against my ji-san but you, you just waltz in here and have a match for longer than anyone other than Bee-san! How did you do that, it's not fa-aacckkkk!"

Now normally Naruto was a laid-back guy who'd take a punch from any random female passing by just because it was the gentlemanly thing to do; right now though, he'd just been through a meat-grinder of a match against the toughest opponent he'd ever faced and now some madwoman was attempting to strangle him for something that was no fault of his own. Even nice guys had limits and Naruto had just gone right past his; next thing Yugito knew she was in a rather compromising position on the floor as Naruto dragged her down and did something with his legs around her neck while keeping hold of one of her hands, pulling her onto the chokehold as her grandfather, looking down at what had happened, threw back his head and roared with laughter despite his sore muscles,

"You know Yugito-chan, when I said I wanted closer relationships with Konoha I didn't mean you should take it literally", luckily the Nibi jinchuuriki was too pre-occupied with trying not to fade out to blush though, suddenly, the pressure was off and she was able to roll off her opponent's legs, coughing as she massaged her throat and Naruto came to his hands and knees, looking at her curiously,

"You, you're a bijuu host aren't you?"

That brought both her and her grandfather up short, though seeing their looks Naruto merely snickered and held up a placating hand,

"Sorry, not being nosey or anything like that, it just takes one to know one", Yugito's eyes grew huge at that knowledge as E felt his hand drawn to his chin, thinking on this new information as Naruto went on, "that's one of the reasons Sandaime-jiji brought me along, he knew Kumo had some jinchuuriki and thought it'd be good for me to meet them if I had the chance. I wasn't expecting one of them to be the Raikage's granddaughter though", he admitted as E smirked; _clever Sarutobi, very clever indeed, especially as I know for a fact Konoha has never had a jinchuuriki before and therefore Naruto-kun is less likely to have friends than the jinchuuriki here are._ Yugito meanwhile was oblivious to her grandfathers' musings and had instead stood up and bowed deeply to the boy she'd assaulted, belatedly remembering her mission,

"Gomen Naruto-san, I just", she bit her lip and tried to stop the sudden heat in her cheeks as she forced herself to speak again, "I've never been able to stand toe-to-toe with Raikage-sama like you did and I wanted, no I need to know how you did it".

"Just, just a lot of training", the boy began to answer, though at the sight of Yugito's heartbroken pout he felt his resistance crumbling like a sandcastle in the tide and gabbled desperately, "that style's my style but I'm not sure if jiji classified it as a secret of the Leaf; I'll have to speak to him or I could get in trouble for giving away village secrets". Yugito still looked put-out until she jumped as a massive hand landed gently on her shoulder and she looked up to see E smiling down at her,

"Not to worry Yugito-chan; I'll see what I can do tomorrow with the Hokage. Right now though, why don't you take Naruto-kun back to his hotel; he could use a bath and a change of clothes for the morning".

"Oh, right; hai Raikage-sama", Yugito bowed to her grandfather before beckoning Naruto to follow her out of the training area – as he watched the two depart heard them start up a conversation as they moved away, E ran a hand over his small, waxed moustache and thought deeply about the coming day's negotiations. Right now he knew that Naruto-kun was going to be something truly special when he reached fully maturity; heck he was three years younger than Yugito-chan and already at least half as strong as Bee; he needed to think about an angle to bring this to the diplomacy table and work out if he could get the secrets of the Uzumaki's strength to the village; _perhaps, in the future_; as the two blonde heads of hair were lost to his sight the gears turned ever more smoothly in the Raikages' head; _training now, and who knows what tomorrow may bring if the Kami wills the two of them do hit it off well. This bears thinking about..._

A few days later, on the road back to Konoha, the Hokage took time out from studying the brand-new peace treaty he'd wrangled out of the Cloud to lean backwards and listen into the conversation going on in the next carriage,

"So, is this right?" It was a girl's voice, thick with doubt, "the wrestlers held ceremonies to appease the god Whheeee by fighting each other, and anyone could watch these fights?"

"That's what I can understand from the scroll I had", Naruto said, his tone more measured than usual as he was teaching Yugito, his new student in his fighting style, "but basically yes, the fights were to appeal to the crowd as well as seek favour from Whheeee, but right now that's history. When we get back to Konoha we'll have to work on your chakra control and build up your chakra to get your shield up and running..."

"Hey, I'm a jinchuuriki, I've got loads of chakra".

"Not enough", Naruto told his pupil sternly, Sarutobi chuckling as he imagined the youngster wagging a stern finger at the girl as he shook his head, "anyway, Nibi will help us with that once Kyu, that's what Kyuubi likes to be called by the way, gets through to her. Then we'll start with the basic moves set, the clothes-lines, blocks, tackles and take-downs, then onto the harder stuff. The finishers come last..."

"Finishers?"

"Finishing blow – every wrestler had a special move, or a couple of special moves in the case of the most powerful, that they used to finish a fight, hence they were called finishers. They're really hard moves to do but if you get one off you can knock that enemy off your need-to-kill list. Apart from that though, there were a few other things to get down, especially the weapons, I haven't used them much myself yet".

"Weapons? I thought this was taijutsu only".

"No, some of the matches the wrestlers fought in permitted the use of the sacred weapons of Whheeee; these started out with things like the steel chair, and before you say what use is that believe me if you stick a chakra shield over one and clock someone over the head with it it's pretty much goodnight nurse to guy you clobber, and move up to things like the ninja-wire bokkun and the leather belt".

"You've got to be making some of this up".

"Funny old thing, your ji-san said the same thing until I buried his head in the street a few times. Now, when we get back the first stop is Ichiraku ramen, then from there we'll..."

_And so it begins, the friendship between Kumo and Konoha started over a single spar between the Raikage and Hokages' chosen champion_; recalling the way E had occasionally drifted the diplomatic strings back to the matter of Naruto's soon-to-be legendary fighting style and his granddaughter's vehement desire to learn the style gave Sarutobi a warm glow inside as he patted himself on the back and allowed a whimsical thought to cross his mind; _Sandaime Hokage finisher – martial diplomacy!_

Omake 2 – (Another) Dead Man Walking

As the last of the assembled jounin of the Leaf assembled in the viewing area Kurenai looked over her shoulder in time to shimmy to the side to avoid being accidentally knocked over by the blade of Kubikiri Honcho as its owner sat down in the stand, grinning cheerfully as he waited for the match to start,

"You're in a good mood Zabuza-san", blowing out a cloud of tobacco smoke Asuma looked over at the former Kiri-nin, now serving Konoha as an agreement between Mist and Leaf and one of the main reasons the current Mizukage was in attendance of the Chunin exam finals, "any reason in particular?"

"It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, Haku's out of my hair for a while because she's the medic on duty for these matches and I've had a hot tip for the first match", the swordsman sat back in his chair with his hands behind his head, smirking over at the Sandaimes' son, "though I must admit the tip wasn't all that great; if Naruto doesn't kick that teme's ass he'll have this blade rammed up his".

"Followed swiftly by my foot", Nii Yugito broke in, sitting next to Hayate and handing the ill man a tissue as he coughed wetly again, catching the eye of her grandfather in the Kage's box and waving, "though I don't think Neji-baka has a chance; I heard Kakashi gave him permission to go all-out after what the Hyuuga did in the preliminaries".

"Good; much as I usually detest revenge this time I really hope Neji gets his", Asuma admitted as he sat back and placed a hand on Kurenai's shoulder as the genjutsu mistress recalled again the genin she considered her little sister coughing up her own blood in the centre of the ring as all the jounin pulled the crazed Branch member away from her collapsing body, "I've worked with Hyuuga in the past, Branch and Main family and he's the first Branch member who actively doesn't like Hinata; the rest of them love her because she pulls her weight with the chores".

"That is one screwed-up family", Yugito agreed with a snort, picking out the characteristic white robes from the crowd and scowling, "still Naruto told me something when I saw him this morning that I didn't quite understand – he said 'legends never die'. I don't know what it means", she quickly pointed out as several of the other jounin looked her way with interest, "but I got a funny feeling something special is going to go down here today". Jiraiya, who had been lounging against the far wall, perked up at this and nodded in agreement,

"I don't doubt it but, ah", he looked over at the Kumo jinchuuriki, smirk hidden by his mouth bandages, "where did you meet Naruto this morning Yugito-chan".

"In the lobby of his...oh you are disgusting", the jounin complained, hoping everyone mistook her blush for anger rather than embarrassment, "he's my teacher not my lover".

"Yet", Zabuza quipped, blocking her retaliatory punch with the flat of his blade, "oh come on catgirl, we all know you've got it bad for him". Letting her anger go as she realised it would do her no good Yugito sat back in her seat and folded her arms in annoyance,

"Whatever, and don't call me catgirl. Anyway, while we're on the topic", her slanted eyes scanned the competitors' box for a minute before coming up with a blank, "where is Naruto, he's not down there". The other jounin looked around but, after a minute of drawing blanks, Jiraiya merely leant back against his wall and shrugged,

"No idea but he'll be here – he bust his ass learning the jutsus he wanted me to teach him, he won't miss using them on a stage like this".

Unwittingly it seemed the Toad Sage had started a very large ball rolling as, in unison, several of the assembled jounin looked over the back of their seats at him and said, in a variety of ways,

"You taught him as well?"

As the confusion cleared up and everyone looked up at each other Kurenai realised that someone had to take the lead and decided it might as well be her as it was her student the Kyuubi jinchuuriki was avenging,

"Well, he asked me for one genjutsu, just one, thought it might actually blind the Hyuuga if he pumped enough chakra into it. I hope it works".

"Same with me; lightning jutsu, and a minor fire one, same reason", Yugito explained before motioning to Zabuza, the swordsman chuckled as he patted the hilt of his weapon,

"Heh, gaki sure had his bases covered on this one; Hidden Mist jutsu – what about you Jiraiya?"

"Swamp of the Underworld, learnt it when he wasn't in the temples in the north district, though what he wanted up there is beyond me, he's never been religious", the Toad Sage said, trying to add up why Naruto wanted all these disparate jutsus and deciding in the end that, stuff curiosity, he'd find out in a few minutes anyway, "still, the match is about to get underway; where is Naruto. I hope he didn't sleep in again".

Neji felt serenely confident about his chances in this round; fate had smiled upon him and decreed he would face the weakest genin in Konoha for his first round and his victory was therefore assured. He would look ahead to other, more worthy challenges, try to hide his true strength until a real challenge was presented – as he descended towards the arena floor with all the regality his noble Hyuuga bearing demanded, he had to hide a smirk as it appeared for all his boastful words his opponent knew when he was outmatched and had refused to fight rather than risk the beating Neji would have bestowed. He crossed the sandy floor, not caring of the glares form some of the other assembled weakling genin as he knew they could hurt him no more than the Uzumaki could, and stood by the proctor as Genma checked his watch again and called again,

"Uzumaki Naruto to the floor please", there was no answer and Neji allowed himself a small smile; it was as fate decreed, "last call for Uzumaki Naruto".

At these words, at last, the proctor was answered, but not by a sudden rush of feet as the hot-headed genin everyone knew bustled into the arena at the last minute, or even by a shouted declaration that the future Hokage was ready to fight. Instead a single sound rolled out over the entire coliseum, a low, sonorous noise that sent a tremor through all who heard its ominous message.

_BONG!_

"I don't believe it", the other jounin looked over as Yugito breathed out in shock, face as pale as her platinum locks as she brought a hand to her whitened cheeks, "this is what he meant".

"What do you mean Yugito-chan", Asuma asked uneasily, still shivering at the tolling of the bell, "what's going on?"

"Just sit back and watch", the jinchuuriki explained with a dark smile as a second chime rippled throughout the atmosphere, all conversation stilling at its hidden message of doom, doom has come for you, "you are about to see how a legend fights". Before anyone could question the Kumo kunoichi the lights went out as Kurenai's Bringer of Darkness genjutsu, boosted by the chakra reserves only one person in the Hidden Leaf possessed, plunged the entire arena into pitch blackness.

Neji watched on stoically as he heard the bell tolling, trying to keep his breathing even as he activated his bloodline to try and pierce the gloom at the same time as ignore the sibilant whispers that were slowly beginning to gather volume as the lightlessness continued. _The genjutsu is impressive but, against these eyes_; Neji realised that had fate not stood beside him he would have been at a disadvantage but, shielded by the inevitable, he was safe despite the Uzumaki's hidden depths; _such tricks are useless. Hmm, what is that?_; focussing his vision on one patch of ground that appeared lighter than the suffocating blackness around it the Hyuuga allowed an eyebrow to rise as he realised something was rising from the ground, the whispers growing in volume as it pulled itself out of the earth, almost sounding like a mortuary chant as Neji finally recognised what he was looking at and, as eerie mist began rolling along the floor away from the grim monolith, he felt a chill struck deep within him as the coffin continued to rise from the loosened earth.

As the burial continued to be reversed Zabuza leant over in his seat and whispered to Yugito in a hushed tone, just loud enough to overcome the funeral chant that was growing ever louder as the wooden slab continued to rise to the surface,

"Okay, ten out of ten for style, especially using my jutsu to make a mist like that, but what's it all in aid of?"

"It's hard to explain", Yugito whispered back just as quietly, seeing the process finally slow down and stop as the coffin was fully unearthed, "the best I can say it that it's like intimidation for Neji and a boost for Naruto, he's getting into character and ready to kick serious ass right now". The swordsman grunted,

"Huh, he's making my mist intimidation technique look sad; I'll have to work on it", he groused before the dolorous bell rang out once more and instantly the chanting stopped, leaving only the coffin highlighted in a small patch of pearly light outside of the darkness genjutsu, making it glow evilly as the silence dragged horribly, cruelly on.

Suddenly the darkness was pierced for a split-second, screams tearing out from the audience as a bolt of lightning slashed through the blackness and burst against the coffin with a clap of thunder; the wooden structure immediately caught alight, burning with a ghost-lit flame as everyone watched on appalled or, in the case of the Nibi jinchuuriki, impressed at her teachers improvement with the lightning element as she realised the strike had to have come from the roof of the arena; _he probably had a clone stationed there since the start, or that was Kyu pulling the strings_. Like the rest of the audience Yugito waited with baited breath to see what would happen next and, as she heard again the background noise building to a crescendo in readiness for the main performance, she realised she was not going to be disappointed.

As the lid of the coffin was pushed off and a figure appeared framed by the burning wooden box the music, a traditional funeral march mixed through one of the newest synthesisers that had just become available to Konoha through trade with the newly-established land of Spring, echoed out across the entire arena, its mechanical, malicious edge jarring against the nerves of both the audience and, more importantly, the fighter already in the ring as the man stepped out of his flaming cradle and slowly strode forwards. Each footstep fell in time with the music as though it had been rehearsed ceaselessly for a lifetime, the patch of lesser gloom that had been focussed on the coffin moving in time with its summoner as the slow funeral march proceeded. About halfway to the fighters' start point the mysterious dark master paused and stood stock still, arms by his sides as the march paused; his arms suddenly flexed upwards in time with his breath and a rumble of thunder from above as the Bringer of Darkness genjutsu was lifted by degrees, revealing the puppeteer behind such dark tidings.

It was Naruto, it had to be, but it was Naruto as none present knew him; his orange jumpsuit was banished in place of a jet black suit similar to Rock Lee and Maito Gai's training suits; however where theirs looked frivolous this one was downright sinister, especially when combined with the long, flowing black trench coat and wide-brimmed hat the warrior wore, completely obscuring his face and hair as the music broke out again and the slow, inevitable tread of his heavy boots bit deeply into the sand of the arena as he made his inexorable way to his destiny. In his wake trailed another, smaller body, completely obscured by a black cowl and with hands hidden by voluminous sleeves as the acolyte shuffled along in the masters' wake. As he reached his destination the figure stopped and, without acknowledging either the proctor or his opponent, the would-be chunin slowly undid the cuff of his trench coat and, with one slow, deliberate motion, swept it from his shoulders to hand it to his attendant cowled familiar. As electricity all but crackled in the air around him both hands, the palms of them covered in thick black fighting gloves, reached up to the front and back of his hat; with a final roll of thunder and chime from the bell, it was removed swiftly and Neji recoiled slightly as he found himself staring into a visage of hate, eyes as seemingly blind as his own staring straight through him as though flaying his soul bare and passing judgement for his sins.

He was not the only one to see Naruto's expression; as the hat was removed and the blonde genin, though even his hair had been dyed to a raven's colour for the purposes of today, a colour of mourning and, for Hinata's sake, vengeance, the jounin present shivered in revulsion at the whites of their student's eyes exposed for the world to see,

"Okay", unusually Anko was the first to get over the shock, pointing down as Naruto let the mask drop and the blue of his irises reappeared, still locked onto Neji like an arrow onto a plump pheasant ripe for the spitting, "anyone else scared and-stroke-or turned on by that?" Oddly enough there was no answer as the proctor, rattled enough that the senbon almost fell from his lips as he asked the competitors were ready to fight, pausing as Naruto turned back to the other figure in the ring with his hat in his hands, though eventually Jiraiya, scribbling furiously in his ever-present notepad, shook his head,

"This'll make the next novel break the ceiling; an entrance like that, a man who controls the shadow and darkness..."

"An undertaker, _the_ Undertaker", Yugito spoke in a cold, hard monotone, waiting for the fight to begin with adrenaline singing through her veins and fierce joy in her beating heart – Neji wasn't going to know what hit him, "he was one of the High Priests of Whheeee, a legendary 'Deadman' who refused to stay in his grave. He was killed many times but always came back, more terrible and powerful than before each time; he will not eat, will not sleep and will not stop until he...", she pointed at Neji and intoned the dreaded Demon of the mythical Death Valley's cursed malediction,

"...rests in peace".

As Naruto gently placed part of his costume in the hands of the shrouded figure just behind him no-one was close enough to see the slight shift in the acolytes' posture of catch the faint gleam of a red eye closing in a familiar gesture as a voice whispered carefully,

"Nice, now knock 'em dead"; much as he'd have liked to smile at Kyu's praise it was important to the Undertaker's memory that he remained as close to the character as possible. Because of that nothing showed on his face as the bijuu bushin moved away to the arena stairs and Naruto turned around to see Neji staring at him with, he was pleased to note, a hint of well-hidden fear in his eyes as his opponent stood before him, seemingly eclipsing the Hyuuga despite Neji having several inches on him in height. As Genma, finally sure that all the smoke-and-mirrors was out of way, finally raised his hand and then brought it down to start the match,

"Hajime!"

The tension was thick enough to slice with a kunai, the pressure only building as neither competitor moved for a moment; unusually for a Hyuuga it was Neji who started things off, the Branch house prodigy speaking in his usual condescending manner,

"I will admit your entrance was very impressive, but you cannot fool my eyes", the man before him remained impassive, merely raising his hands in a guard as his opponent spoke on, "you hope to hide in the darkness to escape the gaze of fate, but you hide in vain. Fate is inevitable and it is fate's will that you will fall here, just as my weakling cousin did in the previous round". This provoked a response; Naruto stepped forwards just as Neji had known he would – the dobe was so predictable he didn't even need the All-Seeing Eye to end this fight, as the black-clad genin came into range the Hyuuga darted in and tapped a spot on his bicep, knowing that strike would have instantly deadened the entire arm from the elbow down.

"It is useless to defy fate", Neji spoke, smirking as he knew he had this battle won now; with only one arm functioning Naruto could no longer do jutsu, not even the Kage bushin he was so famous for could help him now, "your destiny was set the moment you were born, you cannot..."

It was a sentence he never finished as the arm he knew he'd disabled shot forwards at speeds even his eyes couldn't predict and landed a punch on his jaw that rocked him back to his boot soles.

As the prodigy was battered by a concerted barrage of shots to the body and face, each one landing and ripping huge chunks out of Neji's air and endurance, Kurenai was forced to ask despite her personal loathing for the boy being beaten,

"Why isn't he dodging? Naruto's hitting hard I know but his strikes aren't fast enough to trouble a Hyuuga of Neji's calibre". Her response was a snort of laughter from both Yugito and, oddly enough, Zabuza as well,

"He's not dodging because Naruto's not letting him; part of our style means that whenever we get hold of you or touch you we fire some of our chakra into your system. Not much, but it's enough to hold you still for a second, long enough to wind up another shot", Yugito explained, silently urging Naruto to hit the arrogant brat again, "Neji's lucky Naruto hasn't grabbed him yet; once he gets hands-on, it's all over". Phantom pain tingling from his nose, neck and arm, Zabuza nodded,

"Very true, as someone who's been on the receiving end of his groundwork I'll admit it hurts like a cast-iron bitch, and you can't break it unless he lets you. He could take that white-eyed prick out here and now but he just wants to drag it out a bit, so he can do things like that", the swordsman added as the sole of Naruto's boot connected solidly with Neji's chest, pole-axing the Hyuuga genin and sending him rolling away as Naruto, morphed into an immortal, unkillable monster of myth and legend, followed at his own steady, implacable pace. Watching the Undertaker walk after his prey, everyone else watched on with baited breath, eager for the next part of the battle to unfold.

Neji coughed as he scrambled to his feet, chest aflame as he looked down and saw the print of a large boot stuck clearly in the middle of his formerly pristine clothing. Angry and humiliated the prodigy turned his blazing eyes on his foe as he dropped into his Gentle Fist stance, staring down the advancing foe,

"So you refuse to bow to fate; I look forwards to seeing your eyes when you see the error of your ways and you see the unalterable difference between a genius and a failure". With that he activated his bloodline, determined to see where to strike next to inflict a debilitating strike to draw out the match and humiliate the genin who dared strike him, only to suddenly baulk at what his eyes saw before him. Instead of a chakra system, complete with tenketsus a competent Hyuuga could close and destroy at will, there was a sheet of chakra, a solid shield that blocked his eyes completely, hiding the chakra system. _How, how can he block my eyes_; staring at the dark miracle, the nightmare of the Hyuuga, stood before him, Neji made a fatal mistake and froze; _I should be able to see all, there is no armour that can block our sight but he..._; as a fist clamped around his throat and he realised that, since the chakra shield was solid and didn't move as a normal body should have done before his sight, he hadn't noticed Naruto advance and was caught. As the floor span away from him a strange paralysis locked his limbs in place, stopping him from struggling as he found himself facing one of the arena walls, he realised he was going to pay for his lack of caution.

A collective wince rippled around the jounin box as Naruto, having hefted Neji over his head as though the taller boy weighed less than a willow switch, hurled him head-first at the closest solid stone wall; the Hyuuga had just enough time to get his arms up and cushion some of the blow before he landed with a painful crunch. However Naruto hadn't been idle during his opponent's flight; instead he'd run towards the wall and twisted around, one hand lancing out and slapping on the wall, arresting his momentum and sling-shotting him back towards where Neji was still airborne, sliding down the wall. This thunderous charge was ended by another ferocious boot colliding with the Hyuuga's shoulder, spinning and flipping him around as he tumbled towards the ground. But the new, merciless Naruto wasn't done; arresting his charge as he had before the ebon-clothed genin span back around and pounded towards where his opponent lay prostrate; Neji had enough time to make out a vague shadow above him before the leg-drop landed squarely on his chest and drove all the breath from his lungs.

_I have to stop this, and now_; over the pain from his body Neji was certain of only one thing as Naruto picked himself back up and stalked up to him again – he could no longer hold back against this opponent. Naruto was not the weak dobe he'd been expecting but this farce ended now; as he saw the other genin reach down for him Neji rolled away from his grip and, before Naruto could recover, expelled chakra from all his tenketsus, rotating violently on the spot. The movement from so close hurled Naruto away like a discarded doll and, sensing this was a chance to end the match, Neji forced down the pain and stumbled over to where his opponent came to his feet, centering himself for his final attack,

"You did well to push me this far but, regardless of how you try to blind me, you can never seal my eyes", bringing himself to final attack position Neji recalled the locations of all the tenketsus he was about to attack and spoke as Naruto tried once more to shake out the cobwebs, "you are in range of my divination – this is over".

Though unpopular to some, there was no denying a Hyuuga technique in full flow was a beautiful thing to behold; the strikes were so numerous yet so graceful that even those who actively wished Neji ill couldn't help but marvel at his skill. However when the attack ceased and Naruto crashed to the floor unmoving, those people craned forwards, hearts in their mouths as they felt horror rear up in their minds.

"Is that it?" For all his gruff exterior Zabuza couldn't help a note of concern reaching his voice, "Did that Hyuuga bastard win?"

"I don't know exactly", Yugito tried to explain, swallowing hard as she felt the attention fall on her again, "I've never fought one but I don't think those chakra attacks should have broken Naruto's shield, but there were so many, some might have got through. I don't know as much as Naruto but, he'll never give up".

"Of course not, he's going to take Pop's job someday", Asuma remarked with more confidence than he felt as he watched Neji make it over to Naruto and heard the Hyuuga begin to speak,

"This is destiny, this is fate – yours was sealed the moment you were decreed to fight me. The difference between success and failure is pre-determined and absolute; regardless of your struggling, you cannot escape the pull of fate, loser. Proctor", Genma looked over, a little put out by the sudden end to a spectacular fight, "call the match, he's not getting uuukkk!"

It happened so fast that many people missed it; in his monologue Neji hadn't realised that one of Naruto's gloves was brushing the toe of his sandal and therefore pumping chakra into his foot. Because of that when Naruto suddenly sat bolt upright, staring into his enemy's pupil less eyes, he was able to command his chakra to buckle the Hyuuga's leg, making Neji stumble and delivering him right where the wrestler wanted him to be. With his foe choking as he held his neck with one hand Naruto pushed himself to his feet, chakra shield dimmed but unbroken through the blizzard of Gentle Fist strikes, and threw Neji's closest arm over and behind his own head, the signal for the beginning of the end.

As the Hyuuga went up and down Yugito leapt from her seat as she saw a move she'd not yet tried but was desperate to have a go at executed so flawlessly before her eyes,

"Choke-slam", she crowed triumphantly, watching as the dust thrown up by Neji's landing began to settle, "this one is over – I should have known the Undertaker never stays down".

"It seems not", Jiraiya agreed, releasing a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding as he watched his godson hammer his opponent into the floor, "but why's he picking him up again? Not more revenge, isn't Neji hurt enough?" Yugito huffed, folding her arms,

"For what he did to Hinata, death's too good for him, but", seeing Naruto suddenly look up to a specific section of the crowd and inclined his head, the first such emotion he'd shown all match, Yugito followed his eyes and realised what was about to happen, "I don't think this is about pain, it's about appreciation".

Seeing the familiar position Naruto adopted with his opponent the Raikage didn't even try to stop the pleased grin slipping over his face; such as expression didn't go unnoticed, the veiled Kazekage, already furious at these unexpected arrivals destroying his carefully-crafted invasion plans, looked back and ask,

"Something amuses you Raikage-dono?" E chuckled as he watched Naruto scoop the Hyuuga up onto his shoulders, ready to drop the bomb,

"Hai Kazekage-dono, one of my attacks he's using there, and improved I see", the Raikage whistled as Naruto extended both arms, Neji now a clear food above his head before his opponent relented and threw the Hyuuga down, cracking another crater into the arena floor, "you truly have raised a frightening warrior there Hokage-dono, he's got my vote for chunin".

Neji coughed feebly, everything hurting and only just clinging to consciousness as he squinted upwards to see his opponent, the one who had weather the one of the fiercest attacks his clan could muster and still returned to destroy him utterly, stand before him and stare down; he tried to forfeit the match but his arms were unresponsive, he couldn't signal the proctor. He was at the mercy of someone who had no reason to extend any at all and as Naruto began to raise both arms again from the elbow as though dragging something up to his shoulders, the Hyuuga feared the worst. A tremor ran though the ground and he heard gasps as some screams from those in attendance but he couldn't turn his head enough to see what was going on behind him as something else rose from the ground behind him. A ball of sickening dread welled up in his stomach, choking him and only intensifying as Naruto, his summoning having somehow finished, reached down and dragged him upright again, his strange cold touch preventing even the Heavenly Spin, the ultimate defence of the Hyuuga from saving him as the younger ninja threw Neji over his shoulder, cruelly arranging him so that he was facing forwards and could see what he was being carried towards. At first his blurred vision thought it was an alter, or a slab of some kind; it was only when he was unwillingly dragged closer and he saw the Hyuuga motif etched into the top of it along with an ornamental stone banner running down the end and proudly bearing his name that he realised what he was looking at and a sob of abject terror broke through his parched throat.

It was a casket, built and prepared solely for him.

"Well, that explains a lot", Zabuza muttered quietly as he, like the rest of the audience, watched on equally amazed and appalled as the stone tomb rose from the sand at it master's command, "I wondered why he was asking so much about the other Seven Swordsmen, especially Raiga; that fruit-cake was obsessed with funerals. Guess he needed a good idea of what that thing should look like".

"He wouldn't...you know..."

"I'd stop him if he did", Jiraiya, ever gallant when it came to attractive young ladies, reassured Kurenai with a kindly, if slightly lecherous smile, "my guess is he wants to scare the Hyuuga a bit, knock that fate crap out of him".

"Well that ought to do it", Zabuza cut in, watching the spectacle unfold as Naruto ascended the set of stairs that led to the front of the casket and carefully pushed back the top of the stone sarcophagus with the hell of one boot, "if being buried alive doesn't scare the crap out of him, literally or otherwise, there is definitely something wrong with that kid".

As he saw the plush velvet interior that lay within the polished rock Neji felt his vision fracture, tears of fear springing from his eyes as his heart hammered in his chest as he felt himself shifted again, brought down from Naruto's shoulder by an iron grip around his throat that forced him to lock eyes with the man, no, with the insane creature of the night that was planning to entomb him in the earth while there was still breath in his lungs and life in his body. Naruto was silent for a second as he had been the whole time they'd been fighting, so when the voice came, deeper, stronger and more powerful than the Hyuuga could ever remember it being and as cold as a graveyard in midwinter, he flinched as it rolled over and through him,

"Neji", he looked up at his name, eyes damp with tears but seeing no mercy in Naruto's face, only a grim, solemn judgement, "everybody's final fate", the free hand pointed over the shoulder and without conscious effort Neji found himself looking over his shoulder, back into the interior of the box that would hold him forever, "is death".

At those words the Hyuuga simply gave up; a blank, protective numbness seeped over his body and he reacted no more; even as the eyes rolled again and the thumb of the pointing hand was dragged slowly over Naruto's throat, the gesture idly making Neji wish for a kunai of his own to get it over with quickly, he gave no reaction. Similarly when he was hoisted aloft again he didn't even try to struggle, when his head was between Naruto's knees and the other genin jumped upwards, coming down onto his knees and tapping the crown of his trapped head against the stone of the side of the tomb hard enough to bruise but not break bone he did nothing, merely falling forwards as though tumbling into bed as Naruto let his hugging grip go and allowed his adversary to collapse into the crypt. He felt his arms being tucked over his chest, the traditional position for those being interred, and heard the sound of stone scraping against stone as the lid of the casket shifted and he heard Naruto's voice again.

"Rest...", now he wanted to fight, tried to fight but his body wouldn't respond; _no, I can't die here, I want to live, I want to see the sun again...!_; "...in...", the lid of the casket was dragged over the top, blocking out the light overhead, heedless of Neji's mental screaming; _...I want to breathe again, I'm sorry, I need to say that, I'm sorry...!_; "...peace!"; ..._noooo!"_

The lid descended.

As it slammed home three things happened simultaneously; the arena fell into darkness again, the great bell of oblivion gave another mournful peal and, with a rumble of thunder, the funeral march began to play once more. In the half-blackness Naruto sank to one knee, eyes rolled up to reveal nothing but blank whiteness and one hand over his knee as, to shouts of alarm, the ground before him turned to mulch, the casket on top of it sinking away into the morass. The jounin were on their feet but, even as they prepared to save Neji from a fate even he didn't deserve, there was a pop from behind them and Naruto's voice, normal rather than the throaty growl of the Undertaker, calmed their fears,

"Relax, all the bits inside the casket are henged bushins; they shunshined Neji to hospital as soon as the music hit. He'll be fine, if scared of the dark for a while". With that message the summoned bushin dispersed, allowing the watchers to release a held breath and observe as the casket sank away from view, its 'prisoner' lost for all time. When it was completely gone into the Swamp of the Underworld its summoner stood once more and, again to the notes of his macabre music, paced to the centre of the arena where it was just possible to pick out the robed form of his acolyte waiting for him. As the crescendo hit the arena the mythical warrior stood and accepted his garb, donning the black robe of his business and tipping the brim of his wide hat to the Kage's box in acknowledgement of them watching him perform. Then without warning he spread his arms wide; the Bringer of Darkness intensified and everything went dark, there was a final strike of the great bell of despair that would forever haunt Neji's dreams and the genjutsu faded away to reveal the arena bare.

Screams suddenly broke out from the genin box, where Naruto had appeared without warning in the darkness and almost sent some of the other competitors into fear-induced comas but, as he swept his coat out over the seat he picked out for himself, everyone else nearby immediately vacating the chairs nearby, he nodded at the proctor still in the arena centre and, sweating slightly as he remembered what had just happened and had to fight to convince himself what had happened wasn't a dream or an illusion, Genma raised a hand,

"Shousha, Uzumaki Naruto".

Hearing that the named genin sat back in his seat and waited for the next match to begin but, even as he was cheering on the inside and awaiting his next match, his face remained stony and grim, eyes vacant to anyone who dared meet them.

After all, a dead man couldn't smile.

A/N: RIP Neji – well come on, after what he did to Hinata, by far and away the kindest, sweetest character in the series he deserved it! So that was my take on Naruto making the moves of the WWE a new taijutsu style; comments as always welcome and anyone who wants to take this on (think of the possibilities; Primary Lotus vs. Tombstone Pile-driver – yosh!) is welcome to. Oh, and in case you were wondering; in the main story Naruto hit Haku with the Spear and the Jackhammer (Goldberg will live forever – the streak will never be bettered!), and he use the Pedigree and LeBell Lock to get Zabuza to submit (Michael Cole's an idiot – Danial Bryan is the real deal).

Until the next time, ja ne!


	13. Chapter 12

Smoke in the Wind

A/N: First thing's first; this chapter's the reason this fic is now T-rated as some of the humour is a bit near-the-knuckle and contains sexual insinuations; okay warning over, onto the good stuff!

I was reading through this little collection the other day and it suddenly occurred to me that I hadn't done the most obvious thing in the world with Naruto yet; I haven't made him really strong. So I sat down and thought about it, read a few other 'God-Naruto' fics and realised something else – that was actually a good thing as most fics of that nature just end up with him crushing everyone because of some cockamamie power boost he gets for no good reason, kind of like a blonde Uchiha (come on seriously, Izanagi with the Rin'negan?) But the idea wouldn't leave me alone and eventually I started to think about it like a challenge; how could Naruto get believably strong enough to take on a nin like Itachi or Madara, and what would change about him if he did so? This is my answer to these questions, complete with a little omake to explain another character's point of view on the subject; as always I hope you enjoy and leave a comment, and if you want to pick this up and run with it I'll be there cheering you on at the finish line.

Take your seats its curtains up – three, two, one and the show is in action.

_The pain in his body was an all-encompassing dull ache that throbbed in his bones, pulsed through his muscles and tore across his skin like a thousand weals of old whip strokes. But even that agony, amplified as it was by the soul-deep exhaustion he'd been driven to and only just awakened from despite being unconscious for a number of days, was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to the sensation that had split his heart in twain._

'_Because I failed' – the word echoing through his mind like the dark laughter of his resident demon Uzumaki Naruto squeezed his eyes shut, trying to deny the tears as he saw his friends and, worse than that, his team once more. They had come, all of them, to express relief that he was still alive and commiseration that he had been unable to save Sasuke from the shadowed path he had chosen to walk down but despite their words and Tsunade's assurances as Hokage that this mission would be struck from the records as it should never have been assigned to genin, the jinchuuriki knew now what his fate would be. He had already suffered the judgement of Konoha all his life – now that the last Uchiha had gone and he had not been able to kill his heart enough to stop his brother completely, merely scratching his headband when he should have torn off his head regardless of the fallout that would have erupted as a result of the Uchiha scion dying, the whispers that had ebbed since the Chunin exam would begin again. That he was the reason Sasuke had deserted, he had let the Uchiha get away from jealousy or spite, that he was a broken, useless weapon of the village that should be put down rather than continue existing, and potentially failing or turning on Konoha again in the future. He knew this was the truth and wasn't sure which he hated more, the fact it would happen or the naive belief by his friends and adopted grandmother that they would be able to make it stop – in fact the only one of them that had shown even the slightest hint of honesty when dealing with him, had not cared from the false mask of cheer he wore around him, was the one he would have sweated blood to bring Sasuke back for._

_Sakura had visited, had actually been one of the last to visit even beating Kakashi's lateness record, the Copy-nin having presented him with a basket of fruit of all things to help him get better before departing with words of pride that meant nothing – Naruto wasn't as blinkered as people believed and knew that had the mission been a success he would have once again played second fiddle to Sasuke, even bed-ridden. Seeing his door open Naruto had looked up from the scratched forehead protector he continually held as though it was his last reminder of his departed friend, only to see the swollen, glassy eyes of his long-time crush starting back at him. Shame cremating his cheeks Naruto had temporarily lost control and blurted out the first thing that had come to him, dooming himself to a promise of a lifetime that Sakura really didn't need to hear as she stared at the boy in solemn, awful silence. He spoke without remembering what had been said completely and still Sakura stood there mute; eventually even his words ran dry and he was left staring at her just as she was – how long the terrible tableau remained in place he could not say before Sakura nodded, the first motion she'd made since setting foot in the room, and slowly shut the door, speaking as she did so two words, two words that would leave an indelible impression on the young jinchuuriki for the rest of his life,_

_"You can't..." _

_With that, the door closed silently behind her._

_A few days later, when Jiraiya was leading his first full-time pupil since the Yondaime himself, he found himself silenced halfway through a speech about his future training plans for the youngster as Naruto held up his hand, looked up at his godfather and spoke in a quiet tone that brooked no argument,_

_"Jiraiya", the Toad Sage raised an eyebrow at the lack of honorifics, mocking or otherwise, "I'd rather find out about what's going to happen as it happens. Just know this", Naruto looked up, a terrible blue fire in his eyes that almost knocked Jiraiya back a pace as the genin carried on speaking, "I want you to train me, train me as hard as I can be trained and then push me further. Something is coming, I know that much – baa-chan says too much when she's had a few too many and I can guess some of the rest; there will be bodies and blood by the end of this and I've got a feeling Orochimaru's not the worst of it, not with nin like Itachi and that fish-freak on the scene. I need to better Jiraiya; just to survive I'm going to need to be the most powerful nin that's ever come out of the Leaf, equal to the Yondaime if not stronger. These three years are going to be the last lull I get – afterwards, ready or not, I'm going hunting, I'm not just going to sit around and wait to be taken. Three years Ero-sennin", a smile, cold and deliberate, twitched the corner of the jinchuuriki's mouth as he looked up at his mentor with a challenge in his mind, "think you can do that?"_

_"You", Jiraiya was silent for a moment, finger on his chin as he weighed up the boy before him with a calculating gaze, "you're really serious about this aren't you?"_

_"Lethally". With that answer Jiraiya smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, almost sending Naruto tumbling,_

_"Good gaki, glad to hear it – for a minute there I thought I was going to have to kick your ass out of some depressive funk because that whiny little traitor ran away but I guess not. Three years to turn you into something that can take on an S-rank shinobi and live – tough job but not one that will trouble the mighty Jiraiya, Toad Sage and Legendary Author. So then, no time like the present to get started – tell me brat, what do you know about your Kage Bushin...?"_

XXX

With a curt nod from Shizune the chunin took a last deep breath and squared her shoulders, walking through the door without acknowledging the two silent ANBU guards of the thick oak portal. As she stepped into the room and noticed the odd smell in the air without reacting to it, she snapped to attention and announced herself,

"Chunin Yamanaka Ino reporting for duty Hokage-sama". The Godaime looked up somewhat blearily, the signs of a few too many late nights and early morning evident on her face as her brain seemed to stutter for a minute before kick-starting into gear and beckoning her into the room where someone else, the Yamanaka noticed from her peripheral vision, was lounging up against the wall with folded arms,

"Ah, good Ino, I have a new assignment for you and a new partner as well and before you ask", Tsunade held up a hand to forestall any protests about breaking up the continued success of the second generation of Ino-Shika-Chou, "it's only temporary, one mission only. Naruto", the man by the wall stood upright and, having glanced over, Ino felt her jaw drop as she beheld the face of someone she hadn't seen for three years casually flicking over her body with piercing blue eyes before looking back at the Hokage, "I trust Ino sets you mind at ease about partner choices?" The returning child smirked,

"Yep, I've definitely changed my mind baa-chan, from 'no' to 'absolutely-no-way-on-Kami's-good-green-earth-hell-no'", both women looked shocked at this but before they could say anything about his declaration he'd carried on, reaching into his jacket for something, "last time I looked Piggy over there was a fangirl who tended to end up with less between her ears than she's got between her legs whenever a decent guy, dress or pair of shoes floated past her eye line; if I've got to have a partner for this why can't I get someone who knows what they're doing, like Ibiki or that crazy snake lady from the Chunin exams? Okay she was a psycho and mentally unstable at the best of times but by Kami", Naruto chuckled and slipped a thin white something from a small packet as Ino tried to keep her blood-pressure at just plain boiling point from his insinuations, "she made life interesting, and she was pretty hot to boot".

"Hot?" Ino's shriek made him wince as Tsunade tried to imagine what Anko would do if she found out a wet-behind-the-ears genin had called her hot and found herself having to mask a smile, "How dare you..."

"Dare I what, tell the truth?" Naruto cut her off before lighting what she belated realised was a cigarette, talking around it with as much experience as Asuma-sensei as he went on, "Back then from what I saw the only thing you had going for you was Daddy's techniques and a ninja family to help you. Since then I don't know about your ninja skills but I assume you've improved because you're still alive, but regards relative hotness you've filled out a little and grown up some but believe me I've spoken to, flirted with, seduced and bedded better-looking kunoichis than you".

Once more Ino found herself having to scrape her chin off the floor as Tsunade's face disappeared behind a pile of nearby paperwork on her desk, her shuddering shoulders giving the game away that she was a hairs-breadth from hysteria.

"How...?" Ino spluttered, not sure if she should be feeling slighted or outraged at the way her looks had just been slated by a virtual stranger, "how...dare...?"

"Three year training trip with the biggest pervert in the Elemental Nations, you pick stuff up – I said 'stuff' not 'rough' baa-chan", Tsunade's shoulders quivered again, the distinctive sound of a hand clapping over a mouth echoing around the room as Naruto turned back to the flabbergasted kunoichi before shrugging, "though sometimes, when the going's hard, that can be fun as well".

"_Fun!_" Ino shrieked, jabbing a finger at him as though seeking to pin him to the wall, "How dare you! Those are _people_ you're talking about, not your personal love-slaves!" A blonde eyebrow quirked as the returned Leaf shinobi blew a gentle stream of fire onto the tip of his newest cigarette, Naruto smirking as he looked over at his supposed future partner,

"Frustrated much?" There was a strangled snort from behind the Hokage's desk but both verbal combatants ignored it, focussed as they were one each other with sparks flying from their eyes, "What's the matter, Shika too lazy to slouch to attention for you", Ino's face bypassed crimson and hit purple as Naruto extended his pinky finger before letting it flop back into his fist again, though before she could act the final killing line had cut and ruptured her temper beyond any semblance of repair, "about the only chance you'd get for action with him would be to slide underneath while he's falling asleep".

Forgetting all semblances of dignity Ino screamed a war cry and pounced at him; she wasn't entirely sure what happened next through the red mist that had descended but when she came back to herself the carpet of the Hokage's office was tickling her cheek and both her arms were pinned to her back, Naruto's voice from overhead speaking again, this time to the Hokage,

"Okay baa-chan pay up – less than two minutes before she lost her cool. Still though", Ino felt the grip on her arms release and she snarled, trying to kick out at Naruto as he hopped away and let her come to her feet, "she might lack a sense of humour but she's got heart. What's the mission and where is it?" _Mission, what – he took a bet on me!_; Ino wasn't sure if she should feel angry that he'd played her like that or impressed that he'd managed to irk her into losing her temper; as the apprentice of Morino Ibiki emotional control was of the upmost importance at all times but Naruto, the blonde, orange-wearing maelstrom, had split straight through her normal emotional shielding to the heart beneath. Rationalising the best thing to do now was say nothing until she knew what was going on the chunin remained quiet until Tsunade, after wiping her eyes on what looked suspiciously like a request from the civilian council that was within her reach, sat up in her seat again with a grin,

"Yep, still definitely you gaki – only you could get someone like Ino to snap within seconds of seeing you for the first time in years", she admitted, handing over a small roll of bills prior to plucking a mission request off the top of the pile and handing it towards them, humour draining from her face as she looked from Naruto to Ino, scowling at the cloud of tobacco smoke that hung over the head of the former,

"Uzumaki Naruto, Yamanaka Ino, this is a high C, low B-rank mission requested by Konoha herself", she said seriously, both younger shinobi looking at her with interested eyes though, to her relief, Naruto didn't immediately fly off the handle at being given such an important job straight off the bat, "a recent upsurge in bandit activity between our borders and those of Iwa is a cause for concern; they've recently gotten bolder and have begun striking at our and Stone's outposts. If this continues Iwa may, because they're looking for any excuse to kick off the Fourth Shinobi War these days, declare this an act of aggression on Konoha's part and look to take action. Your job is to track and find out who organised them and for what end – there may be nin among them though this hasn't been confirmed".

"Killing allowed?" Both kunoichi looked over in shock at Naruto's voice as he blew out another cloud of smoke; it wasn't so much his question that disturbed them, more the blasé voice tone he'd used,

"If necessary", Tsunade spoke slowly before folding her hands on the desk, "but this is primarily a scout and information mission, don't go wading in there trying to wipe them all out". A gleam of wicked humour appeared in Naruto's eye and he pouted teasingly,

"Come on baa-chan, would I?"

"I don't know and that's why Ino is going with you; I'd have preferred you have someone more experienced..."

"Me too", Naruto broke in suddenly, looking up at the ceiling wistfully as both women stared at him, though before Ino could gut the arrogant shinobi with the nearest sharp object Tsunade managed to hide the smile on her face and speak again,

"...but Ibiki has work to do here and Anko is on a long-term mission. Ino is your partner for this mission and you will treat her with the respect she is due as a kunoichi of Konoha", the Hokage reminded him sternly, Naruto retreating to the wall and looking faux-heartbroken, bringing a vindictive grin to Ino's lips before she listened to her leader again as Tsunade addressed her, "Ino, I'm relying on you to get the information we need". She snapped to attention and nodded,

"Hai Hokage-sama, I won't let you down". Naruto gagged as his eyes shot to her chest,

"Ino, we've already established you're not that great looking but please tell me you're too young to sag? Urgh, major-league turn-off; just order extra-strength bra elastic and you should be fine". The young Yamanaka turned towards him slowly, flames of righteous fury crackling around her as she hefted her fist,

"That's it, you die now!"

"Not in this lifetime Droopy", a second later Naruto catapulted himself out of the window of the Hokage's office, Ino tearing at his heels and screaming for blood as Tsunade broke down on her desk, completely gone into hysteria as she once more realised she had been right not to batter Jiraiya to death after she realised Naruto's new smoking habit for the first time – for a free show like one she'd just been given by Naruto and his unwitting comedy double the Hokage would have to clink sake cups with her old team mate, once he managed to drag himself out of the hospital bed she'd put him in that was.

XXX

Needless to say it was a quiet duo that left Konoha some hours later, Naruto having told Ino to be ready to leave at sunset after she'd exhausted herself trying to exact revenge from his earlier disparaging comments. The young Yamanaka was sullenly giving her partner the cold shoulder, not even looking at him as the duo tree-hopped away from the village hidden in the Leaf, small travel pack on her back as Naruto ran beside her like a silent ghost. _At least it's better than that orange thing he used to wear_; as soon as the would-be compliment rose up in her mind Ino crushed it with the ease only a competent mind-walker could gain but, still, the basic facts remained. She'd been as surprised as anyone to realise that Naruto had actually been waiting for her at the gate; only when she'd seen his blonde hair had she recognised him apart from the two chunin gate guards. He was dressed in standard shinobi attire, though him being Naruto there had to be a dash of orange somewhere, in his case on his forehead, showing off his new protector and being less noticeable than it would have been anywhere else on his body as the smouldering orange cloth was masked by his shock of blonde hair to some extent. _So if nothing else his fashion sense improved while he was gone_; she thought to herself dully before turning her nose up to the air again, staring forwards; _shame about his manners though, and his skills I've got no idea about – hmm, maybe a spar when we stop for the night_. It was an idea that had merit, if only because she wanted to measure herself against someone trained by a legendary sannin when she wasn't as mad as Chouji after the dreaded F-word had been uttered – she decided she'd voice it when given the chance when they stopped.

As it turned out she didn't voice the idea in the end, mostly because when Naruto had finally called a halt for the night she was exhausted; she knew she wasn't the fittest kunoichi in Konoha due to her specialisation but rationalised that even Tenten would have been hard-pressed to keep up with the insane pace Naruto had set. They'd been running non-stop for six hours at her top-speed, though she had a nagging suspicion that if he needed to Naruto could have gone a fair bit faster, and dawn would be breaking soon; they'd have enough for three, maybe four hours sleep at best but for some reason Ino didn't feel tired. Instead, as Naruto popped out half a dozen shadow clones and set them to various tasks the Yamanaka pulled her own small sleeping bag out of her travel pack and set it on the floor, not worried by rain as the entire thing was completely self-sealed and water-proof,

"So then", she sniffed, the original Naruto pricking his ears as he looked over, "what was it like?" He gasped,

"She speaks – honestly I thought the main problem I was going to have was getting you to shut up", he admitted with what Ino was beginning to suspect was trademark blunt honesty, "apart from that though, what was what like?" _Thank you Naruto_; though her face remained blank Ino was inwardly grinning like a maniac as he left that comment there for her to latch onto; _you're not bad for a amateur but this is how a pro does sarcastic disdain_;

"The hole you fell down for the past three years; your training trip you moron", she exclaimed as Naruto continued to look bemused, "you know, the one you went on with Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin all around the Elemental Nations. From what I can see all you picked up were bad habits and a worse mouth, so what did you actually do while you were gone?"

"Oh that", Naruto brightened before scratching the back of his head with a wry smile on his face, "I thought you were on about sex to be honest; you don't look like you've got that lucky over the last three years. Not that it's your fault really; any guy who wanted to date you would need balls of steel to stand up to Inochi-san". Once more Ino went puce, though as she continued to stare and Naruto didn't say anything else she realised that actually had been the first thing that had come into his mind and recoiled,

"Urgh, you pig..."

"From you, that's rich".

"Alright, you chauvist then", Ino corrected herself as Naruto chuckled and pulled his pack of cigarettes from his pocket, "unlike you sex isn't on my mind every six seconds and my mind isn't in the gutter all the time". He shrugged, flipping a smoke into his lips,

"Your loss; Ero-sennin always said that wherever there was muck there was brass, and ass too when I think about it; it just took me about eighteen months to see he was right", once more a small katon lit up the darkness and the cherry of Naruto's cigarette told her where his face was, "believe me you can find more things out through seduction and just general talking to people than even Ibiki could manage with all the lovely techniques available to him in Konoha". Ino blinked for a minute before, helplessly, her snorts of laughter lit up the campsite even as she tried to smother it,

"So, sorry", the Yamanaka tried to apologise even as her whole sleeping bag shook from her mirth, "I was just thinking – if you'd told me three years ago that Uzumaki Naruto, dobe extraordinaire and all-around prankster, would turn out to be a gigolo under that orange thing he wore I'd have laughed in your face. What happened to you?" Naruto's sniggering suddenly matched her own as she calmed down,

"Well to answer your question Ero-sennin happened to me Ino; apart from that what can I say", in the moonlight she saw him spread his arms wide, fingers pointed in towards him, "I _am_ the number one surprising ninja after all. It was hard Ino-chan", the softer tone of his voice as well as the honorific made her look up at his silhouette, the light of his cigarette having been extinguished a few second ago, "the time I got back to Konoha, about a week ago but henged up the whole time, I didn't want to meet anyone until I'd relaxed a bit and was sure I wouldn't accidentally kill them..."

"Oh come on, now I know you're bluffing", Ino told him, snickering; the silence that fell for a few seconds spoke volumes before his voice came again, more solemn and strained this time,

"Three years Ino-chan, three years of constant training, training I asked for – Ero-sennin's a hard bastard when he wants to be and I asked, no I _demanded_ he be harder on me than anyone else because I knew I needed it, I was so far behind. Three years of constant travelling, training, Ero-sennin attacking me at all hours of the day or night and healing me up when I needed it – believe it or not he's a skilled medic in his own right, though not even close to baa-chan's league. I can't remember a day when I wasn't at least mildly chakra-exhausted at the end of it and when I wasn't training I was with him, working with his spy network and helping diplomatic relationships with the other countries..."

"Was this before or after you started sleeping your way through their kunoichi ranks?"

"That depended on where I was and who I was working with; usually I left that part of it to Ero-sennin but, you know", he shrugged as Ino rolled her eyes but let him finish regardless of how corny the line was, "sometimes you've just gotta take, or in this case _do_ one for the team".

"Eeewww! That's disgusting..."

"No, if both parties are consenting adults it's a hell of a wild ride that everyone should go on at least once in their lives", Naruto interrupted before chuckling, "better get a move on Ino, the biological clock is ticking". The young mind-walker huffed and folded her arms in her sleeping bag,

"I don't need you commenting on my love-life Uzumaki".

"Ah, but if I don't then who's going to make sure there's going to be fresh generation of blonde-haired, blue-eyed shrieking harridans to carry on the Yamanaka line? And don't say you'll take your husbands' name", he cut off her protest before even she could fully rationalise it, "you're the only child of a noble clan of Konoha, he'll have to take yours". _Didn't know that_; that was news to Ino but, fortunately, she had a bit of news on her side that Naruto couldn't have yet been aware of and intended to use it,

"Is that so? Lucky for me Inari-chan will save my future husband from such a fate".

"Inari?" A sudden vision of a bratty child with a pot on his head and a crossbow in his hand flashed across Naruto's vision and he whipped his attention round to the lump where Ino lay; _I knew he wanted to be a ninja but getting himself adopted into a clan like that – good on him if he managed it_; "You know Inari?"

"I should do, he's my little brother", Ino snorted back, though luckily for Naruto she cleared up the confusion before he could open his mouth, "my parents always wanted another one but wanted to wait until they thought the business was strong enough to support us. That happened about two and a half years ago and because of that Inari turns two this autumn".

"Ah, congratulations to your folks, I hadn't heard. Yamanaka Inari huh?" Visions of a blue-eyed blonde toddler wielding a crossbow and a kitchen knife made the jinchuuriki smile before he spoke again, "Just as long as you don't get your trotters on him and turn him into a living dress-up doll he should be fine".

"Less of the trotters thank you, and anyway I'd have to get in the queue behind mum. Believe it or not he doesn't look all that much like me..."

"Lucky guy"; _I'm warning you Uzumaki, one more crack like that..._; not wanting to know he was getting under her skin she gritted her teeth and carried on as though he hadn't interrupted,

"...he's got grey eyes and his hair's almost white; we're hoping it'll darken as he grows up though. You should back me up here; blonde's not the best hair colour for a ninja but platinum white's got to be even worse".

"I dunno, Jiraiya-sensei managed to make it work for him", Naruto's voice came back out of the darkness before she heard him shift and stand up, "anyway, get some sleep; we need to be away early; I want to wrap this mission up quickly".

"Why?" Ino propped herself up on one elbow, "What's got you in such a rush – can't wait to see your sensei again? I thought there might have been something deeper than just a teacher-student relationship there".

"There is – he's my godfather", he admitted, neatly trumping her ace and making her eyes bulge at the same time, "anyway, go to sleep, I'll keep first watch". Ino settled down and prepared to do just that before a sudden thought twigged in the back of her mind and she sat up again,

"Hang on, not before you answer my original question; you were here a week after all this training but you never spoke to anyone. Why was that – you said it was due to your training, what about it?" She heard his footsteps, which had been getting fainter as he moved away on patrol, come to a stop before he began to speak,

"Because by the end of it, unless Ero-sennin told me to my face where I could see him he wasn't going to attack me, I was so wired that I was treating virtually every move towards me as attempted murder and responding with near-lethal force. If Lee or Kiba, or anyone else for that matter, had tried to glomp me before I had a week to cool off and get used to being around people who were at least semi-friendly to me, well the rookie nine might well have been reduced to the rookie nine-less-one-and-the-one-in-prison".

"That bad huh?" _She doesn't believe me – fair point, I wouldn't either_; Naruto knew his partner was not aware of what he could now feasibly do to another human, or a large group of other humans, and decided it was in his best interest to keep it that way for a moment.

"I'll show you tomorrow Ino; until then get your head down, I'll sort out the watches".

"Right", Ino nodded before settling down in her bag, "wake me at my turn". With that declaration, the kunoichi rolled over, let her eyes close and drifted away in her mind.

Most shinobi are able to awaken themselves in a heartbeat and be ready to kill in the next one; unfortunately for Ino, who liked a lie-in when she could get one and felt the morning always came too soon to stop her falling around like a zombie until she could chug down some life-giving coffee, it seemed only minutes later that Naruto was shaking her shoulder and hopping back out the range of her slow, drunken flap of her arm,

"Whuzzat?"

"Rise and shine sleeping ugly; sort your hair out before you turn me to stone". Rubbing her eyes the Yamanaka yawned deeply and stretched as much as her sleeping bag would let her, blinking upwards at the gummy picture above her before her focus returned,

"Uh, Naruto? My watch already?" A cloud of smoke puffed into the air as the jinchuuriki laughed for a minute before stepping to the side and forcing Ino to shield her eyes,

"Not quite Ino-chan; get ready, we move in fifteen minutes".

"What – morning? You baka", wrestling her way out of her sleeping bag and throwing herself to her feet she took one look at the bags under her partner's drawn face and cursed, "you didn't have to be such a macho idiot, it'll make you less aware and a burden to me you prat. I can't fight on the front lines like you can, I need a meat-shield to use my jutsus and that can't happen if you're half asleep and yawning the whole time". Naruto said nothing but took another puff of his latest smoke before answering,

"Get your panties out of a bunch Ino; _I_ didn't sleep but _they_", he gestured with his cigarette and Ino felt her eyebrows raise as she saw the sight of a dozen of his shadow clones littering the small clearing they'd bunked in for the night, all slumbering fitfully before Naruto waved his arms and dispelled them, immediately getting an energy boost from somewhere as he did so, "did all the sleeping for me. Ah that's better; too used to Ero-sennin bursting them overnight to keep me sleep-deprived".

"Hang on, hang on, how does that work?" It was a mark of how well she'd adapted to ninja life that Ino could speak, fix her hair, roll up her sleeping bag and bite into a ration bar simultaneously, "They're sleeping but how does that help you?"

"I get their memories when they disperse", Naruto answered before stretching off, his own affairs already sorted and stored away, "usually this would be a problem if they were working or learning stuff but because they were just resting there's no mental stress so it relaxes my brains and mind as if I'd been asleep as long as they had".

"Does it work, as well as normally going to bed I mean?"

"Given that I haven't actually slept for about two and a bit years and I'm still sane, it seems to be working fairly well", Naruto admitted casually before chuckling again, "though of course that'd depend on your definition of sanity". _Fascinating_; the Yamanaka in Ino had digested the explanation and was currently ruminating with it, wondering if this was a potential new method to keep shinobi alive and active in the field; _the clone sleeps and the user feels refreshed – I'll have to speak to Daddy about this to see if it should be possible. It works for him but Naruto's always had crazy healing, that might extended to his mind as well_; since becoming a chunin Ino had learnt of the Shadow Clone jutsu but never even attempted to learn it, realising she had too little chakra for it to become truly effective for her. However having read the jutsu and recalled how many clones Naruto tended to sling around casually she had to wonder how he'd avoided having his mind disintegrate under the impact of so many multiple sources of information. It was a mystery she might start to address this mission but, as she casually used an E-rank doton jutsu to mask her temporary camp site and stood up ready for the off, she realised she'd have to deal with this puzzle at a later date.

Another day of hard running ensured, ending with Ino brought forcibly to the limits of her stamina and almost to the ground as the cramp had spiked up her leg and all but driven her to screaming in pain before Naruto, or one of his clones at least, had scooped her up and run with her in his arms before shifting her into piggy-back position. That had been four and a quarter hours ago and he was still going strong as dusk was setting in, each pace the shinobi took chipping away at her self-confidence as she realised how far she was behind the former dead-last. Eventually though he slid to a halt at a likely camping spot, a number of shadow clones popping into existence and spreading out as though this was a normal occurrence; _they're like a military machine – each one knows what to do and how to do it. Did this jutsu train his mind to this extent?_; the idea of this was frightening – if Naruto had managed to purposely fracture his own mind and individually train the fragments to a specific task he was a living, breathing Yamanaka nightmare as, to control him, she'd have to battle all of his mind fragments en masse to have a hope of succeeding. _And judging from the physical body_; she sneaked a glance as Naruto, having set her down, stalked away a few paces to sort out his own sleeping arrangements, his bag up in the bower of a convenient tree; _I wouldn't bet on taking on a half-dozen of them with any guarantee of success._

"You feeling okay?" The voice jarred her from her thoughts,

"What, oh, yeah", belatedly she drew her left leg into her, rubbing along her sore calf muscle, "damn you for being an endurance machine; hell even Lee would have collapsed after trying what you just did".

"Nah, ol' Fuzzy-Brows would have taken me at least into Stone country before pitching over", Naruto shook his head before lighting up again, "I take it you don't smoke?"

"No, Asuma-sensei put me off forever; anyway it's a bit late to offer isn't it?"

"Sorry, not used to working with other people remember", Naruto explained, pocketing the packet again, "probably why baa-chan wants to ease me back into working with a team again. Though she could have given me an easier partner".

"And you meant _what_ by that?" Jerking his head up at the sudden shout to see Ino glaring at him with a hand in her kunai pouch Naruto raised an eyebrow and released the chakra that had built up around his hand, dispersing the deadly blade that had come within a half-second of ending Ino's life,

"What do you mean what do I...oh, sorry", realising his unmeant error he raised a hand in apology, "I meant easier to work with, you were always sharp-tongued even when we were kids Ino. Believe it or not, not everything I say is a pick-up line or a double-entendre".

"Or an insult", the kunoichi glowered before relenting; after all the error had been genuine, that much she could tell from her training, "and you're not exactly a barrel of laughs for the record either".

"Rather me than Ero-sennin", he riposted smoothly, leading Ino to bite her lip as she realised he'd one-upped her again, "he'd have made at least a dozen attempts to get into your pants by now and if you'd swooned in his arms like you did earlier well", he shrugged, a half-evil, half-amused smirk on his lips, "about the only thing that would've saved your virtue from corruption would have been a damn good chastity belt. He might act like a goof most of the time but when he really wants someone there's not many who can resist that randy old bugger if he puts the moves on you". Ino felt her gorge rise and gagged,

"Eeeww, that's disgusting, he's got to be like sixty or something..."

"Fifty-one actually, it's just his hair that makes him look older. And anyway, age is only a number in matters of the heart, and the groin".

"You are sex-crazed Naruto, and so is he", Ino looked up from the bag with a look of repulsion before it softened and she shrugged, an almost coy smile on her lips, "in fact, I was actually a bit surprised you didn't try yourself – you _say_ you've had better than me but let's face it, if you're in Konoha you'll have to lower your standards because I'm pretty much top prize".

"And if I was still interested that'd be a problem; lucky for me though", Naruto smiled again and Ino had to fight back a blush – she'd seen him smirk, laugh and chuckle but his smile could have been the downfall of a saint; _damn, perhaps just as well he didn't try it_; "this player's already won the game, and he hit the jackpot doing it".

It took a minute, a full minute for that statement to grind its way through the gears in Ino's mind but when it finally managed to force its way through the mental press, leaving only mangled machinery behind in its wake, the Yamanaka almost collapsed onto the bag she'd just rolled out, pointing at Naruto with a trembling finger,

"You..." she stuttered, finger trembling as he raised an eyebrow, "...you're _married?_"

"Not yet but in the future, hopefully the near future", he explained with half his mouth, spitting a thin rivulet of fire from the other corner to light the collection of twigs one of his clones had bundled together in a makeshift fire-pit to get a small blaze going, "got a few things to deal with before I can tie the knot".

"A few..." Ino parroted in a daze, still not computing that the dobe of her class who had already shaken her foundations by turning out to be a complete lady-killer was also likely to be the first of the rookies to end up wedded, though Shikamaru might be able to give him a run for his money if he ever worked up the motivation to turn his on-off relationship with the Suna diplomat into something more meaningful, "...what, how – in fact no forget that _who_ is she?"

"Never you mind", he told her, the barest edge of a threat in his voice as he moved over to where his clone was returning with a couple of recently killed rabbits; Ino however had a nose for gossip and she was not going to let this juicy titbit slide,

"Hang on I'll do that", she offered, standing up and cutting him off from his clone as she beckoned to take the evening meal off him as Naruto, taken a little aback by this, merely nodded and jumped back onto his sleeping bag, looking down at her from his tree, "might sound girly but I'm not a bad chef in the field".

"Nothing girly about being a chef; apart from music there's no better aphrodisiac in the world than a well-cooked meal – not being perverted", Naruto held up a hand as his partner looked over with an expression that spoke of not exactly disgust but more long-suffering expectation of a comment to that end, "that's just a fact – women like men who can cook". Gutting and spitting the meal Ino was forced to nod,

"Yeah, mum always said daddy wowed her with his cuisine, just as well as she could get lumps in boiling water unless she had a recipe", Naruto chortled a little at the image before perking up at her next words, "anyway, enough trying to change the subject; who is she?"

"None of your damned business".

"She must have been something special to tie down a playboy like you";_ oh Ino_; a vision of his future wife flickering in front of his eyes Naruto paused a minute before speaking; _you have no idea_;

"She was and is, now drop it before I drop you". Ino scoffed as she sat cross-legged in front of the fire, relying on her nose to tell her when the rabbit was done,

"Huh, would you hit a lady you brute?"

"No but I'd kill a kunoichi", his matter-of-fact reply made her raise an eyebrow as he lit another smoke, "lucky for you I need you alive to complete this mission but I'd take you over my knee any day of the week. You never know", he leant forwards suddenly and Ino felt her heart skip a beat, forced herself to fight down a blush, "you might enjoy it".

_I know what you're doing_; luckily her father had trained her hard in recognising certain shinobi techniques and common ways of countering them but still as her partner leant forwards from the branch he was sitting on and transformed from a ninja to a sexual predator staring her down as though she was nothing more than his next conquest Ino found herself straining to remember exactly what Inochi had told her; _altering your body shape, expression and tone to send subconscious biological mating signals to a single nearby female. I know your game Naruto but damn_; she finally lost one part of a struggle and her cheeks went rosy as he slipped from his tree-top perch and landed on the floor in a single, graceful movement, sex on legs as he cocked his head towards her enticingly and paced to sit across the fire from her; _the girl who managed to nail your feet to the floor must have been absolute dynamite to manage it_.

"S, stop it", she managed to grind out with barely a quaver in her voice, "I know what you're up to baka and..."

"...It's working like a dream; I can see it and", Naruto stepped backwards and broke the spell, Ino letting out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding as a sensation similar to being dunked in freezing water washed over her body, "given a few more minutes, a little chat and some physical contact I'd have been able to smell it as well. I'm impressed though, a lot of kunoichi couldn't have seen what you did".

"A lot of kunoichis don't have a former interrogator with instinctive mastery of the human mind for a father", Ino informed him casually, calming her fluctuating heartbeat without rebuking him for what was a truly impressive display of control of his own body, mind and unless she was mistaken chakra as well, "I know all about the body signals and how they affect the subconscious, or in language you can understand I can tell when people are trying to chat me up and get me into bed". Naruto chuckled as he lit up another one of what Ino was beginning to suspect was a never-ending supply of cigarettes,

"No need to worry Ino-chan, you're safe; the missus _would_ kill me if I strayed assuming I hadn't committed seppuku first. I gave up that game after promising her we'd have a future together and you know", for the first time since their re-introduction Ino saw something like a dark expression slip over his face, marring what only seconds ago had been the features of an Adonis, "I never break a promise".

The words made Ino shiver; she like the rest of the rookies had heard of Sakura's last words for the Uzumaki prior to his departure for three years and they had all unanimously felt disgust and, in the case of some of the lads, rage at her casual slander for someone who had given his all to try and help her. The cherry blossom was now an outcast among her peers regardless of being the apprentice to the Hokage herself, a position that should have bestowed great prestige but instead only raised hackles against her further – surely if Tsunade knew the truth about what she'd done she'd never have taken Sakura on? Dismissing these concerns in an instant however, she sought to navigate the conversation back to safer territory,

"Yeah, everyone knows that Naruto; you're one of the good guys like that".

"Thanks, but believe me", he leant forwards once more, a playful smirk on his lips that almost made Ino lean in despite herself, "I ain't that good. First thing I'm going to do when I get back is ask baa-chan to run a sort of anti-seduction class for the kunoichi, that way they'll recognise when someone's after them – you did well Ino but I've got a bad feeling that the only thing keeping a lot of Konoha's secrets is the fact that most villages, even us, don't give the guys seduction missions".

"Tempted though I am to call you all names under the sun I have to admit that actually is a good idea; the thought there might be other shinobi out there like you is quite frankly terrifying".

"Good, glad I can count on you when I ask the Hokage; with any luck you'll catch me before she punches me out the nearest window", Naruto commented, making her hide a smile before his next comment brought her up short in a cold sweat, "just as well really; the other alternative was to run a seduction class for the guys and let you kunoichi figure out a way to block them after repeated exposure"; _must resist, must resist – nah, forget it_; as Ino gagged at his latest idea Naruto tried hard to block the mischievous voice from his mind before, recalling one of his oldest friends and the few times he'd caught him occasionally mooning after the Yamanaka, decided to lend a helping hand and play matchmaker just this once, "blonde Inuzukas anyone?"

Those three words, tiny little puffs of air that would have elicited at worse a giggle from most other people, almost broke Ino's mind; a vision so crystal clear she could almost touch it of a giggling baby with her eyes and Kiba's tattoos on his cheeks filled her vision and caught her somewhere between shivering and sighing. It was a scene that held her complete attention for a long moment before it eventually dissipated and drifted away like smoke on the wind, allowing her to blink back to the real world and see Naruto trying hard to conceal a snigger behind a cloud of smoke,

"You're blushing Ino – someone fanning a flame for a certain dogboy we know?"

"Uhh, no way"; _denial – a river we all swim down at some point_; Naruto thought absently as he listened to her rant with half an ear, "Kiba of all people; man that just would not work on so many levels. He's rude, arrogant, never thinks of anything past his next meal, he looks like he just woke up and dragged himself out a dumpster half the time and he stinks of wet dog". Before she could carry on however, Naruto had spoken up in his friends' defence,

"Well in that case you should get on perfectly; you're catty, way too full of yourself and your family skills, lose all higher mental functions when presented with a pretty boy or decent outfit, spend half your life in front of a mirror and to him, _you_ stink!" At the last accusation Ino went red again, this time from anger rather than embarrassment,

"How the hell can you say that – I work in a Kami-damned flower shop!"

"Exactly; that must be hell for a nose as sensitive as his", Naruto explained, taking the cutting edge off her ire before settling back down and speaking more clearly, a rational rapier of logic to beat the bludgeon of feminine outrage, "besides, deep down Kiba can be a real sweetheart, just doesn't show it often because his clan would rip the proverbial out of him for it. Remember Ami, when we were in the Academy?" Ino thought for a minute before the face came back to her, Sakura's old tormentor before she had dropped from the ninja programme,

"Yeah, what about her?"

"Just before she dropped out her elder brother was killed; he was the first shinobi from her family and she really looked up to him; it hit her hard when he died", Naruto explained, Ino listening on with interest written large over her face; _how did he know that?_; "an Inuzuka was on his squad when it happened, Kiba found out about it through the grapevine like that and even back then he was a bit smarter than he let on, enough to put two and two together and realise why no-one had seen Ami for a week. He cut class the next day; I was upset when he never invited me to the 'prank' he said he'd pulled but the thing was he'd never done anything like that. He went to see Ami at her house, took Akumaru with him; girls love puppies after all; and he sat with her, told her he knew what she was going through because, let's face it, if there's a more in-your-face clan than the Inuzuka I haven't found it yet and there's a high attrition rate from the clan ninja because of it. Kiba's lost people important in his life before so he went and tried to explain that to Ami as best he could; I think it worked because last time I looked she seemed to be enjoying life as a civilian, but he was the catalyst for that Ino, and it cost him hell with Iruka-sensei when he came back, not to mention his mother", a vision of a hell-raising Tsume brought even Naruto out in a shiver, "she was a hard bitch even back then and I can't see her mellowing out much with age".

"You got that right; I think dad says it's an unusual council meeting where they don't have to have the original Ino-Shika-Chou sat between her and Hyuuga Haishi – Kami those two must hate one-another. Still", remembering the rest of her story Ino found herself reassessing the Inuzuka heir, "Kiba did that – you're not joking are you?" Naruto dragged a finger over his chest, smirking as he reached over and helped himself to a smoking rabbit,

"Cross my heart, though don't tell anyone I told you – I promised Kibble, yes I did call him that when we were kids but he started it", the childish note in the Uzumaki's voice almost made Ino choke on her first mouthful, "call me Fishcake would he, well that's a can of worms at the best of times and he just kicked it over. Anyway, I promised I'd make sure no-one found out about his sensitive side as long as he treated me to a bowl or ten of Ickiraku; what?" He looked up affronted as Ino folded her arms and scowled disapprovingly, "It's a proven fact that a little extortion now and then helps cement a frie-oh crap!"

Ino jumped up at the same time Naruto did, his eyes fixed on his left hand as a ring shimmered into existence on his middle finger; _what, he was never wearing that before?_; and he looked up at her, all playfulness gone and replaced with steel-laden killing intent,

"Ino, I have to go".

"Go?" The idea alone confused her, "We're on a mission".

"And I'll be back to finish it off", Naruto told her, checking himself over as he seemingly made ready to depart, "someone needs me right now and the reverse-summoning seal won't last much longer".

"Reverse-what", he might as well have been speaking in tongues for all the sense he was making, "what's going on?"

"No time, I'll be back", his fingers formed a seal but before he could complete them Ino grabbed his arm; she withered slightly in the face of his angry scowl but clung on regardless and steeled herself,

"Naruto I'm in charge of the mission and this could be classed as desertion; you've got reasons I don't know about and I can see you're genuine about this, so go", she let his arm drop and he looked across as though weighing up if her offer was real or not, "go", she urged him, though couldn't resist getting the last word in, "but I want payment when you get back here". He opened his mouth to reply but before he could do so his fingers, operating on autopilot since his brain was engaged, activated the jutsu and he disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

XXX

"Bitch!"

"Huh, charming; I do the work to summon your ass here and this is the thanks I get", despite the battle raging outside Kankuro's naturally snide humour wasn't about to let this opportunity slide, "anyway, if you were hoping to address my sister she's in Konoha at the minute". Forcing down the nausea that came with a reverse summoning Naruto looked over at the puppeteer with something that might have been apology in his tone,

"Well all that make-up confuses a guy, especially after travelling across half the elemental countries in less than a second. Anyway", the seriousness in his tone mollified Kankuro's indignation as Naruto readied himself, "what's going on, is it...?"

"Yeah, they've come", the puppeteer cut him off as another explosion rocked the Sand village, "Gaara's out there dealing with one of them as we speak; he's some kind of mad bomber who can fly".

"Where's the other one? These bastards always work in pairs". The puppeteer's mouth was a grim line as he pulled up his hood,

"That's the bad news, we don't know".

"Gaara would find him though right? Nothing goes on the desert he doesn't know about".

"Right, he's the incarnation of sand but he's kind of got bigger problems on his mind right now". Another explosion, louder than the other that sent trickles of sand filtering down from the roof of the Kazekages' office where Naruto had been summoned seemed to underline the middle siblings' point but, as Kankuro saw the smile on the face of the Leaf jinchuuriki, he swallowed softly as he realised Naruto was already several steps ahead of him,

"Oh believe me", the Konoha nin palmed a kunai, expression promising pain and death to anyone who stood in the way or tried to hurt his precious people, "if there's one thing I'm good at its solving problems..."

_We appear to be at a stand-off_; though his face was characteristically blank Gaara considered his options and found them a little lacking; _he cannot penetrate my defences but at the same time I can't catch him with my sand, and I have the village to consider as well_. The Shukaku jinchuuriki knew that the Akatsuki member knew this and must have already been planning his next move based around this fact but before he could act on the figure riding atop the flying clay dragon, a familiar presence announced itself,

"Gaara"; _good work Kankuro_; knowing Uzumaki Naruto was around and ready for this fight was a comfort to the Kazekage, even if this was the man he'd had to threaten with being buried head-first in his sand until his feet stopped kicking to keep Temari's chastity safe, "I'll handle this, go find the other one and put him on ice for me".

"My pleasure, and Naruto", he looked over his shoulder as his sand snatched another explosive dragonfly from the air and smothered the bang, "thank you, but my position still stands regards my sister". Naruto chuckled as he locked eyes on his opponent,

"Kazekage-sama I'm shocked and appalled; I'm going to be a married man once I've cleared away these morons and a few other things. Now", he turned to his old friend, Gaara nodding and preparing to move away, "leave this prick to me and go get his partner". With a final nod, Gaara shunshined away.

Deidara couldn't believe it, in fact he was so outraged he dropped the clay in his hand; the Kazekage, his target, had just left this child to deal with him as though his art was not worthy of his notice. _That, that philistine_; despite his reputation as someone who would blow up first and ask questions later Deidara didn't get angry all that often; a temper was not something someone who had to deal with Tobi as a habit could afford after all; but right now he was steaming and there was only one valid target for his temper,

"Oi, trannie-chan", the red mist got deeper as the clay expert glared at his opponent, "you're not a Yamanaka are you?"

"No you cretin", the Akatsuki member screamed back, moulding a blast large enough to deal with this pest and large chunk of the village wall behind him, "I'm Deidara of Iwa and my art is going to be a bang to send you into the afterlife, un".

"Ah, you're not a girl then; shame, if you'd had a pair up top rather than down below I'd have banged you into the afterlife given a chance, you're certainly pretty enough", Deidara went scarlet and threw down his latest masterpiece, readying his hands to let loose the fleeting glory of his explosions before, to his horror, something sliced straight through the clay bird right before it reached the optimum range for its explosive capacity. Soaring upwards for more height the artist snarled and readied more clay,

"That's it, I've had it with this backwards hovel and its lack of art appreciation", he declared out loud to his opponent, hoping to goad Gaara back into the open with his final attack, "I'm wiping Suna off the map!" The tiny figure on the ground was suddenly surrounded by smoke and a second stick-man appeared; for some reason this twigged in the back of Deidara's mind but he couldn't quite place why as the first one cupped his hands to his mouth and shouted upwards,

"I wouldn't try it; I'd have to stop you". The Akatsuki member leant forwards on his steed, face a cruel smirk as he called back tauntingly, hands not ceasing in their work,

"And how would you do that you troglodyte? I'm up here, you're down there and my art excels at long range".

"True, range would be a problem, I'm a more fist-in-face kind of guy, though fist-in-ass is probably your kind of thing but I don't swing that way. Still, no matter though...", Deidara would have bellowed something back at that insult but before he could form the words the second insect shrouded itself in smoke, he experienced a brief second of extreme disorientation before his feet hit something solid and, as he tried to figure out what had happened and throw off the genjutsu his opponent had used he froze in a cold sweat as a voice over his shoulder purred chillingly,

"...problem solved".

As the artist turned around Deidara suddenly took in the blonde hair and blue eyes, felt the inhuman chakra capacity and realised he was without doubt screwed as he recognised what he was up against. Uzumaki Naruto, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, was an arms-length from him and smirking widely, his opponent right where he wanted him as his clone, having finished the body-switch, casually rammed a Rasengan through the head of the clay steed, lighting up the sky with a firework explosion. The flames in the air silhouetted the fight on the ground as Deidara desperately backpedalled, seeking room to craft his art but not being given an inch by his tireless adversary. Sweat gathered under his robes and it felt like his arms had been nicked as Naruto drew back a hand and threw a fist forwards aimed squarely at his neck, a killing strike that he was forced to throw both his arms up to block.

It was only then, as the resounding crack of his own Adam's apple splintering into his windpipe filled his ears and his eyes started to go dark from the shock and sudden burst of agony, that the last thought running through his dying mind told him that Naruto had robbed him of his ability to craft art.

Perhaps compared to that, death was a mercy.

XXX

_Why am I not surprised at this scene?_; as he entered his office once again with Kankuro by his side Gaara was greeted by the sight of his Konoha counterpart sprawled on his chair with his feet on the desk, scrutinising something that looked like a newspaper and sucking on the end of a pencil. Fighting to keep his expression neutral rather than plain murderous and making a mental note that for his sniggering Kankuro would have to know the wrath of Temari when someone tipped her off as to exactly who had been 'borrowing' her moisturiser while she was doing diplomatic duties in Konoha, the Kazekage stalked forwards,

"Naruto?" The named nin looked upwards,

"What's another word for depression; starts with A, five letters".

"Angst", Gaara answered without thinking, his friends' face immediately brightening as he scribbled something down in the newspaper,

"Bingo, that's the baby – you know I should have known that after being teamed with Sasuke for so long but, hey, time blinds all memories I guess". Counting backwards from a million in threes in a futile attempt to keep his temper at being pranked in check as Kankuro slumped against the wall behind him and bit his hood to stop the laughter escaping Gaara started to leak killing intent as he slammed his hands on the desk, glaring at his fellow jinchuuriki,

"Uzumaki, if your ass isn't out of my chair in the next three seconds you won't have enough time to _blink_ before you find out what a sand enema feels like".

Precious few things could make Naruto shudder but that appeared to be one of them if the way he bounded over the desk without hitting the carpet was anything to go by. Not able to hide his victorious smirk Gaara retook his seat as he Naruto started complaining,

"Dude that was low; that's the one type of virginity I'm hoping to preserve. Apart from that though, you nail him?"

"Yes, Sasori of the Red Sands, missing-nin of Suna. Master of puppets and poisons, just a shame all his poisons were injection-based; he never got close enough to use them – sand gets everywhere in puppet joints after all. Yourself?"

"What is the sound of one hand clapping?" At the raised eyebrow Naruto reached behind his back and brought out the severed arms of his opponent from the scroll he'd sealed them in, flapping them up and down to make the limp hands and fingers hit each other, the mouths in the palms flopping open and closed at the action, "Thank you, thank you – philosophical question thousands of years old and Uzumaki Naruto comes up with the answer. Head's in here too – Deidara of Iwa".

"Somehow I find that both amusing and disturbing at the same time", Gaara commented as his friend stopped and resealed the severed body parts, "I'll have the kill credited to your account, and this", he reached into his pocket and sent forwards his prize on a platform of sand, "is yours". Swiping the ring Uzumaki held it up to the light and smiled grimly,

"Good, two down eight to go", he muttered as he slid the two Akatsuki rings around a thong on his neck, "if they want these back they'll have to get them the hard way – maybe next time they'll send out the chief rather than the plebs and we can get this over with quicker".

"I appreciate the risk you're taking, but if you..."

"No Gaara, thanks for asking but no", Naruto shook his head as he replaced the new necklace, "this is what I've trained for now for longer than even I can remember; I will not turn away from it. Besides you're got Suna to look after and I'm not bringing more misery down on their heads because their Kage happens to be a noble git". Kankuro dissolved into giggles again, the barest ghost of a smile quirking even Gaara's lips as he nodded at the decision,

"The sentiment is appreciated", the Ichibi jinchuuriki said solemnly, rising to his feet and clasping Naruto's hand, "good luck Naruto; Kankuro will see to the summoning to send you back".

"Yeah mate, this way", the puppeteer beckoned, humour gone as he realised it was time to say goodbye for now, "we'll get you home safe; hope you weren't doing anything important..."

XXX

Despite her outwards composure Ino had been a bundle of nerves since her partner had vanished to Kami-knew-where; despite the fact his shadow clones were still present and trying to cheer her up by pointing out if the boss was in trouble they'd have dispelled, it wasn't much of a substitute for the real thing. The situation was so bad that when a second cloud of smoke appeared by the side of the now-dead fire and Naruto stepped out of it the Yamanaka almost leapt at him just to make sure he was real. Luckily she composed herself in time and settled for a disgruntled look,

"Where the hell have you been?" He looked over, already rifling his pockets for a smoke,

"Ino, you're a lot of things to me but you're not my future wife so don't take that tone with me", lighting the small white stick he'd withdrawn from his pocket and inhaled before finishing, "apart from that I can't tell you what just happened; it's an S-ranked secret and not just of Konoha either, more than one country is involved".

"That serious?" Naruto gave no indication of lying so she reluctantly let the matter drop before pouncing on other, juicier meat, "Okay, not prying, but you still owe me unless you want a big black blot next to your name in the record books. Three questions and you have to answer them truthfully, okay?"

"Fair enough, go ahead".

"Question one – what was the deal with that ring?" Naruto held up his hand,

"This contains a seal matrix that is linked to a second matrix held by another ring; if the ring-bearer needs me all they need to do is channel chakra into the ring, a part of the matrix will feel that chakra and break the genjutsu hiding the ring, which reminds me I'd better reapply the damned thing", he gestured and the ring faded from view, though now she was aware of the genjutsu present Ino knew if she had to she could dispel it, "still, after I see the signal I channel my chakra back to them, basically saying 'I'm ready' and they activate the matrix to summon me to their side. Instant Uzumaki back-up if it's going pear-shaped". Digesting the explanation Ino's mind was already ablaze with what this could mean,

"That...that's amazing – nin would no longer have to foot-slog it anywhere, just tap the ring and bang, you're right there in the thick of it".

"True but these are damned hard to make – me and Ero-sennin spent months on working the matrix out and longer trying to craft the thing on something this small. It is a weapon and a potent one but at the minute it's not practical".

"Shame, but how many have you got at the minute?" Naruto's eyes gleamed,

"Question two I take it?" Seeing the Yamanaka's face fall as he tricked her into asking Naruto forced himself to keep a blank face as he answered, "Well it's a good one; so far there are three", he held up his other hand, his left one this time and two more rings shimmered into existence. One of them, Ino noticed, was on the ring finger; _a promise-ring!_;

"Three rings and I know who's got one of them", she crowed triumphantly, pointing him out as she framed the next question, "no way out of this one Uzumaki, tell me now – who is she?"

_Damn_; though he'd been expecting it he'd hoped she wouldn't ask this – still she was right, he did owe her something and, because of that and his hard-headed tendency to never break a promise, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out Gama-chan as he spoke,

"You'll probably never have heard of her; Yugito Nii, jounin of Kumo", plucking his treasured picture out of his wallet he offered it forwards while Ino gawped in shock, "here's the picture". Taking the small slip of photo Ino looked up, squinting by the dying light of the sun as she saw the girl Naruto wanted to make the next Uzumaki bride; _hang on, she looks like me!_

She didn't of course but the knee-jerk reaction was hard to ignore – the picture showed Naruto sitting in what looked like a photo booth with a girl, each had an arm over the other's shoulder and Yugito had the side of her face pressed up against Naruto's cheek, her free hand giving the peace sign over his head. From what she could see the other kunoichi had ash-blonde hair and a normal, perhaps bordering slim body type, though as her eyes were half-closed as she squinted at the camera she couldn't tell what colour they were. Handing it back, Ino nodded appreciatively,

"Heck of a catch you got there Naruto; how'd you two meet up? I didn't think things were cool between Leaf and Cloud". The jinchuuriki shrugged, checking the time as he did so and realising he had some time before he wanted to get his head down for the night,

"It wasn't but on behest of baa-chan we, Ero-sennin and me that is, stopped by a few times to improve relationships and I met her there. Me being me back then I saw she was strong and, thinking I'd done some of Jiraiya's training and feeling pumped because of it, challenged her to a scrap; worst mistake of my life that turned out to be. It lasted about seven minutes, six and a half of which I spent running for my life and screaming for mercy – long story short I got my ass handed to me six ways to Saturday and it hurt, oh Kami it hurt", Ino had a hand over her mouth to stop herself laughing out loud by this point, her resolve strained even further as Naruto recounted the rest of the battle, "so yeah, I'm there lying in the middle of the battlefield smoking and looking crispy-fried when the black-eyed hellion starts laughing. Said I shouldn't be a ninja and the day I beat her would be the day she married herself off to the Leaf in the name of peace – of course I couldn't do anything then but what she said stung, so I used it for fuel for my training. We went back about four months later, the two of us fought again; took her fifteen minutes this time and I got some good licks in..."

"During the fight or after it?"

"...Now who's the pervert? And just for the tally books I never seduced Yugito, I didn't want to – I wanted to beat her in a non-sexual way, she was an enemy not a conquest. But that was how it started really; she seemed to be there every time we showed up, we scrapped it out until we eventually decided to call it a draw after two years and some. After that we didn't fight and somehow got closer, damned if I know how; just before I came back here we made a promise to marry one day".

"No kidding", Ino smiled as her inner fangirl squealed at the story's romantic side, "well if it works all well and good, we could use all the allies we can get apart from Sand and Waterfall. So, Yugito Uzumaki in a few years then – I could get used to that. What's she like personally?" Naruto paused, thinking hard, for a moment before answering,

"Uhh, not really got a lot to compare her to but I guess the closest I could get would be, and don't laugh, Kiba; let me explain", he held up a hand as Ino goggled, "she's hard as nails and tough as leather most of the time but underneath it all she's a real sweetheart when she wants to be". Just as Ino clasped her hands and cooed Naruto decided that was enough of the mushy stuff and recalled his favourite memory from the night the two jinchuuriki had made their promise,

"Real screamer too".

"Too much information!"

XXX

As she felt her consciousness filter back into her body and sat up Ino shook her head to clear away the memories like cobwebs; she didn't much like taking animals over, the anatomical differences were just too weird. Her partner, of course, was less than sympathetic as he lent a hand to heft her to her feet,

"Now you ought to be really grateful it's me not Ero-sennin", he smirked as he pulled her upright, "comatose in that position; you'd have been in his notepad quicker than you can say Icha Icha".

"Well that's his bad luck, he's not here", the Yamanaka told him as she dusted herself down before looking him full in the face, "found them, about three miles that way; say about hundred people all told, at least seventy combatants and three ninja confirmed".

"Right, in that case I need a favour Ino; you need to authorise lethal force"; _what?_; she looked up stunned as Naruto went on, "you want to see what I can do, let me show you. I can take them down, all of them, and they'll never see it coming. Authorise it and I'll leave one alive for interrogation; the rest are history and hey, problem solved completely".

"No, no I am not doing this Naruto; we are here to scout and find out information not go in there like the Kyuubi in a china shop", luckily she didn't see the ripple that ran over her partner's face as she mentioned the mythic demon as she carried on regardless, "we can't risk pissing off Stone; if this goes wrong were out here on a limb with no back-up and you...looking like you".

"If you mean like the Yondaime I'm flattered but I can do this Ino; this is not just macho posturing, I can wipe this group off the map before they cross over into Stone and out of range. I know what I'm capable of and I've done things like this before".

His quiet sincerity said more than a hundred boasts could ever have done; Ino studied his face like a painter their latest artwork but she saw nothing that gave away the barest hint of a lie. Dread was rising up in her gullet but she knew that she had two options; she could say yes and Naruto would do whatever it was that he did or she could say no and Naruto, this new Naruto, would comply but not be the same on the journey back and, despite herself, she didn't want to lose this new, entertaining partner, even if some of his jokes did come at her expense.

"Right, I'm taking a big risk for you Uzumaki – mess this up and I'll mess _you_ up, got it?"

"Yes ma'am".

"Okay, fine; as senior ninja of this mission I, Yamanaka Ino, chunin of the Village hidden in the Leaves, am giving permission for Uzumaki Naruto, genin of the Village hidden in the Leaves, to use lethal force to achieve results above and beyond the mission parameters", she intoned, slipping the shackles from Naruto's inhibitions as her partner smile, realising she was now relying on him to not screw this up and put her, as senior ninja, on the spot for any foul-ups on his part,

"Right Ino, I won't let you down", without warning or smoke a small phalanx of clones appeared around her, "I know you don't need a hand staying safe against this scum but these'll be here just in case. Once they pop come and find me; just head to the bandit camp and I'll be there". Ino nodded,

"Okay, now get out of here before I change my mind". Naruto nodded and then was gone, scampering towards the bandit camp and leaving behind nothing but a faint whiff of tobacco smoke in his wake.

About fifteen minutes later Ino started as she suddenly found herself alone; all the clones had dispersed at once, the signal for her to move out. Nervousness prickling the back of her neck she tree-hopped towards the location where she'd pin-pointed their adversaries lay, anxious for any sign of battle that might have come to her fellow blonde as she approached, but there was nothing. It was only when she saw the slumped forms of recently-deceased sentries that she steeled herself and made the last leap, only to nearly slip and stumble at the sight she saw before her.

It was a carpet of the dead, bodies everywhere all over the campsite but, as she looked around after fighting down her rising gorge, she realised that there was no blood, or in fact any kind of struggle that she could see – it was as though they'd all just fallen asleep where they stood. Only the paleness of their faces and the frozen looks of horror etched in their expressions told her their deaths had been unpleasant but mercifully brief. Slowly walking down the tree and walking into the new necropolis Ino focussed her eyes on the one standing figure she could see, the characteristic cloud of smoke giving him away as the figure at his feet continued his slow, sedate breathing, signalling that Naruto had kept his promise that she would have someone to interrogate. As she came closer to him he raised a hand in greeting,

"This one's yours Ino-chan; sorry about the mess".

"You call this a mess?" She exclaimed, pointing around at the corpses that flanked her on all sides, "What the hell did you do Naruto?"

"I stopped them breathing".

"I can see that but how did you...?"

"No, I literally stopped them breathing", he explained, smoking again, "I got in the way of the wind, suffused my chakra into it and waiting until they all breathed it in; when they had I contracted the air in their windpipes, collapsing them and rendering them unable to breath. All except this guy", he kicked the body at her feet, eliciting a low groan, "I just choked him out". His clear, concise description of the casual murder of that many people made her voice drop to a whisper as she realised, or at least began to realise, just how deadly the new Uzumaki Naruto really was,

"What the hell kind of technique is that? How did you learn it, and why?"

"There is a page, in the Bingo book that is", his voice brought her back to reality with its cool explanation, "that is blank; the shinobi on it has never been seen and never done an official job. He has no name, no village and no modus operandi, and all that is left to identify him is the last words of his victims, every one of them deceased".

With that Ino saw his hand twitch, dismissing the jutsu; immediately a low, wheezing groan suffused the air as the wind trapped by Naruto's internal strangulation drained from every corpse in the clearing and Ino felt her blood run colder than ice. Face as white as the dead men around her the Yamanaka realised exactly who she was looking at and remembered that she'd actually written the page for Konoha's copy of the Bingo book, she had actually named him as the apparition of legend who heralded the Shinigami with his howling,

"Horobi", she breathed, dread washing out of every pore as Naruto tipped his head towards her, "I...I wrote that page..."

"Must have been the easiest job you've ever had to do", he joked before turning slightly more serious, "but yeah Horobi, the Death Wail, or Death Rattle depending on which Bingo book you read; I like the name, makes a lot of sense; keep it on the quiet though", his expression told her in no uncertain terms that shooting her mouth off on this one it would be a very painful, perhaps even terminal, mistake, "I'm going to need shock factor in a while and anyway, a ninja's greatest attribute is surprise. Apart from that though, the meat of the issue; put simply due to my training I have a mastery of my chakra that will likely never be surpassed; even this", he pointed to his cigarette as he inhaled again, making the tip glow, "is training".

"How?" _Naruto, this is Naruto – Horobi is a man, not a monster and he is my friend – he would not hurt me_; some of the fear washing away from her Ino was able to draw in a deep breath as she ask again in a stronger voice, "How is smoking chakra training?"

"In my lungs, every time I breathe in I make sure that only the nicotine touches my lungs; everything else is screened out by a thin sheen of chakra spread through my entire air supply system – gives me the kick but no risk of getting sick from it". _Chakra, for smoking_; the Yamanaka barely comprehended it before suddenly burning desire was lit in her mind and she was forced to ask almost against her will,

"That, Naruto what you're saying is impossible; I've tried to use chakra to block gases and you'd have to make a screen that would only admit oxygen, because otherwise you'd go purple and die, and the nicotine while keeping everything else out. That would be a screen filtering things out according to _molecular_ density, not even Tsunade-samas' chakra control is that good!"

"True but she hasn't trained as long as I have", Naruto commented before forestalling her immediate question with a raised hand, "when a shadow clone disperses I get all its memories Ino; there wasn't a day in those three years where I wasn't using less than three hundred clones to train with, by the end it was more than ten times that", even trying to work out the actual numbers involved made Ino's head ache as she looked at the genin with a dropped jaw, "I've had lifetimes to train Ino and I've used every one of them at least in part to hone my control. It is, as far as I can tell, perfect; compared to smoking without a risk choking these idiots to death was child's play".

There was silence for a minute as Ino tried to digest this, Naruto giving her the time she needed to come back to her senses after realising just how long he'd been at the grindstone and how it wasn't that unreasonable that he'd need a week to readjust to what might be considered a normal ninja life prior to returning to Konoha proper. He stayed where he was, merely smoking comfortably until her next words almost made him swallow his cigarette,

"Y, you're not human Naruto", he looked over at her gobsmacked at the same time as try to frantically work out how she'd worked it out before her next words brought that search to a crashing halt, "Shadow Clones split your conscious mind; trying to meld that many fragments back together should have killed you or driven you mad, there's no way you should have been able to train like you did, especially not for Kami-damned _years_ at a time!" Naruto simply chuckled, deciding on a whim that this was the time to bury one of his sources of bad news as Ino had been receptive to most of it so far,

"Ero-sennin always said female intuition had answered more questions than male logic ever had; you've just put your finger on one of Konoha's dirtiest secrets Ino, you didn't mean to but you have. It's S-ranked and deals with me so I'm going to offer you an option here", despite herself she leant in, too numb to shocks from Naruto to actively perceive this next one,

"I'm listening, and how does an S-ranked secret deal with just you?"

"That's the question you can answer; if you want and only if you want I'll let you use your mind jutsu on me, from there you can see the truth. I'll warn you now it's a scary thing to see but", he shrugged, a smile on his face as he looked her up and down with warm eyes that did not belong on the man feared throughout the Elemental nations as the nin who could kill you without being seen or sensed by anyone, "you've got braver than when we were both brats, I'm leaving the choice in your hands, just deal with this idiot first while I get rid of the dead meat". With that he turned, put his hands on the nearest body and, in an eye blink, both disappeared underground.

Realising she was too emotional and confused to answer at the minute Ino took the opportunity for breathing space and took the captive from her partner, trying to calm her mind even as she prepared to dive into the mind of a bandit; _what the hell has happened – four days ago I was getting a mission with a dobe and dead-last, now I'm in the presence of a nin so damned elusive and dangerous he doesn't have a classification because not everyone's convinced he exists_._ What the hell turned you into this Naruto – did Sakura's words really push you this far?_

Several minutes later having gleaned what she needed to know, Ino looked to her partner and nodded, just once; recognising the significance within that gesture Naruto flicked his cigarette away and summoned his usual guardians before sitting cross-legged on the floor of the now bare clearing and looking up at her,

"Give me a minute, then dive right in". Sitting opposite him Ino slowly counted down the seconds and then counted up again, giving him double the time to make sure he was completely ready, before making the appropriate seals and casting her mind forwards,

"Shintenshin no jutsu!"

XXX

"Careful", as she landed in splashing water a grip on her arm steadied her before she went in face-first; looking over and nodding her thanks Naruto let her arm go and started walking forwards speaking as he did so, "welcome to my mind Ino; not much to look at but", the figment she was speaking to shrugged, "it's home". Looking around at the great stone walls surrounding her, the Yamanaka found herself slightly surprised,

"Are you the only one?" To her surprise the mind-Naruto suddenly laughed, not stopping until she punched his shoulder to calm him down, "I mean I thought using your jutsu like you did fractured your mind so there'd be more than one of you in here". He shook his head, still walking at a constant pace towards something in the distance, a faint red glow in the darkness,

"Nah, every time one dispels the fragment of my mind in the clone re-merges with the real me almost immediately. Not sure what would happen to anyone else but I'm...unusual like that".

"Unusual", the strange choice of word made Ino pause, "what makes you say that?"

"When's my birthday Ino?"

That brought her up short; _why ask such a random question now? And, uh, oh this is slightly embarrassing..._;

"Ummm", taking a page out of his book Ino found herself scratching her cheek in embarrassment, "I'm not sure exactly".

"October tenth", he answered his own question, no grievance in his tone as he led her into what looked like an amphitheatre, a massive stone bowl turned upside down in his mind with something that looked like a massive gate across one side of it. Even as Ino tried to look at it however Naruto darted ahead, standing in front of her with his arms spread wide as he spoke again,

"October tenth", he repeated, a sad smile on his face as he did so, "the day a monster came to Konoha, the strongest of them all attacked us and only the Yondaime's sacrifice could contain it", unease was rippling right through Ino's mind despite knowing that she could escape at any time, though as she sensed something else there, another presence as yet unknown in the boy's mind that unease deepened to terror as she listened to Naruto speak on, "this is the secret Ino, the one truth of Konoha that none of the rookies know apart from me, who was told because of a traitor's plan that almost killed both me and Iruka-sensei. It all comes down to this", as a ball of fire burst into being behind and above Naruto's head Ino jumped backwards, safe but still petrified as she beheld the mighty crimson drop held suspended in the air as Naruto finished his speech, "the reason of my strength is the reason I was hated, shunned and cursed all throughout the Leaf, just because of the answer to a single, simple question..."

It was then, having tried to puzzle out why there was a small black hole in the centre of the fireball and suddenly seen the whole thing move, the centre hole swivel towards her and suddenly tighten that Ino finally realised what she was looking at and virtually fainted as it dawned on her what she was seeing, and what was seeing her.

A _pupil_, a pupil sat in a giant, flaming eye.

"When's my birthday Ino?"

The shroud was lifted, the curtain parted and she glimpsed the unthinkable beyond; in all its nightmarish majesty the lord of the bijuu was revealed in his cage, glaring at the interloper with eyes that promised only blood and death as she fought to stop herself, her own mind, shattering under the magnitude of what she'd just learnt. The Kyuubi was not dead, it lived on in Naruto, a new shell that had defied the Shinigami's grasp and now plotted a new rise to power; Naruto was already lethal and his strength was only growing – it would be only a matter of time before the new Nine-tails rose and...

"**Foolish mortal**", the voice was so deep it made her non-existent bones shake, though the fox's mouth didn't move as the verbal earthquake rumbled again, "**I read your thoughts as you have them; Naruto is no more me than I am a hairless ape-child crawled too far from the crib**".

"Okay Fluffles, stop scaring the poor girl unless you want another thousand-hour rendition", the Kyuubi jumped back from the bars as though lightning had run through them, his focus returning to Naruto as he walked back towards Ino, the girl shrinking away and giving him pause, "oh come on, if I was the Kyuubi would you be talking to me or him out here?"

"H,him?" She managed to squeak, though the basic truth he spoke managed to give her confidence to totter forwards a few more steps towards the vile beast, "But, why is he here?"

"Because you can't kill a bijuu", Naruto began to explain, turning back towards his now quiescent prisoner, "the Fourth couldn't kill Kyuubi so there was only one option he had left – seal it into the only thing able to take a chakra presence that massive. A human child", Ino looked up, suddenly sick to her stomach as her paler eyes met and were almost lost in Naruto's gaze, "a baby without developed chakra coils could adapt to the yokai without dying; I was the only choice". Tearing her eyes away from his own Ino fought down a shuddering breath before looking forwards again, trying to look at the bars before her without seeing the dreadful prisoner they held back,

"So, he's sealed in there. He can't get out". The Kyuubi bared a set of fangs taller than she was and growling saturated the air,

"**No save if my jailor lets me; your will is strong Naruto but I will not be denied forever**".

"Oh will you can it with the 'I'm going to eat you immortal soul' crap Kyuubi; it doesn't impress me and you're just showing off for Ino. Ignore him", Naruto advised his guest, "he can grumble and groan all he likes but in the end he can't help but admit he's got a soft spot for me under all the bluster". The growling intensified, the bijuu on its feet with its nose against the bars as it fixed its container with eyes that made Ino squeak and bury her face in Naruto's back to block their gaze out,

"**You will scream for the Shinigami before I let him come for you!"**

"Right, that's it; penalty game", Naruto shouted right back, face going red as he stared the massive fox down, "ten-thousand hours unless you drop this right now and act civilised for the rest of the time we're here". Kyuubi glared a second longer before, with a thump that made the entire cavern shake, he flopped back down to the ground,

"**Very well brat**", he sighed, resting his chin on his front paws as the fire behind his burning eyes dimmed, "**who is the vixen; she is not your mate, she does not bear one of us?**"

"Nah, she's one of my friends from Konoha, Yamanaka Ino. Her clan specialise in mind jutsus, that's how she was able to get in here".

"**I see**", a wicked grin split the bijuu's lips as he noticed the vixen was still embracing his jailor from behind, "**she seems quite taken with you; maybe Yugito won't mind sharing?**"

"Ero-fox, you're getting as bad as Ero-sensei", Naruto groused before looking down and trying to pry Ino's hands from his waist, "uh, Ino, you can let go now – he's really not going to eat you".

"**Pity, not a lot of meat there but beggars can't be choosers**".

"No-one asked you", he rebuked the bijuu before taking Ino's arm as she stepped shaking out from behind him, looking at the mythical beast once more, "ignore him for the most part; once he gets to know you he's actually not that bad. And before you say he levelled Konoha", he shot down the most common argument he had heard to decry the Kyuubi's sins, "he has no memory of doing so, in fact the last thing he remembers is the face of the Fourth just before he was sealed, beyond that nothing for at least a hundred years".

_A bijuu with amnesia_; the sudden image of the nine-tailed fox wandering around with a daze with a bandage on his head popped up in her mind and without being able to stop herself Ino suddenly burst out laughing, driven to her knees with the force of her hysteria that seemed to infect Naruto and, to a lesser degree, Kyuubi himself. The cavern rang with mirth for a few moments before she managed to recollect herself, looking over at the great demon again and plucking up her courage enough to take a few steps forwards,

"So, okay I can accept that", she said to both listeners, though her gaze was fixed firmly forwards and she put one foot in front of the other, Kyuubi watching with interest as she did so, "you were sealed into Naruto, why weren't we told?" The boy's voice from over her shoulder answered her,

"That was jiji's idea, the Sandaime", he corrected himself as Ino looked over her shoulder and quirked an eyebrow, "he passed a decree that made it high treason to mention the sealing to anyone who didn't know, tried to give me an easier life by making sure no-one my age knew about it. It didn't quite work though".

"You were always...different", Ino mused as her own memories reminded her of the small blonde kid who had never had anyone pick him up from the Academy, sitting on his swing until everyone had gone, "everyone older knew but why did they hate you?"

"**The stupidity of humans**", Ino looked forwards again as the third member of their group spoke up to answer her, "**your kind have always feared what they couldn't understand. One of the paradoxes of man I could never fathom – they hunted the bijuu and sealed them into their own to create weapons then treated the children they called jinchuuriki, the power of human sacrifice, as lower than worms, driving them mad and creating monsters worse than we could ever be. What Naruto experienced was not unusual for his kind but he is unusual in that he did not go insane and turn on his creators – because of the actions of a kind few he retained his sanity unlike, for example, the jinchuuriki of the Ichibi**".

"Who?" Ino was not familiar with the name and turned back to Naruto before staring at the name he said,

"Sabaku no Gaara, the Kazekage – he holds the One-tailed tanuki Shukaku".

"Gaara's a jinchureek – uh, whatever that word was? I thought he was a bit of a psycho when he was younger, but, but you were nothing like him. And for that I'm grateful", she had an image of Naruto, darker and driven to madness by the taunts and cruel stares of the villagers lashing out with the power of the demon he contained and really making Konoha's nightmares a reality and she shivered, "those stupid morons, treating you like that. What they hell were they thinking?"

"I like to think they weren't", Naruto told her before nodding forwards a smirk on his lips, "though having come here, I think it's time to pay your toll".

Looking around Ino was amazed to see Kyuubi had moved without her noticing; rather than looking her in the face the bijuu was now laid against the bars, the back of his head towards her and part of his anatomy poked out of the bars. Curiosity piqued, Ino scratched her head before the voice of her current host, tone suggesting he was trying very hard to suppress a snigger, explained the situation,

"He, uh, he likes having his ears rubbed".

That did make her look back to see if the Uzumaki was taking the mick but despite the shudder in his shoulder he looked sincere; dazedly tottering forwards she slowly reached out towards the pro-offered organ before, tremulously, placing her hand on the ear. To her surprise it was warmer than she'd expected though she wasn't sure if she was actually feeling fur under her palm, but as she slowly dragged her hand up and down the mighty thing, itself wider than she was tall and as long as her entire clan-house, the trepidation slowly eased itself away and was replaced by almost giddy excitement. _I am_; she realised after scrubbing upwards determinedly with both sets of nails, the thought giving her pause; _scratching the ear of the Kyuubi, the bijuu that attacked my village and has absolutely no memory of doing so..._;

"**And you're doing a good job of it**", the voice of the bijuu interrupted her thought, Kyuubi shifting on its back as she hopped backwards to avoid being bowled over by the ear shifting position, "**so don't stop now –ooohh, just a bit lower...**"

As she came back to herself Ino blinked and stood up, watching as Naruto mirrored the action and stretched upwards,

"That was", he looked over as she shook her head, still not completely convinced that what she'd just seen wasn't a very complex and convincing illusion, "that was without doubt the most surreal experience of my life, and that includes when Chouji said he wasn't hungry at the BBQ joint last April Fool's day". Naruto snorted as he lit another smoke,

"Now that I'd have paid to see; the look on Shika's face alone would have been worth it".

"It was, trust me on that", she agreed before suddenly and impulsively darting over and wrapping the jinchuuriki up in a hug, "I'm sorry Naruto, for everything that happened in Konoha". Slowly extricating himself from her arms the taller blonde shook his head,

"Ah forget it; I swore to myself I'd never stoop so low as to rely on a pity-party to pick up a girl, least of all one as beautiful as you". Ino blushed at his off-hand compliment before one of the words jarred in her brain and ticked off again, gathering the other pieces of different conversations together until, at last, a mental bridge was made and she crossed it at last,

"Yugito!" Katon halfway to his latest smoke Naruto looked over at her exclamation,

"What about her?"

"I knew it, I knew I knew her name from somewhere; Yugito Nii, the Blistering Hellcat of Kumo, she a jinchuuriki as well isn't she?" That made Naruto's eyebrows raise and he nodded, smiling around the cigarette in his mouth,

"Write that page in the Bingo book as well did you? Well you're right, that's her though she prefers Firecat; believe it or not the bijuu don't come from hell. Apart from that though she holds Nibi, the two-tailed monster cat and she knows how to use her properly. Can't do that with Kyuubi yet, mostly because he's the bijuu equivalent of Shikamaru – lazy as hell and only helps out in a fight if it's on his terms".

"He didn't seem that bad to me".

"He was putting on a show for you; when it comes to getting his ear-scratches he's more of a tart than I ever was". Ino grinned,

"I still can't believe I did that – he was in my hands like Akumaru used to be, just a lot bigger and a hell of a lot scarier. Oh I forgot, you haven't seen how big he's gotten yet have you?"

"Nah, I'll catch up with Kiba when we get back though, after I tell him I'm not after his sister that is – shame", visions of the elder Inuzuka child flicked through Naruto's mind and he smirked, "I'd bet Hana-chan's a real animal in the sack". Ino groaned and slapped a hand of her head; _he really is impossible_;

"Oh for Kami's sake is that all you ever think about?"

"Nah, I sometimes think about fighting and new ways to annoy Kyu 'til he agrees to give me some chakra to train with", a sudden chuckle made Ino look over and, snared by his sudden beckoning, she bent her head to his like a pair of conspiring school children, "he never told you how I got him to work with me in the first place did he – he did the healing thing including my mind when I went overboard with Kage Bushin, but apart from that it was only the special song that got him motivated". Ino felt a sudden sense of foreboding and squeezed her eyes shut,

"Do I even want to know?"

"Of course you do, it's an Uzumaki secret technique after all. Ahem", he stood up straight, cleared his throat and then scrunched his face up, looking more like a mischievous kid than ever before as his voice became high and nasally, "I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves; I know a song that'll get on your nerves, get on your nerves, get on your nerves, etcetera etcetera, repeat as necessary. Three hundred Kage bushins in their own mindscape for three hours each; his conscience fractures like mine does when I use it; he was all but gibbering when I dismissed them all later and he remembered nothing but a thousand hours of listening to that song over and over. Since then he's been, a bit more cooperative shall we say".

Ino said nothing to this though from the way she suddenly looked away from him he was reasonably sure she was trying hard not break down laughing at the mental image of Kyuubi driven stark raving mad by nothing more than a little song. He said and did nothing but smoke until eventually her back stopped quivering and she was able to speak, though there was still a distinct quaver in her voice as she spoke,

"Okay, I am now making a mental note to include in my mission report a recommendation that you are never under any circumstances to gain access to any employee of the Konoha T&I department; a torture method that would drive the Kyuubi nuts is something that would give Ibiki wet-dreams for months".

"I _really_ didn't need to know what Ibiki dreams about at night, thanks for the image".

"My pleasure".

"My mental torment", Naruto told her before tapping his fingers together, "however, apart from that mind if we take a detour on the way home?"

"Detour?" Alarm bells duly began ringing, "What kind of detour?"

"The kind that gets a couple more obstacles out the way on the road to me and Yugito marrying and settling things out between Cloud and Leaf; to do this though I'll need you to find out exactly where we're going. I do know that it's somewhere in Rice country though..."

"Rice, that's two days away", Ino tailed off as Naruto looked over at her sardonically and once again the pieces began falling into place, "oh no, you planned this from the start didn't you? That's why you got us out here so fast!" Naruto inclined his head,

"Guilty as charged, it's also the reason I asked baa-chan to have you partner me – don't kid yourself", Ino once more found herself feeling distinctly out of her depth as he admitted that, seeing just how deeply he'd organised this mission within a mission for his own ends, "I requested you specifically knowing what your specialisation was, though baa-chan swallowed what I was saying when I explained it was because I didn't know you very well and would get on with you better on mission. Still though, what Tsunade doesn't know won't kill her and won't bite us in the ass either". Ino's face fell into her hands as the magnitude of what she was being asked to do crushed her and she struggled to look at her partner again,

"What are you on Naruto? You don't need me, hell you're probably one of if not the strongest ninja in the Leaf at the moment, I'd last less than a minute against you in a fight". To her shock however, Naruto merely slugged her shoulder,

"But you're stronger than me in other ways Ino; I can kill and beat people to a pulp no problem but you can find and ferret out information I haven't got a hope in hell of finding out. What I'm after is one of the greatest secrets in Rice country; I'm then going in on a smash-and-grab job and wiping out a lot of the Sound into the bargain. Sound like a plan?"

Despite his words and outwards composure Naruto wasn't entirely sure this was a good idea as it affected not just him but Ino as well; if she said no he'd comply as it was her career on the line as well as his own and he didn't want her to risk that unnecessarily on something that might well be a bust job. Still he said nothing but merely watched as the blonde kunoichi wrestled with her doubts before finally looking up at him, hands on her hips as she rolled her eyes to the heavens and despaired,

"And they said I could make jounin right after Neji; bang goes that idea. Right", she sighed wearily, massaging her temple with one hand and not seeing the look of vindicated glee that broke briefly over Naruto's face before he could control it again, "what's this plan of yours, what are we after and how much trouble is this conceivably going to get me in?"

"We find a Sound nin, I beat him up, you work your magic, we find out where what we're after is stashed and wing it from there; the hit is on three traitors of the Leaf though we only need one captured and one dead for the whole she-bang to work; do you really want me to answer that question?" Sorting through his rapid-fire answers left Ino with a pounding migraine so deep that as Naruto squatted down she didn't even think before jumping onto his back and clinging on as he stood upright,

"No, something tells me I'm better off not knowing. Okay then, get us both to Rice".

"Yosh – ow!" He looked over his shoulder with a pout on his face as his right ear rang from the slap only to see Ino glare down at him murderously,

"Any more Rock Lee impressions and you'll be running to Rice with my boot up your backside". Naruto's eyes drifted out of focus for a moment, a wistful smile on his lips,

"Ooooh", he suddenly turned his focus back on her and she quailed at the mischief in his sparkling blue eyes as he winked flirtatiously, "kinky".

He then chuckled and braced his neck muscles as he ran, Ino's arms already around his throat and squeezing hard as her temper finally gave way and she tried to choke him out at the same time as scream for him to just die and leave her in peace.

XXX

As with most places that exist mostly underground an average day in Oto was a relatively boring event; guard shifts were exchanged with routine gestures, a few illicit hands of cards were played for money, jutsu and clothing and a couple of ninja went out on patrol and came back reporting nothing. All in all not much really changed in one of the many subterranean bases that made up the Sound village, though the residents' skills may have been made a little sharper by the presence of their overall leader and his new protégé in their midst, but even then Orochimaru had always been solitary and closed-off from the ninja populous, more interested in his study of jutsu and training his next vessel rather than the day-to-day running of his village. However monotony, especially if continued for a long time, breeds familiarity which in turn matures to carelessness, dulling the cutting edge all competent ninjas needed to survive.

Therefore it came as a very nasty, and in many cases unfortunately fatal, surprise to the ninja of Sound when in the dead of night a huge ball of spinning chakra ground its way through twenty feet of solid bedrock before exploding with uncanny precision in the barracks of the base, wrecking most of the available manpower and disorientating the rest as two figures jumped down through the new doorway and surveyed the carnage, the taller of the two shrugging sardonically as he exhaled and cigarette smoke mingled with the airborne rock dust,

"Knock knock"; the kunoichi by the side of him groaned and rolled her eyes before lashing down and dragging one of the survivors up the collar, the Sound nin dizzy and half-dead from the explosion of Naruto's giant Rasengan,

"Right, where's your leader and his pet; it's way past Sasuke's curfew and he's got everyone in the Leaf worried. Listen pal", she cuffed the prisoner by the ear as Naruto took care of the other survivors, not even needing clones as blades of wind shot from his fingertips and mouth to finish off the paltry resistance, "it's late, I'm tired and I haven't had a shower in three days – start talking or I'll make you talk". Still not entirely sure where he was the confused ninja rapidly spilt his guts and pointed down one of the corridors leading out of the ruined barracks; glancing down it and seeing he wasn't lying Ino nodded before slashing across his throat with a kunai, a quick, painless and instant death,

"Right, thanks; okay Naruto, down there". The shinobi flicked the route ahead a glance before taking a pace back and ushering her forwards,

"Age before beauty"; _why do I get the feeling he's never going to let me forget I'm older than him by a few months?_; one of her main bugbears following meeting with Naruto's very real inner demon had been the revelation that she'd been born earlier in the year than he had and to her chagrin he reminded her of the fact every chance he got. Still right now time was pressing and she couldn't do anything about it save grit her teeth, take up his invitation and mutter her own proverb as she stalked past him,

"Pearls before swine".

"I love it when you talk dirty". Ino kicked backwards only to feel Naruto catch her foot; a second later she let out a bark of hastily-muffled laughter as five scurrying fingers dived into the back of her knee, tickling her for a second before Naruto let go,

"Oh, now that's interesting"; _damn, damn not good_; panic mounting Ino realised she'd just given the game away on one of the Yamanaka clan's hidden weaknesses, "must be a blonde woman thing – Yugito's a absolute fire-breather unless you threaten her feet, then she's a complete pussy-cat until you put away the feathers".

"Do I even want to know how you found that out?"

"Not unless you were planning on writing a rival to my godfathers' Icha Icha series". The idea made Ino feel queasy,

"I think I'll pass; now come on, let's get who we came for and get out of here, the dust's getting in my hair".

Despite himself Naruto couldn't help but feel a little disappointed as he and Ino jumped out of the way of a massive ball of fire from above and looked up to see his traitorous team mate standing on a rock shelf above him, eyes as black and cold as they had ever been. Sasuke hadn't changed except maybe in attire, though he was undoubtedly more powerful than he had ever been in Konoha but, even knowing that, Naruto wasn't fazed as he started his plan to rectify his previous mistake and expunge his failed missions from the record books,

"Hey teme, send another one would you? I need something to light my fag with; after three years with the snake-teme I'm sure you know all about getting fags hot don't you Sasuke?"

"Dobe", as always the condescending snort after the name, "you haven't changed..."

"Are you sure your eyes see everything teme?" Naruto cut off what he was sure was going to be a long and rambling monologue on hatred, killing his brother and, what was that word Gaara had used in Suna, ;_oh yeah angst, that was it_; "From what I'm seeing only you stayed the same; still preaching the same old verses", he tipped his head back with the rear of one hand pressed against his forehead, "'woe is me, the little Uchiha prince who's big bad brother killed off my clan. Oh how I loathe him, what I wouldn't give to see him deceased; come oh mighty snake, give me your cursed hickey and use my scrawny body as you desire, just give me the power I need to defeat Itachi' – that about the long and short of it?"

Sasuke stared at his opponent, shock and something like rage beginning to boil in his onyx eyes and only spurred on as he heard a blatant giggle from his other team mate – whipping his head around he gave an almost imperceptible start as he saw, rather than Sakura, a different girl from Konoha stood by Naruto's side, shoulders shaking at his would-be humiliation. As Ino regained control of herself the Uchiha sniffed and reminded himself of the need to kill his best friend to achieve his destiny and lay the ghosts of his kin to rest,

"Your words, much like your friendship, mean nothing to me dobe; I will kill you here and now for the power of the final stage of the Sharingan. I am curious though, where is Sakura – surely she would have leapt at a chance to be reunited with me for her foolish love to try and conquer all?" To his well-hidden confusion however, Naruto merely quirked an eyebrow,

"Sakura? Hmm", he seemed genuinely perplexed by the question, "don't know, don't really care to be honest – I'm here because there's a mission in Konoha's books with my name and the word 'failed' written next to it. It's a mistake I came here to correct teme – last offer, come back willingly or get your ass kicked and dragged back". Sasuke chuckled at that, a dark noise that echoed around the underground training area as he glared down imperiously,

"Just like you did three years ago, oh but I forgot, you failed then just as you will now. You're always second-place behind me dobe, and that blonde slut you brought with you won't stop me correcting my own mistake and putting you in the grave right after I put you in your place". Those words finally got a reaction from the blonde shinobi but to his surprise Naruto didn't immediately attack; instead his gaze became sharper, some of the previous humour dying away to leave cold, deliberate ice in its place,

"First things first teme, Ino-chan is no slut; she's spent about six days with me in the field with nothing happening, which given my previous has got to be a record", despite herself Ino felt her pride grow at that comment from her partner, but she was careful to mask such delight knowing a master wind-up merchant like Naruto would have never let her forget such prudish behaviour, "and apart from that, you really think you walked out of the Valley of the End the winner? Man, you really believe that and you've pretty much won the dobe cap right back off me". That insinuation forced a reaction Ino had never seen before; for the first time in history Uchiha Sasuke gawked,

"W, what?"

"You heard teme; I had two options in the Valley, one was to let you walk away more or less alive and the other was to kill you outright; I was screwed either way – not the same thing as being screwed both ways because believe me that's a real eye-opener", he broke off to recollect something wistfully as Ino, almost used to him and his perverted rembrances by now, merely shook her head before he came back to himself and carried on, eyes firmly on his former team mate as Sasuke stood paralysed by the revelation, "so I took a chance, didn't tear your head off and beat myself up about it until Ero-sennin took me around the world for three years to turn me into someone who really could rock the world stage when he became Hokage. Still, that was then but this is now and things are different", he smirked darkly, all humour gone from him now as he tensed, the battle was merely seconds away now if that, "you're a traitor to the Leaf village Uchiha Sasuke, been working and, knowing Orochimaru, probably sleeping with the enemy for three years now. That's a long time teme, long enough so that the people who used to queue up to kiss your ass probably wouldn't piss on your grave anymore; last of a bad bunch you are now Sasuke, as far as Konoha is concerned the Sharingan is better off dead than where it is now".

_His speed improved then, but this is way closer than I ever wanted to get to another guy_; as the weight of Sasuke's arm was draped over his shoulder and he heard the characteristic sliding noise of a sword being slowly dragged from its sheath Naruto had to suppress a shiver as his former team mate's voice breathed into his ear,

"If they wanted me dead dobe, they should have sent someone competent to do it", the Uchiha declared, the sound of moving steel telling Naruto it was almost time to go, "as things stand all they've done is make me an offering that'll give me what I need to defeat my brother. Goodbye dobe, may your death be all you wished it to be". With that he struck with his Kusanagi blade, aiming to slip the unbreakable sword between Naruto's ribs and through his lungs, giving him moments to drown in his own vitae before he finally died to realise how pathetic his life had really been before the Shinigami came for him.

Unfortunately for the Uchiha, this was what Naruto had been counting on; like Deidara before him Sasuke didn't realise he'd actually been hit until he heard the clang of steel on stone and wondered why Naruto hadn't collapsed as his hand tapped his former best friend in the ribs. _What, is this a clone?_; looking down at the fatal strike and expecting to see the sword hilt protruding from the body of a Kage bushin; it was only at the sight of the blood cascading down his hand that he realised something had gone horribly wrong with his plan.

Ino wasn't exactly sure what had happened but had, over the course of the past few seconds, gone through a range of emotions that would have driven a civilian into a panic attack. There had been fear when Sasuke had moved and grabbed Naruto, terror as he'd drawn his sword though that warred with self-control as she convinced herself Naruto knew what he was doing, curiosity as she'd seen one of the blonde boy's fingers twitch slightly, disbelief as she'd watched the drawn sword and half of Sasuke's right hand hit the floor in a welter of blood and now, as the traitor had leapt backwards and was now looking between his maimed hand and the one who had done the maiming, she was finding it increasingly difficult not to laugh at his stricken expression,

"You", Sasuke sounded like he couldn't believe anyone would be so cruel as to actually hurt him, "you cut my fingers off dobe". Naruto merely chuckle, hooking a spare cigarette down from behind his ear as he did so,

"Heh, guess I did; don't worry though, you can still stick your thumb up your ass – it'd probably feel right at home there with the stick and the snake-mans di..."

"But, but...you cut my fingers off dobe!" _He's going into shock_; recalling the few medical classes she'd taken Ino recognised the symptoms Sasuke was displaying and realised he was mostly doing their job for them as his conscious mind shut down as it recognised the damage; _amazing how the body can block out stuff the brain's not able to deal with at such short notice_. The thought made her smile even as she became aware of another couple of chakra presences nearby and readied a surprise of her own as Naruto, never one to appreciate being shouted at due to his history at school, merely glared at his treacherous former colleague,

"Oh for Kami's sake teme, just grow a pair and use that body-barf jutsu Hebi-teme taught you – that'll heal the damage up right? Right?" At the Uchiha's blank expression faint prickling of unease chased over Naruto's mind as he became aware of a sudden hitch in his plan, "He _did_ teach you that jutsu didn't he? Oh, well that's a piss in the ramen then isn't it", he gave an apologetic shrug as Sasuke, shock maturing to fury in the light of such a slight, made ready one of his most powerful techniques, "uh, oops – maybe baa-chan will be able to stick them back on when we get back".

At such an announcement Sasuke howled and grabbed his maimed right hand with his left one, lightning sparking up around the ruined appendage immediately as his mastery of his elements had improved so much, though unable to form hand-seals it was slower than normal. Looking down for a split-second to check his chidori was nearly ready the Uchiha caught his breath as he saw something catch light from being held close to the gathering ball of lightning; a sudden dropping sensation in his stomach he looked up in time to see Naruto bring the now-lit cigarette to his lips with one hand at the same time as lash out with the other faster than even his Sharingan could predict; as his world was plunged into darkness Naruto's last words echoed in his ears,

"Thanks for the light".

_A proper knockout or killing blow should travel no more than eighteen inches_; for some reason that one of Iruka-sensei's old lectures sparked in Ino's memories as she saw Sasuke slump bonelessly to the floor, Naruto's fist slowly retracting the seventeen and a half inches he'd moved it as he exhaled a cloud of smoke over his prone opponent,

"Well that's that then; oh and Hebi you can come out now, that hiding-in-the-walls thing got old after the first dozen or so times Jiraiya-sensei used it". Despite having sensed the twisted sannin was there Ino couldn't stop a shiver running down her spine as he appeared, yellow eyes narrowed with rage as he beheld the scene before him, Kabuto as ever at his side and likewise enraptured, not aware of his doom even as Ino released the jutsu she'd spent the last few minutes building up the power for,

"Ah Naruto-kun", there was a hard, lethal edge to Orochimaru's voice as he looked down on the beaten form of his next body, "you have become an... annoyance to my plans". The genin snorted, bending down to pull Sasuke roughly to his feet, ready to sling him over his shoulder,

"Well who's fault's that for not teaching his student the jutsu that'd let him repair the damage; that and not kicking his ass enough to put his ego down – honestly what kind of moron tried to man-hug his opponent to death? In fact on second thought", the idea brought back disturbing memories of green spandex and waves crashing down on a sunset shore, "don't answer that one. Anyway", throwing the beaten Uchiha over his shoulder Naruto nodded at the fuming snake summoner, "I doubt he's much use to you as a future host now as he can't make hand-seals, so I'll either just take him off your hands and we'll leave this as it is or you can try and stop me and I'll put you down as well". That declaration seemed to spark Orochimaru back to life; with a heave he summoned forth the real Kusanagi and held it negligently in his tongue as he dissected everything he knew about his new opponent in a heartbeat, his jaundiced eyes never leaving Naruto's face,

"Or we could select option three; I kill you for your insult and have Kabuto-kun restore Sasuke-kun to health – his defeat at your hands will only spur him on to greater heights of rage and make my claiming of his body and his marvellous eyes all the sweeter". At that point another voice broke in, this one female and taunting as Ino, her jutsu having been hidden behind the chakra barrier that was Naruto, stepped forwards and pointed towards his ever-loyal henchman,

"Yeah, that'd work if Kabuto-teme wasn't too busy trying to remember which orifice he's supposed to pass solids through", whipping his head around at the insinuation Orochimaru felt his jaw drop as he saw the medical ninja he'd saved from Sasori and carefully crafted into his image staring blankly forwards, drool slithering from his parted lips as his eyes behind their glasses were vacant and lifeless; _what did she...a Yamanaka!_ Realising what had happened the kage of the Hidden Sound village cast his furious gaze towards the brat he now recognised and to his ire saw her merely step forwards, closer to Naruto as he too saw what had become of Kabuto and quirked his eyebrow her way. Giving a victory sign Ino took the chance to luxuriate in her plans' success,

"Kabuto, yeah I know his files all too well – by all accounts a certified medical genius with a blood-limit that accelerates his own healing but", she shrugged, a smug smile on her lips as she blew the zombified man an insulting air-kiss, "that didn't mean jack when I ripped his mind apart while you two were posing like ten-ryo strippers. Mind-crush jutsu, gotta love it – I tore down everything he's ever known including his core personality, right now he's a shell emptier than Sasuke-teme's heart; go on, you can jump into him if you have to but right now Naruto's right, this teme", she punched the comatose Uchiha in the head, making his entire torso sway, "is coming with us".

"You", somehow Orochimaru's voice wasn't muffled by his extended tongue as he pointed the Kusanagi at the woman who'd thrown as big a kunai in his plan as Naruto had, "will not die quickly; all the torments of Makai will seem like paradise before..."

"Teme", Naruto had heard enough and reached out with his chakra as he had a thousand times before, immediately choking off the snake sannin's air and ability to use jutsu, "shut up".

_What is this?_; for the first time in many years Orochimaru felt panic rise up like a startled bird in his breast; there was a solid obstruction in his throat and no matter how desperately he clawed and retched he could not clear it to breathe again. Driven to his knees, red stars exploding in his brain the Hebi sage gasped once more before, with a massive breath, it was suddenly gone and he greedily sucked on the atmosphere, the musty taste of the subterranean air as tempting to him as ambrosia. Giving his opponent a moment to recover himself, Naruto then spoke again,

"Get up Hebi, you're only alive because you've got something I want", looking over as he blinked the tears from his vision Orochimaru saw what the boy was holding up on a string and stared; _he defeated two of...which ones did he kill – was Itachi amongst them?_; "I know you've got one of these rings so I'm giving you three minutes to go and get it for me; you do that and I'll walk out your base without destroying anything else. If it's not the real you that throws it at my feet by then I'll kill you, and you've now got two and a bit minutes remaining, so chop-chop". Recognising he was at a disadvantage and realising that handing over the ring would, in a roundabout way, remove the threat of the Akatsuki from his back Orochimaru bit his thumb and summoned one of his snakes, this one a saw-scaled viper, its bite lethal to all men but him. Casually splitting it open from jaw to tail, the snake sennin fished around in its innards for a moment before finding what he was looking for and retrieving his last memento of his Akatsuki days. Flinging it towards the powerful man who looked so much like the hated Yellow Flash, the man who had stolen the position that was rightfully his and followed Sarutobi-sensei as Hokage, Orochimaru watched on as his opponent flipped the ring upwards with the toe of his sandal and caught it in one of the pouches on his belt before nodding,

"Pleasure doing business with you; come on Ino, let's get out of this dump". The girl nodded, eyes never leaving her opponent as Orochimaru, sensing now was as good a time as any to get away, grabbed the inert form of Kabuto and vanished in fire, the Yamanaka sagging as she felt his chakra signature fade away,

"I just stared down the most infamous missing-nin in the history of the Leaf - that must be the most suicidal thing I have ever done in my life". Looking across at her and shift Sasuke's bulk to a more comfortable position, Naruto chuckled,

"Scratching Kyuubi's ear was a cake-walk then?" Pinged by the reminder, Ino found herself yet again blushing,

"Okay, second-most then; thank Kami he's gone though".

"Yeah, gives me the creeps as well; anyway", he turned and began to pace back the way they'd come, "a deal's a deal; let's get out of this place". Nodding in agreement Ino followed him out, one hand glowing green as she stopped the stumps that had once been Sasuke's fingers from leaking onto the back of Naruto's ninja vest.

It was only when she arrived at the foot of the entry they'd made into Orochimaru's base that Ino realised there was a flaw in the plan,

"Bugger", she cursed, looking up at the almost-vertical shaft, worn absolutely smooth by the cutting power of Naruto's chakra, "how are we going to get up there, that Mind-crush jutsu that screwed Kabuto up really took it out of me, and before you say anything it's the most chakra-intensive jutsu my family has. Even Daddy can only do three of those at most in a day so don't look at me like that", she defended herself huffily against Naruto's side-long look. To her surprise though he didn't comment on her lack of chakra stamina; instead he nodded before following her gaze,

"Have to say that was a peach of a jutsu Ino; Kabuto's as slippery as the snake-man himself at times and you took him out like he was a rookie", he chuckled before swatting her shoulder with his free hand, "and you wonder why I asked for you on my team?" She grinned back, returning the weak punch with one of her own,

"Flattery will get you nowhere with me wise-guy, though you get points for trying", she sighed as he snapped his fingers and cursed before looking up again, "but the question still remained how do we get out of here with that freak still lurking about – if you leave one of us here he might come back and nab us and I don't think even you can run fast enough to escape Daddy if he finds out we weren't supposed to be here in the first place". Visions of an angry Yamanaka clan head in his mind, especially after seeing the mess Ino had made of the Hebi-sennin's right hand man, Naruto shivered before throwing up his free arm,

"Don't panic, there's a way; believe me I'm not making a move or anything but you'll have to hold on for this to work". Looking at his position and judging his words Ino eventually sidled forwards; just before she touched him though she stared him full in the face, eyes narrow,

"Touch me in any way I deem inappropriate and no matter how strong you are I will make sure there'll never be another Uzumaki in Konoha, got it?" Despite himself Naruto shivered at the threat before recovering,

"Not sure Yugito-chan would be happy to hear that but what she doesn't know won't hurt her, or me for that matter"; happy enough that she'd made her point Ino wrapped her arms around her partner, shuddering despite herself when he in turn wound his arm around her waist and, suddenly, they all shot off the floor leaving nothing behind save her terrified scream. About two seconds and a hundred feet vertically later, Ino caught her breath, looked down at the still-receding base, gripped onto Naruto with the strength of death itself and looked him full in the face,

"Y, you can _fly?_"

"Master of futon chakra here", he reminded her insouciantly, a grin playing at his lips as he saw her face as white as the moon overhead, "don't look so shocked, most wind users can do it. Temari for instance can fly as well, she just has to use her fan so she doesn't exhaust her chakra too quickly, but then again", his grin turned evil and Ino braced herself for the worst, "she can't do things like this!"

As he inverted his position and dived towards the floor the desolate plains of Rice country echoed to the sound of a Yamanaka screaming; battered by the turbulence Ino clung on like a limpet and refused to open her screwed-shut eyes until she was sure Naruto was straight and level again. Panting raggedly through her clenched teeth the kunoichi squeezed her ride ever tighter until the whooshing in her ears died away and her hair once more fell down her back; slowly she dared to crack an eye open and see below her the solid ground not ten feet away and, realising she was safe again, she rapidly turned her ire on the one responsible,

"You baka, you nearly gave me a heart attack", she declared, convincing herself that the redness in her face was due solely to shock as she looked upwards and realised that Naruto had quite the face to go with the muscular body she was currently entwined with, "all the blood's rushed to my head".

"I won't tell you where it's rushed in me", he answered back, grinning again as she gasped but didn't dare loosen a hand to give him the slap he so deserved, "young, pretty bit of fluff grinding against my thigh like that, oh hell yes!"

"For the love of...just get us home", Ino demanded, hating the fact that she'd been tricked again by his silver tongue and filthy mind, "Konoha's that way and if you can fly that fast we might get there by tomorrow morning, or midday if you want to get some sleep".

"Tempting offer there Ino-chan but before we go, one last bit of business to take care of", she felt him tense for a second before he relaxed again and set off, "there, all done; right, which way am I headed?" Curiosity nibbling at her, Ino had to ask,

"What did you just do?"

"Killed Orochimaru; stupid baka, I said I'd leave his base without doing anything but I never promised I wouldn't do anything once we got out of there", he stated nonchalantly, thankfully explaining the situation before Ino was forced to overcome her shock and ask, "he might have used that fiery shunshin thing to get away but where do you run when the air itself is your enemy? He'd breathed in air full of my chakra and it was still there in his lungs; I located where that chakra was just now and converted it to wind chakra – right now the inside of his chest cavity can probably be drunk through a straw". The kunoichi shivered, the movement sending a pleasant tingle through the former seducer's lower regions before he quashed the urge and listened to her question,

"Two things – first never put that image in my head again, and second can you really do that, convert your chakra at that distance. And what do you mean wind chakra – charka's just chakra isn't it?"

"That was three things", Naruto pointed out, giving a low grunt as Ino elbowed him in the ribs, "but yeah I can convert chakra at distance thanks to you-know-who and decades of practice, and as for wind chakra didn't Asuma-sensei tell you about charka affinities?"

"No, he said he'd leave that until we began jounin. I've heard of them though, what are they?"

"Basically everyone had an affinity for one of the five basic elements, they've got something in common with it and their chakra will naturally make performing jutsus of that element easier. My affinity is as you've probably guessed wind while the teme", Naruto jostled his silent passenger before turning back to Ino, the kunoichi drinking in his words, "has two, fire and lightning; it is possible for a ninja to train himself to have a secondary affinity but it is very difficult. Anyway, back on topic, each element has its own strengths and weaknesses; Ero-sennin summed it up as fire burns, water flows, earth stands, lightning pierces and wind..." their airborne flight slowed as Naruto look aim at a nearby tree before blowing out a slow breath of air; Ino felt her eyebrows disappear into her hairline as the entire two-thirds of the target tree toppled over slowly, a long clean cut severing the wood as she looked up to Naruto in awe,

"...cuts"

The ideas for this and how long Naruto had been able to train for made Ino give up any dreams she'd ever had of being able to compete with her fellow blonde; with his experience, chakra control and fighting ability, and that wasn't even counting the nine-tailed fox conveniently stashed in his head like a gambler with a spare ace up his sleeve, Naruto was quite simply out of her league as a ninja; heck even Asuma-sensei probably wouldn't have stood even the remotest chance against the semi-mythical Horobi before the Death Wail sounded again. Even as that sank in however his earlier words regarding the fate of the Hebi-sennin came back to the forefront of her mind and she fought to keep herself from shivering,

"So, when you used that, when he'd already breathed in..." she shuddered, not able to complete the thought, "...it must have been like swallowing a blender; you ripped him apart from the inside-out. Hang on", a sudden panic gripped her, "I breathed that air in too!".

"Relax, I'm not going to kill you, tempting though it sounds at times", Naruto winked before turning more serious to put her mind at ease, "yes my chakra's in your lungs but it'll disperse in an hour or two and there'll be no risk. Anyway back to what you were saying with any luck him being dead'll stop baa-chan from knocking my block off when she finds out how we got this idiot back to Konoha; with him gone and Kabuto not remembering his own name Sound is probably going to implode in the next week or so..."

"...And we can move in and annex the land of Rice", trained as a tactician and manipulator rather than a front-line fighter Ino could see the military weaknesses of having your bases spread over a wide area as Orochimaru had, weaknesses that Naruto had inadvertently exploited when he'd killed off the powerful traitor, "perfect; if we can nail this place we'll have even more of a stranglehold on the trade through Wave. Reckon we could get any of the Sound over to our side?"

"Hey, you're the psychologist", Naruto reminded her gently, digging her in the ribs and making her squeak in protest when she went to try and slap him for his cheek, "but seeing as how Orochimaru tended to rule by fear I reckon we might get a few of them but that's the Hokage's look out, not ours". Ino nodded at this,

"Right, so let's give her the good news", she pointed towards the dark horizon with a finger, urging her partner to fly forwards move, "onwards!"

XXX

Having been awoken from her customary morning nap by the sight of two shinobi flying in through the window of her office and convinced herself the occurrence wasn't a genjutsu or the precursor to an invasion of the Leaf, Tsunade was at this stage trying to resist the temptation to put her adoptive grandson into the bed next to the one his godfather currently occupied at the hospital,

"Right, so let me get this straight", she leant forwards on her desk, white knuckles showing clearly that this conversation was not doing good things to her blood-pressure and stress levels, "having completed the original mission, disregarding my orders as you did so by the way", she threw a pointed glare at Ino who wilted slightly, "you then decided that since you had some time on your hands you might as well knock on the door of a Sound base and invite yourself in for a cup of sake with the Otokage, is that about right?" Naruto gave his trademark embarrassed grin and scratched the back of his neck with one hand,

"Well if by knocking you mean busting the place wide open with a giant Rasengan and replace the sake with force-feeding him enough wind chakra to shred every tree between us and Suna then, yeah, that's pretty much it. But it was worth it baa-chan", the vein on Tsunade's forehead was throbbing ominously by this point but as Naruto pointed out the still unconscious form of Sasuke, the traitor having remained comatose on the journey by dint of Naruto slugging him on the jaw every time he twitched suspiciously, though Ino would take great pride in remembering that she too had knocked Sasuke out once herself until the end of her days, "we got the teme back and I picked up another of these". He held out his new necklace of Akatsuki rings, Ino aware of them but trusting in his words that the story would be too long, convoluted and dangerous for her to hear in full to not pry any further; the Hokage for her part simply looked stunned for a minute before smoothing out her features and reasserting control,

"Be that as it may, and the fact that Sound should fall in the near future due to my unlamented team mate's death is another nugget of good news as well, you both put yourselves at unimaginable risk for the sake of petty grudge against this boy", she wafted a casual hand towards Sasuke before turning back to them, taking a note of how the two drew closer together without consciously realising it; _good, sign of a proper ninja team that is – they'll work together in the future no matter how many strings I have to pull_; "and as it stands only the fact you were successful is stopping me slapping you two with D-ranks from now until the Rokudaime is crowned". Naruto snorted, lighting up another smoke as he did so while Ino moved away from him,

"Suits me baa-chan, just make sure Ino-chan gets the lion's share of the bounty of the teme's head; without her I'd have had to blow Rice country down mountain by mountain before I kicked over the stone he was hiding under". The Godaime nodded and Ino was just opening her mouth to argue the point before there was a knock on the office door; before Tsunade could call out to deny entry her apprentice had let herself in,

"Overnight reports from the hospital shishou; nothing urgent but Mr Tanaka..."

What Mr Tanaka's problems were never actually came to light as the papers clattered the floor in a rustling heap, Sakura suddenly trembling as she took in the scene before her and all the things she'd meant to say for the past three years vanished from her head like smoke,

"Ne, Naruto", she managed to stutter, the blonde shinobi that stood, looked and acted a million miles apart from the orange-wearing gaki who had been her team mate inclined his head slowly, sarcasm dripping from the motion as her former best friend watched on in vindication and her mentor in concealed shock as she tried to take in the fact that Naruto was here, here in Konoha, not an arm-length from her again, "when, how did you get back?"

"I flew in through the window", he admitted nonchalantly, not giving her the chance to disavow him as he nodded to his temporary partner, "if you don't believe me ask Ino-chan. Anyway, as promised", he gestured towards the chair in the office and Sakura's hands flew to her mouth as she recognised the distinctive hairstyle that sat up and looked at her; _Sasuke!_; "one Uchiha, missing a few extremities but otherwise in relatively good nick, one careful owner. Right, problem solved, I need a bath; my apartment still where I left it baa-chan?"

"More or less; had to move you to a different room, the old one got dry rot".

"Good riddance to bad rubbish", the shinobi muttered before crushing his latest smoke out and flicking it onto Sasuke's lap, figuring he might as well get some use out the teme before he ended up on the chopping block, "anyway, keep me posted on the Red Dawn hunt; if nothing comes up I'll be back in for a mission later. Cheers for the memories Ino-chan; good to remember what a kunoichi can really do after going solo for so long"; _you bastard – you did that deliberately_; hearing the Hokage snort with laughter behind her again at his veiled insinuations all Ino could do was jerkily nod her head forwards, allowing the infuriating son of a bitch to head for the door; _though this is going to be good_.

Seeing Naruto prepare to leave Sakura knew she couldn't make the same mistake twice and have moved to block the door; for a second she was afraid he'd just march straight for her but to her relief he seemed to think better of it, instead stopping a pace away and glaring,

"What do you want Sakura", the lack of an honorific scoured her heart but aside from flinching she didn't move as he carried on, "I brought Sasuke back for you; with any luck you can work your way into his affection by growing his fingers back – I doubt it'll happen but you that's your lookout. I've had a long week so please get out of my way so I can clean up and relax". Realising it was now all or nothing Sakura screwed up her courage and went for it,

"Naruto, I..." the words deserted her just like they had some three years previously; _no, not again – I hurt him too much last time because it didn't come out right, I can't do it again_; desperate for something, anything that would convey even the slightest hint of what she felt towards her former dobe she bowed deeply from the waist, not meeting his eyes as she scraped together the only words she could muster,

"...thank you".

For a long moment Naruto said nothing, watching as the kunoichi of his former squad didn't move before, slowly, he spoke again,

"Not a problem Sakura; stand up, I'm a lower rank than you are", he reminded her, ignoring Ino's snort and muttered comment that rank didn't matter in the face of sheer power, "I did what I promised you I'd do, it's another millstone off my neck and that's all that matters", he told her bluntly, dismissing the tears sparkling in the corner of her eyes as he knew this was going to hurt her no matter which way he said it, "I've moved on from team seven Sakura; things won't ever be the same again. I suggest you do the same". With that last piece of advice the Uzumaki stepped around her, opened the door and was gone into Konoha.

_He walked away_; logically she had been expecting this but the heart didn't understand logic – it was an organ of emotion and seeing him leave wrenched it cruelly; _I'm letting him walk away_. She dived for the door, ready to rip it off the hinges and chase after him if necessary to make sure he heard what she needed to say to him. Just before her gloved hand fell on the door knob however another, slimmer hand grabbed it; she almost lashed out instinctively before recognising Ino's face through tear-blurred vision and pulling her strike, the Yamanaka not flinching as she stared her best friend down,

"Don't", she advised shortly, shaking her head, "he's got someone else now Sakura, and he's let you go. Don't obsess over that or you'll end up like him", she jerked her head to the unconscious third member of the cherry blossoms' former team, "and you don't deserve that".

"But, but...damn it", this time Ino did jump back as Sakura cratered the wall before her, weeping openly now, "three years I've had to get ready for this and now, when it mattered, I couldn't do it".

"Me neither", Ino said gently, not seeing the older woman behind them both silently wiping away tears of her own as she recognised the source of her apprentices' lament and commiserated with the girl at another missed opportunity, "but crying over spilt milk won't help Sakura; you'll have to look further afield now". The pink-haired girl sniffed deeply, realising Ino hadn't seen the truth and resolving to keep it that way, spoke through a watery smile as she took the blondes' hand,

"I know, I know Ino but", she shrugged as she squatted and tried to sort through the papers she'd dropped, "it's just not that easy"; _no it isn't_; bending down to help clear up the mess the Yamanaka missed the determined look that flashed up on Sakura's face for a instant;_ but I will find a way..._

Omake – The Last Kindness

"Banzai!"

The sudden shout in the onsen made one sleepy eye open before its owner took a deep breath, the forethought rewarded a second later as water lapped up against her delicate nose following the sound of a heavy splash. When she was confident she could breathe again without the risk of drowning the blonde reclined back against her favourite rock and called out into the mist,

"I take it you're after me then?"

"You bet", the steam parted to show Yamanaka Ino's grinning face as the kunoichi waded through the water towards her family's current guest, "safest time to be in the onsen if when you pitch up; Ero-Jiraiya knows what Naruto-kun would do to him if he found out he'd been peeping on you". Black eyes crinkling in mirth Yugito budged over to give Ino room to sit down, the younger blonde taking the offered seat with a grateful sigh,

"And when Naruto let him go I'd be there to deal with the carcass", the Nibi jinchuuriki assured her, stretching her arms over her head as she grinned, "anyway, enough about him before he ruins the mood – what's this I hear about a little date between you and the, I quote, 'drooling baka from the half-wolf clan'?" Ino scowled, folding her arms like a petulant child as the Kumo kunoichi watched on, trying to hold in her giggled,

"Don't remind me, do not remind me; that was the most embarrassing moment of my life", she complained, Yugito having to hug her stomach to keep the giggles contained by this point, "we finally have a get-together and a sparring tournament between the rookies, except for Naruto because it'd be an exercise in futility fighting him, for the first time since Kami-knows-when and he makes that bet. If I'd known then what I know now I'd have shot him down in flames on the spot – me and my big mouth".

"And the foot that went in it", Yugito prodded, bringing a blush to the younger woman's face, "how exactly did he win again?" Ino put on the puppy-dog eyes,

"Don't make me say it", and found herself quickly rebuffed as Yugito ran a quick hand through her wet hair, ruining the hairdo and running the risk of it going frizzy before the Yamanaka yelped and yielded,

"Not a chance you; if I told you about our first date you sure as hell are telling me how Kiba managed to set you up for yours".

"He cheated, that's how", Ino told her in no uncertain terms, "I've never been so humiliated; he forced me to admit I lost in front of all the others by tickling it out of me during our spar, and Akumaru didn't help by lying on my back and pinning me down. I'm going to be catching hell off Asuma-sensei for years because of him, and Chouji hasn't stopped smirking since either". As she'd expected Yugito laughed at the story but not for the reasons she'd originally expected as the jinchuuriki punched her arm,

"Ah, that takes me back; don't feel too bad Ino-chan, I know where he picked that idea up from, and who as well, cheating baka"; _this sounds too much like..._; before she could complete the mental sentence Yugito had carried on, "Naruto did the same thing to me after Bee-san tipped him off".

Ino sat where she was for a few moments, absolutely flabbergasted before flames of rage danced in her eyes and she clenched a fist threateningly,

"Wait, wait you think Naruto told Kiba what to do? I'll kill him!"

"No, I know Naruto told Kiba what to do and no you won't", there was a hint of challenge in those black eyes as the jounin glanced at her chunin friend, "I'd like to share the sake with my future husband before I become a widow if you don't mind Ino-chan". The Yamanaka had the grace to look embarrassed as she nodded her head,

"Gomen, I forgot; only a few weeks away..."

"Don't remind me", Yugito told her suddenly, holding up a hand as the excitement of her forthcoming nuptials burned through her again like warm honey in her veins, "every time I think about it time slows to a crawl – I'm just trying to relax before it happens, hope it'll be there soon, you know?"

"Yeah, I can see where you're coming from; anyway, never mind that this I've got to hear", scenting gossip was to Ino what truffles were to her namesake and she was equal as skilled at rooting it out one juicy crumb at a time, "what did Naruto do exactly?" Sighing and tucking some of her ash-blonde mane back behind her ear the Blistering Firecat of Kumo realised there was no way out of this one unless she wanted the Yamanaka heir bugging her all hours of the night and day for the foreseeable future; no, it was better to tell the truth and get it over with cleanly, then threaten her with meeting Nibi in the real world if she ever told a soul to ensure her silence,

"You know how he told you we called it a draw before he came back here, in the spars we used to have? Well that was just him being nice", the jounin confessed after Ino dredged up the memory and nodded, "fact of the matter was that by the end of his second training year he was starting to outstrip and beat me; by the end of the third I wasn't even close, just my pride kept me trying to compete with him and never admitting he was better I was. At the end of it, when Jiraiya-sama told the Raikage they'd be heading for Konoha in the morning I knew it was my last chance so I went baka-hunting; tracked him down and dragged him out the nearest ramen place to the training grounds. What I didn't know was that he'd been eating with Bee-san just before I arrived and since that knuckle-headed old ox has known and trained with me since I was two what he doesn't know about me could be carved on a pinhead with a blunt katana", she grimaced, reminding herself that she hadn't yet got even with the Hachibi container for spilling the beans yet; _though I have to agree with Nibi-chan – over-writing all his rapping CDs with me playing the shamisen sounds just about perfect for payback_; "and he'd told Naruto-kun a few home truths that I'd hoped he'd never find out. But I didn't know, I challenged him and to cut a long story short he kicked my twin-tailed ass all over the training ground; I couldn't even get near him due to the fact he can fly like he does and all fire, even bijuu fire, needs oxygen to burn or it dies out. So I lose but I'm not going to admit it and get ready to stalk off the training ground when he jumps me; he's got two of his clones on my hands to stop me forming seals while he starts taking my sandals off". Having an inkling of what was coming next Ino cringed, picturing the scene,

"You have my sympathy; it's the knees in my case". Yugito shivered, drawing her legs up as she relived that horrible nightmare again,

"Feet for me, I can not _stand_ having my feet messed with; urgh, just thinking about it makes me shiver", she did just that before pulling herself together enough to finish the story, "but anyway Naruto knew that thanks to Bee and started making me pay – I was screaming Ino, absolutely raving like a madwoman until I made him an offer to get him to stop". Her companion giggled, patting her bare shoulder,

"Let me guess; stop the torture and I'll tell everyone you beat me?"

"Uhh, not exactly", Yugito gave an embarrassed kind of grin, "I, kinda had a thing for him, really, back then and we'd been on a few dates after sparring before so, well I was under duress and... long story short I said that if he stopped I'd swap screaming with laughter for a, different kind of scream..." Ino had a sudden sense of déjà vu and felt her stomach roll over,

"Too much information!"

Having got that story off her chest Yugito smirked and looked up at the clear blue sky as her friend tried to pull herself back together, though having a bijuu known for its trickery embedded in her stomach forced the Nibi jinchuuriki to not let the matter drop without tossing out another titbit for Ino to wonder about,

"What? Thanks to Kyuubi he's as much of a stamina-junkie as I am – I was a bit pre-occupied to keep score that night but I must have had close to thirty, and he was still up and ready to go by six the next morning".

"Gyyyuhhhh! Are you trying to give me nightmares?"

"Hmm, I was thinking more of a target for Kiba to aim at in the long run". Ino goggled before blushing beet red,

"There's no hope for you Yugito Nii, Naruto's corruption runs too deep, you're a lost cause". The Kumo kunoichi nodded proudly,

"You bet I am; every time I look at him I get lost, usually thinking something along the lines of 'in about three weeks time I'm going to get my claws on you and we aren't leaving the house for a solid week!'" The Yamanaka's face fell into her hands as she shivered with equal parts laughter and disgust, though having been around Yugito for some months now she was more or less used to how she, and Naruto as well for that matter, tended to behave around one-another, especially under duress. Ino would be forever grateful to her father for letting her sit in on the council meeting where Yugito had been presented as a 'peace offering' to Konoha from the Raikage; that had been quite something to behold:

_Watching her friend stand before the rows of interested and, in some cases, leering men and women Ino couldn't help but feel a stab of annoyance at their looks – if this was politics she could certainly agree with Nara Shikaku, it was more troublesome than it was worth._

_"...the treaty will be cemented by a marriage between ninja", the Godaime droned on, her bland voice masking the fix Ino knew was coming, "Nii Yugito must be wed to one of the noble clans of Konoha; any of the six who have male members of suitable age are to..."_

_"You missed one baa-chan"._

_The bored voice from one of Yugito's guards brought all heads turning, Naruto as always looking unfazed at the attention even as one of the civilians, himself still old enough to remember the Kyuubi's attack, answered,_

_"Be silent boy", he spat before quivering slightly at the killing intent rippling from the shinobi contingent of the room and he hastily amended his original choice of words, "show the honoured Hokage the respect she is due". Naruto had shrugged,_

_"If she's going that senile she forgets basic info someone's got to step in and correct her", he pointed out, not missing the nasty look Tsunade sent his way before he continued, "there's not six noble clans in Konoha there's seven, and no I don't mean the bastard Uchiha", he held up a hand as the protests began, "any sentence with the words 'noble' and 'Uchiha' in it is an oxymoron, Obito-san excepted Kakashi-sensei". The Copy-nin, the other of Yugito's honour guard, had merely eye-smiled at the student who had surpassed him as they both tuned out the argument of the council before one of the Godaime's advisors, a crippled old man wrapped in bandages, had fixed the impudent upstart with his one good eye and demanded,_

_"So then boy, what is it then, this seventh noble clan no-one knows of? It cannot be the Senju for Tsunade-sama is the last remaining member and, pardon my crudeness, not even Jiraiya-samas' imagination would extend to such a wedding", there had been a smattering of laughter from this (as well as a wistful sigh from both Kakashi and Naruto at the idea, Ino noticed with amusement) before his voice picked up again, "so, we await your answer with baited breath genin; what clan do you refer to?" Naruto had taken a pace forwards and Ino had shrunk back in her seat; she'd seen that look in his eye before, just prior to him crippling the last free Uchiha beyond repair,_

_"The clan that produced the greatest ninja ever to have come from Konoha, our fabled Yellow Flash. A clan that, like the Senju", he had nodded respectfully to his adoptive grandmother this time, "lives on as only a single member. The clan whose last member has already made a promise to Yugito Nii of Kumo that he will be her husband for life...", Ino felt a nameless excitement pound through her veins as Naruto raised his left hand and the promise ring shimmered into view, Yugito doing likewise and slipping her hand into his as Naruto faced the council again, one or two voices rising in ire as they understood what he was saying but they weren't enough to stop him finishing and dropping the bombshell,_

_"...the Namikaze clan"._

_Ino sat back in her chair absolutely gobsmacked; she'd known it would have to be something big but this was as far out of the onsen as Jiraiya following a trip via Tsunade's fist. The council was in absolute bedlam, papers thrown and voices screaming that the genin should be imprisoned, banished or executed for besmirching the name of the Fourth Hokage. Such clamour only died down when Tsunade hammered the top of her desk, the granite-reinforced wood cracking but not crumbling under the strain as she spoke through gritted teeth,_

_"I ran the tests myself and had them verified by the vast majority of the medical corps this morning; there is no doubt. Uzumaki Naruto is actually Namikaze Naruto", Ino heard the name 'Kushina' breathed at this point by the Nara clan head but before she could ask about it the Hokage had already carried on, "the only child of the Yondaime; as the child of a former Hokage he automatically has a council seat and as an active ninja on the council he makes up the seven noble clans as the Sarutobi have abstained from this council until Sarutobi Konohamaru is of age to rebuild the clan. As he is of eligible age and already betrothed by his own words to Nii-san I see no reason not to approve this union"._

_At that point the Godaime glared around the council chamber as though daring anyone to oppose her; for a long moment as the shock of finding out the village pariah was actually the son of its greatest hero sank in until, with a squeak of wood against polished wooden flooring, one member stood to his feet and bowed graciously towards the Hokage, Hyuuga Haishi as always graceful and mindful of courtesy to the point of neurosis,_

_"I speak not to reopen old wounds between the Cloud and Leaf", he began, reminding everyone of the last time the two state had come to the table and the pain it had cost his family before speaking again, inclining his head to the honoured guest from Kumo, "nor do I discredit the genius of Tsunade-sama; if she says this boy is a Namikaze the Hyuuga will accord him the respect he is due as the head of a noble clan. I speak, however, for the need for protection of Kumo's treasure – I have heard and seen of U... of Namikaze Naruto's valour in battle but I ask if it would be enough to protect his future bride, from both within and without", he added almost blandly at the end though not without giving a pointed glance at the midriff of the slouching shinobi, reminding the council of what lay beneath the seal inked on Naruto's stomach. As he retook his seat the old bandaged man latched onto one part of the Hyuuga's words, standing up as well and orating to the room in general,_

_"Hyuuga-dono speaks the truth", he claimed before peering directly at Naruto with malice in his eye, "you claim Yondaime-samas' noble blood but do you have his legendary skills as well? He could decimate an army within minutes, a living god upon the battlefield – can you claim such a feat?"_

_"I wouldn't, simply because it would kinda defeat the object of being a ninja – you know, sneak around, gather intelligence, all that sort of thing? Besides, they way I see it the Hirashin was my old man's jutsu and he can keep it – the Flying Thunder God was a gentle, benevolent deity that I don't think any of you bastards deserved", he span and directed an evil glare at the civilian side of the council, each one he locked eyes on shivering before his eyes found the Godaime's advisors and flayed them alive in their seats, "you three especially need to go get screwed. No, literally", his gaze and posture both relaxed as he balanced back on his rear leg, apparently heedless of the rising voices of dissent as he explained his reasoning as though to a small child, "it's a great method of stress-relief and none of you three relics look like you've gotten any since the Sandaime was in nappies". _

_There was a badly-muffled snort from the shinobi side of the council, one wild-looking woman making a mental note of that insult for future use as the female elder finally got enough of a grip on her outrage to shriek back at her accuser,_

_"How dare you!" Naruto smirked wolfishly, as though he'd been waiting for this moment since the start,_

_"I dare because I'm the guy who could kill every other person in this room, including Hokage-sama, without any of you being able to do anything about it", he claimed, pacing towards the one-eyed man who had subtly tried to throw stones in the path of his forthcoming marriage to the kunoichi of his dreams as killing intent and worry started to permeate the air, "so here's a promise for the future for all of you to listen to", those people who knew about Naruto and his seriousness in promises shuddered as the genin stopped in front of the elder Danzo and pointed at where his adoptive grandmother was sat, "when I get in that chair absolutely none of you are going to keep even a single secret from me. Because if you do and I catch wind of it, and I will, it doesn't matter how deep your roots are or how solid your foundation is...", Danzo's eye narrowed but before he could do anything the quiet that had descended on the council hall was broken irreparably. Four figures in blank ANBU masks, soldier of Root, had dropped their concealment genjutsu and stumbled into plain sight, clutching at their masks and chests before suddenly collapsing to the floor, twitching for a moment before becoming still as the life left them. As the council watched the scene appalled Naruto spoke again, his last words only given more impetus by the last groans of the recently departed,_

_"...it won't just be Konoha's enemies that start hearing the Death's Wail"._

_It was only at that moment at Ino realised that only she and possibly Yugito as well were aware of Naruto's Bingo book persona – everywhere she looked there were white faces and frantic whispering, even on the shinobi side of the council and several civilians had already passed out at the sight of the bodies. Even Tsunade herself seemed to have been left in the dark as she looked from the dead ANBU she didn't recognise to her surrogate grandson and back again, eyes widening as she realised the truth. About the only member of the council who managed to completely keep his cool was Danzo himself, who looked back at the newly-christened Namikaze with cool disdain, as though he hadn't just killed four of his most highly-trained Root soldiers,_

_"Most impressive Naruto-san", he said frostily, "but do such techniques work on more fearsome foes that may come for yourself, the son of the Yellow Flash, and your bride?" Knowing what the wily old bastard was driving at Naruto merely smiled and reached a hand into the collar of his shirt; as he pulled out a thong holding a number of jingling rings he returned Danzo's gaze with amusement, seeing for the first time shock in the old man's' one remaining eye,_

_"That answer your question?"_

"Ino, Ino!" The shout almost made the kunoichi jump, looking around wildly as she tried to regain her bearings, seeing the concerned face of her fellow blonde looking over at her, "Thought I'd lost you for a minute there, you were well and truly spaced out".

"Sorry, just remembering the first time you were presented to the council", she didn't even bother to hide her grin, "the looks on their faces when he said that bit about him being Horobi; I thought they were going to be dragging the civilians out feet first on stretchers". Yugito's grin suddenly matched her own, the jinchuuriki digging her friend in the ribs as she did so,

"Yeah, though I thought I was going to have to beat one of them off Naruto-kun with a stick; what's Kiba's mother called again, is it Tsu-me?"

"Tsume, silent T", Ino corrected, Yugito nodding before speaking on,

"Right, sorry; better get used to remembering your future in-laws", the catgirl quipped, Ino scrunching up her face in distaste as her friend carried on, "yeah, well she was looking at him with a face somewhere between 'holy crap' and 'hubba-hubba'; luckily though she wasn't stupid enough to make a move".

"They're usually not; all Inuzuka live close to their instincts and they'll pretty much always recognise an alpha when they see one", Ino explained before looking slightly more serious, "and when they found out just where he'd gotten those rings from she probably realised he was at least that – I almost felt _sorry _for the pair that chased you into that sewer; I bet the recovery squad weren't so much using body-bags as matchboxes by the end of it".

Yugito sniggered, remembering that fight fondly; the two Akatsuki confident in their abilities to take down a single bijuu only for her to turn the tables completely by cutting off their escape and summoning her very annoyed future husband to the fray. Between her in the Nibi form and Naruto's mastery of the wind making sure that even if the weird religious nut couldn't die the remainder of his existence was going to be a very long, slow exercise in futility due to the number of pieces he was currently in, the two Akatsuki Immortals had never stood a chance.

"Well they were tougher than I gave them credit for but then again tough is a relative term when dealing with a woman who can make you spontaneously combust with a touch if she wants to and a man who can make the very air you breathe a poison", she commented casually before remembering where the sixth and most recent ring came from, smiling contentedly as she remembered that fight, "I think the more impressive fight he was in was the one where he put down that Uchiha's older brother; he was so pissed off when that raven-haired prick upped and died on him after he went to all the trouble of trying to take him alive".

"He was mad I was just relieved", Ino told her; she'd been on border patrol duty when Uchiha Itachi had decided to go on his one-man rampage through the land of Fire, burning a path straight towards Konoha as he belatedly received news from somewhere of his little brothers' unfortunate fate. Apparently Naruto had been counting on this, having stopped the council from executing Sasuke for this very reason as bait to lure a high-ranking member of the Akatsuki out into the open, and in an ironic twist of fate met the elder Uchiha at the Valley of the End. The cursed place no longer existed having been erased from existence over the course of the fight but this time Naruto had emerged the victor, staggering away from the battleground with his unconscious captive, swearing and having lit a victory cigarette from the strange black fire Itachi had summoned from his dreaded Mangekyou Sharingan.

Apparently, after being bugged incessantly for details by most of the rest of the rookies as he'd been reluctant to give details of the fight, Naruto had been able to neutralise all of the Uchiha's offence through clever use of his wind techniques, his affinity to the air too great to train a second affinity such as water. Itachi had known this but had found himself dismayed when it seemed that even the black fires of Amaterasu weren't able to burn for more than seven seconds without a source of oxygen handy; Naruto's skill with creating vacuums in his techniques had snuffed out that threat almost as quickly as the missing-nin could create it. Kyuubi, prodded into helping by a new song that never ended thoughtfully provided by the Konohamaru corps, had allowed Naruto to shatter the cursed world of Tsukuyomi like a pane of glass with little more than a surge of yokai and a muffled 'screw you' while even Susan'oo, the ultimate defence and offence of the Uchiha clan, was proven to be slightly imperfect as one of the Death Wails' clones had used one of the few doton jutsus its master knew to attack its only blind-spot. Approaching through the earth, the bushin had stabbed a pair of kunai through the soles of Itachis' feet just before its creator, able to get close as the agony made his opponent lose the yamabushi's focus, ended the threat of the Sharingan hopefully forever by slashing a wind-blade across both the missing-nin's eyes.

It had been a hard fight, one of the hardest Naruto had ever taken part in and he'd been in a terrible funk having found out that Itachi had died on the trip back to Konoha from a wasting disease in his lungs, and he wasn't the only casualty either. Since hearing of his brothers' death and losing the one purpose left in his life it seemed that Sasuke had simply given up on living; the jailors had come in one morning to find him cold and stiff on his cot bed, reunited with his family again as his body was cremated and the ashes scattered to the winds, no place on the memorial stone for a traitor. Since then the threat of the Red Dawn had faded though Naruto, Yugito and Jiraiya were all sure they hadn't heard the last of that shadowy organisation, but they all deemed it safe enough to put on at last the long awaited wedding. Now, not even a month away, Naruto would fulfil his last promise and she would be a married woman; _heh, I wonder if E's the type to cry at weddings?_ The thought made her snigger before a sloshing noise made her look up to see if Ino was leaving, though the Yamanaka was still by her side; however as another instantly recognisable face appeared out of the mist it was all Yugito could do to keep a snarl of her lips as Ino asked the question for both of them,

"What are you doing here Sakura; we were enjoying our bath in peace before you blundered in". The cherry blossom girl looked down at the water, not meeting either of their faces as she replied,

"Gomen, I, I just wanted to talk you Nii-san?" Yugito glowered, her response only just bordering on polite,

"I'm here, start talking".

"In, in private if I may"; of course Ino took offence to this, half-standing as she faced her former best friend down,

"Hey, whatever you've got to say can be said in front of me or not at all Forehead; get it though that massive cliff above your nose Naruto's with her now and Sasuke is dead, get over it". Sakura flinched at the harsh pointing out of the truth but stood her ground, glancing up at the jinchuuriki before biting her lip and speaking again,

"In private, if I may Nii-san"; _she's not going to go away_; a small part of her mind grudgingly gave credit where it was due for the other girl standing up to someone who could kill her in a heartbeat if she wanted to and had no reason at all to see her in a sympathetic light and, perhaps due to that flicker of respect Yugito nodded and turned to Ino, the Yamanaka looking shocked as her friend appeared to oppose her side of the story,

"Ino, if you hear any screaming come back and pull me off before I kill the bitch".

"But, what about, oh, okay", giving up the fight Ino still shot Sakura a last withering look as she moved towards the exit of the onsen, Sakura not moving from her spot as she face the jinchuuriki down and Yugito, not in the best of moods any more, starting things off,

"Look, say what you've got to say and then get lost; I've got more important things in my life to deal with than your mooning after my husband-to-be". Sakura squeezed her eyes shut before taking a breath and making her request plainly,

"I need you to do me a favour".

The gall of this woman almost made Yugito forget her promise to the Hokage to look past the past, pop out a tail of Nibi chakra and go in swinging; unconsciously leaking killing intent and blue yokai, the Kumo kunoichi glared up at her one-time rival for Naruto's affections,

"You want me to do you a favour; Kami damn it do you have no shame at all! After what you did, what you said to Naruto after he nearly died to bring back a traitor for you you're lucky I don't rip your hands off and leave you on the streets to fend for yourself! The only thing I should be grateful to you for is that you being such a bitch led to the two of us meeting – apart from that find yourself another cats-paw, I want nothing to do with you!"

"But you must", the quiet, flat voice hadn't changed and that was the only thing that caught Yugito's ear as she had considered the conversation finished, "because I need you to tell him what I meant to say, what I've been trying to say since before he left Konoha".

_What you meant to...?_; before she could puzzle it out Yugito found herself listening again, Sakura's face going blank as her vision focussed on a spot four feet over the jinchuuriki's head, her voice quiet and dead as she spoke words that had weighed on her conscience for over four years,

"You can't risk yourself like that for me Naruto-kun, not again; I want you to give up on that promise you made me, it's not worth it. You nearly died Naruto-kun, I heard those machines give out three times while you were in here, three times; I thought I was going to lose you because of Sasuke, because you loved me enough to try and bring him back", tears were in her eyes now but she would not stop, could not hold on to this poisonous knowledge any longer as it had torn her up inside for so long, "I want you to train, I want you to get stronger and become Hokage but please, please don't do this again, don't risk it all for me. I wouldn't be able to stand it if, if you weren't there any more".

Seeing the conclusion of Sakura's speech Yugito realised what was about to happen and cursed softly, dashed the tears from her fracturing vision and rushed over as fast as she was able to in the cloying waters of the onsen, throwing her arms around Sakura as she collapsed sobbing tears that had waiting far too long to be released,

"Shush now, shhh", the jinchuuriki crooned softly, running her hands through the damp pink hair of the smaller woman as the medic cried into her chest, her tears chill against naked skin, "all this time...?"

"Yes", her voice muffled until she managed to turn her head enough to speak clearly, sniffing deeply before continuing, "I wanted to tell him the second he woke up but I was so afraid, so scared of what he'd say. It took me all day just to step into the hospital and, and when I got to his room and saw him, sat up and covered in all those wrappings all I could hear were those damned machines, beeping and then going completely flat again, I heard him die Yugito! And then he saw me and...", this was the worst feeling, the nails in the cross of thorns she'd impaled herself on ever since that day before Naruto had left on the trip that had defined his future,

"..._and he told me he was sorry!_"

The whispering shout drove even Yugito to fresh tears; _yeah, that is something he'd do but she already felt so guilty_; she'd heard nothing in Sakura's tone that even hinted of a lie and realised just how much this must have tortured the Hokage's apprentice, made her wonder what could have been had she been able to open her mouth and say what she'd meant to say all those years ago,

"He said that", Sakura went on, pushing out of Yugito's grip slightly as she stood on her own feet again, breathing in harshly as she excoriated herself again, "poured his heart and soul into his words and I was too much of a spineless coward to do the same. I choked Yugito; I could only say two words that all but broke his heart after everything he'd been through, two words that screwed everything up. I ran, the first ninja in Konoha's history that deserted a friend in need, some record for me to hold, and because of that everything is still broken between us".

"And", now it all made sense, with the caul torn from her eyes Yugito realised that Sakura hadn't been catty or cruel in the few times she'd ever come within eyeshot of Naruto since his return; she just could never look him in the face and say to him what she had just recanted to her, "you can't tell him even now can you?"

"Every time", the girl sniffed, "every time I try I just remember him lying there, cold as death and on the threshold, hear those machines go flat and the terror that I'll lose him forever stops me cold, stops me from saying what I wanted, needed him to hear. I can't change the past Yugito, I don't want to because I know I don't and never did deserve someone like him – he's got you now and as long as he's happy that's fine with me, you deserve and I wish you both every health and happiness but please", she looked up at the taller kunoichi, naked begging in her eyes as she faced the future bride, "he needs to hear that, he needs to know I never meant things to turn out the way they did".

Yugito nodded – what else could she do? Sakura had just bared her heart and soul to someone who had every right to spit in her face and walk away but she wasn't that kind of person. Instead the jinchuuriki stepped forwards and embraced the Konoha kunoichi once more, reassuring her that she would pass the message on next time she saw the legendary Death's Wail. Heart lighter than it had felt in years Sakura nodded her thanks, speaking again as she did so,

"I was always useless you know, when we were on team seven; I always hit and called Naruto a baka but truth be told I was the weakest one", she admitted casually, Yugito merely listening to her ramblings as she went on, "I don't think there was a single day where I did right by either of my team mates so after Sasuke deserted and Naruto left, I swore I'd find a way to put things right no matter what it took. Sasuke was easy, especially after Itachi died"; _Sasuke?_; the traitor's name made Yugito look up sharply before Sakura's next words took her breath away, "it was simple; a bushin to distract the chef preparing his food and a second to add the drug. It was tasteless, odourless and most of all painless – I think he'd have preferred to die quickly after he heard his brother was dead rather than linger on until his execution".

"You", Yugito's mind was reeling, "you killed, you poisoned Sasuke?" Sakura nodded sadly,

"It was all I could do, a last kindness to say thank you for being my team mate and friend when we were children. Now I've told you what I don't have the guts to say to Naruto it's finally over, team seven is gone", she heaved down a shuddering sigh before facing the jinchuuriki again, a wan but genuine smile on her lips, "thank you for listening Yugito, I know you've got enough on your plate right now without listening to me ramble on". The Kumo kunoichi shook her head, almost crying again as she saw just how deeply Sakura's heart had been scarred by her mistakes and the lengths she had gone to make up for her lapses,

"Never mind that Sakura; I'm amazed you held it in so long without it driving you mad".

"Shishou helped; she talked me down one night when she found me in the hospital room Naruto had been in; I had a scalpel held to my wrist, I wanted the pain to stop so much but she knocked some sense into me, told me to stop running and face it, do something about it until Naruto came back and I could talk to him again. That's why I became her apprentice, a medic-nin, because I don't want anyone else to have to see what I did when Kakashi-sensei brought Naruto back from that mission". Yugito nodded, suddenly losing her appetite to stay in the onsen and after checking Sakura really was okay to be left alone, she placed a hand on the cherry blossoms' shoulder and nodded,

"I understand and in a way I'm grateful things turned out they way they did – without you making a hiccup Naruto would have been weaker, vulnerable to the Akatsuki and I might well be dead by now, those two that tried to take me might have succeeded if it hadn't been for him. I'm sure as hell not a Kami, I can't see the future but I do believe everything's got its good points as well as the bad – now this is over and it will be second I run into Naruto again, you can move forwards".

"I know", Sakura agreed with just a hint of regret before pointing to the exit of the onsen, "you better go Nii-san, Ino's probably waiting". Realising this was her cue to leave the girl alone with her thoughts Yugito did just that, calming her breathing even as she heard the tell-tale sound of soft weeping start again from over her shoulder.

Sakuras' intuition turned out to be right; almost before there was a toe over the threshold of the onsen changing area Ino was in her friend's face, almost frantic with worry and falling over herself to check she was okay,

"She didn't bug you too much did she; I'm go out there and drown her myself if she hurt you or tried to talk you out of your wedding in any way. Huh, in fact that sounds like a good idea, I might just do that anyway..."

"Ino", the paler of the two blonde was cut off mid-flow by Yugito's raised hand, "that's enough, we just talked, nothing more", Yugito explained before finding a subject that would throw even the Yamanaka's keen nose off the scent, "beside we need to finish up here and get home fast", she smirked evilly as Ino's eyes widened, "there's a certain cat I know who is most insistent that another day without the skilful attentions of her favourite mind-walker is simply not to be borne". _Kami, why me – leave it to Naruto to find the one girl in the world whose inner demon is fonder of ear-scratches than his own_;

"I swear that was the worst mistake of my life, second to agreeing to date Kiba", Ino groused as her friend punched her in the arm, chuckling, "Nibi's addicted, I'm sure of it".

"And I suffer if she doesn't get her fix", Yugito assured her, dropping her towel in the dirty linen container and pulling on her shirt, "come on, cat in a flap here – don't leave me hanging Ino". Huffing as she blew damp hair out of her face, Ino pouted before snatching up her things and hurrying after her rushing friend.

Despite her words in the onsen Sakura still felt the familiar guilt and misery roiling around in her guts as the day dragged on; it was only when she opened the door of her parents' house to a knock that evening and promptly froze as she saw the boy she had been unable to speak to since that hated day that she began to believe it might finally be ending. Both former team mates stared at each other in silence for a long minute before, in total silence, Naruto suddenly reached forwards and pulled the cherry blossom into a tight hug, Sakura likewise reciprocating as she broke down in his arms, breaking out of the shell of her past at last as Naruto finally knew of the secret she had kept inside for so long. _This is it then, the end of all things as they were_; while one part grieved the final death of team seven the majority soared away, out of the cage at last and free to pursue her own destiny at last; _he knows what I wanted to say, and that's the last good thing I can do for him_.

Less than three weeks later Sakura clapped harder and wept longer than anyone else as the rebirth of the Namikaze clan began over a pair or rings, some sips of sake and a life-long promise.

A/N: Wow, bit of an angsty omake at the end there but I think it was worth it – sometimes it's what you don't say that matters instead of what you manage to speak. Apart from that just a few points I just have to make clear; Deidara being the artist he is uses typical artistic insults (cretin, ignoramus etc) in my fics rather than more conventional swearing and apparently Yugito's hobby has been officially mentioned as playing the shamisen. Apart from those little factoids, hope you enjoyed the show and as always, until next time, ja ne!


	14. Chapter 13

Strength Envisioned

A/N: First off, congratulations to the reviewer who realised that the Bingo book names of Naruto and Yugito from the previous chapter were actually from a trading card game called Magic: the Gathering (MTG for short – for that story the actual card names mentioned were Horobi, Death's Wail and Blistering Firecat). I'm sorry you didn't like them as Bingo Book titles but I think they fitted the situation quiet well and let's face it – take a pre-shippuden Naruto, stick a big axe in his hand and hey presto, you've got yourself a pretty effective, if loud and slightly orange, Raging Goblin...

Second, I have no idea if akuma actually exist or if they do what or who they actually are; I just thought the name sounded cool. If I've accidentally offended anyone by this, I apologise in advance and offer ignorance as a defence.

Lastly, this chapter comes as the result of a request; as I meant to write about three chapters ago, I'm open to most kinds of request so just ping me a private message and I'll see what I can do. Until then though, hope you like what you read and any criticism is gratefully taken.

Roll up, roll up, the next act of this little show begins...

_Finally_; the pain from his wounds had ebbed but still ached nevertheless and he could swear the stump that had once been his right arm had started to itch already following its explosive amputation, but as he saw his prize before him at last Uchiha Madara allowed a brief flicker to success to light up the corners of even his jaded mind. The kunoichi who had sought to bar the way to what was rightfully his had been unexpectedly resourceful, even managing to escape her rightful fate at the edge of his blade and forcing him to sacrifice one of his brother's precious eyes, the forbidden Izanagi genjutsu all that allowed him to escape the trap her accursed paper techniques had sprung upon him. He had underestimated her and it had cost him time but as an immortal that was something he was endlessly rich in; her attack and words had been amusing but ultimately fruitless in even delaying his quest to take up the mantle of the new Ridoku sennin. His depth-perception still hadn't adjusted to his new monovision; _but it is of little consequence_; using a low-level wind jutsu to scatter the petals that held his prize, Madara stalked towards the inert body lying in the flowery grave, eager to claim the next piece of the puzzle that would lead him to becoming a new, true god rather than the pale imitation his late, unlamented subordinate had turned out to be; _once the Rin'negan is mine I will repair myself, and then the last two bijuu will be mine_.

With that thought foremost in his mind the Uchiha progenitor jumped into the mausoleum, casually crushing the individually crafted flowers Konan had used to cover both her team mates, and reached down to the face of the man who had once been considered a literal god. Dismissively neglecting the legacy the successor to the first ninja had left behind, both in Ame and Konoha where he had for some reason sacrificed his own life to resurrect all the fools his six paths had slain, he prepared the necessary preservative vial and peeled open the first of Nagato's eyelids.

The second he did so and saw the eye that stared sightlessly back at him Madara found himself assailed by an unusual, unpleasant sensation; the feeling that somehow, regardless of his plans within plans and all the pawns he still controlled and moved around the board, he had lost control of his future.

A second after such a revelation, he fell to his knees and screamed in broken, futile rage.

XXX

"Yo, baa-chan", dodging the paperweight that arrowed towards his nose with the ease of long practice, Naruto didn't miss a beat as he finished his question, "What do you need me for? Is it about Sasuke, do you know where he is?" Biting back a groan in the face of his expression, like a puppy waiting for a chocolate drop, Tsunade shook her head and tried desperately to remember Sakura's words regarding keeping herself as calm as possible following her recovery from her near-fatal chakra exhaustion in the aftermath of Pain's devastation of Konoha; _surely even being in the same room as this gaki is a violation of those doctors' orders_;

"No you baka; will you give up on that man-crush already?" She asked half-exasperatedly, half-amusedly, especially as the blonde shinobi gagged at her insinuations. He sobered up however as she sat straighter in her chair and the figure stood by the left of the door to her office took a step forwards, an feeling of doom and oppression billowing in front of him like a storm cloud around one of Kumo's peaks,

"You're here because Ibiki-san requested you, and yes before you ask if you co-operate we might be able to locate the Uchiha traitor", too engrossed in bowing respectfully to the head of Konoha's Torture and Interrogation department, Naruto didn't start jumping about in response to this declaration as he kept one wary eye on where the scar-pated man stood impassively with folded arms, allowing the Hokage to finish uninterrupted, "apparently the captive of team Taki we managed to recover in the aftermath of the Five Kages summit has agreed to share all information she has on both Sasuke and the Akatsuki on the condition you are the one to conduct the interrogation".

"Me?" Naruto questioned blankly, looking from one adult to the other as though waiting for one of them to start laughing and give away the joke; _though knowing Ibiki-san he hasn't had a laugh since I rolled a couple of canisters of laughing gas into the Hokage tower air-supply system during that massive council meeting. Ah, better not think about that too much, might look suspicious_; remembering who he was stood in front of Naruto belatedly broke off from his introspection and tried to look innocent as he finished his question, "But I don't know how to interrogate someone, and I've never tor...er, hurt, anyone, unless I was fighting them, you know?"

"We know Uzumaki-san", Ibiki stated solemnly before a wicked light sparked up in his eye and he grinned unpleasantly, leaning forwards and hiding a spark of perverse pleasure as he noticing the younger ninja flinch visibly; _still got it_; "you will only be there in the initial phase. If the prisoner is not compliant with you it will be my job to get the information we require", his face curdled into an expression somewhere between professional pride in his work and sadistic enjoyment in another human beings' suffering, "and believe me, she will talk".

The simple truth in those words made even Tsunade flinch and once more she made a mental note to find out who had suggested the grizzled old special jounin as acting Rokudaime while she'd been indisposed and get them scheduled for an immediate psychiatric screening, preferably by Inochi himself. Despite her personal misgiving on the matter however, the fact remained that right now time was priceless in the battle for information and the fastest way of extracting the nuggets of dirt their latest goldmine could cough up came from her favourite genin gaki, so Tsunade was going to be damned if she let such an opportunity slip. She opened her mouth to make this clear to Naruto who, despite both her and her greatly-lamented team mates' best efforts, still retained a degree of his endearing cluelessness, only to find herself beaten to the proverbial punch,

"Okay baa-chan, I accept the mission", he told her with uncharacteristic seriousness, though he was looking at Ibiki as he said it; _probably wants to get this over with quickly so Ibiki doesn't get any ideas_; "can we go do this now?" The special jounin nodded,

"Hai, the sooner the better – information is like a corpse, worth more and less degraded the fresher it is". Naruto shuddered at the metaphor and looked towards his adoptive grandmother,

"Baa-chan, you know when you were dissecting that Akatsuki guy, Kakazu I think it was, did you keep any of his spare hearts back by any chance? I think Ibiki-san could use one, it'd probably work better than the lump of flint hanging in his chest at the minute". The torturer smirked mirthlessly,

"Well I don't; my job might not be glamorous but it is essential and I'm very good at it – if you are ever to become Hokage something you'll have to learn is that to win a war nine times out of ten you have to play dirtier than the other side and that's where people like Anko-san and I come in", recalling the crazy snake lady who'd gashed his face open with a senbon and made herself his blood-sister almost within minutes of meeting him Naruto shivered and opened his mouth to protest but before he could do so Tsunade half-stood to close the deal,

"Be that as it may time is wasting and we have very little of it; Ibiki, go and Naruto, behave", she fixed him with a stare as piercing as a chidori, "while you're in the ANBU complex you are representing Ibiki and he has my full permission to do whatever he deems necessary to make sure you don't screw up there". Gulping audibly as the large man stepped towards the door, grinning evilly the whole time, Naruto for the first time since the Hokage had known him seemed to shrink in on himself,

"I'll be good", he promised meekly before falling into step with the special jounin and following him out of the office.

_Well that went well_; though she was loathe to send Naruto to do a job like this – hell she was loathe to commit _any_ of her shinobi to do jobs like this, least of all those few psychos in Konoha who actually enjoyed causing pain such as Ibiki and his protégé Anko – but Tsunade wouldn't have been able to call herself human if she hadn't felt just a tiny twinge of vindictive pleasure in her mind at the sight of Naruto finally respecting authority. Cracking open a bottle of sake from yet another hiding place Shizune and her pet sniffer pig Ton-Ton hadn't managed to ferret out yet, the Hokage mentally toasted her success while throwing down a generous measure; _hmm, maybe I could get Ibiki to teach me how he does it...nahhh_; she dismissed the thought with another swig; _just better to threaten him with chasing Tora until I name my replacement to get him to listen..._;

"Tsunade-sama!"

Despite being older, wiser and a magnitude stronger than the woman shouting the Hokage nevertheless froze, caught red-handed with the bottle halfway to her lips as Shizune appeared in the doorway Naruto had forgotten to shut behind him like an aspect of the Shinigami himself, her pet by the side of her giving a piggish glare as they caught their friend and mentor indulging again. Looking over and apparently not realising as a thin ribbon of the bitter liquid started trickling onto her kimono, the Slug sage gave her fuming assistant her best attempt at a Naruto-grin and a weak chuckle,

"Heh", the tic on Shizunes' head only got deeper and Tsunade knew that as long as she lived she'd never be able to figure out the secret genjutsu that let her oldest friend transform her one tapping foot into a noise that sounded like the tramp of doom descending on her, "would you believe me if I said it was for medicinal purposes?" If possible Shizunes' scowl got darker,

"Would it surprise you if I said no?" She stated, holding out her hand for the bottle that the pouting Hokage eventually gave up,

"Bah, you're no fun Shizune-chan..."

"And you have too much fun Tsunade-sama, especially after the nasty shock you gave us all", the assistant cut her off mercilessly before she paused, a sudden thought occurring to her as Tsunade felt a cold shiver run down her back; _I know that look_; "though, if you're feeling this well-recovered I suppose you'd have no problem in me taking the afternoon off to visit Jiraiya-samas' headstone; after all", dwelling on the Toad Sage was painful for both women though certainly more for Tsunade than her apprentice but before the air had time to sour from the remembrance of his loss a mischievous light had caught fire in Shizunes' eye and she went on, "I could leave an offering I'm sure his spirit would enjoy – that one night in Water country for instance, when you wandered into that nudist camp drunk and woke up in that hot-tub with all those handsome young strippers, and you didn't seem to be notice there was a sign for hands to be kept _above _the water..."

"No! No need Shizune-san", the Hokage gabbled desperately, making a show of grabbing the top page of the paperwork mountain on her desk and signing it voraciously; _she swore she never kept those photographs! If that old letch really is looking down on us and got an eyeful of them not even the Shinigami would be able to stop him from coming back, if only to rub my face in the fact I turned out to be a bigger pervert than he did when I was blasted!_; "see, look, working hard here, no need to be nasty my beloved apprentice".

"Good", Shizune's answering smile was all sweetness and light, not a hint of smugness in her tone or her posture as she bowed herself out of her mentors' office, "call if you need anything shishou, save the sake of course". With that and a hastily waved goodbye she gently shut the door and left Tsunade to sweat for a bit, clearing the paperwork as a result of her nervous energy as she considered if the younger woman really _was_ black-hearted enough to do such a thing to her oldest friend.

_Well that went well_; unknowingly parroting her teachers' earlier thoughts Shizune allowed herself a tiny smirk of appreciation as she ran her last words through her head; _who would have thought such a little bit of thinking like Naruto went such a long way?_;

"Ton-Ton", the pig perked up at its name, "what do you think Tsunade-sama would do if she found out we don't have those photos anymore?"

"Squuee-oink!"

"Yes, I think you're probably right", she shrugged and winked at her pet, an impish grin on her face as she sat back behind her usual desk again, "oh well, it'll be our little secret then!"

XXX

Contrary to what most of Konoha thought about him Naruto actually did have enough sense to know when and where to keep his eyes forwards and his mouth shut; as he was led through Konoha on what appeared to him to be nothing more than a meandering wander by his escort he said nothing and, following Ibiki's orders, didn't even try to make a note of where he was going. The ANBU complex was one of the most secretive and well-hidden locations in Konoha that did not, as most of Konoha's friends and enemies believed, exist within the bowels of the Hokage tower, but was its own separate and self-contained entity where a large number of the hidden villages' dirty secrets were stashed and occasionally dissected, literally as well as figuratively. When he was told to put on a blindfold Naruto did so without complaint, placing a hand on the department heads' broad back and following his lead until, eventually, Ibiki came to a halt,

"We're here", he growled slowly, saying nothing as Naruto slowly raised a hand to his blindfold and eventually raised it slowly, blinking back his vision after his brief sojourn in the dark, "most non-ANBU ninjas don't come here except for punishment hence the need for you not seeing anything until we got here". Following the older ninjas' gesture with his head, Naruto took in the door in front of him and blinked,

"Wow", he exclaimed, realising where they were at least; _and I couldn't tell we'd even gone inside anything_; "so she's in there right?"

"Yes; now what's going to happen is this", realising he had little to no say in the matter Naruto simply stayed quiet and listen, "you will go in there and she should talk to you – that was what she led us to believe in any event. I will be stood somewhere close by monitoring and recording your conversations from the closed-loop feeds but if at any time I believe she is lying I will terminate your involvement in this matter and settle things my way. Understood?" Nodding rapidly, the blonde genin gave a quick salute,

"Hai, I get it Ibiki-san; I'll, uh, I'll just get, get started than shall I?" He said nothing but nodded so Naruto, ever one to take a cue when one was available, especially if said cue enabled him to get out of eyesight of big, burly ninja who outright terrified him, slowly slinked past the head of department, placed his hand on the door, took a deep breath and slowly pushed the heavy wooden portal open.

XXX

She was not a ninja, never had been, probably never would be and had certainly never wanted to be in the first place; all she had going for her second sight and her moderate brains to get her out of trouble. She would have been quite content to carry on being a small cog in a great wheel somewhere but somehow that plan had ended up scuppered somewhere along the line and she'd found herself in the unenviable position of attracting the attention of not one but two of the darkest presences she'd ever had the misfortune to lay her unusual eyes upon. First had come the snake, all honeyed tongue and silken voice to try and woo her to his side from the research position she'd taken up in the land of Hidden Snow, working to make their chakra armour more efficient by attuning it to individual ninja chakra signatures. Though she knew, had know the second he appeared before her than he was an abomination barely clad in human flesh that was not his own, the offer of enough money to keep all remaining three generations of her family in comfort for the rest of their lives in exchange for her services had been a devil's bargain she could not turn down, not now only she and her younger cousin were the only bread-winners remaining in the family following their fathers' untimely death in one of the common avalanches that plagued the frigid land. So she had taken the blood-money, been transported to the land of Rice, started working for Oroichimaru and cursed herself ever since.

Her grandmother had once said the second sight she had inherited from her family was a special gift, given to her family by Kami so that they would see the truth of someones' soul regardless of what face they wore. For the past six years of her life, ever since she'd last said goodbye to her now-rich family; _are they even still alive? I know something happened to the land of Snow but did it affect them at all – oh Kyrina-chan, I pray you could keep them all safe_; that gift had become a curse and she had wished her spectral eyes as dark as her normal ones were without the glasses she was forced to wear to see beyond the end of her own nose. How many had she condemned to death, how many times had she looked on and watched helplessly, impassive of face but with her soul breaking and bleeding inside of her, as another innocent child or ninja was worked upon, their bodies twisted and souls, the things only she could see through her vision, mutilated beyond repair by the parasites and leeches the depraved madman toyed with like training kunai, a spoilt child unheeding of what he did or who he hurt as long as he got what he wanted in the end?

He called her brilliant, a prodigy behind only his right-hand medic-nin, a man called Kabuto who was almost as dark as his master and the other, a smaller, pale boy who had caught the sannin's attention and willingly; _how could anyone willingly allow him to rip their own soul apart for nothing more than a promise of power?_; following in his training and teachings. Even he, however, could not see the truth and believed her supposed brilliance to be a result of superior intelligence and she was careful to never give him reason to suspect anything more; she was no fool and knew that if Oroichimaru had a suspicion, or even the edge of a suspicion, that he knew of her unique skills it would be her upon the operating tables as easily as one of her 'patients'. To confuse the trails to this end she had thrown herself at his next husk, the black-haired and even blacker-tempered Uchiha who had saved her during one of his training courses and then acted as though she were beneath his notice – something she was extremely grateful for given the circumstances, she didn't want anyone whose soul was eroding as his was anywhere near her. It made her shiver in disgust, rather than adoration, to touch his cold skin but it amused her cruel master no end, just as any futile endeavour did, to see her try to provoke a reaction from the power-hungry child who cared of nothing but the death of his brother, keeping him from prying into her mind and abilities too deeply.

She could not escape his notice completely however; her abilities made her rise, however much she tried to deflect his toxic flattery, up the slippery ladder until she and she alone became privy to and the guardian of the source of the corruption, the one individual who had caused so much misery and death, the origin of the cursed seal. Many times she had stood there, at the entry to his individual cell with a kunai held in her shaking hand or a syringe of drugs, deadly even to his warped anatomy, ready to unleash its lethal payload on his meal, but every time she had baulked at this threshold. There were many reasons for this, her own cowardice and fear of what Oroichimaru might do to her family if she were to kill off his main test subject chiefly amongst them, but there was also the voice in the back of her mind, however small, that told her he did not deserve death. The origin of the curse seal was an individual afflicted with a disease, a unique disease that only she could see progress and was certain was not crafted by mortal men, a remnant perhaps of the deadly oni her ancestors had once helped banish, but it was a disease he had almost contained in his giant body. Normally, when she saw him, she could see he was a gentle man unable to harm a soul and with a close kinship to animals; during his episodes however, when the soul-blight tore through his spirit and blackened the chakra she could see from its normal gentle hue to angry reds and evil midnight blacks, he was nothing more than a rabid monster that could not stop itself killing anything and everything around him until he was able to contain the parasite again. It was a fascinating, horrific sight to have to see even normally but, though her cursed vision, the image of corruption racing through and obliterating the sweet mans' normal soul to replace it with a berserker state was nothing less than an affront against the Kami itself.

And there had been no end to her nightmare; even when Oroichimaru had fallen another had stepped forwards in his place; she had known the moment she'd seen him what had happened, what he had finally turned himself into in his quest for power. He had come for her, another tool to be used in his quest for revenge as a bloodhound to track down his brother and she had been forced the play the love-struck fool again despite the fact her flesh crawled when he came anywhere near her. Only the other two being there had allowed her to keep her sanity; the boy made solely of water was spiteful but not evil, his soul not stained with as much blood as he boasted while she already knew the fourth member of what had once been team Hebi, later becoming team Taki at their leader's whim. She had remained, unwilling to stay but unable to flee on pain of death; when she had been captured by the bandaged man she had known what would happen, almost welcomed it in fact – when the lightning had struck through her she had felt little pain, merely closed her eyes and expected to die.

This expectation had been thwarted however, and it had come as a great surprise to her to find her eyes reopened, glasses still in place to allow her to focus on the crying face of the pink-haired girl above her, her second sight telling her how much pain the girl was in even as she pumped life-giving chakra into her patient, a reversal of the usual circumstances as her team abused her body as her chakra was able to flow through the bodies of others, most effectively through the teeth as it was closer to the head, the main source of chakra in the body, and heal even the most grievous of wounds. Before she could even accept the irony of this, however, she felt the ominous presence of the one soul she had ever faced darker than even Sasuke, the prodigal Uchiha himself, suddenly appear and then disappear, his leaving and taking Sasuke with him like removing the blackest of shadow from her vision. Even then she had expected to die, after an interrogation that was the least she deserved following what she had done in her life, only to have those expectations shattered as her second sight, so used to seeing darkness, was suddenly illuminated by a light she was afraid had gone out of the world for the briefest moment before unconsciousness claimed her.

It was a light she was desperate to see again, to reassure herself that there was something worth seeing in the world, even at the cost of her life; as she saw the door to the room she'd been walked into, not unkindly, by her captors and the presence emerged like a sunrise in her vision, she closed her normal eyes and let out a silent prayer to Kami, thanking him for this one sight of beauty before death after so long in the twilight.

XXX

She was thin though probably taller than him with a mane of red hair that had once been much longer than its current unkempt state suggested; that much his trained ninja eye could tell before she sat back in her chair and closed her eyes, speaking in a soft voice that he nevertheless heard,

"Please, come closer"; surreptitiously checking she'd not set any hidden surprises up in the room to trick him, Naruto eventually complied, idly wondering if there was a reason her smile seemed to be growing wider at each step he took. By the time he had sat down opposite her she looked almost dreamy and he was afraid she'd fallen asleep completely before her eyes suddenly snapped open and she looked him full in the face, eyes that reminded him slightly of Kurenai-sensei behind their thick glasses homing in on his face with a steady but penetrating gaze,

"How", she asked slowly before pausing, as though trying to find the right words for her question, "how do you have two souls?"

XXX

For a moment she was afraid he'd be the same as Juugo; a man cursed with a terrible burden he couldn't control, the terrible evil she could see just waiting for the moment to strike but, as she looked again, she found herself confused; _it's completely separate from his own, like he has another soul with its own chakra source in his body. But how can that be?_; realising that this time even her special sight was blinded, Karin forced herself to open her eyes and fix the boy with her gaze,

"How", she stuttered, seeing his face for the first time and lost for a second in the soft but fierce blueness of his eyes, "how do you have two souls?"

The blunt question seemed to make the boy flinch for a minute, a trenchant expression on his face as he folded his arms defensively, not quite looking at her as he spoke,

"So, the teme briefed you up on me then? Figures", he shrugged non-commitally but the displeasure in his posture would have been impossible to miss even without her second sight, "he never could keep his mouth shut on anything he knew; too busy trying to impress people with his power to know how to keep a secret".

"Secret?" The girl repeated blankly, nonplussed at his sudden behaviour and trying to recall if their supposed team leader ever had mentioned anything about anyone he'd ever known in Konoha, apart from how he was going to kill them and burn the place to the ground, "I'm sorry, uh..."

"Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto", he filled in, still with arms folded though slightly more interest on his face as he looked at her again,

"...Naruto then, but I do not know what you're talking about. All I know is what I can see; to my sight", she made a point of looking at him again, her glasses flashing in the light that beamed down from the bare lamp above them both, "I see your chakra, which is bright and warm, and another chakra which is...not. I've never seen such a thing before and am wondering how this is – is it a bloodline limit?" Naruto snorted,

"I should be so lucky; anyway before I answer your questions, if I do"; _I'm the investigator, I make the rules here – hey, I think I'm getting the hang of this_; to prove his point he favoured her with a heated glare, "you can answer two of mine. What's your name and what did you mean by your sight – we already know you're a sensor-type ninja, do you have a bloodline as well?" In a crushing blow to his ego, however, the girl laughed softly though not unkindly before looking up at him again,

"That was three questions Naruto"; she snickered again at the sight of him ticking off his fingers and then scowling as he realised she was actually right, "but I'll answer as best I can. My name is Karin, just Karin, no clan name for my family's protection and I do not have a bloodline per se; what I have is, is quite hard to explain", she tilted her head back, an expression of concentration on her face as she considered her words, "my family is descended from a long line of akuma, priests in ancient times who conversed with Kami and banished oni, demon-spirits"; _he flinched then – does that mean his twin soul is an oni curse?_; masking her suspicion and sudden fear she carried on, "and from them by grandmother said we developed our gifts. What you say is true; I am a sensor ninja, though I barely class myself as a ninja as I can't fight worth a damn, but I have what my family called the second sight – when I look at you", she did, her crimson gaze making the boy squirm for a moment as she spoke again, "I see more than just your chakra, I see a person's soul as well".

As usual when she tried to explain how her power worked the recipient of such an explanation went through several stages and facial expressions, Naruto being no exception to this rule; first was confusion, then understanding, then outright horror (though Karin had to mask a smile at the look on Naruto's face – such outright violation was too priceless), then thinking and then, finally acceptance of something she could neither control nor deny. Her second sight was as much a part of her as Sasuke's Sharingan was of him but it was not a bloodline, it cropped up randomly in families like hers, sometimes in people who had only had a single remote akuma ancestor, and was considered in some areas a blessing, in other a cause of great shame. Her ability could be used for good or for ill and, seeing as how one of her previous employers had died and the other had terminated her contract by attempting to terminate her, Karin had sworn that then only thing she could do now was try to use her abilities for the best,

"Okay", Naruto seemed to be getting over his surprise, looking her over with as much of a calculating gaze as he could manage, "so that's how you can track people as a sensor by your sight – is that why you need those glasses?"

That got the reaction he'd been expecting; Karin immediately scowled and pushed the aforementioned face wear up her nose, glowering at the boy as she placed her bandaged hands on the table, the fingers bound together to stop her forming hand seals,

"No", she ground out lowly; _I might not like them but no-one, absolutely no-one, disses the glasses – heck even Suigetsu learnt that one once I stomped on his sleeping bag before he could splash away, took him a week to swing that sword again_; "these are just for my regular vision, the second sight doesn't need such things. Anyway, I've answered your questions", she gradually slewed the conversation back around to where she wanted it to go, "now for mine – how do you have two souls in my vision?"

To her consternation though Naruto didn't answer immediately and there was a sudden ripple of dark intent in her vision; the smaller of the two presences in her unique vision seemed to shift and suddenly there was a small explosion of angry red pooled in the otherwise bright yellow-orange of the soul Karin had identified as being Naruto, even having shared so few words with him. _Fascinating_; the scientist within the red-headed girl stood amazed as the two souls seemed almost to fight, 'Naruto' railing against the other presence and eventually forcing it back until, to her surprise, he faced her again, looking a lot more circumspect than before as he spoke,

"Okay then Karin, this is supposed to be a secret but I'd prefer you to trust me; I do have two souls, both of which you can see but only one of them's mine. Do you know what the term jinchuuriki means?"

Naruto had seen all kinds of reactions to that word; people had scowled, cursed, run away or made signs of warding against evil against him, but it was an absolute first for him to see the girl he was supposed to be interrogating have her eyes suddenly widen to almost Rock Lee proportions and then try, as much as her restraints would let her, to prostrate herself on the table before him. Thinking for a minute she'd gone mad with fear, Naruto backed off and tried to sound reassuring,

"Uhh, Karin, it's okay; jinchuuriki aren't really all that bad – I'm not going to do anything to you, I'm in control".

"I know Naruto-sama", she spoke directly into the table, not even looking at him as she went on, "jinchuuriki are heroes, the noblest of the akuma"; _heroes? Noble?_; the words alone shocked him into muteness and gave Karin time to explain, "my grandmother told me; jinchuuriki were the akuma who sacrificed their own bodies to imprison oni, risking their own lives and souls to contain a beast their prayers and totems could not destroy. On their death the oni would be banished forever and the world a safer place; I know now the world is different but the fact remains you hold one of the bijuu, the strongest forces of nature in the world – without you it would be free to cause havoc, so that makes you a hero. You...", she saw the look on the boy's face, the tears clustered in his eyes at her explanations, "...don't agree, Naruto-sama?"

_A hero_; the idea was so far out of the bathtub and out of the ordinary that he almost cried at the thought; _I hold Kyuubi down – if he were still out there now who knows what he'd be capable of, or how much easier it would be for the Akatsuki to capture him?_ Slowly though he disengaged those thoughts, distanced himself from what might have been had the villagers acted a little more like Karin and a little less like the average residents of Konoha and returned to the matter at hand,

"I, uh, no, not really; the man who did the sealing was the hero, he sacrificed his life to save Konoha – I was made a jinchuuriki because there was no other choice, only a newborn baby could hold the demon", he explained delicately, trying to keep some secrets such as who had actually performed the sealing and, therefore, keeping his parentage safe, "still, apart from that I... please sit up", he requested, holding back a sigh as Karin immediately sat bolt upright and started fixing both her glasses and her hair, "charming as the top of your head is I'd prefer to speak to you face to face".

"As you wish Naruto-sama".

"And stop with the –sama please", the idea of such high praise made him feel uncomfortable, "I'm just Naruto, like you said. My soul's my own and his, the demon I contain, is separate from my own". Knowing what she did now Karin understood so much more and looked over the table, her gaze and tone much softer as she answered,

"Okay, I get that it might get annoying having people worship the ground you walk on after a while", she paused, just for a second before her traitorous tongue solved the internal struggle for her and made her add, "Naruto-sama". The boy glowered,

"Stop it or else..."

"Or else what?" Seeing him flounder for answers Karin pressed her advantage, leaning her chin on her restrained hands as she settled her moderate weight forwards on her seat, "Well, I'm all ears for your answer oh brave and noble jinchuuriki, what'll you do to me? It's not like I can stop you", she held up her bandaged hands for his inspection, a mischievousness in her voice that she realised with a start was being subtly coaxed back into life by being so close to the furnace of good nature that was the dominant soul of the boy before her; _how powerful must he be? Did this result from the struggle against his inner demon, making him this strong by continually fighting to keep it locked up?_; "so come on ninja-san, would you hit a helpless woman?" For his part Naruto suddenly lunged forwards, making her squeak in shock and almost topple back off her chair as she slammed backwards, cheeks reddening as he smirked victoriously at her flinch,

"Don't tempt me", he warned her jokingly before becoming suddenly serious, beckoning her forwards and, realising with ease of long practice and experience of understanding the mood of enigmatic megalomaniacs of nin such as Oroichimaru, Karin realised the time for joking was over and likewise straightened her face, "but still, we need to get this over with Karin or Ibiki-san might lose his temper and take over from me. What can you tell me about Akatsuki and their future plans?"

Seeing the fire in his eyes as well as his spirit and knowing neither could be denied, the former Taki member took a deep breath and began to recite everything she knew.

XXX

An hour or so later Naruto nodded, inclined his head towards the captive and thanked her for being so forthcoming before standing up and leaving the room; even as he sagged against the nearest wall, however, he almost jumped as Ibiki appeared out the shadows like the prospect of death,

"How do you do that?" Naruto demanded, glaring up at the silent arbiter of judgement in this ANBU department, "Is it some kind of jutsu that only T&I heads are allowed to know". Chillingly, Ibiki smiled,

"Survive long enough to take my place and you might find out", he told the younger shinobi before becoming more serious, "still, an excellent effort for your first interrogation, even if the prisoner was compliant. You built up trust and established a repartee with your subject before fishing out genuine information about both her and her skills and the organisation she was a part of..."

"...Unwillingly; she was only there because Oro-teme and Sasuke-teme bullied and scared her into it", Naruto broke in, explaining himself at Ibiki's stern glare as the man did not like being cut off mid-flow,

"...regardless of that, she is a prisoner and will remain here until the situation resolves itself. I will, however, speak to the Godaime regarding the second sight and healing chakra she mentioned – I have heard of akuma but those are skills I have never before encountered and Hokage-sama may be more knowledgeable than I am".

"Okay, leave it to baa-chan; got it", Naruto responded casually, not noticing the glimmer of amusement that flickered in the older nin's eyes, "so, can I go now?"

Ibiki nodded and before he could react jinchuuriki found himself grabbed by the shoulder; there was a scattering of leaves and Naruto found himself squinting in the bright sunlight, Ibiki's voice fading in his ears as the department head shunshinned away,

"Consider yourself gone, oh heroic and noble Uzumaki-san". _Damn, I forgot he was listening in_; the thought of Karin's works reaching certain pairs of ears, specifically those framed by pink hair or, Naruto's insides squirmed, covered by a blue mask made his cheeks ignite and without further ado he headed towards Ichiraku's still trying to quell the disquiet voice in the back of his head that told him he was missing something important in Karin's words.

Even as he sat down and inhaled the beautiful smell of ramen being cooked however the voice would not leave him be; for a minute he thought it was due to him being too wrapped up in Karin's concept of being able to see souls of people leading him to believe he was being stalked by a mischievous Kami of trickery but with his typical pragmatism he shoved aside these thoughts and focussed again on what Karin had said and tried to see something he doubted even she knew she was speaking about in her words. He was so deep in contemplative thought that it was only when Ayame-chan knocked the bar in front of him, pre-requisite offering of steaming ramen in one hand, that he jolted back to the land of the living,

"Wahhh, Ayame-chan", he grabbed his chest, heart palpitating as she snickered gently with laughter at his sudden start, "don't scare me like that when I'm thinking!"

"Sorry, I guess it just doesn't happen often enough for me to recognised when you're deep in thought", the serving girl replied cheekily, causing Naruto to scowl and stick his tongue out at her, "I thought you were just in a ramen rapture as usually before you get served".

"Hey, careful there Ayame-chan, you're on thin ice", Naruto warned her, snapping a pair of chopsticks open, "if I weren't here this old shack would be out of business in a week". The ramen girl scowled back, just about resisting the urge to rap the serving ladle she held in her free hand over his thick-skulled head,

"And if we weren't here you'd starve in a day", she shot back, matching his scowl with her own before they simultaneously broke down into giggles together, Naruto casually plucking the cloth held in her apron onto the bar and wiping it down as he always had done when the Ichirakus were busy,

"Too true Ayame-chan – you and your tou-san kept me alive when I was a kid". Ayame ran her hand through his thick blonde hair, regardless of the fact that he was now taller than her; in her eyes he would always be the same impetuous blonde brat she'd loved like a little brother no matter how old he got or even if he managed to become Hokage.

"And regardless of how much dad might deny it you probably kept us sane when he was younger; if you didn't manage that you at least kept us amused". Naruto tried to hold down a smile as he quirked an eyebrow sardonically,

"I live for your entertainment", he quipped dryly, drawing a snigger from his companion before his eyes rolled down to the dish she'd presented him with and his eyebrows knitted, "hey, what's this?" Looking down in kind Ayame tried to explain the unusual addition to his standard bowl of miso ramen,

"Oh, that's something I can explain; when dad got his latest order of noodles in we didn't realise one of the bags had split slightly and, well before we got them into the store room we stored them under that old blossom tree in the back area. Some of the blossoms fell into that bag but dad didn't notice until he started cooking with it; look on the bright side, those flowers are supposed to mean good luck in the future, maybe they'll help you become Hokage Naruto", Ayame suggested with a smile; that expression, however, quickly fell away from her face as she saw the blonde ninja staring into his bowl, eyes wide and blood draining from his face, "Naruto?"

_Karin had held his gaze and looked forwards as she spoke, trying to recall everything she knew,_

_ "After the Five Kages summit I don't really know what they were planning as their next moves, apart from capturing the remaining jinchuuriki of course. I might have heard Madara, urgh, he gives me the creeps just thinking about him, I could barely see his soul through all the blackness surrounding him, mention something about a betrayer of the Red Dawn, and how he'd have to get the weapon they were trying to hide from him in the future..."_

_But no-one had left the Red Dawn, nobody escaped..._

_The weapon..._

_She stood before him, face regal but pain in her eyes as her techniques bound the body of her former team mates, presenting him with her final gift,_

_ "I hope for you these will be the flowers of hope that never die"._

_The weapon..._

_Only she had left, all the other Akatsuki were dead; only she had escaped from Madara, retreating to Rain to comfort the people on the loss of their god..._

_The weapon!_

"Ayame", it was the girls' turn to jump as after watching the white petals swirl around in broth for a moment Naruto suddenly stood up, all the pieces colliding in his head and showing him, showing him without any _possibility_ of a doubt what one of Madara's next moves was going to be, simply had to be, "I have to go".

"Go?" His speed left her startled, as did the still-steaming platter of noodles she'd presented him with lying untouched in front of him, "But what about...?"

Her only answer was a gust a wind as Naruto tore out of the shop, only a pair of fluttering ryo bills left behind to cover his tab as Ichiraku Ayame was left behind thunderstruck, jaw open and hardly believing what she was seeing as for the first time in his life, Uzumaki Naruto abandoned his ramen.

XXX

He ran, ran until he was back in his apartment and slamming the door, breathing raggedly as though he'd just done a full training session with Ero-sennin, Kami rest that shameless old perverts' soul. Hurling himself into the kitchen he sat at his table and grabbed the nearest sheet of paper, not caring he was over-writing his grocery list and as he snatched up the nearest pen, this was more important; hell about the only thing he _wouldn't_ write over to get what was in his head down on paper would be the scroll for the Hirashin jutsu, and even that would be a marginal decision at best. The pen moved so fast across the paper that it was a wonder it didn't catch fire but he didn't stop, wouldn't allow himself to stop until he had everything down he could think of. At that stage he took a deep breath in to calm himself as much as he could, and then he started to make a plan.

As anyone who knew him would testify, planning was not one of Naruto's strongest points; he was the one that went and got stuck in at the sharp edge of combat and left the strategic thinking to someone smart like Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei or Shikamaru. This time though was different; he could not afford to charge in blind against any member of the Akatsuki anymore; even bereft of one of their strongest members, or two if Sasuke had managed to defeat his brother as Karin had claimed if not witnessed, the rest were guaranteed to be nothing even close to a pushover, the weaker members being killed off by attrition until only the strongest remained. No, it was time to be smart not stupid despite how little time there was to react to the changes; slowly but surely he planned out what he needed to do, and in what order, to deny Madara at least one of his goals. He even summoned a couple of clones to read over his shoulder, the old two-heads-are-better-than-one approach (though one clone got bored and disappeared, reappearing about half an hour later with takeout from Ichiraku having dodged a barrage of questions and an instinctive glomp from Ayame, which was a nice bonus and distraction from his otherwise ceaseless brainwork) until at last he felt himself as ready as he was going to get and looked over his plan one final time.

_Okay then, first thing is I can't tell anyone about this_; it was a bitter pill for him to swallow but a truth – if his idea got into the main stream baa-chan would have them on lock-down quicker than Akamaru on a thrown stick and Madara would be free to waltz into Ame at his leisure. After that there were several steps to his plans, each one of which could have gotten him executed in Konoha at least but as he took a shuddering breath he realised there was nothing else for it; rubbing his eyes as he looked out the window to see the sun going down he realised he had an hour at most to pack his kit if he was going to do this. Casually setting the plan in plain sight on his table for someone to find once they realised something was amiss, a final thought echoed in his mind as he grabbed his ninja equipment.

_Baa-chan's gonna kill me when she finds out..._

XXX

Naruto knew from the moment he'd conceived it that his plan was foolhardy to the extreme and quite likely to fail at any one of the stages he had; however he had been hoping to get a little further than the front area of the ANBU building, having snuck in through the front doors during a change in guard shift, when a kunai casually tapped him on the neck and he froze,

"Okay gaki", for some reason the voice sounded familiar but before he could put a face to it there was an arm draped over his shoulder and a cheek against his own, "got a reason why I shouldn't open up more than just your cheek this time? Breaking into the ANBU HQ is considered treachery you know?"

"Crazy-snake-lady?" The strong smell of dango on her breath gave her away but before she could counter he'd carried on quickly, "Listen, this is important..." The kunai pressed harder into his neck,

"Oh believe me gaki", Anko assured him, almost tasting his terror and finding it almost as sweet as his blood, "it had better be".

"...As in, stopping-Akatsuki-taking-over-the-world important", he finished, crossing his fingers and hoping again hope he wouldn't have to fight the former Chunin examiner; for a start he wasn't sure he'd win and for another the noise would be sure to bring other ninja like Akimichi to free barbeque, "listen, I need to speak to Karin again, the girl I interrogated earlier?" He didn't even bother trying to hold in a sigh of relief as he felt the weapon remove itself from his neck and the arm from his shoulder, someone take a step away from him before they spoke again,

"Turn around", he did without hesitation, seeing the Snake Mistress of Konoha in all her fishnetted glory before him with her kunai still in her hands as she looked him up and down, running her tongue over her teeth, "you've caught my interest gaki; tell me everything", she smiled chillingly, almost as bad as Ibiki as Naruto felt an important part of his anatomy shrink in fear of her next statement, "I'll know if you're lying and it'll be little Naru-chan that pays the price". Trying not to wince too noticeably, the genin took a breath and explained, watching as Anko's face seemed to switch between amazed, incredulous and grave at certain stages of his explanation.

It took less than a minute for Naruto to give the bare bones of his scheme away and about the same time for it to sink in to Anko's brain; feeling time ticking away Naruto was almost tempted to make a break for it before the special jounin's voice, still low and quiet but with an audible undertone to shock, broke through to him,

"You are utterly insane gaki; your plan relies on not one but two missing-nin coming through for you and if anything goes wrong we're screwed"; _well_; okay so it had been rough and ready but Naruto was still a little disheartened to see his first plan torn down like that; _what you put it that way..._; "I like it!"

"Wha...!" Seeing his expression Anko grinned, pocketed her kunai and walked past the front desk, looking for the keys to the interrogation cells,

"Save the world, make sure the Uchiha teme can't get his grubby hands on the one doujutsu in the world more powerful than his and look out a kunoichi who gave you a present; aww, it sounds so sweet", she commented, fishing out the key they needed, "and truth be told it is a good plan; last thing they'd expect and that gives us the element of surprise". A little left behind by her complete flip in attitude, Naruto scratched the back of his head embarrassed,

"Uhh, thanks, it was my first..." it was at that point something she'd said jarred in his mind and his hand and jaw dropped simultaneously, "wait, 'we'?"

"Yeah, I'll drop a message on Ibiki's desk before we go", Anko explained casually, looking over at him as she twirled the key around her finger, "what, you didn't think I was going to let you have all the fun yourself did you? It's been ages since I've been out the office – you wouldn't be that heartless to force me to stay cooped up in this stuffy old place would you Naru-kun?" She put on the puppy-dog eyes and he quivered,

"Please don't do that again, it scares me", he pleaded, following in Anko's wake as she moved off, "right, let's go, it'd going to take me a while to get the transport sorted".

"Do it in the cell while I get your girlfriend out of bed", she paused for an instant just as Naruto began to splutter that he'd only met the prisoner earlier that day, "and how did you get here anyway? I saw Ibiki bring you in, you were blindfolded".

"Had Kage Bushin tailing me the whole way", Naruto explained casually, still trying to protest his innocence over the whole Karin insinuation, "saw how to get here three separate ways and once they dispelled I got the memories". Impressed despite herself, Anko gave a low whistle,

"Nice kid, guess that really makes you a shinobi now, not just a loudmouthed orange-wearing gaki", she told him, waiting until he started to preen himself with pride before adding, "of course it also makes you a security risk, but we'll deal with that when we get back to Konoha", she turned and looked over her shoulder at him, her face contorted with her usual bloodthirsty grin,

"Right?" Swallowing nervously, Naruto meekly nodded,

"Right".

XXX

_For the first time in years Karin could sleep without listening to the howls of people tormented by devils in the minds and chakra supplies that she'd helped put there but that didn't mean she could sleep easily; her dreams were plagued with visions of what she had done, been forced to do, to ensure her own survival. She tossed and turned in her cot bed, the ghosts of her past reaching out to claim her, their sibilant whisperings damning her as a murderer, torturer and, as the breath caught in her throat and she struggled to breathe, a gaki..._

Gaki?

"Gaki!"

With a choking cough from the low shout in her ear Karin launched herself out of bed; or at least that was the intention until she became aware of the hand over her mouth, stopping her from speaking and breathing as her fuzzy vision blurred the shadows on her room. Trying to fight even as he lungs felt empty, the kunoichi who had never even wanted to be a ninja struggled against the grip until a sharp rap to her forehead forced her to quiet down,

"Karin", the voice jerked her back to reality enough to engage her second sight; there was no faking an aura that strong, it was definitely Naruto, "listen, don't fight, we've all got work to do. Anko, let her up", the other, closer chakra source, itself with a pin-prick of darkness clouding it, removed itself from her vicinity and she gasped down a deep breath, fumbling for her glasses as the light came on. As her vision returned she fought a sudden urge to hide under her covers again; she knew who was looking at her now, recognised the name and knew the woman not a hands-breadth from her had no reason to feel merciful towards someone who had worked for her former sensei for as long as she had. Seeing the reaction her presence had generated Anko busied herself by taking charge, pointing at Naruto,

"Okay gaki one, that's you blondie", he scowled at the name but nodded, "start that technique you said will get us to Ame; these cells are all recorded and using chakra in here to excess may trip one or more of the alarms, so we've got to do this fast. Gaki two", Karin involuntarily flinched as the snake mistress pointed at her this time, a predatory gleam in her eyes, "you're coming with us; get dressed and get ready for hell!"

A few moments later the alarm sounded in the ANBU complex of Konoha; the response time was less than fifteen seconds and all the recovery team found were able to find was a few of the affects of the former prisoner, a lingering cloud of chakra smoke and a note addressed to Morino Ibiki, left on the Karin's pillow. Having been summoned from his bed to deal with the situation, the torturer angrily snatched up the scroll, recognised the handwriting and snapped it open, expecting this to be another one of Anko's little pranks; when he'd read and re-read the scroll's contents, however, he sagged against the nearest all and immediately began using every scrap of his fiendish intellect to try and work out a way of explaining the situation to the Godaime without getting punched through the nearest wall.

XXX

A long way away from the Hidden Leaf village, a small toad hopped forwards, croaked once and then let its jaws distend to unnatural lengths, disgorging its three passengers as the jutsu, a temporary space-time ninjutsu involving a pocket dimension held within the belly of a summoned creature, was completed and the assembled party flopped onto the grass, one of them breathing a lot heavier than the other two,

"Ah, that takes me back", Anko remarked, casually wiping the slime from the toads' mouth off her shoulders and splashing some nearby water from a puddle through her hair, "have to say gaki, better ride than in the snakes; at least toads don't have teeth".

"Ain't that...the truth", Naruto wheezed, once more grateful that Pa and Jiraiya had taught him that jutsu before the Gama sannin's untimely death; looking over at where Karin was currently loosing her lunch as what had happened sank in, he stumped over and tried to speak reassuringly, "hey, no need to worry Karin-chan; it's a perfectly safe method of travel". Slowly getting her biological responses under control, the redhead slowly stood up and regarded him with a wobbly smile,

"I know that logically Naruto-sam, uh, Naruto-san, but emotionally", she shook her head, "one of the reasons I never wanted to be a shinobi; ah Anko-san", the snake summoner stopped dead at the whispered shout, "stay close to me, within about ten metres or so; I can hide all our chakra presences that way". That declaration made a pair of purple eyebrows rise,

"That so? Guess you really were worth busting out to bring on this mission", she appraised before winking at Naruto, "and there I was thinking it was just so you'd have something, or someone, to do at night?"

As she'd expected both teens went crimson at the insinuation but neither gave their position away by yelling at the incorrigible special jounin; instead Naruto sniffed and turned back to the former scientist, casually turning her back on a woman who could kill him in less time that it took to blink,

"Karin-chan, can you find out where we are; I was aiming for the outskirts of Ame, just outside the village so we can make a move tomorrow". She nodded,

"Right", and made a seal he didn't recognise; both he and Anko remained silent for a moment before the kunoichi spoke again, "you were almost right Naruto-san; we're about ten miles out. If we get within two or so, I should be able to tell if our target is there".

"Good work Karin-chan; Anko-ch-san", he corrected himself at the last minute, seeing the older kunoichi's fingers inch towards her weapons' pouch, "ready to move?" She smirked,

"Nothing like a little night-running to build up an appetite". Naruto shook his head,

"I ate before I left"; _got him_; once more the cluelessness of young ninja worked for her but at the same time she wondered if this could really be the kid who'd spent three years training with Jiraiya the Legendary Letcher,

"Wrong kind of appetite gaki".

"Huh? What...?" He looked around but Anko was already moving, "What's she mean?"

For some reason, other than going a rosy shade of red that put her hair to shame, Karin couldn't give him an answer.

XXX

As they moved like ghosts through the night, Anko fell back a pace to whisper to the instigator of this unofficial, madcap mission,

"So, what the deal between you and her?"

"Who, Karin?" Quailing at the sudden look of incredulity Naruto hastily moved on, "Like I said I just interrogated her earlier; she requested me because she..."

"I don't mean that", Anko cut him off, more interested in the other facts she'd seen even in the short time she'd seen the two teen interacting, "she was going to call you –sama wasn't she?" Naruto frowned,

"Yeah but I asked her not to", he pointed out, explaining as he saw Anko's questioning face in a patch of moonlight, "from what I can work out she's descended from people called akuma and because of that she's got this weird second sight thing, lets you look at people's souls and she could see I had two, one for me and one for...the other one", he said delicately, Anko's curt nod telling him she understood; _not like he's the only one demonised because of something he didn't ask for and couldn't control_; "when I told her I'm a jinchuuriki she, well she took it better than most..."

"...And why wouldn't I?" Karin's voice, still a whisper, sliced across his own, letting them know she'd heard every word, "Naruto-san holds back a force of nature and will remove it from this plane on his death; what could be more noble than sacrificing yourself to keep your people safe every day you're alive? His soul shines more brightly than anyone else's I've ever seen, a warm presence that would comfort anyone that allows it to come near – why wouldn't I call someone like that –sama, they've done more to deserve it than most so-called royalty?"

"I, uh..." oddly enough Anko didn't have a comeback to that, "...I guess I know where you're coming from".

"Good", Karin declared before her voice dropped, becoming more submissive as she spoke again to the other woman, "ah, Anko-san, my sight shows something I am very, familiar with blights your soul". There was the dull rasp of a kunai sliding out of its sheath before the special jounin spoke again, a hard, ruthless edge to her voice this time,

"Well in that case keep your eyes to yourself gaki, before I remove your reasons for wearing glasses"; flinching from the threat, Karin scrabbled around for her remaining scraps of courage to speak again,

"My apologies Anko-san but, if I can, I might have a way to remove such a corruption from its source; one of my team mates, before I was captured, Juugo", she went on quickly, careful not to rouse the ire of the assassin just behind her, "his body is the source of the curse seal; all Oroichimarus' work on that seal comes from him, even yours".

"Even mi...how did you know about my seal brat? Tell the truth, did you work for the snake?"

"Hai", Karin replied in a very small voice, waiting for the death-blow to fall and hearing Naruto scuffling around behind her to try and talk Anko out of a killing before she could explain, "to save what was left of my family I took his offer of money; he was a monster Anko-san, more of one than even you could know, but he showed me the secret behind his curse, he took me to Juugo and because of that I think I know a way to destroy the infection from the source".

"Give him to me", Anko's answer was in a rougher voice than before; Karin had the impression she was trying to hold back tears but knew better than to voice it, "it'll be quick and he won't feel a thing". The thought of Juugo, giant, gentle Juugo lying dead with his throat opened made Karin feel sick but she pressed on nevertheless,

"No, killing the man who holds the source would do nothing beyond make you feel better in yourself; from what little I know and have seen of the seal it's not a fuuinjutsu, not completely. Juugo appears to have had some kind of curse put on him by an oni or some other dark creature, a curse that periodically corrupts his souls and turns him into a killing machine. He's not a smart man, hell he's like me; doesn't want to be a shinobi and never did, but he was desperate and from what I know he came to Oroichimaru looking for a cure for his condition. Of course..."

"...Oroichimaru used him", Anko finished for her dully, knowing this story off by heart through experience, "that damned snake was never one to pass up an opportunity when it came to him, least of all one as potentially useful at that. So, if you are right and it is an oni curse, can it be broken?" Karin shrugged,

"I don't know, I'm not an akuma; I'm hoping that if I can take Juugo to a proper akuma or a temple priestess they may be able to break the curse on him and if the source is stopped all Oroichimarus' work with the seal will be destroyed in one stroke. All I need to do now is find Juugo and go from there". Before Anko could reply, Naruto's voice broke in,

"Well we'll have to sort that out when we're done here; we should be close enough if we camp up there", he pointed to a small hill off to the left, silhouetted against the skyline, "and we can move in at sunrise".

There was no argument to this so all three ninja rapidly traipsed up the small hill and set up a small camp, grateful that the night was clear if not cold. Anko produced a thin but warm blanket from her travel kit and Naruto shared around some ration bars he'd brought with him and all three new team mates quickly crashed together after Karin had confirmed that she could sense the chakras of her target, though it was towards the limit of her range. Posting a few Kage Bushin sentries, Naruto drifted off to sleep on his arms, Karin next to him and comforted by the gentle cocoon of his inner being and chakra while Anko, having offered to take first watch, was left wrestling with her conscience.

_Should I or shouldn't I – that is the question?_; the scenario was just too tempting but they were close to enemy territory; all it would take would be a single scream in the morning and Rain ninja would be all over them like maggots on a week-old carcass. In the end she managed to form a compromise; skilfully manoeuvring her future bed-partners, she took a few photographs on the camera she always kept on her person for cases like this before replacing their bodies back where they'd started, neither of the two having so much as stirred throughout the movement. With mischief managed and craving for naughtiness assuaged, Anko allowed herself a brief satisfied smile, settled down and allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

In the morning, following Naruto shaking her and Karin awake and completely unaware that one of his Kage Bushin had seen her actions the previous night and removed the film from her camera while she'd been under, Anko stretched off, forcing the boy to look away with a sudden blush, and looked towards the redhead,

"So", she bit into a ration bar, "nothing close all night; how far are we?"

"Close", Karin said without looking up, "she's moved closer to us this morning, in fact she's moving out of Ame itse...", she tailed off suddenly as her face went white, "...oh dear Kami help us". Having heard her dry croak Naruto was by her side in an instant, Anko immediately clearing up and hiding away their temporary campsite,

"What? Karin-chan, what do you see?" She turned towards him, looking like she was about to faint,

"It's him", she stuttered, the void in her vision almost blocking out the calm, collected chakra of the target Naruto had in mind, "he's come!"

XXX

Konan knew as she looked across her last battlefield that she was going to die; the kunoichi knew it, was prepared for it and as long as she kept Ame's treasure safe and her life-long friends' body free from desecration she was willing to die. She had no chance of defeating Uchiha Madara, the true power behind the Akatsuki but she would not make this battle easy for him; he appeared oblivious to her earlier endeavours and was so confident in his own abilities, or had so badly underestimated hers, that he had allowed her to choose the battleground. Knowing there was no point in trying to reason with a lunatic she began the fight, the razor-sharp edges of her paper swirling around her and through Madara as he stood, ageless and patient as a ghost before her. As she'd expected, as she'd known he would he tried to absorb her paper form and she felt a slight thrill of excitement as she realised she had managed to hurt him, her attack had pierced his armour and destroyed his arm. Knowing his technique was finite she sprung the trap, spilling the Uchiha scion into a void of paper and beginning the chain reaction of explosions, ten continuous minutes of explosions that filled the world with noise and colour. Those ten minutes left her spent, unable to even form her origami body until her chakra returned; she felt more than heard movement from somewhere behind her but before she could even move to defend herself there was a rush of displacement about her, a feeling of enhanced dizziness and something rubbery with a salty taste was shoved remorselessly into her mouth.

A second later Madara found himself cursing as the form his sword pierced exploded into a cloud of paper, Konan's origami bushin fooling his recently-dazzled eyes as he felt his left eye, one of the two last mementoes he had of his brother, fade into darkness forever. _Damn, well no matter_; turning his chipped mask towards the village of Ame, the Uchiha scion put his trust in endless patience; _with her gone there is no-one left in this place that could detect me, let alone pose a challenge._ With that, the masked Uchiha activated his displacement technique and vanished into the distance.

XXX

"He's gone"; hearing Karin say that Naruto let out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding from the small wooden copse of trees the three of them were sheltered in, looking down at where Anko had her hand half-over, half-in Konan's mouth, keeping the exhausted woman pinned down to avoid accidentally giving the game away to their enemy. After making sure the Ame kunoichi was lucid enough to know to keep quiet, Anko slowly removed her hand and nodded at Naruto, something like appreciation in her eyes as she nodded,

"Good work chibi"; _chibi –well, it's better than brat I guess_; hearing his new nickname brought a reluctant smile to the genins lips as Konan saw him for the first time and started, "didn't know you could switch with something that far out, let alone at that distance".

"It's not easy but I can do it; as long as I've got more chakra than what I'm switching with I can pull it off; it also helped that she's pretty much dry of chakra – sorry kunoichi-san, I forget your name". Finally being able to sit upright, Konan began to ask the obvious questions, the most pressing ones behind how she was still alive,

"Naruto-kun? How are you here, and how did you save me?"

"Kamiwaried you with a Kage Bushin; an oldie but a goodie", the orange-clad genin beamed before he looked more serious, "that was one hell of a fight you put up, er, I'm sure it starts with K..."

"Konan", the blue-haired woman managed to say before the effervescent young man took back over,

"...Right, Konan-san, sorry, but you were looking spent at the end of it and I wasn't going to let that teme pull something else out his ass and win after a bang that big. Besides", he looked down at her more seriously as she shook her head, still not convinced this wasn't a genjutsu from her opponent, "right now we really need you alive".

That made the bluenette smile, though such an expression curdled into a grimace of pain as she tried and failed to come to her feet; seeing this Karin stepped forwards baring her arm,

"Konan-san it might sound strange but bite this", the older woman looked at her severely but she would not be deterred, "my chakra can heal you if ingest it through the mouth". Looking to Naruto for confirmation, the Ame kunoichi gave the girl one more look before delicately latching onto the pro-offered limb with her teeth, noting the other faded scars of previous teeth that dotted the limb. Karin grimaced and Anko, attuned to the movement of chakra and on high alert seeing how the leader of Akatsuki was close by, notice the flow of new chakra into the woman Naruto had rescued with his quick thinking until she let go of her bite and stood up slowly, nodding her thanks to Karin,

"Naruto-san, why are you here, you must get away. Uchiha Madara, he is searching..."

"We know what he's searching for", Anko cut in, looking over Karin's arm and realising it was a superficial wound covered it with a standard dressing, "and that's what we're here to make sure he doesn't get. He fought you because he want to know what you did with the body of Pain, or Na, Na,gato, that's it, I remember his name; if he'd beaten you he'd have found out where you hid him and he'd already have the Rin'negan. We can't let that happen, no matter what it costs".

"He's right Konan-san", despite the sting from her arm the redheaded girl who had healed her stepped forwards to stand shoulder to shoulder with the shinobi, "the Rin'negan is supposed to be the most powerful of the three great doujutsu; if Madara gets hold of it there is no telling what may become of us all; it will certainly make his plan come to fruition faster". Faced with the two stoic if pleading faces of the teens, Konan felt a sudden urge to cry as a result of delayed shock from her close shave with death coupled with visions of what would become of dear Nagato's body if the twisted Uchiha discovered it. Mastering herself, she spoke quietly as she bowed politely to Naruto,

"I see Naruto-san, perhaps you are right; I would prefer the Rin'negan remain in Ame as its most sacred treasure but that, that _thing_ has no concept of value for anything but his own plans; he cares for nothing past his own power. He will be in Ame though, he is already searching, but he does not know all he thinks he does of Nagato and I; come", moving around Anko gracefully, the robed kunoichi began to lead them away, "I will take you to him".

"Wait", Konan paused as Naruto turned to look at Karin, "can you still mask our charka Karin-chan; I've got a soldier pill if you need one". Despite her tiredness, the redhead managed to smile,

"Yes, as long as I don't use that healing technique more than once a day I should be fine; I never liked soldier pills, they never agree with me". The blonde nodded, not seeing Anko just behind him trying to hide her shaking shoulders; _oh my snake-summoning contract for a voice recorder right now, the T&I department don't know what they're missing_;

"No kidding; right, well then we better go; Konan", the named kunoichi nodded at her name as Naruto pointed towards Ame, "lead the way". Despite her natural stoicism, she wouldn't have been able to call herself human had she not cracked a small smile as she set off almost parallel to Naruto's finger,

"Nagato's resting place is this way Naruto-san".

"Oh, right", the genin blustered, this time seeing Anko doubling over and shooting her a nasty glare, "well then let's get there before Madara-teme does".

XXX

It was cool in the mausoleum, cool and silent as Konan led them all inside, Karin continually keeping an eye out for their enemy while still masking their chakra, her unique sight not requiring chakra to see. Sandals not making a sound on the tiled floor, the two Konoha nins and prisoner of the Leaf watched as Konan wafted one hand, scattering flower petals away from the two inert forms buried within the structure, a resting place for a mortal god. Not quite able to meet her eyes as he remembered he was in part responsible for one of Konan's friends being here, Naruto spoke in a whisper,

"I...I'm sorry..."

"There is no need", she reassured him, though she had to wipe her eyes on her sleeve as she recalled that once again she was alone, the last of the Ame orphans, "Nagato named you the child of prophecy, and you will be the one to bring the shinobi world into the light and save it from men like Madara, twisted things who would plunge us into a darkness where flowers can't grow". Hearing this emboldened the younger shinobi and he stepped forwards, looking at the preserved corpse and drew in a deep breath,

"Right, well if I start now I should be able to move all five of us back to Konoha, though it'll be a cramped ride".

"No", as one all eyes turned to look at Anko, who'd been silent the entire time, "there might be a better way than moving his body; if we do that Madara will just go looking somewhere else and a lot of other people will die. There's something else we, or to be more accurate I, can do".

She stepped forwards, looking from the dead god to everyone else present as she spoke in a serious tone for the first time since the mission had begun,

"Do any of you know what the Rin procedure is?"

A series of blank faces greeted her question, prompting her to sigh and explain with a hard eye on Naruto; _after all he should know this, considering who the first subject of this was_;

"It's a technique of the Leaf that all ANBU or assassination specialists are required at least know the theory of; you are luckier because I can actually perform it", she explained before gritting her teeth and plunging into the meat of the issue; _and somehow I think they're not going to be all that happy with this idea_; "basically it involves the transplant of organs from a living or very recently deceased colleague into a suitably-wounded, or mutilated, comrade to preserve a bloodline. You should know this Naruto", the named shinobi looked up before freezing at the second part of Anko's speech, "it's what made your sensei famous after all".

It took a moment for this to sink in and, after recognising the way Anko was looking at him, Naruto felt his stomach dissolve,

"No", he shook his head slowly, almost forgetting to keep his voice down, "no, you can't be serious!"

"I'm deadly serious", Anko assured him, not breaking eye contact as though trying to stare him down, "we can't hide Nagato's body forever, eventually that masked teme will find it and then we will be in trouble. At least if those eyes are in a living body they've got a chance of defending or, failing that, destroying themselves before he can get hold of them – you're our best chance here Naruto, if only because that bloody furball in your gut can hopefully sort things out before anything goes too horribly wrong if I botch it. We've no material to store organs as delicate as eyes, not even a scroll, so we have to do this here and now if we're going to do it; I can't force you but I recommend it". Naruto looked stricken, looking from Karin who appeared reserved but, eventually, gave a tiny nod before settling his eyes, eyes Anko wanted to carve out of his head, on Konan, hoping she'd step in and stop this madness. Indeed she did look badly disturbed by Anko's news but, to Naruto's horror and amazement, after a minute she did step forwards,

"Nagato, and Yahiko with him, were and always will be my closest friends and both died to try and bring peace to the world", she caught her breath, looking for the first time since he'd known her to be close to tears as she went to one knee, "Nagato and I have both placed our trust and belief in you Naruto-kun. You defeated the living god Pain with your own power and you were the one to realise Madara's plans for the Rikodu Sennin's legacy; you I know would never abuse someone you considered a friend in such a way. Consider it a gift from us Naruto-kun", despite herself tears trickled down the kunoichi's face, remembering the sensitive soul Nagato had once been well-balanced by her own reservation and Yahiko's cheeriness, how they would have been ready to make any sacrifice, even death and beyond, to see their dream come true, "a gift to let you see the way to peace".

Silence was all that answered her; tears swimming in his vision Naruto looked past her to the inert body lying peaceful in its crypt and he felt nothing but revulsion at the thought of what both Anko and Konan were suggesting. Not because he felt weird walking around with a dead man's eyes in his head, heck Kakashi-sensei had managed it for years with no problem, but because it felt wrong to disturb Nagato's rest like this, blinding his soul for his own power. Swallowing the rising bile Naruto tried to wet his dried tongue enough to argue until a hand at his shoulder stopped him; he looked around to see Karin looking him dead in the face, the eyes behind her glasses radiating concern and sympathy,

"I can see your turmoil", she said softly, her second sight brushing aside the obfuscations he sought to hide behind, "I can see how much this hurts you, the idea of taking what isn't yours but that's what sets you apart. You are not Madara, who would steal it for gain; you've never sought power for powers' own sake, you've always wanted to protect your precious people even if they were originally your enemies, even if they were misguided like Nagato", she smiled and despite himself Naruto found his own lips echoing the gesture, a weight lifting off his mind as he heeded her explanations, "I think it's the right thing to do".

Even with this convincing, plus the fact it was three against one, Naruto had a long minute considering the situation in his own head; yes it was the best if not the only way out of this situation and yes he had permission from the one person who could claim ownership of the Rin'negan, but even so he felt nauseated by the idea. Having fought the eyes in person he was tempted by the power of the Rin'negan but at the same time was repulsed by his own longing; he'd always wanted to work for his strength not take it from others – hell if he'd gone down that path Kyuubi would have been free and Konoha a city of ghosts by now. It was no easy choice but then it wasn't exactly a choice either way; in the end he stood up right and nodded, just once, towards where Anko stood waiting,

"Okay, I'm ready", he said but before the kunoichi could move he raised a hand, "just, when you're done, make sure he gets my eyes in return; he deserves to see in the afterlife", he explained as he felt Karin's grip tighten on his shoulder, reassurance that he was doing the best thing in difficult circumstances. Without knowing exactly why he covered her hand with his own, feeling his warmth start to infiltrate her chilled fingers as he closed his own eyes for the last time, opening them again to see Anko make her first trip into the living god's resting place.

XXX

For all their good intentions, Sakura and Shizune's proscription of a relatively easy month or so to ease her back into the saddle as Hokage had gone right out the window as of yesterday night.

The village was in lockdown, the council was in uproar, the civilians were virtually at war with each other as half said that at last the demon and the snake-traitor had shown their true colours while the other half disagreed, in many cases vehemently, pointing out that Naruto had saved them all on more than one occasion, and the ANBU in the know were in stitches; that last note Anko had written was an absolute peach towards Ibiki:

_Dearest Ibiki-kun_,

_Because you've gotten old and boring I've found a vigorous little genin for myself; he's taking me out for the night and I can't wait! Oh, we're borrowing one of your newest guests as well but that was Naruto's idea not mine – such a creative boy, and still so young. Oh the possibilities – now wipe your nose you perverted old codger; don't think I don't know where your Icha Icha's stored!_

_Hope to see you in the near future; if not assume we're all dead._

_Mitarashi Anko, Uzumaki Naruto and Karin_

That note was currently in a crumpled ball on Tsunade's desk, having been unravelled and re-read countless times since the jailbreak had happened last night. That and the hastily-scribbled plan that had been discovered on Naruto's kitchen table were the only two pieces on evidence that explained why Naruto had done what he'd done, or that he'd let Anko drag him into another madcap scheme. The council was now demanding the Kyuubi jinchuuriki be labelled as a missing-nin, Anko too though she was of lesser importance, but of now she had been able to threaten and cow them all down until they had more evidence as to why this baffling crime had been committed. Heck even Shizune had been driven to drinking by her little brother's desertion and had spent half of yesterday comatose in the corner of her mentor's office, Ton-Ton sleeping on her chest as she too seemed to sense the loss that pervaded the room and, to a lesser extent, the Hokage tower as whole. Gnawing at an ever-decreasing length of fingernail, the Godaime tried to wrestle down the butterflies enough to make a start on the paperwork that Sakura had just brought in when there was a knock on the door,

"Come in", she acted as her own secretary as Shizune was currently a shivering ball of misery in bed, the aftermath of a thumping hangover still not letting her go no matter how many cold compresses she forced over her forehead. The door opened and she allowed herself to relax somewhat; _just as well – one more civilian demanding the demon-boy's execution might well have been the death of me, and him_;

"Ah, Hokage-sama", Kakashi's voice still remained a monotone but his eye for once wasn't on his precious smut book, "I was wandering along the road of life when I bumped into Sakura-chan here – she suggested we come here to see how you were bearing up". Smiling despite knowing they were fishing for information about their new missing team mate, Tsunade ushered for them to take a seat,

"I'm hanging on about as well as I'll hang that blonde baka out the window by his underwear once I get my hands on him", Sakura gave a watery giggle, her puffed eyes showing her recent tears for Naruto's sake, "Anko too now I think about it". Kakashi gave an eye-smile,

"I'll have to make a note in my diary for that one Hokage-sama; despite appearances what lies beneath Anko-chan's mini-skirt has never been known to anyone in the ANBU". Tsunade made a face but before either she or Sakura could rebuke the Copy-nin for his crudeness a loud croak rent the silence.

Before two and a half pairs of eyes, one and half mildly curious and the other rapidly narrowing dangerously as she had an inkling of what was about to happen, a small toad appeared on the window ledge of the Hokage's office and hopped to the floor, moving to the centre of the room apparently unconcerned of the rising amount of killing intent being generated from the seated figure in the room. Apparently satisfied, it then croaked again and sat down,

"Isn't that one of Naruto-baka's mess...?" It was a sentence Sakura would never finish but by strange coincidence made a great deal of sense as, one slimy limb at a time, a very familiar face appeared from within the toads' innards, shaking his bandaged face as he did so,

"Kami I hate that jutsu", Naruto whispered, crawling forwards on his elbows before freezing as two separate killing intents sought to pin him to the floor; before the inevitable beating began he hastily wriggled forwards some more and pointed to the figure that emerged next, clutching his ankles, "hey, go easy on the cripple; it was all her idea".

"Whaddya mean, it was all my idea", Anko retorted hotly, squirming the rest of her body out of the toads' mouth with a motion that Kakashi thought he recognised from Icha Icha: Bend and Flex; _ah, now I see where the great man got his inspiration for that entry into the series from – truly no man ever took greater risks for the sake of porn_; "you were the one I caught red-handed rifling through the ANBU interrogation cells, which reminds me", reaching down the special jounin helped haul the newly-emerged Karin to her feet, the redheaded reluctant kunoichi trying desperately to wipe digestive juices from her glasses to give her a clearer picture than the smear she could see at the moment, "we'd better get you back there soon as – if we're lucky Ibiki might not have noticed you're gone yet". Teeth all but breaking due to being gritted tightly enough to almost crack the enamel, Tsunade tried to force her paralysed voice box to work but was stopped as the fourth and final member of the unusual quartet stood up, the toad popping away in smoke as its mission was done; _who the hell is...?_

The sight of the woman was enough to give Tsunade pause, though as far as Sakura was concerned the only a combination of his obvious hurt and Kakashi's hand anchored in her collar was all that was keeping Naruto's head on his shoulders. Realising that right now would be a really good time to seize the initiative the genin of the group stepped forwards in the direction he thought was the Hokage's desk and spoke,

"Okay baa-chan", Tsunade broke off her staring contest with the unfamiliar woman to glower at the gaki before starting as she recognised what the position of the bandage across his face meant; _oh Kami no_; "I'm sure you want an explanation to", he reached out and Anko squawked as she felt herself pushed forwards, "Anko-chan, do your thing?"

"Me? It was your brilliant idea to take us back here!"

"Yeah but you can explain everything else right; I mean Snake beats Slug after all", taking a second to consider this the special jounin suddenly started, glaring down at the blind shinobi with venom as she placed her hands on her hips,

"You baka it's the other way around; Slug beats Snake!"

"And right this minute Toad's going to get pounded no matter what happens", Naruto argued back, "right now I know two people are going to get hurt out of this and I'm just making sure it's not going to be me twice".

"Why you...!"

"Quiet".

The word was a low, seething growl that instantly hushed the argument as Tsunade stood up, killing intent radiating off her to such an extent that Karin was pressed flat against the wall, Sakura was scrutinising the floor and even Kakashi had his precious book held up like a talisman before his Hokage, hoping it would deflect her almighty rage as she glared death at the two reappeared ninja of her village, both of whom simultaneously gulped,

"If neither of you", the Godaime began, honey-brown eyes all but melting paint off the walls as they sought to reduce Anko and Naruto to nothing but ash and vapour, "can give me an _impeccable_ explanation as to where the hell you've been and what possessed you to go temporarily nuke-nin within the next thirty seconds I swear on my grandfathers' grave that regardless of how badly ripped up your face is gaki I will throw both of you into the ANBU cells _myself!_" Gulping again Naruto tried to come up with something very, very clever to say in the face of such a threat, Anko beside him similarly tongue-tied, before their bacon was saved unwittingly by Konan, the blue-haired woman suddenly going rigid and pointing at the Hokage,

"Flat-chest!"

Everything, even the killing intent, was deadened by that outburst; previous prey forgotten, Tsunade swung around to look at the other woman with eyes had were too shocked the even consider sending out the pre-requisite death-threat,

"What?"

"I know, I know you now", the woman spoke rapidly, self-control all but evaporating as she recognised where she was and that this must have been a safe place for both her and Nagato's new legacy, "you were there, with him; you are one of the Legendary Sannin, the ones who stood up to the oppressor Hanzo. Master Jiraiya called you that when you were younger, you hit him while we were eating, saying you just hadn't hit your growth spurt yet". At such memories Tsunade's cheeks went molten red (as did Naruto's, the younger of the two blondes picturing such a scene in his mind's eye and forcing himself to conceal what would have been gut-bursting laughter had he not been in enough hot water as things stood) and she made to rebuke the woman before the comments truly registered and she put the face to the time; _no, surely, but the same hair, the same shape of nose and eyes even if she is a little older – could it really be...?_;

"No", Tsunade breathed, shaking her head slowly from side to side as her eyes went wide, "he couldn't have; you three were so young. Did that pervert really train you like he said he would?" Konan said nothing but, tears sparking in eyes a curiously similar shade to Tsunade's own, with less than a gesture a perfect origami flower appeared in the palm of her hand. Offering it forwards, the flower floated towards and settled easily on the Hokage's desk, only to fly straight back into the air rather more chaotically as the Godaime, with the agility of a much younger woman, vaulted straight over the large panel of wood and embraced the younger kunoichi, holding tightly a living, breathing reminder of her greatly-lamented team mate. For her part Konan relaxed, completely, for almost the first time since Pain had passed away, clutching onto the Hokages' ceremonial robes and sagging against her as the exhaustion and relief finally ebbed out of her slim frame, allowing her to cry once more. This scene was observed in silence, Karin taking the opportunity to slip and arm around Naruto's closet one without him seeming to notice even as Kakashi closed his book quietly and slipped it into its pocket, even his jaded mind recognising this was not a place for such frivolities. Anko, on the other hand, seemed very keen to try and get away while the going was good; she slunk as far was the door and was reaching for the handle before something thumped straight through her trench coat and pinned it to the woodwork; _that could have been my wrist. And a pencil!_; the special jounin blanched as she recalled just how much stationary there was present on the Hokages' desk; _oh Kami, if she wanted to I could walk out of here looking like someone who got too close to an exploding stationary store_;

"Stay where you are", the village leader demanded, finally releasing her hold on the younger girl and brushing a lock of hair from her face as she did so, the shy smile that resulted from such a gesture telling Tsunade without doubt that this woman and the little orphan girl Oroichimaru had suggested they kill so many years ago in Ame were one and the same person, "I'm not done with you yet, or you either gaki before you start looking too pleased with yourself".

Suitably cowed and not just because Sakura suddenly had the hand that Karin currently wasn't holding in a grip that was a tad too firm to be considered strictly friendly, the jinchuuriki stayed silent as the grave he was afraid his baa-chan was going to put him in as the Hokage slowly, after bidding Konan wait for a moment before they celebrate the reunion properly, made her way back around her desk and sat down, looking stern once more,

"Mitarashi Anko, Uzumaki Naruto", both named nins snapped to attention, sweat pouring down their faces as their kage really cranked up the pressure, "you have both committed treasonous acts against the Leaf in leaving the village with a prisoner in the matter you did. By rights I could have you executed where you stand but Konoha is a fair village; I will allow you to explain yourselves before I pass judgement, though you will have to speak to the council as well before this is over and yes", she favour Anko with a particularly withering look as the kunoichi folded her arms and pouted, "that will include Ibiki-san. He is most intrigued by your references to the Icha Icha series Anko; he claims he doesn't partake in that particular vice and wishes to hear your evidence to the contrary". The snake mistress cringed at the idea of an irate Ibiki glaring at her across the council floor but before either she or Naruto could argue the toss another of their party, Karin this time, piped up,

"Ah, Hokage-sama", she almost choked off as the buxom woman snapped a glance her way but Naruto's soul was a comfort by her side again and she was able to carry on, "before you do anything, please could you check Naruto-san's injury. It was a chakra-based attack that we think may had hurt the pathways of his eyes; I know they're delicate if not treated promptly", she explained quickly, patting herself on the back for her quick thinking as, after a long minute, the Hokage turned to her second student,

"Very well; Sakura-chan, you know what to do".

"Hai shishou; come on Naruto-kun", the boy quaked in his sandals as he recognised that tone of voice, labelled in his memory as the you've-screwed-up-and-I-can't-punish-you-for-it-now-but-just-wait-until-the-next-time-we're-alone voice, "this won't hurt a bit!"

It didn't of course despite Naruto's quite understandable fear to the contrary; all he felt was a faint tingling sensation across his face as his team mate went to work; as the sensation ebbed, he heard the cherry blossom move away from him before giving her report,

"Hmm, just looks like some of the pathways were fractured but they've already started healing themselves; you're just lucky you've always healed quick baka. Still, I'd keep that bandage on for the next few days just to be on the safe side but apart from that you should be fine"; _good_; both partners in crime for this mission breathed out a simultaneous sigh of relief; _at least that much of the mission worked_;

"Good, now to my questions and believe me you're not leaving this room until I'm satisfied you've answered them fully", Tsunade warned them both before sitting back and waiting for the report. As usual in these situations it was Naruto who spoke first,

"Well, after the interrogation I went to get some ramen", he heard Sakura whisper a quiet 'figures' but pressed on regardless, "and while I was there, well some of the things Karin-chan said started to make sense, a lot of sense and I realised what could happen next if I didn't do something. So I drew up the plan I assume you read", Tsunade nodded before belatedly remembering he couldn't see the gesture and blushing, though luckily for her Karin was on hand to whisper for the genin to continue, "and went from there. I'll explain how I know the way back to ANBU HQ in front of the council as I can't be asked to do it twice; while there I was looking for the keys to Karin-chan's cell as I knew I needed her when I was bush-whacked by this psychopath". Beaming at the introduction, Anko took up the story,

"So yeah, I drew the short straw for security detail and what do I find but a cute little genin trying to break in; well naturally I'm shocked and appalled so doing what's right for the village I move to apprehend him. But ah", she shook her head dramatically, sighing as the remnants of Tsunade's fingernails started to drag grooves through her desk, "this genin has a good sob-story and, what can I say, I'm a sucker for a bleeding heart. I haven't been let out of the office for some time and I'm a passionate woman with needs, so I decide to tag along with him, for the good of the village obviously; can't have little genin going off and having adventures on their own now can we? So we rescue the fair Karin", the redhead gave an awkward smile as the exuberant jounin threw and arm over her shoulder and gave a piece sign to the smouldering Hokage, "and wonder-gaki over there get us where we need to be. We all share a magical night under the stars before Karin, with her sight beyond normal sight, finds who we need to speak to next, right before she starts rearranging the landscape of Ame to try and kill someone". Hearing this, Tsunade turned towards the silent woman who answered her question before it even had a chance to be spoken,

"The greatest source of man-made evil in the world at the moment; the leader of the Akatsuki, Uchiha Madara", there were a succession of gasps at this admission from all concerned, Kakashi in particular looking grave until he heard her speak again, "he had come seeking a weapon of great power from my land and I tried to deny him, though I doubted it would be I who would ultimately stop him. He survived my final attack but before he could kill me Naruto-kun was able, with the others, to rescue me before the Uchiha could make the death-blow and rip the information he required out of my mind – because of the actions of your shinobi Hokage-sama, and Naruto's sacrifice in particular, the Akatsuki have been denied for all time a very potent and very dangerous weapon".

"Sacrifice?" Not liking the sound of that Tsunade turned towards her favourite genin, Sakura and Kakashi likewise giving him their full attention, "What does she mean Naruto?"

The boy was silent for a moment before, with a subtle squeeze of his arm from Karin, the genin drew in a shuddering sigh and brought his hands up,

"There was no other way baa-chan; I tried to argue against it but in the end Anko-chan, Konan-san and Karin-chan were right", ignoring Sakura's rapidly-muffled protests, he reached up and began unwinding the bandages around his face, "if there had been another way I would have taken it, but there just weren't any other options".

With that the last wrappings fell away and he blinked before facing his grandmother again, looking down sadly as he saw her face whiten and she way she suddenly panted, the shock hitting her like a physical blow. Seeing her mentor fall back in such a way was too much for Sakura; with the strength gifted to her by her training she reached out and span her team mate around, her eyes meeting his watering ones for a split-second before the words she'd meant to say died in her throat and she stumbled away, just about managing to hold in a scream. Kakashi for his part, having looked over her shoulder and frozen for an instant, lowered his head and silently despaired, knowing what awaited Naruto in the near future; seeing these reactions from those he counted amongst his most precious of people made the boy's face fall but, with a surge of spirit that almost overwhelmed Karin's second sight with a glorious palette the shade of a beautiful sunset, he picked himself back up and looked around again,

"Yeah, I know", he said wearily, the concentric circle of Pain's eyes beholding the world again as their new host tried to adapt to yet another violent shift in the tide of his life, "it's going to take some getting used to but with things the way they are now I don't have a lot of time. It had to come to this because otherwise Madara would have taken the Rin'negan for his own and we'd have all been screwed; now though I have these and Nagato, rest his soul, can see the wonders of paradise through mine. I'm under no illusions, I know what I have to do", he stood up again, planting his feet the same way he had throughout his life, seeing the people around him and gaining strength from knowing he was protecting them, "Nagato and Ero-sennin both wanted me to see a way through the war, through the bloodshed and loneliness of the ninja world to peace, and as Konan said", he favoured his newest precious person with as tender a smile as he could muster in the circumstances, a little relieved when she managed to smile back faintly, "I can count these eyes as a gift to help me see that path more clearly".

Omake – Two Paths to Power

Two months, two months of inactivity had been two too many; since Madara had returned obviously beaten from his last pointless shougi-move there had been no action on the side of the Akatsuki and the shinobi Alliance had continued their crusade against the Uchiha progenitor, locating old bases, gathering resources against him and generally making life difficult in achieving his dream to rule the world through his own convoluted dreams of peace. Not that this mattered to Sasuke of course; Madara, like Kakashi and Oroichimaru before him, had been only a stepping-stone, the next stage in his goal to lay the ghosts of his clan to rest. Due to the masked man he now knew that Konoha had ordered his family killed and therefore Konoha would burn and he would scatter the ashes to the four winds. With his brother's eyes he was invincible; his vision was as perfect as it had ever been and the deadly techniques of the Mangekyou his to command with no risk to his health; Madara was weak now, broken following one setback to his schemes; he would follow his own path.

Two months of training to perfect his abilities and he knew he was ready; the Leaf had sown the wind with death when it had forced his bother to slay his kinsmen, now it would reap a whirlwind of slaughter he swore to himself as he paced back towards his former home. He was able to detect and avoid any passing patrols, not killing them as he reasoned it would be fairer to let them come home to nothing but ruins, just as he had done on their orders and had just stepped to within sight of the famous monument to the Hokages carved into the mountains at Konohas' back, looking down on the pathetic place with a curled lip. _Hnn, like ants, how quickly they rebuild a smashed nest once a being with more power had broken it_; the analogy made him smirk before he cast the idea away – when seven day and nights of black fire were over there would be nothing left to build on, just an ugly black burn on the ground left as a testament to the might of the Uchiha clan. Sasuke had seen enough here and turned to continue his path, only for leaves to fly along and block his way for an instant before a figure, one he should have killed long ago, appeared before him and gave a cheerful wave,

"Heya teme".

"Dobe"; _I've no time to waste with you_; with that in mind the last Uchiha channelled chakra to his eyes, "how did you find me?"

"An old friend of yours sensed you coming; you do have a bad habit of losing friends you know teme?" Naruto nettled before, seeing he wasn't going to get a reply, merely shrugged and carried on, "Anyway Karin sends her best wishes and, once we negotiate Juugo out of the land of Iron, she'll be joining him on a pilgrimage to Demon country; I know a priestess there who should be able to break that trouble curse. Speaking of which though", he pointed towards a spot on Sasuke's neck, bare of the cursed seal following Itachis' attack with the Sake-cutting sword sealing Orochimaru away forever, "you seem to have lost that little hickey of yours. What's the matter; relationship turn sour?"

"I should have killed you years ago dobe", Sasuke stated, angry with himself that Naruto had goaded him into talking in the first place but completely stunned by his answer,

"Well that just makes you a bad ninja and that's your problem; I take it you're not coming peacefully?"

"Amaterasu!"

As the space between them was filled with unstoppable black fire Sasuke paused for just a second to see his one-time friend die before turning away and pacing off again, not feeling anything now that Naruto was finally gone. _He was the first_; the Uchiha told himself, mentally pacing himself and seeing the entire wooden village burn in Naruto's stead; _but there will be so many more before my clan's name is ave..._;

"That meant no I assume?"

No Sharingan, not even the Mangekyou, could predict an attack it couldn't actually see; therefore as he turned at the voice Sasuke was completely unable to block both hands that lanced into him, one with enough force to jar a pair of teeth loose in his jaw, the other just slapping his closest arm away as Naruto stepped forwards, pacing towards his stumbling team mate as with the speed of a cobra the traitor turned, glaring up with Mangekyou spinning,

"How did you dodge my attack?" Infuriatingly, Naruto merely shrugged,

"Eh, dunno", before making a single hand-seal; the pain was nearly enough to drive Sasuke to his knees as the seal tag his right arm had been labelled with was seared with the force of a chidori, rendering the limb completely numb, "but for someone who can supposedly see things coming you're a bit quick to turn your back teme". The Uchiha didn't respond save to stifle a snarl of pain; his arm wasn't broken or seriously hurt but it was completely numb, not even pins-and-needles and that meant it would be several minutes, perhaps even hours, before he could us it again; _then again, not like I need it to deal with this idiot_;

"When dealing with trash like you I don't need both arms", Sasuke snapped back, trying to draw his blade left-handed before a pair of kunai forced him to abandon the motion and leap away. Naruto for his part merely snorted with laughter as he continued his advance,

"Teme, teme, you never did listen to Kakashi-sensei and his definition of trash did you? Well I doubt you'll get another chance; he's in Ame at the minute, a 'diplomatic escort'", the blonde jinchuuriki highlighted the words with quotation marks even as he casually blocked a tight quartet of shuriken, "to the current sousou of the village. Don't think you ever met Konan-chan did you; well she's a really nice lady and she lost all her friends like sensei did, he volunteered for the mission to make sure she got back to her village safely after spending a month or so in the Leaf – there's already a betting pool in the jounin lounge about what colour the baby's hair will be".

Somehow hearing such an incessant babble was driving Sasuke to fury; with one hand immobilised he couldn't risk taijutsu on the off chance Naruto had actually improved marginally in the time he'd been granted prior to dying at the Uchiha's blade, but to have him so close and be blindsided like that stung his pride sorely. It would not happen again, Sasuke swore that; as he suddenly snapped his head up and caught a flash of bright blue in his cursed vision he left blood drip onto his left cheek and knew it was over; the dobe had never been able to counter even the weakest of genjutsu,

"Tsukuyomi; heh, dobe", finally drawing his sword Sasuke moved towards his now-paralysed friend, deciding to end it after the three seconds it took for the technique to elapse, "basic rule when fighting the Uchiha, never meet us eye to eye because nothing can match the Sha..." He tailed off suddenly as one of the blue eyes suddenly swivelled towards him and winked,

"Sucker!"

As he sent the Leaf deserter catapulting backwards again it was all Naruto could do not to laugh at the stunned look on his face; instead he picked up and casually broke the Kusanagi sword before Sasuke had a chance to use it properly, the metal unbreakable but not immune to being sheared apart by a blade of pure wind; _another fang gone – that's two out the three done, just that spectral thingy Gaara mentioned to go_. Sasuke stood, not all the blood on his face now due to his eyes, and stared, just plain stared as Naruto threw off yet another of the Mangekyou's techniques; _first the sun, then the moon..._;

"Oh stop it Sasuke-kun, you're making me blush", Naruto cooed coyly, waving a hand towards where the Uchiha stood staring motionlessly at him before a sudden inspiration struck him; if this didn't make the teme pull out his trump card he doubted anything would, "heh, and the council wanted you on the Clan Restoration Act to get some new Uchiha? Well that's that plan gone up in smoke; guess it really is only boys you stare at...oh no, that's it, now I see why you ran away – it wasn't Oroichimaru or his power you were after, it was the little snake in his..."

_Bingo_; as he beheld the solid shape of the yamabushi take form in front of him Naruto knew he had this won – Sasun'oo or whatever this thing was supposed to be was the ultimate attack and defence all in one but it had one very big disadvantage that Gaara had immediately picked up on. While using it, much like the former Shukaku container hadn't in his youth, Sasuke couldn't move and that made him easy prey for Naruto now. Knowing he could end this at any time, the Uzumaki instead indulged in one last comment before finally bringing his first friend to book, giving a low whistle as he beheld the completed form of Susan'oo towering above him,

"Wow, that is a big one", he looked through the semi-transparent armour to see Sasuke crying bloody tears as the Mangekyou taxed him even if it would never consume his sight again, "now I know you're compensating for something". He couldn't hear the reply but judging by the way Sasuke threw his head back as though he were screaming as his spectral puppet knocked an arrow to its crossbow, he guessed it was nothing polite. Instead he merely took a single step forwards, pacing forwards without a care in the world even as Susan'oo fired the arrow that would kill him at last.

_Die, just die dobe_; this was taking too long – he should be conserving his strength for Konoha but the fact that Uzumaki Naruto still lived after gazing upon the true strength of the Uchiha clan was an insult that could not be borne. With a though he unleashed his attack, saw the arrow fly true and then...disappear; _what, no no!_ As though sensing its master's anguish and anger the yamabushi fired off a volley of bolts, each one a killing shot but each one simply, simply ignored by Naruto, as though his strength was nothing. With a click the bow was changed, the sword swinging as soon as Naruto stepped into range; this time he did move, jumping upwards in time to bring both feet down on the flat of the blade, breaking it apart and leaving half of it to be reduced to vapour as his slow march continued. Sasuke's mind was ablaze, a potent mix of madness, anger and despair that he could not kill his friend; hands fisted in his midnight hair, the raven could only watch on as the blonde stopped just short of the Sasun'oo body, waved a friendly hello and then used the same arm to punch through the spectral armour as though it were tissue paper and grab him solidly around the neck.

The hand was as cold as that of the Shinigami; as he felt his power being leeched away and Susan'oo began deconstructing around him Sasuke tried in vain to fight to grip of, flailing against the chilling frost as Naruto simply stood there, all cheer gone from his face as he kept his solid grip tight and watched the vitality drain from Sasuke's face.

"Why...", the Uchiha managed to choke out, "why...?"

"Because", Naruto said slowly, feeling extra weight on his arms and realising if he didn't stop the drain soon he ran the risk of driving his opponent into unconsciousness before he knew the truth, "I'm stronger than you. Now this is a technique I've been working on, still not sure if I've got it down yet but what the hell", he gave his famous grin, "let's give it a try", he let go of Sasuke but before the other boy could fall his hand was placed in front of the Uchiha's chest as he intoned his technique,

"Shinra Tensai!"

Sasuke flew, there was no other word for it, he simply flew backwards, crashing through branches, thin tree stems and bouncing off a couple of rocks before he came to rest in the trunk of a particularly thick larch. His back was on fire, he was sure at least one of his legs, maybe even both, were broken and he couldn't stand up; all he could do was cling to consciousness and try to look upwards as he heard and saw his team mate approach, counting something as he did,

"...fifteen...sixteen...seventeen...oh, ready to go again – hey that was good, a whole three seconds faster than last time", Naruto seemed to pat himself on the back before pausing and looking over at where Sasuke lay, his expression now grim, "had enough yet teme?"

"How", Sasuke rasped again, "How can you be stronger than me? I am..."

"An elite Uchiha, blah blah blah, for Kami's sake change the damned record", Naruto demanded before an almost cruel smile lit his face up and he leant closer, "though truth be told you can't be that much of a great Uchiha; after all, can't you recognise a genjutsu when you see one?"

With those words Sasuke looked up in again and saw, at last, what was wrong with the picture; the top half of Naruto's uppermost left whisker mark was missing, a sure sign of a shoddy genjutsu he'd missed. Gathering together a few feeble sparks of the chakra he had left the Uchiha flared it outwards, destroying the subtle construct only to freeze in sudden disbelief and awe as he found himself staring into the doujutsu said to be able to surpass even the Sharingan itself,

"Rin'negan", he breathed, taking in the concentric circles of Naruto's new eyes before a thought occurred to him and he chuckled with laughter, the sound barking and full of phlegm, "so that's what happened to Pain then? After all your talk, you turn out to be nothing but a hypocrite dobe; you killed a strong opponent and then took what made him strong to make yourself stronger! What happened to working for your own strength, advancing under your own power – did you finally realise the world we live in doesn't allow that, that only the strongest have the right to surviaccckkk".

"Unless you want to arrive in Konoha feet-first", Naruto told the boy he was choking with one hand in a voice as cold as steel left outside in winter, "I would keep very quiet and listen to me". When he was certain this order was going to be complied with, through force if nothing else, the Uzumaki took a deep breath and started to speak,

"Allowing these eyes to be implanted into me", he began, the Rin'negan seeming to flare as he spoke of them, "was not a decision not something I took lightly, nor was it what I wanted to happen; it took three separate people with three separate, very convincing arguments, to force me to accept these eyes for my own", Sasuke tried to snort but the cold glare he received cut off that idea at the source, allowing Naruto to continue unimpeded, "the first was necessity; to stop your mad great-granddaddy or whatever the hell relation Madara is to you getting them and using them for Kami-alone-knows what purpose, they had to be transplanted into a living host. I was there and I was the only acceptable choice for the operation, the Rin procedure, as in case anything went wrong I had Kyuubi to help heal the damage. The second reason, a real difference between you and me teme, was permission; the last living person close to Pain told me, almost begged me, to take his eyes and use them to see a way to peace – did you do the same? Did you ask Itachi's ghost before you tore the eyes from his skull or did you take them before his corpse was even cold? No, of course you didn't, because you are the Uchiha and the normal rules don't apply to you". Naruto took a breath at this point and let go of his former friends' throat, thinking for a second before he spoke again,

"But it was the last person, Karin believe it or not, who clinched it; did you know she's got a gift that lets her see into the hearts and souls of other people teme? Did you even know what a special person you had in your little gang, or was that why you tried to kill her, because she had a power your eyes couldn't copy and you couldn't steal?" The shock in Sasuke's face told him that neither was the case but Naruto felt he'd come too far to stop now and carried on remorselessly, "Anyway, doesn't matter now; she's seen you for what you really are and according to her it's not a pretty picture. But her argument was different to the others; she asked me a simple question, one I'm going to ask you now", circles met tomoes as the two last users of near-extinct doujutsu locked eyes,

"Why do you want the Mangekyou?"

Sasuke started at the question for a moment before that all-too familiar smirk slid back into place over his face; regardless of the fact he was sitting broken and beaten under a tree, he was still an Uchiha and his pride could never die,

"If you still need me to answer that dobe, you really have no reason to call me a friend", he stated plainly before moving on, hoping to do with his tongue what he had failed to do with his skills and jutsu, "I needed it to get stronger, to avenge my clan, to..."

"...to get power; let's just cut the crap Sasuke it was never about any of that, they were all just secondary goals to feeling superior, having the power to do what you wanted just like back at the Academy. You were the little prince who could do no wrong there but the world wasn't like that was it Sasuke; the enemy didn't care what you'd gone through, Zabuza and Haku didn't see you as special; as far as they were concerned you were just another genin they had to kill. When you realised that your little mind and all the Uchiha superiority stored in it just couldn't take it; you whored yourself out to anyone who'd offer you power, eating out of their hands just as long as you, Uchiha Sasuke, would be able to look back at the end of the day and feel superior to some other poor sap who you chose to be your whipping boy, just like the council tried to make sure you could do when they put me on your team. I suppose in one way I'm to blame for all this", the Uzumaki gave a disdainful laugh, the slack jaw and thousand-yard stare of his prone opponent telling him that so far he was right on the money, "if I'd just stayed down like a good little demon container and let you walk all over me you might not have felt so insecure, but lying down and taking it just isn't me I'm afraid. This is the difference between you and me Sasuke, the one fact that will always separate us that Karin was kind enough to point out so even a knucklehead like me could understand it", after saying this the Uzumaki took a second deep breath and prepared himself – it wasn't often, in fact it was almost never, that he spoke about himself like this, in some ways it was irony he was opening up the most self-centred person in the Elemental nations,

"I never wanted this, the power of the Rin'negan; in fact beyond that once I grew up and thought about it I decided I never really wanted power that much at all, not like you did for its own sake anyway. It looked like a big con to me; so what if you could say you were the most powerful guy on the planet, what did that mean if all you got to do every day was train, study, sleep and eat? Hell no, I don't fancy that much; give me what I need to protect everyone else and I'm happy. I didn't want these eyes Sasuke but I need them, need them because it might be the only way to stop Akatsuki taking this world off us and, beyond that, finding a way to stop all this pointless fighting and killing; the second I don't need them any more is the second I stop using them, and that's the difference between us", he said finally, leaning forwards and looking at his former friend levelly as he spoke again, "I doubt you'll ever understand a word I just said but regardless, school's out and the lecture's over; time to end this".

He'd known this was coming at the bottom of the heart he'd neglected for so long but, to think that Naruto would be the one to do it...the humiliation made him wish for it to be over ever sooner,

"Go ahead then", he dared the other boy, craning his neck back to offer his throat to the blade, "finish me off if you can – prove your heart is as dead and cold as mine is by severing the bond I couldn't break". Naruto sighed, looking at the man he had once counted as a comrade and friend pityingly,

"You can't break bonds Sasuke, you can only let them wilt and wither away until nothing's left, and that happened between us a long time ago. But you're right", without warning his hand shot out and seized the Uchiha again, this time by the face, "it is time to end this".

The pain was more intense, the cold even sharper than before this time; lost in a blizzard of frigid agony it was perversely only the knowledge that it would soon be over that kept Sasuke enduring to the end but, as the agony finally receded to a dull ache from his cheeks and eyes, he realised he was indeed still alive and immediately turned to gloat upwards at his rival,

"Heh, failed again dobe, as usual; what kind of execution technique leaves someone alive?"

"How about one that was never meant to kill them", Naruto suggested innocuously, the hint of a smile edging his lips, "one of the main powers of the Preta path of the Rin'negan, the only path I've actually mastered by the way; can't use clones because I see what they all see at the same time, makes for a killer headache you know? Still, that path absorbs all nin and genjutsu used against it, but there's one other cool thing it can do; they say the best way to hurt a miser isn't to steal from him, but to scatter his gold among the people he's hoarded it from? Well this is kind of the same thing", the blonde explained, at the same time excited and depressed that he'd used a new technique at the same time as been forced to such extremes by Sasuke's unwillingness to see reason, "when I touched your face just now I withered away the chakra pathways around your eyes, almost to nothingness"; _no_; hearing what he was sent a surge of sick dread through the last Uchiha – in an instant he tried to activate his birthright only to find nothing awaiting him but further pain, the atrophied chakra network unable to cope with the influx of energy. As tears pricked the corner of his still-obsidian eyes, he looked up aghast to hear Naruto finish his explanation,

"Your Sharingan is gone Sasuke; now and forever, the Copy Wheel Eye is denied to you".

Rage, wordless, soulless rage was all the was left to him; such rage didn't care that his body was battered and beaten, or that his leg was broken; all it cared of as it forced the weak meat-puppet it currently inhabited upright, was that the man in front of it had to die by any means necessary. Stumbling forwards, heedless of the further damage his was inflicting on his body, Sasuke forced himself to swing at his arch-nemesis, the architect of all his pain and through his fury-tunnelled vision never saw or felt the blow that knocked him out.

_I have no idea what Nagato saw in this – being a god and wise and all that is really hard work_; Naruto mentally reasoned with himself as he slung the Uchiha onto his back and readied his still-untouched charka reserves for a shunshin. As he did though, a sudden thought made him pause and give a wide but private grin as he replayed the battle over in his head and fought to stop himself from chuckling; _though having said that, can't deny it's a great feeling to put an upstart pleb in his place once every now and then!_

A/N: And there you have it; I hope you found what you were looking for in this little offering of mine. Could it start as a springboard for your own story (Kakashi seemed a little taken with Konan, or what about a Naruto-Sakura-Karin ménage-a-trois? And how far could Naruto go with the Rin'negan – after all no-one knew Kakashi would develop the Mangekyou, what would Konoha's newest hot property do with his new eyes give enough time and a few shadow clones?) As always keep reading, spark your own imaginations and until the next time, ja ne!


	15. Chapter 14

Blood and Venom

A/N: Okay, real monster of a chapter this one is but I hope it's worth waiting for; basic proviso of this one is that Naruto develops an interest and because of that, and a little help from the friendly neighbourhood kitsune, everything changes for him. Well this story also has some elements of potential realism – hope you enjoy them.

Eyes down for an educational show this time.

They were the ultimate their village had to offer even despite their strongest member being out of action due to his terminal illness. Well-trained, well-provisioned and gifted with a chakra that enhanced all their natural abilities by factors of tens and hundreds, they were the elite of Oto and the right hand of one of the greatest nin in the Elemental nations, the Otokage Oroichimaru...

...though as she watched the last streamer of redness disappear from Sakon's body into the fingers, mouth and eyes of the thing before her, Tayuya realised with a flash of doom-laden brilliance that to the nin in front of them, they'd been appetisers.

It had gone so well, been so simple; the Otokage's latest body had been weak compared to even the least of them, uninitiated in the use of the Curse seal, unable or unwilling to activate even the first level of its beautiful power. He was willing though, a slave to the strength of Sound and had come without resistance to their pre-arranged meeting-place, eager and desperate for the strength to fulfil a goal the kunoichi had dismissed as unimportant. He had clambered into the barrel, the sealing vessel they'd brought with them with the potion that would have started the whole process clasped in his hand; Jiroibi had sealed the lid shut and the four had made ready their barrier sealing technique when, to their amazement, the ritual had been interrupted by a single flying kunai and a polite request,

"Uh, not to be rude at all and much as I don't like the guy, please let Sasuke-teme out of the barrel before I have to resort to violence".

Kidoumaru had been the first to react, a ripping snort of disbelieving laughter tearing through the night as Tayuya had found herself caught between swearing up a storm and joining the spider-nin his mirth. The other ninja was a joke; wearing a jumpsuit that screamed kill me and with innocence shining in his blue eyes, if this was the best Konoha could do it was surely only by the grace of Kami the invasion had failed to wipe it off the map. Jiroibi had stepped forwards, hand-seals flashing for his favourite jutsu even as the enemy stepped blithely into the trap laid out for him; the clay dome of earth had sprung up around him before he could blink, dooming him to a slow chakra-exhausting death from the large nin's hunger. Though he was technically the lowest in rank out of the four, no-one had gainsaid Jiroibi as he turned over his shoulder and told the others to carry on, he'd join them in a minute when the brat he'd trapped was a cooling corpse.

Tayuya had been the only one who'd hesitated as she drew in air with the intention of chewing the fatass out for daring to try and give orders and was therefore the only one to see Jiroibi die; the front of the dome had somehow exploded around him, a blinding cloud of grit scouring his eyes and forcing his hands away just before there was another, even louder explosion. Covering her ears and with her flute in her hands the Oto kunoichi saw the taller nin topple backwards, face a bloody ruin and undoubtedly dead as his vanquisher casually rubbed his knuckles, looked over at them and beamed,

"So then", he paused, looking from her to Kidoumaru and then finally to the twins, though as usual Ukon was asleep and not that visible, "got a redhead, a four-arms and a transvestite; okay then", he'd slid into a stance, bright blue eyes visibly dimming into chips of ice that promised nothing but death, "who's surrendering, and who's next?"

It was a rhetorical question; even before Kidoumaru had moved, diving towards the tree-tops of range to use his attacks there had been a whirl of leaves and the boy had beaten him for speed to arrive just where Kidoumaru had been attempting to land. His sudden movement had left leaving the Oto nin with nowhere to go and even less time to get there; the spider-nins' screams as their adversary had spat a water jutsu into his face at point-blank range had been agonising but mercifully brief as he fell the ground twitching. Even as he grew still though the shinobi moved again, hurling himself through the air at speeds Tayuya could barely follow, his orange clothing scarring the air as his boot crashed into Sakon's chest, blasting him back with a painful snap. He'd pressed his advantage, hammering the twins with blow after blow, not bothering with jutsu even as Tayuya retreated and cursed; she couldn't use her genjutsus when he was so close to her team mate as there was a chance she'd hit one of them as well. All had been looking bleak for Oto until Kami had intervened, the enemy nin slipping slightly on loose grass and allowing Ukon's newly-revealed arms to grapple him, both twins immediately reverting to the second stage of their Curse seal to kill off this dangerous opponent before he could attack again.

"It's over", the older twin had hissed as his body starting to merge with the opponents, forming a blasphemous bridge between the three opponents, the two brothers combining their bloodline to deconstruct their opponents' molecules faster, "your body is ours now, to do with as we pleeeaaagghhhh!"

It was only when Ukon suddenly started screaming, the cry then echoed by his brother, that Tayuya realised just how bad the situation was; within the space of less than a minute this ninja had taken down at least two and, as first one and then the other of the brothers suddenly ceased their cries and fell ominously still, she realised it was more likely to be four of the shinobi personally trained by Oroichimaru himself. He had turned towards her, breathing heavily after the twin's attack but no more; _how did he survive that – even four-eyes said that merger on that level would have made even his freaky healing impossible_; even as she'd made to move and bring her flute to her lips, he'd shaken his head and wagged a finger,

"I wouldn't, I'd have to hunt you down and kill you", his tone hadn't been mocking or even insulting at all, rather more weary and matter-of-fact as he'd scowled down at the now-dead twins before kicking the closest one petulantly, a kunai for some reason run along his fingertips, letting beads of bright blood show, "I've never felt so violated. My body is yours is it pal – well fair's fair", he stretched a hand out, apparently not noticing her fingers inch towards the right holes in her flute; while he was distracted if she could blow a single piercing note she'd be able to burst his eardrums and make a break for it, "my turn!"

As his bloody hand stretched over the prone corpses for a second nothing happened and Tayuya gathered up her courage; _wait, just a second longer – you've got only one chance at this and he'll kill you if you get it wrong_; only for the moment to stretch as Ukon, followed to a lesser degree by his brother, suddenly twitched before something truly disgusting, even to the eyes of someone long-inured to taking briefing from the Otokage while he was elbows-deep in his latest experiment, occurred. Skin spilt and organs tore as blood, streamers of blood rushed from both dead Oto-nins, twisting through the air and into the self-inflicted wounds, more thin rivers of vitae flying up to his face, re-energising the enemy as the strength of his dead opponents was added to his own. Fighting down her rising gorge Tayuya decided she had to go for it now, while he was distracted by his macabre feast; her flute rose to her lips in a heartbeat before something thin, red and stinking flashed forwards, almost drowning her vision as she instinctively leapt back.

Such evasion, ingrained into her as a genjutsu user to avoid getting hit, was all that allowed her to keep her eyesight; the ribbon of blood that had lashed at her instead slapped against her flute, by sheer luck landing between her digits to touch the unusual weapon. A slight hissing noise and acrid stink alerted her to the danger and though she was loath to abandon her weapon she had no choice, the acidic agent his jutsu had crafted into the whip of gore eating the metal of her prized possession. Disarmed and all but helpless now, Tayuya backed away slowly as she watched the gruesome exsanguinations finish, the other nin seeming to sigh as his flushed skin indicated his most recent full meal,

"The hell are you?" She managed to whisper, feeling sick from both revulsion and dread as he turned reddened eyes towards her, the blood vessels in the whites of those organs engorged by the vitae he'd stolen, "What kind of monster...?"

"Monster?" He overrode her, a cruel smirk on his face as he took a step forwards and she took half a dozen back, "This from someone who serves a man who's killed hundreds and would kill thousands more if it meant he could live a heartbeat longer? Tell me kunoichi-san did you ask for the snake to seal you, did he make you beg for his power, or were you unwilling at first; in fact I doubt you can even remember", he snorted dismissively, apparently amused by her lack of comprehension, "that's part of the curse you know – what, the Hebi-teme didn't tell you? His Curse Seal messes up your normal body chemistry, breaks down your free will until all that's left in your empty little head is the urge to serve him; how long have you been branded now, about what, six months?" He cocked his head, the sight of him seemingly eyeing her up as Oroichimaru once had sparking her rebellious mind back into gear, bringing insults back to the forefront of her manners and lips as he smirked again,

"Can you even remember anything before the bite kunoichi-san, or is there nothing left beyond Oroichimaru's stain?"

"I can't see anything before me but a shit-stain", she snarled back, determined to die on her feet spitting insults at her killer instead of passing into the Shinigami's realm meekly with her head bowed, "you call Oroichimaru-sama a monster, what does that make you? You killed my team; no ninja from your pissant village could have done that...?" He stepped forwards again, cutting her off as he spat again repeatedly, her eyes widening in horror as she saw the grass he spat into start to blacken and wither away,

"Oh there are many in Konoha who could have done what I did, and faster than me too but your question intrigues me; what kind of monster am I you ask?" The answer is very simple...", he moved, he moved faster than she could see or predict, not even grass rustling or leaves flying to indicate his shunshin as suddenly a grip like a vice pinned her arms to her sides, rendering her truly helpless as his voice spoke from above her shoulder-blades as he was slightly the taller of the two,

"...a self-made one".

XXX

_You'd have thought by now_; with the patience that came with great age, Sarutobi found himself sighing as he realised his folly had yet again come around to masticate his posterior; _I'd know better not to wish for a little excitement in my day_.

In his defence though the Sandaime was an old man and had steered the village hidden in the Leaf through many trials and tribulations; he was the man that had once been the God of Shinobi and dreaded throughout the Elemental Nations, his reputation overshadowed only by the man who would become the Yondaime until his reign was cruelly cut short by the advent of the Kyuubi onto the village. Those though, those were the days of his prime and they were many years gone now; he was a withered god shackled to a desk and left to sort through paperwork that seemed to exist only to frustrate his life and tear him away from the family and clan he desperately wanted to play a bigger part in. The piles of parchment on his desk seemed unending and no matter how much attention he focussed on them they were always there, always mocking his efforts until, as now, they forced him to his feet to stroll around the office, back creaking and joints protesting at the motion until he became used to walking again.

Usually such little jaunts weren't too much of a problem but, just occasionally, the Sandaime would slip up as he had now; not a moment ago the great kage had stood and offered a silent plea to the Kami for something, anything, to break the monotony of his day. His old student Jiraiya could have come in with a new volume of his Icha Icha series (not that Sarutobi condoned or read such perverted literature out of choice of course – Jiraiya might have concealed sensitive information in the drawings or the speech), Danzo might have gotten careless with some of the mischief he thought the Hokage didn't know he was up to and given the older man an excuse to get rid of his biggest rival once and for all; by all the devils in Makai, even another bijuu showing up and raising hell would have been almost preferable to just sitting here with his brain dribbling out his ears and only the paperwork for company.

_I said that then of course, but now_; he looked down at the scene below him and sighed, wondering what the smallest of the three figures in the unusual ménage-a-trios he could see storming towards the Hokage's tower had done this time and simultaneously bracing for impact; _I have the uncomfortable feeling that by the end of this afternoon the paperwork will start to look very appealing again_.

XXX

To the unending despair of her closest friend, resting her head on the shoulder and breathing in the ear of a hunkily-muscled man was not a situation Mitarashi Anko was unfamiliar with. In fact it was one of the few things in life other than dango and strong sake that she usually derived a lot of pleasure from.

However these were not usually circumstances for three reasons; firstly if such contact was to occur she was always the one to initiate it; secondly though it wasn't unheard of, especially if she and her target were on or returning from a mission together, she usually preferred such a gesture of rough affection to be given when neither party was moving, least of all when it seemed they were on a forced march.

Most tellingly of all however, though she wasn't scared of and in some circumstances was actually quite receptive to a little pain, she like most rational people did not like having her head forced onto said man's shoulder by dint of him having a very firm and excruciatingly painful grip on a tender part of her anatomy.

_What did I do, what did I do?_; one small part of her mind desperately sought an answer to that question while the vast majority simply joined her physical body in shrieking her head off in a combination of shock, fear, embarrassment and a very small hint of arousal – she had a thing for men with confidence and that by default made any man suicidally stupid enough to do what this one was currently doing tick several of her boxes. Though Anko caused and in most cases cheerfully owned up to causing a lot of panic, mayhem and outright confusion in Konoha, this time she was at a complete loss; she'd just been sitting down to fill out her diary and maybe get some calligraphy done when a sudden hammering at the door had jarred her concentration.

As her mood had been relatively mellow and she thought it was probably Kurenai-chan asking how her last mission had gone she'd answered without a kunai in her hand, only to see someone she really hadn't expected to see stood on her doorstep. Unfortunately she'd been so wrapped up in the sight of one of her long-time crushes stood there that she'd noticed neither his murderous expression nor the smaller form he had hold of securely by the back of the jumpsuit; before she could even get a saucy comment halfway out he'd moved at a speed she wouldn't have believed possible and her world had exploded into a sudden pain.

It was a pain that continued even until this minute, though as she found herself forced to back-pedal furiously through the main streets of Konoha she felt her cheeks burning as pain's twin brothers, humiliation and misery, swiftly hitched a ride aboard the Mitarashi band-wagon.

"Ahhh, Iruka!" She screamed his name again, and not in the way she'd always wanted to perform such a feat, as he swerved down another street, her head still forced into his shoulder by the unrelenting grip he'd somehow trapped her in, "Leggo, stoppit – oowwwww! What I do, where are you ta-aahhhh!" He gave no answer, merely twisting her ear even more unmercifully and pulling her head ever more firmly into his body; _how on earth did he bend me into this position in the first damn place?_

It was all a blur; one minute she'd been stood upright and facing the Academy teacher with a coy smirk on her lips, next second he'd grabbed her left ear and tugged, pulling her forwards as he turned around. Her stumble into the unexpected pull had been costly as without even looking the chunin had somehow snaked his left arm over to his right shoulder and, just as her head had collided into his back, he'd snagged hold of the pro-offered ear closest to his left hand and pulled hard, unheeding of her sudden bellow of pain as she found herself twisted completely into sixes and sevens; she and he had been virtually back-to-back with her head bent agonisingly half-over his shoulder, his unshakable grip not giving her any leverage to turn around. As he'd then set off at a marching pace after collaring the other form he'd dragged to her apartment with him with his free hand, the special jounin found herself frantically back-pedalling to try and keep the pressure off her vulnerable ear, each half-stumble or change of direction on Iruka's behalf met with a pained yelp as his grip was like a steel vice. It was only when a sudden shadow fell over her and through vision blurred with tears of agony did she realise two things; firstly where their eventual destination was, and secondly to her sweet relief she was going to be there very, very soon; _maybe then he'll let go, I can gut him like a fish and life will be good agaaaaaaiiiiooooww – who put those stairs there?_

XXX

There are many different kinds of rage in the world, all of them unique and brought about by a variety of circumstances; angst-rage, for instance, is brought about by a person coming face to face with the object or person responsible for the cause of their pain and may give them the strength they need to exact retribution on the aforementioned source of angst. As a ninja village Konoha was most familiar with the concept of ninja-rage, the concentrated killing intent of ninja focussed into a weapon that varied in power according to the level of the ninja seeking to use it; by that logic kage-rage was the highest level, surpassed only by the ungodly ire of a bijuu such as the dreaded Kyuubi which had laid waste to such a large swathe of the Leaf a decade previously.

However even the most powerful kages shrank in fear when faced with the power of feminine outrage, particularly if the woman in question had a valid cause for reaching into that burning vault of strength. It was for the reason that he was willing to not only risk such wrath but openly face it that most of the male population in the Elemental nations who knew him considered Jiraiya of the Sannin the bravest man in existence; never before had any man gambled so blatantly with his life in the quest to write porn of the purest quality and never before had any man been so close to death following getting caught in the very blatant act. However, though feminine rage was terrible, painful and in some cases very nearly fatal, as any one of the members of the original Ino-Shika-Chou trio would admit when well out of earshot of their respective wives, there did exist a force more powerful than even those dark flames of ire. More powerful because everyone, man and woman both, had at one time experienced it and been so scarred that they would never willingly remember their experience.

Such a relentless tide of emotion was currently cutting through the main streets of Konoha like a futon jutsu, civilians and ninja alike leaping out the way as so not to be seared by the ungodly force projected by the man storming towards the Hokage tower like a kunai to an enemy ninja. After all parents and partners might forgive you, police might be sweet-talked into letting you off with a caution and it wasn't unheard of for even the Hokage to sweep minor matters under the carpet in exchange for a few minor reparations (or a new Icha Icha volume), but no-one, absolutely no-one, dared to stand in the way or brave the wrath of a furious Academy teacher.

Least of all one who looked to have Konoha's resident demon in a choke-hold via the back of his jump-suit and the Snake-Mistress of the Leaf pinned to his back via some kind of unknown submission manoeuvre.

The door to the Hokage tower seemed to fly open of its own accord before Umino Iruka even touched it, he marched up the steps without breaking stride despite the repeated pleas and shrieks of one of his captives; even the Hokage's secretary, a matronly Akimichi woman with over forty years experience running a household and raising families quailed in the face of a single look from the vexed shinobi. Some forces could not be opposed, merely endured until their power was spent and this was no exception; Sarutobi himself had to fight the urge to dive under his desk and stay there until the storm had passed as the door to his office banged open and the chunin marched inside, his presence magnified by his rage even as he scanned the room.

"May, ah", the Hokage fought to keep his face straight and the sweat off his face, the feat only accomplished by the fact that having made to where he wanted to be Iruka's fury seemed to be dimming a little, "may I help you Iruka-san, and with respect would you mind letting Anko-san and Naruto-kun go, please?"

Iruka seemed to consider this for a second before he did both simultaneously; Naruto immediately dropped to the floor clasping his throat and struggling to breathe properly for the first time in minutes while Anko staggered to the nearest wall, hand clasped over the side of her head as her violated ear throbbed and hummed with agony.

"Hokage-sama", the teachers' voice was all but boiling the air in front of him, "I have something to report, to you, alone". Realising what the man was driving at the village leader dismissed the ANBU, not that they'd have been able to actually do anything as they'd been cowed into submission as badly as he had following Iruka's entrance, before speaking in a voice that contained barely a quaver of the discomfort the old man currently felt,

"Very well Iruka-san; report". Even as he made the request, however, Sarutobi had to wonder why Iruka's anger seemed to suddenly wane, replaced instead with deep guilt and sorrow as he occasionally shot glances at the boy kneeling on the floor and trying hard to draw in the air he needed.

XXX

As an orphan himself Iruka had felt some rudimentary kinship with the village pariah, though part of him still blamed the monster the boy contained for the death of his parents. Still since joining the shinobi Academy, the chunin could not deny he'd been pleasantly surprised that the so-call devil child had turned out to be so...normal, for want of a better word. From the horror stories he'd heard from the orphanage and some of the teachers from the preparation school Naruto had attended, the blonde was a natural born hell-raiser with a vicious pranking streak a mile wide and, sure enough, for the first month or so of coming into class the jinchuuriki had done little to dispel that notion in the teachers' mind. The little brat had been obnoxious, rude, arrogant and constantly picking fights, all the while declaring to all and sundry that he'd be the next Hokage, a feat about as likely as a Yamanaka being born a brunette. All in all the first two months of Naruto's Academy career had been an absolute nightmare for Iruka and had, on more than one occasion, left him wondering if the Sandaime had finally succumbed to senility when he stamped the paper to allow the blonde into ninja training.

However, just before the first winter break, about a year and a bit ago now, Iruka had been pleasantly surprised to see a change in both Naruto's behaviour and his mannerism; while he still wouldn't ditch the eye-searing orange jumpsuit he took such pride in, he had severely curtailed his pranks and other extra-curricular activities, instead settling down and reading scrolls and books on civilian topics such as botany, species classification, chemistry and natural biology when class wasn't in session. He'd even made a few friends along the way, the Nara and Akimichi heirs in particular warming up to his new, rather more studious side even as Kiba, the Inuzuka heir and new 'wild-child' of the class following Naruto's apparent abdication of the post, seemed to take the smaller and younger boy under his wing somewhat after seeing him play tug-o'-war under the desk with his nin-ken Akamaru.

This was something that rather surprised the teacher; from his experience most animals were rather reluctant to approach too close to something they instinctively could tell contained a dark, malevolent power. The puppy however either didn't notice or didn't care as Naruto had eventually let it wrestle the frayed length of rope free from one hand while he took notes from the lecture with the other, Akamaru eventually jumping into his lap following the game and not dissuading the blonde boy from petting his back while he fell asleep for the rest of the morning. Following such a display of trust from his canine partner Kiba had immediately disregarded any dislike of Naruto his clan may have instilled in him, sticking up for his new friend when people sought to make his life difficult even if it dragged him, and occasionally others as well, into the fray.

This small and loose, but loyal, network of friends had been something Iruka had a cause to be grateful for about a month ago when some of the higher class students, obviously spurred on by parents not allowed to take their own revenge by the Sandaimes' decree, had come looking for a fight. Iruka hadn't been on playground duty that day but had heard what had happened through the usual staff-room grapevine; the story, while a lot more positive than he'd been expecting, had also planted a small kernel of doubt in his mind that all was not as it seemed with Naruto's new calmness.

According to the after-action report the older boys had systematically tracked the jinchuuriki down despite his attempts to avoid them; while the old Naruto would have undoubtedly gone in head-first and taken a painful hiding, the newer and more serene model merely turned the other cheek as they sought to bait him into a fight it was unlikely he'd win. Only when one of them kicked Naruto's ramen over to try and provoke him had Kiba, pushed beyond the limits of his tolerance, reacted by clawing the perpetrator across the face and daring the others, in less than polite language, to come get some if they thought they were as hard as they felt.

The Inuzuka had been the first one to get stuck in with fists and curses flying but when the dust settled both he and Naruto had been forced to go to the nurse that day; it had appeared to have been a four-on-two free-for-all brawl for a while in the dusty playground before Chouji, alerted by a sudden shout when Ino had been hit accidentally by a stone thrown from the combat, had waded in to even the odds, Shikamaru also chipping in from the sidelines with accurately-thrown practice shuriken. Even Akamaru had undoubtedly done his bit as even a puppy nin-ken with teeth bared and hackles raised was enough to make the rest of the upper class back off, but even so Naruto's friendship had with the other three boys and one dog had been baptised in blood and tribulation, and it had made them all stronger because of it. Even though he'd had to reprimand them for fighting, Iruka couldn't help but feel pride in the way all four had stuck up for each other; only in the hottest fires of combat was the strongest steel forged.

_But even then, the steel was tarnished_; even as he began his report he snatched glances at the boy he had once considered his student; there was no way he'd ever consider teaching someone who'd abused his trust like this again; _he cannot be a ninja now, not after this. I'm sorry Naruto_; despite the wound his student's betrayal had ripped in his heart Iruka couldn't stop himself feeling a twinge of pity for the boy as he knew his words would break the dream he cherished so much; _but this is for not only your good, but the good of Konoha itself_. With that thought foremost in his mind, Iruka squared his shoulder, step his jaw and began to speak,

"I had dismissed the class for the evening when I noticed Naruto had left one of his scrolls behind..."

XXX

In all honesty, he told himself, he was doing the right thing and no-one could blame him; as much as he'd tried to convince himself that Naruto's prolonged upswing in good behaviour had been due to him adapting to the ninja Academy curriculum or burning through his first-month nerves, he couldn't shake the nagging voice in the back of his mind that he was missing something about the whole situation. Despite his job as an instructor he was still a ninja first and that meant that paranoia was his constant friend and companion and over the past few months of observing his class and Naruto in particular, that duo had been whispering to him ever more incessantly. Yes it was a good thing that Naruto was training harder, taking his career seriously and yes, it was useful for him to know a few facts outside what was taught in lectures, but seriously, what nine year old child had an interest that deep in chemistry? Did any normal child, even a Nara, really care so much about what oxidation states all the different metals had that they'd spend hours reading up on the subject?

From peeking over his shoulder during break times, though this had gotten harder over the year as Naruto had become a lot more aware of his surroundings over the year, Iruka couldn't see a common thread in the subjects he was reading up on; the nitrogen cycle, halogens and their properties, the effects of different acids on metals – no, something was up and Naruto's absence from class about three weeks ago had been the clincher for him; that boy had never been sick a day in his life despite eating nothing but ramen and the odd glass of milk and then all of a sudden he needs a four-day weekend to recuperate from a nasty bug? Even if he had looked a little pale the few days following his return Iruka couldn't shake the feeling that something was up and had thus engineered this scenario, carefully hiding one of Naruto's labelled scrolls just prior to the end of class so he'd have an excuse to conduct a house-call. Having followed the boy home from a discreet distance and realised with a critical eye that his apartment building was looking more than a little run-down, the chunin had quietly walked up the stairs and, after channelling chakra to his ears for a moment, had carefully opened the door he'd identified as belonging to the apartment Naruto lived in.

It wasn't all that hard to track down after all, Naruto had been banging around pots and pan in the kitchen and, as Iruka crept up to take a quick look around the kitchen door, realised he was now in the middle of making a spot of tea for himself. Masking a smile as he saw his smallest student pull over a chair to reach the overhead cupboards, the teacher watched on as the jinchuuriki picked out a few packets of instant noodles, though as his sharp vision picked out some other bottles present in the same cupboard as the brightly-packaged foodstuff he felt his eyebrows knit; _weird – why would he have so many vitamin supplements? Unless he really is taking Mizuki's lessons in healthy eating to heart but doesn't want to give up ramen_; the idea made sense and in all honesty Iruka was rather surprised to see how self-sufficient Naruto actually was as the boy boiled a battered old kettle and splashed it into pan he'd put the noodles in.

"Right", Naruto said to himself quietly, unaware of his unexpected guest as he replaced the kettle and flicked the gas on, "dinner's on the go, time for a three minute pick-me-up"; _pick-me-up?_; the question rattled around in Iruka's head as he ducked even closer to the door, looking on as Naruto moved to open the small fridge directly in front of him. Not able to look over the boy's shoulder without risking giving his position away, Iruka could only listen as he saw Naruto squat for a second before standing back up, holding something in front of his body as he slammed the fridge door. The Academy instructor's confusion only grew as he heard a couple of sharp raps on something, then transformed into shock as he saw a thin plastic sleeve thrown from towards the bin at the other end of the kitchen; _that looks like it came from..._;

"Okay", Naruto's voice dragged his attention back to the present and he watched on, momentarily paralysed with horror, as one of his favourite pupils lifted something towards his face; it was only at the sight of clear plastic, far too late, the he managed to seize control of his motor functions again and stop this crime being committed,

"Naruto!"

The sudden shout made the boy leapt a foot and spin around to face him; _no, no that isn't..._; but it was and none of Iruka's mental pleadings were going to change what he was seeing. The tableau remained frozen for a minute as shock paralysed the student and wretched horror the teacher before, pulling the revealed needle out of the roof of his mouth, Naruto was first to recover and try to speak,

"Ah, sensei; look, it's not what..."; _nope, no good_; seeing the darkening expression on Iruka's face he instinctively knew no amount of explanation or pleading was going to be enough to quell the man's ire and so he instead focussed on survival. Quickly darting to the side a fraction before the larger shinobi moved, Naruto flicked off the gas to his cooker and managed to gabble a single name before his teacher jerked him aloft by his collar and he had to focus all his attention on struggling to breathe.

XXX

"Me?" Suddenly finding the proverbial finger, to say nothing of the Hokage's substantial killing intent, pointing right at her, Anko grew incensed at this besmirching of her good name, "I don't even know this brat, I'm not taking any kind of rap for him shooting himself up with..."

"Enough", Naruto's sudden shout was enough to make all three adults jump, "look, let me explain..."

"Naruto", for the first time he could remember the Sandaime sounded not only grave but also quietly furious as he half-stood to glare at the young jinchuuriki, wondering what he'd done wrong to drive the boy he considered all but family to such self-destructive behaviour, "keep your mouth shut; you have accused a special jounin of this village of a crime you yourself have been caught in the act..."

"It's not a crime because the stuff's not illegal", the boy exploded back, speed his only ally before the adults could seek to pass judgement on him, "I was injecting something, I won't deny that, but let me explain what it was and why I was doing it. That's the way it works right, I get a fair hearing before you pass sentence don't I?"

It was a fair point and not one the Sandaime could reasonably see a way around; with a grim nod, he settled back in his chair though his hard eyes never left the accused as Naruto, the adrenaline finally starting to wear off, spoke again,

"Very well Naruto", he winced slightly at the missing affectionate honorific but composed himself as the old man went on, "I will allow you to explain yourself but if I find your story to be anything other than completely watertight it will weigh very heavily on your future punishment. Do you understand?"

"Hai Sandaime-sama", recognising the seriousness of the occasion Naruto bowed low to Konoha's leader before straightening up, "right, well as Iruka-sensei said this all started just over a year ago, about three days before the Kyuubi festival; you know that's always a bad time for me?" Despite the severity of Naruto's actions the old man's face softened; _the one time of year I feel I have never done right by you Minato-kun, you or your son_;

"I know Naruto, but go on". He nodded before continuing,

"Right, well last year a couple of people wanted to start the celebrations early", the jinchuuriki snorted dismissively before looking up at Anko, "and that's where you come in Anko-san; I have seen you before but I didn't know it was you until I asked Mizuki-sensei about some of the jounin in the village and realised it had to be you". The older woman for her part simply looked confused,

"What; I never saw you, hell I never saw anyone at that festival, I was at home and in bed with a cold".

"Not _at_ the festival, slightly before it – I never go there either", Naruto explained, trying to prod her earlier memory, "remember, there were a couple of idiots throwing those empty bottles..." Anko gasped as the memory came back,

"That was you? Of course, hai Hokage-sama, I was there as he said and..."she suddenly cut herself off in mid-flow, remembering what had happened next and how it had been her poor judgement, made on the back of feeling generally rough and bunged-up with a forthcoming bout of the flu, which had landed Naruto in the hospital that time rather than the actions of a few rowdy civilians. The Hokage immediately picked up on this and, still not sure where this story was going but eager to get to the bottom of this mystery, nudged her onwards,

"And what happened Anko-san?"

"It was my fault Hokage-sama", Naruto made the save, looking up at the special jounin with an expression somewhere between exasperation and concern, "a couple of drunks were giving me a hard time when something landed on the street in front of them and they all backed off. A ninja followed that something, I later found out it was Anko-san after a few weeks research, and started getting them of my case with the help of a kunai and telling them what she could do with it while I...well, you know what I was like back then Iruka-sensei, not the sharpest shuriken in the pouch?"

"That's putting it politely", the Academy teacher grated, his student still unforgiven for his sins as he hadn't explained them fully; seemingly understanding this Naruto faced front again, one hand on the back of his head as he grinned awkwardly,

"Yeah, well I looked at the cool ninja and the trick he or she'd done and, it was quite a dark night and I couldn't see what had made the men all back off so I, well I, wandered over and, learnt a very valuable lesson", before either of the two men could question his choice of words or why Anko had a hand over her face in embarrassment he'd carried on, blushing,

"Grabbing a snake, especially a venomous one, by the tail in the dark is a very, very bad idea".

The Sandaime's eyes flickered between the boy and the kunoichi beside him like lightning, all at once grateful that Naruto had survived the obvious bite and furious that Anko had been so careless as to risk him getting bitten in the first place. For her part the Snake Mistress made no excuses, merely nodding to confirm the story as Iruka looked aghast, turning to regard Naruto as though he'd somehow just risen from the dead,

"You, you were bitten? What in the Kami's name by?" Naruto shrugged,

"No idea, don't really care all that much either", he admitted before his face went very serious, the change in expression missed by no-one present, "all that matters, and all that's actually important at the minute, is that the shock of that bite knocked me out almost instantly. Because of that, I ended up having a very... interesting conversation that, in a way, leads us to where we are now".

XXX

_What the hell?_; in a quite understandable response to finding himself partially submerged upon waking up, Naruto kicked himself upright and stood up, trying to shake as much of the water out of his hair and off his face as he could manage as he tried to figure out where he was. His last memory was a sudden pain in his hand, not unlike the injections that the nurse at the Academy had forced him to sit through almost the day he arrived there, and a weird sensation travelling up his arm but that was it; had it rained while he was under or something? Looking around blearily he realised that he wasn't in a street, as he'd originally expected from his memories, rather he was in what looked like a very deep and extending cavern, one end of which was lit by a low, volcanic red glow; _strange, did the Kyuubi festival start already? Just how long have I been here?_; with such questions foremost in his mind the young jinchuuriki began slogging through the water towards the light, realising that he might as well see what awaited him at the end of the tunnel than stay where he was and be forced to wait for something to happen.

Time seemed to have no meaning in this place; he could have sloshed his way through knee-deep water for a minute or a month but what awaited him came as a shock either way; the tunnel widened into what could only be called a cavern, a truly colossal one at that. As he craned his neck back to try and take in the full magnitude of what he was seeing his eyes suddenly fell on the thick bars that he could just about see in the distance; _huh, those look like, prison bars? Did they try to put me away for something again and the prison flooded – nah, that's silly, I could slip through those bars no..._;

"**So**", the voice was so deep he felt it reverberate through him as much as he heard it, "**you have come before me at last**".

"Uhh, I guess so", the confused boy managed to say, scratching his head even as he tried to slow down his racing pulse, "where is here and who are you?" The voice seemed to pause for a moment before speaking again,

"**You know me not?**"

"Nope", Naruto confirmed after a second's thought; _it might be Kiba's mum's dog but even his voice isn't that deep_; "should I?"

The answer to this was a roar of rage that sent water cascading over the boys' head; spluttering and coughing he looked forwards towards the origin of the noise that had left his ears ringing only to find himself squinting against the furnace of red that had sprung up out of nothingness. Blinking spots out of his eyes as the fire banked down a little, the echoes of the wrathful noise finally dying away, he looked up at the dread magnificence of the creature before him and felt his jaw drop,

"Wow", he murmured, taking in how life-like the beast was and the feeling of almost omnipotent power that seemed to pulse from its very body like energy from the heart of a sun, "they _really_ outdid themselves on the Kyuubi model this year!"

_Too right they did_; as the massive construct seemed to stare at him and he watched its ear fly straight upright on its head, like Akamaru's always did when he heard Chouji opening a packet of crisps, Naruto watched on amazed at its movements and wondered how good the big frog that supposedly fought the demon was going to be; _after all, he and Yondaime are the good guys. But they even managed to make it look like it's breathing, and who's doing the voice this year – hang on, was the Kyuubi supposed to talk?_;

"**What do you mean, model?**" His question was cut off by the sudden movement of the fake bijuu, even its fur standing on end as it seemed to watch him and him alone; _if this is the festival, where's all the fireworks and performers – in fact scratch that, where's everyone else period?_;

"You know", Naruto began uneasily, something in his gut belatedly telling him that all was not as it was meant to be and he was missing something important, "the model; they always have this big parade on the tenth of October every year about and at the end of it the big Kyuubi-model gets knocked down and burnt by the..."

This time the roar didn't just make his ears ring, it outright deafened him; molten power radiating from its form the incensed bijuu threw back its head and howled in fury, Naruto having to fight hard to stay on his feet as he clapped both hands over his ears and sought to preserve his hearing. When he removed his hands, however, he found himself wondering why he bothered as it appeared the creature seemed to still be shouting,

"**...insolent flesh-bag of meat and skin, you have no idea of the magnitude of the power I contain**", it appeared this thing liked to talk, even as Naruto dug a pinkie into one ear and tried to figure out exactly why he was seeing something that looked like the Kyuubi in this strange place, "**I am the lord of the bijuu, mightiest of beasts and scourge of the earth, the sea and the sky. There is nothing under heaven or earth that can challenge my might and live, none who would stand before my...**"

"So, hang on", the beast appeared to be taken aback by his sudden shout, stunned into silence as his mind, admittedly not the sharpest at the best of times, seemed to make the connection at last, "are you saying you're not a model?" The massive fox's eyes bulged in outrage and its many tails waved behind it in a fury, frustrating Naruto's attempts to count them; _last years' only had eight – hope they fixed that this year_;

"**No you lowly worm, I am not a model**", the fox breathed malignantly through gritted teeth the size of a horse, its volcanic stare trained on the small body in front of it as though it could make the pathetic ape-child burst into flame on the spot,

"**I **_**am**_** the bloody Kyuubi!**"

"Oh, right", Naruto replied numbly – in all honesty what else could he actually say; if it looked like a nine-tailed fox, spoke like a nine-tailed fox and was about the right sort of size for a nine-tailed killer demon of legend there was very little else it could conceivably be wasn't there? Mind blank and completely out of his depth in a conversation of this magnitude, the young ninja in training made the first comment that came into his head,

"Do you know you're supposed to be dead?"

At first he thought his question had all but knocked the fox out; the creature had blinked, blinked again and was now staring at him, mouth agape like the portal to Makai as its face was twisted into an expression of mingled fury and hysteria, a lot like Ino's face had been after Kiba had sent his nin-ken to tickle her feet with his tail while Iruka-sensei was asking her to answer an important question. _Ah, that was worth seeing_; the memory of the youngest Yamanaka trying to answer in an even voice even as she was forced to bite her lips and her face went redder than Sakura-chans' dress as the puppy brushed his fluffy tail over her exposed toes was a thought that made him snigger even now; _even if it cost Kiba a black eye when Mizuki-sensei paired them up for taijutsu training later_. His reminiscing was cut short, however, as the so-called Kyuubi looked down at him, some of the venom drained from its gaze as it looked at him more curiously this time,

"**And how exactly, insect, am I, a being composed of sentient chakra, supposed to have died?**"

"Umm, I don't understand most of what you just said but you did die", Naruto argued stubbornly, folding his arms as the fox cocked an eyebrow, amused despite himself as it appeared this vessel was either a lot more easy-going or a lot more clueless than his previous two, either of which would make for a very interesting time in this cell, "the whole village knows the Yondaime summoned the Shinnie, the Shinji...Shiny-something to drag you into he... are you okay?"

As the monstrous beast before him suddenly seemed to convulse Naruto stepped forwards a pace, concern in his voice; luckily for his reputation as a force of nature with no soul Kyuubi was able to pull itself together enough to look up at its host again, though the thought of anybody, least of all a human, summoning up the god of death and greeting him with the benediction of 'Shiny-sama' was enough to provoke a slight quirk of the lips even as it nodded,

"**My health is far beyond the scope of your feeble mind to comprehend**", he stated plainly, breaking off for a minute to smother a laugh as the image of the Shinigami's mouth losing hold of the blade it held as its jaw dropped in disbelief at such a mangling of its proper title popped into his mind, "**but your stories are wrong. I am the Kyuubi, mightier than death and no mortal jutsu can slay me. Your precious Yondaime could only delay the doom of Konoha; with the Shinigami's – that's the proper name for Shiny-something boy**", he extrapolated, seeing the confusion writ large on the face of his host and realising that yes, this time he really had drawn the short straw and earn himself a host with fewer working mental functions than Shukaku after a night on the sake. When the child looked up with enlightenment in his eyes, the bijuu carried on,

"**As I was saying, with the power of the Shinigami the Yondaime was able to seal my power away. I am not dead for I refuse to die; you cannot halt the path of a bijuu, only divert its course for a little while as the Yondaime did. I am merely sealed, awaiting my time to rise again**".

"Okay, so you're sealed then and you're still alive"; _oh man, I hope jiji knows about this – the Kyuubi's not dead and might get out of this seal and come after us again and he might have to summon the Shinigammy this time. Maybe I could learn to do that, but actually_; a sudden thought occurred to Naruto and with all the mental cunning his seven-year old mind possessed he looked up at the Kyuubi with what he thought was a curious expression, "but, if you're sealed, why am I here? And where _is_ here anyway?"

Third time being the charm it always way Naruto was able to jump over the ripple of water that was sent flooding out of the bijuu's cage as the fox seemed to flop to the floor; a second enquiry as to the health of the mighty creature was on the tip of his tongue but before he could voice it the fox shifted its face on its paws and looked over at him, its expression inscrutable,

"**You really don't know do you?**"

"Know what?" If there was one thing Naruto hated it was being left out of the loop and he stepped forwards demandingly, "Tell me!" The Kyuubi thought for a second about rebuking him on the dangers of potentially pissing off powerful beings such as himself but dissuaded himself on the grounds that the message would probably just bounce of the child's apparently thick skull and settled for the path of least resistance,

"**There is only one thing capable of storing a being with as much raw chakra as I am able to command; any inanimate object would be shattered the instant the seal was applied. Similarly any adult, as a human with chakra coils of fixed dimensions, would be unable to cope with the surge of yokai, that's bijuu chakra, and would be torn apart from within as his chakra system ruptured...**"

"Ouch", Naruto winced, picturing such an eventuality and shuddering, "sounds nasty. But if he couldn't seal you in a pot or something like that, an' he couldn't seal you in a person, then where are we?"

"**An adult**", Kyuubi corrected him, thinly amused at how bone-headed his current jailor was and picturing the reaction he was going to be treated to when the idiot child eventually figured it out, "**an adult couldn't hold me because their chakra system is of a set size, so that would mean...?**"

"Yondaime-sama would have to", Naruto put his finger on his lip, thinking hard, "he'd have to find someone who had a chakra system without a set size", the Kyuubi nodded, mentally counting down, "so he had to use someone who wasn't an adult, someone really...really, young, and you attacked, on my birthday..."

_**Kami damn me as a sinner but this is going to be good**_; contrary to his reputation Kyuubi wasn't actually that bloodthirsty but he was a trickster at heart and the way the boy's eyes widened comically as he bashed the pieces together to form something close to the whole picture as he had to fight hard not to let his smile show as nodded gravely,

"**Yes brat, the Yondaime sealed me into you; we are currently within your mind and your body is unconscious**".

After all the build-up the end result was a big disappointment; Kyuubi didn't even bother to hide his huff as he watched the child simply shut down, his limited mental capacity unable to bear the knowledge that he was doomed to life as...

"AAAAAAAAaaaaaahahhhhhhhhhh!"

As Naruto suddenly began running around in front of the cage screaming at the top of his lungs Kyuubi couldn't have hidden his booming laughter even if he'd wanted to; an idiot he might have been but his new host was nothing if not entertaining, though possibly a tad loud if the continuing yelling was anything to go by. Eventually regaining control of his mirth the bijuu king looked down at where his partner in a sense for the time being was trying to catch his breath and his kitsune soul couldn't resist the opportunity to make things just a little bit more unbearable to the traumatised boy,

"**Relax and be quiet**", he demanded, brushing off the look of outraged disbelief his host tried to spear him with as he sat back on his haunches, "**you're giving me a headache**".

"A headache", the Kyuubi knew he should have been old and wise enough not to aggravate beings smaller and infinitely weaker than him but at the same time it was just so much fun – he didn't even bother to try and hide his smirk as Naruto jumped up and down in rage, splashing water everywhere as he pointed at the fox, "you're in _my head_! I don't want you in my head; you'll do all sorts to me, I could grow tails or start hunting rabbits because..." he tailed off, the Kyuubi raising an eyebrow as something else seemed to dawn on the child as he looked from his feet, to the bijuu, then back to his feet before leaping out of the water. Scrambling for the side of the cavern, swearing vehemently the whole way as he appeared to be trying to get as little of himself in contact with the water as possible at any one time, his desolate wail sounded out across the cavern again towards the perpetrator of this newest crime against him,

"Eeeeeuuuuwwww, _gross_; there's fox pee in my mind!"

He looked up at the bijuu with a horrified, violated expression on his face as Kyuubi felt his jaw drop;_** now that I've never been accused of**_;

"You put fox pee in my head, this could do horrible things to me; what if it starts coming out my nose?" Naruto seemed to wilt as the image pounded his brain, a nightmare scenario that would deny him the girl of his dreams for all time, "I could be talking to Sakura-chan and everything then this starts coming out like when Akamaru cocks his leg..."

"_**I don't urinate!**_"

In all honesty bellowing at that point wasn't one of Kyuubi's better ideas as it ended up half-drowning his host and set him off shrieking he was contaminated and he was going to have to stay in the bath until he was as wrinkly as jiji to feel clean again. Eventually though even Naruto ran out of air and as he stood crouched over gasping and shivering the Kyuubi grabbed the reins of the conversation and started to talk,

"**Listen you moronic sack of skin and bones; I am an entity made entirely of chakra! That means I don't eat, I don't have to drink and because of that fact I do not create your so-called 'fox pee'! I can do nothing in your mindscape because of the seal on these bars – it holds my youkai back and therefore whatever that liquid might be, it is nothing to do with me. This is your mind after all**". Having said his piece the fox sat back down, looking down at the small form of his newest jinchuuriki as Naruto, slowly recovering from the traumatic visions of having to live the rest of his life with tissues shoved up his nose in case his newly-introduced house guest lacked bladder control, slowly looked up at the massive vulpine and, reluctantly, took a step forwards, this time looking at the bars rather than the beast they held back,

"So", he said eventually, getting ever closer as he pointed to a scrap of paper he could finally pick out on the central pillar, "you can't get out of there? That piece of paper keeps you in?"

"**Yes, the seal is powered by the Shinigami's power and your own chakra**", the bijuu confirmed, nodding his massive head as Naruto watched on, drinking in the words and knowledge, "**the only way for me to get out would be for you to remove the seal. Doing so, however, would kill you and weaken me**". Naruto shivered,

"Ah, let's not do that then; is that because of like you said with the whole adult-couldn't-hold-you thing?" At the Kyuubi's nod he asked his second question, quite pleased that he'd managed to figure that much out so far on his own, "But how would that hurt you?" _**Rather an intelligent question for him**_; taken slightly aback by two such strokes of genius in as many minutes, the Kyuubi found himself re-evaluating the blonde slightly; _**is it possible he's some kind of idiot-savant, emphasis on the former of course?**_;

"**It would hurt me because part of that seal is designed to siphon off some of my virtually-limitless chakra to your pitiful reserves**", the great fox explained, Naruto scowling at his choice of words but nodding nevertheless, "**this process will increase in pace as you age, though such time is less than an eye-blink for myself, weakening the seal in the process. However should you actually die early the Shinigami would have to claim you early and break this seal in the process, painfully for me I might add. I would then be released back into the world to regenerate to my former magnificence, which would take time and be most inconvenient. For that reason it is in my interest to keep you alive as best I can, though with your blatant stupidity and suicidal tendencies that looks like a tall order even for one such as myself**".

As expected, this comment made Naruto fluff up like the Nibi threatened with being dunked in the ocean – that sour old cat had never been able to take a joke,

"Hey fluff-butt, remember whose head this is – I make the rules in here. Just to be clear though", he pointed to the floor again, "definitely not fox pee?" The bijuu sighed wearily,

"**Definitely not fox pee**". The human gave a mega-watt grin,

"Good, that's a weight off my mind then"; _**why me Kami-sama, why me?**_; it was the closest the Kyuubi had ever come to testing just how strong the Shinigami's power was by dint of hitting the bars of his cage hard with his forehead repeatedly but before he could put the idea into practice Naruto's next question caught him cold,

"So, if this is my mind; how'd I get here and how do I get back as well; if I'm not in my body who's in there now?"

"**You are still in your body child you're just unconscious, like when you're asleep. Anyway, you're here because you were stupid enough to pick up something that turned around, bit you and injected some kind of venom into your system; the shock of this happening knocked you unconscious and into the mindscape**". Naruto seemed to ponder this for a minute before scratching his head, leaving Kyuubi wincing in anticipation of his next million-ryo question,

"What's a venom? It sounds awesome; can I get some?"

_**I have come to the conclusion**_; in actual fact he'd come to this conclusion within about the first fifteen seconds of being introduced to this child and had right now reached the limits of his patience; _**that this jinchuuriki is the picture-book definition of 'nice in small doses', and if he stays here much longer I'm going to end up suffering an overdose and doing something I may regret later**_. With this thought in mind, the bijuu thought up a clever compromise for its host to ponder,

"**Maybe, but only if next time you come here you can answer your own question and tell me a way by which your body could produce, store and if necessary alter its own venom, understand?**" At Naruto's nod the Kyuubi readied himself to eject the interloper from his sanctum,

"**Good; until the next time, uh...?**"

"Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto and the future Hokage, believe it!" The boy supplied helpfully; suppressing a wince and hoping the headache would die down soon, Kyuubi nodded and thrust its chakra forwards, forcing his host back to a conscious state,

"...**begone Naruto**".

_**Future Hokage, hah!**_; settling back down in its cage the Kyuubi snorted, dismissing idly the small part of its mind that pointed out it was perhaps a good thing for his jinchuuriki to have such lofty ambitions as striving for them would make him stronger; _**I'll believe that when he comes to me with a plan to turn his entire body into the ultimate weapon!**_

XXX

"And that was just what I did", Naruto said matter-of-factly, having left out some of the more... unusual topics of the first conversation he'd held with his tenant in lieu of clearing his name, "he got me interested in the idea of venoms so I read up on them and didn't really stop. I'd have done it years ago if I'd know; it's so interesting how many different ways nature can come up with ways to kill the unwary or stupid – once I got started I couldn't put the scrolls and books down. Apart from that though, once I figured out how snakes and other venomous creatures actually synthesise and store their venoms I went back to the mindscape..." It was at this point that the Sandaime, his face having turned ashen grey as he realised one of the S-ranked secrets of the Leaf was now common knowledge to his surrogate grandson some decade or so before he'd meant to sit the boy down for a little chat, managed to reboot his mind and speak again,

"Naruto", his voice was a dry croak but he managed to gain control of himself with admirable haste even as Iruka seemed to be muttering prayers to Kami under his breath and Anko had her fingers in position for a jutsu of some kind should the jinchuuriki try any funny business, "are you saying you know of your...tenant?"

"Who, Kyuubi? Oh yeah", he waved a hand as though dismissing the most powerful entity known to the Elemental nations like he was a cloud of mosquitoes, "he's a bit cranky sometimes but as long as you've got a decent plan in your mind when you're talking to him he'll listen. He actually reminded me a bit of you Iruka-sensei", the chunin in question seemed torn as to whether he should look insulted or flattered at the comparison as Naruto went on, "quite smart but doesn't suffer fools gladly".

"I, ah, t,thanks Naruto, I think", the blonde beamed at the praise before Anko decided to take matters into her own hands. Striding forwards and grabbing the orange-covered shoulder, the special jounin gave a quick shake to make sure his eyes were fixed on her as she spoke,

"Gaki, I know I'm never going to be head of the Strategic Planning division any time soon but even I know that when you're dealing with a demon you should at least..." Naruto's hand suddenly shot up and cut her off as his blue eyes bored harshly into her lilac gaze, his tone likewise firm but not exactly unkind as he explained,

"Bijuu, the Kyuubi is a bijuu not a demon; he doesn't come from Makai, only the oni hang out there", the jinchuuriki explained before smiling sadly, "and before you say he can't be trusted I'd just like to point out that in the last year or so he's helped me get ready to survive in my life a lot more than anyone else in Konoha save for Iruka-sensei and jiji, ah, Sandaime-sama that is. Fact is, like I told you, he needs me to survive to avoid the Shinigami having to rip his seal off early; as I get older the seal should weaken naturally to give me access to more youkai but there's no way it'll ever be enough to kill or even seriously wound him. The way he explained it to me is like having a large plaster; if you tear it off when the wound's still fresh, or if I was to die when I was young, it'd hurt a hell of a lot more and he'd take longer to heal than if he waited for me to age and die naturally. So I listened to him, went away, did the research to come up with my ideas and he helped put them into practice over this past year".

There was an understandable period of silence following this announcement; though he'd tried to keep his internal experiments a secret in his heart of hearts Naruto had always known this day was going to come; _though it'd have been better if I'd made genin first – then I could have tried to pass the whole thing off as a blood-limit. That would have helped get the council off my back as well as Kami knows they all love their family-only traits_;

"I see Naruto-kun; you have surprised me once again", the jinchuuriki was jerked back to the present by the Sandiame's voice, the old man's tone a lot gentler than it had been as he sized the potential ninja in front of him up again, "from the notes Minato-dono, the Yondaime, left regarding the seal he was forced to use on you it appeared that contact with the fox was inevitable at some stage. I had hoped to introduce, for want of a better word, you to the fact you are a bijuu container, also called a jinchuuriki by some, later in your life, probably when you graduated from the Academy but", the old kage smiled ruefully, steepling his fingers under his chin as he leant forwards on his desk, "it appears that you didn't get that message and went ahead with meeting your bijuu early, with some assistance from Anko-san at least".

The kunoichi swallowed softly in her throat as the Hokage turned a sour glare her way; _ah, still not forgiven for getting the gaki bitten in the first place then_; before Naruto appeared to take back over,

"Thanks jiji, means a lot to know people care but, this is something I couldn't figure out", he looked up at the older man, mulling things over with his chin on his fist, a faraway look in his eyes as he spoke on, "Kyuubi attacked only ten years ago, less than that even, on my birthday right? So surely everyone must know, or at least the ninja should be able to figure out something was up when the fox just disappeared like the story says; heck the Yondaime summoned an actual _god_ to Konoha, so why don't more people...?"

"They do know Naruto", Sarutobi interjected, not unkindly, his statement backed up by both Iruka and Anko nodding as he looked around at them, his blue eyes widening at their confirmation, "and you are right in a way. Many people, many ninja who were there and doing the fighting with the Kyuubi recognised what had happened; as you now know, no man, not even the Yellow flash, could actually kill a creature made of pure chakra. Unfortunately before I was properly re-instated following Minato-dono's death the idea of the sealing became relatively common knowledge and began to spread like a wildfire. It was too late to quash the rumours that the Kyuubi now had a jinchuuriki containing it, so instead I created a law, an S-ranked secret of the Leaf that is still enforced to this day". Absorbed as he was in the story, Naruto was completely oblivious to the presence that grew behind him until it clapped him on the shoulder, the sudden contact almost making him hit the ceiling with his shock-fuelled jump,

"And I should know because I've enforced it a few times gaki; there's a lot of legal mumbo-jumbo that goes with it but what it basically says is that people who know about the sealing are forbidden to tell anyone, especially the youngsters like the ones in your class, that you hold Kyuubi. The Hokage made the law to try and protect you, make sure people couldn't poison their kids against you by telling them you were some kind of monster in disguise and, for the most part, it works. I know you get a hard time around the village", she said hastily, seeing his trenchant look of disbelief at that statement before explaining herself, "but most of the time that's all you get, a hard time; no-one's stupid enough to try anything else because they know the ANBU would come down on them like a ton of bricks – I've seen them execute people who spat something they shouldn't have under their breath just as you walked past. Those that are stupid enough to get caught of course get dealt with, usually by me or Ibiki-kun, personally", Anko told him before looking his body up and down and giving a flirtatious wink, "aren't you lucky you've got someone as skilful and sexy as Anko-neechan looking out for you?"

_Ahh, how cute_; as a red flush began to spread over whiskered cheeks the Snake Mistress smirked at the expression, lost in her own thoughts until a sudden cough made her blink and realise someone else was holding her hand and gently removing it from Naruto's shoulder,

"If you're quite done traumatising my student?" Iruka questioned, ignoring the kunoichi's heartbroken expression before a sudden snicker made both heads turn,

"No need to get jealous sensei; Anko-neechan's not my type", looking over his shoulder the jinchuuriki gave his teacher a thumbs up before adopting a stern expression and wagging a finger, "just make sure you have her home before midnight or there'll be consequences, got it?"

The look of horrified outrage on Iruka's scarred face, highlighted by his suddenly crimson cheeks, was enough to send Anko to her knees with laughter as Sarutobi was forced to hide his grin with his hand; however before the chunin could splutter a response he straightened his face and tapped the top of his desk to bring all attention back to himself again,

"Amusing as this undoubtedly is, we have more pressing business to attend to here", recognising the gravity in the powerful shinobi's voice all three younger ninja and ninja trainees took up their previous positions before Sarutobi spoke again, "so Naruto, you are aware of your status as a jinchuuriki now and the fact that you contain the Kyuubi but I fail to see how this relates to...why Iruka-san brought you here". Naruto snorted prior to folding his arms behind his head; it might have looked a little insouciant but, as far as he was concerned once he finished his explanations they'd have nothing they could pin on him

"I was explaining that before we got side-tracked by the whole jinchuuriki issue", he pointed out before carrying on, "but yeah, like I was saying I read up on how snakes, spiders and all those other venomous creepy-crawlies make their own venom and went back into the mind-scape. Took me ages to figure out how to do that as well; I was afraid for a minute I'd have to resort to blunt force trauma to the cranium but luckily realised how to meditate my way there before that became necessary. But once I got there I sat down with the big, red plushie-wannabe and told him how I could get my own venom; I explained it, he asked a few questions and then after a bit told me to brace myself – when I woke up it felt like I had the worst case of toothache in the world, but then I realised what had happened", seeing the shocked faces turned towards him the blonde realised this was likely to be his best shot at clearing his name and letting two of his precious people know his new abilities he stood up and looked around at the three ninja, all hints of playfulness gone from his face as he extended a hand forwards,

"Anyone got a kunai they're not bothered with losing?"

"Naruto", as Anko wordlessly pulled a nondescript ninja knife out of her tool belt and offered it forwards Iruka, blood drained from his face, looked at his fellow orphan, amazed and a not a little scared at what he'd heard so far, "are you telling me you've got, I mean, the Kyuubi gave you a kind of poison?"

"No, oh dear Iruka-sensei, zero points for you", the boy teased back nettlingly, taking the kunai from Anko as he answered, "first off its venom, not poison; something is classified as poisonous if it contains a toxin or a chemical that can cause harm, it's only called venomous if it possesses a method of delivering that toxin into something, usually prey. That means things like mushrooms and toads are poisonous but not venomous, while hunting creatures like some snakes are purely venomous. And secondly Kyuubi was too lazy to actually give me a venom right off the bat; all he did was alter my body a bit to make sure I had the equipment necessary to deliver it to people who annoyed me. In his own words 'if you're going to go ahead with this stupid endeavour the least you can do is get the actual venom yourself'; lazy bijuu, like he's got anything else to do in that cell apart from sleep all day", the jinchuuriki groused for a moment before hefting the knife again, bringing it to his face and baring his teeth as he did so,

"What Kyuubi did was give me, just above the hard palette of my mouth, a venom sac and from that sac, a way to do this".

With that, he pressed the kunai against his upper canine teeth, angling the blade to let all present see the thin trails of fluid that were milked from his hollowed and now lethal fangs.

XXX

As she watched the boy removed the small blade of metal from his mouth carefully Anko found she couldn't look away, repelled and attracted in equal measure as she realised that Naruto now was as close to her former sensei than any nin she had ever seen before, but at the same time his biological evolution had been brought, not from the results of foul experiments on other living human beings, but from research, consultation with a source of knowledge greater than his own and a kind of partnership with a beast that was supposed to have been a burden on his for the rest of his days,

"So then Naruto", trying desperately hard not to imagine what kinds of hell this discovery was going to raise at the next council meeting, Sarutobi did his best to put on a brave face on things, "you have, ah, thanks to Kyuubi's intervention and your research, you have a poison, ah, my apologies a venomous bite now?"

"Venomous spit too", the jinchuuriki admitted, opening his mouth fully for a moment before speaking again, "the venom sac's connected to each of my salivary glands. Most of the time, when I'm not using my venom that is, my spit's as safe as anyone else's so the hospital dentist needn't worry too much", he quipped, the weak joke managing to raise a titter out of Anko even if the other two shinobi were too in awe of his latest admission to comment, leaving him to soldier on alone, "but if I want to I can trickle a bit of poison through them and into my mouth. I thought it might be useful for delivering a contact poison; no point biting someone if your venom works on the skin after all; or if I needed to do a quiet assassination – I could kill someone with a kiss containing a slow-acting muscle paralysing venom for instance. Also, if you really hack me off I can flood enough venom into my mouth to spit a literal mouthful; before you ask", he held up a hand at Anko's forthcoming question having seen the burning desire lighting up her lilac eyes, "when full I've got enough for three or maybe four full-mouth spits, or two, maybe three hours continual low-level saliva production. It's disgusting I'll admit but damned useful, especially if you want to blind somebody; contact poisons are awesome like that".

"Too right they are", Anko agreed readily, all but clapping her hands as she realised the fruits of Naruto's labours had, or could as the case was at the minute, make him a formidable assassination type ninja; _he'd only have to lick his blade for a scratch to be lethal, and if he was using senbon – oh he could be an outright killing machine depending what his venom actually does_; "have you seen what spitting cobras can do?" Naruto laughed at her obvious excitement,

"Of course", the jinchuuriki stated, one hand raised as though it were a hooded snake rising up to strike, "where do you think I got the spit idea from in the first place? That was one of the first venoms I got, still one of the best too now I think about it – it's a nasty contact poison and it kills if it bites through skin as well, what's not to like?" Anko was about to reply and name some of her other personal favourite summons before Iruka, having finally managed to close his jaw and fight down his irrational fear that the Kyuubi vessel was even more dangerous than he'd originally feared when he'd first heard Naruto was coming to the Academy, let his professionalism speak for him,

"Ne, Naruto, what does your venom actually do, when you bite someone I mean? Do you even know what it does more to the point; I hope you've not used it on anyone?" He chuckled weakly at his lame pun before his bacon was saved by the Sandaime, the old ninjas' interest perked by the question,

"I must confess I'd be interested to hear this too Naruto-kun; what is the effect of your venom on living tissue?"

"Which one?"

"Umm", caught out slightly by this answer Sarutobi tried to think of a way to rephrase the question, "I'm sorry Naruto-kun, I didn't think it would matter what tissue you bit – surely the effect would be the same wouldn't it?"

"Tissue, what would that, oh I see", the jinchuuriki laughed before raising a hand as though to bat away the Hokage's question, "sorry jiji, we were on completely different pages there. I meant which venom were you talking about?"

Silence descended on the office as all three ninja tried to focus on the magnitude of that simple question but it was Anko, the kunoichi who out of all of the three qualified ninja present who had the most to do with poisons on a casual basis, who managed to reconnect her mind and lips and again enough to whisper her theory across the deadened atmosphere,

"Naruto", it showed how deep her shock and awe was that she even used the Academy student's name rather than a affectionate derogatory insult to his age or intelligence, "are you seriously telling me you can actually change the venom your body produces? And, do you get a say in what venom you use?" He looked at her quizzically,

"Of course I do; it'd be a bit pointless if I didn't wouldn't it? What am I supposed to say to jiji if the mission's to bring the guy back alive; 'oh sorry Sandaime-sama, my venom flipped out at just when I was about to start the interrogation and I used a cardiac depressive instead of a truth serum'? That'd go down like a genin team trying to catch Tora down a mud-slide. I can't", he began to declare, holding up a hand for silence as he did so, wanting time to explain his point, "switch them at the drop of a kunai though; I have to flush out my venom sac a few times before I can use the new toxin without risk of contamination, though I have to say some of the mixes are real killers, better than either one on its own. Lucky for me my apartment's always had a serious rat problem", he chuckled, remembering some of the fun he'd had lurking in a dark corner over a hunk of left-over cheese or meat, ready to go the second a smidgeon of whiskered snout poked its head around the door, "no shortage of test subjects there".

"You tested your venom, or even venoms, on rats?"

"I don't think jiji would've appreciated it much if I'd gone around chewing on or spitting at people Iruka-sensei; he's got enough paperwork to deal with at the best of times", Naruto pointed out, withdrawing something from his pocket and passing it towards his mouth as he snickered, "least of all if they started keeling over and dying just after I moved on. And before you ask how I caught the furry little buggers in the first place", Naruto's voice was muffled around his fingers for a minute as he seemed to put something in his mouth before his fingers withdrew and the tip of his tongue peeped out of his lips, curled into an O shape. There was a sudden, almost inaudible 'phut' noise and a tiny dart, little more than a wooden splinter, landed on the corner of the Hokage's desk, the jinchuuriki sitting back satisfied as all eyes flickered between him and the weapon he'd just used so casually,

"Bit of spit on the tongue then fire it into them when they're not expecting it; I used that method for the deadly stuff but haven't had a chance for some of the more latent venoms – last thing I need is a rat dying somewhere and stinking the place out before I can find the body", he shuddered at the thought as Iruka marvelled at his student's cunning and Anko immediately ticked another mental box; _oh Kami, I sure as hell don't envy the poor sap who ends up with this kid on his team. A walking, talking poison-factory and smart enough to use it properly – he could cripple a nation's military if he got close enough to the right targets and no-one would suspect a thing_. The thought made the kunoichi give her own shiver before she managed to pull herself together enough to listen to Naruto's new defence of his earlier actions,

"So yeah I've got a lot of different venoms my new venom glands can produce..."

"How did you get them though...Naruto", a hint of warning crept into the Sandaime's voice and his face became a little sterner; _I know that look_; "what did you do?"

"Umm, a bit of jiggery-pokery in the mission room; it wasn't bad, honest", he felt a sudden urge to defend himself as all three ninja suddenly regarded him with solemnity or, in Anko's case, amusement, "all I did was draft out a mission request for a fund to be set up to pay, over time, for ninja to obtain poisons they could find when working. It was an open-ended sort of thing really, not even a mission more a, a chance to get extra pay if the nin had a bit of luck; the way I drafted the report and the way it works is that the fund, all of which, before anyone thinks I swindled money out of Konoha or anything like that, came directly out of my orphan's stipend, was basically open to any Konoha nin who came into contact with and obtained a sample of a venom and brought it back. He or she was then entitled to claim a set amount of extra pay from this fund once they coughed up the new poison to the address listed on the mission briefing". He was cut off at this point by the sound of one hand slapping onto a forehead; _Kami damn it how did that slip under the net – I must have got more out of that fund than anyone else in the village and I never saw it!_;

"Your apartment", Anko breathed, marvelling that he'd managed to circumvent the paperwork at the same time as feel a sudden hint of danger, that this really was too good to be true and something was wrong, something familiar and dangerous to her, "you had them all delivered there..."

"...and stored in your fridge", Iruka finished, dumbstruck at just how much the former class dead-last had changed almost without anyone noticing, "but Naruto, how'd you get this through the department; I work there myself sometimes, we go over everything with a fine tooth-comb before we rubber-stamp it, and even after that Hokage-sama reads most of the missions to assign them a rank". If possible, the jinchuuriki's grin stretched even wider,

"True and I was worried about that as well before I figured out that the civilian side of the council wasn't as diligent; when they saw an official-looking document on headed paper and 'signed'", his flexing fingers gave away his first foray into the intricate realm of forgery as a means to further this little project of his, "by the chief of medical staff in Konoha's hospital, something about a project aimed at synthesising venoms to build up the supplies Konoha nin had access to, they rushed it straight through the paper-chain and it got signed off no problem. One of the statements I like to live by now, the eight P's as I call them; Proper Prior Planning and Preparation Prevents Piss-Poor Performance, and it works so far in everything I've done", he told them, inwardly cheering at the looks of disbelief on the faces in front of him, especially the Hokage himself; _would I really have...yes_; regardless of his other faults Sarutobi was honest with himself and knew that if such a thing had crossed his desk he'd probably have stamped it without paying too much attention, trusting the council would have done their job properly; _yes I would have let something like that past my guard. But this can't happen again_; swearing to himself to increase his already-constant vigilance, he turned back in to his grandson's explanation in time to catch the tail-end of it,

"...and once that happened and the fund was set up, after a month or so it started rolling in; I couldn't pay much of course, my stipend's not that great, but it's something and a lot of nin gave up their venoms for free, the good of Konoha and all that. So, that was how I had the venoms delivered to me, but the way I got them into my body and learnt to synthesise them myself was what you saw earlier Iruka-sensei", as everyone leant in to pay close attention to Naruto's next words he spoke again, outlining the agreement he'd come to with his tenant for the betterment of them both, "I had all the gear, venom sac and hollow fangs, but my body had no idea how to make its own venom at first. Kyuubi actually suggested the method as everything I thought up would have been either impracticable or as close as damn it impossible; what you saw me doing was injecting a new venom, that one was actually a plant extract, I think it was from Suna but I'm not sure exactly, got the full name of everything I've used so far back at the office at home. What I worked out with Fluffy was that if I injected the venom directly into the venom sac, the roof of my mouth as you saw, he'd use his chakra to break down the poison and sort of reverse-engineer how it was made into my own biology. When he tried to explain how that worked he got me hooked on what I've been working on for the rest of the time I've been busy; human physiology and biochemistry".

Naruto took a moment out once again how much work he'd done and how much more there feasibly was he could do, how meagre his knowledge was in the grand scheme of things; _but I know more than some people, though probably not jiji – I better try and explain this as best I can. After all, if they took the fact I've got my own venom the rest might slot nicely into place without too much trouble_; he wasn't all the hopeful in reality but there was nothing to be done about it now, all he could do was plough onwards with his fingers crossed, "The human body", he started, neck craned towards the ceiling as he reacquainted himself with his new subject of study and devotion, "an intricate and almost beautiful piece of machinery, but so very fragile at the same time. Of course I'm in a better position that most – I'm too young to die as far as the Kyuubi's concerned after all – but still, when you actually dig into how the body works, how all those millions of cells managed to co-ordinate with each other just to let you eat, breathe and whistle; a true work of art. Most if not all venoms are proteins, naturally-occurring chemicals synthesised by living things and used by animals, and humans in some cases, to kill or weaken prey; I even tried to recreate the ways they were made you know?" He admitted that fact freely, grateful that they all appeared to be listening, even Anko as he guessed this wasn't exactly her forte; much like Kiba in a way, he guessed her interests lay out in the field rather than a lecture such as this; _but at least she's not interrupting, that's something to be grateful for_;

"The biological pathways of how things work, the enzymes, the catalysts and cellular mechanisms that make everything in your body, not just my venom. I tried to track how some spiders, creatures a lot more biologically simple than us in real terms, managed to actually synthesise their venoms, what enzymes were involved and the actual sequence of chemical reactions that took place in the cells of the venom sac but all I could ever get was a general overview; the intricate details", he shook his head, "forget it, like trying to read Konoha ANBU sign language from Kiri with your eyes closed. All I know is that Kyuubi keeps his side of the bargain; I can produce all the toxins I've exposed myself to and mix them together if necessary, though I'm still experimenting with which mixes work best; it's slow going but worth it in the end".

"I see"; _odd, I thought jiji would be more relieved I had a hobby that didn't involve loud noises and copious amounts of orange paint_; the sight of the old man regarding him with an expression he didn't recognise but was afraid might have been somewhere between disappointment, trepidation and outright fear hurt Naruto's feelings somewhat, made him question just how much he ought to reveal now if his adoptive grandfather was reacting this badly to the fruits of his labours, "and, apart from this, ability to kill, what else have you got in mind from your agreement with Kyuubi?"

"Oh jiji", the expression on Naruto's face was almost rapturous as he thought about his newest ideas, the next stage of his eventual plan, "the venom, injecting that sort of stuff, that's just dipping the first chopstick in the ramen".

_No_; sick dread coiled around Sarutobi's gut like the snake he was afraid he could see reared up behind the jinchuuriki; _I will not suffer another coming of Oroichimaru – if I have to I will kill my heart and finish Minato's legacy myself before I let loose a second monster on the world_. A strange buzzing seemed to have filled his ears, his own heartbeat tolling in his chest as he heard Naruto's voice as though from a great distance away; it took a conscious effort to reel himself back in and hear the speech he himself had said Naruto was entitled to, a defence before any sentencing,

"...you know cancers are just cells where something's gone wrong and they're hurting the body as a whole; microscopic nuke-nins if you like", the jinchuuriki explained before clapping his hands together, "so I was thinking, and Kyuubi agrees with me as it happens, that if I can get a sample of a cancer, like from a biopsy, hell even one cell ought to do, and compare it to a healthy cell from that person, after injecting them into my venom sac and having Kyuubi take a look at them, I should in theory be able to find out which proteins' gone wrong and develop a venom that could kill the cancer off. Hell maybe I could even do the same with things like viruses; all they are is little packages of protein and sometimes fat with the genetic material inside; if I could come up with something to kill off cancers and other parasites it'd make all the difference to medical research the world over! Of course I know it'd take time and a lot of study but..."

"Ne, Naruto", having wetted dried lips and taken his courage in his hands Sarutobi knew he had to speak as he realised Anko, possibly the only person in the world more adamant than he was that another someone like Oroichimaru would never again emerge from Konoha, was surreptitiously reaching for a weapon to cut off the risk now; with that in mind he asked the question that would decide if Naruto lived or died today regardless of the Kyuubi's wishes,

"Hai jiji, what is it? Did you miss the bit about how I could...?"

"No, no; I just wanted to ask, uh, to ask if"; _you are the Hokage, the village must come first regardless of the Yondaimes' wishes_; with that thought foremost in his mind the venerable Professor looked the jinchuuriki right in his blue eyes and asked, "if you were planning to use people in your future experiments".

XXX

As he'd expected the question silenced even Naruto, Iruka also looking a little green as he finally drew the connections between one of his students and the treacherous student of the Sannin; the blonde for his part merely looked confused,

"What do you mean jiji? Experiment on people, that's wrong – I mean, unless they're really ill and they need me to try to make a serum that could make the-aacckkk!" He got no further as with one movement Anko had seized him by the throat and slammed him against the nearest wall, a kunai under the chin stopping his fledgling struggles even as tears of repressed fury and hatred smouldered in the kunoichi's eyes as she looked past the instinctive benefits of his venom and saw, just as the Hokage had seen, how horribly wrong this child could go,

"What he means", she said in a slow, panting voice, seeing already the slippery slope Naruto was stood at the top of and knowing, just instinctively knowing how many people he could potentially kill by following it as her former sensei had, "is that a while ago there was a nin in Konoha who thought like you did; he wanted to improve his own body, make himself a better ninja like you have. No, don't speak", Naruto immediately froze as the point of the kunai jabbed into his neck, letting her carry on interrupted, "you listen to me before you answer. He was fascinated by the human body, how to make people tick and, more importantly, how he could make the ticking stop – he was my sensei gaki, his name was Oroichimaru. Oh, you recognise him?" She let go, Naruto coughing as he slid down the wall, grasping at his throat again with tears in his vision as he looked up at her leering face,

"What you're saying reminds me too much of him; for the greater good Anko-chan, these people don't matter, what's one life here or there when humans die in wars all the time – all his lies and deceit so he could come closer to his true goal. He wants to live forever, study all the jutsus in the world but he started out like you, a snot-nosed little brat with an idea and a dream to live forever – his dream though, was a nightmare for everyone else", she snorted, retreating a few paces as the Sandaime and Iruka, though both looked stricken, could in their heart of hearts do nothing to stop her as what she was saying was the truth, "what makes you different?"

The boy said nothing for a moment, merely laying huddled at the foot of the wall with one hand at his throat, Anko's words echoing in his mind as he slowly began to stand up, not looking at any of the three adults present in the eye as, finally, he seemed to find his voice again,

"You think", he murmured softly, "you think I'd do that, think I'd be willing to...you're wrong", the denial was soft but seemed to his all the harder for that; Anko, however, didn't seemed convinced, merely lounging against the nearest wall and not taking her predatory gaze from him as she spoke,

"Really gaki – funny, I remember him saying the same things when Hokage-sama started asking awkward questions. Sensei was a great liar, how do we know you're...?"

Her question was never finished as Naruto raised his head and the concentrated, cold blue fire that flooded from his eyes smashed into her with more potency than even the most lethal poison could ever manage. Dragging himself upright, still gripping the first kunai she'd given him so hard there were virtually fingerprints in the handle, the jinchuuriki snorted down a deep, wrathful breath before looking to each of the adults in turn, hurt but also enraged by the lack of trust he saw there in faces he knew and had grown up with,

"You should know", he breathed raggedly, defending himself as much with his reaction to such questioning of his character as he was with his words, "because unlike your so-called sensei I've got a conscience that actually sodding talks to me! Big red kitsune with nine tails, goes by the name Kyuubi, maybe you've heard of him?" The derision in his voice was matched only by his sudden vehement desire to distance himself from this Oroichimaru man; only when jiji had mentioned the possibility of experimenting on other people had he even considered how wrong his studies could been made, how biochemistry could be perverted like the traitor appeared to have done and the very thought made him feel sick to his stomach,

"Well take it from me Kyuubi might have caused me grief in the past but at least he's a damn good moral compass – if he wanted to, in fact no if he even thought I'd turn out like that sick teme you're talking about he'd kill me himself, pain from the Shinigami or not! Every step I've taken, everything I've ever planned I've had to run past him, had no choice because he's the one actually calling the shots with my body; his chakra makes all these changes possible. For every idea I've had that's actually worked he's shot down a hundred more and told me to go back to the drawing board, and you're worried I'm going to flip out and turn into some mad-scientist nutjob and start leaving a trail of bodies behind me just because I don't get my way? Give me a break – I'll tell you, in fact no I'll swear to you here and now that I will _never_ turn traitor on any of you, on this village or on the Will of Fire that keeps us all strong. You said Oroichimaru kept secrets, he lied a lot, well in that case I'll start by coming clean; this is it", he took a step forwards, bringing the kunai up to eye-level and shaking his other hand free of its jumpsuit, noticing a sudden look of panic on the face of Iruka and moving to calm it, a softer tone in his voice as he did so,

"Don't panic Iruka-sensei, I'm not about to commit seppuku in the Hokage's office; the cleaners would never let jiji hear the end of it. No, this is about proving who I am and what I've done, and why I've done it; you said your old sensei was a teme Anko-chan, well I agree with you and I swear to you that if this Oroichimaru ever does show back up here I'll be waiting, no-one does what you've said he did and should get away with it. When I've graduated, when I'm strong enough if he's still out there he's going to have me on his ass and I'm not going to stop until I've kicked it and paid him back for everything he's done!"

Anko was never one to go in for believing in the words of others; as a shinobi distrust came with the territory after all; but somehow she found tears in her eyes as Naruto panted after that declaration; maybe, just maybe she really had misjudged the kid. Sarutobi as well looked a lot more convinced of Naruto's innocence but it was actually Iruka who, having never actually had any contact with the treacherous Hebi sannin and was therefore less emotionally attached to the subject, picked up on one particular nugget of information Naruto had mentioned and felt a thrill of horror run through him,

"Coming clean, Naruto?" All eyes turned towards the Academy teacher as he fixed his student with a piercing glare, "What did you mean by that, when you said you'd come clean? Have you changed in any other ways apart from your new teeth?"

Naruto didn't answer at first, his expression fixed into a sneer of hatred for the missing-nin who had caused all the trouble but, eventually, the expression broke and flaked away, replaced by something like an abashed smile as he turned towards his teacher again,

"Heh, never could put anything past you sensei", he admitted ruefully, rubbing the back of his neck, "yeah, you're right, I said I'd tell you everything so here it all is; all I ask is that you hear me out because it's a long and complicated subject that led me to where I am now. But it has made me stronger", he retook his seat, determination back in place as he faced first Anko, then Sarutobi down once more before continuing, "everything I've done has been to try and make myself good enough to take down temes like you said Oroichimaru is; if he's anything like the snake he's named after I hope either I get to bite him or vice-versa", he admitted with a vicious snarl, apparently not noticing the pain as he dragged the kunai he still had hold of across his palm, gaze fixed forwards as he held the bloodied blade up,

"Any snake that tries to take a chunk out of me is going to end up poisoning himself; you best open the windows jiji, this might start to smell in a minute".

As all three ninja watched on in awe and trepidation, a whitish smoke began to fill the air as the metal of the kunai began to rapidly corrode away, the blood covering the cutting edge starting to eat straight through the hardened steel.

XXX

"Your blood", having been more reassured by Naruto's impassioned speech defending his morals and remembering that the boy had not committed any crimes against Konoha; _yet, but I cannot let him carry on like this_; Sarutobi spoke solemnly having dispersed the fumes out of the window with a low-level wind jutsu, "it's a poison as well then?" Naruto shook his head, focussing his chakra on his hand as he did so to staunch the bleeding before it became too much of an issue,

"Not quite, it is a potent contact poison in its own right but primarily it's an acid. I won't lie, promised I wouldn't, but I'll have to explain what's happened to me in order for it all to make sense okay?" Seeing everyone nod, though their attention was mostly still fixed on his hand and what it had done to the kunai, the jinchuuriki took a deep breath and began to speak,

"First things were actually pretty simple; what's the most common metal in the human body?" Taken slightly aback by the question Anko thought for a minute before answering, her memory pricked by the sight of the vitae on Naruto's hand,

"Iron isn't it; it's in the blood right?"

"No, that's actually a common misconception", she looked over with a raised eyebrow as Iruka gave a slight smile towards his student, proud despite the circumstances that Naruto really had taken an interest in some of his classes, "it's calcium, in the bones".

"Give the man a prize, good to see you using that Academy teacher's head Iruka-sensei", Naruto congratulated him before turning more serious again, "but yeah, I figured that much out so the first couple of changes were obvious. I started, well Kyuubi started once I gave him the raw materials, to integrate other metals into my bones, only in traces though; doing too much could have really screwed me up as the other metals would have destroyed the bone structure. But overall my bones are stronger and sturdier than a normal persons', and they'll only improve as I get older because I can change the composition of new bone as it's laid down". Iruka felt something twig in his memory at this point and was compelled to ask a question,

"Is that why you had all those vitamin supplements in your kitchen?"

"Oh you saw them?" Naruto looked over at his sensei and, as the man nodded, returned the gesture, "Yeah that's one reason they're there; they've got a lot of trace metals in them I could use to upgrade my skeletal structure; cost a packet though. So that's the first change I made, the second was also related to calcium believe it or not, used in the nerves to transmit impulses to the body – want to tell us how that works Iruka-sensei?" Seeing he was being put on the spot the Academy teacher fought to recall the lectures he'd had when he was still a genin; _and wouldn't it just be my luck that I couldn't stand the medical lectures – they guy who presented them really was as dry as dust_;

"The nerves, or neurones", he began, conscious of his audience and trying hard not to miss anything out, "work by the principle of ionic exchange creating an electrical charge within the cell to send a message. When the neurone is triggered, an all-or-nothing response which means that the neurone is either activated or not activated, there's no grade of reaction to a stimulus, you either react or you don't, the neurone triggers a release of ions across the synaptic junction, creating a charge between one neurone and its neighbour to pass on the message by stimulating the next neurone in the sequence. I'm not sure of the exact order they're used but I know the ions used are magnesium, calcium and, potassium ions; apart from that I'm not a hundred percent on the subject, I was never cut out to be a med-nin after all", he finished with a tepid chuckle before addressing his student again, "so what did you do then Naruto; are your nerves different from mine now?"

"Yeah but not in theory", the jinchuuriki explained, "I'm just like you in that I use ions to create the charge needed to pass a neural impulse on, but the ions I use are different now, they're a lot more reactive than yours. I know fluorine and rubidium ions are in there somewhere but I'm still actually mapping out how Kyuubi's pulled this trick in practice; all I'm sure of for the minute is that because the ions in my nerves are a lot more reactive than a normal persons they move faster through the neurones; because of that I can react a hell of a lot faster than someone else can to a stimulus. Anko-chan", the snake mistress jerked at her name having been lost in the idea of just what Naruto had done to himself, "a demonstration; just hold your hand out there while jiji counts five – Iruka-sensei", the jinchuuriki asked his teacher as he moved over to the snake mistress and dropped into a loose stance, "try to see how many punches I can do in that time; just say when". Looking across and seeing the Sandaime nod in agreement, Iruka turned his attention back to the would-be genin as Anko held out the flat of her hand, ready for the attack,

"Don't hurt me gaki", she pouted cutely as Naruto looked up, "I bruise easily". He snorted, smirking at the single ninja in Konoha who was more like him in personality than anyone else under the Great Tree,

"Only your ego", he quipped back, ducking the reflective slap she sent towards his head before they both simultaneously sobered up and got ready, Iruka's shout tensing both kunoichi and student up,

"Ready..."; _okay, touch contact only_; Anko assured herself but as she saw the bijuu hosts' forward hand virtually humming with pent-up strength she felt a slight prickle of sweat down her back anyway; _but damn, if his fists live up to his teeth, or his blood for that matter..._;

"...and, go!"

Five seconds later, as Anko shook out and clenched her hand a few times from the repeated hits, Iruka looked over to the Hokage and wetted dry lips,

"Thirty-six Hokage-sama", just in case the Sandaime misunderstood the significance of that count he reiterated with more information, "thirty-six one-armed punches in five seconds more or less Hokage-sama". The older man nodded to show his understanding, looking over to where Naruto was breathing slightly heavier after his exertions,

"Quite impressive Naruto-kun, especially for someone not even graduated yet"; _think that was cool, wait until you find out what else my hands can do_; the jinchuuriki was about to grin in response before Anko's voice stopped him,

"Hang on though gaki, one thing I don't get", standing upwards Naruto cocked his head, showing willingness to answer her questions as the kunoichi looked down at him, calculating something with her own limited knowledge, "if you're using really reactive stuff in your nerves, why doesn't it hurt you?"

"Beyond that as well", before he could answer her, the Hokage also added in his own question, "how are you able to recock, for want of a better word, your neurones so quickly? Oh come now", as all three younger ninja and ninja trainees looked at him askew he fought to keep a smirk off his face, "I'm not that old that I've forgotten my basic chemistry. I know fluorine is highly reactive but the problem I can see with that would be once it's bound and sent the signal, it would be very difficult to make it unbind so you could reset the system and send another impulse through the neurone. How have you and your tenant solved this problem?"

"Two very good questions, but I'll answer yours first jiji; Anko-chan the reason for that is because to answer yours would jump forwards a few steps too many", he explained gentle in the face of her miffed pout and folded arms, "but the simple answer jiji is energy, a heck of a lot of cellular energy. My cells now, all of my cells are virtual powerhouses and they can rip apart molecules like fluorides simply by flooding them with energy until they break apart; I might have some enzymes that help that out but I'm not a hundred percent sure on that one yet. But that's one reason I've got such a high metabolism; to break high-energy bonds like that takes a lot of power so I need a lot of fuel".

"And because of that my wallet keeps getting laryngitis and the Ichirakus are still in business", Iruka piped up, trying to sound stern but failing spectacularly as Naruto flashed him a dazzling smile and broke straight through his heartless act, "so, bones like steel and nerves like Tora on a hot tin roof; what about Anko-sans' question?"

At this point the smile slipped away from Naruto's face a little and he seemed to retreat into himself; the silence dragged on for a few minutes but no-one dared break it, all of the three listeners seeing the internal struggle for words writ large on the pre-genin's face before, with a slight sigh, the boy began,

"Right, this question is not easy to answer so I've just done the best I can – okay, forget all philosophy and fancy stuff, I'm speaking purely biologically here when I ask what is the simplest definition of a human. If you were to go up to a scientist, preferably someone who studied hard in species classification and asked him to define a human being, what would he tell you the essential traits of being human were?"

"Are you, uh", Anko tried to wrap her head around this problem before deciding to shrug her shoulders and go for it, "are you talking about things like, we have to move, sense things like changes in our environment, reprod...?" She tailed off as the boy shook his head,

"Even more fundamental than that Anko-san; I was thinking about the fact that humans are obligate aerobic heterotrophs; that means they have to breathe oxygen and they get all the energy they need out of the food they eat"; _he calls this fundamental?_; the thought of what kinds of reading Naruto must have done was enough to boggle the Snake-Mistresses' mind but at his next words she, along with the Hokage and Iruka, felt her heart contract and blood run cold, "by these definitions though I, on the other hand, would have to be classified as facultative anaerobic chemotroph".

"Are you seriously telling me", Iruka began after a brief period of silence, regarding the boy before him with something close to a mixture of awe and disbelief, "that you can survive without oxygen?" Naruto nodded,

"Yes, I know it sounds crazy but I can do it; it's the nitrogen cycle Iruka-sensei – I studied how some nitrifying bacteria are able to use the nitrogen in the atmosphere as a fuel source and fix it into biological compounds, most commonly ammonia. I do the same thing now; because the atmosphere's mostly made up of about seventy percent nitrogen Kyuubi altered my lungs to let that gas diffuse into my new blood, so there's always a lot of gaseous nitrogen dissolved into my bloodstream and circulating in my body. My cells have all been upgraded to be able to nitrify compounds using this gas and use ammonia to react with other elements of my cellular systems to create energy; it's not quite as effective as using oxygen and the two systems commonly run in tandem, giving me the endurance I'm so proud of as well as making me hard to keep down as my system can kick out more power than anyone else's. But if push comes to shove I can survive almost indefinitely in areas where there's no oxygen but an abundance of nitrogen gas, which is common because most airborne agents ninja use to poison people work by reacting with the oxygen in the air to suffocate people. And before you ask", Naruto saw this question coming and promptly headed it off, holding up a hand as he did so, "I got the relevant pathways by digging up plant roots; some nitrifying bacteria form symbiotic relationships in the root systems of plants as they're obligate anaerobes; one puree of the root nodule and a needle was all it took to get Kyuubi what he needed. Ah, that reminds me, I need to buy the Yamanaka family a box of chocolates – they still think it was a rogue Inuzuka nin-ken that went digging up their petunias that night".

That admission brought a dry chuckle out of the Sandaime who out of the three listeners was the most grateful for his surrogate grandchild's' forthrightness; everything Naruto had said so far bespoke of nothing but honesty and a vehement desire to avoid being tarred with the same brush as Oroichimaru as quickly as possible; _and truth be told so far he's doing a fair job of it. He's used nothing, no method or experiment that could be classified as illegal or dangerous – even injecting venom into yourself is not that uncommon for ninja to try and build up tolerance to the poison. Yes_; already thinking like the strategist he truly was at heart, the Sandaime let his hat slip forwards an inch to hide his furrowed brow; _if worst come to worst I'd be able to defeat a charge of illicit substance abuse from the council on those grounds, that should be no bother – in fact most of them would only be unhappy he'd not managed to kill himself with what he'd done. For now though..._;

"Very well Naruto, a sound plan of yours, from what I can gather", Sarutobi complimented mildly before gesturing for him to continue, "but, is there anything else we should know about?"

"As if you need to ask jiji", the boy shot back cheekily, the moniker brining both Iruka and Anko to the point of spluttering with outrage and hilarity respectively, "in fact this next bit links back to Anko-sans' original question; when Kyuubi and I were discussing the whole nitrogen-cycle thing, the main problem I could see with it was the ammonia build-up; it's not a nice thing to have around biological tissue and my cells, all my cells, were going to be making it like it was going out of fashion – how was I going to get rid of it safely? The answer was actually simplicity itself, basic chemistry at its most useful; ammonia's an alkali right, so what gets rid of an alkali and makes it harmless?"

"An acid – okay Naruto", realising where this was going Iruka jumped the gun, "which one did you use, and how did you get it into your blood in the first place. Please tell me you didn't inject it!"

"Okay, I didn't inject it"; _wait a second, wait a second and...now!_; like the prankster he still was at heart the Kyuubi container paused until the teacher was just breathing out a sigh of relief before finishing, "it kept dissolving the needles I tried to use; in the end I had to cut a slice down my forearm and pour the damned stuff it. Getting this acid blood was the reason I needed a long break that weekend; even with Kyuubi's regeneration it was a sod getting used to this stuff running around my system. It's kept in a bottle in the higher labs of the civilian academy, not used very much and always kept out of direct sunlight; what do the letters ten-M-HF mean to you?"

Anko was just fast enough; as the colour drained from the chunin's face she was able to catch him as his legs gave way and he crashed towards the ground; _wow, for a teacher he really keeps himself in shape_; feeling she was due a favour following his earlier man-handling of her delicate frame there was no hesitation her using such close contact to gain a quick grope of her hidden flame's left buttock; _meow!_;

"T...T...", the teacher stuttered, face as white as the parchment on the Hokage's desk as he pointed a trembling finger towards the student before him, "Ten molar _hydrofluoric acid!_ Do you know how dangerous that stuff is?" Naruto looked nonplussed,

"Well duh, it's in my body twenty-four seven and you just saw what it did to that kunai didn't you? It's why I consider myself a chemotroph now; I get cellular energy from chemical reactions rather than breaking down foodstuffs like sugars. Whenever I eat anything the second it hits my bloodstream the acid just eats it alive, breaks it down to its simplest chemical elements pretty quickly and makes it accessible to my cells very quickly. Because of that my blood's as much of a food store as my stomach is; I've yet to find a substance my new stomach acid actually can't digest".

"Not that you try very hard, a fact the Ichiraku's are very grateful for", the Hokage chipped in before looking over at the boy again, "so, this acid neutralises the ammonia your cells produce?"

"Yep; my tissue fluid's still acidic but nowhere near as much as my blood is so it didn't affect my normal biology so much. Actually making the acid and getting it into my blood wasn't that hard; we, Kyuubi and I that is, just took the acid-producing cells from my stomach, reconfigured them to produce hydrofluoric rather than hydrochloric acid and integrated them into the walls of my blood vessels. Most of the fluorine I need is actually recycled through my body, I only lose a little bit of it through reactions in the cells, but any I do lose I can replace through either my toothpaste or the water of my apartment – lucky the council approved the fluoridation of the water supply to Konoha hey?"

It was at this point that Naruto was interrupted from his musing by a sudden laugh for Iruka; for a minute he was afraid from the man's half-wild expression and unfocussed eyes that the teacher had finally snapped and lost his mind but such fears were thankfully laid to rest a second later as he clapped his hands and shook his head,

"Hah, so there it is, the mystery is resolved at last", he pointed towards the jinchuuriki's stomach, "that's where most of my pay-check goes each month – your blood's now just a massive store of all different chemicals from your food because of that acid; anything you eat now just sits in there until it's used by your body. You can pretty much gorge all you like because you'd have to super-saturate your blood before you'd consider yourself full – no wonder you can pack away all that ramen like there's no tomorrow".

"Well that and the fact ramen is Kami's gift to mankind; it's a sacrilege to waste good ramen Iruka-sensei", the boy informed him before his smile stretched even wider and became ever more mischievous, "but you're right, my blood is a corrosive soup if you like, but it still does its primary job of getting oxygen around my system, and because of the hydrofluoric acid it's more efficient than ever at doing it".

"How? Does that stuff react with oxygen as well as your food?"

"Partly that", Naruto concurred with Anko's postulation before explaining in more detail, "but also I managed to play a prank on my own biochemistry. The body knows how many erythrocytes, that's red blood cells", he explained at her nonplussed look before continuing as she gave a slight 'oh', "it's got circulating at any given time; problem is, in my acid blood, the second a red blood cell flows into my bloodstream the acid breaks it down immediately. So to try and compensate my body's constantly producing red blood cells, which are constantly breaking down in my bloodstream, thus meaning more blood cells are produced in a feedback cycle. This cycle, though, means my blood is constantly being saturated with iron molecules, along with the other metals from my vitamin supplements; okay some iron reacts with the acid, but there's a lot left over and it does its job, pumps oxygen around me a lot faster than normal blood does. It's enough for me to get by at any rate. Apart from that though, my hormone pathways have been re-routed to mostly flow through the lymphatic system rather than the blood as they'd get destroyed in there; like my tissue fluid, the lymph's only slightly acidic due to the cellular production of ammonia".

Rubbing his hand over his suddenly pounding head Sarutobi tried to do two things simultaneously; first he tried to follow Naruto's reasoning, which wasn't too hard, and secondly he attempted to try and picture just how much in-depth research the boy had done to persuade the Kyuubi to make all these changes to his host; _and they must have been valid – the bijuu couldn't risk the host killing himself through an accidental poisoning so he must have been both persuasive and chemically right_.

"Something tells me the Academy nurse is going to have a field day with you Naruto-kun", the venerable old man intoned solemnly before looking over his desk again, "but if your blood is so dangerous, wouldn't it be dangerous for people around you if you got cut? What happened if you sprayed them with blood from a cut; hydrofluoric acid is a lethal contact poison as well as an acid isn't it?"

"It is jiji, good to see you know your chemistry, but the answer to that one's simple; why don't suiton jutsus work on a person's blood?" As the unexpected question caught his audience flat-footed Naruto turned the stud of kunai he'd half-dissolved earlier over, exposing a still-sharp nubbin of metal and preparing to take a second stab at himself as the Professor sought out an answer,

"It is because", the old man began, thinking he could see where the jinchuuriki was going with this; it was a line of thought that both excited and terrified him equally, "water is only a component of blood; only a true suiton master such as Nidaime was able to separate the water from the rest of the system..."

"But, in my case", Naruto cut in as smoothly as the kunai slipped through the skin of his finger, a bead of blood showing even as the rest of the weapon began to smoke into nothingness due to the action of the acid, "the components of my blood are chemically very simple and of a similar size of water molecules; there's no bulky things such as cells to get in the way of the process so controlling my blood and anything it lands on and dissolves for me, because it's already in synch with my chakra, is like weaving a suiton jutsu through very..." he dropped his hand down and all three ninja watched on amazed as a thin ribbon of blood sprang from the cut into the air, the streamer retracting as he raised his injured digit again, "...dirty...", he repeated the process again, faintly amused as all three ninja watched the twitching streamer of vitae in horrified fascination, "...water – shoot the Sharingan!"

As he suddenly brandished his hand forwards as though flicking a whip all three ninja tumbled backwards, Anko and Iruka diving for cover as Naruto performed that old yo-yo trick, so christened because when Chouji had tried it using Shikamaru's toy, the Nara as always finding it too troublesome to raise and lower his arm, he'd tried a similar motion just as Mizuki-sensei had walked into the classroom unexpectedly and in his haste to get the yo-yo out of sight, had tugged it backwards far too hard. The result of this had been the string had snapped with an audible twang, the yo-yo had sailed across the classroom with an accuracy that had surely been sent by the Kami himself and beaned Uchiha Sasuke right in the back of the head. Kiba and Naruto hadn't been able to stop laughing for days, heck even Mizuki-sensei had chortled and told the Akimichi heir he was expecting great things from him at shuriken practice following that display. Even Sasuke had accepted Chouji's endless apologies with his traditional grunt, leaving only his fangirls as the injured party to that particular episode in class; the memory still made Naruto smile even now. Such an expression was wiped from his face however, as he beheld his teacher struggling to back himself into the nearest wall at the same time as avoid crushing Anko against it, the kunoichi having dived behind him,

"Hey gaki, stop waving that stuff around"; _in a few seconds at least, I need to get me some of this grinding action with a stud like you Iruka-kun – oooh, right there, just a little lower_; luckily the teacher was too busy trying to avoid the potentially lethal blood Naruto was manipulating from the end of his finger to look over his shoulder and see the expressions his backing into her was causing on Anko's face, Naruto likewise snapping back to himself and regaining control as he noticed the unusual position of the two adults and Sarutobi ducked down in seat, out the range of a stray droplet,

"Oh, sorry sensei, but it's quite safe – walk the nin-ken. Oh, oops", as he beheld the slight trench his blood had burned through the polished floor of the Hokage's office Naruto slapped on his friendliest grin at the sight of the Sandaime's suddenly very stern face, the blood surreptitiously retreating back into the cut on his finger, "hehe, sorry jiji, my chakra control's not that great yet. But this is something else I can do; two things actually – first I can dissolve and 'eat', if you like, anything I can get my blood on and then reabsorb into my body..."

"Like you just did with my pristine oaken floorboards", the old man broke in sternly, causing the jinchuuriki to wince; _ah, guessing there's not much chance for a bowl of ramen out of you in the future then jiji?_

"Well, yes but that was an accident; I'm sure it'll come out if you buff the floor up enough, but apart from that it's almost impossible for me to starve, or be held in prison for that matter. Chakra or no chakra I can melt my way out and though my cells replicate a lot faster than a normal persons' due to their power levels Kyuubi", he held up his formerly injured finger, showing how the tissue was repairing itself as the chakra of his tenant got to work in time with his own cells to rapidly heal the abrasion, "can help patch me up quickly if I need it".

_Of course_; seeing that made the Sandaime realise that Naruto's situation as being aided to a degree by the self-aware mass of chakra he imprisoned; _the bijuu can't run the risk of injury to his host_. Knowing and seeing an example of that fact went a long way to easing Sarutobi's multiple worries, though as he watched the younger would-be ninja jump a mile as Anko suddenly draped her arm around his shoulder, having moved from behind Iruka to behind him in a heartbeat, he chuckled as he realised this was a problem that even the Kyuubi might have baulked at,

"So", the special jounin purred seductively, "venom, acid and a fast healing ability too", Naruto stood stock-still as he felt the older woman rub her cheek against him, nuzzling enough to whisper into his closest ear, "you just might become my new best friend gaki". Naruto seemed to weigh something up in his head before apparently making his mind up on something and put on his best suave face before turning towards the kunoichi hanging on his shoulder,

"So if I told you I could blow a wall down with one punch, could I get benefits with that best friend thing?"

To her credit even Anko laughed at that one, punching him roughly on the shoulder as she stood back up and shook her head despite the broad grin on her face; before she could speak however, Iruka had beaten her to the punch with an observation of his own,

"I believe that is what the kids these days call 'burn, kage-level burn' Anko-san". She licked her finger and hissed,

"And you should know I'm hotter than hot Iruka-kun", she quipped back, the dolphin ninja shaking his head before looking over at his pupil, Naruto trying to look like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth before he cracked under the intense scrutiny of both Iruka and the Hokage,

"Okay, okay I give; I know I'm too young to appreciate someone like Anko-chan, it was a joke".

"Good", the Sandaime proclaimed with a heartfelt sigh of relief, "it's hard enough to keep you out of trouble as it is; the last thing we need is you developing a super-strength technique similar to my former kunoichi student..."

"Oh no, no I meant the whole benefits thing was a joke jiji", Naruto corrected the older man, "saying I could blow walls over was the truth; come on Iruka-sensei, nitrogen quiz time. What comes after nitrification, what do the bacteria usually convert nitrogen into, the end-step if you like?" Iruka closed his eyes for a moment before, having mulled his answer over carefully, spoke in a measured tone,

"Nitrogen oxides?"

"Yep, now what happens if you dissolve nitrogen oxides in water, like I can do in some specific cells in my body?" A faint tingling of unease in his body Iruka nevertheless knew he had no choice but to answer, already dreading where this one was going to end up,

"You get nitric acid, but what use is that to you? It's nowhere near as strong as the hydrofluoric acid in your blood". Naruto's grin positively radiated evil intent, a lightning strike hidden in a sunbeam,

"It's not, but that's where the miracle of chemistry comes in; what's one of the most common fats in the human body?" This one took Iruka a little longer to contemplate and, when he did answer, his tone was far more cautious than earlier,

"I might well be wrong but I'm going to go for cholesterol". Naruto shook his head,

"Not quite the one I was after – it's glycerol. So, what happens when you add glycerol with...oh there we go", as Iruka slumped against the wall with both hands over his face the jinchuuriki felt a belated pang from his conscience and sought to sugar the pill a little, "but I can only do it in my hands and elbows sensei; just gives my punches a bit more of a kick, you know?"

"No I don't know", the Sandaime was never one to like being kept in the dark and therefore immediately sought confirmation from the nearest available reliable source, "Iruka-san, what does he mean?"

With a conscious effort the chunin seemed to wrench his hands from his face, the effort seeming to age him by ten years as he looked at the cherubic form of Naruto again and whispered a single word that both listeners had to strain to catch, one of them immediately looking puzzled,

"Nitro-what?"

"Nitro-glycerine", the Hokage filled the special jounin in, feeling a headache coming on again as Anko looked at him quizzically, "think ten times more explosive and a _hundred_ times less stable than your standard exploding tag; Naruto what possessed you...?"

"It's okay jiji; I sweat it out of my skin in very small amounts in those locations and only when I specifically channel chakra through them", he explained, rationalising his decision with cool logic, "it's just a neat ace in the hole to have; a punch to blow someone away or knock through a defensive doton jutsu. And before you say it's not safe", he raised a finger to deflect the first question he knew was going to be on Iruka's mind, "I've re-inforced my finger and elbow bones and have a specialised layer of thickened skin between me and the explosion; it stings a bit but apart from that I barely feel the bang". Almost before he'd finished speaking there was a familiar pressure around both his shoulders this time, Anko embracing him hard from behind with a passion and she drew in a deep breath and then exhaled, forcing Naruto to stifle a giggle as the warm breath tickled the back of his neck,

"Benefits", the special jounin almost panted, making the jinchuurki blush, "definitely benefits for that – oh, it sounds like so much fun being you, one little flick of the finger and boom, just like Tsunade of the Sannin".

"Not quite, nowhere near as strong", Naruto admitted before shrugging, "anyway, she was one of the names that kept cropping up in the notes I was reading, quite a medic as far as I was reading up until about fifteen years ago, then she just seemed to disappear. Pity really, I'd love to meet her some time, bet she's an absolute font of knowledge; still"; _I saw that_; and he had seen the hurt in his grandfathers' eyes at the mention of the medical kunoichi's name so swiftly diverted the conversation down a safer avenue before carrying on, "that's for the future, for the now it's quite a lot of fun being me, apart from the fact I have to make sure I flush every time I go to the loo. Switch on, it's not difficult", there was more than a trace of humour in his tone as he looked around the room, ready to deliver his final biological bombshell, "the food I eat is mostly carbon-based, my cells synthesise ammonia which is nitrogen-based; how can I kill two birds with one stone and get rid of both elements in a single, water soluble waste compound?"

The silence that fell on the Hokage's office was broken only by a soft thump as the Academy teacher chunin flopped against the wall and began to slide down it, massaging his eyes the whole way down as though he could grind the facts into his resisting brain by force alone,

"Hang on Naruto", Iruka said after a moment's silence, trying to sum up everything he'd learnt about the student he didn't know over the past thirty minutes or so, "let me see if I've got this right. Your teeth and saliva are venomous, your blood is an acid, your tissue fluid is a strong alkali, your hands sweat a high-explosive and you pee cyanide? Is that about right?"

"Umm", totting it up in his head Naruto tried to think if there was anything he'd missed, "about the cyanide, if I need to I can wash that out with my tears and sweat, oh and if I really want to kill someone I can put it in my venom as well for a bit of extra bite. Apart from that though Kyuubi tells me his chakra's so concentrated it'll act like a venom for anyone else when I get used to using it, really nasty venom too so he says, and the fact that Fluffy being there should stop anyone like a Yamanaka trying to peek into my mind by dint of eating them as they arrive, that's pretty much summed it up".

"Kami help me", Iruka moaned softly, shaking his head from side to side as he sighed loudly, "I need a strong drink or a good woman, or failing that both and at the same time if possible. Right, so aside from the fact that one of my students is now – what?" Belatedly seeing all three of the other ninja and ninja trainees in the room regarding him with opened-mouth shock the chunin stood slowly,

"Why are you all looking at me like that?"

"Iruka-sensei..." Naruto seemed unable to continue, his head swaying from side to side as for the first time he thought of the other ninja as a man outside of the classroom rather than just a staid, stuffy old schoolteacher,

"Heh", having finally caught on Iruka folded his arms, "now it's your turn to switch on; yes I teach for a living but I'm still a ninja first, and even before that I'm a man; I drink and enjoy feminine company at times Naruto and you will too when you're older", if he noticed Anko's raised eyebrow and coy smile at this point he gave no sign, instead turning towards the Hokage with a more serious expression,

"So Hokage-sama, it seems Naruto-san can be cleared of all charges; he's committed no crime as injecting venom into yourself isn't illegal under Konoha law. However, as a personal view, I don't think it's safe for either his body or our collective blood-pressures for this to carry on unsupervised; despite the reasonable arguments I've heard so far I know how youngsters can sometimes get...carried away shall we say?"

"Not to mention the civilians will just love this if it gets out", Anko spoke up, moving to stand just behind Iruka as she hid crossed fingers behind his back; _good women are one thing Iruka-kun but for a real wild night you need a real bad girl_; "no offence gaki but the 'devil-spawn' getting enough power to be able to kill you by spitting in your eye? Hah, the only thing that'd stop them swinging the axe at your neck would be your blood dissolving it before it got all the way through".

"That and the fact this whole matter began due to the carelessness of one of my finest special jounins", the Hokage got in on the act, his visage making Anko shrink back a little as she mentally cursed that Sarutobi hadn't forgotten that little titbit of information yet as he switched his gaze back to Naruto, "or that you, regardless of your reasons, have committed forgery of a public officer serving Konoha. Added to that the fact that we have only an overview of what your new abilities can actually do and nothing concrete, this is not an easy situation for me to attempt to navigate. However", for some reason all three youngsters in the room felt a cold sweat trickle down their backs as Sarutobi leant forwards on his desk and smiled darkly,

"I have an idea that may allow this whole matter to be safely settled, without either of the councils getting their noses in", beckoning them all forwards, the Hokage spoke again, "this is what we're going to do..."

XXX

As he stepped into the classroom that was almost an extension of his home Iruka felt a sudden surge of pride spring through him as, having taken the register, he found himself having to answer a suddenly waving arm,

"Yes Chouji, you have a question?"

"Hai sensei", it was a mark of how serious the Akimichi found the matter that his packet of crisps lay abandoned on the desk in front of him as he lowered his hand and asked, "do you know, I mean, do you have any idea where Naruto is?" As he said the name several members of the class flicked a glance towards the single empty chair in the room, either Akamaru or Kiba giving a soft whine of mourning as the blonde boys' name had been absent from the morning's register,

"Ah, I am glad you asked Chouji – one of the cornerstones of the Leaf shinobi corps, care and respect for your team mates", the instructor smiled proudly, simultaneously breaking the dour mood that had settled over the classroom and recalling the lines he'd rehearsed over in his mind the previous night, "but on that score I have some good news, in fact two pieces of good news. Firstly, though I'm not sure of all the details it appears Naruto will be absent for the remainder of the week while he has a few tests done; the illness he suffered", the chunin spoke up over the hubbub that arose as some of the jinchuuriki's classmates began complaining about how Naruto was getting an unfair amount of time off, "appears to have actually been the beginning of a bloodline developing".

The muttering immediately fell away to nothingness, the silence persisting until one would-be kunoichi stood up and stared down at her teacher,

"Wait, Naruto", wiping some of her pink bangs out of her vision, Sakura snorted in disbelief, "you mean that baka has a bloodline?" There was a squeak of wood against vinyl as someone else spoke up to defend his absent friends' honour,

"Hey, watch it Haruno", slitted eyes narrowed, Kiba smirked up at the girl as he nodded towards her head, "just because the only thing odd about you is a forehead you could crack coconuts on don't go shouting down everyone who develops a bloodline". A vein pulsed ominously in the cherry-blossom's forehead even as her cheeks went crimson,

"Kiba!"

"Enough", Iruka's voice was all that was needed to quell the potential brawl, "as I said I'm unaware exactly what may or may not have happened with Naruto but he is undergoing tests to confirm if a bloodline is present. In addition, though again I can't confirm this, I have heard that very soon he may no longer be an orphan", almost without meaning to he saw several pairs of ears prick up at this knowledge, Shikamaru even going so far as to actually raise his head off his desk and peer around blearily to listen in, "someone came forwards to attempt to adopt him. You can ask when he comes back".

"You bet we will, right boy?" Akamaru gave a cheery bark, tail wagging as his master clapped hands with Chouji, the Akimichi also beaming at this slice of good news for his friend, "Okay then, much as I thought I'd never say this roll on next Monday!"

As things turned out though, the paperwork and tests seemed to be concluded a little earlier than Iruka had expected. When the class assembled that Friday they were caught somewhat flat-footed to see, halfway through the second period, the door open and Naruto appear, resplendent in his orange jumpsuit and with a strange-looking woman following him, her outfit causing an outbreak of disgusted muttering from the would-be kunoichi and several lingering glares from the boys in the classroom, Kiba in particular taking a sudden interest in the view from the window next to him to avoid falling into the staring trap. Looking around the room at faces he'd shared the classroom with for over a year the jinchuuriki felt a pang of sadness well up from within as he braced himself from what was to come, especially as he looked over at those he considered friends and returned their jubilant smiles wanly, hearing as his new guardian deflected the attention from his entrance with a speech of her own,

"Okay bakas and gakis, listen up; I'm Mitarashi Anko, the most lovely and lethal kunoichi in the Leaf and as of", she checked her watch theatrically, "as of two hours, fourteen minutes and thirty-six seconds ago, the guardian of Uzumaki Naruto. For those of you too dumb to figure out what that means"; _aww, I forgot how cute the kids are when they get angry – hmm, wonder if I could get a team this year, oh the adventures we'd have together..._; "I'll spell it out for you; I am now Naruto's neechan. That means you mess with him, you mess with me; his problems are now my problems and where I'm concerned...", a brace of shuriken seemed to magically appear in the desks of several students who's attention had been waning, resulting in a large number of shrieks and screams and a sudden heavy thump as one boy fell off his stool. Satisfied that she had their attention, Anko made her message clear, her lilac eyes narrowed into slits as lethal as razor blades,

"...problems never last long".

As his classmates managed to recollect their wits following the special jounin's surprise attack and silence shuffled forwards with its hands in the air throughout the classroom Naruto weighed up his options and thought it best to run damage control before someone opened their mouth, said something stupid and forced his neechan to get her hands (as well as clothes, blades and quite possibly most of the classroom and incumbent class) dirty,

"Thank you neechan; now there were a few things I wanted to say - didn't you have something to ask Iruka-sensei?" As he'd expected Anko suddenly jolted straight as though shocked and turned towards the stunned chunin, smile far too wide to bode anything good,

"Oh yeah, thanks for the reminder gaki; Iruka-kuuunnnn", her croon made his skin pucker into goose-flesh as his eyes darted towards the nearest convenient escape route only to curse as he found them all too far away or already cut off to be of any use as the Snake Mistress paced forwards slinkily, "let's leave the brats to talk while you and I have a little chat about submission techniques, specifically those involving the opponents' ears". Face whitening Iruka tried to dig his heels as Anko caught his hand and dragged him towards the door,

"Do I get a say in this?" Her answering smile was as toxic as Naruto's blood and only slightly less lethal,

"What do you think?" Any answer he might have come up with was cut off by the slamming of the classroom door.

_Thank you Anko-chan_; though he was grateful to have a family, or at least a sister, at last, Naruto wouldn't have been able to deny he had a few doubts about the special jounin's sanity without breaking the promise he'd made to jiji about not lying. Still, there was nothing to be done about it now but try to soldier on as best he could in the circumstances, his cause actually helped inadvertently by Sasuke's sudden interest in a cause very dear to his own heart, shrivelled as it was following his clans' fate at the hands of his brother,

"So dobe", he ignored the nasty glares from the blonde boys' friends as though they were beneath his notice, which of course they were, "do you actually own a bloodline or were you at the hospital due to a ramen overdose?" There were a few chuckles at this which Naruto gracefully allowed to run their course before inclining his head again,

"Much as I wish it were the latter teme I'm afraid not; the tests say yes, I am now the proud owner of a bloodline, though what it actually does you'll find out later", he fell silent, one hand upraised against the questions as they rained down on his across the classroom; only when they stopped did he speak again, "what I actually need to talk to you all about is a secret, a secret of the Leaf that relates to me".

"You're a secret of the Leaf?" Ino laughed, shaking her head as Naruto cast an amused eye her way, "Wait, don't tell me – the Sandaime's actually already anointed you his successor and you're going to be the Godaime?" This time Naruto echoed the chuckles of the others, nodding at the Yamanaka as she continued to regard him with a hint of curiosity in his tone,

"Well I can but hope Ino but no, this secret is something else. It was created originally to protect me but, but in that I believe it has failed; there's no point to it any longer and because of that I want to break it here and now. So, you all went to the recent festival didn't you?" He waited until they all began nodding cautiously, possibly slightly perturbed by his seriousness as he smiled slightly, heaved down a last sigh for good measure and spoke,

"So tell me someone, what's the story of the Kyuubi and how the Fourth defeated it?"

XXX

Lunchtime on this particular Friday was most certainly unsettled for Naruto; following his admissions to the rest of his class this wasn't something that surprised him, in fact if anything he'd been expecting it, but as he looked up and saw the others whispering around him, pointed glances being sent his way, he found himself slightly surprised by the hurt in his chest. Half of him wondered if this was a good idea, belated caution perhaps nipping at his heels but regardless, what was done was done now and there was nothing for it; as he and Anko had rationalised together, best to breech the shroud himself and let the children in his class form their own opinions about him now instead of letting them have another three years and some listening only the vague, veiled insinuations their parents were sure to have of him, especially when the effects of his new 'bloodline' became apparent.

_Still, I've given them the truth_; his thoughts were slightly morose as he chewed down another mouthful of his bento, about the only thing his new neechan could actually cook without risking the kitchen turning into an outpost of Makai on earth; _what they do with it is up to, oh, heh_; seeing the sudden form plop down on its haunches in front of him with a piece of old rope in its jaws made the jinchuuriki smile; _guess I do have a friend left after all_;

"Hey pooch", Akamaru's answering bark was muffled by the toy he carried, the sound transforming to snarls and playful growls as he set all four of his feet backwards and strained as Naruto seized the other end of the tuggy and tried to yank it out of his mouth, "tug, tug, tug, guess some things don't change". A shadow fell over him and he looked over his shoulder in time to see the nin-ken's owner sit down next to him,

"You got that right", Kiba told him with a weary sigh, Akamaru abandoning the game to pounce into the Inuzuka's lap and sniff at his opening lunch bundle, "I always wondered why you smelt of fox all the time; I thought it was one living in your apartment block you didn't know about", his fangs showing, the heir to the House of Dogs smirked as he absent-mindedly pinched a sliver of meat from the Uzumaki's bento, Naruto still scarcely daring to believe someone was willing to sit with the self-confessed demon container, "guess I was wrong right?"

"Right". Naruto parroted dumbly, too numb to start again as it appeared their little gathering was about to grow a little larger with the addition of two new arrivals, Chouji making his apologies as Shikamaru tiredly raised a hand in greeting,

"Sorry I'm late, my box split open in my bag and it took me ages to fish everything out of it", the Akimichi apologised before pointing at his cloud-watching friend, "and I had to wake Shika up before he slept through lunch".

"Troublesome", the Nara replied, not even looking up from his favourite sleeping spot, "you could have let me carry on dreaming you know Chouji; it was a lot less troublesome than having to listen to the troublesome women in our class".

"True", the Akimichi replied consolingly before making a point of his own, "but then you'd have skipped eating and slept through the afternoon classes because you were so tired".

"Who are you kidding, he'll do that anyway", Naruto cut in almost without thinking, Kiba snorting into his carton of milk at the comment as the Akimichi shot a 'you're-not-helping' look towards the jinchuuriki and Shika merely sighed, folding his hands behind his head until Akamaru obligingly jumped onto his stomach, "still, Chouji's right Shika, you'd best get something down you. Thanks guys".

His blunt admission made all three other boys freeze where they were, even the nin-ken going still as Naruto had to look away to rub the tears away from his vision; though he wouldn't admit it, seeing the faith the others had put in him by not running away meant a lot to him. As he swallowed a thick lump in his throat the jinchuuriki was forced to look forwards again by a heavy hand landing on his shoulder, Chouji smiling slightly as he offered his crisps forwards,

"Naruto, I know you're always trying to make me feel better when you say I'm smart but I know I'm not the sharpest kunai in the pouch. Despite that though I know the difference between the Kyuubi and, well, you", he gestured to the other boy as Kiba nodded, taking another bite out of what looked disturbingly like an uncooked steak sandwich as the Akimichi continued, "I'll tell dad what you said today in class but no matter what he says I don't think you're a fox, and even if you are you've never done me or these guys any harm. Just stick with that and we'll be cool".

"True that; I said you smell like a fox, you sure don't look or act like one", Kiba chipped in, "like Chouji said keep in with the pack and we'll go from there, though if you could try and hook me up on a date with that new neechan of yours I'd be forever grateful", as the feral student's face twisted into a lusting expression Naruto tried to look stern at the same time as fight back a laugh, "wow; I know she's family now Naruto but that is one stone-cold stunner of a neechan you've got there. Any chance...?" At this point, as so many times before in the past, another voice threw a shuriken into the gears of the Inuzuka's rant, Shikamaru once more saving his friend from the troublesome business of becoming entangled in the twisting webs women wove to ensnare men,

"I thought Ino was more your cup of tea Kiba? I don't think she'd like knowing she's got a rival for your affections – it'd be way too troublesome for her". Choked off in mid-flow Kiba whirled on his friend, the giggles of both Naruto and Chouji only adding fuel to the fire of his indignation as he extended one malignant digit towards the recumbent shadow-user,

"Ino, are you _serious_? Me and the big-piggy, right that's it – Akamaru", he drew himself up self-importantly, firing his next words off with envenomed passion, "kill, maim, disfigure; go for the throat! Okay go for the chest. The ankles...? At least stop snoring", he pleaded as he beheld his faithful hound curled up on the Nara's thin chest, dozing contentedly and unaware as his master let his hand fall, defeated utterly and unable to block out the gales of laughter from the other three, "foiled by Shika's slumber attack; what could be worse?"

"The fact my neechan's already dating Iruka-sensei?" _That _caught Kiba's attention and not just his, Naruto laughing again as all three of his friends looked over at him disbelievingly, "What did you think she was asking him about earlier – it wasn't his teaching methods I can assure you".

"You mean it – I mean, Iruka-sensei actually dating someone?"

"Oh yes", the jinchuuriki assured the flabbergasted Akimichi, though he couldn't resist getting the last word in, "though I've told him there'll be tears before bedtime if he doesn't have her home by midnight. Sorry Kiba, looks like you've been left holding the piggy again".

"I hate you so much right now fox-boy".

"Ah, there there, just ask Ino-chan to kiss your pride better...ah, not the face; no, seriously, my bloodline!"

Dropping his fist from the cringing form in front of him Kiba put on a calculating face as he tapped the tips of his fingers together for a minute before speaking again,

"Actually, speaking of that, what's this bloodline of yours supposed to do? Does it have a name yet?" Picking himself up and grateful that he wasn't about to accidentally poison someone who was still in his corner, Naruto scratched the back of his head and spoke contritely,

"It doesn't have a name no, but as to what it does, well...just sit down and keep eating, this is probably going to take all lunchtime to explain".

XXX

_Good times_; the jinchuuriki allowed himself a split-second of reflection before his gaze fixed back on the trembling form in his arms, the Oto kunoichi doing the smart thing by not trying to kick out against his restrictive grip as he homed in on the vile chakra source he could sense on the nape of her neck, an evil cancer he had crushed once before,

"Give me a memory kunoichi-san", he breathed into the back of her neck, pausing to swallow another mouthful of his own venom as he readied the necessary treatment while Tayuya shivered at his breath, "tell me something, anything you can remember from before the seal"; _give me something to work with_; "show me there's more to you than the canker Oroichimaru infected you with"; _show me there's something left of you worth saving_.

For a moment she said nothing, merely tightening her own grip around his constricting hands and he feared it had all been in vain until he felt her stomach flutter and heard her voice, softer now, bereft of swearwords in the face of someone who could kill her almost faster than she could blink,

"The woman, the old one who taught me", the face swam in her mind but it was blurry, much more fractured than Tayuya would have believed possible and she could not put a name to it; had the seal really done this to her? Had the snake known; _of course he had, he must have known what would have happened to us all – look at bone-dick, he was the longest sealed of us all and he lives, breathes and will die with Oroichimaru-sama on his mind_; "she had white hair, but she didn't wear glasses, she was tall as well, almost taller than two of me when I was smaller. But I can't remember her name". She paused, trembling again as her captor spoke, able to hear but unable to see how close his lips were to the back of her neck, the same spot the Otokage had punctured with his fangs suddenly flaring into a new pain as she began to spasm at the shock of something cold, alien, sliding through her skin like a needle through cloth,

"That's enough for me kunoichi-san", the voice seemed to float to her from miles away, a searing coldness, like a fire built upon ice, flooding through her system as Naruto retracted the fangs that had blossomed as a result of the first jutsu his neechan had taught him, their lethal payload delivered right into the heart of Oroichimaru's corruption, the enzymes his venom glands had synthesised already beginning their deadly work on the cells the Hebi sennin's technique had corrupted on her skin, "sleep now and maybe when you wake up your memories will be a little clearer".

Unable to answer, unable even to move through the current of chill pulsing through her body, Tayuya had no choice but to pass out and slump in the arms of the ninja who had single-handedly beaten the entirety of the Sound Four, Oroichimaru's personal honour guard.

_Well, that should do it_; Naruto's thoughts, however, didn't disguise his deep-rooted panic – unlike his previous patients the girl had been sealed for a long time, far too long under Oroichimaru's hypnotic power for his liking. He had no way of knowing if there would be consequences for his attempting to neutralise a full Curse Seal so deeply rooted in its host but it was too late now, what was done was done and all he could do for his former enemy now was inform Ero-sennin of his actions and hope the old pervert would remain focussed long enough to break the fuuinjutsu that made up the other half of the seal's power. Still, that was for the future, right now he had a mission to complete; a second after laying his comatose prisoner in the grass and summoning a clone to keep an eye on her, the butt end of a kunai rapped the top of the barrel sharply,

"Okay Sasuke, mission's over; you can come out now".

"Can't", the other boy's voice was muffled through the thick wood, "there's seals on the top of the lid, don't want to damage them by pushing the lid off too fast".

"Good thinking", Naruto complimented, a solution to this problem already in hand, "right, I'll punch here", he tapped towards his left on the barrel lid, "you hit the other side and we'll slide the lid out afterwards".

"Okay; now!" There were a pair of simultaneous thunks of flesh against wood and, as Naruto held out his arm, his onyx-eyed former classmate gripped it and began clambering out of his prison, looking at it disgustedly as he stretched off,

"Damn, that was not a comfortable couple of minutes; what took you so long?" Naruto shrugged and scratched the back of his neck before the Uchiha seemed to suddenly remember something and snapped his fingers, reaching into the barrel again, "Oh forget that, managed to save this", he withdrew his arm, the ebon potion the Sound Four had given him clutched triumphantly in his hand, "the fat one said it would help me awaken the second stage of the Curse Seal; figured you might be able to use it". Naruto almost snatched it out of the Last Uchiha's hand, looking over it greedily as his mind raced through the possibilities; _yes, to activate the curse over the whole body must mean the cursed cells undergo massive reproduction and integration into the host system – the chemicals to promote the cellular replication used in this poisoned ink could be the key to making that rejuvenation serum I was working on. Yes, by promoting cellular reproduction on a massive scale and providing the nutrients for that regeneration to occur..._; he jerked backwards, thoughts forgotten at the sight of the hand blurring in front of his vision,

"Wha?"

"Sorry", not for the first time recently Sasuke apologised to the now-senior ninja, "you looked like you'd spaced out for a long minute there".

"Lost in thought", the jinchuuriki replied before clapping his partner on the shoulder, "but good work Sasuke, you'll get a commendation in my report for this; there'll be a chunin vest with your name on it soon enough if you keep this up. Your second B-rank, and with Oroichimaru's goons as well". The Uchiha spat at the name,

"Least I could do; I owed you and Tsunade-sama for getting that love-bite off my neck after the second exam", he tailed off as, following his eyes adjusting to the darkness of the night, he saw the redhead Naruto had captured lying recumbent in the grass, "waits, she's one of...", thoughts coming together with the speed of light he looked the Uzumaki in the face, half-disbelieving half-amused that Naruto would have the bottle to do something that insane, "...oh you didn't?" Naruto merely grinned,

"Come on this is _me_ you're talking to", he chuckled, stowing the potion carefully in his equipment pouch, "of course I did; with a bit of luck the same trick should work twice. My anti-serum should kill off the cells afflicted with the seals' curse and Ero-sennin should be able to break the bastard's fuuinjutsu. Assuming I can get to the pervert quick enough that is – tracking him down's going to be a swine regardless of how many Kage bushin I use". This time it was Sasuke's turn to chuckle as he wiped at his neck, the fake Curse Seal that had been inked on there for this subterfuge mission coming off in his damp palm,

"Just shout there's a pretty girl in trouble, he'll come running", both boys shared a laugh with that one before the Uchiha became more serious, "still, I owed you one Naruto, you and Tsunade-sama for breaking that seal so fast". To Sasuke's consternation however, the jinchuuriki shook his head,

"Thank Kiba and Sakura; if it hadn't been for them neither of us would have been any the wiser about the fact Oroichi-teme infiltrated the second stage of the Chunin exam until you went off the deep end. Them and Kakashi-sensei pulling you out before the preliminaries was probably all that kept your head on straight enough for us to break the seal together".

"Yeah, and I was a bit sharp with them afterwards as well, especially Sakura – she's not really talked to me since", the Uchiha admitted shamefacedly, shaking his head at what now looked to be his own big-headed stupidity, "I blamed them for costing me my chance at promotion".

"It was the seal; it messes with your head, tries to trick your body into making you angry, get you addicted to the chakra the seal produces. It's like a cancer Sasuke", trying to alleviate the Uchiha's self-torment Naruto explained all he knew about how the Otokages' slave collar worked, "Oroichimaru's Curse seal is a fuuinjutsu bastardised with medical kinjutsu. When he bit you the cells around his teeth were infected with virus-like biological agents, mutagens; these agents pretty much corrupted the cells around his fangs while his fuuinjutsu component stopped the cancer spreading too far and killing you. Those seal-affected cells, cancer cells if you like, started doing nasty things to your biochemistry; that's the whole purpose of the seal – because of those changes it causes you become unstable, angrier, more paranoid that everyone's holding you back, your friends are trying to keep you weak so they can stick a dagger in your back later. Of course, there's only one way for you to get the strength you need to defend yourself properly..."

"Go to the snake", Sasuke finished grimly, remembering what the new head of the Konoha hospital and kindred last clan survivor Senju Tsunade had told him following waking up after Naruto had applied the counter-bite to Oroichimaru's seal, "and the chakra those changed cells produce because of your anger is a lot more potent, but a lot more dangerous than regular chakra simply because of the amplifier seals in place around the cancer. Gives you the illusion of Oroichimaru's power and makes you more susceptible to its influence".

"Right; just as well I figured out how to use the teme's own tricks against him after jiji let me get hold of his old notes; we, baachan and I that is, learnt a lot when we broke Anko-neechan's seal and I got samples of seal-tainted cells to synthesise an anti-venom with but it still wasn't the finished article; we needed to know what we were up against before we got to you", the jinchuuriki snarled savagely, remembering again the taste of his own vomit on his lips as his own body rebelled against him for reading the blasphemous texts, the fruits of Oroichimarus' forbidden experiments, the woman he now affectionately knew as baachan beside him in tears as she realised just how black the soul of her one-time team mate had truly become, "the venom I used on Anko, you and now sleeping-ugly over there is almost the same as the one he used, just it kills off the cells in the seal tainted by his additions. One dose of that breaks down the cancer at the source, though I'd never have been able to make it without baachan's help; according to Shizune-chan the celebration she and Ero-sennin had when they figured out how they could use my bloodline to break the seal completely was something to behold. But no", he held up a hand at this point, hoping he could dispel this rumour a little more before someone else praised him as some kind of medical prodigy, "no matter what the rent-a-crowd says I was not part of that little sannin get-together".

"Just as well; not doubting you or anything Naruto but they're still evening out the divots in training ground twenty-two", Sasuke commented dryly before turning more serious, "speaking of Anko-san though, word is she intercepted the Hebi sannin in the Forest of Death – is she okay?" To the Uchiha's relief, Naruto nodded,

"Yeah, more or less – she's a bit banged up but she'll be fine; managed to get the teme with one of the venoms I gave her specially for him. Just as well Ero-sennin's suspicions were correct about his quest for immortality; he has perfected some kind of life-transfer jutsu, he can hop between host bodies to prolong his own life, like a snake shedding skin. He marked you, so we think, because he wanted the Sharingan to help him learn all the jutsus in the world".

"Over my cold, festering corpse..." Sasuke began only to be cut off by his partner's sudden snicker, Naruto smiling viciously as he remembered what his neechan had told him from her hospital bed,

"And with a little luck over his as well; saphrotrophs, gotta love 'em; if the virus protein coat baachan gave me does its job right Oroichi-teme will be nowhere near his best until he swaps bodies again".

"In language I can understand dobe?"

"Huh, what do you, oh right, sorry", chagrined as he realised his audience wasn't quite as clued up in human biology as he was, the jinchuuriki toned down the level of his explanations, "Anko played possum, made him think she was still affected by his seal and it worked like a beauty; he was so caught up in monologuing to someone he'd 'beaten' he gave the whole game away and let her pick his poison. When he does that body-hopping trick he effectively wipes out the host mind and soul, supplants it with his own; basically the Hebi is the worlds' worst case of necrophilia as he's walking around in a body that is effectively dead. All that keeps his body moving is his chakra; at first, when the body's relatively fresh, it's not that big a problem but over time, I think Anko mentioned it was about every three years or so, the drain on his chakra gets too great and he starts to literally fall apart – heh, funny when you think about it", the blonde grinned at the black-haired boy, pointing a taunting finger as he did so, "you got hickied by a dead man".

"I'm going", Sasuke replied faintly after a long moment of shuddering at that particular mental image, "to try _very_ hard to forget you just said that; team seven already has one member that can't sleep on his own, if it gets any worse we might as well take one tent between us on overnight missions. Still, you said Anko got him; what did your poison do and what are those sap-ero-trophs you were on about?"

"Saphrotrophs", Naruto corrected him before moving on with his explanation, "they're organisms that break down dead tissue; so", seeing the sudden smirk on the Uchiha's face he guessed Sasuke now had enough to go on, "I just put the enzymes used by them to break down dead human tissue into a virus shell baachan was kind enough to isolate for me; really nasty one as well, not common in humans though thank the Kami. Can't remember its name but it can infect pretty much all human tissue and cause massive systemic haemorrhage, basically you bleed to death in your own skin".

"Charming – remind me I don't need a case of that in the near future".

"Don't worry it's rare, and not native to Fire country either. Apart from that though Anko got a cut in on his face, the viruses on her blade were injected into his blood and spread throughout his body before releasing the enzymes inside them into his cells. Those enzymes should start breaking down the dead body he's inhabiting and, because he doesn't have a functional immune system as it'd take too much of his chakra to maintain, there's nothing he can do about it; even if he tries to throw up a new body like neechan said he could he'll still have some of those enzymes inside his new skin and they'll keep turning him to mush from the inside out. Until he swaps bodies completely, and even that will leave him weak, he's fighting a losing battle to keep himself ready to fight, probably the reason he didn't come to collect you himself".

"Just as well really; he completely owned me in that forest, even with Sakura and Kiba with me, and Kiba had already had a lot taken out of him by killing that snake the bastard sicced on him after blowing him away from us. So, ba-er, I mean Tsunade-sama helped you with that venom?"

"Yeah, remind me later I owe her a favour". Uncharacteristically, and to Naruto's eyes worryingly, Sasuke smirked,

"You could just hold still when she goes in swinging for you", blue eyes widened comically but Sasuke was having too much fun to think about stopping, "something Kakashi-sensei heard on the grapevine about her wanting your head on a plate for what happened just before our combined jaunt in Wave country".

"Are you nuts; do you know what that woman can do if she gets a clear shot at someone?" The thought of it made Naruto shiver before he launched his defence, "Besides I was on an official mission for the Hokage and merely, escorted her into Konoha using an approved ANBU restriction hold".

"You dragged her into the Hokage's office by her _ear!_ And then you left her lying there paralysed on the office floor while you hitched yourself to our ride". Naruto sniffed,

"Details; the Dolphin Grip is now actually in the ANBU manual and the latter part of that action was self-preservation – get out before she crushes me like a wine grape. Anyway after dealing with her and Ero-sennin for over two weeks I deserved a holiday".

"Only you, only you could gate-crash our mission into Wave just to get out the way of a sannin you hacked off and call it a holiday", despite his seriousness even Sasuke was finding it hard to keep a straight face as he stretched off and looked back towards Konoha, "still, glad you were there even if your neechan wasn't".

"Believe me Anko-chan would have been complete overkill on that mission; entertaining perhaps but overkill nevertheless", Naruto shuddered as he remembered the disbelief and embarrassment that had scoured him when his guardian had introduced herself again to the rest of his class following his graduation and announced to all and sundry that her little brother was now also her apprentice genin, "the Demon Brothers wouldn't have known what hit them; at least Kakashi-sensei left them alive and we all learnt a lot on that mission, namely that clients have a nasty habit of lying when their chips are down".

"And I learnt more than most", Sasuke admitted, recalling again the conversation with the jinchuuriki following their arrival at Tazuna's home, "ask the right questions to get the right answer". Naruto nodded, looking up at the stars in the clear night sky,

"Very true; never ask 'how' someone got so strong, the most important question is 'why'. Always ask why..."

"...Even to my brother", Sasuke intersected smoothly, the memory of the conclusions he'd drawn from listening to Naruto's casual dissection of his reasons for his aloofness, his hatred towards the man who had slaughtered his kin and redirected such a burning desire down a different avenue foremost in his mind again, "why did he kill them all; that's what I need to know now. Itachi was silent towards the end, before he did it – what happened to changed him so much?"

"And if it turns out he really is a raving psychopath, just whistle and you'll have your team and me to back you up; Anko-chan told me about him a few times and if he really was as skilled as she said he was you, in fact any of us, would need all the help they could get tackling him".

"Even you? After what happened on that bridge..."

"Especially me", Naruto assured him, turning back towards his captive, "despite Anko-chan's best efforts I'm still useless with genjutsu and Itachi was a prodigy in that field. Still", he paused, allowing himself a slight smile of satisfaction as he too recalled the endgame of the bridge, "good to know that blood-bushin works". Sasuke shuddered in disgust, raising his hands as though trying to ward off a nightmare,

"Don't remind me, just don't; I used to think the Sharingan was the key to all an Uchiha's strength but after seeing you, and what that Haku could do...urgh, Kiba hasn't been able to sleep in his own tent since that day, says he can still smell all the blood in the air. And that was just a single bushin of yours that did, that killed..."

"Yes, after it drank a large amount of my blood, henged itself into a mercenary and detonated right in the middle of Gato's thugs", Naruto told him casually, "my bloodline makes my blood an acid, when aerosolised like that it became a lethal gas that killed everyone that inhaled it and began dissolving their soft tissue. I didn't like doing the last bit but I thought it'd be for the best; after seeing my own bloody-mist trick Zabuza and that girly-boy of his were only too happy to back off".

"Him and the rest of us", Sasuke muttered, giving another shudder as he saw once again Naruto pulling a cloud of blood from the pile of shrivelling flesh before him, claiming back the blood he had lost and that of the mercenaries his blood-bushin had killed as the crimson mist had flowed back into his body through his mouth, eyes and nose. His resultant bloody grin had been enough to throw a chill into even the demon of the Bloody Mist, the man who's tool Sasuke had already avoided earlier by escaping the ice prison he'd created with a couple of kunai, some inventive uses of kamiwari and the assistance of Kiba and Akamaru, "still, whatever works as Kakashi-sensei would say. It was probably the reason he requested your field promotion; you basically beat two jounin-level opponents and killed a small army by yourself without any of us getting more than a scratch".

"More by luck than judgement I admit that freely and don't sweat it too much; your record's enough that you should earn your vest soon", the Uzumaki admitted freely before nodding towards the barrel and summoning a load of shadow clones, "still, enough dawdling; grab the box while I deal with this lot". The last Uchiha snorted before pouting as he saw Naruto heft the unconscious Tayuya in his arms,

"Hey, how come you get the girl and I end up with this cramped coffin?"

"Two reasons; firstly because I'm a chunin and I said so", Sasuke shook his head and cocked an eyebrow until Naruto's stern looked relented and his grinned abashedly, "second it's regulations; prisoners and enemy corpses are automatically the responsibility of the highest-ranking nin present when they're taken. Basically any escapees and it's on my head, and let's face it I doubt you'd get the chunky one off the ground on your own while I", he gestured as his Kage bushin set about gathering up the fallen corpses around the clearing, "have the hired help". Sasuke mulled this over for a minute before shrugging and turning away, the barrel in his arms,

"And there I was thinking you just had a thing for redheads; Sakura _will_ be upset".

"Hoi! That's your girlfriend..."

"Oh, you'd prefer Ino then?"

"Not unless I wanted Kiba to rip me a new one; I'm quite..."

"Eeewwww! You're in love with your neechan! That's gross!"

"No way, Iruka would kill me; Anko's..."

"Hmm, maybe Kiba wouldn't mind you hitting on his sister, or even his mum, she's quite..."

"Unless you want to wake up paralysed in the Inuzuka kennels with a couple of raw steaks stuffed down your training shorts, don't finish that sentence".

"Tch, Uzumakis", Sasuke turned away just in time for Naruto to miss the smirk on his face, "no sense of humour. Hey, what", distracted by a flickering motion above his head, the last Uchiha looked over his shoulder and paled as he saw the thin whip of blood extending from Naruto's recently bitten lip, "ah, Naruto-sama, no need to be na-aahhh! I'm moving, I'm moving!"

"Mush Uchiha, mush", Naruto commanded, though his speech was slurred through his injury and the blood ribbon he was now flicking like a whip behind the rapidly-retreating Sasuke's buttocks, "if we're back before ten I might get the report in before the mission room shuts, so get going! And if you think I'm commending you to chunin after those comments you can think again".

"Awww! It was just a joke".

"You know", Naruto suggested to his recumbent prisoner, Tayuya still asleep in his arms as his serum continued killing off the evil Oroichimaru had bitten into her, "I think I preferred it when he was still serious. Then again", looking at the receding fan on the back of his genin team mate's shirt, he shrugged and smirked, "nah! Everyone needs some fun in their life, even him; so, got the Uchiha cracking jokes already, just the Hyuuga left to get laughing before I can say I well and truly one-upped neechan".

Omake 1 – The Blood that is Shed

As the latest bottle was placed down in front of her Tsunade had just about enough self-awareness left to look up at the barman and slur,

"Wha' sis for?" He nodded over her head,

"From the gentleman across the way there", following the man's gaze after more making sure she wasn't going to topple off the stool she'd managed to find in a bar following ditching Shizune for the night, the sole surviving member of the Senju clan managed to focus just about enough to see her latest benefactor. Instinctively her hackles rose as she recognised a ninja; even before he sat down she'd made her position clear,

"Beat it gaki", the one-time kunoichi growled from the corner of her mouth, "I know why you're here and I'm not doing it".

"That's strange", the man, well actually he was more of a boy as he reached forwards, uncorked the bottle of sake he'd brought and swilled a small amount into a new sake saucer, "of the two Senju I read about one was famous for using Mokuton jutsus and taming the bijuu while the other's hailed as the founder of modern medical ninjutsu", he tossed the sake down in one before looking at her sidelong, something like a smirk around his lips as he did so, "I didn't know they could read minds as well". Tsunade snorted, reaching for the bottle herself,

"Around newbies like you I don't need to", she told him acidly, draining a generous measure straight from the bottle, "I don't do that blood-work any more kid, it's taken everything I ever loved and left me like this".

"I think it's more the sake, lat nights and remorseless gambling that left you like that", the smaller ninja commented before shrugging, "still, what you are's not my problem; what you might be is why I'm here".

"Really", the Slug sannin commented, a wry smirk on her lips as she looked at the small form by the side of her again, his headband obscured from her vision as he didn't turn to look at her, "okay then gaki you've caught me in a good mood and I owe you something for the sake so you can humour me; what might I be?"

At this words the ninja to her side finally turned to face her directly and she recoiled like an Aburame bug threatened with insecticide spray; before she could lash out or flee however, she found herself listening to his flat but still melodious voice,

"You might be the woman the Sandaime Hokage apologises to", he intoned whimsically, raising his cup for a slight toast in her honour, "you might be the woman who leads the village hidden in the Leaf into a new era of medical excellence, makes sure we stay the biggest dog in the Elemental Nations' yard. You might be the woman who nearly killed the pervert who led me to you but in spite of that he loves you anyway", at the mention and following a moment of sozzled contemplation she found her cheeks suddenly flushing as she realised there was only one man who'd ever been so suicidally besotted with her he'd risk death to get a glimpse of her body, "and you might be the woman who can help me save someone very dear to me from a cancer one of you and your old sensei's mistakes put there in the first place". Fortifying herself with another swallow Tsunade faced the emblem of the place that she had sacrificed all her hopes, dreams and future happiness for and found it still wanted more and hardened her heart once more, turned back on her bar stool,

"If you're smart gaki you'll do what I did and get out the ninja life; you're skilled with words I'll give you that – I know a few daimyo's who'd probably take you on. It's safer the court than it is on the battlefield...more or less", she added almost as an afterthought before chuckling darkly, knowing how dangerous the realm of politics was; _still, at least they get fine sake and finger-food in the courts, even when being threatened_;

"Maybe, I wouldn't know", the younger nin admitted before looking up at her again, "so, you coming back to Konoha?"

"Let me make this simple while I'm still in a good mood; no", Tsunade said simply, old ghosts rattling the closet of her memory before another shot of sake made them fall quiet again, "that bloody place has taken everything from me..."

"No it hasn't", the ninja cut her off, his tone more vehement than before as he almost glared up at her, cold azure flames in his eyes as he started up, "you think it has and you started running because you didn't want to face up to the loss. Despite the fact you had Jiraiya-sama there and a sensei that would have given everything, his life and even his soul if that was what it took to make you whole again, you still ran away. I've spoken with jiji, the Sandaime", this time it was her current drinking partner who had to steady his nerves with a drink of sake, breathing deeply as he made to speak again, Tsunade in too much of a shock to try and contradict him, "he said signing the papers that gave you, and Jiraiya too now I think about it, your travel rights was one of the hardest decisions he ever had to force himself to make; you can still see the lines on the documents he signed where the tears made the ink run. You think you've got nothing left but if that's the case why does that assistant of yours follow you like a lost puppy; because she wants to save you, same way jiji and Jiraiya want to save you but you're not making it easy Tsunade-_hime_", he spat the title as though it were a pox, a dark scowl on his face, "so I convinced them to let me have a go because Kami help me I need you to try and save someone I've found, a family I made off my own back".

He paused for breath at that point, taking a look out the corner of his eye to see how she was taking his words; _good, she's thinking and getting angry at the same time – just make sure we put this off until a better time and we should be fine from there_;

"Now you've used up your one chance with me; you've said you're not coming home willingly and fair enough, that's your choice. Thing is I'm on a mission here and I don't like failing missions, got a flawless record so far as it happens, but because you've been a good listener all night I'm going to give you a chance to break that record of mine", he smiled up at her, a crooked, grimacing expression that combined well with his suddenly cold eyes, the effect making the kunoichi shiver slightly, "I'll give you a chance to get away, a clean break from Konoha – you win this battle and your ninja career really is over as far as the Leaf is concerned. Sound interesting to a woman who wants to get out of the ninja life?" He took the fact that she didn't immediately try to pound him through the barroom floor as a good sign and held his peace as she tapped the top of the counter before, gradually, her addiction to her gambling, the second shinobi vice, won out and she looked at him again, forming the words around the top of the sake bottle as she answered,

"I'm listening gaki – make a decent pitch and I might be persuaded".

"It's simple", her erstwhile partner and possible opponent steepled his fingers as he looked up at her, face serious and expression grim as he made his final challenge, "a gamble for the Legendary Sucker", Tsunade snarled at the old nickname but refrained from swinging just on the off-chance it might have spilt the precious sake still present on the bar, "one last fight, you against me; you win and Konoha's bloodhounds are off your heels forever; I win and I drag you back to the Leaf kicking and screaming. Sound like a deal; after all, what does one of the legendary sannin have to fear from a mere genin?"

"You're no genin", grudgingly giving credit where it was due Tsunade made that admission with a shrug of her shoulders, "still, there's no penalty for me if you go home in a box is there?"

"None whatsoever", he assured her, holding both hands up, "jiji won't be that happy about it but I'll take my chances; after all, can't get to be Hokage if you don't take a few risks".

The words struck a deep, painful chord within the older woman but, as always, she wrestled down the hurt and grunted gruffly,

"Hokage", she spat the title as though it were the foulest curse, "what kind of fool would want that job? All you do is sacrifice yourself for people who don't appreciate you; my great-grandfather and uncle died under that hat, giving up everything for Konoha, dying for the Leaf..."

"Just like your little brother, and your fiancé did and were proud to do", Naruto interjected, his words stunning Tsunade into absolute silence, her face turning as pale as the sake that began sloshing around her suddenly-trembling saucer as she found herself mute, unable to react to his sudden words, as cold and deadly to her as the straight thrust of a kodachi, "one man's' fool is another man's' hero, but what do I know, I'm only a wet-behind-the-ears genin gaki. Anyway; tomorrow, midday, three miles west of this village, I'll be waiting; don't try and run, you're too close to get away from Jiraiya-sama", his blue eyes bored into hers again as he stood up, scooping some money from his pocket and slapping it down on the bar as he nodded towards the remaining sake,

"Have another couple on me Tsunade-hime; just make sure you're ready to fight tomorrow – I don't break promises, if you win you're a free woman". With that he turned and headed for the exit only to be brought to a halt by the Slug sages' sudden shout,

"Wait", he paused and looked over her shoulder, "why do you care so much? Who are you to stake your life in a match against someone who's been fighting for longer than you've been alive?"

"Me? Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage", he introduced himself with a short bow, jerking his head forwards before heading for the exit again, "now if you'll excuse me it's late and I'm tired; until tomorrow Tsunade-hime".

With that he left, the curtain of the bar rustling back into place to leave Tsunade with her sake and a slow, dull ache in her chest that even the rest of the bottle couldn't dull completely.

XXX

It was bright, too bright for her eyes but she was ready; Shizune was as always slightly behind her with Ton-Ton in her arms but unusually there were no questions regarding their destination, why they were travelling west, back the way they had come; _probably just grateful to find me again after last night_. Dismissing her apprentice from her mind for a moment as she beheld a very familiar figure sitting cross-legged on the patch of open ground before her, the Slug sage scowled as she faced her old team mate,

"So", Jiraiya looked up, the same stupid grin on his face despite the pipe in her mouth as he raised a hand in greeting, "you're the reason behind this?" Unusually, rather than make a perverted comment that would have resulted in him landing somewhere near Konoha courtesy of her fist, the Toad Sage instead shook his shaggy head,

"No", he said simply, looking up at her, "Sarutobi-sensei in the reason behind this, I'm just the tracker because I know you hime. It's time for you to come home Tsunade, back to the Leaf; I'm not here to convince you", he held up a hand passively as she clenched her fist, waiting for the danger to subside before pointing to the other figure who had appeared from the east like a silent spectre, watching all three older ninja calculatingly, "from what he told me, that's now his job". The kunoichi snorted and tossed her head, just as she had when she'd been a child and something had annoyed her Jiraiya recalled fondly, and addressed her apprentice,

"Shizune-chan make sure this perverted old baka doesn't do anything stupid, I won't be long". Having said her piece the medical sannin shucked off her cloak and bundled it up roughly, the dark-haired woman Jiraiya belatedly recognised as Dan's niece Shizune; _all grown up and with curves_; already his author's mind was working on a character for her – small, quite, dark but, once through the tough outer shell, a very inviting prospect indeed; _in all the right places_;

"So, Shizune-chan", the woman squeaked and huddled Ton-Ton against her like a protective charm as Jiraiya sidled up, a friendly grin on his face that automatically sent the kunoichi's danger senses into overdrive; _sensei always said Jiraiya-sama was only friendly when he wanted something – no prizes for guessing what he wants from me!_; "tell me, how have you and the old Slugger been getting on all these years?"

Hearing her mentors' old nickname for the first time so blatantly was enough to make Shizune splutter an unwilling chuckle; sensing the opening, the chink in her armour Jiraiya moved in.

The poor sannin's apprentice never stood a chance.

Unaware of the fate she had doomed Shizune to, Tsunade approached her final victim with a few butterflies in her stomach that she crushed after a second's thought; her opponent said nothing, merely waiting for her with his arms folded though as a medic she could see he was taut as a wire, waiting for her first move. Coming to a halt some dozen feet before him, the Slug sannin cracked her knuckles and scowled,

"So, last chance gaki; just turn around and go home before I hurt you".

"You're welcome to try..."

_Rookie_; as always Tsunade made to finish it in one strike, using her words and looks as a distraction; _talk and fight at the same time_; he was unable to react as she thrust her fist forwards, her forefinger extending and slamming home into his forehead, enough to send any normal man spiralling away into a blissful dark...

"Ow!"

_What – whoa!_; despite having not fought for years the ingrained responses were still as sharp as ever and because of them Tsunade landed on her feet after her opponent seized her outstretched arm and thrown her away; as she span to face him again she felt her stomach drop; _how did my technique fail? Oh no_; the answer was evident the second she tried for the first time in almost a decade to activate the strength that had made her a legend,

"What did you do to me?" _My chakra control, it's completely out of synch – I can't control it at all, the flow's too random_; her opponent merely shrugged and smiled darkly,

"Beware blondes bearing gifts", he advised before cracking his neck, "I know how you got yourself so strong by your perfect chakra control but as far as I can see that's all you've got – unlike the other two of your team mates you never improved, drowned yourself in sake and debt instead. So all it took to stop you was a little drop of poison in the sake, just enough to throw off your chakra control – face it Tsunade, without your strength you're nothing and I just outwitted you; all your techniques are built around your legendary control. Without that", he smirked again as she felt her eyes widen at the implications of what his sneak attack had done to her, "well, which one of us is the gaki?"

Despite her angry scowl the kunoichi knew she was in a tight bind now; she had no idea of the poison he'd used and, even if she did, she wouldn't have trusted her shaky chakra control to remove it properly from her system. Gritting her teeth the sannin clenched her fists impotently,

"So, you really are a ninja aren't you?"

"I am, I'm going to be the Hokage someday", he replied coldly before gesturing to her fists, "so what's it going to be hime? Come back now or this'll have to get messy". _No, no I'm never going back there_;

"No, I will not submit! Give me..."

"You already submitted, submitted to the pain and loss and ran away from it", Naruto was remorseless, pressing his attack even as Tsunade recoiled from his words, "the only reason you're not running now is because you think you'll get away cleanly if you take me down. But even if you beat me you'll never be free; no-one can abandon a ninja village no matter how fast or far they run from it. I know your history Senju Tsunade, read it over and over before taking this mission on; I took on the search for you unpaid as a favour to the Sandaime, the old man who helped raise me and make me into someone who can protect the whole village when I'm old enough. I know everything common and a few other things that aren't as commonly known about you kunoichi-san, and I know this", he pulled a kunai from his pouch and before Tsunade could do anything to stop him, slashed it across his palm, holding it up so she could see the blood dripping from the rent skin,

"You can't run, not from these ties, not from bonds this deep", he intoned, hiding the now-smoking kunai behind his back, "Konoha and all the other ninja villages are built on the sacrifice _you_ spit on, the wishes of the Hokages to do anything, no matter the cost, to protect their villagers and ninja. Heroes", he roared, thrusting his crimson hand forwards as Tsunade collapsed to her knees, eyes wide and staring at his hand, her phobia gripping her completely and preventing her from turning away from the grisly sight or blocking her ears against his words, "heroes like Dan and your little brother Nawaki were proud to be; the blood of those patriots is the mortar that binds Konoha and her nin together, tighter than steel! The blood of our founders runs in your veins Senju Tsunade; the Sho and Nidaime who founded Konoha and led us through our darkest times is focussed in you", she was crying now just as impassioned tears were starting from his own eyes but he would not allow himself to be dissuaded, not now, not when for the first time in years someone was making the Legendary Sucker listen to them,

"You're better than this Tsunade; a once-in-a-lifetime kunoichi who reinvented medical ninjutsu in the space of ten years. You lost your family, a pain I can't contemplate as I've never had one but I know others who have known the same – Uchiha Sasuke, last of his clan after they were wiped out, he serves the Leaf still and proudly. I'm asking you Tsunade, because there's no-one else who can help", he dropped his hand, suddenly sounding tired as he faced the trembling woman again, the removal of the blood finally allowing her to raise her eyes and meet his tear-stained gaze, "my neechan is injured, marked by a sickness I need your help to cure; you'll know more when you see her. I know you feel guilty that you couldn't save your family in the war; I feel the same way because I can't save Anko-neechan, but doing this, fighting with each other is helping no-one, least of all the memories of your friends and ancestors – come back with me, come back to where you can stop the blood and tears of someone else, where you can make sure no other family in Konoha has to know the pain we've gone through".

He did nothing, much as he wanted to, when the woman on her knees in front of him disintegrated utterly; as Jiraiya had told him during the briefing on the journey to where his contacts had picked up his old team mates' trail, she needed an old friend, not a new stranger now. He stayed where he was, watching on impassively, until a large hand clapped his shoulder and he looked around to see Jiraiya's eyes flickering between him and the broken, beaten form of his former team mate,

"Okay Naruto, you made your point", he admitted before focussing on the woman in front of him, pushing the younger ninja behind him, "go and look after Shizune-chan, I'll deal with this". He nodded and stepped backwards, turning away just as the Gama sennin dropped to his knees and wrapped the injured kunoichi in his arms, holding her as at last she was forced to confront the pain behind her arrogant front and weep tears that had been bottled up since before she had tried to leave her home behind forever.

"Why", the strange voice brought him up short, and he found himself the target of a furious glare as the sannin's apprentice bore down on him like an irked Shinigami, "why did you do that to Tsunade-sama? What gave you the right to hurt someone like that?"

"The right to complete my mission, and keep your voice down", Naruto shot back, gesturing towards the two embracing sannin as he did so, Shizune scowling but moving away from the scene as she continued to harangue the smaller figure,

"You knew she had a blood phobia and you used it against her, and then to bring up her dead brother and fiancée; do you have no morals or shame at all?"

"Er, ninja?" Naruto pointed out as though this explained everything, explaining himself at her outraged snort and Ton-Ton head-butting his ankle, "Okay, sheesh, and I thought Ino was pig-headed, quit it porker or I'll smoke you for the winter", he glared as Shizune stooped and scooped her pet up, her own glare never leaving her face as Naruto began to speak again, "look, Tsunade had issues, no worries there most ninja do, but hers were killing her inside the mask she put up; believe me I know", for the first time Shizune's face softened as he spoke half to himself, a dry, cold smile on his face as he looked forward as though looking into a mirror, "she's not the first ninja to try hiding behind a mask. But it does more harm than good overall; you can get away from bailiffs, debt-collectors and even hunter-nin if you're good enough but you'll never outrun the burdens you carry with you wherever you go. True, isn't it?"

"Yeah", much as she wanted to hate the boy for what he'd done to her mentor Shizune couldn't deny the wisdom in his words, "there's truth in that Naruto – Jiraiya-sama mentioned your name while we were talking"; _or flirting, in his case_; shivering as she remembered both the lines the Toad Sage had used and how close she'd come to falling for them, lame as they may have been, she pressed on nevertheless, "but, if you don't mind me asking, what mask did you have to hide behind, and why? Was it, was it to do with your family?"

For a moment he didn't answer and in all honesty she didn't expect him to; it was a personal question after all – she therefore jumped a minute later when the ninja beside her chuckled a little and looked up at her,

"No, nothing to do with my family", it was strange but Shizune could have sworn he sounded almost regretful to say that; before she could question him, however, he'd moved on, "unfortunately I won't be able to say until and unless Tsunade-sama decides to accompany us back to the Leaf. Until then my lips are sealed on that subject; so, was your name Shizune?"

"Uh, yes".

"So then Shizune-chan", the first honorific almost made her blush but she caught herself just in time; the second, on the other hand, made her splutter with laughter, "tell me about yourself; I heard from Ero-sennin that you and Tsunade-baachan had a lot of adventures together".

"Baachan", she giggled as she repeated him, "whatever you do don't call her that to her face; she's touchy about her age".

"Ah, she'll get over it", Naruto told her, wafting a hand as though dismissing her concerns airily, "if Jiraiya-san can get used to Ero-sennin Tsunade-hime can cope with baachan; she _is_ old after all". _Oh dear_; despite her shaking shoulder Shizune could see troubles ahead for this charismatic ninja with a sharp tongue; _there's going to be tears if Tsunade-sama hears about this._

In the end it took almost half a day for the Slug sannin's shoulders to stop shaking with sobs, her eyes to dry and for her to stand up again under her own power; for all that time however, Jiraiya supported her just as he had hoped to do for this moment for many long years just to see the smile, shy and awkward but a true smile nevertheless, she graced him with as she stood up and drew in a deep breath.

"Heh", his former team mate chuckled softly as she lent a hand to pull him to his feet, "hell of an apprentice you got this time baka". The Toad sage snorted gruffly, throwing an arm around her shoulder in a bold gesture as he pulled the slightly smaller woman into a one-armed hug,

"Apprentice – hah, I can dream. Sarutobi-sensei won't let me take him on until he gets chunin and hits fourteen, the latter of those won't be until next year".

"You mean he's really...?" His booming laughter was all the answer she needed,

"Yep, sorry hime but you really did just get beaten by a genin. Don't feel too down though", he ran a calloused finger over his cheek, trying to draw a second smile out of her, "you're not the first he managed to drop flat on their backside by planning well into the future; kid's a poison master, for reasons you'll have to ask him about".

"That's nice Jiraiya"; _he's hiding something, what it is probably relates to Naruto somehow – it'd probably be better just asking him outright_; thinking on her feet, the medical prodigy simultaneously covered her thoughts and preserved her own modesty as she knew without looking just where her team mates hand was likely to be headed towards next, "now take the arm off before I break it off". For a moment it looked like he was tempted, seriously tempted but in the end self-preservation just about won out over perversion and the taller man withdrew his constricting limb,

"Humph, charming", the white-haired pervert stuck his nose in the air as Tsunade straightened her robes again, "try to do someone a good turn and all they do is slap you in the face for it".

"No, if I slapped you in the face you'd know about it; Naruto's poison wore off about two and a bit hours ago", she informed him before wiping the dried tears out of her eyes and looking around for the aforementioned shinobi, "now, where is he, and where's Shizune for that matter", a sudden, very familiar noise caught her attention and she felt her blood-pressure rise accordingly, "and if you're writing in that notepad of your you have until I stop speaking to make it disappear before I do, painfully".

As if by magic the scribbling ceased and Jiraiya sprang to the side cringing before, realising the short-tempered blonde by the side of him hadn't swung yet, he straightened up and tried to look at least semi-professional as he pointed over to the left,

"They're both over there somewhere, talking things over; so", he straightened up, looking at her directly with something like a challenge in his eye, "you will come back?" She tried to meet his eyes defiantly but couldn't quite hold his gaze as she answered,

"A bet is a bet; besides I'm certain you'd only keep bugging me until I eventually gave in anyway", she groused before sighing and moving off after the shinobi that had beaten her, "so, let me talk to him for a minute and we'll start moving". Jiraiya nodded, allowing the kunoichi to move away from him before his hand dived eagerly into his voluminous robes; there was a sudden impact against part of his clothing and he looked down in horror to see a senbon needle protruding right through part of his travelling uniform, the metal dart pierced cleanly through the heart of his notebook; _no! So many peeping hours...well, not wasted, but gone unrecorded to paper – a tragic loss to the Elemental nations_; looking up with tear-filled eyes his heart broke a little more as he saw Tsunade wagging a finger,

"I might have been out the loop for a while Toad-face but I haven't lost all my skills; try anything on the way home with me or Shizune-chan and the next one goes somewhere a lot more private and a hell of a lot more painful. Got the picture?" Wincing at the mere though Jiraiya curled in on himself protectively,

"Yes hime, impeccably hime". With a last smile, the kunoichi left him to his own devices as she moved towards where Naruto and her apprentice were sat.

As the shadow fell over him Naruto looked up to see the sun blotted out by the silhouette of the Slug sannin; for a moment both generations of Konoha nin regarded one-another before, eventually, the eldest present spoke,

"I stand by what I said gaki; there's not a daimyo in the nations that wouldn't have you in his court talking the birds off the trees", ('or into his bed' the second sannin thought privately), "but, like you said you managed to win like a ninja, and it would be nice to see sensei again", to her private gratitude he didn't start boasting even if his smile grew wider with each word she spoke until, eventually, she cracked like an egg, "okay gaki, I'll come back to Konoha. I won't promise I'll be polite about it and I'm definitely not staying for that long but I will follow you back". Naruto nodded,

"Good, as long as you see jiji and help sort my neechan out I don't care what you do after that", he looked away down the road, back towards their home village, "come on, if we move out now we should get there in about ten days, maybe a week if we push it". Tsunade chuckled,

"Fair enough Naruto, oh, one more thing".

A few seconds later, after the jinchuuriki had stopped rolling along the ground and reassured himself that all his limbs were still attached and in the right place, he raised his head weakly and saw all eight of the Tsunades currently filling his vision give a smug smile and victory salute,

"That was what you missed earlier". _Okay, note to self_; as he came shakily to his knees, then his feet he brushed off Shizunes' attempted assistance in time to come up with a single thought; _make a stronger chakra-stifling poison, pronto_.

XXX

Nine days later the group of four humans and one pig came to a slow halt as they realised one of their number had suddenly paused; seeing the monument of home brought a slew of memories, some of them good, others terrifying, to the forefront of Tsunade's mind and she'd stopped dead in the road, just staring at the four faces carved out of the living mountain that rose up above the Leaf village. _I am home_; it was strange that she didn't know what she felt from that admission, it wasn't happiness, sadness, grief or guilt but some weird mixture of all of them combined; _I'm back in a place I swore I'd never see again, and for the life of me I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing_. She remained where she was, snapping out of her stupor only when there came a tug at her sleeve and she looked down into Naruto's face, the boy she now knew to be the jinchuuriki of the monster that had almost flattened her home and had, with said monsters' help, literally turned himself into a living biochemical weapon taking a swig from a water bottle and offering it up to her,

"Does it look different baachan?" Absent-mindedly swiping for his head with that comment and taking the pro-offered bottle with the same motion, the kunoichi nodded towards him,

"Yeah gaki, it does; last time I was here there were only three faces on that mountain", she told him as she handed the bottle back before steeling herself and placing one foot determinedly in front of the other, "still; no way to back out now; I'll deal with this as it comes". _Good, you just keep on dealing_; Naruto's face, long conditioned by his merciless sensei's training in keeping both his temper and his emotions in check, the lessons aided by the fact that she took the money for all the kunai she wasted nicking him every time he lost his cool out of his mission pay, betrayed nothing of how he was dancing on the inside; _just as long as you don't know about the ace up my sleeve!_

Naruto had held that ace for nine long days but only when the very gates of Konoha were in view and all the preparations had been made did he dare play it,

"Ah here we are then, Konoha-bound", he turned to Tsunade, a cunning smile on his face, "now about the deal we had". She looked alarmed,

"What deal? You said if I beat you I'd come back to Konoha, hey", she just about managed to dodge his first attack as Naruto sprang at her, "what are you doing gaki?"

"Yeah, you said you'd come back but", finally conjuring up some kage bushin help the jinchuuriki managed to seize hold of his target, the two spectators to this whole affair left too dumbfounded or too comatose via blood loss, as the position Tsunade had been bent into offered a real nosebleed view down into her cleavage, to intervene, "I said _how _you'd come back and my exact words were kicking and screaming". Gleeful that revenge was at hand Naruto straightened up, grateful once more that his neechan's boyfriend had taught him how to master this handy little grappling hold before he left on his mission as he blocked out his captives sudden shrieking and barely felt the taps from her flailing around through his thick jumpsuit,

"Buckle up hime, we're going for a little walk; I told you earlier, beware blondes bearing gifts", he declared boldly, dragging her forwards and paying no attention to her sudden swearing fit as she was forced to keep pace with him just as Anko had been with the man who had become her partner some months previously, the gate guards having been alerted by the commotion and quite wisely deciding to keep quiet and let the unusual duo carry on right into Konoha, Tsunade furious both with Naruto for doing this to her and herself for falling for the same damned trick twice; _from now on if he offers you a drink, get Jiraiya to try some first!_

XXX

"No", the shout echoed throughout the Hokage's office as Kiba's fragile grip on his temper snapped completely, "no more, I refuse to do any more D-rank missions; we deserve a C-rank now, we're good enough". Having made his declaration he folded his arms thunderously and settled his weight back on his rear leg, not seeing either of his team mates shoot him looks of disgust or the large sweat-drop sliding slowly down the side of his sensei's head as he waited for the forthcoming explosion from the Hokage. In this wait however, he was to be disappointed; rather than erupt in rage at being addressed in such a manner the Hokage merely extended a hand to the side of him and, after a few seconds' mutinous muttering, Iruka slapped several ryo bills into the old man's' wrinkled palm,

"Damn it, I was sure Sakura-chan would crack first; at least I got the team right though", the Academy teacher consoled himself as his former students looked on flabbergasted at the same time the Hokage, having thought he heard something, dismissed it from his mind as he concentrated on counting the money he'd won,

"You", the cherry blossom was indignant as she pointed a shaking finger at the chunin, "you put a bet on us?"

"Well, it gets boring in the mission room", Iruka told her, pocketing his wallet again, "when you hit chunin you'll understand. Anyway your team is the first to ask for a C-ranked mission and you do meet the requirements for a mission of this level; Kakashi-san, do you believe they're ready?" Not even looking up from his book, the Copy nin nodded at the same time as wonder if he was hearing things; _sounds like...nah, couldn't be, not at this time of the day in the middle of Konoha_;

"Hai Iruka-san, I believe they're ready to go outside of Konoha, just pick something easy out for us

just in case, ne?" Sarutobi smiled,

"I've held something back just for...what is that noise? Hmm, Iruka-san go and get the client while we find out who's shrieking like a fishwife; it's hard enough to get the civilians in this place to do work at the best of times let alone if they think someone's been murdered in the tower", as the chunin disappeared the Hokage summoned an ANBU with a single gesture, briefing the white-masked figure quietly and not even blinking as his operative disappeared in an instant. All three members of team seven stayed where they were, fidgeting awkwardly as they too heard the soft noises on the wind that were growing steadily all the time; their nerves were so ragged that they all jumped as the ANBU reappeared and bent to brief the Hokage; the look of shock that appeared on the old man's' face was almost comical but immediately put Kakashi on edge, even more so as the screaming seemed to come closer.

"It ah, it appears", the Hokage began, raising his voice as the background noise grew louder, "we will be having unexpected guests; I would advise you all move out the way of the door, now!"

They were just fast enough; to the concert of an ever-loudening voice calling out all manner of bribes, threats and curses team seven evacuated the area immediately just before the door an instant before it got kicked open and two forms, one of them obviously yelling their head off, entered and the Sandaime felt his stomach shrivel up as a distinct feeling of déjà vu swept over him. Before his eyes the smaller of the two figures seemed to swing the other around his shoulder and his head moved almost too fast to see; almost before she hit the deck, the other body was lying prone and all but motionless on his office floorboards,

"Mission accomplished jiji", Naruto stated proudly before the killing intent from the woman on the floor hit him harder than one of her punches and his grin lost some of his cocksureness, "er, any chance I can get another one? Preferably before the paralyser wears off?"

"Naruto"; _Kami damn it, I need a smoke – no matter what happens now I'm going to get it in the neck for this. If I don't give him a mission Tsunade will kill him, if I do give him a mission Tsunade and Anko will both kill me_; "much as I can't fault you for completing your mission might I suggest you attempt to do so a little more...discreetly in the future?" The genin shot him a disbelieving look,

"You gave me Anko-neechan as a sensei and expect me to do discreet? That's like feeding up an Inuzuka on prime beef and expecting them not to bury the bones afterwards", he pointed out, Kiba just about keeping a lid on his temper at the casual slur against his clan as the blonde went on, trying to talk against the concentrated bloodlust radiating from the figure he'd just injected with a massive dose of a potent muscle paralysing toxin, "still, another mission jiji? Hey", he turned around as though seeing team seven for the first time, "what are these guys up to – they're due a C-rank right? Any chance I could tag along; I'd send a message to Anko-sensei on the way out, it'd be no bother".

Despite the headache he was certain was to arise later and the running he'd have to do once Tsunade managed to move again and realised he'd let the gaki who'd embarrassed her like this slip out of her reach Sarutobi realised he wanted to talk to his erstwhile student much more than he wanted to have to sort out Naruto's medical woes at a later date. For that reason the Hokage made a show of thinking for a moment before looking over at the jounin-sensei of the three-man cell,

"Hmm, Kakashi-san, your opinion on the matter?"

"Maa", the jounin replied, turning another page on his book, "he appears able to handle himself against someone of sannin level so I doubt he'd be a hindrance. Team?"

"Heh, as long as he apologises for the beef crack I've not got a problem", as expected Kiba spoke first, folding his arms as Naruto squatted down and beckoned Akamaru forwards for a scratch, "I know he's more skilled than he let on at the Academy and his neechan's as lethal as she is hot – she'll have got him trained up right".

"Hnn, just don't get in my way dobe", Sasuke grunted, about all that could be expected as Sakura seemed a little undecided, having not had all that much to do with the blonde even during the Academy but she eventually nodded with a quiet 'sure sensei, I don't mind'. Having heard from his student, the cyclopean jounin eye-smiled,

"Well then Hokage-sama, no complaints here; welcome aboard Naruto". The blonde gave a salute and a smile,

"Hai Kakashi-sensei; oh, better let neechan know what's going on", he made a cross-shaped seal with his hands and with a puff of smoke a second Naruto appeared out of nowhere, making both Kakashi and Sakura, who immediately recognised the bushin was solid rather than a simple illusion, raise eyebrows,

"Okay buddy, go home and tell Anko-sensei I've just got back with the Slug sannin and I've hooked up with team seven for a C-rank mission; how long should this mission last jiji?"

"Hopefully a week or maybe two at the most".

"Fine, thanks jiji; got that?" The bushin nodded but folded its arms,

"Why do I have to give the message; neechan will kill me".

"You're a bushin stupid", Naruto sighed, flicking his body double on the forehead and making Kiba almost drop his nin-ken in shock; _that thing's solid!_; "you can't die".

"Says the guy who doesn't burst into smoke following a punch, kunai or jutsu", the chakra construct countered, hands on his hips this time, "my life is too short to go around delivering bad news to your sister – I want danger money damn it!"

"Well tough; life is unfair, deal with it", Naruto half-hearted argued with his clone before grabbing him by the ear just as he had Tsunade and marching towards the window, "just get going – at least you don't have to sit through the briefing". The Kage bushin seemed to consider this for a moment before eventually shrugging and allowing its maker to push it out the window,

"Fine, I'll let you know her reaction".

"Looking forwards to it", Naruto called after the disappearing back of the other blonde, "now, sorry jiji, can we get the briefing out the way?"

Almost as though they'd rehearsed it Iruka chose that moment to open the door, notice the new additions to the room and raise a quizzical eyebrow as he noticed the sprawled woman on the floor; after a second of silent communication with the Hokage and deciding he didn't want to know the Academy teacher escorted an old, drunken-looking man into the room and introduced him as Tazuna from Wave country, the client keeping quiet as he notice the seemingly-dead body on the ground and realising, perhaps for the first time, that he was in the presence of accomplished killers. Because of that he remained perfectly quiet as the Hokage wrapped up the briefing with admirable haste, Naruto looking down at Tsunade's form as he made to leave before looking up sternly at Kakashi,

"Don't be late or I'll sic neechan on you", he said simply to the notoriously tardy jounin Anko-neechan had warned him about before turning on his heel, wrapping an arm around Kiba's shoulder as the Inuzuka reciprocated and headed towards the village gates again.

Omake 2 – Tease and Please

Upon his return to Konoha following the three-year training trip that had turned him from a solid, if somewhat unpredictable chunin into something that even the current Hokage wouldn't have wanted to fight without at least three day's warning, several bottles of sake beforehand and a medical response team on standby, Uzumaki Naruto had seen many things in his village. Of course he hadn't expected things to say exactly the same as they had been and many of the changes had been expected; other alterations, however, had come as a complete shock to the system.

The first shock had come before he'd even set foot in the village; the sight of Tsunade's carved into the face of the mountain almost knocked him flat on his rear end as he gaped towards Konoha's gates and asked his teacher for the past three years how the village was still standing with that gambling old soak at the helm. His ears had rung form three days after Jiraiya finished boxing them and told him in no uncertain terms that he insulted the Toad Sages' future bride at his peril; the knowledge that the last two of the sannin would be wed soon and had, in fact, postponed their wedding to wait for him to return had been enough to make him black out for a hour, much to Jiraiya's amusement – the scrawling the old letch had annotated his whisker marks with had necessitated the use of a scouring pad to be rid of completely.

On the contrary it came as no surprise to the jinchuuriki to find himself glomped by his family almost as soon as his toe crossed the threshold of Konoha's gates and find himself quickly introduced to his new little brother. Umino Aruko was every inch a carbon copy of Iruka-sensei, though the one-year old had his mother's eyes and, painfully as Naruto quickly found out after being introduced to the business end of his rattle several times in rapid succession, her temperament as well. One thing the two brothers did have in common, however, was a love of ramen; for this reason Ayame was more than cautiously optimistic of her ramen stands' surviving past when Teuchi-jiji handed it down to her.

The gurgling, giggling little baby wasn't the only one to have reason to be happy following the first family visit to Ichirakus; he'd been expecting his neechan to get together with the man she'd so obvious had her eye on since before Iruka's bit of snooping in his apartment had brought the three of them together so long ago in the Sandaime's office and it had happened, though he was the first to admit he'd been expecting her to baulk at actually tying the knot. Still, he now had a little brother both he and Iruka adored and another baby on the way, Anko having just gone to the hospital a few days ago and come home with that announcement to riotous celebration from both Naruto and Iruka; even if he no longer lived with the special jounin and her now-jounin partner to save space, he felt it a sacrifice well worth making and in any case was rather used to living on his own.

Meeting with most of the others had held some surprises and some things he would have said were written in the stars; the blush on Kiba's face when he'd caught the Inuzuka snogging the heir of the Yamanaka clan in the doorway of her fathers' shop was enough to make him laugh even now. Sasuke was now a jounin shooting for ANBU, though there had been little progress in tracking down his brother over the years he didn't seem to mind, taking instead far more of an interest in his relationship with the last member of team seven, Sakura having blossomed under the apprenticeship of the Hokage herself into a formidable medic-nin.

Shika was still single as it would have been too troublesome to have another woman aside his nagging mother in his life but Chouji had been the major surprise; he was already diplomatically engaged to the current Kazekage's elder sister. Apparently Gaara had been suitably impressed by the Akimichi's strength and selfless dedication to the lives of others that he'd taken all three of his family pills to hold back the full form of Shukaku, accidentally unleashed at the chunin exams held in Cloud after Naruto had left on his journey of discovery by dint of an unfortunate Mist genin hitting the Suna jinchuuriki with a sleep genjutsu, that the newly-inducted village leader had declared he would be the best suitor for Temari in the interest of strengthening ties between Leaf and Sand. The Akimichi had been caught a bit flat-footed by this but had accepted, his naturally chivalric nature in declaring that he would only marry if Temari herself agreed to the union without political pressure being applied winning him many friends including Kankuro, the middle Suna sibling, and Naruto as well.

However there was a fly in every ointment and hearing of the Hyuuga clans crimes, only Jiraiya's impassioned pleading that a civil war and clan genocide wouldn't be in Konoha's best interest coupled with Hinatas' own, albeit timid, assurances that she was fine and happy in her new life had stopped the Uzumaki marching several blood-bushins into the egocentric clan's compound and teaching them a new meaning of the phrase 'blood is thicker than water'. Unable to bear the weight of being a future clan head due to her kind and warm nature her family had cast her aside, the Caged Bird seal binding up her eyes even as she was discarded from the clan home and her name struck from their records, as though she didn't exist. Having had to put up with this kind of treatment in the past Naruto had been enraged almost to the point of letting his resident bijuu out for a little fun and, but for the loud and enthusiastic assurances of Rock Lee that he was treating his girlfriend like the princess she was, he might have done just that. As it was a combination of several of the rookies, including Kiba, Shino and surprisingly enough Hinata's own older cousin Neji, who knew the pain of the seal and now had something in kind with the cousin he'd once despised, were looking out for the new couple in case of Hyuuga reprisals.

_Have to do something about that soon; hmm, maybe a kind of venom that blinds for several days if spat into the eyes? No forget it, eye for an eye makes the whole world blind_; recalling Jiraiya's words make the jinchuuriki feel marginally better, even if he couldn't quite block out the counter-argument to this line of thinking that he himself had come up with during their travels; _even if all men look the same in the darkness. Still, enough of that for now_; dismissing all thoughts of vengeance against the clan of white-eyed pricks the self-proclaimed and created biological weapon smirked slightly as he folded his hands behind his head and lay back against his pillow; _out of all the surprises waiting for me when I got back here this one took the cake. I knew the other guys would be okay for partners, neechan too come to think of it, but_; looking out the corner of his eye towards the figure still slumbering beside him the jinchuuriki allowed a true smile to spread over his face like a sunrise; _I never thought there'd be someone for me as well_.

Unaware of her partner's scrutiny Tayuya slept on just as she had one the night they'd first met; Naruto had been slightly surprised (no matter what Kiba and Shikamaru had assured him, it was simply impossible to shock someone who'd spent three years dragging Jiraiya out of every bar, brothel and onsen in the Elemental nation, including more than one gay bar the Toad Sage had unwittingly blundered into while hammered) to find himself arriving at the place where his supposed 'slay-date' was waiting just in time to dodge being crushed to paste by a trio of maimed giants. He'd then spent a very pleasant afternoon avoiding a variety of gruesome deaths by the scantest of inches before finally tracking down and accosting his opponent; having managed this he then spent most of the evening dodging concussion at the blunt end of a war flute. The girl whose seal he'd broken all those years ago had, according to the remainder of the rookies who'd trained with her and Maito Gai, who'd been her jounin-sensei following Neji's promotion leaving his team a man short, been stewing for years to get a crack at paying him back for taking her down as easily as he had that night and pulling his little trick on her afterwards in between sorting out her fractured memories with Ino's help. This had led to her pulling every dirty trick in the book as well as few that were new even to him to try and put him down, swearing worse than a sailor the whole time.

It had been hard, dirty, painful and, Kami alone knew how, fun for the pair of them; following staggering home from the training ground he and Tayuya's summons had demolished between them hanging off each other just to stay upright, the two nin had grown closer over time; _or at least, Tayuya-chan stopped trying to kill me as often as she used to_. The red headed kunoichi was, when she wasn't his opponent, scarily similar to his neechan in that she was loud, brass, in-your-face and almost reckless at times in a way unlike most kunoichi in Konoha, but she was fun to be around and, as he'd found out several months into their relationship following him paying for a meal out and a visit to a kabuki play he'd found out from Hinata that she'd wanted to see, as furious and passionate in bed as she was in battle. Having finished the probationary period all nins that defected to Konoha were required to finish; _though thanks to me her probation was shorter than it should have been, not that she appreciated it_; she now ran with him on a large number of missions as one of Konoha's newest jounin, her impressive genjutsu skills now more well-rounded due to her training with the rest of the rookies.

Of course Jiraiya; _just as well I got neechan on his case to make sure we'd stay out of his next publication_; had been all too happy to hear about his relationship status, as had his old Academy friends, but the one who was happiest to have such a feisty and fractious woman by his side was undoubtedly him. As always they'd had their ups and down, least of all at the start of their relationship following her capture and subsequent...; _though actually, that reminds me_; a sudden inspiration struck him and, as he looked over the lithe form sleeping beside him, started swallowing mouthful of water as he purged his venom sack, his glands already starting to produce the chemical he wanted; _much as Uya-chan might hate the reminder of this one, I reckon this time she'll have a good reason to enjoy it, and we don't have any missions due over the next few days_. With that thought in mind and a gleeful smile on his lips, the jinchuuriki slowly let his head descend to its new target, his eyes all the while on Tayuya's sleeping face.

If he played his cards right, the kunoichi wouldn't know what hit her until it was too late...

Like all good shinobi the first thought on her mind was suspicion and treachery; as the first thing she saw upon waking up was her boyfriends' smirking face Tayuya smelt a rat and sought to sniff it out before too much damage was done,

"You're thinking", a sleepy voice interrupted his aforementioned thinking and he looked over his shoulder in time to smile annoyingly at the sleep-rimmed brown eyes of his girlfriend, the covers tight against her body despite the fact she could almost swear she could feel a slight chill around one side of her chest; _not like I'd lift the cover though – not giving him a free show when I don't know what he's up to_; "this is a reason for concern sh-uhh, I mean, dumbass".

"Good girl Tayuya-chan", the redheaded kunoichi growled low in her throat as the jinchuuriki patted her head at her self-correction, "told you you'd be able to get that bad language out your system if you tried hard enough". Shaking her hair out to avoid further pats the former Oto-nin stuck her tongue out before sitting up next to him in bed, the low-cut night dress that had been a present from Anko giving her niisan a nosebleed view of her top as she snapped back,

"Shut it pencil-dick", she half-hearted snapped back, though she didn't shrug his hand off as he placed it gently on her shoulder and rubbed her colder skin, "the only reason I even listened to you in the first place about that was because your neechan's husband threatened to give me a load of grief and even more D-rank missions in the Academy if I didn't stop swearing around your little brother".

"And since he's the headmaster if you slipped up around the kiddies it's up to him to decide what happens to you", Naruto grinned back, "besides, I didn't hear you complaining about that part of my anatomy last night, unless there were subliminal messages I didn't notice amid all the moaning". Tayuya slapped his hand, a tinge of pink on her cheeks as she faced him and scowled,

"Believe me there's no way on this planet a baka like you deserves a live-wire like me; I'm with you only out of pity for your complete lack of normal social skills so be grateful I'm doing you a favour".

"Unlike me who's just doing you, and Kyuubi who's making sure you don't get hurt during it", Naruto pointed out, giving credit where it was due as the fox, pre-warned up an upsurge in hormones from his host, always upped his regeneration during his and Tayuya's amorous moments, making sure the girl couldn't come into contact with his dangerous vitae no matter how sharp her nails were.

_Damn it, I've rubbed off on him too much_; her being unable to come up with a satisfactory comeback with the pre-requisite three to five seconds handed Naruto the victory and made the former Sound-nin hand her head somewhat; _it's come to something when I can't even beat him in a verbal fight any more_.

"Right, fine", Tayuya conceded the point and both nin filed it away as a forfeit she'd have to pay later, "so, what were you thinking about then?"

"Having Ino and Kiba over for a swinger's night – got ya", at the incredulous look on her face Naruto laughed, Tayuya cursing that she'd been had twice in as many minutes, "the look on your face was a picture". Seeking to wrest back the initiative she shrugged,

"If only because I couldn't believe you'd go for your old Academy butt-buddy first and foremost; why couldn't you have gone for that Lee guy and his girl? Okay he's not playing with a full deck but at least he'd be enough to keep up with me all night rather than falling asleep an hour in and leaving me to do all the work". Naruto huffed and turned away,

"Huh, charming; I'll remind you of that next time you want a little attention – 'sorry dear I'm nodding off right now'; next thing you'll be comparing me to Shika. Don't", he was just quick enough to avoid impaling himself on his own sword, "you're too obvious Uya-chan, I saw that coming a mile off".

"Only because I warned you", she grouse before turning slightly more serious, "still though, assuming it's not ramen what were you thinking about?"

"Promise not to hit me?" Her answering look could have stripped paint,

"Depends; if it's another woman I know you're lying".

"It's not; there's no-one I'd rather have than you kid", Naruto told her and, though nothing showed on her face, Tayuya felt another little part of her heart sublime to pulp at those words, "actually I was just thinking about the first time we met, after you woke up of course".

At those words, almost without meaning to, Naruto saw his girlfriend and hopefully future partner for life turn away, face aflame as she too recalled what had happened almost four years ago and the chain reaction Naruto's quick wit and even sharper venom had set in motion.

XXX

_ "You!"_

_ "Where?" Realising a golden opportunity when he saw one Naruto made a show of looking over his shoulder before slowly seeming to realise something and pointing at himself, "oh, you meant me; yep, Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage? Wow, tough crowd", seeing the look of outright fury and hatred on her face he gave up on his jokey demeanour and stepped into the cell, hands open and spread to show he was unarmed, "okay joking aside, how are they treating you here?"_

_Tempted though she was to give the gloating prick the mouthful he so richly deserved Tayuya could recall in almost perfect detail the mess he'd made of her former, unlamented squad mates (some of the memories the washed-out blonde man had helped her recover had made even him sick as he'd seen what the four males in her squad had done to other women they captured, if not to her directly), and therefore kept the bad language to a minimum for her,_

_ "Well let me think", she placed a finger to her chin, face screwed up in deep concentration before seemingly having an epiphany, "I don't know, apart from being actually bitten by some blonde piss-artist, asked questions about things I don't know on a daily basis and being fed crap I wouldn't feed a starving pig I'm effing peachy, how about you?"_

_ "That question actually depends on you Tayuya; yes I know your name, prescript knowledge for any would-be interrogator to know the name of his subject", he stated as Tayuya failed to hide a shiver – if Konoha had this guy in the T&I department she knew she had good reason to be afraid, "still, I've got an offer for you if you're inclined to listen", she said nothing and, taking silence as acquiescence, he continued, "I've heard that you're interested in defecting from Oto to Konoha, getting your own back on the snake so they tell me and I don't blame you, but there's a probationary period all defected nins have to go through, you're aware of this?"_

_ "Yeah, they told me", Tayuya wafted a hand, feeling the weight of the chakra cuffs the T&I department had to depress her genjutsu, though without her confiscated flute her power was much reduced anyway, "two years genin, five as chunin and extra tests on the jounin exam if you want to go for it – why, you planning on being my jounin-sensei?" He chuckled, though there was nothing malicious in it as he shook his head,_

_ "Nah, only a chunin myself and unlikely to go much further for a while; got plans, you know how it is", he attempted to explain before, seeing her stony face he cleared his throat and moved on, "thing is I'm here with an offer. Having heard your story and been briefed on the results of the mind-walks you undertook with Yamanaka Inoichi and Yamanaka Ino he's decided that most of the crimes you committed were induced at least in part by Oroichimarus' Cursed Seal. Because of these facts and the obvious skill you've displayed with sound-based genjutsus he's willing to halve your probationary period and possibly lower the latter half further pending favourable reports if you co-operate"._

_Despite herself Tayuya was interested; from everything she'd seen so far Konoha was, while still effectively militaristic, at least fair enough to let her have a decent crack of the whip – hell they'd even at one point given her back her musical instrument and provided a willing volunteer for her to show her genjutsu skills. Despite this though, she recognised with a distinctly sinking feeling that she'd heard this all before,_

_ "What's the catch?"_

_ "You have to co-operate", Naruto repeated, to his credit not trying to bluff or bullshit the stark nature of the choice towards something she might agree with, "T&I's got two new interrogation methods, or actually I've supplied T&I with two new interrogation methods; they want them field-tested and I need a volunteer. One's completely non-invasive the other's moderately invasive; if you're willing to take the deal, what's your preference?"_

_ "Which one do I want first?"_

_ "No which one do you want period", he corrected her, "word from the top is due to your circumstances it'd be unfair to you to use you as a guinea-pig for both but we need a ninja to test their effectiveness, civilians just snap like wet crackers". The image made the kunoichi smirk for a moment as she mulled his words over in her mind for a minute; she didn't fear pain, far from it in fact, but she was in an unknown if not hostile location and had no idea what Konoha would view as 'non-invasive' – if it was anything like Oroichi-teme definitions she wanted absolutely no part in any of this,_

_ "So, one untested interrogation method and I only need one year as genin and two and a half, maybe less as chunin, that's the deal?"_

_ "Take it or leave it"._

_ "Time limit for interrogation – this isn't going to take weeks is it?" Naruto shook his head,_

_ "Kind of depends on you but I doubt it", he admitted, shrugging, "they are untested after all but from my calculations they should be effective"._

_ "Why change what you've got?"_

_ "Just because you've got a handful of aces it never hurts to have a spare joker up your sleeve", Naruto quoted sagely, a saying his neechan was fond of coming back to him as he looked at her directly, softening his face slightly and glancing towards the door, "I can give you some time if you'd like?" Snorting dismissively it was Tayuya's turn to shake her head,_

_ "What for, I don't appear to have a lot of choice do I – fine, I'll be your test-rat, just expect me to kick your ass when I get out of here". _

_ "I wouldn't have it any other way", Naruto assured her, taking a pace towards where she was stood before pausing suddenly, as though he'd hit an invisible barrier, "ah, before we start though I'll speak to the cell marshals about you getting a bath – not meaning to sound rude in any way but I have a sensitive nose and you're a little...fragrant, shall we say". Tilting her head to sniff herself Tayuya looked back up at him and rolled his eyes,_

_ "What do you expect when all I get every day's five bastard minutes supervised ablution time?"_

_ "Annoying but necessary", Naruto assured her, holding up his hands in the face of her scorn, "you wouldn't be the first prisoner who tried to slit their wrists on a broken piece of mirror. Wait here and I'll get the marshal; he'll escort you to the ablutions while I...get it all ready. Oh, which methods did you want?" Tayuya rolled her eyes as she wagged a pair of fingers,_

_ "Decisions decisions – how about we go with non-invasive; it won't work like it did on spider-boy will it? That guy you killed by spitting in his face that night?" Naruto started in recognition,_

_ "Oh him, no it's not a poison, or an acid come to think of it; in fact it shouldn't really hurt at all with any luck"._

_ "Fine, I'll go with that then; if it hurts I reserve the right to kick your ass so hard your grandchildren won't sit down for the first month of their lives"._

_ "Duly noted", Naruto assured her before backing out the room, Tayuya grudgingly forced to give credit where it was due that he never took his eyes off her despite the level of trust she'd built up over the past few minutes as a masked guard appeared in the doorway, allowing Naruto to squeeze to the side of him as he departed. Tayuya watched him go before looking up at the impassive face of the ANBU guard and nodding, allowing him to lead her towards the next part of her fate._

_She had to admit she'd seen cheerier bathrooms but, seeing the steaming bath run for her, Tayuya felt this place looked a lot closer to Heaven than anything Oto had come up; the ANBU, definitely a female, had assured her that there was no hidden recording equipment in the ablution rooms but Tayuya couldn't have cared. Stripping off her prison kit the would-be Konoha kunoichi slowly slipped into the water and let out a low breath, reaching for the supplied bar of soap and working up a lather. Figuring she had some thinking time Tayuya tried to puzzle out what exactly was going on here; Naruto was obviously not going out on a limb for her so he must have had the Hokage's ear – what was with this new interrogation method he wanted to try out? What did he mean exactly by non-invasive interrogation; she'd never heard of anything like that working before; still, she realised as the water around her started to cool towards tepidity, she realised it was pointless worrying about it too much as she'd soon be experiencing it. Quickly getting into the new prison uniform the guard had left prior to locking her in, the prisoner then flicking the switch at the side of the door that told the attendant guard she was done and waiting to see what Naruto had in store for her._

_Despite her forewarning of what was coming when she saw the apparatus the other ninja had set up for her she cringed nevertheless, her adrenaline already setting all her senses to virtual super-sensitivity; to his credit he made no move towards her, merely let her come to terms with what she was seeing in her own time; only when she'd straightened out completely and seemed to regain her composure did he speak,_

_ "Sorry Tayuya-san, bit of a shock I know but for this interrogation you have to be secured firmly – in fact come to think of it for any interrogation the prisoner should be secured firmly"._

_ "Finally, something this thick-as-shit place got right", she declared as she came to the side of the low table, noticing from the position of the restraints how she was supposed to lay on it, "so, how's this work then; don't tell me, you need me naked". Despite the fact he might make her pay for it later Tayuya didn't hide her smirk as his cheeks erupted in a blush and he suddenly couldn't bring himself to look at her body, even hidden as it was in a shapeless uniform,_

_ "Ah no, that' s not necessary", biting her tongue she resisted the urge to add to his woes, instead easing herself onto the table and, mastering her self control, lay back down on the table and allowed Naruto to start strapping her arms and legs down,_

_ "I'm surprised actually", she said a second later, as feeling him tighten the restraining cuff around her upper right arm she had a sudden urge to start a conversation, "they let someone as young as a dipshit you into T&I". He shook his head, still within her eye line as he moved towards her other arm,_

_ "They didn't; I'm not in T&I but this is my baby", he explained as he started to move towards her legs, "bit of a tradition really; first one to come up with it gets to trial it and believe me neechan would never let me live it down if I broke that old tradition"._

_ "Your neechan sounds slightly crazy", despite her situation Tayuya found herself smirking, still able to raise her upper body as her arms were tied to the table by her wrists and biceps but were almost down by her sides rather than over her head as she'd been expected, her legs similarly strapped down at the ankles and just above the knees, "I could get to like her"._

_ "I'm sure you could, I'll introduce you some time after you get out of here, it won't be long. So, I think that's done it – comfortable?" Testing the limits of her mobility the former Oto kunoichi was forced to concede that he'd done a half-decent job; though she could move from the waist upwards to a limited degree everything else was going nowhere fast – not that he had to know that,_

_ "I've had a lot better", she snapped irritably before letting her head fall back on the padded table-type device, "just get this over with asswipe; I've got better things to do with my day than lie here and satisfy your perversions. Hey", as a chill wind blew over her stomach she looked up to see him draw the jumper-like shirt of her uniform up, exposing her stomach and naval, she met his blue eyes and snarled harshly, "I thought you said I'd be fine as I was?"_

_ "No, I said I didn't need, or want, you naked on the slab", he corrected her, Tayuya not liking the sudden smirk on his lips as he moved to stand at the side of her, "anyway, I'm sure you want to know what you let yourself in for..."_

_ "Yeah but I have the sinking feeling you're going to stand there boring me to death with speeches", she interrupted rudely, rolling her eyes, "dying by boredom; wouldn't a kunai have been kinder?"_

_ "Oh everyone's a comedian", the chunin complained before turning slightly more serious, "but really now, this method's in two parts, one of which you've already had as an addition to your bath; I know you don't feel anything yet", Naruto forestalled her question by raising one hand as the memory of spitting into the warm water several times came back to him as he moved his free hand over to the side of his prisoners' stomach, dragging his fingers slowly across her skin and not bothering to hide his smirk as he watched the sudden change in expression and rapidly purpling face of the kunoichi,_

_ "How about now?"_

_It felt like four separate trails of fire mixed with lightning striking across her belly, the sensations a uniquely painful type of agony that reduced her voice to a kind of hoarse, trembling whinny; as his fingers withdrew she let out a great, gushing gasp and shouted up to him,_

_ "What the hell, what the hell did you do to me?"_

_ "Simple really, I added a sensitising compound to the bathwater that excites the touch receptors in your skin and makes this", he repeated the motion in reverse and her reluctant shriek of laughter was music to his ears, "so much more effective; still though, just to be on the safe side we'd better have a more thorough test". Before Tayuya could muster a protest through her shock-paralysed eyes and lips Naruto had let both hands descend to the attack._

_Within ten seconds all the kunoichi's thoughts of resistance were shattered helplessly and she found herself laughing like a lunatic ransacking a pillow-stuffing factory._

_Within five minutes she'd exhausted even her voluminous library of swear-words and curses at her smirking, teasing torturer._

_At the fifteen minute mark, about the time Naruto had realised he could also take off her non-laced shoes, the threats gave way to hoarse and helpless pleading for him to desist._

_By the time thirty of the longest minutes of her life had elapsed she was left as nothing more than a mewling sack of flesh, drenched in sweat and left so lethargic Naruto had to carry her back to her cell once he'd finished unstrapping her._

_It was only when he'd finished laying her in the cot bed of her cell that he heard her voice again, a ghostly imitation of its former bombastic self,_

_ "Wh...", she managed to murmur, her eyes just about focussed back onto her former tormentor, "what, was the, invasive method?"_

_ "Oh that", it took him a minute to understand what she was on about, "that just involved me injecting you with a self-synthesised truth serum and seeing if that worked at all. Not sure, it should have done but", he shrugged self-effacingly, snapping his fingers for dramatic effect, "maybe next time". With that he stood up and turned to leave, Tayuya behind him struggling to raise her voice one last time, twist her fingers into a final defiant gesture,_

_ "B...bast..."_

_The cell door slid shut, leaving her to stew and swear revenge on the blonde ninja with the venomous fangs and razor-blade tongue who had inflicted such humiliation on her precious self-esteem._

XXX

Scowling and folding her arms under her chest in a movement that did interesting things to both her cleavage and Naruto's libido, Tayuya turned towards her bed partner and growled,

"You promised never to mention that again; I still owe you an ass-kicking for pulling that stunt you bastard!"

"I know but there's something about that little experiment that only recently occurred to me Uya", extending his hand to the area his lips had recently explored, Naruto ignored his girlfriends' fledgling protests and gently opened his loosely-clenched fist over her left breast, the resultant gasp and explosion of colour in her face made him smile, "can you guess what it was?" Trying to recover from the unexpected wave of pleasure that had all but overloaded her senses Tayuya span on the bed to face her boyfriend, still flushed but suddenly gabbling excitedly,

"The chemical, the sensitiser!"

"Yep, works on all human tissuuueeee; hello", hands fisted in the bed linen Naruto suddenly found his face inches from his partners, a half-crazy, half-lusting look on her face as she regarded him, "something you wanted Tayuya-chan?"

"Do we have a mission today?"

"No, I checked beforehand", he replied giving his foxy grin even as her hands shot towards the hem of her night-dress, the kunoichi about ready to tear it off,

"And you've got that one...?"

"Already on the go", he assured her just in time to accept her passionate kiss, the two shinobi all but ripping into each other before Tayuya sprang, pouncing down on her boyfriend and straddling his hips, pulling her dress over her head and leaving Naruto in doubt as to what she was going to make happen next,

"In that case", she breathed huskily, wrapping both legs around his waist as he rolled over on top of her and staring into her deep brown eyes as she started to flush in the ever-cute way she always did when she was this excited, "get going".

"Your wish is my command my hime".

With that Naruto's lips, and the chemical that was now on them, descended onto her like a hawk.

A/N: And who said fiction couldn't be educational? Still, hoped you enjoyed my attempts to make some parts of the Narutoverse make biochemical sense and as always your imagination was sparked by this one-shot (a venom-toting, acid-blooded Naruto vs. the Akatsuki, or how about mass-producing his sensitising chemical as a potent aphrodisiac?) Still, until the next time, ja ne!


	16. Chapter 15

Deus Ex Machina

A/N: **Important Notice: In case you hadn't noticed, the Mouse of Konoha is now its own story!** Please look out for updates for both – I'm hoping to do the chapter for each story sequentially and Win Some, Lose Some was due. As I said last chapter I'm going to something big, so I hope you enjoy this latest offering of mine.

Get some popcorn in; it's the grandest show of them all.

_He was alone._

_Was he the last of his kind, a unique fusion as the craft required to create beings such as him was lost? Or was he simply forgotten, the ancient promise made by his masters to the men of his world kept eternally and he, as the agreed price of one of their strongest warriors remaining behind to shepherd the world, left alone, cheated of glory and fire in battle? The reason mattered not, the ideas mattered not –all that mattered was that he now stood alone, a relic from a time ages past that still lived, though only faintly._

_He was all that was left and soon, very soon, the human part of him would die and he would be lost._

_But if he would die he would do so on his terms; he would not allow the careless elements to destroy him piece by piece, little by little – he would entomb himself to keep the dead hand of time at bay as much as he could. His resting place was simple to construct for one blessed with the power to annihilate continents, carved in the living bedrock of a mountain and sealed from within with his own lightning and fire. Only when he was truly alone and finally at peace did the human part of him finally close its eyes for the last time and allow itself to die, truly become one with the rest of him._

_In a few years the human element would wither and rot into dust, only the shell would remain standing; a testament of might from an empire aeons old, an ancient war-god that had lost its humanity and now remained hollow, empty, useless..._

_...until another could come to replace what was lost._

XXX

"You don't have to be here you know?" Looking over at her fellow sannin Tsunade heaved a sign as one of those shaggy eyebrows rose at her, "I'm the Hokage; it's my job to go down in flames against whatever the hell that thing is", she wafted a hand that could have levelled the gates she was stood before at the vague shape that was nevertheless coming close, the earth shaking as though its massive footfalls were echoing the world's heartbeat..._boom...boom...boom..._

"I always swore I'd be gallant for you hime", there was no laughter, none of the perverted front the strongest of the sannin usually put up to the world in his words, just a simple, honest truth as he looked forwards towards his forthcoming demise, "besides, last thing the Rokudaime needs is me getting under his feet during the evacuation". The medic tutted even as she started gathering her chakra, not willing to risk the Slug Queen in a battle that would be a foregone conclusion,

"And you didn't accept the post why exactly?"

"Because it's time for the younger generation to take charge", his blunt honesty made her blink; _typical, the first time I hear him so serious is just before we're both about to die at the hands of some Kami-unknown summon that makes Kyuubi look like a house-pet_; "I'm old Tsunade-chan, so are you under your vanity – I've seen too much and fought too long to be of much use. Kakashi knows his duty is to look after his people, found another Konoha if he can or even resettle this one if there's anything left to come back to".

"I wouldn't bother", the Legendary Sucker shook her head, not even looking behind her at the village her great-grandfather had helped to build, "this village is old, stained by wars and figures in the shadows, rats in the bowels of a sinking ship. Go somewhere else, make something new would be my advice". Jiraiya chuckled, once more dismissing the urge to call upon the elder toad sages as he felt the ground tremble through his geta sandals, the form in the distance solidifying into the thing he'd personally scouted out a few days ago..._boom...boom...boom..._

"I agree with you", he said softly, looking at the ground as the loss of his last precious person hurt him again; perhaps he could be absolved of his sins by dying in battle to defend the place Naruto should have one day been Hokage of? "with him, with Naruto missing and you about to die with me on this suicide run, I've got nothing left save a last fight and ninja's death".

Tsunade swallowed harshly at this, Jiraiya commenting on death a disturbing idea for her considering his usually flippant views on life as a whole part of the reason for her sudden stab of grief, though the venom on that particular dagger was more to do with the fact that, following the failure of the last mission he had been a part of some months ago she had never had the chance to say anything to him. Shackled to her desk by her duties she'd not had the opportunity to offer him a shoulder to cry on at the loss of his friend, had been unable to point out all the good things he had done for the village, not even to say thank him for dragging her back home and forcing her to shoulder her responsibilities. Now she could see the monster approaching clearly, noticing its humanoid appearance only on a massive, moribund scale, she realised she agreed with Jiraiya; this was no place for last regrets, it was battle to find an end worthy of a sannin.

As the doom of Konoha marched ever closer, the harbinger of her own death, she knew she would never get to thank the boy who had become her surrogate family, mending the hole that war had ripped in her heart.

..._boom...boom...boom..._

XXX

It was ironic to Naruto that his happiest place and his safest place were on the same monument; he'd told several people that his favourite place in the whole of Konoha was the top of the Yondaimes' head, preferably at either sunrise or sunset so he could see the whole of his village lit up in a glorious display of light and colour. Many people knew this, in fact a select few such as Sakura-chan, Kakashi-sensei and even; _no, don't say his name, it hurts too much_; had even been allowed to accompany him and share his secret place, revel in his tiny slice of paradise.

However what no-one knew, not even the life-long crush he had almost died to try and make happy by attempting to fulfil a promise of a lifetime, knew where he went when he needed to be alone and feel safe. Its discovery had come purely by chance, running from another ninja patrol that had been chasing him following a prank he couldn't remember pulling. His original idea of rappelling down the face of the Hokage monument had hit a little snag when one of his pre-prepared lines had suddenly come loose, the wood he'd anchored it in rotten and unable to bear his weight. He'd lost most of the skin on his palms and knees as he'd skidded down the polished stone until one of his other lines had held him and he'd managed to force open eyes virtually nailed shut by terror, looking at his new position.

It was far from ideal; he was dangling from a couple of dubious-quality ropes at least a hundred feet above the ground with a pack of ninja after him on the surface, he hadn't yet learnt to use his chakra to stick to surfaces and he wasn't sure he could climb up the rope he was currently clinging to – the only way appeared to be down at high speed. He looked around wildly for something, anything better than his current situation and, seeing only one option, decided his simply had to take it; though he was unaware of the magnitude of the gamble he was taking, the pre-genin began swinging on his rope like a pendulum, the arc of his parabolic motion swinging him wider and wider until, not a second too soon as far as he was concerned, he reached his target and clung on, gripping the side of the Nidaime's nose until he was certain he wasn't going to slide off it. The grey stone was solid under his palm, allowing him to catch his breath as he heard the sudden shouts from above him; looking up he was certain he could virtually _feel_ the ninja above him blanch as he started waving at them from his new perch.

In the end one of the funny guys in the black cloaks that he would later learn were called ANBU had walked down the side of the monument, picked him up bodily and continued striding down the mountain without answering the excited child's questions about how he was able to do something as _cool_ as walk down a solid wall. After a minute of realising he wasn't going to get an answer from his solemn captor the young jinchuuriki huffed and folded his arms over the mans's shoulders, looking up at the monument and noticing, with a small degree of amusement, that the Nidaime's nose was actually hollow.

It was a fact that for some reason lodged in Naruto's mind; one of the first things he did following learning how to climb trees, and by extension walls, in the land of Waves, was when he had a free moment in the night he made tracks to the base of the monument and quickly tracked his way up to the place that had saved his life in his youth. To his surprise he found he was quite right, the nose had been carved hollow and was actually rather larger up close than it appeared to be from the ground. More to the point, upon further exploration after giggling that he was actually picking someone elses' nose, he discovered the left nostril actually had a small ledge in it, about halfway up and, though he couldn't stand up in it, it was easily big enough for him to sit there. He did so, sipping from a flask of water he'd brought with him as he looked around the dark, confined space and lay back against the uncut stone, feeling quite at peace and safe where he was, a luxury for a ninja and especially for him. _I like it here_; it was an odd thought, liking somewhere that was so quiet and dark when he was very loud and very, often eye-searingly, bright; _okay, it's settled, this is going to be my secret spot, only I know about it and only I'm going to come here_.

He had revisited that place on only a handful of occasions but if ever he had needed a place to think, a place to hide and a place to lick his wounds it was now; still sore and stiff from his battle with the boy he considered his brother Naruto was lost in his own little world. Vision useless in the darkness, both from the twilight outside and the shadow provided from the rock surrounding him, he was tracing the symbol on the headband he had recovered from Sasuke's defection, the scratch running through the centre of the Leaf symbol matching the one the last Uchiha had gored into his chest, trying to kill him for the power to slay his elder brother. _Why? Why would you do that Sasuke?_; even now that was the question he needed to ask the renegade genin; _You had everything here, we would have all got stronger together – why did you leave us for the man who killed jiji?_

That wasn't his only question either; he had spoken with the others following the mission and, though he was grateful all of them had survived he could still see, or at least thought he saw, their disappointment that he hadn't been strong enough. Nowhere had this been as painful as in Sakura's face, his sole remaining team mate still hating him despite her consoling words; he could read body-language and knew she blamed him for being weak; _as well she should – I let Sasuke go_. Ero-sennin had approached him yesterday, offering a training trip for three years but would it be enough – he was so weak now that would even a sannin be able to make him strong enough to face a nin like Oroichimaru? The thoughts and questions whirled over and over in his mind, mixing together in a palette of grey that threatened to smother him until, perhaps desperate for something to break the cycle before it drowned completely, clutched at the nearest available straw and made him prick his ears as he turned to look over his shoulder, not that it did much good in the darkness.

Where was that draft coming from?

Half-crouching on his narrow ledge, the jinchuuriki turned around clumsily and, working by touch, located the source of the wind, a narrow crack, about half a foot long, in the recess of the stone nose of Konoha's second Hokage. Sniffing the air coming from the cavity Naruto felt his eyebrows rise; _smells pretty fresh, but how would you get fresh air in a mountain? Wonder if I should explore – might as well_; a fatalistic kind of acceptance settled over him as he stretched out one hand and focussed his chakra, another dull ache flaring in his chest as he realised what the price or learning how to form a Rasengan one-handed had been. Working carefully to make sure he wasn't going to accidentally cause an avalanche, the genin began grinding a small path into the heart of the Hokage mountain, widening the crack until he could slid his head and shoulders through it, knowing by experience that where those parts of the body went the rest would, eventually, follow.

Time in the darkness meant nothing and Naruto embraced it; at least while he was working he wasn't thinking about the faces, the eyes of his friends and Sakura-chan. To his surprise he realised the small crack he'd discovered actually led to a wider recess in the rock; had he had a stronger light-source immediately to hand, he would have noticed that, save the odd obstruction from movement of the rocks over centuries, the basic outline of the narrow tube he was squeezing himself down was actually relatively regular and heading downwards, a crack split from the inside of the mountain. The blue glow of the Rasengan outlined the path before him moderately, just enough to alert him to the sudden drop in front of him before he fell down it; taking a deep breath and smelling the same air that the Nidaime statue had exhaled over him, he would have counted his mission as being over and turned to leave had a sudden noise not been whispered towards him.

**I exist, the shell, only half-alive but something to akin to that-which-was-lost, the other half of us; I seek wholeness, I seek us...**

_What the...?_; Naruto knew he was no Nara but even he had enough common sense to realise that large, unmapped cave systems didn't just make noises, least of all strange squeaking noises like he'd just heard, on their own – something had to be inside them to make a sound. Slightly perturbed by the noise in the darkness, the jinchuuriki fumbled around in his tool belt before locating what he was after; as he let the Rasengan dissipate, the absence of its blue light was quickly replaced by a beam of brightness from his torch. A firm belief of waste-not want-not ingrained into him from his hard childhood, Naruto had found the little device thrown out by a civilian family and promptly rehomed it, realising there was nothing wrong with it save a couple of flat batteries. Looking around in the blackness, he peered around the beam of his flashlight to see nothing save another ledge below him, though it was a very odd-looking ledge; if those were stalagmites they were very strange-looking ones. Curiosity piqued, the jinchuuriki knew he couldn't let this go unexplored; _yeah, it's fine, I can jump that far as long as I roll right_; memorising where the new platform was, Naruto clicked off his torch, replaced it in his equipment pouch and took a second to steady himself before, with a great gasp of air, he took a few steps as a run-up and launched himself into the abyss.

The fall, like all falls, simultaneously lasted for an eternity but was over too soon; needle-sharp pains shot up both his legs but Naruto fell as all ninja were taught to fall and rolled with it, his momentum bleeding off and cushioning the impact despite the dust that was suddenly smothering his jumpsuit. Coughing as he patted the dust out of his blonde hair, Naruto reached for his torch again and clicked it on, looking around through the powder in the air. As the beam of light tracked back and forth over his new landing ground, rather than an answer he found himself growing only more confused as he looked around; _what the hell? What is this place – it can't be natural_; Iruka-sensei had always said there were no straight lines in nature but the structure he could see looming up ahead of him was definitely blocky, not caused by wind or rain, neither of which could happen in a mountain anyway. By now feeling distinctly uneasy, Naruto nevertheless paced forwards, testing each footfall to check it could bear his weight before a sudden noise, a sharp metallic hiss, made him jump, swear and swing around, torch thrust forwards like a lance and an imperfect Rasengan already in his palm.

**...I sense that-which-was-lost; all remaining power must be used to bring it back and resume wholeness...**

"Who's there?" Naruto's voice echoed in the underground cavern, the noise that had startled him giving unpleasant flashback of the giant snake he had slain in the Forest of Death, "come out and show yourself!" Nothing answered him, he hadn't expected it to, but as there was no further challenge he began to very slowly walk towards where the noise had come from, reasoning that if something or someone had caused the noise, he wasn't alone down here. Someone was close to Konoha, actually _inside_ one of the mountains that flanked the village itself; it was a security risk and one that Naruto as an acting ninja of the Leaf could not ignore. Breath hot and sticky blood pounding in his ears the genin crept closer, flashing his light back and forth to try and see something beside the cliff that reared up before him in the murk; _there!_; the flash of metal had him dive to the floor, avoid the forthcoming attack, dust clogging his nostrils as he fought down a sneeze from the dust on the ground. When he was sure there was no attack coming Naruto dared to peek up again, forcing his hand to hold the torch steady as he poked it towards what he'd seen earlier.

It was metal, that much he could tell, but it was no weapon like he'd ever seen; in fact it wasn't a weapon period. It was for want of better word a tunnel, a metal tunnel carved into the, into the...;_ this isn't rock_; the realisation made his blood run cold, the hand he'd placed under his shoulder to push himself to his feet feeling the chill surface beneath him, the torchlight he turned on his own hand a second later confirming it after he brushed away some of the inches-thick covering it; _metal, this whole thing is made of metal. What in the Kami's name is this, and what's it doing here?_; question upon question pounded Naruto's mind, drowning the ache in his body with one from his brain as he tried to put the pieces together only to fail completely – this was way out of his comfort zone. After taking a minute to compose himself the jinchuuriki took a deep breath and came slowly to his feet, the torch still in his hand as he moved forwards towards the opening that yawned before him, ready to spring away at the slightest hint of provocation.

There was none, nothing happened and no-one answered his challenges as he tip-toed forwards an inch at a time, nerves on tenterhooks in the strange new world as he arrived at the threshold and then, after examining it in every way he could short of thrusting his signature technique into it, stepping over it, into a new darkness within the metal wall. By the light of his torch he followed the corridor, no dust on the floor now allowing him to see the spots of rust on the ground, allowing him to taste the slightly-stale air as he moved forwards. Another hiss almost made him bolt until he caught the movement, a shadow disappearing from the very edge of his flashlight, another section of the wall retreating upwards, letting him walk a little further up the path. Curiosity warred with dread in his gut but he'd come so far, he had to follow this path to the end now, see whoever or whatever was leading him on, and what it was leading him to.

**...the path must be shown to that-which-was-lost, the seat where union occurred shown and the shell would be filled again...**

He lost count of the number of steps he had taken, stopped jumping at the releases of air and shifting walls – eventually even terror gave way to familiarity and boredom. He paced the strange steel corridors, following the path laid down for him even if no-one answered his repeated questions and challenges until, having walked through the latest door, he came to a chamber unlike anything he'd experiences so far. There were shelves and banks of things he did not recognise; the closest comparison he had was some of the equipment they used in the hospital but this looked far more complicated, decorated with scratching and dialling he couldn't understand or even begin to comprehend, some kind of seat or throne set close to each of these arcane machines. What caught his attention and held it, however, was the sight at the highest point of the room; a single chair, more ornate than the others, stood on a raised dais as though overlooking the rest of the thrones. He was so caught up in the sight of it that it took a moment for him to realise his hands, both his hands, had fallen to the side of his body; the last throne was being illuminated by something other than his torch.

**...unity must be achieved, that-which-was-lost restored by a meeting of minds...**

Soft lights from the underside of the throne, he realised abstractly as he stepped towards the old seat, stubbing a toe as he misjudged the height of one of the steps but catching himself before he crashed into one of the shelves covered in dials and knobs. _If you don't know what it is or what it does, don't touch it_; it was a lesson for Iruka-sensei that he was glad he'd taken onboard, gingerly watching where he placed his feet as he stepped up the largest throne in the place. Running a finger along one of the arm-rests he was slightly surprised that the chair appeared to be in good condition; it was dusty but otherwise fine. Smiling slightly as he turned around Naruto reminisced about one of his earlier childhood fantasies; once more he pictured himself sitting on the Hokage's chair, looking down on everyone else at a council meeting as they were forced to respect and acknowledge him as the Hokage, the Fire Shadow and strongest nin in Konoha.

Looking around the deserted place, suddenly not caring of where he was Naruto realised that here he was alone and away from Konoha; there were no accusing eyes or disdainful sneers to crush his precious dream, or any worries about the future and its uncertainties. Right at this time and in this place he was Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage and no-one was going to change that; after dusting the seat of the chair off, the genin flopped down and raised his arms, so wrapped up in the grand oration he was about to give that he didn't hear the slight click from above him.

The point was so sharp that Naruto felt nothing but a sudden sharp itch in the crown of his scalp before, guided by a mind that was infinitely older than his own, the ten-inch spike held at the top of the throne slammed down on his head, piercing his skull like a rapier through tissue paper and ended his life as he knew it.

**...that-which-was-lost...**

**...replaced...**

**...mind-melding...**

**...fusion...**

**...unity...**

**...symbiosis...**

**...LIFE!**

XXX

This was not the sewer.

Though the first thing that came to his mind when he came to and stood up was acute confusion, Naruto was able to overcome it much more quickly than most of his peers simply by the fact that due to the presence of Kyuubi in his gut, he was just more used to weird stuff happening in his life. Because of that familiarity with random events happening, Naruto quickly deduced that he was no longer under the Hokage monument but, since he hadn't moved physically, his mind must have been shifted to a different time and place; therefore the only conclusion he could draw was that he was in his mindscape, the place where his inner demon sometimes dragged him to when it wanted to talk face to face. _Problem is though_; Naruto thought as he stood up slowly, brushing some of the strange red sand from his jumpsuit as he tried to look around; _I don't remember it looking like this at any time – in fact_; the idea made him feel very uneasy and very small at the same time; _this doesn't even feel like it's my mind_.

Rather than water he was standing on sand, a desert the stretched in all directions as far as he could see, the redness of the grains under his feet arousing suspicions that somehow Kyuubi was behind this sudden change of scenery. The barren wasteland ran to the horizon, as far as he could see, though off to the south he thought he might be able to see the faint outlines of mountains in the far distance. Closing his eyes as a sudden ethereal wind whipped up and some of the crimson sand flew towards his eyes, the jinchuuriki fought down a sudden spike of panic in the face of the unknown before trying to focus on the positives; _right, I know I'm here, fuzz-butt isn't trying to influence me because I know what his youkai feels like_; by dint of previous exposures Naruto knew what that rank source of power felt like and since it didn't feel like his skin was burning off and he couldn't smell his own blood boiling in his veins, he reckoned whatever this place was the fox wasn't to blame; _for once._ Thrusting all thoughts of the kitsune from his mind Naruto tired to centre himself and work out where he stood in this strange new world.

He was still alive, still mentally cognisant (whatever that meant – he'd heard Shizune nee-chan use the word once and it sounded intelligent so he'd kind of unofficially adopted it, trying to sound smart to impress Sakura-chan) and, he smiled a little as he closed his eyes and concentrated for a minute, he still had access to his own chakra – as long as he had that, he had a fighting chance. With that though in his mind he opened his eyes again as he felt the tiny sandstorm die away, only to leap backwards at the sudden procession that had risen from the dust in front of him. Snatching for a kunai Naruto cursed as he realised that in this strange place and time he was unarmed, he instead dropped into a fighting stance and faced the eerie procession that paraded before him.

They were old, all of them, some even more wrinkly than the Sandaime, the beloved jiji who had been killed by the man who had stolen Sasuke away from the Leaf; mostly made up of men, this crowd had nothing in common save the strange uniform they wore, mostly tailored in red but with ornamental badges and swords, and small, stubby things held in holsters that looked to a ninja's eyes useless save as decoration. They must have belonged to some village though and seen many fights; some of the crowd were disfigured, in one or two cases quite horribly, with what looked like things similar to the metal plates on a forehead protector crudely attached over dead skin or wounds. As his eyes swept the myriad figures only his revulsion stopped his terror swamping him; there were missing limbs, twitching tail-like things that writhed like serpents from under cloaks and over shoulders, eyes that looked to have been replaced by metals and grilles similar to what Ame nins wore seemingly melted into place over mouths – the jinchuuriki was sure that, had he been back in his body, he would have unceremoniously vomited all over the place.

"What are you?" He shouted at the crowd, though not one figure seemed to answer him save to blink or, in the case of those weirdoes without eyes, turned their blank faces towards him, "Where am I? You let me go right now or I'll kick all your asses then bust my own way out of here, believe it!"

That at least got an answer; as though at an unspoken signal the figures shifted and from their midst came someone Naruto guessed was the leader; he didn't look all that different to most of the others truth be told and the ninja kept a weather eye on all five of the limbs, if that freaky tail-thing could be called an extra appendage, he could see. It stepped out from the rank of its fellows, its gait and the slow, measured strides it took allowing Naruto to confirm it was definitely a man, though as, after a moment of seemingly silent communication with the others that left them all bowing their heads, the otherworldly man approached him Naruto immediately backed up and raised his fists,

"Oh hell no", he shouted, "you stay where I can see you all". He would have pulled one of his aces in the form of the Shadow Clone jutsu had not his challenge been answered; the emissary of the ghost-tribe before him seemed to say something in a low, base tone but the words were all gibberish as far as Naruto was concerned. Squinting his eyes in confusion, the jinchuuriki cocked his head,

"Huh? What are you saying – can you understand me?" He spoke the last four words slowly and clearly, just like Iruka-sensei had covered when it came to talking down fright-crazed hostages or civilians; _no, just my luck they can't_.

He wasn't sure how he held back a sigh of frustration as the fledgling conversation hit the obvious language barrier but he somehow managed it as it was his opposite numbers' turn to look slightly confused this time – however the confusion ended and Naruto's paranoia began to pulse as the taller man took another step forwards and slowly extended a hand, one that was marked by a strange symbol in metal that looked to have burrowed under the skin like some kind of metallic maggot. There was nothing hostile in the action but, as a ninja, Naruto took nothing at face value; those large sleeve could have hidden anything and he was never one to take a chance; after a long moment of sizing up the situation and deciding that, if things were going to go the shape of the pear he would be able to take the man before him, the jinchuuriki slowly strode forwards and, eventually, poked an arm forwards to shake the pro-offered hand.

The second, the very instant he felt the cool touch of flesh under his fingertips, a pain on a scale of dismissing a thousand shadow clones at once split his cranium almost in twain; if he hadn't already been unconscious, he would have blacked out.

Instead, he just suffered.

The pain was so intense, so all-encompassing, that he was unaware that it had passed for long moment after that blessed relief had come to pass; when he came back to himself he hastily scrambled back to his feet, spitting the crimson dust from his mouth and rubbing the searing grit from his eyes, his watering vision quickly fixed on the silently-spectating figure while he began to channel his most powerful technique; _you want a fight bastard, well you just caught Uzumaki Naruto in a pissed-off mood!_;

"The hell did you just do?" He snarled, the swirling ball of power held compacted in his hand to be unleashed at a moments' notice, "you wanna play, well don't..."

"Am I audible to you now?"

The surprise was so great that it took Naruto a minute to realise who had spoken; he had heard the words again from the strange man before him but, though he was certain they were in a tongue he'd never heard before, somehow they made sense to him; _what did he just do to me – can I understand them all now?_;

"Yes", the jinchuuriki replied before realising he'd spoken in his own language; thinking for a second, concentrating as he logically made the next step between understanding and copying, there was a very strange sensation in the back of his brain, almost like a soap-bubble popping, and the word came to him,

"Yes". He repeated, having no way of knowing that he was speaking in a tongue that hadn't been heard for millennia and had been dead in the Elemental Nations for even longer than that; all he knew was the more he thought, the more bubbles burst in his mind and the more he could say,

"Yes, I understand you", he repeated for the third time, noticing a ripple of what could have been unease or maybe excitement pass through the crowd at the leader's back as he faced the metallic man directly, "where are we?"

Despite what the vast majority of Konoha presumed, Uzumaki Naruto knew when screaming and shouting would get him nowhere and recognised this as one of those times; because of that he said nothing but listened hard as his host, for want of a better word, drew its coat up against the wind and flaying red specks it brought with it and spoke, his voice slow and measured to give the new mental anagrams he'd directly downloaded into the new mind of the collective time to assimilate and enlighten their host,

"We are in the mind-link", the word, even if the boy in the bright orange could understand it, obviously meant nothing to him so an explanation was the only logical thing to do, "where the mind of a human and the heart of a god are as one and the sanctified union is made unbreakable".

"A god?" The boy repeated, the memories of thousands of years of combat experience, relentless training and impassioned prayer still taking time to adjust to their new owner, "Are you angels then?"

"Memories", the answer floated back, Naruto left unsure as to where the guy before him was really talking or not, his lips were barely moving, "we were once alive as you are, the cool intellect ruling over the savage heart of the beast, but now we live on only in the mind-link, ghosts of our psyches imprinted on the avatar of war who we once were part of, the avatar you must now awaken".

"Me? Wait, what..?" Naruto held up a hand, things running way too fast for him to be comfortable taking in at the minute, "...I can barely wake _myself_ up in the morning, you need someone..."

"There is no-one else", another, much rougher voice answered him, a burlier figure stomping forwards out of the crowd and staring the genin down through a single flinty eye, the other covered with a mass of livid scar tissue as the mechanical sound grated through the grille that covered his mouth, "you have come here, you have entered the mind-link; you are one with the avatar. You will awaken us all, with your coming we will walk again and break through the tomb we buried ourselves in; we will walk to war again, we will teach you how".

"Teach me how to what!" Naruto's patience was far from infinite and it was fast approaching breaking point, "Stop talking in riddles – look if I can help you I will but then I need to get out of here. I've got things I need to do, things back in..." he was forced to pause, there was no word in this alien dialect for Konoha, "...my home". Strangely, the figures before him gave no outwards reaction to his outburst, the first man speaking again,

"The mind-link cannot be broken, the avatar is aware of you", the hairs on the back of Naruto's neck, things he had ignored since the start of this conversation, slowly started to rise as he felt something else, something he instinctively _knew_ was as far beyond him as he was above rats, slowly started to rise up behind him like a Shinigami, "the hot heart of the war-beast is cool after so long dormant, the avatar will not resist your will – like us, it desires freedom from this tomb". Trying to ignore the looming presence from behind him and quell his rising panic, Naruto licked suddenly dry lips and forced himself to speak skittishly,

"Freedom? But who imprisoned you, and why do you need my help?"

"The avatar is a perfect being", it was the second figure who spoke, reminding Naruto of the proctor of the first stage of the ill-fated chunin exams that had ended with his jiji's death as his grizzled visage twisted towards him again, "the body is strong but it has no capacity to think outside of destruction; the brain, the human element that we once were and you will be, is less than nothing but has the ability to guide the body; together we are the avatar, a perfect symbiosis of man and metal, and worlds tremble at our coming".

At those words with seamless synchronicity every figure in the crowd raised an arm, pointing over Naruto's head in a gesture that was at once informative and respectful; fighting down a sudden fear as he all but felt a shadow fall over him, the jinchuuriki took a breath to steady himself before closing his eyes and turning slowly around, following the guiding fingers. When he realised he was still alive he dared open them a crack, then further; they then shot open of their own accord as for the second time Naruto's mind all but shut down, confronted by the impossible as it was at the sight of the avatar's body.

He was driven to his knees by the sheer sense of _power_ the being radiated, a sense of hostility bristling from it as clear as killing intent and Naruto was for once devoutly thankful that such a dire emotion was not trained on him. It seemed unstoppable, implacable simply because it existed; the scarred man was right, it _was _an avatar, a perfect engine of destruction; compared to its might his own life was worth less than one of the grains of red sand around him. His jaw hung loose for a moment before he managed to finally speak again, the sight before him still unaccepted by his numb brain as he was forced to crane his neck upwards to try and see all of this monstrous thing,

"No", his voice was a reedy whisper as he shook his head in denial, "you, say _I_...I'm sorry, I can't..._no-one_ could..."

"Our existence disproves that conclusion", there was no change in tone from the first figure as he came to stand by the side of the kneeling boy, eyes trained upon the god he had once been when he was still of the flesh, "we were once as you are now, helpless before the strength we could possess, terrified of our own potential", Naruto looked up as he felt the pressure of a hand on his shoulder, the impassive visage of the first man talking to him again with a hint of finality in his voice this time, "but as we were once", he swept a hand over Naruto's head, indicating the others that had once been the human element, the driving mind overseeing the shell of a war-god, directing its mindless needs for violence into the destruction of only enemies of his race,

"We will make you; the new human element to free us all".

Seeing this, feeling the sincerity and, if he was honest, blatant hope from not only the crowd but also, subtly under the guise of its awesome power, the war-beast before him; _it wants to be free as well – it's not a shell, not completely. It's like it does have a mind of its own, like a haunted suit of armour from those old cartoons I sometimes watched with jiji_; Naruto found himself unable to repeat his earlier denunciations. Instead he took a deep, shuddering breath and slowly picked himself up, dusted off the knees of his jumpsuit and looked across at the other, older man, not wanting to appear disrespectful to the avatar or whatever that thing's real name was; no sense in pissing of something a thousand times as strong as he was, Tsunade-baachan had beaten that lesson into his skull often enough,

"I, think I see", there was another ripple of relief, both from the crowd and, faintly, the beast itself; it was the straw that broke the back of Naruto's resistance and he inclined his head towards the man who had first enlightened him; _they need me, I can't go back on a promise. Kakashi-sensei always said those who forget their comrades are worse than trash and since I'm here, I guess that makes me their comrade, sorta_; "but how, how can I...?"

"We will teach you; that is why you were brought into the mind-link", the gravelly-voiced man interrupted, pre-empting his question, "we knew the next human element would be unlike any that had come before; with the avatar's blessing we planned a methodical means of enlightening you to the power you will possess when we walk again. Your education begins now", a second hand, this one with at least two seemingly mechanical digits Naruto realised as the cold chill of them bit into his shoulder through his jumpsuit and dragged him to his feet, forcing him to see not only the man but another a third person stepping forwards towards him; unlike the rest of his fellows though, he was virtually transparent; _wow, must be really old – is it possible for a ghost to die of old age?_

The question kept Naruto occupied for a moment, long enough so that when he focussed again the pale, shimmering figure had walked close enough to almost touch him; just before the flickering fingers of its left hand were pressed to his forehead, he heard the second figure finish his earlier words and there was definitely a trace of cruel amusement in them this time,

"There may be some mild discomfort..."

The ethereal fingers connected and Naruto once more fell to his knees, mind in turmoil as memories and experiences that were not his own pounded through it; a life he had never lived flashing before his eyes, a life of prayer, of study, of a dream realised and turned into a nightmare of war, fire, death and the struggle, always the constant, never-ending struggle, to try and control a beast that could never be truly tamed.

In the space beneath the mountain of Konoha, a place that had existed aeons before the Ridoku Sennin had been born, a god began to stir.

**I am not whole, but wholeness will come...soon**

XXX

When Jiraiya reported Naruto absent from his hospital bedroom Tsunade dismissed his concerns off-handedly, then immediately afterwards dismissed his body left-handedly through the nearest window as the Toad Sage attempted to get a peek at the twin pinnacles of perfection Kami-sama had seen fit to grace her chest with. It wasn't unusual for nin who had gone through such a traumatic mission to want to be alone for a while afterwards and above that Naruto had no immediate family to help shoulder his loss; he was probably just looking to be away from everyone for a while, especially considering Jiraiya's offer to take him away from Konoha for three years. Added to that the fact he hated hospitals at the best of times anyway and would want to be out of there as soon as he could walk and Tsunade was certain he'd be back up to his old tricks in no time, though possibly a little older and wiser following his exposure to the dark side of ninja life and the treachery of his best friend.

That had been a week ago and now her patience was at its end; ground down over the days of Naruto's sudden absence, the only reason the Godaime wasn't sending out searching parties was due to a lack of bodies due to the influx of missions. _Damn you Naruto_; savagely biting the cork out the top of the bottle she was drinking from, the Slug Queen drained a considerable measure before grimacing, replacing the cork and slamming the bottle away in a drawer of her desk – alcohol wouldn't quell the worry churning in her belly now as she looked out the window, the black thunderheads filling the sky echoing her own mood; _where the hell are you? Surely you didn't leave as well?_; the thought terrified her more than she dared admit – if the Uchiha's defection had cost them Naruto as well she would go into the land of Rice, drag the brat back by his ankle and execute him herself for his arrogance, power-lust and sheer bone-headed stupidity.

She was half-tempted to do just that anyway, if only to get out of the office that now felt even more claustrophobic and stifling than it ever had; without Naruto and, to a lesser extent, her former team mate as well as Jiraiya was pulling out every trick in his extensive book of tricks for gleaning information an tracking people down, she felt a mood as black as the forthcoming rainclouds wash over her. Konoha as a whole seemed to echo those sentiments though she was certain that was more due to losing Sasuke than any of the injuries suffered by the genin involved in that mission, but as Hokage Tsunade could not abandon her post, much as her itchy feet wished that she could.

_A storm is coming_; she could feel it in the wind as well as see it with her eyes, the clouds above heavy and pregnant with lightning and rain; _and I can't help but feel it means more than just a soaking. Something is happening_; she knew, somehow instinctively knew that there was something amiss, Shizune as well to a lesser extent though the younger woman was able to hide her worry better than her mentor – Naruto's disappearance was just part of it she was sure, but what the truth was she had no way of knowing and dared not hazard a guess; _a storm has come, and for some reason_; she shivered suddenly, a feeling like an icy touch running down her spine in the dark, secluded office; _I can't help but feel Konoha is in danger of being washed away_.

XXX

He had been _blind_ before he had come into the mindscape – in some ways, it was an irony that he had learnt more in this pseudo-prison than he ever had outside.

Each of the crowd of faded psyches had a story to tell and he had listened to them all as one; he had relived a thousand lives, died a thousand and one deaths, travelled beneath stars that had never shone on his world, fought beasts and monsters that defied all laws of nature, order and sanity, suffered wounds that should have killed even an avatar of war itself but ultimately refused to die. Each of the crowd had shared what they knew, the memories and training of myriad generations of human elements surviving the mental strain of leashing the avatar's destructive fury almost breaking and then fortifying his own mind against the horror he would have to endure, the final stage of assimilation into godhood. As the first figure, the last human who had completed the avatar he knew now, stepped back from his form, Naruto merely stood up and faced the crowd, breathing easily now he could face these others as potential equals, rather than a spoilt newborn squalling as he had crawled too far from the crib,

"I understand", he said softly, another ripple of relief passing through the crowd as he bowed to them, a habit he still retained from his old life and training, now buried but not forgotten under the weight that his future responsibilities had placed over him, "I will make the journey. I will make us walk again".

It was as close to celebration as he'd ever seen the assembled come, even the avatar he would soon be a part of seemed to thrum with invisible excitement, the end of its aeons-long confined almost within reach. In a lull of the excited mental chatter that allowed him the liberty of using his forcefully-expanded powers of logical deduction and reasoning, Naruto took a moment to focus his own power and, with a grunt of effort, exert himself. His action did not go unnoticed however,

"What task did you just accomplish; I sensed a power fluctuation from your core", the last human-element; _names are immaterial here – we were all once the human-element of the avatar, we will all remain as the human-imprint of the avatar when our human life-span is ended_;

"I remembered the warnings of neglecting the needs of the human element", he replied coolly, the other man inclining his head in acknowledgement as more than one of her peers had succumbed to such a base oversight, "and I have taken steps to rectify the situation. For now though I will leave you", he turned on his heel, facing the war-beast before him and feeling its magnificent malevolence focus on him again; it was hungry to be free, to move...

...to _walk_...

"I have a pilgrimage to make and an avatar of war to tame".

XXX

_So_; as his eyes adjusted to the gloom Naruto looked around and picked out the familiar form of his own body, still sat slumped on the throne with the synapse to the mind-link penetrating his cerebral cortex, allowing assimilation to occur; _my postulations were correct – this jutsu halves my conscious mind as well as my chakra_. This was an undoubted plus as it allowed him to simultaneously be whole with and independent of the avatar, able to care for his mortal coil without the possibility of introducing others and therefore inviting random factors and errors into the equation. With that in mind the Kage bushin that had popped into life at the foot of the command dais now padded back up those same steps and, after checking the vital signs of his real body and re-arranging the still, cold limbs to a more comfortable position, rifled through the equipment pouch quickly, turning up what he was looking for in seconds.

Carefully crushing a soldier pill to powder and dissolving in a flask of the water rations he always carried with him mortal-Naruto, as he now considered himself due to the fact his half of the mind was now free of the mind-link and therefore in the mortal world, slowly approached his recumbent body and, carefully, tipped the mixture down avatar-Naruto's throat, the water soothing parched biological tissues as the pill dissolved within it restored essential nutrients to the human-element of the awakening war-god. When this was done he sat down and concentrated, looking within himself as he searched for the connection he'd calculated would be present; _yes, it is there_.

At the sight of the red desert being seen through eyes that were all at once his but not his, mortal-Naruto breathed a sigh of relief; another of his postulations was proved true – while separate from avatar-Naruto, there was clearly a mental link between the two through which vision and, he thought hard about what he had just done and a moment later as he acknowledged the thanks of his recumbent other-half, even thoughts could be transmitted and received. _I have gone beyond all the others_; the conclusion was clinical an dispassionate – it was a fact, not a revelation; _I can be at once whole with the shell and disengaged from it, able to speak with mortals and walk with the god simultaneously._

Having reached this conclusion the mortal-Naruto nodded before, hopefully for the last time if the calculations were correct and the avatar was malleable to the will of its new human-element, he allowed himself to disperse in a cloud of smoke.

XXX

Though he could not feel the effects of the energy his body had imbibed, Naruto nevertheless felt more secure in himself that once this confrontation was over he would be able to maintain a single mortal-Naruto unless he required all his mental focus devoted to handling the power of his shell. With this in mind he propelled himself forwards, the sand clinging to his feet and sandals but not slowing him down as he approached the shell he was to inhabit and give life to, falling into the shadow it cast as it blotted out the orange sun that hung in the sky like a lazy katon jutsu. Though it had no way of moving at the moment he could almost sense its conscious, individually much more domineering and controlling than any mere humans' but not as powerful as the united psyches that had educated him in his new destiny. He moved forwards, not pausing or resting as his mind did not feel fatigue within the mind-link, until he stood an arms-length from the closest part of the avatar. He took a moment to cycle the most pertinent of the lessons taught to him through pain and mental anguish before, slowly, he completed his trek across the desert of the world of the avatar's birth, placing a hand upon its steel hide and inviting its consciousness into his own.

From his limited experiences with another hostile mind, in his case Kyuubi's rabid snarling and demands for release, he had expected and braced for a furious barrage of punishing mental haymakers, pain he would have to weather before he could calm the savage tempest of a war-machine's wrath. To his slight surprise, however, the mind he felt touch him this time was not immediately violent; he could feel it all around him like smoke from a dud exploding tag, all-encompassing, brooding, possessing the potential to unleash violence unseen and unheard of in the Elemental Nations. But it was not whole and neither was he; something was holding the sacred merger back,

"**Human...element?**" The voice, deep as an ocean trench, that bounced around his skull was like the mind it issued from; ancient beyond his imagining and possessing, not a homicidal lust for conquest as he had suspected and feared, but rather a rage that had curdled over the millennia of inactivity, matured into a terrible, simmering patience that was all at once easier to understand, and far more terrifying than mere naked anger,

"Yes", Naruto, for he was still Naruto at the moment, he was not whole with the avatar, spoke, "I am that which you have lost through human frailty. We are both prisoners within the mind-link, alone we are trapped here; I have come to return us both to life". He felt like a child trying to shriek in the face of a thunderclap and, as he heard the answer, he again felt as inconsequential as one; _but I am inconsequential as a man – as one with the avatar, I will allow us to both have purpose again_;

"**I cannot yet walk**", the response was disappointed but not entirely unexpected, though the depth of suffering held in that ageless voice was such that it made all his trials in his youth seem as nothing, "**my heart is cold, my bones ache from lack of use. My power is lost and I have none left to give. I cannot merge with a human element, for if I did we could not walk. I will regain my power slowly, when it is ready, we will be whole**".

"We will walk soon", Naruto intoned solemnly, dropping his head forwards as he sought to retreat into himself, ready for a final confrontation, "I will give you back the power you need, much faster than you could generate it. Be patient for just a moment longer, and be ready to awaken your heart once more".

With that he collapsed against the foot of the shell he would inhabit, for all the world looking like a worshipper prostrate at the feet of his god.

**I have touched the mind of the human-element. It is strong, there is great power there. When we merge, we will walk as never before and worlds will change forever because of our tread.**

XXX

"**So**", much as he hated to acknowledge the strength of a mortal being, least of all open as disgusting as a human, the Kyuubi was not so blind that it could not acknowledge a talent when it saw one and, much as loathed the human who had cast him into this dank and dingy cell, even he would have been forced to admit the seal that held it trapped was the pinnacle of human sealing craft, "**you have returned worm. Has your brother shown you your weakness, shown that you will never be the equal of anyone without me? Beg ningen**", the bijuu smirked inside its head as it took in the slumped shoulders and hunched posture of the ape-child that served as its host – even the most secure of cells was only as strong as its jailor and, in the event of the Uchiha child's defection the Kyuubi knew its host would be injured, grieving at his brother's treachery, heartsick...

...weakened, ripe to be broken into unchaining the shackles that held back his almighty vengeance against the village that had thrown him into this cell,

"**Beg for my power and I will give you the strength you need to crush the red-eyed brat who dared strike us. I will make you unstoppable, unkillable, a mortal god**". The shoulders of the child shook and the bijuu's smirk grew wider; this was going to be easier than he'd even suspected; silently in the darkness he stretched one forepaw forwards, the lethal claws adorning his pads ready to swing forwards and cleave the mortal's mind in twain like a knife through thin cloth. The brat wasn't even looking, the end would be too easy; as he stepped into range the kitsune had to steal himself away to avoid striking too soon and potentially ruining everything; if there was one thing his container was good at it was avoiding an attack, he had proved that before. Only when the child, head bowed like a preacher chanting his own death psalms, was before his gates did he launch himself forwards and snarl with vindictive pleasure; as his claw lanced straight through the ethereal figure that represented the containers' mind elations filled his raging soul; he was free, the hated Fourth Hokage's plan had failed and he would weep, rotting within the Shinigami's belly as the resurgent kitsune obliterated his village once more. Noticing the tattered remnants of the boy still hanging off the claw that impaled his chest Kyuubi negligently blasted a sliver of his chakra into what remained of the human's mind, perhaps a flicker of mercy sparking up in his consciousness; even if his jailor would scream as his youkai burnt his body apart from within, he would be too mad to comprehend where the pain was coming from.

The first inkling Kyuubi had that something was wrong was when, rather than dissipating from the influx of raw demonic essence, the impaled child did not react; in fact as the kitsune's eyes widened in sudden suspicion, Naruto's hands reached up and grabbed each side of his talon, keeping it trapped in his chest as, somehow, he laughed,

"So my theory was correct; this is the third such incidence, the start of a positive trend", before the Kyuubi could decide what to do in the face of such an unprecedented attack, the first sliver of unease rippling through his mind as he realised that there was still a drain on his youkai reserves but there was no effect on Naruto's consciousness, he could not influence the jinchuuriki's behaviour, "the seal blocks your mind from my own unless I initiate contact; you are unaware of the alterations that have occurred". Before Kyuubi could answer, Naruto raised his head for the first time and, though the grim, triumphant smirk on his lips was disconcerting, it was his eyes, the change within the blue irises that locked onto Kyuubi's own that made the fox suddenly decide that continuing contact with his host would be unwise.

Where once they had shone with hope and naive, stupid innocence that the crafty bijuu had hoped to exploit in an effort to earn his freedom; now they were hooded, much more calm and contemplative, the look of someone or something that was a boy no longer, perhaps not even a human in the truest sense of the word. There was knowledge behind those shadowed brows, a deeper understanding that for a moment the Kyuubi might have believed eclipsed his own, the sight enough to make the bijuu suddenly yank on his claw only to find, to his horror, that Naruto's grip was iron and it would not let him go, instead the boy forced him to listen as he found his youkai draining away at a rate the jinchuuriki had never before achieved,

"You were correct in one regard; you can give me the power I need and, willingly or not, you will do so. However I will not beg for your power Kyuubi, I no longer need to", it wasn't a boast, just a simple declaration that the kitsune was forced to agree with, for the first time since his sealing feeling the cold fingers of panic dig into his mind as still his might was stripped away; there was a vacuum within the child now, an aching, yawning chasm that the bijuu's chakra was being used to fill, "I have changed kitsune, I will take what the Yondaime always foresaw would be mine".

"**No!**" Panic gave way to rage, the insult of this, this _insect_ enough to spur the bijuu to fury, trying to pull back its lethal youkai and, by extension, drain the very chakra, the life-force from its parasitic host, "**I am Kyuubi; there is no greater power in the world than my own! I will not fall to you Naruto, no child will conquer me!**"

To his rage and, though he would not admit it, horror as well, the flow could not be reversed; whatever void was now within the child continued to swallow his strength as though it had thirsted forever; as he felt himself begin to shrink, for the first time in his existence Kyuubi began to doubt his own abilities to overcome his prisoners' new emptiness, the black hole that was consuming him whole. As he continued to try and free himself, no longer concerned with teaching the upstart brat a lesson in the face of fleeing, preserving his own precious life, the bijuu barely heard his hosts' final words,

"Empty threats and boasts, but again, correct in one regard", Naruto lectured, his emotions atrophied from his violent exposure to the previous human-elements of the avatar but intact enough to smile at the sight of the beast thrashing to be free, "there is no greater power in the world than your own...", he took a step backwards, the shell of the avatar still stripping the strength it had lost from this new font, enough to awaken itself fully and prove the bijuu wrong,

"...until the merger is completed, and we awaken".

Unable to answer, unable to do much more than feel a deep, weary exhaustion as his very life was stolen from him, the Kyuubi's only answer was a pained, panicked scream.

XXX

The dais was lit by a sudden ruddy glow, the redness from the pinned body dimming almost immediately, a momentary blip in the age-long immobility of the entombed god. However as the long seconds dragged on, other changes became more apparent; through synapses long dormant did new power flow; strong power, invigorating power, _regenerating_ power. As it had to its human host, the bijuu's youkai infused the shell of the avatar with accelerated healing; dust was reduced to vapour, corrosion was burnt away, damage done by the slow march of time was erased as though it had never existed; though the progress was slow due to the difference between the strength of the Kyuubi's stolen youkai and the sheer scale of the shell it could not completely fill, time was nothing now.

The god was healing and the awakening was nigh.

XXX

Opening his eyes as he finally broke the link between himself and his prisoner, Naruto reclined against the foot of his future shell for a moment before pushing himself to his feet, hopefully for the last time. Standing, he breathed the air before placing a hand once more on the shell of the avatar's body and opening his mind,

"Is that suitable; I took all that I could without reducing the Kyuubi to nothing; I have plans for the kitsune following the merger". The answer was still in that same ageless voice but, this time, Naruto felt that he could sense an undercurrent of...not quite impatience, but definitely excitement as the other half of the avatar spoke,

"**This energy is strange to me; it is powerful but...almost untamed**".

"It does not damage you?" For a moment he feared his own error; what would happen if the kitsune's power damaged the shell; but his fears were allayed as a deep, bass chuckle boomed around him like gentle thunder,

"**No energy damages me human-element; it is strange as it...alters that which it touches. What was less than optimum it has corrected, it improves my potential**". After thinking on this for a minute, Naruto understood,

"The youkai heals, or repairs you? It did for my biological components when I was forced to utilise it – this may be a positive result following the merger. We will have to experiment the limits of this regenerative element..."

"**And we shall**", the other half of the god he would be assured him before a sudden sense of vertigo pressed in on him, like he were on the edge of a cliff, one step away from either flying or falling, "**time will be as nothing to us. Power levels are sufficient; following merger we will be able to activate all essential systems**".

Heeding the unspoken message in those words Naruto realised what was about to happen; if he still had a heart in this mind-link, he would have knowing it would have been beating wildly as, gathering his courage, he pressed a hand into the shell before him,

"So then", he said, willing himself to open his mind further, further still as the previous human-elements had instructed, allowing it to flow into the shell and energise it, "it begins, let use become...as one".

**I feel you, a small thing before me...**

_I sense you, a mighty but inert shell..._

**You are the mind...**

_You are the body..._

**My mind...**

_My body..._

**You **_**are**_** me...**

_I __**am**__ you..._

**There is **_**no you...**_

_There is __**no I...**_

In that moment, with a final thought somewhere between terror and triumph, Uzumaki Naruto was subsumed into something greater than himself and passed away from the mortal world...

...and an avatar of war awoke in his place.

_**We live**_.

XXX

A second after this union was completed the residue of the energy that had once been the wild, untamed chakra of a bijuu was re-routed through systems long dormant and coalesced in a chamber that had been cold for an age. It was not enough, not nearly enough to power the nascent avatar but as a spark it would suffice; with nothing more than the urgings of the new god's human-element mind, the crimson chakra spat and swirled until with a roar like a small sun igniting the heart of the shell was lit once more, a fire that would reduce rock to vapour washing through the core of the giant body, humming through secondary generators and capacitors as wholeness was attained, the perfect being formed again.

Dust fell from the ceiling as first one, and then the other leg rose and fell, a testing for the walking that was soon to come, though before the crypt could be broken open, the avatar was aware of three final issues it had to resolve. The first was simple; with little more than a concerted thought the memories of the previous human-elements were linked to the union, each exulting in the renewed sensation of life again and eagerly awaiting the forthcoming freedom, though as the human-element of the new avatar ejected the non-human element of itself to avoid errors in the whole, they were content instead to observe the first conflict the new avatar was to engage in.

XXX

Such was the Kyuubi's exhaustion and numb shock that, even when the bars of its prison slid away and the seal holding them together disappeared in a swirl of ink, it could do nothing but continue to pant, flopping on the strange, red ground as once again it reviewed its brush with oblivion. Naruto had almost killed him, the insignificant ape-child had drained all but the barest sliver of his youkai and suffered no ill-effect, leaving him as next to nothing save a mere ghost even if his prison was ruptured; he was out of the sewer but, he ponderously raised his head and looked around, this was not the Land of Fire. If anything it looked like the domain of his one-tailed brother Shukaku, the tanuki staking claim in the wilds of Suna; had Naruto somehow travelled that far before releasing him? Feeling a flicker of his strength returned, the bijuu levered himself up to his feet only to see his former prisoner suddenly stood before him, present now where there had been nothing an eye-blink before.

Rage immediately reared up in the kitsune's head like a cobra ready to strike but, remembering the lessons of what had happened the last time he had underestimate the child's strength, he satisfied himself with a menacing growl for a moment,

"**You have released me Naruto**", he stated plainly, taking a pace forwards, a plume of crimson sand flying into the air as he did so, "**that will be your last mistake; I will not forgive your earlier insult**".

"There was no insult; there was only fact", the cool, quiet reply almost snapped Kyuubi's temper and drove him to spring but he resisted, at least for now, "you were correct in you assumption that you were the strongest being in the Elemental Nations. However, we have now supplanted you for that title; the human-element could have ended your existence then but out of gratitude for the times you preserved his life with your intervention, regardless that you only did so to preserve your own life as his death would have meant yours as well, he transferred you out of your prison to the mind-link. Here you will..."

"**Mind-link**", looking for something to take out its frustrations, the kitsune seized on the unknown word, "**what is this place brat? No human mind could encompass a scope this vast; yours was barely adequate to hold a sewer**". The figure before him merely shook his shoulders for a moment, a smile on those whiskered cheeks even if the eyes, the eyes above them reminded the fox of what had happened last time he'd challenged his former host – they were as ancient and foreboding as they had been at that time,

"Then we are fortunate that we are no longer human; there is a human-element in our composition, but we are more than merely human now".

"**You forget yourself ningen**", Kyuubi snarled, though he had felt no more of his power return yet and therefore he felt himself vulnerable, cut off from all but the barest hint of his awesome might, "**you are still human, still fragile, still weak...**"

"And yet", somehow, in this place and this time, the child was able to drown out the voice of the fox, his words a barbed lash to the bijuus' pride, "this weak, fragile ningen was enough to humble you. Do not test us Kyuubi", Naruto's eyes flashed for a moment, rising to meet those of his inner demon with unmistakable challenge glaring in them, an insult Kyuubi could neither forgive nor tolerate regardless of his suffering or fatigue, "accept this truth; we have your chakra, you will never get it back – you are no longer stronger than us".

With a wordless roar of rage the bijuu sprang, fangs bared and claws outstretched as he sought to rip his former prisoner asunder for daring to stand against him as the other had. He readied himself for impact, Naruto doing nothing to stave off his doom save raising a hand; Kyuubi lurched as he felt an impact like a noose tightening around his neck, suspending his front into the air even as his back legs slammed into the ground to leave him looking like nothing more than a pathetic dog, begging for attention for its master. Even before it could rationalise what had happen or begin to struggle against such indignity the human spoke again, anger in his tone this time as he twisted his hand and forced the kitsune's head down towards him, made him see the change as it happened,

"It appears you do not accept the truth; so be it, we had prepared for it to come to this", before the horrified vision of the kitsune, the mere boy that had once been his jailor began to change, to shift, to _grow_; the invisible noose replaced by a very visible and tangible hand as the human continued to increase in size. Kyuubi was lifted first onto his hind legs and then, appallingly, off them, scrabbling uselessly at the air even as the transformation continued, the warm skin altering to bitter, unfeeling metal as the humanity bled out of the once warm, loving boy's face and body, transmogrifying to a shell that projected only an image of death and a voice of doom as it dispassionately observed the kitsune, holding it as a trapper would a fox cub in one gargantuan. Both beings regarded one-another for a moment, the thing Naruto had once been appearing to dissect the Kyuubi with its eyes that were not eyes while the fox for its part was shocked into speechlessness, a potent combination of awe, dread and fear stilling even its bombastic nature to muteness before, with a noise like the end of the world, the taller of the two monsters spoke,

"**Do you see us now Kyuubi? Do you see what we have become, the whole we have merged into?**" For the first time in his existence the bijuu whimpered, outright begged for mercy in its own language as it knew, instinctively knew it was facing a being with power orders of magnitude in excess of its own,

"**We are stronger than you**", the awful thing continued, its unworldly voice beating the Kyuubi's eardrums into submission even as it shook the dangling fox slightly, making the kitsune whimper again and curl all nine of its tails in submission, "**do you deny this still? Do you require further proof that this is our mind-link and we are the masters here?**"

"**No! I see that, I acknowledge you!**" In another first Kyuubi outright screamed its answer, desperate to placate the thing that literally held its life in its massive single fist, "**You are stronger than me, I exist only by your mercy – why?**" Despite the desperate situation the Kyuubi had to know the answer to this question, one that had dogged it since Naruto, or at least the thing that had worn his jailors' skin, had broken the vampiric connection between them prior to the kitsune ceasing to exist from having all his youkai stripped away from him,

"**Why am I here? You could have ended me, both at the cage and now here; why am I still alive?**"

He did not expect and answer and, if he did, he'd expected the former human to answer in the vein Kyuubi had spoken to him; glorifying in his supremacy and reminding, never failing to remind the lesser being who was the master and who was only alive due to a flimsy paper seal applied by another. Instead the question seemed to reduce the other to stillness for a long moment before, with a jolt that almost made him bark in surprise, Kyuubi felt the sand between his pads again as his captor began to shrink. The sense of awe it had radiated did not diminish, however, as the creature that Naruto had once been reverted back to the human that had been Kyuubi's prison for so long, the bijuu blinking stupidly as, in a matter of seconds, he found himself looking down rather than up, Naruto regarding the now-much larger animal and inclining his head slightly,

"Because we accept the human-element's conclusion", before Kyuubi could question him, he went on, "the merger only occurred because of your past interventions and your energy provided the spark that allowed the shell-element mobility. We would rather have you as an ally than a foe Kyuubi, just as the human-element would have before we became whole".

"**But**", though aware that it was only some fragment of Naruto's personality that had stopped the thing he had become tearing him apart, there was still so much the kitsune did not understand and was desperate to know, "**but **_**what **_**are you? What have you become Naruto, if you even are still Naruto inside that, that thing? And why the hell do you keep calling yourself we?**"

"We have become whole Kyuubi", the creature spoke slowly, as though explaining something to a slow-witted child, "together we are a perfect being, an avatar of war. These", that which had once been his container gestured and Kyuubi fell back a pace, his hackles rising at the blatant necromancy that dragged so many spirits back to the impure world, "the previous human-elements of us will educate you, as they did the human-element once called Naruto".

With that he appeared to be consider the conversation over; before the bijuu's eyes Naruto began to fade away, obviously leaving whatever plane of existence he'd created but, as he beheld the crowd of silent spectres arrayed before him, Kyuubi still had one final query to put to the creature who was at once Naruto and not-Naruto, a human and at the same time something much, much more,

"**Wait**", halfway gone, it's legs nothing but smoke, Naruto paused and looked up a final time as the fox frantically backed away, almost snapping at the first old ghost that came towards it, arm outstretched, "**don't leave me here! I'll do anything, pay any price...**"

"You will be educated Kyuubi, as the human-element was", the fox almost wept as he hear the finality in that tone, no argument was going to be tolerate on that point, "when you are enlightened as we are, we hope that you will join the previous human-elements and walk with us, rather than dwell alone in the mind-link. But that is your decision, and will be your decision alone".

As the mind-figment of the avatar disappeared, the first howl of mental pain burst from the Kyuubi's lips as the first of the countless human shades reached him and stroked a hand through the fur on his closest foot, allowing memories of another life to flood the bijuu's brain.

XXX

As he burst into life again the Kage bushin looked around at the command dais and then out from behind one of the avatar's eyes, seeing the entire cavern lit in a eerie blue glow as the fist of the avatar began to crackle with terrible lightning, awesome power being gathered by the half of the human-element residing still within the avatar's shell, directing such power towards the first of many obstacles in its path. Mortal-Naruto was no fool, indeed he was part of the whole that was the perfect being and knew his part to perfection; quickly locating the tools he needed from the spacious chamber, helpfully illuminated from the power now burning from the god's heart, he put his finger in his ears just in time to block out most of the noise as the terrible fist of the avatar swung forwards, slow and irresistible as a comet, and reduced tonnes of rock before it into less than dust, tearing open the sealed tomb even as the youkai that had once been Kyuubi's power and life was channelled towards the impacting fist, the strange energy immediately repairing any damage suffered by the bludgeoning hand.

"That's it", mortal-Naruto muttered under his breath as he activated one of the devices he'd picked up, reappearing beneath and slightly behind the awakened avatar as the entire cavern shook to a second calamitous impact, "let's get the hell out of here".

He watched, knowing the role he had to play as he saw the front of the catacomb fall away, fresher air at last sweeping the dust from the floor he stood upon as another titanic detonation rang in his ears, this time caused by nature rather than the avatar that ancient men had once created. As the massive body above him slowly began tearing down enough of the rock in front of it to allow it to leave this place and fulfil its first mission, mortal-Naruto felt a smile split his lips as he smelt water on the wind and saw the body of the avatar, stripped clear of dirt and dust by the Kyuubi's chakra, illuminated in monochrome glory by a flash of lightning.

Somehow it felt ironically correct and right that, as the perfect whole being took its first, earth-shaking step, a maelstrom was raging around the place of its rebirth.

_**After aeons dormant, at last we walk to war again.**_

XXX

"I'm sorry", for a moment Tsunade flashed a glance at Shizune, just to see if she'd put away bottle or six she'd forgotten about but, to her equal-parts relief and despair, she found the raven-haired woman looking as dumbstruck as she felt, "you said _what_ was wrong with the Hokage monument?"

"I know it, ah, sounds impossible Hokage-sama", sweat was prickling Ebisu's back and armpits as he reported what he admitted sounded like, at best, an implausible story to his villages' leader, just as it had when he'd responded to Moegi-chan's sudden shriek and seen the scene with his own two eyes, "but there's a very large hole in the back of it".

Slumping back in her chair Tsunade rubbed her tired eyes; _all this on top of the flash-floods that storm caused, not to mention everything else that happened since the damned Uchiha slipped his leash_. Still if what Ebisu was suggesting was true, and to his credit the special jounin was renowned for having a level head in most situations so even she would have laid better odds that anything drastic enough to convince him to break off a short camping trip for Konohamaru and his friends to keep their minds off Naruto's sudden disappearance likely warranted looking into, she would have to scrounge up resources to make sure the investigation was carried out. With a last shake of her head she turned honey-brown eyes to the special jounin again,

"Very well Ebisu-san; where are your charges now?"

"Ah, I believe they are currently with their families recovering from the shock, though I did ask them not to tell anyone about what they saw until I could speak to you Hokage-sama". Nodding at this, Tsunade made up her mind and issued clipped, curt orders,

"Hai, good job Ebisu-san – report back to you charges and ensure they recover well; if nothing else make sure they stay out from under everyone's feet during the clean-up from that damned storm". The special jounin bowed low before pushing his glasses back up his nose,

"Hai Hokage-sama", and with a puff of smoke he was gone, leaving the Slug sannin alone with her assistant; turning in her seat, Tsunade noticed Shizune about to speak and raised a hand, cutting the younger woman off at the pass before issuing her orders,

"Shizune, bring me the medical folders regarding the injuries suffered during the pursuit of Uchiha Sasuke"; _much as I don't want to risk them, we need every able body we can lay our hands on, incapacitated or otherwise_; "I think it might be time for some of those involved to get some active rehab prior to returning to active service".

As he was slightly the taller of the group of walking wounded it was Raido who saw through the mist left in the wake of the storm that had broken over Konoha and gawked at the landscape he could see before him,

"Kami's balls", his exhalation brought the rest of the group up short, the smaller members standing up as much as their injuries would allow to see the chunks of rubble, some larger than most houses and weighing tens if not hundreds of tonnes, laying scattered around the rear of the mountain they'd all trekked around like building blocks scattered by an inattentive infant, "Ebisu wasn't lying – the hell could have done this?"

"Neji..." the Hyuuga, his shoulder still paining him but not enough to invalidate him from this mission, was ahead of the other jounin, his bloodline flaring into life as his chakra pathways enlarged and the picture he was presented with made even him, a Hyuuga elite, answer with a tremor in his voice,

"There is a...large amount of devastation around this area", he reported quietly, barely believing even his All-Seeing Eyes, "there is a new cavity leading into the back of the Hokage mountain, I would probably say about three-hundred or more feet high, with the largest chunks of rubble closer to this new cave. In addition there look to be... indentations of some kind, in the ground close to the collapsed section". Out of sight of the genin, Raido and Genma exchanged glances; _this could be bad_;

"Okay team, here's the deal", typical of an experienced jounin, no nerves could be traced in Raido's voice as he gave his orders, "I don't like the idea of those indentations, sounds much too close to a doton jutsu for comfort. Neji, take Kiba with you and scout the cave entrance, do not go inside; the rest of us will inspect these indentations – any sign of trouble retreat, none of us are at our peak so if it looks like trouble we're bugging out. Chouji, you okay to move out?" The Akimichi, emaciated by the standards of his clan, nodded as he fished another packet of chips from his travelling rucksack,

"Hai, I just needed to catch my breath".

"Let's just hope we don't have to catch lunch", Kiba muttered by the side of him, the absence of his faithful nin-ken paining him much more than the aches from his wounds as Hana had forcibly declared Akamaru unfit for duty, his wounds still not recovered enough for anything bar the very lightest of training, "okay Neji, lead on, the mist's blocking my nose". The Hyuuga nodded and, pausing only to ensure their short-ranged radios were set to the same frequency, the team of five injured ninja split off to their duties.

Peering around a rock that looked to be about the same size as his clan-house some ten minutes later, Kiba gave another sniff before having to stifle a sneeze,

"Damn it, there's too much dust for me to get a decent scent here", he complained before looking over at his stoic team mate, Neji's white clothing and pale skin making him looking even more ghost-like than usual in the mist, "you got anything?" After a second, the Hyuuga shook his head,

"These oversized pebbles are stopping my vision from penetrating too far". Intrigued, Kiba cocked his head,

"I thought you could see through them with your Byakugan?"

"They're too thick", Neji explained, not all that comfortable in revealing his limitations as he stepped up beside the Inuzuka, both having to watch their footing in the uneven terrain, "trying to force my vision through an object increase the strain and there's so much rock here I doubt even Hiashi-sama could see beyond a hundred yards".

"Hmm", Kiba grunted, shifting his weight unevenly to avoid putting too much strain on his injured side as he looked up at the new fissure in the mountain before him, "wonder what the hell caused this; it must have been during the storm or we'd have heard half the mountain coming down surely. Lightning you reckon?"

"Possible", Neji concurred, pupilless eyes trying to pierce the gloom at the heart of the new caves' darkness, "more likely to be a weakness in the rock, perhaps erosion of hundred of...chakra!"

Warned by the shout Kiba ducked behind the nearest piece of cover, stifling a pained growl as the sudden motion pulled at his wounds; raising his head he tried to scent the air but cursed,

"Wind's wrong, can't smell it", he mouthed to Neji, the Hyuuga slightly ahead of him and looking back, "where?" Neji held up two fingers and pointed; _two-hundred yards, that way_; Kiba nodded to show he'd got the message and was about to mouth back for the other genin to retreat before a third voice broke over the silence, one that left both teens speechless,

"Good morning Hyuuga Neji and Inuzuka Kiba", stumbling out of their hiding places, they looked up towards the voice to see Uzumaki Naruto, a nin who'd been absent from Konoha for over a week and driving everyone who knew him mad with worry because of it, sitting on a tall outcrop of broken stone and looked down at them, apparently amused as he waved and finished his greeting, "we trust you are well?"

"Naruto", Kiba was the first to overcome his shock as he shouted back, "where the hell have you been? Everyone's going out their minds looking for you, especially after that storm – the Hokage's about ready to put you in the book as a missing-nin. Get down here right now!" To the dog-nin's consternation however, Naruto instead held his gaze levelly for a moment before sitting upright on his little throne, gazing off into the distance as he spoke again,

"That we cannot do, not yet anyway; trust us though, we will return and you have forewarning of that event. In the meantime though, do you have any nutrient or soldier pills we could take; it's been a long time since we ingested last".

_Okay_; shooting a glance sideways Kiba was slightly relieved to see the Hyuuga by the side of him looking at least as perturbed as he felt; _last time I checked Naruto probably didn't know half the words he just said, and who's this 'we' he's talking about? Unless..._; the idea hit him and he called back hurriedly,

"You're a shadow-clone, aren't you?" There was a pause before the answer came,

"Affirmative, to a degree; the situation is complicated..."

"Not from where we're standing it's not", Neji, unusually, raised his voice, refusing to be left on the sidelines any longer, "something's just broken a very big chunk off this mountain, the Hokage sends us to investigate and we find you, or a clone of you, at the scene of the incident. This doesn't look good Naruto; come back with us and we might be able to explain this to the Hokage without too much trouble, assuming you don't mind going through a few walls before she hugs you to death". The clone seemed to consider this for a moment before, to the shock of both his friends, he shook his head,

"Apologies but at this time our return is impossible; we will ask instead that you entrust us enough to understand that our logic is sound".

"We'll have to report this to Tsunade Naruto", Kiba stormed on, his pack-mentality not understanding why Naruto, who would and indeed had skirted the very edge of death for his friend would act so cold now; _what did that red-eyed bastard do to you Naruto?_; "come back now or it'll just get worse when you do come back".

"We will accept necessary punishment when time constraints allow; our business is currently time-sensitive", the clone spoke back, standing up as he stretched out a hand, "please consider our request for nutrient, and trust us when we say we will return".

"He's not coming back"; Kiba wasn't sure if Neji was addressing him or talking to himself but, either way, despite not having anything like a clear idea of what was going on he was an Inuzuka, Naruto had been a good friend of his in the past and regardless of his behaviour now, he would not abandon his friend like an Uchiha. Using his good arm, a packet of soldier-pills was launched up towards the clones' position before Neji could stop him, Kiba's voice following the food in its flight,

"You better come back Uzumaki, you hear me? Or I'll track you down and kick your ass myself!"

"We would bend over and allow the kick to connect Kiba, and we would not be difficult to track", slipping the packet of pills into a pocket, the clone stood up and looked around before, apparently deciding something in its own mind, it called down again, "a clue for your nutrient; you are looking for what broke into the mountain – we can tell you you are approaching the issue from the diametrically-wrong angle". Before anyone else could question him, there was a sudden flash of green light that forced both genin to turn their heads and, when they looked again, the shadow clone was gone.

Lowering his arm from his face Neji active his Byakugan reflexively, unease lodged deeply in his mind as he found the area clear,

"I don't like this Inuzuka, I don't like this at all", he muttered to his partner, "Naruto would never abandon his village and certainly never leave a friend; the actions of that clone, to say nothing of the language it used, was nothing like the Naruto I know. What do you think; you've known him longer than me – Kiba?" After a minute's silence the Hyuuga looked around, perturbed by the dog-nin's silence, only to see the Inuzuka standing stock-still, wide-eyed and almost trembling as his eyes darted around suddenly – before Neji could question him, he'd darted over to the nearest decent-sized rock and started to climb,

"Kiba, what are you...?"

"The wrong angle", the shout came back as, ignorant of his pain, the Inuzuka forced himself to scramble up the side of the stone, seeking higher ground as a sick dread began to fill him; _please, please let me be wrong_; "that bloody git, he might be telling the truth literally – give me a minute".

Neji heard nothing more but waited, watching on as the Inuzuka bellied up to the top of the decently-sized rock he'd decided upon for his impromptu spot of mountaineering before a sudden swearword broke the silence, followed by his name,

"Neji, can you climb?" He didn't dignify this with an answer, instead merely channelling chakra to the soles of his feet and striding up the rock, not putting any strain on his recently-gored shoulder in that regard as he joined his impromptu team mate on the summit a moment later,

"What am I meant to be seeing?" Kiba didn't answer for a minute, his tattoos standing out like fresh blood on his suddenly white face as he gestured behind him,

"Look at the cave", Neji, not bothering to turn around, activated his bloodline and did as the Inuzuka asked, "see it – now look at the rocks around us, where they've fallen – you see it? He was right, Naruto was telling the truth, the exact opposite to what we thought". Even as Neji was about to question his comrades' reasoning the pieces fell into place, like the rubble had fallen into place earlier, into the pattern Naruto had hinted about and Kiba had caught onto. Mouth falling open as a sudden chill made his skin pucker into gooseflesh, Neji saw without moving his head Kiba's lips move again,

"Nothing broke _in_ to this mountain Neji", the Inuzuka said, surprisingly calmly for the scale of the problem that had literally unearthed itself, "something, something Kami-damned huge, broke _out_".

At those words a kind of calm settled on the scene, the same tranquillity that appeared before a tsunami hit the picturesque beach and rendered it a wasteland, a fragile, beautiful peace that couldn't last. Adrenaline hitting him like an icy fist in the gut, the Hyuuga suddenly remembered who else was at risk and cast his eyes forwards; the sight that appeared to his perfect vision almost made him wish for blindness before he pelted down the stone, bellowing for Kiba to follow him. Heedless of pain or injuries they might have been doing to the still-unhealed wounds, both genin ran and sprinted back to the rest of their group, their voices carrying over the mist and allowing Genma to greet them, his senbon-adorned mouth greeting them from the jutsu he was examining, making him like a thick-set mole,

"Kami damn it slow down", he admonished the two of them as they doubled over to catch their breath, "if any of you three come back injured Shizune-chan will be after my blood".

"Konoha", Neji managed to gasp, clutching for the taller man with the strength of desperation, "Konoha, get back, warn them..."

"Warn them", Chouji appeared, climbing up the wall of the impressed ground on all fours to avoid overtaxing his recovering chakra reserves, "warn them of what? You see something?" Almost pathetically grateful to see the formerly-chubby teen again Kiba almost wrenched him bodily out of the hole that was not a jutsu, nor a simple hole but something far more terrifying than either of those possibilities, gesturing for Raido to follow them as Neji, finally regaining a measure of composure, spoke soberly,

"There's more of them behind you, we didn't see them because of the mist; we have to get back to Konoha and warn them something is loose near our home", he stood up tall despite the sudden terror that was even now leeching the composure from his bones as he pointed at the indent Raido was only just climbing out of, the depth of three grown men in the soft ground,

"That's not a ninjutsu", he explained before screwing up his courage and speaking words that, even to his own ears, sounded at least half-mad,

"It's a footprint".

XXX

_**Power levels optimum, all weapons engaged, mission begins.**_

The strange energy that had awoken and rejuvenated him had also improved other aspects of the avatar; his unliving eyes saw further and with greater clarity than ever before no matter of the light before him; seeing the way before him and updating his memories as the memories of the human-element provided new maps that could overlay the older data, with the wind rushing over his metal skin and rain washing him clean of the remnants of his earthy prison, the reborn god stretched his legs and walked into the distance, his course plotted to avoid human contract if at all possible; the world was not yet ready to see its saviour returned.

Much as it was almost impossible to hide the shell-element of the avatar, the new god decided it had done as good a job as it was able to prior to releasing half of the mind of the human-element to scout around, a medium-sized hill providing cover as, after ensuring the true body of the human-element was fed and watered, the shadow clone appeared outside the avatar and began walking around outside, scouting the area the avatar had walked to over the course of two days and two nights, skirting around and away from villages to avoid the risk of being seen too early. Though it still hungered for battle, the memories of the human-element and lessons of patience learnt from eternities standing ready in the darkness meant that it was content to send out a scouting unit before it revealed itself for the killing blow. The connection between the smaller unit and the human-element meant that it was able to track with crystal clarity the position of the scout, even as a formation of enemies engaged the smaller being and, heeding its explanation, took it captive, leading the avatar unwittingly towards its goal. Always keeping a distance of several miles between itself and any potential sight the enemy may have had, the avatar settled into a position just inside maximum range and began to build up the power it needed to demonstrate to the enemy the fury of a war-god.

XXX

"Kukukuku", the hissing laugh seemed to echo from everywhere, making the ninja of the returning Oto patrol shudder but apparently not having any effect on their prisoner; even when the Otokage appeared from within the wall, yellow eyes glittering as they fell on his new prize, the boy gave no more reaction than an Abruame inspecting his hive, "this is a pleasant surprise Naruto-kun; I imagine Sasuke-kun will be most interested in a reunion with you".

"We are hoping so", the jinchuuriki spoke in a monotone, though his did not move seeing as every ninja present, Oroichimaru included, had hands on weapons, "we have an offer to make regarding the renegade Uchiha". _Ah, the innocence of youth_; thinking the jinchuuriki was clearly unhinged following the trauma of having his best friend try to kill him, Oroichimaru smiled as he realised yet another weapon of the Leaf had fallen into his hands; _with the Kyuubi vessel broken to my will, Konoha will burn even before I claim the Sharingan for my own_;

"With all due respect to your Hokage", even as he said the words his tone conveyed his contempt for the title, even disguised as it was with honeyed phrases, "you have nothing that I want that would convince me to return my next vessel; I must say though", he licked his lips, inwardly a little displeased that Naruto didn't flinch from the sight; _he knows no fear then – that will have to change_; "I do approve of their choice of gift to accompany the message; perhaps I will not invade Konoha again in thanks for the present of their jinchuuriki".

Naruto said nothing for a moment, Oroichimaru believing this was due to the sudden realisation that he had been betrayed once more and left to rot in the hands of an enemy made to speak, before the jinchuuriki's sudden words, still in the same cool, dispassionate voice, made him pause,

"You misunderstand Otokage-sama; we do not wish to barter for Uchiha Sasuke's return – we wish to correct the error made in the Valley of the End". Intrigued by this as Sasuke had never spoken of the fight during his recovery under Kabuto's skilled ministrations, the Hebi-sannin tapped a cold finger to his cheek and nodded,

"Go on".

"We diverted our final strike, avoiding a killing blow", the genin before him stated plainly, "Sasuke believes he was the victor in our battle – he is in error. He lives only because of our mercy; we desire an opportunity to battle once more, allow him to gain the power he could not take from us in the Valley". Mulling this over in his mind, the Otokage paused for a moment before stepping back and examining the jinchuuriki again, trying to make a little more sense of the situation; _something within the brat has changed, this I am sure of – what could have driven him so far from the annoying idiot he was, though, is a mystery to me_;

"A fight with my next vessel?" Oroichimaru enquired, smirking as Naruto nodded once, "But why would I risk precious Sasuke-kun's health when I could have him kill you here and now?"

"Because it would be logical for us all to allow the battle"; _logical?_; the term made the Otokage's thin eyebrows rise, their height only increasing as the explanation came, "should we kill Sasuke, it will remove a potentially weak host and you can harvest the Sharingan from his corpse; should he kill us he will awaken the ultimate form of the Sharingan, giving you a much more powerful host to claim when the time comes. There are no disadvantages to you from this plan".

_So it would appear_; obviously the boy had hidden depths, ones never before revealed in Konoha – despite himself Oroichimaru was obscurely pleased by such a ruthless, callous mind present; _if were to let them fight, I somehow doubt the victor would be the Uchiha despite Sasuke-kun's earlier words – Naruto-kun appears to have buried his heart_. Fingering his chin for a moment, the Otokage measured the impassive figure before him for a moment before his face broke into a wide, chilling smile,

"Your logic surprises me Naruto-kun; very well", he clapped once, all the Sound ninja immediately springing to attention as their kage pointed one of them out, "you, inform Sasuke-kun his presence is required in the training area in the next thirty minutes. You will have your last fight Uzumaki, and I applaud your courage – surely you realise that, even if you do kill Sasuke-kun", the yellow eyes flashed lethally in the gloom,

"I will kill you". For the first time in the conversation, Naruto smiled, a grim, tight expression,

"A sacrifice we are more than willing to make".

XXX

As much as his atrophied emotions would allow, mortal-Naruto gloried in the expression that flitted across his former team mate's face as the two saw each other again, the words from the last Uchiha's lips only increasing his mirth,

"Dobe", hastily recollecting himself, Sasuke adopted his patented disdainful sneer, "you've come a long way to die".

"You lack the power to kill us Uchiha Sasuke", it was the tone, rather than the words, that made him flash his bloodline in irritation; _I am an elite, no clanless trash dismisses me like that!_; "you are welcome to try, in fact we are expecting it..."

That may have been true but he was not expecting the start of the battle; true to the code of the ninja Sasuke immediately flared the only worthwhile technique his former sensei had taught him, the one that he should have used to slay this annoying blonde pest in the Valley of the End, to life. Before the dobe could react Sasuke was before him, the chidori lancing forwards and tearing straight through his heart, killing him even as the Uchiha's eyes widened; _he should have dodged that..._;

"As expected", the voice did not change even missing most of his chest, a sudden grip seizing his arm, pinning him in place; _how are you...is this a shadow clone? Why didn't it burst?_; the sudden question was suddenly ignored as the Sharingan alerted him to something thin and metallic whistling towards his trapped arm, the clone of Naruto, still unblooded despite the hand tearing through where its heart should have been, concluding even as it held the Uchiha tight, "you failed to look underneath the underneath".

With that the rod of metal connected with Sasuke's pinned shoulder; the Uchiha had a brief instant of excruciating agony as a voltage exceeding even that of Kakashi-sensei's one original technique exploded through his body before, mercifully, darkness fell over him.

XXX

Seeing the prodigy flump forwards insensate Oroichimaru forced himself to remain calm even as his blood boiled; the clone jutsu the jinchuuriki had used was enough to fool even him, this was something he would have to experiment with as soon as the Kyuubi vessel was captive and answering to a new master. Gathering his chakra, the Snake sannin coughed menacingly to gain the victors attention, Naruto looking over as he removed his former comrades' arm from his chest and slung him over his shoulder,

"Congratulations Naruto-kun", the Otokage's speech was as lethal as his venom as he stepped forwards, Kabuto close behind him as he shrank away from his master's ire, "your victory was impressive and the technique that incapacitated Sasuke-kun is unknown to me".

"We have forgotten more than you will ever know", the dismissive answer made Oroichimaru stop dead, almost losing his grip on his temper; _the brat forgets his place – he must be reminded who his betters are_; "we will be leaving now". With that, the mortal-Naruto sent a mental impulse back through his shared mind of the human-element and, sensing acceptance and the war-god's response, he readied the other item he had liberated from the avatar's head.

"I gave you no permission to leave", Oroichimaru assured him, the Kusanagi sword suddenly appearing in his hand as he prepared to kill the jinchuuriki for his casual insult; Naruto for his part simply shrugged, knowing to the exact second how long he could remain before the risk of accidental annihilation would be unacceptable,

"Why would we consider the warnings of a dead man?"

As the shadow clone of the genin disappeared in a flash of green light, Oroichimaru had no longer than a few seconds to contemplate what had happened and try to picture the unheard-of technique Naruto had used before, with a low roar, the fury of a war-god impacted against the surface of the world, locked onto the signature of the mortal-Naruto aspect of its human-element. As rock hissed to magma and the very air itself boiled to vacuum, Oroichimaru had only heartbeats to appreciate the magnitude of strength the ultimate weapon possessed before it reduced both him and the vast majority of his Hidden Village to atoms, not even a scream left to mark his passing.

_**Mission accomplished**_; as mortal-Naruto casually fulfilled his promise to the last Uchiha, snapping each of his limbs in turn to ensure he could pose no threat to the interior of the avatar, the human-element directed the shell-element back to retrace its steps towards its ultimate goal; _**now**_; with steam venting from the avatar's body in the wake of releasing his wrath against his enemies, the new god set his sights back towards the border he had just crossed.

_**We walk home.**_

XXX

In the aftermath of the discovery of what had happened at the rear of the mountain that had guarded their village since its founding Konoha was in a state of high alert; though no-one knew exactly what had happened speculation and rumours rife, especially when the news was leaked that the Kyuubi-brat had been seen acting suspiciously near the scene of the incident. More than one villager paid for voicing their suspicions of the Uzumaki with their life, the Sandaime's law still in effect even as the village council was in session, Tsunade holding the floor by dint of volume and the fact that she'd just destroyed the desks he was sat behind,

"I will not place Uzumaki Naruto in the Bingo book", the Hokage stated forcefully, glaring at her advisors, "without casting aspersions on your clansmen, and son in your case Inuzuka-san", Tsume nodded as the Hokage turned her eyes towards the representative of the House of Dogs before finishing, "they only encountered a shadow clone of Naruto; they had fleeting contact and had no way of divining his intentions from the actions of a single clone".

"But it is suspicious", Shibi spoke without emotion, though a barely-noticeable quaver entered his voice as Tsunade turned blazing eyes on him, "the Uzumaki has been absent for nearly a fortnight and appears, even as a clone, near an incident of potentially dire consequences. I agree that nothing would be gained from exiling him now, but he must be located quickly and made to explain his actions".

"Finally, someone's talking sense", Tsunade muttered under her breath before raising her voice to address the council as a whole, "Shibi-san speaks with wisdom; I have sent his former sensei to try and locate Uzumaki Naruto at the same time as inspect what has occurred at the base of our mountain. Until he reports back..."

The rest of her speech was lost forever, sacrificed to the god of good timing as a load, rasping croak erupted from the window of the council chamber; as the toad hopped to the floor and opened its mouth Jiraiya began to emerge, though even before he'd pulled his legs free from his transport he'd spoken his report, the shortest but most potentially devastating sentence ever uttered in the council chambers of Konoha,

"Abandon the village".

Stunned silence descended; more than one councillor, even some of the shinobi, let their jaws fall open as the Toad sage came to his feet, face as grim as any present could ever remember seeing it,

"Jiraiya", Tsunade was the first to break the spell of shock; _if this is a joke it's not just the window you'll be going through_; "what do you mean?"

"I mean something is coming, something beyond all of us", the sannin spoke seriously, shaking his head as the toad at his feet puffing back to its own realm, "all I know is it's huge, it's coming from Oto and it's coming here; I've seen it with my own eyes and I know it's the end of Konoha, hell it's the end of anything that gets in its way. Our only chance is to run; give the order hime", at once he was desperate, for the first time she could remember Jiraiya was looking into her eyes pleadingly, desperate for her to understand what he had seen, "if it can't be carried leave it to burn; this thing's at best two days away and, it stopped for a minute..."

He broke off, closing his eyes to recompose himself before turning towards one of the council and bowing from the waist, speaking as he realised he'd unable to save the man's daughter, placing the wellbeing of Konoha above an under-strength genin team,

"I am sorry for your loss Hiashi-dono; I believe it saw, it crushed, the team your daughter was a part of".

Even as the council fell into silence for a second time and Chouza, sat next to the Hyuuga patriarch, placed a large hand on his shoulder to steady the suddenly weak-kneed man, the truth of that statement was rather different; had the Toad Sage hung around for a few moments longer before disappearing to make his report, he would have had very different tidings to report back to his village.

While he observed the avatar, Jiraiya had been unaware that it was watching him; the eyes of a god saw in more than just the visible spectrum and, improved as they were by the rejuvenating properties of Kyuubi's youkai, it was able to pick out a large number of biological life-signs at a range beyond where even they would be able to see his body, including five its human-element recognised. As the first and most powerful of these disappeared from its senses, the avatar recognised the other four clustered around something else and, triangulating the coordinated and overlaying them over the topological maps it had plotted during its walking, immediately recognised the most likely reasoning for the clustering.

_**Realigning mission priorities, intercept course plotted**_; with a half-pivot, the body of the reawakened god altered its course as a thought from its human-element was broadcast through the mind-link; _**let's go lend a hand**_.

XXX

The plan had been made up and the village evacuated in less than a day; even as she waited and watched her death approach Tsunade felt at least a crumb of comfort in her mind that Suna would be able to accept the refugees of her village and grow stronger due to that strength. Still, as Jiraiya had said after Inoichi had verified his report and recovered from the shock of seeing what he'd seen, someone had to act as rear-guard as the last few ANBU in the village rigged the demolition charges, turning Konoha into a death-trap for any invasion force. _But this thing isn't an invasion force_; as the blurred outline became clear and details snapped into focus Tsunade suddenly felt every one of the years her genjutsu kept hidden weigh on hr like a funeral shroud; _I don't think even a force of nature could stop it_.

It was vaguely man-like in build if not proportion; the tallest trees of the forests around Konoha barely brushed where its waist would have been as its two legs, each thicker than the Hokage tower, smashed through the woods like a man through bracken. The entire construct, for it was a metal body she could see, must have topped two hundred and fifty feet, perhaps even three hundred as it stalked ever closer, looking like it carried a castle on its broad shoulders as the moving battlements swayed with every stride it took. All this alone would have been cause for alarm had the thing been unarmed but it was seeing the swinging weapons of the beast, both arms carrying weapons with destructive potential Tsunade somehow instinctively knew no-one in the Elemental Nations, least of all as washed-up old gambler like her, could counter, that truly told her that the death of her village had come.

The right arm was a more familiar shape to her; the colossal hand at the end of it was curled into a fist that looked like it could have punched its way straight through the wall that stood at her back. Under the fist was something that looked like a much smaller version of the contraption that served the creature as a left arm, the entire forearm shaped into a septet of long barrels, each wide and long enough to hide a Konoha redwood in. Atop the arms, where the shoulders would have been on a normal person, another pair of twin barrels jutted forwards aggressively, tracking the heart of Konoha as Tsunade, dread filling her but keeping her head through stubborn pride if nothing else, turned to the figure by the side of her and spoke possibly the last words she would have the chance to say,

"Jiraiya, get the hell out of here; this thing can't be stopped and you know it..."

"I know", he overrode her gently, a look of weary acceptance on his red-lined face as he smiled across at her gently, "I always thought it would come to this; okay I never reckoned it'd happen in Konoha's ashes, but I always knew at least two of the sannin would go down together". Gallows humour at the last as the grey and brass-coloured beast of steel thundered towards them, surely now within range with those alien weapons, made the Slug Queen smirk as she turned towards her teammate and, gently for her, punched his shoulder,

"Ever the Gallant Jiraiya huh? Ah well", she clenched her fists, flaring her chakra in a futile challenge towards the thing that would end her, "see you in the next life you old toad; maybe you'll be able to get a date there if Kami spreads his mercy on you".

"If I didn't know any better I'd say you were offering hime", she scowled but couldn't quite bring herself to give the super-pervert the beating he deserved; instead of gloating over his good fortune though he took a deep breath and cracked his knuckles, "still, no point hanging arou..."

"**Peace**", the voice that echoed forth was so unexpected, and so loud, that both sannin looked at each other before realising exactly who, or in this case what, had spoken, "**we mean no harm to Konoha; please open the gate and we will show you why we have come**".

XXX

The mighty gates of Konoha were one of the wonders of Fire Country; made up of pristine solid oak, bound together with solid steel nails that would never rust and reinforced by a seal matrix that the Yondaime himself had inked, the gates had never fallen to an enemy. They had withstood jutsus, kunai and, most recently, one of Oroichimarus' strongest snake summons without ever yielding; unless the enemy could somehow capture the opening mechanism, held within the gatehouse that could have been locked down tighter than an Abruame's collar at the touch of a button, they would have had to throw a force enough to move mountains to get the gates of the Leaf village open.

In the case of Senju Tsunade, this force equated to both her hands, one for each gate.

In the end it was a calculated gamble; either the creature was lying and waiting to lay waste to the village once the gates were open, or it wasn't and was trying to enter for a reason she couldn't foresee; either way, if necessary the trap would be sprung and the beast would, if not die, at least have a permanent reminder of the day it came to Konoha. With Jiraiya at her heels, the Toad Sage reading her intentions and moving to play his part as he gathered his chakra, one of his most lethal doton jutsus ready in his mind to trap at least one leg in a mire long enough for the trap to explode, the Godaime Hokage instead waited for the summon to come closer. Its shadow fell over her, covering half the village behind the setting sun as, at last, it arrived at its target; _ready Jiraiya, nearly time_; seeing one of the ignition tags close at hand, she prepared her perfect chakra control to send the pulse necessary to start the chain reaction should it be needed as one foot, the base of it little more than a splay-toed hoof, advanced towards the gate.

There was no way it would possibly fit; the leg itself might have just about been able to squeeze in but the foot at the base of such a massive monument; no chance it would fit without kicking in the gate itself. It was therefore fortunate then that, with an impact that kicked up a cloud of dust, the foot landed just before the gate, the top of the wall reaching halfway up the shin of the metallic man before, with a mighty hiss that made Jiraiya jump out of cover to stand beside Tsunade, there was a low rumbling and, to the amazement of both sannin, a portal opened at the top of what on a human would have been the ankle. This alone was strange enough but the sight of someone, someone who both older ninja recognised, slowly emerge blinking into the evening sunlight all but made them pass out through shock,

"A,ano", trying her hardest to keep her stuttering under control, Hyuuga Hinata poked her fingertips together and tried to make her voice louder than a whisper, "please, don't try anything, he's, he's not a threat..."

"Yeah, loud and annoying but definitely not a threat"; at the emergence of a second figure, this one perhaps even better known than the Hyuuga heiress, the lock that seemed to have snap into place over the Hokage's lips was broken,

"Anko!" With the speed of a mongoose she whipped around to glare at Jiraiya, the Gama sannin backing up immediately as his survival instincts kicked in, "You said they were killed!" Overhearing the two bickering sannin Anko grinned wickedly as she couldn't resist the urge to throw a little more oil on the fire,

"Nah, we just hitched a lift home", she called over, the second and third members of her patrolling team emerging from the cool interior of the avatar's left leg, Shino adjusting his sunglasses against the glare of the sun as he stepped into the light and Tenten with a dreamy smile on her face, "you should try it Hokage-sama, plenty of room in here; Kami must have heard my prayers when I asked for a huge, strong man to take me for a stroll one moonlit night".

Ignoring the sudden sound of scribbling that filled her ears as even in this mad situation it appeared Jiraiya couldn't let a piece of innuendo such as that go unrecorded, Tsunade rubbed her eyes before managing an answer,

"Anko, if you don't tell me what the hell is going on in the next five seconds I will personally shut down every dango stand in Konoha; that baka", she pointed at Jiraiya, who pouted, "said you and your squad were killed by this...this..." Words failed her as she waved towards what little of the beast she could see this close without having to crane her neck and, before she could come up with a suitable descriptor, the Snake-mistress stepped aside, still grinning wickedly, as the last member of the crew came into view, a limp body swung over his shoulders as the avatar he was a part of spoke,

"**Mission accomplished**", though it had no face, or at least, no face that could show expressions, Tsunade could have swore she _felt_ the construct give a mile-wide grin as it finished, "**baachan**".

As expected Jiraiya was by his godson's elbow in moment, not giving the battered form of Sasuke Uchiha a second glance as he was still breathing and was therefore alive enough not to matter,

"Naruto", the elder ninja wasn't sure if he wanted to do a Tsunade and squeeze the boy to death or just batter him for running off like he had, "what the...forget that, _how _are you here? Where did this...?" He broke off, unable to go on as Tsunade arrived, hand glowing with medical chakra though, as he handed the unconscious traitor off to Shino, he shook his head,

"That jutsu will no longer work on us baachan; as we explained to the others on the way here, we are no longer human. We understand your confusion", he held up a hand as Tsunade and Jiraiya both shared a look that spoke volumes of bafflement and concern for his sake, "follow, it is easier to see than explain".

Some long minutes later, having followed the Kage bushin or 'mortal-Naruto' as it had claimed to be, up through the body of the beast to this final chamber where a grisly secret lay, Tsunade felt her hands rush to her face and immediately turned around, Jiraiya out of instinct wrapping an arm around her as he stared at the sad, sprawled figure in the chair before him,

"Naruto..."

"Do not disturb the link", the bushin spoke, moving to stand between the sannin and human element, the spike of the mind-link still protruding from the crown of the former ninja's head, "we understand your distress but you must see we are whole now, a perfect avatar of war".

"Perfect? You call _that_", maternal rage flooding through her Tsunade stabbed a finger towards where her grandson lay, as far as she could see and sense dead as there was no chakra within him, "perfect – you're all but dead, a vegetable in that seat!"

"We are whole", the bushin repeated, "a perfect fusion and symbiosis of man and machine; you must understand that now, there is no Uzumaki Naruto – the human-element cannot leave the symbiosis or the avatar will fail and the symbiotes, both symbiotes, will either die or fall dormant".

"So", Jiraiya murmured miserably a moment later, taking in how small and pathetic his godson looked, sitting in a chair that was much too big for him the same way Sarutobi-sensei had always claimed he had in the Hokage's chair in his younger days, "that's it then, you're stuck in there? There's no way to get you out?"

"No, but we do not want to leave Ero-sennin", the name brought a smile, however weary and tired, to the Gama sage's lips as the bushin went on, "before wholeness was complete the human-element once called Uzumaki Naruto was nothing but another ninja, hated by many and treated with indifference by most. The shell or machine-element, the Warlord-class God-engine codified as _Hellbreaker_ was simply that, a hollow shell that had been empty since time immemorial, buried beneath the mountains of a world it had once guarded. Now we are whole, the shell-element is full and the human-element stronger than other men", the bushin stepped forwards to look out of the titan's eyes, now barely having to crane his neck upwards to see the faces on the Hokage mountain as the machine-element was almost at eye-level with the chins of some of them,

"We may be known by many names; Uzumaki Naruto, _Hellbreaker_, the avatar of war – all are immaterial save one fact", he turned and looked at both sannin, the smile on his face instilling confident like nothing else could as the former jinchuuriki who was now so much more than merely mortal finished his declaration,

"We walk for Konoha".

Silence fell over the God-engine's bridge at that statement, both sannin very glad and relieved that Naruto, or whatever part of this unique symbiosis Naruto represented at least, was Naruto still and he would defend his home. _And how_; almost as one the two sannin recalled what the exterior of the Titan looked like, the weapons it must have possessed; _how could he defend us now?_;

"So Naruto, if you don't mind being called that?"

"It is one of our names". Taking that as permission to carry on, Tsunade carried on,

"Have you, tested what you can do in this...God-engine?" The bushin seemed to think for a moment before it delivered its report,

"The turbo-laser destroyers are untested, as is the plasma blastgun underslung on our right arm; the power fist was exercised when we broke out of the machine-element's self-made tomb and is functioning well, and the Hellstorm cannon functioned at acceptable levels when we destroyed Oto". The last bit of news made both sannin whip around, Jiraiya's eyes widening,

"You attacked the Sound?"

"Hai, to get Sasuke back and complete our mission it was necessary; we are able to lock on to the mortal-Naruto", the clone pointed to itself before continuing, "for increased accuracy; as Oroichimaru was stood within ten metres of the mortal-Naruto just before the cannon hit there is a massive probability that the Otokage is dead".

Both sannin took a moment to remember their treacherous team mate of old, mourning and rejoicing his death in equal measure before the Hokage looked up and spoke to her counterpart,

"Spread the word baka; false alarm, get everyone back here as soon as possible and those traps disassembled before some idiot blows us all sky-high. Naruto, you'll have to move a bit away from the village until we can figure out somewhere to house the new you, and that's to say nothing about the hell this is going to raise with the other countries", she looked up to glare at him half-seriously, "you just love driving me to drink don't you gaki?" The bushin smiled even as the figure on the command throne of the Imperator titan remained motionless, to all intents and purposes dead to the mortal world,

"Never intentionally baachan; apart from those other concerns, we would advise you quickly set up a method for our weapons to be tested". Jiraiya folded his arms at that request, smiling slightly as he looked out of the walking death-machine's eyes enough to see the fearsome fist of the titan, arguably the most lethal hand in the world at the moment,

"Heh, just checking for rust brat? Can't say I blame you".

"That and the fact that if we do not, there will be a very angry weapons-mistress after our blood and oil", at the pair of incredulous looks, mortal-Naruto smirked, "when Tenten-chan heard our explanation about us and what we now are she threatened to cry if we would not heed one request, so we promised that she would quote-get-to-fire-the-huge-kick-ass-cannon-soon-unquote. We would recommend you allow this to happen in the near future", he advised, the wicked smile still in place as the Godaime realised that he had, in effect, promised the most powerful weapon in his arsenal to the only girl in the Leaf obsessed enough to use it and blanched, "the mortal-element is well aware that a kunai to the sensitive parts hurts most considerably".

For the first time in millennia the bridge of the land-battleship _Hellbreaker_ resounded to the sound of combined human grief and laughter.

Omake – Deitific Collision

As the squad of jounin both nin had detected coalesced out of the ever-present mist the taller of the two figures they had surrounded flashed a cheesy grin before whispering to his much shorter companion,

"Gaki, if you're having second thoughts now you're having them seconds too late".

"Why would I be having them Ero-sennin?" _Finally, at least we broke him of speaking in the plural all the time – that was getting really annoying_; grateful that the minor mind-therapy the mortal-Naruto bushin had undergone with some elements of the Yamanaka clan had helped both the boy and, to Inoichi's great surprise, the titan that he was now eternally bound to form distinctions between each other.

The patriarch of the mind-walking clan had been shocked into incoherence that the massive machine he could vaguely see through the mental link of the bushin was sentient to a degree, not to mention very protective of its human-element. Eventually though, with the urgings of the choir of past images that had haunted the mind-link still and the third occupant of the strange neutral territory where the flesh-and-blood Naruto was entwined forever with his new shell, the titan's mind had relented to a small degree; though Naruto would never leave the command throne of his new iron skin, the bushin that spoke for him and was formed out of most of his chakra was now mostly autonomous from the titan's will. It was able to walk, talk and train like the original Naruto could and, due to the chakra imbued in its construction, it was hardly fragile; more than once it had taken on another member of the Rookie nine and come out just about on top. Most importantly, especially considering the mission they were now neck-deep in, it allowed him to talk most of the time like he was his own person; unless he slipped back into bad habits, there was a better than average chance that their target would never know the difference until it was too late.

"You are trespassers in the realm of God, Konoha-nin", the laboured breathing from behind the face mask immediately let Jiraiya know they were in the right place, the Ame jounin approaching cautiously as the rest of his squad positioned themselves should the meeting go awry, "state your business and prepare to receive His judgement". Jiraiya looked away, mostly to hide a smirk that his information network had come through once again, as he let Naruto answer for him,

"We come to stand before and talk to your god", he stated plainly, the jounin actually falling back a step at such a bold declaration before the jinchuuriki's next words brought him up cold, "I am one of the nine he seeks, and I wish to talk to him".

What followed those words was little more than a sprint and a route-march to the water-logged village of Ame, the two Konoha-nins whistled through the usually docking procedures as the Rain shinobi hurried to fulfil the plans of their deity. Within minutes Naruto was towelling off his hair as the Toad sage wrung out his robes, only for him to suddenly drop the damp material as another figure entered the room, a lithe, blue-haired woman he had last seen as little more than a tiny stripling girl,

"K, Konan-chan", the woman seemed to recognise him, looking up as Jiraiya looked her up and down; _hmm, bit rough around the edges and the cloak hides too much, but damn if she didn't fill out in all the right places_;

"That was my name once", she replied, her voice cool and quiet even as her expression never changed, reminding Naruto for a moment of a taller, less-shy version of Hinata, a comparison that forced him to quickly mask a smile as the woman went on, "now I am an extension of God's will, his Angel and consort of this earth"; _hmm, sounds like we have something in common then_;

"Good, well would you mind winging your way up to his ear-hole and telling him Uzumaki Naruto wants a word with him", the jinchuuriki asked brusquely, not wanting to wait longer than necessary to get this S-ranked idiot and leader of the organisation that would soon be hunting the bijuu to the negotiating table before the years could pass and things got really ugly, "we have matters of...deitific business to discuss". Amber eyes turned in his direction and for the first time an expression chipped the pale marble of Konan's cheeks, her red lips shifting into a soft, sad smile,

"You cannot understand the will of God; your role is a key that will allow Pain-sama to teach humanity the lessons of his wisdom and achieve true peace. The power that resides within you will create a weapon that will extinguish the need for war; no man will dare draw a blade for fear of God's retribution".

Konan had heard many reactions to her pronunciation of Pain's will; most fell in adoration before the master of the Rin'negan while those that scoffed quickly joined the long list of corpses who had stood against the lord of Ame and been culled for their stupidity. However the container of the Kyuubi, the last and most powerful piece the Akatsuki needed for their plan for world supremacy and peace, was the first person she had ever spoken to that simply threw back his head and laughed in the face of God's words,

"Is that so?" The boy folded his arms, his new student by the side of him, the one who had taught both her and Nagato-kun before he had ascended into godhood and become Pain, likewise looking serious as he folded his arms and regarded her with an expression that spoke of disappointment and pity, "I am no man's tool but I will not waste words on a proxy; bring your god", he spoke to the angel, nothing but determination in his marvellous blue eyes as, through the back of his mind he felt his real body move, no more than quarter of an hour from optimum range as it crossed the border of Ame, a patrol of Rain ninja scattering before it like a flock of startled birds,

"I have some sense to beat into his head".

Knowing it would be foolish to try to enlighten a closed mind Konan merely bowed before dispersing her body into paper, the origami sheets fluttering away in the breeze as she projected herself to the spire where Pain-sama dwelled, ready to inform him of the circumstances that had delivered one part of their ultimate plan to their doorstep.

XXX

"What is it with powerful ninja and heights?" The question made Jiraiya looked down at his new student as the pair of them were led through yet another set of ornate double doors by a paper bushin of the woman the Toad Sage had once rescued from the ruins of a war-torn country, "I know the Hokage tower's not this tall but the monument is; do all kages love just looking down on their villages?"

"Some do", Jiraiya commented, his experiences from all over the Elemental Nations coming to the fore as he educated his student before looking up as he sensed several chakra presences ahead; _and they all have the same chakra – are they clones of each other?_; "but in Konoha we prefer to think the Hokage is watching over us rather than looking down on us. Anyway, look sharp", as the first of the figures, all of them dressed in black cloaks with red clouds on them, edged into the light the Gama sannin immediately tensed, ready to fight or flee is necessary, "we're in the presence of...Yahiko?"

The sudden exclamation made Naruto look up and, seeing the whitened face of his teacher, glance across at the man he was goggling at; _huh, trying to copy my look – too much metal where their brains should be giving them delusions of godhood I'll bet_; keeping his thoughts private, the jinchuuriki tapped his sensei on the arm to bring his attention off the silent figure,

"You know this guy Ero-sennin?"

"He knows all the faces of God nine-tails", one of the six spoke, this one a portly-looking nin with the same piercings and strange, swirl-covered eyes they all shared, "we have taken on aspects of his past, people Jiraiya knew before the joined us as avatars of God". The talk of avatars brought about a distinct feeling of déjà vu in Naruto's mind as he folded his arms, his remote body merely minutes from being in position,

"Well either way, I assume you're Pain and the leader of the organisation that's hunting the bijuu, the Akatsuki, right?"

"You assume correctly", another of the bodies, this one female, answered, "through the power of the nine will true peace be achieved".

"Uh-huh, and I'm sure this will be a great comfort to the jinchuuriki who will die in agony when you rip the demons out of them?"

"Sometime sacrifices must be made for the greater good", one of the puppets of the mad god spoke again as they all stepped forwards as one, "you cannot understand my pain, you are not God..."

"And neither are you", Naruto cut him off, just about blocking out _Hellbreaker's_ mental demands to simply lay waste to the impudent mortal who would threaten them; _no, if we cut down this martyr a hundred more will rise in his place – we have to kill off his beliefs, not his bodies_; "Jiraiya knows who you are, he knew your so-called angel as well, a kunoichi called Konan; I thought mortals could never know the true name of a god?"

"We have ascended Uzumaki Naruto, ascended to a higher plane", the body that Jiraiya had called Yahiko answered, prompting the Toad Sage to take a step closer to his student just in case Pain started anything, "your power will create the weapon that will end all wars; when every nation has the power to destroy the world none will dare use it and all men will know peace".

"Peace? Peace because of some kind of massive weapon; you know for a god you really don't understand humans very well do you? Giving men a better kind of weapon", Naruto shook his head dismissively, meeting the concentric circles of the eyes of the self-proclaimed god, "all that means is that more men will die – no matter the consequences, there is always someone willing to damn the world by pushing the button".

To his hidden satisfaction, Naruto had the pleasure of seeing his words stun the god for a moment; none of the bodies of Pain appeared to have an answer to this. Knowing he'd knocked a hole in the Ame leader's thinking, he waited for a moment and husbanded his power until he could use it to best effect,

"That would be...regrettable", the Yahiko-body spoke again, "but it is the task of God to educate men that their actions have consequences; to break the circle of violence, they must see the final step on the path of war". Naruto appeared to consider this for a minute, the link to the titan that was now in position open and awaiting the word,

"There is truth in that, I will admit", he mused before looking the speaker right in the eye, a blue, blazing fire behind them as he pointed out the window, "so please look outside for a demonstration of the power of a different god".

XXX

Of all the weapons once used by the galaxy-spanning empire of Man, the volcano cannon had been one of the most powerful and feared. The premise of such a potent weapon was actually fairly simple; a huge capacitor stored power prior to the barrel of the weapon unleashing it in a firestorm of sheer power. It was a weapon had been the bane of vehicles and other Titans; however, there was a weapon that eclipsed even this dread gun in both power and potency. Made up of several separate volcano cannons slaved together and set to fire in unison at the urge of a neural impulse, the Hellstorm cannon was capable of annihilating anything within its effective range of twenty miles that was not protected by thick banks of void shields. Those who created the weapon considered it a divine instrument of the Machine-God's vengeance, those who faced it considered it a death-ray that could reduce even the strongest tank or bulwark to slag.

Uzumaki Naruto, human-element of the Warlord titan _Hellbreaker_, considered it his left arm.

And at the impulse from the shadow clone currently conversing with the man who wanted to capture all nine of the bijuu to fuel his delusions of grandeur, he sent the mental message that fired it.

XXX

A burning, blazing spear of pure white energy lanced overhead, piercing through the mist around the Rain village and scarring even the clouds as everyone within eyesight of the blast promptly turned away or risked blindness. From within the tower of God Naruto merely watched dispassionately as the blast of the Hellstorm passed overhead, the almighty beam of devastation boiling away the very air itself until the power of the weapon was finally drained after a several-second salvo, long enough to core into the heart of a mountain or destroy part of a subterranean hidden village. As the display ended and he felt the titan begin to walk once more, the clone looked up and was faintly amused by the sight of awe and, though well-hidden, a trace of fear in the self-proclaimed God's eyes.

"So", to his surprise it was the angel who spoke, her paper body giving her a weightless tread, "you are not the real one then? Your true body has synched with the power of the bijuu, a power man was never meant to hold. You are a weapon meant only to be wielded by a god; with your human mind, you cannot understand..."

"The way I understand it", bored with the torrent of what he considered to be drivel and having blinked the after-image of the cannon's eruption out of his eyes, Jiraiya overrode his former student, "Naruto-kun's mind is the only thing that stopped us all dying by directing that beam above our heads rather than onto them. You stand there and lecture us on what it means to know pain, to want to change the world; join the bloody club and grow up", suddenly stern, the Toad Sage took a step forwards as Konan, though she didn't retreat, she visibly wilted as he went on,

"I taught you better than this Konan, and you Nagato wherever you're hiding behind these puppets; killing jinchuuriki simply to try and control the power they possess and using that to potentially kill millions", his aged face was lined and hard as he folded his arms, seemingly glaring at all seven Akatsuki members simultaneously, "I'm only grateful I'm not yet dead because I'd be rolling in my grave at seeing my lessons perverted so badly. Much as I thought I'd never say these words I'm thinking at this moment that Oroichimaru had the right idea – if we had killed you three when you were young, helpless orphans, a lot like Naruto was prior to his...well, you'll see what happened to him in a moment, this would never have happened and the Akatsuki never formed".

Despite himself Naruto felt a hint of pity for the two; _sort of, if this guy is somehow using a clone technique I don't know about_; Akatsuki – he knew from experience that a dressing-down from a sensei was never a pleasant experience. Still Jiraiya had laid the groundwork; it was up to him, all of him, to hammer the point home,

"Regardless of sensei's personal views on the matter, the Akatsuki is already too late to claim its goals", that brought all the attention back to him, six sets of Rin'negan eyes joining the amber eyes of the blue-haired woman to gaze at him as he went on, "the Kyuubi is gone now, in a place beyond your power to breach. I have his power and have eclipsed it utterly; this is why I asked Jiraiya-sensei to concentrate to tracking the leader of the Akatsuki down over the past six months, there is something we wanted you both to see".

Enlightened by his link to the shared mind of the avatar, mortal-Naruto knew the time to the exact second when the rest of him would appear and was able to point out the window just as the looming shadow of _Hellbreaker_ appeared over the village, its long strides having eaten up the distance between its firing point and the village in a matter of moments as its own mortal emissary spoke quietly, not bothering to conceal his smirk as he watched the faces of the Akatsuki fall through the floor,

"The Akatsuki is too late", he repeated, watching them take in the vague outline of the titan and try to comprehend what they were seeing, "the ultimate weapon already exists and the Kyuubi no Kitsune walks with it".

Even gods, it seemed, could tremble; certainly angels could; as the first of the screams from the villagers echoed up to the spire of God, one of Pain's bodies managed to speak again,

"What, what is it?" All twelve Rin'negan eyes swivelled as one to look upon the jinchuuriki, "What are you?"

"**I am a different God**", the response was spoken in a voice of thunder, audible clearly from miles away and causing several people in Ame to fall flat to the floor and pray for their God to deliver them, "**you speak with our mortal avatar Pain; we are the true jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi and he has added his strength to our own. We walk together, and we will not be separated**".

"So it would appear", the blonde-haired boy carried on without missing a beat, smirking as he watched the members of the organisation that would be soon after his kind try to tear their attention between himself and the hazy outline visible from the window, "that your organisation has failed before it began. Even if you could subdue me, removal of the Kyuubi's chakra would result in a chain reaction and detonation of the shell that would destroy...well, if it occurred now everything between here and Konoha's borders, including everyone and everything in Ame, would be reduced to glass and the entire Elemental Nations would be seeded with poisons that would result in cancers, mutations and misery for a thousand generations. You would be a God", he met one set of Pain's eyes without fear, "but there would be no-one left to worship you, and those that did survive would probably have a very low opinion of the God who led their world to ruin".

There was no way that this could have been considered in their calculations; the terrible form before them was beyond even them; though Pain had never known defeat, even he could see that trying to fight such a thing, even if he was able to defeat it, would result in the utter annihilation of Ame in the ensuing struggle. The room was silent for a moment before, to their horror, the titan spoke again,

"**So Pain, what will it be? Do we fight as gods...?**"

"...Or talk as men", mortal-Naruto finished, looking rather bored as he gazed out at his real body, "we would prefer to work with you rather than against you but, should you force us to fight, we will not back down".

There was silence for a moment before, with a sudden hiss, a door that neither Naruto nor Jiraiya had noticed opened and, after a moment, another figure emerged; on the top of a chair not entirely unlike the command throne Uzumaki Naruto's mortal coil now resided upon, an emaciated man with a large number of metallic rods inserted into both him and the chair he was sat upon. Looking upwards at his two guests, the man that had once been Nagato managed to give a slight smile towards his former teacher and his former prey,

"It appears, nine-tails", he paused before managing to speak again, the chakra drain of maintaining all six of his paths taxing his reserves even now, "that we have much to talk about".

"Good", Jiraiya muttered under his breath, moving to follow Konan as he and his newest student followed both of his older ones into a more private chamber of the God's spire, "talk costs nothing; war, as you know Konan-chan", for the first time the kunoichi managed to smile, unsure of herself and the future in the world the new weapon had opened, "costs so much more".

"**And should we work together**", the voice of the titan was fainter but still audible, even as one of Pains' paths broke off to deliver a message to urge for his citizens' calm in the face of the newly-revealed metal monster, "**we see no reason that peace cannot be attained**".

Omake 2 – Black stone and Magma

She had hoped that expecting repeated exposure to the _Hellbreaker_, if that was the proper title the Hokage had given to the monster now overlooking her village like some ominous sentinel, would have given her some degree of immunity to its sheer imposing presence. But, as she looked over her shoulder and shivered again, Kurotsuchi was aware that it hadn't happened yet and the youngster by the side of her, supposedly helping her guard the titan; _as if something that damned huge actually needs a guard_; from curious villagers wasn't helping just by looking so much like the Yellow Flash she had been raised to fear.

She'd heard of it of course; the near-mythical Steel Giant of Konoha, not a shinobi but still granted a 'flee on sight' order in all the Bingo books. It's supposed deeds were legendary; the beams of light it produced had gouged irrigation channels that had transformed the land of Rain to the land of Rivers, single-handedly remade the entire transport network of both Fire and Wind in the space of less than a year. From the other Stone ninja that had tried to infiltrate around Konoha, apparently the titan spent most of its time stood over the village as it was now stood over hers; now she could see the thing so close, the sheer presence it had was enough to make her skin crawl; _grandfather must have been mad – allowing this so close to Iwa puts us at the mercy of Konoha. This thing could wipe us out from here without even moving, even if it would cost them their own Hokage in doing so_;

"Ryo for your thoughts Kurotsuchi-chan?" Biting back a snarl of annoyance at the fond suffix, something the Konoha nin had done nothing to deserve to use, she gave an answer in a clipped, curt tone,

"Why are we out here, that thing doesn't need an escort", she snapped irritably, pink eyes flashing over her shoulder once more to see the knees of the mighty machine, "it can look after itself; ji-san must have been mad to trust you Konoha vermin so close to our village".

"What makes you say that?"

"I know nothing about the Steel Giant but I respect power when I see it", she grudgingly admitted, not looking over her shoulder this time, "that monster could..."

"His name is _Hellbreaker_", the Konoha nin cut her off, blue eyes darkening slightly as he looked over at her, "he's not a monster or a god and he is certainly not about to wipe Iwa off the map; he's just here as an escort to baa-chan while she sorts out the new treaty arrangements with your ji-san. If we really wanted to fight", he explained, seeing Kurotsuchi not looking convinced by his words, "do you think he'd have just blasted you and your family to the other side as soon as he saw you".

That she couldn't answer; she had been pleasantly surprised to hear Oonaki select her and her elder brother as his personal honour guard to meet the Godaime Hokage and her bodyguard at the borders of Iwa. A platoon of jounin was close at hand as well in case things went south; though the Hokage had claimed she was only bringing her husband and another guard no ninja in Iwa took the words of Konoha at face-value. The Iwa party had arrived at the pre-arranged meeting place just in time to see the Steel Giant, already easily visible but still miles in the distance, striding towards them with, as they would later discover, the two members of the sannin and a single blonde genin present and safe within one of its massive legs. Following the disembarkation of the titan's passengers the time-honoured greeting were exchanged haltingly, all attention drawn as though by a magnet back to the silent titan that stood without moving following delivering Tsunade and Jiraiya to Iwa. Its only action had come following, having at last invited his guests back to the hospitality of his village, Oonaki had turned to address his honour guard before another voice, one that almost dropped Kurotsuchi to her knees in shock alone, had drowned it completely,

"**May I offer you a lift, Tsuchikage-sama?**"

The offer had been politely declined of course but the titan, as Jiraiya ha told them the Steel Giant was more properly known, seemed to take no offence, instead keeping an easy pace with the flying Iwa ninjas as the Tsuchikage bestowed his bloodline on his grandchildren to make better speed back to the village. The titan had paused out of eyeshot of the village to give Oonaki time to prepare his villagers before they started a riot at the sight; since then, three days since the negotiations began, it had been stood here immobile, waiting for the Hokage's business to be concluded as she and the miniature Yondaime Hokage, who's name she later learned was Naruto, drew the short straw for guard duty at the feet of the mighty machine.

"Still", trying to keep the initiative, the Iwa kunoichi carried on where she left off, "I don't understand why you're even here at all. Much as I hate to admit it the Steel Giant gives Konoha the greatest power known to the Elemental Nations; the Leaf could conquer all and obliterate anything that stood in their way, we heard what happened to Oto when it stood against you. So why barter, why lower yourselves to lesser powers when you could just take it all?"

Naruto was silent for a moment; for a fleeting minute Kurotsuchi thought he wasn't going to answer but, just as she looked towards him, his voice came towards her again, much colder and more world-weary than before,

"Pray", he told her, the words sending a shiver down her spine as he finished, "pray to the Kami that we never have to go to war properly; much as I'd like to explain why", like the flick of a switch his face brightened and he suddenly waved towards some of the people who now approached, apparently not noticing the dark scowls and evil looks thrown his way, "I have a different job now. Good afternoon people of Iwa", he raised his voice to a shout, making Kurotsuchi respect his nerve if nothing else; _it must take nerves of steel or a brain of jelly to actually speak to people who hate your face_; "don't worry, he's friendly".

As she'd expected and suspected he'd half-expected, they ignored him, completely, turning to her as one as a tall man, obviously the self-appointed leader of this little group, spoke to the kunoichi he recognised as the granddaughter of the venerable Tsuchikage,

"Kurotsuchi-dono, forgive our impudence but we, some of the villagers have been asking", he couldn't quite bring himself to look at the titan as he stabbed a finger towards it, all his attention focussed on her, "how long must we endure that beast standing over us like the Shinigami come to earth? Bad enough that the Leaf has ninja here but to bring a monster to our doorstep is..."

"**We're not deaf you know?**"

The voice made most of the villagers cower, one or two of them falling to their knees or, in the case of the pointer, prone as for the first time in three days the titan moved; with a slow, almost languid grace one mighty knee buckled forwards, the entire weight of the machine shifting until it finally rested on one knee, its massive fist unfurling and the tips of the metal fingers touching the ground as, in a lower voice than last time, it continued its explanation,

"**We are not a monster; we are a titan and our name is **_**Hellbreaker**_**. Do not be afraid of us – we do not wish to make enemies of anyone**". The titan said nothing more, nor did it move as the villagers came slowly back to their feet, taking in the new position of the thing that had been stood over them for the past few days. As Kurotsuchi looked on, a couple of the braver souls amongst them took a few steps forwards, like children approaching a massive dog they had been told was safe; they couldn't quite believe the advice they'd been given and it was taking a lot of concentration and even more courage to approach the kneeling figure. Not quite able to look away from the scene Kurotsuchi could not quite deny her own curiosity; after all the Steel Giant was as much a mystery as it was a lethal killing machine, but before she could act on her impulses she caught sight of a familiar figure striding towards her and immediately bowed low, the Toad Sage almost as famous as his student through the land of Stone,

"Jiraiya-sama", she kept her eyes on him at all times; despite her respect for the man, her caution of his legendary perversions outweighed even that, "what need do you have of us?" Cracking his neck, the sannin smiled at her before raising his voice, most of the citizen of the village ducking their heads as they realised the living legend walking amongst them,

"The old ball-and-chain's just about worked everything out with the Tsuchikage; before we leave he wants to sort out a bit of a recurring problem he had with Kumo, something about an inconsiderately-placed hill he wouldn't mind us going through. Reckon you can handle it – we leave in thirty minutes?"

_What could he do?_; for a long second the kunoichi was almost certain he was talking to Naruto and wondered what power the genin possessed that had a man with the power of the kage speaking to him as an equal. It was only when she heard as sudden rumbling that she realised who his comment had been addressed to, the villagers of Iwa scuttling backwards as the titan stood to its full height,

"**We could use a little exercise**", hefting its arms, _Hellbreaker_ took a half-step forwards in the direction Jiraiya had pointed towards, "**where are we headed?**"

XXX

The next morning, having used his bloodline to ensure he could arrive at the site slightly before his esteemed guests as the titan travelled tirelessly through the night and gritting his teeth to avoid showing the pain flaring in his joints, Oonaki looked up at the mountain before him, sat like a plug between his land and that of the Raikage, stopping the flow of trade between the two nations.

"You really think it can do it jiji?" Akatsuchi, once he'd got over the thrill of flying again, had landed and was now looking at the mountain over his grandfather's shoulders, "Can that big metal guy really knock down a mountain?"

"I don't know Akatsuchi, but this is a technique of mine that will allow us to see all some of the capabilities of that...titan", he said the word unsurely, able to hear the tread of the war machine even now as it followed in his wake, "either it can burn a hole through the Yuma mountain with its weapons, in which case we will make plans to deal with it, or it can't in which case we will humble this new wonder-weapon of Konoha. Now don't say a word, just keep your eyes open to see if there is a way to determine more about the _Hellbreaker_".

As always her grandfather spoke wisdom; as she watched the newly-married sannin, including one of the kunoichi she had guiltily looked up to in her youth regardless of where her loyalties lay, Kurotsuchi was forced to bite back a sigh of annoyance as the blonde ninja came to stand by the side of her,

"I do wish your ji-san wouldn't be such a stick-in-the-mud", the insult to the Sandaime Tsuchikage almost made her summon a mouthful of magma to melt him into the afterlife, only the sight of the dread titan striding towards the mountain giving her pause for thought, "you should ride in _Hellbreaker's_ legs once in a while Kuro-chan, it's a heck of a way to travel".

"My name", she replied after ensuring she was going to keep a lid on her temper as she glared at the infuriating shinobi by the side of her, the whisker-marks on the side of his cheeks making him look like a hamster of some kind as she tried to vaporise him with her eyes alone, "is Kurotsuchi _genin_! I am a proud kunoichi of Iwa, a nin strong enough to eat rock and spit the dust at you, remember that". Naruto whistled, raising his eyebrows,

"Rock-nin; more like rock-head"; the insult turned Kurotsuchi's face the same shade as her eyes but before she could shoot back a retort all conversation was stilled as the bass tone of the titan rolled over the valley like a concussive tsunami,

"**There are none of your people on that mountain Tsuchikage-sama?**" After thinking for a moment and looking at his counterpart from Konoha for confirmation the titan would be able to hear him, Oonaki cupped his hands to his mouth and called up like a child shrieking at a full-grown man,

"No, that mountain is almost impossible to climb; why?" Despite the fact the metal face could show no emotion, Kurotsuchi could almost swear it was grinning evilly, its human-looking hand moving away from its body as it replied,

"**We have an idea; give us a moment**".

Luckily everyone's attention was so focussed on the titan as it fell silent for a minute, no-one noticed Naruto's eyes falling closed as his mind was required into a debate with the other aspects of his new shell.

XXX

Once more on the sand of the red planet the human-element opened his eyes to see the other two parts of the whole, the titan standing stoically as the third part, the aspect that had not originally been part of the equation, sat on its haunches, claws grooving furrows in the sand as it broke the silence first,

"**So then, can we do this?**"

"_**All calculations have shown that the attack should work and it should have the power to accomplish our aims**_", as always, the machine and human-elements spoke with one voice, "_**we will require your aid however Kyuubi**_". The kitsune seemed to smile wolfishly, the prospect of unleashing some of the massive power the _Hellbreaker_ contained exciting the now-enlightened bijuu,

"**You shall have it; my youkai as well. If you channel your power I will control it and add my own element prior to release**".

"_**We understand – be ready Kyuubi**_", the face of the human-element that had once been his jailor smiled at the bijuu gratefully, "_**though we have told you this before, we are grateful you decided to walk with us**_". The fox gave a low, rumbling cough, about as close to a human laugh as he could ever come,

"**I am grateful for the opportunity; compared to the sewer and even the Elemental Nations, it is...peaceful here. Still**", the kitsune smirked as he prepared himself, feeling the power of the titan begin to peak, one of its weapons drawing power from the core as the attack was readied, "**it's nice to raise a little hell every once in a while!**"

XXX

Where everyone, even those who knew the titan best, was expecting the Hellstorm cannon to bloom into violent life, instead it was the other arm and the weapon system underneath the mighty fist that was activated instead. Unlike the larger cannon, the plasma blastgun tapped directly into the titan's plasma core to power itself prior to releasing a ball of sun-bright energy; however in this case, rather than storing the plasma, thin ribbons of sheer power were filtered into the palm of the titan's hand. As the process went on and a pair of red claws made up of pure demonic chakra sprang into being around the metal hand, controlling the chakra as it began to coalesce into a spinning, shining ball Oonaki, who recognised the technique only on a massive scale, turned to the Toad Sage with awe in his voice,

"That power, is it...?"

"Yes, the Riesman", the taller man breathed in an awed tone; _what the hell are you planning Naruto – if this goes wrong you could kill us all_; "but I've never seen this happen before, especially not with the chakra of his bijuu".

"Bijuu?" The blood drained from the Tsuchikage's face, looking back to the titan as the two red limbs continued to focus the venting plasma, holding it into a sphere of energy so bright it was impossible to look at, "That thing, the titan is a jinchuuriki?" This time it was Tsunade who nodded, her lips set in a thin, straight line,

"Hai, the container for the Kyuubi our Yondaime gave his life to seal away; only _Hellbreaker _was strong enough to contain the beast for good".

Ancient heart palpitating in his chest, Oonaki felt for the first time very small before something much more powerful than himself as the titan continued to draw power into its technique, one of the hands of the Kyuubi's youkai subsuming itself into the plasma ball, turning it a rich, ruddy red as a quartet of rotating blades sprang up from the centre of the technique, rotating with a roar that almost drowned out the titan's voice as, with the grace of planet spinning through the void of space, it let its arm fall forwards as it called out the name of the technique,

"**Fuuton: Rasenshuriken!**"

As she watched the spinning disc of devastation tear through the air towards the mountains Kurotsuchi felt perspiration prickle across her brow, the sight of the jutsu, if such a term could be applied to such a technique that tore through the base of the mountain like a hot knife through butter. Even as she watched, heart in her mouth and knees all but knocking from the shock of seeing what the titan had done, a low, growling noise began to permeate the air as, incredibly, it expanded, each of the red blades flashing as the summit of the small mountain began to descend, slowly at first but then faster and faster. There was a sudden bright glare that forces all present to cover their eyes – when they were able to look back at the scene, even those who had lived with the titan for the better part of two years felt their jaws drop at the sight before them.

Where once was a mountain was now a plateau, the top of the new platform polished to a flat, almost glassy sheen due to the power of the plasma, never stable at the best of times, re-inforced by the strength of Kyuubi's youkai. The rock above had been pulverised to dust, the spinning of the technique combined with the infernal heat of the ball of plasma the titan had flung enough to immediately flash the solid stone to magma and then disperse it to the wind, the fine particles of molten rock immediately cooling and now falling around the assembled ninja like grey, powdery snow. The trade route was open, the way to Kumo perfectly clear as never before even as the Iwa ninja present inwardly shivered at the thought of facing _Hellbreaker _on a battlefield; _even with yoton techniques, we'd never be able to bring it down fast enough..._;

"So", Kurotsuchi's nerves were so tense she almost jumped at the voice from behind her, spinning around and clutching at her chest as she saw the shorter figure of the blonde Konoha ninja hold her gaze with sardonic eyes, "still think Konoha should be crushing the weak and taking it all? Or would you prefer us to be allies this time, rather than on opposite sides should a war break out?"

Even as the kunoichi struggled to come up with an answer, the same question was racing through the mind of her grandfather as he realised for the first time just how much the world had changed since its ancient warden had awoken once more.

XXX

It took time, long that he'd expected but, eventually, she had to crack,

"All right, I admit it", the lilac-eyed ninja turned to him with an expression she must have picked up off the road he was building beneath them, "this is not that bad a mode of transport".

"Gasp, do I hear, perchance, a hint of _gratitude_ in that rock-nin's voice", faced with such a trenchant attitude Naruto just couldn't resist giving the buttons he could see another little push, not even bothering to hide his grin as Kurotsuchi's face hardened and her fists clenched, "or even, dare I say it, a hint of _thanks_ for the lift?"

"Okay, okay I get the picture; I'm sorry to you and this, thing", she rapped the closest metal wall with a knuckle, seeing out of the viewing port halfway up the titan's thigh the world as it moved and swayed beneath her, not unlike the movement of a ship in high seas, "for doubting". Naruto shook his head,

"You're not the first to have nerves coming in here the first time; quite surprised you did it actually", he explained and admitted, silently admiring her pluck in sticking her hand up when the Tsuchikage had asked for a volunteer, "you didn't have to hitch a ride with us, me I mean", he corrected himself hastily though luckily she seemed not to have heard him, instead looking out again at the beam of power that was piercing a scar through the lands of Stone and finishing the deal the titan had, unknowingly to the Iwa side of the party, committed itself to.

Naturally tempers had run a little high when, straight after erasing the top two-thirds of a mountain from existence, one of the barrels of the left-arm cannon had sparked into life and begun cutting a burning path through the side of the new landmark. The Iwa-nin present had been up in arms before the titan itself had explained his actions, pointing out that, without a new road, the new gateway into Kumo would be pretty much useless and it was merely taking steps to rectify that problem. As the member of his family Oonaki had left behind to supervise the work, Kurotsuchi had learnt from Naruto that this was how the new road network in Konoha and Suna had been created; the shaft of energy from a single volcano cannon barrel even on the lowest power setting was enough to reduce the first three feet or so of loam to magma across a path fifteen feet wide. When this hardened, as the titan made sure it did prior to moving on to creating the next strip of road to ensure no-one accidently walked on the hot surface before it had set properly, the resultant stone was relatively smooth and certainly impact-resistance. As a practitioner of yoton jutus Kurotsuchi had to be grudgingly impressed by such forethought, especially as the same idea had been used to transform Ame from a waterlogged land plagued by disease into one of the most well-irrigated and fertile places in the Elemental Nations.

So here she now was, riding within the machine that had destroyed a mountain and was currently making its mark on the face of her country with only a Konoha nin who looked far too much like the Yellow Flash for comfort. Folding her arms as she looked over the road again, seeing the cannon retract its lethal firepower and settling in for a bit of a wait as the magma cooled to stone, she answered Naruto's earlier question,

"I didn't really have much of a choice did I? You said it yourself this thing can work all night if it wants to; where else was I going to sleep so I could still see it in the morning".

"I don't know, it's not like it'd be that hard to track", he pointed out, making her scowl despite his playful smile, "oh lighten up, nothing's going to hurt you here least of all me. In fact, you really don't know much about this titan at all do you?" She gave a derisive snort,

"It's a massive piece of metal about two-hundred feet or more tall with enough sheer power behind it to destroy anything in the known world. Anything I missed?"

"Oh yes", it was his tone rather than his answer that made her turn around, a little more on edge as she took in his new expression; where before his smile had been positively sunny, that same warmth appeared to have disappeared behind a cloud as he glanced at her again, "there is much you missed but, as we have shown many in the Hidden Leaf, Chojuro of the Mizukage's court and Konan of the former Akatsuki, so we will try to show you the truth. Come", he turned away, leaving Kurotsuchi in a unique state of confusion; _what does he mean by the truth? Is there something about this thing no-one except him knows, and how does he know about it?_; it was only when she heard his voice again that she was jolted out of her stupor enough to consider his next offer,

"Walk with us".

XXX

Ascending yet another set of stairs the Iwa kunoichi wiped her brow and cursed; impressive though it was from the outside, she hadn't really considered how large the titan was until she'd gotten inside it. However compared to the tale she was being spun by her host, the climb was nothing,

"Wait, so you man to tell me this machine, the titan itself, wasn't even made on this planet? But, that's impossible", Kurotsuchi liked to think of herself as rational and level-headed but this was testing the limits of even her tolerance; unfortunately, Naruto seemed to have a knack for making even the most far-fetched story sound at least close to the truth,

"Yes, it was brought here as, I suppose the closest thing to describes its purpose would be a shepherd, or a warden of this world", the blonde continued, another portal before him sliding open as he walked on, apparently unfazed by the reactions his words were generating in his guest as he went on, "it was to watch over our ancestors, who were part of an empire that spanned the stars, though what became of that empire I don't know. Regardless, _Hellbreaker _did its duty until it could go on no longer; when that time came, it sealed itself away until the time would come that it could awaken again".

"It went into a kind of hibernation then", when things made no sense, and unfortunately common occurrence in Kurotsuchi's ninja life thus far, she'd always found it best to just go with the flow and try to figure out a way for it all to make sense when she'd dragged herself back onto dry land, "but what caused that? It's walked for days, blown up a mountain and it's still working now; what could have made it sleep?"

"Not all aspects of this avatar are equal Kuro-chan", as he looked over his shoulder she stopped short, seeming to sense she was about to be entrusted with very secret, very sensitive information, "_Hellbreaker_, like all titans produced by the ancient empire, is more than just a machine; it is a pseudo-literal avatar of one of the gods those ancient men worshipped. Each titan had its own, for want of a better word, personality imprinted upon it when it was made; Chojuro explained it best by comparing the body of the titan, the machine-aspect if you like, to one of the swords of the hidden mist. It is semi-sentient and very powerful, but with no-one to wield it there is no threat whatsoever to man nor beast".

"So you're telling me this, all this", she raised her arms, indicating the cramped metal passageway she was standing in, "is some kind of massive legacy weapon left by men from another planet? But if it's like one of those swords, how come it's currently building a road in Iwa?" Naruto smiled, approaching the last door and his final secret,

"That is what we are taking you to see; understand this Kurotsuchi-san", the change in both demeanour and honorific brought her up short and made her pay close attention to his next words, "as you heard earlier this machine is amongst other things a jinchuuriki, host to the Kyuubi no Kitsune. If the machine dies so does the demon, so it will brook no threat to what lies behind this door; if you show a threat, or even the edge of a threat, on the command bridge of _Hellbreaker_ it will be the last thing you ever do. Do you still want to see the truth, what turns the machine-element from a hollow shell to a lethal land-battleship?"

As she set her eyes on the door before her the Tsuchikage's grandchild knew she was at a crossroads; she could turn away now and live the rest of her life happily not knowing, or she could proceed and probably end up changed forever – it was a big decision, one of the most taxing she'd likely ever have to make, not something that could...

"Yes"; it was only when the door started opening that she actively realised she'd spoken, shaking herself and fighting down the sudden chill in her heart as she watched the larger door swing fully to the side and Naruto enter, looking over his shoulder as though expecting her to follow. Taking a deep breath she tried to focus of her Stone Heart, purging all emotions to rid herself of fear of the unknown as she, cautiously but not nervously, stepped over the threshold, barely holding in a gasp as she didn't immediately die. Taking a second to recollect herself, the kunoichi looked up at her host,

"So this is it, the brain of the beast as it were? Well I can't read any of this writ...oh".

Apart from the paleness of his face and a little hollowness in cheeks that were once chubby with baby-fat, the child could almost have been sleeping in the chair; seeing the comparatively tiny figure so still and silent almost brought tears to her lavender eyes, the breath lodging in her throat as she beheld the dead boy, barely hearing the words of her host,

"The human-element", he explained, going so far as to put a single hand on her trembling shoulder before carrying on, "the machine-element is powerful but it lacks the ability to think and direct itself; for the avatar to be whole and the titan to awaken, it must merge with a living human. Before we became _Hellbreaker_ the human-element was the jinchuuriki for the Kyuubi – when the merger took place and wholeness was attained, the demon was subsumed into the titan, eventually coming around enough to walk with us rather than try to stand against us".

Not fully understanding everything he'd said, Kurotsuchi took note of the streaks of black on the child's face and immediately came to wretched conclusion; _no wonder he stays so close to the titan all the time – it must be the only chance he has to see his little niisan again_;

"That boy", she forced herself to see the child, sacrificed once to a demon and a second time to the titan, "your brother?" To her surprise and sudden fury, the older version of the deceased titan commander laughed,

"No, but you're not the first to think that; the truth is that actually _is_ the real me in that chair Kuro-chan", shocked, she looked over in time to see the older-looking boy take a kunai from his pouch and draw it across the palm of his hand, "what you see before you is a shadow clone, made up entirely of chakra"; _no blood, he's not bleeding – he really is a clone but how's he been made by that...?_; before she could finish the question it was answered, "that jutsu split the mind as well as the chakra of a person. Therefore the human-element, also called Uzumaki Naruto, can exist in the real world and attempt to chat up attractive young kunoichis such as yourself while at the same time commune with the machine-element, and Kyuubi if necessary, to allow _Hellbreaker _to do things like turn mountains to dust".

It was a lot to take in, he could easily accept that and was therefore prepared when his guest flumped against a command console, looking between himself and his real body while doing a good imitation of a stuffed fish, opening and closing her mouth without making any sound until, as last, a word managed to sneak through her stunned mind,

"So, so you're really here and really telling the titan what to do, at the same time?" _Huh, always the same_; even as he nodded Naruto lamented the missed opportunity; _they never notice the compliments when I'm explaining this to them_;

"Sort of, though you can't command a titan really – you just have to rub shoulders, or walk together as the titans prefer to say, as best you can and get the job done between you. Apart from that though", he clapped his hands and shrugged, looking vaguely apologetic as Kurotsuchi glanced over, still not entirely convinced at his story, "not much more to it; my body can't leave the command throne but it can create me, the shadow-clone 'mortal-Naruto' if you like, when I have to get outside in the fresh air – it's pretty simple when you think about it, though hard to get your head around at first I admit".

He said nothing more for a minute, allowing the kunoichi to reason her way through the mental maze at her own pace as he looked around the command area, checking everything he'd ever removed from the titans' bridge. This included the shock-maul that had incapacitated Sasuke, currently still cooling his heels in a Konoha jail until Jiraiya could figure out a way to break Oroichimaru's Curse seal, the snake still proving to be a problem from beyond the grave, and the teleporting array that was constantly locked onto the head of the titan, allowing him and, if necessary, a passenger an immediate trip back to the safety of _Hellbreaker's_ bridge.

"So if you're the same person", the sudden question jarred him from his introspection, "why do you look older than him?"

"Oh that; stasis seal", he pointed at a small slip of paper tucked into one of the breast pockets of his old jumpsuit, "Ero-sennin slapped it on my body to make sure I wouldn't accidentally starve to death or die of thirst, not to mention have to live the rest of my life with a catheter...nah", he grimaced as the woman was forced to sudden smirk at the thought, "better that way. The only downside is my body doesn't age due to the seal so I'll always look like a kid – the mortal me, on the other hand", the clone indicated himself, "gets a bit more leeway; this is what I think I look like now I've hit sixteen, just".

"I thought you were younger than that..."

"Don't", he cut her off, touchy about this subject even now, "mention the shortness; I can't change it and every time I try the mortal-me looks like a ghost – I swear Kyuubi had something to do with it, lousy kitsune". He broke off into grumbling as Kurotsuchi was forced to hold in a smirk, compelled to make a comment,

"Wow, just my luck to have to hitch a ride with the worst case of small-nin syndrome in the Elemental Nations – 'wah, Kami must hate me because I'm such a titch but if I hide in this big metal body no-one will ever know'".

"One more comment like that and you're walking home alone", the bushin threatened, his mock-warlike expression enough to drive the Iwa kunoichi into helpless sniggers even as he tried to storm on, "your jiji ain't here to give you a flying lesson any more". Mastering herself once more, Kurotsuchi managed to throw him a challenging grin before, as her gaze fell on the recumbent form of his mortal body, the expression softened somewhat and she spoke again,

"Must be hard, living only as a clone; isn't there a way you can ever..." She tailed off as she saw him shake his head,

"None, not any more at least", he sighed, a little regretfully as he knew that he was forever trapped, never quite free from his new symbiosis with the ancient war-engine, "in the olden days, with some of the human-elements at least, the titan had a much larger crew that took over some of what would be my duties. There were men trained to fire the weapons, to walk, hell even to see where we'd be going; all these other people took some of the burden off the overall commander, allowing him to leave the titan briefly. Unfortunately though", he shrugged, looking around the empty command consoles, desolate now where once they had been crewed by other people, all helping shoulder the burdens he now bore alone, "that's not possible now – no-one else is trained in how to work with the titan".

"Other people", Kurotsuchi parroted in a low whisper, the thoughts of people who were able to control the _Hellbreaker_, or even other titans...she broke off, the thought too otherworldly and, to be frank, too terrifying to contemplate for long, "you mean other people could learn to, uh, pilot, if that is the right word, a titan? Or at least, certain parts of the titan, if you like?" _Got her_; masking the excitement in his tone, Naruto replied with a casual shrug; _it's always the curiosity that reels them in_;

"Sure, it's not that difficult, a lot of my friends in the Leaf have done it; want to give it a go?"

As the Iwa kunoichi turned towards him with a face that all but screamed goggle-eyed shock it was all Naruto could do not to break down laughing, speaking in a choked voice as he gestured towards one of the command panels,

"Like I said, it's not hard to do; there might be a bit of a tingle as it connects to you, Kiba described it as a bit of acupuncture gone wrong, but once that's over it's just a case of getting used to it". Shaking her head at the impossibility of the situation, that where half an hour ago she'd been striking up a conversation with a nin she barely knew to now being offered the chance to take at least a partial command of the most awesome war machine Iwa had ever seen, Kurotsuchi knew there was only way she could answer that question,

"Sure", she could only hope she sounded casual as her eyes roved around the command desk, looking for a plum job, "I'll try anything once; what does that do?"

"Not a chance; that one's for the main nuclear reactor – get that wrong and we'll be blown to kingdom come"; _ah, perhaps not then_; though proud of her abilities she was smart to know pride and stupidity weren't the same thing; because of that she allowed the blonde to pick out a task for her, "ah, how about this; motor control of the right arm".

Remembering with crystal clarity what that arm had done earlier Kurotsuchi could only hope she masked her excitement as she came to her feet eagerly, feeling the titan beneath her come to a halt as, unaffected by the actions of its mortal shell, the human-element of the _Hellbreaker_ carried on building the road it had started and waited for another section to cool.

"Okay, pull up a chair; ah", she immediately paused, hoping she hadn't done anything wrong just by crossing the room and relieved as Naruto instead made a relatively innocuous point, "that reminds me, whenever you're up here don't sit on that one – I'll explain later", filing that titbit of information away, the Iwa kunoichi sat down at the console and rolled up the sleeve of her left arm as Naruto directed, readying herself for the plunge into the socket she could see, "right, just put your arm in the recess of the desk, it'll feel like a glove. It might hurt for a minute, then you might get pins-and-needles; don't worry that's normal, it means the machine-element's bonding with you – when they clear up try moving your arm, quite hard as the controls are a bit stiff. Well, off you go then", at her guides' gesture she allowed the tip of her fingers to enter the dark void, followed cautiously by the rest of her arm, "let's see how you get on".

Strangely enough it was just as he'd said; she was forced to stifle a few yelps of pain as it felt like something similar to a senbon needle poked the skin of her forearm and fingers a few times, then there was a brief numb sensation as though she'd been hit with a weak ration jutsu.

"Okay", she breathed in hard, the moment of truth not a moment away, "I think I'm ready".

"Alright then, try to punch forwards, harder than that", Naruto directed, seeing her arm tense but not feeling any movement from the titan's body, "it's a bit stiff". Kurotsuchi didn't answer, instead pushing forwards, her arm feeling as though it was trapped in thick molasses but she could feel it moving, slowly; a moment later she felt a thrill of elation shoot through her as she saw the fist of mighty God-engine hove into view from the bottom of the titan's see-through eyes,

"Whoa", she breathed, trying to twist her hand over as she watched the arm mimic her movements in agonising slow-time, "this is, it's amazing. Heh", a sudden spirit of mischief lighting up in her, she turned towards the man she was co-piloting for with a calculating gleam in her eyes, "Konoha's that way right?" A distinct sinking feeling in his gut, Naruto was forced to nod,

"Yes it is, why...oh come on, that is not what the Tsuchikage's granddaughter should be doing", watching the giant hand curve into a shape he knew all too well Naruto still couldn't quite find it in his heart to condemn her utterly for a relatively harmless prank, "if you've quite finished flipping my home country the bird?"

"Give me a few more minutes; I'm making a statement here", she pleaded, only to see his face harden a touch and concede, "right, fine – I agree with your other friends though, this is a very...empowering experience". Naruto laughed,

"Tell me about it; one of the reasons we keep inviting people here is to make sure we don't go off the deep end on a power-trip; we're got a lot of responsibility now, can't just go around acting like a prat like we, or actually like the human-element used to".

The words reminder her of earlier statements and, all of a sudden being in control didn't seem quite so appealing; with a slight sigh she made to stand up only to feel Naruto pressing her back into the seat, whispering into her ear,

"Not quite; it takes a little time to disengage; ripping yourself out would injure both you and the machine-element – give it a few moments", armed with the warning Kurotsuchi sat patiently for a while, feeling the alien coldness tingle up her arm again before, following another brief spasm of pain, she was able to return her arm from the console, seeing the tiny beads of blood that dotted her arms as she lifted her forearm to examine it more closely,

"A little pain for that kind of power; no contest really", she exclaimed, letting her sleeve drop again, "if I said anything earlier that offended you, stupid things like stomping on smaller countries, I apologise", she gave a shallow bow, a little relieved that he didn't seem to have taken umbrage from her comments, "I never realised it must have been a temptation for you, Hokage's orders or not".

"You get used to it; besides, believe it or not I actually have a plan for dealing with that potential pitfall".

The question must have been obvious from her furrowed brow and he opened his mouth to answer it, only to be beaten by the punch by the kunoichi's other query,

"After getting to play with that hand I'm all ears; one thing though, what was wrong with that chair you pointed out?" After thinking for a second, she was relieved to see him suddenly chuckle at the reminder,

"Oh that – umm, okay I'll tell you but for the love of Kami don't tell anyone I told you, she'd skin me alive if she found out I'd let this slip. Promise whatever I say doesn't leave our bridge". Interested despite her repeated rejections of common gossip Kurotsuchi immediately bobbed her head and listened in eagerly as Naruto went on,

"Fine, I'll hold you to that and if it gets out I'm going to come looking for you", he promised, Kurotsuchi biting her lips to stop the threatening giggles and listening in as he went on, "well just after we merged, we let one of our friends from the village do what you just did – her name's Tenten and she's fascinated with weapons. No prizes for guessing what job she went after", the way his eyes flicked to the left out of the building made it all too obvious and the kunoichi smirked; _a girl after my own heart it seems_; "unfortunately, we didn't realise she'd be so badly affected by the neural feedback; she denies it to this day but we're sure that, after she fired the Hellstorm, she...christened the seat she was sat in, if you catch my drift?"

Kurotsuchi considered this for a second, shuddered for a minute after she realised what he meant by that and then looked up again and answered, in perfect deadpan,

"That's disgusting; that girl needs help".

"She's a ninja – there are worst things for us to have fetishes over than unusually-large weapons", the double-entendre was blatant enough to make the Iwa ninja burst out laughing and blush at the same time as Naruto went on, "but we, or I – that's a bad habit I've got, if I start talking in the plural again please slap me. I have to remember I'm not actually part of the titan and I am independent of it, but apart from that I owe Tenten one, though her sensei knows she's not allowed back up here until she understands the Hellstorm cannon is not a toy, and it's also not designed to satisfy her cravings for mult..."

"Thank you", even shinobi had limits and the deviancy of another quite obviously weapon-crazed ninja was enough to break through Kurotsuchi's barriers, "getting back on topic?"

"Oh yes, right", remembering what he was talking about originally, he went on to outline the grand plan that, unknown to her, Kurotsuchi was now a part of, "Tenten explained it as the parable of sword-mastery – do you know it?" The kunoichi shook her head, prompting him to explain,

"A novice picks up a sword and uses it; eventually he becomes more skilled until, eventually, he and the sword become one and the same thing; at this point he becomes a kenjutsu expert. However, as he continues to practice, there comes a point where he can eventually cast the sword away, he doesn't need it any more – then and only then is he considered a master. Through that story is my plan for the Elemental Nations set; _Hellbreaker _is the sword, the land itself is the man, do you see?"

Try as she might to align herself with his vision she was forced to concede in the end; she thought she had an idea but the overall picture was too vague and, frustrated to know, she shook her head and apologised,

"No, sorry but, I think I see part of it but not all".

"That's not unsurprising, most people don't at first", he reassured her before carrying on, "right now the land is a novice; I, the titan that is, work upon the land just as I am now, building a road to make peoples' lives better. This will carry on until, eventually, everyone in the Elemental Nations knows what I am, and they'll wave rather than cower when they see me because they know I mean no harm. I will work for the people, not just of Konoha, but for the entire population of the nations – just by existing I ensure there can never be another world war because the side that secures my services would win, plain and simple; no-one's willing to take that risk. Eventually though, because of Ero-sennin's seal the human-element will never age or decay so I have all the time in the world, times will change; I will become a relic of the past, something no longer essential to the Elemental Nations, good only for carrying freight in my legs and small children on my shoulders. The countries, or country as I hope it will be by then", he admitted, Kurotsuchi staring in awe of his vision and feeling a small part of herself, vehemently shouted down by her more logical side that such a thing could never come to pass, nevertheless wishing him well on making his dream a reality as he finished, "won't need me anymore, will be able to cast me away and become masters of their own destiny".

"And", she swallowed hard, more than a little awed by such a vision, "and what will you do then?" He shrugged,

"I don't know; try to see the world outside the Elemental Nations, retreat back under another mountain and let _Hellbreaker _sleep until someone else reawakens it, a new human-element emerges, who knows? All I know is that I've got a long way to go before I can rest like that, but there are people who I think share that idea of a better world, some of them former mortal enemies".

"Enemies?" _Who the hell was suicidal enough to want to go toe-to-toe with something this massive?_; "who would oppose something like this thing?"

"The current leader of Rain, or River country as it is now", Naruto informed her, making a mental note to re-visit Pain sometime in the future and see how he was getting on now all his paths had been laid to rest and he was out of that chair again, Konan's love and cooking hopefully putting a bit of beef on his emaciated bones, "he had a similar idea of peace, but his means were slightly skewed. We had a sit-down and a head-to-head for a bit before coming up with this idea and he threw his weight behind me; useful guy to know as well. There's also Gaara, the new Kazekage; he was pretty impressed that I helped Suna get a good transport system, Chojuro of the Mist, he's been up here as well to test things out; nice guy but crippled by his lack of confidence, he really should ask the Mizukage out, the worst she can say is no; and then of course there's you".

The blatant statement almost made her recoil; she was no-one's puppet of cats-paw but, as the adrenaline of the betrayal ebbed away, she found herself not as repulsed by the thought as she might have once been. He had told nothing but the truth after all – could it really be that he did want a better world? _Not like much is going to stop him is he doesn't_; a fatalistic voice in her mind chimed in, causing her to shrug as she looked up from her seat and nodded,

"I'll admit it sounds like a decent plan and if there's anyone or anything in the Elemental Nations that can do it, you're it", she admitted slowly before standing up, "you're building a road that'll help Stone and let's face it Konoha's got no reason to have anything to do with us with all the bad blood that's there". For his part Naruto shook his head, looking over at her before squinting,

"No need for the reminder; I wasn't born then, you weren't born then, water under the bridge as far as I can tell. Hmm", he pointed down at part of her shirt, "sorry, is that a spot?" She looked down at his finger only for it to dart up and tap her on the nose; reeling back she glowered over at the smaller ninja as he smirked teasingly,

"Just like I said; Rock-nin, rock-head". Glowering, Kurotsuchi repeated the gesture she'd had the titan make earlier,

"Just watch it tree-rat; it's hard to see the future through blackened eyes, got it?"

"Yeah I get it", he assured her, flicking her finger this time even as he couldn't resist getting the last word in, "I just hope your fists are as hard as your head".

Only the hastily-gabbling warning that ninjutsu might result in the Kyuubi taking offence was enough to save his hide from the enraged Iwa princess.

A/N: So yeah, there it is, Naruto as a 40K titan commander – I mean let's face it the manga's already got techniques that can blow up cities, dead guys popping out the ground like daisies and a mad supervillan trying to build a weapon of mass-destruction, all it's missing is a giant mecha!


	17. Chapter 16

Tougher than Most

A/N: Okay this one's slightly unusual even by my twisted standards; thanks to Kyuubi and a clause in the Shiki Fuujin seal, our clueless hero ends up in a situation that leaves everyone wondering 'what do I have to do to put this gaki down?' Modelled in homage to an old hero of mine, if you enjoy it please let me know and kudos if you manage to guess who provided the template for Naruto's new skill.

XXX

"Well I have two things to say to the both of you", looking down over his desk the Sandaime regarded both his former student and his unofficial grandson, the elder and much taller of the two squirming under the old man's gimlet eye as the other appeared much more blasé about the whole thing, though his demeanour immediately changed as Sarutobi reached down behind his desk and threw a coveted vest towards the jinchuuriki,

"Firstly congratulations Uzumaki Naruto", the venerable Hokage allowed himself a minute to smile at his achievement before becoming more serious again, "your actions during the invasions of Konoha have proved your skill and loyalty to the village and I am very proud to award to you the rank of chunin. Now, apart from that, I want to know how the hell...what are you doing?" Glancing up from the thin brown roll he'd pulled from the top of his jumpsuit, new chunin vest still folded over his arm to be donned later, the jinchuuriki raised an eyebrow and replied,

"I'm cutting a victory cigar", he said, as though it were the simplest thing in the world, "Ero-sennin said I should smoke at least one after every milestone in my life; in fact he gave me my first one after An..." Fearing for his health at this point, the Gama sennin broke out of his almighty cringe and cuffed his student around the head, looking to duck out the way of his teacher's volcanic expression before Sarutobi well and truly blew his top,

"Ah, hai that might be true brat but no smoking in the Hokage's office, it's bad manners", Jiraiya admonished, sneaking a glance at the aforementioned village leader and sighing inwardly; _nope, he's still not buying it – he's going to ask and the gaki's going to tell him. Worst come to worst throw him the research notes, dive out the window while he's distracted and join the Slugger in exile_; survival plan in place and about as ready as he was ever going to be, the Toad Sage nodded briefly towards his old teacher and casually shoved Naruto forwards a touch – if nothing else the boy was now a highly convenient, not to mention durable, meat-shield, "besides, our beloved leader was about to ask you question, right Hokage-sama?"

"Right", the old man muttered back; _so you had something to do with this then Jiraiya – I can always tell when you've done something wrong and feeling guilty about it, your left eyebrow ticks with the nerves_; keeping that knowledge to himself for the minute, Sarutobi turned his attention back to the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, "well as I was going to say, I wanted to know exactly how the hell you pulled off the stunts you did in the Chunin exams, and how you survived afterwards!"

Though Sarutobi didn't know it, or at least couldn't conclusively prove it, he wasn't the only one interested in this knowledge; sworn to secrecy as they were, the ANBU presently within the room were also keeping a very interested ear open as to how the boy before them had walked away from the battles he'd been a part of in the invasion.

Though pride in their skills kept them quiet and prevented their comrades from pointing it out, there were several bruised egos in the cadre that a mere genin had somehow walked through a barrier that had thwarted all of them.

XXX

"Stand back, barrier seal!" As the violet wall roared up around the Hokage and his treacherous student, enclosing the old man in seclusion with the Snake sannin, the nearest ANBU captain roared his instructions out, "I want fuuinjutsu experts here now; you there, try to track down Jiraiya-sama and the rest of you, knock this wall down. Use every jutsu you've got, overwhelm their defences..." there was a sudden whoosh of air from somewhere about twenty feet behind and to the left of him; he spared it a fraction of a glance and judged it not worthy of wasting a kunai on, instead amending his last order,

"...and someone get that damn kid out the way!"

_I heard that_; finishing his shunshin Naruto shot the back of the black cloak an annoyed glance and looked up again at the intimidating purple obelisk in front of him; he knew the second this thing had sprung into life this was where he had to be to make the biggest difference in the invasion; _so then, time to get to work – I owe snake-face a serious kick in the teeth and nothing's going to stop me, least of all this overblown heat-haze_;

"Uzumaki-san", an ANBU with a neko mask appeared before him, trying to shield him from the lethal barrier, "report to your jounin-sensei, you can do nothing here".

"Wrong Neko-san", despite her mask he could almost feel her shock as he gently stepped past her, a single hand gently pressing down her restraining arm as he set his gaze forwards and tried not to think too much about how much this was going to hurt in a minute or two, "I can do something; just keep the other masked monkeys off my back and I'll see if I can't dig jiji out that snake-pit". Taken slightly aback by his forthrightness, the ANBU hastily regathered her composure and gave another order,

"Uzumaki-san, you will stand down now or...Naruto!" Driven to distraction as the boy ignored her and carried on walking, Yugao forced herself to palm a kunai and several shuriken, "I can and will use lethal force to stop you!"

For a second she thought she'd done it and heaved a sigh of relief; next second though she noticed his shoulders were shaking and steeled herself to put the jinchuuriki down, non-lethally if she could, as Naruto glanced over his shoulder, a curious kind of smile on his lips as he quirked an eyebrow,

"Good luck with that one". With that and a curt nod, he turned around and carried on walking; Yugao took a breath and threw everything in her hands to try and stop him marching to his death from the barrier's touch, only for her jaw to drop as she saw what actually come to pass differ from her expectations in ways no-one, not even an ANBU, could have possibly predicted.

XXX

_What the hell?_; it was a mark of how deep her shock went that Tayuya couldn't even swear at the sight of the arms piercing through the barrier she and the rest of the Sound Four had erected, their fuuinjutsu doing its job but still being breached regardless; _whoever this asswipe is should be nothing but dust by now!_

As testament to her skill and the power of both her team and the Otokage's Curse Seal, it appeared that the ragged figure that forced himself through to the inner space between the two barriers of the Sound Four's technique was burning; ragged chunks of what looked like charcoal were sloughing from the vaguely humanoid shape as it stood upright. Despite that however, even though she couldn't turn her head to look at the intruder for fear of the barrier failing, she would have sworn that even as he dragged himself through the purple wall the technique he'd used had protected him almost perfectly; with little more than a shake of his body the blackness was gone in a shower of what looked like soot, fresh skin showing before him as the ninja appeared, looking a little charred but apart from that none the worse for wear.

"Kami that was sore", he muttered, her hearing, enhanced from many years of playing her genjutsu flute, picking up his words before to her horror she saw him notice her standing there, helpless and ready for a knife to the ribs, "oh, hey; probably just wishful thinking but please tell me this some kind of one-way barrier – I'd hate to think it'd hurt as much going through this next one as it did the last".

Tayuya said nothing, instead focussing her energy on pushing her chakra into the barrier and simultaneously trying to look threatening, hoping the changes the second stage of the Cursed Seal made to her body were enough to force the ninja to back off and not notice how vulnerable she was. As always however luck deserted her, the smaller figure carefully side-stepped towards her, taking care not to touch the lethal; _or at least what should be lethal_; barrier, speaking as he came,

"Not much of a talker huh?" She growled in her throat, still looking to warn him off but having no luck as he stood by the side of her, facing the exact opposite way to her and trying to peer into the interior of the box where her master and the Sandaime Hokage were duelling, "Ah well, never mind; well duty calls and all that, let's see if ol' Snakey can find a way for me to die gloriously for Konoha", his eyes slipped sideways for just a second, the hint of a smirk on his lips as he remembered the one stand-out incident of his month's training before the finals of the chunin exams and found the parallels too similar, and too delicious, to consider passing up; _after all, it's another woman who should be able to kill me..._; "before I go though, just for luck..."

Tayuya had been expecting to die and was prepared for it, the cold kiss of chill steel sliding into her body and letting loose the warm blood and hot entrails within; she was so sure of her deadly fate that the barrier flickered and came dangerously close to imploding altogether as she hopped upwards involuntarily; a hand had suddenly cupped her left buttock and squeezed hard. Unable to scream and unleash all manner of hellfire on the bastard who dared touch her like this the female member of the Sound Four had no choice but to take the abuse, screaming in her head and imagining all the ways she could have her doku crush the brat to paste until, at last, the groping palm withdrew and she heard its owner's voice in her ear again,

"Nice butt kunoichi-san", the blonde smirked, Tayuya simultaneously grateful she was still alive but outraged that she'd been forced to let someone get away with such violation, though before she could argue the toss with herself that surely Oroichimaru-sama would understand if she dropped the barrier as long as the other ninja died messily he spoke again, "still, no rest for the wicked eh? See you", the tone dropped, a sickly stench of burning flesh infiltrating the Oto-nin's nose as she suddenly realised what he was doing; _he's pushing through – how can anyone push through our fuuinjutsu?_; "on the other side".

Curiosity and amazement now rather than fury warred with her orders but, eventually, the presence by the side of her dissipated, replaced only by the sound and scent of burning meat as Tayuya felt her gorge rise as she finally computed that Oroichimaru was now at a disadvantage and that, whoever that crude ninja had been, if he was able to push through her squad's barrier with nothing more than chakra and pig-headedness he was certainly strong enough to pose a threat to the lord of Oto.

XXX

"You", once more the horror of seeing what his former pupil had become warred with sadness that the former guiding light of Konoha had fallen so far into darkness, "you've perfected _that_ sick jutsu!" Casually smirking as though entertained by his old mentor's reaction to his new face, Oroichimaru finished disposing of his old skin and faced the Hokage once more,

"But of course sensei; I was never one to leave my work half-finished despite the interruptions of those lesser elements that lack my vision", he gave the older man a pointed gaze at this point, a small part of the ever-dwindling aspect of his humanity that still existed hurting still that the upstart Minato had stolen what was rightfully his position as the leader of Konoha, leaving him with nothing save the desire to show Sarutobi how much of a fool he had been to spurn the Hebi-sannin's genius, "with this technique I shall not grow old, I will have forever to unlock the secrets of ninjutsu and finally possess all the ninjutsu in the world as the perfect being". Hardening his old heart, Sarutobi readied himself within his battle armour and set the gaze of the God of Shinobi on the Leaf traitor, ready to expunge his most shameful failing from the records once and for all, whether it cost his own life or otherwise,

"I should have put you down as soon as I had the evidence in my hands; you will never know the experience of your age Oroichimaru, you've damned your own soul with the crimes you have committed". Those yellow eyes narrowed in cruel amusement, flicking off to Sarutobi's right for a split-second before focussing once more on the Snake Sannin's former teacher,

"Then it would be for the best that I don't let it fall to the Shinigami, and your own soul is not as pure as the driven snow either Hokage-sama; when you stand before the judge of the dead will the ghosts of your victims drown out your pleas?"

Even in a formal tone there was no disguising the mockery in the snake's voice, Sarutobi's instincts kicking into an ever-higher gear as, with a heaving motion, the sword of Kusanagi appeared, held in his tongue as he faced down the Sandaime and both prepared for battle, a hundred different scenarios and techniques present in their battle-worn minds, attack, parry and counter knitted together almost to the point of insanity as the prelude to the storm crackled on, awaiting the finger-twitch, the eye-blink that would begin th..

"That's disgusting".

The casually sardonic voice brought both trains of thought simultaneously crashing into the buffers; as both legendary ninja looked over towards him Naruto, having pushed through yet another wall and knocked off the worst of the residue from his jumpsuit, stood up and pointed out the Snake sannin's unusual swordsmanship, a faint trace of brimstone stinking in the air around him in the air around him as he carried on,

"Can't you do anything even remotely normal teme? You run around with kids in the forest and love-bite one of them, an orphan with no stable paternal influence no less, just for your own sick amusement, and now this", he blinked at the extended organ before a sudden thought seemed to strike him, the idea making him smirk a little as he raised a complimentary eyebrow, "though, I suppose someone had to teach the Snake-Mistress all she knows – she can do this thing with her tongue that..."

"Naruto!" Finally throwing off the worst of his shock that his surrogate godson was _here_, in here in a fuuinjutsu prison with Oroichimaru and him, hopelessly out his league and almost certain to become another marker on Konoha's memorial stone, Sarutobi managed to speak marginally before his traitorous pupil took the initiative, "You're not supposed to be in here!" The genin snorted, pointing once more at the Snake sannin who seemed to be measuring him up with an almost calculating eye, as though trying to work out how he'd managed to survive the dual barriers,

"Technically jiji neither is he, but let's not quibble", drawing a kunai, the boy gave a dangerous smirk as he lowered his head, the single track of his mind set on collision course with his new enemy as he finished, "let's just kick some ass. Don't worry about me; I'll take anything this clown-college reject can di..."

It was a sentence Naruto never finished, instead looking down with horror dawning slowly on his face as he beheld the hilt of the Kusanagi, the sword's blade transfixing his body as Oroichimaru's patience finally ran dry.

XXX

"Such is always the way sensei", as always Oroichimaru's voice was in no way muffled by his tongue as he spoke directly to his sensei a second after his latest kill, his tongue still extended and his blade buried in the jinchuuriki's heart; _from what Kabuto-kun was able to find out sensei held his brat in some regard – his death should make the old man more reckless, allowing me to pull out my trump card more easily_; "the emptiest vessels make the loudest noise. Surely Konoha's standards have fallen since you forced me to take my leave; why, under my stewardship as Hokage a buffoon such as Uzumaki would never have been allowed near the Academeeeee!"

An unearthly pain rippled up his extended fifth limb life a pulsating fire; unconscious reactions activating faster than even his genius mind could control them the Hebi sannin immediately tried pulling his tongue back, blinking away tears of agony as he did so to see the impossible before him. Uzumaki Naruto still stood upright, one hand locked around the tip of his tongue and a bloody kunai in the other, an evil gleam in his eye as, fortified by his massive chakra reserves gluing him in place, he plunged the knife in again, drawing a fresh spurt of blood even as his wounded enemy's spasms jerked the blade still lodged in his chest around violently,

"And if they ever classed you as a genius boy were they being generous", the boy retorted over both his opponent's screams of pain and his adopted grandfather's wide eyes, Sarutobi unable to believe the genin was not only alive but actually causing pain to the S-ranked missing-nin while he had the legendary Longsword of the Heavens lodged to the hilt in his breastbone, "two lessons you missed Hebi-teme. First, never take your eyes off your opponent", Naruto lectured before, bored with simple stabbing, reversing his grip on the ninja knife and started trying to saw his way through the thick rope of muscle and meat in front of him; _quickly, have to get him to let go before this gets more painful to remove_; "and second unless you've seen them stop breathing, assume they ain't dead yet".

It was a lesson even Oroichimaru would have been forced to admit he'd forgotten but right now he had more pressing concerns; blotting the pain from his mind the Hebi-sannin reinforced his teeth with chakra and bit down, opening his mouth immediately afterwards both to prevent himself swallowing excessive amounts of blood from his severed tongue stump and to allow a new, undamaged shell to slide into existence. Standing upwards and leaping back as he tried to assess what had just happened, he was forced to substitute with a previously-created mud clone as his other opponent made himself know, Sarutobi's dragon of flame enough to make ripples on the inner wall of the barrier as it fizzled into nothing.

"Way to go jiji, fry that sucker", Naruto cheered, dropping the now-unattached organ he held with a face of distaste and wiping his hand on his jumpsuit before grabbing the handle of the Kusanagi and bracing himself, "oh this is going to sting – uuuunnnngggghhh!" With an effort the jinchuuriki yanked the handle backwards, the damned sword proving to be as painful going out as it had been going in, especially as he had to keep twisting the bloody thing to break the suction before, with an excited cry, he held his new sword aloft,

"All right, I always wanted a sword", he commented before looking around for his enemy, "okay Hebi-teme, come to Naruto – I've got an old wallet I need replacing. Hey", he looked up at the shadow that had seemingly surrounded him, the obvious question on his lips as he squinted, "why's it got dark all of a sud-oh...", spotting the darker shadow within the shadow and figuring out what was about to happen, the jinchuuriki cut the question off and waited for the pain, "...bugger".

With that, the impossibly large slab of rock descended with a very final-sounding splat that made the whole building shake.

XXX

_And stay down_; grateful though he was that the brat was finally dead Oroichimaru cursed inside his mind, even though nothing showed on his pallid, once handsome face – temporarily parted from the famed longsword Oroichimaru was without a weapon that could counter the Sandiame's own, a fact that the old man knew as well as he did if the sudden explosion of smoke was anything to go by. His first volley of kunai were all swatted contemptuously aside by the adamantine staff form of the monkey king as Sarutobi advanced, a black look in his eyes that made the Snake sannin curse internally once more. Smokelessly substituting himself twice in rapid succession with more mud clones the leader of Oto considered his options; it would take too long for even a clone of himself to retrieve his weapon from under his doton burial technique, there was only one thing to be done in the circumstances. Creating more bushin to act as diversions and meat-shields while he quickly worked his hand-seals, Oroichimaru revealed himself just as his teacher struck down the last of his doppelgangers; as he stepped out from behind the rock that had crushed Konoha's jinchuuriki to gory paste the Hokage levelled the bo staff at his opponent but was forced to disengage at the last split-second as Oroichimaru's technique was just fast enough,

"Edo Tensei - Impure World Resurrection!"

The colour left Sarutobi's face at those words; never once had he thought or even considered that his most gifted pupil had ever had a chance to study that abomination of a ninjutsu, though knowing what manner of monster Oroichimaru was now he had no illusion that the twisted sannin was both accomplished and deviant enough to use it. With both arms extended Oroichimaru laughed as he watched the coffins emerge from the ground; though the Third was fast enough to stop the most lethal one arising he was helpless to stop both his old teachers coming forth; _perhaps he wanted a reunion with them_; such sentimentality amused and sickened the snake sannin in equal measure, speaking as he watched the coffins continue to rise, their lethal cargo soon to be the nail in Sarutobi's long-avoided coffin,

"Witness my power sensei, the strength you passed over to place your precious Minato on the seat that should have been mine", he crowed, feeling the summoning working, the two spirits of the Sho and Nidaime returning from the pure world as the Shinigami heard and accepted his sacrifices, "I am the future Sarutobi, and he who controls the future can undo the past", he locked eyes with the old man once more, triumph glittering in his jaundiced eyes as he all but tasted the Hokage's trepidation; the old man's heart wouldn't be able to cope with fighting those who had taught him and all but raised him as a son to them and while his sentimentality held his skill back against his undead puppets, he would strike the killing blow; _but it will be swift, he will not suffer. I owe you a clean death but nothing more sensei_; with those thoughts on his mind and the summoning all but complete Oroichimaru looked up to laugh his triumph to the heavens, only to see with a flash of silver and gold the last Hokage, the one Sarutobi had stopped from coming back from beyond the grave, descending upon him with sword held high.

The Flying Thunder God would, it seem, claim a final victim as the axe fell upon the immobilised sannin.

XXX

Such was the keenness of the Kusanagi that neither Oroichimaru nor his assailant realised the strike had landed until both of Naruto's feet hit the ground in front of what had until recently been his grave marker, the massive chunk of stone having proved a stiff challenge for his fledgling doton training to walk through following it landing on him. His landing and half-stumble to stop himself pitching flat on his face was followed a second later by the softer thump of the Otokage's severed left arm, the limb completely shorn in two by the impossibly fine edge, the speed of the gravity-assisted strike so great that not even a trace of blood besmirched the fine weapon as it slid through flesh and bone as effortlessly as water. Landing and taking in the situation around him, Naruto quickly realised it was better the devil he knew than the devil he didn't and raised Kusanagi once more, turning his back on the maimed shinobi to lay waste to whatever he had summoned here; _not like he can actually hurt me after all_.

Naruto's swordsmanship was cut from the same cloth as his taijutsu; it was rough, lacked form and finesse but for all that was still brutally effective if it connected to anything. Against Oroichimaru, even missing half an arm, he could have swung from then until doomsday and never come close to landing a hit; against the twin inanimate coffins before him however, it was a different story. Once more Kusanagi sheared through all in its path, leaving the coffins as flinders and the bodies within them dissolving to earth and dust, freed from the fate of having their rest disturbed once again as the one who had summoned them, knowing it would be folly to try and regenerate the severed limb, was forced to cauterise the stump to prevent further blood loss.

"Okay, its official", spinning around with a theatrical flourish to face Oroichimaru again, Naruto glanced down at the blade in his hand with wide-eyed astonishment writ large on his face, "I have _got_ to get me one of these!"

The Snake sannin howled in wordless rage, forcing the fingers of his sole remaining hand into seals that sent a dozen snakes firing from his sleeve at the child who had injured him so grievously; malicious glee lit up his face as he saw at least three of them sank their venomous fangs into the boy's skin even as his stolen blade flashed and bifurcated the rest of them, though once more he refused to die to the poison, instead chopping through the rest of the snakes biting him as though they were little more than loosely-binding ropes, his eyes not leaving the face of his enemy. Oroichimaru snarled once more, for the first time panic rearing up to combat his rage as the vague idea that this boy was somehow unkillable, before something large and black coming towards him like the fist of a Kami swelled in the corner of his eye and he was forced once more to take drastic measures to preserve his priceless life.

Such evasion, however, was not without cost; under the vengeful eye of Enma, protruding from the butt of Sarutobi's weapon and fixed unblinkingly on his opponent, the staff was not going to miss – only by the sacrifice of his other arm did Oroichimaru save his ribcage. Growling in pain as he felt the bones of his entire right arm reduced to powder by the tremendous impact of the enraged summoned weapon, the Hebi sannin retained at least enough mental capacity to use his unique taijutsu style to flow off the end of the still-extending staff before it could plough him unmercifully into the barrier at his back, the bale fuuinjutsu that made up the technique as harmful to him as it was anyone else. With both his arms destroyed and his old teacher virtually unscathed, to say nothing of the child before him still looking fresh and ready to fight despite having cheated the Shinigami thrice within three minutes, the traitor knew this much of the day was lost and, putting his trust and faith in logic and patience rather than risking his premature death due to foolish pride, jumped away from both ninja, dodging for all he was worth before, when he could get a word in edgeways, bellowing to his honour guard,

"Retreat!" He managed to earn a second respite by flowing around the staff of Sarutobi with his body, though it cost him a heavy punch to the face as one of the monkey lords' arms manifested itself from the staff and swung at him brutally, "Drop the barrier!"

To their credit the Sound Four obeyed without question; disregarding their old orders to let none pass until the Hokage was dead, the quartet threw down their arms and the fuuinjutsu dispersed; ducking under Naruto's last swing with his pilfered blade the Otokage snatched up his severed arm, winced and cursed under his breath as his teacher peppered his back and legs with a swift shadow shuriken jutsu and leapt into the air, caught by Jiroibi and hurtled away from the battle as the largest of the Sound Four acted as a convenient meat-shield against further projectiles. Kidoumaru, still in his second-stage Cursed Seal form was enough to cover their retreat with a barrage of his webbing projectiles, tying up enough of the ANBU for them all to make a clean, if not painless getaway, some techniques and weapons making it through to nick and wound the retreating Oto forces, Sakon in particular lucky that his brother was on hand to prevent a shuriken that would have slashed through one of his leg tendons going no further than his skin and the muscle surrounding it. Sarutobi stood where he was, watching his greatest mistake elude him again, before turning on the one who had brought about such an ignoble retreat from the Snake Sannin,

"Naruto!"

The aforenamed genin was currently looking upwards after the retreating figures, grinning wickedly as he saw the outraged glare of fury directed at him from the sole woman in the group as he finished blowing her a mocking kiss; _and ain't that a burn on her pride – with any luck next time we get to knocking heads it means she'll focus on me and anyone I've got with me can take her out_. Hearing Sarutobi's shout however, he glanced across at the old man he thought of as a grandfather, negligently balancing the Kusanagi over one shoulder in a rakish pose,

"Hey jiji, just like I said", the Hokage was left to gape, merely gape as he saw with his own disbelieving eyes that despite the punishment Naruto should have taken; _and the fact he should have been killed three or four times over by those techniques_; the boy didn't have a scratch on him, "I could take anything that clown-college reject could dish out. So then", he looked over the rest of the hidden village, his home, from the high vantage point, noticing how most of the street fighting had been broken down in sporadic skirmishes that the Konoha forces, now their surprise was gone, looked to have under control, the ANBU now joining the fray now the mastermind of the invasion was gone also effective in turning the tide, "looks like a few people down there might need a hand, but apart from that I think we've all just about come through this".

A moment later, having watched what looked to be nothing less than an avalanche of sand rear up in the distance, far too close to Konoha for comfort, and let loose a deafening scream somewhere between rage and joyous vindication, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki found himself groaning as he looked up at Sarutobi once more, the old man already knowing what must have happened and running through techniques he knew that could seal away a bijuu, even one as comparatively weak as the Shukaku,

"And once more I'm reminded that Kami hates my life", the boy stated matter-of-factly before glancing up at the Hokage, "jiji, can you get me to the front gate?" One half of his mind still on the problem before him as he watched the freed bijuu advance, drowning the forest in its sand as it came, the Professor cast an eye down,

"Naruto-kun, your assistance against Oroichimaru was...timely and very useful but against something like a bijuu", he shook his head and prepared himself; _so my fate is to mimic yours Minato, to give my soul to the Shinigami to save Konoha_; "you're out of your league".

"I know, that's why I'll summon the toad boss", for once in his life Sarutobi was grateful he wasn't smoking; that comment would have probably made him swallow his pipe, "guess the Ero-sennin was good for something; I learnt how to call Gamabunta-sama and I'm sure he'll help me out on this one, I get on well with his son. So then", the boy broke off for a minute as he looked between Sarutobi, the staff he carried (though how the staff was able to look back at him through an eye that appeared halfway up its length the jinchuuriki wasn't sure he wanted to know) and an idea began to blossom in his mind, "I need to get outside the village before calling out the big guns, so how about...?"

At first Sarutobi was dead-set against the crazy plan Naruto reeled off even though he knew it would be, if not impossible, at least very unwise for anyone, even an S-ranked shinobi such as himself, to attempt to shunshin to the front of Konoha's gates with a full-blown war raging nearby; he was as likely to be stabbed in the back as the front by some over-eager Konoha shinobi mistaking him for an enemy before the smoke cleared. Still what Naruto was suggesting was, if not impossible, at least as dangerous – if he failed in the summoning to cushion his fall, he'd wind up embedded deep enough in the ground to shake hands with the tree roots.

"Ah but if that happens I'll just dig myself up before summoning the boss", Naruto waved the concern away as though it were a cloud of midges, a slight laugh of all things on his lips as he jerked a thumb towards the doton technique that had buried him, "not like it could be harder than going through that lump of flint". Sarutobi opened his mouth to answer before, as a plume of smoke shot up from the side of him, another, even more venerable voice added another opinion to the matter,

"Sarutobi-dono", one hand fingering his chin in a very human-looking gesture of appraisement, Enma looked up to his summoner after holding Naruto's gaze for a long moment, "this is the one who says he will be Hokage. His will of fire burns brightly and you are no longer in your prime; it is time for the new generation to step forwards in your stead. Besides", the old ape's eyes twinkled suddenly with amusement, "if I remember rightly you were not above getting in well over your head when you were younger..."

"Hai, hai", the Hokage agreed swiftly, as much for the sake of avoiding potential embarrassment in front of the genin as anything else, though the looming shadow of Shukaku in the distance swinging ponderously towards them, Konoha an obvious target in his star-shaped pupils, was also a great incentive to hurry up, "very well then Naruto-kun, you'll have your chance but I'll follow as soon as the village is clear of invaders", with those words the blonde shinobi cheered and scooted back quickly as Enma nodded once and transformed back into his staff form, Sarutobi catching the weapon without even looking through ease of long practice as he prepared himself for the swing,

"Now!"

A second later a speck of orange was launched from the top of the Hokage tower as the jinchuuriki ran forwards at top speed and jumped, the soles of his sandals impacting with a ringing slap that made his legs momentarily numb upon the solid form of Enma's unbreakable staff as Sarutobi swung with all his strength, catapulting him towards the village outskirts. Before gravity could rear its ugly head to bring Naruto's lofty ambitions back down to earth, Sarutobi whipped through a few quick hand-seals and, with a muttered whisper, a futon jutsu roared forwards, catching his grandson in its wild embrace and carrying him towards the danger zone. Despite his cool demeanour the Hokage had his heart in his mouth as his old vision lost sight of Naruto in the sunlight; his relief as the earth shook from the thunderous impact of Gamabunta, the first time the legendary summon had been seen around Konoha in years, hissing out of him in a low whistle as shook his head,

"Once more Naruto-kun", he muttered, casting his eyes over the village as he looked to rejoin the fray where he could make the most distance, "you surprise me utterly – what did that baka student of mine teach you over that past month to get you to this point?"

XXX

_A question as relevant now as it was then_; the old man mused as Naruto finished zipping up his new vest, looking pleased at the fit even as he complained it wasn't orange; _and one I will have answered by the end of the day come hell or high water_;

"As I was saying before I was interrupted", the old man continued after clearing his throat, glaring at his former student with all kinds of promises of pain in his eyes as he watched Naruto casually transfer his still-unlit cigar into the breast pocket of his new uniform, "I wish to know exactly how the hell you survived at least three life-threatening attacks from Oroichimaru of all ninja, two of which I witnessed and know for a fact should have been fatal". Buttoning down the pocket and shifting the new scabbard of Kusanagi over his chunin vest, having kept the blade as spoils of war after the battle, the jinchuuriki glanced at the seated kage, flicked his eyes right for a minute and gave a mischievous smirk as he stuck his hands in his pockets, shrugging insouciantly,

"Well", he started, rocking back and forth of his heels as he answered, "you could say that Ero-sennin over there tried to teach me to fly, but instead I worked out how to survive the crash..."

XXX

Watching once more as another tadpole burst into smoke Jiraiya shook his head; _no, this won't work by normal means, he's too used to suppressing its chakra and he'll need to use it to summon a toad he can use in battle, at least until he grows up a little more_. Looking over at where his godson was making hand-seals again, the Toad Sage made his mind up about something and nodded to himself; _after all, Sarutobi-sensei always said a short, sharp shock to the system was the best way to overcome most problems in training..._;

"Okay gaki, take a break a minute", hand halfway to the ground, Naruto just about managed to cancel his technique in time, turning to his teacher with a trenchant expression as the older man stood up, "this isn't working right, we're going to have to try something a little different. Follow me". With that, the sannin stood and set out on his path, his new apprentice following behind and muttering that if this was just another excuse for the super pervert to go peeking Konoha would be down one legendary ninja by the time night fell.

Truth be told Jiraiya was relatively impressed with his godson; when he wasn't trying to get his head around actually using the summoning contract he'd signed, the blonde was working on honing his other skills, least of all his shocking chakra control. He'd also managed to weasel the shunshin out of his new mentor, the promise of an entire weekend without being pestered enough to worm the D-rank out of the sage, but that was the only new skill he had; without the help of the toads, Jiraiya wasn't all that hopeful that the genin would make a good enough impression to secure his promotion and that, in his book, simply wasn't good enough. A few moments later the duo emerged onto the rocky scrub land Jiraiya had picked out, turning around and spreading his arms so that Naruto wouldn't see the great fissure that yawned in the earth behind him, though he could undoubtedly hear the crashing water from the nearby falls hitting the bottom,

"So then gaki, we come to this place for a little extra training", the big man said boisterously, cracking his knuckles, "you're doing worse than I expected in everything else, surely your taijutsu can't be that terrible..." As he'd expected, that was more than enough to provoke the Kyuubi jinchuuriki into an all-out attack, yelling in rage; _good, if nothing else_; the old man thought to himself, pleased with his deviousness as he swatted aside the sloppy punches, content to dodge for now; _this should get him tired enough to tap in to his tenants' power_.

It took longer, hours longer, than he'd predicted but in the end even Naruto had to crack; heaving breath into his lungs the jinchuuriki glared at him venomously as the Toad Sage, barely breathing heavily stood up and pointed towards the last stage of his plan,

"Well not terrible but, if you're against that Hyuuga, my advice would be to forfeit and save yourself some pain; come over here", he said quickly before Naruto could blow up about how he owed Neji a serious beating after what had happened to Hinata-chan, "as you know your summoning sucks; a week of practising and you're still on tadpoles; pitiful even for you. However I, being the great and wonderful Jiraiya-sama, have determined a way of making rapid improvement on even such a useless shinobi as yourself – look down there", he gestured to the side of the canyon, subtly moving as Naruto pottered forwards so he was stood slightly behind and to the side of his student, "tell me what you see". Peering into the crevice from what he thought was a safe distance, Naruto squinted before speaking,

"Well I can't see much, it's too dark, but I can hear a water fall and feel the spray a...hey, what are you doing? Let go, that's too; no, wait, put me down, I don't like...W-W-WUUuuuuuuaaaaa..."

XXX

"You. Did. _What?_"

_Wow, jiji's scary face looks a lot less scary when it's not looking at me_; Naruto idly made the observation as he looked over his shoulder and smiled thinly at the sight of Ero-sennin pressed flat against the far wall, white-faced and all but gibbering in terror at the sight of his teacher so enraged,

"It was meant to force him to draw on the...on his other chakra", the sage managed to squeak out in terror, a little colour beginning to infiltrate his sallow face as he realised that he still had one ace left to play, "and it should have worked; using youkai in the summoning should have called forth one of the great toads, maybe even Gamabunta or the toad elders themselves. But what actually happened was something even better", folding his arms, Jiraiya forgot his terror for a second as he remembered Naruto telling him what had happened after the event and how much of a hand his former student had played in it,

"Minato-kun was more of a genius than even I knew".

XXX

"...Aaaahhhhhhh!"

_I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die_; not that the sensation of bowel-loosening terror was anything new to Naruto even at such an early stage in his ninja career but seriously, being thrown off a cliff to his death by his own sensei? Surely that had to top the bill for worst ways to meet the Shinigami known to man; with tears from the cold air whipping at his eyes stinging his vision Naruto was forced to squeeze his eyes shut as his mind locked itself into an incoherent loop of cursing Jiraiya for killing him and screaming that he was about to meet his end in the most un-Hokage manner possible. The repetitive thoughts and insults were so tightly bound together than even when his body splashed down into water Naruto didn't realise it at first; only when he tried to breathe and ended up forcing himself to his knees coughing and spluttering did the situation dawn on him,

"I'm, not falling", he said to himself faintly, as thought he couldn't quite believe it, "I'm at the bottom, I've landed – I'm alive, hah, I'm alive", delirious joy surged through his veins as he felt himself cheat death again, "I'm not dead yet, hahaha, I'm not dead - oh", as something in the background behind him shifted and he felt the joy turn to ice in his veins as he realised where he was; taking a deep breath he screwed up his courage and mastered his voice to sardonic tones as he looked over his shoulder,

"And mores' the pity, neither are you".

A low, dark chuckling filled the mindscape the jinchuuriki had just plummeted into, the jailed bijuu snorted as its youkai burned back the darkness to let its see its container again; since its awakening Naruto had accessed the mindscape more often than he'd have liked, usually involuntarily as he was sleeping. Though neither of the disparate union actively liked the other, these informal pow-wows had been enough for sliver of mutual respect to grow between the two, though it was as always covered by continual insults, shouts and the occasional death-threat,

"**Obviously not nin-gen; your stupidity never ceases to amaze me**", the kitsune told him mockingly as it smiled, baring teeth that could have bitten through anything short of another bijuu in a mouth that could have swallowed the entire Akimichi clan in one gulp, "**much as I never thought I'd say this you being here is a blessing in disguise – your howler-monkey screaming was giving me a headache**".

"We're about to die you nine-tailed lunatic!"

"**No human**", the kitsune sighed, dramatically, though there was no mistaking the grin on its face as it tripped its jailor up again using another pernickety snare, "**I am a bijuu and therefore cannot die; at worst I would be released back to the world dispersed and unable to act until enough of my youkai coalesces to grant me a physical body again**".

"Oh but of course great Kyuubi-sama; Kami forbid I should be less than completely accurate when conversing with your magnificent self", Naruto sneered, sketching a mocking bow towards the bijuu before straitening up and yelling again, "I'm about to die you nine-tailed lunatic!"

"**Sucks to be you then**".

"Have I told you I hate you recently? Well consider yourself told", the shinobi spat at the monster held within him before he flopped to the floor with a sigh, knowing time within the mindscape was almost irrelevant – while he was here he was, if not safe, at least prolonging the inevitable, "I don't suppose you'd have a plan to deal with this, other than loaning me your power to summon one of the toads like Ero-sennin was planning. That should break my fall right?"

The Kyuubi seemed to consider this for a moment, its ears lying flat against its skull in a gesture Naruto had come to recognise as the creatures' contemplative pose before, after a minute and with a smirk that sent a shiver down Naruto's spine; _I know that look all too well – I have no idea what's coming but I know for a fact it's going to either hurt like hell or make me wish it was hurting like hell_; it gazed at the seal stuck on the front of its cage for a second before nodding,

"**Though I'm loath to believe it your idea has merit; my power channelled through the summoning would be enough to call forth an amphibian large enough to break your fall. However, I have a better idea**", the bijuu stood up, its movements sending ripples through the water of the mindscape as Naruto looked on, equal parts curiosity and dread filling him as he awaited the bijuu's next move, "**it is time for a boon to be granted nin-gen, prepare yourself for a blessing**".

For a long second Naruto was completely stunned by this admission; as far as he knew the Kyuubi had never done a favour to anyone in its millennia-long life, but as he realised what was being offered he instinctively threw himself to his feet and put his guard up – much as he knew next to nothing about demons and bijuu, he knew for a fact that nothing they offered ever came without a price,

"Hey, whoa, back up a minute Fluffles", the fox growled at the hated nickname but Naruto paid it no mind, instead continuing to spit out rapid-fire questions, "what the hell is a boon, why are you of all people, uh, things offering me a present? And why didn't you mention it before?" Kyuubi sneered,

"**Because I was hoping you'd somehow prove competent enough to survive without the need for my assistance; a slim hope at the best of times I know but Kami-sama has been known to provide miracles on occasion. Now, for your other questions, a boon is not a mere gift; it is a permanent mark of a bijuu upon the body of its jinchuuriki, a mark of residence if you will. Most jinchuuriki, especially those of the lesser bijuu, develop one; that Suna boy, the container of Shukaku for instance, he has the mad tanuki's boon of his impenetrable sand defence – that weakling could never stand pain in any form**". Totting this new information up in his head and shuddering as he realised the insane Suna-nin he might have to fight in the Chunin exams was a demon container just like him; _and a completely crazy one to boot_; Naruto nodded before speaking again,

"Okay, makes sense – what boons do the other have?"

"**That depends on the both the bijuu and the seal that contains it**", Kyuubi answered, more out of idle boredom than anything else as it went on, "**the mark is formed from a massive influx of bijuu youkai into the container's system, altering their chakra network completely. Because of this most boons are similar to your nin-gen bloodlines; the Yonbi, for instance, gives its host control of magma. However the stronger bijuu, from Rokubi upwards, are less able to give their boons to their hosts due to the strength of the seals that must be used to restrain us; because of that restriction I have never gifted any of your monkey race a boon**".

"Because the seals used to stop you breaking out of there", Naruto finished, pointing at the scrap of parchment that kept the Kyuubi from its freedom, "stops your youkai from entering my system, or at least", he corrected himself, trying to remember what jiji had told him when he'd asked if he was going to grow a tail in the future due to the presence of his nine-tailed squatter, "it filters it out before merging it with mine right?" Despite itself, Kyuubi was forced to nod at this and give grudging credit where it was due,

"**Correct, the Shinigami's power was used to lock me away here and contains me now; only his dead hands stop me from ripping you asunder and claiming the freedom that is mine**", Naruto rolled his eyes and sighed, cutting the bijuu of in mid-flow,

"Can't you come up with anything original?" As the kitsune tried to choke something past the outrage that had blocked its throat his jailor went on, "Anyway, enough about that and before I end up pancaked at the bottom of this chasm, what's different this time – won't the seal stop your youkai fusing with my chakra network? And what did you mean", a sudden curiosity gripped the jinchuuriki as he recalled the Kyuubi's most recent words, "you've never gifted a human a boon – I'm your first jinchuuriki aren't I?" Wanting to stifle that train of through before it went too far and led to too many other awkward questions, the bijuu coughed guttally and snorted,

"**This seal, much as I'm loathe to admit it, is a work of art, a pinnacle of the scrawling craft your kind calls fuuinjutsu**", the massive fox spoke grudgingly, the words drawn out of him slowly like teeth being pulled and almost as painful to his pride, "**I can only believe the Yondaime had some previous knowledge of the bijuu as he has crafted some modifications to the Shiki Fuujin. One of the fail-safe's of this seal is that it will allow my youkai to merge with your chakra fully once and once only, save when you surrender the reins of control to me when your foolish emotions take over, as they inevitably will. I can only believe he did this with the knowledge of bijuu boons and the expectation that you would inevitably find yourself in a situation where I would be forced to grant you one to preserve both your life and my corporeality**", a smirk bloomed on the fox's whiskered lips, Naruto scowling as the expression and following words whipped at his pride, "**truly he was either a brilliant strategist, or a seer who looked at you as a vessel and knew you'd never survive without the help**". Scowling, the shinobi stuck his hand up in a rude gesture, only causing the fox's grin to widen as he knew he'd hit a sensitive spot on the child, before the jinchuuriki spoke again,

"Yeah well, I didn't ask for a sensei who thought throwing me off a cliff would be a useful training exercise..."

"**Normally I'd agree but seeing as it's you he's got my vote for teacher of the year**"; gallows humour pulling at him Naruto gave a short, black chuckle as he shrugged,

"...but either way I'm now plummeting to my doom and you've got a way to stop this happening I assume – I don't appear to have that many options do I?" Seeing the boy look towards him with his arms folded the kitsune's eyes glittered; though having studied the seal it knew it would be forced to grant a beneficial boon, Kyuubi was not a disciple of trickery and mischief for nothing and had, or at least though he had, a roundabout way around that little obstacle assuming Naruto was unable to come up with anything else that would be able to pull his butt out the fire,

"**It appears not nin-gen; so then**", standing up to its full height the kitsune stood and loomed over its prisoner, though to its well-hidden disgust and, though it wouldn't admit it even to Kami-sama itself, slight degree of admiration the human refused to back down, instead standing and looking up at the bijuu as it finished, "**prepare yourself, this merger will hurt you as much as it will demean me**". Naruto was about to nod having braced himself for the pain before a sudden thought occurred to him and he shouted quickly,

"Hold up, what's this boon-thing actually going to do?"

Kyuubi might have started to say something before, with an explosion of crimson that virtually drowned him, pure youkai erupted from behind the bars of the kitsunes' cage, a small part of the seal glowing an azure blue as the process continued and Naruto felt a sensation similar to someone thrusting a lit distress flare through his forehead. As his consciousness and higher thought processes dissolved in favour of screaming in pure, unadulterated agony, the small part of his mind that was left to think was busy cursing the kitsune with all the names under the sun.

How long it lasted he couldn't tell; all he knew was that when he came back to himself he was floating face up in the water of his mindscape and, as he weakly turned his head, he was able to get a view of the Kyuubi, for some reason looking a lot smaller than it had a few eternities of pain previously, cocking its head at him with a big, malevolent grin on its face,

"**There, that wasn't so bad**", false sympathy oozed from the voice like honey form a split beehive, "**enjoy your boon brat, now get out of here while I recover the power I've wasted on you**". Slowly pulling himself to his feet and mindful of the agonising aches and pains that raced throughout his spectral form, the jinchuuriki glared across at the smirking fox before breathing down a deep breath and demanding breathlessly,

"What in the name of the holiest Kami did you just do baka fox?"

"**Exactly as I said I'd do – the boon is yours. Now leave this place**", content with its work the kitsune raised its tails, ready to banish its host back to the material world to enjoy his dubious new gift, "**and, a word to the wise, brace yourself**".

Before Naruto could open his mouth to argue the tails flicked forwards and he felt the scenery around him dissolve; even as he opened his eyes to reality again and pondered the kitsunes' last words, he heard the wind whistling in his ears, saw a large, rocky landscape racing up to meet him, squeezed his eyes tightly shut and remembered to send one last venomous vow involving anatomical impossibilities and vast amounts of pain in the general direction of Kyuubi as he waited for the inevitable thud.

He didn't have to wait long.

XXX

As he saw the brief flare of orange from below Jiraiya let out the breath he'd been holding – at the end of all things the bijuu had come through with the power needed to save its containers, and by extension its own, life. A little more relieved that his plan had worked Jiraiya wiped his forehead on one of the sleeves of his robe and looked over the precipice again, fully expecting to see an eruption of smoke as one of the larger battle toads appeared to break the jinchuuriki's hurtling plummet of doom, perhaps even hear the booming croak of the toad boss if the boy did really well.

The sight of the orange flare suddenly guttering out like a snuffed match was not on his list of things he wanted to see.

For a long minute the smirk remained plastered on the Gama sannin's face; the idea that he might have killed his godson was so far removed from the outcomes he'd planned from this admittedly-extreme form of training that his mind failed to compute it utterly. When it did however and his face went ashen grey as visions of what Sarutobi-sensei was going to do to him when he finally dredged up the courage to tell him what had happened in this life, not to mention what Kushina-chan would do to him in the next when he got there; with such illusions of bloody, drawn out and agonising death crowding in his mind the greatest pervert in the Elemental Nations did the only thing he could possibly do.

With a squeak of abject terror the Gama sennin, ranked in the Bingo books as an S-class ninja and the ultimate ladies-man, fainted dead away and pitched over backwards.

XXX

There was a strange tapping somewhere nearby; was it his mother clinking her serving spoon against the side of her favourite cooking pot? Or had dad finally worked up the inclination to hammer in those loose nails that dotted the house again?

"Nuuph", rolling over on his shoulder Jiraiya refused to wake up, "five mo' minutes". The tapping noise didn't alter though, if anything it got louder until, with an effort he was forced to open one sleepy eye and find out what had disturbed his beauty sleep. _Huh, strange_; it wasn't his bedroom he was in, there were no borderline-illegal posters on the walls, in fact there were no walls period; _I'm outside – why would I be...?_;

It was at that point that reality caught up with him and he let out a low moan of horror; sitting up he buried his head in his hands as he realised what he had done, the failure he was – he had killed his own godson, the closest thing he had left to a family, thrown him away quite literally in some foolish belief that he was doing right by the boy to make him as strong as his father had been. Heart cold and heavy in his chest the Toad Sage hauled himself painfully to his feet, feeling every one of his forty-five years hang on him like shackles on a condemned soul as he prepared himself for his end; _I killed him, the least I can do is join him in the afterlife. At least this way_; even when he didn't mean to he somehow always ended up looking on the bright side, even in the face of his imminent demise and with that same tapping noise still in his ears; _the Akatsuki have failed before they even began. Now then_; he took one final breath, looked up at the sun and sky one final time before turning towards the ledge he would soon leap from; _no time like the present t..._;

The thought died as all the strength fled from his legs and he collapsed onto his knees, staring in nothing less than goggle-eyed shock as he watched a glint of metal appear slowly over the crest of the cliff, quivering in the fresh afternoon air as, eventually, both it and the hand holding it flopped over the rise. Both remained there, limp as boned fish until with a grunt of effort and a rush of blood, the hand fisted itself in a tuft of straggly grass and pulled, allowing a twin to appear next to it and bury a second knife into the stone. Unable to speak, unable to even _blink_, Jiraiya could only watch and attempt to breathe as with a growl of concerted effort, the genin he had know for a fact to be dead not second earlier levered his top half onto the top of the chasm he had been thrown down and lay there like a dead thing, seemingly exhausted by the effort of his climb. The spectacle persisted for a minute before, with a second groan, Naruto wormed his legs up to join the rest of him and rolled away from the cliff edge, exhausted by the climb and staring up at the sky, completely oblivious to his gawping audience of one.

For how long the tableau existed as it was, neither of the two participants would be able to say; Naruto was perhaps for the first time in his life exhausted while Jiraiya was certainly not for the first time flabbergasted. Eventually however, as all things must, the tableau was unfrozen as with a great effort Jiraiya was able to haul himself upright, staggering forwards like his team mate after a heavy night on the town and looking down at his prostrated godson,

"Ne...", his tongue was as dry as desert soil; it took him almost a minute to wet it enough to speak clearly, "Naruto?" The boy gave a grunt that could have mean anything, eyes still unfocussed with the exertion of his climb before, finally realising his self-proclaimed death sentence was relieved, the Toad Sage swooped down and held Naruto aloft in his arms, spinning the exhausted child around and around in a mad delirium of joy,

"Naruto, this is perfect, _you_ are perfect; I knew you wouldn't let your dear old sensei down", in his mind a chibi version of himself with a hangmans' noose around his neck was dancing on the trapdoor of the gallows, a megawatt smile on his face as he realised the reprieve he'd been granted, "truly you are my finest student, so much like your fa-"

He remembered himself just in time, dropping his student back to the ground and clearing his throat as he regained his composure enough to come down of his delirious, death-defying high. Looking down at where his student was swaying to keep himself upright, the Gama sannin clapped softly once before speaking severely,

"I ah, I mean of course, you failed to summon a toad to break your fall but I knew the water would be enough to make sure you didn't perish from the drop", he exclaimed semi-solemnly, half-believing his own slapdash reasoning as he heard the comfortable roar of the water nearby, the cushion that had stopped Naruto having a premature introduction to the mother who, Jiraiya was certain, would have somehow found a way back to the pure world to hunt him down and kill him messily for being so careless, "however the way you climbed back up here signifies both guts and determination, two of the most important things a shinobi can have...uh, Naruto", finally realising the look on the face of the small blonde, not to mention the fact he hadn't yet dropped the kunai from his other hand, the Toad Sage felt a brief shudder of unease ripple down his spine,

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Where once those blue eyes had been sparkling with hope and naive self-belief they were now hooded and alight with feverish intensity, staring a hole through the taller man's head as his knife-hand moved jerkily; for a second Jiraiya feared the trip into the abyss had snapped the boy's mind and he would have to put him down before, as his eyebrows raised, he saw his student nick his thumb and start making slow, deliberate hand-seals, his burning eyes never once leaving the face of his teacher nor failing to deliver the blazingly-obvious message of pain coming for him as he made ready the technique,

"Umm, gaki", still unaware of the silent deal that had happened during Naruto's plummet to an untimely grave that he'd then been forced to dig his way out of prior to crawling back up the cliff to here, Jiraiya was less concerned about his own health than he was the risk of Naruto forcing himself into chakra exhaustion, "I don't think you should be doing that after such a long climb up..."

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu!"

A moment later, coughing and waving the smoke from his eyes, Jiraiya looked around to see what had happened after this latest summoning fiasco and felt his stomach dissolve; casting him into shadow and with one webbed hand already on the hilt of his tanto, the toad chief cast one scarred eye across the landscape and found what it saw displeasing,

"**Jiraiya!**" Cowering behind the convenient bush he'd leapt behind the Gama sannin whimpered – leave it to the brat to summon the one toad even he had difficulty controlling, "**Why have you summoned me, you know I don't like you!**"

"He didn't summon you Toad-sama", the comparatively high-pitched shriek reached his ears a second later; risking a cautious peek, Jiraiya realised he could just see a familiar shock of blonde hair standing proudly atop Gamabunta's head, "I, Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage and newest toad summoner did". The earth shook for a second as the boss of the Gama clan sat down and rolled both eyes upwards, Naruto hopping onto his nose to look the chief full in face; man and amphibian considered each other for a long second before, without warning, Gamabunta started laughing, Naruto staying where he was only by gratuitous use of chakra to remain attached to the toad's warty skin,

"**Bwahahahaha**", the toad chuckled in his mirth, the laugh almost enough to erase his previous bad mood, "**a midget like you summon me, Gamabunta, the chief of the Toads? I like you gaki, you're a real hoot – now where is that cowardly summoner of mine**", the massive toad's eyes looked around the landscape, by luck not spotting the cowering sage as he was hidden too close to Gamabunta's huge body for the summon to see him, "**he is overdue another lesson in respect**".

"Heh, I couldn't agree more Gamabunta-sama, chief of the Toads", the sudden voice from right in front of him caught the toads' attention again and he focused enough to see the bright-orange human chuckling with his arms folded, not at all intimidated by where he stood or who he was talking to, "that's the exact reason I summoned you here", with that Naruto took a brief glance over his shoulder, took a brief second to feel a thin amusement at the sight of his still-unforgiven teacher on his knee and silently begging piteously for him not to give the game away before spearing the hapless sennin with the finger of detection,

"Squash that pervert!"

Intrigued by this Gamabunta concentrated for a second; it was a well-preserved secret that most if not all summoned creatures could sense the chakra of humans they were close to and, from this, know who's chakra had been used to summon them. The sudden realisation that the boy before him was speaking the truth was enough to make the huge toad raise a non-existent eyebrow; _**so he was telling the truth, and his chakra is too much like Minato-kun's to be anything but his tadpole – this bears thinking about. I should inform the Toad Elders, but first...**_;

"**Hmm**", despite his usually gruff exterior Gamabunta wasn't above a little joke every now and then, drawing the moment out before chortling once more, "**a gaki I can do business with I see; very well then Uzumaki Naruto, future Hokage**", realising the game was up Jiraiya had just enough time to squeal and plead for mercy as his summon squinted down at him and took aim,

"**Welcome to the Toad clan, my new henchman"**.

Naruto's yell of celebration was matched only by Jiraiya's yelps of pain as the toad's long tongue lashed out and hoisted him aloft, the flat side of the summons massive tanto approaching at great speed as the Gama sannin braced himself and prepared for the pain.

XXX

"I still say he went too easy on you".

"Well you would gaki", the older man sniffed affronted, "tell you what, next time you volunteer to become 'Bunta's personal ping-pong ball and see how you feel at the end of it". Glancing up at his teacher Naruto chuckled briefly,

"After what you put me through prior to the finals I think I'd be grateful for something that gentle".

"Humph, lazy gaki – I had to find the limits of your endurance after what you told me in the hospital", the Toad Sage explained, recalling the very interesting conversation that had occurred in the private room of Konoha's hospital he'd been transported to once he'd stopped bouncing after Gamabunta's blade swipe, "apart from that I had to examine your seal and determine the effects your deal with the kitsune had on both your physical body and your mental state, pitiful as the last one is most of the time".

"Just keep digging Ero-sennin; remember the Toad Chief likes me better than you". Wincing at little at both the dig and the truth it contained, the old man responded in the best way he knew how,

"Bratty little suck-up".

"Fuddy-duddy old letch".

"Unless the pair of you", Jiraiya choked off the insult that had been on the tip of his tongue just in time, both the sage and his student looking over at the third occupant of the room in time to see the Hokage come to his feet and glare at them in a manner that made even Naruto shiver, "wish to spend the rest of your ninja lives as a permanent guard for Tora and her new litter of kittens, I highly advise you not to speak unless spoken to for the next few hours or so".

That threat brought both ninja up short, Naruto in particular feeling cold sweat drip down the back of his neck as he recalled the blood and tears he'd shed dragging that damned cat back to its owner. Teacher and student both stood stock-still as their leader looked over both of them, his eyes lingering on Jiraiya as the Gama sannin tried to suppress a gulp; _he's going to get me for this – somehow, someday he's going to make sure I come a cropper for this_;

"Naruto-kun", the newly-promoted chunin snapped to attention as the Hokage spoke to him, "having heard your story and the...gift, for want of a better word, your tenant bestowed upon you, it is my duty as Hokage of Konoha to respectfully ask you to either explain or display, to the best of your abilities, the result of your new skill. It is the same question I would have to ask any new bloodline wielder or ninja in general that wished to defect to Konoha", he explained himself in a slightly more gentle tone to ease Naruto's suddenly defensive look. It took a long minute of silent communication between kage and chunin but, eventually, Naruto shrugged his shoulders and explained as best he could,

"Well jiji as I said earlier I got chucked off a cliff by this idiot", said idiot gave a splutter of outrage but was deterred from going any further by a look of venom from the Hokage as Naruto went on, "and because of Fluffles I was able to survive not only that but pretty much anything else. Fact is I don't rightly know the exact method as to how it works; I asked the fox once earlier and his explanation was, I quote, 'buggered if I know, just be grateful it does'; but all it means it that now", he drew a shuriken from his weapon holster and, after taking a breath, drew it across the back of his hand, a bright stream of blood belching forth from his skin and dripping down to the ground,

"Cut me I bleed", he grated through gritted teeth, watching once more as before the eyes of the audience the released blood began to change, shimmering in the light until it had altered utterly into pure red chakra, heavy with the malignancy of the Kyuubi's will as it reversed its flow back into Naruto's hand, the skin behind it glowing crimson for a minute before fading and leaving the hand unmarked as though the wound had never been that. Bringing it up to examine the demon's work Naruto shrugged and glanced over at the stunned form of the Hokage as he finished his words,

"But I don't bleed for long, and I sure as hell don't die any more".

Unfortunately, before he could look too smug at showing off his new skill someone else took a hand in the proceedings; a split-second later, Jiraiya was casually holding out a bloody kunai, Naruto was looking at the four stumps remaining of what once had been the fingers on his right hand and Sarutobi was doing all he could not to keel off his chair in a stress-induced heart attack.

"Sensei", for someone who was currently watching just under half his digits hit the floor around him, Naruto sounded remarkably blasé about the whole affair as he rolled a sardonic eye up to his grinning teacher, "anyone ever tell you you're an S-ranked asshole?"

"Too many people too often to count, but you heard what the Hokage said", the Toad Sage pointed out, Sarutobi by this point just about able to breathe again though speech was probably going to take a little longer to recover, "show your skills to the best of your abilities and both you and I know that little scratch wasn't enough to do more than tickle you".

"It still hurts you sadistic pervert", the boy shot back, glancing down to see the thin streamers of crimson chakra, lighter than the Kyuubi's as it was diluted by his own, sprouting from the severed ends of his fingers and tumbling down to connect with his sundered limbs, "damned fox made sure I'm indestructible but that doesn't mean I don't feel pain. Lousy kitsune, still", memories of what had happened last time he'd gone into the mindscape after realising exactly what the limits of his new gift were brought a smile to his lips, "karma's a bitch, even for the bijuu".

"Ne, Naruto-kun", watching over and trying hard to hold down his lunch as he watched the ribbons of chakra slowly attach to the jinchuuriki's limp fingers and begin to drag them aloft like a quartet of thin, macabre puppets, "you can, even if severed...?"

"Yep, and don't go for my head Ero-sennin", Jiraiya faked a pout but replaced his kunai nevertheless under the stern eyes of both his student and his teacher, "once was bad enough. Yes jiji, that's the whole point of the matter; Kyuubi made sure I could survive pretty much anything that would happen to me and, thanks to Ero-sennin, I now know it works. So far I've been stabbed, slashed, buried, burnt, drowned, suffocated, decapitated, bisected, dissected and believe me that hurt like a bitch, but no matter what happens I keep putting myself back together".

He glanced down at his repaired hand, flexing his newly-sutured the fingers as the last of the lingering pain disappeared from his formerly-maimed limb as his teacher took up the slack, explaining to the Hokage the experiments that he'd undertaken, reluctantly at first but with increasing levels of glee as he realised just how strong the kitsune's boon truly was,

"That's correct sensei; I've tried virtually all the jutsu I know out an none of them had a lasting impression – he heals every scratch, survives every impact; the only real weakness I could see was complete immobilisation so I taught him the rudiments of doton and how to move through the earth, that would be enough to get him out of the majority of capture techniques, including those used by 'Roichi-teme luckily enough. Still", swinging his arms around casually the Gama sannin looked to make a speedy exit while the older man was busy digesting what he'd just learnt, "mission accomplished and all that, shall I...?"

"Naruto-kun", completely disregarding but not forgetting his former pupil the Sandaime regarded his adopted grandson as Naruto casually slouched and looked back at him apathetically, "the Kyuubi, it granted you immortality?"

"Nope, no way", the jinchuuriki shook his head, "I will die jiji, same as everyone else; all that Fluffy did was make sure I'd see out my three-score years and ten, not end up seeing Kami-sama early due to kunai, poison or Anko".

"Anko? How did she...in fact, something tells me I'm better off not knowing", Sarutobi admitted, half to himself before shaking his head at it all and gesturing towards the door, "apart from that though you are free to go and celebrate chunin Uzumaki; Jiraiya", at the old man's call the sannin froze, one leg halfway out the window and gulping as he realised he'd been caught, "a word with you if I may?"

Neither of his words were requests and both of them knew it; with a last wave Naruto pulled the door open with one hand and his cigar from his pocket with the other, ready to fetch some celebratory ramen and rub his promotion in the teme's face while Jiraiya swallowed what he had a sinking felling might have been his last breath as Sarutobi stepped out from behind his desk and spoke with the voice of an old, wrathful God of Shinobi,

"Start grovelling".

Only a promise to get to work right away on tracking down the Sandiame's replacement in his errant team mate and a written contract to ensure that the first printed novel of every Icha Icha volume ever written would be on the Hokage's desk on the day of publishing allowed the Toad Sage to escape from the enrage monkey-summoner.

Omake – The Direct Approach

"Even as I see it I can barely believe it kid", with little more than a week to go the Chunin exam finals Jiraiya was almost certain his student was as ready as it was possible to be; even walking through the earth was going well so it was unlikely Naruto would be caught by any technique his opponent used to pin him in place, "those last jutsu I used were A-ranked at the least, the Ransengan alone should have turned your insides to pulp".

"What's to say it didn't; it sure felt like it did", the shorter figure by the side of the towering Toad Sage spoke, wincing as he relived the sensations of feeling the jutsu grind into his body, tear apart muscles, tendon and bone before exploding and hurling him away to lie in crippling agony before his new boon got to work repairing the internal damage, converting the ruined tissue to chakra and back to new, fresh and undamaged tissue again, "still, apart from shunshin and summoning, what else can you put in my locker before the big fight?" Jiraiya snorted,

"In all honesty I can't think of too much more you actually need; as you can earth walk now at least moderately, my main concern would be you blacking out through pain, something I've looked at correcting. I'd like to try and go to the safe side by declaring open season on you from the rest of the ninja corps but that might look too suspicious, and I doubt sensei would approve", visions of what the elderly Hokage might say to that scheme without knowing about his surrogate grandson's new ability were things Jiraiya didn't want to dwell on for too long – he'd had far too many close shaves with death as it was, he didn't need to add any more to his resume, "well, not until he knows about your, Naruto?"

Looking down the sage was surprised to see the boy no longer at his elbow; he had stopped some dozen or so paces back as something had caught his eye though Jiraiya couldn't see what from where he was. Retracing his steps, the tall man came alongside his pupil just in time for the jinchuuriki to glance up at him with a crooked smile, the Toad Sage almost able to hear the gears turning around and around in his head as he snickered,

"So Ero-sennin, you're saying I should be looking for ways to try and get myself killed prior to the exams so, if something like that happens during the finals, I won't pass out from it?"

"Er, that's about the size of it"; _what in the name of Kami-sama is on his mind now?_; it was a question Jiraiya wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer to but, seeing his godson laugh out loud for a moment before looking both ways to cross the street in front of him, he couldn't help but be intrigued as to where this was going, least of all at his godson's parting words,

"Hold that thought".

XXX

"So Yugao-chan, tell meeee", the purple-haired jounin bit back a shiver as she recognised that wheedling tone; love the Snake Mistress as she undoubtedly did there were times such as now when she would have quite happily thrown her to Manda and bidden him bon appatit, "how far along are things with you and old paper-lungs?" Growling across the table and hoping Kurenai would be quick getting their order, Yugao shook her head and let her mane or lavender hair ripple like a curtain across her face,

"Don't call Hayate-kun that, it's not his fault he's ill", she demanded, nodding and silently grateful that Kurenai took that moment to return to the table and set down a tray containing the food the three friends had ordered, Anko as always diving in and scooping up a stick of sweet, delicious dango, "and it's none of your business how..."

"Oh but it is", the special jounin teased, glancing across at her red-eyed friend and finding her just as guilty as Yugao in this regard, "nothing destroys a kunoichi's abilities as a ninja worse than pent-up sexual frustration and you pair are positively swimming with it. Since the men you are-stroke-are-not seeing", she favoured Kurenai with a particularly pointed glare at this point, the genjutsu mistress just about keeping her blush to a manageable level but unable to stop her wilder friend from carrying on, "are about as useful as flippers in Suna, the only way you're going to get anything out of them is via the direct approach, my personal favourite". At the Snake Mistress's grin Kurenai couldn't help but groan,

"Anko-chan, love you as I undoubtedly do the day I take relationship advice off of you is the day I lap-dance the headmaster of the ninja Academy wearing that schoolgirl uniform I know you have", that casual promise was enough to make Yugao splutter into her tea, heck even Anko's dango paused halfway to her mouth as she computed those words and fought to stop herself either laughing like crazy or developing a nosebleed, "unlike you Yugao-chan and I are ladies; that means we do not just throw ourselves at the men we might or might not theoretically like and have our wicked way with them. We prefer tact, delicacy and other, more refined feminine charms to get their atten..."

The noise that cut the jounin-sensei off was so loud it stilled all conversation in the small dango store; for a moment all three kunoichi sat up straight and didn't move at the tremendous sound of the slap of skin meeting skin at high speed, feeling nothing at all – then the slow, burning agonising sting began to crawl up the vulnerable flesh of one of them and everything on the table jumped upwards as she banged into it, straightening out of her chair like snapped elastic,

"YYYeeeooww!" Both hands flying to her buttocks Anko for a second could think of nothing but two things; one that someone had been stupid enough to spank her vulnerable bottom and secondly that very same moron wasn't yet festering at the bottom of a ditch somewhere. Face flushed in anger the special jounin glared around, shooting death and killing intent from her eyes as she sought the perpetrator of such a brazen attack, only to stumble as she found herself having to look down to see the short form waving up at her,

"Thanks gorgeous", only when he ripped a chunk from the morsel in his hand did Anko look at her own and realise she'd been robbed; he'd snatched her dango right out of her hand in the wake of his sneak attack; even as he turned to face Kurenai and swallowed down his stolen treat, rage and thoughts of murder were boiling in her mind, "so, Kurenai-sensei, how's Hinata-chan doing now? And Kibble as well now I think of it, he's on your team as well isn't he?"

The jounin didn't answer; in all honesty she wasn't sure that she could – of all the stupid, suicidal things for anyone, let alone a genin, to do in Konoha, stealing the dango of the ill-reputed Snake Mistress must have topped the list. Naruto for his part didn't seem to care that he was living on borrowed time, looking up at her with an open face and slightly expectant expression, or at least he was until a sudden hand fisted in his jumpsuit, dragged him off the floor and brought him eye to narrowed eye with the aforementioned kunoichi, Anko all but breathing fire into his face as she stated her intentions plainly,

"What the hell do you think you're doing brat; in fact forget it, I don't care", she drew back her free hand, aiming it right between Naruto's eyes as she finished with a question, "any last words?"

"Uhh, yeah", he'd struggled against her grip for a minute before suddenly seeing to peer at her scrutinisingly closely, cocking his head to one side as, unseen by the raging kunoichi, both his hands encircled her gripping wrist, "you've got something on your lip".

The second, the very instant the confusion bit home he moved; twisting both his hands against Anko's was enough to overpower her temporarily, get his feet back to the floor and twist his hips for move leverage. Dragged down by the sudden force before she could fight back Anko found herself having to go with the flow, unable to help herself save to shout before Naruto, obviously completely crazed now if he wasn't before, slammed his lips against hers in a face-sucking, toe-curling kiss. In front of the duo of appalled jounin the genin continued his impromptu make-out session with arguably the most well-renowned psychopath in the Konoha ninja corps before, with a loud pop, he broke the contact and looked down at her, smirking this time at her reddened face,

"There, all gone", having said his piece he stood up, Anko left to flop ungainly to the floor with a yell as he turned back to her thunderstruck friends, "so, pass on my regards to the two of them Kurenai-sensei, and wish Shino luck if you see him. Hey, I know you", caught with her eyes bulging and her mouth fallen open in shock Yugao could do nothing but nod stupidly as the genin pointed her out, racking his brain as he tried to remember where he'd seen her before, "uhh, I know you're not a sensei but I know I've seen you around somewhere – ah, it'll come back to me eventually, it always does – ah, hello crazy-snake-lady, no hard feelings?"

Considering he was talking to a woman with a kunai pressed to the back of his skull and every right to use it, it was a ballsy thing to say; Anko's face had bypassed purple and hit maroon as she glared down at the child before her, breath coming in short, hard pants as killing intent practically oozed through every pore,

"What, are you, doing here gaki? Have you completely lost your mind?"

"In a way yes to the second question; as for the first", he grinned cunningly, the kind of smile found on a gambler with a winning hand and a spare ace up his sleeve just in case, "I decided that as there's a damn good chance the Hyuuga might kill me next week, I'm going to take his fate, tell him to shove it and die in the arms of a beautiful woman instead. And be honest, can you blame me for trying?" Looking over his head at their friend both Kurenai and Yugao were shocked to see a range of expressions flit over her face; rage, disbelief and horror were all there but as the Snake Mistress seemed to finally settle on predatory coyness for her response both her colleagues were left with a numbing feeling of mingled horror at Anko's decision and worry for Naruto's safety,

"So then", with but a minor alteration to her voice and body posture Anko evolved from a hardened killer to a sleek sexual predator, eyes locked on her latest prey, "you think you play rough with me little boy?" Naruto for his part refused to back down and gave as good as he got, looking over his shoulder as he quirked an eyebrow up,

"I thought doggy-style was more an Inuzuka thing, but whatever floats your boat". _Oh_; despite being burnt for the third time in quick succession Anko couldn't help but give credit where it was due; _he's good, but sorry gaki, I'm just so much better_;

"Doggy-style; that's for rookies", placing a hand on his shoulder she made several fast seals with the other, her technique so fast neither of the other two kunoichi could stop her in time, "let me show you how it's _really_ done, little genin". With that the two of them were shrouded in smoke and an instant later, both were gone.

_Oh Kami_; with her heart pounding a rapid tattoo in her chest Kurenai felt a sudden dread drop into her stomach like the last time she'd tried Asuma's cooking; _she'll eat him alive, and then Kakashi-senpai will skin me the second he figures out why one of his students is missing – I'm so doomed_;

"You know", it was the tone as much as the words that made her look over to see Yugao with her eyes still fixed on where the special jounin and genin had been stood only a few seconds before, "loath as I am to say it, I reckon there must be something to this direct approach thing".

"W,What!" Kurenai's mid boggled as the lavender-haired jounin went on, calmly fumbling for her teacup as she shrugged,

"Well, it seemed to work for Naruto didn't it, and he hasn't got anything even remotely resembling appeal to the opposite gender, though give him a few years and I'm sure he'll be a real sweetheart, so if he can do it", she shrugged, something like determination coiling up behind her eyes as she finished her tea and placed her cup back down, "I'm pretty sure anyone can". Realising what Yugao was saying and seeing the black humour of it all; both of them had been taught a lesson in relationships by a _genin_ using Mitarashi Anko of all people as a test dummy; Kurenai could do nothing more than put her forehead into her hand and snort with laughter,

"So I take it a rescue mission wasn't on your mind then?" It was Yugao's turn to chuckle and shake her head,

"Nah, leave him where he is, I'm pretty sure he's happy enough, and someone else will be very soon too going by what you said earlier", a sudden sly smile rippled across her pretty face and she looked Kurenai up and down for a second, speaking just before the other jounin could ask the obvious question, "shall I ring the Academy and tell them a Miss Yuuhi Kurenai has been a very bad girl and needs to see the headmaster immediately?"

"Don't make me stab you Yugao-chan".

"You have no sense of humour Ice-Mistress, you know that? Scowling through her blush-reddened cheeks the jounin-sensei stuck out her tongue for a minute before turning back to her food and drink and discussing what had just happened, neither of the two kunoichi seeing on the road outside them a lecherous old man sprawled out on the pavement, blood streaming from his nose and a notebook laid on the pavement in front of him, pages being flipped carelessly by the wind.

Several hours later, when Hayate Gekko entered his apartment and was immediately confronted by the sight of his virtually-naked girlfriend lounging expectantly and seductively against the door to his bedroom, he had just enough time to send a summoned gecko to the ANBU headquarters with a hastily-scribbled note saying that due to a sudden worsening of his chronic cough, he would be unavailable for the patrol rota that night before Yugao pounced and dragged him into the darkened room, Naruto's example getting her the man she'd been lusting after almost since the ninja Academy and, inadvertently, saving her boyfriends' life in the process.

XXX

It was unexpectedly bright when he was released back into the world again, shoved out the front door of an apartment he'd never seen into an area of Konoha he didn't know but, despite those little problems, he found he couldn't be bothered to care. With what he'd gone through at Anko's very experienced hands, not to mention other parts of her anatomy, the world seemed to be a much different place and everything was new, could be looked at from a different perspective...

"You wonderful little bastard"; _though of course_; as the source of the shout landed beside him Naruto couldn't help but smile a little as the whimsical though entered his mind; _some things always stay the same_; "slapping the Snake-Mistress of Konoha and then getting two continuous days of hot and steamy action out of it – you're a genius kid, a true lady-killing, snake-charming sex-god".

"Yeah, yell it for the world to hear why don't you?" Putting an end to further conversation Naruto quickly punched the taller man in the gut and, as Jiraiya straightened himself out after the hit, asked his second question, "And how did you know how long I've been gone?"

"I was looking for you of course", Jiraiya answered as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, "had to make sure Anko-chan wasn't going to kill you – I have to admit I had a suspicion that if she ever found out about it, she'd take that freaky healing trick of yours as a challenge rather than a blessing". At this Naruto chuckled,

"Funny old thing, that was what I was aiming for", seeing Jiraiya whip around to look at him dumbfounded Naruto heaved a sigh and shook his head, "you said I should try to get used to pain right – well that woman was the one who threw a kunai at my face just because she wanted some blood. Can't get much more likely than that for someone trying to fill me in; it didn't work of course but", he shrugged, the grin of someone who'd just had a night he'd never forget on his face as he straightened out his jumpsuit and plodded on, "if that was the consolation prize I don't mind coming second".

_Genius_; that was the only word that could fit in Jiraiya's mind as he slapped a palm to his forehead; _absolutely mad, brilliant genius – do all that to rile the kunoichi up, if they kill me no-one will blame them, if anything else happens, hey I don't care. Heads he won, tails everyone else lost_; the deductive powers of his student astounded him for a moment before, getting swiftly back on track, the Toad Sage cleared his throat and, as Naruto turned around, plucked something from one of his pockets and handed it out to him,

"What's this?"

"Something every man should have when a milestone in his life passes, and surviving more than a night with Mitarashi Anko more than counts as a milestone gaki", Jiraiya told him with a salacious grin, "it's called a cigar and you smoke it. Cut the end off like so, bit of katon to light it and, presto, all yours". Tentatively Naruto reached out and took the smouldering stick into his own hand before taking a shallow pull on the end of it, immediately coughing afterwards and waving the smoke away,

"Kami, damn", he choked, the smoke stinging his eyes as well as his lungs, "how do you deal with that poison?"

"You get used to it, you especially; think of it as a test for your boon to cope with", the Toad Sage suggested before becoming more serious, "anyway, while you were otherwise engaged I did some digging and I don't like what I've turned up – I have a suspicion, and a good one, that something big is going to blow up at the Chunin exam finals and the Hokage might be one of the targets. I might be called away to deal with other threats so, if the leader of this attack is who I think it is, I'll need you to delay him until I get there because he won't be able to kill you, got it?" Realising this was a threat against one of his precious people Naruto was all business as he took another drag on his smoke and released it, not coughing nearly as much this time as he nodded slowly,

"Go on, what's your plan?"

A/N: And as we all know that plan as the one that cost Oroichimaru an arm to deal with.

I might be wrong but I believe the first attempt to model Uzumaki Naruto after Captain Scarlett; readers under a certain age may have to look up the good captain but he was a real screen icon back in his day. So yes, thanks to the fox's boon and his father's sealing genius Naruto is indestructible; how could this affect the Naruto world? Well I could see very interesting things happening during Sasuke's retrieval thanks to his new toy ("Trash, I will destroy you for Oroichimaru-sama",** snickt,** "AArgh, my leg. How did you do that; my bones are stronger than steel!" "Say hello to Kusanagi, bitch".) and the final battle might end differently too ("Well done teme, you stabbed me with a Chidori; that means I've got both hands free and you can't dodge – here comes the pain ya bastard!") Not to mention what Tayuya might do to get even with the man who fondled her so shamelessly – hmmm...

Still, I leave those scenarios for other authors to tackle; my mind is ablaze once more and TMOK demands my attention. Until the next time, ja ne!


	18. Chapter 17

Hell and Back

A/N: Okay, I'll admit here and now I've created a monster, but it wasn't my fault! I was at a mate's house and we were rinsing through his collection of retro games and suddenly, inspiration tip-toed up behind me and didn't so much strike as repeatedly bludgeon me over the head with a sledgehammer as it pointed out the similarities between Naruto and another, equally famous character from a groundbreaking videogame. The concussion from that attack has had me virtually chained to my desk until this was written – I hope you enjoy it.

Oh, before you start reading; when you get to omake 2, before you read it, log in to Youtube or whatever you listen to and look up a track called The Aftermath by Iron Maiden – I was listening to that when I wrote that part of the story and that omake was the answer I came up with to the question that song asks; I would be very interested to hear what other people come up with – drop me a review or a PM with your thoughts and remember, UP THE IRONS!

XXX

_ "Chidori!"_

_ "Rasengan!"_

_He remembered leaping, he remembered thrusting his hand forwards, he remembered the impact of the two jutsu grinding together and the dull, distant sensations of the twisting motions of the dobe's attack trying to break each and every one of his fingers to powder even as those same fingers sought to plunge straight through his best friends' arm and beyond. He recalled the pain, he recalled screaming in his own head for power, always more power and the dark voice laughing and supplying his demands for the strength to prove the Uchiha clan superior to the orphaned dead-last. He remembered heat, light and fire, the whole world fading to a bright white glare..._

_...after that he remembered nothing of the fall, nothing of the impact of his bloody, breaking body with the hard ground of the Valley of the End; once the pain and nausea were overcome and wrestled down, the only thing he remembered as his greying vision swept over the area was extreme confusion. He had no time to assuage such an emotion, no idea of how his enemy had escaped the killing blow as he forced his protesting muscles to carry him towards his next teacher, the one who would give him the power he needed to conquer the betrayer of his clan, though the question he had left behind would weigh heavily on his conscience and gnaw on his mind for every single moment of the next three years and beyond._

_Where the hell had the dobe gone?_

XXX

Inuzuka Tsume was a woman who was known throughout Konoha as one of the finest tracker-nins the Leaf had ever produced; she was also renowned for being strong, even reckless in battle, as hard-drinking and hard-swearing as the rest of her clan head peers and number one in every Konoha shinobi's mental list of kunoichi-to-never-piss-off-under-any-circumstances, challenged only by Mitarashi Anko and, possibly, Nara Yoshiro.

However what was less well-known about the retired jounin was that what lay underneath the swaggering mask was at least partially a slightly different story; yes she was as tough as anyone who wanted to run the House of Dogs needed to be, but regardless of her duties towards her clan and her village, she was still a woman and a mother first. Very few people outside of her immediate family and her original team were therefore privy to the knowledge that Tsume could make excellent pancakes, or loved nothing more than spending her free time rolling around on the floors of the kennels with a new litter of puppies mock-wrestling her, or that she occasionally teared up when curled up on the settee watching a sappy movie with a saucer of warm sake (though the latter had come perilously close to becoming public knowledge – only a last-minute tip-off from Kuromaru had allowed her to confiscate her son's camera before the pictures could go on public display, though if anyone were to question Kiba about this incident he would immediately and vociferously deny all knowledge, still petrified of his mother's hard right hand despite being a shinobi in his own right). She had been given a luxury that few other shinobi lived to see; the gift of being able to grow older, settle down and have a family of her own to love and to raise...

...and right now the pain of knowing one member of that family, her own flesh and blood, was missing and probably either in life-threatening danger or being used as breeding stock was so acute she'd have charged headlong into a battalion of Iwa shinobi just to make it stop for the merest instant.

Even now, in her dreams, she couldn't be rid of it – in fact it was probably easier to be awake. Ever since the kidnapping she'd lived in a daze, aware things were different, were changing and all efforts were being made to find her missing child but at the same time not entirely able to influence them as the Inuzuka's own efforts had failed, though Kiba had slit his own palm and sworn a solemn vow by his own blood to track down and find what had become of his sister even if he had to travel to the ends of the earth and beyond. He had been out of the village night and day ever since, only just returning this evening with Akamaru by his side looking as dead-beat as she felt, while she for her part had sat through numerous council meets, emergency discussions and planning sessions but couldn't remember a single one of them in any detail, just vague shapes and blurs all mixed together, broken only by a single, stand-alone memory of a man, or a knight, wearing white robes who had cornered her after she had stumbled from yet another late-night debrief and offer her his shoulder to cry upon.

Hyuuga Hiashi, much like herself, was a man who had depths much greater than the alabaster mask he portrayed to the world; he too had known what it was like to lose a daughter and may well have been the only one in Konoha who had the faintest inkling of what the Inuzuka mistress was going through. It had been a confused muddle for Tsume up until she'd felt those two arms around her, her body pressed into the slightly taller man's chest, the scent of jasmine and sandalwood fragrant in her sensitive nose and his words in her ear, for the first time she could remember a trace of something other than cool disdain in his voice as he whispered words only she could hear, alone as the two of them were in the aftermath of the meeting breaking up,

"I know your pain", his voice was gentle and deep, seeming to jar her tear ducts once more as her hands fisted in the front of his kimono and threatened to tear it completely with her nails, "and I thank Kami-sama every day and night that Hinata-chan came back to us, even if it cost Hizashi-dono his life. If you need our eyes you have only to ask and I and the Hyuuga clan will stand beside you". When she had finished drying her sudden rush of tears on both his shoulder and her own sleeve Tsume had bowed, deeply, to the Hyuuga head and this time meant the gesture for what it was; she and Hiashi rarely saw exactly eye to eye but she was not going to spurn his generous offer of help just to score some petty points, not when Hana-chan's life was at stake. He had returned the gesture with one of his own before departing as soundlessly as a ghost, leaving Tsume with some privacy to reapply her mask prior to facing the world again.

But facing the world meant waking up to a place bereft of her eldest daughter and her three dogs; the first kunoichi in the clan to ever be blessed with a trio of partners, it rattled Tsumes' heart sorely to remember their first meetings, how Hana had almost been bowled over by the wild three and complaining she didn't have enough hands to fuss them all at the same time while she had watched on in the background and laughed. _Laugh_; opening her eyes as she finally admitted sleep was a long time away and probably would be for the rest of the night; _something I don't think I'll ever do again. It would put me more at ease to know she'd actually died in battle, or at least been out the village when she was taken. That I could deal with_; it sounded callous but it was true; with rumours of the Akatsuki who had taken even the Godaime Kazekage from his home village, though he had been apparently rescued and brought back from the dead by forbidden medical ninjutsu_,_ and the fourth world war apparently just around the corner, Hana falling in battle would have been agony but expected, a true Inuzuka dying to protect the pack and Konoha as a whole;_ but she was here. Right here in the house I helped build, surrounded by her family and none of us even knew she was taken until the morning_; the knowledge made her eyes sting once more, the gut-wrenching misery even stronger as she recalled the last words she'd shared with her daughter had been heated, Hana removing herself from the kitchen and going to bed as her mother tried to force, in her opinion, the succession of clan head onto her when she had her own life to lead for the time being. Tsume for her part had watched her leave rapidly, trailed by her partners; Hana was too calm and collected to storm away in a huff; and a slight smile had tinged her lips as she saw herself in her daughter's shoes and realised that history did repeat itself; not twenty years ago that had been herself in Hana's shoes - maybe the Hyuuga were right in that fate really did exist and everyone was governed subtly but its pull.

She couldn't believe that now, not after waking at a howl of alarm from one of the family's nin-ken and tearing to her daughter's bedroom in her nightclothes, finding her son already there with his face white and fists clenched until blood started from them, small specks of redness matching the small, smeared pattern that had dried on Hana's carpet. The crimson symbol had been examined by Jiraiya himself but the aged Toad Sage, looking more world-weary than Tsume had ever seen him since the loss of his godson during the Uchiha defection, had shaken his head, saying if the strange mark was a seal it was one that was alien to him; he didn't say the obvious because it was plain that the Inuzuka head didn't want to hear it, the idea that the bloodstain could have been some kind of macabre calling card was an idea she couldn't bring herself to countenance. Rolling over slightly on her bed, wishing she could blot the pain out with alcohol but unwilling to do so in case she let something slip past her in a drunken haze, the Inuzuka clan head rolled up against the firm, warm body of her nin-ken, Kuromaru having taken to moving in to her room occasionally overnight so the two could provide emotional support and physical comfort as he missed the Haimaru as much as she did Hana, and muttered lowly,

"Screwed up world this is Kuro-kun; one minute I was pestering Hana-chan to take my place so I could have a peaceful retirement, next minute I'd claw my own eyes out just to know she was safe and well again".

In her defence Tsume hadn't slept well in days and was living in a nightmare as much as she was reality; because of that the scent hadn't twigged and the fact that the answering yelp was in a much higher pitch than the leader of the nin-ken pack went ignored. Only when a wet tongue slapped her full in the face, something Kuromaru hadn't done since his pup-hood, did the pieces fall together and with a panicked growl and shot of adrenaline did she sit bolt upright, scrambling back in the covers and reaching for the light switch as she realised it wasn't her nin-ken who was lying on her bed. Closing her eyes light blossomed into the room, she blinked the spots from her eyes and focussed on the nin-ken that had dared invade her privacy, more than ready to rip the stupid dog's tail off for daring to trespass in the den of an alpha, before she focussed on the misplaced animal and felt her anger, along with her stomach, dissolve,

"Hai", sitting down one of the three triplets push itself up to its haunches, cocking its head as it didn't recognise what Tsume was doing as she gasped for breath, fighting down hyperventilation, "Haimaru!"

The dog gave a yip of agreement and acceptance, pacing forwards and nuzzling its head into the alpha's chest as Tsume threw her arms around his neck and inhaled deeply, a confusion of scents around him that told her a thousand things yet confirmed none. Hana, she was there, and recently too but there were other scents, smells of blood, of earth, of rain and leaves, of snakes and, though any other nose save hers would have missed it, lingering at the very back of all those unfamiliar bedfellows like an old lover at a family funeral, a faint trace of brimstone. All of those scents she dismissed, save one; pulling herself back and staring straight into the nin-ken's expressive black eyes, the Inuzuka alpha spoke in the canine tongue about what she wanted, pulling herself up and out of bed, more alive and alert than she'd been in weeks as she followed the dog implacably as it hopped off her bed and led her out the room, a low, muted buzzing in her ears as her heart started to palpitate wildly. The scents began to blur as her nose started to run in tandem with her having to dash the tears from her eyes, clearing her fractured vision in time to see the back end of the Haimaru disappear around the kitchen door; she took a moment to steady herself, silently mouthed a prayer to Kami and then, screwing up her courage, she followed.

All she saw was a familiar ponytail of brown, the trio of tattoos on both cheeks and upper arm and she needed to see no more; springing forwards, trying to scream her delight, relief and thankfulness all at the same time but unable to speak or even breathe through the lump that welled up in her throat, Tsume wrapped her daughter up in a hug so tight it appeared she'd never let go. Hana reciprocated, breaking down in her mother's arms as she realised the nightmare...;_ no, that's not the right word. It was a mission, not a usual mission by any stretch of the imagination but a mission nevertheless_; well, either way it was over, and she was free to cry and exult that she was back in the midst of her pack again,

"Hana, oh my daughter", Tsume had her nose buried in the crook of the younger kunoichi's neck, as comforted by the smell as she was the sight and contact, hearing the excited yelpings of her other two partners as all the dogs crowded around her, desperate to be acknowledged by the alpha again, "how, what happened to you? You were gone, how did they get you from the middle of the clan house? And where is the bastard", growling in her throat, it was an effort for the elder Inuzuka to avoid accidentally injuring her daughter by letting her claws sharpen to lethal points, "I swear to Kami-sama himself the man who laid hands on you won't be much of a man the second I get my hands on him".

"Ah, now that sounds nasty. The defence asks for a stay of execution on that condition – at least give me a chance to use it before you tear it off".

At the unfamiliar voice and only now recognising the strange scent in the air Tsume span around, pushing Hana behind her as she would be damned if she lost her daughter again so soon after she and her partners had come home. Her hands rose into threatening claws as she saw the stranger who had violated both her home and kidnapped her daughter; a second later both her hands fell, only Hana's grip around her middle stopping the rest of her body following suit as the face of someone who no-one in Konoha had seen for over three years was picked out of the darkness in front of her,

"N,no, you", she gibbered, face as white as chalk as she pushed herself back to her feet, Hana breathing out a sigh of relief as her mother, though not in any way chubby, was at the same time no Yamanaka, "you're _dead!_ Kiba attended your funeral, and I was there too!"

"And doesn't that just sum me up; number one most unpredictable ninja don't forget", the voice had changed slightly and he had grown up several inches but there was no mistaking that whiskered grin and periwinkle blue eyes, though they were a little more guarded perhaps than before, "I'm too fast to live and I'm too young to die. Besides", with a chuckle, Uzumaki Naruto stepped forwards, span around a chair from the kitchen table and slumped down into it, casually flicking his heels onto the table as he quirked an eyebrow in Tsume's direction, "if that teme had killed me I'd have never lived it down".

XXX

About ten minutes after this somewhat haphazard re-introduction Tsume found herself sat at the head of her own kitchen table, nursing a fresh cup of green tea and glancing between Hana and the boy who had somehow re-emerged after years in the wilderness, wondering exactly what the hell was going on and not entirely convinced that she wasn't still asleep or in some sort of drug-induced coma. Only the scent of Hana and the feel of her partners, as one of the Haimaru was asleep over her feet and another had his head in her lap while the third 'talked' quietly with Kuromaru, the grizzled old wolf having been roused as she had before this explanation began, was enough to convince her this was really happening as Naruto finished his drink, swallowed and looked over at her, half-apologetic and half-resigned as he spoke,

"Okay Tsume-san, first off I admit I was the one to kidnap Hana-san and the Haimaru"; _that was bold_; it took bottle to admit to a crime and be that blasé about it and the part of her that wasn't roaring at her to rip the insolent little bastard apart for his crimes was experienced enough to give credit for his nerve if nothing else, "fact was I needed someone who could track by scent and Kiba was out on a mission – she was the next-best option and I didn't have time to waste". Mulling this over in her mind the Inuzuka mistress was able to accept this; apart from her and possibly Kiba as well, Hana-chan had the most sensitive nose in the Inuzuka though it had doubtless been slightly blunted by the years she'd spent working as a vet rather than in the field,

"I can understand that", the elder kunoichi said in a measured voice, looking the Uzumaki right in the face as she moved onto the meat of the issue, "but what I don't understand is why you did that, why kidnap a potential clan heir of one of Konoha's main clans? If it were ever proven you'd have been in an absolute world of crap, and while we're on the subject how did you sneak her out of here anyway?"

"I can go unseen when I have to, little skill I picked up while I was away", Naruto mused for a minute before looking across at her and nodding, "but the main answer for that was I needed this done undercover; I had to find someone before Konoha or anyone else could get involved and potentially ruin everything I spent decades, or years rather", if either of the two kunoichi noticed his slip they were too professional to let him know as he recovered himself and went on, "working towards. As I saw it Hana-san was the only option I really had, so I nabbed her and her partners after slipping them a little something that made sure they'd sleep through the trip, and then made them a deal when they woke up".

"Find this person and hear the full story, and maybe get some reward money out of it", Hana was able to answer fractionally faster than Tsume could ask, "I didn't really have much choice, though before you say anything Naruto-kun was a perfect gentleman", remembering more than a couple of memorable incidents in her youth involving potential boyfriends coming a cropper with her mother's maternal instinct, Hana thought it prudent to nip this one in the bud, "all business, nothing else. But I held up my end of the bargain and Naruto held up his; the other two he hunted down with my help are now telling the Hokage the same story you're about to hear".

"This had better be some story brat, the amount of sleep I've missed because of you", Tsume half-snarled before settling down, a little more mollified and grateful that, whatever else had happened, Hana was home safe and sound, "but start from the beginning; where the hell have you been these past three...?"

She never got to finish that question, instead sharing a sidelong look with Kuromaru as the duo simultaneously wondered why both Hana and Naruto had promptly dissolved into gales of laughter; when they finally settled down and started talking however, all thoughts of mirth and merriment quickly turned to dust.

XXX

_Where the hell am I this time?_

It didn't look like the mindscape he was used to; for a start it was too light despite the fact the sky looked to be a sickly, pale yellow, like an old egg yolk left to run. The ground around him looked to be powdery, making him sneeze when he stood up to look around, scratching his head as he realised neither of the two big statues were present any more, and there wasn't any water either; _so I don't think this is the Valley of the End..._;

"**Even for someone with your limited brainpower, that should have been more obvious**".

The deep, booming tone was enough to make Naruto jump three feet in the air and grab for his weapons, only to curse as he realised how few kunai he now had – the damned teme had made him waste them all; _oh no, Sasuke!_; the thought of the Uchiha made him moan mentally; _where is he now – did he win? Is he still alive – what'll happen if that snake-tem..._;

"**I'd be more worried about your own survival than his if I were you**", the same voice again made him shudder, knowing it wasn't a hallucination this time as it continued a little more darkly, "**though truth be told, I wouldn't mind you dying quicker – that way the sooner I can go free**".

"Free?" The last word sent a horrible jolt of sick fear racing around the jinchuuriki's body, a terrible suspicion in his mind, "Kyuubi?" _No, no please Kami, anything but this!_;

"**Kami-sama can't hear you now boy**", the resurgent fox boomed maliciously, taking a great pleasure in explaining the new situation to his prisoner as the tables were now turned as Naruto for his part fought down the urge to curl up in a ball and cry, "**nobody can any more. Since you and the Uchiha were kind enough to crack open the door a little it would have been churlish of me not to step through – the fact I was forced to drag your unworthy carcass along for the ride is a mistake that's easily rectified here. Unlike your world**", somehow the bijuu's voice dropped even deeper, a more threatening edge in his tone as he spelt out just how much trouble the jinchuuriki was now in due to his meddling, "**here there is no mercy for the weak and stupid**".

"Here?" Looking around again and gagging at the acrid stench of the air around him, the Uzumaki hid his nose in his sleeve and tried to speak again, half of his mind wondering how the fox could talk to him anyway, "But, but where are we now – where have you taken us baka-kitsune?"

A low chuckling met his furious question for a moment before, to a crescendo of rising dread from the jinchuuriki, the bijuu deigned to answer, tasting the boy's terror and finding it the sweetest of meats to dine upon,

"**Where do you think we are human – I loathe your world with a passion, where else would I go if I had a chance to be free of your worthless flesh?**"

XXX

"Hell?" Despite the fact she dead-panned the word Tsume was grateful she wasn't holding anything breakable at the time as the chances were it would have been all over the floor in a million separate pieces, "The Kyuubi dragged you, into Makai?" Naruto nodded gently, having seen this reaction before,

"That's where he comes from, well sort of", the jinchuuriki smiled as he explained more thoroughly, "what happened, or at least what I think happened, was that when Sasuke and I went at it in the Valley, the last thing I can clearly remember happening was the two of us smashing our strongest attacks against each other, me pumped up on Kyuubi-juice, him overtaken by the snake-hickey", Hana at this point was forced to stifle a bit of a snigger as his terms of endearment for two of the foulest chakra sources known to man; even after roughing it with him for the better part of a fortnight following her press-ganging into his self-appointed mission, Naruto was still able to make her laugh almost any time he felt like it, "and it all went white. I think I was knocked out by the backlash but, because of that, I didn't feel the fox in my belly get up to his old tricks". Sitting forwards at the table he steepled his fingers under his chin and spoke again, his eyes darkening as he recalled the hatred he had felt for his prisoner when he realised what the demon had done,

"When the Chidori and Rasengan collided, something happened that should not be; as Chidori is pure elemental transformation and Rasengan pure chakra manipulation, when the two of them were combined it created, for want of a better word, a tiny tear in our reality. Normally this wouldn't have been a problem; it happens all the time during ninja battles where high-powered jutsus go pinging off one-another like hail and the tears repair themselves after a split-second with no-one any the wiser; but in this case because I was out of it and Fuzzy was in control, he was able to use my body and his youkai to rip the tear open and step through it, like cutting through the cloth of a tent to move through into someone else's'"; _strange_; eyes that had spend decades in darkness and become used to reacting at the slightest edge of a threat missed nothing, not even a tell as subtle as that; _why would she get embarrassed about that example? Hmm, for the future perhaps_; he had a rough idea but decided not to pursue it for now, instead speaking on about his sudden transition from the mortal world to the demonic one,

"Through this tear the Kyuubi forced me to move with whatever strength I had left; I don't know how long I was out for but, when I came to, I'd healed completely like I always do; some things never change no matter where you end up", he gave a brief, grim chuckle before continuing, "but apart from that things weren't looking all that bright; I was in Hell, surrounded by things that wanted to eat me and claim my immortal soul as their own and with the knowledge that the second I died Kyuubi would come bounding out his cell, shake whatever had killed me by the hand and then set off on his merry way". Becoming ever-more convinced she'd finally gone mad from the strain, Tsume licked dry lips and managed to choke out the question,

"But, but if that's the case", she breathed down a deep gulp of air, looking at the young man in front of her and asked the blatantly obvious question, "how did you survive in, in...in there?" Naruto's teeth glittered in the dimly-lit kitchen, his answering smile enough to make even a rampaging pack of nin-ken have second thoughts as his answer came,

"Because Kyuubi didn't know it, but time here isn't the same as time in the hot place", the smile got wider until, eventually, it was replaced by a gruff snort of laughter, "take it from me Fluff-butt got a very nasty shock when he realised the Hell he'd dropped me into wasn't the same place he'd left behind".

XXX

Eventually even mind-numbing terror gave way to bored tedium; after several hours of expecting some big demonic gribbly to come along and eat him and virtually fainting at every soft noise or hint of a breeze, Naruto decided that, if this was indeed Hell, it wasn't quite as bad as it was cracked up to be. Okay it was warmer than he was used to (though taking off and sealing what was left of his jumpsuit jacket helped) and there was a distinctive whiff of something pungent that he didn't want to think about too much in the air, but apart from that it seemed...relatively benign,

"**And that is what bothers me**", the boy winced; since the two of them were now on Kyuubi's home plane, the fox had taken great pleasure in informing his host that the Shinigami's seal was weakened slightly and, because of that, he had no great difficulty in making his voice heard any more, "**you should be dead by now, even a lowly imp would tear you to shreds. Something's amiss here...**"

"Well you should've thought of that before you brought us here", Naruto snapped petulantly, already pretty cheesed off with the demon and grateful for any opportunity to get back at the oversized plushie before his eventual end befell him, "'Oh look at me, the mighty Kyuubi; I'm so smart I'll just send the pair of us to Hell' – ever heard of look before you leap?"

He was expecting an earful after that one as Kyuubi was nothing if not proud; however after being left alone with just his thoughts for company the boy shrugged and decided that if nothing else he was getting a little thirsty, so the least he could do now was explore and try and find something like lunch. Creeping forwards with all the skill his training had given him, the ninja moved slowly from one rocky outcropping to the next, careful not to gash himself on the sharp spears of flint as they ruptured the ground like the impaling fingers of some encased giant fighting for his freedom. Darting across the strange desert and wishing he had the sun to navigate by, Naruto picked a random direction and moved off in it, the heat getting slightly more bearable as his body adapted to it and started to sweat less to conserve water as he was unable to say when he' d be able to get it back.

Dust rose in small plumes as he tracked his way across the wasteland, though he was grateful the scouring wind covered his tracks, until he came to a slight rise in the ground and, after summing up the risks and determining navigation was more important than the risk of being spotted, he quickly scrambled up the steep rise, taking care not to gash himself as he crawled up the rise. Nearing the summit, he took in a light breath and rushed upwards, taking a peek over the rock and taking in an confused picture as he ducked back down, trying to make sense of what he'd seen but deciding at first that there were no threats that he could see. With that knowledge he let his head rise once more, a longer look this time and allowing him to take in slightly more of what he was looking at; as he recognised the slouching figures before him he felt his heart soar and was halfway stood up before a burst of pain through his body and simultaneous bellow in his ear dropped him to his knees,

"**No, you fool**", the fox, it seemed, was a little upset about something, "**use the eyes Kami-sama carved into your thick skull and look again – those aren't people as you know them, they shouldn't be here at all**". Wincing at the volume of the shout echoing around in his head and blinking the tears from his vision, the shinobi would have told the kitsune who'd led him to this place; _but it's not Hell, I refuse to believe this is that place. I wasn't a bad guy in my life – okay I wasn't the best but there was no reason for me to end up here_; where to go but some impulse made him look down at the scene again and realise that, much as he might have loathed to admit it, the fox was correct.

Whatever the two figures were that stood hunched and on guard in front of the partially-submerged tunnel he could see, they were not people, in fact they were hardly even human any more. Skin peeling away from the flesh and an unholy unlight burning in their crimson eyes, the monsters aping humanity glazed forwards blankly as Naruto set back down at the crest of his little hill, curled up into as much of a ball as he could make himself and, unable to take what in what he was seeing, started to weep and wish he was back in Konoha.

XXX

"Stupid I know, but I was young and stupid back then", even as he described these new horrors Naruto's voice hardly changed, long desensitised to the thought of blood, death and terror as a result of his blood-soaked pilgrimage in the lower kingdom, "much as I hated the fox back then credit where it's due, he probably saved my life at that point. He was also the one who talked me in to doing what had to be done; if nothing else both of us needed to know what we were up against". Looking a little pale at his explanation of the two gate guards, Tsume swallowed down the bile that had risen up in the back of her throat and, partially against her better judgement, asked the question she needed to know,

"But", she had to fight down a shudder at the thought of the parched flesh and sunken eyes, men who walked with their bowels opened to the world and holes in their hearts and, in some cases, their heads as well – Naruto was very graphic in his descriptions, "but what were they?"

"Demons", his answer was factual, nothing more and nothing less as he looked at the Inuzuka clan head, "the weakest denizens of Hell who had taken over the dead flesh of human corpses and used them to move around. Not strong or much of a threat, even in big groups, unless they managed to get their hands on weapons at least, but back then I thought they were virtually immortal monsters. Worst thing was the fact they even had human flesh to walk around in; according to Kyuubi there shouldn't have been any people in Hell; once a bad person dies their soul goes for punishment while the body decays on the Impure world; so where were all these weaker demons getting their claws into human meat to puppeteer? I, or we rather, needed answers", a bitter smile tinged his lips as he took another sip of his tepid tea, eyes staring into the middle distance as he relived the first, faltering steps of his journey through Hell,

"And there was only one way we were going to get them".

XXX

Ripping his kunai out the back of the second guards' head and trying hard not to think about it Naruto stumbled back and grasped his ribs, the left side of them aching from the impact of a heavy fist. Kyuubi had told him the humans were possessed but he hadn't believed it, or even been able to believe it, until he'd seen with his own eyes and felt with his own battered flesh the damage a supposedly-possessed human could do even with a kunai lodged to the hilt in its chest, what should have been a lethal blow on a human less than an annoyance to the demon clothed in dead flesh. Gritting his teeth against the pain, Naruto found himself wincing again as he heard his tenant making new demands in his head,

"**Touch the body and don't hold my chakra back**", he made to argue before the kitsune's voice came back to his head again, "**hurry, before the wretch has time to abandon his fetters – he has the answers I need**".

"This had better be worth it fox"; even as he growled under his breath however Naruto swallowed again and tentatively lay his hand on the deceased corpse's chest, looking away with his eyes screwed shut as he tried not to think about what he was actually touching with his bare hand, tried to forget the feeling of dry, desiccated flesh cracking under his fingers, the wheezing of air and other, fouler gases released as a process of decay, tried to avoid hurling up the last meal he'd eaten...

"**Enough, done**", his inner struggle to keep his hand where it was meant it took a second for his brain to process the Kyuubi's words; when he managed it though he stood so fast he nearly toppled over backwards, shuffling backwards as nimbly as the two possessed cadavers had while they were still alive...animated...out for his blood. Desperately seeking something to keep his mind off the nausea he tried to recall vague, forgotten details, like how many bowls of ramen did he owe Iruka-sensei for when he got out of this awful place? Did any shinobi rules cover being dropped head-first in the ass-end of nowhere with nothing but a couple of shuriken, only one kunai (he simply couldn't bring himself to recover the other from the chest of its last victim, he simply couldn't) and a big demonic fox in your head for company? _Actually, speaking of the devil..._;

"Any news yet fox?" He spat bitterly; he'd kept up his end of the bargain after all, if the kitsune couldn't deliver it would be a small victory, but a victory nevertheless. He waited in vain for a few moments longer, expecting at any second a thunderclap inside his skull from the bijuu's ire, only to find what actually came to pass shocked and, in some ways, frightened him more than any amount of unholy wrath,

"**Naruto**", the tone of the voice, to say nothing of the fact that Kyuubi had addressed him by his name, almost made him drop his weapon; if anything the kitsune sound almost submissive and meek, "**go back up to the ridge you were on, out of sight of this place, and create some of those Kage bushin you use to keep watch. I need to speak to you face to face immediately**", that was not what he wanted to hear but, as always in the strange new world, he didn't have much choice in the matter even as the fox's last words made his guts sink even lower, "**there are some things we, I, need to tell you about what's happened here**".

XXX

Trying to take this in and failing miserably, Tsume felt her patience run dry when Naruto started rambling on about the demon in his gut interfering with the dead; _but don't antagonise him_; some half-remembered course in dealing with comrades suffering post-traumatic stress swam to the forefront of her mind and she adhered to it silently; _wherever he's been has left him unhinged and arguing with him's only likely to make it worse. Just speak to him rationally, allow him to explain his theories and unpick them, one by one_;

"Naruto-san, uhh", she managed a weak sort of smile as he looked over, face betraying no emotion at having his story cut off by her piping up, "sorry to interrupt but, well, I'm kind of finding this hard to take in at the minute".

"That's not surprising", his agreement caught her slightly on the hop though she didn't show it (as far as she knew), instead listening as Naruto nodded across the table to where her daughter sat, "Hana-san was the same at first, as were the others who I've told this story to, but the truth of my story will be proven later; all I ask is a little patience. You must understand the full picture before passing judgement on my words". Trying to think of a valid comeback to this, Tsume whipped her head around, both eyebrows raised as she suddenly found herself submarined from an unexpected quarter, Hana's unexpected torpedo blowing her hopes of resolving this issue before it went too far completely out the water,

"He's right mum; believe me I didn't believe even half the things he said at first – in fact even now I don't believe all of it. But", she dared glance across the table at the Uzumaki, a slight smile slipping across her pinched face that the boy didn't appear to notice, apparently lost in thought or memory as she carried on, "he has a way of proving it all in the end".

XXX

Upon entry into his mindscape, it spoke volumes of how depressed and homesick Naruto felt that he was almost pathetically grateful to open his eyes and find the dank, dreary sewer hadn't changed at all since he'd been here last.

Then again, he figured walking for hours over a hot sandy desert and being beaten half to death by a reanimated dead person was probably enough to make anyone want to dive into the nearest deep, dark hole and stay there for as long as humanly possible.

The thought made him chuckle for a minute before with a weary sigh he started trudging through the knee-deep water, sloshing his way towards the Kyuubi's cage to hear this new news the bijuu supposedly had. Following the ruddy red glow before him the jinchuuriki was forced to conclude one very minor point that made him grin like an idiot, prompting a slightly more concerned part of his personality to ask the tremulous question of how close was he to going completely insane? _Let's see – my best friend tried to kill me not once but twice, I used so much of Fluffy's chakra it felt like my skin was peeling right off the bone, I blacked out and let the fox take control of my body, then I wake up, find out the bastard kitsune's sent me a place he calls Hell and get the stuffing knocked out of me by two guys who should have been worm-food a long time ago, not loitering with intent outside some kind of metal tunnel. All in all then_; his grin widened, only a major effort on his part preventing him from breaking out in a sniggering fit as his stressed mind sought to relieve the pressure of his situation without causing any more mental trauma; _not one of my better days!_

That much was certainly true, though a crumb of comfort could be found in the fact that, as he entered the amphitheatre within his mind that held Kyuubi's cage, he realised he wasn't the only one upset by the events of the recent past. For the first time he could remember the bijuu was animated, pacing in its cage like a restless animal with all nine tails lashing the air around it, a snarl on its face that showed its anger and, perhaps if Naruto squinted hard enough, a trace of something like fear behind that facade of wrath. Sensing him, probably by the sound of the water displaced by his footsteps, Kyuubi whipped its volcanic glare towards him, the corner of its mouth twisted in a seemingly involuntary sneer before it visibly calmed itself, sitting back on its haunches and sending a ripple through the dark liquid that Naruto jumped over, staying where he was until the bijuu itself broke the silence,

"**Come over here boy; I will not attack**", it admitted thickly, the agitation rolling of the great beast in waves so strong Naruto fancied he could almost see them as the fox looked at him directly, trying to impale him with a direct stare, "**much as I would like to, between us we have much more dire problems than petty quarrelling between ourselves**".

"Petty quarrelling? Near enough twelve years of my life have been absolute hell..."

"**You know **_**nothing**_** of Hell!**" The growl was so strong and the force behind it so venomous it almost made Naruto pass out as his prisoner stood on all four feet, youkai flaring wildly before, with a visible effort, it calmed itself, "**but, because I now have no choice with what I've learned from that miserable shade, I will educate you as much as I am able to – you must understand the full gravity of the situation...**"

"That _you_ landed me, in fact you landed both of us in", Naruto accused hotly, storming forwards to jab a finger in the kitsune's face, "none of this would be a problem had you just kept your paws to yourself and stayed quiet but you didn't; you had to try something and because of what we're now both in trouble".

"**You don't know how true that is brat**", the kitsune smiled, displaying fangs that could have been hollowed out and used for canoes before it became more serious, gesturing for Naruto to sit down with its head, "**sit, this will take a long time**". Still not entirely trusting the ancient entity; foxes were renowned for their trickery after all; the jinchuuriki nevertheless eventually lowered himself to sit cross-legged, looking up at his newest teacher as the fox screwed its eyes shut for a moment before opening them again, its bale vermillion gaze locked onto the shock of blonde hair before it as its ageless voice boomed forth again,

"**I'll start with what you should already know; we are in, or at least very close to the place you humans call Hell – it's also known as Makai, the Endless Damnation, Torment Everlasting and a host of other names but they all mean the same thing. This is where souls stained by evil deeds committed in mortal life are sent by the Judge of the Dead; his name as well varies but I will not utter any of them here, he is not an entity to take offence lightly even if it is unmeant; as punishment for their crimes. As you can imagine**", cruel humour light a flame in the bijuu's eyes as it leered at its landlord, apparently unable to resist making a joke out of even the darkest material, "**it's not a popular tourist destination and therefore very few beings ever come here, or at least, ever come here while they're still alive**".

"Unless they've got a baka demonic fur-rug in their head", Naruto chipped in snidely before realising something and narrowing his eyes at the other party to this conversation, "so, the rumours are true then; you are a demon fox". Kyuubi cocked its head at this before, with a shake of the head, it postponed the question and carried on,

"**That is for a later time, there are more pressing matters to be reconciled first. I doubt this will be easy for you to take in nin-gen but for your own sake I suggest you try; picture a stream**", the sudden shift of topic led to the sizzling retort Naruto had come up with in response to the slur on his intelligence fizzle to nothing on his lips as he did as the demon asked, "**this stream represents Time itself, moving on and on forever and holding all things, however large or small, within its grasp. Now imagine there are bubbles in the stream, each one individual but surrounded by the same water of Time. You have it in your head?**" After a moment of visualising a clear, pure stream and trying to dismiss the pangs of thirst that rose up in his partially-parched throat as a result, the boy nodded,

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?"

"**It illustrates one of the main, features, if you will, of this place**", the bijuu began to explain, trying to put something it knew and accepted as facts into a package that could be easily understood and, more importantly, accepted by the ignorant human in front of it, "**you humans reside in the Impure World don't you? Back in that pitiful village, they said if you died gloriously for the sake of the old monkey in the hat, your soul would be taken by Kami to the Pure World, eternal paradise and all that whimsical human trash yes?**" Seeing Naruto nod, the kitsune took a deep breath and girded its loins about tackling the most unpalatable part of the explanation,

**"Well, thinking of your stream, imagine each of the bubbles in that water contains its own individual Impure World, each one completely separate and isolated from the others; surrounding each of those worlds in their little bubbles is the Pure World, made up of Paradise and Hell together, ready to claim the souls from the Impure Worlds when it is time for them to move on**".

As he looked down on the face of human and idly wondered how white the boy could go before he pitched over and started gibbering, Kyuubi bit back a sigh and mentally reminded himself that this was why demons never tried to explain the real way the worlds worked to the denizens of the other Kingdoms; they just never took it well. The bijuu could almost see his container's pitiful brain stuttering as it attempted to chew through the words he had just spoken and attempt to match up what he knew and had been taught to what Kyuubi was telling him. Though he was tempted to make a comment to hurry Naruto along and move onto the other, in his opinion more pertinent information, the kitsune realised that might do more harm than good and instead resigned itself to waiting patiently for the kid to come out of his self-imposed stupor. It took time, how much he couldn't tell due to the fact time had little meaning in this place, until, finally, he heard his hosts' voice pipe up again,

"So, so then", Naruto had to lick his lips as the stream in his mind blazed with the fires of the unholy, each of the little bubbles within it bursting as Hell raged supreme, "there are other Impure Worlds; what about Konoha, is that...?"

"**It is within one of the Impure Worlds, one of countless that flow within the stream of time**", the kitsune assured him; before he could move on however another question as thrown his way,

"But, you're saying the stream, the Pure World surrounds every single one of these Impure World bubbles right?" Seeing the bijuu nod Naruto swallowed softly and prayed to Kami for a favourable answer to this question, "So, if that's the case, how can it, the stream of the Pure World that is, be made up of Heaven _and _Hell at the same time; that should be impossible?"

"**Oil and water**", Kyuubi broke in smoothly, having at least in part anticipated this potential query, "**though the Pure World stream is made up of both higher and lower Kingdoms they cannot mix, like oil and water poured together and forced to flow down a hill; they move in the same direction but are still separate. Bad news gaki**", the fox favoured its host with a toothsome smirk, "**if you die here your soul will be stuck here until the end of time itself; because of that and the fact someone in one of the Impure Worlds has just dropped the mother of all clangers and potentially thrown the entire balance between the Kingdoms into jeopardy, it's in my best interests for you to stay alive until I can really see what's going on here and how, or if, it can be put right again**".

XXX

"So, there are other worlds out there?"

"More than worlds; entire planes of existence", Naruto clarified, seeing Tsume's expression of slack-jawed shock and explaining slowly to give her time to take it all in, "as Kyuubi said however, it is best not to think of the other Impure Worlds; due to the nature of the stream of Time it is virtually impossible for our Impure World to ever come into contact with another Impure World".

"I...see", taking in a breath the former Konoha jounin decided to take his advice at face value; _don't look at what might be or may have happened – because all I've got to go on is whatever whacked-out story he's telling me, just focus on the story, ask him to prove the relevant bits and book yourself into the mad-house if it actually turns out he's telling the truth_; with that sage plan of action in mind Tsume inclined her head as she focussed on what she considered to be the main aspect of his explanation so far,

"Naruto", the boy looked up at his name having been staring into space for a few seconds, a blank expression over his features that reminded the veteran ninja of things she'd rather not recall, "the Kyuubi, does this mean you can...talk to it now?" After a brief pause, the jinchuuriki nodded much to her concealed dismay,

"Yes, though not so much since I came back here; the Shinigami's seal was weakened in Hell due to me being in the Pure World, meaning he was able to talk to me more easily – just as well as he was the only thing that kept me alive and at least partially sane throughout the time I was lost. He was also a font of knowledge about Hell and what he didn't know he could interrogate out of other demons I was able to kill; took some practice to get used to it but what it entailed was, before the demonic essence could get away, the bijuu could suck it into the seal and do what it needed to do, mostly strip its power and knowledge away to make sure it was less of a threat when it re-incarnated later".

"They didn't die?" Naruto shook his head,

"It's impossible, or almost impossible", a dark smile slipped over his face at that point but before either of the two kunoichi could query it he'd carried on, "to kill a demon, or an angel for that matter as their souls reside in the Pure World already; even other demons can't do it. All that happened when I killed their physical bodies was that their soul was released and left to wander until it could get strong enough to forge another body; in the case of demons fighting, this means the victor gets to consume the flesh and therefore the strength of its defeated rival and grow stronger itself; it's a literal dog-eat-dog world in Hell. Each demon wants to gain enough power to evolve into a new, more powerful body and the only way to do that is to consume the power accrued by other demons; the strong kill off the weak, the weak gang up for protection against the strong and I was there right in the middle of it all trying to keep my own ass in one piece – unlike the demonic bastards I wouldn't come back if I was killed".

"You survived though", Hana reminded him, making him blink before he let slip a grudging smile,

"Barely, and only then because, as Kyuubi told me, one of the other Impure Worlds had made a major mistake that could potentially have destroyed the balance of the Time-stream as we knew it. I don't understand the whole story, neither does Kyuubi come to that, but what he believes happened is that the denizens of this Impure World, humans as well though very different from us; taller, not as strong and completely lacking chakra but with technology I couldn't begin to understand; somehow breached the barrier of their Impure World and, inadvertently I think, transported an entire planet straight into Hell by testing out some sort of teleportation technology, like the Hirashin jutsu on a massive scale. A whole world, dropped straight into and resting above Makai", the jinchuuriki smiled again, a dark, dangerous expression as his eyes deepened to depthless pools of turquoise, the thoughts within them flashing across his mind too quickly to be identified as he finished,

"And, thanks to Kyuubi, I dropped onto that world, rather than directly into Hell itself".

Unsurprisingly there was silence at that, Tsume trying to take in the idea of an entire world of people suddenly waking up one day to find devils at the doors and hellfire raging in the background and fighting down the shiver that caressed up her back while Hana, having heard this story before and seen the ultimate result of it, calmly stood up and refilled the teapot, listening in as Naruto spoke on and she washed out the dregs of the tea in the sink,

"So that was half of the problem solved; due to a mistake in one of the Impure Worlds the demons had just gained access to not only human bodies that even the weakest of them could possess and use as a crude form of meat-puppet, but also had the chance to steal and, potentially, use the technology that had brought the world to Hell in the first place. Demons being able to cross the boundaries between the Pure and Impure World – I hope I don't have to impress on you just how bad an idea that would have been?" Trying hard to suppress a shiver at the idea Tsume stood up and began pacing, the nervous energy that had kept her awake and at least semi-coherent for the past three weeks working once again to let her accept the potential threat, however absurd it might have seemed, of a potential demon invasion hitting Konoha sometime in the future,

"Does the Hokage know about this?"

"Hopefully, assuming the other pair of our merry little band debriefed her properly", the Uzumaki assured her before thinking for a minute, "I'll check up with her in the morning just be to be sure though".

"Good – last thing we need to worry about now is the idea of, of Hell"; _I can't believe I'm saying this – insanity must be contagious or something because I'm starting to believe what this kid's saying_; "turning up in our backyard; this world is already screwed up enough as it is".

"Not much has changed then, but I wouldn't worry about that possibility too much Tsume-san; with Kyuubi's help I was able to, if not remove the threat entirely, at least dampen it down quite considerably by removing the other half of the problem facing the Time-Stream".

_Other problem_; if Naruto was considering teleporting demons as only half a problem Tsume wasn't sure she wanted to know what the other half was; before she could ask though, he'd answered her question already,

"Contrary to popular belief there is order in Hell; just because it's dog-eat-dog doesn't mean the demons don't know who's boss – most will only attack another demon if there's intense rivalry between their races, and yes before you ask there are several demon races, all of which are deadly and most of which hate each other with a passion that puts human hate to shame, or if they're sure they're going to win. For their part most of the stronger demons bully the weaker ones into following them, trying to carve out a little empire in Hell for them to lord it over until someone overthrows or backstabs them and takes it over. As Kyuubi told me once, souls are the currency of Hell, but power and politics are the tools that grease its wheels". Tsume opened her mouth to make a comment about this, then closed it again as she thought about it more; _sounds too much like..._;

"The Elemental Nations", the leader of the House of Dogs almost didn't realise she'd spoken out loud until she saw Naruto look over at her, teapot still in his hand as he poured himself another cupful after nodding his thanks to Hana, "sorry, but what you're saying sounds like the Elemental Nations; we all hate each other but another world war is unlikely due to the death-toll and the fact none of us can truly trust the other parts of any alliance to pull their weight and not take a kunai to our backs while we're busy fighting".

"And thus does the Impure World mimic the Pure one", Naruto quoted reverently, a trace of bitter humour in his tone as he moved on with his explanation, "but the example of the Nations is a good one Tsume-san, though in Hell there's no set territory, just the number of lesser demons controlled by stronger ones. The strongest demons of all, those who control entire legions and armies of hellspawn, are known as the Progenitors; a demon only earns this rank when he can create lesser demons, actually birth a new demon, from a newly-arrived evil mortal soul and a sliver of his own power. This creation of new demons is the only way for anyone in Hell to increase the size of their armies; because of this most of the fighting in Hell is done to secure new souls for the Progenitor's army as they arrive – each new soul is a future foot soldier for the Progenitor to use, slaved to his will and his will alone. However, a few dozen years before the Impure World planet arrived, one of the Progenitors developed something more powerful, and more dangerous, than even teleportation abilities".

The tone of his voice dropped, remembering as he did the horror that had invaded his soul when the Kyuubi had explained to him the damage something that appeared to him to be a relatively innocuous issue; as he recalled the horror that could have befallen all worlds, he remembered again the mission imposed upon him, the only one who could do anything to stop the unification of the forces of evil under a single malign banner.

XXX

"Well, that's a relief; I mean", realising his poor choice of words, Naruto gabbled his explanation as Kyuubi's eyes widened in shock, "that this planet-thing we're on now is part of the Impure World and hasn't been here long; that means there's not going to be many really strong demons here right – you said they took longer to get to new places than the smaller, more nimble ones?" Seemingly mollified by this, the bijuu simultaneously nodded and braced himself to be the bearer of bad news; _**something tells me he's not going to take this all that well**_;

"**True but even so, the weakest of demons would probably be able to slay you in a straight fight; even those possessed, reanimated bodies left you with bruises did they not?**" Unable to refute this Naruto merely nodded and looked sulky, allowing his prisoner to continue unimpeded,

"**However the fact we are here will be of some use to us; you will have to train and obtain new weapons just to survive here boy – as this is the Pure World everything, including your enemies, will be impregnated with a higher concentration of spiritual energy than matter in your Impure World, making your jutsu less effective**". At this Naruto groaned,

"You mean I can't even Rasengan these suckers to death?"

"**It'd probably work on the lesser monsters, and the corpses around here would succumb, but I wouldn't try it on anything more powerful than a basic demon. Not to mention you have to get close to use it and trust me going hand-to-hand with anything in this realm is usually a delayed death-sentence for a mere mortal. But, much as I don't want to admit this, I will have to help you in order to have any chance of survival and escape from this place**".

_Escape?_; the fox's choice of words brought Naruto, always slightly more observant than people made him out to be, up slightly short; _that doesn't make sense_;

"Why would you want me to escape – the whole reason you brought me here was so one of your demonic brethren could off me and get you out that cell wasn't it?" Kyuubi cocked its head slightly at this before, to the jinchuuriki's slight surprise, it coughed a little shame-facedly,

"**That was my original intention yes but, knowing what I managed to pull from that wretched wraith's mind; a wraith is a demon with no corporeal body nin-gen, though as you saw it can possess an inanimate object such as a corpse**", he explained, noticing Naruto's puzzled look and seeking to correct it before moving on, "**there has been an upheaval in this realm that has destabilised all I once knew and made Hell a very dangerous place, even for a demon as strong as I am**". The black joke that Hell had somehow got more unpleasant was enough to make Naruto laugh and sneer at the same time before he pulled himself together, braced himself for bad news and asked the loaded question,

"And just how exactly had Hell become _more_ dangerous; from what I knew and you told me it was already pretty high on the list of places I wanted to avoid ending up, though no thanks to you that idea's well and truly gone down the pan". Growling slightly the Kyuubi forced back its temper with an effort and spoke through gritted teeth,

"**Yes, well because of circumstances beyond my control, I've decided you're worth more alive than dead brat – as a human of the Impure World you are a wild card in the great game of Hell and, from what I know now, if ever anyone needed to pull an ace out their sleeve this is the time to do so**".

"Why? Do I even want to know what's happened – I just want to go home and you said this place came here from the, or at least an, Impure World. Surely I can go back the same way?"

"**Would that it were that simple – no, this place has been picked clean of the machines needed to breach the barriers between worlds. The wraith knew little save that the Progenitor closest to this place intends to use this technology to expand the domains of Makai into the Impure World, destroying the balance between all of creation as we know it**".

As expected the idea of an army of darkness descending on his home was more than enough to stir Naruto to action; if the Kyuubi had learnt one thing through his long association with the annoying gaki, it was that he would march through Hell and back to protect those who were precious to him; _**which is just as well, considering that is what he will have to do to both return home and potentially save everyone**_;

"Well, what are we waiting for?" Hurling himself to his feet the last Uzumaki was battle-ready and already gearing up for a fight, "Let's find this Progenitor, kick his ass, make sure all his lesser guys stay in Hell and go back to Konoha!" Despite himself Kyuubi laughed at both his impetuousness and his completely lack of understanding at how far in over his head he truly was,

"**A worthy ambition brat but completely out of your reach for now; the Progenitors, even the least of them, would crush you without so much as an effort on their part. And this one, the one who is currently marshalling his forces, he is now quite possibly the most dangerous demon in Hell**".

"Why? What's so special about him?"

"**The wraith would not lie to me; I would have maimed him to the degree that it would have taken an eternity for him to reform if he had so I must assume he told me the truth**", despite himself Kyuubi shuddered at the next words he uttered, wondering how it was possible for the landscape of the diabolic dimension to have tilted so drastically since he'd come into being, "**the Progenitor who has claimed dominion over this land has an ability not seen in Hell before and, unless he is somehow checked, it will be only a matter of time before he rules as the unquestioned overlord, all its denizens under his will and his banner alone – he can subsume demons created by other Progenitors and bend them utterly to his will**".

XXX

"At first I didn't see how this was an issue; only after I'd been around for a while did I understand", Naruto went on to silence from his captive audience of two, "the Progenitors all keep each other in check as you said Tsume-san; if one gets too powerful the rest gang up and beat him down so none of them can press a definite advantage, until this new power came into the mix. One of the unwritten laws of Hell is that a demon, regardless of its stature and power, must be loyal to the Progenitor that created it unless it becomes a Progenitor itself – as Kyuubi told me, this rule is enforced with extreme brutality; it's also the reason that very few new Progenitors ever emerge in the eternal power-struggle, the older ones don't like the competition". Thinking this over for a minute, Tsume thought she spotted a wrinkle in his logic and moved to point it out,

"But you said strong demons could have their own empires in Hell – assuming they're not these Progenitors you're talking about, wouldn't they get crushed quickly?"

"Does the Hokage mind us having a clan house?" Hearing her daughter's question Tsume span back around in her chair, Hana looking at her coolly as she sipped her drink, "It's all about politics and counter-politics; Naruto explained it to me like this. In Konoha there's lots of clans, right?"

"Right – I see", even as Hana opened her mouth to go on her mother had caught on to her logic and moved to shush her, "but the Hokage doesn't mind us running our own affairs as long as we provide and fight for the village. So these Progenitors, they're like the Hokage in that regard?" Naruto nodded,

"Yes, as far as I know; however the demon-lord who claimed territory over the piece of the Impure World that had delivered itself to his doorstep was threatening to throw the balance of, if not peace, at least controlled war completely out. It would be as if Iwa developed a weapon that allowed them to instantly, or almost instantly, convert any enemy ninja they came across into an Iwa ninja – how long would the other nations last in the face of such power?"

"Not long", Tsume admitted gravely, her deeply-ingrained sense of pack loyalty rebelling against the thought of something being able to sever such ties so easily, "if they played their cards right, took only a few ninja here and there at first, preferably those with bloodlines..."

"...Which was similar to what this Progenitor had done; from what the wraith told Kyuubi when the fox was finished with him", Naruto joined the conversation smoothly, finishing his explanation of what he had been faced with upon his arrival in the strange new world Kyuubi had chucked him onto, "he had hidden his strength, built his army up body by body until he was able to conquer his way through Hell and press his rivals almost to extinction; it was simple mathematics at the end of it. His armies were larger and, when they were able to unflesh and capture enemy demons, they could bring them back before their master and he would create another soldier for his forces at the same time as weaken his enemies just a little more. It was getting desperate from what Kyuubi could see; unless this upstart was somehow stopped and the balance of Hell restored there was a very good chance that he would be able to rule Makai unchallenged, and with the teleportation technology his forces had discovered", Naruto didn't need to finish, instead shaking his head gravely, "I take it I don't have to point out how dangerous that would have been for everyone concerned; it might have taken millennia but eventually, unless he was stopped, his forces would find, teleport into and take over the Time-Stream bubble that contained our world".

XXX

_Bugger_; Naruto would under most circumstances cheerfully admit that he wasn't the brightest katon in the night sky but even he knew a really bad situation when he saw one; _that means unless something drastic happens we're all in the soup together. No wonder Fluffles wanted to talk to me so much – hey, actually this explains a lot_;

"That's why I'm worth more to you alive than dead isn't it?" Not expecting this the bijuu turned towards its container, eyes narrowed as Naruto, a slight smirk on his lips, went on, pointing up at the towering demon, "You don't want to get out of there because you're afraid this Progenitor will catch you and force you to serve him, aren't you?"

"**Yes**", the giant beast admitted grudgingly after a tense moment had passed, not quite able to look at his host as the words tasted foul on his tongue, "**I will not be a slave brat, not even to a Progenitor**". Naruto cocked his head at this, appearing a little confused,

"Hang on, how does that work – you're a demon aren't you? That means you had to have been created by a Progenitor of some sort right, and how'd you managed to get onto our Impure World anyway, you can't teleport through?" Tipped off-balance by this barrage of questions, Kyuubi decided to extricate itself from the awkward situation by the quickest means available,

"**Questions for another day nin-gen; now return, we cannot linger here too long and you can't make your body run away when you're in your own mind**". Not entirely satisfied with this but realising it was likely to be the best he was going to get out of the situation, the jinchuuriki nodded and closed his eyes, feeling a sensation similar to a great wind slam into him and thrust him away from the cage, back towards reality...

...back into Hell.

XXX

"From there it was simple; survive and keep surviving until I was powerful enough to cut my teeth in Hell proper", the last Uzumaki stated plainly, remembering the desperate struggles he'd had in those first frantic weeks and months; how pathetic and weak he had been back then when he'd though the least of the hellspawn were virtual demi-gods he couldn't hope to even scratch, let alone kill, "as neither Kyuubi or I knew exactly what was going on we were fighting blind – eventually we had to try and deal with this rogue Progenitor but, until we had something even remotely resembling a plan, trying to do anything would be suicide. As Fluffles said, the only thing I could do was train and grow stronger..." Tsume was about to speak but her voice was hushed by the sudden grim chuckle that rumbled from the smaller ninja's throat like dry thunder in a summer storm,

"...though the fact the denizens of the other Impure World had left things other than their bodies all over the world they dropped right into Hell helped a lot".

"Food and water?" As born survivors, these concerns would have been the first things on any Inuzuka's mind and as such Tsume voiced them immediately; Naruto considered these for a minute and nodded slightly,

"Yes, they were there at first, though Kyuubi helped me with that as I'll explain later – no", he shook his head, a smirk on his lips as his fingers twitched almost involuntarily, a gesture both kunoichi recognised as that of an experienced, paranoid ninja checking a weapon was always close at hand, "the most important thing I needed in there was firepower. Kyuubi wasn't lying when he said jutsu wouldn't cut it, even exploding shadow clones couldn't take down most of the demons that were infesting even the facility; luckily though, once we figured out how, we managed to make a deal that made sure that, even though I'm usually outnumbered...", he rested his right hand on his left forearm, pulling up his rugged jacket to show a seal Tsume didn't know. Gleaming as red as her own clan markings ruddily in the pale light of the kitchen, Naruto rubbed it with affection as he recalled how he came to possess each of the weapons that were contained within his unique seal, a gift granted out of necessity by a demon's boon,

"...I'm never outgunned".

XXX

It had taken him a lot of courage and he'd bottled it several times getting this far, but as he ripped the kunai out of the corpse's chest and turned around to make sure he didn't have to see the body flop back to the floor having been suspended from the point of his blade, it appeared this trial wasn't over,

"**Kit, look down at around the hip of that carcass; what is that it's dropped?**"

"Do I have to – it was a rhetorical question", the jinchuuriki followed up quickly, almost hearing the kitsune suck down a breath to berate him again as he mastered his gut and turned around, trying not to take in too many details as he quickly figured out what the bijuu had spotted and, despite himself, felt some kind of ghoulish curiosity stir within his own frame, plucking the small metal tool from its holder on the body's hip and holding it up curiously.

It was made of metal, obviously meant to be held in one hand due to the grip at the bottom of it; what was the trigger meant to achieve? _Is it a weapon of some kind?_; it was simple enough to figure out how to hold this strange thing but, weighing it negligently in one hand, the ninja was flummoxed as to what it was meant to do; _can't throw it, and this little bit of metal won't go all the way back_. Pulling the trigger again and feeling the resistance stop the bar depressing all the way back, Naruto brought the small contraption up to his eyes and tried to reason what this strange thing was and what it was meant to do, tapping at it, rapping the bit in his hand against his other palm as he considered the matter, grateful that his passenger was still silent and not offering his unique brand of 'helpful' insight; _these men, they must have been warriors of some kind, they're built big enough for it but I don't think they used jutsu – maybe that's what this thing is, something to channel chak – ahh!_

He was just quick enough to catch the broken part as it fell away from the now-hollow handle of the weapon; looking down in a panic at the small, neat clip of arranged metal cylinders, Naruto swallowed a sudden breath down and, praying internally that this thing would go back together as easily as it appeared to come apart, swiftly slid the now-naked clip back up the handle it had fallen out of, letting out a slow breath as he removed the sweaty palm of his hand by degrees and discovering that, somehow, the clip remained where it was meant to be. _So this has to be a weapon of some kind_; though he didn't understand exactly what he held in his hand, there was no doubt in his mind that those small metal cylinders were designed to do anything other than murder and maim an enemy; _but how does it work – I'd better find out_; Kyuubi's warnings echoing in his mind about how the monsters of this plane would be resistant to most of his techniques, the shinobi redoubled his efforts to discover how the small thing was supposed to work, always keeping the small hole at the end pointed away from him as he realised that the top of the weapon slid back and forth, giving a strange, loud click that made him jump first time he heard it.

That leap, however, was nothing compared to the one that made him fall to the floor a few moments afterwards, when quite by accident his questing fingers touched and then pressed a button by the side of the small metal trigger that meant that, when he tried pulling the curved piece of metal back again, there was no resistance this time. With a noise as loud as the end of the world to someone who's entire craft was silence and secrecy, the weapon gave a wild, wicked lurch that nearly broke his wrist as it roared and spat a lethal projectile into the air, Naruto almost screaming as he half-hurled the weapon away, face white as he tried to overcome this latest shock in a day that should have made his hair as grey as Ero-sennin's. The weapon lay where it had fallen, tiny, innocuous, completely belying its potency with its size as Naruto looked around desperately, hoping against hope the earth-shattering noise hadn't attracted any unwanted attention.

"**Perfect**", it was a sign of how desperate things were that he found Kyuubi's voice a source of comfort rather than annoyance, "**I believed that thing was what the wraith I interrogated termed a 'gun', something used by the other humans to kill as your jutsus are kit. From what it told me weapons like these will be more effective than your meagre skills; we should take it with us**".

"That thing?" The ninja whispered back, pointing at the fallen gun as though expecting it to boom that terrible roar again, "What if it goes off in my pocket, and how do I know it doesn't just make a loud noise?"

"**Try it; destroy the heads of these corpses before other wraiths claim them for their own nin-gen**", the bijuu suggested, Naruto shivering in distaste before a vision of a legion of dead men rearing up behind him even as he killed them flashed over his head and he realised he had to do something to stop that happening. Gingerly picking the weapon up again making sure not to come close to touching the trigger, Naruto placed it into his hand with exquisite care, sliding his finger around the trigger by degrees and aiming with precise care at the head of the nearest body as he squeezed his eyes shut, gulped down a deep breath and suddenly pulled the trigger.

The result was almost the same; the same jarring pain up his arm, an identical explosion sounding in his ears as the so-called gun discharged fire and smoke – only when he dared to open his eyes and crack and see the pulped remains of his target did he have to fight down a reflexive lurch of his gut and turn away, unable to bear the sight and smell of decayed brain-matter now spread over the area.

"D...dear Kami-sama", he breathed, wrestling with his nausea at the power he now wielded, "what is this...this terrible thing? I can't..."

"**You can and you will have to kit; this is what it means to survive here**", unusually Kyuubi's words were softer than usual, a comparative purr to his usual bombastic bellowing, "**you'll need every advantage you can claw, including me**".

"You?" Gun clenched in a claw-tight grip Naruto dared to snort in weary half-resignation, "The only thing I want you to do is figure out a way to get us both home from here, but knowing my luck you can't do that right?"

"**Correct, such a thing is beyond me; however what I'm suggesting now is not. You need stronger weapons kit and I can help make sure you have them. Make sure that gun can't fire again, that little button stopped the trigger being pulled did it not?**" Wordlessly Naruto nodded and carefully tapped the button again, daring to squeeze the trigger until his finger went white to make sure it worked; _okay, at least I know how to make this thing safe now and stop blowing my own foot off when I'm walking around_;

"**With what I'm suggesting you won't have to Naruto; go back atop that hill, take the gun with you and take out your kunai**"; even as he did so and started hiking back up the dusty trail he'd already gone up once before, the obvious question was on his lips,

"Why? What's this going to do that this new gun-thing can't?" The bijuu was silent for a moment before the answer came, one that sent a thrill through the ninja's body, though whether it was a thrill of expectation or terror he couldn't tell,

"**It will allow you to carve a seal into your flesh nin-gen; I said I would help you and, much as you distrust me, know that as a demon I will keep my word – to save my world as much as yours I can't afford to quarrel with you. In the Pure world the Shinigami's seal is weakened; it allows my chakra and yours to mix more easily and be more controlled by both myself and you. What I will tell you now is an old form of demon magic, a tithe of blood and power that allows two partners to feed of the strength and life-force of each other, or chakra and youkai in our case; this will let me help you get through this new war that is coming**".

"War?" That word more than any other set alarm bells ringing, making Naruto shake his head despite the obvious fact Kyuubi couldn't hear him, "Oh no, I'm not getting involved in this; I'm going to do what I have to to make sure Konoha's safe and I get home, that's it! I'm not your little toy to play with, even if we are in your home town". Silence met this proclamation for a few seconds before, to Naruto's surprise, he was answered with mirth rather than wrath,

"**If nothing else boy I would respect your courage in speaking to anyone, least of all a demon, in such a tone, but you are wrong**", even as he drew in a breath to argue Kyuubi carried on over him, "**to achieve even those aims is to go against the most dangerous monster seen even here since time began; he controls a vast swathe of both Hell's surface and its population – to attack him is to **_**declare**_** a war against his forces nin-gen, forces loyal to him in ways you cannot comprehend. To face them you'll need my help and this deal will allow me to help you; see this seal**", a vision so crystal clear Naruto even years later would be able to draw it from memory appeared in his mind's eye and, as he tried to blink it away, Kyuubi's instructions continued, "**you need to cut it into your flesh, the arm would probably be best, repeating the words I say as you do so. You'll see my youkai in the wound, that is my contribution to this pact; when it is made, I will both shoulder the burdens you'll pick up along the way and make sure you won't starve, dehydrate or need to sleep in here, any of which could be easily fatal**".

"Will I...", he didn't want to but then again he didn't want any of this; he'd never asked for the Kyuubi to be sealed into him in the first place but it had happened anyway; all he could do was try to live as best he could with the consequences, "will I become, a demon; will this pact change me like that?"

"**No; even when the Shinigami's seal has done its work completely and drained the majority of my power into your mortal form, you will still be Uzumaki Naruto – I cannot alter that unless you will me to, a power greater than mine holds me back**", he felt the strangest sensation in the back of his mind, as though the Kyuubi were shaking its head as it spoke, the feeling almost enough to make him smile weakly as he braced himself for pain he was already far too used to for one so young and lowered the tip of the kunai to the flesh of his arm.

It took a long time for the macabre drawing to be completed, the ninja having to pause frequently to wipe off the running blood even as the cuts closed quickly, Kyuubi's youkai healing the rent skin, sealing it closed like a red, glowing eye fading behind a bronzed eyelid as he watched on, the design left behind as red as blood against the rest of his arm. Eventually, as there was no way to tell how long had passed in this dread place, he was done, a new permanent scar marring his left forearm as he finished his work and put the blade away after wiping it clean,

"Okay", he breathed harshly, the last residues of pain fading from his body as he clenched and unclenched his fist a few times, "that's done and the word's said – how come I don't feel any different?"

"**Because nothing about you changed; listen, I'll show you basically what happened; pick up your gun and watch**". Not quite sure where the bijuu was going with this but intrigued nonetheless and remembering that Kyuubi hadn't led him astray yet; _well, not since he dropped me into this pit at least_; Naruto did as he was bid, hefting the weapon easily and watching, only for his eyes to widen as a sudden flare of crimson around his hand and it was left suddenly empty,

"What, where...where'd it go?"

"**Think about it, the gun I mean**", the bijuu corrected himself as his host only looked puzzled before, realising what the kitsune meant, he pictured the small firearm in his hand and, with a second flare of redness, it appeared there,

"Whoa", the ninja breathed, twisting and examining it from all angles to see if the trick had damaged it in any way he could see, "so, when I'm not using it, you can hold it, like in the seal with you?"

"**Correct, though as the gun is from the Impure World and solid, space is an issue in both the seal that contains me and the transient seal now branded onto your arm, both constructs of the Pure world**", Kyuubi was forced to admit after a moment, "**I believe that I will only be able to 'hold' if you like, about eight other weapons through the link that pact has forged between us – we'll have to make them all count kit. There is one advantage I had not foreseen though; slide the bottom of the weapon out again**". Not quite sure where this was going Naruto nevertheless gently tapped the butt of the gun against his palm and slid the rack of metal cylinders into the light again, wincing as he realised there appeared to be fewer there than last time,

"Okay, I see", resigned to this new limitation he clipped the weapon back together and held it, trying to will it back to the seal Kyuubi had had him carve into his skin, "I'll have to aim well; damn, I was hoping to get some practise in before any more of those walking corpses showed up".

"**You might still have that luxury kit; how many of those 'bullets'; the little metal things; were in there?**" Remembering for a second, Naruto ticked off on his fingers before answering cautiously,

"Five?"

"**Yes, and how many could fit in there, only one more?**"

"Yeah, so what's that...?"

"**How many shots did you fire down there, at the corpse and in the air wasn't it?**"

"Yeah but come on, the first wasn't my fau-", half-way through the excuse it faded to nothing as Naruto's brain, never on first-name terms with even basic mathematics, finally totted up the sums and realised something, "hang on, there's one bull-it too many there. Was that you?"

"**My youkai can become anything that has never lived given time kit; while you have your weapons here I can create whatever they use to fuel themselves, though there will be a limit and I will have to have them back in the seal to make sure they are rearmed correctly. Far from ideal but the best I could do given the circumstances; it will probably be far quicker if, while you're here, you can scavenge any other weapons and the ammunition they need – it'll be quicker and easier than me having to create it from scratch**". Finally cheery at the idea of some good news after a day that had quite literally gone to Hell, Naruto gave a grim smile as his newest weapon vanished in a crimson flare,

"I'll see what I can do but, uhh", he raised a hand as his stomach saw fit to remind him it had been a long time since it had last been able to refresh itself at Ichiraku's, "I am kind of hungry – please tell me there's something I can actually eat down here that I don't have to hunt down and kill? And one other thing", replaying most of their conversations now that the blood and pain were out the way and dealt with, Naruto realised something odd about the kitsune's speech and for the first time since he'd awoken in this benighted place, something like a smirk quirked into life on his lips, "what's with all this 'kit' business all of a sudden – growing a little fond of me now I'm the only way to make sure you don't end up performing tricks for this new Progenitor-guy?"

XXX

"I wouldn't dare repeat the answer he gave me to _that_ question", Naruto chuckled, pulling the sleeve of his coat down over his bared arm and hiding the old scar from view, the bastardised symbol of Oroberus, snake eating its tail and image of eternity criss-crossed with other, darker runes of partnership and tithe in a language that had never been spoken in the Elemental Nations blocked from the curious gaze of the Inuzuka clan head, "odd really when I think about it. We spent the first twelve or so years of my life cursing each other to Hell and when we actually ended up there, we had to make a bond closer than brotherhood just to crawl out of there more or less alive". Trying to get the intricate pattern of vermillion scars out of her mind as she had a vague, nauseating sensation that the symbol seemed to move slightly even as she observed it, Tsume wetted her dry lips and spoke again,

"So, you had a new weapon; do you still have it?" Naruto nodded,

"Yes, that one and all the others; Kyuubi was right, even with the power of this new seal he could only bend the bars of his cage so for; only nine weapons from the Impure world could he carry at any one time, and a limited amount of ammunition for each as well. Still that pistol, as I later found out most one-handed guns were called, wasn't much but it was enough to get me through the first couple of dozen hellspawn I bumped into down in that place. At least it kept me alive until I could get something with a bit more kick behind it, and it made sure I could get my first literal taste of Hell, which reminds me".

Tsume was about to ask aloud why he'd brightened up at that idea, in fact the words were on the tip of his tongue as he brought his hand forwards and seemed to concentrate for a second; as the technique appeared sitting in the palm of his hand she thought at first she was looking at the Rasengan itself, famed technique of the childhood crush but, upon closer scrutiny and seeing the entrapped face held within the sphere snarling from within its prison, the Inuzuka clan head recoiled instinctively, almost tipping off her chair as she scrambled to get away from the vile creature he'd summoned,

"What the Hell is _that_ supposed to be?" He chuckled, looking down at the small ball of strength, one of countless he'd harvested from the Pure world and Kyuubi now had stored away in the back of his mind,

"Power Tsume-san, nothing more and nothing less", he explained, the hazy outline of the face within the prison trying to glare a hole through his forehead with a pair of unfocussed yellow eyes,

"It looks like it's swearing at you".

"Okay, to be perfectly accurate this sphere represents millennia of effort from a demon undone by a mortal in a heartbeat; if I were that former owner of that power I'd be pretty mad too", Naruto chuckled before turning slightly more serious, "remember what I said earlier Tsume-san, demons gain strength from consuming the flesh of their defeated rivals; I used, or was forced to use, a slightly different method to sustain myself. Every one of those monsters I killed and then touched, though as time went on we got better and were able to be a distance away while feeding, allowed Kyuubi, through our bond, to harvest the strength and life-force from the corpse and force it to coalesce in the mindscape – unlike my weapons as this power originated from the Pure world, space wasn't a problem. The fox fed it to me in trickles usually, enough to keep me awake, fed and alert over the time I was in the lower kingdom or when I was injured, which was a lot more often than I'd have liked let me tell you, he could send a flood of it through my system to rejuvenate me, just like this will do to you and has done to Hana-san in the past", he smirked across the table, Tsume just about risking a glace away from the diabolic sphere to see her daughter's face scrunch up in disgust as she folded her arms, "I just hope you can keep a lid on the reaction better than she can – I'm surprised Konoha wasn't able to track her down from the squealing..."

"I did _not_ squeal!" Hana retorted hotly, the Haimaru likewise casting eyes at the Uzumaki and snarling half-heartedly at their mistress's faux-outrage, "I'd been under a few seconds earlier and then you did, that, with one of those little blue balls – an icy shower would have been more traditional".

"Though not as pleasant", Naruto cut back snippingly before turning his attention to the elder of the Inuzuka present, "this should pep you right back up in no time Tsume-san". Bad manners though it was to deny a guest's gift, Tsume couldn't quite conquer her consternation at the semi-solid face snarling at her from within its ethereal prison and leant back in her chair, bringing a hand up to ward it away,

"Uh, thanks but no thanks Uzumaki-san", she smiled weakly as the words gave him pause, "I'll be fine after a few nights' sleeeeeuuuhhhh!"

She had meant to say more but, as the tip of her fingers approached the offered gift, Naruto gave an almost undetectable twitch of his arm that brought fingertips and power into contact, allowing him to prove a personal theory once and for all as Tsume jerked involuntarily from the sensation of pure, unadulterated strength rushing through her body and chakra coils; _like mother like daughter_.

It was a few minutes before she could even focus again after the rush died down; speech returned a few minutes after that, though it was slurred and slow, in time with her now-sluggish heartbeat compared to the tattoo it had been beating scant seconds earlier,

"Whu, whoa", bringing a hand to her clammy forehead the leader of the House of Dogs wiped the sweat away and breathed in, even the air around her somehow more alive with odour than it had been prior to the transfer of power, "I haven't had a rush like that since Shippo-kun was alive and Kiba was conceived".

"Mum!" Mortified by such unintentional honesty Hana instantly blushed as Naruto looked away, though she would have bet more money than her brother spent on soft-core porn in a year that there was a greasy smirk slid across his lips as he belatedly gave her mother some privacy just as he had her some three and a bit weeks previously, "I did not need to know that!"

"Didn't need to but it was funny", Naruto chipped in before turning more serious and looking at the recovering kunoichi, "still, that was just a taste of what I've been living on since I went missing; makes you feel alive doesn't it?" Finally regaining control of her body completely Tsume was forced to nod, slightly proud despite herself that the sudden rush of fire through her blood had locked her jaws, preventing her from making a noise rather than waking the whole of her clan house with an inadvertent scream,

"Too true"; _I feel, more than alive – I could go ten rounds with Might Guy, beat Shikaku in a shougi tournament and cook a feast for the whole Akimichi clan, and that's just for the morning. Dear Kami-sama, I hope this isn't permanent_; the idea of living the rest of her life at a pace that would have even the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha jogging to keep up made her shiver and insides squirm, "is it, like that all the time?"

"If you're not injured yes; I was usually too busy using that power to heal up smashed bones and busted teeth to get much of a kick out of it – blowing out the cobwebs was way down on the list most of the time. Don't worry", he seemed able to pre-empt her worry and soothe an unspoken fear, much to her relief, "it wears off after a while; makes you feel a hundred percent though doesn't it?" Mind still feeling like it was only just calming down from going a million miles a minute, Tsume could only nod,

"You're not wrong; I'm still not convinced with all this talk of demons and Progenitors Naruto but I'll admit something's off about what you just did – no jutsu I know is able to shock someone back to normality like that one and our Hokage is the most brilliant medical ninja ever seen in the Elemental countries – if she can't do it with ninjutsu I don't think anyone can. Wherever you've been, whatever you've done to get that power", Tsume shook her head, for the first time since the conversation had begun at least half-convinced that Naruto wasn't as mad as he'd sounded at first and that something else was at play here, something she was ignorant of, "I believe you when you say you weren't in the Elemental nations when you did it".

"And for that I'm still grateful; you should be too", the jinchuuriki's eyes hardened once more, regressing back into memory as he recalled the next steps of his journey, the first painful part of his blood-slicked path through Hell, "because the things I had to kill to get the power that just woke you up, if they were within our Impure world, I would have given us weeks before virtually every living thing in the Nations was dead and the survivors were envying them their peaceful rest".

XXX

It was taller and broader in the shoulder than Asuma-sensei, had more muscles on it than Guy-sensei and with more wickedly sharp blades spitting through various parts of its anatomy than he'd seen when Tenten-chan had sneezed while trying to unseal one of her weapon scrolls.

And the worst part of all was that it wasn't alone.

As the strange, monstrous form hissed and spat at the gaggle of former humans, each one moaning as the wraiths puppetting them tried to comply with whatever the creature was telling them, Naruto ducked back down the corridor he'd crept down, pressed flat against the wall and clutching his pistol like a lifeline as he whispered desperately,

"Kyuubi", he took a minute to catch his breath, stealing another glance and reassuring himself that the gangrel creature was indeed real; _damn, I was hoping it'd be a hallucination_; "what in Kami-sama's holiest name is _that?_"

"**An imp, one of the lowliest and most basic forms of demonic evolution**", the fox spoke, its tone measured as though contemplating something, "**I was expecting these to be present; we can only hope none of them have evolved past the next stage of development – demons proper I'm reasonably sure you could handle; Hell Knights and, Kami-sama forbid, Barons of Hell are beyond you as you are now**".

"Great pep-talk fox", the ninja muttered back before gripping his pistol again, fear as always beginning to drain away as he, like all trained warriors, realised what was about to happen; _they are the enemy, that's all. It doesn't matter that they're demons, or at least one of them's a demon, the other four or so are dead people being moved by demons – all that matters is that by the end of this they'll be dead and I won't be_; "forget about the future – how do I kill it?"

"**Shoot it at a distance**", the bijuu advised, remembering as much as his fractured recollections of his previous incarnation let him remember the strengths and weaknesses of the different demon breeds used by the Progenitors in the eternal struggle of Makai, "**those blades over its body aren't for show**". Naruto snorted and readied himself, preparing to take another glance around the corner as he planned a strategy to deal with the quintet of new opponents,

"Yeah, as if I hadn't figured that one out; okay", realising he was just delaying the inevitable, the shinobi took a final look and a deep breath before stepping out from the cover of the corner, grabbing his gun with both hands like he'd practiced, dropping the sight towards the back of the hissing imp and, ignoring the warning moans of the meat-puppets surrounding it, let fly a bullet towards the brown beast's broad back.

He would have put it down with that first shot had the creature not heeded the warnings and twitched to the left slightly; as it was the bullet smashed into the back of its shoulder rather than the back of its neck. The creature's hissing rose to a high-pitched wail, much like a kettle being over boiled as Naruto, now completely lacking the element of surprise, switched his aim towards the closest of the undead and fired, once then again, blowing fist-sized holes in its hip and then its ribcage, gory chunks of meat blasted out of its back as it slumped to the floor lifeless, the wraith within trapped in the unresponsive shell for a moment. He didn't have the luxury of gloating over his success though as its fellows lumbered towards him, each one apparently armed with improvised tools and weapons, though each was strong enough to break bones like matchwood if their slow swings connected. Ever moving, never holding still Naruto darted into the room, flipping over himself and coming easily to his feet to disorientate them, lining up another shot before catching a sudden glare out the corner of his eye and cursed loudly.

Despite bleeding profusely and with one arm handing limp, the strongest demon present was still very much alive and in the fight, and apparently much better-armed than its fellows. Coughing, the imp had spat something into the palm of its right hand that had immediately caught light with a roaring red flame; only long practice at sparring with Sasuke-teme gave Naruto the presence of mind to dive to the side as it cast the ball of flame forwards with a snarl, the fiery projectile splattering against the far wall and guttering out as the shinobi came again to his feet and took in where the rest of his enemies were.

"**I didn't know imps could do that**"; _not helping Kyuubi_; Naruto thought back desperately, plans knocked for a loop by the discovery of this new ability; _if these walking bodies pen me in it can light me up from a distance, and I need two hands on the pistol to guarantee a good shot! Think, think_; unable to put it off any longer he quickly got into a stance and fired a rapid shot at the closest possessed human, the bullet plucking at its arm and tearing through superficial skin and muscles but not even coming close to putting it down for good; _damn it, two shots left! Okay, nothing else for it_;

"Kyuubi, reload", he whispered lowly, the pistol disappearing in a red glow as he drew his two kunai and picked his moment after skipping away from another spat fireball, ducking under a swing from the possessed as he charged into combat with the trio of meat-puppets.

Whatever his other faults, Naruto learnt quickly through experience; after taking a bruising from his first encounter with the possessed he quickly figured out that the best way to deal with them was to treat it like a sparring match with an Akimichi. The corpses were stronger than him and could soak up a lot of punishment just like members of the rotund clan were famous for, but they were slow, ungainly, couldn't co-ordinate with each other and were, despite their demonic overseers, were still human – a kunai in the right place did a lot of damage. Ducking under a swung pipe that ruffled his hair he riposted with a strike that sent one of his blades through an undead hamstring, crippling one opponent as he dodged into the other two, slashing forwards and looking for light but significant blows into muscle, meat and tendons, things that would stop the corpses moving and let him finish them off at leisure. Rushing past one opponent having left a long gash in the arm of the other, he struck to the spine of the third and sent it toppling just as the imp made its presence known again in the fight.

"**Kit move!**" The sudden yell was all that kept his head on his shoulders as he dropped to the floor, tearing his eyes from the sight of the blazing zombie that the stray fireball had set alight. Lashing out reflexively and cutting a gouge through an undead thigh, the shinobi choked down a strangled cry and hacked again, cutting off fingers as he realised that the imp had just killed one of its own comrades in an attempt to kill him. The wraith-possessed corpse was still burning, flailing around and moaning as it tried to totter towards the source of its pain as Naruto dodged back from the other two, summoning back his pistol and quickly shooting at the two crippled possessed, both flopping lifelessly to the floor as he emptied the full six shots into them. Suddenly calm and full of murder in the face of so much callous death, the ninja allowed his captive bijuu to take the weapon back for rearming as he turned around and saw the result of a wraith's retribution for its pain.

The last possessed body, still merrily ablaze, was belabouring the imp that had hit it with swings from its charred fists, seemingly ignoring the claws and body spikes that the other demon was using to systematically tear it apart. Before Naruto's eyes the two demons continued destroying each other though it was obvious the imp would come out on top, his estimate vindicated a few seconds later when with a final moan the zombie slumped to the floor, the talons of the imp buried in its throat and withdrawn with a final hissed hex. The lull in fighting, however, had been enough; even as the lesser devil turned to spit again, Naruto had his gun back in his hand and pulled the trigger, the round crashing into its abdomen and dropping it to the floor even as the second shot took it in the neck, spilling copious amount of black, bilious blood all across the dusty floor. Taking a second to check that he was the only living thing left in the room, Naruto took a breath and turned away as the stench of death hit him, the burnt flesh of the corpse sickly-sweet in his nose and finally bringing tears to his eyes,

"I...", he spoke without even trying to stop himself crying, "I, don't wanna..."

"**Kit, go over to the dead and hold out your hand; I'll...**"

"No", shaking his head in dumb brute misery, the shinobi repeated his protest, "I don't wanna..."

"_**Tough!"**_ The bellow forced him to clap his hands over his ears, dropping him to his knees in pain, "**This is what it means to survive in Hell and survival is the very least of your concerns; you are the one who told me you'd do anything to protect your precious people, now damn well prove it! You want to stop this Progenitor, the most dangerous creature Makai has ever seen – if **_**this,**_** the corpses of a few lower hellspawn, is enough to make you back down then we might as well give up now. Just walk up to the next one you see and close your eyes – it'll be painful but brief and then we can spend the rest of eternity as slaves, conquering Hell and beyond that the Impure worlds as well. At least this way I should be able to get my wish; it may take millennia but eventually Konoha will burn to ashes – if I'm lucky I might even be there to see it, and you will too"**.

Naruto said nothing to this for a long minute and the Kyuubi feared he might have pushed the boy a little too hard; for a brief second he felt a distinct thrill of fear shoot through his body as he saw through Naruto's eyes the gaze that lingered on the pistol still in his hand. Before he could recall the weapon though, the shinobi had wordlessly slipped it into the equipment pouch through force of habit more than anything else, then shuffled towards the nearest dead body, holding out his hand as instructed,

"What now?" His voice was flat, lifeless and enough to make even a bijuu shiver before the nine tail focussed, extending his youkai into the air and, after that, into the corpse itself to take the strength left behind by the departed wraith, the body crumbling to ash as the polluted strength left it. Retracting his youkai, the Kyuubi decided to hedge his bets and released half of the stolen power through the seal directly into the boy's chakra system, Naruto immediately feeling the influx of energy and gasping,

"What was that?" _**Good**_; though he wouldn't admit it under anything less than a Progenitor's order, Kyuubi was slightly grateful that there was a measure of curiosity in the human's tone; _**he is not broken, and with any luck he'll heal quickly**_;

"**That is what you'll be living on during our time here kit; much as I'd like to I can't make my youkai form food and water that your body could adapt to. All food has its own natural chakra, sage energy; this is a power from the Impure world that no demon can replicate – therefore while we're in Hell you'll have to do as the demons do and consume the energy, not the flesh, you won't have to eat anything, of those you kill**". A little relieved at this titbit of information and the knowledge that he wasn't going to have to actually sully his palate with demonic meat, the shinobi replied with a few questions of his own,

"Will it be enough to live on? What about water?"

"**It is power human, energy in its purest form that any system, biological, demonic or mechanical, can adapt to and use for its own purpose**", the bijuu explained as Naruto walked over to another defeated adversary, the imp this time, and watched curiously as the body crumbled to ash as the Kyuubi pulled its strength from the flesh, "**it will refresh and renew your biological systems as well as if not better than mortal food, drink and sleep, especially that stringy ramen garbage you couldn't get enough of**".

"Hey", affronted, Naruto paused on his trip to the last of the fallen bodies, "don't diss the ramen – it kept me alive while I was growing up".

"**It's got almost no nutritional value and it's probably the reason you grew up so short – if it weren't for me being present in your system you'd probably have keeled over from malnutrition years ago**". Despite himself the shinobi sniggered slightly; _typical, even in Hell I can't catch a break for my eating habits_;

"Don't you start; I had enough grief from Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan and baa-chan about eating too much ramen – heck even Ayame-chan told me off once or twice", he stated before having to catch a slight sniffle; thinking about them all and how far away they were from him now hurt like a dagger in the ribs. As if sensing his hurt, the Kyuubi finished his last extraction and spoke again,

"**Well, if it's any consolation by the time you get back to your Impure world, the amount of energy you'll have gone through here will be enough to let you catch up to your peers in terms of height – brains, however, might be slightly more tricky, even for me**".

"Che, lousy kitsune", Naruto tried to sound harsh but failed, instead chuckling even as he summoned some shadow clones to make sure no surprises were lucking behind any of the closed doors he could see that branched off from the room he'd just rendered clean from demonic influence, "so then, you said imps were quite common around here right?"

"**Yes, one of the most common forms of demon. Why?**"

"Because; reload this for me would you?" As the pistol disappeared again Naruto took stock of his options and, now that food, water and sleep appeared not to be an issue, he settled on his next biggest problem, "good as the pistol is for blowing apart those wraiths, I'm going to need something with a lot more kick if I'm going to be taking on more than one of those spiny sons of bitches!"

XXX

"And I wasn't wrong, neither was he come to think of it", Naruto went on, remembering again the desperate fire-fights he'd had in the dank, dark corridors of the subterranean base, trading shots with monsters with only brief stacco bursts of light to see his opponents by, "the imps were bad enough for sure but it got worse when the older wraiths, those had been possessing their stolen bodies for a while, wised up and started carting around human weapons; okay they couldn't have hit the broad side of a warehouse at ten paces most of the time but it was still annoying, especially if there were devil-dogs in with them; that was a set of jaws I didn't need snapping at me any time soon".

"Devil-dogs? There actually are hell-hounds, like the legends say?" Turning slightly at Hana's question, the jinchuuriki cocked his head for a minute, considering, before giving an eventual nod,

"Not strictly dogs as we know them but they had a keen nose; most of the higher-ups had a couple to use as trackers; and take it from me they had a bite much worse than their bark", he winced as somewhere around his calf throbbed for a brief second in phantom pain, a lucky escape after he'd unwisely stepped too close to a demon he'd thought was dead only to find it had enough left in the tank for a final snap at his heels, "think of a shaved gorilla but more muscles, less brains, razor-sharp teeth and a lot harder to kill. Still, if there's one thing I really enjoy it's a challenge, especially as I've yet to find anything that couldn't be solved with a little thinking, a lot of brute force and enough firepower to start the fourth ninja world war".

At those words he smiled that same distant, slightly chilling smile as he regressed into memory again, ironically some of his brighter moments in the darker side of the Pure world lighting up his mind as he recalled how he come to possess eight of the nine implements that were now as close to him as his own body.

XXX - 0

Not for the first time he had reason to be grateful for the fact that for all their myriad strengths and infernal powers, subtlety was not a great point of the diabolic mindset; had it not been for the harsh purring of the weapon that was now skittering loosely around the floor since he'd blown its original owners arms off at the elbows, it would have been a particularly inconvenient ambush.

As it was, forewarned by the roaring buzz of the weapon one of the humans had been carrying ready to bring down on his head, it had been a simple matter of sending a Kage bushin first and, as it met its smoky doom, casually blasting away at the revealed pair of grotesques until they stopped shuffling and hit the floor. Casually checking there were no unpleasant surprises waiting for him nearby and draining the life-force from his again-dead enemies, Naruto was left looking down at the rotating blade of the weapon that that fallen to the floor and set up a shower of fat orange sparks when its owner had fallen. Easily locating that handle as the bit far away from the blade, a brief examination showed the ninja where the off-switch was and he quickly shut the machine down before glancing it over; _two-handed, loud and not particularly effective to cut with – no use to me..._;

"**Don't be so hasty kit – let me have a look at this thing and I'll see what I can do**".

"What, with this?" He asked incredulously, not sure if the Kyuubi was trying to play a joke on him or not, "Why; there's gotta be something more useful out there – I can't even throw it".

"**True but time may be when you need something you can use in a melee and those butter-knives you call kunai wouldn't even scratch anything beyond a imp – you'll need something with some serious power behind it and this thing has given me an idea**".

Much as he still didn't trust (or like) the kitsune Naruto was forced to give his inner demon his due; since he'd realised the gravity of the situation facing both himself and his host in this home he no longer recognised, Kyuubi had been nothing but helpful when pressed. As a result of this and nothing else Naruto said nothing but allowed the red glow to appear around the weapon, taking it into the mindscape and out of his hands for now. With that distraction gone, the shinobi shrugged, gripped his pistol again and made to move on.

Over the next few days, he guessed as there was no accurate way to tell the time in Makai, or at least no way that would make any sense to himself at any rate, so much happened, so many narrow squeaks and escapes from the jaws of demons through a near-vertical learning curve that he didn't have time to dwell on minor matter such as what the fox was up to in his new seal lair. It therefore came as a bit of shock when, after mopping up the spare life-force from a trio of demons that he'd shot down following the pink meat-tanks being too stupid to realise that they couldn't reach him while he was using his chakra to adhere to the ceiling, the bijuu broke into their mental link to speak to him directly,

"**Kit, I finished it and I think you'll be pleasantly surprised**".

"Surprised by what? Don't tell me, you've found a way around that stupid problem with the seal you had me carve _into my arm!_ That is actually _reducing_ my chakra reserves every time a weapon joins you in my mind-scape".

"**What, would you rather have no guns at all, after what you know now?**" Much as he'd have liked to deny this point there was no way to do so – instead the Uzumaki simply had to grit his teeth and listen to the explanation again for what felt like the thousandth time, "**I didn't tell you at the time because I know what a mule you can be when you hear something you don't like and I couldn't take the risk of you learning you needed my help through experience as that may easily have been fatal for both of us. The seal is a bargain between both of us, made up of a combination of our chakra and youkai; as my reserves of youkai are magnitudes greater than your chakra reserves, it is that which limits what can be stored in here. I told you only nine weapons because each one in here reduces your total chakra capacity by a tenth, more or less, and you'll need that chakra later, mostly for trickery and other such skills as you displayed there – excellent strategy to deal with the lower intelligence demons, though don't get cocky about that working too often**".

"Yeah yeah, I got it", Naruto sighed, by now wearily resigned to the fact that he wasn't going to ever have the chakra capacity he'd had in his youth thanks to his bargains with the kitsune; _through, to be honest, with the arsenal I've picked up so far is that really such a bad deal?_; "anyway, what were you going on about, you've finished something?"

"**Oh yes, that; I finished the melee weapon I was telling you about; true to my predictions it worked like a dream. Hold out your hand and brace up**". Curious despite himself and picking up a distinctive noise in his ears, Naruto did as he was bid and, as the new blade weighed down his hand, he span, took a couple of quick strides to the left and swung his new weapon to catch the charging demon, the last of the quartet he'd seen slink away after he'd shot down its fellows, square in between the jaws, subconsciously powering chakra into the weapon as he did so as the kitsune had instructed him noiselessly in his head.

There was a roaring sound, a spray of black blood and a piteous whimpering that soon gave way to an agony-wracked gargle; tearing the revolving blade out of the mouth of the dying monster Naruto brought it up to his eye level as he ceased his chakra flow, carefully avoiding the splatter of blood droplets as the tearing teeth of the blade slowly came to a halt.

"Very nice".

"**I take it you approve then?**"

"Kyuubi if you ever decided you wanted a break from being a mountain-levelling, tsunami-causing force of destruction, there's a job as a travelling salesman just waiting for you", the shinobi chuckled as the weapon left his hand back into the mindscape, "you could sell sand to Suna-nin, after you compressed it into diamond of course". There was a chuckle in his head as the kitsune smirked at the praise before sucking the power out of the last demons' dead corpse,

"**Flattery will get you nowhere kit; now, let's get out of here and find some more meat**".

XXX – 2&3

The shotgun he'd found abandoned close to a half-eaten dead body and never looked back, able to keep it continually restocked as it seemed to be the weapon of choice for the wraith-possessed corpses that littered the facility. However, having casually caused the latest room full of demonic entities, some kind of twisted laboratory he assumed due to all the broken machinery and rent apart cages that had once contained what he hoped were animals, to devolve into an orgy of blood and violence by dint of a well-placed bullet into the flank of one of the imps he could see, which had immediately spun around and spat a ball of luminous flame at the nearest possessed carrying a weapon and ignited a furious brawl that quickly spiralled out of control, he noticed something odd about one of the weapons that had fallen to the floor,

"Hmm, two barrels?" Casually clicking down the twin tubes of metal after a minute's experimentation, he slipped a pair of rounds down the end of the barrels and clicked them back into place; though Kyuubi could reload his weapons in the mindscape Naruto had also taught himself to load and maintain all his weapons and keep a modest amount of ammunition in his equipment pouches in case he didn't have time for the fox to take over, "Wonder what the difference is?"

The answer to that question arrived a minute later when he pulled the trigger to his new weapon and found himself whistling as he watched it blow a hole he could have put both hands into through the chest of the unfortunate imp who'd charged recklessly into his sights, the fire ball in its hand snuffed out to nothingness by its sudden demise. Hefting the twin-barrelled shotgun, Naruto nodded and whispered aloud,

"Heh, quite the difference; Kyuubi, I'll have this one".

"**Yes, oh my master, as you command oh master**", the bijuu griped as the weapon faded away in red, "**to think I've sunk to this – the most powerful being in the Elemental nations reduced to a glorified caddy for a brat with a weapon-fixation**".

"Ah stow it you oversized fur-rug; it's your fault we're in this mess in the first place", Naruto shot back as the weapon reappeared in his hand, "anyway, I know this one can't hold any extra shots like the other shotgun can so I'll reload it from here on out when I'm using it; just make sure we've got enough shells to last us".

XXX - 4

Diving to the floor and rolling hard as the corpse in front of him sprayed badly-aimed death at where he'd been standing Naruto cursed as he clutched his trusty shotgun to his front, the weapon comforting as always but feeling strangely...inadequate in the face of this new menace,

"Ah, no way in Hell I'm standing for this", he swore to himself under his breath, the Kyuubi for once wisely keeping quiet as his host rambled on, "no way am I standing for the dead guys getting better weapons than me; the shotgun-zombies were bad enough!" Risking a glance and popping off a fast shot at one of the large corpses' attendant imps, the brown creature retreating with a venomous hiss as the round clipped its shoulder and snapped one of the spines off at the halfway point, the shinobi ducked back down just before the wall behind him and the steel crate he was hiding behind got riddled with holes from the cacophonic weapon the possessed body carried ungainly,

"**Having a bad day kit? Got the twin-barrel loaded and ready to go"**.

"Good, hand it over and get ready", the shinobi told his prisoner as he swapped one weapon for another, taking another peek and waiting for the right moment to duck out and pull the trigger, "'cause as soon as I fade that jerk to the ether we're taking his gun!"

XXX - 5

"Why me?"

"Because you're unlucky", Naruto snapped before sighing and resigning himself to explaining wearily to the reticent bushin he'd created, the chakra construct pouting as it had the weird-looking weapons slung over one shoulder, "look, Kyuubi doesn't know exactly how that thing works or is reloaded so he's given it his best guess. So you have to pull the trigger in case anything goes wrong and it blows up in your face; I can't risk dying". Still scowling even if it couldn't pick any flaws in the logic, the shadow clone huffed as it hefted the strange metal tube with a grunt of effort,

"Fine, but if this goes wrong I'm going to come back and haunt you!" Naruto snorted as he moved back into the shadows of the tunnel he'd cleared behind the bushin, flakes of ash and drying puddles of blood the only evidence of its former occupants after Kyuubi had finished feeding off them,

"Join the queue; there's a long line of hellspawn who're already after my head", the jinchuuriki pointed out before nodding, "just pull the damn trigger and let's see what happens". With a last heated glare the Kage bushin turned away from his creator, sighted the weapon awkwardly into the gloom and, squeezing his eyes shut, went for broke.

Click.

Whooosh!

_Boom!_

In the brief glare that had followed the calamitous detonation of the rocket at the end of the corridor some two hundred metres away, during which Naruto could have sworn he saw at least one humanoid shape blown away and reduced to meaty chunks by the blast of the warhead, the shinobi quickly snatched the rocket launcher off of the stunned shadow clones' shoulder, wrestling it into the mindscape quickly and silently demanded two of his less-destructive weapons from his kitsune partner as the discombobulated corpse's friends started making tracks towards the source of the attack,

"Nice work, now grab this", before the stunned bushin could reply he found a shotgun pressed into his hands, the real Naruto already hefting the double-barrelled version and sighting for a shot towards the origin of the three or so balls of flame that sped down the corridor towards them, "until we're out of this mess, you've been drafted".

XXX - 6

_One good thing about this place – even if the living things in it are less damaged by jutsu_; as the lock was reduced to vapour by his drilling jutsu Naruto was able to kick the heavy steel door open with a feeling of relieved vindication; _there's nothing stopping the doors being opened by the Rasengan skeleton key_. With that in mind the jinchuuriki casually slammed a shotgun blast through the head of the possessed that had been lurking with intent near the console of some cabinet he could see, the dents and scratched in the thick metal of the solid safe, to say nothing of the state of the undead soldier's bloodied fingers, telling him that whatever the safe contained was hot property to the possessed. _Must be important_; after his time spent in Kyuubi's home he was the first to admit he wasn't the foremost expert on demonic interactions but what he did know was that everyone in Makai took whatever advantage they could get, usually over the bloodied corpses of their enemies; _so chances are whatever this is it's either a power supply or, if I'm lucky, a new toy to play with_.

As was becoming customary the jinchuuriki summoned a single shadow clone and passed off his shotgun to allow it to keep watch on the door; as they were extensions of himself the Kage bushin could transfer things into the mindscape but couldn't pull things out of it; quite a useful feat in Naruto's eyes as it meant he was never going to suddenly find himself missing part of his arsenal due to his clones getting trigger-happy and spraying away the ammunition. As the grim-faced clone kept the door covered, Naruto quickly skimmed through the scattered papers around the room and, though there was a large amount of writing in a language he couldn't understand, there were a number of quite handy diagrams that showed him what lay within the locker and made his eyebrows raise as he rolled an eye towards the dusting of ash that had once been the wraith-puppeteered corpse, Kyuubi having taken the strength right out of him without the jinchuuriki having to think about it anymore; _no wonder he was so persistent_;

"Hey Kyuubi, get a load of this". There was a muttering from the back of his mind,

"**This better be important**", the bijuu growled as he forced his youkai through the seal and the pictures vanished in what looked like fire; with a slight smile on his face Naruto silently counted five and then asked again,

"So then, guess I should be getting on really; time and tide and all that".

"**Kit, if you don't open that pathetic safe and get that gun I don't care how much grief the Shinigami might give me, I will rip my way out of this cage and do it myself!**" The shinobi chuckled quietly as he looked at the box and decided to see if there was a way he could break the odd-looking lock without resorting to violence and a second Rasengan,

"Though you might say something along those lines; alright then", cracking his knuckles, the former prankster saw the combination lock and, recalling one memorable prank that had resulted in the noble Hyuuga clan pitching a combined screaming fit at the Hokage that someone had thieved their Jyuuken scrolls in the middle of the night, recognised this lock as nothing more than a slightly more complicated version of the one he'd defeated that night, "let's bust this sucker open".

Sometime later, having recovered his shotgun from the bushin that promptly burst into smoke, the pleased jinchuuriki strode back into the corridor and asked a quick question,

"Just out of interest, any idea what plasma actually is?"

"**No, but as long as it gets the job done I can't say I care all that much**".

"Funny old thing, I had the same idea", on a whim he called the new weapon into existence in his hand, examining it as for the first time since his sojourn into Hell actually wishing that a demon of some kind would jump out and try to surprise him; _because I know with this thing I wouldn't be the one getting a surprise_; "still, hopefully won't have to wait long until I get a chance to try it out".

XXX

"And I didn't; though I didn't know it at the time there were actually two facilities on that planet, though luckily for me the demons had made my job easier by not destroying the teleporter that connected the two of them. The first teleporter was guarded by a pair of Barons of Hell, powerful goat-legged things about as tall as this room that threw blasts of green energy around; hurt like a bitch if they managed to connect with a kick as well", he informed his audience, rubbing his chest subconsciously as memories of patching up his shattered ribs came back to him during that first confrontation with mid-ranking echelons of Hells' demons came back to him, though luckily a sustained barrage of plasma fire and the odd rocket had been enough to put the pair of them down before they could finish the job they did on him, "still, plenty of juice in them once I put them down, enough to get me back on my feet at least and through the teleporter. That was fun, not"; _least of all the landing – feeling like I'd been hit with a katon jutsu and left to stew was rough enough without coming too surrounded by enough imps to make a Naruto flambé without any hassle_; "but through the second base, that was when I started figuring this whole mess out".

Tsume had listened to half an ear about these fantastical weapons he was supposed to be carrying but, caught slightly off-guard by his sudden swerve in topic, had to count on her fingers for a second before realising she was right,

"Hang on, that was only six weapons..."

"Seven, if you include the first one, the piste-el", Hana chipped in helpfully as Naruto nodded,

"Yeah, there are two missing from the list 'cause I didn't pick them up until I went down to Makai proper; the last of these", he said quickly, noticing the pallor of both kunoichis draining as they realised that he had actually set foot on the surface of Hell, "I found, or was actually given if I'm honest about it, at the end of the journey; the other", he chortled at the reminder, sniggering as he remembered the sensation in the back of his mind that suggested Kyuubi was either salivating copiously or rubbing his hands in glee at the sight of the most devastating weapon they had found to date vaporising a particularly troublesome Elemental of Pain and its attendant lost souls, " well, let me put it this way – first time it went off was the first time both mine and the fox's thoughts were completely in sync and they were going something along the lines of 'oh _yes!_' A bit like you two and Pure world power now I think about it..."

"Thank you", Hana cut him off, blushing again as she frantically attempted to think of something she could offer that would make sure he kept that story secret from the rest of the village, "so aside from these so-called wonder weapons you kept going on about, all of which you promised you'd show me later don't forget, one of the reasons I joined you on that three week hike to the middle of nowhere don't forget, didn't something else important happen, at the end of that second base wasn't it?" Jarred by the reminder, Naruto had to think for a minute before brightening and nodding earnestly,

"Oh yes, thanks Hana; where would I be without you?"

"Probably out there in the wild with a towel over you to keep out the cold", the Inuzuka scion quipped back waspishly, though there was a slight smile on her face as she said it that dulled the cutting edge of the comment, "just hurry up and get the important bits of this story over with; mum looks like she's about to topple off her seat any minute now – it's not good to keep the old folk up so late".

The edge of a growl was all the warning Hana had before she was forced to duck a clawed cuff that whistled so closely overhead it flicked her hair braid; Tsume had always been touchy about her age,

"One more word like that my girl and _you'll_ be the one staying outside, six feet under and permanently", the clan head promised as her daughter bobbed her head submissively, still wary of her mother's prowess in a fight and in no hurry to challenge her for dominance of the Inuzuka, "I'm still in my prime, like good sake – only gets more potent with age".

"And more lethal, unless you're Tsunade-baachan and immune to all forms of alcohol poisoning that is", Naruto added in his ryo's worth to break up the squabble as he got back on track in his recollections, "but yeah, like Hana-san said only when I finished the second base and ran into the meanest mofo I'd seen up to that point did I really start to realise just how much the ancestors of our ninja world had really, _really_ screwed the pooch; ah, sorry", belatedly remembering his audience and heeding a warning growl from Kuromaru, he hastily offered meek amends before continuing,

"No offence".

XXX

It was only when he looked around and realised he wasn't actually intimidated by the sight of all the corpses hanging suspended around him that the first inklings of how much he'd actually changed started to sink in; whereas before he'd have been hurling his guts up at the sight of the congealed blood and scent of death, now all he was concerned about was the fact that whatever had been strong enough to kill off and then impale half a dozen separate Hell Knights and Barons onto a wall using a length of solid metal piping as thick through the middle as his thigh was probably going to be the thing he had to go through the get out of this wretched place.

"What could have done this?" He wondered aloud, fingering the shorn end of one of the impaling spikes, the gargantuan corpse pinned on the other end of it slouched against the wall, black eyes dark and unseeing as the shinobi continued, "Kyuubi, any ideas?"

"**None; only something incredibly powerful, and incredibly wasteful**", the demonic fox pointed out, crumbling the corpses around them both to nothingness and making his host sigh as a sliver of the gathered energy was used to get him back to full alertness, "**would be able to take down and make an example of even a single Baron or Knight, let alone this many – be ready kit**".

"You don't have to tell me twice; get the plasma gun online", he wasn't going to take any chances against what was lurking the other side of the door he could see ahead of him, creeping up the stairs as his second-most powerful weapon appeared in his hand; though the rocket launcher overall packed slightly more punch it took a lot longer to reload than the smaller and more compact plasma weapon, "we're going at this full-tilt from the get-go". With that he put his ears to the thick metal door as he could allow and, hearing nothing, he nosed it open just a crack, peering out into the air above him.

The light was so great it stung his eyes; after so long in the at best semi-darkness of the underground network of tunnels that the main bases were comprised of, even the weak illumination of the demonic skyline was enough to made Naruto duck back behind the door and bite back a vicious curse. Blinking the spots out of his eyes the jinchuuriki swiftly regained his vision and braced himself, ignoring the fox having a chuckle at his expense,

"Let's try that again then". With a slight push he tried again, nosing the door and, after taking a second to adjust to the light, slipped outside like a wraith.

The air, smoky and tainted by brimstone as it was, was as sweet to him as nectar; had the situation not been as delicately as it was, he'd have paused to take in deep, lusty lungfuls of the air to flush out the foetid, stagnant atmosphere he'd been forced to inhale during his sojourn below the earth. However with an unknown but certainly very dangerous quantity still out there somewhere he didn't have the time to take more than a breath; instead his honed senses immediately picked out a steady, rhythmic pounding noise that he sincerely hoped wasn't what he thought it was and, steeling himself, crept along the nearest wall towards the stepping tread and, as he got there with his weapon already in his hands, dared to whip his head out and see his next enemy.

A split-second later he was pressed back against his wall, gun slippery in his now sweat-soaked palms as he whispered frantically,

"Okay Kyuubi, any ideas?"

"**Whatever it is stay away from it**", the fox advised, a hint of genuine worry in his voice as it too had seen the comparative sky-scraper of a demon that was stalking around in front of the gates that must have led to the rest of the corrupted planet, "**is that thing gets hold of you I doubt all the power in the Pure world could put you back together again**".

"Well thanks for that scintillating oversight", the jinchuuriki griped before gripping his gun again, "well, no time like the present; let's do this!"

With that he span out into the open and as he let the stream of eye-searing plasma fly, the jinchuuriki called out to his terrifying diabolic adversary, making it turn right into the beam of fire,

"Hey ugly, guess what – you're burning in Hell!"

He would have laughed at his own joke had the circumstances not been so serious; the beast bellowed more in rage than pain as the white-hot material sprayed liberally all over it, shock delaying its reaction for second as though the brain sandwiched between its massive, curved horns was too stunned to believe something as insignificant as this mere human could possibly hurt it. It was a second Naruto pushed for all he was worth; down here it was the law of the jungle, kill or be killed and unlike the demonic bastards that lived here he wouldn't have a chance to come back if he died. With a final shout he ended his barrage, the barrel of the weapon hot in his hand as he saw the massive being flail in front of him, the sickly light from above glinting over its melted flesh as it roared once more and swung ponderously to face him square-on.

_Glinting?_

Only as the glare from the cooling plasma faded to nothing and he watched the monster level its left arm at him, the end of it fused into a shape he vaguely recognised, did he realise just how deep in the mire he was this time; as he flung himself to the side and felt his flesh stinging as the rocket-like missiles the monstrous demon sent his way blew craters in the floor and sent a hail of stone chippings battering against him, he had enough time for a brief exclamation to sum up his current situation,

"Oh fu-" Fortunately at that point, a second rocket salvo from the half-mechanical minion of Hell cut him off before he could blacken his tongue with further blasphemy.

A deadly game of chicken began in the aftermath of the revelation; whatever the demon was it was relatively swift given its size, apparently had a never-ending supply of rockets that could do as much damage as his could and, worst of all, was inhumanly tough. The metal that lay beneath its skin was enough to deflect a large amount of his offence, only the rocket and plasma fire was really getting through to injure the evil thing. However Naruto was a ninja and that meant he was built to dodge, duck and dive; though its missiles and general build were enough to convince him that it was certainly strong enough to decorate the path to its lair in the manner it had, that didn't mean a thing if it couldn't actually hit him square on. Racing along the outside wall parallel to the ground Naruto thought for a brief moment about simply leaving this thing behind and escaping but for some reason found he couldn't stomach the idea; this battle, this foe, wasn't something he could leave behind any more than he could have let Sasuke-teme walk blindly into Oto – he had to fight through to the finish and put this creature down and, by Kami, he was going to do just that,

"Fox, shotgun!"

"**Are you crazy – it won't even scratch that thing!**"

"It will", Naruto growled back, deftly flipping off the wall and out of the blast radius of the trio of missiles shot at him by his bellowing opponent, now mostly defleshed by repeated impacts of rockets and plasma fire, revealing that the demon was at least partially flesh laid atop a massive mechanical exoskeleton, "if I hit it in the right spot, which I'm just about to do".

"**You really are crazy – I blame myself**", the bijuu spoke back a second later, something disturbingly similar to awe in its tone as it supplied the gun he'd asked for, Naruto giving a grim smile as he stood up tall and beckoned his opponent on; _come on you dumb animal, shoot me!_;

"Funny old thing, I blame you as well – thank you!" With that exclamation, just before the rocket that would have turned him to mulch hit and splattered him across the courtyard, he finished his jutsu and was gone in a puff of smoke.

Of all the weaknesses an opponent could have there was none so deadly for a ninja than predictability, something most demons had in spades as they were to all intents a caste system used to being bossed around and told what to do rather than thinking for themselves and as a result of this most of them weren't very bright. It might have been over fifteen feet tall and strong enough to snap him in half with little more than a dirty look but this beast was no different to its smaller brethren and Naruto used that to his advantage; by using a Kawarimi with the last in the trio of missiles the demon always fired, he appeared pretty much coming out of the thing's rocket launcher with his shotgun already primed. By the time the demon registered he had moved it was too late; even as it looked down to see him he had his shotgun thrust upwards, virtually under its chin and, as his finger squeezed the trigger, he came eye to blank, unseeing eye with the thing...

...and, in that second, as far as Uzumaki Naruto was concerned the Time-stream stopped flowing.

Even as it fell backwards with a noise like a earthquake in a shinobi outfitters, its throat blown open and brain liquefied by the passage of the metal slug, Naruto could do nothing but stare, stepping over and, even as it tried to weakly flail around and smite its vanquisher before the life left it and it was reduced once more to a wraith, Naruto was speaking to his prisoner,

"Kyuubi..."

"**I know kit**", the fox sounded as thunderstruck as he felt as it had seen what he had seen, "**I'm on it – whatever has happened here, it will talk**". Naruto said nothing more, extending his crimson-dripping hand and placing it on the shoulder of the convulsing, dying demon even as his eyes never broke their gaze into the unfocussed black orbs of the monster and, more importantly, the tri-tomoe pattern in that lay in the centre of them.

XXX

"The _Sharingan!_" Tsume had had no love for the Uchiha when the clan had been alive, thinking them, with some justification, a family of thieves who grew strong off the back of other ninja's hard work; personal enmity aside however, she would not have their once-honourable name dragged through the dirt like this, "Uzumaki, you make a grave accusation and even worse insult when you say there were Uchiha in Hell". She snarled when he merely sniffed at her threatening tones, then choked at his next words and answer,

"Not just Uchiha, there are a lot of ninja in Hell; occupational hazard in our line of work, you know, with the casual murder and all we get up to – funny thing was I never found the so-called Demon of the Hidden Mist down there", he mused for a moment before chuckling, "heh, I always knew Zabuza wasn't as tough as he acted; bet Kami-sama took pity on the old softy after his last sacrifice for the rest of us and the way he took out Gato to free Wave. However", he turned more serious, shifting slightly in his seat to nail Tsume with a dead-eyed stare, "yes, that demon had the Sharingan in its eyes and was, or at least in life had been, an Uchiha. Obviously I, and Kyuubi as well for that matter, wanted answers for this – according to what the fox had told me all souls arrive in the Pure world equal, you literally can't take anything with you and that includes bloodline limits, so how had the Sharingan crossed over from our Impure world to Hell? With everything that was out to kill me dead for the moment I accessed the mindscape for answers; what I found there..."

For the first time Naruto faltered slightly, massaging his eyes and both mother and daughter felt a little pity for him, Tsume especially as she realised that whether he truly had gone through Hell or not, whatever trials he had endured had scarred him, probably forever. _He's younger than Kiba, and had a rougher time growing up even before all this happened to him_; despite her tough demeanour Tsume was a mother with children of her own, something Naruto had never know and therefore the sight of a youngster struggling to come to terms with an explain something to his peers was enough to move her, however slightly. She thought for a moment of putting a hand on his shoulder before deciding against it; if he really had been alone for over three years there was no guarantee he wouldn't consider it an attack and retaliate, painfully if his fantastical talk of having weapons unseen in the Elemental Nations in his possession was true. To that end she did nothing other than softy whisper in the canine tongue to her daughter, Hana heeding her instruction and providing more refreshment for their guest as he recomposed himself, nodding his thanks as he noticed the fresh drink laid out before him, a cooler beverage this time as he took a deep breath and continued,

"I was met in the mindscape by the wraith that Kyuubi liberated from the dying shell it inhabited; when a demon dies it abandons its current body as I told you; Kyuubi had the power to suck, for want of a better word, these trapped souls into the seal for a brief period, usually to intimidate them into coughing up information about something we wanted to know. This time however, this time the wraith wanted to stay and, because of that, we learnt a lot of truths, _real_ truths, about the ninja world, how it actually came to be; what I'm about to say will probably sound like nonsense if what I've said up to know hasn't and I won't force you to believe it, but it is the truth – are you ready?"

Not quite ready for such a direct question Tsume had nodded almost before she'd realised it, only just reeling in her concentration in time to hear him begin his latest story,

"It began with the Rikudo Sennin..."

"The, the Sage of Six Paths", she'd heard the stories of him; _but, surely that's all they were, stories_; "he's a myth, a fairy-tale..."

"And once he was a man", Naruto cut across her, tone not harsh but direct and brooking no opposition as his azure gaze bored deeply into her own, "a mortal man given a great gift by Kami-sama, the power to change the world. But he was mortal and not infallible; because of that mortality, he made a horrible mistake". Steepling his fingers in front of his face, Naruto gazed at a spot in the middle distance and continued to speak, neither Inuzuka even thinking of interrupting him again as he carried on,

"The wraith, who in life had been an Uchiha, Totoro Uchiha to be exact, knew the story from the rest of his clan who had been entrapped by an ancient promise; it began with the Sennin, who had the power to make his dreams and imaginations a reality, but with all dreams come nightmares and he, unwittingly I'm sure, gave birth to one that haunts our world even to this day. Using his power, a power not seen in this world since, the Rikudo Sennin tore a hole, much larger than anything that could be generated by the jutsu ninja use now, in the bubble of our Impure world and through that hole", Naruto chuckled, a humourless, black noise that made Tsume's skin pucker to goosebumps as he turned towards her and finished, "a monster came crawling. A powerful demon, straight out of Hell, a beast that even his eyes could not reduce to dreams; the ten-tailed monster, the Juubi".

XXX

"Ten-tails!" By this point Naruto was glaring at both the old man, hanging wispy and ghost-like just before the cage of the Kyuubi in the mindscape, and the gigantic fox that lay just behind him, "But there are only nine tailed beasts". The Uchiha, or at least the wraith that had been Totoro Uchiha in life, nodded sadly before replying,

"Hai, there are now; in the beginning though there was only the Juubi; the Rikudo Sennin, ancestor of all ninja, fought the beast for many days and nights but found himself undone; for all his wisdom and strength he could not overcome the demon and he dared not rip a second hole in our reality lest he compound his error and let loose a second beast upon the world. At the last, when all else failed, he took the burden on himself and chained the demon down in his own flesh, sealing it away within himself". Looking from the wraith to the bijuu behind it, Naruto opened his mouth but found his question asked for him by the fox itself,

"**He became a jinchuuriki then?**"

"The first and most powerful", the ghost nodded, strangely noble and even slightly regal now it was bereft of its former loathsome shell, "but still he feared that the demon would regain its freedom upon his death and, even from within its seal, the monster burned him, shortening his lifespan more and more each day. Eventually, with the aid of both his wife and his three sons, the Sennin was able to enact a plan upon his deathbed; after naming his successor and by using the power of his eyes he was able to subsume his body onto the surface of the moon, containing the Juubi's physical body, and tear its spiritual power into nine separate pieces, the most powerful of which", the wraith seemed to give a ghostly sigh, looking over its shoulder at where Kyuubi sat, looking as stunned at Naruto at the revelations he was hearing, "is held behind me".

It took a minute, a full minute, for this information to sink in to both the bijuu and its host; with a roar that sent water cascading throughout the mindscape the fox reared up, its youkai a burning red shroud that framed both the living and dead human sharing the mindscape into shadow as it howled,

"**You dare, you **_**dare!**_" Seething, it lowered its volcanic eyes to the bars of its cage and glared at the wraith before it, Totoro wisely drifting out from between the bars and out of range for the minute, "**A mere human cannot **_**destroy**_** a demon; the Pure and Impure worlds cannot have any lasting impression on each other, it is the will of Kami-sama! What you are suggesting...**"

"Is the same as a demon whispering destructive urges into the head of a weak-willed man, or a guardian angel looking out for a living loved one", the former Uchiha explained with another ghostly sigh, "the Rikudo Sennin acted within the laws set by Kami; he did not create or destroy any of the Juubi's power, he merely altered a set amount of demonic energy, youkai as it is known on our Impure world, into nine more...manageable forms. It was for the best as there was no way to return the Juubi to Hell; through his actions and self-sacrifice did the Sage of Six Paths erase or at least mitigate his former mistake, reduce the threat faced by the Elemental Nations by creating the nine bijuu, and damn my clan utterly".

At this the wraith shifted its posture, looking down at the water on the floor of a mindscape as a feeling of intense melancholy suffused the air around it; though he was first to admit he was no great shakes when it came to judging the moods of others, Naruto had the impression that whatever came next was difficult for the former Uchiha to admit for some reason; _but this is something we need to know – even if Kyuubi has to get involved, we have to know_;

"When the Sennin passed from the Impure world", fortunately it seemed the kitsune's fangs were unnecessary as Totoro mastered himself can continued, "he left behind his wife and three sons, each of whom was gifted a part of his power; the eldest had the power to see into the hearts of men but the other two, a pair of twins born after the Rikudo Sennin became a jinchuuriki, were both equal and opposite at the same time; the elder twin had a greater connection to the Pure world and could see its power, the younger was rooted more firmly in the Impure world and could manipulate the power stored within".

"**Byakugan, Sharingan and Mokuton**", Kyuubi breathed slowly, able to decipher the pseudo-cryptic words better than Naruto could, "**so it is true, the founding clans of the ninja world came from these three, the Hyuuga, Uchiha and the Senju**". Totoro shook his head, still suspended just about the liquid on the floor of the mindscape,

"No, they did not, not all of them at least; when the Juubi came its power affected many before it was sealed, the influx of power from the Pure world entity altering the humans it touched – many died in agony, overwhelmed by the change but others, especially the young, survived but were changed, the first bloodlines created. However that is not the major issue here; before he died the Sennin made to name his eldest child as his heir but the boy refused, saying his eyes made him a judge, not a leader of men; he would guide his brothers, as much as he was able to but he could not shape the ninja world. It was then the Sage of Six Paths made his last decision, one that led to the doom of my clan; the man who would birth the Uchiha clan was expecting to become the Sage's heir as he was the first-born twin but the opposite happened; for some reason the Rikudo Sennin forsook the first Sharingan wielder, perhaps because he saw that the Copy Wheel Eye had its strength in the Pure world rather than the power of the Impure world seen in his brother's Mokuton, and named the younger twin the heir. From this came a schism in the family, the brothers disunited with rancour from the middle sibling heavy on the air – he felt cheated of his destiny and, despite the eldest brother's council, he left without another word, fading away as the other two children of the Sage set about trying to live their own lives and arranging the world of ninja, containing the damage the Juubi had done as best they could, just as their father had".

"So what became of him – from what you've told me so far I'm guessing nothing good", Naruto chipped in, his mind calculating the things he'd heard so far and superimposing them over the reality he'd left behind; _figures – the teme was always being a whiny bitch if he wasn't the best or thought he was weak – guess he was just taking after his great-great-granddaddy of the past by throwing his toys out the pram when the Sage said he wasn't the heir_;

"Nothing", the deceased Uchiha agreed, "while order was being restored to the world the brother scoured the earth for traces of his father's works; jealously and bitterness corrupted his heart as he heard on the wind of the order that was flourishing between the different clans of what were now being called ninja and how they venerated both the gregarious youngster who made it possible and the older brother who acted as his consul. He felt cheated of the glory he knew should have been his, the true successor of the Sage by right of birth, and his loss pushed him to the edge, to use his eyes as they were never meant to be used; the Sharingan has its roots in the Pure world, a product of the Juubi combining with the energy of the Sage of the Six Paths. When the first Uchiha realised this he declared there was nothing left for him in the Impure world and, because of that, he turned his eyes and the power within them back to the realm from which the Juubi had come".

A hard, cold lump of solid dread coiled around Naruto's middle as he heard this and worked out what came next,

"Fool, what a complete teme; did he learn nothing from what happened to his father? I'm not the sharpest kunai in the outfitters but even I know that nothing good ever came out of Makai, you least of all", he accused, pointing out the kitsune before a second thought occurred to him, "hang on though, only the Juubi came out of here; you were never created by a Progenitor! The Rikudo Sennin made you, you and the other eight bijuu". Kyuubi for his part merely nodded,

"**Yes, though I have the majority of our forefather's memories; I know all the Juubi knew of Hell and sought to return here as I would have a major advantage over all other demons – I would answer to no-one and nothing, a completely free agent and major piece in the eternal chess game. However**", the great fox shifted on his belly, the red of its eyes making the translucent form of Totoro shimmer a pale pink as it went on, "**because of the change in fortune of one of the Progenitors that plan has been derailed. Speak nin-gen; how did this power come about – we have no time to dwell on the ancient past**". For his part the wraith of the long-dead Uchiha, on who had actually never been a ninja but had ended up here just the same, held up a pale hand and made to speak,

"But the past _is_ essential to understand the present; the first Uchiha and my bastard fore-father was never the Sage's equal; though he read the Sennin's great works and had an idea about how he had opened the way for the Juubi, he lacked the power to do so. Even after years of trying all he could do, for mere moments at a time, was peer into the depths of Makai; his eyes, the most powerful 'true' Sharingan eyes ever born could allow him to pierce the veil between worlds and observe but not alter things, not release a second demon. Eventually though, his continued staring provoked some interest and on one blasted day he realised that, as he gazed into Hell, someone was looking back at him from the other side. A being with more power than even the Juubi, a Progenitor that now threatens us all because it, like the Rikudo Sennin, made a single bad decision. This is the monster you will have to topple to save your, our world Uzumaki Naruto, the Progenitor..."

XXX

"Bathmat?" The unfamiliar word came for out of the blue so much that Tsume snorted with laughter, "What kind of demon goes around with a name like that?" Naruto shared her joke for a brief moment before shaking his head,

"A very powerful and dangerous one because it's Baphomet, also known as the Gatekeeper, Spawn-spitter, Goat with Uncounted Young and a host of other titles as all Progenitors are", the newly-returned jinchuuriki spoke quietly, recalling how he'd first heard the name of his overall opponent and how Kyuubi had stopped still at the word, fur going rigid in shock as his container groaned, seeing the gesture and figuring it meant nothing good, "but he was the one who saw the first Uchiha scratching at the window and, thinking him a powerful human pawn, spoke and eventually struck a bargain with him, gifting him his heart's desire at the cost, a cost not even Kyuubi believed the Uchiha would pay".

Naruto swallowed at this, knowing that this bloodstained tale of family history and fratricide wasn't strictly his to tell but he had gone too far to turn back now; tossing back the last of his drink and idly wondering if slicing his way through a swathe of lesser demons wouldn't have been easier than trying to explain what had happened to him, he pressed on,

"The Uchiha, from what Totoro was able to tell me, wished for three things for both himself and any future children he had; he wanted his clan to have the power to destroy anyone who opposed them, the ability to make their enemies their slaves and some kind of 'ultimate weapon', something that would be able to withstand the powers of all the newly-founded ninja clans. Baphomet listened and granted these wishes but, as always, there was a price the Uchiha had to pay for them, though in the end he paid three times; firstly, his Sharingan lost the ability to see into the Pure world – fair enough, even demons have a minor respect for privacy. That alone wouldn't have been too bad; it was the other two things he sacrificed that made me wonder just what kind of a man he was too damn not just himself but others as well in his hunger for power". Thinking she could see where he was going with this the Inuzuka clan head shivered; _guess it was true, that clan really were insane and power-crazy to begin with_;

"Others – he killed his own brothers?"

"If only it had been that simple; no", the Uzumaki shook his head, holding up a finger, "Baphomet made a mistake in the end but up until that point he was a deviously smart son of a bi...son of a gun", he corrected himself at the last minute, not wanting to trample on any more toes than was necessary now he was finally in a place where not everybody wanted to kill him on sight, "he granted the first Uchiha his boons; the powerful hellfire of Amaterasu to destroy his enemies, a black fire that would burn for seven days and nights; the genjutsu Tsukuyomi, able to break the minds of even the strongest-willed people alive and make them little more than drudges for the Uchiha to kick around and then finally Sasun'oo, a construct formed from pure spiritual energy that was therefore virtually immune to all known jutsu. However the demon was cunning, it didn't give these powers for free; instead it altered the Uchiha's eyes, changing the Sharingan itself and locking these three powers away into an advanced form, the Mangekyou Sharingan. All Uchiha who develop the Sharingan have the potential to unlock the Mangekyou and access their full strength but, to do so, that is the second price Baphomet placed on his power. An Uchiha can only access the power of those cursed eyes by extreme emotional trauma, most commonly by killing either their best friend, or one of their family".

_I don't want to hear this_; even as she framed the thought though Tsume knew she had to listen in despite feeling her gorge rise at the idea of such callous murder; _if this is the way that clan was born and lived, making deals with demons, perhaps it was for the best that one of their own offed the lot of them, even if he awoke his own Mange-gek-you to do it_;

"So, so that was why, in the Valley...?" Naruto nodded and the elder kunoichi made a mental promise that if she ever saw Uchiha Sasuke again in her lifetime she would make sure that his stated goal of resurrecting his cursed clan would never be able to come to fruition – for someone to befriend a person only to later turn around and literally try to carve their heart out for power? The very idea made her sick as Naruto carried on,

"Yeah, but he was young and stupid then, didn't know – in fact I doubt any of the Uchiha really know – what they were letting themselves in for when they accessed their Mangekyou. Thing is once those eyes are activate, the power Baphomet bestowed on them is caustic, burning away the sight of the Sharingan and using the abilities of the Mangekyou only increases the speed at which the blindness takes hold. Still, that wasn't the worst of it", squaring his shoulders, he pressed on and turned over the stone underneath which lay the darkest, most dangerous secret of the descendents of the Rikudo Sennin's second son, "the Uchiha wanted all of his descendents to have this power, regardless of the cost – he had been cheated of his rightful place, he swore his children would not be. To make sure this happened and seal the bargain for good, he pledged to Baphomet that every child of his lineage, regardless of whether they activated the Sharingan or not, never mind if they worked out how to use the Mangekyou or not, would have their soul delivered into the Progenitor's armies upon their mortal death. He agreed, and the deal was struck".

Silence, a terrible, horrible silence fell over the kitchen; the idea was so alien to the Inuzuka that Tsume couldn't even begin to countenance it. Even the nin-ken whimpered and Hana, face strained even as she'd heard this tale before, gripped her mothers' hand under the table as the Inuzuka head had to struggle to stop being physically sick – it was enough to damn yourself but to damn...

"Everyone?" she spoke in a voice that wasn't her own, a whisper rather than a laughing chuckle, "Every Uchiha..." She couldn't go on, instead squeezing her eyes shut as Naruto nodded so none would see her tears,

"All of them", he affirmed tonelessly, remembering how shocked and sickened he, in fact more than that even Kyuubi as well, had been to hear that admission, "every Uchiha that has ever been born has ended up in Makai, serving the Progenitor who gave them their most powerful doujutsu form. At the time though, each walked away from the bargaining table apparently pleased; the Uchiha because his eyes had changed and he had the power that he felt was his by right, Baphomet because he now had a steady influx of new soldiers from one of the Impure worlds. However all was not well in the end; Totoro-san didn't know the full story but from what I can tell when Baphomet altered the Uchiha's eyes, he forgot to take into account one tiny detail", there was no warmth, no humour and possibly, no humanity in the jinchuuriki's smile as he glanced out of the window and spoke again, "he didn't take into account the depths people, especially desperate, deranged people, will sink to when they've got their backs against the wall".

XXX

"So, so how _many_ of you are there in here then?"

"I do not know", Totoro swayed his head sadly and Naruto felt a stab of pity for him; he didn't appear to be a particularly evil person, chances were he would never have ended up here had Baphomet's bargain not been in place, "all I know is that I serve the one who led us to this damnation, and as soon as I am out of this place of sanctity, I will continue to do so".

"What? So even", Naruto scowled as he thought about this and made ticked up another reason to kick this so-called Baphomet's ass, "even after this, you can't get out of here?"

"**No demon can go against the Progenitor that created it Naruto**", the Kyuubi reminded him, nodding at their impromptu guest with something like regret in his eyes, "**I assume Baphomet is therefore the one who is behind the current upheavals in this realm**". To the kitsune's consternation however, the trapped wraith seemed to laugh at his assumption, a rattling, echoing sound that set Naruto's teeth on edge,

"Would that it were that simple; no, Baphomet is not the cause, or at least, not the direct cause; from what I know of the first Uchiha the knowledge that, for all their power his new eyes would blind him eventually threw him into a terrible rage. However when the rage was ended he was left alone to think; from what the other Uchiha I have met here, many much older than me, can piece together, he returned to his brothers, apparently older and wiser than he had been before and lived in peace for many years, taking a wife and fathering many children, the first who would follow their father's footsteps into Hell when the time came". He was cut off by a noise not unlike Naruto's new chakra-fuelled chain blade starting up, Kyuubi growling from within its cage as it heard the crimes being laid at the feet of the Uchiha clan patriarch and found even its capacity for plotting, scheming and gambling with the lives of lesser beings outmatched,

"**He bred, knowing the future that awaited them all? Even demons are not so foolish; if you're caught in a trap like that the last thing you do is make it worse!**"

"But apparently he did not make things worse, not to his mind at least", the wraith continued, meeting the eyes of the bijuu without fear, "he fathered several children, all of whom bore the Sharingan, and carved the history on his clan on a great stone tablet in languages that could only be read by the Sharingan and, beyond that, the Mangekyou as well; what became of that tablet I do not know, I've never seen it. Beyond that though, he still had issue with his youngest brother, the true heir to their father but, with his eyesight failing, knew he could never defeat his twin in such a state. To stop his growing blindness and ensure he would have a chance at revenge he took one of his sons, who had awoken the Mangekyou following ritual combat against one of his brothers as was the way of the ancient Uchiha; brother against brother, both blindfolded – when the fatal blow was struck the deception was revealed and the horror of loss and shame awoke the cursed eyes. He took his son in secret, saying it was for advanced training in his newly-opened eyes, and then, away from the family, drugged him, tied him down and, and tore out his eyes to replace his own darkening ones".

If the atmosphere had been any colder in the mindscape Naruto would have been standing on an ice rink; death, murder and selling not just your own soul, but the souls of the rest of your family to eternal servitude was bad enough, but mutilation...

"For what? The Mangekyou", trying to put aside his personal feelings on the matter and swallow down his own vomit, Naruto tried to approach the problem logically, "surely having a new set...implanted like that; my sensei Kakashi had a Sharingan transplant so I know it can work, but wouldn't he just have gone blind again after a while anyway?" Totoro shrugged,

"I don't know, I never awoke my Sharingan and knew nothing of its evolution until I was sent here and spoke with others from the clan, and even meeting one of them was like searching for a senbon in a haystack", the unfleshed demon-spirit spoke before finishing the tale as best he could, "all that is known is that, supposedly, even as our patriarch stood triumphant, his new sight perfect and undimmed, he was struck down from behind before his revenge could be achieved".

XXX

Breathing out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding Tsume wiped cold sweat off her brow and noted that, whatever his faults were, Naruto was one damned fine story-teller,

"He was killed? Good", from the crimes she'd heard stacked against the eldest of the Uchiha clan, news of his death was something to be celebrated rather than mourned, "I love a happy ending. Who did it, his twin?" Naruto shook his head,

"No, it was his older brother, the one who could see into the hearts of men"; _the first Hyuuga_; slight memories of Hiashi and sudden realisation that he and the rest of his clan really were ninja royalty, descended as they were from the eldest son of the Rikudo Sennin struck the dog-ninja before she listen into the rest of Naruto's words, "I learnt later that he'd been suspicious of the elder twin and his eyes saw the darkness coiling around his heart. He followed the younger ninja into the wilderness and when he saw what he had done, the mutilation he had forced on the youngster he made his judgement, shooting his brother in the back with his hunting bow. Apparently from there he returned to the Uchiha clan with the story of what had happened, the blind boy with him and his words shocked even the jaded clan; as he had told his father his role was more a judge than a leader but even so, he couldn't just watch his brother's clan destroy itself for power. He stayed as an impromptu head of the Uchiha clan for a while, straightening it out and seeing to it that each member of the clan knew about the risks of the Mangekyou until each of the clan knelt before him and swore on the stone their patriarch had carved that they would not seek to evolve their Sharingan to it Mangekyou state, the stage that, unknown to them, Baphomet had created and would be paid for whether they took his boon or not".

"The first Hyuuga?" Tsume breathed, puzzling this over in her own mind as she tried to remember the stories she'd heard from her father's knee when she'd been a little girl, "They said the Uchiha descended from the Hyuuga clan – is that what they meant? They were ruled by a white gaze, for want of a better word, for a while whilst they sorted themselves out?"

"Apparently so, but by his actions the eldest son of the Sage of Six Paths stopped most of the troubles within his own family and present in our Impure world; unfortunately for the rest of the Time-Stream, he dropped them right into Hell instead", even before Tsume could ask he'd carried on, "when Baphomet made his bargain he didn't realise that the Sharingan is a bloodline forged, if you like, in the Pure world; it gets its copying ability by being able to see the spiritual energy component in chakra, a legacy given to all ninja by the coming of the Juubi. On top of that the Mangekyou was added in later by himself, a resident of the Pure world; basically all it boiled down to was that when the first Uchiha arrived in Hell and Baphomet went to claim his prize, he ended up looking into the Uchiha's stolen Mangekyou, newly implanted and as powerful if not more so than ever, and supposedly he was snared by his own creation".

"That", Tsume winced after a minute of thinking it over, "doesn't sound good, but how? He created those damned eyes, how could he fall victim to them? He's supposed to be some kind of demon-king or something, how'd he fall to the Sharingan?"

"I dunno, he did his job too well maybe – the Uchiha asked for the power to make all enemies his slave, he never specified that he wouldn't see Baphomet as an enemy someday", Naruto reasoned, still not entirely sure of the answer himself though he had some suspicions, "so that was it, the mystery revealed; there we were, me and the fox in my head, up against not just a demonic Progenitor but, just to put the naruto on the ramen, a demonic Progenitor who'd apparently been possessed by the ghost of a bitter, Mangekyou-wielding Uchiha who'd decided that, if he couldn't take our Impure world by force, the Pure one would have to do. A human possessing a demon...", a wolfish grin split his lips and he chuckled, turning his eyes towards his audience and running a hand across the back of the nearest of the Haimaru; over the near-month he'd been running with their mistress he'd picked up a soft spot for the nin-ken trio,

"...gave Kyuubi nightmares for weeks just thinking about it".

XXX

Massaging his eyes with a free hand Naruto suddenly just gave up thinking about it all as he came to a very simple conclusion; _Uchiha, Progenitor, Baphomet, Bathmat – I just don't care anymore_;

"Fox", he sighed, the Kyuubi looking over from where it was cringing following the idea of any demon, let alone a Progenitor, being conquered and used as a pawn by a mere mortal, "I don't care who it is we've got to kill or how he came to get himself screwed in the head or not – right now I just want to know one thing. Is there such a thing as re-incarnation?" Caught off-guard by the topic, the kitsune was left to flounder for a moment before sifting back through the memories of the Juubi it had left and, after a minute, nodding,

"**In a way; there is transit from the souls of the Pure world into the Impure ones, demons rise and angels fall to life, so to speak, but the process is not a swift one. Why?**" Letting out a low breath of relief Naruto explained,

"Because with all the shit that's happening in my life so far I really didn't want to think about what sins I must have committed in any previous ones", he spoke shortly before pointing at the ghostly form of Totoro, the wraith apparently smirking slightly at his quip before paying attention as his present host addressed him, "okay Totoro-san, two questions; how do I get to the surface of Makai and when I'm there, which way to Baphomet-stroke-your former clan head?" After thinking for a minute, the former Uchiha shrugged,

"The way to the surface is through the doors and to the south, an outpost created and ruled over by another demon as strong as I am, or was, but different. Have a care Naruto", the sudden warning in the wraith's words were enough to make him look up sharply and see the grave expression set on the semi-transparent face, "I know little about his eventual plan but the beast who rules under the guise of Baphomet is strengthening his forces with armour and arms that should have never been seen in Hell. The shell I wore before you defeated me was one of those new monsters, a cyberdemon; there will be others, just as potent if not more so, on your journey". Hearing this brought another weary sigh from the child's lips,

"Just what I needed, demonic evil-ution; I'll keep it in mind", the jinchuuriki nodded gravely before sighing and waving towards the ghost, "anyway, I know you can't stay here indefinitely much as you'd like to; Kami-sama knows how many friends Kyuubi tried to invite in for a long-term sleepover", true to its shameless nature the fox merely grinned at the backhanded insult, "you best get back to your boss". With that dismissal the vague form of the former Uchiha stretched out its arms and, as an ethereal wind whipped around its pearlescent body, faded away and vanished.

In the wake of Totoro's dismissal the two partners, for there was no arguing the fact now that both were in the same mess together and needed one-another to survive it, were quiet for a moment, each digesting the new information before Naruto pushed himself completely upright and stretched off with a yawn,

"You know fox, after hearing all that I suddenly can't help but feel a little jealous of the Uchiha, though perhaps not Sasuke-teme, no-one deserves what happened to him really". From the bijuu's suddenly dumbstruck expression, it appeared that had been one of the last things on his mind as he gaped openly at his host,

"**Jealous?**"

"Yeah", the jinchuuriki pointed out the truth as his persona, now slightly jaded as a result of exposure to Hell's less than tender mercies, saw it, "because of their great-grandpappy trying to play silly buggers with a demon lord, they pretty much had a free pass to do anything they liked in the Impure world. Debauchery, drugs, they could run the whole gamut and it wouldn't matter because, hey, guess what, we're going to Hell anyway so why scrimp now – I'd rather laugh as a sinner than cry as a saint knowing this place was waiting for me in the afterlife, wouldn't you?" Kyuubi opened its mouth to reply before closing it again, thinking for a second and then, finally and grudgingly, chuckling a little under its breath,

"**Heh, not a bad way for a mortal to think – you forget though Naruto I am already a demon, your morals don't apply to me anyway. I go where I please and slay who I will simply because I could in your Impure world, no-one had the power to stop me, merely delay my path for a little while**".

"True, though if I'm right, taking in all this talk of souls and the Pure and Impure world and whatnot, that was what the Yondaime's plan was wasn't it?" The talk of that hated human was enough to make the kitsune growl but, regardless, Naruto pressed on, "I don't know exactly how it works but Jiji said before he died that the Shiki Fuujin ties our souls together, so you'd die when I die. But because you're a demon, how would that kill you?"

"**It wouldn't, but it would send me to second judgement by the God of the Dead and, knowing my actions on the Impure World, probably damn me back to Hell**", the bijuu admitted after a long pause, not liking the reminder about the hated blonde human who had shackled him in this miserable cell in the first place for a reason he couldn't clearly remember other than suddenly finding himself in a human village and under attack, "**a touch problematic due to the fact we're both already here**".

"No thanks to you; still, no point crying over spilt milk any more – you heard the man, uh, demon-ghost, guy", Naruto stumbled awkwardly, the word 'wraith' eluding him for a moment before he was able to recollect himself and block out the noise of a kitsune chortling at his mangled grammar, "we're headed south and from there, on to wherever this Baphomet guy hangs out – if the Mangekyou did put him under some kind of genjutsu, if we can break it everything should go back to normal, or at least, normal as it ever gets here". Recovering from his mirth the kitsune nodded and sat up in its cell, looking at the boy seriously as it took in the magnitude of the challenge facing them now; a Progenitor was enough to be getting on with but for all its power was still a demon, but a Progenitor ruled by a human mind...;

"**Perhaps this is the reason why Kami-sama created the Pure and Impure worlds separately; a single human in Makai is enough to endanger everything in creation**", it muttered to itself before noticing Naruto with his back to the cage, looking like he was about to leave, "**wait brat, what's your plan knowing what we know now?**" Glancing over his shoulder, the jinchuuriki shrugged,

"Same as it's always been; kick Baphomet-stroke-Uchiha ass and..." He seemed to catch himself over something though before the fox could question what, he recovered and carried on, "...and then get home and kick more Uchiha ass until the teme sees the truth, though that might be easier now I know things about his clan that even _he_ won't have a clue about". Deciding not to press the issue for the minute as it seemed that Naruto had things on his mind that even the Kyuubi couldn't fathom yet, the fox instead tuned in to listen to its jailors' final words, Naruto facing him with a slightly rueful, worried expression as he rubbed the back of his neck,

"Still, jiji always said a thousand mile journey must start with a single step; before I set out though, could you tell me which way's south?"

XXX

"Don't laugh", Naruto requested of his audience, though there was a faint hint of self-depreciation in his tone that made it all the more challenging for the two Inuzuka, a clan born with the ability to track and know direction, to avoid sniggering at his lack of knowledge, "it's harder than you think to navigate down there; for a start there's no sun or moon and I think Kami-sama could make trying to plot a map of the place one of those never-ending torments you read about in stories; put it this way I wouldn't apply".

"Me neither, though I should hope not to end up there in the first place and run the risk of being lumbered with the job", Hana pointed out before leaning forwards slightly as she scented an opening; _he's only repeating what he told me and the other two – he never actually mentioned anything of his journey through the lower kingdom_; "but what happened after you found out about the Uchiha and who was really pulling the strings?"

Naruto didn't answer immediately, in fact there was a long pause as he seemed to consider his answer; thinking he was merely being stubborn Hana huffed slightly and looked towards her nin-ken partners, reaching down the fuss the three of them and because of that missing the realisation that dawned slowly on her mother's face. Tsume had been a ninja longer than, if not Hana, then certainly Kiba had been alive and she'd lived through wars to boot – she knew the silence that had fallen over the boy, barely old enough to be called a man even now regardless of his ninja headband, and with a jolt of shock mingled with pity, recognised it for what it truly was; _he's like a ninja veteran, an ANBU captain. He's not being quiet because he thinks it's mysterious or cool, he honestly doesn't want to tell us because he either doesn't want to remember or because he's afraid whatever he says will scare both of us. Dear Kami-sama_; the silence, the cold, hard chill that Naruto had set around himself like a funeral shroud over a coffin convinced her far more than anything else that had happened thus far on this extraordinary night that whatever had occurred had changed Naruto in ways that none of his generation, or possibly even her own, could truly comprehend; _I remember him as a pup, I sniffed him out a few times after the pranks he pulled. Now he's sitting before me like a warrior, someone who's seen and lived through combat and knows what is to be spoken of and what is not._ Even as these thoughts entered her mind however, Naruto seemed to stir back to life and he spoke, his voice a flat, dull monotone,

"I did exactly what I said I'd so, what I promised to both myself and Totoro-san I'd do; I found my way down to the surface of Hell and started off after Baphomet, finding my way through Kyuubi's help with interrogations. This is what you must understand Hana-san, Tsume-dono", he looked their way and both of them shuddered, Hana going so far as to immediately break eye contact as she saw into those depthless pools and saw a fraction, even the barest sliver of what Naruto kept hidden behind them – it was not something she wanted or could even bare to see for too long,

"In all the time I have been gone I have been fighting, scavenging, surviving, sneaking and killing; I have not slept, not rested and not had a break since Kyuubi tore open the portal and threw me to the wolves. There are creatures, nightmares that no-one on this world has ever or will ever know; I have seen them, I have fought them, I have killed them all – I have decimated the cities of the demons, literally blown down buildings taller than the Hokage monument to crush and scatter the occupants, walked around and over oceans of blood, stalked through mazes infested with traps and tricks as well as those who set them; I have done all this and I have survived. Sometimes barely, sometimes only just – I've lost count of the number of times I came close to death down there – but I have always survived; for all their power and evil, I found nothing in Hell that could kill me. That is not a boast, not an idle taunt to the minions of the Progenitors, it is the truth. I walked into the crucible of fire and walked out the other same, changed admittedly and probably not for the better, but I still walked out of there".

Tsume was not about to question him, not when for the first time she felt, or thought she felt, an inkling of the otherworldly power the boy now had within him; as he spoke and the dark memories danced across his face, lips draw up into a snarl as he remembered his countless battles and close brushes with the Shinigami's knife a chill aura had sprung up over and around him, a sensation not dissimilar to killing intent but completely different in both potency and the message it was trying to convey.

Killing intent was used by a ninja to say to his opponent 'I am going to do my best to kill you because of a certain reason'.

Naruto's ability by contrast, whatever it was, conveyed a message to the world in general, and that message could only be interpreted one way; 'it does not matter how powerful you are, what training you have or how many minions you command, stand in front of me or piss me off in any way, shape or form and you are going to die'.

That aura of chilling frost killed conversation until, taking her life in her hands even if she didn't look up to meet his eyes, Hana dared squeak out a question at the same time as find answer to a query that had plagued her since the mission he'd dragged her off on had come to a successful conclusion; _no wonder he didn't answer their questions about where he got his power from – that sort of response might well have keeled both of them over considering how beat up they both were_;

"So, so Baphomet?"

"Hmm; oh", almost without realising it Naruto sat forwards, his memories and their inherent baggage of gory death retracted and allowing both kunoichi in front of him to breathe again, "sorry about that, my people skills need some polishing", he quipped dryly before nodding to the Inuzuka; _in thanks perhaps, for breaking him out of reminiscing?_; Tsume considered the matter, remembering that most war veterans didn't like to think or talk about their former battles or the friends they'd lost and wondering if it would be a good idea, at a more opportune time, to try and get Naruto some kind of counselling to deal with whatever demons he now carried with him in his own mind, apart from the obvious one of course,

"Baphomet was my last goal; first I had to track down and make sure the teleportation technology from the Impure world that ended up stranded overhead was destroyed", he pointed out, smirking as he recalled the first of his self-set objectives and the struggles he'd had getting even that far in his plan, "it wasn't easy. Baphomet, or at least the Uchiha controlling him must have known how important that stuff was and had the machines and what-not well secured – I, in fact everyone else was just lucky that the demons don't actually have anything like technology of their own really; sure they can graft it into themselves if they can find it, hence how the really nasty bastards like the cyberdemons, Spider Masterminds and Arachnatrons were made, but they couldn't replicate something that complex. To get it to work they had to convert the science into magic they could perform with the energy of the Pure world, the only power source they had; it was advancing I'll give them that much, they must have been close to cracking the secret as by the time I got there they, or some of the more powerful ones at least, were able to teleport themselves short distances. Bit of a surprise the first couple of dozen times I saw it but, after that, it kind of became like shooting fish in a barrel", he shrugged before giving a dark smile, "still, once Kyuubi pointed me towards where they'd stashed the equipment they were studying and I broke through the guards and other obstacles, that research project hit the buffers pretty quickly; I'm good at that sort of thing".

"I guessed that much; I heard about the time you managed to sneak into the hospital and planted stink-bombs in the laundry", Tsume recalled with a bit of a laugh, turning a hard but not unkind eye on the younger ninja as he looked genuinely shocked for a minute, almost as though; _he's trying to remember it. Oh Kami_; she swallowed a sudden lump in her throat; _if he's gotten that deep into it, into the war mindset, there's a chance he'll never be normal again unless he's got a knife, or some other weapon, in his hand_; calling on all her experience as a ninja she let nothing show on her face as she waved a fist playfully, "you were just lucky none of my clan were in there gaki or you'd have had me hunting you down". Belatedly, to her relief, Naruto seemed to chuckle at the joke and the memory of the pranks of days he had honestly thought he'd lost forever, holding up his hands in mock-defence as he made to deflect her gentle ire,

"Sorry Inuzuka-dono, infatuations of youth and all that", he grinned before the expression was chased away from his face and he became more pensive, "still, those pranks and the experiences they gave me of slinking around in the shadows and, more importantly, setting a good pace while running away screaming gave me a lot of head-starts after I blew up Baphomet's experiments and dusted all the research staff some of the wraiths he created had possessed. Before that I'd been a minor thorn in his side – once all that went up in smoke and made sure he wouldn't be able to get out of Hell he started taking me a bit more seriously and by that I mean he sent Kami-damned _armies_ after me! I avoided what I could and killed those I couldn't, it got easier after a while but the struggle never ended; every time I thought I'd seen everything a demon breed could do, they'd pull something else out their bag of tricks. Like those imps that could fly, or the spectres, hellhounds that could turn invisible for a brief period, those were nasty little beggers to deal with, especially in the dark. Suppose I should be grateful to them though", he gave a slight smirk at that and inclined his head slightly towards his former partner, "after Kyuubi figured out how they did it I was able to copy the trick – it was because of that I was able to spirit you out of this place without anyone in your clan seeing me come or go".

"How'd you cover your scent?"

"Same way; using Pure world energy like that turns you virtually into a ghost, no smell, no sound, nothing; you can't fly or walk through walls though, it's not that good, and a fireball or rocket to the mush still hurts if they manage to spot you".

"Neat trick", Tsume commented idly, her raised eyebrows the only visible sign of her internal turmoil at the idea of anyone, even a friend, being able to bypass her clan's noses with such frightening ease, "but, by doing what you did, you save, everyone, all the people in all the Impure worlds". Naruto nodded, though he didn't look totally convinced even as he spoke,

"I hope so at least, though there is a chance there may still be some demons with ideas of how to get the technique to work; I can only hope they all kill each other off before they have a chance to work on it too much. Still, apart from that, I hadn't saved everyone but it was a good start; the Impure world was at least a lot safer than it had been so now it was the guys in the Pure world I had to take care of", once more his eyes became hooded and dangerous, peering off at nothing at all as Tsume shivered and inched away from his almost detached aura of casual devastation, a warning that coming close would be at best painful, at worst a fatal mistake,

"And I managed that when I finally fought my way to the feet of Baphomet himself and dealt with the ghost that had infected his mind".

XXX

By now used to the teleportation technology and its side-effects Naruto wasted no time in throwing himself to the floor as he realised he was finally there, this was it; after what felt like an entire lifetime of bloodshed, tears, toil, sweat and bowel-loosening terror, he had fought, shot and slaughtered his way to this, to the lair of the Great Beast itself. Inching forwards on his belly towards the rise, already forewarned at a great conglomeration of hellspawn were down there by the noise and malevolent odour, he pulled himself to the lip of the upper tier of the roughly-hewn coliseum and looked down at the scene before him.

It was a mark of how much he had changed, how much of his former innocence had been eroded away under a tide of blood and spent shell-casings that he could look down on the horrendous visage of the biggest demon he'd ever seen, surrounded by its attendant hellspawn children, and curb his reactions to little more than a pair of narrowed eyes and a sneer as he beheld the form of his nemesis,

"So", looking down at the gargantuan goat skull pinned to the far wall, itself more massive and bloated than the Hokage monument, the churning maelstrom that made up the majority of its forehead flickering with a bale, evil light even if it failed to notice him, the pallid white of its eyelids clearly visible from this distance, "I assume that's what a Progenitor looks like then?"

"**It's what this one looks like to be sure; the physical manifestation of Baphomet, his Icon of Sin**", Kyuubi agreed; picking up on something in the kitsune's voice, something he hadn't heard in a long time, Naruto had to bite down on a sudden chuckle as he whispered back slowly,

"Oh come on; we go through all that crap to get here – the Arch-vile maze, the temples dedicated to this guy, even that creepy-looking castle with those weird crosses and undead guys shouting for us to halt so they could maul us, and _now_ you're feeling scared?" Despite its knowledge of what could become of them both should Naruto fall here Kyuubi, perhaps for the first time taking a leaf out of his jinchuuriki's book, wrestled down his trepidation enough to chuckle back,

"**Of course; the only reason you are not is because you're too bone-headed to realise what could become of us should we die now, and looking at that little lot down there**", seeing through the eyes of his host Kyuubi gave a mental shudder as he realised that, even fully equipped as they were, that many demons all at once, to say nothing of the monstrous leviathan of Hell that had birthed them all grinning on his impenetrable cliff of black basalt, would be too much for even the two of them to take down, "**I have to say death looks likely. No demon in Hell has ever toppled a Progenitor Naruto; even if their physical shells have been cracked, enough of their power always flees to reform itself later, allowing the Progenitor to return. Hence why those that exist as Progenitors are wary about letting any other pretenders claim such a vaulted seat of power; nothing puts a dampener on your day like another rival you'll never be rid of**". His mind turning to a certain black haired and black eyed former team mate of his, one of the memories that had sustained his sanity through this quest despite the bad terms they'd parted on, Naruto matched the fox demon with a snicker of his own,

"Been there, done that Kyu, but you forget I'm not a demon; I'm a ninja and because of that to me the word impossible simply does not exist", he gave a smile as he watched a commotion occur; from a side door he hadn't noticed two of the skinny, long-limbed monsters he'd come to know and loathe as Arch-viles appeared, their long, loping strides eating up the distance to the clear space in front of the goat skull's chin. Squinting, Naruto thought he could just pick out the shimmering outline of a wraith held between the two powerful monster's taloned fingers; _yes, that would explain it. I know those bony assholes can force wraiths into dead demon shells_; memories of having to blaze his way through a maze infested with the lowest-ranking demons in the upper echelon of the diabolic power brackets still rankled now – not enough the terrifyingly-fast Arch-viles could make their enemies spontaneously combust from a distance if they felt the need to, they could also resurrect the dead hellspawn he'd already killed, forcing him to waste precious time and bullets putting them down again; _so they could hold a wraith captive. I wonder if..._

"**This is where the subversion takes place**", as had been happening more and more frequently throughout their journey, the Kyuubi finished his thought for him, "**watch kit; I want to see how this imposter is able to break the single bonds even demons hold sacred**". Curious himself, Naruto contented himself to merely watch and learn even as he tried to think up a strategy to turn the titanic skull in front of him to bone dust and powder.

Nothing appeared to happen for a moment; one of the Arch-viles placed a taloned hand on what he guessed was the wraith's head and shrieked something he couldn't hear, forcing it to remain immobile as the two departed and joined the rest of the demonic throng before, with a rumbling noise, the small platform they'd dragged their captive to started to rise upwards. With a rattle of metal and clanking chains, up and up the wraith was carried until it rested before squarely in front of the face of the slumbering demon lord; _so, the sacrifice then, oh, waking up at last, and I'm going to guess_; as though sensing the intrusion into its eye-line Baphomet's eyes began to open, exposing a pair of strange, almost hypnotic patterns on eyes as black as midnight; _that those are the Mangekyou. A least I know we're in the right place_; even as the thought crossed his mind and he bit back a grim smirk, the eyes of the possessed Progenitor opened all the way, fixed as they were on the imprisoned spirit before them,

"_**Mine**_".

As the single word, spoken in a language Naruto recognised, resonated through the floor beneath him there was no denying who spoke; even as a dark flame burst into being atop the alter top, the burnt offering consummated as the wraith disappeared to joyous snarlings from the congregation below, the observing ninja finalised a few details of the plan that had come into his mind as he realised, through Baphomet's actions so far, there was a single, definite weak spot he would have been a fool to ignore. All was silent for a moment before, with a sound like tearing apart wet cloth, what looked like a box of some kind was spat from the centre of the hanging skull's forehead, impacting on the floor with a rush of flame. Naruto didn't get a chance to see what emerged from the golden flames as the point of impact was immediately swarmed by the two arch-viles again, though as he watched them lead something towards a pile of demonic bodies he had a vague idea of what was about to happen; _and, just this once_; as he watched the dark resurrection take place and a new demon, in this case a fat and slow but still dangerous mancubus, waddled forwards to take its place before the feet of its creator, he realised the ceremony was over; _I hate being right. Still, there might be a way to do this without alerting any of the demons down there_;

"**If you have a way to do this kit I will be the first to listen; I can see nothing here beyond a final blaze of glory**".

"Don't kid yourself fox, it might yet come to that", Naruto assured him before looking down at the scenario again, the ringleaders of this ceremony disappearing, presumably to fetch another demon for their master to convert, "but if I'm right I can do this, all I have to do is think like a ninja rather than, whatever the hell it is I think like now. You know that little 'sightlessness' trick you picked up from the spectres...?"

In the end it was so simple even he didn't dare to wonder how he managed it; cloaked by the energy of the Pure world, visible only as a whispering shadow when he moved, Naruto put his plan into action when he saw the platform begin to rise again. Jumping down noiselessly, using as little of the futon chakra he'd developed as a useful cutting tool in Makai as he could in case it twigged the floating Cacodemons he was drifting past, he impacted gently on the side of the rising platform, about two-thirds of the way up and began pulling himself up the unnaturally-warm tower of corroded metal. Climbing upwards, certain that at any minute one of the monsters on the ground was going to see his shadow or him and roar out in warning or attack, he felt the sacrificial part of this dark altar shudder to a halt just as the tips of his fingers brushed its lip, the jagged metal there tearing at the toughened skin of his hands. Quickly pulling himself up and standing to his full height, Naruto looked directly ahead into one of the many faces of Hell and, as he called on Kyuubi to hand over the weapons he demanded and ignored the first few screams of alarm from the ground below as the blaze of crimson chakra shattered his demonic concealment technique, the jinchuuriki met the gaze of the Mangekyou Sharingan without fear even as the dread voice echoed again,

"_**Mi-**_".

"Not today pal", he shouted in defiance, punting the wraith in front of him off the platform with the assistance of a youkai-enhanced kick, the barrels of both his trusty shotguns aimed directly forwards as he pulled the triggers, "I belong to no-one!"

The bellow of agony that reverberated through the room, wall and even his own bones was, perversely, music to his ears; ruptured by the scattering shells of his shotguns, the remnants of the Progenitor's eyes were dribbling down the bleached skull's cheeks like gelatinous tears. Even as a few stray energy attacks whistled around him as the children of the Goat with Uncounted Young sought to defend their parent Naruto did not relent, not after he'd come this far; with less than a thought the shotguns were gone and he had the rocket launcher on his shoulder, grateful that during their time together Kyuubi and he had come up with a way to reload the cumbersome weapon while it was in his hands. Streaking missiles lanced out towards the fortress of bone as Naruto yowled aloud; adrenaline, the drug he'd been living on for what felt like his second rebirth in Hell, was singing through his veins. Standing up and staring down immeasurably ancient and diabolically evil beings to save people he considered, if not precious, then at least advantageous to him. This was what he did, what he was _born_ to do!

"**Kit, the forehead**", the bijuu called in his ear, "**that portal, it may be a weak point**".

"Got it", the boy called back, adjusting his aim before focussing for a second, allowing a clone to appear without seals or smoke as with he summoned and forced his most powerful weapon into the bushin's hands, "the shit's starting to hit the fan, keep those bastards off my back". Grabbing the machine, the shadow clone nodded quickly and then spun around,

"I'm on it"; knowing his ass was covered Naruto focussed on nothing else but the death of the terrible form before him, Baphomet screaming in pain as his aim was true and unwavering, a continual stream of rockets being pumped into the exposed vortex cut into his skull.

The screaming reached a crescendo, entire slabs of bone flaking and crumbling away from the Icon's face and drifting into dust as the onslaught continued; even as he watched and dared think he might be actually doing this, the Progenitor was falling, he snarled aloud as the damage seemed to be slowing down, Baphomet somehow able to hold his form together despite the calamitous detonations that should have turned whatever was behind the bone dome to liquid. _Damn it all, just go down already you skinless freak_; he was so deep into his litany of curses on the unloving enemy in front of him that it wasn't until the clone actually tapped his shoulder that he reacted; only a swift duck stopped the bushin from being popped outright by a swing of its creator's arm,

"Uh, boss, they're dying down there..."

"Good, keep it up".

"I'm not doing anything", the clone shouted back, his weapon exhausted of energy temporarily as he watched another wave of the lost and the damned before him falter and then fall, plump Cacodemons falling to the ground like overripe, blood-red fruit with their death screams apparently sowing panic in their fellows as invisible fingers of death gripped them as well, "they're just falling down". Daring to risk a swift glance Naruto saw that his clone was indeed correct; the hellspawn were indeed withering in number without his help, though as to why he had no idea but was grateful nevertheless,

"**The Progenitor**", Kyuubi's voice echoed in his mind brazen with excitement and anticipation as it went on, eager for the kill, "**he's taking their power to try and regenerate – keep at it brat, if he regathers himself we are lost**". Smirking vindictively as he sent another rocket into one of the empty eye sockets of the great demon and watched the punctured eye completely explode into messy goo, the jinchuuriki remained fixated on the task before him even as his weapon began to burn into his shoulder, the rocket launcher overheating from being fired so much,

"No fear of that fox; just make sure we don't run out of rockets and I'll make sure this bone-head wakes up with the mother of all headaches in the morning!"

In the end Naruto was as good as his word; even with the strength he stole from the legion of his children attending him it appeared Baphomet could not take such a fearful pounding; Naruto covered his eyes as with a final tortured bellow, the entire edifice of the Icon of Sin was destroyed from within, wickedly sharp bone skewers flying out in all directions and forcing him to cover his vitals as the Progenitor was torn apart. Huge boulders of black granite and sheets of splintered skull tumbled to the ground around the altar he was stood upon, burying the bodies of the demons he had sacrificed in a vain hope to keep himself alive as Naruto fell to one knee on his plinth, not even the power of the Pure world enough to completely restore a second wind as the combat rush left him, leaving him feeling slightly weak as he looked into the inky black recess that had once been the creature that had threatened the nature of time and space as he knew it. Sucking on air and trying hard not to breath in any of the powdered debris, Naruto wearily accepted the weapon his clone handed to him wordlessly, both it and the rocket launcher disappearing as the bushin dispelled and he was left alone,

"Is that it?" He couldn't quite believe it had been that...anti-climatic; he had sprung a major surprise on all the demons present, had that shock factor alone been enough to strike down even a demon as fierce and powerful as a Progenitor?

"Did we win?" Kyuubi did not answer for a moment, the rattle of fallen rock and bone his only answer before the kitsune, sounding as stunned as he felt, spoke,

"**I, I don't know**", the bijuu admitted before thinking that something else must await them now; for a being as powerful as Baphomet, there had to be something, anything else other than such an ignoble end, "**what is on the ledge kit, anything left behind?**" Not able to see too much through the inky blackness and the cloud of grit still in the air, Naruto decided against waiting and instead leapt forwards, right into oblivion.

A fall from that height would have been instantly fatal – however Naruto was a ninja, or at least he still had that training and nothing to do save train at the sharp edge of combat following his exile into Makai; therefore his plunge into darkness and death was instead slowed into a gentle glide, the cushion of futon chakra allowing him to fall gently down towards the ledge that had been blown into the wall following the fall of the Progenitor. Touching down and wafting a hand in front of his face as the other had his melee weapon materialise and start to power up Naruto crept through the cloud of devastation, carefully feeling for his footing as he slowly shoved haphazard chunks of rubble out the way as he pushed forwards, feeling a source of power before him at this distance in the way he had learnt to detect some of the more powerful demons prior to seeing them, allowing him to plan a strategy to deal with them before he went toe-to-toe with them. Chainsaw revving, the Uzumaki pushed aside one last slab of fractured skull and looked forwards, only to then have to look down and, after a second, voice his disproval of what he had found as he came eye to eye with the cause of Hell's troubles,

"You have _got_ to be kidding me".

The sight of a human head, wizened and with its skin drawn into a rictus death-grin, impaled on a stake of black iron was virtually nothing to someone who'd seen the worst the Time-stream had to offer him; all demonic overseers had a way to mark the edges of their territory, so something like this was probably no worse than one of the 'keep-of-the-grass-signs' he'd ignored in his youth. The hair was wispy and ragged but still black as coal but it was the eyes, the eyes of the severed body part that seized his attention and, after a minute, made him laugh openly into the milky white orbs that gazed sightlessly forwards for all time.

The first Uchiha, he who had humbled one of the most powerful caste of demons, was blind.

All his power must have gone into maintaining his hold over the Progenitor's mind and, now that the bone-shield he'd skulked behind was gone, there was nothing the Uchiha could do to save himself. Seeing this final trick, a last twisted joke as a reward for surviving all the crap he'd managed so far to fight through, Naruto had no hope at holding in his mirth, slumping to his knees and cackling aloud as he realised this was it; the strength of the first of Sasuke's clan expended, all that was left was this withered, ugly thing. _Damning his kin and himself to Hell, chaining down a Progenitor with the eyes the demon made for him, and for what? Nothing's changed now, Makai will go back to normal and in the end, it wasn't worth the price he paid_; he forced himself to his feet painfully, setting his eyes on his final enemy as his sword powered up, the blade rippling as though hungry as, perhaps brought back to life by the noises before it, the blind head moved its dry, desiccated lips and spoke in a voice like a dying man's last breath,

"Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. Mi-"

The monologue was cut off, the Uchiha's dreams of eternal conquest and rulership ended by a single, simple stroke of a blade; with grim finality and more than a hint of vindictive glee, Naruto angled his sword flat and slashed it horizontally, the shrieking blade passing through parchment-thin skin and fragile bone as easily as silk, cutting through and destroying the now-blind Sharingan eyes as the Uzumaki finally slew the only other living human present in the demonic kingdom.

A second after he'd done so and the top of the Uchiha's brain-pan stopped spinning on the floor, as a rush of power that almost flung him off the ledge he was stood on erupted from the bifurcated head and a ghostly white image burst into being, sprouting from the dead Uchiha like a weed from a flower pot and began to take shape above its former prison, Naruto had the distinctly sinking feeling that he might have made a slight mistake.

XXX

A slight mistake?" Knowing what was coming next and still not entirely believing it, Hana still found it hard to believe the boy before her had survived coming face to face with the beast he had released from its prison, "I still can't believe you call letting a full-strength demon lord escape into the rest of Hell a slight mistake".

"Considering the other option was letting the Uchiha live, rebuild and still grow into a major pain in my ass it seemed like a good idea at the time", Naruto quipped back prior to explaining the next part of his plan to the two Inuzuka, "besides, better the devil you know than the devil you don't and as far as Kyuubi could tell me, if there's one thing a devil can't stand it's the knowledge that he owes someone, least of all a human, a favour..."

XXX

Despite his outward fortitude Naruto wouldn't have been able to call himself still mortal had he not felt a slight shiver of fear ripple through him as the cloud of ghostly material leaking from the head of the first of the Uchiha clan began to thicken and take form; even unfleshed as he was, Baphomet was a Progenitor and leagues greater in power than anything he'd faced so far in this benighted realm. Slowly lowering but not dismissing his sword, the ninja stared forwards as a form took shape from the mist, a goat-headed man with cloven hooves for feet stretching into the air as though awakening from a deep slumber,

"_**Ah, such freedom again – the wait for that mortal to die was becoming tiresome**_", the creature shifted in the air, weightless without a shell to contain it as the Progenitor sat cross-legged in the air above its former prison and leered down cruelly at where Naruto was stood, "_**now, how am I to reward such a useful insect, even if the mortal's power to gain more warriors for my command almost made it worth spending such times as his would-be servant?**_" Trying hard to remember what he had decided on prior to hearing that depthless, ageless voice buffeting not just his ears but his mind as well, Naruto stood up as tall as he was able to and looked up at the demonic ghost, though he was unable to quite meet it eye to eye,

"So then, Baphomet", he paused for a minute; what could you really say to something that had existed since life had oozed into being on his Impure world?

"_**Correct, little insect**_", the demon spoke with cruel amusement in his tone, not changing position as it smirked down at the destroyer of its physical form, "_**I am He, the Goat with Countless Young, though the mortal with the pretty eyes I gave him did his part in making my family grow ever larger. The foolishness of the other humans though, that was unexpected – too sad it did not happen when I was fully myself again, but it was perhaps for the best you destroyed the machine before the mortal could use it. Humans playing as gods and demons; no, better we all remain in this place than have our sovereignty tarnished by upstarts like this one**_". As one cloven hoof descended to tap lightly on the opened skull of the Uchiha who had imprisoned him Naruto felt a little worm of suspicion that had been crawling around in his mind for a while finally come to full growth and he spoke again,

"You planned all this from the start didn't you? The Uchiha", he carried on, emboldened as Baphomet's smile only widened with his words, "you gave him those eyes knowing what he'd do, that he'd come here – Kami-sama's balls, you even _let_ him use the Mangekyou on you so he'd be able to conquer more demons for you with them".

"_**And I played the game almost flawlessly**_", the demon gloated, only a single admission blighting an otherwise perfect triumph, "_**such a pity that my gift worked too well – only upon his death in this prison would I be free again rather than assuming control back when I could have made most use of it. For that, for freeing me before this fool could inflict untold misery on creation, you are to be thanked mortal – speak quickly**_", suddenly all business, Baphomet's shade straightened up and glared at the human before it with all the dark majesty it could call upon, almost succeeding in cowing the shinobi into submission as it finished its declaration, "_**I am in a hurry to pay my dues and be gone**_".

_Okay Naruto_; even before that imperious glare, Naruto refused to quail too much; _just remember the plans and you can get out of here in one piece_;

"All right then, there are two things I want out of you", the shinobi spoke, trying to keep his voice level as the Progenitor looked down unperturbed by his request, "first thing, I want to go home to the Impure world, _my_ Impure world", he corrected himself just in case the cunning monster thought it had a loophole to drop him in even more trouble following fulfilling the promise he wanted, "I know the rituals your children came up with for teleportation; with enough power, your power, behind it, it should breach the barrier between the Pure and Impure worlds and send me home. The other thing", this was the crunch, the one thing he could think of that might save his first real friend from both himself and the dark path laid out for him even since the dawn of the ninja world itself,

"The Uchiha clan, those gifted to you by that teme past, present and future", he swung his sword forwards, the tip of the tearing blade pointed towards the demonic ghost as he made his final demand, "break your bargain, give them up, no more Mangekyou; I want the last living Uchiha and those who've already passed on free of your influence".

Even Progenitors, it seemed, could be taken aback; Baphomet blinked for a minute prior to speaking again,

"_**The traitor clan – you would offer them salvation after the pain they have caused?**_"

"No", Naruto shook his head; that had never been his intention, "I offer them judgement; none of them passed by the Judge of the Dead prior to coming here and I know not all of them were evil when they died – not all of them deserved to end up in this place. I aim to offer them that chance, a chance and nothing more, to pass on to a better place in the Pure world". Baphomet seemed to consider this for a long moment, tapping the side of his muzzle with a long, tapered finer before, to the Uzumaki's consternation, he seemed to smile as much as his goat's face would allow,

"_**You are a strange one human, but very well, I see no issues with such pitiful desires**_". Having said that, the ghostly Progenitor moved his hands through a series of complicated patterns as something small took form within a sudden lilac glow that sprang into being in front of the demon lord.

When the ceremony was done and the strange-looking cage of twisted iron hung suspended before him, Naruto had enough self-preservation left to ask before reaching for it,

"What's this supposed to be?"

"_**A soul cage**_", was the answer, Baphomet sending the weapon forwards with the merest of gestures, "_**it will allow you to store the souls of the Uchiha you are able to unflesh and take them with you to the Impure world – release them there and they will pass on to their judgement. However, it will take time for me to regather the strength needed to breach the barrier to your world and I cannot let some of my children go without a chance to defend themselves – so be it**_".

With a rush of power that all but overwhelmed his chakra sense Baphomet's ghost seemed to explode; a wave of almost tangible sheer power washed over and through him, travelling onward and rippling over untold miles of Hell's surface. Trying to speak, trying to regather his mind after such exposure to the energy of the Pure world, Naruto recollected his blurring vision and forced his aching lips and swollen tongue to speak,

"What, what was that?"

"_**I have refleshed my children**_", the Progenitor answered, an expression on his ethereal face as close to paternal pride as a demon could get as it leered down to explain to the nin-gen what was occurring, "_**I would not want you to get bored while I prepared to send you back to your own world. If you want the Uchiha so badly you will have to fight for them – when you are ready, seek me out again and I will expel you from this realm**_". Totting this up in his mind and realising that, even though it meant he was in for another eternity of warfare, Naruto couldn't help but feel a little...relieved that the journey wasn't over yet.

"Suits me fine", he answered succinctly, reaching out and picking up the soul cage even as Kyuubi, wisely keeping his head down for now, failed to bind it into the mindscape while the Progenitor was here, "so then, why are you still here? Get back to wherever it is you go to recover; I want to be out of here sharpish". Grinning at the mischief he had caused Baphomet rose to his full height, sketched a mocking bow in the air and, in the blink of an eye, was dispersed upon the wind.

Sinking to his knees Naruto let out a long, slow breath as he realised what he was dealing with now; the Impure world was safe, now all he had to do was track down the missing Uchiha and somehow stuff them into the cage of black iron that he had gripped in his left hand, the barbs of the iron twigs slicing into his skin even as the Kyuubi came out of hiding and began taking the soul cage into the mindscape, the last weapon he could feasibly take in there,

"**That was almost suicidally stupid kit, even for you; making demands of a Progenitor, no demon in Hell would be so bold**".

"Just as well I ain't a demon then isn't it?" The ninja chuckled back grimly, standing up to his feet again and stretching up as the bijuu released some of the massive influx of power it had swept unnoticed from Baphomet's grand gesture into his system, "So then, just got some more Uchiha to hunt down before I get back to hunting Sasuke. Reckon there's any down there?" Hearing the sudden roars and snorts from the assembly below Kyuubi smirked wickedly within its cell; the Progenitor had been as good as its word, the Gate-keeper had refleshed all its minions prior to retreating to lick his wounds,

"**One or two I'd guess – want the chaingun?**"

"For now – so then, no time like the present to get started", Naruto agreed amiably, smiling fondly as his favourite weapon appeared in his hands and he hefted it easily, striding towards the lip of the precipice he was stood on and grinning down as the minions of the fallen Progenitor spotted him and started roaring. As blasts of power began whistling around his ears Naruto felt the barrels rotate and pointed the weapon downwards, dancing through the thickening blasts of demonic fire as more and more of the hellspawn began pulling themselves out of the wreckage of their father's broken skull,

"And lo, the Uzumaki did stand upon the plinth and orate unto the demons below him, and thus was the message he did speak", as the chaingun opened up with a whistling stream of fire, scything down some of the monstrosities and cutting down the return fire he was taking, "eat lead and die you demonic sons of bitches!"

Over the whines and yells of the dying demons and the keening of the chaingun as it revved up to full speed, Naruto let himself smile as he heard his partner in crime speak again,

"**Rather prophetical for you kit, but I have the impression you're preaching to the converted here – Arch-vile to the left**". Alerted, the jinchuuriki set his sights on the new threat,

"Thanks", before the gangly demon could regain its bearing and make a nuisance of itself from where it had unearthed itself from the bones of its father it was slashed down the middle by a hail of bullets and fell to the ground dead again, "and anyway, I've gotta track down every member of the Uchiha clan before I can get out of here, all of whom probably have the same holier-than-thou attitude as the teme. Preaching for the converted, hah", he laughed aloud, mowing down the monsters he could see before changing tactics and bringing the rocket launcher out to play again,

"I'm just getting the practice in when I can!"

XXX

"And that was pretty much that; in the Pure world at least", sighing and brushing the hair out of his eyes; _reminds me I need to get this trimmed – even with a clone helping, cutting hair with a chainsword is never ideal_; Naruto carried on, "I spent the next Kami-alone-knows how long putting down and sucking up the Uchiha clan. They didn't make it easy, even after I managed to unflesh them; the number of times I had to release a few of them out the soul cage to stop the fourth shinobi world war from happening was unreal. Typical temes – even the dead ones of that clan cause me problems".

"Naruto, you saved them all?"

"No, well not entirely", the jinchuuriki bit back a sigh as he made to explain himself again – he wasn't being a hero or noble in any way when he'd made his deal with the devil, instead he'd been moving onto the next phase of the plan he'd come up with during the journey to the Icon of Sin, "I was offering them a second chance at judgement true, but more than that I knew I was going to need the voices of the dead Uchiha to talk some sense into the head of the live ones. Tracking them down took the longest time out of all the time I spent in the hot place but, once I was done, Baphomet was as good as his word. The teleportation ritual the demons developed was kind of like a two-way Hirashin; it works best when there are two markers, you standing on one of them and the other where you wanted to end up but it can, luckily for me, work with just one seal if you put enough welly behind it. Normally no demon would be able to teleport through to the Impure world but, with Progenitors, let's just say that rule doesn't apply. And before you get too worried about a pissed-off goat-head with an axe to grind coming after me", he held up a hand as he saw Tsume's eyes suddenly widen as she realised the inherent threat that technique had, "Baphomet won't risk it – if a demon dies in the Impure world he doesn't 'die' per se, but unlike in the Pure world he's unable to reform a new body at all. He'd spend eternity wandering around as a lost soul, a ghost – not even a Progenitor would take the risk, least of all when they know any empire they had in Hell would go completely to seed while they were away". Breathing out an unabashed sigh of relief the elder dog-nin realised this must have been the end of the fantastical story, though now, having heard the tale the Uzumaki had told, couldn't find it within herself to dismiss it all as fantastical nonsense,

"Praise Kami-sama for that; like I said we've got enough trouble on our plate in this world without any help from anyone else gate-crashing the party. Still though, you got back to the Impure world, or our Impure world; what I want to know is how you ended up in my daughter's bedroom and I suggest", she leant forwards, fangs lengthening slightly as she gave a predatory smirk, "you don't leave anything out". Naruto held her gaze levelly for a moment before chuckling and shaking his head, looking across the table at Hana and shrugging,

"Well, what can I say; I know what I like and she had what I liked", the kunoichi looked away scoffing but still blushing a little as Naruto went on, a more rueful expression on his face as he suddenly rubbed the back of his neck, "but, thanks to a certain demon-teme wanting to get the last laugh on me, Hana-san wasn't the first kunoichi I bumped into on the way home".

XXX

One minute he was stood at the chin of Baphomet's Icon, the blasphemous pillar rebuilt and more terrible than before as he stood in the middle of the pentagram of blood, hearing the Progenitor's otherworldly voice chant in his ears as his attendant children sneered and snarled at the human in their midst. With a great effort of will Naruto didn't react to these taunts with any of his own, instead looking upwards as though hoping to see the veil of reality part before him and allow him to step through into the lush forests of his home. With a last sigh as he felt the ritual come to its climax, the symbol around him bursting into flame as Baphomet channelled him unholy might into it.

"Funny thing", the jinchuuriki said, half to himself half to his partner, "for all the shocking scenery, bad cuisine and nasty neighbours, this place kind of grows on you after a while. Oh well", glancing up at the immobile face before him, he gave a cheerful but still threatening grin as he felt space and time start to warp around him, "keep it warm for me here Smiler; knowing my luck the Judge might send me back here as soon as my mortal lifespan is over".

Whatever response the demons might have had to that half-promise, Naruto didn't hear it as the world around him vanished it a flare of green; in that instant, Hell bade farewell to the only mortal inhabitant of the Impure world who had ever ventured into its bowels and had the guts and gunfire to be spat back out in one piece.

The air was so rich it doubled him over with a cough, too long used to the choking miasma of toxins that counted as atmosphere in Makai to appreciate fresh air at first. Blinking away the harsh sunlight, Naruto forced himself to stand upright and breathe again as he tried to take in his surroundings; it was a confusing smudge of browns and lighter browns at the moment, but as he turned around he felt his heart leap upwards; surely that was the great wall of Konoha, so did that make those two blurred figures...?

"Heh, hey guys", he raised one hand in greeting to the two eternal chunins, still manning the entrance booth even now, "just a question, how long have I been go..."

It was at that point that he managed to dash the last of his tears from his eyes, noticed the dull grey colour of the wall before him and how, rather than greeting him, one of the gate guards looked to have simply run away in a blind terror, screaming at the top of his lungs something about 'the blonde-haired devil has returned'; _cheeky bastard – you don't know the first thing about devils, or Kyuubi either for that matter_; good mood at coming home fatally punctured by the less-than-open-armed welcome, Naruto turned to the single guard that had managed to hold her ground and, just as he wondered why she was trying to swiftly draw a kunai, his eyes raked her forehead and he saw with dread the symbol carved there; _oh Kami-sama – I knew that bone-headed git was up to something_;

"Oh this is _so_ not where I wanted to end up; relax", he raised his voice and his hand at the same time, showing the kunoichi he was unarmed even as her lavender eyes locked onto him, full of grim determination not to abandon her post, "if you don't want trouble don't start anyway, and believe me you don't want to start any trouble with me". Wetting dry lips the girl, who looked to be about his own age, possibly a few years older at most, screwed up her courage enough to call back,

"You cannot speak of trouble Konoha dog; you appear at our gates in the image of the Yellow Killer – this is an act of war!" Having quickly sketched out a plan in his mind (one skill amongst many that his stint in the Pure world had significantly improved), Naruto decided the best way out of this was the good old-fashioned bluff and, to get the ball rolling, he dropped his hand with a huff,

"It is not an act of war and I'm not from Konoha – must every man with blonde hair and blue eyes come from that hovel in the woods?" He sighed aloud, subtly reading his opposite number's body language and liking what he was seeing; _okay, shock factor's working – now to really put it away_; "Anyway I suppose I shouldn't shout; I was trying to recreate the Fourth Hokage's jutsu and it appears I made a mistake in the matrix somewhere; sorry about the sudden appearance but I didn't mean to scare anyone and I really must get back to my workshop – which way to the Land of Waves?"

Not for the first time Naruto was grateful that he'd lost his headband in one of his innumerable battles as he was sure if he'd have been wearing it here and now this situation would have gotten very messy, very quickly and quite possibly would have left the Village hidden in the Rocks a smoking ruin before he was able to move on. For all his frantic thinking however his facade remained impassive and cool as he stared the kunoichi down, grateful that she'd sheathed her kunai even as he became aware of the appearance of other cloaked ninja on the scene; compared with spotting the movements of spectres or, worse, nightmare imps, even high-level concealment jutsus were almost child's play,

"Seals? You were trying to _recreate_ that...?" Not quite able to finish the thought the chunin, now he could see her jacket more clearly, looked up and met him face to face, "Who are you?" He shrugged,

"My name's not important due to the fact I'll be leaving shortly; just consider me a student of the sealing arts who is now very far from home and doesn't have long to get back there before the wife figures out what I've done and puts my research to the torch again – she just doesn't realise this could make our fortune if I get it right someday". Half-muttering to himself the jinchuuriki began to move off, hoping against hope this was going to work as the gate guard would see him as a slightly eccentric but relatively harmless wastrel and leave him be; the signs were looking good when he heard her shout him again and detected definite doubt in her voice,

"Uhh, I should; you have to stop there and surrender yourself to Iwa..." He gave a slight laugh, looking over his shoulder with a seemingly-cheerful grin as he spoke again,

"What's your name kunoichi-san?" Blinking at his directness, she answered a second later,

"Kurotsuchi, and you?"

"Well Kurotsuchi-san", he started, ignoring her question, "I'm someone who wants to get home very quickly and doesn't want a fight to do it – I might not be a ninja but I am, forgive my big-headedness, something of an expert in fuuinjutsu so believe me when I say it would not be in anyone's interests, yours or your states', to impede me on my walk home".

For a long moment, despite the very subtle amount of killing intent he'd woven into his seemingly mild words, he was certain she was about to call for help and it was all going to get ugly from there; Kyuubi was holding his chosen weapons for the battle a hair-breadth from reality and he was mentally limbering up for a fight when, to his slight surprise, the Rock ninja relented, stepping back into her post but keeping a wary eye on him as he stepped back, testing how far her tolerance might run,

"I, see; you have committed no crime and for that I have no right to stop your travels", she began before her face hardened and she spoke again with a warning tone in her voice, "I would recommend though, sealer-san, that you stop work on that technique lest you find the wrath of the mountains crashing down upon your head; Iwa would rather damn the world than see that technique revived and a second Flash born". Naruto made a show of fingering his chin for a second before giving a shrug and nodding,

"You might well be right; I get into so much trouble with the wife about it I sometimes wonder if it's worth the hassle. You've given me something to think about for sure – may the rest of your day be fruitful Kurotsuchi-san, and I'm sorry I scared off your friend".

With that benediction and a cheerful wave, Naruto set off away from the Rock village, hands in the pockets of his torn orange trousers as his mesh undershirt stuck to his suddenly cool body, both items of clothing preserved by Kyuubi's influence throughout the wars in Makai but, fortunately for him, currently looking like they'd just been on the wrong end of an accident in a fuuinjutsu technique. Whistling an idle tune Naruto simply walked away, enjoying the air and the sunshine; there wasn't a cloud in the sky, the gentle wind freshened things up nicely and it looked like it was going to be a beautiful day.

XXX

She just couldn't help herself; even as she brought herself to look the unabashed ninja in the eye she broke down again, just about managing to choke out her words,

"You, you walked out of Iwa itself, looking like you do, after telling them you'd had an accident trying to recreate the Flying Thunder God technique?" At his nod and brilliant grin, the head of the Inuzuka shook her head, dislodging almost mirthful tears, "I admit it here and now, you truly are the number one surprising ninja of your generation brat". He inclined his head as though blessed by the title before moving on in his story,

"Glad to hear it Tsume-dono, though to be honest I was just grateful to get out of there without a fight, I'd had more than enough of them by that point and was just itching to rest up for a few days before getting the rest of the plan sorted out. This is where, I'm sorry to say, Hana-san got involved; once I arrived back in the village, or actually in the forests around the village to be honest; not much point showing up in the middle of the village with a big grin on my face when everyone had thought I'd been dead for three-ish years after all; I listened for the gossip I was after. Lucky for me it wasn't hard to come by and I counted whatever blessing Kami-sama had bestowed on me when I realised I wouldn't be too late as long as I moved fast. Because of that, well", he gave a small shrug, turning an apologetic sort of grin towards the kunoichi he'd kidnapped, "you and the Haimaru went for a little unscheduled field trip". Interested by this news and the fact that, if what he was saying was true, Naruto must have been ducking and avoiding Konoha's shinobi patrols for weeks prior to making his move, Tsume leant forwards and asked semi-casually,

"So what did you need to find out?"

"Firstly, how long had I been gone", Naruto started off, recalling the way his heart all but leapt into his mouth and he feared he was too late when he realised it had been as long as it had, "when I heard it was over three years I thought I'd missed my chance but, after that, I kept hearing Sasuke's name being mentioned, along with the fact he'd killed Oroichimaru somehow and was now hunting his brother. That was what I wanted to hear; I knew I only had once chance at my plan succeeding and it had best options if I could catch the Uchiha brothers together – to do that though I needed someone who could track and, like I said, Kiba was out of the village, Hinata-chan too now I think about it and she'd already had one bad experience being snatched, so I had to go with my second choice. The actual act itself was quite easy; while I was sneaking around the clan grounds waiting for a chance I noticed Hana-san always kept a glass of water for herself and a pitcher for her dogs in her room; a little pinch of sleeping powder in them both, one screaming fit from the two of you regarding clan matters"; _we did not have a screaming match_; Tsume thought to herself affronted; _that was a reasoned discussion, by Inuzuka standards_; "and her coming back in a temper made it easy to make sure she went under. I came back that night, still cloaked up and virtually invisible, slipped into her room and got out of there; sorry about the mark", for the first time in his explanation the demon container had a grace to look at least slightly abashed as he rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing apologetically towards the older of the two kunoichi sat opposite him as he carried on,

"I didn't trust myself to be able to get out of there with Hana and three nin-kens over my shoulder so I had to use teleportation; problem is that the ritual needs that mark to be drawn in the blood of the person activating it or it won't work. I guess it must have shocked you a bit coming in and seeing that weird squiggle on the floor in blood but, much as I'd have liked to, I couldn't just leave a note".

"No, instead you nearly left our family a collective peptic ulcer", Tsume's voice was hard but not entirely unsympathetic as she broke her stare down with him to look towards our daughter, "but it's not difficult to see what you were after. Did you find them Hana-chan?" Her daughter merely raised an eyebrow,

"Of course", she declared, rummaging in her equipment pouch for something as her partners whined at the praise, one of them even rolling over to let Naruto fuss his stomach as she finally plucked a battered forehead protector into the open and set it down on the table, the mark of the Leaf run through with a single scratch, "though it helped that Naruto was able to give me this and a scent to go on". Without even being asked, the jinchuuriki explained,

"It fell into Makai with me; I think I was aiming my last blow at the teme so it would hit that rather than cut his throat, it was in my hand when Kyuubi opened the way. It was the first thing into the mindscape when we came to our deal and it stayed there ever since, until the time came when I needed it again when I, ahem, gave Hana-san her wake-up call".

Despite herself, despite every crazy, out of this world thing she'd heard so far, as she watched her daughter level a caustic glare at the other ninja that all but bounced off his shield of apologetic but still wicked charm, Tsume simply broke down into snickers as her eldest child looked away and folded her arms in disgust as she had to listen to this old story over and over again

XXX

There were many ways to wake up but, truth be told, none of her former boyfriends had ever made the world explode like this quite so early in the morning before.

All she could see was a pale white light, her body was subsumed by it, suffused by it and was becoming a part of it; as liquid fire ran in her veins she could no longer tell what was her and what wasn't; all that existed was this feeling of pure energy, almost too much to be contained so she didn't even try. For how long she remained in that state of otherworldly floating and freedom she didn't know; only when she finally started seeing other colours in the world and realised she had a slight sore throat did she finally begin to take in her surroundings through senses so suddenly potent they almost dazzled her.

The Haimaru were there and still asleep, snoring as they always did at night but there were other scents there, other scents of earth, of water and of men, or a man, that should not have belonged in her room. Coming to her feet in an instant Hana looked around even as he head swam and legs wobbled; whatever she'd just gone through had left her drained,

"Easy", the voice from somewhere before her spoke quietly, making her look around woozily as it chuckled, "sorry about that; I think I used a bit too much to get you back on your feet". Growling in a vague attempt to appear threatening the kunoichi hunched down near the recumbent forms of her nin-ken, trying to filter out a definitive scent through a nose that for some reason seemed almost too sensitive to work properly as she sought to defend them,

"Don't worry, I'm not your enemy", there was movement from up ahead but everything was still so bright, she could see a vague outline but trying to pick out details was an exercise in futility, "just calm down a second and you'll be back to normal in a minute or two".

Hana didn't like it but, though she could fight in this condition, she was under no illusion that she would be doing so under a terrible disadvantage to her unknown assailant; because of this when she realised he wasn't attacking she used the lull to try to rein in her raging senses, breathing slowly and carefully until the world shifted back to normal speed and she looked ahead, only to gawp unashamedly as a dead man looked stoically back at her,

"Wha' but how..?"

"Never mind Hana-san", the supposedly dead ninja answered, speaking slowly as Hana tried to wrestle down her shock; _but they said, they told us he was dead – Kiba didn't stop crying at the funeral and drilled himself into the ground so he could rip the traitor Uchiha apart next time they met both for killing Naruto and breaking Hinata's heart_; "I'll explain everything later, when we have time; right now all you need to know is that you've been drafted onto a time-sensitive mission that may well be vital to the future of Konoha as a whole and I need you to track down the owner of this".

Catching the flash of metal thrown towards her negligently the kunoichi caught immediate whiffs of blood and foul, corrupting power; only half her mind was on the scarred headband though, the rest firmly on the ninja before her, someone risen from the grave to see her again as she fought to take in what she'd just said,

"What? This mission, who sanctioned it? And how did you get me out the clan house?"

"Never mind", he repeated himself, looking at her levelly as he carried on, "all you need to know is that this isn't exactly a mission Hana-san, this is something I have to do before the world goes completely to pot. I won't deny it, I've basically kidnapped you because I need your nose and your nin-ken to track down the last two living Uchiha in the world. I've got to talk to them both before one or other of them makes a terrible mistake".

More than his words the naked emotion in his face, the grim determination that had, unknown to her, driven him to wander the length and breadth of Hell itself on a self-imposed quest to seal the souls of a damned clan into a limbo that would release them to second judgement, made the kunoichi realise that whatever was going on that he'd dragged her into was something she didn't exactly need to know yet. In addition, that same determination, admirable as it was, also scared her somewhat; though she knew logically she could say no to this and as a ninja of Konoha he would have had no option than to let her go, she had the feeling it would have been a serious error of judgement to refuse his forthright request. Instead of arguing, the Inuzuka instead looked back towards her partners, still incapacitated and sleeping merrily, dead to the world as she glanced back to him,

"What did you do to the Haimaru?"

"They're just slightly drugged; give me a minute and I'll get them up and running; after that, you feel ready to go?" Despite the fact it was still pitch black with only the light of the moon and stars to see by, Hana nodded, felling slightly surprised at how actually refreshed she felt despite the sudden wake-up call,

"Yeah". Apparently expecting this, the younger shinobi nodded and moved towards the three sleeping figures with them in the clearing,

"Good, we need to get going as soon as – every minute may be precious, we need to at least find Sasuke before he tracks his brother down, otherwise this is all going to go horribly wrong and I've been fighting for too damned long to give this up now!"

The slight snarl at the end of his voice intrigued as well as startled her; over the next few days as the unusual duo moved around the Land of the Fire and probed into the other countries of the Elemental nations to try and pick up a trail she tried to ask him about what exactly was going on, only to be stopped short by a raised hand and forced to look into the shinobis' deep blue eyes, glimpsing at a truth swimming murkily beneath their iridescent irises,

"I know you're curious Hana-san and I can understand why; I'll make you a deal", the unexpected offer caught her slightly off-guard as throughout the four or so days and nights they'd travelled together Naruto had kept his distance and remained tight-lipped, a world away from the vivacious ball of energy the kunoichi remembered him being, "if you can take me to the Uchiha I'll let you sit in on the full story, the whole thing from start to finish and I'll prove it as well. I can't explain it now, we don't have the time; is that okay for now?" Mulling this over Hana eventually nodded, the Haimaru at her side whining as they tasted the air, hunting futility for a change in the air to give a scent towards them,

"Okay, I can live with that". Smiling at this, the Uzumaki looked forwards towards the trail, not wanting to stop moving forwards until he had the Uchiha in front of him,

"Good, now let's move", he pointed down into the forest before them, "we're burning daylight here and had best move on".

Some two weeks later, having followed the scent from the headband and the other odours, the other people it had gathered on its short journey throughout the land of Rice, Hana suddenly stopped and stiffened as her nin-ken growled before dropping on their bellies, out of sight as Naruto looked over, for the first time equal parts worried and excited; _we must be close_;

"What is it Hana-san?"

"The Uchiha, he's close but the others have stopped; there's another person with them but I don't know who; all I know is that he's strong and smells of water and blood".

"Water and blood", Naruto repeated, thinking for a minute with his finger in his mouth, "sounds like Kiri, might be Itachi's partner. I'll have to get a look before I know though; right", suddenly breaking off from his musings he stood up and addressed the kunoichi directly, Hana noticing that in his distracted state he'd actually bitten his finger and a bead of bright blood hung on the end of it, "you and the Haimaru stay here Hana-san; I'm going in on this alone, you can't come with me. I know you're skilled, Kami anyone watching you track like you have would tell you that much for nothing, but these guys I need to talk to are combat monsters. Make sure you and your nin-ken don't touch or stand on this", he squatted down in the grass and with his bloody finger traced something in the earth; _a seal of some kind?_; before standing up and looking forwards, seeing the storm clouds gather overhead as he gave a slight smirk, "and wait for me here".

"Naruto-san", not that she was worried about him at all, but these were the two traitor Uchiha he was going after; as he glanced her way she just about maintained her composure to speak again, "won't, I mean, Sasuke almost killed you once from what I know; won't he do the same again?" To her slight surprise and concern, however, Naruto merely laughed, a macabre chuckle as he watched the darkening sky,

"He might but, then again", before her suddenly widening eyes he appeared to fade away, become less visible; heck even his scent was disappearing as whatever technique he was using took hold, "not even the Sharingan can hit what it can't see. Stay here and stay low Hana-san, I'll hopefully be back shortly; if I'm not back by the morning head back to Konoha and tell the Hokage this time I really didn't make it".

With those last commands, the now-disembodied voice fell silent, there was a patter of quiet footsteps receding into the distance and the Inuzuka was left alone.

To her relief she wasn't alone for long though it felt like forever, even with the Haimaru there to keep her warm and provide company as even from her remote plinth from the battlefield she'd seen the signs of battle, the black fires burning the very ground itself and a massive strike of lightning, like a blow from the hammer of an angry god, that had struck far away in the distance, fearing each on had been either caused by or the end of her impromptu team mate. With such fear lurking deep in her mind it had been no surprise that she'd leapt up from her prone position to her feet with a kunai in her hand in an instant as a bright green flare had erupted from the mark she hadn't gone within five feet of since Naruto's warning. She turned around and stared as with a noise like ripping cloth the Uzumaki reappeared, carrying with him two figures infamous in the Leaf's history. _I don't believe it_; seeing the two slumped forms, both looking more dead than alive, that the Uzumaki had brought back with him through his technique Hana had to fight top stop her jaw dropping; _he actually did it_;

"Hey Hana, you're a vet right?" Tearing her gaze away from the taller of the two captured Uchiha siblings the Inuzuka blinked and looked up, nodding dumbly as Naruto slid the unresponsive form of his team mate off his shoulder and gave a weak chuckle,

"Oh good; uh, in that case I don't suppose there's any chance you know any medicine that works on humans do you?" Carefully turning the younger Uchiha over, Hana couldn't help but wince as she saw the rapidly purpling bruise and fat lip the Uchiha was now sporting,

"Not that he didn't deserve it at all", she muttered as she moved forwards and made the seals for one of the few medical jutsus she new, scowling as she immediately diagnosed a broken jaw and fractured cheek amidst all the swelling, "but what did you do to him exactly?" Casually bringing the hand off the back of his neck, Naruto looked down at the battered but still effective forms of the knuckledusters he'd liberated from one of the first corpses he'd come across in Hell and habitually slipped over his fingers before going into battle,

"Sorry", he apologised, looking slightly rueful as Hana rolled her eyes at the weapon and her hand began to glow with the healing green of medical chakra, "old habits die hard".

XXX

Loathe as she was to disrupt her partner's unblinking stare as he waited for the two in front of him to come to, Hana thought it prudent to make a relevant point as one of the Leaf traitors started to stir almost imperceptibly,

"Shouldn't we have them tied up at all, you know just in case they start something when they wake up?"

"If they do I'll just keep sparking them out until they sit still and shut up"; _not really a lot you can say to that_; mollified by this succinct explanation, the Inuzuka tracker sat back and then started to watch the show; having run away from the area where the warring siblings had fought to the death, the awkward foursome had come to this clearing and commandeered it, the transformed Haimaru triplets keeping watch while their mistress stood sentinel over the comatose Uchiha. The wait went on for a long time, minutes trickling by until, with a slight convulsion that looked like a shiver the eldest of the brothers was the first to awaken, midnight black eyes looking around the clearing as his voice, as dark and dangerous as Hana remembered from her youth, spoke forwards,

"Am I dead?"

"No", Naruto answered flatly, Itachi whipping his head around at the voice, "not for a long time yet if I've any say in the matter. How long have you had the Mangekyou active?"

If Itachi was shocked that someone, least of all a complete stranger, had any idea that the hidden bloodline limit of the Uchiha clan actually existed he gave no sign, instead forcing himself into a sitting position as he gazed blankly forwards,

"Ever since that night", he admitted quietly in a voice that suggested he'd given up the ghost in life upon what Hana guessed he assumed was his capture. Naruto seemed to take in his words for a moment for before speaking,

"And you've used its powers since then haven't you, tonight as well as before that", the jinchuuriki sighed heavily, shaking his head at the blood-traitor to the Uchiha, "you're probably blind then Itachi, nothing I can do about that".

"It will not be for long; my disease is too far progressed to survive even the journey back to Konoha", the missing-nin replied, "it would be best for a battlefield execution; at least that way you'd get the price on my head".

"I'd rather fill that head of yours with knowledge than take it Itachi", Naruto chuckled grimly, gesturing to the still-slumped body before mentally berating himself that the blind ninja wouldn't see the movement, "your illness, whatever it is, is contained for the minute and our Hokage is the finest medical ninja ever seen; you'll be fine when we get you home, you and your brother. He's alive Itachi, lying there just off to your side". Turning his sightless eyes towards the recumbent form of his brother the elder Uchiha let out a breath of relief, slightly less tension in his lithe body as he sensed the chakra of his foolish little brother, now purged clean of Oroichimaru's taint by the sword of Sasun'oo.

"Good; even if he could not activate his own Mangekyou he was always meant to kill me..."

He got no further with that statement, freezing as a wave of biting frost surged all over the clearing as Naruto's grip over his temper slipped slightly; as she fought to breathe again, Hana was just about able to bring herself to look at her partner as Naruto leant forwards, an unmistakeably hard edge to his voice this time as he growled lowly,

"There will be no more killing between your clan Itachi, not after the Hell I went through to find those who died by the blades of their kin! I don't care for your reasons or whatever plans you have within them; all you're going to do now is sit down, shut up and wait for Sasuke to wake up – I have things to say for the two of you and you will listen". Perhaps wisely at this point the missing-nin fell silent and allowed Naruto to fall back to his quiet state and wait, patient as age until, after another few minutes, Sasuke also began to stir and came to, clutching his chin a split-second after he made to yawn and his recently-reset jaw protested vehemently at the motion.

"Good to see you up and about teme", the speed at which the raven whipped around and stared, literally bug-eye stared at the last Uzumaki, the gesture making Naruto chuckle and wish vaguely for a camera to capture the moment for all eternity, "now, sit down there by your brother; don't even try", his sudden command brought Sasuke to a halt as, having seen the still-breathing for of Itachi within arms-reach, he had immediately leapt back as much as his battered body would allow and reach for the closest weapon, "I didn't stop your brother's lung illness for a while just so you could kill him, and even if you do manage to put down a blind, chakra-exhausted nin it won't do any good – I've made sure that you and any little Uchiha brats you might have in the future can never again activate that bloody kaleidoscope eye".

Though she didn't understand a thing about what he was going on about; eyes with kaleidoscopes in them, what was that all about?; Hana had learnt enough about her partner in the three weeks and some she'd been with him to know that if there was one thing he took very seriously, it was that he was always true to his word and, as he had promised she would hear his full story in recognition for her help, she was content to take a back seat and listen as Naruto made himself more comfortable and spoke again, his azure gaze boring into the two Uchiha before him as he spoke again,

"Right, well now I've got the attention of the two of you, I'm going to tell you a few things, things that I know for a fact and have seen, things about your clan and how it was formed; Inuzuka Hana", as he pointed her out the chunin started with surprise and raised a hand weakly in greeting as Sasuke met her with an indifferent glare and Itachi turned tried to locate her; _probably using chakra knowing him, and having the Haimaru nearby isn't helping as we share very similar chakras_; "helped me hunt you two bakas down so she gets to listen in as well. You probably won't like a lot of what you hear but suck it up and deal with it; I'll prove it when I'm done so clean your ears out, sit still and shut up until you've heard what I've gotta say, and one word out of you teme and I'll rebreak your jaw, got it?"

Sasuke sent a glare of pure poison towards his former team mate before, realising he was in no condition to fight even an Academy student at the minute, he grudgingly sat down as far from his brother as he could as Naruto, realising that was probably as good as he was going to get, leant against a nearby tree and, taking a deep breath and plunging into his memories again, began to speak his tale.

XXX

Hana would later confirm only two things about the story Naruto told them all; it was exceptionally fantastical, and neither of the two Uchiha brothers liked what they heard.

Even Itachi, blind as he was, tried to push himself to his feet to defend his clan's honour as Naruto spoke of the treachery, murder and demonic dealings with entities of cosmic evil that had stained the start of the Uchiha clan and left them as damned men walking, even when alive. Sasuke had threatened more than once to lash out and attack the jinchuuriki bodily for his filthy accusations and, when Naruto's story finally came to an end, he was the first to react, bringing his hands together in a slow, mocking clap as his eyes glittered malevolently in the darkness,

"Is that it dobe, any more dirt you want to throw before I leave?" Quite where he was going to go when obviously chakra-exhausted and beaten up when facing off against two fully-fit and healthy ninja, to say nothing of the three nin-ken still prowling in the darkness, was anyone's guess but, ignoring his question, Naruto turned a gaze his way, a strange sort of smile on his face that suggested he'd been expecting this but, regardless, didn't care,

"I take it you don't believe me teme?"

"Hn, what do you think? I refute everything you've said against..."

"I was expecting that", Naruto stated, steam-rollering the Uchiha's protests as he held his hands forwards and concentrated for a second; as a faint ruddy glow lit up the darkness Hana guessed it was some kind of unsealing technique, though what it unsealed she had no idea. Holding up the lattice of iron bars and the soft, purple light it was containing, the jinchuuriki looked across at both Uchiha and smiled again, "and I was expecting you'd need further convincing; if you won't listen to me as your friend teme, maybe you'll listen to your own family". With that Naruto spoke a single word and the purple light from the centre of the cage began to pulsate, a thick, black smoke-like substance pouring into the clearing. Holding her breath reflexively and jumping up into a tree, Hana glanced down in alarm as the smoke coiled around the clearing, boiling up and around into...into...

Slack-jawed and staring, the Inuzuka only just managed to keep her footing and watch in alarm as an army of spirits took form; dressed in the traditional garb of their clan the ancient Uchihas stood silent and grim, their faces turned towards their living relatives as Sasuke fell to his knees, unable to come to terms with what he was seeing as tears began to leak from his Sharingan eyes; _it's not an illusion, they are all real. It's not a lie_;

"Sasuke", speaking alarm as he heard the sound of a body falling Itachi pushed himself to his feet, ready to defend his little brother if he could or, failing that, he would die alongside him if treachery had been in Naruto's mind, "Sasuke, are you alright?" The younger Uchiha couldn't speak, couldn't bring himself to do anything more than stare forwards into the faces he had last seen cold and lifeless upon the floor of the compound, drenched in their own lifeblood spilt by Itachi's sword; such was the depth of his overwhelming shock that Itachi's query was answered by one of the last people he had been forced to kill to save Konoha for internal war,

"It is alright Itachi-kun", the elder Uchiha promptly joined his brother in stunned silence; only one person had ever called him that and, as she saw both her children alive and well, Uchiha Mitoko was smiling serenely even as she felt the tug of the Pure world calling at her and the rest of her kin, "what Naruto has said is true; he and he alone has broken Baphomet's bargain and freed not just us but you and Sasuke-kun as well. He has saved us all and undone the curse of the Mangekyou; never again will that dread eye haunt our clan". As all the assembled Uchiha, young and old, famous and unknown, nodded like the waves on the shore, Itachi was overwhelmed to speechlessness and Sasuke so badly affected that only a single word could escape his numb lips,

"M,mother?"

"Hai Sasuke-kun; you have grown so strong my son, but so dark", drifting forwards Mitoko brushed her hand across the cheek of her younger son, Sasuke breaking down in tears at the contact, the water droplets not disturbed by the caress of the ghostly fingers, "we can linger for only a moment, we must soon pass on to judgement, we can't remain".

"No, I can't allow this", through sheer effort of will Itachi forced himself up, weeping tears of water rather than blood as he cursed his blindness and raged at the crime he had done, what he had damned his family to at the Hokage's order, "I killed you all, none of you deserved to die – for Kami's sake let me go in your stead!" Another ghost stepped forwards, the stern visage of the former Uchiha clan head melting slightly as he stepped forwards, one of the first Uchiha Naruto had actually come across whilst roaming around in Hell,

"You cannot Itachi; the living cannot replace the dead", Fugaku told his son with a hint of melancholy in his voice, though he banished it with an effort as he looked down on both his sons, "if there is any blame to be shouldered for the ultimate fate that befell our clan it is mine to shoulder – I listened to the elders and considered rebellion and as clan head, that means the decision and any consequences fall upon me. Learn from my example sochi; it falls to you now to lead our clan into the future; there can be no more secrets".

"I, I see father", forcing down his rising emotions the oldest living Uchiha present forced himself to stand upright, meeting his father eye to unseeing eye, "I will go on, return to Konoha, even if it costs my life". Respecting that decision, the former head of the clan stepped back and spoke,

"Should it come to that tell them of the reason behind the massacre, the uprising we were part of; Sasuke, heed your brother – he has a truth you must know before you pass further judgement on his sins". Unable to do more than nod reverently at his father's ghost Sasuke could only watch, hands outstretched as he sought the comfort of his family one final time before the remainder of summoned spirits, unable to resist the call of the other world, bowed their heads and submitted to the requirement of the second judgement demanded by the God of the Dead. The figures of the unquiet ghosts once more dissolved into mist, the clearing was covered in boiling smoke once more until it thinned away and, eventually, was gone, leaving the quartet of shinobi alone once more.

Letting out a breath she hadn't even known she was holding, Hana dropped to the floor almost noiselessly and looked away, politely allowing the remainder of the once-numerous Uchiha clan privacy to dry their tears even as she sought to stop her own eyes leaking; _one hell of a family reunion_;

"Naruto", the blonde shinobi looked forwards as his name was called hoarsely by Itachi, the newly-ordained clan head falling awkwardly to one knee as he coughed harshly, "I, we, owe you a debt we can never pay for what you..."

"You can pay it, both of you, by following Hana-san and myself back to Konoha", the younger shinobi spoke, approaching the coughing man as he realised the illness Kyuubi had noticed Itachi was suffering must have been worse than they'd thought, "well, after we put those lungs of yours on ice for a minute". Summoning up more of the power he had taken with him from the Pure world, idly wondering if it would be possible to replenish what he used up here now there were no demons to kill, he pressed a concentrated sphere of power about the size of a Rasengan gently into Itachi's chest. The taller ninja went rigid at the shock before flumping forwards, Sasuke immediately at his shoulder as he glared up at his former team mate,

"What did you just do to him?" Ignoring the hostility as misplaced fraternal concern, Naruto glanced down and then away towards the distant horizon,

"Hopefully saved his life, until we can get to Tsunade-sama at least", admitted before looking down at both Uchiha, a little relieved that Itachi seemed to be breathing easier, "now, as soon as the weasels' good to move, let's get out of here quick before anything else happens". Sasuke nodded, still not over the shock of seeing his family restored and then lost again so quickly and tried to pull his brother upright before Hana, recognising the problem here and that Sasuke could barely stand up himself, stepped forwards and gave a soft whistle,

"Here, let me", she offered, the Haimaru approaching out of the darkness and, seeing their mistress's intention, not complaining a jot as they ate a soldier pill each and transformed into bestial clones of their human partner, "I'll get him, you ride with one of the Haimaru".

"But", Sasuke seemed reluctant to leave his brother's side; it was only when Naruto, wanting to move, threatened him gently with a second serving of knuckle-duster sandwich that he agreed on the proviso that he kept within eyeshot of all his older brother at all times. Hefting Itachi's form onto her back and trying to ignore the faint stinks of blood and fire residue that pupated the air around him, the Inuzuka scion tasted the air and pointed in the direction of home; a second later, led by Naruto, the quartet shot out into the night towards Konoha.

Three days later as twilight fell, Naruto called a halt just out of sight of Konoha's gates and summoned a shadow clone, beckoning Hana forwards and addressing the two Uchiha as his clone sided with them,

"Right, the two of you are to go to the Hokage tower with this guy and report to the Hokage; let her know, if she didn't already, the real reason of the massacre", Itachi had disclosed the details of that mission on the first night, forcing a halt for several hours while the other three tried to talk Sasuke out of demanding the heads of each of the village elders as it became apparent they had gone behind the Sandaime's back to authorise the genocidal mission, "and see what she want to do with you. My clone will then tell her where I've been these past three years or so, so tell her I've got someone else to do some explaining to; come on Hana-san", beckoning forwards again, the Inuzuka recognised where her temporary partner's attention had been drawn to and fought to stifle a chuckle as she realised just who he was girding his loins to face this time,

"Nervous Naruto-kun?" She needled teasingly, even Itachi not quite able to hold in a smirk as he recalled who Hana was related to and the story of how Naruto had spirited her away from her clan home without her mother's permission,

"Worried, me? Nah", Naruto smiled with a winning grin as he looked back towards the distant outline of the Inuzuka compound, "all I have to do is explain to Inuzuka Tsume how I kidnapped her daughter because I needed a good nose and then get out of your clan house alive", he beamed before the grin ran away from his face and he looked towards the house again, muttering under his breath, "I'd rather take on a cyberdemon bare-knuckled and hung-over".

"What was that dobe?"

"Oh, nothing", he answered Sasuke's question, inwardly a little grateful that the teme hadn't lost his attitude completely as a little normality was exactly what he needed back in his life to forget the horrors of Hell and readjust back to the Impure world, "come on Hana-san, let's just get the explanation and subsequent mauling over with".

XXX

"And now it is over", Naruto stated with finality, feeling the clone he had sent with the Uchihas to the Hokage tower disperse and let him know of another headache heading his way in the near future, "that's the full story Tsume-dono, warts and all. Want to start the mauling now or am I granted a reprieve pending a future decision?"

As the Inuzuka matriarch didn't answer for a minute, scrutinising his face before looking away towards the nearest window, where Naruto realised with a start dawn was, if not breaking, at least coming close; _damn, did we really sit up talking all night?_; he believed to think himself out of the words. Typically just this thought crossed his mind and he began to let out a slow breath of relief, he found himself cupping a sore ear as the kunoichi lashed out with a clawed hand,

"Ow! Hey, not so rough", the Uzumaki complained, rubbing the side of his head, "I bruise easily". Giving a fanged smirk, Tsume sat back in her chair and rolled her shoulders, wincing at the popping noises the action gave,

"If anyone asks tell 'em I beat you to within an inch of your life – I've to a ball-busting reputation to maintain", she explained before making to stand up and stretch off, "urgh, this has been... I don't know, I have no idea what to call this kind of a night. Well, thanks to the two of you", she looked between both her daughter and the shinobi who'd both stolen her away and brought her back, "the news should be all over the village tomorrow about the return of the last Uchihas and should help pull morale in Konoha back up, we've been in a slump these past three years. Apart from that though, I guess Hokage-sama will be quite grateful to see you again?"

"Yeah, once she stops _really _beating me to death for sending a clone to see her first thing", Naruto agreed even as he became aware that he was going to have a reunion with someone other than his adopted grandmother in the next few seconds, "though I have to say, it'll be good to see some of the old crowd again, starting with this one".

Even as he nodded towards the door and both Tsume and Hana registered the scent of the other member of their immediate family, the wooden panel was roughly shoved open and Kiba stumbled in, Akamaru absent and still sleeping off his exhaustion. The Inuzuka looked terrible, his jacket hanging off his frame and deep bags under his eyes as he moved towards the kitchen sink, too far gone in his tiredness to even recognise who was present in the kitchen,

"'M goin' out again", he slurred, not even noticing as he almost tripped over one of the Haimaru, the nin-ken giving an annoyed groan as the human ended up straddling over him to reach the sink, "H'nata-hime said she'd help soon as..."

It was at that point his nose, eyes and brain finally managed to get themselves connect up right and he froze, hardly daring to bring his eyes rolling down to see the disgruntled Haimaru looking back up at him,

"Yes Kiba, for the first time in your life you have an animal between your legs", the voice almost, _almost_ made him break down on the spot but he mastered himself enough to turn around and see his sister again before he emphatically started weeping in relief and half-threw himself, half-fell into her arms, Hana likewise tearing up as she hugged her brother fiercely – quarrel as the two of them undoubtedly did the kunoichi knew Kiba would have been the one who led the hunt for her and would never have given up until he'd found where she had gone and had his bloody vengeance against those who had taken her, "dear Kami-sama I missed you all".

H, Hana", the boy managed to croak in a dry tone, stepping back half a pace to see with his own watering eyes that it was truly his sister that had come home, "you, you came...wait, you..." Hastily snuffling the tears back and taking a proper lungful of her scent he realised she wasn't the only one who had come back. He whipped around so quickly he actually missed who he was looking for first time; only when he glanced back frantically did he see his former classmate, whom he had believed for the past three years to be deceased, calmly sitting at his kitchen table inclining his head in greeting,

"Naruto, you, with Hana", to be fair Kiba was certainly babbling by this point and probably had little idea what he was saying, and to add to that his tiredness from weeks of driving himself to the limit and beyond to search for his sister weren't helping any; however even despite all that neither his mother nor his sister would have argued that the next words he blurted out were at best exceedingly ill-chosen and at worst terminally unwise,

"You look like Hell".

Even before he had a chance to ask why the rest of his family present had dissolved helplessly into giggles Kiba suddenly found he had a very pressing desire to be anywhere other than here as Naruto's fingernails suddenly dragged grooves through the thick wood of the tabletop and he then looked up, a horrible fire burning in his eyes that made the Inuzuka scion gulp nervously and wonder if it was possible for him to vault into the hallway without touching the floor once,

"Kiba-baka, you know nothing", despite the inhuman ferocity of his glare and the rigid set of his face Naruto's voice was somehow melodious and pleasant at the same time as promising all sorts of pain and humiliation arriving in very short order as the jinchuuriki slowly stood up, smirking vindictively as he watched Kiba loose the colour in his cheeks and back up against the sink,

"Let me show you what Hell _really_ looks like!"

Omake 1 – Take Your Life for Everything You Can

During their impromptu tour of the clan house before the rest of her clan woke up, it had been a little weird seeing him almost freak out at the simplest of things like a bed or actually being able to taste ramen again until she remembered that he simply hadn't done all those simple things for years, but the absolute icing on the cake was when, having casually mentioned where the latest door led dismissively her guest had gone rigid, turned slowly and, having tentatively pushed the door open, dramatically fallen to his knees as he beheld the sight before him,

"Praise Kami-sama", he breathed, daring to believe one nightmare at least was over as Tsume, glancing over her shoulder, fought hard to contain her mirth as she realised that yes, he probably hadn't been able to do _that_ either in the time he'd been gone,

"Oh I see; shall I leave you and the, ah, latrine alone for a moment?"

"You have no idea, no idea at all – there's even paper", she swore she could even see tears, actual tears of relief in his eyes as he staggered forwards and, after unravelling a generous measure, pressed it reverently against his whiskered cheek, "you actually have paper".

"Uh, yeah", Tsume wasn't exactly sure where to look at this point, torn between laughing at the ridiculous and commiserating with the insane, "I'll give you ten ryo and send you to the nearest store, you can buy enough to keep you happy forever then". Naruto suddenly turned around, wad of paper still pressed to his face as he glowered at her teasing tone,

"Look, this might just be paper to you dog-girl but to me this means no more imp tongues", he shuddered at the memory, once more cursing that though his body could use Pure world energy as though it were food, it still had to excrete its own waste products the old-fashioned way, "those things chafe like you wouldn't believe". Tsume snickered for a minute, recalling one memorable example of her own youth involving her jounin sensei, an overnight mission and a nettle leaf cunningly hidden in packet of doc fronds before she realised one part of his sentence and folded her arms affronted,

"What do you mean dog-girl?"

"Exactly what I said", he replied casually, regretfully letting the piece of toilet roll he'd gathered fall into the basin of the lavatory as he made to exit the little room, apparently unconcerned with his insult as he went on, "you're a girl, or at least you were once a girl, and you have a dog – makes sense?" Ignoring Kuromaru's snickering from behind her, Tsume sniffed at the insult and replied acerbically,

"You do know who you're talking too right? By all rights as head of a noble clan of Konoha and honorary jounin I could have you up before the council of Konoha faster than Maito Guy running into the sunset". Naruto chuckled at the analogy for a minute before placing his hands on his hips and looking up at her challengingly, not backing down an inch as he squared up the Inuzuka leader,

"Oh really – you try to pull that trick Tsume-san and I'll blow you ball-busting image sky-high in just four words", he held up four fingers, ticking them down slowly one at a time but the Inuzuka held her ground, or at least she did until the last finger fell and his four words staggered her backwards into the hall,

"Asked Hiashi out yet?"

_What, how, how did he possibly know...?_; even as her mind whirled however Tsume sought to run damage control at the same time as stop herself blushing at being caught out by a genin of all people; before she could speak however Naruto had carried on, a trace of wry amusement in his tone as he did so,

"Oh, hit a nerve did I; I have to say that was a bit of a shot in the dark, but at least I know who's tent you went cutting your way into one moonlit night", if possible her blush redoubled at the reminder, Kuromaru's laughter not helping as Naruto went now, voice now sweet as honey and twice as sickly as he finished, "or did he come to you I wonder? It wouldn't surprise me – it's always the quiet ones in the end; who knew under the white eyes and pale skin lay the beating heart of a red-blooded male?"

"Sh, shut up gaki", Tsume managed to stutter, trying to regain her former composure, "Hiashi and I, well that was years ago and we were different people then; now we're adults, responsible and Kami-sama damn it we've both got kids of our own to look after, never mind the clan iss..."

She tailed off at his upraised hand, seeing his eyes slightly warmer than they had been before as he sighed and spoke again, choosing his words more carefully than before as he spoke more softly,

"What you say's true Tsume-san, you do have responsibility now – I know what would happen if you pursued him. The elders of both clans would harp on and on about decorum, the villagers would mutter about scarlet women and neglecting the memory of the deceased, so my advice to you would be stick your fingers in your ears, forget the lot of them and go for it anyway", he smirked for a minute at her thunderstruck expression, shrugging his shoulders as he made to dispense a pearl of wisdom he had picked up from his travels,

"One thing I learnt Tsume if nothing else; live your life in the Impure world the way _you_ want to live it because in the Pure one you may well not get a choice what you do; I don't intend to arrive before the Judge of the Dead, whoever he is, in a perfect kimono and with a solemn expression. Forget that; I'm going to skid in there on my side, gun in one hand, bottle of sake in the other thinking 'man, that was a ride and a half'! I'm going out with a few regrets as possible; this life isn't long enough to live when you realise what might be waiting for you on the other side", he shrugged, looking her dead in the eye with a kind smile as she blinked, trying to take in what he was saying, "even if nothing comes of it, at least you can say you went for it and pass on with a clean conscience".

Even as the jinchuuriki moved past her and off down the hallway, following his nose towards the nearest larder and resolving to remember what food tasted like again, Tsume found herself rooted to the spot and unable to follow, only to watch as he departed. She was so deeply lost in thought that she only just wrestled down a shout of alarm when a cold, wet nose brushed her hand, Kuromaru glancing up at her with his sole remaining eye as he gave a canine shrug,

"He's got a point you know?"

"Oh shut up", she groaned at her companion, suddenly feeling like the world was against her that morning; Kuromaru however, didn't back down,

"Why, afraid it might be true?" As the human glared down at him with the expression he'd come to recognise as betrayed rage he shrugged again, "I can read human signs; you would have stayed in his arms much longer than night if you could have; he would not have done that if he didn't feel something for you".

"He, he was probably..." But what was he doing if not helping her somehow, for no other reason that he saw she needed to be helped? Damn it, why was life getting so complicated all of a sudden; her and the head of the Hyuuga clan, a clan she now knew to be related, however distantly, to the father of ninjutsu itself,

"It could never work", she repeated, Kuromaru smiling wolfishly as he recognised far more from her faraway expression than he did from her words, following at a distance where she wouldn't hear his sniggering or see his blossoming grin as the Inuzuka mistress went on, following the course Naruto had taken, carrying on her conversation with herself as her nin-ken did his best not to burst out laughing and silently thanked the returning Uzumaki for casually bringing to attention an issue Tsume herself had tried to repeatedly punt into the long grass,

"Though, having said that, I do owe him thanks for being there when Hana-chan was taken; I hate feeling like I owe the stuck-up prick anything, I wonder if he still likes his steak well-done, or was it medium rare? And it might help Kiba and Hinata get a little closer as well..."

Omake 2 – After the War

Even as he climbed in through the window Jiraiya was chuckled; even hearing the groan was enough, he didn't even have to see the form slumped over the front of the Hokage's desk to realise something was bothering his former team mate; _and I'd say it was a bet even she could win that I can guess what's causing her headache this time, apart from the sake that is?_;

"Stressful day?" Dodging the paperweight sent his way with the ease of long practice the Toad Sage came to stand behind the Hokage's chair as Tsunade levered herself off the paper she'd been using as a convenient pillow and buried her face in her hands,

"Yes and it's going to get worse before it gets better", she moaned, Jiraiya hiding his grin with the greatest of difficulty as those hazel eyes found him again and dared, just dared him to snigger at her misfortune, "he's on his way here and, well, let's just say I think he needs a quick crash-course in how D-rank missions are completed and that heavy weapons are usually surplus to requirement. Read these", she demanded, shoving a roll of mission reports towards the hulking form of her team mate while she settled down to wait for her favourite but currently most annoying genin to appear before her again. Jiraiya had a quick thumb-through the paperwork, in equal parts amused and concerned as he replaced them on the desk and glanced down at her again,

"So, reckon you should put him in a team again?"

"Yes and no; I want to don't get me wrong", the Godaime explained herself to her team mate as Jiraiya listened and held his own council for the moment, "but for some reason he's dead-set against it; says he wants to get his old skills back before he tackles anything too tough. Normally I'd applaud him for thinking forwards but, having seen these", she waved a hand over his returned reports, "I have to say unless something improves drastically I might not have a choice but to remove him from service temporarily; I had to talk the Daimyo out of taking his head after the incident with you-know-who".

"I can imagine", the spymaster sighed, folding his arms as he lounged against the nearest wall; _though if he ever did admit it I reckon most of the genin in the village would club together and erect a shrine in his honour_; "it would be easier if he'd let us take those weapons he carries off him, or even if he'd show us what they do properly but he won't. I've asked and he shot me down, said he didn't want to give away his trump cards before he needed them, that strange ability he's got that weakens jutsu is enough most of the time. Up to a point I can understand it, wherever he was he probably needed them; they've become as close to him as parts of his body, trying to put them down must be like going outside naked". Rolling her eyes disgustedly as the old letch gazed at her longingly, Tsunade went back to rubbing her forehead as she sought to see a way through the present dilemma.

Originally it had gone fine; having returned the two Uchiha brothers to the village years after his supposed death Naruto had been accepted back with open arms as even many of the villagers had been forced to admit it had become quiet without him around. She, like the rest of the council, had heard of his supposed exploits but, even with the words of the Inuzuka and Uchiha clan present at the hearing backing him, had failed to believe it utterly, some of the council even going to far as to outwards scoff at the boy for his fantastical delusions. Her first hint of worry had come when, rather than exploding at the comment, Naruto had simply smiled at his tormentors and excused himself from the council room, saying his mission was complete and he'd collect the bounty from both his targets at his leisure.

From there it had gone downhill more quickly; despite repeated entreaties Naruto had yet to fully integrate back into his peer group, into the ninja corps, or even into Konoha itself. Whereas before it had been Sasuke who had been the aloof one now it seemed the roles were completely reversed; Naruto had, almost without realising it, thrown up an invisible shield between him and everyone else – yes he talked and ate with them occasionally but he never let them in. Not even his former senseis, not the people at Ichiraku ramen; heck even Sakura had been forced to heal herself when she'd launched a punch at him the same way she'd always done and he had, without so much as a blink, casually caught her wrist, twisted and slammed his free palm into the back of her elbow, popping the joint out like a plug from a plug hole.

It had been that incident that had truly scared the Slug sage; even through a film of pain-induced tears Sakura, once she had bowed in apology and reported to her mentor, had almost sworn she had seen something hidden deep in her team mate's eye, like he had only just caught himself from following up his first attack with a lethal strike. If that was the case then Naruto was a loose cannon, a liability to Konoha's ninja force that could attack friend or foe if he thought he was provoked; it was a common enough occurrence, especially in war survivors, but Naruto wouldn't let anyone in to help him recover. _I could order him to the Yamanakas but would that help_; the sannin bit her lip, mulling her potential decisions over in her mind; _aside from the Kyuubi, would he even listen in the first place? Well_; feeling chakra she knew almost as well as her own approaching, she set herself in her seat, Jiraiya taking her cue and standing upright even as Shizune introduced herself and bowed low,

"Hokage-sama, Uzumaki Naruto to see you".

"Good, show him in", she requested abruptly, not letting anything show on her face as the raven-haired woman bowed again and departed, counting down the seconds until the door banged open again and let the genin in, casual as ever as he waved a cheery hello,

"Hi baachan, Ero-sennin", both sannin glowered but said nothing as he slouched in front of them, "what do you need me for?" Ignoring the jibe at her age with great difficulty, Tsunade gathered up the wedge of paper Jiraiya had handed back to her and dropped it on the desk with a very final-sounding thump,

"Know what these are gaki?"

"Your gambling IOU's?" He ventured, drawing a hastily-smothered snicker from the Toad Sage; face going crimson, Tsunade shook her head and grated back slowly,

"No, these are the mission reports for your most recent batch of D-ranks Naruto – any idea what any of them say?"

"I can guess", he replied with a shrug after a minute of thinking, "something along the lines of 'got the job done but was a little, overenthusiastic, when doing it'".

"Overenthusiastic is possibly the gentlest word I'd use brat", the Hokage said as she casually leafed through the file in front of her, "painting a fence of Mr Yosika's?"

"Paintballs in a shotgun were quicker than using brushes".

"Arranging and helping to judge the weekly dance for the elders?"

"I told them I only knew one rhythm; what's everyone got against the chaingun cha-cha?"

"Physical fitness at the Academy?"

"If they can dodge rockets they can dodge kunai".

"Cleaning the Hokage monument?"

"What, I thought the plasma fire gave it a lovely sheen?" Grinding her teeth Tsunade thrust a finger towards the large window of her office towards a sight she did her best not to look at every morning,

"There are bags under my eyes up there gaki!"

"What can I say, art imitates life"; giving up with a frustrated growl as Jiraiya was forced to bite his lips not to laugh and quite possibly get himself embedded in said monument via his team mate's fist, Tsunade looked across at her would-be grandson with a sardonic eye,

"Do I even need to mention the Tora debacle?"

"You can't pin that one on me", Naruto protested, jabbing forwards with his finger, "the fact some people saw a green glow in that area at the time she disappeared is circumstantial evidence"; _and how I love that gun for the fact that's the only kind of evidence it ever leaves_. Doing his best to hide his grin Naruto faced forwards, noticing that this time Tsunade wasn't smiling and internally bracing itself; _okay then, the time has come_.

"Naruto, listen", it was Jiraiya who spoke first, "I know, in fact I don't actually know what you've been through as you keep it too much of a secret, but what I do know is that as a shinobi of Konoha you have to show restraint in your missions, however boring you find them or however much you want to pep them up to make them interesting".

"I know Ero-sennin; that's why I don't think I can consider myself a shinobi of Konoha any more".

It wasn't until a few seconds after those words had been spoken that they sank in to either of the sannin; even as the both looked around Naruto had settled his weight onto his back foot and sighed, his voice a lot softer and, to their consternation a lot older than they remembered it as he spoke again,

"I need to talk to you both, alone, privately", realising what he wanted Tsunade hesitatingly made the signals to dismiss the ANBU within the room, giving the trio some privacy as Naruto brought his hand to his eyes and rubbed hard, "it's not working Tsunade-sama, Jiraiya-sensei, and no matter what I do I can't make it work either".

"What's not working Naruto-kun?" Her formidable experience as a medic coming to the fore, Tsunade spoke in a gentle tone, hoping that this time she'd receive some information about his current condition more relevant than a brief assurance that he was fine, believe it!

"The whole thing, coming back", he said before lowering his hand and looking at them again, both shinobi recoiling in both horror and fear as they saw the face that presented itself to them now, "I don't know how much longer I can spend here without doing something both Konoha and I regret".

If he had taken off a physical mask the difference couldn't have been more pronounced; though his face didn't change much beyond a sobering of his expression it was the eyes that gave away the scale of the change. Never, not even on Sarutobi-sensei after Oroichimaru's treachery had been unveiled had either of the two sannin seen eyes so bleak, so empty and yet so full of the desire for nothing but a goal that could not be granted until well into the future. All three regarded each other for a long time before, with a voice as dry and hoarse as the creatures he summoned, Jiraiya managed to speak,

"Naruto, what happened, what happened to you?"

"Hell happened to me", the empty vessel that had once been a human being spoke hauntingly, though at least some of his fire remained in spite of his empty eyes, "I know you don't fully believe me when I talk about where I was sent during my absence and that is for the best overall. There are things man wasn't meant to see or know; the problem is I _have_ seen them, and killed them more often than not; you have to understand that where I was, the places I've been", he shook his head, more to deny the memories in case he subconsciously went for his guns by mistake than anything else, "while I was there overkill was mandatory. I'm too used to the killing, the war – I can't switch off any more".

"Naruto, stop", Tsunade's voice was firm but fair, trying hard to hide the hurt she felt listening to one of her precious people talk this way about himself as an emotionless drone fit only to kill, "you're not well and you need to rest". He only laughed, mirthlessly,

"But that's just it baachan, I can't rest; even if I try to relax nothing ever comes of it. You know I nearly shot Lee first time I saw him; he raced up to me and for a moment I saw a flaming skull in his place - I thought Lee, Rock Lee, was a demon! I know I've hurt some of the others, Sakura-chan more than most, but I can't stop myself – to me now, everyone is an enemy and everything is an attack".

Silence filled the office; what could the sannin say to that? One of their shinobi was saying he was virtually addicted to battle and bloodlust and there was nothing they could do to stop it; Jiraiya was openly crying, Tsunade only just better off as the Toad Sage stepped forwards,

"How Naruto; how could you change this much in three years; was it that bastard fox that did this to you?"

"No, Kyuubi is a different matter, one I'll have to tell you about later, after this one", his soulless eyes bored into both of them as he spoke again, one of his final secrets coming to the fore as he made to open their eyes as to what had truly happened to the boy they had known, why he was lost and gone forever, never to return, "the three years I was missing from Konoha were not the same three years I spent in Makai".

"That, makes no sense", Tsunade managed to sniffle, dabbing her eyes on the hem of her ceremonial robes, "wherever you were you were gone for the same time, three years?"

"No; remember when I explained to the council, the example I gave of the Time-stream?" he waited until they both nodded before crossing his fingers and carrying on, "Not all components of the Time-Stream travel at the same speed; the bubbles that hold the Impure worlds often move slower than the Pure world surrounding them. In this case though I was gone for three years as this world counts time, where I was it was a lot longer – I don't know an exact figure but, as near as I and Kyuubi can tell, one year here equates to about eighteen years and few months in the other world. Nearly sixty years", he admitted with equal parts revulsion and pride as he watched the faces of the two older ninjas both fall and twist themselves into expressions of revulsion; _sixty years. How could anyone survive that long in, in there?_; "sixty years of non-stop slaughter, almost five times the amount of time I've ever spent in the Impure world. I am old; I know I don't look it as my body ages according to the world I was born in", he admitted, for the first time feeling every one of those extra years as he faced two of his precious people and grieved at the pain he could see he was causing them, "and I am tired of having to act as though I were normal when I don't belong here anymore".

The admission hit both of them like a punch in the gut; neither of them truly believed that Naruto had been where he said but, seeing the way he talked and was quite ration about the idea of going back into the place he'd escaped from, it was getting harder to believe that he wasn't at least partially insane. Trying his hardest not to believe what he was hearing and that his godson was merely sick; _and who wouldn't be after so long away from home – three years a long time_; Jiraiya tried to steer this conversation back towards more rational territory,

"Heh, much as you might wish otherwise gaki there's no way I'm letting you go to Hell until I'm there to greet you personally", the Toad Sage half-joked, half-promised, "I don't know quite where you got the idea about being older than baa-chan here but I can say now it can't be true – you don't look a day older than you should do". Nodding in agreement and having predicted this reaction, Naruto instead moved onto a different track, one that he knew would convince Jiraiya if not anyone else in the Hidden Leaf,

"I know I don't; just as well because I'm not ready to look that old just yet. Still, if my words don't convince you, perhaps this will – what was the purpose of the seal the Yondaime placed on me Jiraiya-sensei?" Scratching his chin for a minute, the seal master thought for a minute before speaking his answer, Tsunade also listening in as she had never had much aptitude for the sealing branch of ninjutsu, the one on her forehead aside,

"It was to imprison the Kyuubi primarily, but apart from that it also siphoned off the bijuu's power over time, purified it and added it to your own chakra reserves, the reason they're as large as they are despite you claims to the contrary; you've still got more than I had in my prime even with the weapons you say you're carting around cutting your reserve to a tenth of what it should be. What's that got to do with anything though?"

"Everything", Naruto answered quietly, one hand falling to midriff of his shirt as he prepared himself to catch the Toad Sage if he fell in the next few seconds, "you say the seal over time should have weakened the kitsune and fed its power to me right? Well what if I told you, because of the extra time I had in Makai", he lifted his shirt and channelled his chakra, "the seal had finished its job already?"

There was no denying it; there was no ink left on his tanned, flat stomach no matter how much chakra he pulled on; seeing this and realising what it meant made Jiraiya sway until he caught himself heavily on the desk, Tsunade grabbing his arm to keep him upright as she asked desperately,

"What does that mean Jiraiya – what's going on?"

"True, all of it is true, everything he's said", no matter how much he wanted to deny it the facts were there in black and white just as the seal wasn't as the Toad Sage, face haggard, pointed a shaking hand towards him, "it can't have broken, he wouldn't be alive if it had; Naruto, are you Kyuubi now?" To his immense and eternal relief, the boy shook his head,

"No; I have his power but his consciousness is separate from mine; he's still in the mindscape watching over the weapons, the quarter-master I like to call him..."

"**I heard that you disrespectful speck of carrion!**" Masking a smile at the fox's threat as it was a comfort to hear his old partner again as the very last vestiges of the Shinigami's seal had drained from his body since his return, allowing the fox to speak and advise him on occasion, Naruto pressed on,

"...so he's still kicking around. I am unique, as far as both I and he know; I am a human with my own mind but the power and advice of a powerful demon behind me and over fifty years experience gunning down hellspawn. In a way I suppose I'm homesick; it was barbaric and brutal but hey, Hell became home in the end and I want, even need to go back there".

"But what about your dream, you were going to be Hokage", feeling her desperation rise to a peak Tsunade reached for her last trump card, "how will you do that if you just give up now?" Naruto glanced over at them, a hint of regret tingeing his sad smile as he spoke again, letting them know of his change of plans that had begun prior to his departure from Makai and continued up until now,

"I have different dream now baa-chan, the main thing I wanted to talk to you about; to make it come true though", suddenly his eyes were alive once more, a deviousness within them that had never existed previously as he looked up at the Hokage and her oldest friend equally,

"I need to know everything you know about the Akatsuki; with their, probably unwitting, help, I can make this world a lot safer for everyone in it at the same time as get to where I want to go. You remember the story I told you of the Rikudo Sennin correct..?"

Aside from a message to Shizune to cancel all appointments for the rest of the day all three remained locked in the office together for the better part of the day, planning and counter-planning their next moves to ensure, overall, that the threat to their village was reduced. Only as the dusk fell over Konoha did Tsunade sit back and grab yet another tissue, her eyes red and raw through crying so hard and so long,

"Damn gaki", she looked over at the ninja she had always thought would succeed her as Hokage; _even when he came back I ended up losing him again_; "you r, really want me to spend the rest of my life drunk don't you?"

"Nothing could be further from the truth", he smiled back, leaning forwards and taking her hand in his as he spoke again, "you have to let me go baa-chan; this isn't really my place any more. But if you need me, you know I'll always come if you call". All three eyes travelled down to the parchment that now held pride of place the Hokage's desk, the document having been rewritten many times, often to remove smudges and watermarks caused by tears from the parchment,

"We know gaki", Jiraiya managed to say coherent; ironically out of the two sannin he looked to be taking the loss the hardest, "no-one outside this room who knows about your father will ever know this exists; only when it's time to pass on the Will of Fire for good will either of us speak of this again". Naruto bowed, deeply, in respect and humility to the pair of them for accepting what must have been the bitterest of pills for them to swallow,

"Thank you", he said simply before with a mental effort so great both older ninjas saw it and winced, he reapplied his mask and spoke again, his tone airy and light once more, "so then, I don't like it but it looks like we're waiting for Akatsuki to finish what they were starting. They get the other pieces I need for me and then", his eyes darkened for a second as a flicker of red flashed around his hand, his fingers itching for the weapons he would soon use again,

"We let them come to me".

Omake 3 – Symbol Status

"Chouji!" Over the strain of maintaining the technique that was the only thing stopping the masochistic maniac in front of them destroying his sensei, the Nara genius managed to call hoarsely to his friend,

"We're outmatched here; use it!" The Akimichi furrowed his brows for a minute before realising what his friend was talking about and nodding as his huge fist dived into his equipment pouch,

"Right; hang in there a few seconds Shika", he called back, rummaging furiously before, with a shout of triumph, the held the slip of paper aloft and without a second thought cast it away from him, shouting aloud the code word he'd felt so silly repeating when his squad had been allocated the new Konoha wonder-weapon,

"Revenant!"

As soon as the word was spoken there was a huge flare of green and a scent of burning parchment in the air, followed by a grunt of pain; as the light faded Chouji spared a glance backwards only to blink as he saw the crumpled form of one of his former classmates glaring up as him from the floor,

"Grateful as I am for the call Chou", Naruto managed to grate as he rolled stiffly to his feet, trying to ignore the ache in his head and block out Kyuubi's uproarious laughter in his mind at the same time as admonish the one who'd made such a blunder, "next time, make sure you set the damn tag the right way up!"

"Naruto?" Ino had been as dubious as everyone else when, having been briefed on the threat of the Akatsuki from the Hokage and informed that every squad was now to carry one of the new parchment tags and given an individual code-word that was keyed to activate it; as she saw the results of it and realised Naruto of all people was supposed to be the so-called wonder weapon that could stop the mad shinobi that had systematically taken her team apart and held Asuma-sensei at the point of a knife, she was had never been more convinced that the venerable Hokage had finally had one glass of sake too many. Hearing her voice just as the last of the impact faded the jinchuuriki nodded,

"Yep, now where's – ah, I'm going to assume you two are Akatsuki?" Looking down the road a little way he caught sight of the distinctive cloaks of red and black, "Right, well in that case I'm the guy you're after so let Asuma-sensei go and come over here to die".

_Die – who does this stupid prick think he is?_; he had been irked enough by that pineapple-haired fool using his shadow tricks to hold him in place but the nerve of this blonde bastard to suggest his god would betray him was enough to push his temper past breaking point. With a roar Hidan finally focussed his chakra enough to throw off the cloying hand of the Shadow Bind and step forwards into his prepared circle, the ritual culminating as he jerked backwards roughly on the chain of his scythe, the vicious blades sinking deep into his body with a pain that made him hiss in ecstasy and agony combined as he watched the huge man who'd cut his head off twitch as the wounds were carried over to him, ignorant of the loud boom that had sounded just before his weapon bit home.

"Feel the gift of Jashin-sama heathen", the zealot demanded aloud, ignoring the pain of his punctured lung as he made his demands as the markings of his ritual faded from his body, "as His agony flows over you rejoice, for you will know the embrace of death soon and pass to His bloody paradise".

"He would", a new voice called over, making Hidan look around in time to see the newly-arrived shinobi summon a flare of red around his hand before around pointing towards the floor, "if I'd missed".

Following his finger dismissively the Jashinist suddenly felt his stomach turn over as he saw the ugly burn-mark cutting clean through the perfect circle he'd drawn with his blood, destroying the seal and breaking Jashin-sama's holy ritual symbol. Incensed in only the way a religious fanatic could be as he realised he had failed to gather a new soul for his master, Hidan gripped his scythe and swore bloodily that he would replace that escaped soul with the bloodstained one of this new enemy, and his death would not be swift.

"You have blasphemed against my god heathen", unusually he was so murderously angry he sounded calm, readying his weapon and praying to Jashin once more as his enemy stood where he was apparently unconcerned and thinking about something hard, "prepared to face divine judgement in the name of Jashin-sama!"

"Jashin, Jashin", Naruto muttered, just loud enough to hear as, unseen by the posturing shinobi, team ten all moved out of the immediate battleground but remained close enough to back him up should he need it, Asuma in particular looking in a bad way as Naruto finally remembered where he'd heard that name before and straightened up, looking slightly confused, "Jashin, that nobody! How in Hell's name did that moron ever get a cult of followers on the Impure world?"

The insult was so great and so unexpected Hidan almost dropped his scythe, Kakuzu in the background stifling a soft chuckle even as he never let the next bounty, the one of Sarutobi Asuma's head, out of his sight,

"You, you dare", the Jashinist spluttered, face mottling to red as he fought to keep his temper, still within the comforting confines of his ritual circle, "you _dare_ insult my god!"

"What god? I've heard of Jashin before and he's as far from being a god as I am – he's not even a Progenitor", Naruto explained, recalling exactly where he'd come across the minions of the minor demon emperor and the bizarre rituals they had tried to use against him, each one making him raise eyebrows more than the last before he'd simply gotten bored and started hacking and shooting until he liberated the single Uchiha he'd heard was in the stupid demon's entourage, "he's kept alive more out of curiosity than anything else. What kind of idiot in Hell invents a brand of magic that means you have to hurt yourself to injure an enemy; even if you kill one guy it means his buddies all run in and rip you apart. Having said that though, who knew he had such a potential goldmine on his hands", he pointed out more seriously, gesturing to the seal Hidan had drawn on the ground, apparently unconcerned that the zealot was looking murderous and bringing back his arm to swing his weapon, "if I'm right that seal sympathetically teleports the wounds you gain to your enemies through the blood-link right?"

Beyond a tri-bladed scythe swinging wildly for his head and forcing him to dive to the side he didn't get an answer but, then again, he didn't need to, he already knew enough to put this idiot down for good,

"You will scream for my god's mercy before I kill you", the Jashinist promised, all but frothing at the mouth as he yanked his weapon back and made to attack again, "His blessing has granted me an inability to die, something you'll wish you had the second your blood stains my blade!"

"You can hurt me plenty, as long as you can hit me", Naruto called back, making a slight nick in his finger and squatting down to sketch a quick symbol in the dust, a terrible smirk on his lips as he stood up and glared levelly at his enemy, "Jashin might have had a head-start on his ritual but unlike him, I was intelligent enough to take it to the next level". With that he stepped onto the seal he'd crafted and channelled the power only he could use correctly, vanishing in another flare of green as Hidan's scythe passed straight through the point where he had been standing.

A silence fell over the battlefield, just a mere instant, before Hidan suddenly exploded into a cloud of red gore; even before the body, or at least what remained of his body hit the floor and any of team ten had the opportunity to even register their enemy's death, the blood-slick spectre that now stood where the zealot had been had spun on his heel and, with an ear-splitting shriek, directed a stream of strange white light at the other member of Akatsuki present, Kakuzu stunned for a minute by the sudden violent death of the man he had sworn to kill.

Even with his steel skin jutsu a human body was never meant to endure plasma fire; though the defensive jutsu of the ancient shinobi was enough to stop the consuming fire destroying him outright, there was nothing to stop the infernal heat vaporising the blood in his veins and causing all five of his hearts to explode from the hydraulic shock. As he slumped to the floor with the plasma melting through his body Naruto took a step forwards from the symbol he'd emerged from, wiping the blood from his eyes before whistling a merry tune, apparently unconcerned that he was covered from head to food in stinking vitae as he raised a hand towards where Chouji was standing on wobbling legs, the Akimichi unable to contain his reaction to Hidan's violent death below the oesophagus,

"Thanks for the call Chou; three or four down, only about seven or eight to go", he said cheerfully before looking down at himself and frowning a little, "don't suppose any of you know a suiton jutsu I can use to get cleaned up by any chance?"

"Naruto", still shaken but able to handle the shock at both his near-death experience and the younger shinobi's extreme technique to put down his seemingly-immortal enemy, Asuma managed to fight down his nausea and ask the question hanging over the team as a whole, "what, what was that you just did?"

"I abused a basic principle of teleportation", the jinchuuriki explained casually, picking his steps more carefully as he tried to wipe off the worst of the blood, "Jashin's human acolytes are almost impossible to kill due to his blessing but that ritual they use is a kind of teleportation ritual, using a link of blood to sympathetically transfer, if you like, wounds they cause themselves onto their victims. Unfortunately for that freak", he pointed dismissively towards the puddle of vitae that had once been a shinobi, "I know a technique that only needs my blood rather than my enemy's to work; as two solid objects can't share the same physical space, when I keyed my ritual onto his teleportation symbol I effectively teleported inside him and ripped him apart from the inside out when I rematerialised", his grin might have been friendly but, when combined with his appearance and the trails of blood running down his face from his hair, it looked more frightening even Hidan's curses,

"I call it telefragging".

Recalling a few times that technique had worked perfectly as a delayed trap as well as a few it hadn't (cutting his way out of the liquefied chest cavity of that Mancubus had _not_ been fun), Naruto didn't appear to notice the appalled gazes of his former friends as they watched him leave a trail of bloody footprints in the dust, wondering exactly what had happened to their former classmate and thinking that it might perhaps have been for the best that, since his return some months ago, he'd had little to do with them prior to today.

Omake 4 – Gods and Demons

He had never tasted defeat and did not expect to do so again today; still, much as a god did not know doubt, Pain could not help feeling that something was a little off about this whole situation. Despite their losses Akatsuki were more than on course to complete their ultimate goal and allow him to take up the mantle of the true god and educate men in the ways of peace; seven of the nine bijuu had been taken already and Konoha had all but agreed to hand theirs over to him. Rin'negan eyes sweeping the ground before him as he moved alone towards the designated meeting place, Pain considered the threat of treachery from his former mentor before dismissing it; if Konoha did have such thoughts upon its mind he would merely have to educate them in the folly of attempting to deny a god. Sensing a presence of chakra before him, not even bothering to hide itself before his eyes, Pain realised he was close and increased his pace slightly, recalling as he did the message that had been delivered to Ame by possibly the last person he had ever expected to see alive again.

_He had sensed the intruder from the rain he kept around his city, his angel dispersing herself around the city of Ame to hunt the spy before summoning him to display the might of the lord of Ame and send a message to the rest of the world that the former territory of Hanzo the Salamander would no longer be the stomping ground of the warring major powers. He had waited, patient as eternity until he had heard Konan's summons and one of his paths had displaced itself to her location, the rest of his paths seeing through the Animal path's eyes their former tutor, Jiraiya of the sannin, standing tall and facing the two of them down, his face falling as he beheld the legendary eyes of the Sage of the Six Paths,_

_ "Rin'negan", the older man had breathed before regaining a measure of his composure and looking at the manifestation of the god with folded arms, "only one person I have ever seen before, one of my students, had those eyes; what has become of Nagato?"_

_ "He has ascended", Konan's melodious voice answered her former student as her paper wings rippled and bore her aloft again, "he has become the god of this land"._

_ "A god is it?" Jiraiya had sounded distinctly unimpressed as he unfolded his arms and held up one hand, reaching into his pocket as he spoke again, "Well then god, I have a message for you, sent from someone who you need to complete your organisations goals. I'm just the messenger, read this and I'll pass on any answer you might have". The scroll was carefully whipped aloft by the angels' origami technique and delivered into the hands of Ame's leader, Pain's eyes showing him there was no chakra present in the rolled scroll as he unravelled it and read the brief message, raising an eyebrow as he took in the message for what it actually was,_

_ "A challenge?" He remarked plainly, his tone betraying nothing, "Your jinchuuriki wishes to challenge me?"_

_ "Single combat at that location in three days; no-one in Konoha knows where it is"; much as we'd like to; Jiraiya groused internally, still not entirely convinced about Naruto's plan to call out the leader of Akatsuki in a man-on-man duel with no back-up, "win and you get him for your collection, lose and you die". Folding the letter up Pain let it fall, the air carrying it to Jiraiya's hand as the Toad Sage looked up at him expectantly,_

_ "Very well, I will meet your jinchuuriki at this place, at that time", the leader of Ame nodded slowly once, "through the power of the nine will true peace be achieved and all wars ended in this world". To his slight discontent however, Jiraiya merely scoffed and shrugged his shoulders, turning to leave,_

_ "Spare me the sermon", he spat dismissively as he made to depart, "I'll tell Naruto you'll meet him, and I wish you luck in your fight Pain, you'll need it. The time has long past when a word from me could guide you Nagato, and you as well Konan, but you've made your own paths now and I won't stop you walking down them, but I wish I could", just before he got to the door that led back out into the pouring rain, the sannin looked over his shoulder with remorse and something very like regret in his eyes as he finished,_

_ "It'd be a lot less painful than having Naruto show you were you were going wrong"._

The warning had been well-meant but ignored for the most part; though Pain had never known defeat he was not so blind as to go into a conflict with a jinchuuriki at anything less than full strength; aside from himself and Madara, the only other member of the Akatsuki that might have been able to tackle a bijuu alone was Kisame, and that was mostly due to Samehada's influence. With the other five of his paths ready for summoning, the Deva path stepped through the last of the trees into the large clearing, noticing it appeared to have been ready-made by the figure sat on the stump of a recently-felled tree, facing away from him and gazing into the sky as though watching the clouds. _This is the one who seeks combat with god?_; despite knowing that all jinchuuriki, no matter how untrained, were dangerous beasts to provoke; if worst came to worst the imprisoned bijuu would take over its host and fight for life like a rabid, cornered wolf; Pain found himself a little underwhelmed at the sight of his would-be opponent, especially as the silence rolled on despite the jinchuuriki being undoubtedly aware of him,

"You have come then nine-tails", deciding to take the initiative, the living god stepped forwards and readied himself to capture one of the last two pieces needed to attain true peace, "through the power of the bijuu united will men be taught the message of Pain". Finally getting a response the Akatsuki leader tensed imperceptibly as the jinchuuriki stood up and turned around, opening his mouth to speak before pausing and scrutinising him more closely; _odd – he looks almost, disappointed?_;

"Go and get the real one", the request and the weary but forceful way it was delivered both shocked the Rin'negan wielder; never before had someone seen through his transferred soul technique so quickly, "I won't talk to a meat-puppet; fetch the real Pain".

"You do not know your place yet nine-tails", the avatar of the god whispered softly, growing annoyed and readying the rest of his paths for battle, "I am god, and you are but a weapon for me to be wield to teach the world the message of pain".

"You're a corpse", Naruto, if that was his opponent's name, pointed out bluntly, shaking his head as he pointed out the multiple piercings that studded the body of his opponent, allowing it move under the guidance of Pain's chakra, "I've been around long enough to know what's dead and what isn't, and also to have an idea about what makes a god. You, a deity", he gave a contemptuous snort, "the only thing god-like about you's your ego. One last chance Pain", now and for the first time the edge of a threat appeared in the jinchuuriki's voice, "show me the real one or I'll go into Ame and find him myself".

His answer was an explosion of summoning smoke; when it was cleared away by a playful breeze, all Six Paths of Pain stood ready to battle, each with their sense-sharing eyes on their opponent. Naruto for his part looked unphased, counting them off before sighing and shaking his head,

"Right then, Ame here I come", he muttered lowly before quickly summoning his rocket launcher and sending a missile streaking headlong into the mouth of the creature one of the six figures had summoned, the high-explosive detonating its head into a mess of gore and forcing it to dissipate. Even before it had gone Naruto was in action, taking advantage of the smoke to bang off a blast with his twin-barrelled shotgun; he wasn't expecting to hit anything, or do anything like significant damage, but it would be enough for the minute. A danger sense that had worked almost flawlessly for so long he had forgotten how to live without it suddenly trilled in his mind and he jumped to the side, just in time to avoid being at ground zero to an explosion not unlike his own higher-power weapons; _hmm, so he likes to play with toys as well?_; casually avoiding another trio of incoming projectiles, Naruto spoke as he watched the rest of his enemies scatter around the clearing, their eyes on him at all times; _interesting_;

"So then Pain, or Nagato if that was your name at some stage", he spoke loudly enough to be heard as the path who was currently attacking him, the one that appeared to have been built rather than possessed and had that big, inane grin on its face, continued to expend its firepower in a vain attempt to hit him, "the Akatsuki, you're the leader of it right? Just a question, and please none of the preaching crap sensei said you come out with, but what do you intend to do with them all once you've caught them?"

"That", the blonde one before him spoke as it leapt to stand beside its mechanical counterpart, "is none of your concern – Bansho Te'nin".

Feeling the sudden shift in the world that sent him careening towards the two gathered bodies, Naruto simply went with the flow for the moment, having had too many scrapes with death to be overly concerned by his opponent having an ability he'd never heard of before. All things had a weakness and this technique, he could easily see, had a very serious problem against him in that wherever he went his guns and, more importantly, their projectiles preceded him – the two paths found this out a little later than would have been strictly useful as a second rocket, its speed only magnified by the effect of Pain's jutsu, careened towards them. The Deva path leapt aside as the Asuma path raised its arms and slashed forwards with its scorpion tail, the weapon hitting the rocket and detonating it prematurely. It wasn't without loss though; the robotic path was damaged by the hit and before it could completely regain its bearings, an orange shadow flashed past it, hand outstretched – forewarned by the vision of the other paths it managed to get most of itself out the way, only a slight pain registering as its opponent tore off part of its ear. Flipping around gracefully to face his opponents again, Naruto looked down at the small chunk of dead flesh in his hand and, inexplicably, broke out into a wide smile,

"Oh, well that's interesting; heh", he glanced up at his enemies, looking the one who had used that strange gravity-shifting technique against him in the eye as he smirked, "if you were relying on these to work teme, you really should have taken the easy way out".

With that, a fiery red glow surrounded his fist and the chakra-receiving rod within it and at almost the same moment, the six paths of one of the most powerful shinobi alive began quivering as the mind that guided them all sensed the sudden shift in the battle.

XXX

Hearing Nagato gasp and seeing the withered hands on his control chair tighten into white fists, Konan was at his side in an instant, concern in her eyes as she realised something was wrong. Nagato's chakra was fluctuating erratically, his breathing coming in short pants as he looked towards her, unable to speak but definitely able to feel something was happening, something terrible had occurred at the battle,

"Nagato, Pain-sama; what's wrong?"

"The nine-tails", the Rin'negan user managed to gasp, feeling his strength being leeched away into a bottomless void through the chakra receiver the jinchuuriki had taken from his path, "it, it's _eating _me!"

XXX

_All chakra is a mix of spiritual and physical energy_; Naruto thought to himself, thinly amused as he watched all six of his enemies try to attack him with progressively stiffer, jerkier motions, like clockwork toys winding down as he continued to rip the energy he had consumed so much of in Hell out of the ultimate controller of the paths; _physical energy from this Impure world and spiritual energy from the Pure world, the ability to use this energy given to humans by the Juubi following the Rikudo Sennin's mistake. Unfortunately for this guy_; as first one, then another of the cloaked figures stumbled and fell to the ground, Naruto judged it to be safe enough to pace over to the nearest one, feeling the flow of chakra from the root source weaken even if he kept his drain on the distant ninja's reserves high for the moment; _no-one told him I can rip the energy of the Pure world out of other beings, including ninja, and it's been a while since I've had a big meal_. Finally cutting off the connection and tossing the chakra receiver aside, the jinchuuriki casually rolled the prostrate corpse over with the toe of his sandal and stared into the corpses' unseeing Rin'negan eyes,

"One thing you should know", he stated conversationally, the plasma gun in his hands enough to make sure that these six bodies would never be found, "no matter how strong a god claims to be, there must always be a demon who equals or exceeds his power. You'd send the world to Hell with your plan Pain; no chance of that while I'm still here", as the white-hot energy reduced the body to dust and slag, he finished his task with grim finality and looked around for the next corpse to destroy,

"This time Hell's coming for you".

Some hours later, sodden to the bone and glowering at the force in front of him, Naruto knew he was in the right place; the walls of Ame had been fortified and drawn up tight, though he was under no illusion that no-one had told the ninja of their supposed god's defeat – that would have made life too easy. Instead there were a large number of Rain ninja in front of and surrounding him, all of which he could sense and see and, unless he could talk them down somehow, all of whom were going to be messily dead by the end of this,

"I'm just here to talk", the Konoha ninja, even if he no longer considered himself one, spoke as he didn't break stride once, coming into range of his possible opponents, speaking the words that came next with sincerity even if they were at best a half-truth, at worst an outright lie,

"I don't want a fight".

For a moment he dared he might have gotten away with it just as he had in Iwa, before a kunai sent arcing towards his back gave his trigger fingers the excuse they'd been looking for, everything else melted away and he let himself go into a tiny, blood-soaked world where it was just him, Kyuubi, his reflexes, his weapons and his enemies. It was kill or be killed, it was mindless, senseless violence, it was gold, it was fire and it was a drug he knew, had maybe always known since the day he came back to the Impure world, he might never, would never want to kick.

A moment after the first kunai had been thrown a thin ribbon of blood-tainted rain trailed past where it had buried itself in the mud and started trickling into the streets of Ame.

XXX

He had let himself in after making sure he was calm enough to carry on and not just slaughter then next few living things he came across; the doors to the Spear of God building were built to last but then again nothing in the ninja world was really built to last firepower on the scale Naruto had accrued over his unnaturally-long lifespan. Striding inside, the mixed water and blood on his sandal soles making marks on the floor that would never come out, the jinchuuriki made his way inside and up, ignoring those who cowered before him, maiming or outright killing those that tried to slow him down with single shots from his pistol or swings of his chainsaw-based blade. _So much death, so much pointless death and misery_; he thought to himself, saddened now he realised he was fighting living, breathing humans now – at least with the demons he had absolutely no compassion in finishing the bastards off as normal morals simply did not apply in Hell. However here, on the mortal world, he couldn't behave that way to the same extent; he had to show restraint and mercy wherever he could, like now, as he merely pointed his shotgun up towards the woman floating overhead rather than simply pulling the trigger and watching her fall like a punctured Cacodemon,

"If one flake of that paper comes towards me, you will be dead before it hits that far wall", the jinchuuriki promised slowly, tracking every move she made as she hovered above him, not attacking but still definitely not going to let him past without a fight,

"I will not let you hurt him", her voice was melodious but determined as her wings swept her higher, "this world needs a god to guide it away from the cycle of pain and death – can you not see that? The power you posses, it was never meant to be held by men..." A harsh bark of laughter silenced her monologue, Konan falling silent and commending her soul to the mercies of Heaven or Hell – she probably couldn't stop him but she would die rather than see her team mate slain by this monster,

"You don't know how right you are kunoichi-san", Naruto agreed, though not quite for the reasons she thought he did, "but unlike your so-called god I actually have a plan to get rid of it, send it back to where it belongs. I have only one question for you", he gave a pause, long enough to look into her auburn eyes and see if there was any falsehood in her answer,

"Do you love him?"

The question was so direct and so personal that it almost sent her tumbling from the air; hastily recollecting herself the kunoichi of the Akatsuki merely looked forwards again and, seeing his eyes on her silently demanding an answer to his question, found she couldn't meet his gaze as she nodded, just once; the tension between them broke with an almost-audible shattering noise as Naruto sighted and shouldered his weapon for the moment, shaking his head again,

"Well I'm not here to kill him – you said it yourself, there's been too much war and death in this world already", he explained before his face hardened and he gestured to the door behind her, "but I will speak with him, this you can't change. Let me pass, like your ninja at the gate should have", he demanded softly but sincerely, equal parts grateful and disappointed when, rather than try to flex her muscles in a vainglorious attempt to shield the man she had feelings for, his enemy simply nodded again and let her wings beat again, carrying her out of the tower for the moment, leaving his way clear.

Nagato had known this moment was coming since his paths had fallen as it became clear that, even if the nine-tails had defeated him, he hadn't known that he heard and saw all his paths did, hence the reason Ame had been alerted to his coming. _But what did that do?_; for the first time since his ascension Nagato reflected on the past, that one bad decision seeming to be the most recent in a line of many; _sent many men and women to their deaths, for no purpose. If this is truly the work of god, then perhaps it is right I am sent to my judgement_; as that thought entered his mind, the wet and blood-soaked form of his nemesis entered his inner sanctum and, like all mortal beings, Nagato felt himself terribly unprepared for meeting the Shinigami as he locked eyes with his conqueror,

"The man who would be god huh?" Naruto's tone was dismissive as he stepped forwards, disguising his inner thinking; _this has to be done carefully, I don't want to actually kill the guy, just scare him to work with the world rather than try to change it. I'll have to break him down, then build him up and hope that works_;

"A broken, sad little figure, sitting on his throne with his delusions of grandeur while his Uchiha puppet-master pulls the strings to make him dance", his voice was nettling and doing its job as he saw defiance flare up in the Rin'negan user, "you know those eyes you have are more than just a mere bloodline Nagato; they are a gift, a gift from Kami-sama to our world. The last man who bore them, or eyes like them at least, unintentionally birthed the ninja world, a great change in our history for good or for ill, and what have you done? Nothing", he spat the word dismissively, "you have looked to the heavens and ignored what was at your feet, and because of that Ame is once more a place of broken hearts and blood – the people down their gave their lives for their god, the god who condemned them to their deaths".

"Enough", the leader of the Akatsuki snarled, anger about the only thing stopping the crippling guilt he was feeling from overwhelming him completely, "my family were slain in war, my best friend taken from me by a blade held by my own hand – I would bring peace to the world, I would stop the hatred!"

"By killing millions with the power of the demons the Rikudo Sennin brought to this world", Naruto thundered, the enormity of his accusations making Nagato fall mute as he tried to comprehend them; _the Sage, and the bijuu_; "a prophecy was made that Jiraiya-sensei would mentor the child of destiny, the saviour or destroyer – that was meant to be you Nagato! You were meant to use your eyes to see a way to peace, not through some genocidal mass-murdering machine, or pawns like the Akatsuki moved through the shadow; now though, that burden falls to me, his other living student", breathing harshly, the jinchuuriki regathered his composure for a moment before meeting the eyes of his enemy once again,

"You have failed so far Pain, but it is not too late to turn back, it never is – I've had more than one person I know find the light again. You have your land, a people that worship you and that kunoichi would have given her life and her heart for you – don't be a fool and ignore them any longer. Remove yourself from Akatsuki; you almost have all the pieces Madara needs anyway, once he has the eight-tails he'll have to come for me himself with you gone".

He had said what he wanted to say and that was all there was to it; Nagato was a broken man for the moment but, with time, he should be able to forget his godhood and lead the sad land of Ame to new, better fortunes. With a last breath Naruto focussed his energy, the power of the Pure world he had stolen from the last bearer of the Rin'negan eyes before a voice from the throne made him pause,

"Wait", realising he had what he did not deserve, Nagato had a final question, something he had to know, "what do you have? If you are to be the child of destiny who will save or destroy our world, what do you have that will let you do what even the Rikudo Sennin could not?"

The descendent of the Sage of Six Paths wasn't sure what Naruto would be able to say to that but out of all the reactions, laughter had been about the last one he'd expected; for the first time since his return almost Naruto broke down into gales of hysterics, unable to speak for a moment before looking up at the enshrined former god with a smile that made Nagato shudder more than any of his other proclamations or expressions so far,

"I could spend longer than I've got left in the world telling you all the things I have now; just trust me though I have the most important thing anyone could need", even as a bright green light dazzled Nagato and forced him to look away for an instant to see a bare chamber before him, the jinchuuriki's last words echoed around him, breaking him out in an uneasy sweat,

"I've got a plan".

Omake 5 – The Red Lights of Dawn and Dusk

"What are you grinning at?" Glancing back at the kunoichi who'd addressed him so brusquely Naruto merely gave a teasing smirk before tut-tutting infuriating, his wagging finger just about driving Kurotsuchi to breaking point,

"My, my, such rudeness; no wonder the Tsuchikage wanted you up here out of the way Kuro-chan; to answer your question though", his sudden change of tack left her floundering without a comeback as he looked out over the waves again, idly wondering how long it would be before he turned this idyllic scene into one of his favourite places, "I was merely thinking how ironic it is that the Akatsuki will fall on a day with a red dawn".

XXX

Huffing in annoyance Kurotsuchi didn't respond; following her re-introduction to the blonde at the five kages' summit, the meeting called by the Raikage following the loss of his younger brother and container of the Hachibi at the hands of the terrorist group known as the Akatsuki, and subsequent realisation as to how badly she'd been tricked by his silver tongue almost a year before, things had been unsurprisingly frosty. She'd spent the majority of the summit, where she and her brother had been acting as bodyguards for their grandfather, trying to glare a hole in his head following the brief greeting speech the Godaime Hokage had given the other assembled village leaders, though he'd seemingly paid little heed to her attention, instead interrupting the Raikage's bellowed cries for vengeance with a loud yawn prior to standing up, moving over to the map of the Elemental Nations and, after studying it for a minute, pointing to a shore near the land of Hot Springs,

"There, that will do; I'll need a squad of doton users and maybe some fuuinjutsu experts, but apart from that the terrain should be enough. When do you think he'll strike?"

Unsurprisingly Kurotsuchi was not alone in her flabbergasted shock that someone, some mere civilian without even a ninja headband, would dare interrupt a kage but it fell to the Mizukage, the first to throw off her shock, to ask the hundred-ryo question,

"Who are you?"

"Me? Oh, I'm Uzumaki Naruto, no-one special; you're gorgeous by the way", he'd commented off-handedly, one of the Mizukage's attendant bodyguards almost keeling over from the shock for hearing the blasé comment about his village leader, the surprise only compounded as the boy went on, "I think you should wear your hair down though, it would look better". Mei raised an eyebrow at this; it was a bold man who dared give her fashion advice and she had a thing for men with such courage after all; but before she could reply the desk in front of the Raikage exploded into powder, the bull-like man, still feeling the loss of his brother keenly, standing up and roaring,

"Then why are we letting you live boy? You dare speak when the most powerful ninja of the Elemental countries are talking, and teach strategy to us – you had best have a good reason for this or I will strike you down myself". Despite A's wrath however, Naruto seemed more interested in the map for a minute, reaching down and sticking a pin into it before turning around and jerking a thumb over his shoulder,

"How about because that's where Madara's based; you know, Uchiha Madara – learnt a trick for immortality and currently running the Akatsuki show; anyway, that's where he's stashed that statue the bijuu are sealed in and is currently growing an army even larger than our own. From what I've heard they're mostly doton affinity, so they'll move through earth more likely than not; I'll need good earth-users to make sure they don't try and sneak around behind me and bring them to the surface – take it from me blowing the earth down the bedrock would be both tedious and time-consuming".

Silence filled the shocked meeting hall at this news, this treasure trove of information; knowledge was power in the ninja world and, as Naruto looked at the map again to refine his strategy, he merely looked at the one who spoke next at the same time as mentally thank whatever god was out there that the Akatsuki had already taken the Shukaku from Gaara by the time Baphomet had sent him back to the Impure world; regardless of the future consequences, he doubted he could have left a friend to die,

"You are sure of this Naruto? Where did you find this information?"

"I have ways and means", the Kazekage's fellow jinchuuriki shrugged evasively as the presence of Itachi within Konoha was still a state secret, designed to ensure the Akatsuki weren't tipped off about his desertion and spooked into changing their plans, "still, we'll need a strike team to go after his base; reports suggest Madara's had a little white snakeling come crawling his way, one with a few nasty tricks up his sleeves – you know who I'd recommend Hokage-sama".

"I do; I'll inform Team Anko immediately", the Godaime assured him, prompting her opposite number from the land of Earth to snort in contempt,

"Hah, how far has Konoha fallen that its kage would listen to the words of a whelp without even a headband?"

"And how foolish has Iwa become that it wouldn't pay attention to the last piece of the puzzle Madara needs to finish whatever he's planning with the bijuu", Naruto cut back smoothly, defending one of the few people he truly cared about in this world as tensions rose around the room , the majority realising they were talking to the last living jinchuuriki and already planning strategies to keep him protected during the conflict, "anyway, forget all this bickering, just get me what I need so I can take care of this problem once and for all; I've had problems with the Uchiha clan for as long as I can remember, guess it's only fitting I put down the last one that's left".

"But if you fall Naruto-san..." The Mizukage stuttered to a stop mid-sentence, almost blushing as he turned a dazzling smile her way, the expression highlighting his whiskered cheeks as he answered in a voice that could have been the downfall of a saint; _or a kage..._;

"My thanks for your concern Mizukage-hime but I can look after myself", he assured her before meeting the Raikage's glower with a smirk, "besides you can't order me around, I'm not officially a nin so I don't answer to any of you, not even the Hokage".

"But if you're not a ninja how can you expect to stand against a ninja like Madara, who had already stained his hands in blood before you were even born? And if you're not a ninja then what are you?" Fielding this brace of questions with a smile Naruto simply shrugged, already planning his next moves and how a certain special jounin with a snake fetish featured prominently into them,

"I'll beat him same way I beat Hidan, Kakuzu and Pain of the Akatsuki, as well as a couple of other small fry along the way; as to what I am..." He drew the pause out for a second, just long enough to draw them in before blowing on his fingernails and buffing them against his jacket,

"...I'm complicated".

XXX

The memory actually jarred Naruto back to the present, recalling the next step in the plan the five great nations had agreed to defend themselves against Madara and the White Army of Zetsu that Itachi had informed them of, though he'd never actually seen them in the flesh. Initial estimates were ranged at about six to eighty thousand bodies on the ground, about as many as the shinobi and samurai alliance could muster between them;_ but then, since when have numbers mattered?_ The thought made Naruto smirk even as he opened a vein in his thumb, tracing the pentagram pattern in the ground with his blood as a shadow clone appeared soundlessly just behind him.

"What are you doing Naruto-kun?" Smiling slightly more fondly, the jinchuuriki looked over his shoulder at where Inuzuka Hana, one of the few people left in the world who used the affectionate suffix with his name, stood with two of her nin-ken by her side, the third left behind in Konoha as no matter how much her fiancée might protest that he didn't need the dog to help him get around, no-one living had ever outlasted an Inuzuka in an argument,

"Just taking care of a bit of business Hana-chan; with any luck you'll be back with your better half, married and making new red-eyed and fang-cheeked babies, in no time", he promised, chuckling slightly as Hana folded her arms and fumed silently, her embarrassment not helped by the sight of her mother trying hard not to snigger from the corner of her eye,

"Yeah, shout it for the world to hear why don't you? No", she shouted desperately, Tsume not able to resist the urge to laugh out loud as she watched the Uzumaki take in a deep breath even as he handed one of the weapons she had still never seen him use; _one of the reasons I agreed to come on this expedition – I know Naruto-kun can take care of himself but I've never seen exactly how he does it or what any of those strange things do_; to the clone, along with a vial of what she could smell was blood, probably his own so it could use that teleportation jutsu he'd developed, "that was just a figure of speech!"

"What, aren't you proud of your sweet little Ferret-kun? He'll be so sad to hear that I'm sure", Naruto told her, Hana's face going purple as she squirmed in embarrassment, silently swearing that whoever had told the Uzumaki her pet name for Itachi, even if it was her future husband himself, was going to meet with a long, slow and drawn-out death upon her return to Konoha. Tsume was virtually on her knees by this point, hand clapped so hard over her mouth she was almost at risk of passing out through lack of breath; seeing this Hana stalked over and grabbed her mother's arm, trying to haul her back to her feet at the same time as whisper harshly in her ear,

"I wouldn't laugh too loud mother dearest; you wouldn't want Naruto to find out about your fancy-man now would you?"

That thought immediately sobered the Inuzuka matriarch up as she glared venomously at her daughter; how had she found that out? She had been so careful, Hiashi even more so and that had been one of the things that made their illicit meetings so much fun; it had started with slightly more interactions within the clans, not unexpected as his daughter and her son were fully expected to be engaged if not wed soon; from there it had gone to private meetings between clan heads, to sneaking out for moonlight picnics away from the rest of Konoha and from there to history.

Tsume hadn't felt so free or so outright giddy since she'd been a teenager; the scheming and careful planning, the slipping out of the clan compound to wait for Hiashi to join her, the time they spent talking, just talking about the past, the future, about anything – no masks, just them and their humanity. It was shameful and could have gotten them both, the Hyuuga especially, into very hot water very quickly but she didn't care – heck Hiashi had been within a hairs-breadth of outright flirting with her at the council meeting prior to her leaving, the others must have been cottoning on that something was happening, the Nara especially. Now she was just waiting for Hana to bag her own man and Kiba to take Hinata off Hiashi's hands so the two of them could ditch their respective clans onto their children and run into the future together, a pair of survivors who'd found someone else to see out their later years with; _and as far as I can see, the sooner the damned better_;

"If he does then Kami-sama have mercy on your soul girl, for I will have none", the matriarch growled at her child as she let herself come to her feet, watching Naruto's clone disappear in a blaze of green to parts unknown.

XXX

The Edo Tensai technique, a contract between the Pure and Impure world, was a very demanding jutsu to maintain even for someone of Kabuto's chakra control and reserves; because of that drain of his concentration, not to mention the issues he had with deciding exactly which former shinobi would be of the most use in each battle area, he didn't respond with his usual cobra quickness to the noise behind him and, by the time he did turn around, all he could see in front of him were two black spaces of what looked like hollow tubes held up to his face,

"Wha...?"

It was not the most classic line to mark the end of his life, but given that he'd spent virtually all of those years serving someone else rather than following his own desires, it was a strangely fitting epitaph.

Even as the former Snake Sannin's apprentice fell with his head missing and his brains decorating the wall at the back of the cave he'd sequestered himself in the Kage bushin casually stomped on the grid he'd carved into the floor, crushing the beans he'd painstakingly gathered before moving over to the one who'd given him his access route into the lair of the serpent. Anko was unconscious and looked beaten up, though that was nothing a Pure world Rasengan couldn't fix, even if the clone could only get one finger in his ears as the Snake Mistress came too,

"Jeez, do that again Anko-chan", the clone groused as it reached for the small jar of its creators blood; though Naruto could teleport to one of his marks without needing to stand on a seal of his own, the effort involved took too much chakra for his clones who couldn't tap into his reserves of Pure world energy, "I think I can still hear a bit out of this ear". Grinning coyly as she stood up and dusted herself off, the special jounin sauntered over just as the bushin finished his work, looking down at it as she threw an arm over his shoulder,

"Like I told you kid, loan me one of those fancy explosives of yours for an hour or so and I'll make all the noises you want Naru-chan". Used to her antics by now and inwardly very grateful to them as out of the entire village, Anko was one of only half a dozen or so people he could talk to without needing to use a mask and therefore she helped his hang on to whatever sanity he still had left in the Impure world, the bushin merely sighed,

"You're as bad as Tenten, you know that?"

"Aww, what's wrong with the little Panda-chan? You know I don't mind sharing; in fact more to the point I'm surprised you didn't draw that little seal of yours on the other side of my skirt..."

"Because I didn't fancy being teleported head-first directly into the ground, or other things for that matter", the clone explained, glancing down at how little material he'd had to work with drawing the seal and ignoring Anko's vulgar gesture before going back on topic, " and besides, I don't mind her per se but I do mind her virtually stalking me all hours of the day and night; she's getting as bad as Hinata was", the clone groused, inwardly grateful that the Hyuuga clan heir had moved on after his death and taken up with her boisterous team mate rather than remain in perpetual mourning, "I had to make sure she came on this little seaside jaunt just to make sure she wouldn't go crying to her sensei that I was being mean; sometimes she is the world's biggest kid".

The Snake Mistress grinned, casually leaning around to run her finger over the lip of the bottle the clone had used to draw the blood seal, tasting the residue of gore with a suggestive gesture as the clone shook his head and muttered something about taking it all back about the Leaf's resident weapon master,

"Still as sweet as years ago gaki; come on then", with child-like glee she hopped onto the middle of the symbol and held her hand out, "let's go, I wanna see some bad guys die!" Shaking his head again the clone followed her and triggered the technique, Anko not noticing as she closed her eyes against the glare the sadness in the chakra constructs' eyes that told her she might want to be careful what she wished for.

XXX

The crackle and haze of emerald light was familiar enough to Kurotsuchi that she did nothing but scowl, her shame at being fooled once more coming to the fore as the clone reappeared with, her eyebrows almost made it to her hairline in shock, and she was a ninja who dressed daringly by Iwa standards. As the bushin popped to smoke the kunoichi stretched and gave a flirtatious wave towards where its creator was standing, still stoically watching the surface motion of the sea,

"Thanks for the lift brat; make sure we get a good show; oh what's up you three", have moved backwards slightly to give Naruto some space, Anko's gaze had been drawn to the slightly pale expressions of the second generation of the Ino-Shika-Chou, their parents just behind them with Inoichi wearing a headset apparatus that looked frankly ridiculous but would, they were assured by the land of Spring, allow him to transmit real-time information about how the battle was going to the generals of the shinobi army and the council of kages, "you look like Academy students at medic training – it's not like you've never seen blood being spilt is it?" It was Ino who answered, shivering slightly but standing her ground before the slightly deranged special jounin as memories of the pale man erupting into a fountain of more blood than she'd believed possible for the human body to contain danced just behind her pale blue eyes,

"No, but then again we've seen what that jutsu can do and", she broke off, shuddering, "it wasn't pretty". Grin only widening, Anko was about to reply when the youngest Yamanaka's father suddenly stiffened, news filtering in that made his voice lower,

"They've engaged our forward divisions, roughly ten thousand, no sign of any resurrected shinobi"; _and there won't be either, but it's best they don't know that_; the fear of the unknown was always a motivating factor in a fight and Naruto was careful to choose what was and wasn't admitted, though the memory of watching Kabuto's head disappear to bloody mist following the discharge of both barrels from that range brought a smile to his face; he never did like that slimy creep in the first place, "they're coming Naruto-san".

The jinchuuriki gave no reaction that he'd heard, gaze still out over the ocean as he thought over the plans he'd made so far and how, if today went well, this would be the last stage in completing all that he'd worked for, in this world and the next. Nodding slowly, he turned to the assembled ninja and spoke,

"Start the fortification; Iwa-nin, I want subterranean yoton techniques just under our feet to a depth of fifty yards so they can't walk under it – rest of you, harden the earth of that beach as far as you can, make them walk out the water if you can. Most of them will go under it, or try to, that's when you", he pointed to Kurotsuchi and her father, the taller man considering the plan and nodding sagely as the demon container gave his orders; _for one so young he has quite the commanding presence, not unlike the Yellow Flash he so resembles_; "will bring them out the ground and I'll engage them all".

"What about us Naruto-san?"

"With any luck we won't need you", he admitted to the rest on the ninja present, all holding onto kunai and feeling adrenaline start to flow through them as Inoichi reported more attacks, more engagements as the battle was joined in earnest and their own foes approached, "but if any get behind me or try to sneak past engage and destroy. Tenten-chan, snipe only, no area attacks", the weapon mistress nodded, tucking her scrolls out of sight as she holstered a belt of kunai as Naruto faced the rest of his tiny force, only three dozen or so ninja present and the majority of which, Akimichi Chouza and Inuzuka Tsume amongst them, knelt against the floor and using their doton chakra to comply with his commands, "apart from that, if it all goes well, just watch and learn"; _and beyond that_; he thought privately, the memory that the sea before him invoked flashing before his eyes as he looked away and out across the battleground again; _pray you never see anything like what I'm about to do again_.

"**Easy kit**", a familiar voice was in his ear as the bijuu sensed the storm gathering and waited, bound to its host and pseudo-body more closely than even the seal carved onto Naruto's arm would have allowed under normal conditions,** "whatever these Zetsu are, I doubt any ten of them could come close to putting down even one of the wraith-forms we were gutting decades ago**".

"Before we got bored with that and learnt how to fillet mancubi with a chainsword", he laughed back almost soundlessly, feeling the emotions within his body rise, the locks he had placed on his psyche breaking as the doomsday clock ticked down, "no turning back after this Kyuubi – any regrets?" The fox was silent for a moment before giving a mental shake of its head,

"**None, not if all goes as predicted here**", it admitted, giving one last check of everything it held in the mindscape and seeing all was as it should be, ready for the battle, "**you?**" Naruto also shook his head, feeling the tide within him rise and sensing Kyuubi shiver as a response, the fox able to feel his emotions more closely as the two of them now virtually shared bodies, only their minds remaining separate,

"Nah, not really; I never fell in love but on the other hand I got respect for what I did, I made Sakura happy by bringing Sasuke back, helped the teme sort out what happened to his clan and, well, I'll never be Hokage, but after this", he grinned, a dark, dangerous expression that he was grateful none of the others could see, "I'll have something else to look forwards too, and hopefully this world will too; we've tried talked, contracts and treaties and none of them worked – all I, the child of prophesy, can do now", he whispered harshly, lips retracting back in a snarl as he fought to keep a lid of his battle-lust and his weapons out of his hands for now,

"Is show these fools what pure, unreasoning ultra-violence looks like in the flesh".

XXX

"Contact!"

The shout came all too quickly, one of the Iwa contingent with sensory abilities feathering a touch on alien chakra; as the assembled ninja looked to their leader, they were unaware that he was in a different time and place...

_The lake of blood boiled and seethed around the foot of the cliffs beneath him, stretching away almost endless into the distance as he stood and casually kicked a pebble into the liquid gore, watching the ripples spread idly as he brought his foot back down on the fine sand that coated the cliff top, itself made up of a mixture of fire ash and pulped bone..._

Aware of their orders the doton users forced more chakra into their efforts, sweat beading on their brows as hundreds of separate but identical impacts threw themselves at the net of chakra they'd sent through the earth. Forcing their ninjutsu upwards they diverted the presences to follow into the sea, trusting the yoton barrier would hold back the vas multitude that had slipped through the net. All was still for a moment before several identical white faces breached the waves, allowing the shinobi of the alliance the first sight of their enemy...

_Skinless and dripped with gore, the first bony face of the submerged demon broke the surface, snarling at the impact that had disturbed it as he watched on impassively. Licking the blood that ran down its exposed skull with a tongue as forked as a snakes, the imp-like figure hissed corrosively, the cry some kind of a summon as more of its foul brood began to emerge from beside it, rippling trails on the choppy surface of the rich red blood of the lake showing that others too had heeded the call..._

Kurotsuchi bit her lip, her father beside her also feeling the strain as she fought to keep both the magma barrier hot enough to stop progress and make ready for the final surprise that awaited the Zetsu force, the last throw that would have them all erupt to the surface and into what the false sealing-expert had assured her and the others was their doom. Even as the first party of their pasty foes waded ashore though, outnumbering their pitiful number by at least a factor of twenty, the jinchuuriki appeared idle, merely watching them come, even appearing to have his eyes closed...

_He jinked aside from a warning shot, noticing that unlike regular imps this breed spat balls of boiling blood rather than fire, and closed his eyes for a moment, readying himself and reaching for his weapons; the only way to go was forwards and if that meant water-walking across this puddle of gore and killing every living thing in it, then that was what he would do..._

More and more of them burst through, the Zetsu thronging the beach now and emerging from the waves, eyes widening as they recognised their prey, and still nothing had happened; fears of treachery and suspicion rose like dancing snakes in many minds as Naruto stood where he was and did nothing; indeed it fell to one of the others, the one who had come along to this battle mostly to see in actions the weapons that had promised so much but been hardly used, to strike the first blow, sending a kunai whipping onto the beach, gashing the thigh of the closest enemy and spilling the first drop of blood onto the pristine sands,

"Naruto!" Tenten's shout was about to be echoed, the others looking in, making ready to defend themselves...

..._he opened his eyes..._

... when Hell awoke on Earth.

XXX

Redness surrounded his hands, both of them; the same ear-splitting shriek that had slain Kakuzu interspersed with a stacco banging sound as the other gun in his left hand spat fire at his enemies; watching the first rank of his unsuspecting foes fall and knowing he had just enough time left for one command before everything but the battle became white noise in his mind, Naruto roared over the cacophony of his beloved firearms,

"Bring them up!" Regaining their composure after such sudden violence, Kurotsuchi and her father fisted their fingers in the earth and heaved, sinews straining and chakra flaring as they dredged the warriors thwarted by their subterranean yoton barrier upwards, up to the surface. With a scream of defiance and exertion the Iwa kunoichi ripped herself upwards, sweat pouring off her brow as she saw the actions mimicked in real life, the sky darkening as hundred, thousands of bodies blocked out the sun, tumbling over each other as Kurotsuchi put a hand over her mouth, Heart of Stone forgotten in the face of one simple, undeniable fact; _there's too many of them!_

Even before she finished that thought though, the Zetsu started to die.

Out of all the nin present only Tenten had truly kept her eye on Naruto throughout the unearthing of their enemy and therefore only she really saw what happened as the jinchuuriki, wanting to conserve his plasma fuel, dismissed his plasma gun and widened his stance, holding the chaingun with both hands and flicking something small down with his left thumb. The result was immediate; the individual explosions became a high-pitched whine, the barrels rotating to eye-blurring speed as the chaingun roared out a two-foot torrent of flame, the hail of bullets slamming into and through the rising cloud of enemy figures, several of them jerking and spasming as the lead shots tore them apart. Raking the front of the weapon to and fro over his foes as accuracy was unnecessary under these circumstances, Naruto heard the click that signified the ammunition had run out after about forty seconds of non-stop fire, enough the shred virtually any demon in the lower kingdom and, by the looks of things, several hundred enemy Zetsu as the remainder fell to the earth; _and now to thin them out a bit more – Kyuubi, big guns please_;

"**Four shots kit**", the kitsune warned despite the almost orgasmic joy coursing through its mind; too long had it and its jailor been forced to live to human rules, now it was time for them to cut loose and wreck havoc and slaughter again as even if the enemies were comparatively weak, they were at least numerous, "**make them count**".

Grinning as he let the dry chaingun fade away for Kyuubi to reload with the youkai he still possessed and could use, backed up by the still mostly-untouched reserves of energy he had liberated from Pain and, before that, the Pure world itself, Naruto felt a familiar, comforting weight in his arms as he aimed the weapon he had only used once since returning to Konoha, ironically against the one thing most of the villages' ninja considered to be a demon to boot.

Clicking the detonation switch, he had just under a second to bask in the thrumming beat he had unleashed as the monster powered up before, with a sub-sonic boom, his BFG 9000 fired.

XXX

As a little girl she had been granted the privilege to watch Roshi, one of grandfather Oonaki's old friends, train with the aid of the bijuu he contained and unleash into the air the ultimate attack of the four-tailed monkey, the Tailed-Beast Ball, the Imari. As the lance of utter desolation and pierced the sky she had felt her heart cease to beat, utterly terrified as she clung to her grandfather's hand and realised there was no greater power in the world than the bijuu and those jinchuuriki that contained them, not even her grandfather's unique dust techniques could compare to the such sheer, heart-stopping power.

Until now, until she saw through eyes that soon became numb at the horror at the sight the jinchuuriki in front of her unleashed an attack the like of which had never been seen the Elemental Nations and obliterated more foes in an eye-blink than she could have dreamed possible.

The crackling ball of energy, so bright it was impossible to look at properly, had torn through the air and impacted on the sand of the beach faster than it took a human heart to beat, fusing the sand to glass as, rather than explode, it seemed to wash over the area around like water from the thrown water bomb, the acrid stink of ozone permeating the air as every living thing within a thirty-foot radius of the impact zone was reduced to less than the dust her grandfather's techniques left behind. Even the enemy outside the immediate impact zone were not spared, the vast majority of them falling to the ground not just dead, but immolated to death as bright star-shine seared though their bodies and reduced their flesh and bone to atoms. Where there had once been hundreds of foes sprawled together on the sand was now a blackened and burning wasteland where nothing lived or would likely ever live again, the most awe-inspiring attack ever released in anger during Kurotsuchi's lifetime destroying thousands of opponents and injuring thousands more, testament to the might of the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, an attack that could never be equalled by ordinary mortals.

Least of all as, resighting his aim, the blonde didn't even seem to hesitate in releasing another apocalyptic blast, this time flash-boiling hundreds of cubic feet of seawater to steam and boiling hundreds of other Zetsu alive, letting them float to the surface like slain fish as their still-living companions, those that were merely blinded rather than baked by the jutsu, drew their opponents ire and were the next to die by his hand. A third attack sounded the death-knell for hundreds of the pale figures still trying to recover from the first hammer blow and virtually swept the beach clean while the fourth, sent down the throat of her own technique to detonate below the ground and send a tremor through the earth that was seen rippling through the sea itself, immolated any Zetsu still trying to find a way past their group using doton techniques, the strange alien men now well and truly buried as the doomsday device the jinchuuriki had used vanished, as his other weapons had, and he tensed himself.

As though she were in a dream she saw what would happen next and without even knowing why Kurotsuchi stepped forwards, struck dumb even as she tried to force her tongue to work, her arms to reach forwards and prevent him leaping to his death before a hand grabbed her arm and refused to let her move, the kunoichi he had brought back from parts unknown refusing to let go even as she appeared to be as shocked as she felt by what had happened, the death toll that had spiralled out of control in such scant seconds,

"No", Anko couldn't see his face but knew what was in Naruto's mind, could see it because she'd been there herself more than once while her traitorous former sensei had been alive, "you can't help, he wants a fight and you won't stop him. Get in his way and he'll kill you without even knowing he's done it". Shock starting to drain away and be replaced with cold, hard dread in her stomach, Kurotsuchi only nodded and fell back to her normal place, noticing she hadn't been the only one to act in this matter as the bun-haired ninja had also had to be stopped by one of the more experienced jounin present even as her eyes never left the back of the man who had tricked her so long ago, watched him spring forwards into the abyss, towards his enemies even as two new weapons appeared in his hands and the wind whipped about him, propelling him around and around as fire erupted from the end of his smaller weapons.

Asuma saw the futon chakra swirling around the airborne ninja but ignored it, instead focussing on the sight of the Zetsu being snatched off their feet in sprays of blood, falling to the blackened sand as Naruto descended upon them like a thunderbolt, the weapon he had been briefed as being called a 'shot-gun' spitting fire again and again as it carved through his opponents. As he neared the ground again only a single figure remained standing, a single white ninja staggering as it tried to regain sight in eyes ruined by the calamitous detonation of the BFG that it never even sensed the doom that fell upon it, even the whirring of the sword in the jinchuuriki's hands going unnoticed until its world fell utterly dark.

Tenten had seen and mastered almost all the weapons known in the Elemental Nation and counted blades, bows and other fare of war her first and true love; after this though, after seeing the blade that whirled and purred as it messily bisected the first of many, many victims in a wild spray of gore, the chunin caught herself asking if there was a limit, some line that should not be crossed and, if there was, had Naruto, now roaring in what sounded like joy as he pounced on a fresh batch of enemies and hewed them asunder, not only crossed but run straight past it?

As arcs of blood and sprays of eviscerated tissue were sent into the morning air and tainted the sea breeze, Tenten was forced to watch, could not look away, as the thin cobwebs of humanity her friend and comrade had managed to place over his psyche were brushed aside and the fury of a demon denied a decent fight was released in all its terrible, mesmerising glory even as the water ahead, the blood within it already dissipating, was broken apart to reveal the next wave of attackers.

Without a second thought, lost once more in the rapture of fighting, Naruto sprang forwards to meet them.

XXX

_I can't consider myself a shinobi anymore_; for some reason that line came back to her had as Tsunade, along with all the other kages, watched on as the battle lines between Akatsuki and the shinobi alliance engaged and, within minutes, the one-man war on the shore engaged, no demanded all attention. Watching her grandson fight, if such a term could be used for what he was doing, the casualties he had racked up in the first ten minutes alone probably exceeding the entire death toll from the third world war, both she and Jiraiya began to see what Naruto had meant when he had spoken to them in her office that night, the lesson he had meant to teach the world and how he was going to tell it.

His enemies either knew no fear or feared their masters more than their foes as they continued to rise from the sea and the earth; they were legion, they were tougher than most if the reports from the other divisions was to be believed and they could absorb chakra from other ninja. Against many if not most regular shinobi, even jinchuuriki, who relied on the youkai of their bijuu, they would have been a remorseless, attritional foe to face.

But they couldn't touch Naruto, they couldn't even get close enough to try and touch him; whether it was the infernal machines that vomited bright, lethal starlight upon his foes, the trails of fire that exploded whole squads of them into bloody offal, the chattering weapons that cleaved through them like the edges of the Shinigami's knife or even the edge of his tearing sword and his own hands and teeth, he let them get close enough to die and no further. As all five of the kages watched on appalled and conversation around the headquarters dried up, the other divisions reporting that their opponents had disengaged with several losses and appeared to be either retreating or repositioning, no orders were made to follow or pursue; it was obvious where the Zetsu were converging and equally, terribly obvious what was happening to them as they were arriving.

Through Inoichi's eyes and the headgear he was wearing, the most powerful ninja in the world watched as an army tried to try to topple the last jinchuuriki and found itself wanting. Their jutsu were negated or avoided, the few clones they managed to snare simply exploded into clouds from which more murderous fire was sent into them and even the earth was no refuge, the sand repeated scoured with cleansing explosions of light and noise. At the epicentre of this typhoon of slaughter Naruto was an ever-moving god of death, hacking left and right into the ranks of his enemies, usually lost amongst their pale bodies until a wave of them fell back or, quite often, apart and the jinchuuriki sprang forwards, caked in gore but never stopping as he reaped an ever-greater tally of enemies...

...and all the while, his expression of a tight, controlled but still gleeful smile never changed.

"How hard...?" Jiraiya whispered but choked off, not even able to look away as, skilfully twisting away from one of his opponents as it extended its body obscenely, his godson, or at least the genocidal sociopath his godson had become, ducked his head in and appeared to rip out its throat with his teeth before moving on, Inoichi not able to see if he even spat the morsel of flesh back out as he continued his dance of eternal death, "...how hard did he work, to hold this inside?" Tsunade couldn't answer, she doubted anyone living could – the blonde child had been right when he had spoken to them in the office not as superiors, not even as equals, but as students with an important lesson to learn, something only he would be able to teach effectively because of what he'd seen and done in the time he'd been gone.

"So many, so much", the whisper came from Ookani, the creator of the principle of showing no fear, showing no pain on the battlefield forgetting his own principles, his Heart of Stone shattered as he watched the ceaseless killing, "not even the Yellow Demon..."

He tailed off, memories of Konoha's Yondaime in his mind but for the first time thought of in a different light, a positive one; Minato had killed yes, and ended any chance of Iwa coming out on top of the struggle between the nations but compared to the sights of suffering before him, of the white men left to die where they lay, screaming in pain as projectiles broke bones and ruptured organs, or that terrible sword ripped off limbs entirely and left their former owners to bleed out and die from shock and blood loss, the quick and swift death he had administered appeared merciful,

"That child", Mei was only just holding back tears, though there would have been no shame in her weeping as several ninja already were, one or two even having to rapidly run to the outside, the nausea overwhelming them as they watched the grizzly scene unfold; _and not a month ago he was giving Ao a hernia by complimenting me – now this_; "is this, this a boon of, of his demon?"

"What did you do to him?" Unlike the Mizukage her Suna counterpart had his smouldering tears trickling from the corner of his eyes as he set murderous eyes on Tsunade, the sand around him shifting menacingly as he sought to appoint blame and take vengeance for the shell of someone he had admired only this morning, "What turned a ninja I was proud to call friend into that, that _blasphemy?_" Understanding his rage and inkling her head at where the Kazekage sat, his guards and family whey-faced behind him as the death toll continued to rise, Naruto wasn't slowing down in the slightest as one of his outlandish attacks whooshed into the sea and sent up a spray of foam and viscera, Tsunade spoke in a soft voice,

"A terrible tragedy happened to Naruto-kun, something that should never have happened to a living person. Out of all the ninja in this cursed world though only he, him alone out of millions of people, could have possibly come through like he has and found something positive he could do with what he'd leant, and have the willpower to keep his instincts in check until the time he could bring it all to the end".

At this the Godaime fell silent, not saying anything more as she sat up in her seat and watched, forced herself to watch, the Yondaime's child work and etch the message he was trying to convey into her mind with the blood he was so freely spilling.

XXX

As blood stained the sands and painted them crimson so did other bodily fluids, tears and vomit, water the ground atop the cliff Naruto had leapt from; with the casual murder of so many going on before them, the massacre of the White Zetsu army, the shinobi who had accompanied Naruto to his last stand on orders of their kages all, regardless of their age, past service or personal feelings on matters of war and violence, realised exactly why it was that the blonde teenage didn't consider himself a ninja any more.

It was because it was simply true, he wasn't a shinobi.

He was and had evolved into, as Tenten managed to stutter out shortly after the second hour of fighting having finally stepped back away from the cliff and into the protective huddle of team ten, wide-eyed and staring but still unable to look away from a single step of the dance of death being played out before her, a perfect killing machine.

Everything he did, every move he made was brutally efficient, precise and to the point, the point being to make his enemies die quickly. His sword style, what she could see of it, was equally as direct and often used in concert with a smaller something in his off-hand, spitting fire at enemies his blade didn't directly engage, but everything he did revolved around the principle of putting his opponent on the floor, at least incapacitated but preferably dead, and then moving onto the next one, rinse and repeat as often as necessary. As long as there were enemies standing in front of him, he would be there to put them to the sword, tearing through their jutus and ranks without even slowing down as the sun rose higher, to its zenith and then began to wane, the shadows lengthening as the jinchuuriki's struggles sucked in more of his opponents' resources; he knew Madara had to capture him alive to extract the Kyuubi, had been counting on it in fact, and the ancient shinobi had come through for him, delivering an entire army to him directly, ignoring the other areas of engagement to focus all his martial might on taking the one vital piece Naruto represented for his plan. Ripping his sword through another throat and clearing some room with a wide spray of chaingun fire, Naruto glanced up at the sky and wondered for a moment how long he'd been fighting so far and if the people up there and watching through the strange collection of lenses on Ino's father's head had seen enough to start getting the point yet, then another Zetsu head burst from the ground near his left foot, hands ready to strike only to find themselves gripping the moving part of a chainsaw and swiftly dismembered in short order as Naruto threw himself back into the fight.

Before an audience of present and remote viewers the White Zetsu army threw itself bodily at the jinchuuriki the man who had created it demanded they bring before him, unconscious but alive; they tried every strategy known to the ninja world, every technique their doton affinity could muster against him and found them all undone, either by his weapons, some movement of his body that a human should not have been able to perform even with the aid of chakra and, occasionally, by a flare o green light that made one of their number explode messily a split-second later and had their nemesis emerge once more to attack from an unexpected angle. Bred without fear, the Zetsu fought on regardless, painting the waves, the beach and their enemy with blood until, as the sun sank into the ocean like a vast, melting clot of cream and the palette of a crimson sunset darkened the skyline, a shotgun blast tore a solitary albino figure in half at the waist and its owner span around, fingers already reloading the weapon as he took in the scene before him and realised, to his great surprise, that he was alone on the beach, every other living thing deceased and collapsed into a carpet of corpses that made footing difficult to maintain.

_Well, that looks like it's over then_; for a minute he was tempted to try and count the bodies to see if he could beat his personal high score in a day – he doubted it would happened but you never knew – before realising that unlike the demons that were his usual prey a lot of these weaker beings would have simply ceased to exist after the impacts of his stronger weapons, making accuracy impossible. Sighing a little at the end of the fight even if he sank to one knee and took in a deep breath, a little tiredness beginning to sink in but already being countered by Kyuubi trickling in some rejuvenating energy into his system, Naruto was already beginning to mourn the end of the battle before his senses, honed to an impossibly fine edge that no normal person could come close to matching, picked up a twist in the air and, clutching his sword tightly, he pushed himself up and turned around, eager to come face to mask with the ultimate enemy.

XXX

Uchiha Madara was not a man who believed much in gods or fate; however over the past few months, he had begun to have the strangest and unnerving suspicions that something or someone was out to scupper his plans for immortality and a truly peaceful Uchiha-dominated world.

It had started with his younger relatives actually killing each other during their long-awaited final battle; he had arrived at the battleground to find black fire everywhere and no trace of either Itachi or Sasuke. This had been slightly unexpected but not completely crippling – obviously Itachi had decided that he would truly end his life in a spectacular fight with his brother and Sasuke had either been too weak or simply unlucky to avoid escaping whatever jutsu had been the end of the brothers and left him the only Uchiha alive. However hot on the heels of that disappointment had been the fact that the other members of his organisation had begun dropping like flies; Sasori and Deidara had been lost but since they had claimed their bijuu their loss was unexpected, but for Hidan, Kakuzu and one of the halves of Zetsu to have fallen so quickly after the end of the Uchiha clan had first informed him that something or someone was meddling in his affairs, especially as there were disconcerting rumours that each of the Akatsuki had met their ends at the hand of the same person.

This rumour only became fact when, completely out of the blue, Madara had found his base of operations for all intents and purposes foreclosed; Pain and Konan had both left the ranks of the Akatsuki without a world and the lord of Ame, no longer calling himself a god for some reason, had demanded that the organisation leave his land, not wanting to risk the land of Rain being subject to retributive strikes for Akatsuki crimes. Behind his mask Madara had gnashed his teeth but been forced to grudgingly comply; there were very few shinobi in the world he feared by Pain was one of them as, in an all-out battle, Madara was unsure whether even the Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan could trump the Rin'negan and his plans were too close to fruition to jeopardise now over a point of pride; besides, he could always claim that doujutsu later when Pain and the rest of the world were nothing more than his puppets. About the only thing that had gone right was the schedule for collecting the bijuu themselves, though the task of taking on the eight-tailed jinchuuriki solo had cost Kisame his life, the shark-nin dying with a grin on his face after painfully hauling the Raikage's brother over the threshold of their hidden base to be sealed. Now only one remained, a single life for which a war would be fought and, hopefully, would end quickly when the shinobi alliance foolishly placed their trump card and his target right on the front lines.

Over the course of the day however, Madara had been left wonder who the fool had been; Kabuto had obviously betrayed him as the resurrected shinobi had crumbled to dust shortly before the attack was launched and the jinchuuriki, the son of the man who had sealed the Kyuubi away in the first place, was obviously not the dobe he had been made out to be but a serious and lethal ninja in full control of his bijuu. The Zetsu had failed to come even close to stopping him and from the information they were feeding him it appeared obvious that even Madara himself would have been hard-pressed to stop him at the height of his rage, so he had been forced to rely on a battle of attrition, frittering the lives of the Zetsu away to weaken the bijuu host until he could land the hammer blow that would capture him. Placing on his mask and warping the world around him, the leader of the Akatsuki emerged to the beach where his army had arrived and, as he almost lost his balance on the blanket of bodies that lay across the once-pristine beach, even he as a survivor of countless battles was sobered and deeply shaken for a second about how much death had occurred in this place over the course of just a single day,

"Ah, Madara, I assume that's you?" Jerking his head up the sole surviving Uchiha looked across at his nemesis, the Uzumaki smiling dangerously as he looked at the dead surrounding him, apparently unconcerned with the slaughter he'd wreaked, "Well if it is you're an idiot and a complete bastard – what kind of monster sends his soldiers out to die like this, and for what? A war you never could feasibly win?"

"Oh but I can win it, and I plan to", the more experienced shinobi spoke back in a voice that covered his trepidation; _I had best risk the summoning first off – he's not as tired as I thought he'd be_; "for all your undoubted prowess you have much to learn of the ninja world; in shougi, what matters the fate of pawns if the king still reins?" The sight of the blonde ninja merely smirking at this made the Uchiha's palms sweat a little and, unnoticed, he cut a tiny nick in his thumb more quickly than he'd planned as something, some sort of sword he'd never seen before, materialised in the hands of the jinchuuriki and was held out towards him point-first in a single hand,

"If you truly believe that teme", Naruto promised him, battle light once more burning in his eye even if he calculated the Uchiha's likely next moves and the plans he had in place to counter them, "then this is going to be easier than I thought".

"Kuchyiose no jutsu – Gedo Mezu!"

Even as the demonic statue appeared before him and holed to the heavens, its voice making those present on the cliff dive to the floor and pray for deliverance, Naruto could only think one thing as a vindicated grin flashed over his face; _checkmate!_

"**Very true, now destroy that abomination kit**", Kyuubi commanded as he handed over the weapons his partner required, snarling from within his hosts' mind at the statue animated by the other fragments of the Juubi itself, "**it's time we end this charade of mortality**".

The Outer Path statue had been constructed by Uchiha Madara using genetic material from his first mortal enemy, the Shodaime Hokage, as the man's Mokuton jutsu had been able to subdue the bijuu and lock them away in quiescent servitude. Originally inanimate, as more bijuu had been added to the statue more youkai had been present, this foul chakra working within the shell of the Mokuton to heave the statue to life. This combination of youkai, power of the Pure world, constrained within the Mokuton shield of the Impure world, was an almost perfect equation by the venerable Uchiha as all jutsu would be dampened by the Mokuton and any power that got through dissipated by the much more concentrated and powerful demonic youkai. This made the statue immune to ninjutsu and chakra-based attacks and also able to heal any mere flesh-wounds from physical weapons in a matter of seconds. For the ninja world it was an indestructible force of nature, much like the bijuu it contained; in some ways it was better Madara was a man who desired, in his own twisted way, peace instead of domination, as he would have quickly crushed his way to power with the Outer Path statue at his beck and call.

Or at least he would have, had it not been for two pertinent facts; all of Naruto's arsenal was compromised of purely physical attacks and therefore was immune to protection from the Pure world defences, and secondly even for a creature as titanic as the bellowing fiend, a BFG blast directly to the face could not be classed as a flesh wound in anyone's book. Even as it staggered backwards, eyes vaporised by the hit, the jinchuuriki capitalised with a couple of rockets into its kneecaps, the detonations making his massive opponent lose its balance and fall to the ground with a bone-rattling thud that squished at least a hundred Zetsu bodies to pulp. Madara, just behind his summon, was forced to suddenly disperse himself to avoid being pancaked by a gigantic descending foot and, by the time he reformed, it was too late to do anything but watch his plan fall to ruins in front of him.

Naruto had ideally wanted to land on the statue's chest prior to delivering the killing strike as he thought it would have looked more dashing; however at this stage in the game he decided the leg was just as good, reaching for and seizing the soul cage from his mindscape as his sandal soles hit flesh and Kyuubi began doing his work. A fiery corona of red surrounded his whole body as he began draining the youkai from the other contained bijuu, the first of what he hoped would be many, at the same time as he held the cage aloft and directed his mental commands into the demons he could feel coming to life beneath his feet as Kyuubi ripped their power away. The message he had for them was a simple one and, backed up by his power, both stolen and his own, brooked no argument as he sensed the disembodied wraiths of the bijuu around him and pointed to the soul cage,

"_**In!**_"

How long he stood there, in the one sensation that eclipsed even being in the thick of a fight, he couldn't tell – only when the statue was reduced once more to a lifeless husk and all eight of the captured tailed beasts were safely contained within his soul cage did Naruto breathe again, almost drunk on taking in so much of the energy only he among ninja could truly use effective,

"Whoa", he exclaimed, shaking his head as he looked up and down the now-emaciated corpse of the immobile statue, shrunken and ugly in death; _and it wasn't much of a looker to start with_; "what a rush – oh", rolling forwards, he span with the speed of a mongoose to see the last loose end he had left to tie up staring at him with hatred deep in his exposed Sharingan,

"Hey teme, looks like your ideas are over don't it – any chance you'd surrender and hand yourself in now?"

Oddly enough the answer was no, but it was harder than he'd anticipated to consciously resist the urge to block the arm that felt towards him and seized him by the neck.

XXX

Madara was beyond livid, beyond furious – he was _possessed _by rage!

A dream of lifetimes, undone in seconds by the bastard spawn of the man who'd thwarted him last time – that the Uchiha name be so badly tarnished by defeat, it was beyond unthinkable. All that was left in his burning mind was to trap the man responsible in a nightmare for the end of time and that at least he could do; as he felt the warm, pulsating arteries between his fingers he activated his technique to bend time and space around him, the world blurred before with a violent lurch, it came back into focus again sharply, the change so abrupt it almost made him stumble as his opponent smirked, looked up at him and raised an eyebrow,

"What, you thought I wouldn't know about your little ghost-trick?" Before Madara could respond he felt his wrist seized in a grasp like a gauntlet of rock, unbreakable as Naruto twisted and pushed down, breaking the stranglehold and almost forcing the older ninja to his knees as he went on,

"I know how your last ability works teme; using your Sharingan you actually step between this world and the Pure one, in but not in both at the same time and untouchable because of it. Problem is if someone, like me for instance, overloads his own body with energy from the Pure world, or Impure world for that matter like the Shodaime was able to do, it short-circuits the technique. It can't you manifest of course, but it can and does act like an anchor you can't move", he tightened his grip and glanced down, glaring at the single eye he could see through the mask, "lucky Itachi told me all he knew about you and I was able to figure out how you did it, otherwise this fight would have been annoying for me".

"Itachi?" It had been the only word that had registered though the shock and pain of having his wrist crushed and Madara wondered at it; how had his younger progeny survive that battle?

"Yeah, though he's Inuzuka Itachi and Sasuke's a Haruno now – when I told them the truth about your clan they decided that overall it'd be better if the Uchiha ceased to be so took different names on, so you really are the last one left. How long for though, depends on one question", Naruto told his opponent before he thrust forwards, Madara wincing even if he couldn't feel the attack as the brutal-looking blade rammed through his gut as Naruto smiled evilly,

"How long can you hold that technique for?"

Some five or so minutes later, five minutes through which Madara had tried every trick to escape only to find each moved blocked and escape impossible no matter how much chakra he forced through his vortex technique, unable even, as his last resort, to activate the Izunagi genjutsu as the Pure world power Naruto had was in contact with his skin and disrupted the technique, that question was answered. Uchiha Madara, the last living member of that once-great and tragic clan, had just enough time to groan in pain as he manifested right on top of the sword that impaled him before with a jolt of chakra Naruto send the chainsaw up to maximum speed and wrenched upwards, ripping the top half of his body into two separate pieces. As the last great threat to the ninja world slumped to the chest of his created weapon Naruto swung his blade aloft and roared with it, droplets of vitae splashing around his as he exulted in his triumph before remembering that last thing he had to do, the one task he had yet to complete before he could make his own destiny in the last place in the Time-stream any sane mortal would want to go.

XXX

Numb, that was all that was left to feel as an entire day watching nothing less than a massacre take place before their very eyes finally ended, the jinchuuriki who had fooled them all with his veneer of humanity standing triumphant over the dead bodies of his enemies. Naruto had stood before an army, a monster and a legend and he had emerged victorious; the only question now in many minds, or at least in the small part that wasn't praying for deliverance and hoping to Kami-sama that the jinchuuriki wasn't completely gone over the edge by the blood that he'd spilt, was what would he do now he had shown himself to be the most powerful thing in the Elemental Nations. All hearts were in mouths, silence fell both on the cliff top and in the command room as Naruto suddenly choked off his bellow of triumph and in the blink of an eye fired a trio of attacks against the foot of the cliff in front of the giant body he stood upon, his rockets punching through stone and letting loose the lava the Iwa-nins had created. As the burning life-blood of the earth sizzled and spat as it began eating its way through the piled corpses nearby, the jinchuuriki rose to his full height and bellowed up to the crowd, his eyes on Inoichi as he addressed the people he needed to hear his message prior to his leaving the Impure world for the last time,

"Welcome", he called upwards, tone serious but with a slight hint of mischief present, the same way there had always been in his younger days, "welcome to my paradise and your nightmare. This is where the world of ninja will lead us all, the last step on the path of hatred, death and despair that is the shinobi way – I am your ultimate warrior, the ultimate weapon forged in hell-fire on an anvil of war; do you like what you see here, are you proud of what I've done, what your way of life has made me? Will _you_ lead your people this far, to this place", he gestured around him, to the bodies, the blood and the choking smoke beginning to rise as fire lit the bodies all around him, "knee-deep in the dead on the shores of Hell, inferno burning around us and thy flesh consumed by fire – is that the future you want? Turn aside now, turn away from the edge and maybe, just maybe", he paused, biting his thumb and waving it, a thin ribbon of blood flying around him in a very familiar pattern, Tsunade outright sobbing as she realised he was finally going to do exactly as he said he would but forcing herself to listen over both her and Jiraiya's grief as Naruto shot his audience a cheerful wink,

"I won't see any of you again!"

The pentagram burst into flame, Naruto focussing all of his might and the energy of the bijuu he'd liberated to tear apart the barrier between the Pure and Impure worlds before, with a wrenching, tearing noise followed by a thunderclap, Naruto was gone, returned to his home and with only a charred symbol seared into the deceased flesh of the statue that would have been the King of Hell to mark his passing temporarily.

Moments later, the magma rushing from the cliffs to the sea consumed even that.

XXX

Silence pervaded the command theatre, his last words biting deep even into jaded souls such as the kages of the Elemental nations; so still was the atmosphere that the sound of an unfurling scroll echoed as Tsunade, drying her eyes, passed something wordlessly to the samurai Mifune had left as adjudicator while he was in command of his detachment on the front line. Unrolling it, the grim-faced man read for a moment until his eyes became wide and he asked,

"What is this?"

"A contract for mutual peace and immediate phased disarmament", Jiraiya answered in his kage's stead, "to be signed by all the kages present here. It was my godson's last wish; if none of the states would see peace, he would instead show us the true result of fighting amongst ourselves and where it would lead to eventually. Now he had gone, left forever, to save all of us from the love for battle his trauma and struggles bequeathed him with. His final message, his last words to Tsunade-hime and me...", biting back a sob, the Toad Sage forced himself to carry on and deliver the words Naruto had entrusted to him to deliver and would, in later years, be carved onto the statue that would bear his likeness in every country in the Elemental Nations,

"...War is Hell, and I will not see those horrors come to this world that I love".

None moved, none spoke, none needed to as the Mizukage, drying her eyes on the sleeve of her robe until the wielder of the two-handed sword of the hidden Mist conscientiously offered her a tissue, leant over, slowly pulled the treaty from the unresisting hand of the samurai advisor and reached for the quill next to her seat.

XXX

Upon a rock where a boy had once cowered in fear, a would-be conqueror stood proudly, standing upon the symbol he had painted there prior to beginning his trek back to the Icon of Sin for Baphomet to send him home; _and to think I argued with Kyuubi over that one_;

"**Yes, who'd have guessed**", the fox snapped semi-playfully before demanding, "**anyway, set them free, let us begin the true game here and now – on your world they would call us a monster, here we will be a king, or emperor!**"

"Yeah, yeah, get your head shrunk before I come in there with a pin", Naruto demanded as the eight clones he required appeared and stood ready as the soul cage materialised, "sure you don't want one?"

"**Perfectly; why be a peon when I can be an advisor to the master, the power behind the throne?**" Realising what was going to be the best he was going to get out the egotistical demon Naruto shook his head and, concentrating, released the souls of the eight captured bijuu back into Hell and straight into his clones, watching the results eagerly as the doppelgangers shook and writhed at the unfamiliar presence within them.

A few minutes later, looking over the slight physical changes that had occurred, he nodded and made to introduce himself as the bijuu became used to moving in his body again,

"So, the process worked then", he said aloud, all eight figures looking at him with varying degrees of curiosity or disdain as he went on, "right, well I guess we should get to know each other so I'll start off; I'm Uzumaki Naruto, I like my weapons, Kyuubi and gunning down lots of demons to take their Pure world energy, I don't like not being in a fight, my goal is to kick a lot of demonic ass until I get strong enough to make my dream come true, said dream being to change Hell for the better".

As expected the last admission got their attention, though it fell to the clone with a pair of horns coming out the side of his head, one of which was chipped and partially missing, to speak for his companions after they all shared glances,

"And why should we listen to you; Hell's for bad people, you can't change it, fool". _Okay_; Naruto thought for a minute, trying hard not to shiver as he heard his voice so badly mangled and messed around; _that's going to have to stop_;

"I can change it, and you will help me; I am your Progenitor after all", he pointed out mildly, the looks on the clones' face comical as they too realised that yes, he had been the one to grant them a mortal form and therefore was by definition a Progenitor, "fact is, while I was here I got the feeling Hell wasn't working – it was just a perpetual dumping ground for evil souls, it wasn't changing them, just letting them fight. My idea is to, once I've conquered it and changed all the demons to my side by unfleshing them then making them in my image just like I have you, is to figure out if I can cut a deal with Kami-sama to see if we can get a time limit before you guys get reborn in the Impure world, turn Hell into a time-out rather than life imprisonment, you know? However", leaving the eight bijuu to think about this for a minute Naruto peeked over the rise and saw with a smile of fondness the familiar entrance to the compound he'd blazed his way through what felt like a lifetime ago; _and hopefully it's nicely restocked with demons. Well, enough to get these guys up and trained at least_; with that thought in mind he smirked as he looked over his shoulder to the physical bodies of the other eight bijuu, by now realising they were stuck as being the first foot soldiers of his future army,

"Before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let's make sure you guys learn how to walk, talk and act like a squad; there", he pointed down the hill, "is our training area, so sort yourselves out ladies and gents", he inclined his head respectfully as he noticed some of his clones were sporting bulges in places where no self-respecting man ever had them, or at least, ever had them to that extent,

"Let's start raising our own little bit of Hell!"

A/N: And thus from one idea did so many others spawn, much like the original game now I think about it; but yeah, there I was playing away when I realised, keeps getting up no matter how hard he's knocked down, can do a ridiculous amount of damage for his size, gets a big grin on his face at the most opportune times – yep, Uzumaki Naruto and the Doomguy have a lot in common (original Doom and Doom 2: Hell of Earth that is, not that fancy new Doom 3 stuff)! Again I believe this is the first time anyone's attempted to cross Naruto with Doom, but I hope you enjoyed it and took away the lesson Naruto was trying to say; can he succeed in placating the monsters in the Pure world and gain them absolution, and what resistance will he face in his struggles? And what will happen on the Impure world he left behind, least of all with the newest additions to the Inuzuka clan and the Haruno family?

Beyond those questions for other readers to answer, I left a lot of in-jokes in the text, mostly to do with Doom and but a few from other games and wider literature; see if you can spot them all! If you want, I can publish a list in the next chapter – let me know if you think it's a good idea.

And remember kiddies, war is not cool and guns aren't toys – there is always a better way than fighting!


	19. Chapter 18

Chapter 19 – Just a Dream

A/N: Okay no-one can say I don't listen to the reviewers; you wanted a bit of humour and Naruto with a girl; well read on, this one's for you. A certain amount of cross-over with a very unusual and shady character (especially the third omake), but apart from that hopefully a peek into an AU where one action has a very unusual unintended consequence and the village of Konoha will never quite be the same again. Hope you enjoy it and any comments are welcome as always.

The lights are flickering but the show's going on anyway – don't blink or you'll miss it!

XXX

_Running, running, always running as though there was a devil of her heels, never looking back because he knew that if she did she would see just how true that actually was._

_Tears pulled at the corner of her eyes as breath heaved horribly in her chest, drawn out in harsh, panting sobs as she tried to forge ahead, away from the mocking laughter of the monster that haunted her very mind itself. The hideous thing behind her was capering and dancing, claws clicking on the rough stone underfoot as it delighted in her inability to escape, its voice like a rasp to her ears as she heard it command and shuddered,_

_ "Stop running, insect". She would not listen, did not obey this cruel demon but it appeared she would have no choice; before her the road ahead began to pitch and crack, buckling upwards and cracking, cutting off her escape even as she tried to fight her way through it, using her meagre power as much as she could to stop the world around her warping beyond her control. The splitting stone slowed, sluggish and for a brief moment she dared hope, but hope was a cruel mistress and dashed itself against the resurgent barrier, the thin fingers of stone blotting out the sky as she beat her fists against them, hands bleeding but not even pain allowing her a way out this time. She almost cried then, almost but not quite, some tattered sheds of dignity all that stood between her and the monster's cruel amusement as she heard it speak again, the voice dripping into her ears like a liquid honey,_

_ "Look upon me". She did not wish to do so, wanted to do anything but look upon the creature that was consuming her one agonising minute at a time but it seemed its patience was at an end; against her will she felt her body turned and her eyes forced open, the sight before them causing a scream to be lodged in her throat as the skull-face of her nightmare grinned sickeningly back at her,_

_ "Why do you recoil?" It questioned, smirking through its fleshless lips, "This is your eventuality"._

_ "N...N...ooo"._

_ "You deny it even now; little fool look at you", it demanded and she barely suppressed a shriek as her head was forced down, seeing the pitiful state of her dress and the blood on her feet from ceaseless running away, "you cannot fight, you can barely even run – resistance is of no concern or use to you or me, merely accept what your fate has dec..."_

_Whatever else it had meant to say was lost in the explosion; chips of rock were thrown around her, battering the creature in front of her even as she felt nothing against her save a sudden warmth, an incredible comfort that nourished her enfeebled soul even as a voice, the voice of a being of incredible power growling with barely-restrained wrath, sounded out,_

_ "You have said more than enough", even through her half-closed eyes she could see the monster, the unstoppable force, stepping back, even its supposed unmatched power unsure against this new threat, "leave this place – I want to talk to your master"._

_ "Master", the thing spat, hatred evident in its tone as it stared at her and, Kami curse her weakness, she couldn't help but flinch, "that human stain is master of nothing, least of all me"._

_ "Yet", the other replied, such confidence in its tone that even she believed him, even for the briefest moment, "run away, enjoy your freedom a little while longer; it's not my place to end you, much as I wish it were – that pleasure", the thrill that ran through her as a hand, warm and soft and human, was placed on her shoulder, was unlike anything she had felt in this place of nightmares before and so powerful was the sensation that she actually did weep, tears silently dripping from the corner of her eyes as her new benefactor finished, "will fall to her". Her tormentor looked for a long moment like it was going to laugh, then looked past her and spat a final curse before, with a whirl of its cloak, it whipped itself away, leaving her alone with the stranger._

_She could think of nothing to say – what could she say to something that had been able to drive off a creature that had haunted her dreams for as long as she could remember with little more than his voice? She tried though, curse her weakness for failing but at least she tried, only for the entity that had delivered her to gently silence her fledgling efforts,_

_ "Peace; there's nothing you need to say to me that I haven't already seen. Turn around, I'd like to talk to you face to face", screwing up whatever dregs remained of her courage following the beasts' attention she did as she was bid, haltingly and tentatively but she did it, only to blatantly gawp as she beheld the face of her saviour, "and we have a lot to talk about"._

_He did not lie, and they did not stop speaking for what felt like an eternity, an eternity of peace and tranquillity that, when it did end, left her feeling more refreshed and nourished in body and spirit than any she could remember in all the years she'd been alive._

XXX

It had a been a very satisfying sort of week, Iruka decided as he pulled his sandal on, checking the clock as he made sure he was running ahead of time for the meeting with the village leader; yes it was always sad to see a class dismissed for the last time, but at least in this case the bittersweet sensation of waving off his latest class of graduates was tempered by the knowledge that out of all the students he had ever shepherded through the shinobi Academy.

As he picked the folders of his former students off his kitchen table the instructor thought back to his students; if nothing else it took his mind off Mizuki's shock confession earlier in the week. Even now he could barely believe the words that had flown from the man's mouth after his instructor assistant had completely broken down about his treachery in the staff room, his broken sobs intermingled with confession that he was a double-agent for the arch-traitor Oroichimaru with orders to attempt to steal the Forbidden Scroll for his masters and half-baked promises of suicide for both his failure and his treachery. Luckily the ANBU had been on hand to contain the situation before any of the kids saw it and started asking awkward questions, taking Mizuki into custody before the finals of the genin exams that had, for the first time, resulted in a complete pass rate and, sadly for Iruka, a scheduled meeting with the Hokage to try and hammer the graduates into passable teams. _Luckily though, this year_; as he swept his eyes over the name at op the first folder, as always arranged alphabetically for ease of reading, a chortle forced its way though his normally gruff, scarred visage; _we have a crop of exceptional candidates, most of whom already work together very well_.

That was true, and nowhere was it truer than in the boy who's name graced the top folder of his pile; Akimichi Chouji was his father's son and a scion of the Akimichi through and through, but his growth both physical and mental had been nothing short of staggering, so much so that the boy's father himself had complimented Iruka on honing his son into such a great future shinobi despite the teacher protesting Chouji had done it all himself. Though he had the appetite his clan was famous for, the clan heir assuaged such a hunger with jerkied beef and energy drinks rather than crisps and sweets, and spent most of the class physical training sessions working with weights even Iruka himself now struggled to clear away once practice was over, or going on long, if slow, runs to build up his endurance; the result of such a training regime were plain for all to see and many girls of his class had seen them. Now a powerhouse with a physique to match, Chouji had been subject to a lot of appraising glances across the classroom and, guilty secret though it was, seeing the big lad squirm as he was completely at sixes and sevens about what to do in the face of such attention was one of the highlights of Iruka's day; _or it was, until one of them grew a spine and did something about it_.

That too had been one of the revelations of the class as the years went on; though she had come into the class as a whispering lamb, Hyuuga Hinata had graduated as a roaring lion with one hand securely trapped in the massive paw of the man she had obviously decided was going to be her boyfriend. Chouji, rather wisely in Iruka's opinion, hadn't argued with this, and probably not just because Hinata was one of the only members of the class who could actually trouble him in a spar, her Jyuuken able to bypass his fearsome physical resilience by targeting his chakra network rather than his impressive muscles. Iruka often wondered what had flicked the switch in the Hyuuga's mind, what the tipping point had been that had flipped Hinata from a girl who wouldn't have said boo to a goose and jumped at her own shadow into her slow metamorphosis into a future Hyuuga clan head – he had some ideas but sadly could prove nothing. _Not that it really matters if I'm honest_; and it was true, he didn't – two of his students were obviously very happy with each other and had trained and sparred together with for the better part of six months following Hinata cornering the Akimichi clan heir and making her intentions plain, what else could a teacher really ask for?

Well, apart from a really good teacher for the dark horse of his students; the last Uchiha did have a tragic history considering the massacre of his clan, an event that if common rumour was right he'd been forced by his own brother to live through several times, and originally he'd been as closed off and cold as Iruka had been expecting, at least for the first two or so years. He had been heartened, however, to suspect the first tenuous green shoots of recovery had started to sprout in the latter half of his schooling; though still closed off to a great extent, Sasuke did have his moments where the unfeeling mask slipped slightly. He had occasionally caught Sasuke paying attention to whispered conversation around him while appearing apathetically disinterested, once or twice he'd been caught by surprise hugs from some of his fan-club (who, give them credit, had to a greater or lesser extent all knuckled down to their training and were on the right path to become good kunoichis for the Leaf) that he knew the boy could have dodged if he'd wanted to though he had yet to reciprocate them, and Iruka could have sworn that the last time he'd been caught out by the two resident pranksters in the class, Sasuke had added to the general mirth of the class with a small, easily disgusted snort or laughter,

"Hi Iruka-sensei"; _well, speak of the little devils and they are bound to appear_; "want to treat us to ramen by any chance?"

Hiding his smile with great difficulty the Academy instructor looked over his shoulder at two of his favourite if, to borrow a word from Shikamaru, most troublesome students, Iruka nodded at the clan head and her 'nii-san' before shaking his head and indicating the folders in his arms,

"Sorry kids; Hokage-sama's orders", he explained hastily, deflecting the blame as their faces fell, "I have to go and see the boss about the team selections, and don't worry", he raised a hand as he saw the sudden look of shock pass between the two of them, "I'm sure you'll be on the same team the two of you".

"Because jiji knows how awesome we are right?"

"Well either than or both he and I don't want to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders and under our chairs and beds to try and see where the next prank's coming from", the teacher riposted, patting the older of the two children on the head, "anyway, must get going..."

"And we'll have to come with you I'm afraid", the girl replied, fixing her long brown hair where Iruka's hand had messed it up slightly, "we have news for Hokage-sama, though we will of course wait until he's had the pleasure of your company". _And once more_; the chunin nodded politely even as his mind heaved a sigh and shook its head; _I can't tell if you're being sincere or sarcastic. Kami-damned bloodline abilities and cutes face, those two things shouldn't be allowed together on one person_;

"Very well, but keep your hands where I can see them at all times", he lectured, explaining with a trace of steel in his voice as the girl pouted, "you're a ninja now, you can't go pulling pranks on people, least of all the Hokage himself".

"Ah but I'm sure the old man would be able to hold a hand-stand a lot longer than you did Iruka-sensei", the chunin winced at the reminder before glowering at the culprit, who somehow managed to look angelically innocent at the same time as suppress a giggle at the recollection, "and even Chouji said you had a good gut when your vest fell down".

"That was neither here nor there", the chunin replied starchily – his arms had ached for days after that one time he'd made an unwise comment to Naruto regarding the pathetic state of his clone without realising Mizuki had forgotten to ask his adoptive sister to hand over any drawing material she may have had secreted on her person, "still, I see I'm not going to shake you off so come aboard", the two children jumped in delight and fell into step alongside him as he shrugged and, from behind them, wondered exactly what had happened between the two of them that had ended up with the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, the scourge of Konoha and all-around number one unpredictable ninja, adopted into and considered to be the younger brother of the heir to the Kurama clan.

He'd heard the rumours of course; that his 'kitsune magic' had ensnared the genjutsu prodigy or that his bijuu was the source of the clans' considerable talent for genjutsu (and, some whispered darkly, insanity), but knew better than to pay attention to hearsay, both as a ninja and because he'd seen how close the pair of them were. It was strange but they were all at once opposite and alike; _actually, I think symmetrical would be the best way to describe it. Naruto is headstrong, Yakumo is the calming influence, though he cajoles her into keeping going even if she's getting tired or exhausted_; that had been a major sticking point and was still one to a lesser extent – through no fault of her own Kurama Yakumo had been born with a frail frame and became exhausted easily, much like Rock Lee had been born unable to utilise chakra for jutsu. This problem had been slowly resolved by the physical training she had undergone during her time in the Academy but she was still a long way from ideal standards; Iruka of course couldn't prove it but he would have bet his shirt that the only reason she'd passed the running phase of the genin test was because at least one or more of the other students, Kiba most likely as he had a bit of a crush on her, had carried her part of the way.

Her genjutsu skills however; Iruka shivered slightly as he recalled the stories he'd heard of Yakumo's clan, the hell they had unleashed upon the enemies of Konoha was still used in some areas of the world to frighten children into good behaviour, and she was considered something of a prodigy in the clan. _And at the minute Konoha hasn't had much luck with its prodigies_; the chunin mused sourly before he looked down and the sight of Yakumo holding hands with her adopted brother banished the bad feeling; _maybe that was one of the reasons her parents decided to take Naruto in – if she was going to snap at any time she'd probably have done it within about three days of introduction to her nii-san!_

He stifled a smirk at his own joke; true Naruto was a bit of a hell-raiser and as loud as his favoured orange suit, one he wasn't wearing at the minute the teacher belatedly realised, but at heart he was a good kid who thought the world of his sister and was thick as thieves with most of the rest of the class. Iruka would have been the first to admit that he had been filled with trepidation at the thought of actually teaching the container of the demon that had almost levelled the village several years ago but even bowel-loosening terror could only last so long, especially when aggravation at not being able to stand up from his seat for the day due to liberal application of super-glue was knocking on his mental door and screaming at him to slam the boy in detention until the Godaime Hokage was anointed. Only thoughts of what Yakumo or, Kami forbid, her clansmen might do to him had he done so stayed his hand; memories of seeing Shikamaru suspended from the ceiling by his own underwear were still enough to make him shiver and wince even now, and all the lazy nin had done was to accidentally knock over her little brothers' ramen cup and not say sorry afterwards.

Still, if anyone deserved a family as a reward for his hard work (Lee didn't count as last Iruka had heard he was very happily running into the sunset with his new sensei Maito Guy) it was Naruto, and it seemed the Sandaime had agreed with him; though originally suspicious that the Kurama were attempting to adopt the jinchuuriki for some kind of political leverage, the aged leader had soon seen the light and stamped the adoption papers with a light heart and a smile on his face. He still looked upon the boy as a grandfather though and this was reciprocated by the Uzumakis' chronic lack of respect for the Hokage, but overall the situation could have been worse; at least, Iruka reasoned as he glanced up at the doorway of the Hokage tower, they'd arrived without one of the two having a genius idea that ended in some unlucky victim tarred, covered in paint or accidentally set on fire.

XXX

"Ah, Iruka-kun", looking up from beneath his heavy eyebrows Sarutobi put down his pen and stamp and stretched off for a minute, the mantle of being village leader taken off his shoulders for a brief time as he pored over the newest recruits for Konoha's ninja forces, inheritors of the Will of Fire, "you and your, ah, assistants, have the folders of the future genin?"

"Not quite Hokage-sama; I have the folders while these two little ankle-biters decided to tag along", the chunin replied, not quite able to give a glare to the two children who'd crept into the office with him, "as to why I've no idea but they said it was important".

"And I've no reason to doubt that it is", the Hokage assured him, his hidden glance telling Iruka that he too had been the recipient of an Uzumaki speciality retribution prank and had no desire to repeat the experience, "so then Yakumo-chan, Naruto-kun, what is it you needed to see me about? You'll have to be quick I'm afraid, I have a meeting with the future jounin-sensei's in about an hour from now".

"Oh don't worry jiji we won't be long", Naruto assured him with his sister backing him up, nodding at his shoulder as the jinchuuriki went on, "we, Yakumo-hime and I that is, decided it was about time we told you something important; it might have an impact on the teams you want to assign".

"Really? And what is that?"

"About a year before I enrolled the Academy, one of your ninja tried to kill me".

The atmosphere didn't chill, it outright froze solid; even through his shock Iruka could tell the Hokage was trying to come to terms with what his adopted grandson had admitted with nothing but good cheer in his voice, a voice that continued as he went on,

"Well I didn't realise he was trying to at first, actually Yakumo-chan pointed that detail out after I told her what had happened; yeah I felt like a baka..."

"Just as well because you _are _a baka".

"...hey; I'm smarter than I was", Naruto defended himself from his sister's impish grin, sticking his tongue out before continuing, "but yeah, anyway, fact is he didn't manage it, I'm still here but because he tried, something else..."

"Naruto", it was actually Iruka who broke the lock of disbelief that had been clamped over his motor functions first and dared to speak, cheeks as grey as the Sandaime's hair, "who, what happened? What did he do to you?"

"He was very good, very good indeed I'll give him that", Naruto began after a minute's thought, one eye on his grandfather as he waited for Sarutobi to catch up with his reality, "he offered me exactly what I wanted and I just ate right out his hand, never even thought what was going on until it was far too late. I know better now like, look underneath the underneath and all that, but back then I wanted to be Hokage and someone said they could show me a technique so strong it had only ever been used once before – I thought if I could mater it I'd be a shoe-in to replace you jiji. So I met the man where he said, I never saw his face, he was wearing a mask like an ANBU but it was completely blank; I thought it was weird but he gave me a scroll and told me that as soon as I opened it I'd have no more than a minute to learn the technique inside and practice it before it caught fire and destroyed itself. He left then, did that shunshin-thing to get out the way and, once I stopped bouncing around, I took a breath and opened the scroll, reading it completely. I got all the hand-seals down, just in time as the thing spat at me just before it burnt my eyebrows off, and got to practicing – of course, I was that impatient I had a few dry-runs before giving it a go, throwing all the chakra I could at it and then saying the magic words".

"But, but Naruto", not wanting to believe the boy had come so close to death under his watch, Sarutobi grappled for anything that could be used to minimise the damage that could have been done, "why, why didn't you come to me before attempting a jutsu, especially a powerful one? And what happened, what was on that scroll?"

"A jutsu", the newly-minted genin replied simply with a shrug, "a very powerful jutsu that should have, in fact _would_ have killed me had not two exceptional people stepped in to save me. I didn't go to you because I wanted it to be a surprise, and believe me it was more than that – tell me jiji, what would happen if a shinobi, rather a stupid one but one with large amounts of chakra and next to no control, made the following hand-seals; snake-boar-ram-rabbit-dog-rat-bird-horse-snake and clap-hands?"

Iruka couldn't answer that and he knew a large number of jutsu used by Konoha forces, both normal and forbidden jutsu as was expected of him as an Academy instructor and, due to that, the last line of defence between his students and any attacker that may have invaded Konoha. Looking back to his leader however, and seeing that Sarutobi looked even paler and closer to death than he had when Naruto had innocuously mentioned he'd been the target of an assassination attempt, he was suddenly unsure he even wanted to know,

"Th, _that_ seal? The Shiki Fuuin?" Sarutobi threw himself to his feet, pacing behind his desk even as his eyes remained glued to Naruto or, more specifically, his stomach, where that seal should have been engraved to keep the Kyuubi at bay forever, "That ninja, he told you how to use that jutsu? But, no", the panic subsiding slightly as he realised that the situation, while grim, was not cataclysmic; Naruto was still alive and there was no evidence of a nine-tailed embodiment of destruction on the horizon, so with the immediate threat out the way Sarutobi was free to think more deeply upon the situation, "no, I was there when Minato scribed that seal; apart from maybe the Yondaime's own teacher I know better than anyone how that seal works and I am forced to agree with him; there should be no way a jinchuuriki could use that seal, and even if you could, the Shinigami summoned should have taken only your soul and that of the..."

Belatedly the Sandaime choked himself off, barely able to believe that he of all people had been the one who came close to breaking his own damned law; to his relief however, Yakumo made the save,

"It's okay Hokage-sama, everyone in this room knows about Kyuubi". Just about holding in a sigh of relief, Sarutobi was able to recollect his thoughts just as Naruto carried on,

"I don't know anything about that though, all I knew was that when I did the jutsu it got cold as ice and I was just starting to think I'd got something wrong when I turned around and saw, well, without wanting to sound dramatic, I saw Death".

XXX

_It was so sinister yet, at the same time so undeniably powerful that Naruto couldn't take his eyes off the being he had summoned into existence. Eyes that had seen worlds die as easily as a mortal had seen candle flames gutter out were fixed upon him, the knife clenched between ethereal teeth sharp enough to tear realities apart as the being slowly, ever so slowly, reached forwards one grey, ghostly hand and reached through the creature that had summoned it. Naruto felt no real pain, just a feeling of intense cold pass through his as he watched the Shinigami thrust his arm through his body, into his stomach and the centre of his very being. There was only one thing to do, one thing he could say to this invasion of his innermost being, one thing he could demand of the god trying to steal the most important thing in his life; seizing the limb in both hands, then swearing as they both passed through the immaterial arm, Naruto howled his declaration aloud in the face of death itself,_

_ "Let go of my ramen!"_

XXX

The sound of flesh meeting flesh at high speed echoed around the office as the Sandaime was once more caught flat-footed by the depth of his grandson's addiction to the noodle broth – leave it to Naruto to come to blows with a god over the last bowl of miso...

"You, saw Death", Iruka repeated faintly, wondering in the small part of his mind that wasn't blank with shock if he wasn't being set up for some kind of elaborate hoax, "but, how – argh, just explain it to me simply. What is Shiki Fuuin and what does it do?"

"It's a kinjutsu Iruka-sensei", Yakumo explained gently as the Sandaime tried to recover from his epic face-fault, "an S-ranked sealing technique that summons the Shinigami to seal away the soul of a target as well as the soul of the user. Or at least, that's what Naruto told me", she admitted as Iruka, face white as chalk and eyes bulging like a frog being trodden on, whipped his head around to stare at the boy and just about held onto consciousness as the jinchuuriki nodded gravely,

"It's a suicide technique, one that the ninja who taught me hoped I'd kill myself using, and with any luck I'd drag the Kyuubi down with me as the Shinigami took my soul as a light snack. It's also the technique the Yondaime used to seal the Kyuubi in me, the reason I became a jinchuuriki in the first place". The mention of the hero of Konoha who had vanquished the beast was enough to snap Iruka out of his stupor somewhat, Sarutobi also coming out of his stupor enough to look across severely at the two children,

"I see", he began gravely, "I understand why you did what you did and, have faith, I don't place any blame on you Naruto-kun. However, what else happened because of the Shinigami's intervention; did anything happen with Kyuubi or the original seal?"

"Plenty; it began when I blacked out..."

XXX

_Uuunnhhh, wha...?_; the muggy feeling swam in his head and made his vision blur for a moment before he wrestled down the nausea and made to stand up; _ohh, feels like I ate one bowl too many last night. Why am I all wet – did the apartment flood again?_; the thought of that made Naruto sigh inwardly, wondering how long it would take for the sodden carpets to air-dry this time, before he blinked his eyes open again and saw, to his consternation, that the ceiling above him didn't look much like his apartment. In fact, as he half-sat up and looked around, it appeared that wherever he was, it sure wasn't Konoha.

Eventually he came to his feet, the water beneath him chilling but not exceptionally so as he stood up and looked around, wondering where the hell he was and how the hell he got there. The last thing he could remember were gold-and-black eyes, so was an illusion or something – he knew some shinobi were able to cast them on enemies, and if he were honest it wouldn't have been the first time someone had tried a sneaky way of tricking him into parting with his money, or worse. However as he stepped up and looked around, he felt himself drawn forwards almost, towards an orange light in the distance, a lot like a fire; _oh please Kami let that not be my apartment – it's too cold to sleep on the streets this time of year_. Shaking his head at that gloomy possibility, the Uzumaki squared his shoulders and walked out towards the light...

...and, quite how he didn't know, but what seemed like seconds later, he ended up quite literally in the arms of a well-planned ambush.

There was a flash of redness, a feeling of exceptional pressure and the inability to breathe; Naruto had heard of such things before but in all honesty, if this was what a 'hug' felt like, he'd be very grateful not to be getting any more in the near future. Someone, a woman he was sure, was yelling in his ear and apparently spinning him around like a top, but beyond that he couldn't see or hear much of anything. Only when he delirious woman dropped him and began assaulting his cheeks with kisses did he finally recollect his wits enough to try and make sense of a situation gone mad,

"Wait, no stoppit", he demanded, pushing forwards as much as he was able to get a little breathing room, "who are you crazy lady, and what are you doing here?" His response was a slap to the head that made his ears ring,

"First", a loud woman's voice cut through the fog her fist had brought up in his mind, "I'm here because my husband is a fuuinjutsu genius and sealed my chakra into you at the same time he did Kyuubi, and second...", Naruto finished rubbing his head just in time to see the shadow fall over him and brace up, only to feel something that every child should have experienced several times a day and had been, until then, a complete novelty.

A pair of lips pressed gently to his forehead, placed there by a woman with eyes filled with compassion, not scorn, benevolence, not cruelty, love, not hatred...

"...don't call your kaa-san a crazy lady".

His mind went blank for a long time after that, he remembered vaguely throwing himself at his mother before the world around him faded to nothingness and he cared nothing about anything else, only that he was here and so was his kaa-san. This was what he had dreamed about for years, even if the orphanage staff had told him he had no parents, or that he had never deserved any or that they had abandoned him as he was a filthy little demon who should never have been born – he had known it hadn't been true, he had a mother out there somewhere and this, this proved it! He was so alive and happy right now, someone could have thrown him into a massive ravine and he'd have been smiling all the way to the bottom; even when his mother replaced him on the floor did he managed to come even slightly back down to earth as the tall red-haired and purple-eyed woman spoke,

"So then Naruto-kun, Naruto...hey, wake up dammit –tane".

"Ouch! Stop hitting me in the head!"

"Then start paying attention to your mother when she's talking", the woman advised before letting out a sigh, "right, okay now I know this is awkward but we don't have much time. Naruto I am Uzumaki Kushina, I'm your kaa-san and right now the proudest woman in the after-life – no", she shook her head as Naruto made to ask a pressing question, "you're not dead. Listen, follow me to see you tou-san and we'll explain everything there once we've argued our case to the big guy in black". Nodding at this and filled to the brim with happiness again as he realised he was also going to see his father as well as his mother in this dream-stroke-coma-stroke-out-of-body experience he was going through, Naruto took Kushina's hand and followed her back towards the light.

A few moments later he found himself looking at a situation and, after doing his best to sum it up in his own mind, he turned and whispered to his mother,

"Umm, kaa-san?"

"Hai koi?"

"That man, with the blonde hair, is that...?"

"Hai", Kushina nodded fondly as she smiled over at her husband, Minato once more looking Death in the face to protect those dear to him, "that's your tou-san".

"Oh, right", she glanced down concerned, expecting a bigger reaction than that only to see his face upturned towards her, expression troubled, "isn't he the Yondaime?"

"Yep, that's right Naruto – your tou-san was the Fourth Hokage of Konoha, the Yellow Flash and my husband", Kushina affirmed before a sudden suspicion lit up in her mind; _fair enough they didn't tell him about me, but surely..._; "you didn't know that?"

"Uh, no; jiji always said I was an orphan", he admitted, Kushina just about keeping hold of her temper as she realised that maybe, just maybe that was for the best; both she and Minato had made many enemies while alive and any one of them would kill at a chance to strike at their legacy by harming their son, "so, who's the other guy? Is he an ancestor or something?" Kushina had to bite her lip for a second, the idea that Naruto believed himself to be descended from the Shinigami almost enough to make her chuckle helplessly before she regained control over her emotions,

"No Naruto, he's, umm, well this is a bit complicated, but he's the Shinigami; you know, an aspect of Death", she cajoled, trying to jog her son's memory before reassuring him, "now don't worry, you're not in danger and as soon as Minato's got this mess figured out things will get back to normal".

"Normal", the idea was suddenly so terrifying he almost passed out, "but, you and tou-san will leave, I don't wanna be left alone!"

"We were never gone Naru-chan, we would have seen you again", Kushina explained before catching her other half's eye and demanding he come over, "when we sealed the Kyuubi into you, Minato-kun put extra seals on the Shiki Fuuin to hold our chakra, so we could help you when it was time to master the bijuu".

"The bijuu? Kyuubi – but kaa-san, didn't tou-san kill Kyuubi? That's what we were always told".

_You were always..._; the first faint inklings of a very terrible suspicion were beginning to stir in Kushina's mind just as Minato joined them, the Yondaime swearing as he looked over his shoulder at where the god of Death hovered patiently, his eyes unblinking as he beheld a small part of his last meal escaping him. Putting the Shinigami out of his mind for the minute, Minato looked down at his son and smiled; _he looks so much like me_;

"Hello Naru-kun; as your mother's probably told you I am Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage and more importantly than that, your tou-san", he choked off for a minute to field the smaller blonde and Naruto tackled him, hugging for all he was worth as his father reciprocated and held him closely, "my brave child, you've grown so well. Konoha has been lucky to be blessed with a hero such as you, who can hold back the most powerful of the bijuu just like your mother did".

"Wait, wait", once more not understanding the significance of the fox, Naruto wrestled his way out of his father's arms and took a step back, "what do you mean about the fox; you killed it, they said you destroyed it but it killed you, so why..."

"Who told you that Naruto?" Kushina's suspicions were only becoming darker in time with her mood as she asked that question, scowling as she watched her son shrug,

"Everyone, well, I overhear them mostly but everyone says the demon died; well, they say that when they don't think I'm around, otherwise they shout at me to go away".

"What?" Minato's shock was obvious in his tone as he dropped to one knee and held his son softly by the shoulders, "Naruto, the villagers, do they, do they treat you well?"

"Uhh, some of them, like those people at the ramen stand, and jiji as well, he looks after me, but I...don't really see anyone apart from that".

"Is that so?" Kushina had heard enough; there was only one way to get to the bottom of this and come hell or high water she was going to take it, "Well Naruto-kun, only one thing we can do; your father and I can look into your memories and find out for ourselves how the village has looked after you, would you mind that?"

"No, not really", Naruto shook his head at the request, though one little doubt nagged at the back of his mind, "but how are you going to look...?"

"Because son", Minato pre-empted as he placed a hand on the orange-jacketed shoulder, "we're already in your mind".

Before Naruto could argue or even question how this was going to work, both his mother and father hand closed their eyes and he felt a strange sensation of dislocation sweep over him as the pair of them lived through the most pertinent reminders of what it meant to be the jinchuuriki of the village hidden in the Leaves.

When the sensation receded Naruto blinked and looked up at his parents, ready to ask the pressing questions before he caught a glimpse of their faces and wisely fell silent; Kushina was so angry she actually appeared calm and Minato, his father, well he looked so crushed it was actually physically painful to see such an expression on the face of such a beloved hero,

"I", Kushina grated out in a voice that even Naruto, who had absolutely no knowledge in the realms of women, recognised as one against which arguing was at best futile and at worst physically painful, "am going to leave now before I do something I might later regret; I have a certain fox's ear to bend!" With that she span on her heel and made to march away, Naruto watching on mournfully as he wondered if he'd done something to upset his kaa-san while her husband raised a hand in fledgling protest,

"Umm, Kushina-hime, I don't think..."

"No Minato you don't think, which is exactly the problem", she whipped around in a manner that made her hair splay out behind her like the tails of the bijuu she had once contained, unholy fury blazing in her eyes so hot it made even Minato back up several paces, "I _told_ you those cretins would never accept him if you died sealing Kyuubi into him but no, you had to play the big, tragic hero and take the easy way out! You want to stop me doing this and getting even on the thing that's given our son the life we just saw you can try but believe me teme", her eyes were as narrow and sharp as razor blades, lips curled into a bare-fanged snarl as she jabbed at her husband with a finger of death, "Kyuubi's nine-tailed ass is first on the list I need to kick but right now Minato you are a very, _very_ close second".

With that she turned around and stalked off into the darkness, muttering things Minato was very grateful their son was too far away to hear properly as she left to search for her new prey, the Shinigami still drifting part of Naruto's mindscape watching on with what might have been amusement as the former jinchuuriki departed further into what looked like the sunset in the corner of Naruto's head,

"Umm, tou-san, is kaa-san always that scary?" Despite himself the late Hokage gave a bleak laugh,

"Only when dealing with idiots, yours truly being one of them", with that he span around and sank to his knees, prostrating himself on the water of his son's mindscape as he spoke again, regret and remorse saturating his tone as the water saturated his clothing, "I am so sorry Naruto, I have failed you. As a Hokage and a father, I failed".

"Umm, what? How, you weren't even here for most of it, you died killing the Kyuubi". Standing slowly Minato

"Would that I had killed that oversized fur rug, but no", he shook his head, "no human can kill a bijuu Naruto; you can't change the paths of creatures that answer only to the gods, only change their path for a little while. If you would trust your stupid old man one last time, follow me, and I will show you what became of the fox and why your kaa-san is probably dreaming up ways to resurrect me to the Pure world just so she can have the pleasure of beating me black and blue". Images dancing in his head of the fiery figure of Kushina attempting to strangle her husband, much like he'd seen that angry pony-tailed woman do to that sleepy-looking ninja last time he'd been to the market, Naruto chuckled a little as he took his father's hand and allowed himself to be led onwards in his mother's footsteps, the silent spectre of Death following at their heels, patient until the end.

The journey seemed to last as long as it needed to; by the time came to a stop with his father beside him looking stony-faced at the results of his seal and, more importantly, the slumbering creature that lay behind it, oblivious to its audience as the trauma of the sealing had forced it into a regenerative coma, Naruto understood the reaction of everyone in the village to his presence, the result of the deadly legacy his father had bequeathed him.

Though considering the language being employed by the smaller, equally red-haired figure stood in front of the gates of its prison, perhaps it was for the best the beast was currently unconscious.

"Naruto-kun", Minato bent down to whisper into his son's ear as he watched with a mixture of pride and mortification as his wife breathed harshly for a second before launching back into her venomous diatribe against the bijuu that had ruined both her and her son's life, "much as I understand if you never want to listen or speak to me ever again, please do your best not to listen to your mother at the minute. She's a bit...highly-strung right now".

"Yeah, I noticed", the recently-enlightened jinchuuriki nodded, looking past his mother at the unresponsive mass of coalesced malevolence that slumbered away in his formerly-unprepared mind, the monster his father had been forced to seal into him to save the village as a whole, "so, that's really him, the Kyuubi I mean?"

"To my eternal regret yes; believe when I say this was the last thing I wanted to do Naruto", once more the Hokage's face was shadowed as he remembered the last words he had gasped with his dying breath and his fury rose as he recalled how badly they had been spat upon by the ungrateful village, "I saw you as a child who could change the world, who would rid this unhappy world of darkness and despair. I had to use you as the host not only because as Hokage I couldn't ask another family to sacrifice something I would not to seal the Kyuubi, but also because I believed you could follow in your mother's footsteps and defeat the bijuu, force it to work with you and give you its strength to change the world. I was a fool, I admit it Naruto, but I hoped the Sandaime would be able to protect you".

"Jiji did", despite the weirdness of the situation Naruto would always protect one of his precious people, "but he's real busy, can't always see me – at least he got me my apartment".

"He should have got you a lot more than just that –tane; dammit", Kushina cursed as she realised that slip of the tongue creep up on her again, "son I will love you forever and always but I swear here and now that if you start picking up that verbal tick then I will be waiting for you when you pass on – you'll never be too big to go over my knee no matter how strong a Hokage you become".

"You", he had to swallow, the idea that someone actually believed in his dream enough to make his throat constrict, "you think I'll be Hokage?" Minato chuckled,

"No we know you'll be Hokage", the Yondaime assured him, rubbing his hand through his son's hair as he smiled, "you've got the guts for it Naruto, you're going to be a great ninja".

"But I'm not very good", the Uzumaki huffed, knowing that much as he wanted to boast about his achievements he knew that deep down he was merely trying to copy others, bastardising their techniques and tricks instead of being taught as a ninja child would, as someone with a clan or a family would be taught, "I try hard but, it always seems to go wrong. And that ninja, after what you told me about how I summoned him", he pointed at the spectre of the death god, currently peering into the cage holding the comatose Kyuubi with a somewhat hungry expression and apparently unaware as Naruto finished, "that means he must have wanted me to kill myself doing it".

"Yes he did and he will answer to Kami-sama for it when his time comes, and after that he'll answer to me", Kushina assured him, slamming one fist into her other hand with a meaty thud, "but before that happy event, I've seen the amount of sh-tick you've taken in your life so far Naru-kun"; _score – ain't nobody who can make a save like me_; Kushina kept her mental celebration in check as she realised she'd almost used another bad word in front of her son, "and I intend to do something about it. Hoi, you, Tall, Grey and Ghostly in the corner over there, yeah I'm talking to you".

"Err, Kushina-koi, I'm not sure shouting at the Shinigami is wise..."

"Oh I'm sorry; please tell me again exactly who came up with the brilliant idea to seal the bijuu that decimated Konoha into our son and trust the villager to find it in their hearts to love him?" _She's got me there_; unable to refute the logic of that statement Minato merely held his hand up and let his wife carry on, "Anyway if you can make a deal with the Death god then I can too; right then", she turned to the floating image of the aspect of Death and addressed it formally, apparently unconcerned of the peril she could have been placing her immortal soul in, "I'm sure you saw what we did when we skimmed through Naruto-kun's memories so you know as well as I do that you can't have his soul; he was given that jutsu from a trusted figure in Konoha, used it without being given any training whatsoever and therefore any contract the technique has formed with you is null and void on the basis he had no idea what deal he was making when he made those seals". Having had the Shiki Fuuin explained to him in basic terms by his father as they walked towards the Kyuubi's cage, Naruto plucked at the taller blondes' sleeve and whispered,

"Is she right tou-san?"

"I don't know but since Shinigami-sama isn't arguing she must have a convincing argument"; _or he knows as well as I do that even he doesn't have the patience to out-argue an Uzumaki and is just going with the flow_; he thought to himself privately, proud that both he and his wife really would stare Death in the face to make their life easier for their son,

"But don't go anywhere", the former jinchuuriki told the spectre, holding up a hand, "just because you can't have my son doesn't mean you have to leave here empty-handed. You're a fair man, uhh, deity; you come to everyone when their time's up and not before but both that baka and me have already been and gone, we're wrinkles in Kami-sama's plan so by getting rid of us you help ease the balance of creation and make the world a better place. And it's not like you even have to do too much for it either, just enough to make my son's life a little easier; come on, deal of a life...well, _our_ lifetimes here, how could you say no?"

All was still and silent in the mindscape of one Uzumaki Naruto, the quartet of figures and the unconscious bijuu locked together in a tableau before, finally, the eldest and most powerful entity present moved. Its jaws opened with a sound like a thousand graves unearthed, ethereal winds howled from within as the Shinigami flicked his ageless eyes to the mortal echo in front of it and made his imperishable decree,

"_**Keep...talking...**_"

XXX

"And she did; I know you think I'm a motor-mouth Iruka-sensei but believe me you've never heard someone talk until you met my mother", Naruto assured him with a smile, a slight pain behind it as he recalled the sensation of waking up and realising he had lost his parents so quickly after finding them for the first time, "she could have sold sand to Suna-nin given half a chance".

Iruka said nothing, in fact he was having a very hard time avoiding passing out entirely due to the revelations that had just come from his student; _a ninja tried to kill him with an S-ranked technique, the Yondaime is his father..._; he felt his eyelids flicker and his body sway dangerously before pain blossomed in his shin and his instinct snapped him back to the present,

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Pay attention sensei", Yakumo chirped cheerfully, mischief winking in her eyes, "just because Naruto-kun tells you something unexpected doesn't give you an excuse to faint you know?"

"Normally no but this", the recollection of what Naruto had said was enough to make his head spin, "Hokage-sama, is it...?"

"Hai", the voice that answered was as thin and reedy as a ghosts, the Sandaime staggering as he came to his feet after a succession of punches to his sense of competence in his post; _not only did a ninja, obviously one with access, legal or otherwise, to the Forbidden Scroll attempt to kill Naruto, as a result of it he now knows and has known for some time exactly who his parents are. The only mercy is that he hasn't mentioned it before now – Konoha would be ill-prepared for the potential retributions from Iwa and Kumo_; "Naruto-kun, you know who's blood runs in your veins, who's legacy you are?" The jinchuuriki nodded,

"Yes, and I don't blame them for anything that happened; if nothing else tou-san couldn't have wanted to create a weapon from me because he had my mother – in fact because he had Kushina and she was my mother I know he didn't hate jinchuuriki period. They mentioned there were extenuating circumstances behind what happened and how Kyuubi was released, told me before the Shinigami claimed them both, but what that was I'll have to tell you later and in private jiji".

"I understand, and I'm grateful you were level-headed enough not to go shouting this discovery from the rooftops Naruto-kun", Sarutobi exclaimed sincerely, "I would have told you your heritage when..."

"I reached chunin, tou-san told me", Naruto finished for the old man before snickering, "and boy did kaa-san go mad when she heard about that one; no wonder they called the Yondaime the Yellow Flash – I've never seen a man run so fast in my life".

"Well as someone who did on occasion have to break up a Namikaze lover's tiff once or twice I can safely say I have", the Sandaime joined in on the joke, remembering again just how much Kushina had lived up to her nickname of being hot-blooded, "aside from you Uzumaki Kushina is about the only person I know bull-headed enough to stand toe-to-toe with the Shinigami and make demands of him; it was one of the reasons Minato fell for her I'm sure. But in what you've told me Naruto-kun how did you see your parents; you said Kushina mentioned something about your seal?"

Iruka, who had been wanting to hear that part of the story himself and had been waiting until he could slip a word in edgeways, instead merely nodded and listened as Yakumo, who knew this story by rote, merely waited patiently at the same time as kept her mind focussed, keeping the slight deception going until her brother was ready to reveal his last, grandest prank of all,

"I'm not a hundred percent sure how he did it", the jinchuuriki began, recollecting what his father had tried to explain in the cruelly-short time his family had been reunited, "but from what I understand both my mother and father where there when Kyuubi was sealed into me and, by overlaying other seals in with the Shiki Fuuin or something, tou-san was able to seal part of his chakra and kaa-sans' soul into me along with the bijuu. I would have met them when I needed them, or so he claimed, when the Shiki Fuuin degraded over time as I got older, but because of one of your ninja screwing around and the Shinigami making a second appearance because of me, things didn't turn out that way".

"At least you saw them both though Naruto", Iruka consoled him, remembering the dull, festering ache he had felt when he realised both his own parents had been taken by the monster; _the pain fades, but it never truly goes away, and Naruto has had it worse than me. To have them so briefly only to lose them immediately afterwards...actually, are they lost?_; the sudden question made him look up sharply, "but, Yondaime-sama and your kaa-san, are they still, there? In the seal?"

As he watched his student shake his head it was all Iruka could do not to swear out loud; _damn_;

"No, they're both gone now", despite meaning to sound proud of their sacrifice Naruto couldn't help but let a tiny hint of regret enter his voice; he had all but screamed at his parents not to give themselves to the Shinigami (least of all not a second time in Minato's case) only to discover that his mother had a pair of lungs that could drown out even his and resistance was futile, "kaa-san made a deal with the Shinigami; said it was the duty of a parent to make sacrifices for their children – every generation makes sacrifices in the hope that one day one generation won't have to sacrifice anything, they'll be free from pain, loss and suffering. Apart from that though, the Shinigami took the piece of kaa-san's soul, what was left of tou-san's chakra and in return, gave me something else in return".

Before either of the two adults could ask the obvious question Naruto smiled and stepped forwards, pointing to the door,

"It's something I can't show you here. In fact, there's only one person it can be used on now and he's in ANBU custody at the minute".

"ANBU?" Iruka questioned before immediately making the connection and leaping to a guess, "Mizuki!"

"Hai, we need to see him now and no", he held up a hand to forestall the obvious worry, "I'm not going to hurt or kill him; I do however need a live subject for this demonstration of what the Death God has allowed me to...influence in people". Sarutobi looked very grave at this declaration but, overall, his duty as Hokage placed the village as a higher priority than any one individual in it, even one he considered to be his own flesh and blood, and the thought of someone as inexperienced as Naruto running around with some mysterious power granted to him by an entity as formidable as the Shinigami was unnerving to say the very least,

"Very well Naruto-kun; both myself and Iruka-kun will escort you to the ANBU detention centre; however you will have to be blindfolded part of the way for security reasons. For the time being however Yakumo-chan, I'll have an ANBU escort you home".

"There's no need for that ji-san", the Kurama heir shook her head, looking across to her brother and nodding in solidarity as she looked back to the village leader, "I've seen Naruto-kun in action before, I know what he can do and believe me it's a sight I never miss if I can help it". Sarutobi seemed to contemplate this for a long minute, looking from one Kurama to another before, finally, relenting with a nod,

"Very well, Yakumo-chan can come as well; however this trip is being done on good faith and my good name; the ANBU will not tolerate any pranks while we are with them, so best behaviour only, understood? Or", the old man's smirk was positively diabolic as he pointed to the chunin instructor, "I hand you over to Iruka-kun for the rest of your genin days when you're not on missions".

"You are too kind Hokage-sama", Iruka gave a short bow that hid his smile; it was too much fun getting even on the pranksters who'd made his life at the Academy such an entertaining kind of hell, "I have several dusters that need beating..."

"No; we'll be good", the two Kurama's chorused in time, almost hugging each other in terror of such a fate as they shrank away from their grinning instructor, "you won't even know we're there!"

"I should hope not", the Hokage said genially, reaching for and putting on his hat of office before heading to the door, "still, the sooner we get there the more quickly we'll get to the bottom of this and I'll start hunting down the ninja I need to execute for starting this whole damned ball rolling!"

XXX

The walk to the ANBU HQ was noticeable for only two factors; firstly, the Hokage was pleasantly surprised to see, was that no-one on the street seemed to be commenting on the fact that Naruto was wandering around with his new ninja headgear on. Normally Sarutobi was certain he'd have heard at least one comment about how the honour of the village was besmirched by a monster wearing its symbol but, surprisingly, it seemed everyone was otherwise occupied with their own business as they hurried around the streets, nodding to him if they had the time.

The second factor was the sudden shout from the left that meant that while four people set off from the Hokage tower, five ended up at the ANBU interrogation centre,

"Hey Yakumo-san, Naruto-baka!" Yakumo, looking around and catching sight of a very familiar ponytail as the other girl in their class stepped out the shadows of a building, a small bag of some kind dangling from her hand before she noticed who they were travelling with an immediately bowed, "uhh, sorry Hokage-sama, Iruka-sensei".

"Your sensei not for much longer Ino-chan", the chunin replied fondly, returning her bow before asking the obvious question, "what are you doing here though? I thought, in fact I know you graduates have today off before your team placement tomorrow". Ino simply brought the bag forwards,

"Waiting for daddy; he's working late and mum asked me to bring him a lunch-bundle. I always wait here when he's working late; he always has to pass this crossroads when he's coming home but he always comes from a different way", the pre-genin explained, looking down the roads as though trying to catch a glimpse of her father, the Yamanaka clan head Inoichi, "I hope he's not too much longer, it looks like rain later". Checking the sky and noticing the clouds rolling in, Sarutobi made a mental note to make sure Inoichi was taken off his next assignment as soon as possible after they arrived at the ANBU interrogation centres before a second voice offered an even better suggestion,

"Hey Ino, you dad works for the ANBU doesn't he?"

"Yep", Ino nodded proudly, a smug smile on her face as she remembered why her daddy was such a great ninja before watching on as Naruto looked up to his adopted grandfather,

"In that case, why can't she come with us? That way she can get to her tou-san and Inoichi gets his tea and can work late?"

"Any more of you and I might as well go the whole hog and declare a field-trip to the ANBU quarters as a day-trip for the Academy curriculum", the Hokage groused, though there was a trace of wry amusement in his face as he considered the matter and, after a minute, nodded, "still, for now this would be the quickest way to make sure we all see what needs to be seen"; _really?_ Iruka was quite surprised by this, expecting the Hokage to merely laugh off the suggestion but he didn't say anything, again not noticing one of the Kurama children making a slight pass with their hands as, with a cheer, Ino joined the group on their journey to the head of the secretive sect of Konoha ninja elite.

XXX

"Hi daddy".

"Ino?" Inoichi turned around just in time to field his daughter as she bounded into his arms and held tight, "how, what are you doing here?" As he held her at arms-length the smaller blonde giggled, waved her bag of dinner and then pointed to the figures that emerged into the canteen-area of the T&I department,

"Mum told me to bring you dinner and Hokage-sama said I could come here", she explained, landing lightly on her feet as Inoichi dropped her to belatedly bow to Sarutobi as the village leader entered the canteen area, "had to be blindfolded before I could come in though, that was strange. I had to hold hands with _Naruto_; urgh! Oh come on Yakumo-chan", she said hurriedly, having turned around at a cough from the older Kurama sibling and seeing her twirling a sketching pencil around her fingers, "I was just teasing"

"Just as well; I have a pencil and a wall and I'm not afraid to use them".

"Well you should be", with a growl not unlike a bear coming out of hibernation Morino Ibiki stood up from where he had been sat by himself, reading a book as his break came to an end, "the ANBU operates a zero-tolerance policy on graffiti and I enforce it", he gave a chilling smile that make even the self-confident Yakumo swallow hard and shrink back towards her brother as the scarred man spoke again, "it's been three years since someone broke that rule; I'm getting rather bored".

"Well in that case I might be just what you're looking for", mastering his courage as he realised he was in charge in this, Naruto took a step forwards and raised a hand as the torturer's iron-hard gaze snapped onto him, "just show me which room's Mizuki-teme's in and I'll show you a trick not even you have seen before".

His proclamation made even Inoichi raise an eyebrow, though before he could say anything Ibiki had given a rumbling chuckle and stood to his full, imposing height,

"That would be something to see brat; sadly the traitor Mizuki is currently under sedation to prevent potential suicide attempts prior to interrogation. Inoichi-san was required to undertake a mental scan to negate the removal of these sedatives".

"Sedation?" Naruto looked up to Iruka, "That means he's unconscious right?"

"Yes Naruto", the chunin sighed, "sorry for wasting your..."

"Perfect", the jinchuuriki chirped cheerfully, clapping his hands together and rubbing them gleefully, "just what the doctor ordered. Okay, if someone could point out where he is and, can you all get a way to see what happens or will you have to be stood there?" Shooting a glance to the Hokage to make sure this wasn't one of Anko's more elaborate hoaxes, Ibiki eventually nodded carefully,

"Yes, all cells and medical operations are fully monitored at all times". Naruto nodded,

"Good; right then", he pointed out the door of the resting area, "get to where you need to be, show me where the teme's catching forty winks and then sit back and watch me work my magic".

XXX

"Ummm", despite having met the woman a few times in passing as she spoke to her father Ino couldn't help but shiver as the special jounin turned towards her with a hungry gleam in her eye, "do I smell dango?"

"Onigiri I think Anko", Inoichi corrected her, swallowing down his last mouthful of his wife's cooking, "and please don't scare the kids".

"Ah good enough for me", the shameless woman shrugged before shoving her hand into the paper bag and withdrawing one of the last rice balls, tossing it into her mouth before apparently recognising the pint-sized ninja in their midst, "oo'r th ba'ts?"

"Swallow before you speak Anko-chan", Inoichi admonished her as the last of the motley collection squeezed into the viewing room, the nerve centre of the T&I department as it allowed all prisoner cells to be observed simultaneously, ensuring all actions and potential confessions could be recorded as the prisoners never truly had any privacy. Sarutobi was the last to enter the room, fanning himself with his hat as his gaze swept the monitors around him trying to catch sight of where Ibiki was leading his grandson to the medical bay where Mizuki lay unconscious,

"They are here for two reasons", the Hokage began, "Ino-chan is here to see her father and Yakumo-chan and Naruto-kun are here to demonstrate an...unknown technique".

"Unknown technique", the Snake Mistress parroted before chuckling slightly and slapping her knee, "ha, if it was the trick that let him paint the entire Hokage monument in broad daylight I'd pay money to have him teach it to the entire ANBU cadre! We'd be a village full of unstoppable espionage agents". The memory of the former Uzumaki's last prank made Iruka blush and lower his head in shame while both the Hokage and Yakumo chortled,

"True, though depending on what he does next", the Sandaime decreed as he finally picked out the familiar shock of blonde hair on one of the camera screens, "he may yet have something more important to teach us all".

XXX

Having been led through the maze of tunnels and passageways without taking much notice of where he was going Naruto was wrenched back from his semi-daydream as Ibiki came to a sudden halt and turned to look down on him,

"Mizuki's room is third on the right down this passage", the torturer growled as he pointed at the plain white passageway, "do not begin this technique, whatever it is, until you hear us over the speakers. When you are done, exit Mizuki's room and signal at the camera that you're awaiting pick-up. Understood?" Naruto sprang to attention with a quick salute,

"Hai Ibiki-san; let me at him!" The torturer gave him a look sardonic enough to make bread stale before he turned and left the way he had come, leaving Naruto alone to kick his heels for some time before, after a moment, another voice came crackling over the speakers following a burst of static,

"Naruto, this is Inoichi speaking – can you hear me?" Naruto gave a thumbs-up in the direction he hoped was towards the nearest camera and, as the Yamanaka's disembodied voice floated forwards again he realised he must have been right, "Good, well in that case carry on in your own time; we will be watching".

Naruto nodded at this and took in a breath; this was going to be tricky to do but he'd managed in situations like this before; with there being no time like the present, the Uzumaki let out a sigh and, with less than a thought, allowed his gift to materialise from his psyche.

XXX

"What is that?" For a long and terrifying moment Sarutobi had thought a sealing matrix had sprung up his grandson's right arm before he squinted at it and realised the insectile-looking thing was now dangling from his loosely clenched fist. Inoichi glanced down,

"Anko, zoom in".

"On it boss", the special jounin answered, no trace of playfulness in her voice as she purged herself down to a pure business persona, "there, close as I can go; looks like", she cocked her head, "some kind of, necklace? Pearls maybe?"

"Beads", the voice made everyone look over, Yakumo looking perfectly calm as she saw her brother's manifestation of his otherworldly power, "his prayer beads", the smile on her pretty face was all at once beatifically innocent and sinfully sinister as she looked at the screen again,

"Prayer, the last resort of a scoundrel; however I don't think my little brother is going to be that generous to Mizuki-teme", even as she spoke she had to bite back a dark laugh as she saw the traitor squirming already, her brother extending his might and breaking an already-sundered spirit even further, "when it comes to people who've threatened both him and me, Naruto-kun makes sure there's no prayer for the dying".

"He's saying something", Anko hadn't moved away from the screen, hadn't even blinked as she'd seen the jinchuuriki pace slowly down the hallway and pause at the door, knocking on it twice before entering the medical bay, "and Mizuki's stats are going off the charts!" Ibiki leant in, gripping the back of her chair hard and grating in his deep voice,

"Can we boost the microphones any more; I want to know what he's saying".

"I can try", Anko assured him, tongue poked out the corner of her mouth as she twiddled some dials on the desk in front of her, "he's being pretty quiet but I think...yeah, if everyone shuts up we can listen in".

The message was lost on no-one, even Ino falling completely silent without prompting from her father as, over the speakers, a thin, reedy voice, a pale imitation of Naruto's usually-boisterous tone, filtered slowly into the interior of the viewing room,

"...six, see the crucifix..." He was still advancing on the unconscious, restrained figure and somehow, despite having had enough drugs pumped into his to knock down a boss summons, Mizuki was reacting to his advance, moving in his bonds, breathing and heart rate spiralling upwards as the Uzumaki continued, reaching the foot of the hospital bed,

"...seven, eight, it's far too late..." Mizuki was all but twisting his body out the bed as the child came closer, reaching up with his string of prayer beads swinging slightly as they dangled from his fist, the expression on his face disturbingly similar to one Anko might have when sneaking up on an enemy ninja or an unsuspecting box of dango,

"...nine, ten, you have to sleep again!"

The second, the very instant the one-time Uzumaki dropped his hand slightly lower Mizuki arched his back and let out a scream that, even frazzled slightly though the speakers of the viewing area, make everyone's teeth wriggle and hair stand on end. It was a bone-rattling noise, an ancient, forgotten scream at last unearthed by Naruto's efforts, waiting for the noise to subside, the jinchuuriki lowered down to speak to his helpless quarry, his last threat barely heard through the remote speakers,

"Nothing for you today Mizuki-teme, but when they question you you will tell them everything", his voice was absolutely matter-of-fact, a bland statement that this was what was going to happen, "or you will see me again".

The sedated man merely whimpered and continued to twitch as Naruto calmly exited the room, ran a hand over his face and turned towards the closest camera, giving a thumbs-up and a tired sort of smile.

It said a lot that the three members of the T&I department all had a long, hard look at each other before, eventually, Anko was unanimously selected and reluctantly left to pick up the strangely-imposing jinchuuriki.

XXX

_Yakumo knows what's going on_; that was a conclusion Iruka was sure everyone had reached but out of politeness he didn't mention it; _not to mention doing anything like that might upset her brother and the last thing I want now is him breathing down my neck after what he did to Mizuki. Damn that was scary_; as someone who'd actually done a brief stint in T&I that was saying something, but Naruto had been in that room little more than a few minutes and seemed to have completely snapped the traitor in half if that agonised scream was anything to go by. All he and everyone else could do was wait with varying degrees of impatience he felt somewhat uncomfortable at seeing a new side to a student he'd not suspected of having hidden depths and it appeared he wasn't alone in this, seeing consternation on the face of the Hokage as he put his prodigious mind to fathom what exactly Naruto had done, what technique he'd used to snap a ninja's mind so badly while the ninja himself was comatose. Even the great Professor, however, seemed unable to solve the conundrum, instead shaking his head and watching as the rest of them did as Anko, grim-faced rather than her usual boisterous self, led the jinchuuriki back in, Naruto himself looking sombre as he all but felt the tension in the atmosphere and spoke,

"Well that's it, that's what I do now; not pretty, not all that pleasant in this case, but damn if it doesn't work".

"I imagine it is very effective", Ibiki ruminated carefully before turning a piercing gaze on the younger ninja and elaborating, "but what exactly did you do; as far as I saw you were reciting a poem of some kind and that, combined with those beads was enough to break the traitor". Naruto smiled as his sister came forwards and stood to the side of him s he held out one hand, the line of jet black beads suddenly emerging from nothingness and snaking over his arm like a malicious centipede,

"Ah yes, the beads, bartered for by my mother at the cost of both her soul and my father's remaining chakra; these beads allow me access to the one area of the mortal realm the Shinigami can indirectly have an impact in. You all know where I live right?"

The sudden question was a complete curve-ball; everyone present except the two Kuramas swapped glances and, eventually, the Hokage answered for them all,

"Yes Naruto-kun, that's common knowledge, but I don't see why your address has anything to do with what you've just done to Mizuki".

"It matters because I'll explain what happened when you all get there when this is all over", he dictated with a clipped tone before setting his eyes on Iruka, the chunin suddenly strangely nervous in front of this former student who he suddenly didn't know, "Iruka-sensei, just for a last pop-quiz for old-times' sake; I've heard of tree-climbing and water-walking, but is there a chakra control technique that lets you walk on the air?"

"Umm, not to my knowledge", the instructor admitted, allowing Naruto to smile as he put his hands in front of him as though he was praying, the rosary in his hands glittering in the light of the room as though it were alive,

"Oh, that's okay then". With that, he suddenly whipped his hands apart and the floor underneath them all suddenly ceased to exist.

Iruka even had time to look down and see himself suspended in the air, his goggle-eyed shock mimicked by every other faces he could see except two; as he looked up with sudden terror clenching its teeth hard in his bowels, the chunin looked into his student's face and saw only a sad smile there, his sister at his shoulder looking on as dispassionately as gravity took a hold of the helpless figures as the two of them, impossibly, remained in place, hovering on the spot. Slowly, terribly Iruka felt himself fall; clawing at the air did him no good as he began to tumble, helpless as his body picked up speed into a terrible plummet. Wind whipped his face, he could see brief snatches of colour in front of and below him as his companions in this death-dive sped past or though him, screams from Ino filled his ears as he squeezed his eyes shut, took his last breath and...

...he sat bolt upright, bedcovers flying everywhere as he let out a great gasp, freezing sweat all over his body as he panted. _What, where, my room, this is my room_; even in the virtually pitch-blackness he recognised his own apartment bedroom, the moon outside shining through a gap in the curtains; _but we were, the ANBU quarters and Mizuki...it wasn't real_; it had certainly felt real enough, he was still sweating in fear even now, could almost feel the wind-burn on his cheeks as he relived that last fall in his mind and shuddered. Seized by a sudden idea crossed with suspicion Iruka stood up and crossed the room noiselessly, reaching for his watch and pressing the tiny stud on the side that illuminated it, making a quick note of the date and feeling his stomach drop even further.

It was today, his meeting with the Hokage about the team placements for the new genin was scheduled for later today! _It, but that crazy dream – it must have been a coincidence_; even as he thought such a thing he remembered the last words Naruto had spoken before apparently attempting to teach them how to fly about seeking him out when it was all over; _I know he and Yakumo must have wanted to be on the same team something fierce and she's a genjutsu prodigy, but even so not even they would go to those lengths just to skew the teams, surely not._

A few minutes after he'd reasoned this through with himself, Umino Iruka was hastily dressed and leaping over the roofs of Konoha towards the Kurama clan residence.

XXX

Despite his best efforts to forget his suspicions Iruka felt his stomach drop faster than he had in that nightmare when he realised he wasn't alone in his twilight pilgrimage; seeing another form hoping from building to building the teacher quickly plotted an intercept course and found himself falling into step with Ibiki, the scarred man giving a gruff snort after glancing at the chunin from the corner of his eye,

"Let me guess, you couldn't sleep either?"

"Something like that", Iruka half-said, half-groaned as he realised it wasn't just a one-off experience, "do you think we, everyone in that dream, saw the same thing?"

"I don't know but, if I were a gambling man, I would say yes; if that is the case I would guess that you, me, Anko-chan, Yamanaka Inoichi and Ino and the Sandaime Hokage will be meeting one-another at the Kurama clan residence. How this was done though", Ibiki shook his grizzled head, "I have no idea. The closest thing I know of that may explain it was something close to the Yamanaka mind techniques but if that was the case I have no illusions that Inoichi would use the in this manner and I doubt Ino has the power or control to do so".

"I'd agree with that", Iruka admitted after a minute mulling things over in his mind, "typical, just as I thought I'd seen the last of those two ruddy Kuramas they pull a trick like this; I can't even catch a break when I'm sleeping anymore!"

The Kurama clan was much smaller than most other ninja clans in Konoha, more like a family than an actual clan; they lived towards the outskirts of the village as their unique skills with genjutsu meant that, while trying to harness their gifts, there could be some accidents that had a habit of being rather detrimental to anyone who was nearby at the time. Iruka was rather surprised to find out he and Ibiki were the first to arrive, though the fact they'd been expected wasn't quite as unexpected and merely cemented in his mind the fact this had been a set-up of some kind,

"Ah, Iruka-san, Ibiki-san", a man the chunin recognised as Yakumo and Naruto's uncle opened the door after Ibiki had rattled it in its frame with his great strength, "please come in, we will explain when everyone has arrived".

"Drawn up a list have you?" Ibiki grunted as he stepped over the threshold, "How long has this been planned?"

"I do not know", the man Unkai, Iruka realised as he belatedly put a name to the face, "Naruto-kun and Yakumo-chan carry out the technique, we can only offer advice and answer any questions they might have". The names of his students stirred up a pang of worry in the teacher and he faced the Kurama clan member,

"Where are they now?" Unkai smiled slightly and beckoned both him and Ibiki forwards,

"Follow me and I'll show you both, but I must warn you now", he said with a hint of caution in his voice, "when you see them both, whatever you do don't disturb them".

Iruka had been briefed that the Kurama clan were all talented in genjutsu, but the prodigies of the clan were said to be amongst the very few shinobi in the world who could kill with illusions and there had been rumours that Yakumo was one of those very rare prodigies prior to her joining his class in the Academy. He had never had any problems, or at least serious problems, with either Yakumo or her adopted brother but, as he was led into what appeared to be a large meeting room and felt his eyebrows jump into his hairline, he along with Ibiki could only stare as they saw one of the oddest sights either had ever come across in their long and varied shinobi careers.

On top of what looked like a blanket Naruto sat cross-legged, half-shut eyes staring into the middle-distance with his elbows on his knees and resting his chin on his hands in a pose eerily reminiscent of Uchiha Sasuke's favourite brooding position. Resting the back of her head on his right thigh and with her brown hair fanning out over her brothers' leg and the blanket, Yakumo looked to be asleep and oblivious to the small, black beads rotating slowly just above and to the left of her forehead, dangling and suspended from Naruto's hand as the rest of the prayer beads were wrapped around his left arm and wrist. The beads themselves were so black they appeared to absorb all light around them, never quite in the same place every time as every slight puff of air seemed to send both them and the tiny cross, or was it an ankh, at the end of the prayer bead swinging. It was actually quite calming to watch, quite relaxing if you just observed, didn't try to fight the...a sudden touch on his shoulder almost had Iruka clinging on the ceiling, Unkai stepping back as the chunin jumped suddenly,

"Sorry", the man said half-apologetically, half-amused, "don't look at them too much or they'll knock you right out; pretty much everyone in the clan's had it happen to them once or twice, me more than most".

"I see", Ibiki nodded, having reacted not quite so badly to being shaken back to life by the Kurama clan member, "and you'll explain exactly what's going on when the rest of us arrive?"

"Rest of you? Ah yes, Naruto-kun wasn't sure how many people he'd be able to contact – who else was in the dream with you? Don't worry", Unkai raised a hand to show he was harmless, "I won't ask for specific details of what you saw there, just a guest-list as it were". Iruka and Ibiki shared a side-long glance before Ibiki reeled off a list of names and Unkai nodded,

"So, seven then; fair enough we'll have enough chairs", the shinobi calculated before realising he was now the target of some decidedly funny looks from the recently-awakened ninja and held up his hands to deflect their attentions, "hey, don't shoot the messenger. Neither of Yakumo-chan's parents are shinobi and they're out of Konoha at the minute so I got this whole mess dropped in my lap from a great height. As we're getting quite a party here I'd better break out the good-quality sake, especially if Hokage-sama's attending. If you wouldn't mind giving us a hand with the spare chairs I'll make sure you get first call on the nibbles..."

It took some time but eventually all were assembled; Ino and Inoichi were the last to arrive and Ino had to be virtually arm-locked by both her father and Unkai to stop her hurling herself at the helpless Kurama children and throttling them for making her live through such a petrifying nightmare. When they had all calmed down everyone took a seat around the table Unkai had drawn up around the far end of the clans' main meeting room, some fifteen feet away from and still overseen by Naruto's unfocussed eyes,

"So then", the Kurama representative began, helping himself for a small swig of sake as he began, "from what I understood of their plan Naruto-kun and 'Kumo-chan were aiming to contact all of you tonight and demonstrate Naruto's most recent skill – apart from that I'm in the dark about what you all saw and I'd like to keep it that way. However, do you now all know what Naruto-kun is capable of and how he got that power?" Several pairs of eyes met over the table but before any of the adults could talk it was the youngest member who spoke, Ino never one able to keep her mouth shut as she glared across the room, trying to avoid the swinging line of black beads in case they hypnotised her as Unkai had warned her they could,

"Naruto-baka said something about those beads and the Shinigami, and then he said we had to come here and he'd explain it all", she folded her arms, looking across at Unkai as her hard blue eyes demanded answers, "so what did he mean; what are those beads he has, and what are the two of them doing now?"

"If I were any judge I'd say they were making Mizuki-baka wish he'd never been born; that's for them to explain", Unkai warded off all questioning gazes with a raised hand before continuing, "apart from that, I will explain as best I can how the paths of the Kurama clan crossed with that of the former Uzumaki Naruto".

Unkai sat back in his seat as though considering his reply for a long moment, then sat forwards and spoke, looking into Ino's eyes as he did so,

"All the Kurama know the full story but have all sworn ourselves to silence out of respect for Naruto's wishes and out of gratitude for his actions; he told us that when he was ready, he would tell you all and not before. We agreed with him because he had given 'Kumo-chan back to us, freed us from our and her nightmare, but since you said tonight was the night he revealed himself Naruto-kun has given me permission to tell the real reason why the Kurama clan adopted him – it's not a story we're proud of, but it is the truth". At this, the older man's face became hidden in shadow as regret and loss began clouding his feature as ancient pains resurfaced in his mind as he spoke,

"To our shame we cared nothing for Naruto at first, thinking as most of the village did the container was responsible for the sins of its prisoner. The Kurama clan suffered badly in the Kyuubi's attack", he explained further, Inoichi at this point placing a hand on his daughter's shoulder to forestall questions until the end; _though if he breaks the law the Sandaime will sort this whole mess out_; "we lost over half our members, so much so that when the dust settled the eldest member and new clan head wasn't a ninja at all, though to his credit he leaves most of the shinobi business to me, including the training of his daughter when it appeared 'Kumo-chan possessed talent in genjutsu. However, try as I could there was no way I could foresee or control what was to happen next", he took a breath and composed himself before bringing one of his clans' most hidden secret into the light, much as Naruto had done earlier in the night,

"Our clan is known as one of genjutsu experts, so much so that even the Uchiha recognised our prowess, but there was a price for such power as there always is. All Kurama ninja have a split-personality, for want of a better word; the more powerful our talents in genjutsu the more powerful this secondary person, usually called the shadow as it is formed from the _id_ of the psyche, becomes – in the worst cases the shadow overcomes the normal psyche and, as it is formed from the darker emotions such as spite, anger and jealously, corrupts the ninja into a twisted, horrible perversion of their normal self, a danger to themselves and everyone around them. 'Kumo-chan is a prodigy of our clan, her illusions able to actually become reality if she wills them to and her gift manifested very early in her life; there has never been one like her in the annals of our clan. However, such a gift came with a very high price".

"Her shadow", Inoichi, more knowledgeable of the human mind than most, answered cautiously, wondering if that was the case why the Kurama hadn't sought the help of his clan in the past, "she must have had a literal monster in her mind". Unkai nodded,

"She did, the beast she called the Ido; it haunted her waking footsteps and tormented her at night – both I and her parents stayed up for countless hours as she tossed and turned, screaming in the dark. I tried to teach her all the techniques I knew to subdue the nightmares and we, the clan as a whole, were a hairs-breadth from coming to you for help Hokage-sama, before it all began to change. Almost overnight 'Kumo-chan started to improve; she was sleeping better, whole evenings would pass without the Ido forcing her to wake up screaming, she took up drawing and painting to channel her illusions, rather than lashing out randomly and imagining things she couldn't accurately control. I wept, the clan wept in relief as she mastered both herself and the Ido though she always said she never did it on her own; there was someone else, someone she'd never met in real life but was always there whenever she needed him. He could, to paraphrase 'Kumo-chan in her youth, 'stop the bad dreams, make the monster go away'; the Ido left its mark on her as its assaults on her mind have hampered her physical growth and she was never the healthiest baby to begin with, but she was safe and fully sane again. When she went out into Konoha again with her parents she would always keep one eye out for the boy she called her best friend, and eventually she managed to get lucky", at this point the glanced over fondly at where the heiress of the Kurama slept soundlessly on the leg of her brother, Naruto watching over her sleep as he had since that first night where he'd banished the Ido for the first time,

"I'm not sure who was more surprised, Naruto-kun or her parents, when she sprinted across the road and hurled herself into his arms, yelling he was the boy of her dreams".

"I'd say I was; I was certainly the most scared", a sudden voice answered, everyone looking over as Naruto moved for the first time, blinking as though coming out of a trance as Yakumo stirred as well, "apparently gratitude for saving a daughter doesn't fully protect one from parental protective instincts; I still blame you for that", he added, poking his sister in t he side and making her jump at the same time as stifle a yawn,

"Well what could I do? I'd been seeing you in my mind for months and you were helping me break the Ido completely – you were my hero and, once kaa and tou-san knew that, they made sure you became my brother as well".

"I know, and I'm grateful", the jinchuuriki replied, coming to his feet and stretching off as he looked at the table, belatedly realising the attention focussed on him completely as he slapped on his friendliest grin, "heh, hi jiji, Iruka-sensei, Ino-chan; sorry for the rude awakening but there were a few things you all needed to know and some of you still need to know".

Before anyone could stop him Naruto looked at the table as a whole and took a deep breath before blowing away the veils of secrecy that lay over his life, exposing every secret to people who either were or, he hoped, would become very important in the life of both himself and his sister,

"I am Kurama Naruto, formerly Uzumaki Naruto; I am the container, or jinchuuriki if you like, of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, the nine-tailed fox that attacked Konoha on the night of my birth. I am the son of the former jinchuuriki Uzumaki Kushina, whose name I proudly bore until I was adopted, and her husband Namikaze Minato, the Yondaime Hokage who sealed Kyuubi, part of my mother's soul and a large amount of his own chakra into me at the cost of his own life and soul. Some years ago, following a ninja tricking me into using the very seal he used to bind the bijuu into me in the hope that the Shinigami would devour my soul, both my mother and father manifested in my mindscape and bargained with the Death God; the result of this was that they were both taken, but I gained a powerful weapon".

Even as the majority of the table reeled from these revelations and looked to the Hokage, the old man nodding to confirm they were true; _and my law does not affect him so he has done nothing wrong – I hope you know what you're doing Naruto-kun_; the jinchuuriki lifted his left arm and showed the chain of prayer beads still dangling from his wrist, though even before the disbelieving eyes of his audience the obsidian chips suddenly writhed upwards, twisting like a pinned snake as they coiled around his wrist and disappeared into nothingness, allowing Naruto to speak over his arm,

"In payment for their sacrifices my kaa-san wanted to make sure I had good dreams for the rest of my life; she had seen enough in my memories to know what a crap hand life had dealt me so far and the Shinigami cannot directly affect the Impure world. Instead he gave me his rosary of prayer beads, a tool that gave me access to and control of the overlap of between the land of mortals and the realm of the gods, where beliefs shape reality. It was in this place I first met 'Kumo-chan and helped her learn how to destroy the Ido; I didn't do it for her, she beat the monster all on her own; but I was able to give her rest and respite from its attacks, space to breathe and learn and grow, because by the grace of the Shinigami I am unmatched in my field", as the first few inkling began to dawn on the faces of his audience and they drew the dots between what he was saying and what had happened to them earlier in the night, the jinchuuriki wrapped up his tale and wrapped his arm around the form of his sister, Yakumo smiling as she too realised the first time she had become part of Naruto's grand plan to change the Leaf for the better,

"There are no dreams I cannot conjure; there are no nightmares I can't crush".

_Dreams? He can...oh my Kami_; the idea of his adoptive grandson's recently-revealed power and recalling that even he and the vast majority of the T&I department of the Hidden Leaf had been completely unaware of themselves even being asleep as Naruto had played them all for fools was enough to make even Sarutobi's hair stand on air even as Anko, now looking more serious than at any time the Hokage could remember, leant forwards and spoke carefully, as though sizing up a new enemy,

"So, that dream we all shared; that was you?"

"No that was us", Yakumo answered for her brother, tying her hair up in a loose ponytail as she looked up at the table in general, "once Naruto-kun explained to the family in general how he was able to help me I wanted to help him; we weren't sure if it was possible but in the end we worked it out. What you saw there was how we're able to enter other peoples' dreams together; Ruto goes into that trance while I fall asleep, he enters my dream and finds my 'dream-self', then we both go around to other people and do what..."

"Other people", Ibiki repeated, cutting her off, "you've done this before then? For how long has this been going on and who have your previous...victims for want of a better word been?" Naruto chuckled,

"Well you just saw what I did to one of them; Mizuki was a lucky find I'll admit, all we wanted to do was give him a bit of a scare 'cause he gave me a load of bruises during taijutsu training a few months ago. When we went into his dreams though we realised he was a traitor, dreaming about being rewarded by someone called Oroichimaru for stealing some kind of forbidden scroll from your office jiji – when I saw this", his blue eyes narrowed and he held up a hand, the ankh of his rosary peeping into view as he focussed his vengeful dreams on the traitor he had already broken, "I got angry and Yakumo-chan and I decided it was time to really put these beads to work. She dealt with the fine details, her genjutsus are really something in the dream world, while I just did what I do best", he gave a familiar foxy grin, though this one was tinged with a dangerous edge as he finished, "head down and go for it; Yakumo-chan set the stage and I broke him on it; took us a month to get him to snap like a dry rice-cracker. He still lives in absolute fear of me, or at least the 'me' he sees when he falls asleep; when he wakes up tomorrow he'll tell you anything you want to know".

The idea that these two children had shattered the training of a chunin-level ninja, least of all one who had no doubt been given plenty of loyalty incentives from his serpentine master, made all three members of the T&I department sit up and take note. Ibiki was studying them with his bottomless eyes as though dissecting them living, calculating how long it would take them to undermine someone if they were properly trained and unleashed on the world, Inoichi was worrying about their mental health from destroying someone so completely and Anko, well Anko looked like her birthday had come early,

"Well then gakis, you've gone and got me interested; anyone else you've been destroying in the land of Nod?"

"No, but that's not to say we haven't been busy", Yakumo smiled while shaking her head, "Naruto-kun is right, he's best at the direct stuff of his gift while I'm more subtle, better at building things up than breaking them down. That's why I had Naruto take the rest of our class on over time and I think you'll agree that went well, right Iruka-sensei?"

"The rest of...?" A horrible suspicion blossomed into full bloom in the chunin's mind, "What did you do to them all?"

"She, and I to a lesser extent, turned them into what they are now", Naruto answered coolly, "remember how big-boned Chouji used to be; who do you think showed him what he could become if he challenged his appetite properly rather than filling up with that sugary rubbish he used to eat? And Hinata, she was so shy a paranoid oyster had more of a social life before 'Kumo-chan got her hands on her and stopped the damage her family were doing – now she's living her life for her, rather than what the Hyuuga think she could be as a potential clan head and guess what, she's never been happier, and neither's Chouji for that matter". Picking up from where her brother left off, Yakumo carried on as she saw the message starting to get through to her instructor, Iruka for his part looking dumbfounded as he realised just who so many of the clan heads had to thank for their childrens' improvements,

"And don't sit there looking so innocent Ino, you were just as bad", the Yamanaka looked like she was about to argue this but the Kurama didn't give her the chance, "you were a typical fan-girl, more concerned with dieting and looking good than getting the basic skills that would save your life in the field. You were far from the only one and I broke you all out of the habit in the end, Sasuke too now I think of it but whatever his brother did to him has really screwed him up in the head", even memories of the dreams that so-called avenger had been forced to live though were enough to make her shiver, grateful that Naruto had been able to modify them somewhat to give the onyx-eyed boy at least a little peace from the nightmare his brother had bequeathed him, "we can't solve it all but we've helped a little".

"Much as I dislike such manipulation I believe the end results speak for themselves", the Hokage replied after a long moment, regarding the two pre-genins before him with a stern eye, "Akimichi Chouji is arguably one of the strongest of that clan to have emerged in some time and Sasuke's last psyche reports have noticed a moderate improvement over time. However I don't understand the secrecy; if you had this...power Naruto, why did you not come to me prior to beginning this plan – do you not trust me? And also your telling your story, the whole truth to myself and Iruka-kun I can understand but why the others that are here?"

At this minor interrogation both Kuramas looked a little shame-faced prior to Naruto taking a deep breath and glancing up his grandfather to give a shrug,

"Well for the first part, I mentioned to my adoptive kaa-san the plan and she agreed it was for the best that I kept it under wraps; if it's a secret no-one can know about it and the last thing I needed was everyone in Konoha blaming me every time they had a bad dream or rough nights' sleep"; _fair point_; the Hokage had to concede that one – even if he'd been adopted Naruto's social standing in the village was somewhere between Oroichimaru and one of the Aburame kikaichu insects, "and as for the second point, we wanted to bring you all together for one simple reason", he nodded at Ino before moving his eyes across to the three jounin and special jounin present, a crafty grin on his lips as he carried on,

"We wanted to make a good impression on our third team member and our jounin-senseis".

XXX

It took four seconds, four separate beats of her heart that Ino was certain she was never going to accurately remember or recall before she realised what the other two children, children who now looked at the table with eyes too old for them, were saying and, when she did so, she felt her stomach shrivel and her flesh pucker into goosebumps,

"Me? Why do you want me in a team with you two?"

"Because you complete our abilities Ino", Yakumo pointed out, pointing from the Yamanaka heir to her father with a strange half-smile on her lips, "your clan specialises in manipulating other peoples' minds, and what's a dream if not a route into a completely unprotected mind? Come with us and we'll show you routes into targets no-one else in your clan would ever have a chance to reach; you'll be the third pillar of our 'unholy trinity' as my tou-san put it. Ruto-kun is the hammer, he breaks people with his power – I've seen some of the worlds he warped Mizuki's dreams into and believe me even I was scared, and I've dealt with the Ido before", she bit back a shudder before pointing to herself, "I on the other hand have a more delicate touch; I can cause more subtle changes, trip people up in their dreams, make them admit facts and secrets they don't know, or even help them to heal damage in their mind like I tried with Sasuke. You though, with your abilities", Yakumo shook her head, apparently unable to vocalise her thoughts about the Yamanaka scion – her brother, on the other hand, had no such issues as he winked at his fellow blonde,

"You can use our jutsus to have effects even we can only dream of, no pun intended", he chuckled at his own joke before becoming more serious, "Yakumo and I can enter dreams and affect people to them but once they're up we've got virtually no say any more – you however can plant suggestions in their mind, make them carry out actions on your commands when they wake up, or failing that just possess them and force them to do things; an enemy kage sleeping with his wife – I'll get you in, Yakumo-chan softens her up and makes her more pliable and wham", Ino jumped with panic spiking through her as Naruto punched a fist into an open palm, "in you go to take her over and strangle the son of a bitch in his sleep. Perfect crime, perfect assassination, and that's without the information you ferret out if we tap up the right targets".

Unsurprisingly at this blasé assessment and explanation there was a long pause around the table, Ino glancing around at her and breathing raggedly before whipping her hair around as she heard her fathers' voice; to her shock he sounded, if anything, almost impressed,

"You've been planning this for a long time haven't you?" Naruto nodded,

"Years, almost since I realised who the little girl I was helping really was", he glanced over and smiled, a genuine, protective smile that expressed a brothers' desire to look after his precious nee-chan, "since then Unkai-obasan and everyone else have helped us hone our ideas, but apart from that we just did it because hell, I get on well with Chouji and I wanted to help him, so I did what I could".

"And you need our department to teach you exactly what to do when you have hold of someone's dreams", it wasn't a question Ibiki asked, it was a statement and he stood up, his thick trench coat pooling on the floor in front of him as he smirked at the two children, "I don't say this often but I am very intrigued by this. I must ask though, how would it be possible for us to supervise your... work as it were?"

"Glad you asked; in fact what the hell let's go the whole hog..."

"Kumo-chan", Unkai piped up suddenly, glancing at his niece with an expression of long-suffering correction, "you've been hanging around your delinquent of a brother too long; such language is not suitable for a clan heiress". The girl simply stuck her tongue out before carrying on where she'd left off,

"Pay no attention to him; Ino-chan, listen I know this is a lot to take in at the minute but just trust me, neither me or Naruto are going to hurt you and your father's here just in case anyway. Ibiki-san, you asked how you'd see things, please join us as well".

The scarred torturer considered this for a minute before a second voice cut him off and Inoichi stood up, expression inscrutable as he looked at the two children before him,

"Much as I trust Ibiki-san's judgement and reports, I must take on this assignment both as the most experienced member of the T&I department and Ino's father", he broke off to smile at his daughter, offering her his hand, "don't worry Ino-chan, if you don't want to do this no-one's think any the worse of you. For my part I am very interested in seeing what this new ability of Naruto's is capable of how it may benefit the Leaf". Ino licked her dry lips, looking between her fathers' hand to where Naruto had once again sat cross-legged with Yakumo lying next to him, resting her head on his leg again and, despite her trepidation, realised that this was something she had to get used to as a kunoichi, putting her own desires aside for the greater good of Konoha, so with her eyes shut she lunged forward and gripped her father's hand with her own, holding tight as Inoichi led her to the blanket and stood waiting for instructions,

"It's okay Ino-chan", Yakumo assured her soothingly, rolling her eyes up to see the Yamanaka and giving a gentle smile, "just lie down opposite me and look upwards, Inoichi-san I think you should kneel at the back and put your hands on Naruto-kuns' shoulders, unfortunately this ability takes direct contact to work. Don't worry, he's actually quite comfortable when you get used to him". Not quite pleased with the back-handed compliment Naruto tapped his sister on the forehead as Ino swallowed hard and, gradually, lay down, trying not to shiver too much as she felt the back of her head suddenly engulfed by warmth, the flesh of Naruto's leg proving surprisingly warm as she tried to wrestle down her trepidation and concentrate on Yakumo's disembodied voice,

"Just relax", the Kurama clan heiress spoke, Ino squinting as Naruto leant over and clasped his hands over his chin, casting her into shadow, "when you see the rosary just focus on that, keep your eyes on it and you'll be away before you know it. We'll find you in there, okay?"

Ino nodded without thinking, the motion drawing a half-chuckle from Naruto as it tickled slightly, before he willed the gift of the Shinigami to appear and Ino saw the bottom of the bead chain drop from his hand, winking and flashing overhead as she watched on. Each of the prayer pearls, now she could see them properly, were small perfect ovals of jet, black as the ace of spades as they swayed almost mesmerizingly; Yakumo was right really, it was quite relaxing to see, made her almost forget where she was, in the company of almost-strangers, trying to break into a world of dreams to do who knew what there with..with...

Who was she going to see, and where?

Somehow it didn't seem that important all of a sudden...

XXX

She knew she'd closed her eyes for only a second, barely more than a blink, so why was she in her room all of a sudden? She hadn't been there before so how had she gotten there now, and why was her mother calling her so loudly,

"C,coming kaa-san", she called back uncertainly, standing up off her bed with the nagging feeling something wasn't quite right gnawing at her as left her room and traipsed down the stairs to see what her mother wanted. Nodding at the taller woman who pointed towards the front door and told her something about a guest calling for her, Ino went to the front door with a head full of questions only to open it, see the figure waiting on the doorstep and promptly answer most of them,

"Yakumo? You're here, but were we at your home, we were", she tried to focus, tried to fight down a sudden headache as she, Yakumo saw, ran headfirst into the most common problem of someone walking into the dream world; _sorry Ino but the normal rules don't apply here – you can't apply logic to a dream_; "is this a dream?"

"Yes it is; you've done very well Ino, much better than I did", the Kurama admitted with a bright smile as she stepped through the door, "must be due to your clan jutsus getting you used to this sort of thing".

"This sort of thing? Ino parroted doubtfully, looking around her, "But this is my house, I recognise everything here, even those hanging plates on the wall – look that one's got a chip in it from where tou-san came in tipsy one night and crashed into it; kaa-san didn't speak to him for a week after that". Yakumo stifled a giggle before ironing out her features and wagging a finger,

"That was careless Ino-chan – you told me something no-one else would really know without me even asking; would you have done the same if I'd asked about clan secrets or jutsus? Don't panic though", she raised a hand as the Yamanaka blushed and opened her mouth to apologise, "I was just as bad when I went into a dream with Naruto for the first time, in fact I was worse. Still, we don't have long so I'll just have to tell you the most important thing about a dream, any dream – nothing you see here apart from you and the avatar of your target, the form he's in, are real; most are memories, fears or emotions given a tangible form by the dreamer. That means they're malleable, so everything in a dream apart from those two things is fair game to be manipulated as you feel like".

"Manipulated? Like what?"

"Hmm", Yakumo put her chin in her hand for a minute, looking around for something to illustrate her point before her eye lit up and she let out an exclamation delight, "aha, bingo. See these plates", she unhooked two of the decorative china pieces Ino had pointed out earlier and held them out, one each hand, "see these plates, perfectly normal and all hat – okay, watch", Ino peered intently as the Kurama brought them closer together, then felt her jaw drop as rather than clinking together, the china of the two pieces merged together, forming a single, over-large chunk of china,

"No way", the Yamanaka breathed, reaching forwards to touch the new plate, even taking it off the other girl and holding it upright; _no, it appears perfectly formed, as if it was made this way_; "can you put it back together, or separate it again?"

"Yes but this is something you have to understand as well", Yakumo cautioned as she casually pulled the plates apart again and rehung them on the wall, "every change you do in a dream takes energy, like jutsu take chakra to use right? And..."

"...The greater the change the more energy it takes", Ino second-guessed, realising this sounded very familiar, "so, how can I make changes like you can?"

"We'll teach you, Naruto and I", Yakumo assured her before reaching forwards, offering a hand, "but not tonight, we don't have time I'm afraid. Naruto dropped me here while he gets your father; unlike him I can't jump from one dream to another – once I'm here I'm stuck. I said I'd meet him at the Hokage tower, come on, let's see if we can beat them there".

It was as she was within sight of the Hokage tower that Ino noticed something odd and moved closer to her guide, whispering,

"Kurama-san".

"Please call me Yakumo, or Kumo; I'm younger than you are for the Kami's sake".

"Okay then Kumo", Ino apologised before pointing at one of the faces she could see walking past, the figure almost melting away she tried to focus on it, "why do some of these people just look so...weird?"

"Because you don't know them very well; most dreams play of memories, so the better you know someone or something the clearer and more detailed it will be in your dream. You barely remember the average person you see in the street so the dream-person isn't finished", she gave a fond, slightly shy smile as she looked at the other girl, "Ruto calls them squiggles because that was what I used to call a bad drawing when I was learning".

"So I can control these...squiggles? In other people's dreams?" Yakumo nodded,

"In time, we'll teach you how to change everything, including yourself – useful trick to disguise yourself when you're poking around in someone elses' subconscious. Until then", she suddenly waved at a figure in the distance and Ino felt her heart leap as she saw Naruto and a figure that was definitely not a squiggle by his side, "let's just wrap this up for the time being and make sure our future team is set in stone".

Ino raced ahead, ploughing into her father as Inoichi watched on, seeing Naruto step forwards and offer a hand to his panting sister; _strange, does she get exhausted here as well as in the physical world?_;

"You let her win?"

"Not completely; she's got a lot of potential Naruto-kun", she admitted, Ino disentangling herself from her father's stomach to listen in, "I reckon we've picked a winner with Ino, if she wants to carry this on of course".

"You bet", Ino spoke before blushing as she realised she'd spoken out loud, "I mean, daddy what do you think?" Inoichi gave a chuckle, patting her on the head as he regarded the two children in front of him, blue eyes twinkling,

"I think I need to dust off my old jounin vest if this is going to become a common thing; can't have you three ricocheting around a world like this without supervision", he admitted, glancing around and trying to digest what Naruto had told him about the nature of dreams; _and he can change this as he wants, turn it into paradise or purgatory. Just as well he came out with it as he did – if he'd kept it a secret we could have had a village in panic without even having a suspicion as to why_; "so then, how do we get out of here?"

"Oh, that bit's easy", even as he turned around to look Naruto had whipped his wrist as though flicking a whip and something like a tongue of midnight had whipped forwards and into view, "just touch the beads and you go back to your own body. This rosary is what allows me and anyone who's touching me to enter and move between the dreams of different people; touching it will knock you back to the real world so, ladies first".

He held up the rosary and, after looking to Yakumo and receiving an encouraging nod, Ino slowly reached forwards and let the very tips of fingers brush the smooth surface of the pearls; the second contact was made she vanished from the dream, gone as though she'd never been there as Inoichi raised his eyebrows. Yakumo followed her, smiling at her brother even until she was gone, though as Inoichi reached forwards Naruto swung the rosary back, a serious look on his face as he looked up at the taller man,

"Sorry Inoichi-san but this was something I didn't want to tell Ino yet, not in a dream at least, but if you're going to be our jounin-sensei you best know", he reached down and focussed for a moment, putting his hand in a pocket and drawing out a kunai, "this is something I only recently discovered, something only I can do, I don't want either your daughter or Kumo-chan to learn this. Feel it, and please understand why".

XXX

Ino was usually one of those irritating people who leapt out of bed at the first rays of the sun and who found it impossible to settle down when she was up, a fact that had often driven her parents to distraction when she'd been younger.

This time was different however; she actually recognised the back of her own eyelids before she opened them like a pair of portcullises being levered up, dragging in a cavernous yawn as she awoke to the real world.

"Yeah, don't worry you do get used to that in the end", Yakumo's filtered through to her as the other genin sat up and began trying her hair back up, "just wait for Ruto-kun and...oh", as she watched the rosary bead retreat into nothingness once more she realised the wait was over, "never mind".

"Nope, don't mind me; ah", Ino sat up as the flesh pillow under her head twitched suddenly, Naruto stretching his legs off and shaking them out, "pins-and-needles, oww, occupational hazard in my line of work. So then Inoichi-san", looking over his shoulder the jinchuuriki flashed a brilliant grin, "do we pass?"

"How did you... in fact forget it, I don't want to know", the jounin held his hand up in defeat, shaking his head, "but with your permission Hokage-sama, I agree that this team of no fixed designation is suitable for specialised training under the Konoha T&I department".

There was a silence for a moment before Anko stood up and punched the air, breaking the silence with a yell,

"Yay, new blood", she squealed, looking at the children with a hungry expression, "all the entertainment I could have asked for in three cute, bite-sized packages; what more could a girl ask for?" Yakumo shuddered,

"I somehow have the sudden impression I have just made a very bad mistake this evening; did we have to get Anko-san involved?"

"Unfortunately yes, and you'd have run into her anyway at some point", Inoichi pointed out, "besides she's not that bad once you get to know her, eventually", the Yamanaka added as the Snake Mistress grinned at her boss with a smirk, "still, it's tradition for a successful genin team to have a celebration, so meet me tomorrow at Suykai's, Ino knows the place and she'll find you, and we'll have lunch – my treat for my new team".

Such was the celebration of the three children, Unkai and the Hokage, who was dragged into the mix by Naruto's rapid declaration that now he was a genin he was one step closer to being Hokage, no-one noticed the tiny scratch that had appeared on the new jounin-sensei's left hand.

Omake 1 – Disturbing Dreams

"That woman is the devil!"

"I've got aches in places I shouldn't even have places!"

"...my world is pain..."

It was the end of a typical Wednesday for team six, so named because of Naruto's odd sense of humour pointing out that three sixes together made up an unholy trinity, which he considered quite a fitting team name considering who they worked for; today was physical training with Anko-sensei and the three raw genin had immediately learnt that the Snake Mistress did not know the meaning of the phrase 'kid gloves'. All of them, even Yakumo, had been thrashed to within an inch of their lives from dawn until daybreak, all their efforts laughed at and any complaints punished with even harder training – it was paying off as all of them had never been fitter and even the Kurama heiress was finally getting up to almost a chunin's physical conditioning, but that didn't stop he 'darling little blood-bags' from complaining about it,

"Oh, there will be payback for this", Ino swore, holding a bag of ice to her cramping calf muscle, "she must pay!"

"And, and what do you suggest we do?" Yakumo asked delicately, when she was certain she would keep her dinner below her oesophagus as she looked at her team mate; Ino merely grinned at looked over at where Naruto was getting his breath back, somehow blessed with his incredibly short recovery time. Noticing the scrutiny Naruto glanced back and cocked his head, only to suddenly recoil as he realised what the Yamanaka was after,

"Oh no, hell no – you know what'll happen if she finds out!"

"And how would she find out?"

"Because she's Anko-sensei, you know what she's like – 'suspicion of guilt's as good as proof, you just need to make them say it' and all that. One bad night's sleep on her part and I'm going to end up hung by my own necklace! By my scrotum!"

"Oh come on you wuss, grow a spine", she demanded, tossing her hair in irritation, "yes she'll make it hell for us later but I don't care, right now I want payback and you can make sure we get it, right?"

"Ino this is insane", Naruto argued, pleading desperately as he noticed with horror Yakumo appeared to be taking an interest in Ino's argument, "no, just no it is not going to happen and that's final!"

Later that night as he looked down at the two faces grinning up at him from near his knees Naruto scowled and glowered as he angrily clenched his fist and let his prayer beads slid into view,

"You know if this goes wrong I'm blaming you and then making a run for it right?"

"Just shut up and get us in", Ino complained, already watching the spinning rosary chain, "I want that bitch to suffer as much as we have". Naruto looked like he wanted to argue this one but decided better of it, instead staring forwards with a muttered 'fine' before allowing his mind to venture forth into the dreams of the two girls who fell asleep in his lap, picking them both up before homing in to try and find the Snake Mistress, wherever her dreams were to be found in the other world.

Not five minutes later all three of the dream-questers found themselves flying back to their bodies, each on appearing back in reality and shooting upright as though waking from a night terror and having to fight down hyperventilation. Eyes blank with shock Naruto brought the Shinigami's rosary up to his eyeline and commented as he watched the beads spin,

"If that had been any hotter I think it would've melted my necklace".

"I didn't know half of what we saw there was possible", Yakumo admitted, twitching slightly as she tried to banish the memories of Anko's dreams, "in fact I doubt I'd have been able to imagine most of it".

"My mind", Ino moaned, clutching the sides of her face as she tried to excise the images she'd been forced to see, "my mind is forever polluted – I'll never be able to forget that! What do we do now?"

"Well I know what I'm doing and if you're smart you'll join me", Naruto declared as he clenched his fist around the Shinigami's rosary and bowing his head, "dear Kami-sama, hear our prayers and deliver Umino Iruka from the predations of our depraved sensei Mitarashi Anko, for if she catches him with her ways of sin and vice he is without doubt screwed. Literally. And probably repeatedly in a variety of positions, most of which probably don't exist except in her dreams!"

Omake 2 – Demonic Dreams

So here he was, the one who Mother wanted; as the orange shinobi stood before he felt the sand around him coiled and react like a snake about to strike, the physical manifestation of Mother's excitement. Nothing else mattered, if anyone tried to stop him he would kill them; all that mattered was that by the end of the day the blonde haired child's blood would stain the sand and he would have his existence validated,

"Uzumaki Naruto", the other shinobi looked over the fighting arena at the other jinchuuriki, looking supremely disinterested that the random board of the preliminaries had drawn him against the most psychopathic genin present, "Mother wants your blood".

"It's Kurama Naruto, Sabaku no Gaara; unlike you I actually give a damn about my family and you won't smear dirt on it when I'm around", the blonde told his opponent frostily, "you're supposed to be the monster of Suna, you don't look like much to me". Gaara grinned; it was always best when the prey was confident, it made them struggle all the harder before they died,

"You will make me feel alive". Naruto shrugged as he dropped into a loose fighting stance,

"Either that or I'll kill you", the jinchuuriki stated calmly, smirking as the proctor finished his latest coughing fit and raised a hand, "breaking monsters is a bit of a hobby of mine".

With that Hayate dropped his arm and the Konoha nin immediately somersaulted backwards, avoiding a tsunami of sand.

XXX

Watching down with trepidation as it appeared Naruto was on the run, Kurenai tore her eyes away from the spectacle enough to look around at Anko and the rest of her department, the whole of T&I out to see their genin compete, and ask,

"Can Naruto beat this kid – my team said he crushed an entire team in the second test even after they surrendered their scroll". Anko grinned and threw an arm over her fellow jounin's shoulder, causing the other two members of team six to grimace and attempt to sink into the floor to avoid association with the crazy special jounin,

"Ah you worry too much Nai-chan; wusses like that deserve to die anyway", she commented idly, picking her teeth with a dango skewer, "besides, Naruto's not even gotten started yet".

"But if the rumours are true", the red-eyed jounin began, trying to disentangle herself from her friends' arm, "his opponent is a jinchuuriki and a completely unstable one; can Naruto...?"

"Yes he can", Ibiki answered, folding his burly arms as he watched his protégé fight; unlike Ino who followed in her father's footsteps and shattered her enemy's mind or Yakumo who was actually more of a healer or information-gatherer when dreaming, Naruto was a completely different beast who broke his opponent by gratuitous use of violence and brute force, the same, very effective ways he got the truth out of recalcitrant prisoners, "I have trained him to deal with threat such as these. Watch Kurenai-san; he's about to get serious".

XXX

Gaara watched his prey flip around like a fish out of water, grinning as he listened to his Mother laugh, loving the sight of helpless opponents prior to the final squeeze. For all his words the other insect could not hurt him, could not break his Mother's defence because she took care of him when everyone else turned their back. He loved his Mother, provided her with the blood she craved, and she in return would protect and love him; now Mother was getting insistent that she wanted the blood of the Uzumaki, or whatever his name was, so he stretched forwards a single hand, ready to end...

There was a blaze of orange in his view, Naruto suddenly disappeared and before he knew what had happened he was flying in the air without a clue as to how he got there other than the vague, unfamiliar sensation that had bloomed in his stomach.

Only as a second impact landed on his shoulder, faster even than his sand could react, did he recognise the feeling as pain.

XXX

As a sudden streak of golden-orange light flickered around the stadium Kurenai felt her eyes widen and arms fall slack; in a burst of sunlight Naruto had exploded and completely flipped the battle on its head. From standing where he was with arms folded Gaara was now being bounced around the arena like a ping-pong ball, the beam of light appearing to flicker from spot to spot and continually raining punishment on the Suna genin. As the jinchuuriki of the Ichibi was launched into the air, blood flying from his mouth as the Kyuubi vessel landed a terrifying hit that didn't so much crash through the sand armour than bypass it completely, the genjutsu mistress turned back to the interrogator, whispering in a frenzied tone as the rest of the spectators turned to see the aerial barrage of light laying waste to Suna's most powerful genin,

"Ibiki, is that...?" His nod was all the answer she needed, her cheeks whitening as she managed to croak a second question,

"But, how did he learn to use it, so quickly?"

"Because of the nature of the sealing and the fact he never had cause for the beast to awaken", the second-in-command of the T&I department answered, a rare glimmer of pride in his tone as he answered the younger jounin, "judging by the notes of Shodaime-sama, creating a jinchuuriki is a very traumatic experience for the bijuu, forcing it into an almost vegetative state that lasts for a period of time proportional to the strength of the seal used. The Yondaime's technique was one of the strongest if not _the_ strongest ever developed, so the Kyuubi has been in a coma all of Naruto's life". Kurenai gave a weak chuckle as she saw the now-battered form of Gaara plummet to earth, the light streak that had once been Uzumaki Naruto following it relentlessly and still stomping away at its helpless opponent,

"Aside from now, when it's being used to pound the Ichibi back to the sand it was formed from!"

"Oh no, that's still Naruto", Ibiki commented mildly, smirking slightly as the gears behind his eyes shifted; _and a good thing it is – I love it when a plan comes together. The fact we had the Unholy Trinity dream-stealing Kabuto as soon as he registered as a threat due to his length of genin service was enough to tip Oroichimaru's cards into plain sight – removing Uchiha Sasuke from the Chunin exams by sending him and his sensei on a last minute long-term mission denied him his first goal and a slight rigging of the preliminary selection board was enough to make sure we can discard one of his trump cards before the game even begins_; "tell me Kurenai-san, you know what team six's speciality is do you not?" At this the jounin-sensei truly did chuckle,

"I doubt there's anyone who's not a jounin or above who doesn't".

"Then you should understand what has happened here", Ibiki's smile was cold enough to freeze molten steel as he pointed at the new crater in the floor of the fighting arena, "for what is a coma, if not a very deep sleep?"

Kurenai felt her hair all but stand on end as she computed that last sentence, looking from the orange jumpsuit of the boy as Naruto reappeared straddling his opponent to his sadistic mentor, face white as she tried to stutter an answer,

"He, that kid _broke_ the Kyuubi?"

"No, that would imply the bijuu's mind is still there somewhere and may recover; he has obliterated it, utterly", the torturer informed her, face carved from stone as he remembered those dreams he had been forced to oversee, the way Naruto had ruthlessly employed all the lessons of pain, punishment and psychology he had soaked up from all the employees of the T&I department to systematically strip the higher mental functions from most powerful force in the Elemental Nations, "a bijuu's power is made up of two parts, its chakra and its will. With his gift and over the time since his graduation, Naruto has shredded his tenants' will, stripped away its ego, its pride and belligerence though its dreams. Now that the mind of the beast is not only broken but completely locked away, Kyuubi will remain forever in a coma and unable to respond while Naruto takes its chakra for himself", at last a smile, a very rare and genuine smile from the grim man as he beheld his student subdue a second bijuu, waving a finger in the face of the Shukaku's container and forcing the monster into submission,

"My finest student, and once he ages enough to truly master the youkai of his tenant, I shall take great pride in my retirement by telling the younger ninja that I helped train Konoha's Rokudaime Hokage".

XXX

Gaara barely felt the impact of his landing, not even cushioned by his gourd as the opponent he couldn't even see had torn it away from him; Mother was silent, he could hear nothing beyond a mute buzzing in his ears as he lay prostrate and helpless on the floor, his enemy landing astride him and with a fist still raised. Despite this however, regardless of his pain he still smiled slightly as he felt the inevitable happen; even as his eyes rolled up and he felt himself drifting away, he knew Mother would avenge him and slake her thirst on the Uzumaki boy who had caused him such cruel pain...

_**I'm free...!**_

As golden-brown chakra exploded from the defeated genin about the only one who didn't appear to be surprised was Naruto; instead of doing the decent thing and running for cover screaming, he instead anchored himself to the floor with chakra and lashed out, grabbing his fellow jinchuuriki by the throat and squeezing, showing no fear even as Gaara' eyes snapped back open to reveal eyes as black as midnight with strange, star-shaped pupils, the Shukaku screaming even as its host was held limp by someone who could end it easily,

"_**I'm out; at last I'm back in the world. What shall I kill fir...?**_" The incarnation of the deserts' monologue was broken as something shook it, or to be more accurate the fleshy prison it was still encased in – growling, the tanuki looked up ready to squash this flea for its insolence only to suddenly go rigid, all the sand it had been pumping its chakra into falling still once more as it beheld those terrible crimson eyes, the eyes of a stronger predator than itself, and even worse they were they eyes of a human. _**Kyuubi!**_; fear was an alien sensation for a bijuu but Shukaku soon found himself all but drowning in it as he realised what had happened, felt the chakra of his brother bijuu but none of the stronger being's malign mind behind the human's gestures as it slowly waved a single finger in front of the Shukaku's eyes; _**this gnat, this human beat Kyuubi!**_

Now afraid, wary of this new and frightening thing, the Shukaku decided the wisest thing to do would be to slink away, fight another day and thus departed back behind his seal, faulty as it was. As the bijuu receded Gaara flumped bonelessly to the floor and Naruto raised an arm in triumph, the cheering beginning even before the proctor had announced his victory and mostly being led by Anko, though where she'd hidden the pom-poms before now no-one was entirely sure they wanted to know. As he left back up the stairs Naruto smiled slightly; the first part of his plan was done and the Ichibi now knew who the boss in Konoha was –as soon as these matches were over it would be time to put the second phase into action.

Not an hour later, a very young red-headed child suddenly looked up from his teddy-bear and saw someone approaching from across the barren sandpit he inhabited and watched on curiously as the stranger squatted down in front of him,

"Hello little one", the taller man said with a smile, "what's your name?"

"Gaara", he replied, pawing at his eyes and the bags that hung beneath them, "you shouldn't stay here, the monster will eat you".

"Really? Well you're in luck Gaara; I happen to be something of an expert in dealing with monsters and I'm looking for an apprentice in the art", behind the eyes of the form he had adopted in this dream Naruto smiled to himself; all the information Ino had wheedled from the minds of the jinchuuriki's siblings was accurate – this child had never had a friend in the world and because of that was hopelessly vulnerable to the suggestions of his bijuu, though of course the weak seal didn't help matters, "would you like to help me Gaara-kun?"

The redhead once more glanced up curiously, even shyly as he looked at the pro-offered hand before, making sure he had a good grip on his teddy-bear's arm, he reached up and placed his hand in that of his new friend and together, the two of them set off away from the lifeless desert and out towards pastures new.

Omake 3 – Man of Your Dreams

The new technique was one that even now, after a month of practice following the end of the Chunin exams and the invasion-that-wasn't (mostly due to the Suna jinchuuriki Gaara refusing to attend the finals, preferring stay in the hotel with his sister and also to help his brother, also knocked out in the preliminaries, reassemble the puppet that had been destroy by Akamaru and Kiba's spinning attack) was difficult to perform even for the three of them. It worked on a similar principle to their standard 'dream-stealing' abilities, only this time it worked on a targets' daydreams rather than a fully asleep subconscious; the limited target of opportunity, however, meant it took a long time to find a target and gave only a small window for team six to break in and get the information they were after.

It was a tiring process but one that had caught the attention of Jiraiya himself, the man familiar with the intricacies of spying and, having been briefed by Inoichi of his teams' speciality, immediately declaring them invaluable to his efforts to track down the Godaime Hokage following old man Sarutobi's retirement from the post in the aftermath of Oroichimaru's aborted attack. Sadly the Snake Sannin was still alive but hopefully not for that much longer; his plans had been scoped out from the get-go, his summons never summoned due to the arrival of precisely-timed hunter-nin squadrons and the backbone of Oto's power splintered to dust before Konoha's walls. Even his planned duel with the Sandaime had been interrupted when one of his elite guard had turned traitor, failed to erect the barrier seal and instead slid a pair of blades through the spines of the closest loyal Sound minion, ensuring the battle went well for the Leaf even as the enraged Sannin spat the Kusanagi sword to cleave the traitor in twain, never realising that his real quarry had been long gone, Ino abandoning the puppet she'd snuck into the previous night as soon as her sneak attack was complete and her duty done. Only by the sacrifice of the rest of the quartet of Curse Sealed guards had he escaped and even then not unscathed, missing an arm, an eye, on the verge of chakra exhaustion and knowing that Konoha was on the warpath against his village now; nothing would save Oto or his experiments once the war machine of the Leaf started churning towards them; even as he swore vengeance against the Leaf however, he was undone because he did not understand how his dreams had been sabotaged and, in his paranoia, never thought to entertain the ideas that he had been betrayed by his own slumbering mind in the dead of night.

As far as team six was concerned though that was ancient history; they were on a new mission now to track down Tsunade and the only way they could conceivably do so now while their temporary sensei was away meeting with a member of his spy network (or shamelessly perving on women, as they all agreed was the real reason for his absence). Pulling the blanket off one of the beds and spreading it across the floor, Naruto looked up as his sister gazed out the window, sketch pad in her hand as she idly doodled away,

"You guys nearly ready, or shall we leave you and the window alone for a minute Kumo-chan?" The Kurama heiress, now bedecked as they all were in a chunin vest following their wiping the floor with the other teams during the chunin exams after the month-long grace period had allowed them to scope out the completion well ahead of time and plan strategies for each of them, sniffed and placed the small pad back in her pocket before answering,

"There was a nice effect of the sun coming through some clouds there Naruto, I was trying to get it down on paper to paint later".

"Don't give me that", Ino chuckled as she came in from the bathroom, rubbing her hands dry, "you were looking out that window pining for someone you left behind in Konoha and don't try to deny it Kumo-chan – for all your skill with genjutsu I can read you like an open book".

"I have no idea what you're talking about Ino-chan", Naruto was about to point out the blush on his adopted sister's face but was beaten to the punch by Ino, who merely rolled her eyes with a teasing smile,

"Suuure you don't", she drawled before giving a loud, fake cough that sounded a lot like 'Kiba!'

_Oh really – meh, old news_; Naruto had known for a little while that Yakumo fanned a bit of a flame for the boisterous Inuzuka, probably because during the Academy she had envied him his dynamic personality, high strength and blazing good health. The scion of the House of Dogs was, at least to Naruto's knowledge, completely oblivious to this but given time he should come around, though for now it was a great opportunity to snigger at his sister's mottling face and bitten lips as she flinched at the name and Ino catching her out,

"Don't make me use the water-colours again", she threatened half-heartedly before throwing a final filthy look at her snigger team mates and pointing at the blanket, "well come on then, are doing this or not?" Humour draining away as the severity of the situation sank in Naruto nodded and made to sit down,

"yeah, we may as well give this a go before Ero-sennin gets back and..." He was cut off by a sudden knock at the door, one that broke his aura of concentration and, as a result, put him in a bad mood; stalking over to the closed wooden, he pulled it open and before the person on the other side had a chance to speak, shot them down rudely,

"Whatever it is, no we don't want any", with that he slammed the door and started to pace back towards the blanket, muttering under his breath, I hate door-to-door salesmen; whoa", as the aforementioned door splintered to nothingness and someone stepped over the threshold he flipped around in front of his team mates and palmed a kunai, "and pushy salesmen really get my goat".

"Uzumaki Naruto, you will come with us". At that command the jinchuuriki's eyes grew hard and he growled low in his throat, sizing up the opposition and signalling with his free hand for the girls to deal with the swordsman while he engaged the other,

"That's a two-word answer, the second word of which is 'no', and I'm not an Uzumaki moron".

"Regardless", the straw hat tipped back slightly and Naruto had just enough time to wonder why Sasuke was dressed like a kabuki actor before he saw a strange symbol in the figures' eye and was caught".

XXX

_Well this is new_; looking around and seeing a desolate landscape illuminated only by a red moon, Naruto had enough time to wonder where he was before he found himself suddenly lashed to a cross, unable to move as the stranger stood before him again, now unmasked and allowing the jinchuuriki, who could by now quote the Bingo books of several countries by heart, to recognise his attacker,

"Uchiha Itachi, S-ranked missing-nin of Konoha", he greeted, trying to pull on the Kyuubi chakra but unable to connect to it; _I'm in a genjutsu, but even sis's ones aren't like this – she can't cut me off to Kyuubi's power because it's a part of me and as long as I've got that I can break out of her traps_;

"The Kyuubi will not aid you here", the clan murderer informed him monotonously, unsheathing a ninjato, "the power of the Mangekyou Sharingan can dominate the bijuu, rendering the nine-tails useless and you at my mercy". Naruto didn't answer, instead looking around him and listening, using the powers of observation his time at the T&I department had repeatedly beaten into his head to figure out what he was missing; _a very powerful genjutsu indeed, but it's not quite right, this isn't exactly a genjutsu_;

"This is the world of Tsukuyomi; here I control everything that happens"; _well thanks for that – sounds very familaargh!_; obviously Itachi was bored of his victim saying nothing if the way he rammed his sword through the jinchuuriki's thigh was anything to go by, "you will be stabbed for the next seventy-two hours; I take no pleasure from this but your performance at the Konoha chunin exams shown you would become a threat if you were not collected immediately".

Itachi had been mildly amused by the boy's silence, thinking him desperate not to give his torturer the satisfaction of hearing him scream, but as he readied his blade for a second strike he paused at hearing the jinchuuriki laugh slightly, head down on the cross but still laughing nevertheless. Marking his surprise without even trying, Itachi merely commented idly,

"I had hoped the mind of a jinchuuriki would have been stronger than this but, it is no concern of mine".

"You let me in", the comment stayed his hand momentarily, the missing-nin curious as his prisoner continued to laugh as Naruto realised exactly where he was, "you dumb, arrogant bastard; _you let me in_!"

"I did", Itachi confirmed, bored now and deciding where to stab next to stop Naruto chuckling, "but I will not allow you to leave before our time is up and your mind is broken".

"Oh yeah", Naruto whistled idly, looking up at last with a devious smile on his face, one that made Itachi strike just out of principle of teaching the Uzumaki, or whatever his name was, exactly who his betters were, "that's because you're the lord of this place right?"

As Itachi leant forwards, going for the chest of his captive this time rather than the leg, for the first time in years he felt pure shock race through him as his blade split cleanly in two around the vertical plane, the two separate streams of steel flowing around the jinchuuriki's chest and missing him completely; _but I didn't command that to happen!_ Looking down at the impossibility that was the Tsukuyomi rebelling against him, Itachi remained frozen until he heard the voice of his captive once again, this time giving a low whistle,

"Well, look at that", even as he brought his head up there was a vice-like grip around his neck and he was dragged upwards, face to face with Naruto as the adopted Kurama snarled, freeing himself of his bindings and shackling the dream Itachi had created into his own imagination, the rosary sparkling malevolently in his hand as he turned Itachi's playground into his purgatory, "guess that makes me a Kami!"

With that he head butted the Uchiha hard, sending him stumbling backwards at the same time as extend his power, one of his sister's favourite genjutsus in the forefront of his mind and here in a dream, perfectly within reach compared to outside where his shoddy chakra control would have let him down. Before the missing-nin could react he found himself suspended in the air on a cross similar to the one Naruto had been pinned to; with a twitch of his fingers however Naruto showed him the difference between him playing hardball and the Uchiha playing nice. Itachi didn't scream but he did stiffen as what felt like fiery thorns stabbed into his back, arms and legs, hanging him off the cross like the prey of a butcher-bird, suspended on a gantry of living wood,

"The Cross of Thorns, one of Kumo-chans' nastier tricks", the jinchuuriki informed him, stepping forwards to force the traitor to see him as he held one hand forwards, "you made a mistake challenging me here Itachi and unlike you I'm not stupid enough to give people second chances", he held forwards one hand, maximising the psychological impact of his abilities as he commanded his own dream-state to shift, the fingers and tendons of his hand peeling away to reveal a glint of metal beneath, sharp and cruel as kunai replaced his fingers and he drew his changed hand back, smirking as he made his first strike,

"You're in my world now bitch!"

XXX

"Wow, didn't think he'd use that from the off", the blue-skinned former Kiri-nin admitted before hefting his blade and smiling nastily at the two chunin in front of him, "sorry girlies but your little boyfriend's just become a goner". To his surprise the front one of the two, a blonde girl with a long ponytail, merely met his smile with one of her own,

"He can take care of himself and so can we", she flipped a kunai into her hand, "bring it; I haven't had sushi in a while and we missed lunch".

"Oho, I like a bit of fight in a woman", Kisame admitted, Samehada shivering slightly as it devoured some foreign chakra that tried to infiltrate his system, "makes them much more fun to chop, and your illusions won't bother me", he casually informed Blondie's partner, grinning to reveal his pointed teeth, "Samehada devours any chakra that touches me, your genjutsu can't affect me".

"Oh is that so?" She replied, merely smiling at his proclamation before pointing to the side of him, "Well just out of interest, can your sword stop someone bleeding as well? If it can I think your partner could use some help".

Kisame was about to scoff and make a lewd comment that he wasn't as dumb as he looked when he finally did scent the blood in the air and flashed his eyes sideways only to have to step out the way as Itachi crashed to the floor, blood leaking onto his cloak and, the shark-nin almost gagged out of reflex as the Uchiha rolled onto his back, his pride and joy completely destroyed.

XXX

"And they say you killed you clan for those eyes?" Naruto questioned, flicking the blood off his new talons at the same time as smirk at the broken, bleeding nin now caught in his dream; he was feeling the strain of transferring so many wounds from this dream to the real world but overall he guessed the price was worth it. Uchiha Itachi had lost the tendons in his elbows, wrists, knees and ankles as well as his priceless eyes, each one pierced slowly with the kunai the jinchuuriki temporarily had for fingers,

"Well that was a wasted effort wasn't it – I've always hated that about the Uchiha, thinking they're better than everyone else because they can learn so quickly without suffering to have true understanding. Sasuke's much better now after Kakashi kicked his ass into gear and broke his superiority complex but you, well you really take the cake for misplaced pride. Still", having recovered as much as he dared, Naruto paced to his dangling prisoner, a cold steel digit slowly raised to rest alongside Itachi's left temple,

"Let's dig a little deeper", he slowly inserted the kunai, a bead of blood showing even if he wasn't intentionally doing damage this time; rather than inflicting harm, he was now going in to rip information directly from the missing-nin's dreaming mind, "find out what really gets under your skin. After all", he gave another shove, hearing the traitor whimper as he broke more of his mental shields in his quest for knowledge,

"Even a killer has something to fear!"

XXX

Kisame gawked, outright stared as he beheld the ruin of Itachi's face and his destroyed eyes, the Mangekyou Sharingan prematurely dark and unseeing. Hearing movement behind him, the former Swordsman whirled to see the target stand upright from where the ex-Konoha ANBU had dropped him, looking pensive as he recovered from whatever technique he'd used to put Itachi on the deck. _Now, take him while he's weakened_; with that thought in mind Kisame raised his great sword, ready to dash the jinchuuriki's consciousness to ruin, when a razor-sharp line of fire slashed across both his hands and fingers. Agonised, he dropped Samehada with a clatter only to see his blood besmirch the new layer of spines that had erupted from the handle and almost cut his fingers off,

"No genjutsu works huh?" The girl flipped her sketch-pad around, showing him an identical drawing as he looked on with disbelief that his sword had betrayed him, "obviously you've never fought someone who's belief shapes reality; he's all yours brother". Pre-warned, Kisame clenched his fists despite the pain he was in to take the jinchuuriki's attack, only for Naruto to smile and the world to go suddenly dark as he was forcibly shoved aside by a new intruder.

Seeing the fish-man shudder Naruto kept his kunai high just in case as he questioned,

"Ino-chan, that you in there?" The enemy shivered once more before slowly shaking his head and giving a shaky thumbs-up,

"Yeah, it's me; oh I hate possessing men", the blue half-shark complained, hands on hips in a very Ino-type gesture, "the anatomy is way too different for my taste".

"I'll take your word for it", Kurama told her before pricking her ears, hearing the sounds of rapid footsteps down the corridor; all three of the so-called Unholy Trinity prepared for battle as the footsteps suddenly stopped and then, a second later, someone rapped out a quick code on the wall just outside the hallway.

"Come in", Naruto breathed out with a sigh, still catching his breath after maiming Itachi and recognising the sequence as a Konoha code, "hostiles down, no casualties; Ino is in the blue guy".

"Good", to the surprise of the chunin it was the other Uchiha who rounded the corner and took in the scene with widened eyes, snatching for a kunai at the sight of his brother before his professionalism, drilled so far into his head by the man he'd been apprenticed to that it had usurped everything else including his former arrogance and lust for power, kicked in and he lowered it, "wow, you three really unearthed the motherlode this time".

"Sasuke? Not that it's not good to see you but what are you doing here"; glancing up at the unfamiliar face who spoke Sasuke smirked as he rummaged in his pouch for some essential supplies,

"Blue looks good on you Ino-chan, you should try it in your foundation sometime", the sight of the near-seven foot giant folding his arms and tapping his foot impatiently was one Sasuke would never forget even without having to use his bloodline, "these two infiltrated Konoha, attacked Kakashi-sensei and a lot of other jounin-senseis apparently looking for you three. They incapacitated Kakashi and left, all hunter-nin were given the order to scramble to find them and warn other ninja out in the field; I was passing the mission room when I overhead Gai-sensei talk about this place and so ran here, hoping to find Jiraiya-sama and let him know the danger. As it is", he shrugged as he slapped a sealing tag roughly on his brother's chest, "looks like I don't have to bother; sorry Ino, this might hurt".

"Just do it; umph", as soon as the tag was fastened the Yamanaka felt the legs of her temporary home give out as though boneless, "what is it?" She managed to ask through slack lips, Sasuke merely smirked,

"Restraining tags, top end of the market. Kakashi-sensei said he'll teach me how to drawn the matrix when I get chunin, assuming the med-nin can stitch him back together", the last Uchiha commented before sealing up Itachi and unrolling the scroll over Kisame's broad chest, "on three. One, two, now!"

Taking a breath Ino felt the world rush around her as she released her technique, her own eyelids flickering open just in time to see the body she'd recently been possessing disappear in smoke and Sasuke placing both scrolls in his pouch, ready to go,

"I'll get these bodies back to the Leaf, the T&I department's going to have a field day. Good luck on your mission".

"Hold it", Yakumo's command stopped him for a minute, "hand me those scrolls, I'll mark them to the guys back at base know they're top priority".

Sasuke considered this for no more than a second before nodding and handing them over; the Kurama made a few clipped strokes with her ink-stick in the same free-flowing, easy style that had caught Jiraiya's eye and made him consider her a new potential product in fuuinjutsu before handing them back to the hunter-nin apprentice. The Uchiha looked over the new addition to his scrolls and chuckled, taking in the design of three stylised digits drawn together with the tails touching,

"Six-six-six; you bastards really are the Unholy Trinity aren't you?"

"Of course", Ino answered with a smirk, making Sasuke shake his head as she carried on, "besides if you think we're bad you've not met our senseis yet. Now shoo", she made a sweeping motion with her hand, "you're cluttering the place up and we're on a mission still".

"Right, I know when I'm not wanted – ja ne".

He turned to leave, stepping past where Naruto had caught his breath and was moving back to his team mates, only to spring back as Jiraiya stepped through the busted doorway, obviously wondering what had gone on in his absence. Of course, having seen the sight of two boys, two girls and a large blanket stretched across the floor he immediately drew all the wrong conclusions, grabbed his notepad and got ready to dictate as he gave his famous perverted grin,

"So then, what'd I miss?"

A/N: And the sad thing is he probably wouldn't believe them if they told him...

So yes, an homage to one of the most famous big-screen slashers of all time; I refer of course to the Bastard Son of a Hundred Maniacs, the Scourge of Elm Street and all-around bad dude Freddy Kruger, though obviously Naruto's not as warped as old Pizza-face in this fic (yet!) So what now for the dream-walking team, the Unholy Trinity; Itachi's down and blinded for good, but what else did Naruto see in his mind? Is Kushina really gone or did part of her soul still ascend to heaven when she died, or is she happy in the Shinigami's belly with her husband? So many questions, but for someone else to answer!

Until the next time, ja ne!


	20. Chapter 19

Chapter 20 – Loss and Love

A/N: Okay, much like the Doom chapter (some 70,000 words for those who're interested) I have no idea where this one came from or how I wrote so much; I can't even begin to try and explain so I'll keep it short and sweet; read and enjoy.

XXX

Kurenai was known for being observant; it was, after all, a prerequisite of specialising in the genjutsu arts; so when the shinobi she equal parts admired for his skills and loathed for his habits walked into her favourite tea shop with an eye-smile on his face and no evidence of his favourite book anywhere on his person, she knew some kind of fix was in,

"Good morning Kurenai-san", Kakashi inclined his head to his fellow jounin-sensei, Kurenai nodding in response as the Copy-nin looked at the seat opposite her, "may I speak with you a moment?"

"Of course Kakashi-senpai", as always the youngest jounin in Konoha's forces remembered her manners and used the suffix out of a respect she rarely felt around the legendary pervert, though as the older man sat down opposite him she caught scent of a very familiar, very threatening odour and, after looking at his jounin uniform, her eyes widened,

"Senpai, is that...?"

"Hai, I'm afraid so – the reaction was worse than even I expected", Kakashi sighed heavily, once more remembering what had happened mere hours ago and the uncertainty that now hung over the fate of his genin cell like a funeral shroud, "in fact, that was what I wanted to talk to you about. You remember the, ah, unsightly scenes from yesterday?"

At that Kurenai did nod, once more feeling a little smug despite herself – for all his reputation as an A-ranked ninja and someone who could, in an absolute pinch, take the mantle of Hokage for the venerable Sandaime, Kakashi was the only jounin-sensei without a team in Konoha's chunin exams.

XXX

_ "What?"_

"I'm afraid I cannot allow you to enter", Kakashi repeated himself slowly, supremely unconcerned at the borderline lethal glare one of his students was shooting him as a result of his proclamation, "a full team of three is required and, as there are only two of you, Team Seven is not eligible to compete in this exam". Sasuke, of course, didn't seem to accept this very well; the Uchiha was virtually a hairs-breadth from breathing the fire his clan was famed for as the other student who had appeared in his shadow seemed torn down the middle between relief and rage; though she couldn't attempt promotion, she at least wouldn't have to go through the exams at least part of her must have known she wasn't skilled or strong enough to stand a chance in,

"But I'm ready for this", the rookie of the year demanded, apparently unconcerned of how uncomfortable this display was making his jounin-sensei and the amused expressions on the faces of the other teams as they walked past with all three members intact, "I can easily become a chunin..."

"I have no doubt", Kakashi cut him off with his typical bored tone, though right now he simply wanted both himself and his students to disappear; it was embarrassing enough being the only sensei who wouldn't have a team in the exams without Sasuke making a scene like this, "however you won't be becoming a chunin this time. Please meet up at the usual training ground tomorrow; I'll let Naruto know when I see him next but I'm afraid you'll have to leave now or I'll be forced to remove you".

It seemed for a moment that Sasuke was tempted, sorely tempted, to ignore the jounin's command and simply push past; however it appeared the Uchiha had at least enough sense to recognise a command when he heard one. Snarling, the last loyal bearer of the Sharinghan in Konoha turned on his heel and stalked away, shoving past his kunoichi team mate as Sakura's words seemed to die in her throat – even a fangirl knew when to keep her mouth shut it seemed. After following after the Uchiha with her eyes for a moment Sakura turned back to her teacher and the other sensei present, gave a quick but respectful bow and departed quickly, not wanting to stay the centre of attention for too long without Sasuke or Naruto to hide behind. Kakashi watched her go, inwardly a little relieved that at least one of his team had declined the obvious offer of promotion and realised that he wasn't ready for it (though to give him credit, Naruto was much improved over what he had been prior to the mission that appeared to have turned him from a brat to a ninja), though even as he did feel that relief, he found himself inwardly wincing about what was likely to happen tomorrow morning; _just this once I'd best avoid the road of life – I have a horrible suspicion that if I turn up late at that team meeting it'll all be over bar burying the bodies._

XXX

"I was right to be worried", Kakashi admitted, indicating the blood on his vest as Kurenai's eyes widened alarmingly, "I spoke to Naruto at his apartment later that night and I have to say I was impressed by his reasoning about not attempting promotion".

"What did he say?" Despite herself Kurenai was intrigued by this – though one of her students had a very large and equally obvious crush on the blonde demon container, Kurenai herself had had relatively little direct contact with the jinchuuriki, least of all after the mission of his cell to Wave that had, Kakashi claimed, been a turning point in Naruto's life and ninja career,

"He can afford to be patient", the Copy-nin recited, explaining further as the genjutsu mistress as she appeared to consider this, "to be Hokage he needs to know a minimum of a thousand techniques, learn diplomacy, discipline and host of other things even before he reaches jounin or ANBU ranks. He said he wants to work out the other aspects of the ninja life that he failed to pay attention to first time around over the next six months, learning other skills and jutsus as he goes; depending on how well that goes he may attempt the chunin exams in six months, though I doubt he'll do so as a part of Team Seven". Seeing the blood spots on Kakashi's vest Kurenai shivered as she thought about what could have happened in training ground seven this morning,

"Was it that bad?"

"Yes", the older ninja sighed without a second thought, "when these exams are over I will formerly petition the Sandaime to disband my team; the differences are too great for any of them to reconcile now, least of all after Naruto told them a few home truths in no uncertain terms".

"Do I dare ask how bad it was?" Closing his single eye Kakashi sighed once more, the gesture making Kurenai lower her tea cup; for a veteran of war to be shaken by the actions of a team of genin was a serious thing indeed.

It was only as Kakashi began reciting the scene that had unfolded over the previous few hours and she felt her gorge rise and skin chill to goosebumps that she realised exactly how gifted Kakashi was at hiding his emotions in the face of such an emotional eruption.

XXX

As had become the habit recently Naruto was the last to arrive for their team meeting, about fifteen minutes after the time Kakashi had given; watching from his perch in a nearby tree, affording him a good view of the other two team members lying in wait for the jinchuuriki. Sasuke was pacing around, restless as a caged lion; though a welcome change from his normal brooding pose, the Copy-ninja felt the change could have been brought about by better circumstances. Sakura was silent, sitting in the shade and shooting glances at Sasuke, though she hadn't yet plucked up the courage to try speaking to him yet; even at this range Kakashi could all but taste the rage smoking off the last Uchiha. It would only take a little push, one nudge to the anthill of the raven-haired boy's rage and all would be realised in a scrabbling, biting tide that would consume all before it and, unless he was very much mistaken, that nudge would be coming from the short, orange-clad form now approaching the other two members of his team.

Glancing at the form of the jinchuuriki Kakashi found himself thinking about the recent past, most specifically the conversation he'd had the previous day after double-checking neither Sasuke nor Sakura were ready to go hunting the third team mate and let him know their displeasure. Not for the first time after the mission to Wave, almost five months ago, Kakashi found himself wondering if there had been something he'd missed, some trigger that he hadn't seen that had changed Naruto, slowly but surely, from the dead-last shrieking he was going to be Hokage to a calmer, more collected and, if the Copy-nin was honest with himself, a more professional and dangerous ninja. In the beginning he'd suspected the shock of seeing one of his comrades 'die', the subsequent release of the chakra of the demon he held and, following recovery, the funeral of someone who he had considered a friend in the way only Naruto could had been enough to shock him out of his former persona; _after all_; Kakashi thought ruefully to himself as one of his fingers tapped his slanted forehead protector in memory of what lay behind it and the sacrifice it represented; _he wouldn't be the first who was affected by the loss of a comrade_. Now though, he wasn't quite so sure – having heard Naruto's calm explanation of his reasons for turning down the chance of promotion and realising that, when he'd handed the slips out, Naruto's expression and body language had been less than ecstatic, the Copy ninja couldn't shake the nagging suspicion that he was missing something, something important. Before he could think too deeply on the matter however, he blinked as he realised the Uzumaki's approach hadn't gone unnoticed by the other two and he winced internally as, like he'd predicted, his appearance was the pebble that started the avalanche.

A moment later, he activated his technique to appear in front of his team before anything else happened and someone got seriously hurt.

XXX

Sasuke had been furious all night, barely able to sleep and training until he passed out from exhaustion; he had known his team was worthless and would only ever drag him down but this was ridiculous. The dobe had cost him a chance at getting stronger and he was already so far behind the traitor that he might never catch up and avenge his clan; that Naruto had tripped him up once more and restrained his progress due to his own incompetence was a matter too far – when this was over he would demand to be reassigned to a team with like-minded genin or, better, apprenticeship under a jounin who'd give him the training he required rather than a perverted, slacking scarecrow who burdened him with naught but useless teamwork exercises. He was so prepared, so waiting for the dobe to appear that he actually had to look twice to confirm he was actually there; as soon as he'd seen the target however, all bets were off and he stalked up to the dead-last,

"You've got a lot of nerve showing up here dobe", the Uchiha snarled, coming to a halt a foot or two away from the other genin, though Naruto seemed to find something on the ground more interesting than he did his team mate and, further incensed by this dismissal, he went on, "you cost me a chance at chunin because you're a damned coward! Even Sakura had more spine than you did and she's worthless", said pink-haired girl cringed at this harsh dismissal but Sasuke paid it no mind, continuing to lash his erstwhile team mate with his caustic tongue, "but you, because of you I'm stuck on this useless team with a fangirl, a sensei who's taught me nothing that could get me closer to killing that man and you, the worst student to drag his carcass out of the ninja Academy and who ran at the first sign of trouble! You're nothing Naruto, worse than trash – you abandoned us, some Hokage you'd make".

The Copy-ninja had heard everything (it wasn't that hard to listen in, the Uchiha wasn't trying to keep his voice down at all) and was expecting the worst at this point, ready to step in at needed. However it seemed that, quite luckily, Naruto was able to hold his temper; the jinchuuriki looked up at his team mate and held his gaze for a long, long second before, in silence, simply stepping to the side and past Sasuke, brushing him off as though he was unworthy of notice. Of course this jarred the Uchiha's ego to the extreme; Sasuke had a serious issue about being ignored and this was something Kakashi took advantage of all the time; however, though Sasuke was smart enough to realise that if push came to shove Kakashi could easily wipe the floor with him, he appeared to consider Naruto fair game. Whipping around with the speed of a cobra the Uchiha lashed out and grabbed his team mate's shoulder.

The following movement was so fast that Kakashi was momentarily taken aback; one minute Sasuke had his fingers digging into the Uzumaki's jumpsuit with enough force to turn his knuckles white, the next he was staggering backwards as Naruto had slid backwards and smashed a hard elbow into the raven's jaw with enough force to break his hold and send him reeling. With this done Naruto appeared to consider that all was satisfied and carried on walking, stepping forwards with purpose and nodding to Sakura, who sat stunned at this development; from his position however Kakashi could see Sasuke recovering and decided it was time to be somewhere else before the Uchiha did something rash that got either him, Naruto or both hurt.

With a characteristic plume of smoke team seven all looked around as their teacher appeared, at least two of the three genin noticing that, in showing up where he had, Kakashi had put distance between the two antagonists and defused the situation from turning nasty, at least temporarily,

"Good morning my cute students", the Copy ninja greeted, seemingly looking in two directions at once to keep all three in his monovision at once, "now I know some of you are upset at not being in the Chunin exams but I respected your right to make your own decisions and the rest of you should as well", Sasuke snorted at this, obviously not impressed and, perhaps noticing this, Naruto sighed and folded his arms,

"Yes Sasuke we all know your thoughts on the matter, as does everyone else within about a three-mile radius", he spoke tiredly, though there was a hint of sardonic humour in his tone as he went on, "and as far as I'm concerned they've vindicated my decision on the matter".

"What do you mean by that baka? We could have had a chance at chunin if you'd gotten your act together and backed us up instead of running away", Sakura pointed out, though there was a distinct lack of heat in her voice as she spoke; she could not, however, have expected what the result of such a statement was going to be.

Once upon a time this comment might have hurt the dead-last but now, something else that had changed over the past few months, Naruto merely cocked his head towards her and gave a smile that contained more than a trace of both a smirk and an evil-mannered humour,

"No Sakura"; _no honorific again, this isn't the first time either_; Kakashi merely listened apathetically as it appeared that Naruto's crush was well and truly buried as he went on with his bored explanation, "Sasuke and I might have had a chance of chunin; you fail in every department for chunin save chakra control and book smarts. You do as little training as Kakashi-sensei lets you get away with and none outside of team meetings, your chakra pool is downright pitiful and will never increase as you don't improve the physical element of your chakra by exercising and strengthening your body, though even if you did try and train hard I doubt it would matter because your diet is shot to hell, a result of your obsession with dieting and trying to look good for your Sasuke-kun. Apart from that, a mere scratch on the surface I might add, your uniform has as much use in practical stealth as mine does but unlike you I've got the training to make up for it, you've never set up a trap in your life, bottomed out a lot of the survival training sections of the Academy and due to your obsession with personal hygiene and fashion I could track you by scent to here from Konoha. Even now you're lying to both us and yourself, blaming me for not showing up when in reality you're grateful I didn't – it meant you didn't look weak in front of Sasuke and got you off the hook in case our team failed and you were outed as the weak link", his head suddenly shot up, eyes that were so often smiling now filled with a concentrated, cold blue fire that seemed to consume the last vestiges of Sakura's self-worth and pride as a kunoichi as he settled his weight onto his back foot and finished his comprehensive demolition,

"Am I wrong Sakura? Is anything I've said incorrect, or doing you down at all – if so speak now or forever hold your peace. In that case", after giving a few seconds' pause he carried on, tone never changing from a matter-of-fact, colourless tone, one that Kakashi himself might have used to deliver a verbal mission report, "I'm not saying this to hurt you or make you feel bad but because you need to hear it – at the level you are now and the way you're going in your career Konohamaru has a better chance of getting chunin than you do. Unless you change yourself, and change yourself radically, the only two options you've got at the minute to have a long life are to either remain a career genin or quit the ninja programme – try anything else and most likely the only things you'll end up with are your name on the Hero Monument and some compensation money for your family".

_Harsh but, unfortunately, fair_; though his words painful to hear Kakashi's professional side was actually somewhat relieved that someone had stepped in and told Sakura exactly what she needed to hear – he had been wrestling for a way to break the news to his kunoichi himself without breaking her heart. The emotional side of him, however, was only marginally less shocked than Sakura herself appeared to be; though he'd noticed the jinchuuriki's relationship with the girl had cooled noticeably since Wave, he'd never thought things could've gotten to this point. The cherry blossom for her part seemed to have been stunned into absolute muteness, so far gone into disbelief that even her old fallback; hit the baka until he squeals or apologises; was lost and adrift – a tear dripped from her eye and she looked down, unable to face Naruto after he'd torn her down so comprehensively and, worst of all, was right in all regards. The blonde looked away, apparently regretful that he'd been forced to administer a dose of such harsh medicine but resolute in doing so. Kakashi cleared his throat and made to try and clear the air but, before he could do so, the third member spoke up again,

"Dobe", Naruto looked over, right into Sasuke's blazing eyes even if his Sharinghan was inactivated at the minute, "fight me!"

Naruto merely blinked; apparently the question was unexpected,

"Pardon?"

"I said fight me", Sasuke repeated, stepping one foot forwards aggressively as he fell into the opening stance of his family's Intercepting Fist style, "you said you and I had a chance of chunin; well thanks to you we'll never know. You, chunin", he snorted dismissively, raising his fists, "don't make me laugh dobe; you don't and will never stand a chance against the ninja in those exams so you bottled out when you had the chance and because of that my chance to get the power I need avenge my clan was dragged down with you. So fight me", he declared, flaring his bloodline and inwardly gleeful as Naruto looked away, not meeting his doujutsu, "see if you can back up your words with your fists".

For a moment Naruto said nothing and neither did Kakashi – though he had hoped to avoid blood and violence if possible, the Copy-nin knew that the last Uchiha was one who held a grudge forever and would not be satisfied until the insult, as he saw it, the Uzumaki had laid at his feet was wiped away in blood; _and it'll take a fist-fight to do that at the very least. So be it_; Kakashi decided, stepping back and checking that the third member of this little dance wasn't going to get any ideas; _if it looks like serious injury, maiming or murder I'll step in, otherwise just let them get on with it_. Sasuke stood where he was, waiting for the answer to come and grinning savagely in anticipation as he saw Naruto push himself to his full height and face him again, though once more he didn't make eye contact, wary of the Sharinghan's power as was only right and proper for a clanless orphan and dobe,

"You know Sasuke, its odd; you talk about you revenge like it's the most important thing in your life but, if it was and we were actually fighting, you'd never have a chance to achieve it".

"What the hell are you talking about dobe? Have you lost your mind?"

"No but you've lost your legs"; Sasuke was on the absolute verge of just deciding to say screw it all and go in swinging before a quiet cough from over his shoulder made him whip around like a scalded cat, his eyes widening in horror as he beheld another Naruto standing there, a kunai held loosely in his hand as he smiled at the Uchiha; _I never even sensed it was there_. The chakra construct seemed to relish the confusion in the rookie of the year's eyes before it spoke for its creator, its bored tone seemingly echoing its master but with perhaps a bite more impatience in its voice than the real Naruto used,

"Well done Sasuke – not paying attention to your surroundings means you've just had a knife lodged in your spine. Right now the enemy is tearing your eyes out your skull for implantation into another host, your chakra's been sealed and your body prepped for transport so some other village can use your body and sperm to have a whole new generation of little Uchiha babies to fight for them. You failed to kill your brother but at least you managed to resurrect your clan, so one out of two ain't bad I guess. Are you getting the point yet?"

The Uchiha was reduced to spluttering as the clone burst into smirk and the voice of the original spoke up from over his shoulder, carrying on where the chakra construct had left off with more desperation and, unless Kakashi was hearing things, more outright frustration in his tone; _something is going on here – Naruto's been acting strangely for weeks now. Firstly he was more tired and drained than before, about the same time he really started to ignore Sakura and not talk much to Sasuke_; this apparent deterioration in teamwork, shaky at the best of times for Team Seven, had driven Kakashi to seriously considering not even offering the genin the applications to the exams but, in the end, he'd gone with it hoping it would show them all how much they needed to improve. Of course Naruto had scuppered that hope but, as his shortest student went on, the Copy-nin raised an eyebrow as it appeared that he was determined to teach the others the lessons the Chunin exams might have personally,

"None of us are ready for chunin", Naruto exclaimed, pointing first to Sakura and then the last Uchiha, "Sakura-chan's got a lot of work to do, you're so blinkered and arrogant that any ninja worth a damn could distract you into an ego-stoking contest until his team mate slit your throat from behind and I don't know enough about the basics and have more important things to deal with at the minute than try to go for a promotion I couldn't realistically achieve", the jinchuuriki paused to recapture his breath before wrapping up his tirade, "just swallow your pride, get your head out your ass and grow up! You're not Kami, you're not an elite and you're not guaranteed a vest just because of the eye-infection you call a bloodline; until you learn that Konoha doesn't revolve around you and your revenge on Itachi, and that people will not just drop everything to cram power and techniques they sweated blood to learn into your hands because you think you need and deserve them, you're going to stay both very disappointed and a genin".

_When exactly did you grow up Naruto?_; once more the former dead-last, and after that succinct summary of the situation he would forever be a former dead-last in Kakashi's mismatched eyes as he'd proved he'd completely outgrown that label with his maturity, had surprised all present. In fact so deep was Kakashi's contemplation of the situation that he didn't realise someone had taken offence to Naruto's words until a black blur rushed past him, Sasuke driven to beyond fury by his team mates' words. Kakashi started at this but, seeing the two ninja starting to spar as Naruto backed up, deflecting most of Sasuke's offense as the Uchiha sought to overpower him, decided to stay his hand for the moment; either Naruto would prove his point beyond all reasonable doubt (though in the jounin's mind he'd already done so by effectively 'killing' Sasuke before the other genin had ever noticed he was in danger), or he'd learn that honesty wasn't always the best policy. Though Sasuke did have serious problems with both his mentality and his attitude he was still the rookie of the year and outclassed his blonde counterpart in taijutsu, given a few more seconds he would break the blonde's guard though it had taken him a lot longer than Kakashi could remember it taking in the past, before the Uchiha's last punch, a straight right aimed at caving in Naruto's nose, there was an explosion of smoke and Sasuke stumbled forwards, red eyes already flaring at looking for his opponent,

"Bang!" The voice from the other side of the training ground was echoed as Naruto stepped into the clearing from the training ground, having completed his kawarimi with the shadow clone Kakashi had detected settle in position while the real one been lambasting his team mates, "That was an Exploding Shadow Clone Sasuke; you're dead again. You were too convinced you could roll me over in close combat you didn't even think to look underneath the underneath – because you rushed in and got yourself killed all that's left are me and Sakura and that probably wouldn't be too hard for the enemy to take down with our best fighter neutralised. That is what a chunin is", Naruto had never stopped talking as he stepped forwards towards the remaining trio, an inscrutable expression on his face, "it's not just about having speed or techniques or a bloodline, it's how you use it and how you can work with your team and we failed that test before we even began. We've got six months to do something about it though, so if Kakashi-sen..."

It was at that point that Sasuke finished the hand-seals he'd been making and faced his team mate again, his fingers clasped in the tora seal as he roared his technique aloud,

"Grand Fireball jutsu!"

A howling torrent of red and yellow flame sped across the training area, blackening the grass in its path and cloaking Naruto from view; the Uchiha cut off his technique looking grim but smirking even as Sakura screamed,

"Naruto!" Even as Kakashi tried to figure out exactly where Naruto was now, having detected the flare of chakra of another jutsu that the jinchuuriki must have used to get out the way of the technique, the cherry blossom rounded on her team mate, "what the hell, you could have..."

"A ninja takes every opportunity to kill his opponent", Sasuke recited, still looking smug as he watched the remainder of his technique burn out across the field, "dobe should've known that. He stopped me getting chunin; that means he's an oppon-aargh!"

It was at that point that the air just behind the Uchiha blurred and Naruto reappeared; the leaves were still flying around him, his shunshin still not complete as his fist shot out like a striking cobra, a brutal kidney punch that forced Sasuke to arch his back with a cry of pain. From the look on Naruto's face Kakashi had a suspicion with was only the beginning and, as he watched a knife-edge strike land with frightening power and accuracy right into the side of Sasuke's neck, he realised he was right; the jinchuuriki had been pushed too far and was going to take his pound of flesh from the genin who could have killed him. Kicking out the back of the Uchiha's knee and forcing his head back with the hand that had hit his neck and then moved up to fist in his hair, there was a flash of steel in Naruto's hand, Sakura screamed and before Kakashi could quite grip the orange-wearing blonde's hand, the final blow landed.

Sasuke fell, blood pouring in a sheet from the wound Naruto had carved in him and screaming in pain until Naruto dropped to one knee and the ring end of the kunai hammered into his temple, stopping his squeals of agony. Wiping the blade on the Uchiha's shirt Naruto stood back up, nothing but contempt on his face as he glared imperiously down on his team mate before turning up to look at his sensei, breathing heavily but tone forcibly calm as he looked up at the taller man,

"Kakashi-sensei, we might be both be ninja of Konoha but if Sasuke ever uses or I hear of him trying to use a potentially lethal jutsu on a fellow genin outside of a properly supervised sparring match the next line I draw with this blade will be through his eyes or his throat depending on how pissed I'm feeling; would you mind passing the message on when he wakes up?" Kakashi merely nodded, glancing down at the small puddle of crimson that was seeping over the ground from the thin slice Naruto had cut just under the cloth of Sasuke's headband, a monobrow of gore that was still spewing blood despite the thinness of the wound, "Apart from that I think things are a bit too hot here to do much training and we've all got important issues to deal with right now, least of all getting the teme to the hospital before he makes too much more of a mess on the floor; would you mind dismissing us all – I've said everything I needed to say".

"I can't say I approve of the method but you made your point Naruto", the jounin admitted, squatting down next to the unconscious Sasuke and looking at the cut again, "team dismissed; I will see you all here tomorrow. Sakura-chan can you get home on your own; I need to get Sasuke-kun to the hospital. I'll come and see you as soon as I've sorted him out".

The Haruno nodded dumbly, a faraway look still in her eyes as she mechanically stood up and started to slowly trudge back towards the village, head low and shoulders slumped, still trying to take in the message Naruto had all but forced her to see as the jounin gathered up his comatose student and activated his own movement technique towards the Konoha hospital.

XXX

Blinking her eyes in shock as Kakashi once more looked down at the blood spots speckling his uniform and recalled the frantic medics shouting for resources to take the injured Uchiha off his hands, Kurenai swallowed slightly before taking another sip of tea, considering the matter before speaking in a considering tone,

"So Naruto, you think what he's said and done have broken the team completely?" The Copy-nin chuckled mirthlessly,

"What little team there ever was in the first place, but it'd be unfair to place the blame on him alone; at least he admitted to his own defects at the same time as point out those of the other two. But you're right of course", the Copy-ninja sighed, massaging his single eye tiredly as he went on, "cell seven cannot continue in its current incarnation. I'll approach the Sandaime after the second exam; all I can do up until then is try to run as much damage control and pick up as many pieces as I can for all of them. And this, if you don't mind, is where I need your help Kurenai-san".

The kunoichi was professional enough to hide any reaction she might have had to this but, internally, she sighed in exasperation; _every time, whenever a shinobi comes up with a problem to do with emotions or 'girl-things', the first response is to go talk to the nearest woman to sort out their issues_. Still, Kakashi had at least had the decency to ask her outright rather than try to coerce of blackmail her into it and for that if nothing else she was forced to give him credit; therefore, after knocking back the dregs of her tea, Kurenai took down a breath and braced herself as she asked the loaded question,

"Let me guess, you wanted someone to talk to Sakura and let her know her team mate was just going through a hard time when he tore her down and didn't mean it?" To her slight surprise however, Kakashi shook his head,

"No, what Naruto said was true and to make sure she gets that message Sakura needs a teacher not a shoulder to cry on at the minute; added to that she's got a family and that Yamanaka girl for an emotional crutch if she needs them. No, out of all of them it's Naruto who concerns me at the minute", Kakashi leant forwards, chin on his fist as he regarded the genjutsu mistress with a calculating eye, "I had a feeling something like this was coming – you recall what happened in Wave?" Kurenai snorted,

"Doubt there's anyone under chunin who hasn't; last I heard though the little harum-scarum you're going on about was calming down after seeing his friend supposedly die in front of him", she considered before catching sight of the faded redness on Kakashi's vest and shivering slightly, "though going on what you just said earlier I doubt that applies any more".

"Probably not any more but, at first, I was impressed he was knuckling down and starting to become a ninja but a while ago that changed; at first he seemed to be upset about something for a few days but brushed it off, well, at least he tried to", Kakashi gave his famous eye-smile but Kurenai wasn't fooled for a second – out of all the ninja in Konoha perhaps only the Hokage himself was more accomplished at seeing through facades than Kakashi, though from what she'd heard Naruto was a master at portraying a false face to the world, "he couldn't quite stop himself becoming slightly more snappish and short-tempered though. I was actually expecting this kind of breakdown earlier; I doubt he really realises it but Naruto's the glue of Team Seven and when he stopped wanting to work it all started falling apart. It was what he said earlier though, that really stuck in my head; 'I've got more important things to deal with now'", Kakashi quoted, once more gaining Kurenai's attention as he elaborated on the situation as he saw it,

"As long as I've known him Naruto has had no other goal than becoming Hokage and getting people to respect him, see who he is rather than the demon – as best I can tell that goal has, if not changed, at least shifted to a more long-term plan. But I don't have any idea what that something else might be, if anything, and I can't exactly ask myself, much as I'd like to – he knows me too well for a start", seeing Kurenai's questioning look the Copy-nin held up a hand and answered her unspoken query, "and he sees me a lot more as a teacher and jounin than someone he can open up to. Ideally I would have asked Sandaime-sama but he's otherwise engaged; you were about the only other person I could think of who he at least knows about as a relatively friendly stranger and, apart from that, even if he would talk to me I know my limits Kurenai-san – I'm many things but a stable influence I most certainly am not, least of all in matters of trauma or recovery".

Despite herself Kurenai couldn't help but credit his argument; Kakashi was a good ninja but his heart was so well guarded and hidden she sometimes doubted the Copy-ninja himself knew where he'd left it last. As it was if what he was saying was true there was more than one potentially unstable jinchuuriki in Konoha and, as her current team was current in the somewhat-dubious hands of her friend Anko for the duration of the second exam, she was at a loose end for a week. With all this in mind and a little luck, she might have a chance of piercing a potential shroud of mystery around the boy for whom the Hyuuga on her team fanned a very bright flame for; in the end it really wasn't much of a decision to make. After mulling things over in her mind for a moment, Kurenai shook out her raven mane of hair and stood up, nodding at the Copy-nin as he too came to his feet and, out of gratitude, dropped enough ryo notes on the table to cover her bill and leave a generous tip,

"Fine then Kakashi; I'll deal with Naruto, you look after your kunoichi".

"Understood Kurenai-san, and thank you". With that, both jounin left the tea shop and went their separate ways into Konoha.

XXX

Naruto's address was no great secret; Kurenai had almost lost count of the number of times she'd heard muttered whispers of the 'demon brat's lair' going around the streets from civilians who either didn't know or didn't care how sharp ninja ears truly were. The jinchuuriki was located in one of the poorer areas of the village and the quickest route over there led the jounin through one of the main parks of Konoha; as it was quite a nice day and she was in no particular hurry, she was content to merely stroll towards her destination, taking her time to enjoy the sunshine, puzzle through in her mind how she was going to try and unknot the problem Kakashi had dropped into her lap and, most importantly of all, try to take her mind off how her team were faring in the chunin exams.

Fortunately a sudden shout caught her attention and, as she looked over, she found herself gifted with a key to whatever emotional armour the jinchuuriki might have been deploying to keep his sensei out of his personal life.

Glancing over and catching a flash of white in her vision Kurenai was momentarily taken aback; _Hinata, but she's...oh, wrong Hyuuga_; of course her genin were still in the Chunin exams, hopefully fighting their way through the Forest of Death for the next five days – it was the other Hyuuga heir who was stepping backwards and gracefully dodging the bull-rush of her opponent under the watchful eye of her Branch house minder. Having once been the carer of Hinata before she became a genin Kurenai had crossed paths with Hanabi once or twice before and found her, like most Hyuuga, a little too calm, cold and collected than would be considered normal or good for their health, but apart from that she seemed about as well-balanced as most of the clan heirs the jounin had ever met; _and a good deal more so than most, if what Kakashi was saying earlier was true_.

Contrary to a lot of public opinion, the girls' father Hiashi wasn't a completely ruthless bastard who'd judged his elder child a failure and tossed her aside; instead he had acknowledged and confided in private to Kurenai that Hinata took far too much after her mother to be a traditional Hyuuga ninja and was therefore merely taking steps to ensure she would not be burden on the clan as a whole. To that end he had engaged Kurenai's services to teach his eldest child genjutsu and, eventually, medical techniques, not usually areas the Hyuuga were well-versed in, while he and the rest of the council worked on moulding Hanabi into the next clan head; _though of course he has yet to fill either of the girls in on his plan, meaning Hinata still thinks she's a failure and Hanabi has no problem beating down the sister who can't bear to hurt her._

"Ah, Kurenai-san, good morning", the sudden greeting snapped her out of her introspection and made her focus on the special jounin who was currently pushing his glasses up under his nose as he went on, "I trust you are well?" The jounin smiled and returned Ebisu's bow before answering,

"Hai, I'm struggling along like everyone else", she replied before looking over his shoulder and enquiring, "so, what's going on here then?"

"Ah, just a little high spirits", the special jounin admitted, his ears starting to redden as he recalled the actions of his student that had led to this impromptu sparring match, "I was instructing Konohamaru-san in basic taijutsu forms when he noticed Hanabi making, I assume, a mocking gesture towards him as she was moving past with her minder. This, regrettably, led to him calling her out; several unpleasant names later it escalated from there into the spar you see behind me. It's touch contact only, no chakra and I trust Moko-san to referee the bout implicitly; I doubt Konohamaru will win but, with a little luck, the defeat will spur him on and show him how much he needs to improve to be considered the best in his peer group, never mind replace his grandfather as Hokage".

"I see", Kurenai responded off-handedly, glancing over the teacher's shoulder in time to see Hanabi land what would have been a winding strike had the Hyuuga been using her Gentle Fist to Konohamaru's belly, though the smaller child didn't let her escape unscathed, clipping her shoulder with his retaliation strike, "ah, that reminds me; Konohamaru knows Uzumaki Naruto doesn't he?"

"Er, yes, the two have been introduced", Ebisu admitted, not wanting to dwell on those memories for too long if he could get away with it, "in fact I believe Konohamaru considers Naruto-san something of a superior and role-model – he's certainly been more receptive to what I've been trying to teach him since the day they met". At this Kurenai gave a mental nod as she made up her mind and solved the first part of Kakashi's conundrum; _sorry Ebisu-san but it seems I'll be borrowing your student for a while – if nothing else he'll know which buttons to push to get a response from the jinchuuriki_;

"That is good news; in that case Ebisu-san would you and your student mind accompanying me after this spar is completed?" As the special jounin glanced around with a questioning expression Kurenai indulged his curiosity with a quick but easily believable fib, "I need to speak to Naruto but I don't know where he lives – would you mind loaning me Konohamaru to find his apartment? And I thought you always called him Honourable Grandson?" At the latter question Ebisu let out a self-depreciating chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck,

"I did but it turns out he doesn't like the title; something Naruto-san found out believe it or not. As for the request I've no problem with it and I'm sure Konohamaru would jump at a chance to be schooled in basic chakra exercises by an undisputed master of the art..."

"Done", knowing what the teacher was angling for Kurenai decided it wasn't a bad deal; jounin-sensei were forbidden from seeing their charges until the five days of the second exam had elapsed so she had time on her hands and if she could make a favourable impression on the Hokage's grandson about the importance of chakra control there was a good chance the old man himself might find his interest piqued and look into improving the importance of genjutsu in the ninja forces, or even the Academy if she was really lucky. Satisfied, Ebisu nodded and beckoned her forwards just as the elder Hyuuga called time on the spar.

XXX

Konohamaru span backwards, his opponent doing likewise though neither dropped their guard, a mutual antagonism and grudging respect in their eyes as the elder Hyuuga coughed slightly to get their attention back on him and spoke clearly,

"A good spar the pair of you; you were both aggressive and but controlled with it and, though you made a few mistakes, both of you recovered them well and kept your guards tight".

"Yeah okay", not that it was bad to have a critique of his skills at all but there was one question Konohamaru was bursting to know the answer to, "who won?"

"Neither of you – the match was a tie"; the Sarutobi's face fell and jabbed a finger forwards,

"What, no way! I hit her more than she hit me!"

"True but most of those were glancing blows, though debilitating over time due to your strength", Moko explained gently, cool logic overriding childish indignation, "though Hanabi-sama managed fewer strikes in comparison she was more accurate and would have done more damage had she been using her chakra to enhance her Jyuuken strikes".

"Hmm, well, yeah, fair enough", beaten by these truths Konohamaru dropped his hand and decided that a draw actually wasn't that bad a result; _gramps always said the Hyuuga were good at taijutsu, so if I'm getting a draw off one I must be doing something right_; "boss told me about your pokey-fingers-of-doom; I'll get a better guard for next time". Hanabi opened her mouth to scoff at this but found herself beaten to the punch by the little brat's teacher, Ebisu clapping his hands before regarding his student through his dark glasses,

"Be that as it may I'm afraid the rematch will have to wait; now bow to your opponent", Konohamaru grumbled a bit at this; after all the white-eyed girl had insulted his boss and not apologised; but did eventually jerk his upper body forwards ins a sloppy motion, Hanabi returning the gesture with equal impoliteness before the special jounin went on, "good. Now Konohamaru-san, Kurenai-san here needs to speak to Naruto-san but neither she nor I know where he lives..."

"And you need me to track him down?" The boy second-guessed his teacher as he nodded and turned to the tall; _and pretty – no, no bad Konohamaru – just because gramps dropped that book and you looked at it you can't become a pervert, the boss would never forgive you_; "Okay then, no problem; he lives over that way, follow me and I'll take you to his block".

"Wait, do you mean Naruto as in Uzumaki Naruto?" Without even waiting for an answer Hanabi went on, "He is the boy that my sister..." She caught herself just in time; much as Hinata was a gentle soul at the best of times Hanabi was no fool – her sister had had a big hand in raising her due to the unfortunate death of their mother and that meant she probably had a lot of dirt on her imouto that she wouldn't think twice about unearthing if Hanabi gave the game away about the object of her affections, even if the boy in question remained stubbornly clueless about her intentions towards him, "...admires so much?"

"Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto's my boss", Konohamaru boasted, folding his arms and beaming proudly, "we're rivals to be the next Hokage". Despite herself Hanabi sneered slightly at this as she gave a caustic chuckle,

"Pardon my mirth that either of you could ever lead this village".

"Hey, don't bad-mouth the boss", Konohamaru warned her prickily, "he's a great ninja and he's taught me a lot".

"So I noticed", the Hyuuga drawled, though she doubted Konohamaru would ever see her words as a joke and instead sighed and looked up at her fellow clan member, "Moko-san, you are dismissed; I wish to see this Uzumaki Naruto with my own eyes and determine what it is about him that makes Hinata-san strive to be like him".

Moko considered this for a moment; as Hanabi's minder he was responsible for any harm that befell her in the course of his duties and, though he may appear cold and arrogant, Hiashi Hyuuga was known and feared as a man who tolerated no risk to the fates of his daughters, least of all following the tragedy that had almost lost him his daughter and cost Hizashi, a man Moko and most of the Branch house would have followed into Makai and back, his life. Many of the Branch house of the Hyuuga still nursed that grudge and thought that Hizashi had been sacrificed to appease Kumo rather than giving up his life for his brother out of love and sadly Hizashi's orphaned son was one of these, perhaps the worst if the way the boy threw himself into his training and belief in fate was anything to go by. However he knew Kurenai, having handed Hinata off to her some years previously before becoming the guardian of Hanabi, and respected the jounin as someone who had been both true to her duty and a good friend and confident of the heiress who reminded Moko so much of the Hyuuga clan's late and much lamented Isoko-chan – for these reasons the Hyuuga had no hesitation in handing over the reins of his duty to the red-eyed jounin with a shallow bow,

"As you wish Hanabi-sama; I leave her to your care Kurenai-san", the genjutsu specialist nodded appreciatively and watched as the elder Hyuuga left, smiling at his retreating back as she recalled the first time the two of them had met; _and like most of the Branch he was reluctant to let their precious little 'Nata-chan go. They see her as the harbinger of a future where they don't have to walk around with a potential time-bomb engraved on this faces and, when she becomes head of the clan, I know she'll do just that_.

That conversation, however, was for a later time; right now Kurenai had a job to do and wanted to get it over with quickly – as a result of this she turned to Konohamaru and spoke gently, not wanting to put the boy off with her striking and, some would whisper, semi-demonic appearance of red eyes and midnight hair,

"Very well then Hanabi-ch-san", she caught herself just in time; Hinata might have liked familiarity but she somehow doubted the same would be true of her little sister; Hanabi was a perfect little Hyuuga after all, "looks like you're with us for the time being. Kono – mind if I call you that?" The boy shook his head, reminding Kurenai of his uncle somewhat; _though it did take him slightly longer to warm up to the 'Suma tag some of us labelled him with_;

"Nope, but anyway, time's wasting and I need to ask the boss about training – come on", Konohamaru stepped forwards towards the western side of the park, "boss's place is this way".

XXX

It took about twenty minutes for the mismatched group to arrive at the apartment block where Konohamaru was sure Naruto lived – seeing the state of the place both Hanabi and Kurenai looked distinctly unimpressed, the Hyuuga going as far as to fold her arms and make a caustic comment,

"So this is it, the lair of your boss", she pointed out, Konohamaru looking over his shoulder as he led them over the threshold and into the lobby of the block, "somehow I understand now how your skills have developed; even the toughest weeds need a little manure to help them grow occasionally".

"Hey, I warned you once, do not insult the boss when I can hear you", the grandson of the current Hokage demanded, "even your pampered ass isn't immune to being kicked Blinky". Hanabi mottled at the insult and was about to retort when the two of them were cut off by Ebisu stepping between them and somehow fixing them both with a piercing glare simultaneously,

"Enough, both of you", he said sternly, instinctive respect for a sensei cowing both children and allowing him to go on, "now Konohamaru-san, where does Naruto-san live?" _Somehow_; despite half-expecting this reaction Ebisu couldn't quite stop his gut sinking as he saw the look on his student's face; _that expression isn't reassuring me this is going to be a straightforward visit_;

"Uhh", the Sarutobi managed a sheepish grin, "I know this is his block but I, uh, never found out which apartment is his exactly". Kurenai closed her eyes in annoyance for a minute but, quite fortunately, before she started to try and dictate a logical plan to ask is someone else in the apartment block where the jinchuuriki lives, there was a dismissive snort from somewhere closer to the floor and Hanabi smirked,

"So why don't we could use the sensible option and ask the person who can _see through the walls_ to find him", she retorted, looking unbearably smug as she smirked at Konohamaru, "fortunately some of us have evolved a little beyond the monkeys we're named after".

The youngest Sarutobi felt his cheeks burning in rage as the girl slandered both himself and his clan but before he could get a word in edgeways the Hyuuga had made a few hand-seals and whispered something under her breath; instantaneously the veins around her eyes bulged and engorged as her bloodline engaged. For a second all was silent until, with a sudden flare of chakra to boost her movement, Kurenai dashed to the side and caught the collapsing girl as Hanabi slumped towards the floor, already pale face bleached to the pallor of sour milk as her eyes were widened in a sudden incoherent terror,

"Hanabi-san, Hanabi", keeping her voice soft and reassuring despite the sudden fear racing through her Kurenai nevertheless the demanded the information that seemed most important in this instance, "what is it, what did you see?" Her mouth worked soundlessly for a minute, the jounin could feel the little body shivering through her dress and was about to speak again when her voice, thin, reedy and a mere shadow of its former bombastic self, managed to eke out the word that had struck such terror into her soul,

"F, Fire", it wasn't fire exactly; even if she couldn't accurately describe what she'd seen it was the word that came closest to encapsulating the terrible redness that had seared into her Byakugan almost as soon as she'd activated it, "it's fire – he's burning!"

Mere moments later, guided by Hanabi's half-remembered directions as the Hyuuga refused to activate her doujutsu again and realising trying to talk Konohamaru into staying in the lobby was a wasted effort ('the boss is in trouble and you want me to stay here – screw that; Konoha nins stick together forever'), Ebisu was the first to make it to the door Hanabi had tremulously nodded was the right one and then shrank back as though afraid of what she might see behind it. Kurenai moved up into a position to back the special jounin up should he need it before nodding; seeing this reassurance Ebisu focussed his chakra, took a second to compose himself and then sent his foot thundering into the wooden door before him.

Konohamaru had never really thought of his teacher as a true ninja; Ebisu had been an instructor as long as the boy had known him and this had irrevocably coloured his view of the elite tutor. However deception was a ninja's most important skill and, seeing the way the door burst open, all but smashed off its hinges at the force condensed at the ball of the man's foot the Sarutobi found his eyebrows rising; he'd never thought his teacher could be so strong. Such thoughts were banished an instant later; Naruto might be in trouble in there and for some reason neither of the adults were moving – it was up to him to make the first move and he wasn't going to let his friend down. Taking a deep breath and his courage in his hands the grandson of the Sandaime rushed forwards into the room, missing as he did so the look of terror on the faces of the older ninja as he found himself regarding the sight before him and felt the shout in his throat die away to nothingness.

The main entrance opened into the main living area of the apartment; a rather antiquated style of decor that had mostly fallen out of fashion in Konoha now; right now though architectural aesthetics was the last thing on the Sarutobi's mind compared to what was currently in that room. Sat half-naked in his living room was the master of the house, cross-legged and in the centre of what looked like a corona of power; _White-Eyes was right – it does look like fire_; but it wasn't – even if he couldn't feel it, the mere sight of the unholy tangerine-coloured energy that surrounded the older boy was a clear hint that something was very, very wrong with the situation.

It was chakra, it had to be but even the look of this energy was foul – rather than the normal blue he was used to, or even the soothing green hue of the medical chakra his jii-san had sometimes used when he'd grazed a knee playing with other kids in the village, this chakra was blazingly orange, threatening and malevolent even if something was blocking its influence from affecting him, and all of the others with him as well. This was probably for the better because Konohamaru, even as naive as he was, had no illusions that had he been fully exposed to whatever devilry his boss was being wracked by, he and the other three around him would have been terrified into incoherence by the sheer presence of the boss's new, terrifying chakra signature. All that seemed to be holding back the flame Hanabi had glimpsed was the crude circle-like thing that seemed to have been painted on Naruto's abdomen and, as he glanced around in the brief second he could tear his eyes away from the silent, frozen figure before him, some other scraps of paper placed around the floor of the room, though before he could voice this theory the genin before them at last responded to the intrusion in his home.

Naruto's closed eyes snapped open and Konohamaru almost lost control of his bladder; this wasn't his boss he was looking at, it was something much more ancient, feral and dangerous. Gone were the serene, expressive blue orbs that seemed to see the best in life, they had been replaced by the baleful, glowing eyes of a carnivore, a predator with slitted pupils that rolled around in their orbits, looking at the intruders as though trying to decide which to spring on first. The twin hooded monstrosities locked onto him for the briefest of seconds and he quailed, all previous thoughts of his bravery forgotten – it was as though the Shinigami himself had gazed upon him and then moved on, deciding that now was not his time. All of the others seemed likewise paralysed by the sight of this liquid ferocity in the skin of a genin, a raw, untapped font of power that Naruto was now drinking from and using to brow-beat them all into submission,

"Get in, all of you", Konohamaru shuddered again; had he really thought the vision before him was bad? Naruto's voice, much deeper and darker than before even if his words were not a direct threat, nevertheless stated a command that would brook no opposition and none would oppose, too afraid of the otherworldly forces that he seemed able to wield as his whisker marks, much darker than before and seeming to twitch as though alive, scenting for prey as his lips moved and exposed his lengthened canines again,

"Get in. Shut the door. Stand there. Be quiet. All of you".

In the face of a chakra that only two of the four present had ever seen before, a half-faded nightmare of a ruddy glow on the horizon during Konoha's darkest night, there was no argument; his darkened eyes never leaving the boy before him Ebisu stepped forwards first, standing in front of everyone and displaying courage of the heart that his trembling body and sweat-beaded brow couldn't quite match. Kurenai followed reluctantly afterwards; she had tried to send a silent message to Hanabi with her hand but the Hyuuga had been too frightened to see it; Naruto, on the other hand, seemed supernaturally aware of his prey's desire to run and had snapped a burning gaze onto the genjutsu master, silently daring her to try and get one of the children who now knew his secret away. Kurenai was confident in her own abilities but jinchuuriki, especially those using the power of their prisoners, were supposed to be highly resistant to genjutsu and she didn't trust her strength would be enough to pin him in an illusion before he could lash out and harm either her or one of the children under her protection. Instead, with her face studiously neutral and trying to hide her own nerves, she stepped slightly to the side and offered her hand, speaking out the corner of her mouth,

"It's okay Hanabi", she managed to say in as reassuring a tone as she could manage, "I'll make sure nothing happens to any of us; just hold my hand for now and don't look". The Hyuuga didn't even answer, all propriety stripped away from her in the face of such soul-breaking power and she clutched at the jounin's arm, burying her face in Kurenai's thigh and trembling as the older woman moved into the room, silently reaching out and closing the door as Naruto had asked – in the current volatile situation it was best to obey the possessed genin's command and hope for the best.

As the dull thump of the wooden door swinging closed echoed around the apartment Naruto appeared to wince for a moment before seeming to focus on something else; his scarlet eyes closed once more and, almost immediately, the aura of power around him started to dim and die away. Before the quartet's eyes the foul red chakra began to fade, seeping back into the jinchuuriki's skin as the marks on his stomach shrank away to nothingness, disappearing just as the last of the red power dispersed into minor wisps of strength. As soon as this was done Naruto opened his eyes once more, now the usual deep blue they were all used to, and stood up, reaching for his jacket as he looked at each of them in turn with inscrutable eyes before speaking,

"Why are you all here?"

"We, ah..." at this point Ebisu felt his mouth dry up; _why exactly are we here again?_; he couldn't remember if Kurenai had ever actually told him, hell he couldn't really remember much of anything after seeing the power that could only have come from the Kyuubi, the demon that had cost the Fourth Hokage his life to seal into a boy who seemed content to let himself be used as a vessel for its dark malignancy, "we..." It was at this point his student could take no more,

"Boss", Konohamaru's voice wasn't particularly loud but neither ninja missed Naruto flinch at the sound; _did the bijuu's chakra make his hearing more sensitive?_; if so it was a weakness they could exploit if they had to escape later, "what was that, the whole red-glow thing – it was..."

"Be quiet", it wasn't quite a snap but there was more than a bite of impatience and, possibly, even desperation in Naruto's voice, Konohamaru immediately clamming up as the jinchuuriki turned a freezing gaze on him before he could go on, "I don't..."

Before he could finish whatever it was he meant to say it became academic; he was interrupted by another voice, a voice that spoke no words but was nevertheless understood by everyone present in the room – Naruto's face twisted into an expression that Kurenai had last seen on a man impaled by a Stone Spear jutsu as everyone else, herself included, felt their eyes grow huge and their skin pucker to gooseflesh as the noise went on. The jinchuuriki's eyes fell closed once more, his lips moving into words that Kurenai managed to lip-read as something along the lines of 'that's torn it' before he addressed them all again, his tone much more weary this time, the voice of a much older man in a young man's body as he asked in a much more respectful; _human_; tone this time,

"Wait here", he asked, turning around as he shucked on his jacket, his shoulders slumped in what looked like defeat as he massaged his forehead against the racket that had stirred him, "don't run – I'll find you if you try". It wasn't a threat, it was a tired promise that Kurenai was under no illusion he would fulfil but she did, could do, nothing to try and run, drained of every emotion save disbelieving shock as Naruto disappeared through a door that led off of the main room to somewhere. Blinking Kurenai was struck so dumb that she almost missed the release of pressure on her leg as Hanabi let go, even the heir of the noble clan shocked by the sound that had jarred them all and was, the kunoichi could hear, coming closer to them now. _How the hell did Kakashi miss something like this?_; the question forced its way to the forefront of her mind;_ all that talk of looking underneath the underneath and he doesn't see something that should have been staring him right in the face, and at the same time how did Naruto keep it under wraps?_

Even as her befuddled brain tried and failed to compute these seemingly-impossible questions Naruto reappeared, the source of the disturbance in his hands and Kurenai and the rest of her party fell mute once more at the sight,

"Tha...", it was ironic that out of the group consisting of a jounin, special jounin, clan head and clan member, it was the youngest who was able to speak first, even if his tone was stuttering and his face appeared to be composed of about ninety percent eyes as he pointed at the squalling bundle with a shaking finger, "that's a..."

"_She_", Naruto cut him off with a stern but not unkind gaze as he rocked the most important thing in his life close to his chest, "is Uzumaki Hanamitsu", even as she watched on absolutely agog, Kurenai couldn't help but feel a small, primal part of herself drawn forwards as the Uzumaki looked down at the baby he claimed as his own and his expression morphed into something that couldn't be anything other than pure paternal pride, gentleness in his tone as he finished dropping his bombshell sentence,

"She's my daughter".

XXX

Unsurprisingly it took a little while for the pervading sense of disbelief to be cleared from the air, though this process was facilitated by Naruto formerly inviting them in and offering them something to drink from his moderate selection as a clone of his began preparing a feed of formula for his child. When all were settled in, or at least as settled as they were likely to be, the Uzumaki; _or at least the elder Uzumaki, if what he was saying earlier was true_; once more Kurenai felt her eyes drawn towards the baby now resting on her father's lap as Naruto sat down and found herself wondering just how much of this picture was still incomplete. Naruto would hardly be first shinobi to have gotten a girl in the family way and lived to regret the consequences but at the same time, this was the boy who was, or should have been, so clueless about love that he still pined after a girl who came within a hairs-breadth of a battery charge at the end of each team training session rather than the clan heiress who'd loved him almost since she'd laid eyes on him. Aside from that the baby herself didn't resemble Naruto at all, though as she was still so small, virtually a newborn if she was any judge, there perhaps wasn't much to compare to. Naruto took a moment to ensure the child he held was comfortable before looking to each of them in turn, his eyes fixing on one of the assembled as he began,

"I knew I couldn't keep her a secret forever, surprised it lasted this long to be honest; I knew sensei was getting suspicious but I assume you were the reason everyone came rushing up here?" Hanabi wasn't quite able to meet the Uzumaki's gaze but managed to nod, looking so much more like her sister than usual as she scrutinised the floor until Naruto's self-depreciated snort made her glance up once more,

"Yeah, I thought I had everything covered, never thought about the Byakugan though – I imagine the fox's chakra must have looked like a torch to you".

"Naruto-san", Ebisu's voice wasn't warning exactly but it had a sense of urgency about it as he indicated both his student and the Hyuuga heir, "they don't know and the law..."

"Doesn't apply to me, so it might as well be me who says it rather than risking someone else losing their head", the jinchuuriki pointed out succinctly, neatly trumping the teacher's ace before looking over at the other two children, Hanamitsu on his lap burbling happily as she seemed to realise she was the centre of attention and not disliking the feeling, "what you just saw there Konohamaru, Hanabi, was the chakra of the Kyuubi no kitsune".

"What! Ah, sorry", Naruto's sudden glare was enough to make even the normally headstrong Konohamaru apologise for disturbing the peace and potentially upsetting the baby – Naruto might consider him a friend but even after knowing of the girls' existence for less than fifteen minutes the Sarutobi knew he was now at best a distant second in Naruto's hierarchy of precious people, "didn't mean that, but jii-san said the fox was dead, the Yondaime killed it off by summoning the Shinigami".

"That's a lie, well, actually a half-truth; don't blame your grandfather", he admonished as Konohamaru suddenly started to look mutinous, "it was done to protect me, or at least try to. The Yondaime didn't kill Kyuubi, nothing that I or the shinobi world knows of can kill a bijuu – instead it was sealed into me, a newborn baby at the time; the Yondaime beat the Kyuubi by creating a jinchuuriki, a power of human sacrifice. What you saw then was me channelling the power of Kyuubi; if I have to I can tap into the fox's chakra but I have to train to be able to handle it, the more exposure I get the more I can safely use without going berserk and potentially killing everything around me. Even if Kyuubi's stopped trying to take over my body as much as he can when I'm using his chakra, it's that powerful it can overwhelm my mind with bloodlust and anger just by me using it. And yes, the seal you're looking at is what keeps Kyuubi in his cell", he tacked on at the end, thinly amused by the sight of Hanabi gasping and dropping her eyes, the veins around them shrinking as she disengaged her Byakugan though the image of the ink structure she had viewed on the Uzumaki's stomach wouldn't fade from her eyes; _she's a bit more like her sister than she cares to admit – ah, I think it's cute_;

"But if that is the case how did the power not affect us?" Ebisu asked, inwardly grateful that he wouldn't have a curious Konohamaru pestering him for answers that he couldn't give without fearing an ANBU ninjato swinging for his neck, "I was, if not fighting, at least close enough to see the Kyuubi that night and, that chakra", he shivered, not that Kurenai blamed him as she too relived that nightmare night and felt the old memories of the malignant hatred and rage in the air smash against her mind again, "it's not something easily forgotten – having been so close I'd have expected all of us to be... adversely affected by such exposure".

"You can thank those seals for that", Naruto nodded towards the small stack of paper slips he'd gathered up before inviting them in, his eyes growing distant and, perhaps, moist as memories danced through his mind of the girl he had known all too briefly and then lost forever, "apart from Hanamitsu-hime, the most important legacy her mother left me".

Melancholy seeped into the atmosphere as everyone seemed to sense the jinchuuriki's sense of loss before, gently clearing her throat, Kurenai tried to gently nudged Naruto on from his recollections,

"But, Naruto", he looked up at his name, subconsciously slipping his daughter back into a reclined position in one arm, seeking to rock her to sleep as the conversation began, "who was Hanamitsu-san's mother, and when you say she left do you mean...?"

"Yes; to my great regret my little girl will never know just how wonderful and brave her mother was first-hand", Naruto admitted, the constrained grief in his voice enough to make even the jounin lean forwards in sympathy before he somehow swallowed all that hurt back down to speak in a more factual tone, "but for this to make sense supposed I'd better start at the beginning", with that he leant back slightly in his chair just as a kage bunshin appeared from the kitchen, a small plastic bottle wrapped in a warm towel in its hand. In front of his audience Naruto accepted the bottle with a nod and, as the bunshin burst into smoke, squirted a small amount of the formula inside onto his forearm to test the temperature before, satisfied it wouldn't scald, he cradled Hanamitsu in one arm and lifted her head, encouraging her to suckle on the rubber teat as he looked up at his audience and spoke once more,

"It started in Wave..."

XXX

The celebrations were in full swing; he could hear them in the distance showing no sound of dying off even though it had been four days since Gato had met his end at the hands of the person Naruto considered the real hero of Wave; _mind you, if he was alive to hear me say that he'd probably be chasing after me with that massive sword of his yelling he was a demon, not a hero_. The thought of trying to outrun an angry Zabuza made Naruto smile for a brief moment before he sighed and looked forwards once more at the two graves before him, the massive, sinister form of the Kubikiri Honcho embedded in the soft loam providing a huge identification of who lay buried beneath the sod of the earth there.

Contrary to popular opinion Naruto did like the quiet at some times and for that reason had slipped away from the party held by the people of Wave in anticipation of the old drunk formerly finishing the bridge that had cost Zabuza, Haku and almost Sasuke their lives to protect. The teme in question was alive and kicking as usual, not as dead as he'd at first feared and with Sakura-chan now at his elbow every minute at the day; _why though, I beat Haku, why does she still like him rather than me?_ It was a question he couldn't, or perhaps didn't want to answer, instead looking at the graves before him, remembering the battle on the bridge as best he could – Haku had died for Zabuza, who'd been betrayed by Gato and his thug army, who Zabuza had killed in revenge before dying himself; it was all so stupid and pointless, death over something made of concrete and mortar. _I don't know – maybe when I become Hokage I can change it all, stop people like Gato making life miserable for everyone else. Maybe then there will be an end to it all and people will respect me_; it was a nice idea, a good thought that brought him cheer in front of the graves of two people he would forever consider precious to him despite having known them only as enemies. With that in mind he came to his feet, bowed in respect to the two passed away shinobi and then whipped around, already armed with a handful of shuriken as he faced the person he'd heard a few seconds ago,

"Show yourself!"

He'd been taken by surprise by Haku once before; recalling what had happened then and what it had led to Naruto had sworn to himself it wouldn't happen again and kept his senses sharp at all times, not willing to be ambushed again. He glared into the darkness, waiting for any potential attack to come before something shifted in the darkness and he tensed, ready to react at the slightest provocation until a voice came through and he relaxed fractionally,

"So, it is you after all".

"Uhh, thanks?" He offered carefully, not sure where the girl, for it was a woman's voice that came through to the darkness to him, was going with such an oblique comment, "But if your here to say thanks for saving your bridge my sensei was the one who beat Zabuza, and No-brows himself put down Gato so he's the hero really – I just got lucky". The other figure didn't answer but by the sounds of movement coming closer he squinted, just about picking out a silhouette in the darkness before speaking again,

"You're not here to desecrate these graves are you?" A sudden suspicion seized Naruto's mind and he slid back into his stance, ready to defend the resting places of his friends to the last, "I don't care if you're from Wave, these guys were good shinobi and deserve to rest in peace". The shadowy figure paused before advancing again, allowing Naruto to see her slightly more clearly and, as she'd expected, he lowered his kunai at the sight,

"Sorry but I'm not from Wave and didn't mean to interrupt your grieving; I am sorry for your loss", she gave a respectful bow both to Naruto and to the headstone the Kubikiri Honcho was represented before carrying on, "I came to you because, well, er..." She shied away slightly, apparently unsure how to go on before Naruto, even knowing virtually nothing about the fairer sex, felt something deep stir within the crevices of his being and belatedly recognised it as chivalry as he beckoned the girl forwards, reaching into his pocket for something he'd take from one of the buffet tables earlier,

"Sit down, we've got plenty of time; here", as a orphan who had often been unsure when and where his next meal was coming from hoarding and sharing food was as natural as breathing for the Uzumaki as he unsealed some cold cuts of meat from his storage scroll, "help yourself if you're hungry".

He didn't have to ask twice; the sight and scent of the food had been the magic words and almost before he knew what was happening the girl was attacking the scroll with the same ferocity he usually reserved for a bowl of Ichiraku ramen. Taking a step back as his new apparent friend continued to gorge, Naruto said nothing until she was apparently replete for the time being as she sat back on her haunches with an expression of pure bliss on her face,

"Wow, guess you must have been hungry", Naruto pointed out, grateful he'd taken so much as he wasn't expecting to get back to Tazuna's place until very late in the night, "but you said you came to me? Don't you mean you need my sensei – he's the jounin and team leader after all". The girl shook her head vehemently,

"No, no it's you, I know it is – I can feel the same chakra I did some days ago, though something's blocking a lot of it from my sight", she suddenly looked directly at him, a virtually naked need in her eyes as she carried on, "I came to you because, because I need your help! Something happened, something terrible that, I don't wanna think about it but, but I need you because you're the only one who could understand".

_Oh please don't cry_; Naruto like most young men absolutely hated the sight of a girl's tears and, as his last thought was not granted, he couldn't help but feel his spirits sink as he stepped forwards and, awkwardly, touched the stranger on the shoulder. Immediately after this he started; with a speed so fast he'd blinked and missed it she'd stepped forwards and snapped her arms around him like a vice, all but sobbing into his shoulder and speaking brokenly in between sniffles,

"Help me...please, please don't throw me away...", there was a sniffle in his ear that almost ripped his heart in two and out of instinct he hugged the distressed girl back, offering comfort with his body as he could, "I need, don't want to be left..."

"It, it's okay", he tried to comfort this stranger as best he could, the outright misery in her voice all but driving him to tears himself, "I'm not going anywhere; I won't leave you alone". After this he merely stood stoically still, supporting the girl's slim frame until, finally, her sobs started to die away and she stepped back, pawing at her eyes and she sniffed,

"All right", desperately trying to remember some of Iruka-sensei's lessons on coping and dealing with emotional trauma that he hadn't slept through, Naruto tried to keep as much of a lid on his nerves and trepidation as he could and asked the emotional girl as calmly as he could manage in the circumstances, "what's the problem? I'll try and help you as much as I can, but I'm pretty sure that Kakashi-sensei would be the better bet for making sure whatever's wrong gets sorted out right. If I can't help we'll go to him, sound fair?"

At this the girl seemed to flip personality completely; the tears dried away to leave behind a sad but sincere little chuckle as she stood up to her full height, about six inches taller than Naruto was himself; the jinchuuriki cocked his head before his eyes widened in horror as her hands moved to the top of the cloak she was wearing,

"Ah, not, its okay, I'm sure it's not that ser..."

It was at that point that the girl pulled her cloak away and Naruto fell mercifully mute, his gabbling dying away as his eyes bulged, mouth falling open as he saw the small but definite bump that protruded from her otherwise flat belly area; all was silent for a moment before the stranger pulled her cloak shut and spoke again with a teasing lilt in her voice,

"I don't know about you but as far as I'm concerned it's pretty damn serious", she pointed out before her voice softened into a more serious and sincere tone, "but while I'm not the first kunoichi to have to deal with something like this but", she turned her head away, suddenly shy as she fought to keep herself on track – after running for so long she for the first time had a chance of getting both herself and her unborn child safe and she was not going to lose it, "but, please hear me out – I'll tell you everything, after that you can decided if you still want to tell your teacher or not".

XXX

"That was the first time I saw Hana-hime", Naruto chuckled, shifting the baby over his shoulder and patting her back softly as he placed the now-empty bottle on the arm of his chair, "quite the unexpected introduction I'll admit but her mother was as good as her word – when I knew the full story I had to agree with her – I couldn't tell Kakashi-sensei anything. Hell I couldn't tell anyone about her, and I wouldn't be telling anyone now had you not gotten nosy and opened your eyes". His tone was only gently chiding rather than accusatory and that alone was all that allowed Hanabi to peek up at him and offer a weak smile before Kurenai, digesting what she'd heard so far and feeling a faint prickle of unease in the back of her mind, asked the killer question,

"I can guess you didn't abandon her and for that you are to be commended, highly commended in fact", the jounin smiled, a real warmth in the expression as she realised the jinchuuriki must have gone above and beyond the call of duty in not only taking in a pregnant woman, he was still raising her child even though she had passed away; _and he did, has done so in fact, without anyone else knowing at all in the middle of a ninja village. A whole battalion of trained shinobi and none of us saw that he was hiding a new-born baby under our noses_; "would you mind telling us who this beautiful little lady's brave kaa-san was?"

"A refugee", Naruto said at length, speaking as though the memory itself was excruciating for him; _and it probably is_; "there was a regime change, a violent one that swept all she'd even known to ruin. It killed, in fact executed would probably be a better word, her entire family, or at least those she considered family, the new people in power locking her village down all but enslaving her and her fellow ninja and villages. She had once been a kunoichi but under the new head of her village she was stripped of that title and everything else", his voice became harder as he went on, recalling the story he'd been told that night and once more silently swearing a bloody revenge against those who had led such a proud warrior to such a sorry end, though he drew the line at the violent genocide his prisoner had suggested as a solution to the problem, "many wanted her put to death but those that mattered, those in _power_ decided she'd be more useful alive, at least for nine months or so".

Kurenai felt her insides knot into a cold, hard ball as a very dark, suffocating idea rose up in her mind but before she could voice it, someone else whose mind was shielded from the true horrors of ninja life by a young age spoke first,

"But, Naruto-san", Hanabi began, wondering at the odd time period; _why keep someone alive so long – surely if you wanted information out of them you have to get it out of them as soon as possible, surely it'd be useless after such a long time_; "why did these people keep her alive for such a long time, and how did she escape and find you in Wave?" At this question Naruto looked slightly less comfortable, obviously trying to think of a way to phrase the answer to this and, at length, eventually broaching the subject as gently as he was able to,

"How long does it take to make a baby Hanabi-san?" The Hyuuga considered this for a minute before her eyes widened and she clapped a hand over her mouth, horrified as she was able to put two and two together and draw the terrible conclusion that Naruto spoke again in a harsh, bitter tone, "The new rulers of her village wanted an heir to a power she had, one with no ties to the old regime that they could mould into their image of perfection, and they didn't want to wait for nature to take its course and let her find someone she loved. She was raped; she never said it outright but I'm not as dumb as I look, I can put the pieces together and come up with something that stinks", he spat the words bitterly, though his tone never changed in a manner that would have startled the baby he still had over one shoulder, "because of them and their insane ideas my Hanamitsu-chan is a wrath-child who will never know the woman who fought tooth and claw to bring her into a free world instead of a life of slavery and pain".

_Oh Kami_; she had been expecting it in her heart of hearts but still it was a terrible thing to hear – to be burdened with a wrath-child was one of the HanaH

fates all kunoichi lived in terror of, a permanent reminder of one of the ultimate evils a man could subject a woman to. That Naruto had taken in such a traumatised woman and was even now looking after a child he had no biological connection to... at that point someone else could hold their disgust in no longer, Konohamaru springing to his feet with his fists clenched and teeth bared,

"Mother-fuc-" he was cut off by a resounding thud, an empty baby bottle bouncing off his forehead as Naruto glowered,

"Language", the jinchuuriki warned harshly, the baby somehow having not moved from his shoulder despite him having thrown the bottle with pin-point accuracy and a speed even Tenten would have complimented him on, "no swearing in my house". He and the young Sarutobi had a stare-down that lasted mere seconds before Konohamaru relented and sat back down, offering his apologies as he did so as Ebisu, having swallowed hard at the truth he'd just been told, licked his lips and spoke in a tone of mingled awe and regret,

"A kunoichi to be respected and worthy of the highest praise", he said at length, inclining his head respectfully as he did so, "so your child is the inheritor of a bloodline of some kind I assume – from what little I know of the practices of other shinobi villages it seems the most likely reason for these... people", a host of other, more accurate words were crowding the forefront of his mind but out of respect for the jinchuuriki's desire to keep his child's ears unsullied from profanity he kept his language clean, "to force themselves upon her in such a manner".

"It does, I'll agree with you on that Ebisu-san", Naruto nodded, removing Hanamitsu from his shoulder and settling her on his lap once more at the same time as surreptitiously loosening the front of her swaddling blanket, "and there's not one day in my life where I wish my hime had inherited something as simple as a bloodline".

Before any of the assembled could question him he very gently laid a finger on the girl's shoulder and channelled his chakra; as he saw the faces of the foursome facing him whiten and then drop as the seal appeared, he spoke once more with finality in his tone,

"The girl who spoke to me at a graveside in Wave was Fuu of Taki, the jinchuuriki of the Seven-tailed beetle; from her, because of a seal as inhumane as any I've ever heard of used on her by the one who usurped leadership of Waterfall to ensure the bijuu would be transferred as soon as her child was born", he glanced down himself, lip curling at the sight of the thick black lines that stood out against his little girls' tanned skin and damned her to the hell that seemed to be a jinchuuriki's lot in life, "that burden has now passed to her daughter, Uzumaki Hanamitsu. Fuu begged me to take her in not for her sake but for the sake of her unborn child – she could sense I was also a jinchuuriki and therefore one of only eight other people in the world who truly knew of her burden; I swore an oath in my own blood that as long as there was breath in my body and life in my eyes I would protect both her and her child", there was a terrifying force in his eyes, even as they smouldered with unshed tears as he listened once more to Fuu's choked story, interspersed with bouts of tears as, in a place of safety, she was at last able to break down as she relived the trauma she had gone through and recant the sorry tale to the one who would be her saviour,

"It is a promise I will _not_ fail to keep".

XXX

She believed him; she doubted anyone would have been there in that room listening to those words would have been able to disbelieve him. Naruto said nothing for moment, instead removing his finger from his child's shoulder and drawing the front of her blanket back over her chest, smiling as a singly chubby hand reached out clumsily and gripped his thumb; Hanamitsu, it seemed, had inherited her mother's curious nature; _well, either that or Nanabi's already having an influence_. The memory of the Taki girl demonstrating the chakra of her bijuu, a shining green and gold compared to the red horror that was the Kyuubi's power, shone in his mind for a moment before a sudden exclamation from in front of him roused him from his introspection, Hanabi with her bloodline active again as she pointed at the girl before him,

"So she, that little girl is a jinchun-", she screwed up her face for a moment but the exact pronunciation eluded her, "whatever that word was?"

"Jinchuuriki, and yes she is", Naruto confirmed, a blend of defiance and pride in his voice as he went on, "according to Fuu, Taki hasn't had much luck with its forbidden jutsu and this one was certainly that; the seal the new oyabun jounin used on her was designed to transfer the Nanabi's chakra to her unborn child slowly as her pregnancy developed, culminating in the bijuu's conscience being transferred when Fuu's seal would have been at its weakest, when she was giving birth. It was a delayed death sentence; Fuu-chan would carry her baby and die when she was born, leaving Hanamitsu-hime an orphan to be abused and turned into a weapon by Taki's new rulers; luckily though, the idiot who designed this power-grab never thought to do anything about Fuu-chan herself using the chakra of her bijuu to break out of that place".

"Taki", Ebisu thought for a moment, trying to recall something he'd half-overheard in the corridors of the Hokage tower, "yes, I think I was hearing rumours about that country, though as they haven't violated their non-aggression policy against Konoha and Fire country I don't think anyone's dug too deeply into the truth of what's actually going on in there now. With this information though, I think the Hokage may not remain neutral on the matter much longer".

"The Hokage", Naruto chuckled darkly, patting the tiny hand still latched onto his thumb with one of his fingers, "won't find out about this; perhaps I didn't make this clear enough Ebisu-san – what you know now goes no further than the four of you. Anyone else finds out about this", the eyes that had shone with the cold promise of a father to face death before letting his child face harm were now hooded, more calculating and ruthless as they moved around the room, fixing each of the assembled in turn with a dreadful gaze that told of nothing but sincerity, "I will hold you all personally responsible; I will find out which one of you metaphorically spilt your guts, then I will hunt you down and literally spill your guts".

"But, but boss", though the threat was enough to make him shiver; he'd seen that look before on the face of his grandfather, usually after he'd done something wrong and/or stupid and had to pay the piper for it, "why not jiji – you know he'd..."

"I know Ko, but the fewer people who know the fewer chances there are of news of Hanamitsu becoming public knowledge", Naruto explained, a trace of grim humour on his lips as he explained to the boy further, "I know the Third did the best he could for me but he couldn't stop Konoha as a whole finding out I existed as the prison of Kyuubi; if he, or anyone else for the matter, makes the same mistake with her all unholy hell is going to be let loose. The 'demon brat' looking after another little devil-spawn", his chuckle could have stripped the paint off the wall as visions of fire and death danced through his mind; though he would have died to protect Konoha, when it came to a contest between his child and his village there was no contest in his mind, "they'd be lighting torches in the streets, I'd be forced to kill a lot of people to try and teach them a message they didn't want to learn and if, Kami forbid, anything happened to my daughter because some idiot with more misplaced pride than brains got lucky, Kyuubi and I would leave Konoha as nothing more than a smoking crater in the earth".

That threat, delivered as a solemn promise than rather an empty boast, made a cold sweat break out over Kurenai's brow though, as the most senior ninja present, she found herself compelled to try and temper this potential threat the villages' safety even if, on an instinctual level, she could see and even empathise with where Naruto was coming from,

"Naruto-san", she began delicately, hoping against hope the jinchuuriki didn't take her next words as a source of offence; with his tampering in the Kyuubi's strength and the fact he now had a daughter to cherish and protect, Konoha's most surprising ninja was now even more unpredictable than ever, "you, would not attack this village?".

"Not unless they're stupid enough to provoke me – I believe under the shinobi charter I didn't forfeit the right to defend and, if necessary, avenge myself and my family when I put on this protector".

"But razing Konoha boss – ain't that a bit, I don't know, extreme?" Konohamaru pointed out before making, in his eyes, a very pertinent point, "After all, how are you gonna be Hokage if the village is gone?" To the consternation of both the jounin and the Academy student, Naruto merely snickered at this question before giving his answer,

"I'll tell you what Kurenai-sensei, Ko; when you get a family of your own I'll ask you the same question; wouldn't you destroy anyone, even if they were from Konoha, who directly threatened your son or daughter? If you say no to that question I'll acknowledge you as a better ninja than I'll ever be", he shrugged before he became more serious, both his hands around his daughter's stomach as the girl made gurgling noises that none save Naruto seemed able to decipher, subconsciously heeding his daughter's desire for comfort even as his tone hardened to ice as he recollected the feeling that had overwhelmed him over the past five months; the despair, the confusion, the slowly-blossoming the sense of belonging and having what he had always desired tempered with the knowledge that soon it would all come crashing down, the helplessness that he could nothing to prevent it and, at the last, the soul-crushing, agonising loss that had all but broken him before the new presence of caring for Fuu's legacy had forced him to put those feelings to the side and concentrate on his daughter,

"I was forced to watch the only girl I have ever loved, and who ever treated me as an equal rather than a dog that's rolled in the mud or a freak-show exhibit, fade away to nothingness due to a parasitic seal that neither of us could do anything about in case it hurt her daughter and her bijuu. I was with Fuu-chan through most of the second and all of the third trimester of her pregnancy; I watch Hanamitsu-hime grow, felt her kick even as the very fact she was going to be born was going to kill her mother; the one time I brought up the idea of abortion, even obliquely, I almost got sent through a dozen walls and had the absolute hell beaten out of me – Fuu-chan didn't care if she died as long as her child survived. A fellow jinchuuriki entrusted her daughter, someone she gave up her _life_ for, to me, asked me to take care of her and teach her about her bijuu because she knew she wasn't going to be there to do it herself, and you ask me if I'd put the lives of a few bigots who know as much about fuuinjutsu as Sasuke-teme does about humility before that of Hana-hime? No, a thousand times no", he answered without a pause and in absolute sincerity, meeting any who dared look at him dead in the eye, "I will not put her at risk; I will stand before and kill man, beast, bijuu and Kami himself before I let them hurt or take my child from me and even if by some evil miracle I failed in that duty, I know someone else who wouldn't".

The challenge in his sudden smirk would have been enough to make even Ibiki shiver; certainly Kurenai didn't want to go down that road any further and was grateful when Hanabi, wiping her eyes on her sleeve for a moment, suddenly glanced up and met Naruto eyes to eye for a moment,

"But, and I don't doubt your... devotion to you daughter and her mother", she made that point very clear as Naruto glanced across at her askance, waiting for the Hyuuga to finish, "how did you manage to smuggle a kunoichi, especially a pregnant one from a foreign nation, into Konoha?"

It was a valid question, one Kurenai was kicking herself hadn't crossed her mind first but it appeared that Naruto, though he wanted to keep several things secret, wasn't afraid to let this piece of information slide into the open,

"Heh, tell you what – actually, what is your name; I can't just go around calling you Pocket-Hyuuga can I?" Hanabi scowled, whipping her head to the face to try and flay Konohamaru alive with her pupil-less gaze as the Sarutobi sniggered helplessly at his boss's wit, though typically of his hard-headed clan he remained pretty much oblivious to her scorn as she called on her inherent dignity and good breeding to answer the jinchuuriki's question,

"I would prefer it if you didn't; I am Hyuuga Hanabi, second-daughter to Hyuuga Hiashi and second-in-line..."

"I wanted your name not your life story", he cut her off dismissively, the abrupt shift in conversation leaving Hanabi floundering and Konohamaru in helpless peals of quiet laughter; the look on the her haughty little face was too good not to snigger at, "but since you asked Hanabi-chan, you're looking at the kid who was pulling pranks when he was younger than you and had the normal patrol routes of the ANBU mapped out by halfway through his first year in the Academy. Compared to that", the jinchuuriki shrugged, "getting Fuu-chan over that wall and into my apartment was a piece of cake".

XXX

Sliding open the window with a practised motion and stepping inside, Naruto turned back around and held out his hand, gripping the slim wrist that was placed into it and gently guiding the Taki jinchuuriki into her new home; fortunately, though the seal she'd told him about was starting to siphon off both her and the Nanabi's chakra into the embryo developing inside her, the effect wasn't yet so pronounced that she was having any difficulty in climbing walls or other such basic chakra manipulation exercises.

"So", coming to her feet and looking around the girl with the mint-green hair, a legacy of the chakra of her bijuu, turned to her new host, "this is where I'll be living until we see the old man?"

"Yeah, well, actually yes and no", Naruto admitted, one hand on the back of his neck and grinning awkwardly as Fuu raised an eyebrow towards him, "this is my place, actually it's my apartment block since no-one else lives here and you'll be safe here, but we're not seeing the Hokage".

That did make Fuu sit up and take note; having tailed Naruto and his team back to Konoha from Wave, following the trail of concealed storage scrolls her fellow jinchuuriki left for her en route and hiding in the place he specified until he'd come and picked her back up that night, one of the few things she'd gotten to know about the blonde was that he thought of the leader of his village as sort of an unofficial grandfather; _so why would he try and keep me a secret, unless he's ashamed_. She bit the inside of her lips, bitter memories of that night, what had been said to her by the men who had... luckily Naruto's voice cut off those memories before they could rise up and overwhelm her,

"Well, thing is I did some thinking on the way here and, to be honest, people here know I hold Kyuubi and, they hate me okay, outright hate me", that did take her surprise – even if he did contain a bijuu, how people could dislike this crazy blonde with atrocious fashion sense was a little beyond her, he was the most likeable person she'd ever met; _save for... no, don't think about it_; "they see me as the demon and ignore and despise me because of it. Jiji did his best but he couldn't stop this happening, I'm not running that risk with you".

Despite herself Fuu was a little touched by this but, having been on the run for such a long time, her immediate response was to try and answer any flaws she could see in the plan before her,

"Fair enough then but how are we going to survive? I can't just stay in here all the time, and even if I could what can I eat, what will I wear?"

"Thought about all that", Naruto answered, holding up his hands with fingers in a cross-seal; with a burst of smoke a perfect doppelganger appeared next to him, making Fuu's eyes widen,

"Clones?"

"Shadow clones", Naruto corrected her, his duplicate also smirking as he moulded more hand-seals and, with a second burst of smoke, someone else she didn't recognise appeared out of the cloud, "they can use techniques and chakra like I can; I can teach you this so you can send clones out into Konoha to do what you want. I'm not sure how long it'll be possible for you to do the technique but", even someone usually as bullet-headed as him stopped short of tripping over the elephant in the room that neither of them wanted to talk about at the minute, "with help from the Nanabi you should have no problem".

"I hope not", Fuu agreed before looking around for something to take her mind off the cloud of gloom that seemed to have fallen over them, "so, uh, any chance I could have a shower before we think of anything else? I'm starving and haven't had a chance to clean up for weeks; I'm surprised you couldn't smell me following you when the wind was in the right direction". Naruto chuckled and pointed towards the hall,

"Down that way, second on the left; I should have some old clothes you can squeeze into – do you reckon all jinchuuriki's are midgets or is it just us?" He was just quick enough to duck the retaliatory slap the former Taki-nin sent his way, Fuu's face darkening as he took a jibe at her height,

"I am _not_ a midget"; _wow, do I really sound like that when I say the same thing?_; Naruto found himself questioning his own former words as the girl regathered herself, once more sending a mental prang towards her bijuu as she recalled the Nanabi's habit for not letting its hosts age like normal children; though she was now seventeen she could have passed for a girl just out of the Academy as the bijuu still saw her as a caterpillar, not yet evolved into her adult form, "I've just aged very well. So then, I'll see you in a few minutes when you've got something cooked for us – after that we'll figure out what to do next".

XXX

"It wasn't easy but I eventually talked her around into not being seen or heard", Naruto admitted, glancing around the room as he went on, "I didn't go into anything explicit but I gave her gist of my life so far before I became a genin and in the end she agreed. After that we just had to work out ways to ensure no-one was going to blunder onto our secret – just for once Kyuubi's infamy came in handy", the jinchuuriki smirked caustically, remembering how Fuu's expression had lit up as she'd realised that, rather than just a single apartment, they effectively had an entire complex to play with, "no-one was going to live in the lair of beast after all". Both adults looked slightly uncomfortable at this, not quite able to meet the older jinchuuriki's gaze as Naruto went on, though luckily the two children present were so engrossed in the story they didn't think to question why Naruto would be forced to live alone,

"Luckily Fuu-chan had most of the answers to that problem; the people who've taken over Taki thought they were being smart when they tried to enforce her loyalty and bind up both her and Nanabi's chakra with seals but the morons never considered the fact that most of Waterfall's knowledge of sealing actually came from their former jinchuuriki. Fuu-chan never considered herself a fuuinjutsu genius but she was better, far better than anyone else I've ever seen with seals, partly due to her bijuu being less interested in combat than mine is and preferring to read and also because it was her duty as Taki's jinchuuriki to pass on her burden when the time came, a duty she couldn't perform unless she had a good grounding in the sealing arts. She was just grateful that her knowledge was enough to slip the chains they tried to force on her, get out of Taki and let her track down another jinchuuriki, and when we got here she put those seals to work fortifying this place up to the point where nothing short of a second bijuu would be able to break in".

"You mentioned those seals were sufficient to stop the Kyuubi's chakra affecting each of us", Ebisu recalled at length, himself something of a novice in the art as he liked to read up on the topic when he wasn't schooling Konohamaru, "if I were to guess they were created by her, I would then also assume Fuu-san was also skilled with seals to do with repulsion and reinforcement".

"As well as barrier seals, gravity seals, storage and trapping seals to name but a few", Naruto reeled off before jerking a thumb towards the door he'd gone through to retrieve Hanamitsu after she'd first started squalling, "basically we worked it out so that every so often we would shift apartment, not sleep in the same place too many nights in a row to lower the risk of someone breaking in and finding her while they were looking for me. Fuu-chan then took one room in every house and fortified it with every seal she knew about; these rooms are the ultimate last resort – you can't enter unless the seal is keyed to you directly and, since they were activated with the Kyuubi's and Nanabi's chakra as well as the blood of their hosts, if they backfire on you there's not going to be much left save dust and a lingering stink. If this entire building were to fall down each of those rooms and everything in them would be left intact; whenever I leave this apartment now Hanamitsu-hime is left in one of those rooms with all the seals primed and ready to activate; anyone so much as tries to snap through them they're in for a very nasty surprise".

"I don't doubt it", Ebisu shuddered; even with his very limited knowledge on the subject he could guess the results of trying to tear down a sealing matrix inked by a jinchuuriki; _the demonic chakra would collide with that of the person trying to tamper with the seal – unless the person responsible for the tampering was inured to such exposure, chakra that potent would probably shatter the chakra pathways internally, literally boiling someone alive from the inside-out! A very unpleasant way to die_; any thoughts he might have had of studying these seals were gone in an instant, replaced instead with a different question, "though I assume she taught you these seals as well before she, went into labour?"

At the reminder of the loss Naruto's face fell slightly though, with an effort of will, he managed to raise his head again and speak through his internal pain,

"The seals and a lot of other things; everything I am now as a ninja I owe to her", he said softly, glancing down at the top of his little girl's head; _so glad she takes after Fuu-chan in that regard – seeing her hair will be like watching the grass grow_; "though she was forced to slow down as her pregnancy advanced she was still able to teach me so much I started trying to get the D-ranks finished as quickly as possible to get back to her", he admitted, looking slightly abashed at the comment but unable to doubt its truthfulness as he went on, "chakra control, taijutsu forms, the importance of hand-seals and how to properly mould chakra through them – everything the Academy _should_ have taught me Fuu-chan made sure I was perfect at. She was a miracle in human form; Taki must have been truly insane to hurt her and throw her away like they did – our Academy would be a hundred times the place it is now if she was working there with Iruka-sensei. I felt wretched, only learning what I without doing anything else beyond little things that she found important – nothing major, just like both of us putting on a henge and going somewhere to eat or just being there, being her friend", he broke off, wrestling down a deep breath before managing to carry on, once again cursing the low emotional intelligence quota of his older, idiot self,

"It wasn't until she'd been living with me for three weeks, far longer than it should have taken me to figure out how much she was hurting inside, that I realised why Fuu-chan was so happy just being where she was with someone she could really relate to".

XXX

It was tiring work, much more than he'd ever thought possible, by on the plus side of things Naruto was now more convinced than ever that the Kage Bunshin no jutsu was the greatest ninjutsu ever created.

It wouldn't have been possible for either himself or his new roommate to exist as they did without it; every time they shifted apartment, which was often and left up to him as he was the one with the manpower to make it happen; never mind if Fuu's virtually perfect chakra control and the assistance of the Nanabi made her almost as competent at his signature jutsu as he was, Naruto would not let her strain herself and potentially cause further complications to both herself and the baby by straining her chakra reserves. It was still taxing though, and Naruto knew that wasn't the worst of it; Fuu had been determined to earn her keep around the place even above and beyond sealing the rooms down with ink structures that made his head spin, but what she couldn't down as go out and work to earn extra income. Naruto's finances had never been that rosy at the best of times and now he was a genin he no longer qualified for Konoha's orphan stipend; _not that it was ever worth very much but right now every little helps_; and having an extra mouth to feed, to say nothing of providing the ink sticks and materials of Fuu's sealing techniques, was really starting to bite into what little liquid assets he'd ever had, but at the same time no matter how dire things got or if he had to skip a meal or two, it didn't matter, not really.

Not when Fuu and her baby, _their_ baby, were already the best thing that had ever happened to him in his short but painful life so far.

Naruto had never known of ever had a family but now, even though it was only him and a virtual stranger from a distant land who had sought him out because he was there, he felt like he was starting to feel like he did have something most other people took completely for granted. Fuu-chan, though so much stronger than him it was frankly embarrassing, still needed him to survive and her baby needed the both of them; that idea of being wanted rather than shunned, of actually having people who needed rather than tolerated him was like a drop of water being poured onto the tongue of a dying man. He had responsibility now; he needed to earn enough money to ensure Fuu-chan and her baby would be healthy enough to survive, he had to train harder than he ever had before in his life to make sure that he'd be able to look after an infant when, the inevitable happened; _damn, I so don't want to think about that right now_; and as well as that he had to wise up about _how_ to actually look after a baby.

He wasn't afraid to admit he'd been scared, hell he was still scared about what he'd gotten himself into; he'd never known a family or how to act around women or children at all but thankfully Fuu was so grateful to him taking her in that she seemed to take any mistakes he made in stride rather than lambasting him for them. As it was Naruto had gained so much more experience and knew so much more now than he had three weeks ago he sometimes had to stop and look at himself in a mirror to wonder if he was still the same person; not only was he working out with his team to look after himself and make sure no-one couldn't see the things he was trying to keep hidden, he had to take in a hundred and one other things to juggle as well. For the first time in his life he was grateful Kakashi-sensei was as lazy as he was; _though he is watchful and always vigilant – I can't let my guard down around him even for a split-second_; as that gave him time to keep all the separate balls he had up in the air moving without coming crashing down to the floor.

His first and most important step had been the one that cemented in his mind just how damned versatile the jutsu he'd filched from the Forbidden Scroll truly was – even now there wasn't a single hour of every day where he didn't mentally kick his own butt for just flicking over the detailed description of the Kage Bunshin in favour of trying to learn the actual technique. The fact that it had been Fuu, who was still a relative novice with the jutsu, who had figured out that shadow clones transferred their memories to those of the user when they died was a point of great jubilation and crushing humiliation all at once for the blonde jinchuuriki – how come he hadn't seen that before? Either way now though it was mostly academic; this memory transfer was a gift from Kami-sama as it allowed him, and actually them if Fuu-chan wished to join in, to multi-task – since the day Fuu-chan had mentioned that ability of the clones to him, almost in passing as she thought he already knew the secret, there hadn't been a single day where he hadn't had at least a dozen clones out doing the essential jobs that needed to be done for himself, his new guest and in preparation for the arrival of the guest some four or so months down the road.

He had clones acting as general dogsbodies and bodyguards for Fuu-chan when he wasn't home (he didn't care how many times she insisted she was fine and could manage on her own, they were staying and that was that, like it or lump it), clones in the library reading up on pertinent topics such as baby care and what to expect for the rest of the time Fuu-chan had left in the world (the images that had come through when one particular clone had dispelled while he was in the middle of a team spar had been enough to make him feel queasy, though luckily he was able to pass of the greenness of his complexion on the strength of the punch Sakura-chan had sunk into his gut rather than the particularly graphic images of the latter stages of the labour process that had just gate-crashed his mind) and clones that, in a pinch, could cover for him in team meetings when Kakashi-sensei actually took his eye off his porn long enough to get around to actually teaching them something.

_I know he's big on the whole teamwork thing but that's all we ever do, and none of its helping_; the jinchuuriki mulled the thought over in his mind as he clomped up the stairs towards the apartment he knew via his clones Fuu-chan had just finished 'redecorating'; _teme'll get himself killed because he's an avenger and has to do everything himself, Sakura-chan just goes along with him and Kakashi-sensei doesn't seem to care – what, was one near-death experience just not enough for you or something?_ Sighing at the thought of his dysfunctional genin unit the Uzumaki shook his head; at least if nothing else the jounin's perpetual tardiness meant he had a fighting chance to earn some extra income in the lag between when the team meeting was supposed to start and when it actually did begin – there were always errands to run and, though most raw genin didn't know it, a steady trickle of missions so basic they didn't even constitute D-ranks that were stock-piled on the mission desk without even going through the Hokage first. Okay they paid absolute peanuts but even a few extra ryo might make the difference between stocking up on premium baby formula (the books had said he'd be needing a _lot_ of that for the first six months or so) or having to buy the cheaper brands.

As he crested the stairs onto a landing Naruto for the first time felt weary; not tired like he usually was after a hard day on the training fields, but more ground down by the sensation of trying to fight too many battles on too many fronts and being slightly overwhelmed by it all; in a brief moment of introspection, he wondered if this was possibly what all fathers, or at least soon-to-be fathers, ever felt like after coming home from work. _Well if it is or it isn't, it doesn't matter_; he shook his head as though to dislodge the unworthy thoughts before squaring his shoulders and marching resolutely onwards; _regardless of how I feel I'm not the one who matters here, Fuu-chan is and her child with her. So, enough feeling sorry for yourself_; he summed up his mental pep-talk at the same time as reached into his pocket for his keys; though he'd originally wondered why Fuu-chan hadn't booby-trapped the front doors to only admit their chakras, he'd quickly cottoned on after she explained that having an entire apartment block full of doors that exploded at people who might have been popping in simply because they were new to the area and got lost was both unneighbourly and downright suspicious.

He let himself in quietly, knowing that the seals Fuu-chan had shown him briefly and promised she'd show him later on when the entire complex was locked down took a lot out of her to fully draw and activate, even with his clones helping in any way they could. For reasons that weren't entirely her own, the mint-haired girl liked to read or watch plants grow when she didn't have work to do, though she admitted that since she had left Taki and all her old life had represented behind she'd also been sleeping more and he didn't want to run the risk of disturbing her if he could avoid it. He'd felt all his clones puff to nothingness earlier so she should be on her own, though more to calm his own nerves than anything he carefully nosed around the entire apartment, softly calling her name,

"Fuu-chan, Fuu", oddly enough the bedroom was the last place he checked and he heard his fellow jinchuuriki prior to poking his head in and seeing her sprawled under the covers, flat on her back and apparently dead to the world, "heh, catching up on your beauty sleep huh? Well after all the stick you give me don't be offended if you get an earful about bushy bed-head when you wake-Fuu!"

His half-internal monologue was cut off as he saw the other jinchuuriki thrash around under the covers and caught a glimpse of her face; as the expression of fear and horror was picked out by the fading light Naruto was just for once grateful that the apartments of his block had blinds that didn't completely block out the sun. He was at her side in a heartbeat and feeling sick to his stomach the one after – Fuu was a pale ghost of her normal vivacious self, curled up and apparently shaking in the grip of a phantasm he couldn't see. He just about fought down the urge to shake her wake as even he knew enough to realise that was the worst thing to do to someone suffering a nightmare; instead he forced himself to take a deep breath and slowly take hold of her closest hand, grateful that she didn't pull away as he sat on the edge of the bed and began to do something he'd never done before or, prior to meeting the pink-eyed kunoichi from Taki, had any reason to believe he'd ever do in the future.

Naruto himself had often been accused of having no appreciation of beauty (in the eyes of most of the kunoichi the fact he even dared to disagree with or, worse still, even contradict Sasuke on occasion was proof of this) and this extended to a tin-ear for music. However over the past few weeks he and his clones had been paying more attention to the way families acted despite the hurt it caused him as he remembered his early, lonely years and had picked up a few things through simple observation; now, when his for want of a better word partner was suffering and in pain, one of those observations came back to the forefront of his mind and he acted upon it – wetting his lips and trying to ignore the sensations of awkwardness that sought to overwhelm him, the Kyuubi container began to sing a lullaby:

_The snow falls densely, the hail falls densely!  
It's falling and falling, collecting more and more.  
The mountains and the fields are also wearing their cotton hats,  
and in every tree flowers bloom._

The snow falls densely, the hail falls densely!  
It's still falling and falling, never stopping.  
The dog is happy, running around the garden,  
the cat is curled up under the kotatsu.

The traditional winter's song was one he could remember easily even if he'd never sung it before, least of all in his own youth due to having no-one worth singing it with or to. However as he looked down at Fuu and watched her slowly, ever so slowly, begin to calm down, stopping her struggles as she seemed to react to the tune and noise, he realised this had been a very good time to break that particular duck – as he repeated the tune over and over again and saw the strong, bull-headed but still damaged woman before him released slightly from her night terror, Naruto came to an epiphany_; if what I'm going through is typical for new fathers-to-be, then I'm damn lucky to be here to feel it_.

Luckily Fuu awoke before his voice gave out; her eyes snapped open, rolling around as she glanced around frantically before yanking her arm away from whatever she could feel had hold of her hand; _no, no I won't let you take me away – you don't own me!_ She drew in the breath to scream and tried to pull upon her chakra before a sudden call came to her ears,

"Fuu-chan, calm down", it wasn't their voices, no-one was hurting her and as she blinked, wondering why she was hearing someone who sounded a little like Shibiki, poor scaredy-cat Shibiki who had finally cast aside his cowardice to protect his loved ones, striking down three of their assailants and mortally wounding two more before being dragged down and slain by the remainder of the formerly ten-man squad, when the voice came through again, "it's okay, you're safe here. Think of the baby; calm down".

The voice had spoken the magic words; mention of the little life that grew within her was enough to activate Fuu's maternal instinct and smoother the panic that had been threatening to overwhelm her; focussing all her will she forced herself to drag down a deep breath of air, hold it and then release it some seconds later, the pause restoring some clarity to her formerly panicked thoughts. When she felt ready, the memories banished back to the closet they inhabited like a malevolent skeleton rattling its bones for another chance to force open its coffin and jump out to scare everyone, the jinchuuriki opened her eyes again and glanced around; within seconds she'd seen something she recognised, something she had learned to equate with safety, reliability and sheer cussed determination to care for those who had come into his path and her instinct took over before she could even hope to control it.

Naruto started slightly as his flatmate sprang at him but overall he wasn't all that worried; though he hadn't known her all that long and hadn't mentioned it out of politeness and the fact they both had more important things to deal with right now, it had quickly become apparent to him that Fuu was a bit of a cuddler. He therefore remained impassive as she wrapped her tan arms around him, not reacting save to embrace the girl in kind as he felt her shiver in his arms; _must have been a bad dream – I'll have to ask but, if she doesn't want to talk about it, we leave it there and say no more about it_. With this in mind the Kyuubi jinchuuriki waited until his Nanabi counterpart twitched to be free of his embrace before letting her go, Fuu settling back on her haunches as she yawned, still drained as he sleep had been anything but restful,

"Are you all right Fuu-chan?"

"I, I think so", the older girl tried to reassure him with a watery smile, "much better now you're here Naru-kun". Strangely enough Naruto did smile at this but it wasn't his normal grin; instead it was a more direct, slightly grim expression that suited his next words perfectly,

"What was the dream?"

"Nothing nice – I'm just glad it's over", she assured him, drowning out the ominous rattling from the closet in the back of her mind; _no, I have to be strong now – Naru-kun's doing too much for me already, I can't ask him to listen to what happened in Taki as well_; "how was your day?"

"Probably better than yours; come on", luckily Fuu had gone to sleep dressed and there would be no embarrassment as Naruto helped pull her to her feet, "let's get you something to eat Fuu-chan – believe me when I say ramen can make everything better". The Nanabi jinchuuriki wrinkled her face,

"Urgh, that is horrible; I'll have a salad thank you very much". Shaking his head at what he considered to be a lost cause, Naruto shrugged as he acquiesced to her demands,

"Fine, fine, blasphemer – just don't be upset when the ramen gods strike you down for your insult against the heavenly broth that is their bounty to the world. Are you sure the Nanabi's a beetle – the amount of vegetables you eat I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out to be a rabbit", he chuckled off the slap Fuu sent to his shoulder and led her towards the kitchen, the forthcoming issue that was looming up in the near future put on the back-burner for now.

It was not a problem that could be ignored forever; throughout the meal, what Fuu considered to be her flatmate's remedial training in the ninja arts and an introduction to the basics of fuuinjutsu, the time only loomed up ever further until it could be put off no longer. However neither appeared ready to be the one to put a toe in the stormy waters until the eleventh hour and, due to this, Naruto found himself squaring his shoulders in front of his bathroom mirror as he gave himself an internal pep-talk; _okay, you can do this – it's just an idea to see if she can get to sleep better at night and if she says no you can both just forget about it and go from there._ With this in mind and constantly reminding himself that this was completely for Fuu's benefit, Naruto slammed his toothbrush back in its holder, took a breath, all but wrenched open the bathroom door and strode outside just in time to catch sight of the girl at the source of his current issue and feel his nascent courage completely desert him.

Fortunately Fuu appeared to be as nervous as he did, not quite able to meet his eyes as she mumbled a hello, Naruto doing likewise as the silence then stretched between them; eventually however, with an almost audible twang, the tension grew too great and simultaneously both of them snapped,

"Fuu-chan..."

"Naruto-kun..." After such bravery both were rebuffed and lapsed back into the quiet, though there was a slight grin on the faces of both jinchuuriki at the slight slip. Luckily before the situation was lost completely Fuu simply shook her head, sighed and stepped forwards, Naruto not resisting as she took him by the hand as gently as he had her earlier in the day and led him towards the apartments' single bedroom.

A few minutes later and Naruto was actually surprised he wasn't feeling more embarrassed than he was; now that he was pulling the covers up over himself and Fuu after switching the lights off, he was having a hard time remembering what all the fuss was about in his head. Though he was in bed with a girl, and a very attractive girl at that, the obvious course of action was about the furthest thing from his mind at the minute; all he was doing now was making sure Fuu slept well and, because of that, there was a minimal risk to the unborn child. His fellow jinchuuriki, for her part, didn't move as he curled up against her slim back, the warmth of both his body and his chakra was a comfort to her as Fuu, even in the short time she'd known the Uzumaki, had quickly come to realise that Naruto was a person who wouldn't, perhaps couldn't, bring himself to hurt those who were close to him; _and Kami knows how_; for some reason tears prickled the corner of her eyes, hormones driven into a frenzy by her ongoing puberty and pregnancy making her tearful and regretful for dragging a third party into the mess that was now her life; _but he for some reason thinks a used, useless jinchuuriki girl is worth being close to_;

"I'm sorry Naruto-kun".

On the verge of dropping off, Naruto heard those words and just about managed to reel himself back into consciousness, shaking his head muggily as he tried to understand what she was trying to say,

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry", Fuu repeated, curling in on herself as abject misery rolled around in her guts, "for being such a nuisance, and so useless – if it weren't for me you could be training and working towards becoming Hokage. Instead you're stuck here looking after me and a baby that's not even yours, you didn't ask for..."

At that point she was hushed by a pair of fingers on her lips; Naruto had heard more than enough and his arm had snaked over her shoulder to silence her raving before they could go on too far. When he was certain she was going to remain quiet, he removed his finger and hitched himself in closer to her back, his answer all but whispered into her ear,

"Now you listen to me you silly girl", he began, his tone light but meaning well apparent as she smiled almost against her will at his gentle jibe, "you are not and have never been a burden; hell you've been here less than a month and I've learnt more off you than Kakashi-sensei ever managed to teach me in five times that. There are some days when I think the other two members of my team are out to try and drive me insane and only the thought of you keeps my head on my shoulders, and the temes on his as well for that matter. And as for this little lady or gentleman", even as Fuu felt a little water leak from the corner of her eyes as his words rocked her, she giggled a little as she felt the hand that had touched her lips trace its way down her side and come to rest across her bump, giving a soft squeeze as though trying to massage the unborn in her womb, "not even Kami-sama can make me her father but at the same token, not even Kami-sama will stop me being her dad".

Naruto wasn't sure exactly what the quiver than ran through his bed-partner's back meant but, a second later when the former Taki-nin rolled over and threw her arms around him, breathing heavily as she fought back tears, he realised it wasn't anything terrible and he must have said something right; _good, after everything else Fuu-chan needs some good news now_;

"One day Uzumaki Naruto", the tanned girl said stutteringly, eyes squeezed shut he wouldn't see the tears as she went on, "one day one lucky girl will finally notice you past that bastard of a team mate you seem to have and realise what kind of man you are. When that day comes and you're waiting for her at the altar with the sake and rings ready I'll be there, watching and smiling down on you, because you out of all the men Kami-sama dumped on this planet damn well deserve it".

"Well that won't be happening for a little while yet", Naruto pointed out sagely, not wanting to dwell on the topic of Fuu's forthcoming appointment with destiny at the birth of her child as it depressed him more than it did her, "so until then just get some rest Fuu-chan; thank the ancestors I've got the day off tomorrow, I need the rest and love her though I do one more complaint from Sakura-chan would probably be enough to send me completely around the twist!"

As Fuu giggled at that image her fellow jinchuuriki shuddered before relaxing, safe and secure in the presence of someone he considered more than a friend but certainly not a lover, perhaps the term fellow survivors was the most accurate – both were jinchuuriki, scorned, hated and used for the burdens they bore, but together they were safer and infinitely stronger than being alone. Eventually sleep spread a gossamer blanket over the two of them and, content, all three members of their very unusual family slept beneath the same covers, the same blankets and the same stars.

It was a pattern that would repeat itself virtually every night until the day Hanamitsu entered the world; a brief time of peace where a boy who had known nothing but scorn and hatred in his life was taught about companionship and love, and a girl who knew trauma re-learned what it was to feel safe and secure again.

XXX

It was a sudden cough that rouse him from his introspection; as he glanced up at the faces of his guests he realised what must have happened and ducked his head slightly in apology,

"Sorry about that", he admitted before a sudden warmth from underneath him opened up another avenue to get something out into the open; _at the same time as getting something else in private, though it might be interesting seeing just how green Ko could go at the smell of a dirty nappy_; "I sometimes drift off like that when I remember Fuu-chan too well. Anyway, excuse me but I believe Mitsu-hime needs a delicate touch to sort herself out".

"I see", realising what must have happened as the baby started squalling and Naruto lifted her slightly off his lap Ebisu stood up, eyes darting to the door as he checked for a chance to get out of the unexpected situation he'd been accidentally dragged into, "well Naruto-san, I believe we've intruded enough for one day. We'll give you some privacy for you and your daughter..."

"That won't be necessary"; _I'm not sure I like that smile_; the expression on the jinchuuriki's face was far too lazily sly for the special jounin to feel comfortable, a sentiment echoed, it seemed, by Kurenai as the sensei also stood and tried to defuse this potential bomb before it blew up and Naruto attempted to take hostages that would get him in even more trouble,

"Naruto-san, there's no reason for us to remain here further – you have our word, all our words that Hanamitsu-san's existence will be a secret, there's no reason for us to remain".

"There is, simply because none of you haven't even considered the fact that there's a missing piece in the picture so far. Kurenai-san, I'm guessing that even though you don't have any children of your own you could hazard a better guess than everyone else present how long it's safe to leave a baby alone. Not long is it", he must have seen her expression change because before Kurenai could answer he'd carried on, expression changing into a grin as he held his daughter with his arms, leaving his hands free, "luckily, due to the Kage Bunshin jutsu, she's got a constant minder at all times".

"Your shadow clones", Konohamaru was the first to voice his thoughts, "they let you look after her even when you're not here", a sudden flash of inspiration struck another member of the party; putting together what Kakashi had told her with what she knew now, Kurenai felt her eyes widen,

"That's why you didn't go for the Chunin exam isn't it? If you passed you were a lot more likely to be posted outside of Konoha..."

"...and leave Hanamitsu without a carer", Naruto finished for her, Kurenai feeling the humility that had risen up in her before surge once more – Uzumaki Naruto obviously knew when it was time to focus on your career and when it was time to put that on hold to concentrate on more important things. Naruto nodded at her guesswork, desperate to lay the groundwork so he could get his daughter off his hands and cleaned up; _though they need to be ready for this to avoid a mass-panic if this introduction goes wrong_;

"Yes in a way but you're only half-right; I would have missed her too much on border patrol but she would always have been with someone I trusted", he pointed out, explaining even as the two older ninja looked at him askance, "the shadow clone jutsu, it doesn't normally produce an infinite clone, that is, a clone that can exist independent of its maker indefinitely, but because of the way that jutsu works I can make it so, simply because when it splits my chakra to form the clone it splits my consciousness with it".

"But, how would the fact it has a consciousness make the clone last longer?" At that question, Ebisu felt a shiver of anticipation rush through him as he saw Naruto grin wolfishly,

"Because I don't have a _single_ consciousness in my body, do I?"

Even as the faces as some of those assembled began to morph into expression of shock and horror, the deed was done; at Naruto's willing the shadow clone appeared as it had done countless times before but, even before the smoke was gone, all present knew this was no mere bunshin they were facing. Standing upright with power all but radiating off the orange form, the darkened whisker marks creased upwards as hellish red eyes once more swept the quartet present in the apartment and the apparition gave a dark smile, a prelude to the horror the summoned monster could potentially unleash to a village that was completely unprepared for such a savage assault. Standing alone and suddenly feeling very naked and exposed before the most powerful force in the Elemental Nations, all Konoha's genjutsu mistress and elite teacher could do was step in front of the children as a desperate last-ditch defence as the demon in diminutive form raised a single hand towards them and spoke in a voice deeper than an ocean trench and full to the brim with unfettered power.

"**Hello**".

XXX

In a way, as Konohamaru would admit to himself years down the line, there was a strange kind of irony that, while Uzumaki Naruto had impressed upon him the power of ninjutsu (and, inadvertently, the effect the female form could have on repressed old men such as his teacher and his grandfather), it was actually the meeting with the hidden burden of his rival that truly opened the young Sarutobi's eyes to the strength of the sealing arts.

Even though the bunshin the bijuu was possessing wasn't making any hostile moves Konohamaru was stunned into virtual incoherence just by the sense of sheer _dominance_ the Kyuubi's avatar possessed; before its crimson vision he felt like a mouse before a particularly hungry tiger. In some ways it even hurt to look upon the beast that had nearly levelled the village before his birth but at the same time an aura of dark glamour radiated from the bijuu in the same way its chakra had shone around Naruto's seated form what felt like a life-time ago and simply demanded all attention be focussed on it. Before an octet of at best wary, at worst outright terrified eyes, the Kyuubi merely regarded them each in turn for a brief instant before giving a dismissive snort and turning back to the form of its host, reaching out,

"Sorry Kyu", Naruto said, breaking the wings of the fledgling protests before they could get off the ground with a nasty glare as he slowly placed the still-crying form of his daughter in the bunshin's arms, "you know the deal?"

"**Hai, fortunately you humans live such fleeting lives; the idea of doing this for the rest of my immortal existence would be enough to break even me**", the bunshin rumbled in a voice that certainly wasn't Naruto's, though as she listened in Kurenai could have sworn that, under the bombast, there was something else present in the pseudo-kitsune's tone; _it sounds almost like... humming? Is he trying to calm Hanamitsu down in some way, like I would by talking or singing to her?_ The idea that the Kyuubi of all things could have taken an interest in the fate of Naruto's daughter was at the same time fascinating and terrifying – if that was the case and Hanamitsu had a proverbial fox riding on her shoulder the genjutsu mistress knew that, should anything untoward happen to the crying little girl the kitsune carried gently into the sealed room Naruto had pointed out earlier the Uzumaki's earlier predictions would probably come horribly true. The jinchuuriki himself might have been subdued from his rage but, save for possibly Sarutobi-dono or Jiraiya-sama, there was no ninja left in Konoha that could stay the Kyuubi's wrath a second time.

As the door swung shut behind the avatar of the kitsune and cut off Hanamitsu's crying Naruto turned back around in his seat to face them again, a slightly more abashed expression on his face as he gave a shrug and attempted to explain,

"Now you know what I mean when I say my daughter's never left alone; much as he'd snarl at me for saying it there's no stronger guardian in the world than the lord of all bijuu". Such was the surreality of the situation that it took a long, long minute for someone, Hanabi in fact, to whisper a question through the thickened atmosphere towards the jinchuuriki,

"The Kyuubi", she shivered at the idea; she hadn't even dared to activate her bloodline limit in the presence of the bijuu in case she was treated to a sight similar to the one that had started this whole ball rolling, "he, helps you look after your baby?"

"Pretty much", Naruto admitted, shrugging as he recalled the deal he'd thrashed out with the bijuu during one of their informal pow-wows after Fuu-chan had taught him how to initiate contact with his prisoner, "because he can effectively block out his sense of smell through that bunshin he gets nappy duties while I handle feeding and bathing, though sometimes he helps out with that when he feels like it".

"You can... communicate with the, ah, fox then?" Ebisu swallowed hard at this knowledge, the dread feeling in his gut only getting heavier as Naruto nodded,

"It'd be a bit hard to co-ordinate a baby-care plan if I couldn't wouldn't it?" He pointed out before sighing and continuing his story, "Fuu-chan, again, helped me out; Kyuubi doesn't care for Hanamitsu-chan because she's my daughter, he doesn't feel human emotions that way, none of the bijuu really do. He's only in on the deal because of what Hanamitsu-chan contains".

"The Nanabi?"

"Right in one", Naruto nodded at his subordinate's assessment of the situation, "right now, due to being sealed in my little girl, the seven-tailed bijuu is comatose in its new seal; that makes it unable to protect its host properly. Because of the fact her bijuu's out for the count Hanamitsu's very vulnerable, even more so than a normal infant, because she's a jinchuuriki and therefore a lot of people will be out to get her; Kyuubi and I were left with a human child and another bijuu who's for all intents and purposes helpless – the solution, the only solution, to this problem was to agree to disagree, put aside the fact we hate each other and work together until Hanamitsu-chan can stand on her own two feet. I wasn't, in fact I'm still not strong enough to protect her", Naruto's head dropped forwards at that admission, shame that his daughter was still in danger due to his failure until he took in a deep breath and carried on resolutely, "but with Kyuubi's help I'm working on that. You saw me training with his chakra; the red glow around me?"

"Yes", Hanabi shivered in disgust, that evil red flame in her mind once more as she relived a sight that she knew would forever haunt her nightmares, "I've never seen anything that, that..."

"I know", Naruto said sympathetically, remembering how much the damned fox's demonic chakra burned as it flowed through his system; _and if it feels that rough, imagine how bad it must look_; "but it's what I, we have to do – to make sure Hanamitsu and the Nanabi are safe we have to work together. The seals Fuu-chan taught me ensure no-one can feel the killing intent from his chakra while we're training, but when we go work together like that what's happening is he's feeding me his chakra and I'm learning to control it. This lets me have access to some of his powers if or when I need them and gets me used to his chakra; believe it or not it hurts like the devil to use demonic chakra; and by the same token while he's in bunshin form I can teach him ninjutsu and chakra control, not that he uses the former all that often because, and I quote, 'such useless monkey-tricks demean me'.

"**And they do; even wearing this pathetic shell of mortality is an insult only the thought of the future payment I can extract from my would-be brother allows me to bear**", the sudden growl made everyone jump, though Naruto quickly calmed down as the Kyuubi in his bunshin form handed him the squirming form of his daughter, the bunshin's other hand fisted in the top of a tightly-sealed bag and preventing any noxious vapours seeping out the top of it, "**I am bound to no-one and nothing, care for no-one and nothing – I do this only so that the Nanabi will be eternally in my debt for the service I have done for it**".

"Keep telling yourself that Fuzzy, one day you might actually believe it – you're not as flint-hearted as you like to think you are, one sniff of trouble threatening my little girl and you'd come running right after me. I'm just feeling sorry for her when she tries to bring any boyfriends home – they might survive past me but you, not a hope".

At the sound of Naruto's chuckle Kurenai found herself at first gawping at his insolence in the face of the Kyuubi, the demon that had almost levelled Konoha, and then having to suddenly stifle a chuckle as she caught a glimpse of the expression of the Kyuubi-bunshin – from the way his crimson eyes had darted from the bag in his hand to the spiky blonde hair of his jailor, she had a fairly shrewd idea what he longed to do with Hanamitsu's old nappy. However he seemed to constrain his wrath and stalk past, heading for the kitchen before pausing and turning back around to regard each of them in turn with a soul-burning glare,

"**I have heard all my jailor has said and will tell you only this – he may have bonds to some of you but I do not. Cross us or reveal our secret and I will personally see to it that you scream for the mercy of the Shinigami before I let him claim you**". Reinforcing the message with a blast of icy killing intent that made even Kurenai quake in her shoes the possessed clone turned back around and paced slowly into the kitchen; _almost as if he's not used to walking on two legs as opposed to four_; there was the sound of a bin opening and then slamming shut, the characteristic puff of a shadow clone dispelling and then, silence.

Naruto shivered for a moment, the small sliver of the Kyuubi's conscience returning behind the seal giving him a cold shudder before a sudden exclamation from Konohamaru made him glance up,

"Wow boss, that was awesome", the impressionable child had stars in his eyes as he reviewed what had just happened and realised how lucky he was to have Naruto as his boss, "you got the Kyuubi following orders!"

"Don't believe that Kono-kun, don't believe that for an instant", the jinchuuriki warned him, expression wary and grateful that the fox wasn't around to hear that comment, "it's true what he says, technically the other bijuu will owe him for his service, but I don't quite believe him when he says that's the only reason he pitches in with helping my hime", he smirked, recalling the first time he and the kitsune had managed to get the theory of implanting his consciousness into a shadow clone to work in practice, "after we got that technique to work I'm fairly certain he was grateful for the chance to stretch his legs, even if he had to look like me to do it".

"How long have you been able to, release the Kyuubi in such a manner?" Kurenai asked carefully, a little surprised but masking it as Naruto seemed to consider this for a moment prior to answering in a slow, considered tone,

"Since Fuu-chan was roughly seven, maybe seven and a half months gone", he admitted, not sure of the exact time frame as a lot of time seemed to have blurred into a monotonous haze in the months preceding and immediate aftermath of Hanamitsu's birth, "and it's because of that I think Kyuubi's not being entirely truthful when he says he's only doing this for a favour of the seven-tails", sadness seemed to seep into his smile somewhat as another memory, this one more painful and bittersweet, floated to the forefront of his mind,

"Given enough time Fuu-chan could make a good impression on anyone; he helped her out when I was working or training with my team. I've never asked exactly what the two of them discussed but, at the end, the fact he was the one who gave Fuu-chan a decent burial shows that he must have felt something for her".

XXX

Kyuubi had burst one of the half-dozen bunshin he left at the apartment to get the message to him; because of this he found himself rushing over the rooftops and trying to deny the slight tiredness tugging at him from the mass shadow clone barrage he'd used to finish the last D-rank team seven had been a part of. Thinking what was to come and feeling time had slipped through his fingers far too fast, Naruto fought down the sudden surge of panic that raced through him and tried to centre his mind on remembering what both he and Kyuubi had both read; _just as well that shadow clone-thing we do transfers memories to both of us as both our minds are in the clone, though his is in control in that case. I'd never have been able to stomach those medical textbooks otherwise, even if that oversized fur rug kept dispelling right after reading the really gory bits, lousy kitsune. I just have to hope Kakashi-sensei brought the excuse that I was just so bored of the D-ranks I wanted to get it done quickly, I reckon he might be cottoning on though. Right now though, time to get to work_; despite his mental fortitude though, as he saw his apartment block looming up in front of him, it was all he could do to keep his legs pumping him in the right direction rather than running away screaming from what he was likely to see there.

Fortunately Kyuubi and his own clones hadn't been idle while he'd been away; for almost as long as he'd had his new house guest they'd been busy reading up on and preparing for what was to be expected on the 'big day' as Fuu had jokingly referred to the day she finally went into labour. Working through a series of henges, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki had been able to purchase everything he needed for the baby and the birth itself as well as secure the information both he and Kyuubi would need to assist in the process (though technically the fox would have been able to go outside in a bunshin form, his chakra was so powerful it could easily be detected by any sensor ninja even half-focused in his direction – though one of the chakra-repression seals Fuu and now he could draw would reduce this risk, it simply wasn't worth it) and now, as he raced up the stairs and hastily unlocked the door to throw himself over the threshold, it was time to see if all the preparation was worth it,

"Fuu-chan? You", he called at one of the bunshin he could see poking its head around the door, "Where's..."

"Main room, all set up"; Naruto didn't so much as thank his clone before sprinting into the room, careful only to avoid slamming the door as he took in the scene before him, eyes everywhere at once.

The first thing that hit him was the smell, a mixture of medical antiseptic and bodily fluids; though in another place and another time Naruto might have been either embarrassed or grossed out by the sight of a young woman naked from the waist down right now he couldn't care less, instead stepping forwards and to the side of Fuu as his fellow jinchuuriki gasped in pain and exertion as the contractions wracked her,

"Fuu-chan, Fuu-chan talk to me", how he kept his tone so level he had no idea, groping downwards until he managed to grab hold of her closest hand, "it's okay, just remember to breathe".

"Not, bloody easy", the girl gasped back, a slight pause in the process allowing her to regather herself prior to the labour progressing, "gaahhh, damn this, hurts! The seal..." Prompted into action by the reminder Naruto glanced down at her stomach, seeing with distaste the blackened markings on the belly of the girl who, had circumstances been different, he would have been honoured to have as a wife regardless of his age,

"Okay Fuu-chan, I'm going to start channelling my chakra into it now", he did so, scowling for a moment at the symbols that would mean Fuu's death; _but I couldn't touch – Fuu-chan overheard the seal wasn't made by anyone in Taki, they got it from somewhere else. It works by over-writing her original seal and merging it with the chakra of the foetus as it develops, eventually transferring the whole seal and the bijuu inside it from mother to baby. It's a Kami-damned abomination_; he glared hatefully at the runes that were condemning someone he loved to death and swore a solemn promise in the back of his mind;_ and if I ever find the bastard who created it I'll make him die a thousand deaths for the pain he's putting us through_.

At that moment Fuu let out a screech of pain as another contraction forced her muscles into spasm, Naruto felt his chakra being drained by the seal and he forgot such thoughts of revenge, whispering instead words of comfort even as he fought to keep his eyes dry as he was forced to watch one of his most precious people in the world pass away in front of him.

How long the labour lasted and he was forced to listen to the sounds of Fuu crying out in pain with a bale fuuinjutsu matrix sucking the chakra out of him he could not have said; it blurred into a monotonous shade of grey as he was crushed between the ambivalence of grief and hope for the future until at last, a third voice broke in on the conversation,

"**I can see the head**", he looked over wildly at where the Kyuubi-bunshin was attending the, for want of a better phrase, business end of the labour and, seeing the grave expression on the face of the humanised bijuu, he felt his heart leap into his chest and turned back to Fuu, her face drawn and strained as the shock and loss of chakra were combined to make her normally tanned skin pale and drawn,

"It's nearly there Fuu-hime", he said in a whisper, biting his bottom lip to drown out his urge to cry with pain; _I will not make the last thing she has to see in this life me sobbing my eyes out, it'll be her son or daughter and nothing else_; "one last push".

He would never be sure if the Nanabi jinchuuriki heard him but she did tense up, a final, bestial bray of agony and massive drain of chakra from the seal on her stomach making Naruto grit his teeth and stifle a curse before he was able to watch it fade away – good riddance to bad rubbish as far as he was concerned. He lingered on this thought for less than an instant, however, as the small, cramped room his clones and Kyuubi had transformed into a makeshift delivery suite was lit up by a different noise, Kyuubi's kage bunshin standing up tall with a small, red figure on it, having wiped the worst of the fluids off of the newborn with a selection of freshly washed and pressed towels, presenting the baby forwards with a terse sentence,

"**It's a female**". Nodding, Naruto took the baby girl in both hands, ignoring the pain that flared up dully from the hand that had been in contact with Fuu's seal and had been burnt by the chakra backlash, and spoke in a trembling whisper,

"Hear that Fuu-chan, it's a little girl, your daughter", he smiled as he gently lay the baby on her mother's chest and folded the arms of the former jinchuuriki around the swaddled infant, not able to control his tears this time as the senses of elation and grief collided inside of him with the force of squabbling gods, "she, she's gonna b, be so much like you; I, I'll teach her all 'bout the, bijuu, an' how much you l, l, loved her..."

He could say no more, go on no longer; instead with tears of sheer misery rolling down his face, he placed his hands on the inert girls' shoulders and slowly raised her upright, a final embrace for the deceased jinchuuriki as her daughter, _their_ daughter, was held between them, supported by both parents even as the man who would be her father wept bitter tears and silently raged against the fate that had stripped his beloved from him while her mother, at last released from the pain and strife of her life, still seemed to smile down on the daughter she cradled in her arms.

Not even death, it seemed, could dim Fuu's love for the child that had inadvertently killed her.

Eventually, or at least what felt like an eventually in the bleak place that was a life having just lost the one person he'd ever had who could possibly comprehend the hell that was his daily existence, Naruto found himself shaken gently back to reality by a hand on his shoulder. Blinking, he slowly lowered Fuu's body back to the small cot it had been resting in and, though it ripped his heart to do so, gently prised the little girl from her grip, fresh tears in his eyes as he took a deep, snuffling breath down and looked up through blurred vision to see Kyuubi looking down at him impassively,

"**It is time Naruto**".

"No", surely not even a bijuu could be so hard-hearted as to want to simply get rid of the evidence so soon after her death – didn't her daughter; _what name did she want for a girl – I can't remember_; deserve to be with her mother a little longer, "no, she can..."

"**Look to the living**", the bunshin's voice was firm but not unkind as he looked from the seated form of his host to the corpse in the cot, an inscrutable expression on his face and the fire in his eyes dimmer and darker than Naruto could ever remember seeing it, "**the kit needs you, the vixen is beyond all help**".

Naruto gritted his teeth, wanting to lash out, scream, cry and hit something but a yell from the baby thrust all those thoughts from his head and, instead, he stood stiffly, moving like an automaton towards the exit of the small room to give Kyuubi space. At the door however, he paused as the bijuu spoke again,

"**I have no love for your kind Naruto**"; _like I'd have never guessed that?_; after everything else had been run through the emotional mangler this evening, it seemed he only had cynical sarcasm left in his thoughts though even this was tempered as he saw the clone straighten up, having pulled all the blankets over Fuu's body to for a kind of rough shroud, "**but this one, who would save one of my brethren as well as her own kit, I cannot hate**".

Despite everything that sentence made Naruto smile sadly, though he said nothing as the kitsune lowered his head, focussed his chakra and vanished in a plume of red fire, a shunshin powered by his chakra powerful enough to take both bijuu and body out of the village without anyone being any the wiser, shielded as the technique was from external detection by Fuu's and, as his skill in the art had progressed, Naruto's fuuinjutsu as well. As his tenant disappeared the surviving jinchuuriki slowly stumbled towards the main room of his apartment, his new daughter still in his arms and still crying as he let his legs go from under him and flopped on the settee, glancing down at the babe once or twice as he caught his first proper look at the child that had cost his Fuu-chan her life.

She was tanned, skin the same colour as her mother, though it was impossible to see the shade of her hair; her eyes were different though, probably the legacy of her rapist of a father; _not that she'll ever find out about that. Now though, time to work_; wordlessly summoning some shadow clones to do the running about and prepare something for his little girl to eat, Naruto began rocking her backwards and forwards gently, crooning the same little lullabies he'd used on her mother as she slowly began to settle down, lulled into the land of nod by her father's voice.

As he waited for the bijuu to return from his grisly errand of ensuring Fuu-chan's body was given a proper, respectful funeral, Uzumaki Naruto was left alone in his apartment, his newborn daughter in his arms and his first foot firmly on the road of full-time fatherhood.

XXX

"From what I told me later Fuu was cremated by Kyuubi's fox-fire", Naruto recited dully, not wanting to dwell on the topic for too long, "he scattered her ashes in the forests around Konoha; it was peaceful there, I think she'd have liked it. But that is the story, how I gained a daughter and Konoha got its second jinchuuriki", he glanced up once more to see the impact of Hanamitsu's story on his audience of four before moving on to the meat of the issue, "having heard it, I trust you'll honour my request and keep her existence a secret?"

No-one seemed to argue, in fact it seemed Hanabi was wiping her eyes to keep them clear of tears while Ebisu, though it was impossible to see a lot of his face due to the glasses he wore, was regarding the floor and apparently lost in his thoughts. Kurenai looked to be on the verge of saying something before, with a single movement, Konohamaru forced himself upright and strode over to the seated jinchuuriki, Naruto's eyes on him the whole way until they widened as the younger child came to a halt a respectful distance in front of him and looked him full in the face, his request forthright and brusque as though fighting its way clear of the nerves that had choked it earlier,

"Hey boss, can I hold her a minute?"

"Uhh", Naruto, like most new fathers, was understandably a little shocked by this but nevertheless eventually complied, gradually holding out Hanamitsu for the younger child as Konohamaru extended his arms, tongue poking out the corner of his mouth as he did his best to follow the boss's orders to the letter,

"Keep your arms steady, support her head and, that should do it; don't drop her", the last piece of advice was delivered in a semi-joking tone but Konohamaru obeyed as though it were a decree of Kami-sama himself, virtually rigid as he gazed down at the tiny face in his arms that blinked up at him with large, brown eyes. Swallowing hard, the young Sarutobi found himself smiling slightly as the baby appeared to reach up towards him with a single pudgy arm, chuckling a little as he cocked his head towards her,

"Wow, just when I thought it couldn't get any harder to replace jii-san I found out I've got another rival for the big hat", he pointed out breezily, trying to speak through a suddenly constricted throat as the enormity of what was going ion finally crashed down on him; _the boss has a baby to look after, a real live human baby, and he's having to do it on her own – that's not fair, there must be something I can... wait, that would work!_; "well boss, if you need someone to baby-sit her I reckon I should have a few nights a week free when I can sneak out the compound". Naruto's eyebrows rose for a moment before he chuckled, accepting his daughter back from the younger boy and inwardly chuckling as Hanamitsu burbled slightly, apparently having had her interest piqued by the stranger she'd just been introduced to,

"Thanks for the support Ko, just don't get in trouble and for the love of Kami don't bring anyone back here when I'm not around".

"I will see to it that he does not Uzumaki-san, personally if needs be", Ebisu assured the jinchuuriki, standing up after dragging down a deep sniff of air through his nose before scrutinising the young father more closely, a more warning tone in his voice now, "however, though I can't and wouldn't even try to force you to do anything, I will suggest strongly that you do eventually break the news to other people you believe you can trust. You said yourself this cannot remain a secret forever; better, I believe, to end it on your own terms than risk it being breached by a stranger". Sensing an opportunity, Kurenai moved in,

"He's right Naruto-san; in fact I was asked to come here by your sensei himself following your, actions on the team training grounds; you're right to think Kakashi's getting suspicious, it was just good luck he asked me to come and talk things through with you rather than appear himself. If nothing, or no-one else you must inform Sandaime-sama – not only is he a great benefactor to you and a man who will do all in his power to defend your daughter, the fact you've failed to disclose the fact Konoha now possess a second jinchuuriki of all things, whatever your reasons for doing so, may very well constitute treason".

"As opposed to putting a big neon sign over my daughter's head saying 'future perfect weapon here' of course", Naruto cut back witheringly, expression studiously blank as he stared the genjutsu mistress down, "I'm not stupid, I knew one of the options the old man had to shoot down continually was me being 're-educated' to become a 'great shinobi' for this village, for which read 'mindless killing machine with an off-switch'. No, not now and not for a while yet; I have thought about contacting jiji but", he held up a hand, "that will have to wait until the Chunin exams are over; firstly because he'll be rushed off his feet with the exams and secondly because I've got some clones ripping the Konoha library's legal section apart looking up the clan laws. As Hanamitsu-hime's not biologically mine technically I've no claim over her so I need to fill out the adoption papers and get them signed to become her guardian, then after that because I'm a ninja I have full responsibility for her, the council won't have a say on her fate – with things the way they are now I'd have no legal recourse to stop the civilian council putting her into an orphanage save putting a kunai through the eye-socket of anyone who tried".

"You've put a lot of thought into this", Kurenai was forced to concede after a moment's thought; _he has as well, he won't allow any decisions to be made on his daughter until the ball's in his court_; "very well, you have my word what has been said here goes no further than these walls; I'll tell Kakashi you're bearing up well and just got sick of the Uchiha's attitude and pointed out the Sakura girl's weaknesses". Naruto nodded in thanks before squirming in his arms brought his attention back to more pressing matters and he looked to his four house-guests,

"My thanks Kurenai-sensei, the rest of you", he inclined his head respectfully before glancing down at his little girl, "still, time is getting on and I'm afraid I have other things to do. Remember that you've given me your word of secrecy and that the Kyuubi is vengeful when his temper is stirred".

With that final warning in their ears each of the Uzumaki's impromptu house guests bowed themselves out of the apartment, Naruto and his daughter accompanying them to his front door before closing it gently as their footsteps echoed down the hallway and receded to nothingness. As soon as they were gone the Kyuubi container slumped against the door and slid down to the floor, forehead almost on his knees as Hanamitsu was cradled against her father's belly, starting to cry a little as Naruto heard his prisoner speak once more,

"**You should have just killed them**".

"Oh and that wouldn't have looked suspicious? Four people go missing, one of them a jounin who was directed to my flat last, yeah", he snorted at the Kyuubi's over-simplified view of the world, "that would've gone down real well. Leave the thinking to me; you just deal with the mindless random destruction". A dark chuckle echoed in his head,

"**My pleasure insect; see to the kit, her crying is becoming tiresome**". At this point Naruto did chuckle, having been waiting for this moment for some time,

"Before you wouldn't have even noticed; someone feeling the ice around their heart starting to melt slightly?"

The language that met his ears at that proclamation were enough for Naruto to consider the entire day a success; even as he stood up and rocked his daughter back to sleep, the jinchuuriki found himself looking out of his window and smiling slightly as he watched the sun reach its zenith over the mountain of the Hokages; _those who watch over the villages eternally. Well, if you are_; he let out a sigh as he stepped forwards and sat back down on his settee, looking down at his child with a smile of joy tinged with trepidation at the uncertain future, now ever more uncertain due to the random elements he'd been forced to bring into the equation as he finished his silent prayer to the spirits of the deceased (and still living) village leaders; _look over me while I watch over Hanamitsu-chan. And if Fuu-hime is up there with you_; a tear welled up from the corner of his eye as he thought of his loss once more, though he wiped it away before it could drop onto his daughter's scrunched-up face;_ tell her she's forever in my thoughts, and I miss her more than I could ever say_.

Omake 1 – Price of Progress

As soon as he'd knocked on the door and heard the footsteps coming his way, Kakashi had been expecting a rough response and, seeing the door open and a mop of familiar pink hair appear just below his eye line, his realised he wasn't going to be disappointed,

"Hello; oh, you..." recognition flared in the older womans' eyes, "...you're Sakura-chan's sensei aren't you? What have you said to her – she's been locked in her room ever since she's got back, won't open up to anyone and she was in tears when she came in! What's happened; has that little monster on her squad...?"

"Haruno-san", Kakashi cut in politely, not wanting to hear the reputation of one of his squad members besmirched even if he was the reason he was here now, "this is a matter for team seven and, as jounin instructor for team seven, I am here to take responsibility for and rectify the situation in any way I am able to. However, this won't be possible if I remain on the doorstep and Sakura-chan remains locked in her room – may I come in and see my student?"

Luckily the woman he assumed was Sakura's mother let him in without further ado and she did heed his advice to leave both himself and Sakura alone during their discussion; _just as well, I didn't want to have to use privacy seals unless I had to_. With this in mind Kakashi came up to the door on the first floor that was helpfully highlighted with a large ceramic cherry tree in full blossom with the word 'Sakura' written underneath it, no doubt a present or gift from a travelling merchant or festival of some kind that the girl had kept and hung on her bedroom door. Regarding it for a moment Kakashi nodded before, gathering himself and putting himself in the right frame of mind, he knocked smartly on the door before him,

"Sakura-chan, it's Kakashi-sensei", like all professional ninja the last Hatake identified himself before requesting entry, "may I come in?"

There was a watery-sounding noise that could have meant anything but Kakashi deciphered it as a yes, opening the door slowly and checking for traps as he went just in case his kunoichi booby-trapped her room. Fortunately she didn't and the jounin was allowed to let himself in without incident, finding himself standing in a relatively small room that wasn't, as he'd feared, as pink as he was expecting. Instead it was an off-white mostly, trimmed in a steel shade around the edges and containing the normal things a just-teenage girl would need for life in general – there was a wardrobe, a dresser with several different cosmetic products on it, a few posters tacked onto the walls including what looked like a hand-drawn and inked portrait of the Uchiha family crest, one medium sized bed and, most importantly, one pink-haired genin kunoichi curled up in a huddle of misery on top of said bed. Seeing all this and coughing slightly to get her attention, the Copy-ninja spoke first,

"Sakura-chan, can I sit down?" She gave another murmur that could have meant anything, though as the bedsprings creaked under the weight of the jounin as he sat down at the foot of the bed she seemed to uncurl herself somewhat, revealing a blotchy face streaked with dried tears and marred by an expression of dumb misery as she looked over at the jounin. Kakashi merely eye-smiled back at her for the moment, wondering exactly the best way to go about this before the sound of his student's voice shocked him slightly; _strange, I wasn't expecting her to take the lead_;

"Was he right?"

Whatever flaws could be lain at the door of the Haruno scion beating around the bush certainly wasn't one of them; Kakashi blinked as he digested the question for a moment before, realising exactly what she was asking, he was forced to glance down and nod slowly,

"I'm afraid so Sakura-chan". Her face and body collapsed in tandem, forehead falling to her knees as she choked and began to sob again, castigating herself over and over she once more relived the moment when Naruto of all people had ripped the rose-tinted glasses from her face and smashed them to atoms beneath the cold, hard heel of reality as he saw it,

"I'm useless!"

"Hai", Kakashi's voice was yet another dagger plunged into the last vestiges of her self-confidence and self-worth; _all that time at the Academy, so long spent trying, and for what? It was all for..._; "for now".

The jounin's cryptic remark was enough, just enough, to catch Sakura's attention; with an effort she twisted her head around to gaze up at her sensei as he sighed and explained the point he'd made,

"I have been trying to find a way to say what Naruto put into words so bluntly for some time now – in that regard he has done me a favour. Both you and Sasuke have serious issues, all of which he illustrated in no uncertain terms a few hours ago; the question is now", he looked at her directly with steel in his one visible eye, all traces of his normally impassive manner gone as he locked stares with her, not letting her look away as he asked his next, final question,

"What are you going to do about it?"

Whatever Sakura had been expecting it probably wasn't that; her green eyes widened as she recoiled slightly as though singed by the question,

"What, what do you mean?"

"Naruto was right; for a ninja you are lazy and have completely the wrong attitude towards most aspects of ninja living in general", he affirmed ruthlessly without so much as a flinch on his part, "I offered team seven the chance to participate in the Chunin Exams not because I thought you'd be promoted but to show you all what it meant to be a ninja, something I thought none of you have yet learned, though I will admit that in that belief Naruto proved me wrong. However, now you know that and you've had your flaws pointed out, my question to you is what do you plan to do about it; will you stay as a career genin or try to do something about your weaknesses – I'm your sensei and will help you as much as I can but I can't drag that vest over your head on my own. The one who earns it has to be you".

Kakashi had never been one for motivational speeches; in fact he was more the strong, silent type when he could get away with it; but he wouldn't have been human if he hadn't felt the urge to pat himself on the back for that bit of impromptu grand-standing. However as Sakura slowly stood up, looking towards her dressing table, the Copy-nin tensed himself for a moment as he watched her look into the mirror for a moment before reaching for a kunai she had resting on her dressing table. Kakashi wouldn't allow his student to even attempt to end her life but, as he heard her voice, he cautiously began to feel slightly more confident as he listened to her next question,

"How long until is it until the next exam Kakashi-sensei?"

"Six months", he replied off-handedly, eyes not stopping reading the situation as he saw it, still ready to step in if he thought it necessary, "though where it is hasn't been finalised". The back of Sakura's head bobbed at the answer before she spoke again,

"Can you make me into a candidate in that time?"

"I can certainly try". The head bobbed once more before one of the cherry blossom girls' hands reached back and seized a handful of her hair, the kunai glinting as it too was raised; Kakashi didn't move a muscle as the knife began its work and ribbons of severed hair began to float to the floor until, eventually, there was a pile of it on the floor around Sakura's feet and he heard her speak again,

"Long hair is easy to grip, grants an enemy easy purchase and can be used to break your neck easily", she recited as though from a textbook, still not turning around her to face her sensei as her shoulders shook from either mirth or sadness, without seeing her face Kakashi couldn't tell which, "they taught us that in the Academy; I haven't been paying attention to many of the lessons I learnt there".

"It's never too late to listen", Kakashi assured her, eye-smiling again as he stood up and regarded his student's no profile, "normal training ground, normal time; now you and hopefully Sasuke had had your eyes opened, I'll be able to start drilling you three into becoming chunin. And no", as Sakura span around with an almost hungry gleam in her eyes he held up a hand, "before you ask I can't in any good conscience even try to train you now – you're not in the right frame of mind to train safely. Have a night to rest and I'll see you tomorrow".

Fortunately Sakura seemed to have enough respect for her sensei not to argue with this logic and instead merely bowed in respect; with a wave Kakashi departed, leaving Sakura to her own devices for the time being. As she watched her bedroom door close behind him the kunoichi looked to the kunai in her hand, a wisp of her formerly long hair clinging to the blade and shuddered, putting the weapon down hastily. Glancing down, the Haruno found herself surprised that she didn't cry again at the sight of her shorn locks; _must have run out of tears to cry_; a bitter smile tugged at her lips as she looked around for a ribbon to put up her shortened hair with; _now though_; for the first time in a long time the kunoichi looked in the mirror and saw Haruno Sakura rather than a future Uchiha Sakura; _it's time to stop hiding and hoping for a price to come rescue me. Right now this princess is going to have to learn how to fight and kill on her own!_

She had six months and, as she looked to the calendar that hung on a corner of her wardrobe and flipped through the pages to a date she then annotated in red, she swore to herself that by the end of those six months she would be able to look her sensei in the eye and say, chunin or not, that she was a kunoichi worth his time and effort.

Omake 2 – Army of Two

_All I wanted to do was speak to jiji regarding my little girl_; even as the thought rattled around Naruto's mind as he went flickering towards yet another enemy and blasting him through a row of seating with a chakra-infused punch, some part of his now-Kyuubi-influenced mind chuckled with dark irony at the way things had turned out; _I did not asked to be stood right at ground zero for when the Fourth Shinobi World War kicked off!_

He had only attended the damned finals to both get a chance to see Sarutobi in the aftermath and cheer on the rest of the Konoha rookies who were still involved; however that nice simple plan seemed to have gone horribly to pot when some genius decided it would be fun to attempt to cast a mass sleep-inducing genjutsu on the entire arena, smoke bombs had gone off in the Hokage's box and all hell had started breaking loose. Separated from his team as they weren't present (Kakashi-sensei had given them the day off so he was assuming Sasuke was at home brooding, training or both while Sakura-chan, with new short hair and a dangerous glint in her eyes, had immediately requested a day of one-on-one tuition following Naruto voicing his desire to spend the day at the Chunin exams cheering on his friends, something the masked smut-reader had eye-smilingly agreed with) Naruto was left to his own devices to react as best he could and, seeing the unfamiliar head bands heading in his direction, he did the best thing he could think of in the circumstances in the following order; swear profusely, send warning and a request for back up – the Kage bunshin he summoned had barely enough time to realise it was corporeal before it had the instruction screamed into its ears and a punch to the face dispelled it,

"Invasion! I've got the arena; make sure they don't get to us through the walls!"

Even before the smoke vanished Naruto had called upon all the strength of his tenant he could safely handle and disappeared in a streak of red, hammering into the front rank of the enemy like a thunderbolt and stopping the attackers before they could strike the incapacitated civilians around him. Screams were heard around him and he was sure some of the shuriken and kunai that bounced of his shield of red chakra were thrown by people that were supposed to be on his side but, as he spied his next prey trying to escape the arena and felt a second flare of twin power from across the village, his elongated fangs twisted into a chilling smirk as he hurtled towards the next fight before him.

XXX

Just this once, though he'd never admit it, he was grateful that there was one trick used by the over-evolved ape he was sealed into that he had picked up.

Without it he would never have had the opportunity to get his claws dirty without first overwhelming his jailor, a task that the advent of the baby he handed off to one of the boy's shadow clones had made all but impossible now. Almost thrusting the chakra construct towards the apartments' bolt-hole, the bunshin currently occupied by a sliver of the Kyuubis' personality barked it orders over the sound of Hanamitsu's crying, speed more necessary than care at this critical stage,

"**Get her safe, activate the seals; nothing comes in, you don't come out**".

"Right", seeing the bunshin run for safety Kyuubi waited only until he felt the seals around the bolt-hole flare to life before rushing towards the window and shooting through it like an arrow, his beautiful, malevolent chakra flaring around him with such power that the concrete beneath his feet splintered to dust as he landed in the street. The yells of panic and horror were music to his ears, the taste of terror a fine wine to his senses as he registered the nearest threats through eyes that weren't his and grinned wolfishly; the huge heads towering in the distance were probably going to be no overall threat to him, but a little light exercise was better than none at all. Channelling his dark energy about him in a swirling nebula of malevolent force he roared out his challenge, leaping onto the roof and racing towards the snakes that were heading for the wall, a stray thought crossing his mind and making him snarl in anticipation as he upped his speed even more, looking for battle to blunt the bitter taste left in his mouth; _**before I killed this village because it was there and I was forced to, now I kill for it to save one of my own – Nanabi the second you wake up the pay-back you'll owe me will be legendary for this!**_

XXX

Temari cursed it all; cursed her father for starting this stupid invasion, cursed Chiyo-baasama for sealing a demon into her littlest brother, cursed said brother for not being strong enough to resist his innate bloodlust and starting to transform into the Shukaku in the middle of the arena before the correct time and cursed the Konoha ninja who'd wounded Gaara and driven him to this state. Originally she'd dismissed the bestial ninja as another soon-to-be red smear on Gaara's battle sand but he'd been more intelligent and dangerous than any had realised; his original drilling attack had been held at bay by the automatic sand defence but when the boy's henged partner has spun right into the back of the original attack, the resultant torque and rotation had for the first time undone the protection of the sand demon and the Inuzuka had ended up scratching her brother on the chest. It wasn't a deep wound, flesh-deep but to Gaara, who had never before experienced pain or seen his own blood, it was a traumatic event that the Shukaku had seized upon. Because of that the signal had to be sent early, the plan was in disarray and she and Kankuro were left trying to drag her half-crazed brother away so he could recuperate prior to unleashing his inner beast,

"Get his arm 'Mari", Kankuro yelled at her, trying to reach his brother through the residue of sand that still caked him, "we'll have to haul ass out of here, it's getting too hot!"

"Right", she'd already seen the way out – all she could do now was pray Gaara remained lucid enough to let them get away long enough before giving way to Shukaku's psychosis completely, "to my left, out the main door and we'll link with the breeching for..."

Something akin to a red comet slammed into the ground not ten feet from the rushing trio and Temari found herself cut off as the dust cleared and she beheld a second monster standing before her, two tails of pure red chakra waving lazily behind it as the breath in her lungs froze solid with dread. Standing to its full height the beast glared at her with eyes that drowned her in horror, a single claw pointing towards the three of them as it made a declaration in a voice of thunder,

"**Put him down and give yourselves up; you have no hope of winning now**". Temari tried to reply but, before she could so much as recollect her scattered thoughts, both she and Kankuro were sent flying from what looked like an explosion of sand around their brother. The Sand kunoichi landed hard and rolled, feeling something inside her give with a dull little snap; _probably a rib gone_; and levered herself up on one elbow just in time to see her youngest brother standing alone as he always had, facing down the red-cloaked demon with the sand of his own slithering up one side of his body,

"_You! You will confirm my existence – Mother wants your blood!"_

_Okay_; unlike the jinchuuriki, for as soon as he'd tapped into the Kyuubi's power he'd been under no illusion that one of the competitors in this exam had been like him and housed a demon within a seal on his belly, though his seal appeared weaker than his own; _he's completely out of his mind and I don't want this to turn into a blood-bath. Right, he's going down now – thanks for this Fuu-chan_; without a second thought Naruto made to end the fight before it even began – before Gaara could react it seemed he'd thrown himself forwards, one of the most powerful sealing techniques he knew bursting into life on his fingertips as the Kyuubi cloak rushed ahead of him. Either the other container didn't know of his power or thought his shield was invincible – either way it quickly became academic as the chakra collided. Kyuubi's power, so dangerous it could burn through chakra repression seals with ease even when it wasn't being consciously channelled, cut through the sand shield and sand armour as though it were paper and, before the other boy's teal eyes could widen in horror, Naruto's hand followed it, his fingertips colliding with the soft flesh of the other jinchuuriki's gut as he roared his technique aloud,

"Gogyo Fuuin!"

The effect was instantaneous; cut off from his bijuu's power Gaara was rendered as helpless as Hanamitsu; _huh, lazy jinchuuriki_; Naruto felt nothing but a vague contempt as the smaller child slid off his hand to sprawl on the ground comatose as he looked down on what he could have turned into had he not been raised right and moulded by the distant hands of the Sandaime and Kakashi-sensei; _relying on the bijuu for everything and not training yourself – sloppy and useless. Now though, that's over_; whipping around the victorious jinchuuriki glared at the other two shinobi he assumed were either the handlers or the relations of the genin he'd just downed and repeated his earlier demands,

"**Give up and Konoha will show you mercy; you cannot win**". It looked like the taller boy was ready to make a fight of it but, after glancing to his sister who was cradling her side and his insensate younger brother, quickly lowered his guard and stepped back. Seeing this Naruto launched himself forwards, the tails of his chakra cloak whipping out almost as an afterthought and clocking each of the other genin in their respective temples as he ran between them, leaving all three members of the same family unconscious in his wake as he sprinted and leapt towards the purple obelisk that had sprung up atop the viewing area of the arena and pulsed with deadly power.

XXX

Ibiki was a man who considered himself a realist; if he thought a situation was hopeless he said so, if he thought a plan was foolish he would voice his concerns regardless of the ranks involved and, if he was scared, he would admit to such a flaw in the privacy of his own mind, somewhere that had proven to be invulnerable to even the most despicable tortures that could be inflicted on a human being.

Because of this realism, even though nothing changed in his grim expression or his flint-like eyes, he was easily able to admit to himself that if Uzumaki Naruto ever went off the deep end Konoha and everyone in it would be fighting a losing battle just to survive.

Some minutes ago it had been grim and unpleasant on the front lines; the first of the snake summons had reached the walls and started battering through them with reinforcements en route; each summon had also been backed up by a large number of Oto and Suna ninja, forcing the Konoha forces to keep their heads down under a rain of projectile weapons and jutsu as the summons tried to force a breach in the leaf villages' walls. Though careful counter-attacks had driven back one or two of the snakes and dismissed at least two as well as leaving about a dozen enemy dead before the wooden structures, it had seemed a breach had been mere seconds away and Ibiki had been a hairs-breadth from giving the order to fall back before a crimson flare had races over head and the entire battle had been changed in an instant.

Before the claws the single figure had shrouding the lower portion of his arms the thick scales of the snakes had been no defence; designed to be summoned for battering down solid but immobile structures their size had worked against them and they couldn't hit something so small and fast as it had virtually danced with them, darting around their faces and jaws before retaliating with strikes to the eyes other, more vulnerable areas. In the aftermath of the Kyuubi jinchuuriki's counter-attack there were at least three gargantuan corpses around the foot of Konoha's walls, the snakes completely dead and unable to de-summon themselves, while the rest had been driven back to the summon realms as the demons' power had waxed strong and crushed them before him. As he gazed down from the ramparts the head of the T&I division watched unmoving as the jinchuuriki's wrath was turned upon the men who had followed the snakes; though he couldn't hear anything, he was certain he could see the possessed genin laughing amid the beating, though at least the deaths, when he did kill his enemies, were relatively clean even as the other ninja on the wall backed up the jinchuuriki with expertly-thrown kunai to whittle down the numbers a bit as the Kyuubi continued his rampage.

"Hmm", the musing voice from the side of him made the special jounin turned to see a tall man with wild silver hair standing next to him, following the jinchuuriki's path of devastation with inscrutable eyes, "I had heard from sensei that Naruto-kun had made contact with the beast but he never mentioned this level of potential control of its chakra".

"Control?" One of the chunins who'd had the misfortune to be on wall patrol before this whole mess kicked off snorted in disbelief, spearing his finger towards where the red-shrouded figure was still raising hell at the feet of Konoha's walls, "You call _that_ being in control?" Jiraiya's answering gaze could have frozen a river and almost cost the loud-mouth control of his bladder as the sennin answered harshly,

"You're still alive aren't you? For me, that's control".

With that in mind the Konoha forces atop the wall fell silent and watched the massacre occur before them.

On the battlefield, Kyuubi merely laughed.

XXX

Landing atop the roof Naruto was half-expecting to be accosted by the ANBU who were patrolling around the barrier like snapping wolves but, to his surprise, they did nothing but continue to fire jutsus into the barrier before them. _Probably don't want to tangle with the 'possessed' kid_; he thought sourly before looking at the barrier in front of him; it was a fuuinjutsu of some kind, obviously a strong barrier seal sustained by the power of more than one ninja. Experimentally lashing out with a chakra claw Naruto was disappointed but not surprised to see that the Kyuubi's chakra couldn't pierce through the barrier, though it did leave a ripple running through the solid shield; _so then, it's far from perfect – no time to try and deconstruct it, have to break through it with brute force. Okay, know how this works in theory_; trying to centre himself Naruto reached into his mind and sought to control, rather than merely use, the inhuman force flowing through his chakra network as he picked a target through the purple veil he could see; _let's see if I can make it work in practise_.

XXX

Seeing the face before him crease up in sick delight Sarutobi felt the shock almost seize him up; he was far past his prime physically, only his agile mind and decades of experience was allowing him to keep up with Oroichimaru as his traitorous student, blade held aloft in his tongue to free his hands, rushed through some seals and intoned a technique that made his blood run cold,

"Edo tensai – Impure World Resurrection!"

"No", Sarutobi tried to disbelieve that even a man as twisted as Oroichimaru would go so far into forbidden ninjutsu but, as the first coffin began rise from the roof, he could deny it no longer, "you desecrate the dead Oroichimaru; you've damned your own soul interfering with the spirit world!"

"Kukukukuku", the mocking, hissing laugh was his only answer as the white-skinned sannin watched his plan come to fruition at last – soon the Leaf would burn at the hands of three of its former heroes, "but as I am immortal and a perfect being, what need do I have for my soul to be pure? You never understood my genius sensei, now I will give you final proof that I, not that Namikaze brat, should have ascended to the role of Hokage!"

"Never", heart hardened as his shuriken jutsu stopped the final coffin rising, Sarutobi steeled himself for what was likely to be his final fight, "I will put you down myself Oroichimaru; while I am alive you will never claim that seat you snake". The snake merely grinned more widely as the lids fell off the coffins and the Sho and Nidaime Hokages appeared,

"How touching, this old reunion", his voice oozed greasily as he reached for the sealing tags that would transform the legends into his slaves, "don't worry sensei, when they are through you will be joining them forever!"

XXX

It was at that point that, just outside the barrier, a boy with sweat streaming down his face compressed the technique he'd never used before and, seeing it was as good as it was ever going to be, took aim as best he could, the name of the technique growled from the corner of his mouth just before he released it,

"Twin-tail", he thrust his arm forwards, letting the power explode, "Menacing Ball!"

XXX

One minute he was facing his old teachers, the next he was blinking after-images out of his eyes; what looked like a stream of pure vermillion energy had roared forwards right in front of him, smashing through the barrier with impunity if the sudden quartet of curses he could hear suddenly were anything to go by. Even as he looked at the results of the technique that had ruptured the barrier he found himself having to suddenly stifle a laugh; both the former Hokages were gone forever, returned to their peaceful rest while their summoner was almost no better off. Oroichimaru had been closer to the river of chakra than he had and was suffering for it, covered in chakra burns and with what looked like one hand completely obliterated by the passage of power, reaching as it had been for the back of the Shodaimes head at the time. The fingers of the Snake sannin's other hand seemed to have been fused together by the terrible heat and power but not removed entirely, though even as both sensei and former student looked on in horror at Oroichimaru's injuries, a sudden flash of movement informed the Snake sannin that he had more pressing issues to deal with at the minute.

Only his instinctive dodge saved his face from being ripped off; instead he took a quartet of scratches down his cheek and a fractured jaw from the swipe ad Naruto rocketed into the fight, down to a shroud of only one tail as the menacing ball had taken a lot out of him but still ready and able to fight, snarling at the sennin as he launched himself into the attack again,

"**You attacked the Hokage**", he didn't even answer his rhetorical question, preferring instead to spend his effort on tearing the traitor's remaining limbs off, "**die!**" The Snake sannin snarled and slithered away from the berserk jinchuuriki and coughed up a new body to fight again only to find himself blocking Sarutobi's sudden attack; however the second he tried to form a defensive jutsu he realised with horror a second problem and stared in horror and the mangled wreckage of his arms,

"You", he screamed at the jinchuuriki as he ran and dodged as best he could – bereft of hands and fingers the sannin couldn't craft a defensive jutsu, "what have you done!"

"**Not enough yet**", Naruto assured him grimly, lashing out with another chakra claw that cost the snake a lock of hair to escape, "**Kyuubi's chakra is a venom snake, worse than even yours. There's no healing those wounds – you are forever crippled**".

Hearing this, and with the knowledge that ninjutsu were likely lost to him for now what remained of Oroichimaru's sanity slipped another few degrees; with an incoherent scream the Snake sannin spat his sword towards the jinchuuriki, confident that Kusanagi would be enough to cleave through the chakra shroud and kill the jinchuuriki underneath. It might have done just that had not a third party interfered, the diamond staff form of Enma blocking the weapon with a clang and, before the traitor could capitalise on his teacher being over-extended, Naruto made his move; a chakra claw shot out and, in a split-second, Oroichimaru was screaming again as his tongue was seized in a grip of flame,

"**Burn you bastard**", Naruto commanded, trying to squeeze even harder and rip the vile organ out by the roots, "**you threaten my village, my Hokage – burn in Makai!**" Luckily Oroichimaru's mind, brilliant as it was, could see a way out of the situation, desperate was it was; with a bite and a swift regurgitation the jinchuuriki was left holding nothing but a severed tongue as the mastermind of the now-failed invasion of Konoha screamed out his last command,

"Retreat!" The Sound Four, tussling as they were with the ANBU and just about holding their own through use of their Cursed Seals, immediately disengaged and rushed to aid their master, this action aided as Sarutobi, realising Oroichimaru was no longer a threat, ordered his soldiers to clear the village of invaders as the treacherous sannin was borne aloft and away from the fight, his body crippled and favoured weapon abandoned as a testament to the might of the Kyuubi.

Watching his student disappear for a moment left a bitter taste in Sarutobi's mouth; twice he'd had the snake in his grasp and twice Oroichimaru had slithered free; but considering what he was looking at now considered his ex-student the lesser of two potential evils. Approaching the jinchuuriki he considered a grandson with Enma ready in his hands, Sarutobi cleared his throat and spoke, all the while praying internally that he wouldn't be forced to kill his heart and put a rogue jinchuuriki down today,

"Naruto-kun", the jinchuuriki didn't answer, instead tracking the sky with his eyes as he watched his prey depart, Oroichimaru's tongue still in his hands and smouldering as the Kyuubi's chakra began consuming it, "Naruto, is that you?"

"**Hai**", the voice and the answer was enough to make the Sandaime relax if not completely lower his guard; the Kyuubi was known to be a tricky beast on occasion, "**Kyuubi was making hay and raising hell outside the main walls up until a couple of minute ago, then he dispelled – I'll tell you later**", unless the Sandaime was reading things wrong the possessed genin appeared to sigh at the look of incomprehension on his pseudo-grandson's face as he spoke on, "**we've got a lot to discuss jiji**".

"Indeed", the old man muttered before hearing the clamour of battle in his ears again and reminding himself that there were still enemies running amok in his village, "we'll deal with it after this battle is over". Naruto merely gave a wolfish grin, yanking on the disembodied tongue in his hand and pulling the sword it still gripped into his hand, taking a few experimental swipes with the legendary blade before turning back to the Sandaime,

"**Wouldn't have it any other way jiji – lead on!**"

With that the Sandaime Hokage and the Kyuubi jinchuuriki leapt off the roof and back into the thick of the fray.

Omake 3 – No Holding Back

It was a sad but true fact of life that the cause of most ninja deaths was not kunai, or jutsu, or suicide or even a more skilled enemy or even that leveller of even the most skewed playing field, one split-second of bad luck; no, instead what led to most ninja meeting the Shinigami a good deal earlier than they might have liked was their own arrogance and inherent belief in their own superiority. Thus it was that, when Uchiha Itachi and Hoshigaki Kisame were appointed to track down and 'retrieve' their target earlier, they didn't give a thought to the fact the boy might actually be dangerous to them until it was far too late.

In all honesty they'd seen the warning sides; upon entering Konoha the whole village had been abuzz with the rumours and tales of how the demon-brat was getting too strong and that he'd soon rise up and destroy them, or that he was a future protector of the village who'd saved the Hokage and defeated Oroichimaru himself. The villagers, and in fact even some of the shinobi, had been divided into those two camps and placed the village into a state of virtual civil war, but despite all the rumour and counter-rumour the Akatsuki agents had been able to locate where their target was now and moved to pursue their quarry without anyone being any the wiser that they had ever been within the Hidden Leaf village. They tracked the jinchuuriki to a village celebrating a festival, waited for a suitable opportunity to divert the attentions of the boy's protector and, when the time was right, made their move by simply walking into the small hotel he and his sensei had rented a room in and knocking on the door to his room.

In doing this however, they were ignorant of many different variables that, had they not been so secure in their knowledge that they were both S-ranked shinobi and therefore beyond the reach of any mere genin, they might have stopped to consider. The first of these was why had Naruto and his sensei chosen this particular tavern, a run-down, ramshackle affair, to stay in rather than, for instance, a hotel closer to the centre of town and the action? Going low-key might have been the answer, but to compound that original error neither of them considered what their prey might have been doing in the time-lag between him arriving and them showing up to collect him. They knew virtually nothing concrete about Uzumaki Naruto's skill or abilities and, as the jinchuuriki opened the door to his room and heard the demands of the two cloaked strangers, both were caught completely and fatally flat-footed as, rather than trying to run, the boy instead merely smirked coldly and uttered a single word,

"Fuuin".

The idea of the seal drawn under the tatty mat that covered the upstairs hallway was one Naruto himself had theorised but never had time to run through with Fuu-chan due to time delays; however having been introduced to Jiraiya and finding out the pervert was a seal master in his own right he had presented his ideas; after a little fine-tuning, the Toad Sage had declared his seal ready, even offering to be the first to field-test the matrix to see if it would have the desired effect. It was, as most good ideas were, a simple extrapolation on a basic principle; chakra was made up of two energies blended together by the shinobi to form a jutsu, reinforce or the body or do a whole host of other tricks, so if someone was to destabilise that mix within the chakra coils the ninja would be left without chakra until the disturbance was gone. Naruto's seal, which he had, after much deliberation, called the Ripple seal after Jiraiya described the feeling of his spiritual and physical energies being jolted in his system like being in a pool of water after someone had thrown in a stone, was designed to flare out a large burst of pure spiritual energy that would destabilise the chakra of all ninja, including the one who activated the seal, within radius of the burst. It was a trap, pure and simple, designed to cut a ninja off from the source of their strength and, as Naruto activated it right under the feet of the Akatsuki, its first live-action test began in real-time.

The effects were apparent immediately; the bunshin burst into smoke as its chakra shell was destabilised but more importantly both S-ranked ninja were caught out, not even Samehada bale to help its wielder as it consumed only chakra, not energy. Both ninja were professional enough not to panic at the unknown however and, given a mere ten seconds or so, about as powerful as Naruto could make the effect of the Ripple seal without overloading the matrix, would have been back to full fighting potential. However no competent ninja set only a single trap; the ripple spread outwards from the source and brought with it catastrophe.

A mere second after the Ripple seal was activated, the excess spiritual energy triggered a second set of seals Naruto had inked onto the wall in invisible ink, hidden from all sight as well as that of the Sharinghan; as these were triggered they let out great flashes of light and sound that deafened and blinded all both nuke-nin, rendering them unable to even perceive their doom as the last set of seals were activated and a low rumbling filled the air.

Three seconds after the ripple began, the walls of the building glowed in certain places for a second before, with a cataclysmic boom, every single one of the load-bearing walls of the entire building was blown apart by the explosive seals written on them. Bereft of support, the roof and walls all caved in completely, the house reduced to wreckage as though hit by the fist of an angry Kami.

Shinobi without their chakra are merely human and humans, no matter how skilled, do not survive an encounter with several tonnes of falling masonry.

XXX

Some minutes later two other figures walked onto the scene of devastation and, with a gesture, one of them created several copies of himself that started to sift through the rubble as the other, holding a baby in a single strong arm and gently tickling her under the chin with a thick finger, watched on and whistled at his godson's ingenuity,

"Heck of a plan kid", Jiraiya complimented, turning away so that Hanamitsu wouldn't see, even by accident, the first scraps of blood-flecked cloth the clones were pulling out of the trap, "heard of bringing the house down and I usually wouldn't mind, but next time could you please drawn the explosive runes on someone else's house! This place wasn't cheap you know?"

"I'll pay you when I cash in the bounties", Naruto assured him, eyes not leaving the pile of broken stones before him as he watched his former hunters unearthed by his clone workforce; Jiraiya, by now looking completely the other way as the smell of fresh blood hit the air, spoke over his shoulder,

"No need, the place was falling down anyway; apart from that, there's two names we can scratch off the list, though just remember you won't be able to pull a trick like that all the times, we were just lucky we're in a secluded area. And we might need to take some of the Akatsuki alive for questioning if we can". At that last part the jinchuuriki snorted,

"Hah, if they're lucky enough to survive me you can have them; up until then these...men", he refrained from swearing around his child, just as he prevented Jiraiya from being a pervert and potentially corrupting his little girl in the same way, "are after my child and myself – as far as I'm concerned that makes overkill mandatory. Hmm, interesting", as one of his bunshin came up to him with a large sword hilt and pieces of a broken blade in its hands Naruto had to smirk, the comforting weight of his other blade slung over his shoulder as he considered the matter, "I've been looking for an off-hand weapon; wonder if Tenten-chan would make me a jitte if I gave her the rest of this sword?"

"I would hope so, that's a rare blade you've just shattered there", Jiraiya pointed out, inwardly wincing about the potential repercussions should this little event reach the ears of the Hidden Mist village; _Naruto would be in their Bingo book quicker than a Yellow Flash for smashing Samehada like that_; "still, seal up what you want and let's get out of here; I've got information on my team mate but it won't be good for long, she moves around too much".

As the big man began to pace off into the distance Naruto merely nodded and drew out a sealing scroll, looking down on the mangled corpses before him with nothing but contempt and disgust on his face as he thought about what the Toad sage had told him about the goals of the organisation known as Akatsuki; _you want all the bijuu do you, killing of the jinchuuriki to get their beasts? Well news for you assholes_; he thought with venom as he swiftly stroked out a sealing matrix on a piece of pristine parchment; _a fox in a corner is dangerous but a fox with cubs is a whole different beast. One might give you a nasty nip, but don't be surprised when the other one rips your throat out!_

Omake 4 – A Lesson in Timing

"_**What?**_"

"Voice down, she's sleeping, and just for the record I don't like this any more than you do, in fact I like it less. Now where in the thousands hells is my – aha, there it is?" Humanity, or at least living as a human for the past few months seemed to have affected the Kyuubi worse than the bijuu had realised; the way he fisted his hands in his hair was certain a gesture more human than he would normally show as he looked towards his host,

"**But, what about the appointment? You know I can't go out there, I'll be discovered and the kit put in danger – shouldn't we swap duties?**"

"No, the others on this bloody hunt would sniff you out in a second even with your seals on", Naruto assured the bunshin as he slipped his shuriken pouch around his waist before pausing for a second with a chuckle, "quite literally in the case of Kiba. Anyway, you're in a ninja village so do as the ninja do – improvise". The humanised form of the Kyuubi, once more in its bunshin form, merely snarled once more as it looked at the problem focussing around Hanamitsu and the fact that Naruto himself had just been called away on a mission he simply couldn't turn down before, realising the battle was lost for the moment, it instead punched the jinchuuriki on the shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise, speaking as the its creator winced and rubbed his sore arm,

"**Just make sure you leave some for me – I have history with the Uchiha clan that can only be expunged in blood**". Regathering himself Naruto merely returned the bijuu's feral smirk and retaliated with a punch of his own,

"Believe me if I say nothing else when I tell you the second I catch up to that teme there'll be blood alright, and none of it will be mine".

With that said and duty done Naruto let himself out his apartment, the door closing softly behind it as he rushed off to the mission as Kyuubi looked towards the room where Hanamitsu was now sleeping and tried very hard to think of something very clever that would get him out of the quandary Naruto had landed him in with his absence.

XXX

_I swear I should have just slit that bastard's throat when I had the chance_; still, hindsight was always twenty-twenty and Naruto had no chance to undo the past now – all he could do was plan for the future, a future involving a lot of pain, blood and beatings for one Uchiha Sasuke. Since the explosive end to the Chunin exams and his return with Jiraiya as an escort to the now-Godaime Hokage (which had been a lot easier than anyone had expected, mostly due to the unwitting influence of Hanamitsu – the second he'd seen the legendary Sannin and her apprentice almost going completely gaga over his child, Naruto had been forced to give credit where it was due; for all his posturing and perverted hobbies, Jiraiya was a truly ruthless shinobi when he wanted to be and wouldn't scruple to use any weapon or tool available to him). He'd not had a lot to do with his team. He'd heard Sasuke had been assaulted or something at his clan home while most of the villages' attention had been focussed on the almighty brawl at the walls or in the stadium itself and managed to get himself badly beaten up and with a new seal of some kind on him. He'd not really caught up with Kakashi since the Copy-nin, like all the jounin, was running himself ragged to keep up the appearances of Konoha's strength, so all he knew was what Shikamaru had gasped at him on the doorstep of his home; Sasuke had gone off the deep end and was now trying to desert Konoha so a team of genin and chunin, the only forces Tsunade had immediately to hand, were being scrambled to bring him and the Sharinghan back.

He was at the gates in five minutes, greeted by one of the two chunin running this show; Akamaru barked a greeting as his master, looking pensive, glanced up and nodded a greeting,

"Hey Naruto, glad you could make it to this cluster".

"Tell me about it", the genin nodded tiredly before raising an eyebrow at the Inuzuka's new vest, "suits you; you wear it well".

"Yeah, well, someone has to so it might as well be me", his boastful reputation was one of the things Kiba had lost following the invasion of the Chunin exams and his near-death experience in the aftermath; after having been drawn against Gaara of the Desert in the finals and, following using a smoke bomb spiced up with several inhalable chakra poisons that the jinchuuriki's sand hadn't been able to block, he had been the first person in living memory to draw blood from the Ichibi container. Following everything going to seed, the Inuzuka had next been seen outside the hospital area of the arena, his jounin-sensei having frantically pulled him out from under the corpses of the three ninja he and Akamaru had pulled down as they'd attempted to assassinate the injured, Kiba's team mates among them as they had fallen in earlier matches against their cousin and Gaara's sister respectively. _Typical, the one time I get a red-hot woman giving me mouth-to-mouth I'm out cold and can't remember it_; the idea that Kurenai had been forced to resuscitate him prior to a medical ninja arriving to treat him had shown him how close to the edge he had come and shaken him deeply enough to lose a lot of his former hot-headedness, a good thing since his performance in the exam had been judged as worthy of a chunin. That was in the past now, all that mattered was the mission before them and as soon as Shikamaru returned from his round-up of everyone he could find, it would start,

"I still think you had the right idea though", the sudden comment made Naruto glance across and see the Inuzuka fold his arms, "stay out of it, get promoted in the field; the exams aren't worth it". Naruto chuckled,

"Shika's been rubbing off on you", he pointed out, Kiba shrugging with a hint of a grin on his face before he perked up, nose to the wind as he scented the new arrivals,

"Here we go then; okay Shika, who'd you – oh, guess we really have to be scraping the bottom of the barrel if you're involved". The object of his sneer merely attempted to look disdainful, though the dressing down he'd received from the Third Hokage in the aftermath of the exams for the damage he'd done to the heir of the Main Branch of his clan still rankled almost as much as the year-long ban he had on attempting promotion again,

"I am merely following orders".

"Good, just do it better than you did your sensei's", Kiba snorted before looking past the Hyuuga and raising his eyebrows as he noticed the last arrival, though before he could say anything Shika had spoken up,

"Sorry Sakura-san, Tsunade-sama herself forbade you from this mission – even if she's healed you, you might not be over any concussion yet".

_Sakura?_; having not had a lot of time to socialise with his former team since that fateful morning when he'd broken them all apart, Naruto turned and felt himself look on in surprise at the pink-haired girl as she stepped forwards with a slight limp. Though she looked superficially the same, no-one who'd known the old Sakura would have missed the slight muscular definition, the more practical garb and, most tellingly, the steely glint in the eye of this new version even if there was mottled bruising on her face and the slight hitch in her step showed of deeper injuries,

"I know", she answered the Nara before looking across from him, "you're leading this mission Inuzuka; get a scent off of this". Something flashed towards the air, a kunai that Kiba caught negligently before getting a closer look at it and nearly dropping it out of shock,

"This is..." he regarded the Haruno with a new respect in his eyes as he glanced between the bloody knife and her, "...you did this?" Sakura snorted, still disappointed with herself for letting the last Uchiha escape,

"I'd have done a lot worse if it'd been a fair contest; bastard blind-sided me but he won't be running to the snake with any great speed", she smiled wolfishly before cursing in pain as the motion pulled at her bruises, "Naruto, please bring the son of a bitch back so I can kick his ass one-on-one".

"If there's any left when I'm through with him he's all yours Sakura-chan", Naruto assured her with a smile of his own before his eyes softened in benevolence, "now get yourself to hospital and get checked".

"Right, good luck all of you", with that the kunoichi turned on her heel and moved off, walking gingerly but with her head held high, knowing she'd given her all and injured the traitor that had tried to leave her village.

All five of the rescue team watched on as she left, the silence broken eventually by a low whistle of Kiba as he took a lungful of the dagger's lethal cargo and assured himself of the scent,

"She's turned into a really tough chick", he said half to himself before stashing the bloody kunai and smirking, "I like it! Still, right now we're moving out and the trail goes that way; teme get up front, use those eyes of yours to see any danger and try not to get yourself killed, Naruto you're next with me, Chou and Shika rear-guard, you two work together well already. Clear?" There was mutual nod at the Inuzuka's barked instructions before they all set off, Naruto stepping back slightly to drop closer to Kiba and breath from the corner of his mouth to the chunin running alongside him,

"Why'd you get Neji ahead; your nose is stronger than his sight?" Kiba merely smiled coldly, pointing out the Hyuuga in front of them leaping through the trees like a silent ghost,

"Because with that get-up and the size of his ego he's too big a target to miss, figuratively or literally; plus with his Kaiten technique he's a convenient meat-shield that no-one's going to cry over if he doesn't come home". Naruto thought this over for a moment before resuming his original pace and position, himself not enamoured by the elder Hyuuga's action towards his cousin as he'd been in the stands that day and, as a father, condoned brutality towards family members in any form,

"Fair enough".

XXX

About the same time her cousin as being castigated for his shameful actions, another Hyuuga was having a close encounter of her own that would, though she didn't know it, lead to severe repercussions throughout the entire clan; waiting for her escort at the end of the class with perfect Hyuuga poise and grace, Hanabi was jerked violently out of her introspection by the impact of something small and hard on the back of her head. Whipping around but seeing nothing, she was able to activate her bloodline limit just in time to both dodge a second projectile and identify her assailant; only one being she knew had chakra that colour. Swallowing down her trepidation and forcing herself to walk forwards one pace at a time casually, Hanabi moved towards the Academy fence line where the bunshin was waiting and, when she was close enough, breathed her question out the corner of her mouth,

"What are you doing here?"

"**Looking for you or the monkey-boy**", the Kyuubi answered in as soft a growl as he could manage, his giveaway red eyes hidden by the goggles Naruto had once worn in his youth and then donated to the bijuu to help with his disguise, "**I can find no-one else. I need one of you to do me a favour**".

That caught Hanabi completely out of the blue; _what can I do that the Kyuubi no kitsune can't?_; rather than keep the bunshin waiting as she knew he didn't have long before the repression seals he wore were burnt away trying to keep his chakra constrained, the Hyuuga asked her question quickly and was once again reduced to blinking stupidly as the humanised bijuu answered,

"**The kit has an appointment with the healers of your tribe; something about 'shots' she needs to have**". Hanabi gasped; _of course, she'd be about that age now wouldn't she – damn, hasn't time flown?_;

"Oh, I see; where's...?"

"**On a mission**".

"And Konohamaru's ill", she closed her eyes with a shudder, already knowing just how bleak this situation now was; _it's up to me because there's no-one else who can help – oh I am so going to be grounded from here until Kami-sama calls for the final judgement for this_;

"Okay Kyuubi-sama, I'll help; just stand back a bit, I haven't fully mastered the henge yet..."

A few moments and a puff of smoke later, Hyuuga Hanabi left the Academy grounds under the henge of a non-descript child and, as soon as she was a safe distance away, made herself towards the apartment block owned by the jinchuuriki of Konoha as fast as she could manage without disrupting her technique, doing for the first time something no Main Branch Hyuuga had ever done before in the history of Konoha.

Because of this action, it should have come to no-one's surprise that, having heard the breathless report gasped at him from Moko-san that his daughter had not been at the Academy to have been picked up by her minder as she should have been, Hyuuga Hiashi put the entire clan of high alert and mobilised every ninja, active and retired, of his clan to find his absent daughter.

XXX

Shikamaru was worried.

Not because he and his team were trapped underneath a dome of earth that was slowly sucking their chakra dry; well at least not entirely. They had caught up to their quarry and that was a plus, and outnumbered them by a factor of one and a half (Akamaru didn't quite count as an extra one despite his master's assurances). All they needed to do now was get out this hole they were in, but Shikamaru found his planning strategies disturbed by the grin that had appeared on the face of one Uzumaki Naruto – last time he'd seen the orange-wearing genin with an expression like that he hadn't been able to sleep for almost a week afterwards.

Curse the inventor of super-grade caffeine supplements, curse them to eternal damnation!

Instead, before he or Kiba could give and order, Naruto had spoken without turning around, pointing to Neji,

"You, make yourself useful and tell me where this fat bugger's stood".

"And what right have you...?" As a longer blade that had been sheathed across Naruto's back appeared at the side of his neck as though by magic, the Hyuuga wisely fell quiet and activated his bloodline silently; within the dome all was still until, gingerly removing his throat from the danger area as he pointed,

"Uhh, the chakra is most concentrated there". Naruto nodded, apparently unaffected by the chakra drain that was making the rest of his squad breath slightly heavier as he looked towards the area the Hyuuga had highlighted and raising his sword again,

"Perfect; now hold still you baka, and this won't hurt a bit..."

XXX

As the genjutsu specialist of the Sound Four it was Tayuya who was the most sensitive to the presence and absence of chakra in the environment; therefore as her team mate's technique suddenly ended she quickly glanced over from where she was helping lever the barrier containing Oroichimaru-sama's new vessel into Kidoumaru's arms in time to see the powerhouse of her team slump forwards suddenly before being blasted backwards as a monstrous fist suddenly broke through the earth dome, shattering the technique completely. _Shit_; whipping out her flute and ignoring the spider-nin's grunt as he had to take up the slack unexpectedly, the kunoichi took up a battle-stance and prepared to play her flute as she realised Jiroibi was well and truly dead before there was a sudden rush of displaced air and something wet splashed against her cheek. Shaking her head to make sure she wasn't blinded, she flashed a glance towards the source of the fluid and found herself having to fight down the urge to re-introduce her breakfast to the world.

Sakon, leader of the team in the absence of the terminally-ill Kayuga, was collapsing to his knees with his throat slit cleanly from ear to ear; without any of them even realising it one of the Leaf-nin had used a shunshin technique and assassinated their team leader with such professionalism and ruthlessness even the Oto honour guard was caught off-guard. Before she could speak or even think to defend herself it hit her; a killing intent so cold and so potent that it stole the very breath from her lungs rushed over both her and her partner, Kidoumaru letting the barrel collapse to the floor with a thud as the monster before them reared back and roared its challenge to them both,

"**Surrender or die!**"

_Man I'm grateful I leant to channel Kyuubi's killing intent and use his chakra to enhance my vocal chords, and that's enough of that_; seeing movement snaking towards his ankle she slashed down with the Kusanagi sword once more, a little surprised that none of the Sound ninja noticed the blade her held despite the fact he'd had the handle re-worked into a more comfortable grip for himself. _When in doubt, kill them twice_; the sage advice from both Kyuubi and Jiraiya, oddly enough, was a mantra he lived by now and as his sword transfixed the supposed corpse through the sternum he was finally pleased that the body was now truly dead and turned his bale attention to the only two living members of the Sound team, both paralysed by his bijuu's killing intent. Without preamble he stalked over to the closest one, a girl, and seized her hard by the hair, dragging her head back and silencing her struggles and swearing with the kiss of cold steal against her neck,

"Right, you", he relaxed his voice and killing intent slightly before he put anyone, especially his own friends, into a coma from Kyuubi's presence, "Sasuke's in that barrel and it's covered in seals; tell us how to get him out".

"I...you..."

"Yes me, now speak up before I make you a head shorter than you are now".

"You can't!"

"Oh", Kyuubi's wicked humour seemed to be affecting him more and more as he smirked across at the captive kunoichi's partner, silently daring him to attempt a rescue, "I'm the guy with the sword, I make the rules".

"No, I mean you can't open the barrel", the six-armed ninja gabbled desperately, cold sweat trickling down the back of his neck in a river; he was scared of Kimimaro, he was more scared of Oroichimaru but whoever this ninja in front of him was outright _petrified_ him, "the seals, they're restraining the action of the Curse Seal; if they're broken even for an instant Sasuke-sama will die".

"Really?" Naruto glanced from his prisoner to the barrel, a sudden evil expression on his face as he seemed to weigh up his options, "Bonus".

"Naruto!" The shout from Shikamaru made the jinchuuriki look over, the Nara pale-faced but still standing despite exposure to Kyuubi's murderous urgings; _impressive, though I guess he's got experience in standing up to scary things – even Kyuubi himself would probably back down when faced with an angry Nara Yoshino wielding a newspaper_; "Our order are to bring him back alive if we can".

For a long minute the Nara was afraid that the Uzumaki would just ignore his order and, if he was honest, he doubted the ability of anyone else present to stop him, so when Naruto eventually nodded grudgingly it was all he could do not to let out a breath of relief as it seemed the genin was holding himself back from potential homicide of a Konoha ninja despite said ninja's questionable loyalty. Instead the girl he held in his hand suddenly hissed in pain again as Naruto yanked on her hair again and spoke,

"How long does he need to stew for?"

"D, don't know", Tayuya grated through gritted teeth, trying to ignore the pain ripping the roots of her hair, "different for each person; you need us though, the seals are linked to our Cursed seals, without them they'll unravel and he'll croak". Naruto seemed to consider this and for a second Tayuya began to hope that her desperate bluff had been believed before her head was forced around to look at the captor directly in the eye,

"Know what I think? I think you're full of crap"; _okay, I'm dead then – well, it's not so bad and I'll leave him with a going-away present_; even as she tried to gain enough spit into her arid mouth to say farewell to this asshole with, he spoke again, "however you've got information on the snake that jiji wants dead so you're worth more breathing than in a box – fine then, don't move", with a practised motion the jinchuuriki stabbed Kusanagi into the forest floor and drew his other weapon, the kunoichi gasping as he placed the flat of the smaller blade against her back,

"What are...no", she tried belatedly to fight, recognising the technique as something similar to the one Jiroibi used but much faster, "let go, let me go!"

"It won't kill you", Naruto assured her tonelessly, taking her punches without so much as a grunt as, eventually, her struggles weakened and leant into his hand more and more until, chakra exhausted, she collapsed to the floor insensate. Her team mate attempted to run, going to far as to spit a golden substance out of his mouth and fashion it into a shield-type structure that he used to block Naruto's first swipe with his smaller jitte before it fell apart and he too was seized by the jinchuuriki, the genin this time flinging his opponent to the floor and planting a knee in his back to avoid the assault of his six arms until the knife had done its work and rendered his opponent helpless. Standing up and re-sheathing his jitte at the same time as retrieving Kusanagi, Naruto's attention was focussed on the rest of the group as he heard Kiba's sudden call,

"What in the name of every Kami, oni and ancestor was _that_ Uzumaki?"

"That was me in a bad mood", he answered succinctly, thinly amused at the awed and horrified looks he was getting from his friends as he looked back at the barrel where his former team mate was ruminating under the effect of the Cursed chakra, "and it's only going to get worse the second teme over there pops out the box; I've got better things to do than sit here waiting for him. However", stalking back over to his team Naruto flopped cross-legged to the floor, the rest of the team scuttling away from him as he set a burning glare on the barrel in front of him as though daring it to try and move away from him, "as I don't have a lot of choice, looks like we're camping out for a while; I don't want to be in Konoha when Sasuke emerges out that cocoon, there are laws against brutalising clan heirs after all. Out here though", his chill smirk was enough to give even Neji a case of the shivers, "no defence and, I trust, no witnesses".

Each of the other present genin and chunin all swapped glances before coming to consensus and silently electing Shikamaru as spokesman,

"Just don't kill him Naruto"; _sorry Sasuke but in a choice between us and you, let's face it, it was always going to be you_; to his relief the Uzumaki nodded and resumed his staring contest with the contained Sasuke was hidden in before a second voice caught his ears,

"Uzumaki-san", obviously now Neji wanted to be respectful, not wanting to be next on Naruto's hit-list, "I saw that, jitte of yours, it was consuming the chakra of your enemies; how did it do so if you don't mind my asking?" Glancing down at the small off-hand weapon that had once been one of the legendary swords of the Mist Naruto patted the handle with fondness and chuckled before answering the Hyuuga,

"Ask your team mate, her father and she were the ones who forged it"; _well, once they woke up from the fainting spell they had after seeing the broken pieces of Samehada that is_; "until then, let's just wait it out for a while".

XXX

_Wow, she really has gotten bigger since I saw her last_; the idea of how quickly babies grew wasn't lost of Hanabi as she was forced to stop for a minute and stretch off her arms without breaking the image of the henge she'd been using all throughout the trip to Uzumaki's apartment, picking up Hanamitsu and taking the little girl, now a whole four months old, to the clinic, trying to hold in a wince as the needle was inserted smoothly into the baby's arm and trying to hush her as she started to cry before bowing to the smiling nurse and leaving for the last and most delicate stage of her enforced absence from the clan grounds. She was under no illusion that she would have been missed by now and had already had been forced to duck into several alleyways Konohamaru had shown her to avoid detection; though not illegal, it was heavily frowned upon for the Hyuuga to use the Byakugan in Konoha without a good reason as it made some people uncomfortable; _though if ever there was a situation where that rule could be waived it's now, an unsealed heir of the Main Branch running around. Okay_; with a breath she took up her burden with both hands again and tried to triangulate the way she needed to go now with the safest but most direct route now; _these alleys are inter-linked for the next six streets, after that I have to run along the main road for about three hundred paces, that'll be a pain with the clan on my..._;

"Hanabi-san..."

The voice made her thoughts, breath and body freeze simultaneously; she'd heard it only a handful of times before and none of them had boded anything good. Swallowing hard and with countless scenarios of her own messy doom spinning through her head the youngest heir of the Hyuuga Main Branch clan slowly pivoted on the spot, wondering just how badly her father was going to take this scene; _young daughter, in a henge, in an alleyway, carrying a baby – oh yes_; she wasn't disappointed as she watched the normally blank expression of her father drop into absolute horror and shock as the scene bored into his mind – it was only lucky he'd disengaged his Byakugan after penetrating her henge; without that small mercy Hanabi was under no illusion Hiashi would have seen the Seal on Hanamitsu's belly and things would have gotten very ugly from there; _I am so very, very doomed_;

"Ah, tou-san", only she of all the Hyuuga could get away with calling the head of the clan anything other than –sama, though as she saw her father's numb vision span up towards her she couldn't help but feel a sudden urge to laugh at his dumbstruck expression – it was likely to the first, last and only time she'd ever see her father looking so outright gobsmacked, "believe it or not I can explain _everything..._"

XXX

The sun had begun to set and darkness was encroaching about as gradually as Naruto's friends were edging away from him; as time had rolled on just waiting for Sasuke to make his grand appearance it seemed a shield of repressed fury was slowly expanding from Naruto's body and none of them wanted to provoke it in case the person generating it turned his anger on them. The consequences of poking this particular bear were all too apparent as the corpse off to the side of him proved; it had been about an hour ago where Akamaru had let out a yip of warning and Kiba had straightened, thrusting his own nose to the air before hurling himself into a combat stance, the rest of the team with one exception following suit as the Inuzuka growled,

"Company, incoming", and a mere few seconds later a stranger landed in the clearing, albino and sickly-looking with two red dots above his eyebrows as he glanced around dismissively before settling his gaze on the two unconscious Oto-nins being guarded by Chouji and Neji,

"Trash, they have failed Oroichimaru-sama; I will kill them as soon as I have recovered the newest vessel for my mas...terrr..." He tailed off at that point, unable to finish his sentence or much of anything else at all as his eyes fell closed and last thoughts of shock filled his fading, dying mind.

A large amount of unbreakable steel straight through the chest tends to do that to person, even one with supposedly undefeatable bones.

All was quiet in the clearing again, the remainder of the Konoha rescue force falling into horrified silence as Naruto's blade, fresh from extending at a speed the eye couldn't follow and impaling the arriving Oto-nin through the heart, then began to retract more slowly, dragging the transfixed body with it. Naruto gave no notice of this save to slowly extend his closest leg until it was parallel with his sword, halting the progress of the corpse until it slipped clear of the metal and was flicked away by the toe of the Uzumaki's sandal, the last of the Kayuga clan left sprawled on his back and peaceful in death as his killer wiped the blade of his weapon on the grass beside him and slid it slowly back into its sheath before, noticing the scrutiny of the others, spared them a glance and a cold, callous smile,

"Long speeches piss me off".

The silence was broken only by a horrified gasp as someone put the pieces together and realised what he'd just seen; face paler than even traditional Hyuuga standards dictated, Neji pointed a shaking finger at the sheathed longsword and stuttered its name,

"K, Kusanagi, the Longsword of the Heavens", he recited, having heard of every famous blade in the elemental Nations about as frequently as he had the Flames of Youth, the downside of having a weapon mistress on his team, "how do you have it?"

"I ripped it out of Oroichimaru's mouth, along with his tongue", Naruto's answer was so deadpan and so naturally spoken that there was no possible way it could be a lie though no-one felt the need to the question further; Naruto's mind was already back on the box in front of him and it seemed he didn't want to be disturbed. Therefore all settled back down and didn't say a word as they all watched and waited, half-hoping that Sasuke would hurry up and finish whatever he was doing before whatever was left of Naruto's patience gave way and they were forced to carry a body home, and half-hoping the Uchiha would have the good sense to stay hidden until Naruto decided it wasn't worth his time and simply carried him, barrel and all, back to the village.

Fortunately Naruto's patience seemed to just about last longer than the Uzumaki's fuse, though the reaction to the sealed container suddenly starting to glow an ominous purple prior to simply exploding and revealing the Uchiha was about as bad as some of the retrieval team had started to fear. No sooner had Sasuke stood up and started cackling dementedly than the laughter and the breath was hammered out of him as Naruto went from nothing to lethal in the space of a split-second, a haymaker of a right hand smashing into Sasuke's solar plexus, lifting him off his feet and hurling him helplessly towards the nearest tree. Naruto had followed him there with an evil intent about him and the punishment for the Uchiha had started.

That had been several minutes ago and the Uzumaki didn't look like he was slowing down in the least; even as he winced and grimaced in sympathetic pain for the last Sharinghan wielder, who's face now resembled raw hamburger meat than a human being, Chouji couldn't help but shake the feeling that Naruto wasn't doing this because he actually wanted to hurt Sasuke. He wasn't flinging wild blows and strikes like he had in the past, each one was precisely aimed and did as much damage as the genin wanted it to but no more; similarly, the blonde's face was fixed into an expression that spoke more of world-weary stoicism than it did of wild rage. _Body on fire son, brain in the fridge_; for some reason the Akimichi heir heard his father's voice echo in his mind as he watched Naruto work, pummelling his treacherous team mate until, with a finality that shocked everyone present, he hopped forwards and drove his knee right into Sasuke's already bruised, hurting stomach. The Uchiha's swollen eyes bulged almost comically as his knees went to water and he stumbled forwards, the knee removed as an elbow slammed down with pin-point accuracy into the space between Sasuke's shoulder blades, pitching him face-first to the floor. Naruto stood over him, seemingly considering something for a moment before his hand reached towards the pommel of one of his swords, speaking to himself as he pulled the weapon free,

"Ah what the hell; should work and even if it doesn't no great loss".

"Naruto no!" Shikamaru's fingers flew through the seals for his signature jutsu but his speed was six months slower than Narutos as, with a final look downwards to make sure of his target, the blonde jinchuuriki bent down and jabbed the tip of the jitte that had once been Samehada right into the heart of the corruption Oroichimaru had planted on the last Uchiha.

Neji saw the seal virtually explode in a mess of ink and blood but, more than that, through his doujutsu he also saw the vile purple chakra it had contained sink into the blade and try to merge with it, subvert it until a new horror appeared and forced him to shut off and then close his eyes; whatever the flare of red chakra had been that had consumed the purple invader like a roaring fire tipped onto dry kindling, he was sure it boded nothing but ill. However for the time being it appeared Naruto had it under control, pinning Sasuke to the floor with a knee even as the taller body screamed in agony as the Curse seal was ripped from his chakra coil. It took a mere moment that the Hyuuga was certain Sasuke would remember for a lifetime before, with an effort, Naruto heaved himself back upright and wiped the bloody tip of his blade against Sasuke's shirt to clean it,

"There, that should do it; can I leave this with the two of you?" Shikamaru and Kiba both started at being pointed out by a ninja they would both now agree was far beyond them in terms of skill and sheer power but, before they could reply, a thin, rasping voice interrupted them,

"My, my power", even Naruto, it seemed, was slightly surprised Sasuke could talk after the thrashing he'd put him through, "you took, my..."

"It was never your power to have teme", the blonde told the raven coldly; Sasuke, however, even if he couldn't stand, seemed determined to argue to toss,

"But, I must, kill..."

"Itachi is dead", Naruto's voice suggested he could have been discussing the weather but Sasuke couldn't have appeared more shocked if he'd suddenly found out the Kyuubi was alive and well, his horror only growing more pronounced as his team mate explained, "he attacked my sensei and I while we searched for the Godaime; my sensei and I killed him. Your clan is avenged, may their spirits rest in peace yadda, yadda, yadda; Shika can I get out of here, I've got more important things to do than deal with the cleanup of this mess?"

"Uhh", caught slightly flat-footed by the sudden shift in conversation, the Nara floundered for a minute before he nodded and gave his assent, "yeah, sure; there's supposed to be a speech I have to give but..." it was at that point he realised he was talking to empty space and scattered leaves as Naruto had simply disappeared, "...it's too troublesome for me to try and remember it".

XXX

"**Where have you been?**" _Okay, this is already sounding like bad news_;

"Mission took some time, where's...?"

"**The den of the, uh, the Blinkies**", Kyuubi admitted, unable to recall the name of Hanabi's tribe and instead settling for Konohamaru's favoured form of address for the white-eyed humans. Naruto felt his jaw drop and numbing coldness sweep over him before he pulled himself back together and controlled himself – now was not the time to get angry; _Sasuke did a fine enough job of taking my rage thank the Kami_; now was the time to get answers and think about what to do next,

"They haven't...?"

"**Their den would be nothing but a ruin by now if they'd even tried**", Kyuubi assured him before rubbing his fingers under his goggles, another human gesture Naruto doubted the bijuu even knew he'd picked up, "**so what now oh all-knowing daddy? I know Hanamitsu-kit was taken to the healers by Hanabi; she was the only trusted person I could find; but on the way back she was taken to the Blinky den. I have watched the tracking seals on her ever since then but she moved around the den slowly – no harm has befallen her yet**".

"And no harm ever will", Naruto sighed, steeling himself for what was to come and hoping he could restrain Kyuubi's more destructive urges as he looked to the now-grinning doppelganger, "you know what's coming next right?" The grin only widened,

"**The end of hiding like a kit evading trappers?**"

"Looks that way – I just hope baa-chan can swing it with the council when we're done so don't do more collateral than you have to", he said warningly before turning to the door, Kyuubi following almost gleefully after him once he'd slapped on another sealing tag that would temporarily disguise his distinctive chakra signature, leaving the apartment just in time to hear his containers' final words,

"Let's bring our daughter home".

Omake 5 – Hell Hath No Fury...

Sighing slightly Moko tried to reason thins through in his calm, middle-aged mind but found himself failing utterly; it was expected that all children would go through a slight rebellious phase (even Hinata-sama, who had never said anything bad about anyone in her life, had once risked her father's wrath by hiding a copied photograph of Uzumaki Naruto's school picture under her pillow), but what unearthly reason had possessed the younger child of Hiashi-sama to roam the streets of Konoha alone, unprotected, in the henge of a stranger and with a strange baby of all things in her arms. It was not unheard of, though extremely rare, for Hyuuga kunoichi to emerge with child during the course of their duties but Hanabi was nowhere near old enough to conceive and, even if she had, there was no way she'd have hidden a pregnancy from her eagle-eyed father.

Whatever was going on here Moko wasn't aware of the full story but he did know it was taking a toll on Hanabi herself; the youngster was normally the picture model of restraint and Hyuuga decorum but now, waiting to be summoned before her father and the clan elders, she was fidgeting and squirming incessantly, a little furrow in her otherwise flawless forehead telling the elder Hyuuga that whatever was on her mind was a weighty subject indeed. He glanced around once more, wondering if he might get the chance to speak to the heiress before the council was called into session but, as one of the Main Branch appeared at the door as silent as the grave and as grave as silence itself, he merely smoothed himself down mentally and approached the clearly troubled girl,

"Hanabi-sama", there was no inflection or emotion in his colourless voice, "the council will see you now". She nodded, once and stood upright, though as she did and was out of sight of her peer in the Main branch, she hastily dropped that mask and whispered hurriedly,

"Where's the girl, the baby?"

"Safe" was all Moko had time to murmur back before he turned back around, the other guard not having the slightest inkling of the conversation that had gone on. Hanabi relaxed slightly at that; if a Hyuuga guardian said something was safe, they meant it was completely safe; but even so, as she passed into the main meeting room of the Hyuuga clan, she couldn't help but feel a little chill run up her spine – she was already late and knew the Kyuubi knew exactly where Hanamitsu-chan was; should any of her clan do anything stupid now, Hanabi doubted very much there would be a Hyuuga clan in Konoha by the time the sun set.

_Something is very wrong here_; as always Hiashi's expression gave away nothing but seeing his youngest and, at the moment, most favoured heir almost stumble towards the seating area before the council and almost botch adopting the traditional seiza stance, he could only wonder what had possessed her earlier in the day and, most importantly, who's child was it she had been found with. The baby in question was in good hands at the moment; Hiashi had his detractors but he certainly wasn't heartless enough to leave an infant without succour until it could be returned to where it came from; but, as his daughter faced the council, he had to ponder if Hanabi would be able to say the same about herself by the time this session was ended,

"Hanabi-san", he began formerly, "you have been brought before this council to explain your absconding from the normal traditions of this honourable clan earlier today. I will not repeat the conduct, all here know of your actions, but would hear of any defence you may have prior to passing judgement". Hanabi seemed to ruminate on this for a minute before inclining her head and speaking,

"Honourable council, I ask to speak freely and without pressure from my father to attempt to divert a potential catastrophe for our clan". _What game are you playing here Hanabi?_; to ask to speak freely was an unusual request but, wanting to get this business out the way and resolved quickly, Hiashi nodded his ascent,

"Granted".

"Tou-san where the hell's the baby".

That threw Tora amongst the pigeons and no mistake; for a second Hiashi thought he might have to be ordering some of the elders to be carried out of the meeting hall feet-first after the fit of the vapours Hanabi's coarse words had caused but they seemed to recovered eventually; _more's the pity – but still_..."

"Remember your place girl", one of the senior council members trumpeted before degenerating into a coughing fit; seeing an opportunity while they were still reeling Hanabi seized her inner Konohamaru, forced the delinquent-brat part of her personality to put his nose to the grindstone and went hell for leather for the meat of the issue,

"I know my place and I also know that if I don't get that little girl back to her father before he gets annoyed the place this clan will have in the future will be the village cemetery", her tirade was so forceful she stood up on one knee, further violating the codes of her clans' conduct, "he'll already be missing her and believe me the last thing you want is for him, in fact either of them, to come conducting a house-call".

It was at that point that karma played its hand and before the council could recover from her demands, a low sound echoed throughout the entire Hyuuga complex; a billowing, swelling 'whooomp!' noise that had all Hyuuga all over the complex activating their Byakugan to try to find out what the hell was going on.

Hanabi, on the other hand, didn't need to bother,

"Too late".

XXX

The gates of the Hyuuga clan were a thing of ornate beauty, often considered something of an unofficial landmark of the Leaf village and manned day and night by at least two members of the Branch house of the family. They were imposing, defensible, a masterpiece of architectural engineering and, to the two beings that were approaching them with one purpose in mind, an obstacle that needed to be cleared out the way.

"Oi, you", Naruto smiled thinly at the sight of the Hyuuga guard, a member of a clan it was supposed to be impossible to surprise, starting at his shout before he made his demands plain, "open up; you've got something of mine in there and I intend to collect it, now".

"You, you", the other guard managed to stutter before turning the full force of the patented Hyuuga glare onto the jinchuuriki, though he didn't actually activate his bloodline, "you have no business with our esteemed clan. Leave now or we will throw you away like the trash you are". Hearing his partner next to him growl under his breath, Naruto sighed and turned towards the bunshin, meeting him eye to goggle-concealed eye as he held out a hand,

"They just never learn do they? Oh well, we tried diplomacy; time to put the 'crash' into gate-crash".

As he had learnt from Jiraiya in the month or so the two of them had been searching for Tsunade, the Yondaime Hokage had been famous for two signature jutsu; the Hirashin had made him a legend but the other, lesser-known Rasengan was equally unique to him and, to those who had seen its power first hand, equally as feared. Having been introduced to the technique by the Toad Sage, Naruto had been surprised by Kyuubi's observation that the technique actually resembled the opening stages of the Imari, the tailed-beast ball the bijuu were so fond of slinging around like it was going out of fashion; with this in mind and the assistance of his inner demon, Naruto had been able to not only win a bet against the future Godaime Hokage (and batter Oroichimaru's assistant, an oily little snake called Kabuto, into a greasy little smear without Kyuubi with repeated usage of his new technique), he had impressed Jiraiya so much by not only learning his old student's technique but surpassing it that the old pervert had made a solemn promise to train him to be capable of fending off the Akatsuki until Hanamitsu was old enough to be trained to use the Nanabi's chakra and help him out herself. The result of this off-the-record training hadn't been seen by anyone in the Hidden leaf yet, least of all the Hyuuga and, feeling generous, Naruto decided to share it with them, just this once.

The two gate guards didn't seem all that perturbed as the two almost-identical figures before them all but linked hands until they both noticed what looked like a shining sphere was taking form between the palms of their hands; this wasn't too bad until the sphere started to enlarge from the size of a walnut, to a child's ball – by the time it reached about the size of a human head they started edging away from the gate, seeing from the obviously-crazed genin's face exactly where he was aiming. Though he could do the normal Rasengan one-handed this new variant he hadn't quite mastered yet, needing another hand to keep the external shell strong enough so that it wouldn't destabilise in flight until it hit the target; his best ever range was about thirst paces and this was easily inside that so, as he felt the technique click and complete, Naruto had no compunction about suddenly thrusting his arm forwards and yelling aloud,

"Rasengan dangan!"

A moment later, whistling an idle tune and tipping a nod to the two stunned gate guards, he started walking towards the cloud of debris his technique had created.

XXX

Along with the rest of the clan Hanabi had raced outside towards the source of the commotion, fingers tightly crossed that the Kyuubi and his container weren't out for noble Hyuuga blood. As she beheld the cloud of debris in the background she could only wince and pray her family wasn't next in line as, like a pair of wraiths moving through a pall of hellfire, the twin purveyors of such devastation stepped forwards and glared at the crowd forming in a semi-circle around them. Neither side seemed to want to blink first until, with a voice that was nearly a growl, Naruto spoke a single word,

"Hanabi-san", the named Hyuuga gasped and tried to push her way through the crowd, bumping into legs and jabbing the odd tenketsu until, at last, she burst free of the press and into the space between her clan and the jinchuuriki duo, the last part of Naruto's question asked as soon as he saw her, "where is she?"

"Uhh, she's ah"; _how can Hinata-chan cope like this every day?_; the thought of turning into a nervous wreck like her sister was enough to make her swallow her trepidation and answer the question, "she's safe Naruto-san, I don't know exactly where but she is safe".

"I see", the blonde nodded before closing his eyes for a brief second and glancing across as the tracer seal he had on his daughter was activated and he homed in on her location, "never mind Hanabi-san – it had to happen – keep an eye on them". The last part was spoken to the bunshin by the side of him and it smiled, though as the intruder in his clan home began to advance almost menacingly towards one side of the Hyuuga blockade he paused at a sudden shout,

"Uzumaki-san", having just about recovered from the sight of seeing his front gate blown sky-high, Hiashi focussed on the here and now to try and recover both his dignity and his clan, "what right do you have to enter our grounds and destroy our monuments; I should have you dragged before the council in chains and consigned to a shinobi prison for the rest of your miserable life!"

"You first Hyuuga-san", the boy said back, a layer of silk in his voice that seemed to be edged with steel as he turned back around and started walking again, "last time I checked, kidnap was a much more serious offence than mere property damage".

Even as the head of the clan tried to puzzle out such a random threat Naruto blasted through part of the crowd with the killing intent he borrowed from his bijuu and, seeing the one member of the clan who held his little girl, smiled as he realised that Hanabi had been right in that much at least.

XXX

_Ano, ano_; it wasn't meant to be like this – what would Naruto-kun say if he saw her holding a baby? He would assume all the wrong things about her, she knew he would; not for the first time in her life Hinata found herself wishing she was anywhere other than where she was right now as her childhood crush approached, smile on his face even as she looked down with a burning face. Terror shackled her limbs so well she couldn't even shuffle away, instead left only to feel her cheeks cremate themselves as her long-term crush came within arms-reach of her, then looked down; _no, no she's not mine, I'm just..._;

"Heh, I see what Hanabi meant about safety; couldn't have asked for a better pair of hands"; _eh?_; whatever Hinata had been expecting that hadn't been it, in fact her shock was so great she all but allowed Naruto to take the little baby girl that had been thrust into her arms by Moko following her sister being found almost without protest, "thanks for that Hinata-chan, I owe you one". As a pair of pale eyes flickered between the blonde and the baby he now held a sudden, absolutely horrible thought forced its way to the forefront of Hinata's mind and her body almost shut down on instinct as she caught enough breath to stutter once more,

"Ano, she, she is...yours?"

"Yep, Uzumaki Hanamitsu; say hi to Hinata-chan hime", the baby seemed to burble in response, her dark brown, almost black eyes having never left Hinata's face, a fact Naruto quickly noticed, "heh, I think she likes you, we might have to visit again". He smiled up at Hinata but, seeing her face crumpling and tears prickling the corner of her eyes, his increased ability to recognise emotions told him she was definitely upset about something and, more importantly, how to go about setting it right,

"It's a long story Hina-chan; come on", he offered with a kind smile, the Hyuuga drying her tears as she looked up at him, "I'll tell you, and the others who'll no doubt catch up to us, at Ichirakus after Ayame-chan's stopped beating me to death for not introducing her new adoptive niece to her". Still in a daze more than reality Hinata could do nothing more than shake her head and totter along in his footsteps, though she got no further than five or so steps when the word Naruto had been expecting to hear rang out and he reacted as quickly as a reflex,

"Demon!" With a whistle and a clang, the Hyuuga woman who had shouted suddenly fell mute as the blade of the Kusanagi stopped a foot short of her, its new owner glaring at her and not retracting the lethal sword as he felt the atmosphere thicken and sought to defuse it before someone else decided to teach the hostile crowd a new meaning of the phrase 'tough love',

"The venerable Sandaime has stepped down but not out; his law still stands until either he or I choose to end it", the jinchuuriki decreed, Kusanagi retreating an inch at a time before shoot back to the hilt almost entirely, Naruto for his part smirking before looking at the bunshin he'd brought with him, "besides, if you want to see a demon you're looking in the wrong place".

Almost as soon as he'd said it screams started to issue from the assembled Hyuuga as some of them activated their Byakugan and saw the awful truth of their second house-guest; before the hysteria could grow and turn either to panic or violence, it was smothered by a blast of icy killing intent that affected all present save two, Naruto shielding both Hanamitsu and Hinata from Kyuubi's ire as the bijuu bunshin spoke,

"**It is said that if you step on a kitsunes' tail it will curse you, and this is true**", the bunshin began, slowly removing the goggles wrapped around his forehead and revealing the tell-tale glowing of its terrible vermillion eyes, a cruel smirk on its lips as it finished its dreadful promise, "**however if you threaten or harm a kitsune's kit it will not curse you, it will simply kill you. Hanabi-vixen was delivering the kit to the healers, a task I could not perform and for that, she has my thanks**", the Hyuuga in question wasn't sure if she should blush or grin as the rest of her clan took a subconscious step backwards from around her as the bijuu nodded towards her before speaking again, "**you, however, impeded our kit in returning to the den with our kit. I trust there will be no further...misunderstandings; I would hate to have to show you just how true that second proverb is**".

In the face of a bijuu's smile Hiashi merely nodded; what more could he do against the thing that had all but destroy Konoha on its own some years ago and was now stood in the wreckage of the door to his home? Satisfied with this Naruto made to leave the compound only to find himself suddenly blocked in by another set of people, this time friends he did know, all of whom were staring slack-jawed at where Hanamitsu was starting to cry out in her father's arms. Slowly hushing his child and trusting Kyuubi to watch his back for Hyuuga reprisals, Naruto stepped forwards and nodded at each of the other chunin and genin,

"Wow, you guys really did work fast to get back here; mission finished okay?"

"Yeah", Kiba replied faintly, he, the rest of the Sasuke retrieval team and Sakura, who'd met them at the doors of the hospital and joined them in rushing to the source of the explosion they'd heard after slugging the unconscious Uchiha in the jaw, still almost hypnotised by the revelation that Naruto, the dobe and dead-last of his Academy year wasn't just a more deadly killer than he'd previously realised, he was a father as well, "Sasuke in hospital, prisoners in prison and, and... who, when?"

"Long story", Naruto said aloud before sighing, Hanamitsu by now bawling her eyes out in his arms, "still, no time like the present, unless of course those clowns decide they want to ruin it for us".

That statement was enough to break the eye contact of everyone from the new infant in the group and, seeing the blank-faced ANBU facing them, each of the ninja present, without realising it, stepped closer to the ninja father even as the leader of the ninja elite spoke out the demands of his master,

"Uzumaki Naruto, you will place the child on the ground and step away".

"And leave her for you lot to pick up", the jinchuuriki snorted, "I don't think so".

"You will comply or we will use force".

"Really? Sounds like fun, what do you think Kakashi-sensei?"

"Maa", the jounin who had appeared atop one of the still-mostly intact Hyuuga gateposts had his Sharinghan exposed and no porn in sight as he eye-smiled towards his student, "I'd like to think that even Ne are smart enough not to step upon the fox's tail like this, though I would like an explanation as to how this all happened without me knowing Naruto".

"Cross my palm with Ichiraku ramen and all will be revealed sensei", his student assured him even if his eyes never left the enemy, "so, you really think it's a good idea to have a dust-up in the middle of Konoha, right here right now?"

"I am a tool of the council; you will comply".

"Well you got the tool bit right; anyway, don't the ANBU serve the Hokage, not the council? If that's the case, why don't you ask her what you should be doing right now, or in fact Sarutobi-jiji, he might have been retired for a few weeks but I'm sure he mostly remembers the rules".

As if his words were a summoning jutsu the two named ninja did indeed appear, accompanied by Jiraiya who had been in the Hokage tower at the time Naruto had knocked on the Hyuuga's door and quickly deciphered the most likely reason behind the breach of the peace. Standing tall in their full glory, the Slug Queen and God of Shinobi started down the Root and without preamble, the current Hokage spoke in a voice of thunder,

"The council have gone too far this time", she declared, all but breathing fire as she looked at the dark side of the Konoha forces, "I know who you all are; ANBU of Root, supposed to have been decommissioned years ago – this is treason and treachery and will be burnt out of the Great Tree by any means necessary. I will have none of the ninja of my village go against the laws laid down by the Hokage..."

"Ah, hate to cut you off there baa-chan", Tsunade whipped around to see Naruto looking apologetic, though her anger melted to nothingness at the sight of her surrogate great-grandchild calming down and trying to stick her thumb in her mouth, "but technically they are upholding the law".

"What?"

"Amendment seven, or six, one of the two, to the S-ranked law decreed by the Sandaime Hokage concerning Uzumaki Naruto", the jinchuuriki began, grinning at the Root forces and gleefully anticipating the carnage to come; _just a shame I'll miss it – Hanamitsu's too young to see something like that. I knew sneaking into the Hokage tower again to look at the official copies of the birth and adoption laws would pay off, otherwise I'd never have found out about this little nugget of information_; "it states something along the lines of 'any woman found having or to have had sexual relations with Uzumaki Naruto shall be put to death for treason. Any woman falling pregnant by Uzumaki Naruto will come to term with the child and then be put to death for treason. Any child of Uzumaki Naruto shall be immediately removed from its parent and either, if I remember rightly, euthanized, donated to experimental medical kinjutsu research or trained into a perfect weapon for the Leaf'. Signed off by the council if not the Hokage himself and somewhat harsh in my opinion, but technically they're just doing their..."

He got no further as a streak of silver shot through the air; next minute the leader of the Root found himself in the unenviable position of being eye to eye with a very irate Hatake Kakashi, a Raikiri already crackling along his arm and the shinobi himself not afraid to use it,

"Take me to your leader", the son of the White Fang growled, the lightning in his palm spitting and crackling as it ionised the air as he shook the fake ANBU like a trapped rat, "_Right. NOW!_"

"And take use there too"; never before had anyone present seen Sarutobi look so possessed by incandescent rage; it was a face that would have made Oroichimaru himself back down as his gnarled fingers clenched along the spine of his walking stick, itself a dangerous weapon in the hands of the monkey commoner, "it appears the council has overstepped its boundaries".

"For the very last time", Tsunade finished for her teacher, knuckles whitening as Jiraiya nodded, so far gone into outright rage that he couldn't even speak, instead merely cracking his neck and glaring at the Hokage tower as though his eyes alone could bring the whole thing tumbling down to rubble. For a moment everything, even the very air itself, was still until with a flurry of leaves, all the four most powerful shinobi in the Leaf vanished, leaving behind nothing save the knocked out bodies of the squad that had come to separate Naruto from his daughter.

Seeing the sprawled bodies before him Naruto whistled appreciatively before turned to the rest of his thunderstruck friends,

"Well, that went about as well as I'd expected; so then, off to get ramen and I'll explain everything there".

"But, but why would they want to", having started medical training at Kakashi's prompting Sakura knew how medical kinjutsu were created and the thought of using anyone, let alone a baby for such a purpose made her feel sick, "to hurt a child, least of all one as small as this, just because of your name?"

"I'll explain later Sakura-san", Naruto assured her, setting off from the wrecked entrance to the Hyuuga clan and feeling Kyuubi's bunshin dispersed from within the compounds wall, leaving behind the kind of mass mental trauma that would probably have the Yamanaka clan rubbing their hands with glee at the amount of money they were going to make through their counselling services, "I doubt it'll be a secret very long after this. All you need to know for the minute though, as the village council is now finding out, is that Maki hath no fury like a father, or a kitsune or a grandparent, denied his child for any reason!"

A/N: I really, really wish I knew where all these words came from; if I did and could control it somehow I'd be able to make a mint writing novels, retire somewhere warm and sunny and live out my life in peace. However I can't, I'm stuck here behind a desk most of the time and I'm just hoping you enjoyed this latest offering of mine. What next for Uzumaki and Hanamitsu (the name mean nectar, in case you didn't know); would anyone in the village be foolish enough to try and tear them apart? Could Naruto find love and a new mother for his child? What happens when the Nanabi awakens? Would Kyuubi ever let 'his' kit get a boyfriend? Questions for other writers to answer for now, I must depart – until the next time, ja ne!


	21. Chapter 20

Chapter 21 – Simply by Touch

A/N: Okay, got a few messages about lack of recent updates; for these I will answer in the following order – Christmas, New Year and excessive workload (no, seriously, new post is eating time worse than Naruto eats ramen!) Still, apart from that it's all good and I'm finally getting a little bit of money – go me! Right, that's out the way now onto the important bits; this story is more of a 'what-if' from my part – Naruto is known for being surprising, attempting random, humorous things and having incredible luck; what would happen if all three of those traits combined and he discovered something dangerous and powerful because of it? Read on to find out...

XXX

Silence fell in the council hall until, with a timbre in his tone that very few had heard in a long time, the Hokage began proceedings with a sombre command,

"Bring them in".

As always the ANBU complied soundlessly and the doors to the main meeting area swung open, ushering in a small group of figures to muted apprehension and, in one case, almost tangible loathing from a few of the assembled. Before any words could be spoken and anything fell too far out of hand, however, the Sandaime was quick to hurry along the proceedings, as curious for answers as most of the council of clan heads and elite jounin ninja present were,

"I will be brief as I assume you know why you are all here?" The quartet of figures, two guards and two ninja who were currently under investigation, swapped an almost imperceptible glance before the smaller figure folded its arms and gave a gruff, humourless laugh, a mocking smile directed at one of the assembled council who, despite his outer calm, silently seethed at the humiliation the gesture represented,

"Judging by the company you're keeping at the minute jiji", supremely unconcerned with the rising killing intent his casual slander provoked, Uzumaki Naruto broke off his silent challenge for a moment before raising his arms to fold them back behind his head in another careless gesture, "I can hazard a guess".

"Be silent Uzumaki", there was iron in the old man's voice, enough to make even the number one surprising ninja in Konoha wary of poking the temper of the God of Shinobi too much further, "myself, my advisors and the assembled council here have questions regarding your conduct in the chunin exams and have brought both yourself and your sensei before us to have them answered. Do you have any questions or objections to this?"

That was a loaded question if ever the jinchuuriki had heard one; technically he could say no but in doing so he would earn himself at best the distrust of the majority of Konoha's ranking ninja and at worst a one-way ticket to the business end of the T&I department. Doing the sensible thing for arguably the second time in his life therefore Naruto merely nodded, though not before letting his parting shot out in the open,

"My conduct huh? Far as I see it I did exactly what I'd said I'd do and beat up a load of bad guys who got in the way afterwards while doing it – in fact if I remember things right I could say that several people in this chamber, including perhaps even you Hokage-sama, owe me either your lives of the lives of members of your families and clans. Was that the wrong thing to do?" Several of the council swapped uneasy glances at this before, with genteel diplomacy, the venerable Third Hokage steered the conversation back in the direction he needed it to go,

"Perhaps not Naruto-kun", his words didn't exactly project the aura of menace that a Hokage was meant to exude but the old man couldn't deny that, in his way, the Uzumaki was exactly right in what he said, "however the, to be quite blunt, rather explosive techniques you displayed in the arena and throughout the subsequent invasion are completely unknown to all present in this room save you and possibly one or two others. My hands are tied; as Hokage I cannot allow techniques or a bloodline or whatever it is that allowed you to decimate both your and our opponents in the Chunin exams to roam around Konoha unchecked, the risk of either loss or, I mean no offense in this Naruto, abuse is too great. Therefore, I must ask once more, can you or your sensei explain what you exactly did in the finals of those exams". It was at this point a second voice broke in, Homaru speaking up after clearing his throat and pushing his glasses up his nose,

"With all due respect Hokage-sama, I motion that we ask the boy's sensei first – nothing against yourself Naruto-san", the seated figure inclined his head at least semi-respectfully towards the suddenly-glowering jinchuuriki before rationalising his point, "but Kakashi-san has more experience in the ninja arts and may be able to explain his teaching or your techniques with greater accuracy and clarity than you can, meaning none of us have to spend any longer than necessary in this room and letting us all get back to our normal lives sooner rather than later".

This point was met with a smattering of chuckles including, the advisor was pleased to notice, from Naruto himself; _just as well, the last thing anyone can afford to do at the moment is make an enemy out of him, least of all as Konoha is still in recovery from whatever foolishness possessed Suna to follow Oto's lead and try to destroy us_. Picking up where his old friend had left off Sarutobi nodded and, hearing no opposition, presented the point officially to the ninja in the dock,

"Very well Homaru-san, you make a good point; Kakashi-san", the jounin snapped to attention as much as his natural slouch would allow him to, "as jounin-sensei to the genin in question I ask you what exactly did Uzumaki Naruto learn in preparation for the finals of Konoha's chunin exams?"

"An excellent question Hokage-sama, one that, as I was otherwise unavoidably detained throughout that period, I've been wondering about myself", the Copy-nin answered at length, raising a few eyebrows around the room before several people broke out in very cold sweats as the A-ranked jounin turned to look across his student's shoulder towards one of the guard detail, his next words and eye-smile dropping the temperature in the room by at least ten degrees as it sank into all present exactly who had been baby-sitting the resident jinchuuriki unsupervised for what most sane people would consider to be to be far too long,

"What exactly did my student learn during the past month?"

Seeing the faces of frozen fear facing him all of a sudden Naruto simply couldn't resist the urge to chuckle in as sinister a fashion as he could manage, hearing a very familiar noise in his left ear and moving a hand towards it in response, a cold roughness on his finger as a hand fell on his shoulder and the voice of the ninja who he'd sought help from over the thirty days grace period spoke up to answer his detractors for him,

"He learnt all I had to teach him, and more than that", the hand was joined by a few extra adornments, warm, soft weight pressing into his shoulders and back as he fought down the urge to sigh; _and she calls me a bad influence on the village as a whole – hello kettle, this is pot speaking_; "he taught even me a few new tricks..."

With that teasing drawl and twin expressions of malevolent glee on the faces that were now very close together and staring the council down together, Sarutobi and Kakashi together both fought down the urge to sigh and place a mental wager on how many council members were going to throw a fit by the time this story was fully told.

XXX

The first inkling he had that something was very, very wrong was when Maito Gai spoke to him without a single reference of youth, hipness or challenges,

"Kakashi-san", the bowl-cut jounin's face was as pale as marble and, as Kakashi's single eye darted over his shoulder and saw the two students from his team who hadn't progressed to the finals, one of whom the Copy-nin noticed was still heavily bandaged and crushing a crutch in his pythonesque grip, sat together and seemingly holding onto each other unconsciously in what appeared to be a form of shell-shock, the monovisioned jounin realised what this change of attitude was likely to be regarding, "much as I respect you for being my eternal rival and a great ninja in your own unyouthful manner, I find myself unable to avoid asking what the bloody hell have you been teaching your students?"

That question almost made Kakashi drop his usual literature – in all the time he'd ever known Gai he could have counted the number of times his fellow jounin had sworn on one hand with fingers to spare,

"I, ah", all thoughts of his usual response were gone from his head, especially as he belatedly realised the other jounin in the box were taking a sudden interest in what he had to say, "I take it Naruto-kun won then?" Gai's eyebrows, always animated at the best of times, seemed to jolt as though they'd had a difference of opinion with a chidori but before even the bombastic jounin could speak a second voice entered the conversation, a light chuckle that made all present loom over and disregard the proctors voice below, indicating the last match of the first round of the Chunin exam finals was about to kick off,

"Of course he won Cyclops", looking over his shoulder and with cold sweat freeing to ice on his back, the one-eyed jounin fought to keep his teeth from chattering as he beheld the glowering smile of the shortest member of his team stood just beside and in front of the person he must have recruited as a sensei in the month since progressing to the finals; _but why her – why, dear Kami-sama why, did he have to go hunting down her of all people?_

As though reading his unspoken question directly from his mind Mitarashi Anko merely smiled, running her tongue along her teeth as one of her pets slowly snaked its way out from her sleeve and draped itself across Uzumaki Naruto's shoulders, the jinchuuriki not reacting save to slowly pull up one of the new gloves he wore as the serpent hissed lowly in his ear and his new sensei finished her earlier question,

"When I train someone for chunin I make sure they're ready to eat hell-fire and spit the ashes into someone's eye before I consider them ready, and as that white-eyed prick just found out", she glanced down into the arena, remembering the screams from not so long ago with fierce pride as the prodigal diamond in the rough who'd introduced himself to her merely a month ago simply laid waste to the so-called future of the Hyuuga clan,

"Not even hell-fire burns hotter than revenge".

With this scene burned eternally into his mind without even the need for Obito's last gift, Kakashi found himself recalling that day only a few scant weeks ago and promptly began kicking himself for failing to heed his own advice and not look underneath the underneath to see exactly who Uzumaki Naruto had been describing in the last conversation he'd had with his sensei before the month's grace period beginning.

XXX

Kakashi sighed as he lounged against the wall, flicking idly through the pages of his book without really taking anything in as he sought a way to puzzle through the next conundrum he could already hear heading his way; _one with no easy way out of course, nothing in my life can ever be simple. If I could tell them both the whole facts it would be a piece of cake to get Naruto to see where I'm coming from_; that much was a given as, no matter how much the Uzumaki had his eye set on the chunin vest dangled in front of him some thirty days from now, Naruto would give it up like a shot if he thought one of his squad was in danger and he had a chance to protect them at all; _but, as things stand, I'm going to have to play favourites once again to make sure Oroichimaru's fangs stay out of my student's neck_.

It was unpalatable, especially to a shinobi who did at least attempt to treat each member of his team fairly despite the council leaning on him to prepare the last Uchiha for the great things expected of a genius of his calibre, but it simply had to be done; though he himself had sealed the black blot the Hebi sennin had left on Sasuke's neck Kakashi would be the first to admit he wasn't his sensei and his fuuinjutsu, though far above average, probably wasn't going to be enough to keep the cancer contained unless it had help from Sasuke himself. The only way he was going to be able to do that would be to keep the boy isolated from the others and show him some of Konoha's strength to dissuade him from accepting Oroichimaru's offer of power at any price while at the same time being able to protect the last Uchiha from any kidnapping attempts that might result from the months-grace period the Sandaime had given the finalists of the Chunin exams. Flipping another page and chuckling at the scene before him, the Copy-nin mused his options before giving the mental equivalent of a sigh; _sad though it is and much as I don't like it, I have to let Naruto and Sakura go for this month – Sakura shouldn't be too much of a problem as she's out of the running and the genjutsu scrolls I left her should be enough to prod her down that road, but all I can hope for Naruto is that he accepts the reasons I give him right about..._;

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei?" ..._now_;

"Maa, this is a hospital Naruto-kun, no need to shout", the lazy jounin replied before looking over his book at his shortest, loudest student; the Uzumaki for his part seemed to take the Copy-nin's advice, lowering his voice before asking his next question,

"Sorry; which room is Sasuke-teme in?"

"I'm afraid he's not allowed visitors Naruto, the sealing took a lot out of him"; _not to mention me – facing up to Oroichimaru at the same time as perform a level four seal is not something undertaken lightly_; "however, I can guess what you're here for and, unfortunately, I cannot train you for the next month".

As he'd expected Naruto's eyes dropped at this and Kakashi had to bite down a wince as they did; out of all the students in the team he'd never wanted, the Copy-nin would have had to admit that it had been the so-called dead-last who'd made the biggest impression on him and who, truth be told, was improving the fastest out the three of his pupils. However Naruto still had his flaws and one of them was that he never coped with rejection very well – though perhaps understandable due to his past, right now it was a nuisance as far as Kakashi was concerned even if he tried to limit the damage as much as he was able to after hearing his student's next words,

"It's Sasuke, isn't it?"

"Yes, Sasuke is facing an opponent who has shown no compunction about killing and already crippled a fellow Leaf ninja", the older jounin pointed out, hoping to soften the blow, "I doubt that I can teach him enough to allow him to win his match even in a month but hopefully I can keep him alive through it. On the other hand you are facing another Leaf ninja, admittedly rather an obnoxious one, though despite his somewhat questionable character he will not kill you for the sake of mere promotion".

"I see", the jinchuuriki replied softly and, hoping he might have a toe in the door, Kakashi pressed on, snapping his book shut and into a convenient pouch as he spoke on,

"However, I have found you a substitute teacher for the next thirty days, one who's more effective even than me and will help you sort out the basics you need to improve on before your match with Neji..."

It was at this point that Kakashi fell silent, somewhat perturbed, though he'd never admit it, by the sudden quiet but nevertheless malevolent laughter that emerged from Naruto's lowered face; however before he could question the reason behind his student's sudden descent into mirth the jinchuuriki suddenly looked up, meeting him full in the face with an expression that Kakashi both couldn't place and didn't like the look of,

"You flatter me Kakashi-sensei; no-one's ever looked out for me like you do", much like his twisted grin, the tone Naruto addressed him in was somewhere between mockery and a sincere tone of thanks, "however, this time I don't really need your help; I've got a teacher of my own in mind and the nurse just told me where I can find them. You'd better train Sasuke well though", the orange-clad form told him with a raised finger, seemingly amused as he began to depart, "I'd hate for him to get knocked out the exams before I have a chance to kick his ass".

"I, ah, I'll keep it mind Naruto", Kakashi pointed out, fighting for time as he tried to see exactly where the jinchuuriki was going and, more importantly, answer the question that was now foremost in his mind, "just out of interest though, who is your new sensei?"

The question seemed to give Naruto pause, stopping him as he strode down the hospital hallway and making him look over his shoulder, apparently thinking hard for an answer before, with a burst of inspiration behind his suddenly sparkling blue eyes

"One of the best", he said whimsically before turning away with a final wave, "now all I have to do is find out what room she's in and talk her into taking me on for a few weeks; should either be easy or I'll get some resistance training out of trying to convince her – either way I win. See you around Kakashi-sensei, hope Sasuke wakes up soon". With that and a final wave, Naruto rounded a final corner and was lost from sight.

_Okay, not quite what I was expecting_; dropping the hand he'd used to wave weakly back to the jinchuuriki, the Copy-nin tried to decipher the message his most surprising student had just delivered to him; _still, I suppose I should be grateful he's taking responsibility for his own training at least. I wonder who he had his mind on as a sensei though – as far as I knew the only kunoichi-sensei he knows about is Kurenai-san, and I didn't think they'd had any contact whatsoever outside of inter-team sparring and meetings. Oh well_; deciding to leave tomorrow's problems for tomorrow, Kakashi turned his attention back to his Icha Icha with final mental wish for Naruto to do well and fulfil his vow to bring Neji down in the finals of the Chunin exams; _whatever he's got planned I'm sure the future Hokage can handle it and, if he can't, the med-nins should be able to stitch him back together in time to get him to the arena on time in a month or so_.

XXX

Sitting in the waiting room of the hospital and tapping her foot as she waited impatiently for one of the medical ninja bumming around to get off their ass and discharge her Mitarashi Anko was not a happy kunoichi, as evidenced by the large circle of empty seats all around her that had been cleared by her subconscious killing intent. Her mood, generally bad at the best of times and not helped by being ordered to the hospital by the Sandaime like a school child with a grazed knee in the aftermath of the preliminary round in case she had underlying injuries following her brief reunion with her one-time beloved sensei, was gradually souring even further as she fought back the urge to simply say to hell with it all and go and hunt down some dango and sake for a slap-up binge in her apartment. _Heh, fine advert for Konoha shinobi I am right now_; the Snake Mistress's naturally snide sense of humour rose to the forefront of her mind as she recalled what had happened in the past few hours and how quickly everyone seemed to be passing through his particular waiting area due to her smouldering presence, like a volcano ready to blow at any minute and lay waste to all around it; _even I pity the poor sap who gets conned into..._;

"Mitarashi Anko, I'm assuming that's you?"

The serpent-wielding kunoichi took a moment to slowly replace the kunai that had flipped into her hand as though it had a life of its own at the sound of the unfamiliar voice as she casually reminded herself that attempted murder in a hospital was probably not going to endear her to either the Hokage or the medical staff present; _even though fixing up dumb idiots with more bravado than sense is what we pay their wages for. Okay then lunatic_; with a sigh she looked over her shoulder to see who'd disturbed her introspection with a fatalistic expression set on her face; _let's get this party started_;

"Maybe, depends who's... hey, I remember you".

"Likewise", the orange ninja whose cheek she'd nicked about a week ago nodded at her raised eyebrows as he looked her up and down, apparently considering something before carrying on, "the, I quote from the medical staff, 'crazy snake bitch who thought swinging in the trees with Oroichimaru was a good idea' – sounds like something you'd do". Anko snarled, memory uncomfortably pranged by the reminder and her earlier thoughts about ninja with more bravado than sense, before returning to the matter at hand and spitting her answer venomously,

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Nothing; your life, your choice what you do with it".

"So why are you looking for me?

"Because you're incredibly attractive and I fancy a game of doctors and nurses"; the response was so off-the-cuff and deadpan that even she had to stifle a sudden snort of laughter, flipping around fully in her chair to regard the genin with a truly evil glare before he raised a hand to forestall any violence on his part and gave the real reason behind his visit, "no, seriously, you've got just the kind of crazy I need at the minute".

"Is that so? Just as well", after checking his face and body language to make sure the blonde gaki whose name eluded her wasn't trying to pull one of the pranks he'd become so famous for while he'd been the terror of the Academy; _and, more importantly, a pain in the ass to the Iruka-kun who will one day be mine, all mine... oh, yeah_; genteelly reminding herself that glazed eyes and drooling over a super-hot ghost in her mind was bad manners, the kunoichi regathered her poise and stood up, trench coat draping to the floor with a rustling noise as she reared back to her full and imposing height, "I don't play 'doctors and nurses' as much as 'embalmer and corpse'. Anyway, what are you going on about with your kind of crazy – what are you, crazy?"

"Considering I'm asking you to be my sensei for the next month and oversee my training for the finals of the Chunin exams, I'd hazard a guess that yeah, quite a few people would call for me to handled with care by the men in white coats".

Anko blinked, stared, blinked again and, when it finally became apparent just how serious the kid appeared to be, she doubled over in helpless laughter,

"You, you want me", she managed to push herself to her full height only to catch a glimpse of his earnest expression and promptly dissolve into laughter again, "oh, oh that's good, that's priceless – how much did Kakashi-baka pay you to try pulling that one on me? In fact, tell you what, however much it was I'll double it if you can bring me his Icha Icha". Gasping down a deep breath and shaking her head to try and dislodge her mirthful tears, mood a hundred percent better than a few moments ago until she flicked a second glance his way and felt her mirth punctured like a balloon that had come a little too close to one of Hasuwada Tenten's training sessions,

"You're serious about this aren't you?"

"Serious as snakebite", he confirmed with a challenging smirk, though before Anko could say anything to this he'd stepped forwards and lowered his voice, "look, I don't need you to teach me exactly, all I need is, kinda like, someone to watch what I'm doing and advise me how to use what I've got better – I've got, something I need to do in a month and I can't afford to fail".

Just the set of his jaw and the gleam of almost fanaticism in his eyes was enough to show Anko exactly what was on his mind; she'd been at the arena that day spectating as well and had heard the jinchuuriki's declaration as Naruto had stood tall and faced down a taijutsu prodigy with the blood of the girl the elder Hyuuga had attempted to kill dripping off his finger-tips; _wow, gaki's got it bad. Hmm, so then what are my options here – take the offer and chain myself to having to wet-nurse a little brat for a month with all the thrills, spills and accidental maiming that accompanies it or turn him down, go for several nights out and then kick my heels until the finals a few weeks from now?_

It was a pretty stark choice to be honest, one Anko had to put quite a lot of thought into; she would have been the first to admit she wasn't exactly ideal sensei material and not just because of the lingering shadow her own teacher had cast over the rest of her life – as far as she was concerned the only time the words 'Mitarashi Anko' and 'maternity' should be included in the same sentence would be when she was visiting either Yugao or Kurenai in the relevant ward following the inevitable happening with the men they both denied they were romantically attached to. On the other hand she had, by order of the Sandaime, been restricted missions for an indeterminate period, at least until the end of the Chunin exams and quite possibly a bit beyond that, both to ensure there was no lasting effect due to Oroichimaru using her seal and as punishment for jumping in where tenshi feared to tread; _so then, baby-sit one of Kakashi's brats for a month or sit around drinking sake, eating dango and sitting on my cute behind – tough choice, very, very tough choice but, overall..._;

"Throw in an all-you-can-eat dango binge at the local eatery and you got a deal brat", she waited for just an instant, long enough for the child's ace to start to brighten in triumph, before she spoke again and added her last condition into the bargain, "however I've heard a lot about you Uzumaki, not much of it good, so here's the deal; for all the time I am teaching you, you will listen to every command I give and obey it as though it were the divine order of the Kami himself. I will not tolerate arguing, brattiness or general pissing me off, if you've got a question or a valid concern you will point it out in a logical manner and calm tone, anything else and I walk, you won't find me again, sound fair?" Naruto cocked his head at this for a moment, apparently thinking the bargain over before, eventually, nodding his ascent; at this Anko promptly switched masks and gave an excited squeal,

"Okay then my now-cute little blood-bag, let's get started with a light jog all the way to the dango stand; after that we'll call it a day as I've got stuff I need to do before I start training you..."

"And sorry sensei, I have stuff I need to do as well", Naruto interjected smoothly, hands moving up to behind his head as a pair of brown eyes narrowed towards him,

"Oh, and what's so important that you have to skip out on quality bonding time with your new sensei?"

"Uh, can't really say here Anko-sensei", after surreptitiously glancing around, the jinchuuriki ducked his head towards her own and let out a whisper, "let's just say the teme wasn't the only one who got hit by a snake in the forest and leave it at that".

At those words Naruto stood back up, seeing the blank expression that seemed to have struck Anko dumb for the time being and wondering if he'd be able to wangle a visit to jiji before the day was out; before he could do much more than visualise the thought however, he found a fist jerking him upwards and almost off his feet as, with a yike, he was hoiked up onto his tip-toes and eye to eye with a suddenly-lethal looking Snake Mistress,

"You mean that poisonous bastard got his fangs into you, and you never said a thing? You baka, I should be nailing your ass to the wall just for being bloody stupid after a stunt like that".

"I tried", the jinchuuriki managed to wheeze through the strangulation hold, just about resisting the temptation to make the kunoichi let go on the grounds that his chakra control was too much of a mess to use his best techniques and, apart from that, the unexplained disappearance of a special jounin would likely raise a lot of awkward questions he couldn't be asked to answer right now, "but we got in just before the preliminaries, couldn't talk to Kakashi-sensei. I was just about to go to jiji, the Hokage..."

"Well scratch that and come with me", dropping her new student Anko immediately looked around her environment, sizing up the situation with a critical eye; _okay, no-one overheard us but they might come in at any minute. We need privacy for this – aha, that'll do_; "we're going to see what that teme left on you in case you're a risk to the Third; take it from me there's no-one better in the ninja world at manipulating the reckless and downright stupid that Oroichimaru".

"Hey, I'm not stupid, he caught me off-guard", Naruto made to argue his corner before he realised exactly where he was being dragged towards and digging his heels in, "hey, no I can't go in there, it's..."

"It's necessary", the kunoichi assured him, pushing open the door to the ladies with one hand while throwing Naruto towards one of the cubicles with the other, "get in there now. I don't like it any more than you do but until we can get somewhere more private and out the way this'll have to do". Any grumbling Naruto might have wanted to do was quashed by the serious expression Anko impaled him with and, as quickly if the floor were on fire, he shot into one of the unoccupied cubicles, the Snake Mistress squeezing in behind him and bolting the door shut,

"Right then", turning back around Anko glanced down as much as she was able to and, had the situation not been so grim, would probably have chuckled at the blush present on the Uzumaki's bewhiskered cheeks, "jump on there and show me what I'm dealing with. Hurry up", she growled, Naruto snapping to attention and hopping up onto the closed lid of the latrine at the same time as untucking his shirt, "I don't have all day".

"Let me guess you'd rather be down the dango shack", Naruto snorted, pulling up the top half of his jumpsuit, "well I'd rather be paying Ichiraku ramen a visit but we don't always get what we want do we? Right then, what do you think of this?"

"When I can see something I'll let you know".

"Huh? Oh, yeah; well say something next time, it's not easy to know if the damned thing's on show or not".

"Channel some chakra through it; that should make it stand out".

"I'm trying", the jinchuuriki grated back, trying to force the sluggish flow of his energy through his coils, a process that his recent match with Kiba hadn't helped at all, "this isn't the best of situations for me you know – there, that should do it".

Peering down at the spidery scrawl of the seal that kept the most formidable of the nine bijuu locked up Anko couldn't even begin to understand what it actually did but, as the boy began to pant with the effort of focussing his chakra and more kanji appeared around his navel, she had a shrewd idea of what was wrong with it. _Three, four... damn, odd seal over even seal. I was never any good at fuuinjutsu and as this thing is all that's stopping big, red and raging from kicking through Konoha like a house of matches I doubt it'd be a good idea for a novice to go poking at it – he needs an expert and the Sandaime's the best we've got. I doubt he's much of a threat at the minute, looks like the extra seal's hindering him more than anything else, so it's probably safe to turn him loose for now, though if he forgets my dango..._

Letting the threatening thought go unfinished while she thought up a suitable punishment for the gaki should he fail to honour his end of the bargain Anko stood back to her full height and nodded at him to drop his shirt,

"Okay that didn't take long; sort yourself out, you look a mess"; _from you that's rich_; just for once in his life Naruto did the smart thing and kept his mouth shut as his new sensei made to turn around, "sorry kid, problem like that's too big for me to handle, you need to speak to someone with more experience in the subject, so yeah, the big cheese would be your best bet. When you're done there I'll be expecting you at the dango shack; do not take too long".

"Since when's that been a problem", the genin grumbled – despite the fact jiji lived there he hated the Hokage tower, most of the other ninja there sneered at him or ignored him outright. Anko heard this as she turned back around to let herself out and bit back a sigh, remembering her own experiences in the aftermath of being discovered by Konoha following two years or so riding her former sensei's coat tails; as a result of this her mood was fouler than normal as she stepped out the cubicle and the sight of a medical ninja there, likely a chunin due to their size and fresh-faced appearance, whipping around to look at her with an expression akin to a startled deer didn't help matters in the slightest,

"What?" Anko snapped harshly, causing the other kunoichi to tremble, though unusually the younger ninja didn't back down. Instead she dared peek around Anko towards the other occupant of the booth and her eyes widened to the size of soup dishes, Naruto's doing likewise though before anyone could say anything the med-nin simply crumpled to the floor, a expression of shock on her face that was marred only by a trickle of blood seeping out her nose as she lay comatose on the floor.

_What the...oh...oh!_; as she looked from the passed out girl to Naruto and back again the pieces flew together in Anko's mind and she found herself torn between gagging and giggling; _the things we said, oh this is just Kami pulling my chain. First I end up with a student, now if she wakes up and opens her mouth my gutter-low reputation's going to be on a slide straight into the sewer – okay, this is bad but not the worst it could be..._;

"Ah! Oh no, I've killed her; she must have thought I was a pervert and had a heart attack!" ..._okay, now it's the worst it could be – thinking and talking later, running now_...

She was just fast enough; even as the door to the ablutions room burst open in response to Naruto's panicked shout, all the would-be rescuers were left to see was a scattering of leaves, a cubicle door banging open and shut and a passed-out medic with a wide smile on her face lying on the floor unconscious.

XXX

_Wonder why Anko-sensei never wanted me to mention about that – up until that point I didn't think she felt shame due to the way she dresses. Ah, never mind really_; and he didn't really mind all that much – despite the fact he now had, as Konoha and the world had found out during the Chunin exams, techniques in his arsenal that could potential wipe people off the face of the planet as though they'd never existed, such had been the sincerity in Anko's voice when she promised all the nasty, horrible things she would do to him if he breathed so much of a word of what had happened after they'd reappeared following her shunshin dropping them in an alleyway at the back of the hospital that he believed her without further question and subconsciously scrubbed all those memories from his mind. Fortunately the Sandaime made the save probably without meaning to, the old man nodding sagely as he too recalled the last time he'd seen his ward prior to the day of the finals,

"Yes, I can confirm that as truth; Uzumaki Naruto did see me on that day and I did remove a gogyo fuuin that overlays the Shiki fuuin holding back his bijuu"; _not that I had much choice in the matter – I wanted to wait for Jiraiya to get his act together and see his godson but the fact he came to me with a glaring problem would have made it look too suspicious if I'd not done anything about it_. The thought of his tardy student and how he'd let down not just his sensei but his godson as well was another dismal memory that plagued the Sandaime, though to his credit Jiraiya was deeply remorseful that he'd missed an opportunity for family bonding as Naruto had been all but invisible up until he'd torn apart the competition, amongst other things, at the Chunin exams. At least the old man's mind was eased about where the jinchuuriki had been throughout that month; deny it though she might, Anko was at least a safe pair of hands if nothing else; though as another voice spoke out from the shinobi side of the council,

"Fascinating as this all is", came the cold, clear voice of the Hyuuga clan head, Hiashi's pupilless eyes not moving from where the monster who had both blown apart the strength of the Hyuuga and humiliated his nephew into the bargain sat looking supremely unconcerned that he'd just made an enemy of one of the most prestigious clans of Konoha and Hiashi would, if given the chance, personally toss him into the deepest, darkest cell the ANBU had to offer and throw the key away without a second though, "can we get back to the matter at hand? You were trained by Mitarashi Anko correct?"

"I think that's what I said – what, you need someone to translate what I'm saying into posh-speak for you?" Gritting his teeth and making a mental note to maim Inuzuka Tsume at the next convenient opportunity as she snickered aloud at the devil-boy's wit, Hiashi masterfully maintained his grip on his temper and explained his reasoning,

"No, I merely wish to know what techniques it was you learnt from Anko-san that allowed you to, fulfil the vow you made to Hyuuga Neji so... thoroughly".

"Fulfil the, oh you mean kick his ass until the stick dropped out of it. Funny that, actually", Naruto admitted, secretly smirking to himself as it appeared the wild-haired ninja woman seemed to agree with him, nearly biting her hand and not daring to even glance at Hiashi as she heard the pompous dolt's ego get the hammering it was long overdue, "because if I'd used the techniques I know on his ass properly there would have been nothing left of it but the stick by the time I was through with him".

XXX

Standing upright and stretching off, Anko heaved out a yawn as her new charge waited for her to finish, idly glancing around him at the new training area until a sudden flash of steel heading towards him had him frantically scrambling backwards, glaring at the special jounin with sudden anger in his eyes as he swore vociferously,

"Hey, what was that for you psycho?"

"Good, you seem to be learning to keep an eye on your surroundings; maybe that'll keep your fool head on your shoulders in the future. Or, maybe it won't; it's all in the lap of the Kami at the end of the day – anyway, apart from that", Anko's face hardened and her voice retracted into a business-like manner as she spoke again, Naruto forgetting his earlier temper to pay rapt attention to the older ninja, "I had a look at your file the other night and, overall, you suck"; _strange, thought he'd get angry at that – still, give it time_; "you're hot-headed, don't plan much beyond the next five seconds, know virtually no jutsu of any note, your taijutsu would give street-brawling a bad name and the less said about your chakra control the better. I won't lie to you kid, the chances of you laying out the Hyuuga after twenty-nine or so days are about as long as someone talking Kurenai-chan into streaking the male onsen".

"Kurenai, Kuren...wait, you mean Hinata-chan's sensei?" _Eh?_; the sudden swerve in conversation caught Anko slightly on the hop; _did he just not hear me take him apart as a ninja – he should be flying off the handle by now_; the first vague suspicions something was slightly amiss here were prickling the back of Anko's mind and only got louder as the genin went on, "Yeah, doesn't sound like the kind of thing she'd do, unlike you who'd probably have a go at it just for giggles. Still though, which files were you reading, when were they last updated?"

"Uh", not for the first time lack of recalling fine details came back to haunt the special jounin, along with trying to read such a messy hand-writing as Kakashi's through a thick pair of sake goggles, "not sure, 'bout six months, maybe?" Naruto seemed to accept this and nodded, mostly to himself,

"Ah, that explains it then, Kakashi-sensei must have written them; huh, guess he's not quite as good at looking underneath the underneath as he thinks he is. Ah well, that'll just make it even more fun when I get around to trashing Sasuke-teme after Neji's eaten his slice of humble pie". Anko chuckled before sliding her left leg out behind her smoothly, the opening stance of her personal fighting style as she raised an eyebrow at her new charge,

"Well you've got your heart in the right place gaki; head might be all over the place but that's a different sack of kunai. So then, just to see how accurate these files are we're going to have a little all-out spar – depending on how long you last I'll tailor my torture regimen until I'm certain you won't crap out and die on me until the finals are here". Truth be told Anko had been expecting the kid to leap at her as she'd heard he'd done during his genin exam but, to her slight surprise, instead of adopting a stance he grinned up at her, one hand behind his neck in a gesture she'd come to expect when he was feeling sheepish or embarrassed about something,

"Ah, I'm not sure that's such a good idea Anko-sensei".

"Oh come on 'future-Hokage'", the snake summoner drawled in a sultry tone, hoping to provoke him into making a mistake and handing her an easy win; _kid's a prankster after all, might be trying to lull me in_; "you wanna win the big hat and the hand of your lady fair you're gonna have to go up against meaner mofos than little old me. Come on, I already said I wasn't going to kill you..."

With that and no further warning, Anko sprang into a standard, close-combat attack – true to her word she wasn't going all out, in fact she was barely even scraping chunin level as any competent ninja would have dodged the straightforward strike and been inside her guard in an instant; _and what do you know_; her eyebrow rose as Naruto, rather than freezing in shock as she'd been expecting, managed to dodge her punch by a whisker and use his small stature to duck to the outside of her arm, his retaliation coming in the form of a single palm shooting towards her; _he actually isn't quite as bad as I'd..._;

Her thought got no further than that; there was a sudden tap on her side, about level with her stomach, that she barely felt through her chainmail and thick abdominal muscles, a sensation that felt like he'd burst a balloon containing freezing water onto her and then the world started tilting crazily as she felt herself being thrown base over apex backwards, a sound like a explosion making her ears ring even as her reflexes took over and she rolled with the impact. Even with this reaction she hit the ground hard though, wheezing as the breath whooshed out her lungs and left her gasping to recover, completely unprepared for the explosive tag or whatever the hell else the kid had used. Her entire stomach felt both numb and battered at the same time, making her growl in pain as she tried to sit up and assess the damage, just about managing this task as she forced her head to stop spinning from the impact and take in exactly what the hell just happened.

Naruto was standing with his arm still outstretched, exactly the position he'd been when he made contact with her, the only difference being that she was now about fifteen feet from where she'd started with an impressive impact and roll mark in the ground that led to her current prostrate position. Panting to try and recover the air that had flown out of her the Snake Mistress was left trying to come to terms with what had just hit her before Naruto, slowly dropping his arm, gazed down at her and sighed,

"Sorry about that sensei", and he truly did seem apologetic as he let out a sheepish sort of smile before carrying on, "but that's what I meant when I said I didn't want to go all out – not being boastful at all but if I don't get it right _I'd_ probably wind up killing _you_ without meaning to".

Normally Anko would have laughed at this; the idea that a genin, no matter how skilled, could take down a special jounin was laughable after all; but the fact of the matter was her gut ached like all merry hell and her knees were shaking as she scrabbled to her feet, both hands on her belly and channelling one of the few medical techniques she knew to her wound as she tried to breathe a little easier; _any higher I'd have lost a floating rib, or even more if I'd been unlucky – damn what the hell was in that punch, and why wasn't it in his files?_ Instead, slightly more humble than before, the special jounin gingerly approached her protégé and stopped a respectable distance from him; for a minute neither spoke, merely staring each other down until, eventually, Anko was the one to break the silence,

"Okay gaki", her voice was a lot more serious than before and laced with respect as she nodded towards his hand, "what the hell was that?"

"One of my techniques, one of the ones I've never used before except on a shadow clone", he admitted, shrugging but at the same time, he could see, slightly concerned for her sake as he checked her pose out the corner of his eye; _aww, how sweet checking his sensei is okay – give him a few years and he'll be a really good catch for any kunoichi who finally gets her head out her ass when it comes to Sasuke-bloody-Uchiha_; "I didn't think it'd be as explosive as that but I knew it wouldn't take you out in one hit, I didn't have contact long enough".

"Contact? You need to touch someone to get that ability to work – that sounds like an ability I heard about in Iwa some time ago, making things explode with a touch. You sure you've not got a bloodline or something kid; if so then I'm sure as hell not the best person to teach you how to get a handle on it". To her relief however Naruto merely chuckled,

"Nah, no bloodline, just the result of a bit of good luck, a crappy apartment and a hell of reading and writing; okay", he saw the confusion and interest on her face almost as soon as it appeared, "let me show you everything I can do, put all my cards on the table, and then I'll tell you what's going on and what I need from you as a sensei, sound fair enough?"

Hearing this and completely at sea about what to expect from the suddenly-dangerous genin before her Anko could merely nod and watch as the orange-wearing jinchuuriki, apparently heaving down a sigh, turned his back towards her, brought his hands towards his face for some reason and then, without warning, suddenly ran towards the copse of trees at the back of the training ground.

A half-minute later and with his demonstration completed Anko, for the second time in a month, found herself staring at someone who, for all intents and purposes, seemed to hold her life in his hands; as the form of her student strode out of the haze of smoke left in his wake with a serious expression, one that ripped off the mask of cheerful ignorance he must have hidden himself, or at least part of himself, behind, she was all at once intrigued, frightened and very, very impressed.

As she beheld the barren wasteland that had once been a verdant wood Anko fought to stop her spine from freezing as she swallowed down a deep breath and looked over at where her pupil now knelt, apparently winded after releasing his power on so many innocent trees,

"Okay then Naruto", it was a mark of how serious she felt the situation was that she used his name rather than an endearing insult, a single thought in her mind the whole time; _if it truly came down to an all-out brawl, could I honestly beat this kid? I've got range, experience and more techniques than him, but if he can do this with just his hands..._; it was a thought she didn't want to finish and so she spoke to overcome her slight hesitation, "you can, well actually I have no idea what you're doing but since whatever it was managed to completely vaporise half a forest, I'm going to assume it's a killing technique if used on a person?" The jinchuuriki was a little too busy recapturing his breath to answer immediately but, when he did, it was with a pale imitation of his usual grin of his face as he pushed himself painfully to his feet,

"Well there's a bit of theoretical mumbo-jumbo regarding the 'death' label for it; I'll explain when you see this last one". He took a step forwards, Anko sprang back a dozen yards,

"Oh hell no way", she protested, eyes wide as a kunai snapped into her hands out of reflex, "after what I just saw I'm pretty sure it's safe to say you're one guy in Konoha who's never getting his hands on me!"

"More like the only guy", Naruto muttered under his breath before trying again, "look you've already felt this one. I know three techniques; there's the one that makes things go 'bang', the one that makes things go 'poof' and this one that goes 'slurp' – just stand still and I promise I won't bang you again". Anko's eyes shot open at his apparent cheek but, seeing nothing but innocence in his eyes, chalked it up grudgingly as a unintentional double-entendre and denied her inner worry, not moving and holding out an arm as Naruto shambled forwards though, as he reached for her, she was quick to give a final warning,

"Anything goes wrong with this and you'll have the entire T&I department on your ass avenging my death – they know where I am and who I'm with". Naruto merely rolled his eyes before, gently, placing his hand on her arm.

Anko saw it a split-second before her entire arm and most of her right side went numb and she almost toppled over; between the contact of the jinchuuriki and her arm was a sudden flash of white. Before she could press the question she was left hissing as a sensation similar to pins-and-needles flooded her body, but it was nothing to do with pinched nerves or blood circulation; instead as Naruto held hold her up and she felt her strength returning somewhat, she managed to speak through tingling lips,

"You, that was my chakra! You attacked my chakra coils; was that some kind of Jyuuken rip-off?"

"Not quite", Naruto grunted, holding up his sensei's side even if he knew better than to make a comment about her weight; he'd done that once with Sakura-chan and the results had been anything but nice, "it's like that guy in the preliminaries, the one Sasuke-teme kicked into next week. I can drain chakra like he can but much better – if that had been me down there the Uchiha-teme would have been out cold the second I had hold of him". Gradually feeling what remained of her chakra trickle back through her coils; _damn, about two-thirds full – even with the techniques I'd used before, he ripped out a quarter of a special jounin's chakra reserves in, what, contact of a second or less? Kami damn it_; once more she felt a cold sweat on the back of her neck; _he pulls that crap out in the preliminaries and that's it, game over – he'd kill a genin through the chakra exhaustion without even meaning to_;

"No he wouldn't gaki, he'd be dead", she said in all seriousness, once more having to reassess the threat this non-descript gaki in bright orange seemed to pose, "as far as I can see right now you're quite possibly the most lethal genin in the entire exam, heck even that sand-man kid wouldn't last a minute against you draining the damned life out of him". At this Naruto made a curious expression somewhere between pride and annoyance as he looked away from his sensei,

"He wouldn't, if I could use that damned technique right".

"Right?" The idea that a move that powerful wasn't complete was quite frankly terrifying, "What..."

"I mean I can only use it when I've not got full chakra reserves", Naruto cut her off, having pre-empted her question, "if I try to use it full, and I have once or twice on seals containing chakra, it's like trying to force water into a full bottle – it blows up right in my face and believe me chakra burns ain't fun".

"That much I can agree with; okay Naruto, give it to me straight here", finally able to stand without aid Anko pushed herself a few paces away and stared her student down, seriousness lacing her expression and penetrating gaze and she asked the now-pressing question, "why the hell did you come and find me? You don't need me; hell, even if that thing you used there's got its limits you could simply use either one of the others and anyone you come up against is going to be either a squishy little smear on the arena walls or a cloud of smoke. If this is about avenging that girl the Hyuuga prick put in the hospital you don't need any help with that, you're good to go on your own".

_Now the ball's in his court, let's see what he can do with it_; Anko had an idea that Naruto knew his techniques were inherently dangerous, hence why he'd never used them until Neji's callous actions had driven him to vengeful fury, but she doubted he knew just _how_ dangerous they actually were in reality. As far as she could work out even a simple taijutsu exchange could end with an enemy mysteriously vanished as though he'd never been there, and in the time it took any buddies he might have had with him to register the fact their friend was gone Naruto would have been quick enough to take them out as well. Even as this though crossed her mind however the jinchuuriki looked up at her, his face fixed in the same smile he'd been wearing when he tracked her down in the hospital the previous day, the smirk of a man who knew he had already won and was just waiting for the exact right moment to spring his final surprise,

"You're half-right sensei; technically I am good to go, I could destroy the competition out there with next to no effort, even Neji-baka, but that's not what I want to do, least of all to him", his expression darkened suddenly, an almost-unholy glee in his face and voice as he looked at her directly, "I could kill Neji easily but that's not enough for what he's done. I want to _break_ him, leave him laying in the dirt in front of everyone knowing that he's been totally outclassed, that he never stood a Kami-damned chance and with only the shattered shards of everything he's ever believed in as company in his misery, just like he tried to do to Hinata-chan – that's why I came to you, I heard of your reputation of being able to smash through anyone given time. I know my techniques are too powerful for this exam; one touch right now and Neji would be as near enough to dead as it'd make no difference, so that's no good. I need you, Anko-sensei, to make me more than just an unstoppable force, a battering ram – that's pointless for a ninja, I need to be absolutely sure everything I do does the damage I want it to do and no more, that's why I came to you".

His eyes narrowed and the Snake Mistress swore she could see flames dancing in them, evil, terrible flames that would shame even the Kyuubi no Kitsune should it be able to see them from behind its seal as he made his request plain,

"I need you to turn me into a stiletto blade; that way I can choose if it'll be death by a thousand cuts, just like Neji's going to feel, or one swift stab to the heart that they never see coming. I'm already a potential destroyer, the seals see to that; all you need to do is work a bit of your magic and turn me into someone who can take a target alive as well as he can make sure the guy he's after is left as nothing but a memory. Sound like something you can manage sensei?" Anko took in and let out a deep breath, then another, trying to mask her shock as she realised this wasn't the same kid she'd tagged with a kunai some nine days before – this was someone she doubted even Kakashi, or possibly even the Sandaime himself had ever seen; this was a ninja who had a veritable arsenal of lethal weapons and, knowing he lacked the skill to use them effectively, had sought out the services of someone who might have an idea of how to tame the monsters he had created,

"Heh, you're not asking for much are you gaki?" She joked, folding her arms as he smirked a little at her humour before becoming more serious just as she did, "Still as I am your sensei; I heard Kakashi-baka talking about getting the paperwork filled in last night in the jounin lounge; it's now my duty to at least try and sort this whole damned mess out. Still you gotta throw me a bone here kid", she sat down cross-legged, gesturing for Naruto to do the same as her right leg was still a little tingling from the technique the Uzumaki had used, "I saw glimpses but nothing more; what the hell _did_ you actually do just then?"

XXX

A question as valid then as it is now", Hiashi spoke into the hushed chamber, disturbing the remembering of Anko and the few corrections Naruto made as she went on, "what did happen in that training ground that day that led to your contribution to the debacle that was the Chunin exams?"

"Hey, you call it a debacle but I enjoyed it", Naruto pointed out as he folded his arms and glared right back at the Hyuuga, affronted by his slander, "besides weren't you listening just then, Anko-sensei said what happened; she asked for a demonstration of my techniques and I obliged".

"But what techniques are these?" Hiashi thundered, patience wearing thin as the charade of this explanation grated on him, "how does a boy with what was considered, at best, limited potential in the ninja arts develop an apparently new branch of ninjutsu that not only beats others of his peer group", despite his reputation Hiashi was a fair man and, as Neji was a genin, as far as the Hyuuga was concerned that made him a peer of the dead-last, "but also saved virtually saved our village from invasion? I have a hard time believing you could have hidden it from us..."

"Why not; I mean your clan managed to hide the effect of the hair-dye that got snuck into your conditioner deliveries a few months ago well enough didn't they?" Hiashi went crimson, Byakugan activating unconsciously as he whipped his face down the table and glared venomously,

"That was you?" Naruto raised his arms,

"I never said I did it and you can't prove anything", he pointed out reasonably, once more thinly amused by the expressions of the other clan heads as he shoved a pin through the bubble of the Hyuuga's pride, "but sadly the cat's out the bag on this one; I was forced to reveal my hand at the Chunin exams and, as I am now aware, it's my duty as a ninja of Konoha to reveal these potentially-damaging secrets before they become a risk to the village. So", he clapped once, all attention back on him as he beamed broadly, "I'd better get down to that, but before I do I'd like to dedicate a moment of appreciation to my sensei please because, without her", for the first time in a very long time Mitarashi Anko almost blushed as she was singled out to the crowd, Naruto craning his neck back over his chair and providing a lop-sided grin as he went on, "my techniques wouldn't have been anywhere near as devastating as they turned out to be".

XXX

Just about levering herself back to one knee Anko winced as she flexed her fingers and looked over at the child who was examining her with expectant eyes,

"Damn kid, you're in exalted company right now", the snake summoner informed him, a wry smirk on her lips as the feeling came back, "not many other guys in this place manage to make me go as weak at the knees as easily as you do". Naruto merely chuckled,

"Ah, call it a gift – seriously though sensei, how was it?"

"'Bout an armful, maybe a bit less; lot better than before but still a bit more than the average genin can handle being taken in one; if you really want to handle the Hyuuga like you said you did you need at most a tenth of what you just took then". The jinchuuriki scowled at this news; _damn, yet more chakra control exercises then. Wasn't the being-chased-across-water-by-snakes-while-sensei-throws-interesting-things-at-me exercise bad enough?_; before sighing and making ready to carry on,

"Okay, not too bad then, still got three weeks to go. You ready to rumble again sensei?" Anko held a hand up,

"Give me a minute kid, we're not all blessed with your legendary endurance".

"Shame; if we all were you'd never go home dissatisfied"; at this point Naruto ducked the kunai chucked his way with ease of long practice and Anko scowled before becoming slightly more serious, eyes clouded by thought as she put a finger in her mouth, thinking hard,

"And apart from that, there was something else I was wondering about; that move you just did?"

"Yeah, the slurp"; _typical – my student has a potentially game-breaking technique pretty much dropped into his lap and what does he call it? No, not the Hirashin, or the Shiki Fuuin, that'd be way too boring and cool – instead, he calls it 'slurp'_; masking her inner revulsion, the T&I operative ploughed on,

"I know you said you couldn't use it when you had full chakra – what happened when you tried to? Come on, if there's one thing I've learnt about you in a week it's that given a choice you'll go trial and error, with the emphasis most definitely on the latter of them".

Try as he might to come up with an argument to this Naruto swiftly found there wasn't one and, instead, was left to shrug and hold up one hand,

"Wasn't pretty and hurt like hell; didn't go to the med-nins 'cause they hate me, but as far as I can gather the extra chakra started to fry my coils; I had to simply burst it out of me before it did any more damage. It was agony sensei, and this is coming from the guy who shoved a kunai into the back of his hand because it seemed like a good idea at the time; as far as I can work out there's no way I can use that technique when I'm full without blowing myself up from the inside out".

"So, you're saying that the only reason you can't use that seal of yours to full effect is that you can't handle the extra chakra?"

"That's about right – not like it really matters though, if there's one thing the Kage Bunshin's good for its drinking chakra".

"Hehe..."

"Huh? Sorry sensei, you say something?"

"...hehehehe..." A sweatdrop duly began sliding its way down the back of the jinchuuriki's neck,

"Umm, Anko-sensei, something wrong?"

"...heheheheheehahahahahaaaaa!"

"Okay, seriously, you're starting to freak me out now". These words at last seemed to sink in and broke the kunoichi of her manic giggling fit as she stared at him with a new, rapacious expression in her eyes, licking her lips as she stared him up and down,

"Gaki", she said breathlessly, the shining in her gaze not dimming in the slightest, "forget the chakra control at the minute, forget the seal techniques, in fact forget everything; there is something else you need to learn and you need to learn it now. I hope you can heal as fast as the records say you do because I won't lie to you this is going to hurt like all hell but, if you can master it, you'll never have to worry about taking a little extra chakra into your coils ever again!"

XXX

It was at this point that Anko managed a seemingly impossible feat as she managed to look simultaneously sheepish and smug at the same time,

"Yeah, not something I originally planned to teach him, or anyone else for that matter, but the fact of the matter was it does work", seeing the sceptical looks around the council room she went on, scratching the back of her head in a move that almost had Sarutobi reaching for the packet of painkillers he kept secreted in a hidden drawer of his desk; _I know that look_; "uhh, so, what did I teach him then? Well it's a way to, uh, forcibly engorge the body's natural chakra capacity by, unleashing the hidden potential..."

It was at this point that someone else, the member of the clan with the largest chakra reserves in the Leaf who had been foremost in the development of the techniques he was afraid Anko might have revealed groaned and slapped a meaty palm over his face, the loud smack making everyone else look over as Akimichi Chouza dragged his palm over his eyes and fixed the kunoichi with a bale glare,

"Anko-chan please, for the love of all that is and may ever be holy _please_, tell me you didn't teach Uzumaki Naruto, the one-child permanent sugar-rush, how to open his Hachimon?"

The resultant silence almost made the ANBU hidden in the room break down and cry; even though it had been almost a year since his graduation, memories of very long chases and even more embarrassing traps took a long time to forget,

"Anko", despite the situation and the apparent redness of his face, the Snake Mistress thought Sarutobi seemed to be taking things rather well, "you have until I can get my blood-pressure back into triple digits to say something that might make me reconsider stripping you of any and all rank you might even consider holding in the future. And Naruto, how many gates did that lunatic teach you to open?"

"Only the first two jiji, and don't blow a fuse", the jinchuuriki commented lazily, the Sandaime's advisors slowly edging away from the seated kage as the noise of teeth being ground into nubs began to reach their ears, "it's easier for people with large reserves to break the gates down because the actual increase isn't as big for us. Anko-sensei said why she was taught the technique; if her bastard of a sensei's seal ever awoke, she can break her gates and basically flood his chakra under her own no matter how powerful it is; so I guess you'll be teaching Sasuke the same thing soon right sensei?" Visibly started by his name, the Copy-nin wiped the glaze from his single eye and managed a wobbly kind of grin as he beheld the beaming face of his apparently-now-lethal student,

"Uhh, with Sandaime-sama's permission of course", he managed weakly, the Third Hokage trying hard to control both his breathing and his temper by this point as visions of what he could legally get away with doing to the terminally irresponsible special jounin who'd taught his grandson such dangerous techniques flitted through his mind like nin-ken chasing their tails; _...pain-gloves, boiling oil, red-hot needles, tickle-torture...no, for later, right now let's get the council dissolved then figure out ways of hiding the body_;

"I will deal with that issue presently", the old man proclaimed before deciding to get the worst of it over with before the gleam in Danzo's single eye got too much brighter as he appraised the jinchuuriki before him like a new kunai, "for now though we have more pressing concerns. I can accept that the Hachimon overcame your limitations with one of your three techniques, so now I ask you to demonstrate what these techniques are, what they can actually do and how you came by them Uzumaki Naruto".

"What happens when I do that jiji; I mean", he hastily made his intentions plain as the rest of the council narrowed their eyes at him simultaneously; _man, is there some sort of trick they've got to let them know how to do that? It's freaky_; "I won't have to give them away will I? I made them myself, trying to make me give them up would be like telling the Inuzuka to give every ninja a nin-ken, or get the Yamanaka to tell people how to waltz around in someone's head". Seeing the potential sticking point and profoundly grateful that the civilian council wasn't present to throw further oil on the fire by demanding Naruto to spill his secrets, Sarutobi was able to make a binding decree before anyone else on the council got any ideas,

"No-one will force you to do anything Naruto-san, you have my word on that", he said calmly and, with those words, the truculence drained out the jinchuuriki and he sat back in his seat content,

"Fine, suits me jiji, thanks for that – okay, first thing you need to know is that what I do isn't ninjutsu, it's all fuuinjutsu"; _the sealing arts_; the thought of a shinobi as inherently reckless as Naruto playing around with one of the most obscure and dangerous branches of ninja techniques was nearly enough to make half of the council reach for the smelling salts, though Sarutobi had to hide a smirk as he realised that the bloodline had bred true; _you are truly your father's son Naruto-kun, and from what happened that day in the Chunin exams, I would have to say you may have already moved out of his shadow_; "I actually discovered it, or at least, most of it by accident through".

"Accidental fuuinjutsu?" Shikaku Nara was not the only ninja looking worried after hearing those words in tandem, "How exactly did this come about?" Naruto merely shrugged,

"Iruka-sensei was showing us some of the basic storage seals, said our homework was to take a sealing tag, practice sealing things into and out of it and then make a copy of the matrix but no more than that, we'd learn how to use them when we became genin. I went home and, well, I was never a good student, dropped the seal he'd given me onto the table and... forgot about it", he put delicately, remembering the prank that had actually gone on that night and not wanting to embarrass any of the ninja present more than was absolutely necessary; _least of all the clans who look like they're on my side at the minute_; "so, I wake up next morning ready to start the work but, well, put bluntly my apartment's rubbish; it rained in the night and my whole kitchen leaked, everything got covered with water including the sealing tag but by the time I got up it had dried off as well, stuck to the table face-down. I thought that was it, I was screwed; I tried to peel it off slowly but when I did it was faded, most of the matrix was left on the table, I couldn't see enough of it to draw. So there I was left in my soaking kitchen, thinking I'm going to get chewed out by Iruka-sensei and with a load of ink graffiti all over the table; I was furious, absolutely had it and lashed out, hit the table with chakra in my fist, when there was a sudden explosion of smoke from the seal and when it cleared it was gone".

"What", caught slightly flat-footed by the abrupt end to the rambling tale of woe Inoichi sought further clarity, "the seal?"

"No, the table".

"How...?"

"That's what I was wondering at first", Naruto explained, readying his chakra in his fingertip as he made to demonstrate his new-found field in the sealing arts, "so I sat down and thought about it, thought so hard I lost track of time and skipped the Academy morning classes. Iruka-sensei was about to bellow the place down before I showed him the tag and said my roof leaked in the night, I was trying to copy it down right all morning, neat little sob-story – after that he said it was okay and gave me another tag to practice on. I went home, looked at the tag, played with it a bit and remembered what had happened before I realised exactly what I'd done to the tag and why my table had disappeared – it wasn't gone, it had just been sealed away forever".

A ripple of consternation spread throughout the council chamber, neighbours swapping glances and muttered statements before, with brows knitted, Sarutobi sought further clarification,

"I don't quite follow Naruto-kun; what do you mean when you say sealed away forever?"

"I mean that this whole thing was an accident that paid off big-time for me", the jinchuuriki began, slowly explaining the situation for the benefits of all concerned, "when the rain soaked my sealing tag and I peeled it off the table, it left a face-down image of the storage seal on the table – when I then hit that upside-down seal with a chakra-coated fist I triggered it and it sealed the table! However because the seal wasn't drawn onto anything, it didn't have anything to seal the table into other than itself – as soon as the seal was complete the matrix was destabilised because it had sealed away the very thing it was inscribed onto, like the snake that ate its own tail until it consumed itself. Everything I've used, all of my techniques are based off the two most basic seals anyone can learn", with that he threw both hands forwards and focussed as he had thousands of times before, the entire council leaning backwards as from the palms of his hands twin constructs of blue chakra appeared, though as he squinted into the shining blue chakra the Sandaime couldn't help but raise his eyebrows; _those are definitely kanji, made of pure chakra – Naruto-kun when did you get so skilled?_;

"The left one", the jinchuuriki intoned, looking over his hands towards the now stunned faces of the most powerful ninja of his village, "is the inverted storage seal, the one that makes things go 'poof'. When I hit somebody or something I don't like I form this seal from my chakra and it seals them in; while the sealing is going on I take my hand away, leaving more than enough residual chakra in the seal to get the job done and seal my enemy completely – as soon as the thing it's been left on is sealed away or it runs out of chakra the seal either consumes itself or dissipates – either way, whatever's in there is simply never coming out; it is a quite literal touch of death. The second one, on the right, is an inverted chakra storage seal; this can either be used when the seal is in direct contact with my skin, in which case the chakra it seals from my enemy goes directly into my coils..."

"He calls that the 'slurp'" Anko chipped in with a grin before falling silent as everyone, Naruto included, looked over at her for the interruption before Naruto sighed and took back the reins of the conversation,

"...which, thanks to the training in the Hachimon Anko-sensei gave me, have enlarged enough for me to absorb quite significant amounts of chakra from external sources and use them to power moves usually only used by those who've opened their Celestial gates. On the other hand, if I plant this seal on someone and then let go, so the seal's no longer in contact with me, things tend to get a bit more... explosive", he drawled, an evil smile on his lips as he remembered the happy memories from a few days ago as he had demonstrated to the world at large just how much of a bang his techniques could have, "chakra can't be contained like physical objects can; as soon as the seal matrix is destabilised the chakra it's sealed is released violently. The more chakra, or in my case the more contact I've had with my target to drain chakra and the closer they are to the seal when I let it go, the bigger the bang and the more damage it does; the explosion usually doesn't reach me because I'm stood behind the matrix and the chakra is released outwards, like an exploding charge rather than an exploding tag. So, in conclusion, thanks to these inverted seals I can either steal all your chakra, steal all your chakra and then make it blow up and blow you away, or simply erase you from existence entirely; three techniques, three ways to take someone down and if you want to know just how effective two of them are", he gave a gruff snort of laughter, meeting one of the council members eye to pupilless white eye as he smiled in vengeful victory,

"Just ask Neji-baka".

XXX

_Today_; Uzumaki Naruto thought to himself as he nodded to Sakura-chan and headed for the stairs; _is going to be a good day_.

It certainly had all the potential of being one of the best days of his otherwise fairly miserable existence; first of all Anko-sensei had been on-hand to wake him up and wish him luck for the finals in a way only she could manage (as well as drop a slip of paper into one of the pocket of his jumpsuit explaining what she expected as payment for her sensei services while she was hugging him and he was trying to avoid being suffocated by her cleavage), the order he'd made with one of the weaponsmiths in the village via a henged alias had come in on time and fitted like a dream and, best of all, by the end of the day Hinata-chan's life would be a lot more bearable and he, hopefully, would have a chunin jacket to wear. Whistling idly with his hands in his pockets, Naruto kipped down the last few stairs and landed in a small puff of dust, sauntering out to the centre of the arena where he opponent; _victim_; and the proctor waited,

"Hey", the jinchuuriki slowed but didn't stop as he actually noticed the proctor closely for the first time, "what happened to the other guy?"

"He had a mission come up", Genma lied easily, twirling his senbon across his lips as he watched the first two competitors, both of which appeared to have some kind of feud between them from what he'd heard on the grapevine, line up across from one-another, the audience hushing as he raised his hand, "okay, both of you, same rules as the preliminaries; you fight until one of you is dead, unconscious or withdraws, I will step in to prevent a fatality if I can. Ready", as expected the Hyuuga nodded, though strangely Naruto didn't react save to shrug his shoulders, as though this whole thing were a waste of his time; _damn, looks like I owe Aoba five yen, I bet he'd be shooting his mouth off by now_; "then hajime!"

It was at this point Naruto smoothly slid his hands out of his pockets, dropped back into a stance and made ready his most infamous jutsu.

Neji had been prepared to weather a fierce but, ultimately, pointless barrage before clinically dispatching this latest annoyance just as he had his weakling cousin some weeks ago; however when Naruto appeared to defy convention if not fate by hanging back, the Hyuuga merely smirked and spoke,

"You claimed you wanted my blood in payment for that of the loser Hinata-sama; I look forwards to seeing your eyes when you see the intractable difference between a genius and a dead-last. Bow down and accept your..." He got no further, instead dropping back into his defensive stance as in a cloud of smoke replicas of the Uzumaki burst into being, the shadow clones darting away from their creator and moving to block Neji in a rough circle. The action made the Hyuuga smirk; even without his bloodline he'd be able to take down these few feeble clones in a heartbeat; but they did not press the attack immediately, instead holding back as the original, the real one, stepped forwards towards him; _madness. He thinks to fight me in taijutsu – he is even more of a fool than his pitiful record suggests_;

"I don't have time to listen to bull-crap teme", the Uzumaki stated, his tone as close to Sasuke's usually bored disaffection as he could manage and, he noticed, working if the miniscule scowl on Neji's face was any indication; _typical genius, can't bear to be spoken down to_; "I'm here to kick your ass, so either I come there or you come here and let's start the kicking". Channelling chakra to his fingertips, Neji merely smiled,

"So be it; face your fate Uzumaki". With that, he moved into the attack, thrusting his fingers forwards towards the smaller child's sternum with the intention of blocking one of his major tenketsu; he wasn't expecting to hit anything, the attack was merely a diversion – he felt a slapping contact on his arm and smiled wolfishly as he enemy took the bait and would be helpless to...

A numbing shock kissed his arm, the chakra that had been in his hand gone but almost before he realised that a wild explosion and force had slammed into his extended limb, the impact strong enough to bruise his tricep and spin him around in a clumsy pirouette. _What was...?_; even as he tried to work out what his opponent had done to him and a way to counter it a thrusting punch landed in his kidneys, making him cry out before a second explosion catapulted him forwards, helpless against the force of the blow as he stumbled, trying to stay on his feet only to see, with a sudden thrill of dread, one of the clones Naruto had made previously filling his vision, a cut-throat smile on its lips as it ghosted to the side to his headlong charge, send its punch directly into his elbow block and blasted him away again, back towards another side of the rough circle. Pain and nausea clamouring in Neji's mind, the top rookie of his year activated his Byakugan, trying to see through his watering a way to break out of the trap only to go flying once more, another explosive push sending him cart-wheeling as this time he impaled himself upon a lifting kick, the impact sending the breath hurtling from his lungs before the clone smirked and he was lifted off his feet by a second hammer blow to his gut. Dazed, dizzy and disorientated from the punishing barrage, Neji could barely see where he was flying and had no time to recover a defence as, to a man, the clones and their creator took a step forwards, closing the circle about him ever tighter and leaving him with no way out.

A few moments later, from the altitude of the competitors' area, twin sets of bandaged fists clenched in virtually-impotent anguish, sorrow and rage.

The tears in Lee's eyes were nothing to do with the Flames of Youth this time; instead even as the crutch that was now a part of him creaked in protest as his fist crushed it and blood started to seep from the inside of his hand, the taijutsu master; _former taijutsu master_; almost unwittingly the death-knell sounded in his head once more – though he was sure he hadn't been meant to overheard that conversation Gai-sensei had a loud voice; _the doctors say the damage is too severe, I can never be a ninja again but even so I won't give up. But this_; he barely even noticed Tenten's hand in his own, her face buried in his shoulder as she could stomach the scene of destruction no longer; even as his injured arm stroked comfortingly down the weapon mistress's back, the spandex-wearing ninja found he could not so much as blink as he saw the ninja he had tried since the first day of the Academy to beat and surpass dispatched as effortlessly as Neji had used to do him.

It was like watching a children's game of keep-away, only with more explosions and one piggy-in-the-middle who didn't change roles; Naruto and his clones had Neji hemmed in and by dint of their explosive fists they were casually knocking the Hyuuga prodigy around between them, unfazed by the explosions that were sending the Branch member flying. No sooner had he landed that he was hit once more and the cycle continued, the circle getting smaller and Neji, from what little he could see of the battered ninja through the smoke, increasingly more devastated. _This isn't a fight any more_; Lee had at first been confident in his team mate as for all his dour demeanour Neji had the skills to back up his talk of fate but ever since the first exchange it had been completely one-way and it didn't look like Naruto was going to let up; _this is just punishment. I know Naruto-kun was very serious when he made his vow but, would he actually go as far as to...?_

Lee shut off that thought because, if he was honest with himself, he didn't want to think of the answer -instead he trusted in his sensei to step in as he had a month ago should things escalate and focussed on the one grain of golden truth in this swamp of discord and bitterness; Naruto had been a dead-last like himself and if he could defeat a genius, surely it was only a matter of time and hard training until he could do the same. Even as that thought crossed his mind and he was forced to watch once more as the top rookie of his year was comprehensively destroyed in front of all of Konoha, and as he felt the breath hitch in Tenten's chest as the sounds of Neji's beating filtered up to them, for the first time in his life Lee felt a tiny seed of doubt gnawing at his will – if he could not defeat Neji even with all his training and the Hyuuga was being made to look a fool so effortlessly by his opponent, was there ever any way he or indeed anyone else in his peer group could even hope to close the gap on Naruto as he was now?

For his part Maito Guy wanted to step in; truly he did care for his students; but unlike the previous time he knew that Naruto wasn't out for the kill as Gaara had been – the jinchuuriki wasn't aiming to murder or maim his opponent, he was looking for something else instead, something that Gai understood all too well and, in his heart of hearts, was forced to agree with. _He who sows pain, reaps pain_; the though echoed in his mind as he closed his eyes regretfully at another explosion from the arena, Neji all but dead on his feet as he was shoved and punched around at will by the circling clones as Naruto, the real one, had taken a step back from the combat and appeared completely disinterested by the whole affair, whistling and occasionally checking his wrist as thought glancing at a watch. It was unseemly, it was extremely denigrating to his opponent both as a shinobi and a person and it was exactly the kind of harsh medicine Neji may have needed and Gai, both as an optimist and a sensei trying to do the best he could with a boy who blotted virtually everything and everyone out and lived by an unchanging, unchallenged creed with almost fanatical devotion, couldn't provide. The Hyuuga prodigy had attempted to shame and humiliate, not to mention kill, his cousin simply because of differences between their clan; now Naruto was showing him exactly what that felt like and how belittlement and scorn could cut deeper than any knife or jutsu known. Gai was about to mentally count down from thirty ready to end the bout at that point if the proctor didn't step in; the Uzumaki was having his fun but there was a limit he was willing to endure for the sake of childish revenge; when suddenly there was a shout from one of the clones in the circle,

"Hey boss, I think he's about to crap out on us".

"Really, already?" There was no need for the real Naruto to shout back but he did it anyway, further grinding glass into the open wounds he'd carved into Neji's pride, "I was hoping for better from a prodigy but, I guess..."

The orange genin said nothing more, instead for the first time in the match other than when he'd used his Kage Bunshin jutsu making hand-seals and muttering; squinting, Gai's massive eyebrows rose as he noted the finishing seal; _Tora? But that would mean..._; he got no further as a torrent of flame erupted from between Naruto's lips, a narrow jet of dragon-fire that, he directed right onto the palms of his hands? What this was in aid of Gai couldn't fathom even though he'd seen the new combat gloves the Uzumaki was wearing and assumed they must be somehow immune to the heat, but for a long moment Naruto stood with his hands in the flame even as his clones continued pushing the now nearly-unconscious Neji around, though thankfully with fewer explosions now. All eyes were on the jinchuuriki's apparently masochistic actions before, with a sudden spin and last exhalation, Naruto cut off his technique and roared,

"Now!"

The plan was in motion and even before it had ended Gai saw the younger genin's clinical brutality in action; with a concerted heave his clones pitched the Hyuuga out of their circle and, helpless, Neji stumbled right towards where Naruto stood waiting, his arms spread wide and with the metal of his gloves almost glowing cherry red with the heat. Neji's muffled scream was terrible as those burning hands suddenly moved forwards in a clapping motion, landing with perfect precision on his cheeks and searing the vulnerable skin as the jinchuuriki held on and refused to let go, branding the older boy's face with his grip and his gloves. This was a step too far; Gai had been stunned by this callous mutilation but was shocked into action by Neji's yell of agony, the first expression of distress he'd ever heard from his stoic student and without a second thought he hurled himself into the arena, hitting the dusty floor just as Naruto finally let go of Neji's face and the stink of burning hair and flesh began to pervade the air around them. It seemed, however, that the jinchuuriki wasn't done; his hands, now cooler but still encased in metal, flashed forwards and hauled Neji in by the tatters of his shirt as, with a grunt of effort, Naruto crouched, pulled and then hefted the Hyuuga off the floor, holding him across his shoulders; Gai saw the genin's lips move and was just quick enough to channel chakra to his ears, hearing Naruto's whispered words to his semi-conscious enemy,

"Make a wish you white-eyed bastard".

There was a bang, much louder than those that had come before, and Neji was lifted, vertically lifted off the jinchuuriki's shoulders for a distance of at least five feet; Naruto merely stepped backwards, seemingly happy to let his opponent hit the dirt hard but in this he was to be disappointed, Gai moving with his customary eye-blurring speed to catch his Hyuuga student before he could do any more damage with the impact. Quickly looking over his genin's injuries and noting with a scowl the reason behind Naruto's new hand wear, the jounin whipped around with Neji in his arms and glared at the other boy only to find himself masking surprise as, rather than being cowed, Naruto merely bounced his frosty expression right back onto him as the proctor called the match,

"When that prick wakes up tell him that free bird or caged bird is a moot point to me", the jinchuuriki's voice was deceptively soft but his eyes were hard and pitiless as sapphires, boring into Gai before flicking down to where Neji was now free from pain and unconscious in his arms, a slight snarl on his face as he finished, "if he ever, and I mean _ever_, tries to put a finger on another Konoha ninja outside of an authorised spar I'll rip his wings off and laugh myself sick watching him spend the rest of his miserable life trying to scrabble around in the dirt. Got that?" Despite his personal misgivings on the subject and thoughts that Naruto had gone too far by potentially permanently disfiguring his enemy, Gai couldn't help but recognise and respect his point as he hadn't, at the end, killed his opponent when such a course of action would have been easily within his capabilities and therefore merely nodded; Naruto for his part did the same and then smirked as he looked back at his beaten opponent,

"Good, now get him to the medics", the jinchuuriki advised, turning away without a second glance, last comment tossed casually over his shoulder as he went, "his body should heal but right now it's life-or-death for his ego".

Much as he would have loved to stay and berate the boy for his lack of tact in the aftermath of the contest Gai realised he had more important things to worry about as his student squirmed in his arms, evidently coming around a little and right now the jounin didn't want that to happen. With this in mind he turned to where the medical staff present for the event were running towards him and hot-footed it over to them, though as he did so and made sure Neji was delivered into their care properly, he missed the spectacle of Naruto returning to the waiting area and being glomped by his sensei, the Snake Mistress exulting that she hadn't seen an ass-stomping that damned _cool_ since she herself gained her chunin rank some years ago, the rest of the competition save one genin of Suna slowly edging away from the chattering duo as they realised that Uzumaki Naruto might not actually be the dobe he'd appeared to be in all the time they'd known him and, more to the point, probably wasn't entirely sane if he was willing to let someone as crazy as the second exam proctor tutor him for a month.

XXX

As the ninja of the council saw the seals in the palms of Uzumaki Naruto's hands flicker and then fade into smoke the thoughts running through their mind were summed up by the short, sharp expletive muttered by the youngest woman on the council, Tsume raising her head at the smaller child as she licked suddenly dry lips,

"So, you can kill someone with that seal, just by touching them?"

"Depends if you believe something in a seal that's destroyed is truly dead or not", Naruto pointed out, flexing his hand before smiling over at the alpha of the Inuzuka pack, "far as I'm concerned though none of those Oto or Suna bastards came back and, as they were my first live test subjects, I'd say it works well enough to make no real difference".

"But, those seals you use, they are just as you say they are", Shikaku cut in, his tactician's brain already alight with possibilities, "the traditional storage and chakra-storage seals, not any specialised varieties?"

"Exactly as I said", Naruto nodded, opening his mouth to make a second point before someone else, unable to hold his desire for this new weapon that had apparently been hidden in plain sight all along, spoke,

"Then the teaching of these seals and the knowledge of how to apply them in battle as you do should become compulsory for all Konoha's ninja", the old warhawk Danzo spoke, for the first time in a long time his usually emotionless voice clouded with want as his single eyes fixed Naruto with its unblinking stare, "you have granted the Leaf a weapon of incalculable power Uzumaki-san, for that you are to be thanked". Strangely though, the Uzumaki snorted at the declaration,

"And for your lack of understanding of basic fuuinjutsu you're to be pitied", he shot back scathingly, forcing even Sarutobi to raise his eyebrows as he was unused to Danzo being treated so harshly, "you try to get a ninja to use my seals the way to said and I can guarantee half our forces would vanish overnight. Yes they might now how to draw a storage seal on paper, but does that mean they can instantly create it, and a mirror-image copy of it at that, within a split-second? No, I don't think they could; in fact the only reason I can isn't because I'm a genius, or I've got some helping hand from my family genetics to steal the hard work of others; it's because I spent years, decades even, of my own time practicing how to copy and draw the mirrored matrices, every line, every stroke of the brush and, after that and getting used to forming the kanji out of my own chakra, every nuance of how that chakra had to be applied to them just so to make them work. It was tedious, soul-grindingly boring work that drove me to tears at times but I did it, perfected it and the results now speak for themselves; I will teach those that wish to learn if you want me to but they're going to learn the way I did – through a long, hard slog and hour after hour calligraphy lessons, reading books on sealing and other techniques and, more than that, the chakra control needed to make the techniques less than immediately lethal and to ensure they don't rupture their own chakra coils trying to drain their enemies. Anko-sensei, I'm sure, would love to get involved in that bit", he mentioned with a grin, one that was soon echoed by the snake summoner as visions of thrashing other ninja through their paces flickered behind her eyes,

"Oh too right I would; I'd love to whip a few lazy chunin into shape like I have with this baka"; _and I'd like to whip another one in a different manner, though it'd be cruel to see a grown teacher cry_; before she could travel too deeply into her fantasy however, she was shaken back to reality by the voice of the Hokage, Sarutobi quieting the council before more demands could be made,

"Enough, all of you; I understand your excitement over such a novel use of basic techniques but we must respect Naruto-kun's techniques and the work he put into them", the old man pointed out sagely before looking at his adopted grandson with a more calculating gleam in his eyes as words of wisdom from one of his own students filtered back into his mind; _fuuinjutsu is the only ninja skill that's hard and easy at the same time – most ninja can do it to some degree but few can master it because they're afraid to go against the status quo, scared to try new things – to be a seal master you have to rise above that, you have to take risks and be creative. The most powerful of all fuuinjutsu disciples aren't those who can draw elaborate seals to do a hundred and one things all at the same time, it's the little guy who uses one seal in one time and place to do one thing and do it flawlessly, that's the man I'm scared of and why I think my student is going to be the best damned leader this village has ever seen_.

And Jiraiya had been right in that, and much else; though the Toad Sage was mostly absent from Konoha now due to his network of spies and informants, his legacy had lived on through the Fourth Hokage Namikaze Minato and again, it seemed, through Minato's own son, who had followed in his father's footsteps and turned something that was simple in theory into a lethal attack. Before he could figure out exactly how to steer this now-thorny problem through the council without resorting to killing intent and violence, however, there was one more thing he had to do, a rumour that he had to confirm from Naruto himself since, during the invasion, his attention had been otherwise engaged,

"Having heard of your work though Naruto", the jinchuuriki quickly looked up as Sarutobi steepled his fingers under his chin and fixed him with a steady gaze, tone studiously neutral as he went on, "one thing I'm almost certain of but need to be sure. You said you worked for decades on these seals, does that mean you know the secret behind your other favourite technique?"

The width of the smile was answer enough; with a low laugh that was almost a cough, Naruto nodded and with a gesture, two clones appeared flanking him, the council almost imperceptibly leaning backwards as they recognised exactly what technique Sarutobi had been referring to and, after putting two and two together, realising with mounting dread a faint inkling into how dangerous Uzumaki Naruto now truly was,

"Yep, managed that almost after the night I graduated", the jinchuuriki confirmed with a nod, glancing up at the corporeal clones with a nod and a smirk, "I'd been battered all over the training grounds by Kakashi-sensei so had a clone cook ramen while I took a shower; it must have dispelled when I was getting dry because I suddenly knew I was having prawn ramen and how could I have known that from the bathroom? I did a bit more experimenting and worked out that, yes, my clones could work as long as they had chakra to do so and yes, I would get the memories from them doing it. So that made the training so much easier; five months I've been a genin now, give or take, and in those five months I've never, at any one time, had less than fifty of me working on my seals in one form or another. My apartment block's deserted except for me and every house and room is a workspace, given over to me to perfect these seals and how to use them; how else do you think I got skilled enough to make seals purely out of chakra instead of blood or ink or other media? Years and decades, as I've said, spent honing these techniques and, when the time came...", Naruto's face was suddenly framed in blue, shining from the light of his own chakra as his clones simultaneously raised their hands and the seals once more flared into being, the council seeing this and paling further as they realised just how exponentially the Kage Bunshin jutsu raised Naruto's threat level,

"...they worked flawlessly, as Suna, Oto and Oroichimaru all found out to their cost".

XXX

Though he'd never admit it the genjutsu did affect Naruto at first; his eyelids were drooping dangerously close to closed before a swift whack on the head made his yelp and look around glaring,

"What was that for?"

"Look alive brat", Anko demanded, already assessing for nearby threats as her chakra burst snapped her student back to his senses, "we're under attack!"

"Wha'?" Naruto began dumbly before seeing the smoke in the Hokage's box and recognising that something was now very, very wrong, "How the... in fact", now though many people would have said (and often been proved right) that Naruto was by no means a genius, he did have some kind of intelligence and the sight of fights and brawls breaking out in throughout the arena were enough to motivate him into protecting his village, fingers already in a cross-seal as he readied his chakra, "forget it – tajuu kage bunshin no jutsu!"

For a second the competitors' box mirrored that of the leader's as it was shrouded in smoke; as it blew away on the breeze, however, around three dozen Naruto's stood and heard their creators' intent,

"Spread out, search and destroy; if it's not wearing a Leaf make it disappear". There was a rousing shout of 'Ossu!' and the clones all shot off, the original watching them go for a split-second before something on top of the arena caught his eye; before he could do much to think about it though his official sensei appeared, the one-eyed smut reader glancing at his student as Sakura hurried over to join them,

"Good thinking Naruto, your clones can help as distractions for the other ninja", the genin scowled at merely being thought of as a distraction but held his tongue as Kakashi flashed through some seals and in a puff of smoke a little brown dog with a forlorn expression appeared, looking up quizzically at his summoner, "however, I need you, Sakura-chan, Shikamaru and Shino to follow Sasuke; he took off after the Suna genin. Use Pakkun to track them down and give back-up as required, understood?"

"Umm, sensei", Sakura was smart enough to know a good plan when she heard one but, this time, she couldn't help but point out a flaw in the Copy-nin's reasoning, "Shikamaru's kind of..."

A sudden muffled thud, followed by a wheezing grunt of pain, made her choke off those words with a wince; Naruto had taken matters into his own hands and casually stomped on the snoring shadow user, stooping down and scragging Shikamaru by his collar as the Nara fought for breath,

"If I ever catch you slacking again Shika the next thing that drops through your clans' letterbox will be a list of all your favourite cloud-gazing sites addressed to your mother", the jinchuuriki told him casually before looking down to the pug, "got a scent?"

"Yeah kid, follow me", the dog nodded, Naruto mimicking the gesture after another quartet of shadow clones puffed into being around him, shooting off in a quartet as the jinchuuriki glanced back down at the summoned creature, a smirk on his lips as they both shot off through the hole Maito Gai had kindly punched in the wall for them. As they landed on the rubble and heard the sounds of battle around them, Sakura decided she had to be the one to put her head in the kitsune's mouth and asked tentatively,

"Umm, Naruto, what were those clones for?" At the smile he sent over his shoulder towards her, the cherry blossom felt her skin grow cold and pucker into goosebumps even before she heard the answer,

"Just answering a challenge"; _too right_; the jinchuuriki thought to himself as he headed towards Konoha's outskirts, following the small brown shape that ran ahead of them as he recalled the purple obelisk he'd seen atop the Hokage's box of the arena, glowing a dull, evil purple like a challenge;_ there's only one guy who uses seals in this town and his name is Uzumaki Naruto!_

XXX

The ANBU unit of Konoha were made up of specialist ninja and were all highly trained, highly competent professionals who could kill a man as easily as that man could crush a bug beneath his sandal; they were the best the Leaf had to offer and therefore the sight of a barrier their strongest techniques couldn't breach, regardless of the words of their Hokage to leave it in one piece, was a sore test of their pride.

What happened to that pride at the sight of said insurmountable barrier being systematically dismantled by a child, and the jinchuuriki child of the nine-tailed fox no less, can only be imagined.

They had known none of the foursome were the original as soon as they'd seen them land on the roof and made no effort to stop the clones approaching the barrier – if nothing else they might understand how the fuuinjutsu construct worked if the clones were destroyed by it. However, following surrounding the barrier at a corner each, the clone had as one punched a fist forwards onto the dull purple wall and immediately their chakra had started to sky-rocket, the ANBU almost falling back a step as the shadow clone, somehow, seemed able to rip the energy of the barrier right into themselves. Interrupting only to summon reinforcements in the form of fresh orange bodies, the four clones were quickly joined by others of their kind, each one standing shoulder to shoulder with its brothers and apparently weakling the cage that was holding the two most powerful ninja in this conflict in isolation.

Suddenly the barrier dimmed, flickered once or twice and was, in an eye-blink, completely gone; before anyone could react there were suddenly four unconscious Oto-nins sprawled out around the corners of where the barrier had stood and, more importantly, with a single bone-chilling battle-cry, the new and apparently improved clone army charged as one, trampling their former adversaries in the stampede towards their new opponent, the Snake sannin Oroichimaru. Though it was hard to see specifics in the press of orange, all the ANBU present suddenly snapped to attention as the armed and armoured form of their leader landed before them, breathing slightly heavily but otherwise unharmed as he glanced over his shoulder at where his traitorous student now had his hands full trying to dispatch the orange swarm that had gotten in a few blows on him and given Sarutobi the chance of a breather,

"Taicho", the named ANBU snapped to attention, "how and why did you bring that barrier down and what is Uzumaki Naruto doing here?"

"Hokage-sama, all the Uzumaki present here are clones and they brought the barrier down on their own", that made a grey eyebrow raise in suspicion before a sudden warcry made the old warrior look back at the ongoing battle in time to hear a loud explosion and several puffs of smoke,

"Indeed; in that case get to the village and reinforce the perimeter, drive the invaders from Konoha. I will deal with Oroichimaru when Naruto-kun is through with him, assuming there's anything left at all".

The ANBU did as they were bid without further protest and left Sarutobi to his thoughts, though he never relaxed his guard and even Enma, still in his staff form, formed an eye out of the side of the staff to see the battle as it unfolded; Naruto's clone army would lose, of that Sarutobi was sure, but even so it wasn't going all Oroichimaru's way – even from where he was standing the Sandaime could feel his former student's killing intent rising, proof that the boy had gotten under even Oroichimaru's skin with his persistent nature and his pugilism,

"Sarutobi, is that the boy who claims he will have your hat one day?"

"It is indeed Enma-dono", the Hokage answered, tilting his head as he watched one of the clones get a boost off another and leap up towards where Oroichimaru had been blasted up into the air, presumably by the technique Naruto had used earlier against the Hyuuga boy; _wait, was that...but where would he have learned the Lotus techniques?_; "and if he carries on the way he's going he may very well get there sooner than even I anticipated".

XXX

_A point as valid now as it was then_; Sarutobi found himself thinking as he recalled the rest of the battle from his point of view; _Oroichimaru was able to best the clones in the end but in doing so he was weakened and wounded and in no state to challenge me. He got away_; that the snake had slithered through his fingers once more was a bitter blow to Sarutobi's pride but he tempered the feeling with the knowledge that his village now had four of the Snake's inner circle in their possession as well as proof that Oroichimaru had assassinated a kage and implemented a war; _grounds for war between Oto and a Konoha-Suna alliance – Sound will be crushed before it can even begin to rise in power. Aside from that however, Naruto's techniques and the method by which he was able to defeat not only a Curse-seal powered barrier but also another jinchuuriki forced my hand in calling this council._

That much was certainly true; not only had he been given three separate reports from Aburame Shino, Haruno Sakura and Nara Shikamaru that Naruto had displayed hitherto unheard of powers to, amongst other things, dispose of seven members of a Sound ambush squad to save the Nara scion's life, destroy a puppet with a single punch before knocking out the puppeteer cleanly and then force the manifested form of the Shukaku to disperse back into sand by using his explosion techniques, the latter of these actions had been seen from Konoha itself, the monstrous tanuki screaming as a swarm of orange engulfed it for a moment before several eruptions of sand from all across its lumpen body showed where the clones had made their mark. This combined with several other after-action reports indicating that Naruto's clones had had a substantial impact on the battle for Konoha by defeating several enemy ninja with what appeared to be nothing but simple taijutsu moves that left behind nothing but smoke, to say nothing of the fuss Hiashi had been kicking up in demanding answer for his nephew's maiming had resulted in today, this council a prelude with meeting the Suna elders tomorrow to thrash out a new peace treaty as the desert village realised it had been wrongly led into the conflict; _though this meeting, like the one to happen tomorrow, has ended very well indeed for us all, least of all Naruto_;

"I believe we have heard enough here", the Sandaime spoke aloud to the council, stilling all discontent with frosty glances and pointed looks, "we asked Naruto-kun to explain what techniques he used to aid Konoha during the invasion and he has done so, very well indeed I might add. In fact, though the exam was suspended at the halfway point, for services rendered to the village I, as acting Hokage of the village hidden in the Leaves, hereby promote Uzumaki Naruto to the rank of chunin, effective immediately. In light of what we have just heard I trust there will be no opposition to this?"

That was a loaded question if ever there was one; though Naruto had his detractors, least of all Danzo and now Hiashi, after he had quite deliberately dragged the Hyuuga clans' name and declarations of strength through the mud, none were foolish enough to speak out when the boy was the hero of the hour. Unusually it appeared that Naruto was too shocked for words, mouth open and eyes bulging until, at last, a slap across the shoulders from Anko made him choke,

"All right, my student..."

"Our student Anko-chan", Kakashi chimed in with an eye-smile, "I'd like to think I had at least a passing influence on his education".

"...fine then, our student", the kunoichi relented before looking happy once more, squashing the back of Naruto's head between her breasts as she hugged him over the chair, "just got his first promotion; you know what this means?"

"I cleaned up the bet between the jounin-sensei's?"

"No, well, yes; but apart from that, it's party time!"

"Just make sure he's fit to be on duty for tomorrow Anko", Sarutobi had an idea that his words may have fallen on deaf ears as Naruto, still not fully snapped out of his shock, was semi-lifted out of his seat by the exuberant special jounin, "he has to inform his team and be fitted for his vest".

_I doubt she heard one word I just said_; the old kage sighed as he watched his surrogate grandson get half-dragged out the council room, face still slack but life returning, as his teachers made their way to wherever it was his ninja went to celebrate or get smashed as was their want and Ibiki, realising he was now surplus to requirement, bowed and also exited. Sarutobi watched them go with a slight smile and, belatedly feeling the attention of the other council members on him again, blithely dismissed them all and spoke over his shoulder,

"Not quite what I expected by a long chalk, but a pleasant surprise nonetheless. Enough to get even you back into teaching ways perhaps?" Several of the ninja present swapped glances and might have just started to wonder if senility hadn't gripped their leader perhaps a little too early before they mostly started at the bass, booming chuckle that came from one of the walls,

"Ha, I could never pull a fast one over you sensei", said an amused Jiraiya as he disengaged his cloaking jutsu and put a hand on his chin, thinking over what he'd seen just now and liking it a lot; _Naruto's got, if not his father's brains, then certainly his creative streak – just flip a basic seal around and let it work like it should, textbook example of thinking outside the box_; "as for me, hmm, not sure yet; tell you what though – let me take a certain new chunin of yours on that mission you sent me and, when it's over, we'll talk..."

Omake 1 – The Morning After

"So then sensei, do I dare ask how it went?"

The only thing that stopped Umino Iruka from bellowing like a rogue elephant and re-enacting one of the infamous chases from his most troublesome former students' schooldays was the appalling ache from his nether regions at the thought of moving faster than his current hobble; instead he gritted his teeth firmly and shot the new chunin a look of abrupt disgust,

"I have nothing to say to you Naruto".

"Aww, don't be like that Iruka-sensei", the orange-wearing figure tried to smile but the expression shrivelled up on his face at the glare Iruka sent his way and, sighing, he had to come clean, "look, sorry it had to be you but, if I hadn't made that deal, I wouldn't be wearing this vest right now".

"And I wouldn't have a tray of ice-cubes down my shorts", the Academy instructor snapped back, not quite willing to forgive the newest of Konoha's chunin his deception just yet, "I really can't believe you sometimes Naruto. You invited me out to your promotion ceremony and celebration, which I was grateful to be part of by the way, only for me to end up bush-whacked by the most renowned psychopath in the Konoha ninja corps and later find out you set it up that way!"

"Well what else was I supposed to do?" Naruto asked pleadingly, "You know what would have happened to me if I hadn't introduced you – I let you read the note".

"I also know, very intimately I know, what happened to _me_ because you introduced us", Iruka tried to rear back to his full height but, crippled by an ache from an area of a man's body that should never be in pain, he wasn't quite able to manage it and snapped back into his half-crouched posture, "Anko cornered me, I'm almost certain she drugged me with something slipped into my drink and the next thing I know she's using me as her sexual punching bag!"

"Do you know how many men would've died to be where you were right then?"

"Do you know how many men _would_ have died if they'd been where I was", the teacher riposted, checking his watch and realising he was running late; _well, hobbling late as the case may be_; "oh well, at least it's over, for now". Naruto winced,

"Ohh, second date?"

"Second date", Iruka confirmed with a nod even if a small; _or not-so-small, if her screaming was anything to go by_; part of him wailed and shrank back in protest of going through that sort of abuse again, "and this time it will be a date instead of a drink, some chat and a quick shunshin to her room".

"Glad to hear it; hopefully by the time I get back from my new mission you and Anko-sensei will have had plenty of practice making a...uh, actually what is the word for a baby dolphin? Wow, touchy", darting back from the slap sent his way by the irked man, he gave his traditional grin even as Iruka huffed and made to shuffle off on his way, "anyway, see you later sensei; got a few errands to run before I have to meet this Jiraiya guy. Make sure you and Anko-sensei don't do anything I wouldn't do".

With that he turned on his heels and sprinted off, just fast enough to dodge a second slap and miss Iruka's muttered comments about there being very little the jinchuuriki _could_ do that Mitarashi Anko couldn't when she was in the right mood.

XXX

The sound of the door swinging open was enough to make Tenten look up and, after that, the flash of orange in her vision was enough to have her in a stance as she looked between her bed-ridden team mate and the one who had put him there, both her other team mate and her sensei watching on as the weapon mistress spoke,

"Uzumaki, chunin Uzumaki", she corrected herself after seeing the new vest now on the outside of his usual uniform, "why are you here?"

"Why? That should be obvious, I'm here to apologise".

That made both the two walking and one walking-wounded of team nine glance at each other sharply; there was a moment of silent communication between the three of them before, seemingly elected as the one most likely to keep her head in the face of this new and startling development, the weapon mistress spoke once more,

"It, might be a little late for apologies", Tenten pointed out, keeping an iron grip on her temper as she pointed to the bed-ridden former of the rookie of her year, "the med-nins say there's almost no chance of the scars healing". Naruto quirked an eyebrow before flicking his eyes towards the genin she was indicating and, almost out of habit, his lip curled dismissively,

"What, him? He's still breathing, that's apology enough", he said before narrowing his vision and injecting some steel into his voice, "though unless he points those All-Seeing eyes of his somewhere else I might rectify that oversight on my part – don't make me slap the fate out of you again bitch".

Neji twitched at the reminder, the pads of bandages on his cheeks hiding his flush of humiliation as well as the permanent reminder of his belief that Naruto had branded onto his face, the kanji for 'Unmei no on'na' transferred from the jinchuuriki's hot gloves onto Neji's cheeks by his final strikes and left there forever. Seeing his student put on the spot once more and not liking the reminder, Gai decided it was time to interject at this point,

"That is enough Naruto – if you have merely come here to rub salt in my students' wounds then either leave now or I will raise this unseemly conduct with the Hokage".

"No need for that Gai-sensei, like I said I was here to apologise both to you and to Lee-san", the jinchuuriki assured him, sinking into a deep bow as both the Beautiful Beasts exchanged glances, "Anko-sensei said she learned from you how to open her Hachimon and, while she does have your permission to teach those she deems worthy, that you are the ultimate authority on those kinjutsu. In addition, I know of Lee-san's desire to prove he is a great ninja without chakra and merely wanted him to be aware that my use of his techniques wasn't to try to dissuade him from that noble goal but simply an act of necessity, taught by my sensei to ensure that I could use my own techniques to their full capacity".

Naruto said nothing more but remained his bow until, at length, he heard Lee speak, the green-clad ninja much more subdued than usual as he used his crutch to push himself to his feet,

"Yosh Naruto-kun, your flames of youth are burning brightly to learn open the Celestial gates in such a short time..."

"Ah, yours leave mine in the shade Lee-san", Naruto pointed out, standing back up as he went on, "I can merely crack open the first two while you can split asunder five, a true genius of hard work. Anyway, I've got to go; I have a mission to try and find someone who might, amongst other things, be able to patch you back up Lee; if she does I want to be first in line for a spar when you're back to your best, okay Fuzzy-Brows?"

Luckily, as far as Naruto was concerned, Lee's injuries slowed him down enough so that the jinchuuriki could slip away from the attempted glomp as the genin was overwhelmed by gratitude and potential hope for recovery from his crushing injuries at Gaara's hands before messy bisection by Man-Hug of Doom could occur; instead the new chunin quickly vacated the room citing a prior engagement and left the other two members of team nine to deal with the forthcoming genjutsu of sunset and surf; _sucks to be them but hell, they're probably used to it and I've got enough bad memories in my head without going there right now!_

XXX

Luckily Naruto caught sight of the man who'd requested him for his latest mission before the taller man saw him and was therefore able to get the first word in,

"Jiraiya-sama", as the man looked over his shoulder at his name Naruto bowed in greeting; much as he disliked social norms at the best of times, he knew enough to show respect to a man who could probably decimate him without so much as breaking a sweat even if he went all out with his sealing techniques, "chunin Uzumaki Naruto reporting for duty".

"Ah, good, not before time", the sannin pointed out, having had one eye on the time as he appraised the boy in front of him and recalled what he'd heard from both the council meeting he'd invisibly sat in on and his own perusals of his sensei's notes of the boy, "so then, you're the kid who single-handedly turned the tide of an invasion and gave old Oro-teme a bloody nose into the bargain?" Smiling awkwardly, the jinchuuriki scratched the back of his head,

"Uh, well, it wasn't _that_ great..."

"You give yourself too little credit Naruto-kun", the voice made the aforementioned boy whip around to see the rest of his team approaching, Kakashi giving an eye-smile over the top of his book, "I managed to see several instances where your clones made decisive contributions to the battle"; _not that I realised it at the time – at first I thought the smoke was due to his clones dispersing, it wasn't until I saw that one clone take out those two Oto creeps heading for the Academy that I started figuring it out. Admittedly Suna's upset that there's nothing left to bury for some of their ninja but, hey, they knew the risks, they pay the price._ Fortunately for the Copy-nin, one of his students picked up the baton and her voice drowned out his thinking as Sakura went on,

"Yeah Naruto, if it hadn't been for you that Gaara-teme would have crushed me and Sasuke-kun", said Uchiha made a face similar to a man biting a lemon at that point but even he couldn't deny it was true; he had been at the limit and preparing himself to greet his ancestors when the back-up had arrived and Gaara had been persuaded to go after another target. Sakura had almost died in pushing him out the way of a claw of sand that had started to crush her slowly, Gaara trying to goad his new prey into fighting all out by threatening his friends, only for Naruto to respond by landing next to where Sakura was pinned against a tree and putting his hand on the constricting sand. Sasuke had caught a glimpse of Naruto's expression as the sand had suddenly lost coherency at his touch and fallen to the ground and was suddenly very grateful he wasn't the target of the dobe's ire as the former dead-last sprang into the attack and, as Gaara was still comatose with a severe case of chakra exhaustion and swathed in bandages due to the explosive damage he'd sustained at Naruto's hands, he was still grateful now that Naruto had never gone all-out against either him or Sakura.

"Ah, it wasn't much Sakura-chan; I wasn't going to let him hurt anyone just because he's got a few screws loose in his head", the jinchuuriki pointed out before Jiraiya cleared his throat,

"Be that as it may I'm afraid we must get going", the Toad Sage pointed out before noticing Sakura's face fall slightly, "but don't worry, this missions shouldn't take long so you can have your shining white knight back soon; I'm sure he'd love a hand stripping off his hot, sweaty armour when we get back". Sakura's face promptly turned as pink as her hair before that shade started bleaching towards a pale green at the implications, Naruto likewise shuddering even as he glared over his shoulder at the smirking sennin,

"Eww, why would you say something like that? Are you some kind of pervert or something?"

"Of course not; I'm a super-pervert", Jiraiya proclaimed proudly and Naruto felt something inside him start crying that it simply wasn't fair – why did all his sensei, except maybe Iruka-sensei but as that man was willingly going on a second date with Mitarashi Anko, he was starting to have doubts, have such serious personality defects? _Two perverts and a psychopath – sounds like a bad comedy but, actually, it's a welcome to my life_; still complaining never got anything done so before Jiraiya could do anything else to grind the first few fledgling green shoots of his good reputation back into the mud, Naruto kicked the man in the shin and, as he let out a yelp and started hopping, set off out of the gates,

"Come on Ero-sennin; the sooner we're gone the sooner we get back; see you later guys, keep the ramen hot for me".

With those words, his team mates watching him go and his new sensei hobbling along in his wake muttering about ignorant gakis not understanding greatness when they saw it, Uzumaki Naruto, chunin of Konoha, budding fuuinjutsu artist and a ninja capable of killing with a single touch, stepped through the gates of his village and towards his next great adventure.

A/N: So then, the power of fuuinjutsu is literally in Naruto's hands – where could he go from here? I did have plans for other omakes but, as they wouldn't run in a sequence and some of them I might use as full one shots in the future, I couldn't bring myself to write them up. Instead I'll leave it to your own imagination – what could the Uzumaki scion do now; could he master his father's jutsu? If he made such devastating attacks simply by turning simple seals on their heads, what could he do with other, slightly more complicated matrices, and would Jiraiya be willing to help him in his ideas? So many questions, so many possibilities, but I leave them all to you – until the next time, ja ne!


	22. Chapter 21

Chapter 22 – Dog of War

A/N: From tiny acorns do might trees grow, and from those mighty tress do we get the paper needed to write down stories such as this – brought about by thinking about the A/N of a previous chapter, this one simply grew and grew! Okay, I will admit now that this particular chapter is a deep crossover with another universe and, if you don't know the other universe well, might leave you a little lost. I tried to make it understandable but I'm not sure if I succeeded so please, if it wasn't good enough let me know. Also I read and took on board reviews that stated many of my last chapters were retrospective i.e. Naruto was explaining how he did something that already happened, so I hope this one breaks that mould. Still, all said and done, hope you enjoy this chapter.

Show time is here again.

XXX

_He had ascended._

_Through fire, betrayal, death and blood, most importantly of all the endless oceans of blood that had been shed, he had stood, been tested and arisen victorious. Every enemy who had stood before him he had brought to ruin and hewn apart with his blades, his martial skill and, when the true rage was upon him, his own hands and teeth, every challenge he had blitzed through with nothing more than primal hatred, fury and unerring belief in the unthinking creed of both his own strength and that of the dark lord he now followed. His former comrades mattered not, his followers mattered not; there was only the thought of wars to be fought, blood spilt and necks severed in the future, all else was immaterial…_

…_all save the item he now held in his hand, a man's weapon in the fist of a god._

_Though it had been baptised in the blood of worlds and, along with the twin that had been gifted to another who would follow in his master's footsteps, sown such slaughter and discord across a war-weary empire that even now its name was whispered with dread and awe, the roads of immortality he now walked would not bear a mortal burden such as his once-treasured weapon. A new blade he had consecrated in the blood of a hundred mortal champions and it served his new form well, but even so to cast off the one item he had left, the final vestige of mortality that tied him to his former existence of slavery and gore-drenched rebellion, it awoke something within him, an emotion he could no longer recognise and hated as it held him back from glorious wrath and the ruination of his enemies. _

_Such a state of affairs could not be tolerated, he would not stand upon the threshold of such greatness that lesser men would break simply by witnessing it, and thus his decision was swift; drawing the blade of the weapon across his palm he slicked the entire weapon with his own boiling vitae, the dread weapon growling softly as not for the first time it tasted the blood of its master and heeded his unworded command. Such blood, the blood of a god, was strength and power without measure and it would be sought after by many who would find naught by a violent, pain-wracked death should they possess and taste such forbidden fruit, so his last act would be to play a final bloody joke upon the life that had spurned him. Drawing back his arm the warrior-god summoned all the strength that had destroyed worlds without number and hurled the roaring weapon away from him, its blazing form cutting a shrieking silhouette as it tore through the lightless sky that was not a sky, hurled into the maelstrom and away as the warrior turned his back upon it and stepped into evil legend, putting the matter from his rage-filled, murderous mind as he focussed his malign will to the downfall of those who would oppose him._

_Free of its masters' hand the weapon flew through the unnatural skein of being, slicing through dreams and tearing through nightmares as easily as it had flesh until, at last, its tearing edge shrieked its way through the veil, the weapon born once more into reality in an explosion of fire and gore. Still propelled by the monstrous force that had launched it on its final journey, it fell through the gravitational well that finally snared it from its murderous course, the blaze of fire and glory a fitting testament to the blade that had hewed apart worlds unnumbered when it had still held its wielders' favour. Now though, bereft of the warrior-god's terrible will, its bite was not enough to break through the crust entirely, not powerful enough to gut the world that shivered under its blow and let loose its blazing, boiling blood to smother all life in an apocalyptic holocaust. Instead it smouldered, glowing red hot but with the precious, lethal cargo bequeathed to it by its master unharmed by the transit even as rubble and dust fell into cover the impact crater it had left, burying the seed of power and evil that troubled the new-born planet._

_Like all things the blade passed out of time and mind; civilisations rose and fell, many quested to try and find the last vestige of the mortal gods' power until, much like the god and his followers, even that was forgotten and left underneath the earth of the world that had captured it. The blade though, the blade itself did not forget; even as years and millennia rolled past and it was left at the mercy of tectonic forces and the erosion of the rock and earth above it its final mission remained unchanged, like a hound that remembered its masters' voice and would fulfil its last words, faithful beyond time and space until, at last, it felt something above it, something close enough to strike, the final life it could take to slake the thirst that was never sated._

_It was close enough and without hesitation, without thought the thing that had fallen to the ground of this world in a corona of fire and been lost in the sands of time heard the symphony of the slow, red river rushing through veins and reacted, delivering a toxic, bloody legacy to someone who would doubtless die because of it, his fluids boiled to nothingness by the strength that now rushed through his body and began the changes that would see its victim drowned in blood, a yet another victim for such a formidable weapon._

XXX

"Ouch!"

It was hardly the most earth-shattering of ways to announce an event that would, in time, alter the entire course of the Elemental Nations but it seemed appropriate at the time as Uzumaki Naruto, unknowing jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune that had almost sacked the village hidden in the Leaves just over seven years ago, pulled his hand back from the ground he'd fallen upon and sucked vigorously at the spot of blood he'd seen there, in his sudden pain not noticing the slightest gleam of metal in the dust beneath him as it retracted, its final blow delivered and its former owners' legacy spent at last in a final orgy of blood and death.

Naruto, of course, had no idea of the significance of what had just happened and simply drew the most obvious conclusion; evidently something else was out to get him today. Bad enough that those damned shopkeepers accused him of stealing, starting a merry chase that ended with him rocketing out the main gates of the village just ahead of the supposedly-wronged man and a few other villagers who'd come along to gawp and laugh at the spectacle of their favourite scapegoat getting what he deserved. He'd run until his lungs felt like bursting and then flopped down, trying hard to catch his breath only to suddenly have one of his hands spiked by something that had obviously taken offence to him placing his hand over its body or living place. _What did I do – I was trying to pay the guy for the rice I wanted and he starts screaming I tried to rob him. Why is it always me, and my hand still hurts_; that was unusual, normally his aches and pains simply went away after a little while but this appeared to be different; his hand was throbbing painfully and he might have been wrong but it felt like a burning sensation was slowly creeping up his arm; _oh great, I've probably been bitten by something – I'd better get to jiji. Later_; he came to this conclusion after trying to come to his feet and failing miserably, his legs feeling like jelly as he rolled onto his back, looking up at the clear blue sky that, even as he looked, began to become tinged with crimson at the signs as the painful ache crept up his neck and all over his head, his breath coming quick and light as he felt a lethargy sweep over him and drag his eyelids down; _I'll see jiji just, right after I get some sleep shut-eye, a quick doze…_

He didn't even have a chance to finish that thought before tentacles of slumber rose up and crushed his consciousness, leaving the jinchuuriki insensate as the cursed gift of a monster that had been injected into his young body began to alter it in a manner that, but for the interference of another ancient being, would have doubtless proven fatal for the blonde child.

XXX

Deep within the sewer that made up Naruto's mind the demon that had been caged there by the desperate actions of the ninja Naruto most admired and strove to emulate was currently swearing up a storm as it tried in vain to stop or repair the damage this new pathogen, or toxin, or whatever it was that its host had been stupid enough to come into contact with destroying the body the kitsune was forced to share for the time being.

It was like nothing the fox had ever come up against before in the past; though it had never sought contact with the idiot child that served as its host it had been forced into action on multiple occasions just to make sure its own precious life was saved from the human's carelessness and the spite of others – because of Kyuubi's influence Naruto was almost immune to a wide variety of easily-available poisons within Konoha despite being entirely unaware that he'd ever ingested them. Whatever this new thing was though it was on a whole different level and the fox was for the first time in its existence beginning to fear that it had met something that was not just its match but, perhaps, its master as well. _**Whoever designed this thing**_; the bijuu though to itself as he commanded the tiny amounts of his chakra that he could manipulate past the confounded seal the damned Yondaime had put into place to keep him confined to the sites of the majority of the damage, specifically his host's brain and, for some reason, one particular part of his aorta as well; _**really wanted it to kill someone**_.

Once more Kyuubi cursed; if he had more of his awesome might available then perhaps he would have had a better chance at eradicating this parasite from his host but, blocked as he was by his own fatigue following the sealing, the fact that both his host was young enough to be subconsciously resisting his will as he'd never felt the depths of rage and despair needed to allow Kyuubi purchase in his mind and, the final nail in the coffin, the seal that was confining him was new enough not to have begun degrading over time and it all added up to desperate times for the kitsune. Even attempting to force chakra through the seal would most likely kill the pitiful human as surely as the presence in his bloodstream would, the child's chakra system not developed enough to cope with an influx of youkai as potent as Kyuubis'.

Swearing again as he realised the parasite had spread systemically and there was little to nothing he could do to about it the fox instead tried a different tactic; his host was most likely going to die regardless of what he did so if he was going to be condemned to years in the wilderness as little more than a ghost until he could reform his body, he would at least know what it was that had killed his mortal container. To this end he commanded a sliver of his youkai to entrap a single element of the poison, using fine control to isolate a single element of the foreign body so he could inspect it with his other senses; _**hmm, so it does live, this thing that kills my host but, how can that be - it's just blood? How, how would having blood injected into him kill a human? **_; having never lived the Kyuubi did not know much about the biology of other creatures and to this end immediately had his potent strength capture an identical cell of Naruto's so it could conduct a comparison of the two even as its host was being torn apart around him.

There were differences in the exterior of the cells, that much he could see; the interloper cell was much larger and a darker red than one of the hosts' – however, fascinating as this compassion was, it didn't answer the fox's question as to how the foreign blood was killing his temporary lodgings. It would obviously need deeper investigation; Naruto's cell was simply boring, full of chemicals that the Kyuubi guessed were there to pass gases around his body; however when he forced his chakra to lyse the other cell it had captured, he began to see exactly why there was such an issue between his hosts' biology and that of the interloper. For a start the other cell was designed to be more compact, better and more efficient, for another it actually contained some structures that the Kyuubi could guess were to allow the cell to replicate, structures that were absent in the cell of his host. A sudden suspicion seizing him, the bijuu quickly had his chakra capture and break open another of Naruto's cells, this time one that had apparently been attacked by the strange cell and with a leap of glee he realised his suspicion was right.

The blood that had been injected into Naruto wasn't specifically trying to _kill_ him.

It was trying to _change_ him.

The only problem with this change carrying on at its current rate was that it would have the unfortunate side-effect of death; the strange blood was overloading the host cells and altering them at a rate Naruto, even with his inhuman healing capabilities as well as Kyuubi helping him, couldn't cope with; though the new hybrid cells left in the aftermath of the change were starting to work almost as soon as they had been created, the rate of the infection was staggering and consuming every scrap of energy Naruto had; _**which, due to the stupidity of the other humans, was never much to begin with, as though I would allow a host to die by simple starvation and nutrient deficiency. So then**_; the Kyuubi thought to itself as it realised that though the situation was still critical, at least he had a fighting chance if he could get his host to co-operate; _**no time for pleasantries or disgust that I'm actually going to have to speak to this oversized ape – this is about survival.**_

With this line of reasoning foremost in his mind and biting back a shudder of distaste, the kitsune quickly redirected his efforts to stabilising the newly-created cells left behind by the rapacious symbiosis of the new blood with his hosts' tissues while, at the same time, sifting through the disturbed dreams of the child's unconscious mind and trying to guide the human towards a face-to-face conversation.

XXX

He was swimming through water; a dark red, angry water.

The strangest thing was the Naruto found he didn't need to breathe as he was washed along in the wake of the raging river; he refused to think that it could be anything other than water, didn't want to even think of what else he could be submerged in; instead to keep his mind off the medium he was held within he focussed on trying to see the flashes of colour that flickered up before him. On one level he was acutely aware that he was actually asleep as what was happening in this strange place was impossible, but on most others he was terrified and scared of the things he could see, the idea that he was being carried along by a stream of gore with only strange visions of a life that had not been his own, a life of fire, pain, betrayal, death and blood, always, always the red, red blood, too unpleasant for his childish mind to fully comprehend.

He closed his eyes, as much as he was able to on this hellish ride, trying to block out everything until, at last, he felt the sensation of movement, being carried along, suddenly speed up and then stop completely; caught unawares, Naruto's legs buckled under him and he fell face-first forwards into something else that gave a loud splash. Part of him, a small, terrified part, wanted nothing more than to hold himself under the water, drift away and forget everything that was happening around him but the other, far greater part, the one that had stood tall before everything Konoha and its misguided people had thrown at him and still shrieked in defiance that he was to become Hokage and earn their respect, defied such cowardice – scrambling to his feet, Naruto found himself shivering as he looked down and saw his own face shatter and reform as the droplets of pure, clear water rippled the water at his feet; _just water, nothing else, it's just water_;

"**Come this way child**".

The words were not a shout but even so, with all he'd gone through just to get here, they were almost enough to break his will completely; even as he looked forwards towards the red glow and whimpered however, the voice spoke again, a terrible noise, pregnant with brooding promise and the threat of violence,

"**Quickly, we do not have long – your life, **_**our**_** lives, are both in danger!**" The vague realisation of danger coupled with the instinct of the young to obey people who sounded older than them in a crisis was just enough to overcome his trepidation and, slowly placing one foot in front of the other, the Uzumaki crept forwards towards the voice that ordered him forwards from where the river of blood had washed him ashore.

A few moments later the boy found himself staring at the largest set of bars he'd ever seen, though before he could take in the sight or puzzle out exactly what that little patch of paper on one of the bars meant, a face both huge and terrible loomed out of the blackness and twin eyes of fire and fear met his gaze. Such was his numbness, however, the Naruto barely felt anything as he merely reflected the burning glare that sought to reduce him to ash for a moment before, after a short pause, the larger of the two beings spoke,

"**So then, you have come?**"

"Are you the one that's doing this?" His vivacious nature deserting him after the shock of falling asleep to the poison of whatever had bitten him and the resultant nightmare it had pitched him into, Naruto was left with nothing but weariness as he looked up tiredly at the sight before him, feeling phantom aches all over his body that drowned out his fear of the hallucination before him even as it scowled, revealing teeth larger than he was,

"**No but I am what's keeping you alive at the moment**", more aware than ever of how short and precious time was the Kyuubi was forced to keep his words short and to the point as he faced down his host and sought to get his point across, "**something is trying to change your body and I can't stop it. All I, and you, can do is try to go with the flow but to do that your body needs fuel, food – I can't explain any more now, there isn't time – I will boost your hunting abilities as best I can and from there, when you wake up, whether we live or die will be up to you. You must find food, without that the change will burn you alive from the inside-out. Do you understand?**"

"Huh? Why…?" Deciding that would have to do for now as every second lost was priceless indeed, the bijuu decided that would have to do for now and made to expel the kid back to consciousness; _**though I don't envy what he'll feel when he gets there – the change looked, painful to say the least**_;

"**Go, and remember, you must feed or die**". With that the fox gave a concerted mental shove and watched in grim satisfaction as the mental impression of its host dispersed from the mindscape, the boy waking up even as the kitsune directed his energies towards trying to slow down the remorseless pace of the change enough to give the human a fighting chance for both their survivals.

XXX

The second thing that hit Naruto even before he finished waking up was the pain; his head was pounding, every muscle he had felt like it had been simultaneously stretched like a thin wire and then fed through a mangle, his eyes were almost pulsing in time with his heartbeat and he could taste blood in his mouth, though why his teeth would be bleeding his muggy mind couldn't even begin to consider through the first sensation that tore into him like a fiery knife in the guts.

The hunger was a living thing, writhing in his belly and lashing out like a pinned snake, sinking a thousand thousand sharp, venomous fangs into his body, the acid in their teeth hollowing out a cavern in his body that he needed to fill regardless of all other considerations. No matter how heavy his head felt or how much his bones ached the unerring need was all-consuming and forced him upright, swaying as he heeded the command of the ravenous beast his stomach had become. He was hungry and even ramen would not satisfy, in fact nothing was further from his mind; the taste around his lips now was enough to tell him the only thing that would satisfy this new craving, this fresh hunger.

With this in mind and scenting the location of fresh prey off to the side of him somewhere, about a mile and some away, through a nose that was able to detect the musk of an animal at this range, Naruto staggered forwards in the direction of his next meal. Even as he stumbled forwards, hunched over and appearing to be suffering from a potent palsy as his muscles spasmed involuntarily, giving him the shakes as he moved onwards in the falling dusk with a loping stride, covering the ground towards the maddeningly alluring scent in a swift, feral manner, burning through the distance even as the potent legacy within him burnt through his body.

It was a race between feeding and life or starvation and death; regardless of the outcome, when the sun rose in the morning, it would do so on the lifeless body of either predator or prey.

XXX

"Shika!" Against such a shriek even the usual shield of his newspaper was no defence and, realising that delaying the inevitable would only make the resultant explosion worse, the patriarch of the Nara clan looked over the top of his reading material and smiled at the fuming face of his wife,

"Hai my hime"; Yoshino, however, was feeling far too bloody-minded to be dissuaded by a bit of flattery and went on remorselessly,

"That good-for-nothing son of ours is taking after you way too much; half an hour ago I sent him to check the deer feed and water in the top field and he's still not back!"

"Well, it is a bit of a trip to that field – he's only got little legs…"

"And little inclination of using them if he can get away with it", Yoshino overrode his fledgling defence of his son's potential tardiness, "chances are he's bedded down in one of the spare stables up there. Get after him and make sure he gets back for breakfast; if either of you is an instant more than a half-hour late you can damn well cook your own. I work and slave over that stove all day and every day and what do I get out of it?"

"My undying love and appreciation?" The Nara woman sputtered to a halt, luckily just missing the edge of a grin that peeped into view on her husbands' face as he enjoyed the sensation of derailing one of her rants; _as well I should, it doesn't happen often_; "But you're right hime, I'm on it". With that and eager to get while the getting was good, Shika folded up and put his paper down on the side of the plate before moving over to the rear door of his clan house and looking for his shoes.

A few moments later and with the gates of the top field easily coming into view Shikaku found himself reviewing the mostly one-way conversation he'd just had with his wife and shrugged, smirking slightly despite himself as he remembered his own youth and recalled that yes, he had been guilty of falling asleep in the top field hay-bales once or twice; _but it's not my fault, or Shikamaru's either really, that hay's just so warm and comfortable when you sit down for a minute_. With this in his mind the retired jounin slipped through the gate into the deer pen, noticed that his son had certainly come this way by the small, thick-soled footprint left in the dirt by the gatepost, pulled the wooden gate shut behind him and then headed for the solitary structure that stood in the lee of the fence. The deer stables weren't so much stables as one or two loose pens coupled with a lot of storage space for feed, medicine and a few other knick-knacks the herd kept in this field might need in a pinch; _including, as I'm sure Shika's just found out much to his mother's displeasure, the hay. Oh well, let's get this over with and get him ho…what?_

Though a ninja clan the Nara were slightly less concerned with the security of buildings such as these than many, their reason for such a lassies-faire attitude being summed up in the Nara saying 'if someone can find anything worth pinching in a place like this they deserve it' – therefore the second the clan patriarch tried to push his way into the oversized shed and found himself rebuffed by the portal of wood he'd set his shoulder to, he knew something was amiss. Narrowing his eyes dangerously as he realised that the shed could only be locked from the inside, Shikaku did something he didn't do often as he stood up tall and face the closed door squarely,

"Shikamaru", his shout was loud but not threatening, "are you in there boy? You better let me in this minute or so help me when we get home I'll hand you over to your mother and you'll have to work to sleep". With his piece said the older man took a step backwards and waited for the response, channelling chakra to his ears to see if he could pick out exactly where his child was within the building and fully expecting the snores to give his slumbering son away. However in this he was to be surprised; there was a slow, shuffling noise getting gradually louder, the noise pausing and Shikaku just quick enough to cut off the flow of chakra to his ears as a voice came from within the wooden structure,

"T, tou-san?"

At the voice Shikaku went from lackadaisical to concerned; laid-back and lazy he might well be but he was also a father and, come hell or high water, his first concern was to his family and hearing his only son sounding so shaky and scared he reacted immediately,

"Yes, Shika it's me", his voice was reassuring and strong, just what a frightened kid would have needed to hear after being alone for a while, "listen, could you let me in and tell me what happened? I'll help you sort it out kid, heck I won't even tell kaa-san, just show me what's going on first off".

There was the sound of an iron deadbolt being drawn back, the door was pulled back with a creak and even before the Nara patriarch had taken a step forwards a smaller version of himself sprang from the darkness and hugged his closest leg tightly, Shikamaru doing his best to hold back tears as his father stooped to hold him close and shush away whatever demons were bedevilling his son. It took a moment or two before the successor to the leadership of the Nara clan was able to stop his shaking enough for his father to prise his arms away from his leg and crouch down beside him, speaking in a confident tone that belied the nerves he was feeling himself,

"Easy kid, you're okay now; whatever happened couldn't even get into the deer stables so it's certainly not going to get past me", the jounin claimed with a fair amount of confidence in his own abilities, "what's going on Shika? Your kaa-san and I were expecting you home about twenty minutes ago but", looking into the whitened face of his son Shikaku couldn't find it within himself to condemn the younger boy for not running for home immediately; _in fact, if what I thinks' happened actually has happened, then he's been incredibly smart even if he didn't mean to be – fall back, garrison a defensible position and wait for back-up. My son will be a shinobi yet, unfortunately – such a troublesome life_; "I'm going to guess you had a good reason for being delayed".

At the slight prompt the floodgates opened and, as he'd suspected, Shikaku found himself once more standing in the past, listening to his own father point out the same facts of life he was now going to have to let Shikamaru in on, that nature truly was red in tooth and claw. Deciding not to hang around and potentially give Yoshino-chan further reason to be displeased by the two of them, Shikaku sighed, stood up and offered a hand that, after a moment, Shikamaru took,

"Okay Shika-kun, I was hoping this wouldn't have happened quite so soon but you were going to have to see it at some stage. Fact is deer are prey animals for quite a few of the big carnivores in Fire country and, despite our fences and the village being nearby, one or two of them still get taken occasionally and someone, usually me, has to deal with the clear up. I know it's not pretty or pleasant", he made clear, a rare expression of genuine regret and contrition on his usually expressionless face as he glanced down at where Shikamaru was understanding what his father was expecting them to do next and shuddering, remembering the sight that had written itself into his mind in a vivid pattern of green, red and grey, "but it is one of the duties of our clan. So, let's get this over with and then get home for breakfast; show me what you saw and I'll show you how to clear it up properly".

Any ideas Yoshino may have had about bawling her two tardy boys out when they finally slouched over the front door mat were banished the instant she saw the expression on her husband's face; wooden spoon dropping limp in her grip, the Nara matriarch could only watch on as he helped Shikamaru pull off his snug-fitting boots and then pointed his son down the hallway,

"Go get washed up Shika-kun – there'll be plenty of breakfast on the table when you're done and yes, we'll even break out the honey for your toast, you've earned it after this morning". Digesting this in her mind and realising that something would have to be serious to persuade Shikaku to break out his offsprings' favourite treat so early in the day, Yoshino help her peace until her son was lost to sight down one of the corridors that led to a bathroom before turning back to her husband, an idea of what was plaguing the two of them already at the forefront of her sharp, agile mind,

"Something got one of the deer?"

"Yeah, made a hell of a mess as well", the slightly older man confirmed, shaking his head with a tired sigh, "not pretty at all, much worse than the first one I ever saw. He was sharp though, ran into the shed and locked himself in, about as much as we could have hoped for".

"Fair enough", Yoshino conceded the point, "looks like I won't be tanning his hide today then, or yours either for that matter".

"Even if I ask nicely?" Shikaku chuckled before hastily ducking as his wife took a swipe at him with the wooden spoon still in her hand, the verbal sparring and playful banter between the two of them as they waited for their son to rejoin them for breakfast helping to bury the misgivings he'd had no less than fifteen minutes earlier deeper in his mind as he sought to forget them altogether unless, Kami forbid, there was a second killing like the one he'd just had to deal with.

As someone who'd been head of the clan who bred deer in the Leaf village and held a contract with the Akimichi clan to provide them with good venison for a tidy profit Shikaku was used to bloodshed and butchery – indeed part of his duties to renew the contract annually was to oversee the actions of the Akimichi abattoirs to ensure the deer delivered didn't suffer prior to death. However even this experience and the memories of seeing other deer culled by natural predators hadn't quite prepared him for the sight that Shikamaru had been exposed to so soon in his life - what had happened in that field was by far and away the most vicious and frenzied attack he'd ever seen and, worse than that, it hadn't made any sense. Not only had the flesh been torn to shreds and blood scattered everywhere liberally, of all the slaughtered animals' innards only the heart and part of the lungs had been taken and, he assumed, eaten; the intestinal tract, liver and kidneys had been left untouched while the surrounding muscle had been completely savaged, in some cases missing completely.

That was very unusual for most predators, which would have eaten the stomach contents first to obtain the nutrients of the deers' last meal, but worse than that realisation, much worse in fact, had been the evidence left behind not on the carcass itself but around it. Though he'd made sure Shikamaru had been kept back from the worst of it when he realised just how bad the scene was from a distance, one thing that hadn't escaped his gaze and struck a chill deep within him were the smears of blood left around the corpse; where he'd been expecting to see the bloodied paw-prints of the animal that had dragged the deer down had instead been nothing, save for in a few places where he had seen patterns that had driven him to quickly bury the body with an earth jutsu and use minor suiton techniques to wash away the blood and incriminating evidence of what appeared to be sandal prints around the scene before troublesome questions could be asked.

He remembered though, in fact he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to forget such a sight, and however much he might have wanted to wash his hands of this morning and move on, he knew in the back of his mind that he could not let this lie and, should it happen again, questions would have to be asked regardless of how troublesome they might have been.

XXX

At last he had a little breathing room; though the change was still exploding through the humans' body as rapidly as ever the meat that filled the boy's stomach to the point of distending it was enough fuel to sate the massive biological energy requirement demanded by the transformation for at least a few more hours. With this in mind the Kyuubi was free at last to conduct a slightly more in-depth study of what was going on in the body he was forced to demean himself within; though his previous two hosts had both been females he was aware that, aside from reproduction, males and female humans were mostly the same on the inside, so therefore the scale of this biological alteration was something that left the bijuu completely in the dark. To rectify this situation the fox extended its power through the seal once more, subtlety rather than overwhelming force getting results this time as it once more took stock of what was going on with the boy it had recently enhanced the senses of to allow them both to survive.

The scene, from what little he could see of it, was one that asked more questions than it answered; the change was still ongoing but, unlike the last time, now he wasn't in a mad panic trying to fight fires and shore up the worst of the damage, the bijuu realised that only specific areas of the host body were being altered by the effect of the transmogrifying blood that had been injected into him. To be specific, it looked like virtually all tissues of his host were being slowly converted into the new, more powerful cellular structures but in some areas of the body, eighteen of them to be specific that he could tell for now, this process was taking place at orders of magnitude faster than everywhere else. Curious, the Kyuubi examined one of these changed cells in the same manner he had the previous night, though with more deliberation and less reckless haste than he had before, using senses not gifted to mere mortals to determine not just what was happening now, but what was likely to be the end result of such a change. Because of this experimentation the Kyuubi got first of many nasty shocks when the vision he received from his experiment showed exactly what was developing from the area of hyper-activity on his host's aorta; _**but, no human has ever…what **__**are**__** you?**_

Such a question was directed at the agent of such a change and immediately the bijuu sought his answers; though the vast majority of the foreign blood had been expended, its strength spent trying to alter the biochemistry of the body it had been introduced to, there was still a residual amount present in the bloodstream that Kyuubi was able to home in on and, after a slight chase on his part, snare a cell of with his youkai. After casually examining a cell of Naruto, one that hadn't yet been touched and twisted to its new, more dangerous form, and imagining with his minds' eye exactly what features the boy would express as he grew older, the bijuu was left to snarl as he found himself regarding a virtual carbon-copy of the man who'd imprisoned him in this dank, miserable little cell; _**so, this brat truly is that man's offspring – ha, a final black joke to torment that fool with when the Shinigami comes for us, the village he died for turned their wrath upon his own flesh and blood. Still though, that's what you should have turned into, ugly as it is**_; with a final guttural snarl the bijuu allowed the image to disperse before readying itself for a far greater challenge, the cell that was human and yet so much more than merely mortal held in his mind as he began to extend his senses, picturing the thing that would emerge from such a perfect genetic template being expressed by a mortal form; _**so, let's see from what manner of beast this… poison came from**_.

As the most powerful of the nine bijuu and therefore considered by many, himself included, to be the last word in rage, power and general outright ass-kicking potential in the Elemental Nations, Kyuubi was accustomed to many things from what he considered to be lesser beings; adulation, tribute and awe were amongst these and one of the reasons he hated Konoha so much was that, unlike virtually every other village in this benighted land, it didn't pay him the respect he was due, instead cutting him adrift from his unearthly strength and sealing him within a fleshy prison. However as he extended his mind's vision and saw the truth, the monstrous red face of the progenitor of such a terrible boon of power that his host had inadvertently ingested and the legacy of hatred and rage he had carved across worlds and stars, not mere countries, Kyuubi found himself feeling something very unusual and, for him, very strange as he shied away from the echo of almost mindless, terrible bloodlust and slaughter, a doom of entire civilisations that reverberated across time and space through the tainted blood that was, even now, twisting his host into what was surely a dark, horrible prodigy of the former beast of war, the pinnacle of man's savagery to man made flesh and set loose to inflict misery without measure and create widows and orphans beyond number or count.

In his cell and witnessing, not able to stop himself witnessing the creation of a warrior, the birth of a madman and the devolution of a man into a demon of slaughter worshipping a patron so steeped in evil that the bijuu could bring itself to catch only the meanest glimpse of its unholy form, Kyuubi found himself feeling very small, very insignificant and very afraid as he realised that, if his host lived, the cycle may repeat itself and, should the Elemental Nations find itself drowned beneath a new tide of gore as the fires of a wrath without end rekindled and burnt a new, virgin world to cinders, he may have been the one who presided over such a disaster and allowed it to happen.

At last the vision ended, the history came to a close and Kyuubi flopped down to the floor of his cell, the water beneath him rippling outwards as he shivered at the sights now branded into his memory. In the depths of such despair the demon was very tempted, in fact almost convinced that the only way to prevent a future bloodbath was to do the unthinkable and slay both itself and its host entirely; his existence might well be denied for tens, if not hundreds of years or even cease altogether but at least the chance of the god's rebirth would be quashed and averted. Such an idea was tempting, very tempting indeed but at the end of things, as Kyuubi pulled itself together once more, the fox was wise and honest enough with itself to admit that it didn't want that to happen – like almost every being in existence it did not relish the option to relinquish its own tenacious grip on life, not while other options were on the table and, aside from that, the changes that could happen would without doubt make his host stronger than he was now and that increased the odds of his own survival.

Just about able to bring itself upright, the kitsune was able to catch its breath and came to a decision; as unpalatable as working with a mere human was, with the memory of what the potential alternatives could be still causing him to shiver, speaking with the brat was far, far worse than allowing him to go his own way in this.

XXX

Once more Naruto found himself lost in limbo; asleep but not dreaming, he floated in a dark, empty place that, though unlit and quiet, was infinitely more peaceful than the places he had been recently – it was certainly better than drowning in a river of blood or hunting and dragging down an animal that he then tore apart and glutted himself upon, the hot meat so succulent and filling in his mouth and stomach even as his entire body and being ached from a pain he could neither explain nor be rid of. The pain had faded for now though a very faintest of aches tickled the end of his nerves as he floated in the void, resting but not fully faded into dreams as he unconsciously heeded the urging of something that sought to impose upon his peaceful exile from reality. He could have remained where he was, that was a choice he had; however the peace concealed a potential boredom and he didn't like having nothing to do; for that reason and virtually that reason alone he allowed himself to waft away from the limbo, not at all surprised that he felt a brief sensation of movement all around him before coming to a halt, feeling no surprise at the chill that seeped into his back as he halted in place.

There was also no surprise in his mind that, when he opened his eyes and squinted upwards, he was back in the place he vaguely remembered before the hunt, with the voice that had spoken to him from behind the massive bars, a face he couldn't quite recall or remember as he came slowly to his feet. Looking around slowly and taking his time to size up the area he was in, he started slightly as he recognised the passageway leading forwards from where he had arrived and, this time without being asked, began to plough through the water that was just deep enough to cover his sandals towards the faint red glow that awaited him on the horizon. The journey was relatively swift despite his taking his time to check everything around him, making sure of his footing and the space he was in as he stepped into a large chamber, like a nexus of pipes and hard standing dominated, as before, by the large cage at the end of the room, the tiny scrap of paper over where the lock of the gates should be making him look again before he sensed movement behind the gates and dropped back into what was, unbeknownst to him, a defensive crouch as the figure in the back of his mind stepped forwards and le the light of his own dark radiance flood the chamber. For a long, long moment demon and boy regarded one-another silently, the tension mounting as their eyes locked in a silent challenge before, still not dropping his eyes, the larger of the two being spoke,

"**So then, you are my host now**", the Kyuubi's voice was like a rumbling thunder in the distance; not as threatening as it could have been but still powerful and scary enough to be getting on with as the massive fox went on, "**after our rather rushed meeting last night, I believe some introductions are in order – Kyuubi no Kitsune, at your service**".

Though the fox hadn't been expecting an immediate answer, the reason behind the child's silence made him even more uneasy than before as, rather than gawping in shock, it appeared that Naruto was instead trying to size him up, registering everything about him as best he could. Though he'd never admit it the attention made him uncomfortable and, as much to put the heat back on his jailor as keep the ball rolling, the fox gave a low, rumbling cough before speaking again,

"**You know, after someone tells you their name it's polite to give your own in response**". That reminder of manners, at last, elicited a reaction from the boy; as he nodded slowly, he replied with the information the bijuu had requested,

"Uzumaki Naruto; are you the reason I've been having these weird dreams?"

_**So, straight down to business then**_;__if nothing else the fox was impressed by his hosts' forthrightness and, not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, carried on where he'd left off,

"**No, or at least not entirely**", the chakra construct began before explaining more thoroughly, "**I've always been here, ever since the day you were born and not because of anything you did either – that blonde ape, the one you call the Yondaime Hokage, he sealed me into you the day you were born**".

"Why?"

"**Because it's the only way to defeat a bijuu; we cannot be killed as we have no physical form…**"

"No, I meant why did jiji tell me you were dead?" The child's question seemed to catch the bijuu out, giving him a moment to speak and without a second thought it was followed up, "I was trying to remember where I've heard of you before and what you said just reminded me. The Fourth was supposed to have killed you but, as you're here and apparently sealed into me, rumours of your death have been greatly exaggur…exaccu…eggs…made up". Blushing as he watched the massive vulpine before him trying as hard as it dared to hold in a helpless laugh at his mangling of the language, Naruto grasped for another question to try and take the attention off his appalling grammar, said the first thing that came to mind and, unintentionally, altered his entire perception on the village as he knew it,

"So why doesn't everyone else know about you?"

"**Chances are they already do – have you never wondered why you were hated so much for something that was no fault of your own?**" The fox pointed out mildly, the stark illumination of the point he'd made causing Naruto's hand to drop away from the chin it was supporting as the realisation sank in; he had been lied to, all his life he had wondered that exact question and now, now he had the answer, all he could feel was the dagger of betrayal lanced deep into his heart.

Normally Kyuubi would have leapt onto an opportunity such as this the same way his host had pounced on the unsuspecting deer the previous night but now, remembering what he had seen with a shiver, he had to concede there were more important things at stake than his potential freedom; after all, a single Uzumaki had survived his removal from her chakra coils before and if there was even a chance this boy could do likewise, Kyuubi could not allow him to grow up unsupported and lone – the thought of what might happen if he took after his new second-father could simply not be countenanced as the world would never survive such an embittered terror of a younger age turning his wrath on the world,

"**Put it out of your mind for now; we have more important matters at hand…**"

"More important…? I was _lied to_ you dumb fox, all of my life, by everyone! Everyone who ever said they cared, everyone who looked out for me, they were even worse than the idiots who just threw me out and kicked me around!" Memories of the Sandaime, the people at the ramen stand and one or two others, all whirled in his head and he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to determine exactly how huge the betrayal was, the core of his world rocked to its foundations as he realised that no-one was truly his friend; _if I contain Kyuubi who do people see, me or the monster? And even if they do see me, they'll never forget I've got the fox riding on my shoulder forever_;

"So that's it then; you're the reason no-one likes me", he wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or laugh as the betrayal he was feeling curdled into another, sourer emotion, something he couldn't name but felt resonate within him, a sense of familiarity around this new sensation as his mouth ran away with him, "heh, makes sense I guess, after all what kind of monster deserves the truth? Just tell them what you need them to know, show them a bit of love when you feel like it and they'll grow up slobbering all over your shoes like a big, stupid puppy…"

"**Be silent!**" Kyuubi had heard as much of this rant as he was willing to endure, for two reasons; firstly he had no desire to listen to the angst and woes of a spurned six year old and secondly, much more serious in the kitsune's eyes, the story of betrayal was far too close to his liking to the start of a second, much darker story that he already knew the cataclysmic ending of, "**I have no idea why you weren't told the truth but I'm certain the old monkey in the hat would have, at least in his own mind, a good reason for keeping you in the dark**".

"Wait, wait; oh this is just too rich", Naruto gave a disbelieving chuckle, hands by the side of him as he stared up at the gargantuan fox, "_you're_ defending them? The people who locked you in here and you're on their side?" The bijuu growled ominously,

"**No human, I am on my own side and, since this damnable seal has linked our souls and ensure that if you die I shall as well, I am reluctantly your ally as well. However, due to the effects of the previous night I have a decision to make now that affects the two of us – like it or not Naruto, you do not have time to linger on the past or who might or might not have betrayed or upset you; I have seen how such childish concerns once ruined a man who could have been great and created a war unlike any I have heard of in legend or myth. Even if it costs me my own life, if I thought for an instant you would travel down that same path I would break this seal and kill us both without hesitation, without a second thought**".

As always seemed to be the case, a death-threat deadened every emotion save survival instinct; Naruto's eyes hardened as he met eyes with his prisoner again, possibly trying to see if there was a lie in the huge fox's eyes but, eventually, had to look away and concede that the bijuu seemed to be serious. Glad that the rant was over the bijuu was able to let out a loud sigh and start again, a slightly more conciliatory tone in his voice as he carried on,

"**Good; now, assuming your little rant is over and we can talk like civilised beings, we must discuss what happened last night"**.

"You mean that wasn't you?" The fox chuckled,

"**The only thing that was me in that mess was the fact we survived, and even that was more luck and a last-ditch plan that worked by the grace of the Kami than judgement on either of our parts. But we did both survive and because of that, while you were sleeping off the worst of the damage last night, I was able to dig a little deeper into the cause of the changes your body is going through**".

"So what's doing this then? What's going on with me; I thought I'd been poisoned or something".

"**No, though poison might have been kinder than what has happened Naruto**", the kitsune admitted, lowering itself down onto its elbows as it beheld its host with an apprehensive gaze, not sure how he was going to react to this next piece of news, "**whatever that thing was that bit us injected us with blood, a kind of blood that I've never seen before and blood that has started to change your body completely**".

The look of violation on the human's face at that admission forced the fox to bite the inside of its cheek as Naruto felt his skin creep and tried his hardest not to look too grossed out by that news; as far as he was concerned his body was his body was _his_ body and that was an end to the matter. Fighting down a feeling of nausea, the jinchuuriki just about managed to master himself enough to croak out the next question,

"Change me? Change me into what?"

"**A girl; bwahahahaha!**" The expression on the child's face was too much and Kyuubi cracked up helplessly, roaring with laughter even as his host wrestled down his gag reflex and attempted to reduce him to ash with a filthy glare. Eventually though the kitsune was able to get a handle on its mirth, stop laughing at his own joke and face his jailor once more, though there was no way the grin on his face was ever going to disappear this side of the end of the month,

"**No, no, I am sorry Naruto but I couldn't resist**".

"And in a minute I might not be able to resist coming in there and kicking your nine-tailed ass all over that cage", boy and bijuu locked glares for the third time before, not moving his eyes, Naruto carried on where he'd left off, "so, what is happening to me?"

At that question all humour drained from the kitsunes' face and he took a deep breath; this was the most crucial part of his plan and, if Naruto failed this test, he had already resigned himself to the cold embrace of the Shinigami,

"**I have looked into the history of this blood as best I can – do not ask me how Naruto, just accept that I have senses and powers that no human, not even a jinchuuriki such as yourself, could ever truly emulate. What I saw there**", despite himself the fox had to break off for a moment, shuddering before forcing himself to carry on, "**I saw the one who provided this blood, where it came from and the legacy he left behind. I will not lie, it was a terrible thing to see there in the past but I have seen it, and now I ask you to do the same**".

"Me? Why? And what exactly is this blood doing to me; you've not answered my question yet". Kyuubi didn't answer immediately, instead extending one of his paws slowly through the bars of his cell in a gesture that made Naruto back up slightly; regardless of everything else, the boy wasn't so dense that he'd immediately discount a set of claws that large immediately out of hand,

"**The answer to both those questions lies here – touch my claws and I will show you both what the blood may try to turn you into and why I will not, cannot tolerate you turning down a dark path. The stakes are too high to even take a gamble here human – though I love my own life enough to persevere in this cage, I would rather die and drag you to hell with me than risk damning the world to the animal that you could become**".

It was sincerity behind the words rather than the words themselves that made the Uzumaki step forwards, glancing between kitsune and claw but unable to detect any lies as he stepped forwards and, slowly, placed a hand upon the fox's nail, itself slightly warm to the touch. A split-second after such contact was made Naruto found himself transfixed, as Kyuubi himself had been transfixed, by the story of the man whose blood now pounded in his veins, transforming him from a human being, albeit an unusual one who contained the bound essence of a demon within him, into something that was all at once much more and so much less than a man. A lifetime, much longer than a mortals, flashed past in a second and with a cry Naruto realised he was falling backwards, the ceiling above him spinning madly as the water beneath him broke his fall, splashing up in great sheets as he shook his head, breathing quick and hard as his heart, for now, beat a tattoo like a sledgehammer; was that truly to be his fate?

Would he really prove all the detractors right and become the demon, or even worse than the demon they were so afraid of?

Having inherited a legacy of rage and pain without ever wanting or wishing for such a thing, was he bound to follow the gore-slick path his ancestor had trodden?

The way Naruto had fallen was too perfect; even as he shuddered in the unshed tears that flooded the base of his mind the Kyuubi looked down and saw the way the child was now laying was easily within reach of his claws. It would be simplicity itself to strike down, end all this before Naruto could potentially grow into the hellish abomination both of them had seen reflected towards them from a distant past but, despite the fact he might never get another chance, something other than a desire to save his own hide stilled the kitsunes' reactions. If Naruto truly was, or at least had ever been the son of the man who had sealed him, then surely he would be able to rise above the hatred and find a way to make it all end; barely remembered now, the words of the only human the Kyuubi, in fact any of the bijuu had ever fully respected echoed once more in his mind; _**one shall rise with the power to save or destroy the world of shinobi, and you shall all have a part to play in his choices**_; even as he recalled the words of the first sage, Kyuubi found himself wondering if the hand of destiny was perched upon his shoulder as he noticed at length that Naruto was just starting to come to his feet; _**was this what you saw old man? Was this your vision of a saviour?**_

Kyuubi could not, of course, question the Sage of Six Paths as the man had been dead for centuries now but for some reason he could not shake the idea that the old man who had created himself and the other eight bijuu from their terrible ancestor had truly been granted second sight by the Kami as he watched Naruto stand as tall as his stature would let him and waited with baited breath of the question he could see brewing in the boy's mind,

"Hey, fox", Naruto sounded breathless for the mental exertion of attempting to comprehend what he'd just seen but he managed to speak anyway, falling forwards with his hands on his thighs as he carried on, "you say you can rip that cage of yours down at any time and put both of us down right?"

"**If necessary**".

"Good because the first thing I want you to do if I start turning into that maniac is flip the damned switch and fry my brain!"

Glad that was out in the open at last Naruto merely locked the rest of what he'd seen, or at least what little he could accurately comprehend of it, into a tight little mental ball and threw it into the waste paper bin of his mind, desperate to be rid of those memories as he went on, not noticing the silent sigh of relief that whistled through his prisoners lips as it appeared they both had a reprieve from a date with Kami for the time being,

"Stupid, arrogant, mad, idiotic bastard – how the hell could he do something like that to his own people, and worse than that his own father? Okay the top man wasn't exactly whiter than snow, kind of like jiji really, but at least he tried to make up for his mistakes, and his son just spat in his face – I'd rather be dead than a traitor like that", the boy ranted, shuddering again as he tried to catch his breath and, in the aftermath of such denouncements, try to work out what to do next and balance the scales of a near-impossible conundrum, "but, if he's the one that's changed me, or at least, started to change my body somehow, doesn't that mean…?"

"**Your Yondaime sealed me into you did he not, but I don't see you starting to think or look like a fox. And just as well**", the kitsune drew itself up snobbishly, glancing down at his host with a condescending smirk, "**a hairless ape like you trying to emulate the most glorious and cunning of Kami's beings would be an insult not even I could bear**".

"Oh is that so? Listen fluffykins last time I checked it was hairless ape outside the cage, glorious and cunning kitsune inside, so don't go spouting off any of that superiority bull until you've figured out a way to switch those places okay? But anyway", almost by mutual consent the two beings let their mutual antagonism drop, replaced by uncertainty and questions about a future that had never before been in doubt as it was now, "what happens next?"

"**I don't know, wish I did know**", the fox admitted, "**I'll grasping at straws the same as you are only there's little I can do behind this cage; I can ensure the alteration to your physical form goes…well, at least I can make sure you don't die from it, but whatever effects this will have on your mind will be up to you. I will be watching though and my threat still stands**".

"As does my answer", the boy shot back before standing upright, "I might not like the Hokage at the minute since he lied to me but at the same time I can't just start ignoring him, he'll know something's up and I can't just tell anyone about this. You know, or at least you know now that a lot of the people in the village really don't like me so if this get's out, the fact I'm changing into something that's at best not even human anymore and at worst a raving lunatic, is just going to be throwing oil on the fire. Any idea…?"

"**None**", the kitsune shook its head, pre-empting the question, "**I have no idea how long it will take for the change to be complete; from what I have seen in the memories of the blood this process is not how the transformation was supposed to take place**". Naruto gave a grim chuckle,

"Lucky me; aww Kami", he suddenly shook his head as yet another problem made itself know, "we're going to have to go back".

"**Back?**"

"Yeah, back to find that thing that bit me", Naruto explained, remembering the pain in his hand that had started this whole ball rolling, "if it almost killed me, and would have killed me if not for you, what would it do to a normal person?"

"**You're right**", the Kyuubi agreed at length; _**especially because someone dying in such a manner may raise suspicions if others examine the body after death and realise some of the changes made**_; "**but that is a problem for a later time. You must wake up soon – you'll need to eat again before the sun fully rises**".

"Really – oh", not for the first time in this conversation Naruto got an uncomfortable expression as one hand went to his stomach, "so that whole I-went-hunting-and-gorged-myself-on-something-that-hadn't-stopped-kicking-yet wasn't a dream then?"

"**No, and you were a quite spectacularly messy eater I must say**".

"Enough", Naruto moaned, not wanting to recall that half-remembered dream any more than he had to, "oh I hope I made it home before I ended up here; that'd be all my reputation needs, being found covered in blood curled up in a corner somewhere, they'll be calling out the lynch-mobs and burning torches in the street before jiji could get his hat on to stop them. Still though", visions of those same people that he had sworn to protect one day as Hokage swam before him and, unusually, he folded his arms, the realisation of why they acted like they did towards him no excuse for his actions, "now I know about you being where you are, things are going to have to change around here".

_**Now that I wasn't expecting**_; trying hard not to sound too curious, the fox was forced to voice his concerns nevertheless,

"**Change? In what way?**"

"I don't mean in a bad, I'm-going-to-start-ripping-people-apart-because-they-looked-at-me-funny way", the child was quick to reassure his gargantuan prisoner, "I just mean that I'm not going to take it anymore. I know why they hate me now and the reasons are stupid; you're not me and I'm sure as hell not you…"

"**Thank the Kami for small mercies**"; Naruto fixed the fox with a filthy glare before carrying on where he'd left off,

"…so they're just being stupid. I don't care if they glare at me but that's all I'm going to stand for from now on; anything else and they're going to get a nasty shock even if I have to go to jiji to make it happen. I'm through being their doormat".

Despite himself and his earlier warning that he'd put a permanent stop to any maniacal ambitions the child might have been harbouring Kyuubi couldn't help but grin slightly as he heard this declaration from his host – Konoha, it appeared, was in for a more of a surprise than even he'd anticipated,

"**That's understandable I suppose, not a lot of people would have put up with what you have. However, don't forget that you won't be able to back up any threats you make for quite a few years; I don't know how long these changes will take to fully manifest in your body, or what they actually do just yet. I'll be able to look into it as you're awake and dealing with things but until then remember that neither of us truly know how you're supposed to turn from scrawny runt to…**"

"Less of the runt comments you fur-coat on legs", Naruto snapped back, interrupting the fox's tirade, "I know I can't try to out-muscle or scare anyone 'cause that'll just get people too suspicious - I'll just have to think of something else". That made the kitsune snicker,

"**That'll be something to see, you thinking of something not involving ramen**". Naruto's expression became, if anything, blacker than before,

"Yeah yeah, laugh it up; just wait until I'm the biggest guy in the village".

"**Yes, you might almost reach my ankle by that point**".

"You know, I can sometimes see why everyone in the village hates your guts. Still, I'm guessing I have to start waking up soon?" The fox nodded ponderously,

"**That would be preferable; I wouldn't like to see what would happen if you went too long without eating and your body started to cannibalise itself. I can't say what the immediate effects of the changes you've gone through so far will be so be ready for anything**".

"Great, can't wait", Naruto managed shakily before giving a sigh, "right, okay then let's just get this over with. Keep eating; I assume meat more than anything else; deal with the hate as best you can and don't punch anyone's teeth down their throat just yet, that about the long and short of it?"

Tempting though it was to make a last scathing comment regarding his hosts' unfortunate midget status Kyuubi reluctantly decided it wasn't worth it and instead merely nodded before gathering its might to expel his host from the mindscape. As he concentrated and saw the ethereal figure fade away and back towards reality the fox realised he was in private again and let out a deep breath of relief; it appeared he wouldn't have to gamble his life in the Shinigami's hands for the foreseeable future as his host appeared stable enough to avoid turning down the darker road, for now at least. Still, that was a matter for the future, to be assessed day by day until, if necessary, he was forced to take action – instead, for now, he could concentrate something else that had his attention.

He already knew what the first of the eighteen areas of cellular activity was destined to evolve into, so what was the purpose of the other seventeen?

It required immediate investigation, starting with that tiny growth that appeared to be developing in his hosts' chest cavity…

XXX

Even as the Kyuubi began his detailed analysis of exactly what changes Naruto could be expecting in the near future, the boy himself was attempting to keep the last meal he'd just eaten firmly below the oesophagus as he slowly came to and saw first-hand the awful truth of his new reality.

Unlike the previous evening it was the pain that came to him first; his whole body ached as though he'd been stretched on a rack – it wasn't so excruciating that he couldn't move or do anything but it certainly annoyed, and it didn't seem like it was going to go away any time soon. _Oww, this brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'growing pains'_; the Uzumaki decided as he gritted his teeth and made to sit upright, more grateful than he let on that the ache didn't increase as he levered himself into a sitting position; _so, at least it's not as serious as I was afraid of. Right then, apart from that I need to brush my teeth and wash my mouth out, I've got the nastiest taste in there_; even as he blinked his eyes open and took in the scene around him, he suddenly had to wrestle down a sudden assault of nausea as he realised exactly where that nasty taste had come from.

He hadn't even been able to get undressed following the kill; because of that his orange jumpsuit was now stuck to him, the dried blood that had soaked it now gluing both itself and the blanket he'd fallen asleep on to his body. Though it was doubtless not as bad as it looked for Naruto it was certainly enough to be getting on with even as the vague recollections he had of his first kill swam back up through the murkiness of his mind that night, the reason his entire face and both hands were covered in crusted gore immediately apparent, as well as why he still felt full even now. It was far from a pretty picture though and Naruto knew that if anyone came knocking on him now there was going to be very little he could do to stop them drawing all the wrong conclusions; because of that need for self-preservation Naruto quickly threw himself off the bloody bed and to his feet, sweating slightly as he tried to work out what to do next and in what order. _Okay, I look like hell, the bed and clothes are virtually unsalvageable and on top of all that the whole place stinks, and where the hell are my sandals? Ah, I'll worry about that later_; though it was about the last thing he wanted to do Naruto knew he had no choice and, after swallowing down the last of his nausea, he stepped resolutely forwards to start stripping the bed down, ready for a boiling hot wash to hopefully get all the blood out and make it seem like this had never happened;_ right now I need to get rid of the evidence! Right, bed and clothes in the wash and if that doesn't work the fire, body in the shower and teeth in the sink to wash the blood off, windows open to air the place out and pray to the Kami that no-one comes in for the rest of the morning!_

XXX

Some hours later, with the evidence of the previous night disposed of but a fresh hunger starting to gnaw at his belly, Naruto found himself fingering his toad wallet almost forlornly as he watched the last customer leave the store he'd set his eye on and realised for better or for worse this was it. He was going to have to give this a go like it or lump it unless he wanted to spend the rest of his life living feral and running the risk of provoking the entire Nara clan by systematically wiping out their deer herds; _which reminds me I need to figure out a way to say sorry for that when I get a minute. Apart from that though, no time like the present_; steeling himself and gritting his teeth against the aches that still suffused his whole body and hadn't let up all day, the Uzumaki slowly lurched towards the doorway of the shop and pushed it open, the musical tinkle of the store bell sounding like a death-knell in his ears as he approached the walk-in fridge areas. He was so expecting the inevitable to happen that when it did he ironically jumped even higher than usual, the thunderclap of noise in his ears adding to the whole-body headache he was suffering from at the minute,

"Hey, get out of here you little demon! I won't have your filthy hands spoiling my wares!" _Say nothing, they have to come a little closer before I can try to make this work_; with his new idea in his mind Naruto mastered his usual reaction to such a taunt and said nothing, waiting for the inevitable reaction that was certainly coming his way,

"Didn't you hear me? Get out of my store, your kind aren't welcome here – oh, trying to play dumb are we? Fine, if you won't leave I'll make you leave". As he had his back to the cashier Naruto had to rely on his ears to determine the precise second to speak; he heard the rush of footsteps coming slowly closer, closer until, just as he could all but feel the hand clutching his shoulder, he spoke in a calm, cool monotone,

"Would you rather be behind the devil, or in his path?"

As the woman didn't scream, faint or otherwise react he was cautiously confident that his plan had worked, at least in the first phase; now he just had to keep his focus and put his trust in logic and fear rather than passion and shouting to get his point heard,

"W, what?"

"You know", the Uzumaki kept his tone neutrally polite as he went on, stepping to the side and looking at the juiciest meat joints that were on display there, "with all the names you lot keep shouting at me, I'd have thought you'd have a bit more sense. After all, as far as I can see there are two possibilities – either I am a demon or I'm not – and in either case it makes absolutely no sense for you to antagonise me".

There was a muted kind of spluttering from somewhere over his shoulder and, not wanting to give the civilian a chance to regather her bearings and come up with a counter-argument that made sense in her own mind, he carried on where he left off,

"Think about it logically for a moment here – if I'm not a demon then you're just throwing money down the drain by turning a potential customer away. However if, as you seem to be convinced, I am a demon in human form who's just waiting for his moment to strike, where do you think the hammer blow will fall hardest? Demons are known to be vengeful so am I more likely to go for those who have scorned and spurned me, or those who have shown me, however begrudgingly, kindness and a little service? The honourable Hokage seems to have the balance right, the reason he wears the hat I assume", he took a crucial pause for a second, enough for the mention of the village leaders' name to sink in, before finishing his tirade, "he must know, even if he doesn't admit it, that a demon cannot truly die as even Yondaime-sama, a shinobi the Third recognises and admits as his superior, could not kill the demon you believe I am. Therefore, rather than fight, he shows me kindness and kinship, winning my mind rather than attempting to kill me as virtually everyone else in this village has tried to – have you never wondered why I'm always shouting I want to become the Hokage after he steps down?"

The last line he hadn't planned, it had come to him in the spur of the moment and it was a master-stroke; capitalising on the fact Naruto finally looked over his shoulder to see the shopkeeper, a middle-aged woman with grey eyes, a slim, angular face and her grey-streaked hair done up in a tightly-ordered bun, staring down at him with an expression that seemed frozen and eyes that had once been filled with hate but were now lost, not exactly sure what to think as the boy went on,

"Because he's the only man who's kind to me, why would I not seek to be just like him – is that not the way any orphan, whether mortal or demon, would act, trying to emulate a good role-model? If I truly am a monster clothed in human flesh I would make a terrible adversary but, at the same time, I could also be the most powerful friend this village has ever seen. So I will ask you again, would you stand behind the devil, or stand in his way?"

To re-iterate his earlier question had been a risk but a calculated one; what happened next was simple, either he would be accepted and allowed to shop here or he wouldn't, in which case he'd just try somewhere else and leave this storeowner to chase her tail until she tripped over the Konoha legal system trying to prosecute him as he had made no direct threat against her or her property and committed no crime. He merely stood where he was, expression collected and passive as he watched a myriad skein of thoughts flicker over the older woman's face before, at last, she regarded him once more with a kind of guarded curiosity, her words slow and deliberate as he sought to assuage the questions he'd awoken within him,

"Who are you?"

"I am Uzumaki Naruto, and I have just seen a few things I would very much like to buy", turning back around, the jinchuuriki reached forwards into the fridge and helped himself to a few of the joints and strips of meat that had caught his eye, as well as a hunk of cheese, "I won't be a moment, then you can ring this off and I'll be out of here before anyone's any the wiser".

With that Naruto shut the fridge and quickly scanned the nearby shelves to try and see if there was anything else he fancied, letting out a low breath of relief as he heard the woman, after a pause that had him on tenterhooks, turn around and start to shuffle towards the cash register; _so, that's one issue off my mind for now. I'll just guess what I need for today – chances are it'll take me a week or so to work out what I actually need to eat to survive what's going on with my own body these days._

XXX

"**Did you get it?**"

"No, and before you say anything", once more back in the mindscape after falling asleep following the end of another rather trying day dogged by the constant ache he was starting to fear was going to become a permanent part of his life from now on, Naruto found himself giving a report on the day to the kitsune who'd been silent since their first introduction and only now decided wanted a word with him, "I tried but it, well the closest I can come to describing what happened is that it, whatever it is, rejected me".

"**Rejected?**" The kitsune rolled the word around its tongue as though it were a new and unpleasant flavour it was trying to get used to, "**Rejected you how?**"

"I could feel it, that's the only word that sums it up", his human host admitted, sitting down with a thump that sent ripples through his mindscape, "I went back to where we were bitten and scouted around the place; even before I tried to go feeling around where the blood could have come from I could sense it, below the earth, just below the soil. It was angry there fox, old and really, really hacked off about something; the closer I got the stronger it was and I didn't want to risk touching the area again; we survived one bite by the skin of our teeth, I don't think we'll get that lucky a second time and that's just assuming that's all it can do". Much as it didn't like this turn of events there was nothing the fox could feasibly do about this so, rather than try to argue about what his host should have done, took the more proactive route of attempting to find out what the human had actually done,

"**So if you couldn't claim what might be left of the blood, what did you do with it?**"

"Buried it, as much as I could without making it look suspicious", the boy answered tiredly, relieved to be out of the grip of persistent ague, "besides it was pretty out the way anyway so I doubt anyone would go there, but even if they do whatever that thing is, it's as hidden as I can make it. So that's my end of the bargain held up; what about you?"

Even though he didn't directly like or trust the kitsune exactly; after all, this was the creature who had all but threatened him with instantaneous and painful death if he stepped out of line; Naruto couldn't help but respect the fox who had saved both of their lives through his quick reactions and thinking. However at the sight of the grin that split Kyuubi's lips and exposed ranks of serrated teeth like diametrically-opposed mountain ranges, Naruto suddenly had a very sinking feeling open up in the pit of his stomach,

"**Fortunately the wisdom of foxes has once again triumphed over the clumsy blundering of the monkey-kind; as I mentioned last time you were here making this place look more untidy than usual I've been looking into what exactly is happening to you and why and in this endeavour I have surpassed even my own expectations**", at this announcement the Kyuubi paused expectantly before, when it became apparent no praise was forthcoming, it glanced down at the boy before it and let out an irritable growl, "**you can get down and start praising my name to the heavens any time you like you know?**" Naruto merely smirked,

"Come on I barely give Hokage-sama the respect he's due, what makes you think you're any different, aside from the body-hair problem and all?" Never one to appreciate a joke at its expense the bijuu merely glowered for a moment before carrying on,

"**Miserable insect; I should crush you like a flea for such disrespect but the Shinigami's dead hand restrains even me. Still, aside from working out what's happening to your pathetic excuse for a mortal frame and why, I also took the liberty of re-examining the memories that were transferred along with the blood and there are lessons in there that I'm sure even you could wrap your head around given enough time**".

"Lessons; you mean other than those based around the principle of sticking the pointy bits into your enemies as bloodily as possible?"

"**Some of them, well, alright not that many**", the kitsune admitted at length, not quite able to lock eyes with his host as the brat smirked in an irksome manner, "**look from what I was able to pick out from the earliest memories I could find, there was a fighting style that you should be able to use once your slightly more used to your new body and it's finished adapting if not growing to its full potential**". Naruto merely chortled,

"Cool, nothing like a good bit of taijutsu training to ease the aches and pains away – speaking of which though, any idea how long those'll last for?" As much as its vulpine form could manage the bijuu shrugged,

"**No, not accurately – as a guess I could say the integration should be done in a few months but beyond that and the effects the new additions will have on you, no idea. I've been retarding the growth in some locations, especially your eyes, but I won't be able to hold it back for long; I'll try to give you some warning before it starts to hurt but when it does happen I'd advise keeping your diary clear for a while afterwards**".

"My eyes", Naruto repeated, a vague suspicion starting to stir within him, "do you think it's a doujutsu?"

"**I don't know and I wouldn't think of such a thing anyway, as opposed to you who seems to do his best not to think of anything at all**", the fox gave a smirk of his own as Naruto scowled at the jibe, "**apart from that though I'm sure you're desperate to know exactly what's going on with your body now and I think I've kept you in suspense long enough**", a shadow fell over the seated boy as the Kyuubi extended its claw one more time, ready to merge memories for a little while and share the fruits of its labours with his host, if only so he could see the reaction to the news, "**touch and see what's growing within you**".

Naruto glanced up at the suspended nail for a long moment before, overcoming the small part of his mind shrieking that ignorance was indeed bliss and he should remain sheltered underneath such a blanket for at least a little while longer, he gave a sigh and reached upwards with his fist, tapping it against the claw and allowing the memories of the bijuu to merge with his own;.

_**Aww, he's nowhere near as much fun as Kushina**_; despite its reputation as a single-minded force of devastation the Kyuubi did have a prankster side and had, once or twice, extended this to his previous hosts, driving him to poke and prod at their tempers or ensure they fell victim to little pranks for his own amusement. The fiery-tempered girl who had held him before this brat had been a particular delight to tease and torment due to her habit of storming into the mindscape and swearing up a storm, something that never failed to tickle to fox due to her uncontrollable verbal tic; _**that one time I distracted her enough to make sure she ended up getting a full tongue on the lips from that dog-girls' companion when they were all playing that game with the bottle was a particular delight – if I had to breathe I'd probably have suffocated from laughing so hard.**_ Sadly in this case it seemed that Naruto took after the damnable Yondaime far more than Kyuubi felt comfortable with – in the face of all that he had seen so far from behind the bijuu's eyes and chakra, rather than screaming and shouting as the fox had been half-expecting and half-hoping he'd do, the only reaction he gave was a long sigh and the heels of his hands grinding into his eyes,

"Fantastic", he muttered, mostly to himself, before looking up again, "so, we either know or at least have a good idea what each of these things is, how it grows and what it's meant to do – any idea how long they're likely to take to at least grow if not start working properly?"

Kyuubi considered this for a moment, not entirely sure how he should answer before, hedging his bets slightly, he took to answering the question with a question,

"**I could give you a guess, why?**"

"Because, as you probably know due to the fact I was shouting it at the top of my lungs up until a few weeks ago, I want to become Hokage of this village", the pre-Academy student spoke in a drawn voice before giving a weary chuckle, "and the first step of getting that hat is attending and then passing out of the shinobi Academy of Konoha".

"**And how is that likely to be a problem?**" Despite itself the Kyuubi was slightly perplexed by its host's unusually gloomy outlook on life, "**Even before all this happened, loath though I am to admit it, you had a chance of passing through that place if you were willing to work for it, so why worry now when you are likely to become something more, far more, than the other humans you'd be competing against?**"

"Because even before you can set foot in the Academy any and all potential students by law have to go through a battery of tests to ensure they're fit for shinobi training, one of which is a medical examination", Naruto sighed, the Kyuubi's sudden silence speaking volumes to the bijuu as he realised just how serious this could potentially be, "and as you can guess, anyone getting within about ten feet of me with a medical jutsu is going to have an absolute fit of the screaming vapours. I don't know about you but I'm not all that keen on ending my days in a variety of test-tubes being poked and prodded in various unpleasant ways, so we've got about eight months before I'll need to go for that exam and this all comes out into the open whether we want it to or not".

Silence fell for a moment, an uncomfortable, billowing affair that smothered both boy and bijuu like a heavy blanket; from what he had seen Naruto must have known as well as Kyuubi did that, even if his body was changed within those eight months there was no way it could have possibly reached full maturity by that point, which was probably just as well as him going from runt to giant within a few months was certain to raise eyebrows. Even so though, the threat of this examination and what it could unearth was not something that could be ignored and therefore action was needed; to this end, it was actually the fox who spoke first,

"**We can't hide this brat, or at least we can't hide this in the shadows due to this exam you mentioned; therefore there's only one place we can hide**". Naruto remained silent for a moment after hearing this, waiting to see if his patience would outlast the Kyuubi's sense of self-importance and cause the kitsune to spill the beans before he had to ask, but it seemed that this time it wasn't to be – with a sigh, the jinchuuriki was forced to ask the telling question,

"And where's that then oh great and all-knowing Kyuubi-sama?" His answer was a rumbling chuckle,

"**Flattery will get you nowhere fool, though you're brave to attempt it**", the fox admitted before getting to the point, "**no, if we can't hide in the shadows then we can hide in plain sight**".

"What? How the hell are we going to do that and, more importantly, how are we going to do it without causing a minor riot?"

"**By being clever, a great challenge for you I know but miracles can happen on occasion**", the fox jibed, eliciting a nasty glare from his host before explaining his idea in more detail, "**you cannot prevent the secret becoming known, that much we know now, but you can control who knows about it…**"

"I see", Naruto cut off his prisoner gently, nodding to let the fox know he understood exactly what was on his vulpine mind, "good idea fox, guess you are good for something other than wiping boots on or wearing to impress the ladies. I'll get on with that at a later date, at least once I'm not having to eat half a cow a day to keep my stomach at bay and more of these new bits are fully-grown – keep me posted on that will you?"

"**After that smart comment? You'll have to make it worth my while boy**".

"Yeah yeah, you're just as a bad as I am; actually you're worse, you're older than me and therefore a bad influence on anything and everything I do", Naruto pointed out with a smirk before raising his fist once more, "still, while I'm here how about a look at that fighting style you said you'd puzzled out?"

Tempting though it was to hold out on this proposition as punishment for the kid running his mouth the Kyuubi realised that overall it probably wasn't worth it; after all Naruto was stubborn enough to sit there and wait him out until his own altered physique began to eat him alive just to prove a point. Therefore, for his own peace and quiet as well as a wish to get this over with as quickly as possible, the fox sighed in his own way and reached forwards with his claw again, allowing the child to see the manner in which his second-father, the one who supplied the genes that had built upon the base template the boy's biological parents had supplied to create something never before seen in the Elemental Nations, had learned to fight and throttle the life from the first of his many, many enemies.

XXX

Almost as soon as the buzzer of his intercom had sounded Sarutobi had his students' fine literature hidden up his sleeve and was the very picture-book definition of a Hokage, stern-faced and ready for anything from a civilian request to a bijuu assault as he stabbed down on the answer button of the intercom and spoke in a firm but not unkind tone,

"Report chunin-san". The administrator in the front desk who doubled as Sarutobi's personal secretary, so new into the post that the Hokage hadn't yet had time to commit his name to memory, immediately spoke through his end of the system,

"Hokage-sama, one Uzumaki Naruto to see you, says it's urgent". At this a warm, slightly relieved smile spread over the aged man's face; it had been quite a long time since he'd seen the boy recently, though out of respect for the jinchuuriki's privacy he'd so far resisted the temptation to use his crystal ball to peek and make sure he was okay; _and with this news it looks like I won't have to_;

"Send him in".

"Hai", with that the intercom went dead and a few seconds later the office door swung open to allow Naruto in, though it was a Naruto Sarutobi didn't immediately recognise; _well well, looks like he's going through a growth spurt at last_;

"Ah, Naruto-kun, how are you today?" The Sandaime greeted with a smile, "It's been a little while since we spoke last".

"Afraid so jiji, I've had a few things on my plate recently"; _meat and milk mostly, but I digress_; "some of which I think I'd better let you know about – nothing serious", he was quick to point out as the Hokage's face became slightly graver at the news, "but just a quick heads-up before anyone notices a few odd things and starts kicking up a stink about them".

"Very well then Naruto-kun, I appreciate your honesty", the old man admitted before fixing his unrelated grandson with a steady glare, "so, what has been troubling you recently – I hear on the grapevine the Ichirakus are getting worried you haven't been in as often as you used to".

"Mostly because I've got a slightly different diet now and managed to sweet-talk some of the local merchants and shopkeepers into selling stuff to me at a reasonable price", the boy answered casually, memories of how his cool explanation of the facts as he saw them had defeated the virtually-hysterical rage his presence seemed to provoke in people enough to get him some, if not willing, at least efficient service in several outlets around the village, "but that's why I'm here now jiji – tell me, how much in the way of medical jutsu do you know…?

XXX

Though mostly unseen by the village as a whole, the outcome of that private meeting between Hokage and jinchuuriki of the village Hidden in the Leaves was to have a ripple effect that would, in time, be felt throughout the Elemental Nations, and one of the first to feel the impact of this ripple was the blonde woman who was suddenly jerked from a sake-induced slumber by dint of a low-grade suiton technique,

"Grahah! Damn it Shizune that was bloody co…" It was at that point that her eyes managed to adjust to the gloom in the small, rented room and she found herself simultaneously stuttering and trying to wrap the wet blankets around herself further as she realised exactly who was stood over her holding the metaphorical bucket, "…Jiraiya? What the hell are doing here you pervert?"

"Get up and get dressed", a situation already gone completely to the dogs was sent further spiralling towards the depths of insanity; in all the time Tsunade had known the Toad Sage he had been, or at least acted very well, the part of a fool and a bumbling eccentric, but now in this small hovel of a room that mask had dropped and she saw the true shinobi that the powerhouse of her former team could become if the situation demanded it and, though she'd never admit it, deep in her heart she felt something clench in fear, "hurry up hime, I don't have much time to wait; I already took too long tracking you and your apprentice down".

"Shizune", the oblique mention of the black-haired woman, her one remaining link to the man she had loved beyond everything else, galvanised her to sit up and look around, searching desperately to her one remaining companion, "where's…?"

"Over there, sleep genjutsu", Jiraiya informed her, inclining his head towards the other bed in the room, "now hurry up, we need to get back to the village".

Mention of that hated place was enough to spark off the temper that had made the female member of the sannin almost as famous throughout the Elemental Nations as her medical genius and her superhuman strength; in an instant she was kicking off the covers and standing upright, no hint of imbalance due to the amount of alcohol she'd consumed earlier in the day as she faced her former team mate down,

"I am _never_ going back to Konoha", she swore vehemently, "it's taken too damn much out of my life, taken, taken and never given back! I know my rights Jiraiya…"

"Your travelling rights are suspended", he cut back in a tone she'd never heard him use before, not to her at least; even as she reflexively caught the scroll he threw towards her she blinked and subtly tried to dispel the genjutsu around her – surely there was no way Jiraiya could be this ruthless, this cold, "by order of the Sandaime you are to return to Konoha and fulfil one of the duties you've been dodging for the past ten or fifteen years. There is a patient there waiting for a check-up and you will be the one to administer it hime, the old man doesn't trust anyone else with this and neither do I".

"But…" She was cut off by a grim chuckle from the taller man, Jiraiya folding his arms and meeting her disbelief with a steely gaze that could have shattered through concrete with even more ease than her fist could,

"There are no buts for this Tsunade; Sarutobi-sensei's words were something along the lines of 'I don't care if you bring her back by her hand, her hair or in a sack, just make sure she bloody gets here' and, once I realised why he was so insistent on the matter, I agreed with him. I will fight you if I have to; I won't enjoy it but I will bring you back to Konoha, though the manner in which I bring you back may depend on what I do with you afterwards".

Something in the Toad Sage's last words brought his Slug counterpart up short; though she knew for a fact Jiraiya wasn't as stupid as he looked (a fact that, she sometimes reminisced, might have been a factor behind Oroichimaru's defection, the snake afraid he might not have been the only genius in the Leaf compared to his team mate and, worse, his team mates' student) she had very rarely glimpsed the true depths of his devious cunning and going by the look in his eye, one she'd seen far too often on the faces of too many gambling house dealers, he was putting every iota of that cunning to good use backing her into a corner,

"Jiraiya", much as she'd have liked to go in swinging now Tsunade was smart enough to know when there was a time for anger and this wasn't it, "what do you mean by afterwards?"

"I often wondered why you moved around so much hime; why were you running so often from Konoha, no-one form the village is coming after you. I've been tracking you for months now until I realised, I finally managed to browbeat one of the cashiers in a run-down bounty station to talk, and it came to me", he said, a faintly threatening grin on his face as he stared his team mate down, the expression make goose-bumps rise on her skin as he filled in exactly how deeply into the pit she was now, "you weren't running from the past, you were running from the present and very real debts you were racking up along the way, the legacy of the Legendary Sucker. It was the key; you gave me the opportunity I needed hime, on a silver platter with an apple in its mouth", despite herself Tsunade backed up a step, trying to figure out at exactly what point Jiraiya had finally lost what few marbles he'd ever had as his chuckles deepened into a full-blown laugh and he spread his arms wide, head thrown back in triumph as he crowed his last declaration aloud,

"Your running days are over Tsu-hime; your debtor has finally caught up with you!"

The enormity of those words crashed down on the med-nin like a tsunami; if Jiraiya truly had done what she thought he'd done then…

"Yes, you heard that right hime; it cost me virtually everything I've ever owned to do it but I did it – I might not have two ryo left to rub together but it's worth it, completely worth it, to say these next words", there was an unholy glee glittering in his dark eyes as he smirked and pointed a long, thick finger towards her, right at the seal on her forehead that his fuuinjutsu knowledge had helped create, "Senju Tsunade, I _own_ your ass!"

"My, my…", she stumbled, her thigh catching against these lee of the sodden bed and tipping her into sitting down on it, barely even feeling the cold water through the shock she was in, "…you brought my debt? All of it?"

"To the last grimy penny", Jiraiya confirmed, his grin threatening to separate his face completely as he at last indulged in some long-overdue gloating, "and you know what that means hime; with the amount of money you now owe me there's nothing you've got that could cover it all, even that necklace of yours would only pay off about three-quarters what you owe and that's without any interest added. It might not be in the way I've always dreamed but you're mine hime – I can give you virtually any order and, unless you want those debts of yours to suddenly be transferred to some mysterious benefactor who's not as nice or gallant as I am, you would have to obey me, you'd have no choice. Yes, this is too perfect; I might have lost my entire fortune chasing you down but with the next Icha Icha, and a perfect main character, my wealth would be reborn as never before".

"You got the never right", Tsunade shot back, standing up as fury banished her shock and she clenched a fist threateningly; she might have sunk into the gutter it was true but there was no way she was going to let Jiraiya push her into the sewer of his mind and its filthy fantasies, "I don't care what prison you threaten to throw me in but I will not go down that road you perverted bastard, not while there's still breath in my body".

Unusually at the end of her threat rather than spit back with a perverted or stinging rebuke Jiraiya seemed to calm himself down and gaze across at her levelly, folding his arms across his barrel chest as he spoke in a serious voice,

"Do you really believe I'd force that on you hime? Well, either way it doesn't matter", he went on, not allowing her to apologise for the hurt, however slight, she could see deep in his eyes, "you now have a debt to Konoha, in honour, money and history, and you are going to pay. There's no way out of this one for you Tsu-hime; the only choice you have is whether you walk back into the village with your head held high or over my shoulder kicking and screaming". She scowled at the reminder but, this time, there truly was no feasible way she could wriggle herself out of this one, least of all with Shizune and her beloved Tonton still snoring away merrily under the influence of the sannin's genjutsu; try as she might she'd been fatally out-manoeuvred and, this time, had no choice but to answer the debtor's knell,

"Fine", she spat acidly, "I'll come back with you; I won't be polite about it but I'll come", she assured him, dropping her clenched fist and sighing, "so can I ask now what the hell was so desperate back in that place that you had to come grovelling to me?"

The question was asked half out of professional curiosity, half to get her mind off the sudden and terrible reality that she was going to have to return to the place that had taken her entire future from her; however her observational skills were second to none and as she saw the troubled look that flickered, just for a moment, across her team mates' face she perked up and paid attention as the other sage turned away from her, his geta sandals making a clacking noise on the scuffed wooden floor of the room she and Shizune had rented for the night,

"Sensei doesn't think it's a problem as such, more like something very unusual, very unusual indeed and he doesn't trust either himself or any medical ninja currently within Konoha to undertake a formal and full medical examination – he needs the best and that means he needs you. You know I'm never going to be a medical ninja", Tsunade's answering snort spoke volumes; the one and only time Jiraiya had been allowed in an operating theatre he'd been very quickly thrown back out again after accusing the doctors of being murderous fiends who killed the poor man they were working on by viciously ripping his organs out – only later, after sensei had issued a grovelling apology to the insulted medical staff, had the baka actually realised he'd been present at an autopsy; "but when he told me about even I knew it was something truly unique. And when he told me who was affected I knew I couldn't stand by and help", though his back was to her Tsunade could just picture his expression of equal parts regret and sorrow as he whispered the last words that came to her ears through the darkness and she felt her blood freeze at the implications of them,

"Unlike you I lost my student; I can't lose his legacy as well".

XXX

Some fortnight later Tsunade, having been escorted back to the village in the dead of night to avoid the civilians gawping at her, found herself having to fight back nerves as she stared at the door before her, plain white, stark and leading to a patient, something she'd sworn she'd never deal with again as long as she lived. She tried to slow her breathing, centring herself once more and denying the nightmare visions that flickered beneath her eyelids, the deaths that haunted her nightmares even now, years after the events that had forced her leave her home and take the name and legacy of the Senju clan with her. Even as she fought for her focus again a calming, serene voice once more filled her ears and she relaxed fractionally; no matter how dire things were either in her mind or in the world in general, everything appeared a little brighter after a word from Sarutobi,

"Easy hime", the monkey summoner spoke, the old nickname bringing a slight smile to her face, "you will be fine; Naruto-kun knows you're there to help him, in fact he indirectly started the whole search for you".

"Good, at least now I know whose balls I need to bust for dragging me back to this pit", the Slug sage snapped irritably, folding her arms under her massive bosom, "Shizune-chan, you take the bloods while I deal with everything else".

"Hai shishou", the niece of her former fiancé ducked her head obediently as Jiraiya gave a thumbs-up from his seat in the private waiting area,

"Go knock him dead Tsu-chan; aww", he turned away, looking at the Third Hokage with a heartbroken pout on his lips as she returned his friendly comment with a distinctly unfriendly gesture, "why doesn't Tsu-chan love me sensei?" The medic, almost despite herself, snorted before answering acidly,

"How long a list do you need? Now stop messing around, sit down, shut up and let me do my job so I can get the hell out of here and back on the road", the master medic demanded, facing up to the door again for an instant before striding towards it, anger her shield against the grief and demons in her mind that sought to hold her back in the past, the door banging open as she strode into the examination area and the mysterious patient she'd heard so much about but never actually seen in the flesh.

Such a problem was rectified a few seconds later and her first impression was that there was nothing wrong with the kid; if anything he appeared to be in the blush of health, standing there shirtless and glancing towards one of the posters on the wall as he waited for his inspection. However if nothing else she had learnt how to look underneath the underneath from her sensei and therefore took nothing at face value as the child turned at the nose and a pair of bright blue eyes met her hazel ones with curiosity and, after an instant, a slight hint of recognition as well,

"Okay brat", Tsunade just beat him to the punch for speed of speech, glancing at him up and down before pointing to the examination table, "a lot of very important people have spent a lot of time and effort making this happen so let's get it over with, I've got more important things to do with my time than deal with your sniffles. So, let's get this show on the road", she paused fractionally to check Shizune was stood at her shoulder with a clipboard ready before carrying on, "can you give me a description of your symptoms?" The boy was quiet for a second, looking at her from where he was sat upon the table before, eventually, answering her query,

"Increased appetite, substantial mass gain, the worst case of growing pains you can imagine and sequential pains in several localised spots in my body"; _okay, that was quite unusual_; though nothing changed in her eyes or constant examination of his physical form, the dispassionate manner in which he broke down his problems was almost professional in its execution; _mind you, he might just have tried to swallow a textbook before I got here to try and sound smart_;

"Okay fair enough; what makes you call these pains you're suffering growing pains?" Naruto gave a slight snigger,

"When you've been growing roughly an inch and a half each month for the past four months I'd say that was a fairly shrewd assumption", he pointed out before, seeing their looks of disbelief that he could have grown that much, he sighed and offered an explanation, "if you don't believe me I've been measuring myself against a wall in my apartment on the first of every month to check how much I'm growing; you can go there and see them yourself if you want to".

"I might well be doing that Naruto-san; an inch and a half a month sounds far too much even for a growth spurt, though according to the Sandaime you were short to start with"; _and now you look almost big for your age – some form of delayed gigantism perhaps, an imbalance of the hormones?_; "what about the other pains?"

"As expected, though some hurt more than others", by this point Tsunade was definitely starting to feel suspicious; the blasé way the kid was reeling off these facts was far too composed, far too confident for him not to know or at least have a very good idea what was going on, "the migraines were bad but the eyes were the worst. Admittedly it could've been worse had the, or at least, a friend of mine offered to play a bit fast and loose with my biology and graft the last pair onto my, ah, gonads, but we thought better of it in the end seeing as if I manage to have kids the last thing I want to do is pass my more unique features onto them".

It was at that point that Tsunade's temper gave; she didn't like to be played for a fool and right now she was beginning to believe that either this so-called patient was mad or this was some kind of elaborate hoax cooked up by Jiraiya to get her to return to Konoha full-time. Gritting her teeth, the last Senju nailed the kid with her most dangerous glare and spoke with annoyance and flickers of anger in her tone as she demanded answers,

"Alright, what is this? You're not sick; any idiot off the street could tell you that just by looking; so why the hell am I here trying to examine you for an illness you don't have?"

"Because jiji, the Sandaime that is, assured me that you and you alone would be able to understand me as I am now; I might not look sick Tsunade-sama and you're right, I'm not, but I am different, incredibly so, from other people now and only someone with as much medical knowledge as you would be able to determine just how different I am and, more than that, what the end results of these differences are likely to be. If it helps", the boy said quickly, noticing the temper that Shizune had seen slowly rising to the boil and resigned herself to try and stop the worst of when it finally boiled over, "when jiji looked at me first he just used a basic diagnostic jutsu, went white and then started hitting panic buttons all over the place; I heard nothing more about it apart from the fact he wanted me to keep my mouth shut about it until I was escorted here and you came in".

Tsunade didn't look away from him in all the time he was speaking and was actually quite surprised that she couldn't detect any hint of a lie in his face at any time; because of this and, though she wouldn't admit it, curious despite herself, she said nothing as she stepped forwards, the fingers of her left hand flickering to life with a single medical jutsu, ironically the one her sensei had used some months ago to start the whole ball rolling. Not dropping her eyes from the boys' suddenly inscrutable face, the last Senju paused just in front of him before, with perhaps the merest hint of a pause for nerves, she pressed the chakra-laden fingers against his naked chest.

Shizune had been waiting with her pen hovering ready over paper, ready to record any observations her mentor may had come up with, but at a sudden call from the older woman she almost dropped both as her eyes widened in shock at the words that filtered into her disbelieving ears,

"Shizune-chan", just the tone, almost as reverent, awestruck and disbelieving as her own had been the first time she had seen the female sannin perform miracles upon the battlefield, was enough to make her goggle before the rest of the query came through and rocked her back to the soles of her sandals, "could you please come over here and check I'm not going absolutely crazy in seeing what I think I'm seeing".

"Ah, hai shishou", the student confirmed, still slightly confused but obedient nevertheless as she stepped forwards and started her own diagnostic jutsu, glancing at Naruto's face just before she too touched the skin on his chest but he remained inscrutable as he felt a second set of cold fingers uncover his secret. As the black-haired woman's face likewise dropped into complete disbelief and amazement at the impossibility that sprang straight to the forefront of her senses, however, he spoke again in the same calm tone he'd used in the time they'd known him,

"That was the first that grew, and the most simple", he pointed out innocuously, smiling slightly as two sets of dumbstruck eyes turned towards him, swelling up with disbelief even as the evidence continued to pound away merrily in front of their chakra senses and only expanding in size as he went on almost flippantly, "only sixteen others to go".

XXX

_Hmm, now that looks familiar_; even as the younger man by the side of him suddenly bustled forwards to see if there was anything he could do for the apparently shell-shocked woman that reeled forwards from the examination room, a slightly younger fellow zombie shambling along in her wake, Sarutobi reached into his robes for something he'd had the forethought to bring along; _luckily though I know this works as a pretty good cure for any kind of shock_;

"Here Tsunade-chan", he said soothingly, offering the bottle forwards, "I thought you might need some of the good stuff after seeing that; I know for a fact that I did". Nodding dumbly the Slug sage staggered forwards and snatched the bottle of sake from her teacher's grasp, ripping the cork out with her teeth and downing a generous measure with absolutely no regard for the proper decorum that a sake of that vintage should have been handled with before wordlessly holding it out behind her, Shizune repeating the gesture with almost mechanical obedience before her legs appeared to go out from under her, the junior medical ninja saved from collapse only by Jiraiya being in the right place at the right time,

"Maa, that figures", he huffed, manhandling the smaller kunoichi towards one of the seats in the waiting area, though under the stern eye of the one ninja in the world he respected completely he kept such handling completely decent and above the waterline, "trust the worst drunk in the Elemental Nations to go around with someone who never touches a drop". Finally depositing the younger girl in the seat and making sure she wasn't going to slide to the floor after relieving her of her burden, the Toad sage turned to his former team mate and asked the question that was wandering around the room like a trumpeting elephant,

"So then, how bad is it?"

Tsunade didn't answer immediately, instead gesturing for the bottle that Jiraiya, after glancing at the Hokage once more and getting a nod, reluctantly handed over, holding back a wince as he watched several large swallows go straight down her delicate, sexy neck. Finally finished, she appeared to slump against the closest wall with the fingers of her free hand coming up to massage her eyes, rotating over and over her face and showing no signs of stopping, not even when Jiraiya, nerves stretched to breaking point and beyond, tried again,

"Hime?"

"Quiet, I'm trying to think of a way to word this", her words were delivered in a dry, dull monotone before it was broken by a sudden, almost hysterical laugh, "and the worst thing of all is I can't – after everything I've lived through, everything I've done in my life I can't come up with anything even remotely close to explaining just how, how screwed up that kid is, or put it into words you could relate to, but I can try, I can try!"

Her hand fell away and the Toad sage recoiled slightly; her tone might have been lifeless but Tsunade's eyes were certainly alive, alive and shining with a feverish, maniacal fervour as she looked first to him and then her sensei, speaking without apparently needing to breathe,

"It would be as though someone showed you he could do fuuinjutsu techniques without needing a medium to craft the kanji on; no blood, no parchment, not even chakra or air but he still makes it happen"; _what? But that's not possible_; even as this thought crossed through Jiraiya's mind, however, the kunoichi turned her attention from him to her sensei, not even pausing in her sudden tirade as outright disbelief warred in her mind with unquestionable fact, "or a baby, an infant that could perform S-ranked jutsu; not able to form hand-seals or focus any chakra, or even _produce_ any chakra but it still sends fire and lightning flying all over the place. The rules of human biology, the immutable, fundamental basics of all basics that I believed applied to everyone, things that I even helped to write; they just do not apply to him; he's not just broken them, he's made origami out of them! Sensei, much as I never thought I'd say these words about anyone except maybe Oroichimaru-teme, there's only one thing I can say about that, that boy and it's this; he isn't sick…", she gave a second shrill laugh, shaking her head as though the whole thing was a massive joke that had been played on her and only she could see or understand the punch line,

"…he's not even _human!_"

"And in that assumption Tsunade-sama you're absolutely right".

All eyes in the room, even those of Shizune, who had started to recover from her own shock and take in the world in general again, immediately snapped to the shorter figure who had entered the waiting area and was buttoning up the top of his orange uniform, Naruto smiling slightly as he finished and brought his arms forward placatingly,

"It sounds slightly extreme but it's the truth jiji, everyone; I'm sure Tsunade-sama and Shizune-neechan would back me up on that", he admitted before giving a slight sigh, "I'm sorry I had to shock you all like this but we, or I…no, it was we; if you're going to know about this you might as well know it all", he appeared to decide before regarding them all again, "I know about what happened the night I was born, what the Yondaime did and how it all relates to me".

For a horrible moment Naruto was afraid the examination room was going to have to be put to proper use in the next few minutes or so – when someone was as pale as Sarutobi-jiji was at the minute it surely had to be a bad thing right? Fortunately for the jinchuuriki's peace of mind however, after a couple of rapid thumps on the chest and several deep breaths, colour returned to the old man's face and he appeared almost fully recovered, not that Naruto noticed at the time, trying as he was to keep his shirt on as the white-haired old madman was suddenly trying to rip it off his back,

"Hey, get your own jacket", he shouted crossly, holding one of Jiraiya's arms at bay with both his own, "get the hell off me you damned lecher, I don't go in for that kind of thing!" The sudden accusation was enough to make the sage jumped backwards, looking queasy for a moment before rallying and replying with a shout of his own,

"And neither do I you brat, if you need any proof of that just check my published works", Jiraiya shot back before calming down and speaking more rationally, "I needed to check your seal; if you know about your inner furry problem you should know there was no way that you were supposed to contact him this early – this might sound heartless kid but Konoha can't afford for that monster to get loose again and I, as well as sensei if he was forced to, will do anything to make sure it doesn't happen". Naruto didn't respond to this for a moment, instead looking at the Toad sage askance for a long moment before answering, his words ones that sent confusion and dread in equal measure rippling throughout the entire room,

"You don't know, none of you know what a monster is", there was a deadly seriousness in his eyes, complete sincerity in his voice as he raised one hand upwards slowly, "Kurama and I; Kurama is the real name of the Kyuubi, one of several things we've had to confide in each other since this all started and we became allies; are all that's standing between Konoha, and the rest of the world beyond that now I think about it, and the rebirth of a devil that would ruin it forever. All of you four standing here, you have all seen wars and the death of men have you not?"

At their reluctant nods and silently adopting of stances more ready for combat as even Shizune managed to push herself to her feet and come to her mentors' side Naruto moved, putting his thumb into his mouth and biting down hard, enough to break the skin and draw blood. Tsunade was just fast enough to look away, preventing her phobia from taking over as, constantly flexing his digit to ensure the wound wouldn't scab over, Naruto moved over to the water cooler and drew out a quartet of cups; pouring a small amount of water into each, he then held his bleeding wound over each of them in turn and squeezed a few drops of his own blood into them as well. None of the ninja in the waiting area said a word until, as he was offered one of the cups of pink-tinged water, the eldest present mastered his rising gorge enough to ask the obvious question,

"What is the meaning of this Naruto-kun?"

"Drink", the boy replied, the smile on his face one of melancholy polluted, perhaps slightly, with a hint of cruelty as he handed out the other three cups, "drink to see apocalypse, the death of worlds and the thing that is trying to mould me into his image, the thing the bijuu and I are fighting tooth and nail to deny even though we both now share the same blood".

Despite his external confidence and the assurances from his bijuu companion that the psychic echo of history contained within his altered blood contained less than even a pale echo of the memories he had been forced to endure, Naruto was still somewhat nervous; this was the weakest link in his plan, the one area that was out of his hands. If none of the four took him at his word and simply threw his offer away without tasting it and seeing the truth, there was going to be little he could do to convince them his altered physique hadn't driven him insane and he was simply raving. However as each of the four looked down in distaste at what they had been handed it was the quietest who spoke first,

"I, I'll do this first". The whispered declaration seemed to jerk Tsunade back to life and in an instant the Slug sage had whipped around to her assistant,

"Shizune-chan no…"

"Yes shishou", not for the first time Shizune stared her mentor down, "I'm the youngest and, if I'm honest, most expendable of us all and both of us know something is going on with this child that none of us fully understand. Either Naruto-san is telling the truth and this will let us understand what is going on or he's lying and this is some kind of plan to further his own goals; if it's the former I'll be able to tell you the truth and if not you can avenge me".

With that declaration and before could speak or act to stop her Shizune had taken the plunge, tipping the water down her throat in one large gulp as she squeezed her eyes closed. Tsunade was at her side in an instant, looking after the woman she considered to be the daughter she'd never had, checking her over and whipping around to flay the poisoner with her eyes as the smaller woman appeared to go into mild convulsions,

"What have you done?"

"Nothing", Naruto shot back defensively, backing up a step despite himself as the woman's killing intent smashed into him, "it should pass soon but I said it wasn't a nice thing to see". Unwilling to waste further words when her apprentice was in danger Tsunade turned and ran her hand over Shizune's abdomen, the limb glowing green with healing chakra as she sought to diagnose the effect of the venom she'd invested. Before she could get anything like a clear picture however, the technique was disrupted as Shizune gave an alarming lurch, shoving her way out of her shishou's arms before doubling over and retching violently, the returned fluid splattering across the tiled floor as Tsunade's hand in the back of her kimono was all that stopped the Slug sages' apprentice collapsing face-first into the mess she'd just made. Bustling her quickly over the chairs Tsunade virtually forced the unresisting form to sit down and, after taking in her bloodless face, shaking body and frozen expression, she realised there was nothing physically wrong with her friend and reached down to take her hand in her own,

"Shizune, Shizune look at me", the dark-eyed woman did so but slowly, far too slowly for Tsunade's liking so, after closing her eyes for a second, she spoke again in a voice she hadn't used for a decade, least of all where her apprentice had been concerned, "Shi-shi-chan, it's alright, I'm here with you now; there's no need to be afraid".

That, at last, seemed to break through to the terrified girl; it was the same voice that had been there when her uncle Dan had died, the same soothing, comforting tone that had held her in the night when the thunder had roared and nightmares had tortured her dreams and for a moment Shizune heard it again, allowed it to coax her back into normality, away from the latest horror she had been forced to witness. She held onto the older woman who had driven her to distraction more often than she could remember but loved unequivocally until the trembling ceased and she felt herself once again, Tsunade for her part saying nothing but stroking through the younger woman's luxurious black hair, reassuring her simply by being there until, at last, Shizune was able to sit up straight and face her master once more,

"Uhh, sorry…"

"There's no need to say anything", the older woman told her in a tone that brooked no argument, "you look, and I'm sorry if there's no better way to say this but you look like you've seen a ghost; what on earth just happened?" Shivering once more before forcing herself to calm down, the med-nin apprentice gave a weak smile before glancing past her teacher and shuddering once more,

"He was telling the truth shishou", she admitted quietly, "I saw t,terrible things, it's a horror, something that can't be allowed to come back…"

"It won't come back Shizune-san", Naruto's voice was strangely calm but contained a core of solid steel as he locked eyes with the medic, a grim scowl on his normally smiling face as he made that particular vow, "you and Tsunade-sama have seen what it's doing to my body but I'm not letting it touch my mind. Kurama showed me the visions you've likely seen and more besides and told me to my face that if I ever, or more to the point he ever suspects I'm travelling down that road he'll kill us both himself, and yes he can do that if he throws enough of his charka at the seal – it'll burn us both alive and possibly kill even him as well but it's a sacrifice he's willing to make if it means what you just saw never happens again".

All was silent at this declaration until a soft tapping broke such quiet, Jiraiya stumbling slightly and looking ten years older than he had been a moment ago as the now-empty plastic beaker rolled slightly on the floor beside him. He was able to control himself better than the younger kunoichi but not by much, being driven to his knees by the mental images that flashed through his mind until, at last, he let out a gasp and shudder, slowly coming back to his feet and looking at the boy who was his godson as though seeing him for the first time,

"Can you stop it?"

"I've managed so far", Naruto pointed out before coming up short with a slight admission, "I can't stop my body changing, that's a physical change his blood's caused and all the Kyuubi could do was help me adapt to the change and get the new additions to work right because if they didn't I would die. They've merged into what would be my normal biology and I'll grow into them; with any luck, no-one should be any the wiser apart from the fact I might be a bit bigger than most; the mind though, that's different. I can't deny I do have a slightly quicker temper than I used to have, don't put up with crap as much as I used to, but I am learning to live with it and Kurama's helping. How that'll change as I get older and I, all of me that is, old bits and new, start to mature properly, is anyone's guess at the minute, though you know what the fox will do if I do start going off the rails".

"And if he fails to stop you I won't", the Toad sage said with deadly sincerity lacing his tone before looking at the only two members of the quartet that hadn't yet supped from the font of an awful truth, "sensei, hime, drink up, you need to know about this".

There was no arguing with an expression that harsh; despite their own personal feelings on the matter and the fact she had to keep her eyes closed doing it Tsunade threw the mixture down her throat as Sarutobi, after raising the cup in a silent toast to the one who'd supplied the noxious brew, followed suit a second later. Both were still for a moment before the younger of the two simply fell to her knees, overwhelmed by the crawling horror of her latent phobia as the scenes before her scoured her mind with a hellish intensity, eyes huge and seeing nothing as he hands flew to her mouth, the only thing that prevented immediate hyperventilation as her teacher, very grey in the face as he too emerged from the blood-induced trance and the psychic echo of rage that bellowed across eons of time and space faded from his ears, stared across the room at Naruto himself,

"What have you done Naruto?" He said softly, his tone one of mingled dread and frustration as he blinked to banish tears from his eyes, "What crime could you have committed to bring this fate upon yourself – was it not enough that you lost your parents and were forced to act as the cage of a mons-no, a bijuu; I cannot call a mere bijuu a monster anymore; and now _this_? A legacy of, of insanity older than the Rikudo sennin, in fact older than the times before even him?"

"Thousands of years older jiji, if not more", the child who now sounded so much older than his handful of years confirmed, watching on in idle curiosity as the roles were reversed and it was Shizune's turn to help her mentor cope with the trauma, "but whatever the reason it has happened, nothing we do will prevent it and for better or for worse I am becoming something… not like everyone else. The worst thing is I don't know how this is going to happen, how long it will take or even what the end result will be and neither does Kurama; all he could do was try to work out exactly what was going on with my body and help me adapt to the changes. That's why I came to talk to you; I knew that this was going to come out in the open eventually, so I decided it was better you knew before some poor med-nin had a look at me and got the shock of his life".

"No, instead you decided to give that dubious honour to me", the Sandaime pointed out, his normal pallor returning though his expression was still pensive and grave, "this is a serious situation Naruto-kun". The boy snorted,

"Tell me something I don't know jiji, but at least you know now".

"True, and because of that we can plan for it; Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shizune", despite their pre-occupation with the sights they'd just been forced to see all three shinobi nevertheless attended their leaders' word, even Tsunade making it shakily to her feet as the visions faded from behind her eyes, "you three, myself and Naruto-kun are going to my office now and we're not leaving until we have a plan of action to in place to, if not stop, then at least monitor this situation. I have some ideas, very vague ones admittedly, but we must come up with something as soon as possible; Naruto-kun is right, we did not know what a monster was but now we do, we have seen the face of a demon and the risk that it might try to manifest itself through Naruto-kun's body is one we must eliminate or at least minimise for the sake of us all".

With that in mind and still shaken by the gravity of the situation that they now knew was potentially facing them, none of the assembled argued as the Sandaime made a few quick hand-seals and a mass shunshin technique was activated, transporting them all to the sanctity of the Sandaime's office in the Hokage tower and a place they could attempt to avert the potential crisis Naruto had warned them all about.

XXX

In the next eight months preceding the yearly entry of the shinobi Academy intake for Konoha, the village itself was subject to several unexpected but, on the whole, welcome changes for the better.

The first of these changes was the sudden return of the prodigal daughter and medical ninja without compare, Senju Tsunade; according to the word on the street she had returned to the village at the behest of the Sandaime who, rumour had it, had convinced her to return with the promise of implementing several of the reforms she'd suggested for the med-nin corps and Konoha hospital in younger days. Though such things had been impossible under conditions of war and recovery from war, in these days of less tension the Hokage had unearthed the documents his kunoichi student had submitted and found what he read interesting and worth further consideration. Eventually he had managed to swing the council around to favouring the overhaul on the condition that the grand architect of such changes was placed in charge of them and, fortunately, Tsunade had been willing to listen to her old mentor one last time.

The re-inclusion of the last member of one of Konoha's founding clans, especially one as well-known and famous as Tsunade, was a major bonus to morale for the whole village and, as she took her position as the head of the hospital and began a new, strict and merciless regime that quickly began to churn out highly-trained and professional medical staff for both civilians and ninja, the villagers were very quick to both sing the praises of the medical genius and, eventually, lower their hostility of the newest member of her illustrious clan.

For it appeared that Tsunade hadn't returned solely out of duty, but also for family reasons as well; apparently, as became gradually known as people became slightly more accustomed to seeing them around town together and arguing like mother and delinquent son, often with another, younger woman or a pink pig between them trying desperately to keep the peace, the Senju clan had been related distantly to another clan within the village, one that also had a single member remaining that anyone knew about. It had come as something of a nasty surprise for a lot of people to realise that the child they treated as little more than the spawn of a demon was now a part of the very newly-merged Senju-Uzumaki clan, a clan of two members that, nevertheless, had a lot of pull in the village and the ear of its Hokage.

Such a change had wrong-footed a large number of people, unable to reconcile their hatred of the Kyuubi-container being tied by blood to the Senju princess, though as time went on and it appeared the sky wasn't falling in the unhappiness dissipated, life moved on and it became quite common to see the newest clan member of the village walking around, forehead newly dotted with a clan marking similar to Tsunade's and paying visits to some of the store holders in the village who were now feeling quite proud of themselves and relieved that they'd chosen to stand behind the devil.

After all, the Kyuubi was one issue but it was gone and Naruto himself appeared to be little threat; however an annoyed Senju Tsunade, a woman who could and had blown down buildings with a single finger-flick when she'd heard about how some of them had treated her adopted nephew (she refused to consider him a grandson; she wasn't that old yet), was certainly something no sane person wanted to run the risk of being stood in front of if they had a choice in the matter.

All progressed smoothly, time went by and, when it was time for the Academy to take in its new blood, none seemed to raise an eyebrow as a large number of clan heirs were placed together in the same classes, including the new Senju-Uzumaki who had passed the pre-selection tests adequately and, when asked about the medical test required, merely raised an eyebrow at the med-nin on duty and asked if that was necessary seeing as who his grandmother was. Memories of just how damned scary that woman could be in a professional manner even if she still reflexively twitched and looked away from the sight of blood whenever she saw it still fresh in the man's mind, he hastily shook his head, stated it wasn't necessary that Tsunade-sama know about his misjudgement and quickly ticked off the paperwork, admitting Naruto into the Academy with both his secrets undiscovered.

Both secrets, because, unseen by anyone, under the sleeve of his jacket on his right forearm now rested a seal, a very special seal much like the one on his forehead. However whereas the seal most assumed was a clan marking had a very simple, non-aggressive purpose, the one he had carved into his forearm under the watchful eye of Jiraiya held in check arguably one of the most terrifying weapons ever seen in the Elemental nations, the last secret that had come to Konoha and was unknown save for five people who had been there when it had been unearthed in all its terrible, malignant glory.

XXX

"Here", Naruto called, recognising the place from memory even before he saw or tasted it, "this is it". Ducking under a low branch Jiraiya was first on the scene, his keen eyes scanning the ground as he kept a respectful distance from the thing that his godson claimed had injected the venom that had changed him forever,

"Hmm, doesn't look like much", he commented before hastily defending himself from the jinchuuriki's sardonic gaze, "hey, nothing bad about that, you did a good job in disguising it, whatever it is".

"It's buried, and if I could I'd make sure it stayed that way", Naruto assured him, looking back at the place that had become the crucible of his alteration, his metamorphosis into something that had the potential to become far greater more much more debased than a human, "but I can't run the risk of someone else coming across it; if it nearly killed me Kami-sama alone only knows what would happen to a normal person".

"Nothing pretty I assure you", Tsunade cut in caustically, taking Shizune's arm quite gratefully as her assistant held back some of the branches that had been tangling her hair continually the whole trip, "every time I scan you I swear something miraculous has happened and I have to change your diet again. I never thought I'd say this but I'm grateful that baka's latest book sold so well and sensei was able to get us access to my clan's account; without that you'd have eaten us out of house and home".

"That's not my fault, you know as well as I do a lot of the new bits are still affecting the rest of me and if I don't feed them I tend to suffer for it", Naruto shot back crossly before screwing his face up at the memory that crossed his mind, "though having said that I often suffer even if I do feed them – chewing gravel sucks".

"I don't doubt it Naruto-kun, however could we please hurry this along", the last member of the party cut in, arriving with a shunshin after Jiraiya had let out a small chakra flare that the Sandaime could home in on, "my kage bunshin won't last too long before people get suspicious and I have a council meeting this afternoon I simply must attend in person". Hearing this request the new Senju-Uzumaki nodded and spoke in a fatalistic tone,

"I hear you jiji and I doubt this'll take long", he said with a heavy tone, turning around to look at the ground before him, "I don't feel it trying to repel me any more".

_So, this is it then_; despite himself Naruto felt sweat prickle at his brow as he realised the truth behind that statement; every time he had come here before he had been very aware of the ancient malice, if not intelligence as he was reasonably sure the trap he had sprung wasn't alive itself, that suffused the place, though it had decreased every time and now was little more than a faint echo, a background feeling of brooding rage that could easily turn into murderous wrath at any time, the slightest provocation; _I think it's time_.

"**Steady**", the growl in his ear helped steady his nerves, "**keep your head or I'll be forced to blow it off**".

"Heh, never thought a word from you would be a comfort to me", the jinchuuriki muttered back under his breath, turned away from everyone else he had led here so they couldn't see his lips move; since his working together with the bijuu the two had been able to communicate, though as of yet he hadn't quite managed to work out how to communicate by thought alone, hence the continued whispering, "so, ready for this?"

"**Yes; let's just pray that your thoughts, and mine, were wrong about that which lies buried here**".

"Reckon we'll be that lucky?"

"**I doubt it**".

"Naruto", the sudden call made him blink and, turning around, he saw the woman he called baa-chan regarding him with a calculating eye, "you've been stood there for about a minute; can you get to this thing or can't you?"

"Oops, sorry baa-chan", the Slug sages' eyebrows twitched but she didn't react beyond that as he turned away, "lost in thought for a bit there. Bear with me and I'll see what I can do with this mess"_._

With a last sigh, a few steps forwards and a prayer in his head that he was relatively sure wasn't going to be answered, the jinchuuriki dropped to one knee and began to dig his fingers into the soft sod beneath him.

_The song of the red river of blood was being sung once more but this time the song was remembered. Blood was near, fresh blood and in a living frame; it was the master, had to be for the blood was the same – there was a touch, a slight contact along its length and a rush of power, the strength of the one whose hand now held it was enough._

_Blood called to blood and the call was heeded, accepted and answered_.

He felt a sudden cool hardness under one of his fingers and jolt like a bolt of lightning shot up one arm; Naruto stiffened at the contact and took a long moment to fight down the mingled dread and building excitement that rose within him, the latter of those two emotions scaring him the most as he recognised the emotion for what it was – bloodlust, a desire for war and slaughter than he was forever trying to keep under control and now, holding onto what he now knew the death-god had thrown heedlessly onto his world, was a struggle that was going to get a magnitude harder as he wetted dry lips and spoke in a croaky tone that belied his sudden desire to rip the weapon from the embrace of the earth and hold it aloft, roar in triumph in tune with the blade's roaring,

"Jiji, ero-sennin, can you set up privacy seals around us – I don't know how loud this is going to be".

"You", the Sandaime stepped forwards a touch, trying to peer over the crouching boy's shoulder, "you have it then Naruto-kun?"

"Yes, and it's what I was afraid of", he admitted, not ashamed of owning up to his fear as he dug his fingers through the ground and as far around the pitted metal as he could manage, "the seals, quickly".

Though not used to being admonished by someone a fraction of their ages neither of the older men argued, fingers flying through hand-seals at a speed that would have left lesser nin speechless with envy and within seconds the quintet stood within an area that was for all intents and purposes sealed off from the rest of the world. Naruto didn't care about this, or that the seals used so casually should have taken decades to even learn never mind perform so fluidly; all that mattered to him was the mastery of his own rising excitement and other, darker emotions tied to the burden he was about to take up as he bent his back to the task and heaved upwards with all the strength his altered frame possessed.

The events of the next few moments were ones that would be etched onto the memories and nightmares of those who were there for the rest of their lives; as the Uzumaki pulled upwards and the ground began to crack and heave all present took a subconscious step backwards, fight-or-flight responses beginning to take effect as they noticed the strain etched taut and deep on the back of the jumpsuit-clad ninja even as the earth began to yield its prize and a handle of a strange dull gold, caked in mud, was dragged upwards slightly, out of the ground. A low growling filled the air and Tsunade felt her eyes widen; though she and Shizune better than anyone knew exactly what Naruto could do now as his physiology was adapting and growing all the time so to see the brat Sarutobi had all but forced her to take into her clan at kunai-point show such symptoms of strain was still alarming to say the least. The pants grew louder, deeper breaths and the odd swear-word coming to the fore as Naruto adjusted his stance and pulled upwards, more earth pulling away from the buried thing as the watchers realised it had come to rest almost flat against the soil, though one end appeared to be much heavier than the other as they saw more of what was presumably the handle come to light.

"Hey, gaki, need a…?"

"No!" Naruto dropped the item and spun, the glare on his darkened face one of such intimidation that even Jiraiya backed up several steps before the jinchuuriki appeared to regain control for a moment, shaking his head, "No Jiraiya-san, this is something I have to do myself; no-one else can touch this thing because if it bites them like it bit me their blood will be on my hands, and this blade already has a big enough butcher's bill stuck to its handle. I'll take this sodding thing, alone with these two hands, and I'll tame it, I'll use it if I have to and Kami help anyone who's stupid enough to get in the way of it. Now come on you bitch", without a pause Naruto plunged both hands down, wrapped them around the handle he could see with a grip that would have broken a human wrist and heaved upwards with every ounce of power he could demand from his new frame, vision flickering crimson as he roared with the effort, feeling the ground buckle under him as he ripped the legacy of his creator from the soil like an arrowhead from a wound,

"Out of there!"

There was an explosion of mud, Naruto staggering backwards as the sudden crushing weight flew upwards and almost took him with it before he was able to regain his wits and slam the butt-end of the virtual pole-arm between his feet, taking the weight of the blade in his arms as he caught his breath , closing his reddened eyes as he tried to lower his pounding pulse and not give in to the weapons' dread aura; alone he had to fight the urge to give in to the anger bequeathed to him, with this in his hands it was going to be a fight magnitudes harder than before.

"W, what _is_ that?" The squeak from over his shoulder brought him back to his senses somewhat and with a grunt of effort and using both hands Naruto hefted the weapon clumsily into the air, tottering around slowly as he became accustomed to the weight and letting his audience see the full dread magnificence of what he had unearthed from the ground.

It was a weapon, in fact no, it was worse than that; as each beheld the heavy head, the haft as long as Jiraiya's body and the whole thing similar to his weight if the strain on Naruto's face was anything to go by, all four who saw the terrifying silhouette that loomed over them were forced to admit that what the jinchuuriki held was not a mere weapon, it was a tool for outright butchery. Its sole purpose was to kill, to maim and to rend – there was nothing positive that could come out of the teeth of such a terrible blade even as the Toad sage, first to regather his wits, was able to swallow down his copious trepidation and speak,

"What is it Naruto?" The response he got made the legendary pervert think his godson had sneezed or cleared his throat before he realised it was a ward, though not one in any language he'd ever heard before, "Sorry, what was that?"

"The name", Naruto confirmed, looking up and along the haft of his new, reluctant weapon and once more biting back a shudder as he thought about how many lives it had reaped in its grim harvest, how many souls it had sent screaming into the afterlife to appease its dark master, "this weapon had, or even has a name and much as I don't like it I have to use it".

"And", Sarutobi asked cautiously, one eye still on the raised head of the awful thing that even from where he was standing practically radiated killing intent, "does this name translate at all into our language".

At this question Naruto closed his eyes and exhaled for a long moment before, reluctantly, nodding and speaking a single word, channelling a sliver of his chakra into the beast at the same time. Even as the name swirled into the air and burned its way into the minds of all who heard it, it was drowned out by the final, terrible secret of the unearthed abomination and the inner sanctum of the privacy seals was destroyed from within by the keening, rending scream of a horror from the dawn of a distant era unleashed, for better or worse, upon a virgin world once more.

XXX

"Ah Tsunade-sama", the words from the side of him jerked the head of the Uchiha clan from his brooding introspection, the thoughts of his most recent clan meetings chased away from his mind as he glanced over with his lip curling at the sight of the head of the house of mutts greeting the drunken old sot who'd returned and thrown a large stone in the path of the Uchiha clans' rightful destiny, "you managed to bust out your office for a while then?"

"Yeah", the Senju-Uzumaki said tiredly, flopping down next to Tsume as the Inuzuka's nin-ken shuffled along the ground to a more comfortable position, out of range of being accidentally trodden on but the older woman, "should be free for as long as it takes Shizune-chan to patch the hole up. She needs to get a man in her life". Tsume grinned ferally,

"Well if that's your problem I could ask around – I'm pretty sure there'd be a few in my clan who'd be able to show her a good time". The idea of her protégé trying to keep up with one of the animalistic clan was enough to make even as jaded a soul as Tsunade chuckle,

"Much as that'd be fun to see I don't think she'd survive it; apart from that I think she might have her eye on someone but I can't prove it yet. Naruto's on the case so hopefully we'll know for sure soon, in the meantime though", a positively evil smirk lit up the medic's face as she glance sidelong at her fellow clan head, "that's an idea to keep the little busybody off my back – behave and give me my sake or I'll tie you up and chuck you into the Inuzuka grounds". The idea made Tsume snicker in tandem before her sensitive nose picked up someone approaching, she bit back a groan and whispered out the corner of her mouth,

"Don't look now but…"

"Ah, Tsunade-sama", the voice made the head of the Konoha hospital close her eyes and pray internally for patience as Fugaku glanced over her shoulder to see the students lining up at the edge of the sparring circle, "come to see the entertainment?"

"I don't class the spectacle of children beating each other up as entertainment Uchiha-san", she replied frostily, picking Naruto out of the crowd easily enough due to his hair and uniform, "unlike you I have to stick them back together when they get hurt". To his credit the Uchiha nodded at this as his own eyes fell on his second heir, the boy progressing as nicely as could be expected for a child who didn't have the natural talent and genius of Itachi,

"True enough and a grim duty that must be, but there is no other way to prepare them for the rigours of shinobi life. And anyway, you should be proud Tsunade-sama, having your heir second in the class ranking is a great achievement".

The not-so subtle dig didn't provoke a reaction on the face of a kunoichi as experienced as Tsunade though it was a bitter enough pill to swallow; Naruto, for all his untapped potential and the advantages his altered frame granted him, was never going to be anything close to an ideal student and his lowered classroom grades dragged his average to lower than that of Fugaku's second son Sasuke. _As if he'd ever let anyone forget about that, two children graduating as rookies of the year and his head would never be able to fit through a doorway again without him turning sideways_;

"It is indeed, the reason I'm here in fact is to check the brat's been doing as he was told", she said in a casual tone, though the slight consternation on the faces of both Tsume and Fugaku were well worth seeing as the dog-nin eventually cracked first,

"Uhh, what do you mean doing as he's told?" The former tracker-nin inquired in a would-be casual tone, "From what Kiba told me he's pretty much undefeated in sparring, in fact the only times he loses are due to time-out – a lot of the time he actually doesn't fight, just critiques the others on their stances and moves. Kiba's spending a lot of time trying to figure out a way to bring him down; he wants to be the first to score a proper win against him". Tsunade laughed,

"Ha, good that he's got the competitive streak but I'm afraid he's too late – I can and do have to put that gaki in his place at least once a week and if I'm otherwise engaged Shizune-chan can do it as well. He's getting better though, one of the reasons I'm here actually is to check he's keeping his head in a fight now rather than flying off the handle"; _though, truth be told, none of us have ever seen him properly lose his temper, he controls it all the time. Just as well too_; despite herself and the recent improvements she'd made with her phobia, recalling the glimpses of the monster she'd seen in from the blood of the kid she'd adopted on behest of her sensei in order to give him a semblance of balance and grounding in his life was still enough to make her shudder even now; _if he ever truly lost it I doubt anyone could hold him back without outright killing him, least of all if he starts using that damned axe as well_.

"Well from what he told me of Naruto's fighting skills flying off the handle's not an issue", Tsume said in a reassuring tone, mistaking Tsunades' shudder for something else, "and anyway, after a minute we'll see for ourselves, they're about to start".

Some fifteen minutes later and Tsunade was feeling a lot more reassured than she had been fifteen minutes ago; though logically she'd known that if Naruto had been going wild during sparring there would have been a stream of angry and frightened parents hammering on her clan house door, emotionally seeing her pseudo-son restraining himself was a great comfort. He also seemed to have inherited some of the nursing instinct from his nearest and dearest if the way he seemed to be there to check up on other competitors following their bouts was anything to go by; even if medical jutsu would likely be forever beyond his shoddy chakra control, even he could learn that the best curse for a bloody nose was to pinch it until it stopped bleeding. His fighting style also appeared to be based around that of a medical ninja as his principle goal seemed to be avoiding attacks and then counter-attacking, though as the spars progressed and he came up against more skilled opponents he was forced to use slightly more of his skills and reflexes to dodge attacks – though Tsunade knew he was holding back, she was rather impressed at the Hyuuga who'd managed to land a couple of shots against her fellow clan member, though she was slightly grateful that the girl never activated her Byakugan as that might have let her see slightly more than anyone wanted Naruto to reveal right now.

Still, after the sensei had called time on the bout and given the jinchuuriki the victory Naruto ruffled the hair of the girl who had come close to toppling him with her own skills and was then forced to quickly catch her as she passed out from either exhaustion or heat-stroke (at this range the medic couldn't tell), the next bout began and, after a moment, someone was moved to make a comment at the raised hand of the victor,

"Ah, as expected", Fugaku stated solemnly as the other two clan heads watched the Uchiha leave the arena as his opponent came to one knee, head no doubt still spinning after the throw that had sent him tumbling over half the fighting rings' length, "though that victory was far from flawless; I'd expect him to do better against such, straightforward opposition".

"What your mouth Uchiha", Tsume growled back, watching her son shake off a hand from the instructor overseeing the bouts and leave the circle under his own power, head slightly down as he contemplated his latest loss, "just because we don't all hot-house our kids into perfect little killing machines as soon as they can walk doesn't give you the right to talk down to anyone. Sasuke can fight well but Kiba's learning quick enough and his nin-ken isn't big enough to fight yet".

"True enough, that is certainly true; once he gets that partner trained to a suitable level I'm sure he'll pose more of a challenge", the Uchiha spoke in that tone the entire clan seemed to possess, one that was faintly condescending to everyone save another Uchiha without apparently meaning to be, "still it is no great loss; we are a clan of front-line combatants, we must have the best taijutsu to perform our duties".

The insinuation was almost enough to make the Inuzuka discard decorum entirely and simply go in swinging; however even as she was trying to calm herself down and not rise to the bait another voice cut in, Tsunade looking the Uchiha dead in the eye, her words a soft as a dagger being drawn across a vulnerable throat,

"So you think that none save the ninja who traditionally fight on the front lines should be taught or work on their taijutsu then Fugaku-san?"

"No, that is putting words in my mouth", the Uchiha patriarch shot back, dark eyes flashing as he recalled the ancient enmity that existed between his clan and that of the Senju, "I merely point out that I expect my son to be placed at the forefront of Konoha's forces and therefore expect him to be outclass any opposition he comes up against; for him to do otherwise would mean his death". Tsunade seemed to consider this for a moment before, after cocking her head, she nodded succinctly,

"There's truth in that I'll admit Fugaku-san, there's truth", she admitted before a slightly more predatory expression graced her ageless face and she smirked evilly, "and since it's likely that nephew of mine will end up in the same place I guess he should get some practice in as well. Naruto…"

_What?_; though Slug sannin had raised her voice somewhat Tsume didn't understand why; _there's no way he'd hear that all the way over…_; her jaw dropped open as even before her disbelieving eyes she saw the blonde now taking his place opposite the Uchiha for the final spar of the day appear to prick his ears as the older woman finished her short, clipped orders,

"…don't break anything important".

_Who spat in her sake dish?_; much as the former Uzumaki was all for cutting at least a little loose when given the chance he didn't like doing so against people his own age; _then again, I don't like fighting Shizune-neechan – her poisons are always a pain in the ass to purge as that lump on my kidney hasn't fully started working yet and it's no fun continually getting stomped on by Ero-sennin and jiji, so it'll be fun to try and win outright just this once_. Though his ear was indistinguishable from a normal human ear it was able to pick up the voice of the impromptu head of his clan perfectly through the hubbub and, despite how much grief this was likely to give him in the future, he nodded shallowly to show he understood. Almost as soon as he'd done so he found himself nodding again as Iruka-sensei asked if he was ready, though even as the chunin raised his hand a sudden shout made him glance across at his sparring partner,

"Hey, dansa; are we going to actually fight today or are you just going to prance around like you usually do?" _Yeah_; for the first time in a long time the jinchuuriki allowed just the merest hint of the potential malice that infested him at a microscopic level to manifest in his genial but somewhat chilling smile; _just this once_;

"Sasuke-teme if we were actually fighting I'd have knifed you in the back while you were strutting your way up here", he pointed out reasonably, the Uchiha opening his mouth to argue with this before realising that he had gone up the steps to fighting area in front of the Senju-Uzumaki; _damn, and tou-san said never turn your back on one of them_; "but, as we're here, we may as well spar". Dropping into the crouching stance that Kyuubi had shown him so often in the memories he'd seen from the ancient past, Naruto merely grinned as the teachers' hand came down and the bout began.

Sasuke could barely believe his ears; for months now he'd been trying to tackle this last obstacle in his way to cementing his rightful place as the best student in the year, the first task in the long, hard battle to try and measure up to his illustrious older brother, and now right in front of his father he had the chance. Even Itachi had admitted that against the head of the Senju-Uzumaki clan he would have to be exceptionally lucky to pull out even a draw as the woman's skill in genjutsu rivalled his own and she had even better chakra control, so if he could smash the orphan she'd taken under her wing into the dirt that would be one way of one-upping the pride of his clan. Because of that offer he was almost bouncing on the balls of his feet as he waited impatiently for the bout to begin; almost before Iruka could get himself to a safe distance Sasuke sprang to the attack, blistering speed and aggression turning him into a blur as he led with his foot in a lancing kick. Naruto for his part was no longer in front of the kick but this was expected, the yellow-bellied Senju had never been ones for a straight fight so he'd expected the move and lashed out with a counter-punch. Oddly enough Naruto wasn't there either, not even a touch registered Sasuke's knuckles as he withdrew his fist back to his guard and span around, Naruto retreating a pace from the blind-spot he'd moved himself into merely waiting for the Uchiha's next move.

Sasuke grit his teeth but forced himself to stay calm; getting angry would do nothing but hand his enemy an advantage; _damn, how fast was he moving to almost get behind me?_ It wasn't a question he had much time to ponder as for the first time he could remember Naruto went on the attack and Sasuke found himself back-pedalling and dodging rapidly to try and avoid the rapid jabbing strikes that were flying towards him. He wasn't entire successful in this endeavour and a few agonising jabs of pain bloomed in his forearms, one in his ribs as the tips of Naruto's fingers hit home like blunted kunai thrown by his brother, but despite the pain he smiled grimly to himself; in his urge to hit the Uchiha the stupid Senju was leaving larger and larger holes in his defence and one good strike through them would be enough to snap a few ribs and prove which clan was more worthy to have founded the Hidden Leaf village. _There!_; a slip, the faintest hint of improper footwork and Sasuke struck like a coiled spring, bringing the heel of his foot around in a lightning strike towards the gaping gap that had appeared in his opponents' defences; glancing over his shoulder to direct his attack however, it was only when he saw the blue eyes flare open with dangerous intent that he realised the gap he was aiming towards was nothing more than a cunning ambush and he'd walked right into it.

The foot that appeared to be slipping suddenly rifled forwards like a cannonball and had a similar effect on Sasuke's standing leg; balance destroyed by the low kick the Uchiha began toppling helplessly forwards, roundhouse kick losing both momentum and direction as his body position collapsed downwards to where Naruto was eagerly awaiting him. Having slid into a crouch from his kick, the jinchuuriki now used all the power in his thighs, hips and the torsion from his waist to straighten up with one trailing arm and catch Sasuke under the chin with the crook of his elbow, a devastating clothes-line lifting the Uchiha clean off his feet. Not wanting to carry this spar on for fear of having to reveal more of his potential than he cared to, Naruto casually continued his brief spin but this time angled his arm downwards, dropping to one knee as he slammed his opponent neck-first into the dirt.

Sasuke was unconscious before his heels hit the floor.

Exhaling slowly and defying the small voice in the back of his head that was screaming at him to rend the one who had dared cross blades with him limb from limb to let the red gore flow, Naruto quickly glanced down and performed a cursory check of the comatose Uchiha. Not even hearing the slow clapping around him mature into cheers for the fight the crowd had been treated to the jinchuuriki was grateful to see that he'd judged his last attack almost perfectly; had he used too much force there would have been a very real risk of snapping Sasuke's spine like a stick of celery; but from the looks of things it appeared that with a good night's rest and a few stretching exercises he'd be good as new. Pushing himself upright the Kyuubi container made a gesture of respect towards his downed opponent before nodding to Iruka-sensei and leaving the arena, wondering exactly what must have annoyed Tsunade enough to ask him to go into a fight like this for a reason other than working on his dodging practice.

The woman in question was currently feeling pride flow through her body as she saw her clan members' performance and found it flawless; he had used the minimum force required to take his opponent down and then, like any good medic, checked he'd survive to either fight another day or for transit to the T&I department afterwards. She didn't dare look to the side of her though; she knew her limits and the thunderous expression Fugaku was doubtless wearing would be too tempting for her not to pass a comment on; instead she went for the sensible option of standing up and shaking her head for a moment before letting out a sigh,

"Well show's over for today; better get back to work before Shizune-chan gnaws off what's left of her fingernails". With that the Slug sage turned and made to push gently past a few people to leave the Academy grounds, a grinning Inuzuka Tsume on her heels and leaving behind a very disgruntled Uchiha Fugaku, the leader of the Sharingan clan glaring down at his prostrate son with his arms folded and a thin scowl on his lips.

Obviously Sasuke was overdue further taijutsu lessons; his mind had been clouded by attempting the Grand Fireball jutsu and trying to gain early entry into Uchiha adulthood, following in the footsteps of his brother. He was not Itachi however, he would have to wait to be accorded that honour; it was intolerable that an Uchiha boy would lose to one of the Senju clan, for an Uchiha man to run the risk of likewise would be an insult unbearable to the clans' pride; _though, should the plan of our elders succeed, soon all of Konoha will know of the pride of the Uchiha and the price that must be paid for scouring that pride as this village has_.

XXX

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"No!"

"Ye…ah! Nice try hime but you've got to get up pretty early in the morning to fool the Gallant Jiraiya", the Toad Sage crowed jubilantly as his kunoichi counterpart folded her arms and scowled thunderously, neither of the arguing ninja apparently aware of their audience of two as Shizune was torn between shrivelling up in mortification and breaking down in hysterics at the sight of her mentor and her long-term annoyance going at it hammer and tongs.

Sarutobi on the other hand, having seen this scene before far too often, was mentally totting up the reasons not to do away violently with the pair of his squabbling students and, seeing the list diminishing at a very rapid rate, the Hokage exerted his authority by banging on the tabletop loudly enough for both sannin to look over into his ruddy face and glowering expression,

"I pride myself on being a kind and patient man most of the time but I swear to the Kami if you two don't both _sit down _and_ shut up_ I will beat you both like a pair of old hearth-rugs and then summon Enma-dono – he hasn't forgotten that little joke my adorable genin played on him when I left them in his capable hands during one of their first D-ranks. The one with the dangling banana and the tub of golden syrup…" The reminder made both sannin wince and hastily end their quarrel, Jiraiya shivering as he remembered the gleam that had appeared in the then-middle aged ape's eyes just before he'd dispersed himself back to the summoning realm after Sarutobi-sensei's impassioned pleas for him not to messily dismember his first trio of students for besmirching both his honour and his fur,

"Man that was nearly forty years ago; how long can a monkey hold a grudge?"

"Long enough", Sarutobi cautioned him before sighing and massaging his temples as he considered the issue that had been brought up by the ninja before him, "so, you're both, or all I should say, worried about what's going to happen to Naruto-kun following him graduating in a few months from now?"

"Yes and don't deny you haven't been either sensei", Tsunade retorted, back on track after the older ninjas' question, "I know you too well to think you haven't had your eye on this problem, probably for longer than me and this baka have. You know my thoughts on the matter…"

"Him and the rest of Konoha", Shizune muttered under her breath, though of course no noise could penetrate the Hokage's security seals but either way she had somewhere to go and someone she'd much rather be with than these three cantankerous old shinobi. Fortunately her mentor didn't hear her and carried on regardless,

"…Naruto-kun would not fit into a standard Konoha team; it'd be like hammering a round peg into a square hole, least of all when, and it will be when not if, he has to drop that seal we placed on his forehead. He never says anything but I know he hates lying to his friends and none of them have ever seen his real face; heck even I've barely seen it more than a handful of times and only then to check how all the additions to his brain are melding together and working. In addition to him completely skewing any team he's placed on even if he goes out there as top graduate, he's at a much greater risk of losing control out there – I know his mind is iron most of the time and it hasn't happened yet", she conceded in the face of Jiraiya's knowing look before carrying on, "but I believe the risk would be lowered if he was apprenticed to myself, or another head of department in Konoha, even Ibiki-san. That way he's got less of a risk of coming into contact with anything that might tip him over the edge".

"On the contrary hime, I have to say that being out there could be the best thing that ever happened to him", Jiraiya countered the medic with his own thoughts on the matter with his own when it became apparent Tsunade had said all she had to say on the subject, "you say he's at a higher risk of breaking out there, I disagree, in fact I think the exact opposite. After intense physical training or even better, hard sparring, the gaki is a lot calmer for a long time afterwards; he admits it, not gracefully but he does say that he's been made into something that was simply built to fight – trying to lock him up in an admin post somewhere would be the equivalent of putting a tiger in a cage. It would live there but it would likely never be happy and there would always be a risk that it would break free and go on a rampage, no matter how good or nice people had been to him in the past. Out in the field he'll always have the opportunity to fight, or at least feel like he's protecting his village and the people in it and as long as he's feeling that rather than itching for a bloodbath, he'll have more reason to resist that terror in his mind".

Sarutobi looked from one to the other of his students, secretly proud that they'd been able to put together such convincing arguments for each point even if their method of displaying these points was somewhat lacking in tact and high in volume, before he let out a breath of his own and added his own conclusions to the mix,

"I must admit that I do agree with Jiraiya somewhat; from what I've seen of Naruto-kun he is not someone who would have ever been comfortable sitting behind a desk and feeling his comrades were fighting for the village without him even before his changes; with his new circumstances I believe it would be impossible for him to be contained and, if that weren't bad enough, the story he told us began with a single slight on a warriors' pride – thanks to him we now all know how that story ended. However", before Jiraiya could start looking too smug Sarutobi threw that caveat in there, thinly amused as the smirk the Toad sage had been wearing appeared to hover in the air before plastering itself to Tsunade's lips as she heard him go on, "Naruto-kun would also not fit well into any team even as he is now and certainly not if he let his true nature come to the fore; his power is astounding and the psychological effect of his, weapon", a short, cold pause followed such a mention, even the three hardened ninja still finding it hard to reconcile that something so downright hostile to life could have ever been forged, never mind actually used in combat, "would probably be enough to break a fresh genin should it ever taste blood in anger; the effects we got back from our clones were bad enough".

"Not to mention that cow carcass he had a go at", Shizune piped up, shuddering as she recalled seeing the after-effects of a single swing of her adopted otouto's glaive, "and that was a dead target, the impact of seeing something like that used on a living thing is something even Ibiki-san would condemn as cruel and unusual torture, even on an enemy".

"Possibly but then again, there are very few lines Ibiki-san wouldn't cross to ensure Konoha was safe; however that's off topic", the Sandaime declared gently, "the original problem still stands, that Naruto-kun requires what you might call special handling out in the field. I cannot hold him in Konoha because not only would it look too suspicious that I'm not willing to risk a jinchuuriki, by rights the most powerful of tools", neither of his students gainsaid him on this point as they knew his distaste in considering anyone under his command as a mere weapon, "on the battlefield, but also Naruto-kun himself must have field experience before he can rise in rank and hopefully take this hat off my head".

"So what do we do then sensei? I could take him with me on my duties but, again, it's not what he needs; he's never going to be a secrecy operative, it's not his style and apart from that his preferred method of fighting's far too loud anyway, especially if he brings the 'big daddy' out to play".

"I suggest an apprenticeship", the Sandaime replied to his white-haired student, a crafty smile on his lips as he elaborated, "placing Naruto-kun with a single jounin would allow him to both have a guiding hand in his future ninja studies and only increase the number of people who know his secrets by one. I have a candidate in mind already for his jounin-sensei…"

"Hahaha, you crafty old codger", he was cut off by Jiraiya's sudden raucous laughter, "I must be getting better at my job if I can read you that well. I know who you're after and I agree".

"Well I don't and won't agree until I see exactly who you're talking about", Tsunade cut in, pointing to the side of her, "I was going to suggest Shizune-chan".

"A good choice as I know Naruto-kun would do all in his power to protect his nee-chan", despite herself Shizune blushed at the compliment, "but I don't believe she's the kind of front-line teacher he'll need – my original choice would have been Maito Gai but", despite himself Sarutobi couldn't help but smirk as he watched the three younger ninja shudder at the thoughts of that screwball getting his hands on their precious little gaki; _after all, I doubt even the rain of blood could survive the Flames of Youth unscathed_; "he already has a team".

"And good luck to them", Tsunade declared before nodding towards the crystal ball, "so then, let's see which poor sap's drawn your short straw and make it quick; Shizune-chan's got a hot date in an hour or so. Aha", as the woman in question suddenly blushed the med-nin struck, laughing out loud and pointing out her student's mortification, "I knew it! No escape Shi-shi-chan; tell me who the lucky guy who's going to be giving me grandbabies is or I'll tickle it out of you later!"

"EEee", the raven-maned woman squirmed, red to the roots of her hair, "shishou!"

"Tsunade-chan enough, leave the poor girl be unless you want me to spill a few of your little crushes from when you were younger", in the face of such a threat from her teacher the Slug sage was forced to reluctantly back down though Shizune knew with depressing certainty this was far from over, "still, apart from this selection I also have an idea of actively testing Naruto-kun's control in a… semi-controlled live-exercise. There have been reports from the ANBU of a potential traitor in our ranks and I believe that, very soon, he will show his hand; when that happens", the Hokage smiled, an edge as cold and keen as that of the youngest Senju-Uzumaki's blade tempering such an expression and reminding all present how he'd earned his title of Kami no Shinobi,

"I believe Naruto-kun should be the one to show the traitor exactly what he is capable of and tear that hand straight off".

XXX

_I'm not going out like this_; even as the thought ran through his mind Umino Iruka was forced to admit the situation looked grim – he was bleeding from a wide variety of nicks and cuts which all stung and hampered his mobility, a lucky strike from his enemy had blurred his vision and caused what he was fairly sure was a concussion if his unresponsive body was anything to go by while his opponent was not only completely fresh but also still had the element of surprise. Worst of all though, despite the fact his former friend was a traitor who'd stolen one of Konoha's most sacred treasures, Iruka wasn't sure that even if he had the chance, he would be able to kill his own heart enough to put down the treacherous snake Mizuki had turned out to be; _but I can't die here, there's so much I haven't done. I haven't handed out the team assignments for tomorrow, never got to see the newest class graduate…_

…_didn't get a chance to tell Shizune-chan what she means to me_.

"You shouldn't have followed me Iruka", the voice sounded doleful as his spinning vision saw his former best friend slowly detach one of his windmill shuriken from his back, "I would just have left without trace, without bloodshed but you just couldn't let it lie".

"Why?"

"Why?" The traitorous teaching assistant parroted before laughing darkly, "Why not – someone came to me with a better offer than Konoha and I accepted his terms – power for a service. I'm sick of being chained down, held back here; I'm going to someone who will let me attain and then achieve my potential. For what it's worth though I am sorry", a flicker of regret crossed Mizuki's face as he span his shuriken casually, "I never wanted to kill you but, I can't leave any loose en…"

The demon shuriken fell to the forest floor with a soft thump as a kunai appeared to materialise in the meat of Mizuki's arm; the wound was so sudden that for a long second both teachers could only stare at the weapon that had landed before, just as the white-haired chunin proceeded to howl with agony and wrench the bloody blade from his tissues, a soft voice cut into his former rant conversationally,

"Strange you talking about regrets sensei", Senju-Uzumaki Naruto spoke in an almost whimsical tone as he stepped out from behind the tree he'd approached the fight from and weighed his options in a heart-beat; _gotta keep his attention on me. This is my test and apart from that Shizune-neechan would never forgive me if anything happened to her Dolphin-kun because of this_; "I never really liked you anyway so I'm not going to regret this for a second".

"Naruto", despite his swimming head Iruka recognised the voice of this years' top graduate, "get, get out of here…"

"And leave you with a traitor in the state you're in? I don't think so", the boy replied with a dangerous smirk as he watched Mizuki try to staunch the flow of blood from his split muscle, "besides, I have a test to finish".

"Test?" Iruka could have sworn the blood-loss was making him delirious as he tried to come to his feet, shaking his head to try and see straight enough to fight effectively, "Naruto this, Mizuki is crazed! He'll kill you!"

"He's welcome to try but I doubt he'll succeed; even if he could take me down the ANBU are already on their way", the genin told him, raising his voice to make sure Mizuki could hear him, "you actually held him up so much I had to come looking for him; jiji expected him to get least to the inner patrols by now. Hear that teme", the Senju-Uzumaki called over as Mizuki tried to draw his last weapon left-handed, "this was a set-up from the start, the Sandaime knew what you were planning and left it to me to come up with a way of dealing with it. You're not a serious threat to the village, in fact he left the route to the scroll pretty much open for you – the ANBU are en route and you don't have a cat in hells' chance against them; surrender and tell them everything you know and you might get a swift blade in the neck as a reward".

_Didn't think he'd take the easy way out_; despite himself Naruto couldn't help but smile widely as he watched the man who had once been a teacher of his completely lose it; throwing his head back and cackling wildly Mizuki seemed past caring about pain as he pulled the last shuriken off his back with his wounded arm;_ouch, that's gotta smart, especially as I'm reasonably sure I nicked the brachial artery_;

"Reward? No, the reward I'll be granted is one much grander than death, the whole village will praise my name when I bring back the head of the demon who stole the Forbidden scroll", out of his mind with what Naruto assumed was a potent brew of anger, pain, humiliation and outright insanity Mizuki drew back his arm, "you killed all those villagers and shinobi twelve years ago; the Yondaime had to sacrifice himself to stop you! You are the Kyuubi, now die!"

With that the lethal star span forwards, the shuriken launched with a scream as Mizuki hurled his spite and hatred towards the one who had thwarted his ambitions forever.

_Gotta move, gotta move_; despite his own wounds Iruka lurched forwards in an attempt to knock Naruto out the way, the boy frozen ridged with shock by Mizuki screaming out the S-ranked secret that concerned him. His legs wouldn't support him however and he collapsed to one knee, only able to look up and see as the demon shuriken whizzed forwards, the insane glee in Mizuki's eyes glowing eerily brighter as he watched his attack hit home, the demon brat only able to raise one arm in a futile defence that the shuriken bit deep into before…stopping, lodging in the monster's forearm but going on further, eliciting nothing more than a pained grimace from the transformed kitsune as it reached up and pulled the shuriken free. There was a rustling noise as Naruto let the weapon that had injured him fall to the floor, eyes never leaving the frozen face of his former teacher as he felt his enhanced physiology get to work healing the laceration; _just cut through muscle and scraped the bone, should be right as rain by tomorrow_;

"Well, you told me one secret, guess I should let you know about another", the jinchuuriki pointed out mildly before jabbing a thumb up towards the bridge of his nose, Iruka reducing to staring as he watched the blood on his students' arm, almost black under the moonlight, start to clot and scab over, "everyone thinks this is just a clan marking but it's not, it's a seal just like baa-chans is. Now baa-chan uses hers to store chakra and activate her most powerful medical ninjutsu but as well as that there's another component to it; the seal powers her Eternal Beauty technique using a sliver of her chakra. It's not a genjutsu, it's a fuuinjutsu-anchored ninjutsu that permanently alters her face unless she runs out of chakra – mine does the same but it affects my whole body. So Mizuki-teme, the fox was an S-ranked secret you knew, here's one you didn't…"

With that the blonde made a few hand-seals and whispered 'kai' under his breath, his body becoming suffused with a light glow as the seal on his forehead shone briefly and then disappeared. Iruka was forced to look away for a moment before being able to blink the brightness away and look back at his student; as he did so though, as he did and stared up at the new figure that had appeared his mouth dried up and he was in a strange way obliquely grateful for Mizuki being able to ask the question that was at the forefront of his mind,

"Wha", the traitor managed to gasp as his appalled eyes beheld the man who stood before him now, "what _are_ you?"

The man who had once been Senju-Uzumaki Naruto whipped his eyes upwards and in that pitiless, ravening stare Mizuki lost both his voice, then his courage as the cold blue eyes impaled him and a deep, gravelly voice so unlike Naruto's usual cheery, playful yell issued forwards like a body being dragged over earth as the leg muscles swelled, preparing to spring,

"Fear me, for I am your apocalypse".

Seconds later it was over; Mizuki had been too overawed to put up any kind of defence as the proto-genin had leapt up to his branch in a single stride and laid into him. As his one-time friend plummeted towards the forest floor unconscious, followed quickly by the one who'd hammered him into that comatose state, Iruka was left to gawp hopelessly as who he could only assume and hope was Naruto checked the life-signs of the man he'd just beaten before glancing across at him. Despite himself and his confidence in his own abilities Iruka had to swallow hard as the man who now stood more or less at eye-level with him approached, one eye on his own nicks and scrapes before speaking,

"Best get you to hospital Iruka-sensei; some of those look a bit deeper than I'm happy with. Got you with a kunai attack did he?"

"Err, hai, ambush, didn't see it until the last minute", the chunin managed to speak before the surrealistic nature of the situation caught up with him and he managed to ask the burning question, "Naruto what…?" "Secret, as I said; which reminds me", once more he made a series of hand-seals and glowed for a minute, the boy Iruka was familiar with as being called Naruto reappearing as the light faded, seal in its normal position on his forehead as he carried on, "better put the damned thing back on. Now what you've just seen is an S-ranked matter so there's two ways you can find out about it properly – one, convince either me or the Sandaime to tell you about it or, two, marry into the family".

The oblique reference made Iruka knit his eyebrows for a moment before seeing the point Naruto was driving at and turning away in embarrassment,

"Ah, well, yes Shizune-chan and I…"

"That's your business", Naruto brushed off his apologies with a raised hand before suddenly dropping it and impaling his teacher with a death-stare that the Kyuubi itself would have been proud to call his own, "but if you break my nee-chan's heart I'll break every bone in your body, then I'll drag you to baa-chan, let her heal you up and break them all over again. Got the picture?"

"Uh, hai?" Iruka was fairly sure he was becoming delusional by this point but the sight of the broken, bleeding heap of flesh that had once been a friend of his lying at the foot of the tree Naruto had hammered him out of he thought it best to just agree until he could make something like sense out of the situation. Fortunately Naruto appeared to be happy enough to determine that one death-threat and a near-death experience was enough for the chunin to suffer one night and his traditional grin lit up the night as he offered the injured man his arm,

"Right then sensei, let's get you to hospital and then jiji; he'll need to stamp the mission complete and then talk to my teacher in the morning. Don't worry about the traitor the ANBU will, in fact I think they've just left", sure enough, when Iruka looked back, there was no trace that Mizuki had ever been in the clearing, Konoha's elite unit getting rid of all evidence as they took him into custody, "so all we've got to worry about is you…ah".

It appeared that this information was finally too much for the chunin's formidable resolve as with a roll of the eyes Iruka collapsed into unconsciousness, leaving his former student scratching his head as he looked down at the sprawled man and tried to think of a clever way he could drag his sensei to Konoha's hospital that wouldn't look suspicious, his last words sighed into the night as he hoisted the chunin onto his shoulders and looked back to the village,

"Never mind then".

XXX

Mitarashi Anko was in a bad mood.

Though several uncharitable souls would have reacted to this news with a shrug and a muttered comment of tell them something they didn't know, there was a definite edge of melancholy to the way the special jounin; _full jounin now, one good thing that came out of this whole mess_; finished picking her teeth with a dango skewer and flung it to finish the outline of a Leaf in the bark of a tree some dozen feet from where she was lounging. It wasn't the same though, she knew exactly where she wanted to stick every single one of the those skewers and only the thought of what Iruka might say because of her maiming his new girlfriend was enough to stop her from saying farewell to the cruel world that seemed to continually spurn her for its own amusement, throwing in her headband and going out in a last blaze of glory, dragging the one who'd taken the only person in Konoha who ever seemed to give a damn about her into the abyss for the ride.

She had been too late and that was the most galling thing of all; if only she'd finished that last mission on time she could have had a chance to speak to the Dolphin ninja; she had promised herself that this time she would really do it, she'd actually speak to him and if he turned her down she'd at least be able to live knowing she tried – now it looked like she wouldn't get the chance. Iruka-kun, who should be _her_ Iruka-kun, was instead sniffing around that damned med-nin who hung around with a pig, a drunk and a demon-container; Anko couldn't understand it – what did Shizune-unmei have that she didn't? _Still, time to brood later_; she broke off her mournful introspection at the sound of someone small moving at rapid speed towards her location, the student that she now couldn't wait to get shot of knowing who he was; _no, that's not fair, I can't fail him for being related to the harlot who took Iruka-kun. I'll just have to fail him for being a poor ninja instead and_; she glanced around the tree she was leant against and promptly blinked at the brightness of the suit he wore; _judging by that get-up I don't think there'd be much of a case for the defence if I did just that_;

"Anko-sensei?" The call caught her slightly off-guard and made her look around the tree again, sighing internally as she recognised that yes, that was definitely her student, "Senju-Uzumaki Naruto reporting for duty".

"So you are; right then maggot", peeling herself from off the tree that had been supporting her weight even since her shadow clone had asked he-who-was-not-to-be-named-or-thought-about to send him over to her home away from home (she wasn't being a coward, she just didn't want to talk to him just yet, maybe in a few millennia she'd have calmed down enough to stop wanting to stab the nearest sharp object through every photo she'd ever owned of the ninja with the cute scar over his nose), Anko appraised the student before her before sighing and jerking a thumb over her shoulder, "inside, I'll explain in there".

Thankfully for her miserable mood and his immediate health Naruto didn't go off into one of the demanding rants that had marked him out in his early childhood, instead nodding and scrambling over the fence as Anko jumped it, setting off towards the trail she'd set up within the confines of training area forty-four with single-minded intent. She didn't check over her shoulder to make sure her student was still on her tail as, in her mind, that was part of the test and anyway, if he did get lost she'd fish him out of whatever trouble he landed himself in, eventually – to her chagrin, however, he kept up with her all the way until, in a space she'd cleared in the forest with a swift katon jutsu, she stopped, span on her heel and faced him down,

"Okay then hot-shot they told me you're the year's top rookie, that right?"

"Kami alone knows how but for my sins yeah".

"Well get it out your head, it means nothing", Anko tore him down but without true malice in her tone as Naruto genuinely didn't seem too bothered by the title he'd won at the Academy, "out in the big wide world all that little kiddy-crap is just that, kiddy-crap – I have no idea why but our beloved Sandaime has taken it upon himself to take on the council, secure a promotion for me and then saddle me with you as a one-on-one student, any idea why that might be?" Naruto pondered this for a moment; he knew the answer of course; in fact it was up to him to tell his new sensei exactly what that answer was; but for now he merely looked up for a minute,

"Because it's fun to listen to the councils bitch and moan, 'specially since they wouldn't dare touch him now he's got baa-chan and ero-sennin backing him up?" The idea made the Snake Mistress chuckle briefly before the laughter died on her lips and she sighed, folding her arms,

"Possibly but either way it doesn't matter; standard spiel is that you're not a genin yet until you can pass a test set by your jounin-sensei, me in your case. Since I'm bored and don't fancy hanging around here all day to send you back to the Academy I'll keep it short and sweet – I hid a single bell somewhere in this forest, you have two and a half hours, starting from now, to find it and bring it back here. Try not to get killed, eaten, sucked into quicksand, bitten by poisonous insects or reptiles or otherwise incapacitated because I ain't dragging your ass to the hospital – why are you still here? It's your time you're wasting – go, go!"

She made a shooing motion with her hand, not really caring one way or the other if he ran off or not; however rather than jump or shout or do anything like she'd been expecting, he simply drew in a deep sniff and yawned suddenly before blinking and nodding,

"Right sensei, got what I needed" and like an orange blur he was gone, darting off into the underbrush and quickly lost to sight. Anko watched him go with a dispassionate look before shrugging; she wasn't really worried about him getting hurt as her summons were all over the forest and would notify her if he bit off something he couldn't chew before it started chewing him; and resumed her previous semi-brooding pose against a nearby tree, just waiting for the test to end so she could go home, get a shower and have a proper dango and sake binge to dull the ache of her bruised heart.

Such a plan, however, was scuppered about an hour and three quarters later where she heard something coming towards her, more slowly than before but with plenty of determination as she pushed off her tree and raised an eyebrow; surely he hadn't been able to follow her trail that well and that quickly? Even if she had made it obvious, she'd visited some fairly nasty areas of the forest that a genin should have been lucky or very skilled indeed to get of alive if he was stupid enough to go in them in the first place. Still she wasn't going to harangue him for trying at least – she'd had no word from the snakes that had been overseeing his path and therefore had to conclude if he had run anything he'd been either smart or fast enough to deal with it, so therefore when the tattered, bloodstained form came through the carpet of ferns ahead of her she failed to get the first word in and, against Naruto, that was a fatal mistake.

"You know sensei", the genin smiled, not at all concerned with the state of either himself or his uniform as he tossed something tiny and silver to the floor in front of the Snake Mistress, thinly amused by her horrified expression as she looked him up and down, "I think I could grow to like it here".

Anko didn't answer, not for a long moment as she tried to take in what she was seeing and couldn't quite overlay the figure before her with the bright orange and blonde speck who'd departed not two hours ago; this couldn't be Naruto, surely it was his bloodied spectre coming back to haunt her for the recklessness that had gotten him killed. However as he stood there, smile unchanging even as he began to look politely puzzled at her whitened face, she eventually managed to regain her control and the first, most pressing and only question exploded out of her lungs as her finger speared towards him with a simple demand,

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Ah, yeah", one hand scratched through the hair at the back of his head, the rest of his blonde hair spattered with gore as he took in what was left of his former jumpsuit, the orange material now almost liberally stained with blood, some of it his, where it wasn't torn and gaping from the claws or fangs of everything that had tried to attack him on his pilgrimage to get the bell he'd been able to smell and taste his way towards, "ah well, baa-chan said I ought to start looking like a ninja now I've graduated so I suppose the jumpsuit was owed one last hurrah before it got binned; lucky nee-chans' got a new uniform waiting for me at home, and it stretches in all the right places too…"

"But, but what did you _do _out there? How did you get the bell, that trail went through the fringes of the jounin training areas".

"Yeah, I guessed that when the giant spiders started showing up"; _about the time I had to stop playing nice and pull out my cutting edge to make it through, though I took that mad bear down without it so I must be doing something right_; "still, you asked why you were chosen as a jounin-sensei this year and this is the reason – I am not a normal shinobi. You have a choice here Anko-sensei; you can either pass me here, take me on as your student and you get the full story, straight from the horses' mouth, and I tell you what you're getting yourself into, or you say no, we part ways here and I'll be out from under your feet forever. Simple really, yes or no?"

Despite the apparently simplicity however Anko found herself thinking long and hard about his offer; looking underneath the underneath could help even when the waters were as murky as the ones she was peering into now. She was curious, no denying that, but she wasn't so stupid or reckless as to agree without fishing for further facts,

"Is it about the, you know?"

"Partly; the fox goes by the name Kurama if you're feeling polite and he is involved but ol' Fuzzy-nuts didn't get me through that little assault course; I did that on my own".

"How?"

"I can't answer that question directly; let's just say a lot more guts and gristle than most genin are likely to ever have. Any other questions?" Anko put her finger on her lips as she glanced at her student once more and then nodded, pointing at his shredded jumpsuit,

"Yeah – how much of that blood is actually yours?" Taking a look at himself and the ruined clothes he was wearing the jinchuuriki snorted with mirth before shrugging,

"Hopefully less than you might expect". Anko snorted in kind before nodding,

"I should hope so though I have to say I wasn't expecting you to even pass that course. All right", for the first time in a while there was something else on her mind apart from what she'd like to do to a certain pig-fondling med-nin if she managed to drag her down a dark alley one night and because Naruto was able to do that she agreed, "I'll bite brat; anyone who can do what you've done is probably just about worth wasting time on and if not I can easily get rid of you on a mission. You pass, now what's this story you were going on about?"

Naruto merely smiled and started making hand-seals; thirty minutes after this, following a long-ranged shunshin and a quick gabbling of Naruto's passing towards an amused-looking Hokage, Anko was offering her new student a tour of the more dangerous areas of the Forest of Death to see exactly what he could survive.

For the rest of the day the throaty roar of a new alpha predator echoed through the most infamous training grounds in Konoha.

XXX

"Team dismissed"; for a second none of the three genin moved at their teachers' command until

the second jounin present sent a kunai arching forwards, a line of crimson being drawn over the cheek of the pallid child that had, according to himself, no emotions; _well with any luck I've taught him about fear in the few weeks we've had together_;

"You brats deaf or just disobedient; your sensei said dismissed so buzz off", Anko told them, licking the edge of another kunai as the three genin of team seven made to depart hastily despite one of them looking like he wanted to argue further, "the adults are talking now". _That got him going_; seeing the tremor that raced through the Uchiha's back as he disappeared around the corner just before the sole remaining genin conscientiously shut the door in their wake was worth more than gold to the Snake Mistress, least of all because her own gaki was so annoyingly resilient to virtually anything she could dish out,

"Must you antagonise my team Anko-chan; it's such a bad habit to have?"

"You are the last person in Konoha to talk about bad habits Kakashi", she shot back acerbically, "besides nothing gets you more motivated than someone putting the fear of Kami into you, ask Gato if you don't believe me". The Copy-nin looked up from his book at this point, his single eye flicking from her to where her student stood by the door,

"I do believe that Anko-chan; lest you forget I was there when, at the end of the mission and saw the mess that was left of that man. This is why I am here now; I wish to know exactly how and where a genin learnt the skills to be not only that effective but also that… brutal".

"I would also like to know such things as well", the last word had caught Sarutobi's interest and his eyes scoured all three ninja before him, pure business in his tone as he spoke on, "Kakashi, as acting mission commander commence debrief from the time since you send the request for aid to the arrival of team Anko as reinforcements".

Snapping to attention and his book closed with the same motion the jounin began reciting as though he'd been learning his report by rote for years rather than virtually making it up on the spot,

"After detaining the Demon Brothers and conversing with the client I was able to determine that, while he hadn't outright lied about the mission, he had concealed information that may have altered the mission ranking. The client Tazuna was wanted dead by a highly powerful man who had the resources to hire missing-nin, though as there was no evidence to suggest nin would definitely be involved in the mission he was technically correct in requesting a C-ranked mission. I decided to continue with the mission after requesting for back-up and striking camp, ostensibly to allow my genin to recover from a minor poisoned wound, which was treated with commendable acumen by Haruno Sakura using basic field supplies I must say, but also to allow the request time to be delivered. By the next day we were moving off the road and under cover, hoping to avoid conflict; however when in Wave itself it was impossible to avoid the enemy due to unfamiliar terrain and less countryside to move around in. We were engaged by A-ranked missing-nin Momochi Zabuza; after a confrontation which I was able to win with the aid of my genin cell, Zabuza's corpse was removed by what I believed at the time to be a Kiri hunter-nin and I was incapacitated by chakra exhaustion. My genin were able to recover me to the clients' house where we bunkered down and awaited back-up while I recovered my chakra exhaustion".

"Which is where we arrived", Anko cut in with a gleeful smirk, "made it after a night of hard running, rested up a few hours when we arrived and chewed out Kakashi's squad for not knowing basic IFF principles. Kept up a guard until the conquering hero over there woke up and filled us in on what was happening and who we were up against; a rogue member of the Seven Swordsmen and his little helper as well, just what the med-nin ordered! So we, Kakashi and I this is, drafted out a plan while the kids were having fun and decided that while he was getting his brats up to speed, me and my brat would go out and get some more information about how things were working in Wave at the moment. Worked well enough after we knocked out a few of the teething troubles…"

"Along with a few teeth", Kakashi put in as he glanced at his fellow jounin sidelong, "was it really necessary to, uh, chastise Sasuke that severely?"

"Hah, that Uchiha doesn't know he's born if he's calling that chastisement – you might be willing to have your students bitch at you when you give them orders they don't like but I'm not; I wear the jacket, I make the rules and it's simple as that. Anyway, apart from that while they, Kakashi's team that is, were guarding the client and his bridge Naruto and I were out finding out information from Gato and his goons; luckily Zabuza was out the picture due to his lackey slinging some senbon into his neck so we didn't have ninja to worry about. It was a piece of cake to figure out exactly what was going on; stupid midget was planning to have Zabuza do his dirty work and then knife him in the back; would have worked had not the gaki over there got lucky and tipped off the fake hunter-nin after he ran into him one night".

"Ran into?" Sarutobi repeated slowly, looking across the room at where Naruto was currently chewing on a ration bar, not even the severity of the debrief allowing him to take his eye off the still-growing energy demands of his maturing body, "And how exactly did this come about Naruto-kun?"

Cramming down the last of his meal, the jinchuuriki hastily swallowed and answered his leader,

"Tracked him down", he grated out simply before licking the crumbs off his lips and trying again, "I was out training when I heard someone else moving around not too far away; had a look at what was going on and realised someone was picking plants – wouldn't have thought anything of it until I realised two things. First off the plants in the basket were ones used in medicine to alleviate pain and the symptoms of paralysis", much as he might often curse his baa-chan and her penchant for poking and prodding various tender bits of his anatomy to check all was functioning as it should be, Naruto couldn't deny that there were bonuses for living with a famous medical ninja and having a near eidetic memory to boot, "and secondly no guy without something to hide would be dressed that much like a woman. Still, got talking, helped him-stroke-her pick the herbs they were looking for and, when I got close enough, locked them up in an immobilisation hold". Gingerly wincing as he recalled earlier times where Naruto had been adjusting to his new strength and exactly just how much those damned holds of his actually hurt, the Sandaime was forced to ask his next question,

"I trust the person you captured in such a manner truly was in some way affiliated with your opponent?"

"He was, and yes he was a he; went by the name of Haku", Naruto filled the older man in, "he didn't want to admit it but he was the fake hunter-nin who'd stopped Zabuza being taken out by Kakashi-senpai. Couldn't really do much to the poor kid though I'd have been within my rights to break his neck and leave him there; he was devoted to the missing-nin after Zabuza saved his life and, well, I know that feeling, so instead of killing him or anything like that I told him exactly what Anko-sensei and I had been able to find out about how Gato was planning to flush both him and his master down the river".

"Did he believe you?"

"I don't know, don't think he did either; it was obvious whatever Zabuza told him to do he'd do, even if it killed him", the jinchuuriki pointed out, "he said he'd pass the message on and confirmed the date Kakashi-senpai had guessed as being the most likely one for an attack on the bridge as being the date Zabuza would be ready to move. After that we went our separate ways and got ready for the morning; Tazuna told his workers to take a day off to avoid a potential blood-bath, we had Team seven stay at home to guard the clients' family to make sure Gato didn't try to pull a fast one; he did try as it turned out but they were able to handle it and then some; while sensei, Kakashi-senpai and I accompanied Tazuna to the bridge. Zabuza was there and waiting for us; he's not stupid, he had his questions and wanted to know exactly how we knew what we knew. After that we decided what to do with Gato; we were all prepared to let the Demon of the Mist go wild with the lot of them until Kakashi-senpai asked a killer question:

_"Not that I don't agree that Gato should be put down for his crimes but why exactly did an A-ranked missing-nin take up a job from scum like him?" As the bandaged shinobi glanced up with a look as sharp as his blade Kakashi merely raised a hand and eye-smiled disarmingly, "No offence meant but seriously, killing a bridge-builder? Seems a little beneath a shinobi of your calibre"._

_ "And it is", the former Kiri nin grated almost unwillingly, "but it paid well, or at least would have done. Still", his massive zanbatou rested on his shoulder as he shrugged, "there'll be others"._

_ "Why exactly are you after them though?" Naruto piped up suddenly from where he'd been stood next to Tazuna and eyeing up the blank mask Haku was wearing. Zabuza whipped his head around to glare at the impertinent brat who dared question him but, seeing the child all but unphased by his evil expression and not wanting to risk emitting his killing intent in case the jounin with him took offence, he merely spat his gruff answer,_

_ "Heh, bold brat aren't you? Playing at being a ninja with your protector wrapped around your forehead – you're not a ninja until your hands are dyed red with blood and your eyes are those of a killer. I kill not because I get paid for doing it but because I want to kill, though to get a second crack at the man I want to kill above all others I need money to fund a private army and raise a little hell that'll open the way to him". Seeing the connection almost immediately as she'd been running undercover missions in the troubled land of Water prior to its Mizukage apparently going completely off the rails and killing off a large number of his own men, Anko made the connection and spoke the truth,_

_ "The Kiri bloodline rebels", she declared, spitting the missing-nin on the end of a pointing finger, "you're looking to join up with them"._

_ "Once I've got enough cash to buy my way in", the demon admitted, hefting his killing blade as he sensed a large mass of people approaching and made preparations to end his former employer, "takes more than valour and being in the right to win a war; fiery words are all well and good but you can't eat them, you can't wrap yourself up in them to try and keep the cold out at night. The rebels won't want truck with me, even with Haku, because to everyone in the Land of Water I'm a traitor – Yagura made sure to keep the facts secret after I tried to kill him for planning the bloodline purges. Gato's money, and that of the other odd-jobs I've done over the years, was going to be the sweetener I needed to get me in but", his bandages creased into an evil smile as he prepared to leave and start destroying whatever mercenaries the shipping magnate had been able to scrounge together at such short notice, "knowing what I know now, they'll be other opportunities. Haku, come", the fake hunter-nin nodded and prepared to depart until a sudden call made both master and servant pause,_

_ "Wait"._

_Unseen by all since Zabuza had started explaining his position, Anko had been having a nearly silent conversation with her student and, having heard his potential idea, gave him permission to at least voice the idea and see what the ex-Mist nin would do with it. Stepping forwards, the genin spoke in a voice that sounded much older than he was as he met Zabuza's gaze steadily,_

_ "I have an idea that might solve a few problems; I think I can get your money, I can complete our mission and, with a bit of luck, get you another soldier to help Kiri out – Anko-sensei told me what was happening in that part of the world and it sounds like exactly what I'm after, what I'll need when I get the right rank"._

_ "Rank? What are you, a genin", Zabuza snorted even as the two Konoha jounin engaged in a frantic, silent hand-sign conversation behind Naruto's back, "come back when you're a proper shinobi and I might have a use for you as something other than cannon-fodder or a diversion for the enemy". Naruto, however, remained impassive to the taunt, instead nodding towards where his improved vision could pick out the first silhouettes of what appeared to be a large mass of people heading their way,_

_ "Then please, allow this to be my audition; Kakashi-senpai said you know the Hidden Mist jutsu?"_

_ "Yeah, what of it?" The genin's smile went from devious to downright sinister as he looked to the Mist Demon and then beyond him, the familiar electric tingle of the excitement that always tickled the back of his mind before a storm of slaughter broke pulsing through him as he spoke,_

_ "I'm not so naïve as to show everything I can do to a potential enemy; cloak me in the mist, you're not the only one who doesn't need his eyes to kill. Besides", he broke away from the expectation of the bloodbath enough to speak with a hint of genuine remorse and regret in his tone as he went on, "I don't want any of you to see what I do yet"._

_A moment later and all eyes were on the massive fog-bank Zabuza's jutsu had conjured from the water below them and the point at which Naruto had disappeared into it, his traditional ninja garb swiftly swallowed up by the technique. Almost as soon as he was gone the most senior Konoha jounin present had turned towards his junior number and asked the obvious question,_

_ "What are you trying to pull here Anko?"_

_ "You took the words right out my mouth", Zabuza echoed his Leaf counterpart, "you that desperate to get rid of your brat you'd ship him off to Mist?"_

_ "Ah hell no; if he's going I am too", the Snake Mistress declared, a cheery grin on her lips, "fighting in a war, snatching sleep where he can and wondering what the hell just happened when the kunai started flying - no way he's getting all the action!" Zabuza seemed taken slightly aback by this declaration before chuckling darkly,_

_ "You think someone like him can survive the Mist? I hate Yagura for what he's done to my country but I have to admit that he's not a bastard, he's a clever, hard-bitten bastard and the zealots who follow him can't be beaten for outright viciousness – even I have to admire some of their work". Anko laughed,_

_ "You admire them? You'll love this kid then, much as he holds himself back most of the time", she assured him before shooting a leer at the smaller figure stood by the side of the missing-nin, "hope you've got a strong stomach girly, it's going to get messy in there". The blank mask turned straight towards her, the soft voice that issued forth injected with a core of steel as the shinobi underneath it corrected yet another assumption made about him,_

_ "I'm a boy". The laughter died on Anko's face as she squinted, glanced down at his kimono-clad form and the backed up, looking almost green in the face as she looked between master and tool,_

_ "Hentai! Why are you going around with a transvestite, or worse than that why do you make your accomplice dress up as a bishounen – urgh, I am so going to need therapy to get those images out of my head". _

_For the sake of diplomacy Kakashi managed to keep his grin off his face as he saw Zabuza blanch at the insinuations before his face went a mottled crimson and he made to reach for his sword; before he could get his fist around the pommel however, all further conversation was stilled by the noise that sprang up from within the mist jutsu shrouding the bridge. It was a cross between a roar and a low, throaty growl, altering a little in pitch and tone but never varying the underlying threat it was conveying; for a long minute Kakashi though the Senju-Uzumaki was using some kind of summon he'd never seen before he remembered that Tsunade-sama summoned slugs and none of them ever made a noise such as that._

_ "What's that?" Even as his mind had raced through the various options Zabuza seemed to have taken a more direct route to the answer and questioned the boy's sensei, his head turned towards the Snake Mistress as the thunderous noise grated on his nerves, "What's going on in there?"_

_ "My gaki's doing what he does best", Anko smirked, though there was perhaps a hint of both sadness that a boy had been made into such a monster as was now stalking the helpless prey lost in the mist and gratitude that the actual hunt would be hidden from sight – the aftermath was likely to be unpleasant enough as things stood, "word to the wise bishie and bishie-lover; if you ever hear that noise out in the field it means get your ass the hell out the there. When he goes as far as to use that, it means a lot of people are about to have a very, very bad day!"_

_Just how bad that was going to be was evidenced by the growling noise evolving into a thunderous yowl, followed swiftly by the crunch of bone and screams of terror that began and immediately started to fade, drowned out by the shrieking roar that seemed to consume the fear as easily as the mist had consumed the bodies of the men that had strode into it, confident the demon they were going to kill would be weakened and wounded by his prey. Instead they had blundered into the playpen of a mortal fury and would not leave with their lives; Kakashi guessed it was little more than a minute before the last of the screams died away and as quickly as it had sprung up the incessant evil purring was cut off, leaving behind it only an eerie silence. A second dragged past, then another and then a handful more until a single shout echoed forth from the mist, the owner sounding tired but relieved that it was all over now,_

_ "Done, drop the jutsu". Zabuza grumbled about this, muttering under his breath about cheeky gakis getting too big for their boots before grudgingly complying, stopping his flow of chakra into the mist and allowing it to gradually disperse._

_ "I'll warn you now", Anko said solemnly as the mist began to thin out, memories of the few times her student had let her see him at work and, worse than that, the aftermath of his rampages through the Forest of Death, "this is likely going to be bad"._

_Bad was, if nothing else, proof of Anko's mastery of the science of understatement; the first thing that hit them was the scent of carnage, of blood and death and, as they saw the scene that was revealed by the lifting fog, it became apparent what had caused such a foul perfume to pervade the air. Every member of Gato's private army was not just dead but ripped asunder, in some cases torn almost limb from limb like the petals of flowers in the fall. Whatever had been used to kill these men had cared nothing for finesse and had instead rent its enemies apart, crushing bone and shredding flesh without pity or remorse and spilling blood everywhere. The entire surface of the bridge was a gateway into hell, slick with gore and covered in a carpet of the dead, nothing lived, nothing breathed upon there save two solitary figures, one with its fingers clamped tightly upon the throat of the other,_

_ "Here Zabuza", despite himself, despite his own reputation and dread deeds he'd committed in his own youth, the swordsman couldn't help the slight shiver that raced through him as he saw the blood-splattered face of the child he'd dismissed as a brat, black marks on his cheeks still visible through the vitae besmirching his now cold, penetrating smile, "I've had a word with Gato and he'll tell you everything you want to know now, starting with his bank account details". _

_The billionaire in question whimpered, about all he was able to do given current conditions as he had his eyes squeezed shut against the horror around him, the red-laced lair of the demon he'd led so many greedy, doomed men into, alive only because the killer had a use for him. As he heard Tazuna being violently ill behind him and found himself having to hold his own gut down due to the sight before him, Kakashi dully heard the jinchuuriki as he carefully picked his way back to the others through the cadavers he'd created, the blonde hair now speckled with red flecks from the wild sprays of blood that had doubtless spurted from the wounds he could see in the bodies before him; even as he heard the little psychopath strike some kind of bargain with the renegade demon, he couldn't tear his eye from the scene before him and the question that had burned in his mind ever since the mist had started lift the curtain on his blasphemy before them all._

_What had happened to turn a child, even one containing the most powerful of the bijuu, into something that could kill so many people with such ease?_

"The Chunin exam". Caught off-guard by the Sandaime's voice, Kakashi blinked back his sudden flashback and faced his leader again,

"Pardon?"

"In the Chunin exams you will have that question answered", the Hokage spoke as he stood up, steel in his eyes as he faced the jounin down, "until then you are not to speak of what you saw in Wave; Naruto-kun has enough issues at the moment without news of this incident filtering to the ears of his detractors. As things stand I think he's done well", despite himself the jinchuuriki smiled at the praise, "though would I be right in guessing that following the Chunin exams you would be wishing to, shall we say, relocate to the land of Water for some time?"

"Yeah, let it all blow over and help the rebels out; I know they've come here petitioning for aid but you can't be seen to do anything officially without making an enemy of the Mizukage", Naruto shrugged, making Sarutobi once more curse just how perceptive the jinchuuriki was now since his transformation; _either that or he got his baa-chan talking after she had a skinful or two again_; "however two runaways from the exams after something went wrong, obviously missing-nin, who's going to care?"

"Aside from the council?"

"Sod them", Anko spat, not forgetting the issues she'd gone through at their hands when she'd been somewhere close to Naruto's age, "they hate him now they're going to be falling over one-another to get shot of him after the exams. We'll just get out the way and Naruto can get some battle experience in a war – give us a year or two there and he'll be a match for virtually anyone when we get back".

"We?" The Sandaime asked innocently, a hint of amusement in his tone as he watched the snake-wielding jounin nod enthusiastically,

"Of course; I'm a good, responsible sensei now so I can hardly have my student charging off into Kiri on his lonesome now can I? I can help out there in ways he can't; you better than most know I've had the training…"

"And she doesn't want to miss her second date with Zazu-kun; what?" Kakashi shrugged as the smaller woman span around and glared at him, "I think it's commendable that you're so committed to improving diplomatic relationships between our countries, plus I overheard Haku-san saying his master was quite the rugged type under those bandages of his…"

"Kakashi", Anko growled, realising that not only was the Hokage straining to hold in a laugh but also that Naruto too had turned away with a wide grin on his face, "unless you want the last thing your remaining natural eye sees to be the inside of your own rectum I suggest shutting up now!" The Copy-nin wisely fell quiet before the Sandaime, seeking to avert a brawl in his office, spoke up,

"This merits further discussion at a later date; I have Jiraiya on some missions at the moment and Tsunade is rushing around at the hospital to ensure all is as it should be in time for the Chunin exams. I will convene them and yourselves at some point in the future; until then Naruto-kun, just concentrate on earning that jacket ne?" The boy in question smiled,

"Somehow jiji I doubt that will be a problem".

Though he wouldn't say anything in present company, privately Kakashi agreed with that statement.

XXX

"You rookies are far too noisy", as he'd expected all the first-time chunin hopefuls looked over at him as he stepped forwards, face all smiles even as he kept one eye on the potential host for his true master as he preformed his usual card trick, the documents provided by both Oroichimaru's own spies and, unknowingly, the information fed to him by his old master as he kept up the pretence of being one of Sasori's unwitting spy drones, "there are a lot of people here who won't appreciate anyone kicking up a lot of fuss".

"Who are you?" _And that's my cue_; though his face never changed from its expression of genial earnest, inwardly Kabuto was grinning like a loon as he rehashed the same old lines,

"Oh, Yakushi Kabuto, senior genin".

"This isn't your first time at the exams then Kabuto-san?" The girl with the most extraordinary shade of hair colour asked and, true to his amiable mask, the spy merely chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly,

"Heh, no, actually this is my seventh go at it", ignoring the loser taunt from the boy he made a mental note to maim at the next available opportunity, he continued undeterred, "these exams are a lot harder than they look, but one good thing about being a veteran if you like is the chance to scout out the competition".

"That is an advantage", the Aburame present within the group intoned from his position towards the rear of the rookies, standing with the Hyuuga heiress as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose; for his part Kabuto merely nodded and flipped his cards into view, thinly amused as the younger children followed his hands with their eyes as he shuffled fast; _watch the hands, keep your eyes on your hands and don't look at what's going on with my eyes_;

"It can be, there are a lot of very strong genin here, the absolute cream of their village – tell you what, we're all Konoha here so I'll give you a bit of a hint about what you're up against. These cards contain the information I've managed to gather about the people here".

"But", the blonde girl he recognised as a Yamanaka as much by the attitude as the hair and eyes squinted as she picked out a single one of his fast-moving cards as he carried on shuffling, "they're blank Kabuto-san".

"Of course", he chuckled good-naturedly, "I couldn't make it too easy for people who're trying to read over my shoulder - only my chakra can reveal what's there".

"Do you have anything on Rock Lee and Sabaku no Gaara?" The voice that spoke carried a tone of authority, as though the one speaking was used to having his commands carried out a lot of the time, and Kabuto was slightly gleeful that Sasuke was asking about ninja from his own village; _already his lust for power is making him strike out at those who best him regardless of village ties – Oroichimaru-sama might have an easier time of turning him than he was expecting_;

"Oh, you know their names – that's no fun. Now, let's see, right about; ah right, here we are. Rock Lee, he's a genin like you but a year older, sensei is Maito Gai. He's done mostly D but also a lot of C-ranked mission, no noticeable skills in nin or genjutsu but taijutsu is off the charts; his team mates are Hasuwada Tenten and Hyuuga Neji. Sabaku no Gaara on the other had is a Suna genin so I don't know as much about him but, whoa, he's even done a B-ranked mission as a genin, and he came back from all his missions without so much as a scratch. This is the kind of thing you're up against here guys; the Chunin exam's not for weak ninja…"

"Hey, I got one for you"; _damn_; Kabuto once again reminded himself to neuter the youngest Inuzuka painfully as soon as he could legally get away with it as the mutt's barking ruined his opportunity to get the Sound genin to spring their 'surprise' attack on him, "got anything on Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Why would you want to know about him mutt?" Kiba snarled for a moment before that expression broke into a crafty smile as he faced the second-top rookie of his year down,

"Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn't remember him would you Sas-uke – last time you and he went at it in the sparring ring he left you looking at the birdies for the rest of the day". The last Uchiha grimaced at the reminder, fists clenching and, as he couldn't allow the stupid brat to get himself thrown out of the exams as that would put too much of a crimp in his master's plans, Kabuto was the one who quickly broke up the fight before it could begin and draw the attention of the proctors,

"Who, sorry? The name doesn't ring a bell", that was a lie, even Kabuto would admit that to himself as he shuffled his cards, "hmm, oh, this one then, Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, no wonder I was having trouble, these cards are in alphabetical order. I see, your Rookie of the Year"; _yes_; seeing Sasuke twitch at the reminder was worth more than gold to the traitor as he realised that even now the last Uchiha clung the notion that he had to be the best at all things at all times to bring honour to the clan Itachi had slaughtered; _such weakness, such naked ambition, so easy to misdirect and twist_; "not got much on him but his sensei's Mitarashi Anko; that's interesting, last I heard she was a special jounin. Still, I doubt it matters; he's a lone genin and there's not been one of them in the Chunin exams for, well, years now".

He heard the usual scuffling noise of Dosu's footsteps behind him, obvious as his heavy gauntlet made him unbalanced and his tread uneven, and turned right into the attack; even as he turned however, something small and fast-moving made a reflection in his glasses and with a sickening crack the Sound genin was flung backwards, blood and spittle flying from his smashed jaw and fractured nose as he slammed into the floor comatose. Even as the entire hall went quiet and all eyes turned to where the Sound team was trying to wake up their unconscious leader, the one who'd landed the punch turned to Kabuto and smiled,

"Ah, hi; heard you talking about me so I thought I'd best just drop in and say hello", before the medic could react the other boy had snatched the card out of his hand and he winced as the sharp corner cut into the space between his thumb and forefinger. Holding it up to the light, the other child appeared to scrutinise it before the tapping the card against his teeth, looking at the one who'd composed it with an appraising eye,

"Hmm, not bad but a bit out-dated; kind of expected really, I've not been about much recently so something must have slipped through even your net", with slightly more trepidation than he'd felt before, Kabuto numbly accepted the card as it was handed back to him, "still, manners first; Senju-Uzumaki Naruto; name got changed a few years ago Kiba, thought you'd remember that; one-man team at your service. See you around later guys, Kabuto-san; remember to watch your backs while you're in this exam though".

There was no threat, or even the hint of a threat in his tone but for some reason Kabuto felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise in tandem at the words; he had the strangest sensation that Naruto's laying out of a foreign genin who'd been about to attack him hadn't been the altruistic action it appeared to be. Looking into those blue eyes that seemed, much like his, to hide more than they showed, for the first time since he'd taken on this assignment Kabuto felt exposed, as though someone had pierced his many layers of secrecy to see the ugly little truth wrapped up at the centre of the lies. _Still, he can think what he likes_; facing away from his supposed allies as Naruto turned his back, the medic didn't stop his sour expression from showing as he stowed his cards and obeyed the suddenly-appearing proctor, cursing under his breath as the Oto team were barred from competing due to Dosu being still being knocked out; _as long as he can't prove anything no-one's going to take the demon child's word on anything, and even if he could get close enough to try and root me out he's not got time between now and the second stage to pass a message to anyone. _

Kabuto was safe in his own self-assurance and, against all but one of the population of the Elemental Nations, he would have been completely correct in his assumptions; however, he didn't know of how the Sandaime, especially with Jiraiya working a lot closer to home due to his godson's new condition, had caught wind of something in the air surrounding the Chunin exams and ordered a complete security review of all branches of Konoha's military. Tsunade may have been slipshod in her paperwork but that was where Shizune and Tonton came into their own; there had been several people who had been highlighted but not wanting to tip off any potential enemy plans before they were swung into motion, the Sandaime didn't stop these supposed information leaks competing in the exams. As well as this, though a medical ninja Kabuto had never thought to check out the medical records of anyone save his masters next target; therefore he was completely in the dark regarding the unique nature of Naruto's chambered stomach, or how that first chamber was heavily linked to a region of Naruto's cerebellum to do with memory and learning. A few drops of blood were all that was needed to convict him; throughout the next hour as his classmates were busy sweating over the questions before them, Naruto was busy ruminating on the biological material he'd ingested from the corner of Kabuto's card and as a result of this the only note he scribbled down on his paper was picked up by Ibiki who, recognising the student of his own protégé and knowing of how much Anko had changed for the better since taking on the role of a jounin sensei, casually placed the other papers aside and shunshinned to the Hokages' office, the paper clutched in his hand bearing the message that would seal the spy's doom:

_Yakushi Kabuto – Close to Oroichimaru. Linked with Sound. Maybe Sand as well._

XXX

"Damn it", as he limped up the stairs with partner balanced on the top of his head and in his hood, the youngest scion of the Inuzuka clan flicked his eyes sideways to the person who'd ended his ambitions to increase his rank at this opportunity, "someone up there really has it out for me at the minute; even after I drew you in this I was hoping that mixing a poison in with the smoke bombs would have been enough to drop you but no such luck". His victorious companion merely chuckled slightly, no malice in the noise as he spoke conversationally,

"Fraid not Kiba, Anko-sensei would have had my hide if I'd been knocked out by something like that, she's a poison expert". The Inuzuka stopped dead and span on his heel, facing his fellow genin; _for now, though probably not after these exams are over_; with a look of outraged horror on his face,

"What? Oh, no way!"

"Yes way; take it from someone who knows, very much yes way".

"Damn it, I half-killed myself trying to get resistance to that gas", the Inuzuka lamented, recalling the several occasions he'd mixed slightly the wrong dosage of the knock-out chemical he now routinely mixed in with the smoke pellets his clan used to disorientate their opponents and woken up some hours later in an invariably embarrassing position as his slumbering form was relocated by his sister or mother; _and I just know they've got the photos to prove it – if anyone ever finds out about those pink-puppy print pyjamas my life is over_; "Shino's okay due to his bugs and Hinata-chan can hold her breath longer than anyone else I know. Ah well", not that he was actually expecting to win the fight after the random computer board had spun him to face off against Naruto but he'd been determined to give a good showing and the applause the two had received as they'd walked off the arena together was enough to soothe over the pain of missing his chance to gain his chunin vest, "least I got a few hits in this time". For his part Naruto chuckled, Kiba not quite seeing the slightly guilty expression that flickered over his face as he patted the dog-nins' shoulder,

"Next time Kiba", he assured his friend before darting his hand upwards to tousle the ears of his nin-ken, "you too Aka-kun". The pup barked even as his master grinned slightly,

"Yeah because next time you won't be in the mix", the Inuzuka pointed out, already assured that Naruto was on course for promotion as nothing he'd seen so far except maybe that bloodthirsty Sand nin Gaara could hold much of a candle to him, "still, let's see…oh no".

As the pair of them crested the last few steps into the contestants' waiting area Naruto glanced over his shoulder as Kiba froze and, following his eye-line, noticed that the next match had been decided,

"Hmm, didn't know Hinata-chan had a brother", he mused out loud before glancing back at seeing the consternation etched deeply onto his friends' face, "is this a bad thing?"

"He's a cousin but yeah, yeah this is bad", Kiba nodded slowly, Akamaru as always seeming to adhere to the back of his head as though magnetised there; _he must use chakra to do that – well-trained dog_; "I don't know the full story but I know Neji hates Hinata for some reason. The guy's a jerk but he's skilled and Hinata-chan hates fighting people she cares about at the best of times, that's why she never beats her sister in clan spars; Neji's going to rip her apart any way he can".

Helpless as he watched his team mate slowly gather up whatever confidence she had and shuffled towards the step, Kiba stood to the side and scrubbed all the trepidation from his face as he offered an encouraging smile he doubted the kunoichi of his squad even saw as she made her way towards the centre of the arena. As soon as she was gone Kiba hustled towards the front of the booth, anxious for a good view as his voice was fraught with concern,

"Sensei I hate saying it but I don't think she should fight here", the Inuzuka admitted as his jounin-sensei, a red-eyed woman Naruto had met once or twice as she was a friend of his own sensei, glanced down at him, "you know what Neji's like. I'm not doing Hinata-chan down or anything, I'm worried about her safety".

"That's commendable Kiba but, sadly, this is something Hinata-chan must face on her own", Kurenai lectured her student gently, disguising her own worry for the younger girl she considered as close to her as a daughter, "she must fight her own battles if she wishes to progress along the path of shinobi".

"Yeah but this kind of battle isn't fair on her; listen to that jerk", Kiba argued, a clawed finger spearing down towards where the Branch house Hyuuga had begun a comprehensive demolition of Hinata's fledgling confidence, "he doesn't know or care how hard she has to try to fight her family". His answer to this point was a cold laugh from over his shoulder; recognising it almost as easily as he had the scent of snakes, dango and sake, Naruto barely reacted other than to smile as he felt his teacher use his head as a convenient elbow-rest; _let her have her fun, by the time the finals roll around I'll be able to repay the compliment_;

"And he shouldn't either; hate to break it to you mutt but we're all ninja here and that means we use every attack, tactic and low-down sneaky scheme in the book to pull out a win. You won't always be around to pull your friend out the fire; she needs to stand on her own two feet". Kiba bristled at the back-handed insult and stood his ground, for a moment not caring that the woman in front of his could literally kill him in the time it took to blink,

"Hey, don't talk bad about Hinata-chan; being a ninja doesn't mean you have to completely kill everything about you but the survival instinct, she's strong in her own way and wants to protect her clan, not beat them to a pulp. She could have used some kind of seal by now to force Neji-baka to submit by now; I've seen other Main branch Hyuuga do it before now; but she hasn't, so what does that say about her?"

"She's an idiot but a commendable one", the Snake Mistress pointed out before Naruto, having listened with half an ear to the tirade from below him, decided enough was enough and raised his own voice,

"Are you talking or fighting?" The Hyuuga he didn't know broke off his words to glare up at the one who'd interrupted him but Naruto paid him no attention, his eyes instead drawn to where Hinata had uncurled herself slightly from the shell she'd tucked herself into as her cousin lambasted her, glancing up and fighting hard not to blush as those blue eyes almost swallowed her whole,

"Hinata-chan, show us all the kunoichi who used to beat me at the Academy; fight him".

_Naruto-kun_; the request was one she couldn't deny and, though even doing the motion made her head spin slightly with nerves, she circled one foot outwards, falling into the traditional Jyuuken stance as she nodded to the proctor, showing she was ready for the bout to begin. Inwardly cursing as he realised his opening gambit had failed and he was now going to have to waste his time with this failure, Neji did likewise as he inwardly remembered the face of the boy who'd spoken and realised that Hinata obviously felt something for him if she was willing to obey his commands; _so, the failure has not yet learnt that the weak should not lust after the strong_; as he raised his arms and made to end this bout quickly, his smirked nastily as he finished his thought; _I shall educate her in this truth_.

Surely enough some ten minutes later, as he found himself restrained by a number of the jounin-sensei and regained his centre, thrown off as it had been by Hinata's last comment about him suffering under the burden of fate; _weak-minded creature, as though the spoilt princess of the Main house could comprehend what suffering is_; he considered the lesson done to his cousin and, as another shape landed in the arena and immediately yelled for medical attention to try and counter the damage his Jyuuken had done to the chakra pathways around his cousins' heart, Neji felt himself compelled to offer some advice to the boy he belatedly recognised as the rookie of the year below his own,

"Hey, you", though he recognised a fellow prodigy, that didn't mean he had to respect him straight off the bat, "a shinobi should be more dignified than to cheer for others. Besides it was my fate to beat that loser; a genius such as you should not waste his time with such a weak fail…"

It was at that point the medics left the arena, Hinata carried on a stretcher between them; as soon as she was gone though Naruto had whipped around so quickly and fixed Neji with a look of such venom that even the Hyuuga prodigy found himself temporarily mute. The eyes that he looked into now were not the same ones that had smiled warmly at his cousin – now they were burning, blazing with such rampant murder-lust and hatred that it was only the varied arms (and snakes, though he didn't want to think about that too much) around him that stopped Neji backing up a pace as the first-year genin stood to his full height and, after a second of staring him down, took a single pace, heavy with intent, forwards,

"Naruto!" The boy's sensei called and with a sudden thrill of horror he realised she was staring directly at the advancing boy, "Not here and not now!"

For a long, long moment Naruto paused and seemed to weigh up his options before, to a concerted sigh of relief it seemed, he stepped back and nodded at his sensei and the other jounin present; before he could breathe easily, however, Naruto sent a final lethal glare at the new finalist and crouched down, his fingertips tracing a pattern in one of the small puddles of blood his cousin had coughed up before he straightened up and brought forwards his bloody fist, a terrible smile on his lips as he stared straight through Neji and slowly drew a single bloody digit over his neck, leaving a line of vitae as he spoke only a single word before turning away,

"Pray".

Neji would had scoffed at this, he truly would have, but for some reason he was still pondering exactly what his fellow Rookie of the Year had meant by those words when they came to be presented with the random selection of the finalists line-up. When he pulled out his slip of paper however, he could almost feel those burning eyes upon him once more and didn't even need to activate his bloodline limit to see the cut-throat smile on the face of the other child as he realised the two of them would be paired up for the first match of the finals. _But it doesn't matter – he's believed to be strong so by beating him I will prove the strength of the Branch house of the Hyuuga over that of the Main_; as he crumpled up the slip of paper and made to return to the clan compound Neji mulled the situation over in his mind and shrugged; _he is strong and has his advantages but it is fate's decree that I will win the Chunin exams, attain my jacket and leave my team behind – struggle as they might, no-one can deny the path of fate_. Even as he sought comfort in his beliefs however, he still couldn't shake the lingering feeling that those blazing eyes from the stadium were still trained upon him, the word Naruto had spoken towards him reverberating in his head as he walked down the street with his head held high.

The space between his shoulder blades itched the whole way home.

XXX

"**You were careless**".

"Tell me something I don't already know", Naruto shot back though there was a definite edge of contrition in his voice as he slumped into a cross-legged position before the cage in his mind, "still I, we", he corrected himself before Kyuubi's glare, "had it covered. You know as well as I do I can't deny I wanted to tear that bastard apart but I didn't; thanks to you and everyone else who's helped me figure out ways of keeping my head at all times I managed to hold it in. Now as things stand I've got a few things to do in the month before the finals and letting all the secrecy end – you sure you can control your little brother if I knock his container into next week?"

"**Yes, I'm sure**", Kyuubi smirked as he recalled the last time he'd had a tête-à-tête with the one-tailed tanuki, "**Shukaku might be mad but he's not stupid; he'll listen to me when he sees the truth**". That much at least was a weight off Naruto's mind as he stood up and made to depart from the mindscape,

"Well that much is a go then; I'll get onto ero-sennin's case about drawing up some youkai-repression seals as soon as the old pervert's back in town, he's due in a few weeks. Still, what do you reckon happened to that oily little sucker we ran into before the first test?" The fox grinned,

"**Nothing gentle I'd imagine, least of all if that scarred human was the one in charge of breaking him; as far as a supreme being such as me can feel appreciation for you lesser races, there is a monkey worth you imitating**".

Having been partnered up with the Kyuubi for far too long and gotten used to relying on the fox for survival at first, then continued assessment to make sure the barbaric side of himself was continually under wraps at all time and finally as a mutual partner in a scheme he had devised to hopefully remove two of the greatest threats from the Elemental Nations from the hands of their people for all time, Naruto knew better than to try and match the fox insult for insult. Instead he smirked and chuckled as he came to his feet,

"This from the fox who considered my sensei 'adequate breeding stock'?"

"**And she is; a subtle blend of cheerfulness and devil-may-care attitude combined with a passionate hatred for enemies of your tribe and wrapped up in a not-entirely-unappealing outer skin**".

"Basically she's nutty as a fruit-cake and sexy as all hell?"

"**Well, that helps too**", the fox admitted with a crafty leer on his face, "**what's the bet she and that so-called demon from the land of bogs end up mated and with kits?**" _I'm not sure what's worse_; even as he attempted very hard not to think about what might happen to the world if Mitarashi Anko and Momochi Zabuza ever developed a relationship that was anything other than strictly platonic Naruto shivered at the fox's question; _the fact he's taking about my sensei getting some with a world-renowned psychopath or the fact he seems happy to try and play match-maker to make it happen_;

"No, just no Kyuubi; I've never done a D-ranked mission and I'll tell you here and now that I'm not going to be breaking that duck baby-sitting Anko's brat. Besides you know as well as I do that I can't breed but that doesn't mean every other human in the world should – do you have any idea what might happen if that crazy-snake-lady was to reproduce?"

"**Chaos, panic and disorder, a fine legacy for me as you can't leave one – a monkey-girl after my own black, twisted little heart**".

"I'm so out of here – see you in a month Kurama; just make sure that neither of us kills anyone by the time this month's up".

"**Not even…**" The bijuu raised an eyebrow as he saw the back of his host's head shake as Naruto's astral projection began to recede,

"No, even he'll survive as I'm sure baa-chan's little scheme won't fly if I deliver one of the Hyuuga clan back to his house in a box. Anyway, apart from that", the smile that was shot over the jinchuuriki's shoulder was so dark, so revealing of the inhuman rage that lay just beneath the surface of his iron-hard veneer of civility, that even the demon swallowed softly and thought that perhaps it was for the best the transformation that had wracked Naruto's body had removed his ability to increase the human gene-pool at all, "there are things a lot worse than mere death…"

XXX

Seating himself neatly and arranging his robes around himself so they wouldn't crease improperly, the head of the Hyuuga clan heard the declaration of the Hokage and saw once more with equal parts pride and contrition his brother's son standing proud amid the other competitors. In a way it was his fault that Neji had become so misguided but at the same time, how was he to be sure that revealing the last memento he had of Hizashi wouldn't make matters worse and widen the rift between the prodigy of the Branch house and the Main house? He had sat through his eldest daughter being almost killed in the preliminaries and, though his face showed nothing, that was a bitter pill for him to have to swallow, both as a father and clan head. Perhaps it would be best for both situations to be resolved simultaneously; Hinata would never survive as the head of the Hyuuga clan, not with her meek nature, so if he could privately brand her with the Caged Bird seal and tell Neji the truth at the same time, he would give the prodigy a goal other than to follow what he perceived to be his fate so blindly. Still that was an issue for a later time; as he heard his clan member and his opponent being requested to stay behind he turned to his youngest child and spoke in a soft voice,

"Watch well Hanabi-san; Neji-san is a prodigy of our clan and shows the strength of our Gentle Fist".

"Hai chichi-ue", the girl spoke back, her pale eyes not wavering from seeing her clansman in action as she sat ramrod straight in her chair. Satisfied all was as it should be, Hyuuga Hiashi sat back in his own seat and watched the first competitors line up to take their places in the finals of the exam.

Settling himself into the traditional stance of the strongest taijutsu form known in the Elemental Nations Neji nodded as the new proctor asked if he was ready; the senbon-chewing jounin then repeated the process to his opponent and seemed taken slightly aback to see the younger child hold up a hand for a moment and then swiftly remove his jacket, exposing his well-muscled upper torso,

"Sorry, gets a bit hot in that thing after a while, and the T-shirt stretches more", he gave by way of explanation, throwing the jacket to the side before his voice froze and he looked across the arena, making Neji start as he had been trying to make sense of the odd-shaped scar he could see on the Senju-Uzumaki's right forearm, "hey, you, got a question; I heard you Hyuuga grow your hair long to prove your purity or some bull-crap, that about right?" Bristling at the insult Neji nodded but resisted the urge to flare his bloodline limit, instead speaking the truth,

"Yes, something I doubt an orphan merely adopted into a clan could understand". His shot hit home as those blue eyes closed for a moment and he allowed himself to smirk, then the expression fled from his face as those eyes snapped back open and he found himself staring into the same abyss of violence and barely-suppressed fury that had nearly swallowed him some thirty days ago; with a dim laugh Naruto merely nodded at the proctor and began making seals even as the jounin's hand came down,

"If that's the case I'm going to enjoy this even more than I was hoping – kai!"

As the word echoed around the stadium a pair of hazel eyes in the viewing area closed as their owner felt a lump of lead drop into her stomach; _so then, this is it. Good luck Naruto_.

Aside from the seal carved onto his forehead Neji knew little about the sealing arts so hung back as the figure before him glowed briefly, the seal on his forehead glowing as it dispersed across the jinchuuriki's body. However as the glow faded and the Hyuuga was able to look at the form of his enemy once more he, along with everyone else in the arena, gasped as the truth that the seal had hidden from prying eyes was revealed at last. His first ludicrous thought was that it was lucky that the T-shirt stretched for where once had stood a child considered, at best, slightly large for his age now towered a living giant with only the sunshine mop of hair that clung to the top of the figures' head any indication that the two were or had ever been one and the same person. Similar in dimensions to the sensei of team ten the, the whatever-the-hell Naruto had transformed himself into with his technique was almost alive with a sense of barely-restrained power, the muscles surrounding his tall, perhaps slightly hunched frame twitching as though remaining still was a trial for him. Teeth locked into a grimace of anger and fixing his next opponent with a stare that spoke of nothing beyond the urge to maim and rend his opponent, Naruto's true form was easily able to pick out the question the Hyuuga before him asked mostly to himself even over the sudden screams from the crowd as he took a single step forwards, a smile sharper than the teeth of his still-concealed weapon splitting his lips as he smirked at the retreating genin,

"What is this?" His voice was like someone grinding rocks together at the bottom of a well; deep, rumbling and seeming to permeate the very air itself with promises of malice and pain, "This is the truth Neji-teme; this is what I really am. Hidden behind the seal my baa-chan and ero-ojisan crafted to prevent panic in the streets while I was growing, I have grown enough now to cast off such disguises. I am the inheritor of a mad king's bloody legacy, the last survivor and progeny of a race of near-humans that were created and died out before life crawled form the oceans on our planet and you…", those eyes snapped onto Neji's once more and he quailed; if the Shinigami himself had stared out and locked stares with him it would have been scarcely less terrifying than being the sole target of such an inhuman wrath as Naruto's low growl rose in volume to a full-throated shout that echoed around the arena itself,

"…you have committed a great crime in the name of your so-called fate, attempted to kill someone who would not conform to your view of the world. I have seen this before Neji, seen the ultimate destiny of those who do not open their eyes to the world around them and I am here to correct your folly. Prepare yourself", a plume of dust was kicked up as Naruto dropped into his own stance, glaring down at Neji as he prepared to spring, "this lesson can only be taught in pain!"

His first blow was the one that ended the fight – so fast none under jounin-rank saw it, it seemed impossible that someone so huge could move so quickly; Neji had barely time to gasp before he was folded up over the end of his opponent's fist, not even able to vomit as his knees turned to water and he was flung backwards like a puppet with his strings cut.

"Your eyes see all", Naruto thundered scathingly as he paced after the opponent he'd casually thrown roughly twenty feet with little more than a shove, "I admit freely I know little about the world Neji-teme but I know this much; fate is _blind_! You have blinded yourself, willingly, rather than face up to your own pain and your own failings – it is easier, much easier to blame others, foist your pain onto them and make them suffer as much as you have. It is the path of a coward, a fool and, eventually, a murderer", barely able to roll over enough to see the advancing monster before him, the prodigy of the Hyuuga was unable to feel anything below the massive contusion that his stomach had become and couldn't even argue his case, breathing hurting too much as Naruto went on,

"I am the only living legacy of one who walked that path, killing all who stood against him until he forgot his grander goals and became death incarnate, consumed by the need to kill until nothing else remained, and he began with a single act of revenge. Every day I hear that history in my head, I have to ignore the whispers that demand me to seek out and slay those who have wronged me and it is that denial, the fact I know and accept that I kill because I have to kill to protect my village and my family that will make me strong enough to overcome the demons in my mind. I do not care what you make of your life Hyuuga, I'm not a guardian angel to tell you what to do – I am an angel of death, I slay those who harm that which is precious to me. Listen to my words or ignore them, it's up to you to change your ways; all that matters to me is that you have transgressed and now", his foot, now bare as Naruto had kicked off his sandals prior to activating his seal to prevent them being ripped by the increase in his size, flicked outwards and Neji groaned as a fresh pain bloomed in his side, a crushing weight suddenly on his spine as he was rolled onto his back, "your punishment is due".

A sudden vice-like pain gripped the back of Neji's head and began levering his front off the arena floor as he heard the same voice purr evilly into his ear, cutting through the slowly building agony as Neji tried desperately but in vain to alleviate his suffering,

"Ironic isn't it, your clan thinks so highly of their own purity at the same time as turning a blind eye to a potential kinslayer in their midst? I won't however, so as far as I can see it…" the torture suddenly spiked, the pain unendurable and Neji was not too proud not to scream as Naruto stopped playing around and reared backwards, giving a savage yank at the same time as bellowing his last words aloud,

"…you don't need this!"

At the end came an oblique form of mercy; with a sudden sickening rip the majority of Neji's hair, bound as it was into a ponytail, was a torn free of its moorings along with a good portion of his scalp. Before the Hyuuga could truly register the pain, in fact even as he drew in the breath to scream, a fist smashed into the back of his newly-nude skull and laid him out senseless before Naruto stood to his full height, rubbing bloody knuckles. For a moment the much taller child, if such a term truly applied to someone of Naruto's new stature, looked down at his opponent, gory trophy still dangling negligently from one fist before he suddenly moved; a second later Hanabi screamed and her father shot to his feet with Byakugan blazing, heedless of the stains now besmirching his kimono as the hair had been thrown onto his lap from the arena floor fell limply to the ground just in front of him,

"Hyuuga Hinata is now under the protection of the Senju-Uzumaki clan", came the thunderous declaration from the victor of this first bout, Naruto meeting the furious gaze of the clan head he'd just insulted without fear as he extended a long, threatening finger towards where Hiashi stood, "as clan heir and with the permission of the clan head I have adopted her into the clan. She is not to be touched or harmed by your clansmen, we will move her to our grounds when these exams are over; failure for you to comply with this will result in a blood-feud being called", a wolfish smile exposed pointed teeth as the Senju-Uzumaki smirked up at where his next opponent glared down impotently, "make one move against her Hyuuga, and you will have me coming after you".

"And me as well", a sly but deadly purr from behind him froze any words of retort the Hyuuga head may have had in his throat; even without activating his bloodline limit he knew exactly who was speaking as he sat down slowly, though he didn't drop his eyes from the younger Senju-Uzumaki who was returning towards the competitors' box for the sake of keeping up appearances, "I spoke to Hinata-san when I oversaw her recovery for the past month, her skills with medicine and making medicinal cream even without prior guidance or the supervision of a med-nin was nothing short of astounding. You have almost ruined that girl Hiashi, attempted to break her into something she'll never be to suit your own purposes", there was acid in Tsunade's tone as she spoke to the man before her, "and now you have lost her. She will be mine, she will become one of the many apprentices I and Shizune-chan will craft and instruct and with any luck she'll surpass us both in talent and skill – you have another daughter you can make clan head in her stead".

"And", even as he digested the threat that had shifted his own plans tectonically, Hiashi was already attempting to see if there was a way to turn the situation in his favour; though it was being done by unusually direct means, this could perhaps be an opportunity to remove Hinata from Hanabi's ascension to clan heir without political or inter-clan repercussions, "the seal…"

"Unnecessary", the sannin whispered back, already seeing exactly what the Hyuuga was driving at, "while I'm teaching her she'll be too busy to even look at boys so your bloodline's safe. When I'm done she'll be an asset rather than a burden to your clan".

"I will talk to you further on this; your heir must be punished for his disrespect", the Byakugan bearer pointed out, almost feeling Tsunade's answering nod ending the conversation and allowing him to glance sidelong at his daughter, the child attempting to appear attentive at the same time as keep her eyes off the forlorn plait of hair that had fallen from her father's lap and lay bedraggled and bloody at the front of the seating area, "put it from your mind Hanabi-san, it is a clan matter that I must deal with. Focus on the other matches, see if you can isolate a potential weakness in the fighting style of the Senju-Uzumaki that could put our Jyuuken at an advantage".

"H, hai chichi-ue", the younger of his two children stuttered for a second before, flushing as she realised how much like her sister she'd just sounded, she focussed on the matches that were announced next, scrutinising them to take her mind off what had just happened. Even as she did so however, for some reason her eyes kept being drawn back to the person who dominated the entire competitor's box by sheer physical presence as the question being silently asked by everyone else in the arena ran through her mind.

Who the hell was Senju-Uzumaki Naruto?

XXX

They had seen his approach and heard him coming up the stairs but even so when he actually appeared looming in the entranceway of the competitor's area everyone, even the jounin-sensei's, gave a slight shuffle backwards as he ducked inside. There was a very long, very pregnant pause until, at last, someone could bear it no longer and took a cautious half-step forwards, trying to sound casual at the same time as take in the truth of someone he'd thought he'd known,

"So Naruto, uh, wow", Kiba managed a weak chuckle but the blonde didn't seem to notice, forcing him to take a second step forwards and cross all his fingers to hope that inside that mountainous frame was still the same kid who'd rough-housed with him, his sister and the nin-ken while their parents (or adoptive parents in Naruto's case) were conversing over clan matters, "this is, well, how'd you…?"

"Think of it as a bloodline", for some reason the voice that answered, for all its depth and inherent tone of command, sounded slightly weary as Naruto glanced over a shoulder the size of one of Kuromaru's hips to smile slightly at his friend, though even that expression carried a vague undertone of threat; it seemed that even while attempting to be neutral or nice, in this new form Naruto couldn't help but be intimidating, "the seal I had just hid what I looked like from the both normal eyes and any doujutsu that might have been around at the time, though now I've matured enough I don't need it any more". At this point the sensei of team nine, now left without a student in these exams, stepped forwards with a grim expression on his normally smiling face and folded his arms,

"Despite his earlier conduct I do not believe what you did to Neji-kun was the mark of a mature ninja Naruto-san – I agree he was due chastisement but that was not your decision to make".

"Perhaps not but unlike everyone who would have said something I actually did something; in fact if you think about it I was the only one who could", a faint smoulder of ire rose in Naruto's tone as he looked over to stare the jounin down, though he banked it down with an effort, "Neji would have escaped punishment due to these exams being death-matches and as a prodigy of his clan he would have gotten at worst a slap on the wrist and been denied promotion. As baa-chan would say that's treating the symptoms, not the root cause of the problem; because of what I've done now he'll have a permanent reminder of what happens when someone tries to second-guess fate and makes a balls-up. If I'm right I guess Neji-baka has never truly had a training session with your team, not really joined in because he knew it was his 'fate' to always be better than the other two members, in fact I'd bet he said only he was 'fated' to win the Chunin exams, am I wrong?"

It was something neither Gai nor the other members of his team could deny, Tenten glancing away and Lee clutching on tightly to his crutch as he remembered overhearing his team mates' words before his ill-fated bout with the ninja who'd injured him so badly and almost crushed his dreams of being a ninja; _it is not your fate to defeat a shinobi of Gaara's calibre. He was right_; that had been the most galling thing of all, even though the Hyuuga had come to visit him in the aftermath of the surgery he had eventually decided to undergo at Tsunade's hands to rescue his goal of becoming a great ninja without the use of chakra, the sense of superiority Neji had held but at least had the grace not to bring up had been an invisible barrier between the two of them; _I could not defeat Gaara-san just as I could not defeat Neji-kun. However he was wrong about this – he thought it would be difficult but he did believe he was fated to beat Naruto-san – does this mean it is possible for me to do likewise?_ Even as the Green Beast considered this however, he was forced to look up as the man who'd defied Neji's version of fate spoke again,

"Well now he knows better; it'll be up to you three to bring him around but I'm sure he'll get over it eventually now I've actually opened his eyes to the fact that life's what you make it rather than something to be endured until you're dead. I've seen second-hand what happens when people, even exceptionally powerful ones, try to second-guess powers beyond their understand and I know one thing", despite himself he scowled as for an instant he saw the figure that stood behind his second-father, demanding his worship and eagerly accepting every offer of blood that his mortal champion could consecrate in his name, "that never ends well".

There appeared to be nothing else to say after that and Naruto left the others to their own devices, not wanting to rush the process of them overcoming their natural trepidation as they realised he was not like them any more. It would take time; heck it had taken him months to reconcile himself with the stranger in the mirror; but eventually it would happen to a greater or lesser extent. Instead he, much like the rest of the rookies, sat and watched the remainder of the matches (even Shikamaru, it seemed, was suitably motivated into fighting by Ino threatening to take over Naruto's new body and launch him into the arena like a dart if he didn't get his butt in gear and fight), though as there was a sudden swish of leaves from the arena, he couldn't deny a slight huff of laughter,

"Figures; Sasuke always liked to make a grand entrance", he commented, thinly amused as the raven's eyes alighted on him and for the first time since he'd knocked the last Uchiha on his ass in an Academy spar so long ago he had the pleasure of seeing the other boy absolutely stunned by his appearance. Luckily he couldn't question anything as his match was next, though that didn't stop the Uchiha's sensei from questioning the matter as he entered the booth with his normal book absent,

"Maa, Naruto, is that you?"

"Hai Kakashi-senpai, it's me", he confirmed, the address a force of habit as the perverted old man who was his godfather was always addressing the one-eyed jounin as Kakashi-kun, "how was your month off?"

"Quiet really, at least once we stopped certain people trying to get a little advantage with their eyes in the sky", the jounin eye-smiled, as though people growing about five feet in height and two and a bit in breadth in the space of a month was par for the course for him, "still, not sure if Sasuke-kun has enough in him to bring Gaara down but it should be a good match for him either way".

Naruto merely nodded at this; in honesty he hadn't really had much time to consider the Uchiha survivor since passing out of the Academy but from what he remembered Sasuke was a talented shinobi who would doubtless thrive in the right hands, though his temperament was somewhat suspect and he was a mite cold from what the Senju-Uzumaki remembered. He also appeared to have had a grudge against the world in general, but especially against his elder brother who'd killed off the rest of their clan, and himself, some ancient enmity between the Senju and Uchiha clan if he remembered rightly. Naruto himself couldn't be bothered with the issues of grandfathers long dead as he preferred to look forwards, though as Sasuke vaulted up the wall of the arena and made some seals, he would admit that the Uchiha was powerful in his own way even as he heard the sudden denunciation from somewhere over his shoulder,

"Kakashi-san, you didn't…?"

"I told you Gai, Sasuke-kun and I are very similar people", the Copy-nin reiterated before looking more serious, "Lee is a lot more skilled and faster than Sasuke in taijutsu so he needed an ace to overcome that sand. This is the only thing I could teach him in a month that gave him a chance to overcome the ultimate defence".

"What is it Kakashi-sensei?" _It's a handful of lightning_; Naruto answered Sakura's question in the privacy of his own head before listening to the actual answer from the jounin,

"It's called the Chidori, a B-ranked assassination technique"; _that loud – who were you expecting to sneak up on with that thing shrieking like a banshee?_; "my one original jutsu". That was an interesting point and Naruto made a note of exactly what was happening as he watched the Uchiha race down the wooden wall and towards the dome Gaara had cocooned himself within; _hmm, tunnel-vision due to the speed of the attack but overcome by the Sharingan, a single hit with overwhelming force at one point of the target, easily able to kill a human by shock and impact alone never mind the shock of having someone else shove their hand into you. Also as a lightning jutsu it should overcome the earth nature of Gaara's defence, so this match could either end now or…_; there was a piercing scream from inside the dome Sasuke had just slammed his fist through, the lunatic inside raving about the fact he was bleeding; _…it's going to shock him into unconsciousness and make my idea a lot harder to get working. Oh that doesn't look good_; the sight of a massive tanned arm made entirely of sand being pulled out of the hole Sasuke had made in the ultimate defence made him simultaneously sigh and prepare himself to act if he had to; _right, leave it to the adults unless it looks like it's going to…what?_

A rain of soft white feathers began to wink into existence and drift downwards from the top of the arena seating areas; just looking at them Naruto began to feel slightly drowsy before, as he had painstakingly trained himself to do so once Shizune-neechan had told of the ways to break genjutsu and he realised how one of his alien biological attachments had granted him control of his circadian rhythm, he effectively rebooted his own brain, shutting down and switching on every area of the brain that might be being targeted by a genjutsu. This process took roughly six seconds, a lot swifter than it had been when he'd first envisioned the technique and spent the better part of forty-five minutes trying to switch off his senses in a specific order rather than relying on the organ as a whole to simply rest them for him following sleep deprivation, and when it was over he was fully alert, ready and prepared to do anything necessary to fight for his village.

His enhanced body allowed his to sum up the situation and prioritise the highest threats in a heartbeat; because of that he was able to see who was at the greatest risk of death and plan the steps necessary to eliminate that danger. Because of this Genma would never know how close he came to death as he threw off the genjutsu and made to defend the last Uchiha from the now-insane Gaara, nor would he know exactly who to thank for his deliverance as Naruto wiped his hand over the tattoo on his arm and, much earlier than he'd wanted to, prepared to show Konoha and its enemies what the face of rage truly looked like.

He followed the trio as they leapt and his victim never had a chance to look around as with a thought the dread item that had cursed him for all time to live a life that wasn't truly his and walk a path of isolation for the protection of all was in his hand and swinging. It had been forged to be a bane of life, the end of all things and to hew apart the armour of gods; to slash through the back of his first victim was as simple as a knife sliding through silk.

XXX

As she leapt from the balcony the wind roared in her ears and Temari cursed under her breath, seeing her brother land just ahead of her as she contemplated the situation; though their youngest brother was occupying the proctor's attention with his incomplete transformation, she knew she and Kankuro weren't enough to take down a jounin and retrieve Gaara at the same time. They needed Baki for that and he'd been halfway through giving out his plan before they'd jumped and the howling wind had drowned out what he'd been trying to say, in fact it was only getting louder even though she'd landed and her sensei still hadn't spoken. She glanced over her shoulder, just a single glance that shattered her nerves and haunted her nightmares for years afterwards she realised it wasn't the wind she was hearing.

Baki was standing, a crude and horrible mockery of life as he dangled dead and broken, suspended from collapse only by the terrible thing that had bitten into where his shoulder used to be. Through eyes that soon became glassy and numb the Sand princess couldn't look away, couldn't shut her eyes and couldn't even blink to block out the sight as the rows of serrated teeth gnawed into the body of the man who had turned her into a kunoichi and been her teacher, rock and in some instances confidant since she'd earned her headband. Flesh parted and viscera was hewn asunder, not even bone could deny the bite of that terrible mandible as time seemed to slow down around her; it could have taken no longer than a second for Baki to fall in two bifurcated pieces but to Temari it lasted longer than a lifetime. The scent of bone and meat being singed by the friction of the cutting edge was horrible in her nose as at last, at long last the man who'd become closer to her than her own father fell, mercifully dead as his killer stepped forwards through the cloud of red mist that still rose from the howling blade. The kunoichi knew on one level that she should have attempted to avenge her sensei and complete the mission her team had been given but her eyes were locked onto the beast before her, unable to glance away from the sinuous motion of the metal fangs as they flickered and flashed in the sunlight, the whole weapon appearing to purr in satisfaction as she had the strangest sensation that it was enjoying the sensation of blood on its teeth,

"Stay there!" The command hit her ears like a thunderclap but she barely registered it, nor did she react much save to slowly rotate upon the spot as the wielder of the terrible blade rushed between her and her brother; she was vaguely aware that he was going for Gaara but, though she would forever castigate herself for thinking such a thing as she recovered from the shock she'd sunk into, at the time, all she could think was that it was a mercy that the bloodthirsty demon before her wasn't going after her next. With Kankuro beside her she sank to the ground, unwilling and unable to fight further as she watched the demon that had killed her sensei hew into her littlest brother, and neither she nor the puppeteer could bring themselves to lift a finger to prevent the attack that threatened to end whatever family ties they had ever shared with the same bloodied edge that had been the bane of her sensei.

XXX

_Mother was with him, Mother would protect him from everything and he would spill the blood Mother demanded; the Uchiha who had hurt him, he would be the first to feed Mother. He would find the Uchiha, the one who had pierced his precious flesh – his mother's gift was unable to fail as he felt something approach, very fast, interrupting his hunt. Mother would protect him, he could feel her presence around him and the shield of her desert was able to interce…_

_The impact was enough to rock him backwards and he heard Mother roar in both anger and pain; the attack had hurt Mother, he would crush the one who dared. He turned on his heel, Uchiha-prey forgotten in the face of this new assault only to feel his eyes widen at the sight of the shield above him thinning, the sight of metal teeth cutting through the shield of sand forcing him to act. His strength was less than nothing, it was only by his Mother's blessing that he was strong and protected, but he offered it anyway, trying to stem the slow, inexorable progress of the whirling edge, now inches from the mark that spelt 'Love' above his forehead. It would not work, it could not be stopped even as he and Mother combined their power and sought to reinforce the shield; now Mother's cries were less of rage and more panic as the end of all things slowed but did not stop coming forwards. Increment by tiny increment it advanced, mocking his pitiful effort and defying Mothers strength – so close he could see the red stains that dotted each of the teeth, some older and some very fresh indeed, a hunger for blood that matched or even eclipsed Mothers' and a mocking smile that never faded even as it came closer, closer._

_Not even inches from his eyes and he found himself almost screaming in a paroxysm of fear and outrage that his existence would end, that he would kill no more; even as the thought came to him though the pressure was suddenly lost, the killer's grin gone from his eyes and pursued in a shower of sand as he and Mother both hurled the thing away from them, making sure it couldn't threaten their existence ever again. Even as he dared breath again though he became aware of something else approaching at very high speed, something Mother hadn't noticed in her desperation to ensure that he would survive – it ballooned in his vision, white and pink in equal measure until it struck him, hard, in the same area that had almost been devoured by the whirling smile. He felt pain, his senses reeling from the blow for just an instant before a sudden void seemed to open up around him and he realised he was alone, he could no longer hear Mother, her cries were silenced in his head. He screamed in his own mind, fearing the end of his own existence as the darkness rushed up to claim him and he was powerless to stop himself passing into it, the last thing he heard a curt, clipped dismissal that came through his fading consciousness,_

"Sleep well".

XXX

He had always anticipated he'd encounter Gaara in this exam and his plan for how to deal with the Ichibi jinchuuriki had been typical simple and direct – the youngest Suna sibling held a bijuu just as he did, so seal off the demon and he'd be rendered pretty much helpless just as Naruto himself might have been had it not been for the advent of the blood of a demi-god altering him into a half-human hybrid of its monstrous progenitor. The idea was simple but following the preliminaries Naruto had been forced to alter his strategy somewhat; the seal needed to remain in place to be effective and Gaara, as he knew thanks to Lee's efforts, had a shield of sand all around him, so if he passed out and the sand fell off it would remove the tag and let Shukaku out to play since his host was unconscious.

A very large drawing-pin through the top of the sealing tag had quickly solved that little problem.

As Naruto glanced down at the effect of his open-handed punch to his fellow demon container he let out a nod as he realised his idea had worked; distracted by attempting to repel his first swing and focussing only on the most dangerous attack the boy who Naruto hoped was going to be his first ally in his long-term quest had never even seen the punch until it was too late. The drawing pin had punched through the sand armour, pierced Gaara's forehead and had glanced off his cranial bone, anchoring the tag firmly in place and removing Gaara from the equation of this new apparent war; _now_; Naruto's eyes took in everything and the sight of a familiar if not friendly face allowed him to plot a course to solve one particular issue without further ado;_ to make sure he stays there_;

"Hey, Uchiha", Sasuke jumped from where he'd been trying to keep his trepidation and dinner down as he saw and heard the result of Naruto's first rampage, "make sure these three don't go anywhere. Now!" _Just like ero-sennin always says, you get a lot more accomplished if you do it with authority_; even as Sasuke jolted as though his own technique had earthed through him the jinchuuriki dismissed him and the Sand prisoners he'd taken from his mind and focussed on the next task at hand.

Spinning around and hearing through his enhanced senses the sounds of destruction from further away that the stadium itself Naruto cursed as he realised that Konoha needed every able body it could get and, right now, there was only one way he could provide them; the same technique that had gotten him through the Academy with a little sleight of hand but also the one that brought him closer to the edge than any he'd ever used before. It split his power and his chakra, perhaps even his very being, but it couldn't dilute the memories in his head, the horror that threatened to overwhelm him at all times and plunge him into either black depression or mindless violence. He had no choice though and he knew his limits; in an instant he crossed his fingers and focussed on his technique, intoning a virtually silent plea as he did so,

"Kurama guard my soul in this", he had no idea if the bijuu could hear him at the minute but it didn't stop him making his request either way, "kage bunshin no jutsu!"

It was a great irony that his maximum number added up to a lucky number for his people and also the sacred number of the hellish patron his second-father had worshiped; as the smoke cleared and his duplicates emerged, each with their own cloned replica of the weapon that even now rotated in his hand he spat his orders and they all nodded. Earth was not his natural chakra nature but he had received off-the-books training from two of Konoha's most powerful ninja who did boast strong earth affinities and as such his shadow clones sank beneath the ground almost in an instant, moving to the areas he had instructed and leaving him stood alone. He did not remain standing for long however, even as he took in the battle around him and realised that some of Suna's forces were en route to attempt to recover the state's weapon he sprang forwards to meet them, blood pounding through his veins and roaring in tandem with the shrieking axe in his hands as, for the first time since Wave, the jinchuuriki allowed himself to lapse briefly into the memories of the real demon that continually battered at his consciousness and he fought with every iota of his supreme will and superhuman might to suppress.

Mere seconds after he allowed this baser nature out to play many other bodies joined that of Baki on the floor of the arena in various states of dismemberment, a fitting tribute to and requiem for the ultimate, undefeated gladiator of a different, more savage age.

XXX

Having ensured her team were safe in this madness and having both Shino and Kiba acting as guards for the hospital area of the stadium Kurenai had raced back into the main fight in time to see something that shocked even her. Up in the main stands the battle appeared to be going evenly as Konohas' forces threw off their shock and retaliated at their aggressors, however in one area the battle was swinging decisively in the Leaf village's favour and, with another gout of blood and scream of lust, the avatar of war that seemed to have been summoned to aid the Leaf in one of its darkest hours hacked down another attacker and put another few who'd seen his work to flight, courage broken in the face of such outright slaughter.

Other Konoha ninja, once they'd realised this stranger was fighting for their cause, had backed him up, the dreadnought who moved at eye-blurring speed forming the point of a kunai that was carving a grievous wound into the combined forces of Oto and Suna. Noticing a sudden flash of olive whipping out around the rampaging behemoth Kurenai decided that was the place to be and quickly placed a genjutsu around both herself and a group of Oto nin who'd been approaching her, leaving them fighting shadows as she left and made to reinforce her friends. Invisible due to her genjutsu warping light around her, the jounin approached her friends cautiously and announced her arrival by throwing a brace of shuriken that deflected a kunai thrown towards Anko's blindside and peppered its thrower with sharp metal stars. As the Snake Mistress looked around, trying to find out who'd made the save, Kurenai clicked her tongue in a pattern the two kunoichi had come up with to identify each other on the battlefield and was relieved to see her friend smile before suddenly turning an alarmed glance towards her,

"Nai-chan stay the hell away from Naruto's front or he might well kill you without realising he's done it!"

The sudden need to be visible to her allies (as, in a ninja battle, most ninja who did discover an invisible interloper on the battlefield were likely to attack first rather than wait to see if the genjutsu expert was on their side) as well as the shock caused Kurenai to drop her first genjutsu and then burst apart in a spray of petals as a suiton jutsu tore through where she'd been standing. As the nin who'd targeted her was sudden chased off the edge of the arena walls by the figments she'd woven into his imagination and landed with a nasty-sounding crunch, the jounin reappeared at her friends' shoulder and spoke in a clipped tone,

"Situation?"

"Kill anyone with a Suna or Oto headband and stay out the way of Big, Red and Raging over there", the Snake Mistress replied, jerking a thumb over her shoulder towards where the ninja, if such a direct fighter deserved such a title, she'd been backing up had charged up the stairs towards an area of seating he hadn't yet cleared, "my little gaki's a bit peeved at the moment".

"Your little…that's Naruto?"

"In the flesh, and the blood as well now I think about it", Anko replied as her Hidden Shadow Snake Hands struck and a ninja who'd thrown himself from the viewing box her student had just entered fell to the floor paralysed but alive, a paroxysm of terror etched on his face, "I mean it Nai-chan, tell the others to stay away from him if they can. He's been controlled in all the time I've known him but this is the first large-scale shinobi battle he's been involved in – if ever there was a time for him to snap this is it".

This statement raised too many questions for Kurenai to focus on in the current situation so instead she did her duty as best she could, trusting that the truth would be let out eventually and trying to ignore the constant buzzing and roaring that seemed to echo over the other sounds of battle. Her and Anko were a formidable team and under the influence of her illusions and the Snake Mistress's poisons they were quickly able to work their way towards the main stairwell, an area were judging from the sundered corpses lying around Naruto had been recently. Looking at the torn bodies around her Kurenai had to clamp down on her nausea; she'd seen men dead before just as any ninja had but this…

"I know, not pretty but damned effective", like most employees of the T&I department Anko was living proof that people could become inured to anything with enough exposure, though even for her it had taken several months of training in the Forest of Death to fully come to terms with what her student could truly do to living things when his blood was up, "hard as hell for him taking prisoners though". Realising the area appeared to be clear and that the attack in this area at least appeared to be aborted somewhat, Kurenai glanced around and saw, just for an instant, a sight that would stay in her memory until the day she died.

It was frozen energy, dynamism coupled with unrefined power and expressed in a single motion, flawless as it was fluid; Naruto, or this new and infinitely more deadly version of him at least, had hacked his way to the very top level of seating, ninja of both sides literally diving into seating or hurdling down rows to get out of range of his murderous swings. Just as the genjutsu prodigy believed he was simply going to bounce off or, worse, break through the top of the arena's highest tier of seating, the method behind his path became clear; without pause or even a flicker of deviation from his charge, Naruto hopped up and brought one great foot down on the back of the seat closest to him. It buckled under his weight but the purchase was enough and he sprang towards the wall before him, a crunch so loud it hurt her ears as the head of his pole-arm, Kurenai assumed, bit into the brickwork, lodging there fast. Naruto equal parts rolled and pulled himself up the haft, having judged his hit perfectly allowing him to reach up with his free hand and grip the top of the stadium while the other grabbed just behind the head of the still-growling axe. With a wrenching motion he pulled both his weapon free and himself up in the same movement; for an instant he was framed in the sun, pushing himself up over the wall with one hand while the other held the whirling, shrieking machine aloft, a spray of equal parts blood and brick dust spat from its ripping maw as it was held aloft and parallel to its wielders' body. He hung for a moment, suspended, before gravity pulled at him and he dropped, leaving behind naught save the bodies of his foes and the memory of what he had done.

Kurenai's glance had taken all this in and, even as she jumped back to avoid a sudden shuriken and retaliated with an accurate kunai of her own, bringing the target down with a grim smile as she realised his shaky aim probably had something to do with his whitened face and the way he seemed to be switching his gaze between her and the corpses she stood close to.

"What the hell is that kid on, and what is he carrying?" A voice spoke somewhere close to her as she watched a large number of the enemy already having surrendered themselves to the Leafs' mercy as they realised the man who had just left had none and he appeared invulnerable, unstoppable even in his absence. It was only when, halfway through wrapping up an Oto chunin with her summons and holding he breath as it appeared the man had soiled himself, Anko looked up to speak that Kurenai realised the voice had been her own. Fortunately Aoba, who'd been in the stands to watch the matches on one of his days off and had fought his way through the crowds as soon as the attack had started, took that moment to speak up and spare her blushes,

"I was about to ask the same thing Kurenai-san", the sunglasses-wearing jounin spoke gravely, a tremble in his body as he recalled seeing the axe fall more than once even from the other side of the stadium; the jinchuuriki's first victim would probably need to be sent home in an urn rather than a casket to keep the leakage to a minimum; _though at least he didn't suffer_; "what the hell is going on Anko-san, and what in the name of every ancestor is that damned… thing he's carrying?"

"What's going on? We're in a war you baka, a war my student might just have helped turn the tide of if his kage bunshins can get to the front quickly enough", the newly-promoted jounin back, knocking her most recent prisoner out with a chop to the neck to prevent him attempting to escape later, "and watch what you say about that weapon of his, and not that weapon you disgusting individual", she admonished, alleviating the battlefield tension in the same manner all nin did even during battle as she noticed Aoba smirk, "it's got a name".

Whatever Anko had meant to say was drowned out slightly by someone getting a little too familiar with an explosive tag in one area of the stadium where the fighting hadn't quite died down but just from looking around it appeared the overall fight was over; the enemy had lost the element of surprise when Naruto had acted. His brutal dismemberment of the Suna jounin and the way he'd clinically neutralised the jinchuuriki, obviously meant as a trump card for the whole invasion had torn the heart from at least the Suna contingent of the invaders, his summoning of reinforcements cut from the same monolithic mould as himself had been overkill on top of that and this was before the remainder of the ninja in the stadium, including one of the sannin, woke up and started adding to the body-count of invaders. Despite that there would always be those that refused to lie down and die easily or give themselves up and one of them, going out in a blaze of loud but ultimately futile glory, left Aoba's ears ringing and snatched the last word Anko mouthed towards them out of his hearing. Kurenai, however, either had sharper ears or had been protected better from the blast; as Aoba regained his hearing it was her voice he heard first as he stood vigil over the two kunoichi, joined by other friendly figures and exchanging a nod with Genma as the senbon-user helped with the immediate clear-up and corralling of the defeated foes around them all,

"…father? That sounds like something out a science fiction novel".

"Sorry but that's the name the gaki said it came with", the Snake Mistress shrugged, speaking to her friends from one side of her mouth and conversing with a small olive snake with the other as it hissed at her, "and it's not blood, it's gore. Now, Slyiss tells me most of its quiet here now so you, you and Genma-kun stay here and made sure this lot die if they so much as blink out of turn, you make sure the Uchiha down there is doing his job right and keeps the Kazekage's kids out of this mess for bargaining later; rest of you follow me. With any luck we can catch up to Naruto before he gets to have all the fun!"

However cheerful her declaration might have been however, Anko knew that her student already had a head-start on them all; his clones were swift moving through the earth and chances were they were already at the front of the battle. It wasn't in the manner they'd discussed or expected this to happen but it looked like that, regardless of wants or needs, Konoha and most of the rest of the world were going to be introduced first-hand to the wrath of the genin she, in the aftermath of his first one-man rampage through the Forest of Death, had christened the Shinkōshoku no sensō mashin with a perfectly straight face and no hint of a lie in her tone.

Even as this thought crossed her mind, in several locations around the village seven figures were emerging to show the Leaf what had been living undiscovered within its walls for so long.

XXX – 1-4

The fighting had been furious at first but, since the wall had been crumbled by the advent of the huge snakes battering through it, though not without cost, had devolved into a tactical war of attrition; both sides sought the high ground where they could and cover where they couldn't, waiting for an advantage they could exploit to turn the tide. Marshalling the forces under him as best he could in the turmoil of war, Ibiki was calling orders left and right before half-ducking, half-being pulled into the lee of a water tower as a Sound ninja made a rush towards him, taking a number of kunai to vital areas before even slowing down and then finally stopping as a katon jutsu finished what the metal had begun,

"Close one there sir", Shiho chuckled, hoping to hide her nerves as the taller man turned his infamous gimlet eyes on her, "some of them must be on something, some kind of advanced soldier pill. Makes them sloppy but, as you saw", she glanced around their shelter, taking in the scenario around her, "tough as nails. Damn it, I think they're mustering; wait, what are…?"

She never had a chance to finish; Ibiki, needing to see what was going on and not trusting himself to remain as inconspicuous as the member of the analysis squad due to his well-known face and the fact that doomed rush hadn't been the first attempt on his life by suicidal agents made an instinctive command. _They must have been briefed that in the event of a emergency I am automatically bestowed with the powers of command of all jounin and lower ranks. Damn_; the idea made a patriot such as himself grit his teeth in shame at his failure; _we must have an information leak somewhere_;

"Shiho, hand me your glasses"; the kunoichi raised an eyebrow but complied nevertheless, leaning back as the torture expert leant across her and cautiously poked the eyewear out, forming a mirror that allowed him to see what was going on. It looked like she'd been right; obviously the invaders had lost momentum as their foot troops hadn't been able to keep pace with the single larger, tri-headed summon that had broken the line and was currently bulldozing its way through the mercantile districts towards the heart of the village, but if they could break through again and link up with that summon then Konoha was going to have a serious issue as the breakthrough force would be able to circle back around and attack from the rear, a two front war that his ad-hoc command couldn't survive.

Translating the mirrored images the glasses provided with practised ease the torture expert scowled; this looked like it was going to be bad, the push that would either break against or through the hasty Konoha line, and worse the troops mustering for it looked just as Shiho had described them. Ibiki had fought before against men who used all manner of techniques to go beyond human limits even at the cost of their own lives, from the Hero water of Taki to the strange chakra used by Hidden Star and the few glimpses of the ninja he could see being corralled together in an alleyway by invaders wearing Sound headbands who seemed none-too-keen to get too close to their charges showed all the symptoms of such enhancement. _Though knowing who at least one of the masterminds behind this scheme is, I doubt such power comes from as magnanimous a source as any other, nor is it being used for a noble purpose_; Ibiki allowed himself a grim smile as he handed Shiho her glasses back and cycled through his list of options in his head at the same time as speaking,

"This is Scar", he said heavily though the comm-bead in his collar, "enemy static but preparing for a big push down White Blossoms Street; they're aiming to link up with their furthest summon. This is going to get ugly, their shinobi are spearheaded by a sacrificial troop of Oroichimaru's experiments, and they will be merciless and hard to put down. I will engage them", Shiho whipped her head around as she heard those words but Ibiki carried on unperturbed, "if I go down, and I likely will, use the opportunity to cut off the enhanced shinobi from their back-up. If they're anything like their master's other schemes chances are they'll be too mindless for tactics and simply attempt to burn and maim anything close to them without someone from their own side close by to keep them in line; there's nothing here we can't rebuild. I will move as soon as they do – be ready". With that said Ibiki let his hand drop from the bead and prepared himself, readying the forbidden jutsu he knew and could use on a large number of targets inured to pain and injury and making peace with his life as he prepared to die as his father had for the good of Konoha, glancing towards the form of Shiho as she looked to make a protest,

"Taicho…"

"This is what it means to be a shinobi", he growled back, though there was a hint of gentleness in his tone as he remembered that Shiho hadn't been long into her vest and was, in fact, only in this war by bad luck as the department head had sent her out on an errand just before the kunai started flying, "to die for the village…"

"No Ibiki-san", the torturer blinked and was forced to raise another finger on the two hands that counted the number of people who'd ever interrupted him since he assumed control of Konoha's T&I department before following the chunin's finger and seeing what she was pointing at, "look!"

Behind him, at the back of Konoha's lines and virtually ignored as there was little they could do to try and halt it at the moment, the summon that had been the objective of the push was suddenly writhing as though in agony before, with a plume of smoke, it suddenly dispelled itself, robbing the opponent of a key strategy piece. But what had made it vanish so suddenly – even as he tried to answer that question and demanded if anyone had eyes on the situation that had caused the summon to dispel, movement on the street behind him caught his eye and, directing Shiho to keep an eye on the enemy before them, the commander attempted to deduce what was going on. It was a doton technique, that much he was sure of, someone moving through the earth at great speed; even as he watched on something breached the crust, a noise like the damned howling in pain catching the wind even as, at the head of White Blossoms Street the subterranean journey came to an end. The earth cracked once more and a single figure exploded into the air, landing with a thump that Ibiki felt as much as heard, hands on the haft of what resembled an axe in the same way a puppy resembled a Konoha honey bear as he bellowed over even the screams of his blade,

"Who invades the Leaf?" He demanded, voice like an earthquake as he paced forwards, slashing an X-shaped scar in the air with the screaming blade, "Who dares test their might against Konoha, strongest of the five? Who comes to make themselves a corpse before my feet – Goa-chichioya hungers", all eyes were on the stranger now; _just as he wanted_; a sudden suspicions seizing him Ibiki dared lean out around the water tower and saw with a jolt that such provocation was having the desired effect – the drugged or otherwise manic forces of the enemy were straining at the leash, ignoring the demands of their overseers for calm and strategy as in their barbaric minds they understood that whoever the warrior was, he posed a challenge to them and they would not let it go unanswered as the horrific pole-arm extended, held in one hand as a sneering, dismissive smile split the large face and he spat on the street before him,

"Come on then you bastards"; _just one more push_; Ibiki prided himself on being an astute judge of the human psyche and knew the breaking strain was fast approaching even as the warrior flung his arms wide as though inviting attack, "come forth and die!"

It was the straw that snapped the camels back; Ibiki smirked grimly as he watched one or two of the Sound overseers trampled wholesale by the sudden charge of their insane counterparts as to a man they broke ranks and hurled themselves recklessly down the street towards the towering figure that mocked them. Braying and laughing like some carnival of the damned, the two dozen or so of the experimental rejects were moving at speeds that would have made Maito Gai declare them rivals and every one of them looked able to kill with little more than a dirty look. Ibiki mentally made a note to write up a posthumous declaration of valour for the man who had provoked such an attack as kunai and other shrapnel rained down on the charging figures from the positions Konoha ninja had taken before with a roar the warrior himself reacted; there was a flash of bronze as his axe left his hand and hewed down one of the closest Sound berserkers, splitting him almost in two and causing those behind him to stumble, almost imperceptibly, over the sudden obstacle.

That stumble, however, was enough for Naruto to put into practice his last piece of strategy and break the rules of ninjutsu one more time. For the longest time it had been thought to be difficult, but not impossible, for a ninja without a bloodline to combine chakra natures easily; however throughout the annals of ninja history, there had never been recorded a technique performed by a single ninja that combined wind with fire for the simple reason that any resultant technique would be too unstable and explosive for the user to control. Both types of chakra were manipulated in the lungs so preventing them from mixing somewhere in the respiratory system was impossible; many of the Uchiha and other clans had died with their lungs reduced to ashes as a testament to this fact before even the Sharingan using clan declared the research too costly and reluctantly turned their back on it.

_And they were right_; Naruto smirked as his hands flashed through seals, using the second throwing the blood-drenched axe had brought him to the fullest; _it's impossible to stop fire and air mixing in the lungs, so the solution should be easy - grow a third lung._ It wasn't quite as straightforward as that of course as the so-called third lung his altered physiology had developed over the years was actually more of a proto-lung designed to be completely separate from the rest of his respiratory tract and allow him to breathe in a poisonous atmosphere, but as it was self-enclosed unless he consciously chose to use it that made it perfect for his purposes. His normal lungs dealt with the wind chakra, the proto-lung powered in the fire at the last minute just as the air-stream reached his lips and the result, when his technique finished and he opened his mouth, was gratuitously explosive.

White Blossoms Street was suddenly consumed in light; a flame so hot it was tinged white and blue raced down the wide walkway and let nothing escape, not even the screams. Face flushed from the kiss of the heat even at this distance, Ibiki pulled his head back and blinked harshly, trying to recover his vision as Shiho squeezed her eyes shut, having luckily just noticed the hand-signs being made at the last minute. The technique, whatever it was, was mercifully short-lived but the impact was devastating; in the space of an instant a peaceful road had been converted into an apocalyptic scene and, more than that, one of Sound's most potent military assets had been reduced to cinder-covered corpses, each of the Sound nin dead as the one who'd killed them with fire at such close range merely stepped forwards and, uncaring of the heat that made the haft of his axe glow with a ruddy heat, reclaimed his weapon and brandished it aloft once more,

"Is that all?" His roar was a challenge as much as a statement of intent as he advanced down the blazing street, the shop fronts and houses all burning as a result of his rule-breaking technique, "show me more, show me how you intend to wi…"

He was cut off suddenly and Ibiki felt the morale of the entire Konoha defensive line plummet in time with his own as he saw the kunai that had lodged itself squarely in the towering man's heart; whoever the ninja had been he was now dead as was any psychological advantage his removal of the Sound combat team had given the Leaf forces. Even as the axe-mans' face fell forwards as though considering the weapon that had killed him it was joined by another, then another as Sound and some of their Suna allies stepped out from their cover to deliver their death-blows to the man who had threatened to crumble their morale. Slumping to his knees, axe fallen from his hand to the blackened earth he'd created, the Konoha ninja used what must have been the last of his strength to turn his contemptuous gaze up towards his victorious killers…

…and he smiled, an instant before he dispersed in a cloud of smoke.

Both Ibiki and Shiho, along with everyone else who had been drawn in to the unfolding drama, stared as the smoke began to drift on the wind, felt their minds race down the same lines towards the same conclusions; _clone? So where's the real one?_ Even as this question was asked in their minds the silence that had fallen over the battleground following the temporary lull was ripped asunder by another great shriek of rotating metal, several of the revealed invaders screaming in the face of the three new figures, each as great and terrible as the one they'd just killed, who had leapt onto the top of the village houses and were now charging towards them, swallowing up the distance in long, loping strides and eager for the kill. _Clever boy_; even as he dispassionately observed one of the figures disdainfully swatting a hastily thrown kunai from the air before his return blow hacked through the nin who'd struck at him, taking him apart at the waist and cleaving a large chunk from the extractor vent he was backed up against; _bait them out with a clone while the real strike team gets into position. This is what he was aiming for, and now_; realising this was the moment, the pendulum had swung towards his own force, Ibiki stepped out from behind his pillar and readied himself as Shiho stood up and tried to swallow her own disgust as the sight of men and women being so callously rent asunder by the awful blade the figure used; _we move to back him up_;

"Ninja of Konoha", Ibiki was grateful for once that he had a voice to go with his physique, "forward and strike back! Drive these invaders from our village!"

His order was met with a roar of approval, his command emerging from behind their cover and darting forwards in the wake of the three massive men who had splintered their enemy's resolve and even now pressed into the thick of the fighting with no regard for their own lives, leaving terrible carnage in their wake even as they were eventually brought low, all three clones dispersing as their power ran dry. Even before the shell-shocked invading forced could try to recoup their losses or position the resurgent Konoha nin were amongst them and it was all over, the shock and awe too great and the enemy as one either broke and fled or surrendered, the real die-hards amongst them simply dying even as they tried to fight their way clear. Giving the order to chase down and harry the would-be conquerors of the Leaf Ibiki set his eyes on some of the prisoners and gave a cold smile, all the while masking his inner thoughts as he ruminated on what had just happened and always the same question emerged at the forefront of his mind.

Who was the flaxen-haired giant who had come out of nowhere to help save the Leaf in such a manner?

XXX – 5

As the explosion had sent her livelihood into a fine frenzy of barks, squawks and hissing Inuzuka Hana was forced to take charge; quickly telling her assistance for the day, a couple of younger cousins who were doing her a favour in exchange for a little training before they entered the Academy next term, to deal with the animals she rushed outside. Pushing the doors to the surgery open so hard they banged shut behind her, the eldest of the Inuzuka clan head's children tried to take in everything at once and, as soon as she saw the smoke rising from far too close to be comfortable, cursed as she found herself wishing she'd brought her nin-ken to work regardless of how much trouble they might have caused with the recovering animals in the vets. Much as they three triplets were too well-trained to bother any of the animals their mere presence and smell often caused more bother than it was worth, especially with cats for some reason, though right now, alone and with two vulnerable members of the clan to look after never mind the surgery itself, she swore to herself that if she lived through today she'd never leave them behind again.

Her enhanced senses could already hear cries of battle and pain on the wind so she knew for a fact something was up and it was likely to be nothing serious; though she held a chunin rank, with no jounin nearby to give her commands her first priority was to ensure all non-combatants were safe from further harm; _which in real terms means get Shuri and Mimi out of here – holy Kami is that a freaking snake?_ The huge silhouettes she could see in the distance were enough to make her shake but she rapidly pulled herself together, already plotting a route back home that lead away from those massive summons before she suddenly leapt upwards, adrenaline flushing through her as she palmed for a kunai and thanked the lucky star she'd been born under that she'd noticed the slight tremors in time to avoid a potential sneak attack.

It hadn't been her that had been shaking; it was the ground itself.

Though the subterranean motion seemed to be coming from the direction of main Konoha Hana wasn't going to take any chances, especially not as the ripple in the earth ceased and the travelling ninja forced his way upwards. The sheer size and scale of the revealed man made her eyes widen before she forced them narrow; _never seen this guy before but he knew where he was going, his stop was too precise for him to turn up at the clinic by a fluke_;

"Freeze", she growled, trying to make herself sound more threatening and grateful the nin was facing away from her as he complied and waited for the next question, "friend or foe?"

"Leaf, friend"; _though it was lucky I sealed the axe away before I appeared, somehow I doubt she'd have asked that question if I'd come up with that thing whirring in my hand._

"Prove it".

"About three or four years ago your brother and I dared you to sprinkle itching power in your mothers' knickers drawer and you bottled it. Kiba's still teasing you about that to this day if I'm any judge of character, right Hana-neechan?"

Technically she should have slotted him for turning around before she gave him permission to move but such was her shock at him recalling such an obscure fact that he'd have been safe even if she hadn't put the pieces together and come up with the right name,

"_Naruto?_"

"In the flesh", he replied, spreading the arms that now gave him a near-five-foot reach before looking down at himself and shrugging, "well, as much flesh as a clone can have at least". Hana's jaw worked soundlessly for a moment, then a moment more before having confirmed his story with her nose, she simply looked him up and down and spoke the first thing that came into her head,

"Bugger me". If his answers up until now hadn't convinced her of who he was the slow smirk that slipped over his face did so, as did the next words he came out with,

"Tempting as the offer is this really isn't the time", all at once he became serious, constantly checking around him as he spoke and apparently having to almost stop himself grasping his right forearm for some reason, "we're under attack. Suna and Oto have launched an invasion so I'm here to make sure as many people as possible are safe, starting with you and anyone else around here". Catching onto his meaning Hana immediately nodded and called out loud, trusting for her cousins' keen ears to hear her over the din,

"Mimi, Shuri, out here now, forget everything else", there was a pause of no longer than four or five seconds before the order was complied with and both younger children burst out of the surgery only to freeze and squeak in fear at the sudden sight of Naruto's clone staring down at them. Not seeing the sudden look of regret that passed across the chakra constructs' face for a brief second, Hana addressed the youngsters frankly and forced them to pay attention to her,

"We're going home right now, no arguments and leave everything else behind", though it tore at her heart to abandon her patients in such a manner the fact was that the lives of the clan were worth more in the long run than any animal, a sad but unavoidable truth in life, "we're going to be going over the roofs so hold onto me, Naruto-otouto is going to be our escort okay?"

"But…?" Shuri's question was shot down by Hana's frigid look and without another word he meekly held out an arm, allowing himself to be scooped up along with his twin sister as the elder Inuzuka bounded up towards the roof. Naruto was hot on her heels, eyes and other senses extended to the full as he both watched out for potential danger along the way and, where he saw battles breaking out across the village skyline, he fought with his own baser nature to stop himself from veering off and abandoning his charges in place of throwing himself in to the thick of the action.

Fortunately the journey was both brief and without incident; even as Hana turned around after dropping the children at her clan gates and whistling for her nin-ken to thank him for his help the Senju-Uzumaki was gone, leaping back to the roof without pause as he made his way to his next destination, the war still raging within his soul as he fought to keep the slavering of the beast his ancestor had become at bay.

He had promised both himself and others that he would always place duty before war and, even as that oath was tested as never before, he clung to it with all that he had and was.

XXX - 6

Similarly to his compatriots who were also on escort or protection detail the clone which had emerged at the entrance of the main mercantile district of the village was fighting a battle to try and avoid letting his battle-hunger get the better of him and stay put, hands clasped tightly atop the head of the axe that was even now only just shorter than he was tall as he looked straight ahead, still as a statue and twice as foreboding as he waited for an attack that was never likely to come.

Fortunately the merchants, those who had heard the explosions at least, had been generally milling around and barely even noticed him arrive until he stepped out of the shadows of one of the taller buildings and a roar from his axe silenced all conversation just before a bellow from him silenced the sudden screams of panic.

"Quiet!" It was a shout Iruka-sensei's Demon Head jutsu would have been proud of and it was damned effective as everyone present froze as though petrified, allowing him to go on in a more rational tone as he calmly balanced his axe over his shoulder negligently and explained the situation,

"Konoha is under attack", there was some shuffling at this but it was quelled by a dark look, "go back inside, bolt your doors and ensure your families are safe; normal evacuation procedures will be in place as soon as we can spare manpower. Until then keep your heads down, stay out the way of the ninja and above all keep your heads", his last words were a bit of a growl but that was necessary in the circumstances as he finished, "a panic will only hand another advantage to the enemy. I will protect you as best I can and the ANBU are on their way. Now, quickly, hide yourselves".

Not a minute after he'd made his declaration the street was deserted and he turned his back upon it, setting his stance and preparing to repel an attack that was unlikely to ever come. Though not the safest place in the village the merchant district looked to be away from the main enemy force and therefore not much at risk from an attack, though he had been slightly hopeful that the three-headed snake he could see rearing up in the background might get some ideas and allow him to get his axe bloody before it had suddenly vanished in smoke and he scowled as he realised someone else had beaten him to the kill. Therefore he waited, running through the mental reasons he had for not charging headlong into battle like many of his brothers were; _I owe these people, or some of them at least, if not a favour then certainly to follow through with a promise_; the idea beat in his mind as he watched on, a spectator to the conflict he desperately wanted to be a part of; _they stood behind the devil, so now the devil will pay his dues and turn his wrath upon those what would hurt them._

XXX – 7

"How's it looking?"

"So far so good", Mishurni answered, her taut face belying the smile on it as she stepped back slightly from the post she'd adopted since the alarm had gone up, "not seen anyone loitering so far and nothing coming up on the detector seals. They know we're here so where the hell are they?"

"Don't know and don't want to know, unless it's just before they start trying to re-enact the siege of Taki on our little oasis of insanity", Iruka smiled back, his gut churning with worry in just the same way his fellow teachers was.

Ever since the explosions had gone up and the headmaster of the Academy had calmly but with a sense of great urgency called for Curling Leaf to be put into force he and the rest of the Chunin teaching staff had taken up their positions around the Academy walls, ready to defend the school against attack while the younger teaching staff and assistants had the pupils corralled in the main hall, ready to defend or, if absolutely necessary, euthanize them to prevent bloodline theft by the invaders.

The powers-that-be in the village had long known that in the event of invasion the shinobi Academy would be a top-priority target and had done all in their power to ensure it would be able to hold out in the event of an unexpected attack until more forces could be diverted to relieve the pressure; after all, what was the hope of a shinobi village when its next generation was slain? Because of this and out of duty for both his charges and his village Iruka had answered the call and for that reason was now stood in the Academy grounds, hunkered down by the perimeter wall that, secured as it was with a plethora of useful seals, functioned as much as a defence to keep the enemy out as it did to keep the children in,

"Hey, 'Ruka", the soft whisper made him break off his vigil for a moment to glance at where the kunoichi studies teacher gave him a saucy smile, "if the worst happens, I'm on the deck with a lot of holes in me and I get the chance, do you reckon your girlfriend would be too angry if I stole a kiss off you?"

The question, equal parts cheeky and fatalistic, made the Dolphin ninjas' shoulders shake for a moment before he glanced back with a raised eyebrow; he knew as well as Mishurni did that nothing of the sort was going to happen (she was, after all, engaged), but such banter kept their mind off the situation they were in and the fact that if they were unlucky this might be the last day of their lives. Iruka was just thinking up a witty retort to such a blasé comment before the kunoichi spoke again, this time with everything except icy contempt and, perhaps, a trice of fear in her tone as she delivered the bad news,

"Movement, someone's circling", Iruka would have offered to swap places but knew that would have given the enemy a more accurate guess of their numbers; better that they didn't know and the uncertainty kept them guessing as he prepared a few defensive jutsu to give them second thoughts about approaching the Academy wall, "think it's just one, could be two but one for definohhhh!"

The sudden tailing off made Iruka glance up and seeing Mishurni's incredulous expression, the chunin was very tempted to sneak a glance over the wall himself before he heard his squad mates' words once more,

"Never mind, the threat has been, neutralised".

"How? Are we getting back up?"

"Stay where you are", the kunoichi's sudden authorative bark made him prepare his jutsus once more as he realised someone must have been coming forwards into aggressive range, "identify yourself; the headband means nothing, you could have taken that off the dead".

All was quiet for a minute before an answer was shouted back, rolling over the wall like thunder and almost making Iruka drop his hand-seal in shock twice in quick succession,

"Breath of the Sea – ask Umino Iruka what that means in the context of his most precious person, I know he's behind that wall". _How the…is he a Hyuuga?_; even as he tried to guess how the mystery opponent knew of his presence he found himself being the centre of Mishurni's attention once more and, trying to deny his blush, gave back a candid reply,

"It's Shizune-himes' favourite perfume", he explained before raising his voice, "how did you know that?"

"I brought it for her last birthday, sensei".

At that remark Iruka forgot all about proper protocol and threw himself to his feet, remembering the last time he had truly spoken to his favourite student and realising with a jolt he recognised the brazen tone that addressed him now. Peering over the wall the chunin was filled with equal parts relief and dread as he took in the walking slab of meat and muscle that was his students' true form, a pair of what looked like kunai resized to allow him to use them and therefore as long as ninjato and twice as thick held in his hands, the left one dripping with blood as he nodded towards his former Academy tutor,

"Hello Iruka-sensei, permission to join the Academy defences?"

"Granted", the chunin called back without a second thought, ignoring his kunoichi counterparts' disapproving expression as he allowed a potential enemy into the stronghold despite the fact she'd just seen him put one of those swords to good use through the back of a ninja wearing a headband she didn't recognise.

A moment later and the complaint was mute; the figure had carefully dashed over the thirty meters of dead ground between the Academy and the next-nearest building, a feature designed to make the Academy easier to defend by the teaching staff, and launched himself over the wall, clinging on by strength of arms rather than chakra as the seals on the exterior of the wall prevented it being scaled in the traditional ninja manner. As soon as he'd landed Mishurni found herself glancing up at him with no little trepidation on her face; from a distance he'd appeared impressive enough but within arms' reach was a whole different bag of kunai. Despite such misgivings however she had her professionalism, setting her eyes forwards to see if any threat had followed the oversized man into the killing zone,

"What's the status out there? We're under Curling Leaf here, what's caused it and which idiots decided to have a crack at us this time?"

"Curling Leaf? Huh, guess all those drills did mean something when I was going through this place", the genin spoke before becoming more serious and deliver a curt, clipped report, "Oto and Suna have launched an invasion using the Chunin exams as cover. Their jinchuuriki is blown though and the arena's in safe hands, apart from that I don't know".

"Suna? Are you sure about that Naruto?" Iruka's mind had seized onto one of the prominent points of the report, "They're supposed to be our allies". The jinchuuriki chuckled darkly,

"Well when you've got friends like that who needs enemies is all I can say – it's definitely them, I've killed a few of them by now to be certain of that fact. I've been running interference out there, just checking no-one slipped past the wall guard and head for this place; I knew the med-nins would be okay due to Shizune-neechan being there and putting the fear of Kami into them, and the enemy as well for that matter. That guy was about the third I've intercepted and I can't find anyone else so I thought I'd come here to boost morale". Despite himself Iruka chuckled,

"You certainly managed that when you were a student Naruto-kun, good to see you remembering at least some of the lessons I managed to beat through your skull".

"Naruto? As in", the pieces flew together in the mind of the kunoichi teacher she almost, almost committed the unforgiveable sin of looking away from the battlefield to stare at the man who stood at eye-level with the bottom of her ribcage despite her being stood on a step set four feet up in the wall itself, "as in Senju-Uzumaki Naruto?"

"Yeah that's me, and yes I used to be a midget because I knew if people saw what I really looked like it'd mean a lot of very awkward questions", the boy sighed, absent-mindedly wiping his kunai clean in a patch of grass, "now though it doesn't matter. We're all neck-deep in the brown stuff as it is, let's just go from here and make sure no-one I missed breaks through and gets to the kids inside".

The assurance and reminder were enough to overcome any misgivings in the mind of the teaching staff; as one, both generations of Konoha shinobi stood shoulder to shoulder to ensure that the generations not yet honed upon the Academy's anvil would persevere until they too could earn their place amongst the ranks of the Leaf's shinobi.

XXX

A single glance as he twisted over the arena wall was enough to take in the entire situation, a combination of his virtually-eidetic memory and the high vantage point all he needed as he reoriented himself, got his feet underneath him and kicked off hard enough to crack the stadiums' brickwork. He witnessed the single snake summon he could see within the city limits disappear, followed a matter of second later by a sudden streak of white fire illuminating part of the city as leapt from roof to roof, his eyes set forwards towards his opponents as the noise of war and the comforting purr of his axe echoed in his ears.

He was coming home; he had been created, every cell of his body painstakingly constructed to go beyond human limits in the field of warfare and death and now he was racing towards a place where that engineering could be put to best use. People could use all kinds of words to attempt to cover up the truth but he knew better – he was a killer, he was made to be a killer and if people couldn't accept that truth then they were quite welcome to come forwards with their complaints so he could dispatch them the same way as he would everything else, with the business end of the axe he had forged. All those who repressed him, those who spurned him, those who hated him; all would fall, all would die and all would shed their blood, the precious, priceless blood.

Blood, yes the blood; blood, for th…

Something like a bubble popping in the back of his mind suddenly made Naruto blink and with a sudden gasp he realised exactly what he'd been thinking over the past couple of seconds; _whoa, no, stay away from that damned precipice. Thank Kami my clone went when it did_; and he was indeed grateful – as he knew through previous experimentation with this technique, though his clones had the same will he did their memories of his second-father were much more cloudy than his own, meaning it was a much simpler struggle for them to stay in control than it was for him, who was left grappling with his ancestral memories with whatever willpower his clones hadn't taken; _not easy when your daddy, or at least one of your daddies, was a ravening psychopath who later willingly allowed himself to be transformed into a demon_. _For now though, just get where you need to go and plan from their when you get there!_

Buildings blurred under his feet as he sprang from rooftop to rooftop, heading for the main battle front and mentally realising that the fight might well be over when he got there, though the sensation of another trio of his clones disappearing in his mind put him more at ease about the whole situation – with them gone, at least he'd be better able to clamp down on his warmongering. This proved to be a great boon as, landing on a street where one of his combination techniques had been used and activating his proto-lung to allow him to breathe the smoke-filled air without complaint, he paced the length of the street like a tiger on the prowl before hearing the noise of a fight carrying on nearby. Twin pulses pounding and making the blood rise to his face, the Senju-Uzumaki raced towards the exterior wall, hoping there would be enough left at the breech to sate both Goa-chichioya's thirst and his own need for a fight.

In this hope he was to be slightly disappointed however; there were still sporadic fights flaring up as the invading forces, aware their vanguard had been destroyed, were attempting to retreat in good order, but almost as soon as they heard or saw him the invading ninja immediately gave themselves up. It was frustrating but, despite the pressure from his own memories, he ignored the urge to cull the weak and kept going, ignoring all else save the lust for a battle until, almost completely unaware of where he was, he rushed into the breach of the village wall and, seeing several of the enemy running back towards the forest, many supporting injured comrades, prepared himself to follow them and ensure the rout was complete.

XXX

It was at this point that someone else who'd been monitoring the battle as best he could decided that enough was enough and the inside of Naruto's skull rang with the Kyuubi's bellow as the bijuu used one of the warning words the two had come up with to warn his host he was about to go beyond what was appropriate in a human war,

"_**Heel!**_"

XXX

Ibiki, who had been overseeing the last actions of the invasion and giving terse orders to ensure correct handling of prisoners and ensure no potential saboteurs had slipped into the village using the invasion as cover, had heard the approach of what sounded like another of the mad axe-men and immediately ordered all forces in the way not to engage and to remain hidden if they could. Much like the Oto experiments, he was concerned that their temporary ally may have not been in his right mind and therefore likely to strike at friend as well as foe – best not to give him the chance if possible and, as he saw the huge figure rushing towards the breach in the wall, he decided his forethought had been justified.

"You have the sedatives ready?" He asked and Shiho, who'd stuck by Ibiki's side throughout the fight as a kind of impromptu bodyguard, nodded seriously – though due to the circumstances behind her involvement she'd been somewhat unprepared to fight on the front lines in a war, the crypto-analyst had an odd habit of carrying a wide variety of office supplies that, while completely innocuous, could easily be combined into chemicals that had a wide variety of properties if mixed correctly. Her boss had often joked Shiho was the best assassin he'd ever trained as she looked so unlike a potential killer but with her brilliant mind she'd be easily able to carry out a rapid off-the-cuff assassination, though right now was no laughing matter as she passed the special jounin a kunai smeared with enough of a paste-like sedative to drop an ox. Ibiki accepting the weapon, careful not to touch the blade, and prepared to draw a bead on the figure's broad back, not prepared to allow the enemies of the Leaf a chance to claim inhumane conduct on part of Konoha's forces as he remembered the price his village, specifically the Hyuuga clan, had been forced to pay last time that had happened.

Fortunately for the torturer's peace of mind it didn't come to that; almost as soon as he set foot in the hole that had been battered in Konoha's external wall he appeared to stumble slightly, coming to an ungainly halt as he skidded amid the rubble. The special jounin didn't lower the weapon however, always prepared for the worst case scenario as the taller man regained his poise and glared out across the now mostly-deserted plains before the villages' walls before rearing up to his full height and raising the roaring axe over his head, brandishing it aloft as his bellow chased the retreating ninja back into the forest, a defiant howl of triumph and anger both as the war-cry of a fighting force now millennia dead echoed in the ears and souls of all who heard it.

As the noise rolled across the mostly-silent village three other figures heeded the call and, raising their own weapons skyward, each of the clones took up the cry and the newest legend, birthed in bloody circumstances even by the standards of a land already sodden with the tears and vitae of the dead, let out a cry of triumph as it announced its presence to the world that had been so unprepared for its emergence,

"_Senso_ _haundo_!"

XXX

As always it was the comedown that sucked the most; as he felt both his hearts slow down and the redness left the edges of his vision Naruto was forced to grit his teeth as the sudden headache came on; despite his superhuman physique, after truly going into his battle mode the recovery was often painful as the rush of adrenaline and other chemicals into his system was purged, leaving him feeling weaker than before until he could fully compensate and adapt to normal life once more. Kurama had informed him that as he matured and unlocked more of the inner workings of the extra viscera he'd been growing since the day of his alteration this period of weakness would decrease until it was virtually gone; for now though it simply had to be endured until it passed. He was tempted to take a knee for a minute but decided against it; now his secrets were out in the open it was crucial he showed no potential weakness to those who would likely object to his sudden surge in power, though the plan he had baa-chan had come up with should hopefully work to get him out of the cross-hairs for the foreseeable future. Instead he stayed where he was for a moment, breathing harshly and rasping out air as he grounded the head of Goa-chichioya, not able to hold the massive axe aloft for long due to its crushing weight, his gaze not leaving the route those who had retreated had taken into the forests surrounding Konoha.

He sensed as much as heard someone approaching him but didn't react; he'd know that smell of ink, parchment and water anywhere. Boosting himself up painfully to his full height, he glanced across at where he was being eyed somewhat warily and gave a slight nod,

"You all finished kid?"

"Yeah, pretty much", the jinchuuriki admitted tiredly, smiling slightly in time as his godfather grinned and slapped him casually on the shoulder,

"Attaboy Naruto, never doubted you for a moment gaki, knew you could handle it".

"Is that why you've got those restraint tags in your belt?"

"Heh, oh you noticed", the Toad Sage gave a slightly guilty grin as he tucked the slips of paper into one of his pockets; ostensibly there in case Naruto lost control of the bijuu he contained, the truth was the seal master had created them in order to restrain his godson should he lose control of himself as the fox wasn't the problem, "ah well, you know what they say; prepare for the worst, hope for the best and all that?" Despite himself Naruto chuckled at such bleak humour, recalling with an imperceptible shiver how close he'd come to potentially driving Jiraiya to using those seals,

"Something like that, give me a minute and we'll go see what's left to pick up in this mess".

With that declaration the older man stood back and said nothing as Naruto flickered through the hand-seals for one of the few suiton techniques he knew; an instant later the head of his weapon was engulfed in a stream of water that washed the blood free from the cutting edge. When he was sure it was as clean as it was likely to get, the Senju-Uzumaki channelled chakra into the blade for a brief moment, spinning it up to full speed and making the machine scream to dry it off and prevent potential rust forming; _assuming this damned thing actually can rust of course_. With that done and satisfied he'd done as good a job as was possible under the circumstances, Naruto casually pressed the haft of the axe into his right forearm and sealed it away into his own flesh, a precaution he'd taken to ensure the ruinous blade couldn't be stolen by the greedy or stupid even if it would likely kill anyone else who tried to use it the same way it had almost killed him. With this completed he steeled himself as much as he was able to, nodded to his godfather and turned to face the worst of what was coming.

The reaction was about what he'd been expecting; on all the ninja he could see there was a varied mixture of trepidation, fear and grudging respect swirling together on every face, though thankfully the Konoha nin present seemed less afraid of him than the prisoners they'd taken. Still, as he began to slowly pick his way through the rubble of the ruined wall with Jiraiya at his side he noticed that everyone gave him a wide berth, the memories of what he appeared capable of etched freshly on every mind. The eyes upon him, each one asking the same questions over and over almost made him grit his teeth but he persevered, his expression neutral as he glanced around at the nin who stared at him discreetly or, in some cases, blatantly outright; ignoring them as best he could, the altered jinchuuriki stepped forwards and began to pick his way slowly back towards the stadium where this had all begun.

He knew, could tell something awful had happened even as he gently muscled his way in to the arena, holding one of the semi-ruined doors upright to allow a medical team through before, as they scurried away from him, he simply tore the hanging structure from its half-melted mountings and let it fall to the floor with a thud. Eyes that were always keen and had been made only keener since the incident years in the past immediately caught sight of several friendly figures, though both his hearts clenched tightly as he realised that many of them and virtually all his peers were looking at him in a new and much more wary light now he had cast aside his seal. In a way he couldn't actually blame them; after all what could you really say to someone who you'd just seen tear apart enemy ninja as easily as a normal human would swat flies; but to someone who could still remember what it was like to be alone and hated in a world that seemed to begrudge him his very existence, such reticence of extending the hand of friendship was a bitter pill to swallow. _Put it aside for now – you always knew you were bound to end up alone when Fluffy figured out exactly what was going on_; mentally trying to convince himself of reasons to go on and face this new reality rather than just go home and try to sleep away the memories Naruto instead jumped towards the ruin that had once been the VIP visiting area, having caught a flash of green in that location.

He was relieved to see his baa-chan again though the feeling of faint unease didn't die away from his stomach (either of them), in fact it only seemed to redouble as he landed with Jiraiya right at his side and stared down the protective cordon of ANBU until the Toad Sage managed to secure them both access. He hung back slightly as the older man approached his former team mate only to step forwards quickly as he noticed the red eyes and shaking shoulders of his nominal clan head in the instant before she buried her face in her team mates' shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. Even as he came closer and heard Jiraiya start to likewise grieve in his own way as he wrapped his arms around the med-nin Naruto had a suspicion what the issue was and, as he saw the shroud-wrapped body being moved with great procession from the battle area, he realised with a horrible jolt in his gut exactly what had happened to injure his parent figures so badly.

He also realised without a shadow of a doubt that he needed to get away, immediately, before someone said or did something disrespectful where he could hear them and he did something he would regret later.

Fortunately by this point the remainder of his clones had dispelled and the person who tried to stop him was someone he both recognised and respected and one who knew, or at least had a better idea than most, about what was going on in his head now as she stopped a respectful distance from him and spoke,

"Naruto", despite the fact he was her student Anko knew he'd been through more than he'd ever gone through previously and now, with the death of someone he considered very close to him on top of all the borderline petrified glances he was getting, it might have been enough to drive him over the edge, "where are you going?" He didn't answer for a moment, instead breathing deeply for a few long seconds before glancing away towards his destination,

"The Forest of Death", he intoned solemnly, though there was a clear undertone of menace in his voice as his eyes snapped back to his sensei and even she shivered under the inhuman keenness of his emotions, "don't follow me". Anko looked for a moment like she wanted to argue with this but, after a while, gave him the benefit of the doubt and nodded, stepping out of his path and gesturing for the ANBU nearby to do the same thing,

"But Anko-san…"

"On my vest", she stated in a monotone, watching her students' broad back as he slowly paced away, only the slightest slump of his shoulders showing where he was feeling the hurt of the Sandaime's death before he activated his shunshin technique and disappeared; it a pain she was far too familiar with herself, "he's just had a battle, what he needs now is a war and for the sake of diplomacy we can't just point him at Suna or Oto and let him go. Give him a week or so, it'll take us that long to clear up this mess – from there we'll decide how best to proceed".

XXX

In the event Anko's predictions were slightly out; no more than four days after the failed attack had the council convened and the one now at its head instructed her to go into her home away from home and retrieve the venting jinchuuriki. It wasn't a task she was much looking forwards to but, the Snake Mistress reasoned with herself as she followed the path of desolation her enraged, grieving student had carved through the heart of the darkest woods Konoha knew about, at least for all his obvious advantages in combat, Naruto was nothing if not easy to track. She couldn't hear the unmistakeable growl of Goa-chichioya so she assumed he was using his other weapons or his body; _which might as well be classed as a weapon considering how damned durable it is and how hard it hits_; an assumption that was proved correct when she hopped onto a new branch and immediately flinched as two and a half foot of gleaming steel whistled past her ear, showering her with splinters as it was driven into the bark like a nail,

"Hey", she shouted irritably, knowing he hadn't meant to kill her as she hadn't even had to dodge the throw, "watch where you're throwing those things gaki!"

"I missed didn't I?" Came the answering rumble from the forest floor, the half-naked figure speaking to her at the same time as using his remaining weapon to dance around and between a trio of spiders the size of carthorses, casually severing a few legs before one juggernaught punch reduced the head of the largest of them to a gooey smear. At this the remaining two arachnids limped and scuttled their way out of the fight, leaving Naruto alone in the clearing and following their retreat with his eyes as his jounin-sensei dropped down beside him, admiring his handiwork,

"Nice punch gaki – have you really been on a near-as-damn-it ninety six hour killing spree in here?"

"Assuming it's been four days since, jiji died", the massive child answered, bitterness still in his tone as he stood to his full height and accepted his kunai back, Anko having been forced to use chakra to pull it free of the wood he'd embedded it in, "what's going on in the village?"

"Overall nothing too serious; we were either very lucky or, as I like to think of it, very privileged to have such a fine sensei and the snotty little brat she honed into such a fine shinobi to turn the tide", the jounin-sensei beamed smugly, grateful for the wry smile that appeared on her student's face; _good, looks like he's killed enough to start coming out of his funk_; "I know you might not want to hear this but we've got an interim Hokage until the vote's been called. However for now my job is to bring you in – a lot of important people have a lot of banal questions to ask you".

"Shouldn't they be finalising jiji's successor?"

"The general consensus is that your circumstances have to be put first", Anko explained, expression somewhere between proud and concerned, "as you might expect, you coming clean like you did at the exams put a lot of ants in a lot of pants. Speaking of which did you really have to do what you did with that Hyuuga punk? His clan's been in absolute uproar since; I think a few of them were taking about coming in here to make sure the 'rabid animal' was put down once and for all".

"That motion was quashed I assume?"

"Very thoroughly, least of all by my old boss – Ibiki-san was very impressed with the mind-games your clones pulled on the invaders and the mess they made of them afterwards".

"Shame, you should've let them come – they'd never have been found", Naruto pointed out casually before, having cleaned off his blood-besmirched blades, he replaced them on his belt and glanced over at his sensei, "I'm ready, let's get this over with".

"Sure you don't need anything; sleep or food? These council meetings can be a real bitch to stand through, take it from someone who knows". Naruto merely grinned,

"Heh, and there were people who said you didn't have a heart under all that insanity?" Anko scowled and stuck her tongue out petulantly as her student chuckled at the one time she showed him anything remotely resembling concern before becoming more serious, "You know I don't need to sleep; well, I do if I want peak performance but I'll be good for at least another week before it I suffer any adverse effects; and as for food…" His eyes rolled towards the corpse of the giant spider he'd just killed and Anko wrinkled her nose in distaste,

"You do know those are poisonous right?" _Though it's not like I haven't seen him eat worse_; that much was depressingly true but it still didn't stop her grimacing as he ripped free a leg as long as his axe and exhaled a plume of fire all over it, burning off the hair and allowing him to peel the exoskeleton back to get to the meat beneath,

"True but they're also very tasty", the jinchuuriki informed her as he swallowed a big mouthful of the spider meat before carrying on, "but as long as we walk I can set my surface endocrines to sweat myself clean by the time we get to the tower".

"Fair enough", Anko shrugged, not really concerned about his choices since she barely considered someone who could, if push came to shove, almost certainly dismember her without too much of an effort on his part in a straight fight as a student, "what about clothes though – we can swing by your compound no bother".

At this offer Naruto paused, spider leg halfway towards his teeth before glancing down at the smaller women to the side of him, not overly concerned about attack as they exited the Forest of Death as anything that lived there with half a brain had learnt by now exactly who the apex predator in this forest was; _and those that haven't either breed fast or are very funny – those leeches made great popping noises after they tried to take a sip out of me_;

"Nah, we all decided at the Chunin exams that was it, no more hiding, so why start again now? This is what I look like, this is what I do, live with it because I'm not, in fact I can't change".

"Suits me gaki", Anko agreed genially, slapping him softly across the shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie as a sudden wicked grin split her face and made her giggle evilly, "oh this is going to be something to tell the kids about; the looks on the faces of this council are going to be engraved on my memory forever". Naruto stopped suddenly, looking down at his sensei quizzically,

"I thought you said you were never going in for the whole marriage and raising a bratty little brood thing – your words not mine?"

"Yeah well, things might change", the jounin defended her prerogative to change her mind at the same time as mentally curse the jinchuuriki's nearly perfect memory, "I just haven't met the right guy yet".

"Lucky him".

"Don't make me introduce you to more of my pets gaki; there must be some venoms you can't detoxify to after one damned exposure, I just haven't found it yet".

"I assume your acid wit doesn't count in this search?"

"Kuchiyose no jutsu!"

XXX

_I'm not even going to ask_; biting back a sigh the head of the Senju-Uzumaki clan glanced over from her seat around the table as she watched her clan heir stride into the room with Anko preceding him, both looking somewhat dishevelled or, in Naruto's case, outright dressed in the ribbons of what had once been his shirt, though all the wounds she could see had clotted right and weren't even enough to slow him down now; _the day those two can get through a single day without her trying to kill him will be a bloody miracle – the day she actually tries properly to kill him will just be bloody!_ Despite her thoughts however, the final full-blooded descendent of one of the founding clans of the Leaf couldn't help but admit that, wherever Naruto went now without his masks on, the atmosphere changed.

When Jiraiya, sitting in the seat he didn't want or feel he deserved by dint of being the only ninja considered strong enough to hold the post and not be swayed by clan concerns in the interim meetings before a new Hokage could be voted for, called for team twelve to present themselves the entire mood altered as soon as Naruto's frame ducked under the door to let himself into the council chambers. The little boy everyone remembered as always shouting he was going to become Hokage before Senju Tsunade had been motivated by ties of blood to take him under her wing and knock some sense into his knuckled head was gone, had in fact never existed – instead the truth was revealed as something stranger than fiction.

Alone he was an impressive specimen, standing at least six and a half feet tall and covered in taut muscles, ready to react at a seconds' notice to any potential danger. However more than just his physical stature was the aura that he seemed to radiate now, a sense of power that filled the air around him with a heavy, terrible kind of glamour. It was the dark magnificence of a raging storm, or a predator that someone was observing in the wild – it was a subconscious warning that while he was calm at the moment, at any given moment he could turn and snap someone in half just because it was possible for him. Only his face hadn't changed all that much; the whisker slashes were still present on his cheeks and he still had the piercing blue eyes and spiky blonde hair of his father, though somewhat scaled up to fit onto his much larger frame. For a long moment he beheld the council and the council did likewise, each silently trying to feel where they stood with the other before Jiraiya cleared his throat and got the ball rolling,

"Okay first things first; congratulations Senju-Uzumaki Naruto", the declaration made everyone glance over as the interim Hokage beamed and nodded at his godson, "following reports from the Chunin exam bout you undertook as well as after-action reports from Inuzuka Hana, Morino Ibiki and Umino Iruka, it is with great pride that I grant to you the rank of chunin. Unfortunately we haven't had time to commission a vest in your size so you might need to wait on that but, apart from that you are now a chunin Naruto".

"And we owe you one", another voice piped up, Inuzuka Tsume smiling widely as she looked the jinchuuriki up and down; _I see what Hana-chan meant now – that's a prime hunk of meat just waiting there for the right girl!_; "you pulled my kids out the fire, for that I owe you some thanks". Despite the genuine warmth in the Inuzuka's words, however, Naruto could no nothing more than raise a hand graciously at her praise,

"You owe me nothing Inuzuka-sama", he rumbled in his earthquake of a voice, the lessons in decorum that had almost driven Shizune to tears of frustration in trying to teach him well-worth the effort as the med-nin saw her adopted nephew take his first fledgling steps in the field of diplomacy, "I did my duty, same way every other ninja did during the crisis".

"Which is precisely why you are here before this council Senju-Uzumaki-san", Hyuuga Hiashi's tone was neutral but those that knew him could tell he was still seething over the humiliation his clan had been put through at the former genin's hands and that he was out for blood for the insult, "you have, in collusion with others, hidden a great many truths from a great many people in Konoha, until now. I can understand that due to your, other circumstances some secrecy may have been desirable, but surely these new abilities to say nothing of the weapon you used so… admirably, should never have been kept in the dark in the manner they have?"

It was a clever, oblique question; Tsunade had to give the stuck-up git his due, though maybe it wasn't exactly Hiashi's fault he turned into such a prick. The death of his brother and wife in quick succession had rattled him badly, and aside from that having your every move scrutinised by a clan council of crusty old elders who hadn't even seen daylight since she'd been in nappies wasn't exactly a recipe for a stable or happy life, even for a clan head. However if there was one good thing about Naruto as he was now that hadn't really changed in his transformation it was the skill he demonstrated next to answer the Byakugan lord; the skill of cutting through the bullshit to answer the actual meat of the matter,

"I don't profess to know what was going through Sandaime-sama's mind but he obviously decided it was a need-to-know matter and, quite frankly, none of you needed to know", he explained dismissively, folding his arms across his barrel chest, "and before anyone asks the obvious question no, this is nothing to do with the fox".

"I will vouch for that", Jiraiya backed up his godson before anyone else could say anything, "I have checked the Yondaimes' seal and it is functioning perfectly. As well as that", he flashed a glance at the child in question just to make sure he was prepared for this next piece of information to come out into the open despite him being the one to suggest it, "Naruto-kun has actually been able to make contact with his tenant and the response has been, generally, favourable".

"In fact he's the only reason I'm stood here right now", Naruto put in a good word for his inner demon; _or at least, one of my inner demons_; "apart from the fact I'd have been ripped apart by the effect of the change that happened to me, he also helps me keep my head when I'm swinging that massive bludgeon around".

As he'd half-expected the mention of one thing the council didn't know about him easily steered thoughts away from the things they did and, as far as he was concerned, the less they were poking their noses in on Kurama and his business the better it was for the both of them. Several of the members glanced at one-another before, eventually, one of the oldest council members who had, if he remembered rightly, been one of the team mates of the Sandaime at some stage pushed his glasses up his nose and took the plunge,

"Actually Senju-Uzumaki-san…"

"Just call me Naruto-san, or Naruto if you prefer", the child in question cut in, though not rudely as the elder was addressing him in a semi-respectful manner, "we'll be here all day otherwise". The white-haired man glanced up at him askance but, seeing no disrespect in the face that towered over him, he nodded and acquiesced to the request,

"Very well Naruto-san; I notice you do not happen to have the, ah, battle-axe on you?"

"Incorrect I fear councillor-san", the jinchuuriki's eyes were chips of glass as he held out his right arm and shook back his sleeve, exposing the scar on his forearm, "it is always with me; I already have enough blood on my hands without being responsible for what happens should someone be stupid enough to try and claim this weapon for their own".

Before anyone could ask Naruto had sent the chakra through the seal and then quickly grabbed at the thick haft that appeared in the smoke cloud; his vision was barely impaired by the smoke as it dispersed and allowed him to smirk a little at the sight of the most important and powerful ninja of the Leaf village leaning back in their seats as if repelled by the sight of the weapon who's butt thunked into the wooden floor of the council chambers hard enough to leave a mark. _As well they should do_; despite his own distaste for the blade he had been forced to shoulder for the rest of his life he had to appreciate the simple, brutal nature of the beast and how it commanded an instant respect in all who saw it – a respect born from fear of its tearing bite perhaps, but a respect nevertheless.

Standing about six feet high and made up of a pole of solid brass and bronze, at least two and half feet of that length was made up of the head of the beast, a huge lump of the metal shaped into a vague, blunt axe-head with such weight that it took both of Naruto's arms to swing and control; _for now at least, though when I'm fully matured that won't be the case_. The head itself was plain and unadorned, the better to kill with easily as the lack of ablation meant it was less likely to catch or be caught up in whatever the blade had bitten into. Three feet long and as wide as the span of both Naruto's hands put together, the true horror of the axe lay at the front of the head where, instead of a traditional cutting (or bludgeoning) edge, a series of separate blades were arranged in tandem. Each longer than a human finger, the rows of serrated teeth stood tall and proud, one column jutting downwards to ensure prey couldn't escape if it was unfortunate enough to be struck, the other pointed upwards to ensure the weapon could scissor through anything it happened to bite into. Though once powered by an alien technology that had never graced the Elemental Nations a flicker of chakra had the same effect, the weapon purring as the energy forced the chains of the axe to rotate suddenly, giving the growling purr that had echoed throughout Konoha less than a week ago as the teeth span around, blurring at a speed not even a ninja's eyes could follow before ceasing the motion as Naruto stopped his chakra flow into the weapon that had carried the blood of its master for so long and turned him into a new host suitable to wield it.

Seeing the chain-axe so close made those who had seen the awful damage it could do back away further as they realised, for the first time truly realised just how potentially lethal Naruto was with this new blade in his hands; there was no armour that they knew of capable of standing up to the shredding edge of this demonic weapon. Leaning it backwards so that his shoulder was taking the majority of the weight, Naruto spoke into the uneasy silence left behind in the wake of his axe's mechanical growl,

"This is Goa-chichioya", he said in a forceful but not aggressive tone; though he never said it outright, everyone present was left with no illusion that this was a name to be treated with as much respect as the head of the clan that had nominal ownership of such a blade, "and it is not of this world".

"Wait, what?" Looking away from the threatening teeth of the axe Akimichi Chouza was able to look at its wielder for a brief moment before glancing away; if Naruto had looked threatening before, with this thing in his hands he was downright terrifying, "So, I'm no expert I've never heard of a blade called that, or even anything similar in the myths and legends of the gods, and I've known several samurai in my time. The closest I can think of would be the legend of the Bloody Tear but that was definitely a sword, not a, a whatever that actually is – I use an axe to chop wood and by my reasoning that's as far from being an axe as I am from being Hokage". Naruto simply chuckled dryly, regarding the large man levelly as he answered,

"You're right of course Akimichi-san, this weapon has no place in our legends or myths; it has a long and war-torn history that I will not speak of here, but suffice to say that when its former owner had a better offer he was forced to part company with it. After slashing his palm on Goa-chichioya's edge he threw it from the heavens and, to our worlds' misfortune in general and mine in particular, it landed here and I accidentally came into contact with it. The second I did it, well, I'm not sure exactly what it did but I, and Kyuubi both, because he was the only reason I survived the experience, believe it injected me with the blood of its former master, resulting in me changing into the thing you see before you".

All was silent as the different clan heads tried to digest this in their own minds at their own pace; it was obvious that some of the assembled didn't believe him but, as far as Naruto was concerned, that didn't matter; his was the only word on the subject and therefore it would be the word that was trusted. He stood silent for a minute but, just as he was thinking about resealing the axe before it left a mark on his shoulder, a sudden query made him pause,

"This blood", looking over at the speaker Naruto found himself raising an eyebrow at the crippled man; why did someone swathed in that many bandages have a seat on the Konoha council? "it changed you?"

"As I have said I can only guess so".

"Do you have any more of it?"

"Goa-chichioya may have but before any of you ask, no", he shook his head slowly, already pre-empting the question as he sealed the axe back into the seal scarred into his arm, "I do not know how it stores it, how much it has or how to remove it, and I certainly will not hand it over to be experimented on – there's already enough blood staining this blade to avoid adding Konoha nin to the victim list".

Naruto had the impression that the bandaged elder was tempted to question this further but, to his slight relief, resisted this temptation; _though I may have to keep an eye on him to ensure he doesn't get too curious – touching this thing could be fatal for him, in fact…_;

"The blood that was injected into me", he said aloud, wanting to ensure the assembly grasped this point, "would have, and in fact _should_ have killed me. The former master of Goa-chichioya was an insane, murderous monster who deserves to burn in the hell he embraced for all time; he did not wish to share the weapon that made him infamous, he was forced to cast it away and therefore trapped it to ensure it would kill any who sought it. Had it not been for the Kyuubi, the demon that I contain, I would have been almost immediately killed by the injection; only his intervention, his chakra and his deduction was enough to allow me to act fast enough to even survive that first night, which reminds me…"

One of his massive hands dipped into his weapon pouch and a moment later Shikaku flinched as something landed with a metallic clink in front of him; the Nara started for a moment before, realising the pouch contained a substantial sum of money, he glanced up at the clan heir with an enquiring eyebrow,

"What's this?"

"The going rate for one of your deer I believe", the newly-promoted chunin answered, looking a little regretful as he explained, "that first night the Kyuubi told me I needed to feed or die; if I had been any further form your stables I would likely not have made it".

"That was you then? Fair enough", the genius clan head had already correlated the dates and realised exactly when and how Naruto had taken one of his herd but decided it would be too troublesome to rake over old bones, especially here and now, "Shika had to learn the truth about life sooner or later; the matter is closed".

"My thanks Nara-san", Naruto nodded, grateful that piece of history was off his shoulders as he faced the council once more, "for the sake of all I cannot allow this axe to fall from my hands; there are none other than me and, perhaps, if their bijuu were strong enough and they were able to react with the necessary haste, another jinchuuriki who could wield it".

"Your nobility is touching", the humour in the bandaged mans' tone was as dry as the deserts of Suna as his single eye flickered between the silent axe and the man in who's hand it rested, "your clan head has given us a brief overview of the changes, as you put it, that have been worked on your body by what you say is the blood of that axes' former owner. This represents a once in a lifetime opportunity for Konoha to recover the strength it has lost since the attack of your own bijuu and the loss of the Yondaime Hokage; surely you must see that?"

"There is a military potential to attempting to produce warriors like me I will admit", Naruto missed before shrugging, "but as I have said it is impossible"; _though of course, that's what I said – no way are you finding out about what the prognoid glands are meant to do_; "I will not hand this axe over to you for experimentation and, even if you could obtain the so-called blood that did change me, there would be no chance of any of your potential candidates surviving the process. Apart from that there are other risks that I am sure baa-chan has told you about", his blue eyes froze and glittered in the council chamber as he once more felt the dead hand of the past clamped tightly upon his shoulder, daring him to look over it and see the truth of where he had come from, "I inherited the memories of my second-father as well as his physique, though only on a lesser scale".

"Yes Tsunade-sama did tell us of this but I see no reason why, given the appropriate training, these memories could not…"

"Then you're a fool", Naruto spat, already heartily sick of this discussion and wanting an end to it, not really caring for who he insulted or upset by this point, "you think you saw what I'm capable of at the fight at the Chunin exam finals? I will tell you now that wasn't even a _skirmish_ compared to the wars I, and others who have my confidence, had been forced to endure in my own mind and even during that battle I was fighting a precarious battle to stay in control and I nearly lost; in case you missed that I'll say it again – I. Nearly. Lost. Konoha almost had me losing myself in the past just as the demon did, killing all those who stood before him without pity or remorse regardless of whether they were friend or foe. I am _not _human any more as I hope baa-chan told you; I am something else, a biological weapon created for nothing but the annihilation of any enemy that stands before me – only my family, clan and Kyuubi himself keep me on the straight and narrow and the last of those has told me more than once he'll kill the pair of us before risking me going rogue, pretty good incentive when you think about it. And you want to create more of me?" He shook his head in disbelief,

"Not happening, very, very bad idea; if I've learnt nothing else from my ancestry it's that no-one should even try to create weapons they can't control".

There wasn't truly much that could be said to that, least of all that Danzo knew that had been his only chance of seizing a vital and remorseless edge for Konoha's military power as Tsunade had already said that due to his changes the jinchuuriki was sterile and couldn't produce heirs via the traditional manner, though she had also told them that it was very unlikely he would even if he could do so. He truly did wish to live and die alone, taking the secret of his strength with him to the grave; Danzo did not want this to happen, not when the lure of a potential regiment of weapons that were collectively stronger than even a jinchuuriki was being dangled so temptingly under his nose, and was already formulating his own plans even as Jiraiya spoke once more,

"As we have discussed the option of the CRA is voluntary and, in this case, would not produce the desired result in any case"; _though I doubt it'd leave the girls unhappy – being sterile isn't the same as being impotent_; "however, a more pressing matter is upon us now that also pertains to your bijuu, rather than your demon Naruto-kun". This was it; Naruto knew the fix was coming but not how his godfather would throw the ball; he did his best to look neutral even as the Toad Sage drew himself to his full height, looking grave as he pulled a small roll of paper from one of the pockets of his robes,

"I delayed calling council until now because I was waiting for this news to be confirmed by my spy network", he explained in a tone of utmost severity, slowly unfurling the thin message, "this missive came through this morning and it is as I feared. Though not prevalent now, there is or in the near future will be a new threat to the stability of the Elemental nations; its name is Akatsuki, and it is hunting the bijuu".

As expected the council all shared nervous glances and sharp looks at that news; all of those present were old enough to remember the advent of just a single one of those forces of nature, albeit the strongest of the nine, so if this strange group was after all of them…

"My informers have not been able to determine why they are hunting the tailed beasts or what their eventual goal is, though if they're anything like most groups of their ilk I'd stake the proceeds from every novel I've ever written that it's something corny such as world domination or world peace", the interim Hokage went on, sighing as he wondered exactly what it would take for the vast majority of the worlds' population to take the hint that accruing power and wealth were never going to deliver lasting peace or happiness, "what we do know is that the group is made up of nothing less than S-ranked criminal nuke-nin, of which Oroichimaru used to be a member before he fought another member, lost and was exiled from the group", there was a universal gasp of astonishment; if the nin who had killed the Sandaime Hokage had been beaten by these ninja how strong were they, "and that they will not be ready to begin collecting the bijuu for approximately three, possibly four years. We have time", he concluded, settling his eyes on his godson's form as he drew out the last words, "but nowhere near enough for me to feel comfortable with. Kyuubi is contained and its container has the potential to become one of the most powerful ninja of his and any other generation, but if these Akatsuki are as dangerous as my spies have indicated you're not on their level Naruto-kun; you are strong but you're not S-ranked";_ yet_.

"So, what do you suggest Hokage-sama?" Tsume asked into the uneasy silence a moment later as the council attempted to digest these facts and found them unpalatable in the extreme. Grateful for the opportunity, the sage turned to the clan head and smiled before turning to the youngest Senju-Uzumaki present and making his proclamation,

"What Naruto-kun needs is what Konoha can't provide him with; he is not a typical ninja in that he cannot fight, or fight best, in the shadows. He needs a war and there's only one place he can find one…"

"You cannot be serious", it was Koharu who spoke next, cutting across the leader-elect with an almost venomous tone, "you would risk our jinchuuriki in a foreign war that has no bearing in Konoha's affairs, least of all with these other threats emerging from the shadows?"

A sudden bang stilled the clamour this defamation of Jiraiya's idea had provoked, Tsunade withdrawing the hand she'd used to strike the table, nowhere near as hard as she was able to but enough to draw all attention to her ageless face as she faced down those who would twist her adopted nephew for their own purposes,

"In case you weren't listening you old prune", she growled, facing down Koharu without a hint of fear as she remembered the old woman's ire of her advancing in the ninja ranks as quickly as she had, "these threats are only going to increase in time; right now they are quiescent and we would be fools not to act. Added to that my gaki simply isn't a ninja, he's a front-line meat-grinder; he can't be expected to operate like a traditional ninja because that's not what he, or that bastard of a second-tousan I've glimpsed in his nightmares, were designed to be. Every medical technique I've ever devised his body equals if not betters without outside interference; in a straight fight I would back him against virtually everyone here save, possibly, Jiraiya and myself, and that's only because he knows and respects us outside of battle. But that's the thing, these bastards that are after him won't go into a straight fight if they've got any sense – even after four years he's going to be facing them without being completely fully grown…"

"What?" Chouza's exclamation was rather rude but, given the circumstances, understandable as he speared the standing jinchuuriki with a thick finger at the same time as facing down the head of the clan he belonged to, "you're telling me he's going to get bigger than that?"

"Probably yes and the rest of his implants should start working seamlessly in a few years from now; now as I was saying", Tsunade answered dismissively before getting back on track, determined to strike while the iron was hot, "Naruto-kun lacks experience and that's not something we can give him; even Maito Gai couldn't survive one of his training sessions if he got in a lucky strike and there's only so much anyone can learn from repeated form practice. On top of that he's admitted that he nearly lost his marbles in the Chunin exam simply because he's not used to being in the cauldron of full combat – well the situation in Kiri would grant him that exposure in a place well away from us; should the worst come to the worst then the Mist will simply get a bit bloodier than before and I honestly don't think anyone would notice before we, Jiraiya and I that is, could calm him down again. Politically as well this could be a major boon; we know the current Mizukage is a genocidal megalomaniac and the rebels against him have been looking for allies that no major village can legally provide – however if a ninja, temporarily exiled due to inter-clan matters", the Slug sages' smile was pure poison as she flashed a glance at Hiashi, the Hyuuga almost outright staring at the older woman as he realised how she'd used his demands for punishment following Neji's maiming in the Chunin exams to both trip him up and secure the result she wanted for her clan-head elect, "was to come into their ranks well, good for them".

"And what guarantee do we have that the Kiri rebels, assuming he could find them, would be willing to take in a potential nuke-nin?"

"We've met one of their biggest backers", Anko chipped in from where she'd been lounging against one of the walls of the chamber, beaming widely at the council as she remembered that meeting in detail again, "that should be enough to get us in and yes, I said us. You don't think I'm abandoning my student out in the harshness of the world do you, he knows as well as I do he'd never survive out there without his big, brave sensei to back him up".

At this declaration Naruto merely smirked, some of the other clan heads also looking upon the situation more favourably before a sudden thump brought all attention to the man in the hot seat, Jiraiya standing to his full height as he stood tall and regarded his godson across the chamber, a stern expression on his face as he held up the scroll he'd just stamped and spoke in a tone heavy with threat and promise,

"Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, you are stood to centre for the punishment due for your conduct during the recent Chunin selection exams undertaken in the village of Konoha. Your actions have caused severe diplomatic tension both within the village and between the village and its allies even at the same time they may have helped forestall the invasion that threatened us. As a result of these actions you are to keep your promotion to the rank of chunin, but are also hereby exiled from the village of the Hidden Leaves", the Toad Sage was forced to raise his voice as many members of the council immediately attempted to shout down what they believed was a proposal but his eyes never left those of Naruto as he carried on, "you are not to return until your escort, a jounin of good standing within the ranks of Konoha's military, is satisfied in her own mind that you have attained a level of mental fortitude suitable for you to operate as a ninja of this great village once again; to aid her in this I will personally be checking in periodically once I'm out of this damned seat and can do my job properly. You have until midnight tomorrow to settle your affairs and leave the village; have you anything to say in your defence?"

The jinchuuriki for his part merely chuckled but, though he shook his head, before he could speak one voice cut through the din of complaints enough for Jiraiya to be forced to take note and quash the potential rebellion before it spread,

"Jiraiya, you cannot simply just throw our now most powerful…"

"I cannot", the sage spoke softly before a sudden explosion of his killing intent silenced the entire council and made Koharu quail in her seat as the suddenly-lethal shinobi rounded on her, teeth bared and eyes flashing with murder, "you have selected me Hokage, who are you to tell me I cannot? Sarutobi may have listened to your whimpering and whining but, Kami-sama help me, I am _not_ my sensei and this is not politics; if you want that hand in your headband and go attach your lips to the daimyo's ass for a few years. Until I am replaced, either by trial in combat or by a candidate I approve of, I make the decisions I believe are for the best of the Leaf village and this is one of those decision; Naruto", the scroll was suddenly arching towards the hulking figure who caught it with surprising grace and delicacy in one of his oversized hands as the Hokage finished, "get out here and do what you need to do before the deadline, Tsu-hime go with him and help him get ready, I'll handle the rest of this rabble".

It was hardly the most diplomatic of titles to give the ninja council the served under him but as far as Jiraiya could see it he wasn't being paid to be a politician, he was being paid to get results and, more importantly, get the right results, something he knew in both his heart and his gut he'd done as he watched both his godson and the love of his life exit the now raucous chamber silently. Hiding his grin at a job well done, Jiraiya now moved on to his second order of business with a will – surely if he made the lives of the council miserable enough they'd have to get someone else to kick him out this seat and let him get back to being wild, free and reckless, right?

XXX

Even as he saw the trio of figures approaching the ANBU knew this was just not going to be his shift and knew what was going to happen next but, for the sake of decorum, he had to at least make a token effort to halt the tide that was rumbling towards him like a doton technique gone out of control,

"This area is restricted to non-medical personnel…"

"He's here to help with the heavy work", Tsunade spoke dismissively, jerking a thumb over her shoulder at her other clan member as Naruto, wearing his seal for the last time just for ease of moving around the village without running the risk of hammering his forehead into every doorframe it contained, merely shrugged and his adopted nee-chan hid a smile behind her hand, "believe me he's not getting anywhere near any patient suffering anything more serious than a torn jacket; I've seen better stitching on prison mail bags".

"Hey!"

"It's true Naruto-kun, you can't sew for toffee", Shizune hated taking sides but in her mind this wasn't so much an opinion as a statement of facts, "hopefully we won't need you but, in case the Suna jinchuuriki breaks loose, we'll need you on-hand. Just stand there and look pretty while we get this inspection done okay?"

"Look pretty; I thought that's what you were for nee-chan?"

"Oh hush – if I want to take shishou's place someday I'm going to need more experience in treating unusual patients so this is a chance I won't get often". Naruto turned an inscrutable but sly look at his older sister,

"You need more experience – that's not what Iruka-sensei told me…" Shizune's expression dropped into horror and she spluttered, unable to stop herself turning pink,

"Naruto…"

"Quiet, pair of you", Tsunade hushed both her unruly family members after ensuring the ANBU guard of the children within the room that there would be no issue in this routine medical assessment of the prisoners, not even turning around as she placed her palm into a seal near the door, "I have no idea exactly what's going to happen now Naruto so let's just get this done quick and quiet".

With that the door clicked open and the medic allowed herself to in to the cell containing the most important Suna prisoners that had been taken in the aftermath of the invasion.

_If this is a holding cell it's not that bad_; that was Naruto's first thought as he stepped over the threshold and looked around; _it's probably better than my old apartment, though a bit smaller maybe_. Before he could think too much more on his a sudden scream brought him back to the present and, looking forwards, he found himself somewhat baffled by the spectacle of the tallest and eldest of the Suna siblings almost throwing herself over the prone forms of one of her brothers, jerking the younger boy rudely awake even as his sister let out a despairing shriek,

"No, no I won't let you take him! You killed sensei; you're not getting Gaara without going through me".

"A,and me", to the boy's credit there was only the merest tremor in the middle childs' voice as he pushed himself upright and adopted a stance between his siblings and the trio that had invaded their slight privacy. For a second the stand-off continued before, as always, Shizune took a step forwards and played peacemaker, smiling at the truculent child that sought to bar her path towards the one they really needed to speak to,

"Hello, is your name Sabaku no Kankuro?"

"Yeah, uh, I mean, it might be", he answered back abruptly, not appearing quite as formidable without his puppet or face paint but still he stood his ground, "who are you?"

"Kato Shizune, ward of the Senju-Uzumaki clan", the med-nin bowed in greeting, a gesture he eventually returned though he never took his eyes off any of the small party, "this is my shishou Senju-Uzumaki Tsunade and my adopted…"

"I know who he is", Kankuro cut her off, his face twisted in loathing as he saw the other child and remembered, all too well he remembered what lurked beneath that placid exterior ready to be birthed anew with noise and gore, "now get him out of here; we won't talk, least of all to him so if you were hoping to scare us you've done a piss-poor job". Naruto for his part merely sighed before stepping forwards, the middle sibling of the Suna trio shrinking back but not outright retreating at his approach,

"I'm not here to scare anyone; I just need to talk to Gaara". His answer was a high, almost hysterical laugh, Temari looking over at him with unbridled hatred blazing in her eyes as once more she saw Baki, her surrogate father, cut down from behind without mercy by the devil the boy could easily become at a seconds' notice,

"Ha, I've heard you speak before and watched my sensei be butchered because of it", her face was screwed up tight and radiating venom as she spat towards him, "go away and leave us alone bakamono". Naruto flinched for a second, just a second as the old insult picked at not-quite-healed scars before he faced forwards once more and answered the accusations,

"I'm no more a monster than your youngest brother is; I'm as much a victim of circumstance as he", even as Temari tried to make sense of this cryptic comment her brother, still not quite used to the contact that had become possible since he'd awoken after what his siblings had assured him was about four days of solid sleep with a new chain around his neck and no voices in his head, finally eased his way out of her constrictive embrace and faced the blonde down,

"You, you are the one that stopped me hearing Mo…" he checked himself, remembering what that strange tall man had told him after he'd awoken; _the beast in my mind isn't my mother, it's a bijuu called Shukaku that was sealed into me. As long as I wear this seal I won't hear it anymore and I'll be able to sleep properly_; "…Shukaku?"

"Yes, and now I need to speak to you", the other child, who didn't look much like the evil demon his siblings had described cutting down their sensei, assured and asked him, "in private".

"Heh, you'd be lucky for privacy in this place", Kankuro cut in acidly, indicating the cell around them, "funny thing about holding cells, privacy for the occupants isn't high on the design list". The puppeteer chuckled humourlessly as his own joke before a level glare from Naruto silenced him and he stepped forwards, approaching the Suna jinchuuriki directly and holding the gaze of his sea-foam green eyes without fear and, more importantly, without judgement as he spoke again,

"We are not so unalike Gaara-san; both different from our peers for reasons beyond our control", his voice was level, composed and controlled a she continued his slow walk across the small cell towards the other bijuu container, Gaara for his part shifting slightly away from his sister to focus on the other jinchuuriki as he came closer, "however I have some, other business apart from the matters that plague you; for this to be resolved I need your help and also that of the Shukaku as well". The teal eyes widened to almost comic proportions before their owner shrank back in equal parts fear and awe of what the blonde boy was suggesting,

"You want to talk to that, that insane demon?"

"No but I have no choice", Naruto assured him, extending a single hand, "there are some things that I and Kurama know that you, and the others like us, must also learn because only with your help can I finally consign a worse monster than even the bijuu to history forever. Hold my hand Gaara and, for what it's worth", there was regret in that piercing look for a moment, enough that the Suna genin retracted the hand he'd slowly extended forwards minutely before he remustered his courage and thrust his hands forwards, feeling other skin against his own as the last words of the other jinchuuriki echoed in his ears,

"I'm sorry about this".

Having expected, well, something akin to the end of the world at the idea of Gaara meeting someone who contained a demon like he did, Kankuro found his tension ebbing away at the sight of the two boys simply frozen together, right hands clasped together; so far nothing had blown up, there wasn't a hint of sand anywhere and Gaara wasn't screaming for blood or threatening to kill him and Temari both, so as far as he was concerned this was a good deal better than he was used to. He didn't know how long the tableau remained frozen before, with a start, Gaara recoiled from the hold with a gasp, stumbling back and breathing harshly with his eyes clamped tightly shut, barely even feeling as the back of his thighs hit the nearest bed and pitched him onto his rear end. Temari was at his shoulder in an instant, ready to ask the question with murder in her eyes once more but cut off as to her amazement Gaara moved; his arms encircled her waist and with a strength she'd doubted he possessed without his demon helping he half-pulled her into sitting next to him, half-broken words of sorrow and begging for forgiveness mixed and mingled together with sudden sobs, the child who had never cried driven to tears by the sight of an ancient history and what had happened when the bonds of loyalty and kinship were spat upon. Kankuro watched this with a dropped jaw for a moment before suddenly turning to Naruto and pointing a finger, making his demands plain,

"What did you do to him?"

"I showed him a truth and we then made a deal", Naruto's response was a monotone, his face suddenly appearing haggard, weary and old before his time as he faced down the puppeteer, "there are worse things in the world than the bijuu, did you know that Sabaku?"

"What?" Visions of the full manifestation of the one-tailed Shukaku made Kankuro shudder even now; despite the fact he'd only ever seen the beast from a very large distance away as far as he was concerned that was plenty close enough for him, "The hell could be worse than them?"

"Solitude, the fear of being alone in the world for one", Naruto replied in the same dead tone before turning to Gaara, still attached to Temari's waist like a limpet as the girl, overcoming her own shock, had embraced him in kind, running her fingers through his red hair and whispering words of comfort to her littlest brother, they way part of her had always imagined her family would be one day, "Gaara, remember this; your family is a treasure worth more than money, gold or blood".

"Hai", the second container managed to answer, tears clustered at the corner of his eyes as he twisted his head out of his sisters' midriff though he didn't let her go, "we will hold that bargain Naruto, Shukaku and I both – with the help of the greatest of the tailed beasts the demon will be buried forever".

"Glad to hear it; now, is there anything else wrong with any of you?" Taken slightly aback by the abruptness of the question Kankuro swapped a look with his other two siblings before electing himself spokesperson and shrugging,

"Uh, no, don't think so".

"Glad you're happy; see", without further pre-amble the smaller blonde turned to the woman with the rack Kankuro was certain could have concealed half an armoury, never mind just a hidden blade, who had her arms folded and a scowl on her face, "I can do medicine I can". The medic, obviously a skilled one, merely snorted and turned away, not wanting her smile to be seen by the victorious jinchuuriki,

"Heh, I knew they weren't ill the second I stepped foot in here; don't try to kid a kidder kid".

"I'll remember that when I see one – any tips on dealing with suckers?"

"Don't stand in front of them when they go in swinging, something that gets more and more tempting every time you open your mouth brat".

"Now, don't fight either of you – we're going to have to nice final night before Naruto-kun has to leave…"

Kankuro's last sight of the trio was the black-haired woman attempting to keep the peace between the spiky pair of blondes before the door slid shut behind them and he was left behind with what remained of his family. He stood watching after them for a long moment before Temari's silent hisses reached his ears and he started before pacing back to where Gaara sat and, tentatively, placing an arm around his younger brothers' shoulders, the first time the three of them had ever been close like this. A comfortable silence pervaded the cell for a moment before, with a sniff to get his emotions finally back under control and banish the memories that had been shared by the other jinchuuriki and his bijuu, Gaara looked up and glanced from one of his siblings to the other before speaking,

"I'm sorry", his words sounded babyish even to his own ears; when he compared how selfishly he'd acted to what he'd seen in Naruto's memories the similarities were outright chilling; he had an entire lifetime up until now to repent of, "for everything, all the times I…"

"Never mind, I don't wanna hear it", Temari told him in no uncertain terms, for the first time sounding like a big sister as she hugged Gaara again, "all I want to hear is about what that, that monster did to you and what bargain he forced you to make".

At those words Gaara suddenly stood embracing his sister, instead fighting his way clear of her arms to stare her dead in the eye and make her flinch; just for a moment she saw the old Gaara lurking in his eyes and the memories were still fresh enough to make her quake in her shoes,

"He is not a monster", the youngest of the Sabaku family state in a tone that brooked no opposition, "that man is the most, most… I don't know the word. He is doomed to suffer a fate worse than I was, a fate of solitude and exile from the rest of the world as he struggles with a true abomination in his mind, yet despite that he hasn't given in, hasn't stopped thinking or fighting a to find a way to change his fate and I will do everything in my power to make sure he gets that chance". The last sentence made Temari shivered but fortunately Kankuro, who couldn't see his brothers' face, was on hand to ask the question that was plaguing her mind,

"But what did he make you promise him Gaara? I, or we've just got our otouto back, we don't want to lose him again".

"And you won't", Gaara assured him as he stood up, still somewhat rattled by the visions he'd seen in the mind of the other jinchuuriki before turning back to his siblings, "the deal we made won't affect me, or anyone for that matter, for a very long time. Well, at least", he looked at the two older children again and for the first time since any of them could remember he did so not as an emotionless sociopath sizing them up as his next kills but as a child, slightly shy and not sure how to approach the two strangers in front of him as he finished what he'd meant to say, though he wasn't quite able to look his siblings in the eye as he did so,

"I hope it's long enough for me to get to know my nee-chan and nii-san".

Temari and Kankuro looked at each other for a moment, then back at Gaara; for a second he was afraid that the gulf between them was too great, his past crimes were too heinous to be forgiven but even as the horrible though threatened to open a pit under his heart and send it plunging into his sandals he had to fight down a squeak as his puppet-using brother swept him up in a huge embrace, lifting him off his feet,

"Hey Gaara-chan", the older boys' voice was rough with emotion that, in the time-honoured tradition of males of the species, he quickly hid behind a curtain of actions, "I know we missed out on a lot so, to make up for this lost time, here's a traditional bonding activity between older and younger brothers", before he could do much more than yelp Gaara suddenly found himself twisted around with his brother's arm around his neck and what felt like a forest-fire being started on his scalp, "you don't know how long I've wanted to do this!"

"Ahh, ooww! Temari-chan", even as the jinchuuriki tried to kick free his words had called in the cavalry and the eldest Sabaku rose to her full height like a mother bear seeing its cub being threatened, her opening growl only marginally less deep and scary,

"Kankuro…"

"Ah no", the puppeteer desisted in his attack but didn't let go of Gaara as he jumped backwards, forcing the smaller child to cling on to the arm loosely encircling his throat and try to think of another way to get free even as Kankuro brandished him forwards as a human shield, "stay back or the midget gets it!"

This, of course, didn't deter Temari in the least and as the fists and curses started flying, fear was banished by laughter and, so slowly they barely noticed it beginning to happen, the Sabaku family began to heal the rift of hurt that had festered between them since the birth of the youngest child, restoring a bond that could never be equalled in strength and that should never be severed save by the knife of death.

Even as he wrestled and fought with his siblings however, a small, almost forgotten part of Gaara's mind fretted over a single question; if Naruto had no siblings or bonds as strong as he would have (for he would make sure he had them) with his siblings, where did he draw the strength he needed to shoulder the sins of his murderous second-father and, more than merely hold them, use them to attempt to change the world for the better?

XXX

One result of his change that had come as a welcome boon was the knowledge that, though he did need sleep to function fully, he could at least no longer oversleep and as a result end up being late to anything, even his own exile.

Swinging his legs out of his bed in one practised motion Naruto came to his feet and yawned, brushing the sleep out of his eyes and immediately focussing on the task in hand. Though technically he had about sixteen hours before the deadline fell he wanted to be out of the village sooner than that – the sooner he was in Kiri the sooner his training could start. With that in mind he stood to his full height (which, with his seal on, wasn't quite as impressive as usual) and quickly located his single unpacked set of clothing, getting dressed before heading down to breakfast where the first of several surprises were awaiting him. Easily scenting what was waiting for him before he even went down the stairs, Naruto took in the sight of the plates of traditional breakfast food as well as excessive amounts of meat-based ramen dishes and smiled at the tired-but-happy face of his nee-chan,

"You really didn't have to Shizune-neechan but I'm grateful you did", he admitted without breaking stride once, the sight of the older woman's' smile enough to let him know he'd done the right thing as he looked around for a convenient seat,

"Of course I did; I'm not letting my otouto out into the big wide world without a decent meal in his belly", the med-nin assured him, trying to deny the pain in her smile; out of all the people who'd heard of the planned coup that had been carried out in the council halls to smuggle Naruto out of Konoha to get some experience in a war Shizune had raised by far the loudest and longest complaints. Sensing this and how painful it must have been for someone who still put her family first even if her mentor had at last settled down and grown roots, Naruto merely smiled in kind and diverted her mind to other matters,

"Can't say I'm not grateful and I'm sure Iruka-kun will be too when you start cooking for him; I was thinking about names for the babies I'm expecting to see when I get back last night actually – what do you reckon, Guppi or Torauto for the first-born?"

As expected Shizune promptly glared poison at him (it had taken months of enduring the worst kind of teasing imaginable from both her shishou and her otouto but she had eventually learnt how to overcome her blush response to comments made about her relationship with the Academy sensei) while the reaction from the head of the table was a strangled snort of mirth, Tsunade just about avoiding choking on her tea as she glanced across the wood at where Naruto was now sizing up what part of the breakfast to sink his teeth into first; _still young, and still growing at a frightening rate_;

"I was thinking more Saba myself it must be said", the Slug sage added casually before catching a glimpse of the outraged expression on her first students' face and being driven to make another comment, "though right now Shizune-chan seems to be giving a fair impression of a fugu". A proverbial raincloud sprung into being over Shizune's head and with a huff she turned back to the stove, muttering evil invectives under her breath,

"Why do I bother?"

"Because for reason you love us both very dearly?" _Damn it_; sometimes Shizune swore Naruto's hearing, now much better than a normal persons at the best of times, could be boosted to such an extent with chakra that it wasn't safe to even think around him, "But anyway, seriously, while I'm gone look after the others for me, and tell Hiashi and the rest of his stuck-up clan that if they so much as look sideways at Hinata my threat of blood-feud still stands and, as he knows now, when I get into a feud it means things are going to get very, _very_ bloody".

"Assuming I leave anything for you to sink your axe into", Tsunade chipped in, glancing up from where she was feeding Tonton leaf of fried lettuce, the pig munching away happily as her master glanced up, "I won't lose an apprentice with as much potential as her, though that Haruno girl might be worth a look as well if she gets her head out her backside and knuckles down to study – her chakra control rivals mine but her reserves couldn't even keep a fish out of water for a minute". Naruto and Shizune both nodded at this assessment before the demon-container noticed who was missing and glanced around,

"Speaking of which where is our newest guest?"

"Oh she had some errands to run", Tsunade began but, as she'd half-expected, Naruto could see straight through her as easily as his axe would shred paper and she forced herself not to smirk too much as she found herself locked in the crosshairs of his penetrating gaze, "I had nothing to do with it".

"Right, so I'm sure there's a perfectly rational explanation why I can smell slug secretions on your clothes and there's a cut on your thumb?"

"My student asked for help delivering messages and as a respectable sensei I obliged". Naruto merely snorted,

"You respectable – a wind of change blows through this village after all. Okay just tell me how bad-stroke-annoying this is likely to be – there was a reason I wanted to try and get out of this village incognito you know?"

"Yes but we weren't going to let it happen", to his surprise it was Shizune who answered him, the younger woman looking over her shoulder with a firm but not unkind eye, "Hinata-chan came up with her idea and I, or we both agreed. You did a lot for Konoha recently however much you might try to deny it, it's only right you get some attention for it before you have to leave". Any reluctance he might have had to this deal fell apart in the face of her sternness and, silently, he returned to his meal, only hoping that whatever Hinata had planned wasn't going to take too long or be too painful for any of them.

In the even the wasn't to be disappointed; when the appointed hour came as he'd told his sensei he'd meet her at the main gate as midday, Naruto slung on his pack and took in a deep breath; he'd known this was coming for a very long time but, even so and knowing this was going to be the first in a long line of goodbyes, it still struck him how much the feeling of loss hurt. Still he couldn't just sit here wallowing in misery all day, he had places to be and anyway, it wasn't like he was going away forever; with that in his mind he stood tall and made his way to the front of his clan compound, leaving it deserted as Shizune and Tsunade both had left for their shifts at the hospital, neither of them wanting to actually watch him leave as it would have hurt them both being forced to watch someone they loved cut himself out of their lives for what looked likely to be a period of years. Blinking in the sunlight for a moment, Naruto casually tracked his way to the front gate of the compound, felt it open after he sent a pulse of chakra through it and, as soon as he saw what was waiting for him on the other side, sighed and shook his head slightly,

"Much as I appreciate the sentiment Hinata-chan", the girl in question squeaked but didn't back down, resisting the urge to tap her fingers together with the greatest of difficulty as her crush spoke to her directly, "I really did want to leave without too many people finding out".

"And why was that baka?" As always Ino was the first to open her mouth, especially as she noticed Naruto talking down slightly, however unmeant, to the girl who'd gone out of her way to arrange a surprise for him, "You think we wouldn't want to kick up a fuss about how damned stupid this whole thing was – you being banished, for what? Doing your job?" Confronted by such a forthright assessment of the situation, Naruto merely chuckled,

"More the nature of the manner by which I did the job Ino-chan but, fair enough", with a sigh he hefted his pack slightly higher and stepped forwards, letting the compound gate swing shut behind him, "a banished nin getting an escort of clan heirs to the main gate; that must be a first". His answer to this was a grim chuckle, coupled with a yip as Kiba folded his arms,

"It might not be an escort yet Naruto; you can drop whatever henge it is you've got up through".

That Naruto hadn't been expecting and it showed; before he could recover the Inuzuka had carried on,

"Come on we were all there when you laid down the law to Neji-teme and we all saw what you looked like then", he pointed out, trying not the think too hard about what had happened after that, "and anyway Mimi-otouto hasn't shut up about you since and I'm still counting my blessings that you didn't just decide I was annoying and snap me in half during one of those spars I kept asking, demanding off of you. We don't really care what you look like; okay it's a bit alarming but you get used to it in the end; so you're not losing anything by dropping that spot on your forehead". Naruto considered this for a moment, looking the ten or so other clan heirs who had come to see him off, noticing the most glaring absence but not entirely surprised by it before, though being tempted, he shook his head,

"I've no doubt you'd all cope with it but the rest of the village might have a few questions – I'm trying to go incognito here. Listen, I'm really glad you all came and I'm flattered, in fact, that you took the time out to arrange this Hinata-chan", the girl in question flushed at the praise even as the jinchuuriki shook his head, "but this is going to be awkward enough as things stand. I don't want to leave here but I don't have a choice…"

"And that really bites", everyone looked around at speaker with outright amazement etched on their faces, not expecting Sakura of all people to come up with a defence of someone who'd once knocked out her beloved Sasuke-kun, "you didn't do anything wrong, in fact you probably saved a lot of people so why the hell are they kicking you out?"

"Politics, but I'm not going forever; it's just a temporary thing to let tempers simmer down", he explained before shrugging, "still I'd better be going or I'll be late and you better than anyone should remember how scary my sensei can be when she's annoyed, right Sakura?" The cherry blossom shuddered,

"Too right I remember; urgh, I don't envy you having to hang around her for however long it is you're gone", she admitted, having more than once woken up in the dead of night, awash with sweat and almost screaming before the nightmares of the serpents that had chased her up and down trees all over Wave country and the evil cackling of the insane woman who'd summoned them faded from her mind, "so then, just, well I, or we know you're already strong, so just…"

She, and the rest of her peers who had followed either Hinata, after the adopted Senju-Uzumaki arrived breathlessly on the doorstep of their clan houses, or the directions of the summoned slugs that had oozed their way into the same area and politely given directions to the farewell, weren't quite sure what to say next so simply tailed off – after all, what could you really say to someone who you'd literally seen smash a mans' skull against a row of seating so hard it had left little more than a explosion of brain-matter and blood? Instead she along with Ino and Hinata, who with a stupendous effort of will just about managed to stay conscious but swaying on her feet, merely hugged the jinchuuriki before he clasped hands with his other friends, nodding wryly at Kiba's assurances that they next time they met he'd be able to at least give him a bit of a match before the Senju-Uzumaki comprehensively tore off his proverbial tail and made him eat it. Once this was done and they began to drift away to their own businesses, slightly upset in their own way but kind of accepting that Naruto as he was now was hard enough to weather whatever storm blew his way, the jinchuuriki himself bowed to all of them and without further preamble quietly excused himself and headed to the main gate.

_It is for the best_; Naruto decided as he made his way quietly to the main gate by the backstreets; he didn't want to run the risk of bumping into crowds of people who may have somehow heard the news yet and want to either gloat over or commiserate with his fate; _though for the life of me I'm not sure which would be worse_. It seemed that for once someone upstairs was on his side as he reached the main gate without further complications, watching on as the lean form of his sensei detached herself from the wall next to the gatehouse and strode towards him,

"Done everything you meant to do?"

"Yep".

"Said goodbye to everyone?"

"Yeah".

"Any last regrets?"

"Apart from the fact I never got to go peeping with my godfather at the hot springs, no", he admitted in a dry tone, Anko for her part chuckling before flicking his closest ear, a childish habit she knew she wouldn't be able to indulge when they were out of Fire country and he dropped his mask completely without getting a severe dig in the ribs for her trouble,

"Hah, well butter me up nicely and I'll see if I can't find something that'll make up for the disappointment", she nettled teasingly, smirking as he turned a basilisk glare of sardonic humour upon her, "anyway, come on, we're burning daylight".

He nodded and with a sense of slight loss, similar to vertigo, that he hadn't been expecting to feel he stepped out of the gates of Konoha for the last time in what was likely to be a number of years. Once this was done and he'd taken a deep breath to try and purge the emotion from his mind, he turned around to the chunin on the gate and, looking the ninja square in the eye, slowly reached up and undid the knot of his forehead protector. The burnished metal plate Iruka-sensei had given him flashed in the sun as he held it in his hand and looked down upon it before, with a hint of reluctance, handing it over,

"Look after that", he muttered with a hint of menace in his voice, "I'll be back for it".

"It will be here waiting for you", the older ninja assured him, a hint of something that might have been compassion entering his voice as he made a note on the folder he was carrying, something Naruto assumed was a property list of some kind, "personally I think it's disgusting what they've done to you, and I'm not the only one either. Konoha will be a quieter place without you around".

"For better and for worse", the newly-promoted chunin chuckled before turning away, "anyway, Anko-sensei, where are we headed next?"

"First stop's one your clan heads' favourite haunts of old, about three days if we run, two for you if you go all-out. Race you there and no running through the night cheating".

With that the special jounin tore away, determined to get a good head start before her nominal students' superior stamina and endless endurance came to the fore; Naruto merely watched her go for a minute, shaking his head at her exuberance and wondering exactly which of them were meant to have the higher rank before with a sigh he took off on his sensei's heels, running toward whatever adventures awaited him in the future and leaving the village hidden in the Leaves temporarily behind him.

XXX

Some two days later he was in trance upon one of the beds he and his sensei had rented in the village a little way out of the main gambling town in the land of Fire, resting while Anko had booked herself into the local health spar sore about losing the race and muttering under her breath about unfair advantages; _as if summoning her snakes to give herself a ride part of the way wasn't levelling the playing field. Ah well_; though he didn't move and to all intents and purposes appeared to be asleep while his body rested from his slight exertions, Naruto's mind was fully alert and aware at virtually all times, hence why Tsunade had classified in the secret medical notes Shizune would inherit when the inevitable happened, she lost her last gamble against the Shinigami and responsibility for both studying and caring for the jinchuuriki fell to her first student that he effectively had two rest states. He could either be awake, asleep as a normal person would be (though he only needed at most four hours a night and could go without proper sleep almost indefinitely due to his second-father's influence and the effect of one of his biological improvements) or, as he was now, in trance; a state where both his body and mind were quiescent but his senses were all functioning, enabling him to react with lightning quickness that would have been the death of most potential assassins.

He liked this state, perhaps more than he liked sleep unless he had a reason to speak to Kurama; he was able to sense all the small things around him in a way he couldn't when his body was active. With his senses extended he could perceive things that would be beyond even a trained tracker-nin unless they were using charka; with his eyes closed and making his other senses sharper still, he could smell the detergents that had been used on the room around him and the linen he was resting up, feel the rough cotton on the blankets abrading his skin soft, hear the drone of a vacuum cleaner being used somewhere in the building, almost muffling the rhythmic thumps of two pairs of footsteps coming down the corridor towards his room.

_Two sets – oh they'll be no living with her after this_; opening his eyes Naruto swung his legs almost soundlessly off the bed, springs creaking in protest as he shifted his not-inconsiderable weight; though baa-chans' seal changed his physical size, it couldn't alter his volume or weight, something that had given a several people in the past a nasty shock just after they attempted to throw him. He'd remove the seal when and only when he met up with the rebels in Kiri; to do so beforehand would be far too conspicuous; but for now it could be an advantage as he strode across the room towards the door, taking place just behind it as a trio of sharp raps sounded. Closing his eyes and breathing in sharply, he used his enhanced senses of taste and smell to try to work out exactly who the mysterious tails Anko had sworn she could sense had been following them from Konoha actually were.

He wasn't expecting too much but, going on the few scraps of information his godfather had been able to brief them on regarding his new S-ranked fan club, he was relatively sure that he could now confirm the Akatsuki went around in pairs and that one of them smelt like water and blood, the other he couldn't get a bead on. Oh well, the Toad Sage would be able to get the information first-hand pretty soon if the plan went as it was supposed to and, deciding it was better to be safe than sorry, Naruto forced one particular part of his brain to sleep temporarily and began switching the other major sense areas on and off rapidly just in case the enemy had access to his notes and thought genjutsu was his weak point before opening the door and looking up at the enemy with his sightless eyes,

"Uzumaki Naruto, you will come with us now", said a dull, monotone voice that Naruto immediately recognised and, inwardly, sighed at; _the Sharingan – instant power-boost at the cost of your personality_;

"I appreciate you being forwards rather than dancing around the issue but you could at least have tried dinner and a trip to the pictures first". There was a heavy footfall from somewhere off to the left and Naruto heard a deep, sinister chuckle,

"Heh, this brat thinks he's funny Itachi"; _okay, that's a definite name for the mental Bingo book, Uchiha Itachi_; "let's see if he's still laughing when I cut off a leg".

"There is no need, my genjutsu has neutralised the jinchuuriki".

Itachi's words were so deadpan Naruto almost spoke before engaging what was left of his brain that wasn't asleep and realised what the nuke-nin meant; he must have used a sight-based genjutsu through his bloodline and, because Naruto had taken the precaution of effectively switching off the portion of his brain that dealt with vision, he'd mistaken the glazed appearance of his targets' eyes for evidence his genjutsu had worked. Itachi must had though he was locked in his own little world when actually the technique had never taken effect, unable to anchor in the unused chakra paths of a slumbering brain; that meant his guard was down and he was overconfident, vulnerable. It was all the jinchuuriki could do to keep the glee off his face as he played the part of a fool a little longer, waiting and observing with his other senses for the supposed predator to come closer and deliver himself straight into range; there was a rough touch on his shoulder and from there it was all instinct and reaction that would have made his mother and fathers, both of them, proud of him; as Itachi soon learnt to his cost, Naruto's strength didn't diminish regardless of whether he was wearing his seal or not.

XXX

Kisame had been on the verge of complaining, in fact even pouting wasn't a million miles away from his mind as this wasn't the first time the robotically-efficient Uchiha had simply used his illusions to complete a mission before he could get any fun, before there was an explosion of movement from the supposedly-slumbering target and everything went straight to hell in a hand-basket.

There was a noise like a sheet of glass, or a thick blanket of ice shattering, Itachi gasped in sudden pain as the jinchuuriki seized the hand that had descended on his shoulder and twisted savagely, splintering the wrist like a twig as the brat's other hand shot forwards straight into the Uchiha's exposed ribs. Even as he fought down the shock and reached for the handle of his sword Kisame winced as he heard the muffled crunching from within Itachi's body; _damn it, I can only hope they haven't punctured anything vital_; his sword rose, ready for an overhead strike but damn him, the target wouldn't give him a clean strike. Itachi had doubled over from the agony in his side and only an instinctive twist of the head prevented him losing one of his most powerful assets as the hand that had snapped his wrist lunged forwards, one finger extended and seeking the eyes of an opponent.

Due to the younger prodigy's evasion the strike missed the exact target but even so the force behind the blow was so great that Kisame almost swore he could see the shockwaves ricocheting around Itachi's cranium, the Uchiha certainly dazed, probably concussed and that was assuming his skull wasn't fractured. The blow sent Itachi sprawling against the far side of the corridor, legs gone to water but before the jinchuuriki could capitalise Kisame made his move, Samehada cutting a gouge a ceiling above as he aimed to bring it down squarely down on the shorter figure before him. As he was half-expecting the jinchuuriki leapt aside from the telegraphed blow but that was Kisame's intention; he bulled forwards, pushing down the corridor and driving the child away from his injured partner with a scowl on his face – he respected Itachi as a partner, something he couldn't say for many others in the Akatsuki, and therefore when he pinked the jinchuuriki's arm and felt a rush of chakra up through his arm as his blade feasted he didn't stop the smirk that split his lips and revealed his sharp teeth,

"I was going to be professional at first brat but now I'm going to bleed you out", he declared, the last of the bandages falling away from his blade as he moved into a guard posture, allowing Itachi time to get his bearings back and assess his own injuries; he knew they'd have to withdraw but he'd be damned if he didn't leave the kid a scar or stump as a fare-thee-well, "Samehada will shave your skin from your bones and I'll drain every drop of chakra you and that fox in your belly can produce before I let you die". The jinchuuriki's eyes were shadowed but piercing as he made ready to dodge the swordsmans' next attack, Kisame lunging forwards with a stop-thrust aimed at pinning his smaller opponent against one of the walls of the narrow corridor before an explosion of smoke obscured his view and he felt the tip of his blade hit something metallic and solid. From out of the smoke something heavy and large swung downwards and he smoothly slid back a pace, trying to size up the head of the pole-arm the boy had summoned before hearing him speak,

"Samehada? You are one of the Mists' Seven Swordsmen but you're not fighting the Mizukage – that means you're both a renegade and a traitor. Your sword shaves and eats chakra; very well", there was a cold, bitter edge to his smile as he locked eyes with the swordsman before channelling his chakra and allowing his own weapon to introduce itself, "my axe simply rends, and it eats _everything_!" With that, he stepped forwards to the attack, prepared to measure his blade against one as legendary as the most powerful of those forged in the Mist.

In truth Naruto knew he had the advantage in this battle; as he'd trained himself to use Goa-chichioya in both his true and sealed form, the fact that his smaller state was able to handle the chain-axe as a weapon similar to a halberd gave him a crucial reach advantage. Also, though Kisame was by far the better warrior, the cramped confines made traditional sword fighting about as easy as a taijutsu fight in a coffin and hampered Kisame's swings, something that the more thrusting style of Naruto's style was more adept at dealing with; as well as this the jinchuuriki was confident that his blade could do more damage per hit that his opponents. Samehada might shave off superficial layers of skin that hurt like the devil but his axe ignored skin completely in favour of chewing up the deeper tissues, leading to more grievous and debilitating wounds that almost never healed cleanly unless high-grade medical techniques were used; _and even then not even baa-chan could stop the scars forming_.

The corridor was filled with noise and sparks as the weapons clashed and spat in a blistering series of parries and ripostes, Naruto taking care to shield his hands behind the broad head of his axe and thwart Kisames' attempts to pin his weapon with the flat of his blade, smirking as a fat line of orange sparks arose on the legendary sword as he twisted the handle of his own blade just enough to catch it a glancing blow with the chained edge of Goa-chichioya, forcing his opponent back a step as he swore at the idea of losing his sword to the teeth of the jinchuuriki's weapon. At the same time through the half-shark couldn't risk a technique for fear Naruto would carve him apart in the time it took his to make seals, and he couldn't fall back too far in case Itachi hadn't recovered and was left at the mercy of the revolving blade. Naruto was confident that even in the few seconds they'd been crossing swords he'd done enough and as he heard the window to the room he'd been sleeping in shatter inwards and saw the horror down on his enemy's face he knew the trap was sprung perfectly; caught between the devil and the deep blue sea with an injured partner in tow, Kisame was left with nowhere to…

"Itachi!"

The sudden shout was so close that Naruto half-stumbled, the mistake seized upon the Kiri nuke-nin who took his chance, slapping their blades flat to flat and pushing the screaming axe to the side before capitalising with a thunderous boot to the jinchuurikis' chest. Enhanced ribcage and chakra sticking him to the floor allowed Naruto to keep his feet but even so he stumbled backwards, stance destroyed and only just able to keep Goa-chichioya in hand as something black and blue shot past him towards where the nuke-nin was retreating. Realising what was likely to happen Naruto hastily forced air back into his lungs and stepped heavily down the corridor, just in time to see Kisame flinch and then roar in pain as a ball of blue spinning chakra tore into his arm from the open door of Naruto's rented room, the sneak attack successful and easily breaking the half-sharks' arm on top of whatever internal damage the Rasengan was able to do to such dense musculature.

Forcing himself forwards the Mist-nin was able to just about stay on his feet and half-stoop, half-collapse onto the sprawled form of his partner, fingers moving into seals even through the pain he was in; cheated of his kill Jiraiya sprang out of the room with the intention of ending two of the ninja who threatened his grandson only to collide with a still-charging Sasuke and be knocked off-balance by the unexpected contact. The split-second relief was what Kisame needed to complete his technique; even through a last kunai thrown by Jiraiya as he realised the prey was escaping sank deep into the cloth-covered back the shunshin took hold, whisking the two Akatsuki away just before Naruto could get close enough to risk a blow with his axe. With a spray of water the missing-nin were gone, Goa-chichioya burying itself in the wooden flooring as its owner let out a shout of frustration; that close, they had been _that_ close to finishing off two of the organisation who were hunting both him and the other people he needed to speak to get his own idea off the ground and they had slipped out of the planned ambush.

Worse than that they now knew about one of his trump cards and that he had Jiraiya looking out for him; the Toad Sage had been adamant that he would follow both himself and Anko-sensei out of Konoha and had spent most of the night preceding his banishment hammering out a plan of what to do with the Snake Mistress – what he hadn't told the council was that there was a chance the Akatsuki would send out teams to test the jinchuuriki they would later be hunting and Naruto, as the container of the strongest, was likely to be the first on that list. From what his sensei had told him she'd wanted him to act the fool one last time and wait for his sensei and the sannin to pull off a dramatic rescue; though embarrassing, it would hopefully get the organisation off his back for the three years or so. Jiraiya, however, had given another option that he'd gone with; if the Toad Sage tailed the two of them until they reached the Mist, he would be able to intercede and, hopefully, take some members of the organisation out completely if Naruto could hold them up long enough and then claim he'd been the one to do the deed. That would have killed two birds with one stone; killing off some of the Akatsuki at the same time as keeping the heat off their target; and would have worked had it not been for the unexpected interference that, now he was reminded of it, Naruto whipped around an flayed alive with his eyes as the last Uchiha stared forlornly at where his brother had been laying, helpless and ready for him to take his vengeance,

"Sasuke…" The Uchiha seemed to wake up to his peril even as Naruto, realising there was a chance he was going to go in swinging, wisely sealed his weapon again before he added any more to the repair bill for the floor or was tempted to use it against his idiot classmate. Even as his fists bunched, however, his rage was deflected by Jiraiya as the Toad Sage glanced up from where he'd been inspecting the technique the missing-nin had used to get away; _shunshin but it cleverly washes away all scent, not even an Inuzuka could track this. They've gone and we lost the chance of a kill here_;

"No Naruto; as an exiled nin you have no prerogative in the eyes of the village to punish other Konoha nin regardless of difference of ranks – if you did you only invite further punishment at the hands of the council".

Even Naruto had barely enough time to process that statement before Sasuke found himself flying through the air and the air rushed out of him as he was slammed unceremoniously into a solid wall, brought eye to blazing eye with Jiraiya as the sannin hissed his next words into the Uchiha's face,

"I, on the other hand, don't have that problem – what the hell did you think you were playing at you arrogant little bastard? Running into a fight between high-ranking ninja, distracting a fellow ninja with a weapon and crowding his aim and, worse than that, being bloody stupid enough to upset a precarious ambush – because of you two S-ranked criminals, one of them a traitor to the Leaf, managed to escape and now have knowledge of newly-developed Konoha fighting techniques. Well, what do you have to say for yourself", punctuating his point with a shake of the Uchiha's collar the taller man let his victim drop to the floor, face as grim and hard as granite as he stared down at the last loyal Sharingan bearer the Leaf possessed, "what genius idea possessed you to distract someone carrying a weapon that could cut any of us in half if he slipped and then charge after a ninja who could kill you as easily as I could?"

Sasuke took his time to answer this, heaving down air and massaging his throat as he attempted to recover from the semi-strangulation; eventually, however, he coughed and started to stand up using the wall as a support as his answered in a hoarse voice,

"Itachi, heard he was, after Naruto – they attacked Kakashi, heard dobe and his sensei were going this way; came here to avenge…" He got no further, instead grasping feebly at the air as he attempted to snatch back the shiny metal plate that the interim Hokage had skilfully relieved him of, Jiraiya's eyes narrowing as he silently dared the Uchiha to try anything as he spoke again in a growl,

"I am still acting Hokage so consider that a battlefield demotion; you start at the Academy next term", his tone brooked no opposition even though neither of the two younger ninja were in any state to react to his proclamation, Sasuke too busy staring and trying to absorb the news at the same time Naruto was trying hard not to laugh at his dumbstruck expression, "you obviously didn't or wouldn't learn the basics of teamwork and the importance of putting your village and others above your own agendas first time around, maybe a second bite at the cherry will get those lessons through your skull".

"But", Sasuke seemed to be in some kind of delayed shock as he attempted to argue back in the face of the man who was not only magnitudes stronger than him but also his Hokage as well, "but, Itachi…"

_Wrong answer_; despite not really caring much about the Uchiha either way Naruto couldn't help but wince as he watched Jiraiya's fist plough into the other child's gut with enough force to spider-web the plaster on the wall behind him, Sasukes' eyes bulging comically as the air was hammered out of him and unable to help but listen as Jiraiya leaned down and spoke, voice a deadly whisper as spoke,

"You are not and will never be anything more than a pale imitation of Uchiha Itachi on his _worst_ day", he said with feeling, standing up and looking down contemptuously as Sasuke attempted to keep his dinner down, "while Itachi was a captain of ANBU everyone was clamouring to be on his squad not because he was a prodigy but because he always went above and beyond to make sure every member of his team came home. He didn't always succeed but he did his damndest, everyone respected him for it and he took every death hard and as a personal failing; the Sandaime repeatedly attempted to get him to leave the cadre at least temporarily but the offers were always shot down and always by Uchiha Fugaku. I was there when the two of them spoke about Itachi; your father said that he would no longer abide Sarutobi's attempts to 'remove the Uchiha from a position where he could gain the strength to take the honoured position unfairly denied the rest of his clan'. He said that and the Sandaime accepted his words, stopped trying to get Itachi some of the help he thought your brother needed; three weeks later Fugaku was being buried with the rest of his clan save one, impaled on the sword he tried to make his son. And now you", the word fairly dripped with contempt as Jiraiya snorted,

"You who would sacrifice everything and everyone for the power you think you need to kill the murderer of your family, who would spit on the oaths of loyalty and comradeship with your team mates to attempt to chase your brothers' shadow? You're not worthy of your headband, not worth the title of ninja and barely even worth being called a human being – until that changes I and the person who eventually ascends the seat of Hokage when the council vote will ensure you are never given any of the power you crave to abuse. You're a civilian Sasuke, live with it".

"But…"

"There are no buts; for what you've done I would be within my rights to demand battlefield seppuku from you or even do the deed myself but, thankfully, I can't be bothered cleaning my kunai afterwards and Tsu-hime's got more important things on her mind at the moment than thawing out the old samples and selecting suitable surrogates. Oh, you didn't know", the grin on Jiraiya's face was almost sinfully wicked as he shattered another of the Uchiha's planks of self-importance, "every clan of the Leaf has and is required to maintain a standing bank of genetic material, male and female, to resurrect the clan should it be wiped out. The only reason you don't have a dozen or so half-siblings running around right now is because Sarutobi-sama thought it best for you to have chance to be your own man and resurrect the Sharingan yourself; he always could be too soft for his own good at times. Personally I'd just set a match to that bank and let it all burn but it's out of my hands now, the next Hokage will decide the future of any clan of yours. We're going back to Konoha", the sage declared, Sasuke not even having much of a chance to protest as his arm was seized and he was hauled upwards, dragged towards the exit of the hostel as Naruto watched on, amused at the sight and snickering as his one-time Academy rival was led away; _well, he'll be Konohamaru's rival from now on I guess – ouch, that's going to be a blow to the ego and no mistake_; "you are grating on my very last nerve so you put a toe out of line and you'll be landing in your old clan compound as toad faeces! See you later brat, don't do anything I wouldn't do and I'll be in touch".

"Bye", Naruto waved half-heartedly, amused as the sight in front of him until the Uchiha and the sage disappeared around the corner – typical Jiraiya that, trust him to make a scene and layer the humiliation on with a trowel. Not that he didn't have good reason for being leery of anyone who had a stick up their backside; as Tsunade had once admitted after she'd had more sake than Shizune-neechan would have been happy with or comfortable about, he had once been the dead last of his class and forced to watch the boy who became one of his first friends turn traitor.

He had been forced to fight Oroichimaru to try and stop him leaving the village and escaping justice but had been unable to kill his heart enough to put the snake down and, much like Sarutobi, because of that reluctance the serpent had slithered away scorched but not dead. _A mistake he's not going to make again, even with the so-called last Uchiha – sorry Sasuke but that's the way things are. So then, everyone's safe, Akatsuki's hurting and even if they do know a bit about Goa-chichioya they don't know how I usually use it, and Jiraiya's going back to hand over the reins of the Hokage post to someone else, all is as it should be_; the jinchuuriki thought to himself as he stretched off and looked around before cursing under his breath as he saw the broken door and massive gouge in the floor; _even down to the damned old git stiffing me with the repair bill again! Let's get out of here quick before Anko-sensei sees what a mess we made and tries to take it out of my ramen fund…_

XXX

Moving low through the mists that cloaked his old homeland the leader of the exploratory party signalled for a halt as a figure he recognised coalesced out of the clinging dew and he nodded,

"Report Haku".

"As we suspected Zabuza-sama the manor has been used as a billet and garrison for the Mizukages' forces for some time"; _damn, it'll have to be cleared_; even as the demon sought to recalibrate his plans to consider this unwelcome piece of news his partner, formerly tool, spoke up again, "however clearing it is, unnecessary".

"Unnecessary?" The word was unfamiliar and that was something Zabuza didn't like, "Explain".

"Uhh", the bishounen, a unwanted nickname he'd picked up around the rebel camp and was unlikely to ever lose regardless of how many senbon he casually threw into vulnerable and painful points in retaliation, shrugged slightly, "it's not something easily explained taichou; you best come and see for yourself". Zabuza cocked his head at this request but, regardless of his other faults, he trusted Haku implicitly and his orders were therefore quick and direct,

"Camp, fifteen minutes, be ready to move on my signal". The varied chunin who'd joined him on this scouting mission, seeking to probe into the central regions of the Mist to see if there was a way they could break through a ring of fortified villages and get to the actual Mist village by bypassing some of the more heavily defended choke-points and fords that villages had built up around, did as he ordered swiftly and without complaint, setting up a guard as Zabuza followed his bloodline-wielding partner as soundlessly as a ghost.

Some five minutes later he was hunkered down in a natural hollow of the ground, bracken overhead and before him moving noiselessly as he peeked through it towards the manor house, probably the home of a former minor noble that the Mizukage had usurped or simply taken as was his want. Sizing up the situation and seeing a lack of guards in a manner that made him feel uneasy Zabuza was about to glance over at his partner and ask what was going on before a sudden whistle made his blood freeze. Glaring over and reaching for the hilt of his zanbatou as belated thoughts of treachery surfaced in his mind, he forced his voice to calm down as he saw a small stalk of grass fall from beneath Haku's blank mask, the source of the signal as he demanded in a harsh whisper,

"What the hell is going on Haku?"

"Just signalling our friends".

"Friends?" Much as the former swordsman of the Mist knew his overall commander had several overlapping spy networks, some of whom even he didn't know about, he considered the thought of one of Mei's inside operatives being in this place at this time suspiciously remote, "Who the hell…?"

"Yoohoo", he was cut off in mid-word, eyes widening and only facial bandages stopping his jaw submerging in the water at his feet as he looked around to see the small stick-figure waving at him from the top of the manors' outer wall, "Zazu-kun, over here!"

About the only thing he had to be grateful for a the minute was the fact that no-one from his command was here to see this; what in the name of the Kami was _she_ doing here, and how had she found him? The Momochi had no idea, in fact didn't want to know, but as he continued to stare at the enthusiastically-waving figure on the wall and reluctantly raised a hand in greeting, he hissed out the corner of his mouth,

"You better have a dammed good excuse for this Haku or I swear to the Kami I won't rest until I get Mei-san to assign you a seduction mission and every member of the resistance has a picture of you dressed for the occasion!"

"If that were to pass I'm certain your friend up there wouldn't mind helping me with the required garments", he couldn't hear the smugness in Haku's tone, he could practically _taste_ it as the blank mask nodded, "according to Anko-san they have been attempting to make contact with us for some time".

"Wait, they? Ah, she's got that kid with her has she?"

"I never saw Naruto-san but I assume so", the fake hunter-nin nodded before finishing his report, "they knew my name and therefore had some of our less-secure tips give up this route. Apparently she wanted to make a good impression on her future employers". Despite himself the swordsman gave a gruff chuckle as he watched the figure bound down from its lofty position and move towards where he and Haku were crouched,

"If she's cleared that place for us she'll have done that at least. Slow down, slow down", Anko, of course, didn't heed the Mist nin at all and simply sprang into his arms with a squeal of glee, Zabuza merely cringing and mentally totting up exactly how many reincarnations he'd have to go through before Haku let him live this down, "urgh, why do I always get the crazy ones?" Anko merely grinned as she released him from her embrace and winked casually,

"Missed you", she exclaimed cheerfully before noticing the figure to the side of the swordsman trying hard to hide shaking shoulders, "heya bishie, been keeping well?"

"Very well Anko-san", the disguised bloodline holder replied in a very wooden tone, having to almost physically stop himself reaching for a senbon, "yourself? And is Naruto-san with you at all?"

"Oh me, I'm always good", the woman smiled as languidly as one of her summons, a silent challenge in her eyes as she flashed a glance at Zabuza as though daring the other jounin to try and discover just how good she could really be, "and Naruto's around, clearing up I hope – I keep telling him he makes a mess, he tidies up after himself; I'm not strictly his sensei any more, I'm not going to hold his hand".

It took Zabuza a few seconds to compute this new information and translate it into usable data; when he'd finally made the connection he let out a brief chuckle, regarding the woman before his squarely, head cocked slightly to one shoulder,

"So your genin earned his vest did he?"

"And you sound surprised at this?" Anko mock-pouted, half-turning away, "I was his sensei, chunin should have been the absolute least of his promotions after six months with me. Apart from that though", for the first time in the conversation she appeared a little abashed, glancing back at the swordsman with a somewhat cheesy grin on her face, "with one thing and another we're, Naruto and I both that is, well we needed to get out of Konoha for a bit; just for a while, let things settle down over there and all that; then I remembered you and what we promised one-another the morning before you left..."

"What promise was this?" As his master rounded on him Haku couldn't help but give the knife one more twist despite knowing full-well the kunoichi was simply teasing his father-figure; _about the only woman who could and live apart from Mei-san_; "Zabuza-san never mentioned such a promise".

"As well he shouldn't kid; that kind of talk is private, so are the activities leading up to it as well come to that", the Snake Mistress winked before giving her attention back to the glowering shinobi, Zabuza's already short temper fast approaching boiling point, "but anyway, we're here, it's cold, wet and I'm hungry, we did do you a favour so, give us a job?"

_Oh for the life of a missing-nin_; he'd known it was coming but even so the second the request came in Zabuza found himself once more asking exactly what insanity had driven him to nailing his colours to the mask of the last Temuri and fighting for his country once again; _with Gato's billions I could just have lived out my retirement somewhere warm and sunny for the rest of my life. Instead I'm stood here, soaking wet through, up to my ankles in water, pride in ribbons and with a gender-confused teenager and a kunoichi who'd kill me as soon as jump my bones having to make decisions on the future of the alliance._ Command was a terrible thing and a great responsibility but he didn't let any of his black mood show on his face, instead heaving a great sigh and nudging the figure at his side,

"Haku, go get the rest of the men, tell them to convene here while I scout ahead; that place is clear yes?"

"I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't now would I?" Satisfied with this logic, the Mists' newly-returned demon expanded his orders,

"I'll signal them from the main gates of the manor as soon as I'm convinced it's safe; if you get no signal after ten minutes of being here continue the patrol and tell Mei-san I died well for the cause".

"Hai Zabuza-sama", the smaller figure gave a short bow and disappeared in a shower of snowflakes, the sudden chill making both older nin shiver before Zabuza, more used to the chillier side of his subordinates' techniques, shouldered his cleaver and stepped forwards,

"Right then, you insane woman who was sent from the underworld to torment my every waking moment, let's get inside; I'm sick of being rained on already". Looking as pleased as punch at the descriptions, the kunoichi merely grinned once more and turned towards the manor house she and her student had cleared earlier in the morning; _hopefully I stalled the gaki long enough to get the worst of the bodies buried and the bloodstains removed_.

Some minutes later, having crossed the wide open area in front of the manor wall without a hint of rebellion and cemented in fact in Zabuza's mind that the place truly was deserted, the Mist nin found himself glancing at his shorter companion askance,

"He's changed a little since the last time; apart from the vest he should be wearing I assume?"

"Yeah, he doesn't wear one though, says it cramps his style too much", Anko explained, internally grinning up a storm as she pictured Zabuza's expression in a few moments, "apart from that though one of the reasons we came here is because he needs a teacher for kenjutsu, and not those funny little dances the katana wielders pull off, I mean the proper swinging you guys with the huge cleavers can do".

"Brat picked up a zanbatou did he? Or", memories of the bridge of blood flickered before his eyes once more and a slight suspicion bloomed in the back of the Kiri denizen's mind, "is this to do with...?"

"Yeah, it's the real reason we came here", Anko admitted; it wasn't like the truth wasn't going to be out in the open in a few minutes anyway, "we help in your rebellion, he gets the training he needs and all's well. This is about the only place in the world where he might not get as noticed as quickly as he would elsewhere – fog of war and all that". Zabuza chuckled,

"If it's war you're after you've come to the right place; Kiri was bad when I left and it's only got worse since, Yagura's gone completely out of his mind and the whole lands' bleeding because of it". Anko laughed suddenly, the sudden emotion making Zabuza glare at her evilly until she managed to control herself and explain,

"Sorry, I shouldn't laugh but the fact is if you think this place is bloody now then, not being boastful, but you really haven't seen anything yet; hey, gaki", her voice rose to a sudden shout as the two approached the main gate of the fortified dwelling, "this place open yet; I've got company incoming".

For a moment there was no reply but, just before Zabuza was about to reply to her earlier proclamation with a disparaging comment of his own, the swordsman found his words suddenly lodged in his throat as a noise that had replayed in his memory for the past year and some burst back into full keening song from close by. The revving tear went on and was suddenly muffled for a moment, the thick wood making up the barred gate suddenly bulging outwards before giving way, splinters flying and sending the Kiri jounin jumping back, Kubikiri Honcho already in his hand as he awaited the threat that, gratefully, never truly came. Through the cloud of sawdust he saw something bronze coloured moving through the door slowly before it quickly withdrew;_ the bar, the internal bar of the gate, he just cut..._; his thought train was broken as with a thunderous impact the right gate suddenly swung open, he beheld the figure before him and promptly felt his stomach disappear. Jounin and chunin regarded each other for a long moment until the third member of their little party got bored with standing around waiting,

"This place liveable yet minion? I'm sick of getting wet".

"Good as could be expected sensei, the roof leaks in a few places though", the boy-turned-monolith answered, Zabuza's eye twitching slightly in disbelief as he saw the huge shoulders shrug and, more importantly, the diabolic monster that rest across them bounce slightly with the motion; _who, what the...where the hell did that thing come from, and why can't we make weapons like that?_; "Zabuza-san, good to see you again. Is Haku-san about?"

The Kiri jounin didn't realise he was being addressed until the living hulk in front of him bowed slightly and he automatically returned the gesture, though he still didn't drop his eyes from the grinning death that lay across those monstrous shoulder like a tiger sizing up fresh prey,

"Uh, yeah, he'll be about soon with the rest of the scouts; what in Kami-sama's holiest name happened to you boy? Last time I saw you..."

"I know", the giant interrupted, stepping back into the shadows just behind the broken door and beckoning the two adults to follow him, "it's a long, long story, but I'd rather discuss it somewhere warm, dry and private rather than in the open. Follow me; I believe there is a rather nice vintage of sake in the cellars of this place and enough food to keep even me happy for at least a month".

"Heh, I'll believe that when I see it", Anko snickered, falling into step with her colossal prodigy while Zabuza, still trying to come to terms with what he was seeing and having to convince himself he wasn't either drunk, dreaming or under a genjutsu, followed on behind in a daze that none of the resistance would have let him live down had they witnessed it, "what is this, the Mizukages' secret hidden ramen stash?"

"No, that would probably last a week at most..."

Even as the deep voice echoed away as Naruto, or at least the thing Anko seemed reasonably sure was Naruto, ducked into a door who's frame he overshadowed by a good foot at least, Zabuza shook himself off and rationally thought about the situation, waving off the Snake Mistress's entreaties to go indoors with the terse explanation that he had to wait for the rest of his party. As far as he knew he had a kunoichi who was considered one of Konoha's finest interrogators and a fearsome front-line combatant in her own right couple with her student who was as yet an untested factor but looked capable of tearing his way into Kiri village proper and strangling the Mizukage to death with his bare hands, exiled from their home state and seeking to join up with the rebellion to oust Yagura from power. With this in mind and knowing he was virtually the sole reason this happy coincidence had come about, there was only one thing the Demon of the Seven Swordsmen could feasibly do.

Needless to say there were more than a few raised eyebrows shared between the scouting party when they beheld the sight of their taicho, laughing uproariously and with tears in his eyes, beckoning them towards the manor gate and explaining the rebellions' new best friends were waiting inside.

Over the next few months and years Kiri, the land of the Bloody Mist, was in for a rude awakening when it came to matters of blood-letting.

A/N: As I said at the start the tiny acorn rooted in my mind; some chapters back to answer a reviewer who noted that I'd taken Bingo Book names from Magic the Gathering cards, I made the point that if you took a pre-shippuden Naruto and stuck a big axe in his hands you'd have a loud and orange Raging Goblin. But then the thought occurred to me; what _would_ happen if someone took a pre-shippuden Naruto and stuck a big axe in his hands?

A really, _really_ big axe?

Goa-chichioya translates roughly as Gorefather; this axe was one of the weapons featured in the background of the Warhammer 40K universe. It was one of a pair of weapons used by Angron, the Primarch of the World Eaters (formerly War Hounds) Legion of Space Marines who, because their leader had more than a few screws loose having been experimented on in his youth by the civilisation that found him to become a berserk gladiator, eventually fell to worshipping chaos, specifically the Blood God Khorne. Angron was eventually elevated to demonhood but, when he did so, the fate of Gorefather was unknown (its twin was gifted to the most savage warrior of his remaining Legion), until now...

Now exposed to the blood of a primarch Naruto has in effect started to become his clone-son, related to Angron in the same manner that Abaddon the Despoiler is the clone-son of Horus. He, with Kurama's help, is developing the extra organs of a Space Marine from Angrons' genetic template but as well as this he's also experiencing some of the primarchs' memories as well in the same way some of the Blood Angels suffer the Black Rage, a psychic echo of rage and madness. Naruto is now at a crossroads; he knows from his memories what his clone-father was and was built to do – the question is does he have the strength to deny his gifted genetics and follow his own path in the world? With Gorefather still in his hands can he do what Angron could not, listen to the guidance of others and follow the right path of killing only when necessary, or will he fall and usher in a new age of slaughter and bloodshed?

I did have a plan to write a second part to this story, the shippuden era where Naruto has grown and returned from the Mist; however before I start writing it and it turns into another behemoth like this one, I wanted to make sure people actually liked this story and wanted a continuation. I'll leave it to the reviewers to decide – state whether you want me to write the second part or not.

Anyway, thanks for reading (I know it must have been an effort, I had to proof-read this chapter!) and I hope you enjoyed it. Until next time, ja ne!


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 – God of War

A/N: All at the bottom of the chapter – enjoy the story!

XXX

_ "So then", it was always the way, the calm before the storm that drove the warriors to talk, "this is really it?"_

_ "Yeah", Zabuza spoke to his second in command, the temporarily-exiled Konoha jounin smiling up at him as he shrugged, "assuming your brat does as he's told and gets the diversion right to lure the Mizukage out, we'll tear the heart out the traitorous bastards' chest before sunrise". For her part Anko merely laughed softly,_

_ "Has he failed yet? Anyway", looking over at the eerie silhouette of the Kiri village, the last bastion of the Yondaime's soldiers following the rebellion systematically overturning Yagura's forces over the past eighteen months, the Snake Mistress eagerly awaited the signal to begin, "a forlorn hope, the first man into the breach – do you really think he's going to back down?"_

_At that question even the Demon of the Mist couldn't help but chuckle, remembering with awe and not a hint of jealousy some of the times he'd seen the other jounin's pseudo-student in the aftermath of his missions. By his own demands and the necessity of the rebellion, especially in the desperate, early days of the Mei's campaign against the tyrant Yondaime, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki had often been the first one sent into the meat-grinder of combat and every single time he had come back alive, in one piece and lucid enough to make a report to the woman who he bent his shoulder to as a commander, often speaking to the last Temuri with what looked like most of his lifeblood pooled around his feet and covered head to toe in the gore of his enemies. Desperate rescues, frontal assaults of superior enemy forces, spearheading amphibious invasions and, as now, forlorn hopes to breach holes in towns held by the Yondaime's die-hards – they were his speciality, his trademark and his home away from home._

_Throughout the rebellion he was both a symbol of hope and an enigma; though he had appeared little more than a boy Zabuza knew, just as Mei knew having had the jinchuuriki reveal his true form to her in private, what was held behind his seals. The child that had grown so much and drawn such ire from their quartermasters for depleting their rations during the first week of his arrival was now a national hero of the rebellion for not only his relentless abilities in combat, stories of which had spread so far and sapped the morale of all but the most fanatical of Yagura's forces in a manner not even the most destructive of Mei's yoton techniques could, but also for his apparent humility – though he was often invited on war councils and his strategies were almost unanimously sound, he had never once sought to impose himself on the command structure or challenge for a leadership role._

_In private, Zabuza thought this unwillingness to lead a good thing – skilled through he knew he was, in combat with the Subete no unmei and the unmatched killing potential of his unnatural axe, he had absolutely no illusions that victory for him would only come if the deck was completely stacked in his favour._

_The Demon of the Mist had, however, had a hand in his teaching, something Anko had laid down as one of the conditions of them joining the rebellion in the first place. Even now his techniques with the monstrous weapon weren't flawless but, given that Zabuza had once had the axe weighed (without anyone touching it – Naruto had told him what would most likely happen if anyone save himself touched his pride and joy and the swordsman hadn't been willing to risk it, despite being tempted to dare the gristly fate just to say in the afterlife that he had been able to heft such a beautiful killing machine) and reckoned it to be heavier than he and his blade were together, not to mention the heavy head making it completely unbalanced, it was likely the jinchuuriki's blade work would never to be honed to perfection. However what little skill he may have lacked was more than made up for by his inhuman reflexes, terrifying strength and, most of all, the co-operation of his bijuu, Kyuubi working with his host to ensure Naruto remained the master of both himself and the bloody legacy he carried. Combining his speed, reach and absolute refusal to stop fighting even when hit with techniques that would obliterate a lesser man, Naruto was a match for almost anyone the Yondaime could send against him, especially when he had Goa-chichioya in his hands._

_Or even, as had become his preference over these past few months in the few occasions he showed his real self, in his hand..._

_ "Can't believe it's nearly over", Anko's voice jarred the Kiri jounin back to the present, "one more wild night and the fun's all gone"._

_ "This is my home tearing itself apart you're talking about", Zabuza muttered darkly, glancing across at her with a level gaze, "and besides, even after we put Yagura's head on a spike we'll have to round up the traitors, stamp out the rest of the roaches that followed him and probably even have to track down the damn Sanbi again. Plenty to keep us all interested, especially if Utakata sticks around – I still can't believe your kid managed to talk him into this fight, he was strictly neutral from what I remembered of him". _

_Anko looked away with a slight chuckle, not wanting the other jounin to see her discomfort as she recalled the meeting of the two jinchuuriki and the look of utter horror and revulsion that had been etched on the older boy's face following the link between them being broken; not even victims of Ibiki's torture died with that sort of grimace frozen on their faces,_

_ "Well he can be quite the charmer when he has to be", she explained glibly, checking the time again and readying her kunai – it was quite literally any second now, "got a silver tongue on him when he needs it"._

_ "Oh", one of Zabuza's eyebrows rose; contrary to popular myth he did have them, they were just exceptionally thin due to an accident in his youth involving a katon jutsu, a camp fire and an over-abundance of lighter fluid, "and how exactly did you find that out – I though the tree-huggers were against sensei-student relationships?"_

_ "Jealous much?" Anko teased back in the same vein, contorting her body voluptuously to sidle closer to Zabuza's side, "Don't worry koi, you're still the only one for me"._

_ "Kami preserve the next generation of Momochi", he grunted through his mouth bandages, though Anko had enough time to tell he was smiling under them before a roaring, echoing bang and rush of flame lit up the night and made both them and the half-dozen ninja at their back tense up; the main gates of Kiri had simply blown inwards, utterly destroyed by some of the special explosive seals delivered to the resistance by an unknown but suspiciously perverted anonymous backer. Even before the flames died down the two jounin from their elevated position saw a familiar, ominous silhouette loom into the destroyed portal like an avatar of death._

_Naruto was not playing nice today; he was unsealed, had Goa-chichioya already howling in one hand and, as his free fingers flickered through the one-handed seals Haku had taught him, he set the night ablaze once more with his own combination technique. Though not strictly a bloodline, the rebellion ninja that had seen it had quickly christened it as such both to help integrate the jinchuuriki into their ranks and send further shivers down the spines of their enemies – not only was arguably their strongest warrior a living terror on the battlefield, he was a bloodline wielder too. Naruto himself didn't pay much attention to that kind of thing but, in her own mind, Anko found herself agreeing with the Mist-nin on this one – as the white-hot fire of his combined fire-wind technique scoured the dwellings closest to him and reduced them to ash, Jigokuton seemed as apt a name as any for her student's abilities,_

_ "Mizukage Yagura", the shadow of her student lengthened ominously even as the teeth of the chain-axe blurred, howling at the distant sight of the Mizukage tower as though ready to tear its way out of its owners grip and rend the structure to powder itself, both Naruto's roar and the shriek of his weapon drowning out even the hungry crackle of the flame around him and the desperate calls of the garrison force, what little was left of it, to repel the invaders, "we have come for you!"_

_With that he marched on, unconsciously mimicking the actions that had cemented the name Betrayer to one of his second-father's most infamous and barbaric sons as he strode into the night burning and slaying all before him, looking like nothing in this world or any other would be able to stop his single-minded stampede towards the Mizukage tower. As Anko followed Zabuza's lead and, like the other strike teams Mei had positioned surrounding the village, made to decapitate their own targets to finally take back the Kiri village itself, he was lost to their sight save for the odd pulse of white-hot fire that lashed out and torched both houses and positions of strength for the Yondaime's forces, the fire persisting despite the mist and feeding frenziedly on the tinder and, later, the dead bodies of friend and foe alike._

_As the night drew on and the battle fast reached its zenith, the night that Kiri would forever afterwards both remember and condone equally in the mournful celebrations of the Night of Ash and Fire unfolded in all their terrible glory._

_In that single night, Kiri burned. _

_In the crimson sunrise of the following morning, Kiri was reborn._

XXX

"Hey, Naruto", as always the words were no sooner out of the Toad Sage's mouth than his travelling companion had whipped around to focus on him and even a ninja as old and experienced as the Gama Sannin had to hold his nerve to avoid flinching at the inhuman level of focus in his godson's penetrating gaze, "something on your mind?" Naruto dropped his eyes for a moment before, after a little thought, simply shaking his head,

"It's nothing", he admitted somewhat wearily, though since he'd only been walking for a minute fatigue simply didn't even register in his mind at the minute; he could and had walked for a week solidly before feeling even the inclination to stop for a rest, "just remembering the past".

"Which past?"

"Recent", Naruto answered shortly but not abruptly; for those that truly knew how differently the jinchuuriki perceived history compared to his peers, recent history meant something that had occurred since some bright spark in the Elemental Nations had realised bashing two rocks together was a good idea, "remembering the Mist. I, the rebellion at least lost a lot of good people there, to say nothing of the civilians displaced and torn apart from their families by the fighting; it doesn't get easier with time does it?" Jiraiya shook his head,

"No and it's a good thing that it doesn't; one of the lessons sensei told my old team that even I paid attention to was that when burying the dead became as easy as tucking yourself in at night it's time to turn your headband in and call it a day as a ninja"; _and if only all three of our team had remembered that lesson the old man might still be alive to meet us now_; forcibly squashing that line of thought before Naruto could pick up on it and potentially mar his homecoming by remembering his murdered grandfather-figure, the self-proclaimed super-pervert instead slapped on a grin and stepped closer to his godson, the boy still slightly smaller than him in height if not breadth, "still, look on the bright side. Mostly because of you Kiri's joined Suna and us in a three-way defensive pact, the Mizukage and the majority of her staff have nothing but respect for your abilities and you managed to turn not one but two other jinchuuriki to your side as well, and that was before you even began the second step of your idea and got out the Mist once the fighting died down".

"True enough, though it hurts that we had to create one of those jinchuuriki after Yagura let his damned bijuu out", Naruto scowled as even now that memory rankled; during the last push to oust the Yondaime from his post the diminutive leader had for some reason, most likely a form of suicide jutsu to attempt to take the leaders of the rebellion down with him, broken the seal that contained the three-tailed turtle, which had quite understandably gone on a rampage and blindly smashed its way towards the nearest large water source, seeking to find somewhere to hide while it regathered its strength. That issue was one Mei, now Godaime Mizukage, could not let lie so close to Kiri's borders and almost as soon as the village and its surroundings were secure a team had been set up to capture the three-tails and reseal it in a vessel that had, to the surprise and horror of most but amusement of some, all but stood before the last Temuri and demanded she be used to house the beast. Thinking back to the blonde spitfire of a girl that had reminded him so much of another little blonde that had existed before a single drop of tainted blood had changed the course of history and mutated him into the other, infinitely stronger but at the same time darker figure pacing beside him was an ache worse than having the accursed head of his godson's weapon gnawing into his chest, so to avoid dwelling on the past too much Jiraiya quickly answered and directed his thoughts down another, more positive path,

"Ah, details; Hotaru-chan was the best candidate available by a mile, and not just because I was able to convert that damned kinjutsu on her back into a seal stronger than possibly even yours", the Toad Sage commented, someone pleased with himself for what had been, even the most jaded and crusty fuuinjutsu master would have been forced to admit, a revolutionary bit of trickery with an ink-stick and precise chakra control, "not only was she used to carrying a burden, she's got Utakata-san looking out for her as well. Not to mention her Naruto-niisan", the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi merely growled low in his throat at that title despite the widening grin it caused on his godfather's face; Utakata, after all, wasn't the only jinchuuriki who tended to act aloof as much to protect himself as he did everyone else around him, "and on top of all that they, and the Mizukage, know as much as I do about the Akatsuki threat. Be under no illusion Naruto, they needed surprise to make their plans work smoothly; stripping that surprise away has hurt them far more than anything else we could have done these past three years". Naruto pondered this for a moment before giving a gruff snort of amusement, rolling his neck to give a loud crunch before shrugging and carrying on,

"True but Itachi and Kisame's heads on a pair of plates would have been a nice garnish to that ramen dish", he pointed out with a nasty smile; though the S-ranked duo had slithered out of the trap set for them, Naruto was certain that if nothing else the elder of the Uchiha siblings was forever weakened from the blows he'd taken even years in the past; _I was aiming to kill and trained by a medic – even if we miss we still maim, that is the med-nin's code_; "though I have to say I was somewhat surprised you just so happened to be in the area when the Sanbi was ready for the sealing, and you offered to step in as a sealing expert at no cost..."

The jinchuuriki tailed off but his eyes never wavered from his godfathers' suddenly shifty form, Jiraiya doing his best to laugh and brush off the raised eyebrow being sent his way and the same time and pray the younger semi-humans' enhanced senses wouldn't catch onto the bout of nervous sweat now beading together at the back of his neck,

"Ah well, I am the Gallant Jiraiya after all", he exclaimed breezily, pointing at himself with a massive thumb, "be they from the east, south, north or west, the sound of a pretty woman's cry of distress shall bring me running. And what sort of a cad would I be to demand payment from a weeping land, so decimated by a war – no, I am no mere mercenary, I am a philanthropist who places the satisfaction of the fairer sex far above profit"; _or, at least, obvious profit_; the Toad Sage thought to himself, checking the dynamite ready for his next publication was as safe and concealed as he could make it with the virtual bloodhound that was the Konoha chunin next to him stood close by; _you will drive the sales from the next volume into the stratosphere my sweet, sexy Zei-chan, and none shall ever know where the inspiration came from. Least of all the honourable Mizukage-sama_; though Jiraiya feared, or at least claimed he feared no mortal woman except, maybe, his one-time team mate, the thoughts of what might happen if the new leader of the village hidden in the Mists was to pay attention to one of his future characters and join the dots were enough to make even him quiver a little; _somehow I doubt even the mighty Seiso no hogo-gijutsu_ _would stand up to a woman trying to parboil them using lava and steam!_

"Keep the fantasy for your books ero-sennin", fortunately Naruto's voice broke him out of his cringing at a future that could be coming his way should someone get careless with a copy of the future Icha Icha; Steam Room Chronicles and Temuri Mei ever draw parallels between herself and a fictional busty hot springs masseuse, "as of right now, all I'm looking for is a reunion with my family that's long overdue".

With that Naruto soldiered onwards, knowing that the indistinct smear in the distance would, in time, solidify into the easily recognisable Hokage monument of his village and if he kept up his normal marching pace he'd be within eyeshot of Konoha's gates by sometime in the late afternoon. However, even as Jiraiya took a final glance at the hidden pocket in his sleeve that held his research notes, much improved after not just his sojourn into Kiri but also following his godson around the Elemental Nations as Naruto began his self-appointed mission, the Toad Sage was not able to see the expression in the blue eyes, the brooding, terrible patience building like a storm cloud as the owners of those old, terrible eyes saw the horizon and beyond it, seeing his progress thus far, the remaining pieces arranged before him and knowing the obstacles he had yet to overcome to see his ultimate goal realised forever.

XXX

The first indication of how times had changed in his absence came about thirty minutes later when his enhanced eyes picked out the new layout of Konoha's most famous landmark at a range where most people would have been squinting to make out the mountains' outline. Eyebrows raised at the sight of the fifth head carved into the impenetrable wall of stone at the villages' back, he smiled before turning to his godfather with a grim sort of chuckle,

"How many barrels of what percentage-proof sake did you have to force down her neck before she agreed to put that damned hat on?" Jiraiya for his part, after taking a breath following keeping pace with the relentless jinchuuriki's march home for the better part of three days and grateful for any rest he could grab, merely glanced at him affronted,

"I told you, several times in fact, that there was a Senju in charge for third time in history but would you believe me? Well what have you got to say now?"

"Poor Shizune-chan", Naruto didn't even miss a beat, chortles shaking his massive shoulders as he began carrying on his walk home under the granite visage of his de facto clan leader, the last Senju watching over Konoha just as her ancestors had, "no doubt the old soak's had her run ragged ever since she took up the robes, not to mention the fun I bet she's had making sure the old woman's sober enough to actually sign the paperwork rather than the desk half the time. I just hope her Iruka-kun's enough to make up for it all; they are married now aren't they?"

"Yeah; originally they wanted to hold off until you were back but", Jiraiya gave a semi-helpless, what-can-you-do kind of shrug, "Tsu-hime didn't really give them that option. 'You're only young once, live it up and enjoy it while you've got the chance' were the words she used exactly – I think she almost dragged Shizune-chan to the altar by her ear from what Iruka told me in the aftermath".

"Sounds like baa-chan, though much as I hate to admit it she's got a point", the Senju-Uzumaki reasoned, "life's too short to hold out on what you want; go up there and grab it with both hands if you've got the chance because, let's face it, you might never get another. And if those words appear in any of your future books ero-sennin", alerted to the sound of scribbling by his enhanced hearing Naruto span on his heel and, caught with the smoking gun, or notepad and pencil in this case, in his hand Jiraiya could only smile weakly and try to sidle the evidence up his sleeve as he was once more locked in the azure searchlight that was his godson's scrutiny, the altered jinchuuriki's voice not exactly threatening but at the same time not exactly a polite suggestion either, "I _will_ find out and you _will_ pay for it, both in money and pride!"

"Hai, hai, but that was a good line", Jiraiya pointed out as he tore the page out and reduced it to dust with his doton-natured chakra; much as normal people were able to play games with an ultimate warrior that was at best only semi-human, the Toad sage and the jinchuuriki had an unofficial agreement going that if Jiraiya was able to take a tangible record of one of his godson's notable speeches without Naruto calling him out on it, he could publish it in one of his novels. Admittedly Naruto wasn't really one for giving rousing speeches, mostly because he hardly considered himself a leader of men and on top of that the few words he considered noteworthy enough to warrant a place in the admittedly-popular Icha Icha series were the ones he'd usually bellowed at the few shinobi of Kiri who were either crazy enough to follow him into battle or mad enough stand in front of him when he led the charge, but a handful of Jiraiya's characters had quoted him in the three or so years since he'd joined up with the rebel of the Mist. This time though he was able to chalk up a point in the contest with his godfather and, because of this, it was with a lighter step than before that he and the sannin came eventually, just as the sun began to sink in the sky as midday turned into early afternoon, to within eyeshot of the famous gates of the Hidden Leaf Village.

XXX

Watishi Lanzu was nervous.

Not in a cowardly way of course; he was a respectable chunin of the Leaf after all and had well-earned his rank in the Chunin exams of all places, but he'd only been in the Academy, just ready to graduate when the so-called invasion of Konoha had been launched by Suna and Oto. Crouched down in the main hall of the shinobi Academy with all the other students, each silent as the grave on the order of their suddenly ruthless, dangerous-looking teaching staff, he hadn't been privy to either the actual fighting itself or most of the gory bits of the clean up that had followed, but he'd heard the stories all right. He and everyone else, be they civilian or ninja, had been caught up by the firestorm of gossip that had swept over the village almost as soon as the dust had settled over the rubble and the corpses of the slain; no two stories were ever the same and each person swore their version was the truth, but even the two most disparate tales agreed on one focal point. Senju-Uzumaki Naruto was not what he appeared to be; the face he wore was nothing more than a mask which hid behind it a terrible and terrifying killer, something that had either saved the Leaf from destruction or all but unbarred the fortress gates for the invaders beyond (that part of the invasion story varied wildly depending on who was telling it and how deep into their cups they were).

Lanzu had listened to these stories as all children would listen, had heard of the monster or warrior the last descendent of one of the founding clans of Konoha had become but had always held within his mind a grain of disbelief, the thought that the tales must have been exaggerated at some point, blown out of all proportion; surely, at the end of the day, even a ninja was a man and, as Senju-Uzumaki Naruto was a ninja, he was at the end of the day merely a man as well. It was the mental defence of the ignorant, those who had been told but who had not seen the truth, and as of right now it was being washed away by the sudden tsunami of nerves and wariness that was steadily gathering momentum through his mind as, rooted to his spot on gate-guarding duty, a chore all new chunin were expected to perform, he had no choice but to behold the ominous shadows before him solidify into twin figures that could have stepped straight out of the pages of either a legend or a nightmare.

Whatever relief he may have felt at the sight of Jiraiya, and one of the men approaching his post simply had to be him for there was no mistaking the robes and get-up of the infamous hermit of the Toad clan whatever the distance, returning to the village was more than swallowed whole by the sight of the man who travelled by the side of him, the man who had to be the Naruto he'd heard so many stories about. Those who spoke of him called him many names, most of them unpleasant or outright blasphemous, but since he'd become a chunin and therefore able to get his hands on an uncensored Bingo book (genin copies had the information of Leaf nin, even missing-nin, removed to reduce the risk of some hot-shot rookie thinking he could desert the village and make it big on his own) he knew better than many what the jinchuuriki was rumoured to be capable of. Naruto wasn't listed as missing-nin though the decree of his banishment had been pronounced to the village as a whole by the new Godaime Hokage herself, Tsunade-sama explaining that she would uphold the village laws even when they were put into practice against her last surviving clansman, but he was still within the Bingo book itself. His was a picture that had made many, Lanzu included, shudder; his pen-portrait glowered from the page as though imprisonment in ink and parchment was a torment. It depicted a paragon of wrath, drawn as though he were all but dripping in the vitae of his enemies and with an A rank, fifteen-million ryo bounty on his head firstly from the Mizukage and then, when that had been rescinded following the success of the rebellion, continued by the monster Orochimaru, the beast who called himself the Otokage offering the bounty for the Senju-Uzumaki's head.

As far as the new chunin could see though, even from the book never mind the giant stomping towards him down the road that led to the village, if anyone were ever able to take that bounty they would have to earn it the hard way. Beholding the stormy visage and simply mesmerising body that made up the last of both the Senju and Uzumaki clans, Lanzu realised in no uncertain terms why he bore the Bingo book moniker of _Naruto no ketsueki kuroku_, Naruto the Blood-Cloaked, even if he couldn't see the supposed weapon that made the jinchuuriki so fearsome anywhere on or around his person; _and just as well, if he alone makes a grown man shiver I'd hate to think what that looks like!_ Lanzu was a shinobi of Konoha, however, and he did not shirk from his duty regardless of the odds set against him; it was therefore to his immense credit that, as the mortal monster approached with a tread that seemed to make the earth itself quake in fear of his arrival and snapped a gaze that seemed able to core through the Hokage monument with its unmeant ferocity, his reaction was little more than a shudder and a slight hitch of nervousness in his voice,

"I believe", despite the tone being soft Lanzu was under no illusion that this was the last Senju-Uzumaki being nice; having heard that voice and imagining it howling a war cry to the heavens as its owner pounded headlong to war, it was somehow very easy for the chunin to imagine Naruto undertaking the seemingly impossible tasks his Bingo book entry had credited him with, "that you have something of mine waiting for me here?"

"Uuhh, right", he knew what it was of course; since the Godaime had made the news of her fellow clan members' banishment being lifted public, all gate chunin had been briefed about his arrival, though seeing the other chunin in the flesh was enough to make Lanzu forget his lines for a moment before with a flash of inspiration he remembered exactly what the jinchuuriki was referring to. Grateful to be out of sight of those inhumanly haunting eyes for a moment, the new chunin consulted the roster of items handed in after flipping it back by almost half the books' thickness and, seeing the item number, cross-referenced it with the small safe-like structures set into the gatehouse wall. Reaching in and claiming his prize, Lanzu carefully and with a slight pang of satisfaction signed the 'returned' column of his ledger and headed back outside, holding the small plate of metal out for Naruto to claim in his massively oversized hands,

"One Konoha head band, just as you left it", the chunin declared, recalling the notes left in the side of the ledger and underlined; _a clever precaution – I'd hate to think what this man could do if he thought someone had mishandled his personal affairs, even something as small as a headband_. To his great relief Naruto seemed happy enough with such tribute, merely wrapping it around his bicep and tying it off in a crude knot as there wasn't enough material to fasten it around his forehead any more before nodding to the chunin and, after berating Jiraiya for taking so long and taking a brief second to steel himself against what was coming, stepping through the open main gates and into his home for the first time in over three years.

A few seconds later, after waving a now somewhat-peeved Gama sennin through in a clatter of robes and geta sandals, Watishi Lanzu stepped inside the guard hut just off the side of the gates and treated himself to a well-deserved collapse into the seat provided there, not quite able to take in the figure of legend that had just walked into his village unopposed.

XXX

The hardest part, though he knew for a fact it was coming, was adjusting to the looks.

In some macabre jest this was something Naruto had been used to even before his change but for a completely different reason; more than once in his life he had come to the conclusion that humanity was simply ill-adjusted to accept anything that it recognised as different from itself. As a jinchuuriki, even a child, he was reasonably sure he would have been regarded, at best, as a curiosity even without the added complexity of housing the beast that had all but flattened Konoha itself and slain their beloved Fourth Hokage. Now, however, as he returned to his home village for the first time in three years the eyes of the general populous were upon him once more, though this time his difference was plain for all, even the children who should have been ignorant to the bijuu he contained, to see. _Though, as always, the reactions are seldom positive_; heaving a mental sigh Naruto took a second to pause and consider the idea of past and present; _as a child those eyes were full of disdain and loathing, now, since my change, they recoil with fear and apprehension. Still, it probably won't get much better than this – let's just pray they never have a cause to see me in combat_; that much was certainly true and, for the first time, Naruto felt a sudden, almost unexpected pang of homesickness for Kiri and its civilian population – though a lot more guarded and world-weary than most people of Fire country, at least the normal population of the Mist were a lot less phased by the sight of someone who was obviously a warrior born and bred, a legacy of the Seven Swordsmen their Godaime was attempting to restore to their former glory.

As he strode through the village towards the one place that was likely to be a safe haven from the goggle-eyed shock that chased his footsteps through the village, Naruto took a moment to think about what had happened during his three-year and some absence from Konoha and his journey in the wider world, both what his godfather knew about it and what he had kept private and would continue to do some for quite some time. There was, as he had decided following partially abandoning his disguise following leaving the Mist after the bloody end of the former Mizukages' reign, no point trying to hide any longer; any thoughts of concealment had been lost when Itachi and Kisame had slipped out the net, though that probably wouldn't have been the case had the traitor Uchiha's idiot brother not blundered into the whole trap and stopped it springing properly. _Sasuke_; there was a sore point for the Uzumaki, not so much that he had ruined the planned ambush because in his heart (both of them), Naruto could see where he was coming from; after all, his second-father had bequeathed him nothing if not memories of betrayal and how they could gnaw at the soul until it was nothing but an empty shell, but the sheer brute stupidity of what the Uchiha had reportedly done next simply baffled him; _well, what's done is done. He's a traitor and he'll die a traitor's death if our paths cross in the future_; that much Naruto was sure of even as he paused in his march towards the Hokage tower to let someone cross in front of him; he was so distracted by memories of his one-time peer within the Konoha ninja force, however, that he didn't recognise the person in front of him until he realised they weren't moving and took a second glance,

"Sakura-chan", the girl's distinctive taste and scent upon the air was as much of a giveaway to him as her unique pink hair was, "long time no see".

XXX

_Eep_; despite having had to almost bolt her mentors' feet to the floor the past few weeks as she realised her adopted nephew was coming home any day now, Sakura was still taken aback by the sudden sight of the former dobe of her Academy year. In all honesty this wasn't exactly her fault because, even in the absence of his former orange attire, there was no way this living monolith before her was ever going to pass for even vaguely normal even in a village full of ninja. The last Uzumaki, and the youngest Senju she reminded herself, didn't just garner attention simply because he was one of if not the biggest person in Konoha, there was something else about him that didn't so much catch the eye as grab hold of it and hold it to ransom. During the brief time she'd had a romantic attachment in her life before study of medical techniques had simply consumed anything like a social life she'd ever had, Kiba had tried to explain the Inuzuka concepts of alpha, how the nin-ken the clan were so famous for using automatically knew who was in charge and afforded the pack leaders the respect they were due. Sakura had actually forgotten she remembered such snippets of her life but, upon seeing and appraising the teenager; _and dear Kami he is still a teenager, in fact he's younger than me – that's just bloody terrifying_; before her, the memory burst into life in her mind and she recognised exactly what Naruto was now.

He was no longer the bratty, annoying boy who had shrieked aloud that he would one day ascend to the throne of Hokage, nor was he even the cool, almost frightening collected child that had suddenly replaced that dead-last dobe almost overnight; he was the man who looked like he was heir apparent to such a lofty title and had, if rumours were right, already toppled and installed a new regime in one of the lands Konoha was now allied with. Standing taller than Kakashi-sensei and more than twice as broad, he wasn't muscled in the way an Akimichi or Gai-sensei was; instead there was a kind of feral leanness coiled just below the surface, a dormant power held subcutaneously and ready to be unleashed in an instant in the same manner she guessed his horrifying axe still was. His eyes were similarly hooded now; where once they had smiled now a much more guarded, scrutinising expression regarded the world as though at arms-length and with something much darker, infinitely more dangerous held within the deepest depths of their periwinkle blue. Having been able to glean even the most basic and rudimentary guesses as to what had actually happened to Naruto to transform him from midget to exemplar of humanity and seeing it in the flesh before her, the diagrams and medical theory made real and so very frightening, Sakura realised exactly what she was looking at.

The _Senso Haundo_, already a warrior of terrifying repute even before he left Konoha, had returned to his village as nothing less than an alpha.

Even as she realised this however the rational part of her mind that hadn't been overawed with simple, primal instincts such as 'run', 'hide' and 'beg for mercy' belatedly chimed in that she was committed the unforgivable sin of a medic-nin and simply gawping at a case instead of doing something about it. With this in mind and luckily just before Naruto could say anything else she gave a polite, shallow bow and replied,

"Same to you Naruto-kun", much as she felt a little childish for using the suffix in relation to someone who towered over her, Tsunade had said that if there was one thing her fellow clan member hated more than anything else it was being treated differently from other people just because of his physical appearance and, as Tsunade's student, she had to follow her mentor's example, "been a very long time. How are you?" The answering chuckle was so deep she swore it almost made her bones reverberate,

"I'm feeling okay, though I'm sure the old bat in the belfry up there will probably find twenty things wrong with me before I've even got through the door".

"Naruto", ingrained respect for her teacher drove Sakura to stand up for the absent Hokage, "show some respect to Tsunade-sama!" Once more he laughed and the med-nin felt a shiver run through her,

"I haven't managed that since I was knee-high to her so I'm sure as all hell not going to start now – last thing I need is her accusing me of being an imposter on my first day back", he pointed out reasonably before gesturing over her shoulder, "on your way to her where you?" Emerald green eyes widened in surprise,

"How did you know that?"

"Squid and teriyaki", Naruto replied simply, pointing at the covered basket she carried under one arm and laden down with a selection of medical textbooks, "hidden from sight but not smell. I know that's baa-chan's favourite by a long shot, no way she'd have anything else if Shizune's barricaded her in the office to get the paperwork done". Sakura, despite herself, snickered slightly,

"I shouldn't laugh, but it'd be a lie to say Tsunade-sama's the most efficient paperwork shuffler in the Elemental Nations – sometimes I'm sure she only started the med-nin programme just so she'd have an excuse to get out the office occasionally"; _yep, sounds like her_; "anyway, nice as it is to talk to you out here the food's going cold and it'll be my neck if it's not piping when Tsunade-sama gets it. I'll walk with you to the tower if you want?"

"Sure", for once grateful that his godfather had disappeared off somewhere, most likely the hot springs given how long he'd been out of Konoha, Naruto fell into step just beside the kunoichi and simply listened to Sakura speak about how the village had changed in the three and some years he'd been absent, while all the while the distance between himself and the Hokage tower, bastion of those he considered eternally closer family than the monster who had perverted his body to the machine it was now, shrunk with every step.

Some years ago he would have given, if not an arm, then at least a few fingers to have been in the position where Sakura-chan would actually talk to him without shouting or giving him a whack on the head, however well-deserved such a whack might have been at the time. As time passed however those dreams of childhood were revealed to be simply that, dreams and nothing more; even if he were to even attempt a relationship with anyone, even a kunoichi, not only would he run the risk of accidentally breaking them should his reactions or instincts slip in the throes of passion, but it would all come to naught anyway, one of the conditions of being the superhuman he was now.

Besides, all thoughts of machoism aside, it felt somewhat silly even thinking about trying to be amorous when the girls his age mostly stood at hip-height to him.

However whatever spark of optimism was left within him simply refused to allow his sometimes grim thoughts to stray too far down that path; instead he simply focussed on what was a very pleasant last leg of his journey, one that was replete with news and revelations from both parties, though not in any way that may have revealed secrets that may have endangered Konoha in Sakura's case, or his own agendas in Narutos,

"So, it was a good celebration then?"

"Oh yeah, one of the events of the year", Sakura recollected fondly, remembering the expression on the face of the woman she now considered as close to her as an aunt if not an elder sister as she had emerged from the temple to a small but raucous gathering of both friends and well-wishers, something Shizune was definitely not in short supply of following the event preceding her nuptials to the new deputy headmaster of the Konoha shinobi Academy, "the Akimichi catered for it and virtually everyone was invited, and even most of those who weren't turned up anyway. She looked magnificent Naruto, I'm sure she'll tell you all about it when you see her next, she's Tsunade-sama's secretary now"; _though hopefully not for much longer, a few more months at most_;

"I'd guessed as much; besides nee-chan there's not much that'd hold baa-chan in the seat short of super-glue", the Uzumaki rumbled, glancing at the kunoichi sidelong, "so, their wedding went off without a hitch?"

"Picture-perfect, even the weather was nice", Sakura told him before her expression soured somewhat and she shuddered as phantom pain throbbed from her memory, "the morning after though, oh, my head. I felt like someone had lashed me to one of the big temple bells as a spare clapper; my ears didn't stop ringing for three days straight! I knew letting Tsunade-sama organise and run the drinks bar was a bad idea".

"True enough that; about the only one worse would have been giving ero-sennin free reign to arrange the entertainment afterwards", Naruto snickered before sending a crafty glance Sakura's way, "somewhat delicate the in the cold light of day I assume?" Once more the kunoichi shivered,

"Delicate is about the politest way you could say it; that party was my first time, ah, merry", Sakura put delicately, looking away to hide her slight reddening of the cheeks as she remembered the other first that had happened that night; _well, at least he wasn't trying to take advantage, just needed the sake for courage to ask, and all we did was kiss – thank the Kami that mum didn't walk in though. I shudder to think what she'd have done if she'd found Kiba in my room with me even if we were both fully clothed_; "though from what I've read of your medical records it'd be an impossibility for you to get in the same state. Yes, I know a very little", she help up a placating hand in the face of Naruto's suddenly sharp look, "both Tsunade-sama and Shizune-sensei thought it only right there be someone not of your clan who could treat you if they were otherwise engaged. All the Godaime's students know a little bit but together we make up the whole picture, and we're forbidden to talk amongst ourselves and share information on the subject too".

Naruto mulled this over for a moment before, realising the decision had been made for better or worse and there was nothing he could do about it now that wouldn't get him, at best, exiled for a second time for murdering an entire class of med-nin, the altered jinchuuriki shrugged,

"Its fine, though how does she...?" For a moment he thought Sakura was making an impolite gesture to him, but then he saw the lines of blackness standing out against the pink of her tongue and understood,

"Secrecy seal, perfectly harmless unless we try and spill the secret", the med-nin explained after retracting her muscle and licking her lips, "Tsunade-sensei gave us all the option of finding out about you and taking the seal or not and carrying on as med-nin; I signed up because, well, sorry if this sounds heartless, but because Ino-buta did as well. I wasn't going to let her out of my sight – even if she's got slightly more chakra than me my control's better". Naruto shook his head,

"Still got the rivalry going I see?"

"You bet", Sakura nodded, a challenge in her eyes that the jinchuuriki wagered even his former, rather more bone-headed self would have been hard-pressed to miss, "though it's moved onto more important things after...well, you know?"

"I understand, and I'm glad; he might have been a capable ninja but as a person he was never worth either of your time", the Senju-Uzumaki spoke with as much gentleness as he could force into a voice four octaves deeper than Sakuras, "I'm just glad everyone came back alive after that mission; from what Jiraiya told me I'd have been in baa-chans' camp and just let the teme go – he was a civilian in any case, I don't see what claim Konoha had over him in the first place". Having had this argument in the past Sakura merely rolled her eyes and snorted,

"No-one was sure if he'd gone willingly or been kidnapped at first, and after that there was some bull-crap about the village needing the Sharingan even if Sasuke was unwilling; either way it didn't really matter, the whole thing was a cluster from start to finish – even Tsunade-sama can't explain how everyone walked away alive. Well, actually she can – bloody good medics mostly, and the fact Shizune-sensei was in the area after a brief mission outside the village; without her emergency first aid it's likely the Akimichi and Inuzuka clans might be looking for new heirs now".

"I heard about that; probably the reason her wedding was so well funded", the jinchuuriki postulated reasonably, "still, all the guys on that team managed to wipe out old Orochi's so-called elites so that gave the snake a bloody nose, even if Sasuke-teme slithered away after their fifth man intervened. Have to say though, I always found it fun dealing with Oto-nin when I met them", his smile was suddenly even more cut-throat than his axe, an expression Sakura found she couldn't face without a shiver running down her spine, "fanatics and nut-jobs most of them even without the cursed hickey, though a few were pleasant enough". Sakura was brought up short,

"You didn't kill them all?"

"Just because I've got the build of an ox doesn't mean I have the brain of one", Naruto shot back, mildly affronted, "I'm not all 'blood-frenzy' and 'kill-maim-burn' you know; I'm as much of a ninja as you are".

"At the size of you you're about five times as much of a ninja as I am; I'm sorry though Naruto-kun", and to her credit Sakura did indeed look apologetic as she bowed ever so slightly, "I should have known better". To her relief the jinchuuriki merely shrugged,

"It happens, and I truth be told I do look that way a lot of the time, especially when I'm actually fighting", he admitted before lurching the conversation around to slightly more stable ground, "though what you said earlier was true as well, about me being completely immune to the effects of the demon drink", he prompted, promoting an expression of surprise followed by a stifled snigger from his companion, "not that it's stopped ero-sennin trying over the past year and a bit – any excuse for a celebration as far as he's concerned".

"I've heard it was a bit more than that on occasion", Sakura jibed, not even trying to hide her shaking shoulders, "this rumour went round a few months back and I just need to know – was it true you managed to drink Gamabunta-sama under the table when you actually signed the Toad contract?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny that rumour", the jinchuuriki told her sternly before his facade broke and he let slip a slight wink, "don't want to hurt the old toads feelings, you know? Speaking of which, are you signed up with baa-chan's contract yet?" At that Sakura did smile properly,

"Yep, me and a couple of the others are inked on the page, though we have to work together to summon Katsuya-sama; how on earth Tsunade-sama does it without breaking a sweat is beyond all of us..."

XXX

Catching up with his one-time crush was pleasant enough though, as he actually strode up the steps that led into the entrance of the tower, Naruto couldn't help but feel the fire of impatience start to trickle through his veins once more and had to forcibly hold himself back to allow Sakura to keep pace with him. He could actually see into the passageway itself now, though before he could move towards it too much Sakura seemed to spot something before he himself did and waved in greeting,

"Hey Kiba-kun".

"Sakura-chan, good to – whoa!" The Inuzuka recoiled as though a ration jutsu had just been earthed on his skull as he registered the mammoth form stood next to the girl he still considered to be his girlfriend even if she was adamant that she didn't have time for a relationship; _what the hell, I'll wait for her, but after this_; "Naruto, that you?!"

"Indeed – I'd hate to think there were two of me", the jinchuuriki joked, stepping forwards and sending his friendliest smile towards the team of chunin that followed the Inuzuka's lead out of the tower, "mixed up the teams a bit did they recently Hinata-chan, Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, troublesome but necessary to 'promote inter-team relationships throughout Konoha's chunin force'", the Nara replied, somehow managing to sound as disinterested as ever despite being re-introduced to someone who he hadn't seen for three years and who could break him in half with little more than a dirty look if he were feeling irritated at all, "not an issue you've had these past few years, floating around the Elemental Nations as free as a cloud". Taken slightly aback by this Naruto blinked for a moment before rallying,

"Free as... now listen here you lazy bag-of bones, I've..."

"I don't wanna hear it, too troublesome", the Nara sighed again, Naruto just about cutting off the boiling insults on the tip of his tongue and seething in silence as the shadow-wielder spoke once more, "anyway, glad you're back, you might finally get some of the others off my back asking for training".

"He said it", Kiba picked up the slack so seamlessly even the jinchuuriki didn't have enough time to get a word in edgeways, "three years I've been sweating blood and puking up piss to get ready for this and today, that wait is over! I've just finished my last C-rank, I'm feeling on top of the world and I am not moving from this spot until I get the spar I've been waiting for", and, true to form, the Inuzuka folded his arms and settled his weight onto his back foot, not breaking eye contact with his next sparring partner, "and I'm not the only one either. Hinata-chan", the Hyuuga broke off her examination of what had once been the love of her life before she and the rest of Konoha had seen what lay beneath the mask of the boy they thought they had all known, "would you do me a massive favour and round up the others while I wait here for the guest of honour?"

"Hai", the Hyuuga replied quietly, bowing to the assembled group and moving away, away from the massive figure that left such a confusion in her mind, even after three years of grappling with the problem in her mind – did she hate Naruto for lying to her so much, making her fall so badly for someone who had never existed, or did she love and admire him for being able to liberate her somewhat from the stifling confines of her clan and its rigid, unyielding rules? Learning under Tsunade-sama had been like rebirth into a different world, a new existence where she could be her own person, she didn't have to live up to any kind of example or preconceived notions about who she was or was not meant to be. It was freedom of a sort but, at the same time, it was imperfect and would never be what she truly wanted it to be...

...because Naruto-kun, her Naruto-kun, wasn't there to share it with her.

To disguise this confusion Hinata was only too happy to acquiesce to Kiba's request and make herself scarce and to her relief no-one called her out on such cowardice, not even Sakura, who must have at least had an inkling of how deep her feelings had run for the jinchuuriki. Watching her go and still not exactly sure where he stood with her, Naruto merely shrugged and decided he'd deal with it later, instead nodding respectfully at where Kiba still stood rooted to the spot and not going anywhere, Akamaru oddly enough nowhere in sight; _though, that might be because they're not too fond of nin-ken in the Hokage tower – Kiba must have left him at home_; and moving past him with Sakura in tow, smirking slightly as he realised something else positive had come out of today.

Even after he reunited with the remainder of his clan, he had a bit of a challenge to look forwards to, something that had become noticeably scarcer over the time he'd been away in the other Elemental Nations.

XXX

Sakura had walked from all over Konoha, though most usually from the hospital, to the Hokage tower so often she didn't even need to think about the route any longer; she merely started walking and her feet seemed to carry her there of their own volition. This, as far as a the often-harassed young medic could work out, was undoubtedly a good thing as it allowed her to engage her formidable mind in more pleasant endeavours than remembering exactly which patient needed which medicine and who had to run which clinic for the next three weeks. She was so used to this semi-daze in her walking (though the onetime Kakashi had jokingly hinted such lack of attention might have been the death of her she'd challenged him to try and assassinate her during one of her off-periods – if the Copy-nin hadn't had reflexes as quick as his chakra nature the kunai she'd snatched out the air and returned to him at phenomenal speed might well have been the death of him instead) that she was actually halfway up the stairs towards the reception area of the Hokage tower before she realised something was wrong with this scenario; confused for a second she glanced around and up, brow furrowed, before a look over her shoulder made her remember exactly who was missing from her shoulder. Somewhat embarrassed by not noticing Naruto stop, she was about to apologise when she realised what he was doing and the words died in her throat to be replaced by curiosity; _is he afraid the floor's about to give out or something?_

At the foot of the stairs about six or seven feet below her, Naruto was very cautiously settling his weight forwards onto the bottom step, eyes fixed downwards as though expecting the stair to give way at any moment. Such a precaution appeared well-advised as even from where she was Sakura could pick out the sound of wood creaking ominously, but in the end he appeared happy enough and settled his full weight onto the stair before repeating the process on the next one, though with a little more speed this time as the staircase had obviously passed the first and most important test in seeing if it could support his weight. Glancing upwards and seeing the curious eyes on him, Naruto gave as much of a chagrined smile as his naturally-stern face would allow him to pull,

"Sorry", he apologised for the delay in the med-nin's trip as he laboriously levered himself up one step at a time, wincing as he heard the steps beneath him groan in protest and wondering idly if Tsunade would copy the Mizukage's style and have the steps of the Hokage tower replaced with stone, as Mei had done following the infrastructure of Kiri being rebuilt following the final battle and the Sanbi's retreat to the ocean, "just got back in the village today, don't want to end up putting my foot through it yet..." Another squeak of protesting staircase made both the ninja wince as he drew level with his one-time classmate, Sakura wisely jumping ahead as she easily saw she'd never fit on the same stair as the massive jinchuuriki,

"...metaphorically or literally".

A few moments later, and having ducked her head around the door to check the victim was present, Sakura spoke up after giving Naruto the nod to stay where he was for a moment; _after all, he shouldn't be the only one to give people a surprise_;

"Sensei", the familiar head of black hair glanced up; Sakura timed it to perfection, stepping to the side just as the older woman opened her mouth to ask the obvious question, "someone to see you". Even with the width of the corridor it was still a squeeze and she had to hold her breath as Naruto brushed past her, though due to his bulk she would be left forever cursing the fact she missed the expression on both the face of the elder medical ninja that her little brother had returned, and that of Naruto as he was reunited with the woman he considered his older sibling for the first time in three years,

"Naruto-kun", it might just have been Sakura's imagination but was that a quaver in the normally iron-willed special jounins' voice, "you, you're home?"

"I am indeed neechan, and...", he tailed off and Sakura once more had to bite her lip to stop a giggle escaping; _bet I know why you've clammed up, in fact that'd be a bet even Tsunade-sama would take_; "...and now that I'm here I see I have a job to do – there is a dolphin near here in dire need of skinning".

"Senju-Uzumaki Naruto!" Such was the commanding snap in the senior ninja's voice that Sakura subconsciously sprang to attention, Naruto flinching but not doing any worse than that for the time being; _just as well or we might be looking at a replacement doorframe right about now_; "You will do no such thing! Iruka-kun and I are now very happily husband and wife, this is just the natural culmination of such a state of affairs. Anyway, apart from that and assuming my husband is now safe from your well-meaning but misplaced fraternal protectiveness", there was a seconds' silence before Naruto gave a brief, dismissive grunt that could have meant anything but Shizune, for the sake of expediency, assumed to mean compliance as she spread her arms wide and smiled serenely, "come and say hello to both your siblings".

Sakura felt as much as heard Naruto move into the room and left it for a count of ten, giving the two some privacy before poking her head around the door and smiling at the strange sight before her; _he could break her back like a breadstick from there. Did he grow up with that kind of control because he started changing so young, or did he have to learn it from scratch when his implants started working?_; it was a thought that she and the other med-nin who were in on at least part of Naruto's secret often wondered and discussed but, as things were in the here and now, none of them really mattered for, beneath his damned lineage and seemingly-supernatural biology, with his family around him the jinchuuriki was revealed as being as human as the next man. From directly behind him Sakura couldn't see much of Shizune save her forearms, the special jounin not able to even wrap her arms around the boy, or at least the henge, she'd once towered over, while Naruto for his part was hunched over slightly to embrace the woman in kind. From her observation Sakura guessed the older kunoichi's head was nestled comfortably in Naruto's solar plexus; _or at least where his solar plexus would have been had his ribs not fused together and completely ossified into one big bone sheath around his organs_; and, as the two stepped back for a moment, she smiled to herself as she noticed Shizune wiping her eyes discreetly before Naruto asked the obvious question that almost literally hung between the two clan members,

"How long?"

"Five months left, give or take", Shizune freely admitted, glancing down at the swell in her kimono with maternal pride, "and no, before you say anything we haven't discussed names and you are not to tease Iruka-kun about them – he's already had enough of a hard time about that with his colleagues".

"And baa-chan?" Shizune's answering look told a thousand words and brought a chuckle from her jinchuuriki brother as he pushed himself to his full height after carefully checking he wasn't going to knock the ceiling with his head, "Speaking of which, is the old witch in – Sakura-chan was kind enough to bring her lunch". Following his sweeping gesture Shizune belatedly recognised the second intruder into her domain and smiled at the younger girl, beckoning her in,

"Gomen Sakura-chan, I didn't see you there; not difficult with this great lummox in the way", Naruto shot her a nasty look but let the comment pass without further action as the pink-haired girl stepped forwards and offered her basket forwards, though, somewhat unexpectedly, not towards Shizune,

"Hey Naruto-kun, you might need a peace offering before going in there", she said with a somewhat cheeky smirk that made the jinchuuriki raise an eyebrow as he hooked it out of her hands with a couple of fingers, "no doubt she heard that last comment – I think I can hear her knuckles popping from here".

"Either that or the veins in her temple", Shizune pointed out, joining one of her erstwhile apprentices in the joke before attempting to usher the larger man towards the door that led to the tower's inner sanctum, "go on, you best not keep her waiting. I, we that is, will see you tonight?" Naruto nodded, as serene an expression as Shizune could ever remember on that massive, inhumanly focussed face of his,

"As if I'd miss my return meal; just make sure Iruka-sensei's there neechan; I wouldn't miss my chance to offer my congratulations for the world". The med-nin merely scowled and swatted him on the shoulder before pointing towards her mentor's office, a very definite look etched onto her face and, pausing only to offer his thanks to Sakura for the walk and to Shizune for greeting him, her stepped up, pinched the door handle between two of his fingers and carefully let himself in to his baa-chans' place of power.

His first impression as that things hadn't changed much in his absence; his second, following the impact of a small, hard something that smacked into his chest hard enough to leave a bruise and draw a slight whisper of air from his lungs even as both his body and his tenant got to work healing the wound, was that time hadn't altered either Tsunade's temper or her aim in the time he'd been away,

"Nice to see you too baachan", he grunted, stooping to pick up the small object she'd hurled his way and noticing idly that the stapler still appeared to be in fine working order; _huh, guess they really do build things to last when they hear baachan's going to be the one using it_; "and here I was worried you'd mellowed out in your old age". Tsunade's teeth ground in fury and she slammed her hands onto her desk; stacks of paperwork wobbled ominously as she levered herself into a half-standing position and leant forwards menacingly, face set in a snarl,

"I heard those comments you made even before you got through the bloody front gate brat", the Godaime ground out, honey-brown eyes hard as amber as they sized up the jinchuuriki before her as though he were nothing more than a training post to be battered to sawdust, "I see you still haven't learnt to respect your betters".

"Huh, I'll respect them when I meet them", he shot back, stomping forwards and thrusting his chin out to meet her challenge eye to eye, neither of the two Senju-Uzumaki backing down an inch as tension crackled between the two of them like a chidori, "besides you couldn't beat the lesson into me in, what, eight years? What chance did Kiri and ero-sennin have in three and a bit?"

"I could but hope", Tsunade pointed out before, simultaneously, they both cracked; snarls were shattered into a pair of beaming grins and the two almost fell into each other, supporting themselves halfway across the desk of the Hokage as clan head and clan heir were reunited for the first time in years. The embrace was harder than the one Naruto had shared with the Hokage's niece, Tsunade being able to use her perfect chakra control to reinforce her body against his crushing power as much as she was able to boost her arms to crush him in kind, and lasted about the same time before they both let go, the Godaime settling back in her seat of power before speaking again,

"Heh, glad to see you haven't changed that much in the time you've been gone", Naruto for his part did his best to hide a slight snort of disbelief at her words before speaking again, "still, as things are I'm certain you've got better places to be than here".

"What? But don't you need...?"

"A debrief?" Tsunade finished for him before chuckling, though there was no malice in her tone as she wafted a hand towards the door, "Yes but that can come later, behind closed doors at home; as it is I'm reasonably sure half my available chunin force is limbering up to take you on in the training areas and I've got a mountain of paperwork to deal with before I can even think about Shizune-chan letting me relax for the night. Go", she waved towards the door again, "meet up with your friends again and we'll catch up over the dinner table this evening – just make sure they're in a fit state to fight when you've finished with them".

"No fear of that baa-chan", the ever-familiar title made the Hokage scowl but before she could comment upon it Naruto had already withdrawn a pace and asked his question, "I assume that all members of the clan will be present for the occasion?" Tsunade knitted her brows at the oblique query before with a flash of insight she understood where he was going with his line of inquiry and an evil smirk crossed her lips,

"Yes, of course we'll all be there", Naruto's expression duly morphed to match her own, though on his much more war-scarred visage the grin looked positively diabolic rather than playfully mischievous, "you'll be able to give your congratulations personally – just try not to rip anything off or get blood on the floor".

"You're a medic aren't you – surely you should be able to stick him back together? Besides nee-chan's already..." he couldn't quite bring himself to say the P-word, "... in the blush of health for at least half a year, surely he doesn't need one particular part of his anatomy until then?" After biting her tongue for a moment to ensure she wasn't going to laugh, Tsunade shook her head,

"He might not but Shizune-chan may; pregnancy's a funny thing you know, all the hormones rushing about in the body, there's really no telling what she'll need from one day to the next", the Hokage shrugged before leaning forwards and lowering her voice a touch, "though take it from me, if she suddenly gets the urge for, ah, release and her Iruka-kun's suddenly not up to the task because of either of us I wouldn't want to be in the Elemental Nations when she found out. A woman scorned is one thing Naruto-kun but a woman frustrated is a whole different bag of kunai, least of all a pregnant, hormonal one". The jinchuuriki seemed to think this over for a moment before offering a suggestion,

"We could always get it stuffed..."

Tsunade virtually collapsed onto her desk, cringing and almost crying with laughter at the same time as Naruto retreated while the going was good, a few fingers on the door handle as he made to deliver his last line,

"That's ingenious, disgusting and unethical Naruto", the Hokage managed to choke out as she regained control of herself after a minute, "which now that I think about it sums you up quite nicely. Still, get out of here – you can tell us all about your adventures when you're done getting re-acquainted with old friends". Taking this as a dismissal Naruto nodded and opened the door, though a thought seemed to strike him as he made to leave and he glanced back over his shoulder,

"Frustrated women are really that bad then baa-chan?" He said as mildly as his voice, made to project itself through thunder, death and the hell of artillery bombardment, would allow him; just as the Hokage nodded he sprung his trap and was gone, "You know, thinking about it, that explains an awful lot about you..."

Even he was only just fast enough, the thump of a small object travelling at speed impacting on the wooden door at his back enough to make him snicker and Shizune, once more behind her usual desk, roll her eyes and groan; _yep, he's back all right. Something tells me that's the end of Tsunade-sama's three year stint of good behaviour, least of all if that sensei of his is still around somewhere..._

XXX

He didn't need any of his alien biological attachments to picture the look on his one-time crushes' face as he followed Kiba towards training ground eight, the place, he later discovered, that all those who'd been prepared to escort him to the gates of the village three and a bit years ago had decided and sworn to each other later that day would be the place they saw him again,

"Well then", he still didn't dare look at Sakura; an angry expression on her face held too many memories of boys in the classroom getting knocked base over apex as they made an unwise comment within her earshot, "congratulations are in order then, though I hope it'll be some years before you take too much after Shizune-neechoooff!" The elbow that landed in his side was actually enough to make him grunt and, recognising the technique, he finally glanced down at Sakura's irked expression,

"Baa-chan taught you her strength techniques I see?"

"Yes and that's not all she taught me either so watch it, both of you", the medic amended at the last minute, glancing around the jinchuuriki at where Kiba was grinning at the mischief he'd caused, though she ducked back just as he blew a kiss her way and fought hard to stop her cheeks colouring as she ground out the last part of her answer, "and for the last time Kiba-baka we are not an item!"

"Yeah we are, you're just busy all the time", the Inuzuka shot back genially, apparently unconcerned by the sound of grinding teeth as Sakura had to use every calming mental mantra she knew not to give in to the urge to throttle the insufferable, unendurable and, to her, irreplaceable Inuzuka clan heir, "I've told you before and I'll tell you again, you've got your patients but, when they run out, my patience will still be going strong".

"Dear Kami I hate you sometimes Inuzuka Kiba!"

"And I love you all the time Sakura-chan", he replied, throwing his hands behind his head and stretching off his neck, "see, we're a perfect couple; kaa-san said she was just the same when it came to my father – must be a girl-thing". The cherry blossom winced once more before glowering up at Naruto, the jinchuuriki silent and somehow keeping the mirth off his face as he heard the would-be couple on either side of him go at it hammer and tongs; _baa-chan and ero-sennin, Tsume-san and her other half, crazy-snake-lady and psycho-demon-man – damn, must be a more common relationship pattern than I'd thought about_;

"Naruto-san, much as I usually don't wish harm on anyone, least of all a fellow Konoha ninja, I feel it necessary to confess that if you don't punch that annoying baka's teeth down his throat while you're sparring I'll have no choice but to do it myself!" After a second spent realising that for about the first time in three years, he was being called upon to play the part of peace-maker of all things, he glanced down at Sakura and gave a shrug,

"As long as you fit them all back where they should be when you're done I can't see Kiba having too much of a problem with that", he mused before his eyes took on a slightly more predatory glint and he smirked, "especially if you put them back in with your tongue..."

Fortunately for both his hearing and Kiba's health, the Inuzuka having fallen over in helpless hysterics at not only the joke but the sight of the woman he knew was going to be the future mother to some of the next generation of Inuzuka all but seized up and trembling as her revulsion was evenly matched by her fury at such a suggestion, the medic had no time to refute the insinuation as a large number of very familiar scents and tastes became apparent to the enhanced senses of the jinchuuriki. Casually pulling ahead of the other two and trusting them to catch up, he caught sight of a few familiar faces just before he stepped into the training grounds properly and they all saw him.

XXX

_Wow_; logically Ino knew, or at least was intelligent enough to make a guess that Naruto, who she'd heard had returned to the village today after being tipped off by a breathless Hinata as the Hyuuga heiress barged into her family shop, would have only improved in both physique and size since those ill-fated exams years in the past, but even so the sight of him was a big emotional blow. Still the Yamanaka were a clan that specialised with the mind and the emotions attached to it, so she was able to shake off her shock slightly quicker than her friends and view the returned Senju-Uzumaki through eyes of clear logic, rather than ones clouded by emotions of panic and potential flight.

Her immediate observation was one shared by the entirety of her peer group around her; that such thoughts of fleeing into the wild blue yonder at the sight of the Uzumaki weren't foolish notions of fear but rather related to basic instincts of survival. Honed as she was in empathy it was the sheer amount of control, the iron-clad grip Naruto had over his emotions that gave her the most pause, though as he tracked around to regard everyone who'd shown up, the fact he looked perfectly capable of hammering any and perhaps all of them into the floor like they were little more than a selection of nails wasn't particularly lost on her either. _Still, that level of emotional control_; it was something she'd talked about often with her father as she'd grown in her kunoichi career, hoping to one day follow in Inoichis' footsteps at the T&I department; _I know, or at least from Shizune-sensei and Tsunade-sama told us we knew he had to stay on top of himself all the time in case something like the Chunin exams happened again, but even so from what I can gather he's wound tighter than Asuma-sensei just before asking Kurenai-sensei on a date. Still_; she broke off her internal musing as she saw a flicker of recognition light up on the Uzumaki's face; _I should feel more when the inevitable sparring kicks off_;

"I had hope you'd change for the better", the newcomer rumbled, pointing out a finger as thick through as newborn's arm to highlight the one he was addressing, "but I have to say I never thought you'd take up the life of a monk Hyuuga Neji".

There were a few stifled chuckles at this but, overall, Ino felt that the Hyuuga prodigy dealt with the comment much better than most who knew how particular his clan tended to be on matters of honour would have assumed. Though she didn't have much to do with the now-jounin, Ino along with the rest of her year group had long since grown accustomed to seeing him bald as an egg; it was only when a comparative outsider such as Naruto pointed it out that it became obvious. Ducking the head that showed only the faintest hint of scarring following him virtually being scalped by the Senju-Uzumaki's brute strength over three years ago, a legacy of Tsunade-sama's revolutionary use of medical chakra in skin graft surgery that had hidden the majority of the damage even if it couldn't replace the removed hair follicles, the prodigy spoke in a voice that showed a great deal more humility than had been present in his youth,

"I assure you I am still a shinobi Naruto-san", Neji's voice was still the same as it had always been but lacked, in the Yamanaka's opinion, something he'd had before that infamous bare-knuckled bout in the finals of the chunin exams, the absolute certainty of his convictions, the tone that simply demanded there was no way he could ever be wrong, "though I, all of us, still have much to learn if we're to live long lives in that path".

"Just as long as you all learn and remember what's important in life", the semi-human retorted in his habitual growl, transfixing Neji with a penetrating glare until the Hyuuga nodded again and he relented, "still, it is good to see all of you again; I thought of you often while I was, ah, employed outside the village".

"And we thought about you too, meat-headed ox that you are, but anyway, enough of the mushy stuff", Kiba declared, punching his friend lightly on the forearm (the traditional dead-arm punch was a little too far out of reach) as he strode past and turned on his heel, dropping into his clans' fighting stance, "the time for talking is over – this time we talk with our fists!" As the Inuzuka was backed up by various nods of agreement and a distinct cry of 'yosh' Naruto smirked and let one leg slide back behind the other, feeling his twin hearts start to beat in time with the drums of war he could see gathering pace before him,

"So I see", the Senju-Uzumaki grated, fixing each of his friends with a challenging glower even as he reinforced his mental shields as much as he was able to, trusting to his reluctant partner to call him to heel if his instincts became overpowering in the face of adversity, "well then, I assume you're not going to wait in line like samurai, so..."

With that and no further warning he pushed off his back leg and, like a coiled spring, burst into and almost through the ranks of his year group, throwing into disarray any plans they might have had cooked up prior to this spar and turning a battlefield into a taijutsu brawl, not letting any of them back off enough to use wide-scale techniques and muddying up lanes of fire with the bodies of their allies. It was completely without tactics, without mutual support of team mates and a textbook example of how shinobi should not fight...

...and it was where Naruto, even being forced to restrict himself to the barest sliver of his actual lethality, was completely peerless and had already carved his bloody legend into the history of the Elemental Nations.

XXX

At the same time, a woman in her office suddenly paused with her official stamp held high above the piece of paper she wanted to sign, glanced around the seemingly-deserted room and then let out a reluctant sigh,

"I'll assume you heard everything so come out of whatever hole you're hiding in before I drag you out of there kicking and screaming". For a moment nothing altered, not even a whisper of the breeze could be heard around the place but, just as she was about to force herself to her feet and rectify things, as always the object of her ire-slash-somewhat playful affection dropped whatever technique it was he'd developed and stepped forwards into the office, bare of its normal quotient of ANBU at their leader's request,

"Mou, such are the tribulations of a frustrated lady hime", Jiraiya, as always, seemed to abandon his fear of death when an opportunity to poke fun at his former team mate was in the offering, something he shared with his sometime apprentice in the realm of suicidal tendencies, "though, if you would allow the Gallant Jiraiya to aid you in such struggles I could guarantee I wouldn't be the one doing the screaming..." The Toad sage broke off and hurled himself to the side as Tsunade's stamp splatted against the wall next to him and remained there, quivering in the plasterwork as the Godaime fixed him with a volcanic glare,

"You've been in the village less than half a day; are you really looking to leave it that soon?" She challenged, one fist clenched menacingly as Jiraiya, figuring he'd played around with the explosive tag that was Tsunades' temper enough, decided to end things there before it blew up in his face and raised his hands placatingly,

"No hime, I'm in no hurry to experience unaided flight again"; _though it might be worth it for the valley you expose just at the point of the punch – no, no bad Jiraiya, business before pleasure_; "I take it you can guess why I'm actually here?" He left the lure dangling and, though he could tell she didn't want to bite for fear of the taste of the bait, eventually the Godaime had no choice but to ask the inevitable,

"Go ahead then", she requested in a tone laden with lead, pulling a sake gourd and two saucers out of one of the drawers of her desk as she did so, "might as well get this over with – I heard as far as the end in Kiri and Anko-chan's been keeping me up to date with what's happening in there. What have you two been up to since that point, and did you make a head start on Naruto-kun's other idea?"

Though nothing showed on her face Tsunade was indeed very concerned over this particular piece of news; when first suggested by the child she still considered to be her nephew even if he now towered over her and could, if the after-action reports she'd been receiving were accurate, likely rend her limb for limb even with her medical techniques. She scrutinised her fellow sannins' face for a long second, tension making her almost crush the sake container in her hand before, to her mingled relief and annoyance, the Toad sage finally cracked,

"Ha, you think so lowly of my apprentice hime? No, Naruto-kun hasn't merely worked on his plans, he has completely finished them, or at least", his sudden sobering stifled the relief that flooded through Tsunades' mind, "he's finished those that he let me in on. There's a lot that he keeps private hime, even from me and probably you as well – even now", the sannin shook his head, for once looking his age as he let out a sigh, "I can't tell for sure how all this is going to end when the threat of the Akatsuki is gone". Letting out a low breath, Tsunade decided to focus on the positives while she could and then bite off the bad news when she had no choice but to deal with it,

"You met with all the other jinchuuriki? Even those from Iwa and Kumo?"

"Met with them, and actually created one as well; I take it Anko-chan told you about that little escapade?"

"Yes, your run-in with the Sanbi was quite the fish-tale", the woman smirked, uncorking her drink and pouring a measure into each glass, "still, better the bijuu contained and under protection than running free where our enemy could steal it. The new jinchuuriki, she's being looked after by the Rokubi container right, Utakata wasn't it?"

"Yeah, they're still together in Kiri, and they were the first to sign up with Naruto's plan, well, after Gaara of course", Jiraiya spoke before deciding it was time to bite the shuriken and pray for deliverance, "but yeah, he told me he met the others, though I wasn't there for all of it. I was, ah, somewhat delayed after the whole Sanbi debacle and, well, it took some time to get everything straightened out and I, er, kind of, lost track of Naruto for a little while after that..."

XXX

_A kick came in from the side, deflected by the edge of the hand with a touch that was barely even felt; Chouji scowled as his opponent twisted away and almost casually thrust Hinata from him with a mere buffet of his thigh, never realising that his leg was only in a single piece because Naruto had not wished to hurt him..._

XXX

"You _lost_ him?!" Tsunade was all but hissing the words up her fellow sennins nostrils, Jiraiya for his part whimpering in terror as the blonde pinned him against the wall of the Hokage office with a single hand, "You let him wander the Nations on his own with the damned Akatsuki after him, what kind of idiot are you? If this was because of your Kami-damned peeping so help me I will shatter your balls so badly even Orochi-teme will wince on your behalf!"

"It was his choice, his choice", the taller man gabbled desperately, crossing his legs to protect his two most precious assets, already under potential threat from one kage, from being assaulted by another, "look, we got back to Kiri with the Sanbi sealed away in Hotaru-chan and it wasn't until we got there we realised he'd even gone, in fact he was never with us once the three-tails was sealed, it was a clone all along while he made a break for it. I couldn't go after him straight away hime, I had to stay in the Mist for at least two months checking Hotaru's seal was working – it was a new piece of fuuinjutsu, experimental and if it had failed it would have been on my head and made Mei-sama's position as Mizukage untenable. As soon as I was sure nothing was going to happen and had Utakata-san's assurance he'd look after the new jinchuuriki I was gone and out of there, but even so it took me another month and a half to track him down to the borders of Kumo".

"Kumo?" Tsunade parroted, thinking for a second before she made the connection and gasped, "The eight and two-tails!"

"Yes, Kumo has both of them and they both agreed to help, or at least I think they did, I wasn't in on that conversation", Jiraiya pointed out before, taking a chance, poking Tsunade in the ribs with two fingers and wrenching himself free of her slackened grip as she let out a low bark of laughter and withdrew her arm to cover her weakness, "it's like it was with Gaara; he pretty much just held their hands for a minute and next thing I know the eight-tails container is looking serious and pledging all seven of his swords to Naruto's cause and the two-tails is all over him, lucky bastard".

"Don't be a, or at least any more of a pervert than you already are", Tsunade declared before settling down and massaging her head with a free hand, "so, did you find out what he was up to when he absent at least?"

"He told me, he was in Iwa; don't look so shocked hime", Jiraiya dismissed her sudden expression of horror with little more than a raised hand, "you of all people should know he's got a knack for not being seen when he wants to use it, least of all because he can still use that seal of his to hide himself". The memories of Naruto's early years, when his body had been changing from boy to super-man without anyone in the village being aware of it were enough to calm Tsunade's immediate surge of panic at the thought of the Yondaime's son traipsing around the ancestral home of Konoha's most trenchant enemies, though that didn't stop her squinting up at her team mate with a suspicious glint in her eyes,

"What was he in Iwa for? Just the jinchuuriki?"

"That's what he told me; told me he found them both as well and, as I've heard nothing to the contrary from any of my sources I'm going to have to believe him on this one", the spymaster admitted, rubbing the back of his neck self-consciously as he recalled the irritation he'd felt at having a hole in his net of spies pointed out to him, "so, once we had those two out the way it was easy enough; Taki's friendly to us so the Nanabi was easy to meet, quite a friendly little mite as well, she and Hotaru would get on well by my reckoning. So, all the other eight have been spoken to and, from what Naruto tells me, they've agreed with his plans and, more importantly, are aware of the main goals of the Akatsuki and how they relate to the bijuu themselves".

With that news Tsunade let out a low, loud breath, a great weight lifted off her mind as she nodded and spoke,

"That is good news; so, do you reckon Konoha should send out missives to the other kage for decisive action against those pricks or wait a while to see how it all pans out; we still don't know who they're after first do we?"

"No though I have suspicions that whatever they're sealing the bijuu into would probably require some form of logical sequence and a massive source of chakra, though how they'd generate the power needed to both unseal and then reseal a tailed beast is something I'm not sure of. As to the kage question", once more he had to screw up his courage to take the plunge, "I really, really don't recommend it".

"Why not? No point rocking the boat before the cloaked fools play their hand?"

"No, or, yes but I'd also not bother sending out the invites because, apart from the Mizukage and current Kazekage", there was a slight hitch in his answer but before Tsunade could question it Jiraiya revealed the secret, "none of the other kages were consulted before their jinchuuriki were approached".

XXX

_...Kiba snarled in frustration as Akamaru's lunge from behind was dodged and the nin-ken sent cart wheeling by the open-palm Naruto thrust into him; he had hoped the sudden appearance of the massive canine would give the unstoppable living dreadnaught pause but Naruto seemed unphased by the great bear of a dogs' appearance. Growling under his breath, Kiba leapt atop his partners' back and channelled his chakra, never once thinking that his partners' heart was only still intact because of how much Naruto was holding himself back..._

XXX

To her credit Tsunade didn't scream or hit the incompetent, bumbling buffoon in front of her despite the sore temptation in her mind; instead she blinked, blinked again and in a low, cold whisper, spelt out a simple demand,

"What did you say?"

"Naruto-kun only spoke with the jinchuuriki of the Elemental Nations", Jiraiya repeated, voice strangely flat and fatalistic as he realised that this was quite literally as bad as it was going to get and any improvement on crawling away from his kages' wrath more or less alive was a bonus compared to his expectations, "whatever deal he's made is with them, as far as I know their leaders aren't in on it just like we're not". Tsunade squeezed her eyes shut, fighting off a mounting headache as she slumped against her deck and ground the knuckles of one hand against her forehead as though trying to massage her rejuvenating seal into her brain to quench the new fire that had sprung into being there,

"That's what I thought you said", she groaned before dropping her hand and facing Jiraiya directly, eyes narrowed into lethal slits, "do you have any idea what kind of damage that might do to our standing with the other nations. If even one of those, what, five or six people, all of whom are powerful ninja in their own right, let their commanders know Konoha will have its name blackened in every corner of the Elemental Nations. And don't tell me he was exiled at the time", Jiraiya obediently closed his mouth with a snap, "you really think Kumo or, Kami forbid, Iwa will let the facts stand in the way of a good publicity coup?"

"No and I wouldn't blame either of them; we'd do the same if we could get away with it", Jiraiya commented off-hand before carrying on, "still, it's done and nothing we can do will change it. I've never been one for any of your medical mumbo-jumbo but one thing I do understand now hime, now better than I ever have before in the past, is that Naruto now doesn't think like any other person in this world. Whatever his goals are involve the Elemental Nations, and all of us as well in one way or another but overall", the Toad sage shook his head, "I can't help but think his plans run to something a lot bigger than just dealing with the Akatsuki and our unruly neighbours, though exactly what they are even I can't fathom". Tsunade digested this for a moment before, eventually, giving a nod of agreement,

"That much at least we do agree on Jiraiya-kun; all we can do now is trust whatever he had to say to his, fellows I suppose, for want of a better word, was enough to keep their lips sealed for now. Still, giving how long Kiri took and the fact he went missing for nearly a _third of a year_", Jiraiya flinched at the venomous tone but, to his credit, didn't back down too much as his team mate glowered in his direction, "what else did the two of you do in the time you were both gone?"

"I did what I needed to hime; I taught him how to take on and kill S-ranked ninja...", unusually for the usually effervescent man, the Gama sannin seemed unusually withdrawn as he spoke, a melancholic bent to his eyes as he recalled the training he had offered to the beast his godson had become and how effortlessly Naruto had taken it in, refined it, improved it and honed it into ever-more lethal killing techniques; _even now I'm not sure if I did the right thing – if and when Akatsuki falls, I can't see anything else in the Elemental Nations standing up to him now. If he wished he could crush us underfoot like ants, and I'll die knowing I helped train the destroyer of our world in the skills he needed to make it happen_;

"...and he surpassed even my most extreme expectations".

XXX

_...She had waited patiently, feeling guilty as she watched her friends and comrades take blows and go flying in her stead but, as she sprung her trap, she soothed her troubled conscience by the knowledge that it was all for a greater good. Paper flew around her, twin twisters as she channelled her chakra into a self-taught technique and filled the sky with razor metal, each blade flying through the air towards the target as everyone else immediately shunshinned out of the way, one of the Nara's pre-conceived plans finally bearing fruit. At the centre of the storm the weapon mistress kept her eyes open and fixed on the target, not just to check her accuracy but also for a glimpse, three years long-awaited, of the weapon she had heard so much about but never truly seen, a torment for one as fond of the blade as she was. Now she would see it, she was sure – impressive as Naruto had proven himself to be, there was no way he could dodge that much flying shrapnel, least of all when at least semi-pinned by Shikamaru's Shadow Bind – either he defended himself with the weapon she so ached to see or he'd be turned into shishami._

_There was a puff of smoke and a sudden whirl of bronze, what she assumed was the haft of the legendary axe moving so fast it appeared to transmogrify into a shield that proved proof against her attacks. Wire tightened painfully around her fingers, drawing a pinch of protest from her lips as her weapons were deflected with terrible speed and frightening power, several of them pinging off their controlling wires entirely and being lost within the forest. Still, it was for the best, she could stand a little pain in order...her mouth dropped open, eyes widening as a second puff of smoke swallowed the bronze pole and her target, now free of the constricting shadow, leapt away towards other targets, not even showing his attacker the decency to reveal the weapon that had defeated one of her most powerful techniques. Snarling, Tenten leapt down from her perch and grabbed a nodachi before leaping in pursuit of her quarry, determine to get a sight of the Leaf's most powerful hand to hand weapon, never considering what the consequences of forcing the dread axes' wielder to reveal his true strength might have been for both her and her friends..._

XXX

Hearing Jiraiya's words and explanation, not even needing to check to tell he wasn't lying and that everything he said was the truth, Tsunade found it a hard struggle not to try and drain the bottle of sake on her own and leave her team mate in the lurch this time,

"All of them? You mean he has, the legacy?!"

"Yeah, from both his fathers, the taller sannin replied humourlessly, "not to mention his mother as well. I've got a suspicion that if push truly came to shove he could use the Kyuubi's chakra as well but I've never pushed him on that subject – I know he sees the fox as something more than just a prisoner, or even a partner. Kyuubi saved his life when the change began and is still helping him keep his head even now; because of that reason alone I don't think he'll ever force the fox to give him chakra and that's without the fact that whatever's going on in the grand scheme of things as far as Naruto's concerned the bijuu, all of them, are something to do with it. And all that's to say nothing of the fact that at least some of the fox's power comes from hatred and ill-feeling, things Naruto needs to be exposed to about as much as I need to use that axe of his as a back-scratcher". Smirking at the mental image Tsunade immediately sobered up and moved onto what could, for her, very well be the main meat of a highly unpalatable bento concerned him somewhat unusual but still beloved clan member,

"I can understand that and you've got my gratitude for teaching him what and when you did Jiraiya-kun; I understand it must have been difficult operating a spy network with someone not used to covert operations in tow", try as he might to play off such praise with a self-deprecating remark, the spy master could only stand in silence as the current Hokage bowed to him shallowly, though most of that silence may have been due to the lecher not trusting his voice at the sight of his team mates' cleavage exposed by the gesture, "still, apart from all that, seriously how do you think he's gotten on over these past years?"

Jiraiya had known the last pure-blooded Senju for the better part of five decades and loved her as he had loved no-one else in his life; therefore when he heard her question he knew, even without actively digging for other clues in her tone and voice, exactly what it was she was asking. She didn't want to hear about what he'd learnt, the enemies he'd fought or the plans he'd made; she wanted to know about the friends he had made, the knowledge that he was still clinging on grimly to the humanity that he had been leaving behind ever since the cursed day when the monster he called his second-father had reached across time and cursed him with a drop of tainted blood. As far as Tsunade was concerned now the legend, the A-ranked ninja, the saviour of Kiri, the _Senso Haundo_; all of that could go hang in the breeze – she was interested in Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, the boy that still existed within the heart of the war machine and how he was coping and adapting to the change in circumstances even beyond his control.

He heard this, the well-hidden but still plaintive request of a woman demanding to know about her child, even if there was no direct biological link between the two; hearing this and recognising it for exactly what it was, Jiraiya nodded and spoke again,

"He's been impeccable Tsu-hime; in these three years he's done more, been involved in more situations than I've done in ten and he's come through all of them with little more than a minor black mark or two against his name. Not just the fighting either, though that's what everyone, and I've been guilty of it too a few times, assumes he's only good for – he can be quite a sensible diplomat if he has to be though truth be told he'd rather solve a problem with physical rather than mental effort, though how much of that comes from his second-father as opposed to his mother I don't know", he bit back a slight chuckle at the memory of Kushina and how she'd decked his former student a few times before Minato had finally been forced to grow a spine and stand up to her, leading to a rivalry that had eventually culminated in the birth of Naruto himself, before getting back on track, "but either way that's who he is. In terms of combat he's not a ninja; in fact I can't think of any ninja less ninja-like than he is; but at the same time I reckon if we were to turn back the clock and fight the battle for Kiri all over again, he could probably do it on his own if he had to". That admission made the Godaimes' eyes widen,

"An entire hidden village? But their Yondaime was a jinchuuriki, and his supporters were fanatics..."

"And to Naruto-kun none of that would matter", Jiraiya assured him, doing his best to hold back a shiver, "he said it himself back then, just after sensei passed away; he thrives on war. Put opponents in front of him and he'll only grow stronger, get faster and tear them apart even quicker than before, with or without that bloody glaive in his hands. In three years he's never stopped learning, making leaps and bounds like no-one else I've ever known; I've done hardly anything but give him the odd word of advice here and there – yes, three years ago we made the right choice in setting him up with the Kiri rebels but as he is as of right now I'd say he wouldn't need them. His control is steel, absolute and as damned near unbreakable as any I've ever seen, and I've tangled with a few Root agents in my time; he can use his clones almost as well as he uses other techniques but, quite frankly, unless he's up against someone spectacular, most of the time he just doesn't need to bother".

The words were simultaneously both a relief and a source of cold panic to the Slug sage; yes it was good to hear that Naruto would, or should, be as ready as anyone or anything else in the Elemental Nations for the attack of the Akatsuki group, but at the same time if he was such a terrible combatant that very few other people in the ninja world could really hold a candle to him, what was the guarantee that he would stay loyal to anyone but himself once the threat had ended? Tsunade had seen such genius corrupted before and the death of her sensei at the hands of her former team mate was an ache that would never truly fade, but Naruto was not and would never be Orochimaru; if nothing else, the Kyuubi would stop such corruption before it could truly take root in his head. Despite such assurances though,

"You still think he's a potential risk?" She almost didn't realise she'd spoken until Jiraiya replied though, thankfully, he didn't call her out on it,

"Anyone's a potential risk hime, a jinchuuriki more than most; Naruto-kun though", he shook his head, "maybe it's just me being too trusting but I just can't see someone like him, who's been in some of the situations he's been in over the past few years, plunging a dagger into our backs like that, the picture just won't form in my head. I've been looking over his shoulder for give or take three years and, strange as it might sound, I have to say if there's any fault to be had with anything he goes through nine times out of ten it's not him in the wrong, it's the world he's been forced to live in". The oblique comment cause Tsunade to frown, trying to mull it over as she pondered the words in her mind,

"The world, you mean the world of shinobi? I'm first to admit it's not ideal and Kami knows everyone's lost something..."

"No, no I don't mean that; in fact the gaki says it best himself – I asked once when I saw him looking a bit down, he thought I wasn't around and, when I pressed him a bit, this is what he said the problem was to me", drawing himself up to full height Jiraiya took a deep breath and spoke four words that had weighed heavy on his mind for the year and half since he'd heard them first,

"China dolls and cardboard".

XXX

_...Finishing her scan and confident all was as it should be, Sakura released her patient with a word of warning she was sure he was going to ignore,_

_ "Try not to move that arm too much over the next few days; you might not be so lucky next time". As she'd expected, Neji merely smiled and bowed in apology, the slight scars on his naked scalp picked out by the bright rays of the descending sun,_

_ "My thanks for your treatment and concern Sakura-san", the Hyuuga spoke before activating his bloodline and springing away, back to the battle, "but I fear my team mate needs assistance!" Shaking her head and muttering something derogatory under her breath, the medic moved back under the shadow of one of the nearby trees and flopped down next to her compatriot, turning to the blonde as Ino glanced over after scanning the tree line for a moment,_

_ "Men, they're all alike – more balls than brain-cells the lot of them". The Yamanaka snorted,_

_ "Not all of them but I'd definitely with that in the case of your Kiba-kun, he's claiming you as a girlfriend isn't he – oh, touchy", despite her grin she still shuffled backwards at the sight of Sakura's suddenly clenched fist and warlike expression – out of all of the medical ninja, the cherry blossom was closest to truly emulating their sensei's enhanced strength techniques, "still, though, reckon we might have a few more patients to deal with soon"._

_Ino's prediction was soon proved true as with a snap of breaking wood, one of the nearby trees over to the right was shaken violently and, after a brief scuffling noise, a green body was hurled into the main clearing of the training grounds. Using his superb agility Lee merely twisted and landed on his feet in a fighting stance just as Naruto arrived at a charge, breaking through the foliage with the earth shaking under his feet. He and the taijutsu prodigy exchanged a volley of blows almost too quick for the eyes to follow and, even though by Sakura's count Lee landed a lot more shots, the blonde just seemed to soak up the damage and give back murder, a single one of his jabs that the Green Beast was just a hair too slow to avoid was all it took to catapult the smaller chunin back fifteen feet. Something small and sizzling landed at the jinchuuriki's feet before he could follow up and, by the time the smoke of the tags' detonation had cleared, Lee was gone, back into cover to link up with anyone left against the rampaging demon host. Left alone for a moment's respite, Naruto seemed to taste the air with both his nose and tongue while deflecting a brace of shuriken almost without thought using one of the oversized kunai held in holsters at his hips before lunging back in a different direction, following the wind towards fresh prey. Watching him go and idly wondering how long it would be before someone else limped towards her and Ino for medical aid, Sakura turned to her friend and shrugged,_

_ "They're brave, I'll give them that much – he was, Kami he was scary at the chunin exams and we barely saw much of what he could do then. I'm just grateful he's not out for a proper fight now, right Ino. Ino-chan?"_

_Sakura turned to her friend when the Yamanaka didn't answer and immediately her expression became concerned; usually the life and soul of a party, Ino appeared, if not withdrawn exactly, then certainly concerned with something, eyes glued to the point where Naruto had been lost from sight. Touching her friends' hand gently, Sakura wasn't all that surprised when the other chunin started and glanced around, the pink-haired girl dropping back a step to show she was harmless before speaking,_

_ "Something on that massive, multi-layered mind of yours buta?" The Yamanaka smiled weakly at the jab before, in a low, soft voice, she gave possibly the last answer Sakura would have ever expected from the blonde,_

_ "I'm scared forehead"._

_ "Scared?" Sakura repeated dumbly before, remembering what she'd just seen, she understood and nodded, "Oh, about that – well I certainly wouldn't blame you – we knew from Tsunade-sama he was something else but to see it like this..."_

_ "No Sakura-chan", her friend shook her head, smiling sadly as she did so, the expression so alien on Ino's face that Sakura found herself stunned into muteness as her fellow chunin went on, "what I'm seeing doesn't scare me as much as what I'm not seeing"._

_ "What? Ino-chan that makes...", the words died on Sakura's tongue, the realisation creeping over her like a blanket of snow as she licked suddenly dry lips and croak out a self-correction, "...you mean... how much is he still holding back?" The empathic kunoichi shivered,_

_ "Virtually everything; he's so used to pulling his punches it's like second nature to him but I can still feel his frustration Sakura-chan, only just but it's there and it's enough to make me very worried", not for nothing was Ino considered a worthy apprentice for Morino Ibiki when she had time off from medical duties, a Yamanaka cut from the same cloth as her father and as in-tune with the emotions of others as she could be with herself, "it's like he's a dam, a huge, impregnable dam holding everything he's capable of out of our sight, just showing us a trickle of what he can really do. I know shishou trusts him so I will too but even so, after seeing him for just a few minutes after years apart, I'm absolutely terrified of what could happen if he lets himself go. If that dam breaks", she shook her head sadly, ponytail and bang swaying as she unconsciously shifted towards her friend, seeking comfort in a familiar presence as Sakura put a hand on her shoulder reassuringly, just like she or one of the other medics usually did if Ino had been through a harrowing interrogation, "I don't think there's anyone or anything in Konoha that would survive the flood..."_

XXX

"China dolls and...what?"

"Imagine", Jiraiya continued without allowing Tsunade to dwell too much on her question, "if you had your strength technique up to, let's say a third, a third of what it usually is, okay?" Not sure exactly where he was going with this the Godaime nevertheless nodded only to nearly blanch at the Toad sages' next words,

"Now imagine you couldn't turn it off, at all, it's completely normal to you – can you imagine how difficult that would make normal life for you? That's what he goes through every day of his life; I've been there and seen it happen hime", Jiraiya shook his head as though disturbed by a cloud of mosquitoes, trying to make his team mate understand the issue, "he'd dropped that seal by the time I caught up with him at the edge of Lightning, hasn't worn it since and probably just as well; at least now he's got an excuse as to why he sometimes breaks stairs or uproots floorboards when he steps on them. I didn't understand it at first but, when I did, it all made sense – he lives in a world made of cardboard, things we take for granted just aren't built to take his strength, or his weight for that matter, into account. Everything he does, every tiny move he makes he has to scrutinise to make sure he's not going to break something or, even worse, someone doing it". At that last word a sudden chill crept into Tsunade's chest and, more to excise it before it could burrow too deeply into her, the Hokage managed to ask the fatal question,

"The people, the china dolls, they're so fragile he could break them without meaning to; please tell me he hasn't..."

"He's never killed a man that didn't deserve it hime, not to my knowledge at least", Jiraiya was quick to soothe her worries and Tsunade let out a relieved breath as he did, "thank the Kami either he or Kyuubi can make sure he stays rational enough to plan everything. Even now, when he's no doubt sparring with most of the rookie chunin; if he was anything even close to serious", he shook his head, lined face creasing into a mask of gravitas as he spoke with sincerity, "we'd be burying a lot of clan heirs and promising young ninja tomorrow morning".

"Is, is there anything we can do?" Tsunade asked, only the slightest quaver in her tone betraying how much she didn't want to have this conversation, "Seals, you're a fuuinjutsu expert, can we...?"

"No, that'd be about the worst thing we could do and not just because it'd demean Naruto-kun's years of almost perfect self-control in the worst possible way", Jiraiya told him, Tsunade eventually nodding at his logic; _after all, if I spent years honing my chakra control only for someone to say it wasn't enough and slap a seal on to do it for me I'd be pretty hacked off as well_; "with the seal that contains his bijuu on him as well, adding extra to his body may destabilise the whole matrix and bring it all crashing down like a house of cards. I know, or at least Naruto-kun's told me the fox doesn't want to break free but, even so, I was a lot more relieved than I let on when I realised he'd got rid of your clan seal for good – that was more than enough of a risk for him as far as I was concerned. Still it's gone now and Naruto-kun is his own person; I've seen him spar, train and fight with other people and so far he hasn't so much as chipped a single china doll – well, apart from that one time in Taki..."

"Do I even want to know?" Jiraiya grinned,

"Well it was quite funny in the end; after I got us access to Waterfall and their jinchuuriki, though of course Naruto spoke to her on his own; officially we were just there to take a load off after a few days on the road; one of their jounin who'd hung around Kiri a bit recognised him and got a bit uppity, challenged him to a kendo spar. Of course due to his new obligations – ask him tonight, you'll find out then and believe me it's quite a story – he had to accept and, well, long story short he won with a practice o-katana. Thing was what Shibuki-sama, that's the new oyabun-jounin of Taki by the way, failed to mention was that he was having a spot of bother with Oto at the time and because of that and the fact the duel was held outside, we ended up coming under attack by Sound forces. They weren't anything particularly special, a couple of cursed seal bearers that Shibuki and I put down, but the leader was a whole different matter; he was a Kayuga believe it or not".

"The clan of the Dead Bone Pulse?" Though not usually an expert on the myriad of bloodlines that proliferated within the Elemental Nations, Tsunade had in her youth studied that particular Kiri clan quite closely in the hopes of developing osteopathic treatments based on their manipulation of bone, though unfortunately due to the clan's self-inflicted genocide, it had never come to anything; _though apparently they weren't quite as dead as everyone thought they were_; "Huh, you see something new every day – I swear trouble doesn't so much find you as consider you a favourite drinking partner, and now you've dragged Naru-kun into your messes! I assume he faced him down?"

"Yep, though he actually didn't kill him, the Kayuga up and died right in the middle of his sword-fighting, just pitched over onto his face and croaked", Jiraiya reported with a shrug, "still, the two of them went at it for a good ten minutes and the idiot couldn't keep his mouth shut if his life depended on it. It was all 'you are trash' and 'for the glory of Orochimaru-sama', typical snake-fag zealot; he must have been gone into the afterlife really pissed knowing Naruto managed to keep him at bay with just a wooden sword and some inventive kawarimi. After we chased off the rest of the attack and had a look at the bodies the med-nin were able to piece together why; the kid had more drugs in his system than the village pharmacy, it was only a matter of time before he expired anyway and fighting like he was only hastened the end. After that was over Naruto-kun led a platoon of Taki shinobi back along the Oto trail and trashed their base, blew it sky-high; I imagine that's why our scaly friend kept his picture in the Bingo-book, he must have had his eye on Taki for quite a while considering the size of the place they brought down". Remembering her sensei's murder with a scowl, Tsunade viciously downed what was left of the sake in her saucer and muttered under her breath,

"As far as I'm concerned anything that scorches that snakes' tail is a good thing in my book; just a pity the Uchiha wasn't there, I'm sure Naruto-kun would've loved to have cleaned his clock just out of principle. So, anything else you need to tell me or are we about done?" _Oh boy_; just by the look on his face she could tell she'd put her foot in it this time; _bang go my hopes of an early night_;

"Ah my hime, surely you are the true medic, healing not just a warriors wounds with you soft, supple hands but opening your ears to the suffering of his soul..." Once more Jiraiya dove for cover just in time to avoid being nailed by a flying desk object, this time a paperweight as his team mate glowered at him murderously,

"Is that so? Well listen up 'hero' I haven't got all day, so be quick about unloading the suffering of your soul before I decide to add a few more bruises to that body of yours!" He tried, he really, really tried to heed the rational part of his mind and save himself some grief but, in the end, there was just no choice but to open his mouth and take advantage of the opportunity,

"Ah my love, at last you return my affection; fear not for I like no other can endure whatever erotic games of foreplay you can deviii-arrgh, not the face, not the face! Or that – I've changed my mind, the face, the face!"

XXX

_...The situation wasn't good but they could still do it, though victory would be cheapened by the means they had to sink to achieve it. However, as he hastily briefed up the second of his two remaining team mates, the first having dutifully taken what was now referred to as a suicide order to try and slow the target down in any way he could, Kiba knew he just needed a single shot, just one, and surely he'd be able to put this one away. The brief delivered, the Inuzuka ran downwind towards the sounds of the nearby fight, cursing quietly as he watched the form of his partner be tossed away over a clump of nearby bushes – it was all down to him and Lee now._

_Kami smiled upon his arrival; he could see that the taijutsu master had engaged the target and was trying to dodge, rather than strike, their larger friend, at the same time as pull him towards Kibas' ambush. Though Lee had at first been against such unyouthful tactics even he could place grim necessity above the flames of youth, therefore when Kiba gave him a silent signal he dived to the side, allowing the heir to the House of Dogs the run up for his clear shot, Naruto facing away for the rush. Wind howled in his ears as Kiba ran, crossing the ground as swiftly as possible before, with a half-formed shout of an apology on his lips, he drew back his leg and swung mightily for the target, Naruto for some reason either too off-balance or too slow to block him, though considering what was about to happen, why was his grinning like tha..._

_Even as a sudden scream of agony reached his ears and the sight before him made his eyes bulge in astonishment, Lee sensed his opponent move but was too shocked to do anything about it; all that he remembered was a sudden crushing blow on the top of his bowl-cut of hair before he was plunged into darkness and the afternoon-long spar was brought to a final close._

XXX

In the end, thanks to Naruto holding back, the medical assistance of all Tsunade's students and a pinch of luck, all the ninja involved in the welcome-home brawl were able to more or less walk home alone and unaided, rubbing bruises and nursing aches and pains but nothing debilitating or that would put them out of action for more than a few hours at most. The one exception to this rule, however, was currently limping back towards the village as part of a very odd quartet, shooting irritated glances towards another member of the foursome as he tried to both keep his weight off his injured leg and his girlfriends' shoulder simultaneously,

"I really, really can't believe you Naruto-baka", shifting the comatose form of Akamaru, the nin-ken currently unconscious following his head colliding with a badly-placed tree following Naruto deflecting one of the twister-like attacks of one half of the Inuzuka duo and now slung over the jinchuuriki's shoulders for easy carriage on the way back to the village, the spar victor glanced sidelong at the glowering form of the smaller shinobi, "who in their right mind, in this day and age, wears bloody chakra-metal reinforced codpieces!"

"Someone very used to fighting people smaller than him", Naruto shot back affronted, remembering more than a few times in Kiri when such a garment had proved exceptionally handy in keeping his vitals protected even if they no longer functioned properly any more due to circumstances beyond his control, "especially when a large number of those opponents use swords and fight dirty. Besides it was your own fault; you know trying to kick a fellow guy there violates every code of manhood ever designed or envisioned". At that rebuke Kiba at least had the good grace to look rueful, though that could just have been the pain throbbing around his lower leg,

"I know but I couldn't think of anything else to even try; you stymied half of Shika's plans the second it all kicked off, and I think it's safe to say I've already paid the penalty for any anti-bro moves – it feels like I split my shinbone in half". From the side of him Sakura gave a huff of equal parts annoyance and effort as she repositioned his arm over her shoulder, exasperation clear in her tone at the shinobi's stupidity,

"You suffered a hairline fracture of the bone at worst you big baby; honestly how you expect to run your clan with such a pathetic level of pain tolerance is completely beyond me. I've heard other med-nins once popped your mothers' shoulder back into place and she barely even flinched".

"Oh that old chestnut", Kiba rolled his eyes, "these'd be the same med-nin who swear she gave birth to Hana-chan at the same time as dictating orders for the next clan meeting; she was high as a kite on gas the whole time, I've seen her medical records; it's all just part of the image she likes to throw around. Besides", a smile made his cheek tattoos crinkled and his shouldered arm moved enough to let him brush the girls' chin with his fingertip, "who needs a high pain tolerance when I've got you?" Sakura shook her head and, had she a hand free, would have palmed her face at such a comment,

"You're hopeless, and stop that sniggering", suitably chastised, Naruto immediately fell silent as the cherry blossom rounded on him, "you'll just encourage him".

"Sounds to me like he doesn't need much encouragement Sakura-chan, and you should be grateful he cares", the jinchuuriki admonished her gently, grateful they were getting close to the Inuzuka compound and that it was away from the village as a whole as he was already getting a few funny looks from passersby due to the fact he was carrying a huge canine over his shoulders, "you know I've got precious few previous examples of good relationships to fall back on; baa-chan continually knocking seven bells out of ero-sennin is hardly what I'd call a platonic relationship at least; but even I can tell he's serious".

"Yeah, you see"; _cheers bro, the code is still strong within you – I don't know how I'll do it but I will find a way to pay you back_; pouncing on the jinchuuriki's words Kiba seized the moment and ran with it as far and as fast as he could, "Naru agrees with me and we all just got schooled in how awesome he is – no way he could be wrong, right? Look, okay", seeing the stony visage Sakura swung his way and regarded him with Kiba held up his free hand placatingly, "just drop in when you drop me off – a decent meal's the least I, or in fact all of us owe you after the battlefield first aid you handed out for most of the day. Naruto-kun, offer's open to you too if you've no other plans".

"Fraid not, I'd hate to think what baa-chan would do to me if I missed my first night home", the jinchuuriki admitted before glancing ahead and nodding at the figure approaching from the collection of homes in the distance, "and speaking of which I'd better be away right about now, assuming you can get this bundle of fluff up and moving any time soon Hana-chan". Sliding Akamaru off his shoulders, into his arms and then lowering the massive nin-ken to the floor, Naruto came to his full height just in time to see the elder Inuzuka sibling cluck her tongue at the comatose canine and shake her head at her brother, her partners all crowding around the larger dog and giving a trio of worried whines,

"I hate to say I told you so baka but..."

"Yeah, yeah, spare me the sermon", Kiba grumbled, his sister merely shaking her head as she knelt down and began making hand-signs, "besides wasn't it kaa-san who always said you never learn more or feel more alive than when tackling the biggest prey? Well the evil old witch was right", he admitted freely, drawing in a shocked gasp from Sakura and a well-concealed hitch of the shoulders from Hana as he glanced over at his returned friend, "Naruto-kun, we really must to that again sometime when we've all got a weekend free". Chuckling and returning Hana's greeting bow as both she and, rather more groggily, Akamaru both came to their feet, the tallest of the four chunin turned to his friend to reply,

"I agree, though hopefully this time I'll get to see what you and Ino-chan picked up from the old woman; grateful though I'm sure the rest of them were that you were able to act as medical support I really don't fancy squaring off against Hinata-chan again", he made a show of wincing as he touched a spot just above his right hip, "combining Jyuuken with chakra scalpels was the idea of a warped and twisted genius – she's turned into quite the little wildcat since I was gone".

"Tell me about it; she's in my team and guess who along with Shino-kun got roped in to helping her develop that style", he groused before speaking in the language of the dogs to his now-recovered partner, Akamaru moving up to his uninjured side and allowing him to hop on for a ride, much to Sakura's relief as she massaged her sore shoulder, "still, thanks for the fight and the appetite it kicked up – Sakura-chan, you..."

"No", the cherry blossom put her foot down, though fortunately not quite hard enough to make the earth crack open, "I'm tired, sweaty and know for a fact one of the first things I'm going to see tomorrow is going to be your ugly face because, Kami-sama help me, I'm on the early shift at the hospital – the last thing I need now is – hey", a sudden soft but firm grip seized her upper arm and, swinging around with her fist raised, she walked straight into the deadly attack that was Akamaru's puppy-dog eyes, the recovering nin-ken having immobilised her arm gently with his teeth, "whoa, no, stop it Aka-kun, that's a hit below the belt. Kiba make him stop", the Inuzuka managed to keep an admirably straight face as he gave a helpless shrug and, after a long moment meeting eye to doe-like eye with the nin-ken, Sakura dropped her fist and capitulated, "dammit, alright, I'll have my stupid dinner at your stupid clan house. Damned Inuzuka, always cheating and using their pets against me when they know I can't hurt animals", she complained, letting the now grinning Kiba pull her up behind him on his canine steed before whipping around and flaying the other male present alive with her eyes, "and you, you didn't say much did you?"

"Leave me out of this", Naruto retorted, dropping back a pace, "there are very few wars I'd be afraid to be caught in the middle of but wars of the heart are certainly among them. Go enjoy your meal, and Hana-chan", the elder Inuzuka looked up at the rather more playful tone in the jinchuuriki's voice, though 'playful' was perhaps quite a relative term when applied to someone who's voice was probably understandable to certain varieties of sea life, "I'm relying on you to make sure Kiba-kun's face isn't the first thing Sakura-chan sees tomorrow morning..."

_Baa-chan did her job too well methinks_; the thought passed through Naruto's mind just as he jerked his head to the side to prevent a shuriken from doing the same thing, Sakura somewhat understandably peeved at him and letting her temper show by throwing sharp bits of metal at his retreating form. After he casually dodged the weapons he could and deflected those he couldn't following his extraction from the danger zone, the jinchuuriki was grateful for his eyesight, enhanced by bio-sorcery of a bygone age to be much clearer and have a greater range than that of a normal person, letting him see the small stick-figure with the shock of pink hair thump the shoulder of someone in front of her before wrapping her arms around them with a good deal more tenderness. _Good for her, both of them_; he had known, or at least suspected that of all his former peers who may have been affected by the betrayal of one of their number Sakura had the deepest feelings for the one who'd absconded from the Leaf, but it seemed she was doing well enough both as a med-nin and in her personal life, Kiba obviously under her skin like a splinter and refusing to be dislodged by even her most vehement protests; _much like someone else I know. Speaking of which_; turning away and making sure no-one else was around for the moment, Naruto allowed himself a smile, a smile that he very rarely showed other than to people who, a few seconds after they saw it, weren't going to be alive enough to tell the world about their experience; _tonight's the night for another little reunion I wouldn't miss for all the iron in Tetsu country!_

XXX

Umino Iruka was a man who had started out with modest goals in life and had, to his own mind, achieved or surpassed most of them; he was doing well in his careers, the third-youngest deputy headmaster of the shinobi Academy in history was no mean feat after all; had built up quite a nest-egg in his savings and, somehow and almost without him being at all aware of how it happened, he had picked up a better half as well, and not just any wife either. The thought of his Shizune-chan was a constant comfort to him whenever work was rough or his work friends and colleagues teased him for holding the ear of the Hokage to ransom by marrying her niece, but at the same time even the thought of the black-haired goddess and, more than that, the new addition to the family she was going to bring into the world sometime within the next half a year, couldn't quite banish the one dark cloud on his horizon. The post of teaching, as he had often told his students, did not pay a kingly salary and restricted his available time to do missions as well; due to this lack of both time and money, Shizune was still living with her former mentor and he was confined to a bachelor pad, unable to afford permanent dwellings for them both as property prices in Konoha had only increased following the necessary rebuilding of the village after the debacle of the chunin exams some years before. _Though, some of the houses along that White Blossoms Street seemed to be coming down in price at last – maybe in a few more months I'll have enough cash scraped together to put down at least a deposit_; he thought glumly to himself as he knocked on the door to the traditional but comfortable house that housed the remaining Senju in the village and her now-pregnant protégé; _and just as well. Ducking and diving around town was fun for a while but something tells me Godaime-sama would be somewhat upset if she ever found out her future great-niece or nephew was conceived in a love-hotel..._

It was at that moment, just as the memories of that particular night were writ large on Iruka's face, that the door to the Senju residence swung open and he was brought violently down to earth by the sights of a second sudden thunderhead that had appeared in his formerly virtually cloudless sky like a falling meteorite. Face frozen in a strange, half-strangled smile, the Academy tutor found he could only stare bloodlessly into the volcanic glower that he'd last seen some three years previously after it, and the body it was attached to, all but single-handedly saved the Leaf village from invasion; _though something tells me this time_; he fought to both remember how to breathe and restart his heart simultaneously as he realised that, unlike the house dilemma, this particular problem was not one that could be resolved by throwing money at it and, just for good measure, had previously threatened to tear him limb from limb for the sake of his older sisters' heart; _we're not standing shoulder to shoulder any more_.

"Ah, uh, Naruto-san", he began awkwardly, his former student not deigning to answer and instead merely continuing to burn a hole through him with his eyes, "I'd heard you were back, in the village that is; uh", somehow Iruka thought a question along the lines of 'how was your exile?' was not going to be the way to claw his way back onto the jinchuuriki's good side and therefore moved on to safer ground, "good to see you again".

"Umino-san", the answering rumble was about as inviting as an earthquake and the sight of the jinchuuriki stepping back from the door to allow him entry to the shadowed hallway, "a pleasure you could join us this evening. Come in", his beckoning seemed to resemble a hangman leading the way to the noose but, for the love of his wife, Iruka had no choice but to ascend the gallows and step inside, just about hiding his jump at the sound of the door banging shut behind him, "baa-chan was just finishing laying the table".

It hadn't been the most genial of reunions and almost as soon as he saw the seating arrangements the scar-nosed man knew with a sinking feeling that it was only going to get worse; arranged across from Shizune-chan so he could, in Tsunade-sama's words, 'gaze into her beautiful eyes any time he felt like it', about the only saving grace he had was that the chair he was in made sure he sat higher at the table than Naruto, sat by the side of him at what Iruka considered an uncomfortably close distance, did.

Though even that crumb of comfort was soured by the simple fact that, unlike everyone else seat at the dining table, the jinchuuriki was sitting directly on the floor and was still only a hair short of reaching his shoulder.

The meal itself was definitely one of Shizunes; he'd eaten her cooking far too many times to mistake it for her mentors as Tsunade, though a genius in her own right, seemed to suffer from a curse common to all levels of prodigy and simply did not seem able to take care of herself to the level most normal people could. Though the Slug sage could cook, compared to the creations dished up by her apprentice the meals were dry, dull affairs that very rarely left people asking for seconds as Shizunes' always did – the thought of what might happen to his village leader should he ever actually be able to commit his name to paper and sign his name to a house deed was one reason Iruka was content to allow the former Kato to remain where she was for the moment. He had been at the Senju residence before, several times in fact both as Shizune's partner and then as her husband, but in all those times never before had he felt under such intense scrutiny, or pressure, as he felt now. The worst thing was that Naruto himself was virtually silent; it was Tsunade who was doing all the talking; however, just because he wasn't saying anything, Naruto was certainly making his presence felt if the beads of nervous sweat trickling down the back of his former sensei's neck were anything to go by,

"So then Iru-kun", the Godaimes' voice was conversational but he could see the mischief in her eyes, and what was worse he couldn't say anything because she was both the head of the household he was currently enjoying the company of and his boss, "how's the job going?"

"Ah, well enough Tsunade-sama..."

"Oh come now, stop being so straight-laced", she admonished him, waving a hand, "we're all a big, happy family here; you know I'll never forget the first time you were here and called little Shishi-chan hime for the first time". There was a sudden spike of killing intent to the side of him and made Iruka cringe, though before he could even react it was gone as though it had never been; left flailing, he could only gabble his answers,

"Uh, yes Tsunade-san", he corrected himself at the last minute, "that was a, quite extraordinary day".

"I'll say; for a very long time I thought the closest either of you were going to get to the opposite sex would be either medical textbooks or the gutter-fillers my perverted team mate dares call literature", there was a second spike of aggression by the side of him and Iruka cringed again; once he'd been tempted to read the book that so entranced a large proportion of Konoha's shinobi forces, once and the Hokage had never let him forget it, "still, on that I'm glad to be proved wrong, as I'm sure you were as well Iruka-san?"

He knew what she was doing but, at the same time, how could he possibly avoid it; with his wife's adopted but sometime-psychopathic little brother all but breathing down his neck, anything he could have said in answer would almost certainly be taken the wrong way and could quite literally be the death of him,

"Well I, that is to say Shizune-chan and I..."

"Must be very happy with each other", he could all but hear the nails being hammered into his coffin and it appeared the Godaime seemed all out of mercy to spare him as her next words seemed to be little more than the last rites to the Dolphin ninja, "though really, would it have killed the two of you to wait until _after_ the wedding to produce an heir?"

He didn't even need to look to the side or feel the killing intent; the sound of chopsticks being reduced to sawdust from very close by was more than enough – however just as he was debating whether rapidly excusing himself or just passing out would be the more proper course of action there was a sudden bang from across the table and Shizune shot to her feet, eyes blazing as they swept to the other members of her family like a katon jutsu,

"That's enough the pair of you; stop trying to put the fear of Kami into my Iruka-kun; you're old enough to know better and you shouldn't be encouraging her", suddenly both Tsunade and, more surprisingly, Naruto were on the back foot in the face of the younger woman's annoyance, "I've put up with it for this long but no more! One more peep out of either of you and we will both leave and we'll never darken the door of the Senju-Uzumaki clan again, do you understand me?"

"But..."

"I said", Shizune was usually quite a reserved, respectful person but on the topic of her husband she was completely unable to compromise and because of that she met her sensei's eye without fear, in fact with challenge alight in her sudden stare, "do you understand me?"

The stare down was on, master and apprentice locking eyes in a test of strength and knowledge of the force that lay between them, the strength of blood and family bonds; the two could have stayed where they were until time itself ended and all the suns went dark before, with an impact that brought both sets of eyes onto him and nearly made Iruka pass out again, a heavy hand landed on the taller chunins' shoulder and, looking around, all three other occupants of the dining table were in time to hear Naruto speak,

"You are a very lucky man Umino Iruka", Naruto stated quietly, though with sincerity in his voice and a smile on his lips as he patted his fellow chunins' shoulder as softly as he could manage, "to have my nee-chan for your wife".

With that the tension was earthed and banished as though it had never been; Tsunade muttered something like an apology for both her teasing and roping Naruto into it, Iruka nervously grinned and spoke various platitudes about how grateful he was to have claimed the heart of the raven-maned med-nin and the meal progressed with a much more jovial, relaxed atmosphere about it. As the night passed on and candles burnt lower the conversation turned hither and thither as was the want of those speaking it until, after Tsunade had broken out a bottle of vintage sake to celebrate both her nephews' return and his meeting with his now-brother-in-law, things took a slight twist following Shizune, herself on water for the sake of her baby, gaining a measure of revenge for her mentors' conduct earlier in the night,

"And don't look at me like that sensei, you've only yourself to blame", she pointed out in order to deflect Tsunades' reproachful look, "if you just did your work as and when it came into the office I wouldn't have to keep locking you in there to get it all signed when the deadlines come due".

"Ha, if I did it all as it came in I'd never leave the damned place", the older woman complained, nursing her saucer before sighing, "but you're right Shizune-chan, as always, though you have to say my filing systems' gotten better recently, especially since Danzo stopped making so much of a nuisance of himself some years ago. Curse you Umino", though she was only waving a playful fist Iruka nevertheless drew back slightly on his seat, knowing full-well just how destructive even love-taps from the last Senju could be, "you took away my rock, my guardian against the evils of the paperwork!"

"Stop being so amateur-dramatic you old drama-queen", the sudden comment from the side made everyone look over, Tsuande in particular looking venomous at the comment about her age as the other member of her clan went on, "Shizune-neechan doesn't save you from the paperwork more than she saves you from being you half the time, though saying that there has to be a reason everything in that tower runs so smoothly. I'm pretty sure everyone knows who wields the tanto in the Hokage tower and it isn't the one wearing the hat – as I said sensei", this time Iruka had to fight to stop squirming in his seat for a different reason as Naruto flicked him a glance and a smile, "you're a very lucky man". At that comment the teacher did nod,

"I am, first to admit it I am, though truth be told I still can't work out what I did enough to please the Kami enough to earn Shi-hime at my side", the medic looked away bashfully as her husband beamed across the table at her, her mind posing the same question to herself that he was trying to answer with his, "though whatever it was I'm grateful I did it. I know for a while my old man was worried the family name would end with me and if it hadn't been for your nee-chan he might well have been right".

Iruka had always possessed a vein of self-depreciating humour and had expected a bit of a laugh out of that admission; however even as Shizune smiled across the table to silently reassure him that wasn't the case, her brother appeared to recover from his slight laughing fit enough to allay his fathers' fears in a completely different manner,

"You give yourself too little credit sensei; I know for a fact if you hadn't expressed any interest in my neechan there would have been someone else close by who'd have snapped your right off the shelf".

"Really?" That was news to Iruka, "Who?"

"Give you a clue; a lot of women might have been single in the village but she was the only one desperate enough to paint it on a banner for everyone to read"; Iruka thought about this oblique clue for a moment before his eyes widened and he spluttered at the same time Tsunade did, though the Hokage's reasons for laughter might have been for slightly less noble reasons that the chunins; _her and Iruka-kun? Oh that would just have been the proof to end all proof that opposites attract_;

"Anko, Mitarashi Anko?" In perfect honesty he'd barely even met the jounin before, let alone suspected she might have fanned some kind of a flame for him, "Your sensei had, or was..."

"Yes, she was, and she's now more than ever my former sensei", Naruto answered, voice becoming steadily graver as he went on after lowering his head, "I am sad to say that Mitarashi Anko is no longer with us", Iruka too bowed his head; even if he'd had hardly anything to do with the former apprentice of the Snake, the loss of any ninja of the Leaf was a pain shared by the entire cadre of her ninja, "however I'm also pleased to report that Momochi Anko has taken off right where that savage, sadistic but still so very sexy bitch left off, and that husband of hers only encourages the worst in her. What", he defended himself from Iruka's incredulous stare with a shrug and nod towards the village leader, "there's a reason she's the official envoy to Kiri you know?" Iruka merely shook his head,

"No I didn't know, just like the name Momochi is ringing absolutely no bells in my mind". Naruto chuckled again,

"Better not let him hear you say that sensei or he might well ring a few bells in your head with his fists – Momochi Zabuza, one of the Kiri Swordsmen, carts around a blade bigger than he is, that tick off any pages in the mental Bingo Book?" The chunin, if anything, looked only more confused before his sharp mind pieced the puzzle together and he gawped,

"Momochi, the one team seven and you faced down at the Red Bridge of Wave? I thought he was a nuke-nin rather than one of Kiri's Seven Swordsmen?" Naruto merely waved a hand as though the accusation was nothing more than a fly to be swatted aside,

"Reinstated after the fall of the Yondaime for good behaviour and helping out the rebels, and speaking of the Swordsmen there aren't seven of them anymore, well, not strictly speaking anyway". Iruka quirked an eyebrow at this before a groan sounded from across the table, Tsunade massaging her eyes as this particular cog once more ground against her mental gears,

"I'd heard bits and pieces about this debacle brat but I'd like the full story now I can finally hear it – what exactly did you manage to swindle out of that place?"

"I swindled, as you so crudely put it baa-chan, nothing that wasn't freely given", the younger of the Senju-Uzumaki shot back affronted, "after my work in Kiri was resolved Mei-sama, that's the new Mizukage", he elaborated for Iruka's benefit before carrying on, "was very grateful and granted me free passage throughout all of the land of Water, similar to your old travelling rights. However on top of that she also mentioned it was virtually impossible for her to ignore the opinion and fervour of both her ninja and the public on one particular matter; because of that, even though I'm not affiliated with Kiri at all, the Mist now considered there to be eight ninja swordsmen in the world rather than just their seven; the Doragon wa kiri no naka ni kakusa re they call me now".

"Shouldn't it be Haundo wa kiri no naka ni kakusa re?"

"Funnily enough I said that too baa-chan", the jinchuuriki admitted, looking somewhat wistful and amused at the same time, "but Mei-san seemed insistent that didn't seem a fair reflection on the reputation of my 'jigokuton' within the Land of Water, said I needed something a bit more impressive". The Hokage snorted,

"You've got that oversized bludgeon haven't you, what more do you need?" Fortunately, before Naruto could give a response to that, Shizune stepped in to make the save,

"As well they should see fit to thank you for your hard work Naru-kun, even if I'm not sure why they call you a swordsman when that thing you use is an axe from what I remember of it", Shizune managed to smile serenely even if the memory of the hateful thing that was welded to her brother in all but bloods' arm was to her nothing more than a disgusting relic of a past best buried and forgotten about, "speaking of which, is it still..."

"Where it's always kept neechan", the altered jinchuuriki said softly, remembering that Shizune out of all those who knew of the monstrous weapons' existence was the one who held it in the least regard; _quite a feat considering I hate the damned thing myself_; "though it didn't get out of Kiri unscathed either. Sensei", Iruka glanced over and, seeing the taller man flex the arm closest to him and having an inkling as to what might happen next, immediately obeyed his next command, "duck".

As the plume of smoke cleared and Iruka dared to squint upwards he suddenly found himself slinking as far towards the far edge of his chair as he could possibly go without appearing incredibly impolite; that was far, far closer than he'd ever wanted to be to the thing he'd heard a lot about but never actually seen in the flesh despite serving with the jinchuuriki under arms. The axe, if such a weapon could be referred to in such simple terms, was just as terrible as he'd been told but at the same time so unutterably much worse, more terribly fearsome in a manner that couldn't be accurately described. It was something that defied human comprehension, a weapon that man should never have been able to wield against man yet which, impossibly, existed despite all attempts at rationality to disprove it. As Naruto swung the heavy head away from him Iruka felt a relief as profound as the Shinigami declaring it wasn't yet his time wash over him, rendering him almost numb enough to miss Tsunades' sudden accusation,

"Don't tell me someone else was mad enough to touch that thing?"

"Of course not, I did it myself", Naruto rebuked her verbal accosting before glancing up at the crude symbol that now adorned the formerly blank face of his weapon, the symbol of the number eight picked out clearly in melted down silver-steel imported from Tetsu, one of the first diplomatic relationships Mei had rekindled following Yagura's deposition from the throne, "but yes, Goa-chichoya is now considered the eighth legendary blade just as I'm the eighth swordsman. But anyway, I'm not here to rehash old conflicts", another puff of smoke removed the chain-axe from the room and lightened the atmosphere simultaneously, Iruka in particular letting out a low breath as he felt as much as saw the weapon disappear, "I'd much rather talk of better subjects, such as the fact that despite your early start my old sensei's left you in the dust nee-chan; her and Zazu-san's first should be turning a year old soon and I somehow doubt she'll be happy just to stick at one..."

XXX

Lying upon the futon that had been carted downstairs by Iruka as he didn't trust the stairs to hold him, Naruto looked out of the open window towards the night sky. It was a clear, crisp night, a perfect view of the stars – he liked looking at the stars as they, perhaps more than anything else, allowed him to stick to what he felt was the right course in his mind. They were a reminder of the bigger picture, the most important things though, as he felt his vision darken and his mind settle into familiar circadian patterns that simultaneously were and weren't sleep, he was also grateful for the things that allowed him to turn his attention to more immediate steps in his plan, conquer less serious goals here on this earth before attempting to ascend to the heavens above,

"**Aww kit, I never knew you cared**". Despite himself the jinchuuriki smiled at the voice,

"I care when you break into my peaceful mind just for conversation", he shot back without malice before carrying on, "hell of a day fox?"

"**We've had worse and we're sure to have worse in the future**", the bijuu pointed out reasonably before, after a moment's thought, it continued, "**though, having said that, it was good to see my brothers and sisters again**". Memories of the other bijuu and their human containers swam up through Naruto's near-eidetic memory and he smiled at most of them, though as he saw what loomed over them all and threatened all he both had planned and held dear his expression tightened into a scowl and he spoke again,

"The Akatsuki though, they're still out there and attempting to control forces they do not understand".

"**Hello kettle, this is pot speaking**".

"I have not and will never attempt to control you, any of the other bijuu or whatever you might all become", he casually shot down that jibe and felt the fox in his subconscious retreat slightly, accepting the fact he'd won that point before listening in again, "however the same can't be said for them. We have to stop them Kyuubi, no matter the cost or what we might reveal to get it done".

"**I know kit, though right now we can only truly guess at their intentions; we can only react to their moves until we have one of them exactly. I am a hunter, in this we are alike, but we can't hope to hunt a prey we have no scent of; for now...**" Kyuubi didn't finish but Naruto, even though to outsiders he appeared dead to the world and asleep, nodded and spoke for him,

"...we wait".

XXX

It was two months later, nearly to the day, when that wait ended; a piercing cry made him look up from the trio of small forms he was overseeing at their task and he held out an arm immediately, allowing the messenger bird to settle and, with surprising dexterity for someone with fingers as thick as his, skilfully relieved it of the scroll it carried. Letting the hawk fly off, he pulled the scroll open, scanned the message and a second later all three of the genin in front of him cowered in mute terror for a moment before he could control himself and address them all,

"Team", his voice was authoritative but as gentle as he could make it and, considering none of the new genin had yet passed out, he figured he was doing as reasonable a job of that as could be expected, "I've been summoned for a mission; because of this you three are on your own. Konohamaru, you are now in charge; get the mission done, report with your team to the Hokage tower and then you are dismissed for the rest of the day". As his temporary teacher leapt away and was rapidly lost to sight, the Sarutobi did his best to disguise the slight shiver he's always had around the older ninja ever since he'd jumped headlong into the Hokages' office while his grandfather had held the post and then immediately fallen onto his rear end and scuttled backwards towards the door as a kunai came within a hairs-breadth of pinning his foot to the floor; when he had complained about such an action, Naruto had coolly pointed out that had he not realised at the last second Konohamaru was a minor, the Sarutobi clan would now be less one member for the crime of being stupid enough to attack the village leader; _even back then he was scary, now he'd be enough to make even jiji take him seriously. Of all the days for Ebisu-sensei to get a cold..._;

"Come on guys", the grandson of the Sandaime said with a loud, false cheer in his voice that he certainly didn't feel as he dipped his paintbrush back in the bucket by his feet, "quicker we work, quicker we're done and can start training in awesome jutsu". Luckily Moegi and Udon seemed to be in a mood similar to his own and the three of them carried on in silent, diligent work, the lingering memory of the man who'd been overseeing them still crouched over their shoulder and dissuading bad behaviour even from a distance.

_Much as I can't complain about what I am now, least of all in a fight_; though the Senju-Uzumaki was more or less at peace with himself following years of literally growing up with a body where half the organs weren't originally his, there were times when he sorely missed the easy escape routes most ninja could use that were forever barred to him due to his new build; _there are times when being able to leap across the roofs with raising issues of property damage would be a great advantage_. Still, if his weight meant he couldn't use the rooftops as a convenient, at least his size mean he was easy enough to see coming and therefore, give or take the odd near-miss, he was able to make good time to the Hokage tower, throwing himself up the stairs six at a time and sparing only the merest nod towards Shizune as he threw open the door to his clan leaders' office with a resounding bang,

"Suna calls for aid", he declared, voice low and murderous as he held the scribbled summons forwards, "I assume Konoha will answer?"

Even as the other half-dozen ninja in the room turned to regard him all he saw was Tsunade standing tall behind her desk and nodding gravely,

"Hai, the abduction of the leader of one of our allies is a crime we cannot ignore; team nine, Haruno Sakura, Hatake Kakashi and Senju-Uzumaki Naruto", each ninja sprang to attention as their name was called, the room seeming to quiver as Naruto slammed his heel into the floor, "you are to travel to Suna at best possible speed, assess the situation and render any and all aid you can to Sands' forces, including a rescue attempt if the situation is viable", even as she spoke the Blonde Hokage wondered if she was the only one who saw the gleam of anticipation in the eye of one of her ninja before it was swallowed away as though it had never been, "this mission is time-critical and A-ranked, though the rank may alter depending on any resistance you encounter. Go, and good luck".

The benediction was barely out of her mouth before the office was deserted; Gai had briefed his team in standard Konoha hand signals and therefore taken the lead on the mission, letting the others know they were to be ready to move at the east gate of the village within fifteen minutes. In several blurs the ninja team and associated specialists were departed, Sakura hitching a ride with Kakashi towards the hospital as the Copy-nin was faster on the ground than she was until, strangely, all that was left was Naruto, the jinchuuriki having been as still as stone the whole time. Only when the last of his team were gone and the window slammed shut behind them did he break his self-imposed trance and speak,

"So then, they've made their move?"

"So it would seem", Tsunade sighed heavily before grinding her knuckles against her forehead, just above the fuuinjutsu seal that her godson now lacked, "dammit, now I owe the old pervert fifty ryo and a kiss; it must be one to nine as he'd guessed".

"So they went after Gaara first", Naruto finished for her, face grave, "they must have been strong to tackle him in the desert, though hopefully he'll have softened them up enough so that I can get the sample we need".

"You're sure you can do it?" Tsunade's eyes were openly curious and, in respect for such honesty, her adopted clan member was likewise honest with her,

"It's never a guaranteed process", he ruminated slowly, remembering the few times he'd used the technique he planned to initiate against the Akatsuki to gain information against various criminal organisations he'd run into over the past few years, primarily against Oto itself and the capture of one of their chief spies years ago at the start of the chunin exams, "but I believe if I can get a sample it will work; Akatsuki is small and their members must be infamous throughout the Nations – names are all ero-sennin will need to kick his network into gear and leave them no place to hide. I'll come back baa-chan", such was the promise in his voice that Tsunade believed him without further question even if one hand clenched at the collar of her robes, the crystal necklace beneath it still trapped around her neck as she had refused to relinquish it once more, a curse she would carry to her grave just as Naruto had been expected to do with his bijuu, "and I'll bring back some cactus-sake for you".

"You better do brat", she could only hope her threatening grin disguised her heartbreak, "that rubbish you shipped me from Mist could've come out of Ton-Ton, in fact I'm still not sure it didn't and it wasn't a joke between you and that lecherous sensei of yours". Naruto merely snorted dismissively as he turned to leave,

"As if I let that pervert in on my amusement", he pointed out before opening the door before him; though it would have been undoubtedly cooler to leap out the window like some of the assembled had, there would have been issues with both the size of the window itself and the crater when he landed and therefore the stairs just seemed like a more sensible option, "see you in a few days baa-chan".

Tsunade said nothing more, manage to shuffle around paper on her desk for a few minutes longer until she was sure he was out of earshot before slumping down in her seat and running her hands through and over her hair, forcing herself to breathe properly and remind herself of the facts. Naruto was stronger than normal, faster than normal and had more battle experience than any child his age had a right to have; he was reputed with saving, from the shadows as the majority of his work had been shrouded in as much secrecy as Jiraiya could make for his extremely direct modus operandi, two separate villages and was now likely to try his hand at helping the kage of a third. _But, if all that is true_; she clutched her ill-fated talisman once more, trying to fight the vague nausea in her stomach and mind; _why does it feel like I just lost him again after getting him back so soon?_

The second question that nagged even further back in her mind she didn't even consider because she was both sickened by herself for even formulating it and potentially scared of any answer she might be given; for the good of Konoha and the land of Fire as well as her own peace of mind, she simply had to believe that Naruto, regardless of the changes that had occurred within him, was, had always been and would always be hers in some small way.

XXX

Though she hadn't wanted to say anything Sakura had been curious as to exactly how the largest member of their party was supposed to keep up with the rest of them; strong as he undoubtedly was, Naruto couldn't join them in the canopies of Konoha's forests for the simple reason that a large number of the tree branches there couldn't hold his weight. Several of the older, more gnarled specimens undoubtedly could but, with time of the essence, time was much more pressing commodity than care and safety and therefore she along with the other five ninja of the team had reluctantly listened to Naruto's command to leave him behind, he would catch up with them when they stopped to rest. She had initially disagreed with this estimate and had a suspicion that both jounin present did as well, though neither would admit such a thing, as both Kakashi and Gai-sensei took a long time to set up camp that time; however such precautions seemed for naught as not twenty minutes after they had stopped for the night, a soft patter of footsteps in the soft loam announced the jinchuuriki's arrival. Even as he raised a hand at Tenten and Lees' greetings however, he cast an eye over the fledgling fire Neji and she had begun to set and shook his head,

"No time"; _okay_; the med-nin had suspected this might happen and immediately moved to play peacemaker; _time to earn my money_;

"Naruto-kun", her tone was engaging but not patronising; after all, in common with nin used to working solo, it wasn't unreasonable to suspect that he simply might not realise potential team mates didn't have the same limits he did, "we need to rest for the night; it'll be too dark to move soon so we might as well camp here rather than in a more open area where we could be attacked". To her relief, rather than argue, Naruto merely nodded and reaching into one of his equipment pouches for something,

"I know you all need sleep Sakura-chan; it's for that reason", there was plume of smoke as he unsealed something that quickly faded as he stood over his new equipment and finished, "which is why I have these".

Silence reigned in the camp site for a few long seconds before Neji, disengaging his bloodline limit, cocked his head towards the much taller figure and enquired politely,

"A sleeping bag? My thanks for the offer Senju-Uzumaki-san but I had enough foresight to bring my own".

"Not like this you haven't", Naruto assured him, rolling the whole thing open with an expression somewhere between grim finality and wistful amusement, "may I present to you all, and I can't believe these words are coming out of my mouth, the Gallant Jiraiya-samas' Ultimate Team Transportation System – don't look at me", he shielded off the incredulous looks with a raised palm the size of a soup plate, "he invented it, he got to name it". Recovering a little of her former courage, Tenten stepped forwards a pace and gave the bundle of cloth a closer inspection, noticing the closed off lengths that she assumed were for the arms before glancing up at the one who'd unsealed them,

"Okay, and much as I respect Jiraiya-sama for being one of Konoha's finest, but how is what Neji-kun said untrue; what's different about this sleeping bag compared to ours?" Naruto glanced across at the weapon mistress with a raised eyebrow before his shoulders shook with a chuckle,

"You respect Ero-sennin – you'd be one of very few kunoichi in the Elemental Nations that did", he pointed out before becoming more serious, "you know the stories about ninja being able to sleep while they run – these bags make it happen. The cloth is spun by chakra-sensitive silkworms native to Taki and impregnated at certain points with seals the old pervert came up with; around the head, when the hood is pulled down to cover the eyes and prevent moon or other types of light waking the occupant, small seals active to redress the balance of fluids in the inner ear, making the person in the bag think they're lying down rather than stood up. At the same time genjutsu seals are activated to make the person feel relaxed and comfortable, better able to sleep; I've never used one since that'd rather defeat the point of them but from what I heard elsewhere on my travels they work and in this case they'll save us at least a day and a half in travelling time".

As the member of team ten most familiar with fuuinjutsu, even if her knowledge mostly extended as far as storage and exploding seals and stopped there, Tenten mulled this over for a moment; it certainly sounded like something more than possible for an accomplished seal master such as the Toad Sage Jiraiya to have created. Even as she considered such a thing, however, two immediate issues rose in her mind and she turned to the Senju-Uzumaki with an inquiring gaze,

"Fair enough, I can see how that would be useful; however firstly there's only one of these and seven of us and second, how are they going to help us move on? They might make sleep more comfortable but we will still have to sleep to get the benefit right?"

"Right indeed Ten-chan", the much taller figure admitted before swiping a finger over the front of the bag, multiple explosions that revealed a sextet of other items, five cut from the same cloth as the original bag and one that was very different, "still, these are enough bags for all of you, though if some of you want to share I did have the foresight to create larger varieties", the expression of distaste on the weapon mistress's face was enough to let him know that whatever feelings she might have had for any of the men present on his mission wasn't quite that serious, though her irked expression was swiftly replaced by confusion and then sudden understanding as she watched him swiftly slip the halter-type device over his shoulders, "and this is how we keep moving".

"You; okay I know you don't need to sleep like we do", that much she'd learnt at the side of her fellow medics at Tsunade's feet, though admittedly out of all the aspiring medics she was amongst the least advanced as medical techniques didn't hold her attention as much as honing her skills with weapons, "but can you seriously carry all of us?" Chuckling as he recalled times in the Mist where a large number of the ninja of the rebellion had been held quite literally on his shoulders, the jinchuuriki nodded,

"Heh, you might not believe it but trust me carrying you half-dozen would be a light workout considering some of the patrols I've held in these bags before now; it's a lot easier for one man to mask their trail than a whole platoon to have to do the same". Tenten would have spoken again at this point, pressed for details regarding what had gone on during his banishment only for her would-be question to end up overruled by the voice of her sensei, Gai looking unusually serious as he clapped his hands and ordered a brisk set of instructions,

"Tsunade-sama ordered us to go at best speed; fifteen minutes, cold rations only – Naruto-kun", the jinchuuriki nodded as he slipped his arms out of the halter that the bags attached to and reached for his own rations, providing food for his body in light of the run it was likely to endure over the next few hours while his team recovered in his godfather's inventions, "how long can you carry us?"

"How long do you want to sleep for?"

"Wake us at dawn or after six hours, whichever comes first", Gai decided on a second later, not entirely sure how quickly the sun would rise over the desert they would have to traverse before reaching the Sand village, "everyone, be quick in your eating and ablutions and then bank your flames of youthfulness for the night – we will need to be at the pinnacles of our youth for tomorrow right Kakashi-kun?"

"Hmm – sorry did you say something Gai-kun?"

"Damn you and your hip attitude Kakashi!"

Twelve minutes later and the Copy-nin was the last of the six shinobi to be ready, having retreated into the bushes for a moment as Naruto finished zipping the rest of team nine and Sakura into suitably-sized sleeping bags before turning to the one-eyed jounin and nodding towards the open bag,

"Done? That one's yours, and please", the jounin quirked his single eyebrow at the jinchuuriki as Naruto quickly arranged the others in terms of size, figuring the best way to fit them to the halter he would carry them on, "do your best at retraining yourself in there – ero-sennin's certain washing won't destabilise the seals but I'd hate to take the risk". Lying down and zipping himself up, Kakashi gave an eye-smile,

"Worry not Naruto-kun, I am a master at self-restraint when I have to be". The altered human allowed himself a brief chuckle as he casually bent down and picked up the bagged Copy-nin; as one of the two tallest present, both jounin would have to go closest to his back to ensure their feet wouldn't drag on the floor,

"I don't doubt it, exposure to that much porn for so long must have burnt out most of your libido by now", he pointed out after laying the jounin down next to Gai-sensei, "right, that should do it; the others will be on top for a little while but when I've got you upright it won't matter".

"Yosh, this would be excellent endurance training Naruto-kun", a disembodied voice reached Kakashi's ears and he rolled his remaining natural eye; _like sensei like student_; "when we return to Konoha I will race around the village with Neji-kun tied to my back..."

"You will do no such thing!"

"...and if I can't do that I will have Tenten-chan lay upon me from dawn until dusk..."

"Damn it I can't reach my kunai pouch in here – Sakura, stop sniggering", the now-mortified weapon mistress demanded of her pink-haired counterpart as out the corner of her eye she noticed the bag next to her shivering with the med-nins mirth; _dammit Lee, if it weren't for the fact I know you've got about as much social sense as Akamaru I'd gut you for that comment. Love you as I most assuredly do I will not be laying on you any time now or in the future!_;

"...and if I..."

"Lee", the verbal thunderclap deadened even the most youthful of rants as Naruto stood over his prone friend and picked up the sleeping bag containing him with a single hand, "you can either be quiet and go to sleep or I can choke you out here and now, your choice". Though not said aggressively or with any malice in the tone, the second Green Beast of Konoha wisely fell silent and allowed himself to be attached to the holster without further comment.

Fifteen minutes after Naruto had arrived at the was relieved to see the remainder of his entire team attached to the carrying straps he himself had created to allow him to carry multiple people at once either directly or, in the case of the smaller members of the mission team, indirectly as they were stuck to the bags of the sensei and each other. It looked faintly ridiculous seeing six shinobi suspended like a clump of oversized grapes but, as Naruto had been told by many teachers over the time of his exile, if an idea looked stupid but worked it was not a stupid idea, and he knew this idea worked from countless previous experiences. Realising time was of the essence Naruto quickly drew up the prone from of his companions and slipped his arms through the shoulder straps of his harness before buckling up the waist belt, speaking over his shoulder a she did so,

"Hoods down guys, you should feel the seals kick in after a few seconds". There was a rustle of cloth behind him, followed a moment later by Tenten's voice,

"Whoa, that felt weird".

"Like you'd been flipped right on to your back right? That's just the water seal working on your ear - don't worry, Haku-san said you get used to it after a while. For now though just close your eyes and try to relax or do whatever it is you do before falling asleep, aside from what we mentioned earlier Kakashi-sensei", there was a soft thump against his back as the Copy-nin tried to elbow him as best he could, the gesture drawing a smirk from Naruto's lips before he drew himself up to his full height and faced the forest before him, grateful that the trees were starting to thin as the team's running for the day had brought them within half a day's travel of the limit of Fire country; _a good speed, though once I'm out of this damned shrubbery, I'll be able to make sure we make up for any lost time..._

XXX

The rocking sensation was so nice and gentle that he almost decided against waking up; after all he was still tired and no-one would mind him nodding off for a few more minutes surely? However, even as his fledgling consciousness began to once more capsize into the depths of sleep a sudden thought occurred to him and, as a trained ninja, all thoughts of further rest were dashed by the imperatives of the mission before them. Chakra summoned and utilised in a manner as familiar to him as breathing, Neji immediately activated his bloodline limit, a good habit drilled into all Hyuuga ninja to prevent or reduce the risk of ambushes from both enemy ninja and mischievous younger family members as they woke up; _and after the water-balloon wake-up Hanabi-sama gave me on my fourteenth birthday, a trick never to be forgotten again – Byakugan!_

Fortunately for all Hyuuga the vision gifted to them by their doujutsu was monochrome and therefore mostly unaffected by sunlight; this was a real boon in Neji's case as it meant that he wasn't immediately struck blind by staring straight into the rising sun behind him. A brief mental calculation and memories of the previous night told the Hyuuga prodigy both that the time was close to wake up and that his entire team was virtually arm to arm with him, the reason so many chakra networks were interwoven around him; however, of much greater interest to him was the very low but persistent cloud that hung along the ground just behind where he was being carried. At first he dismissed it as early-morning dew but, as he focussed his vision upon it, he quickly realised this couldn't be the case as it was present only directly behind him and extended only to the front-third of his vision; a sudden idea formulated in his mind as he recalled the mission destination, Neji quickly realised the mostly likely explanation and, deactiving his All-Seeing eye, made to check out if he was right or not; moving his arm with as much dexterity as he could manage as it was still held within the sleeve of the sleeping bag he was ensconced in, the Hyuuga squeezed his eyes shut and quickly flipped the hood of his sleeping bag up and over his head.

He was briefly assailed by vertigo as the removal of the hood disengaged the seals that had tricked his body into thinking it had been laid down; even before the sensation cleared however, he knew exactly where he was purely by the smell of the air around him. It was dry, desiccated and full of the tang of sand; blinking his eyes open and squinting against the harsh light of the dawn, he immediately saw the low clouds of sand being kicked up by the workhorse who was carrying not only himself but five other ninja as well and, reminded of the jinchuuriki's efforts, he called softly over his shoulder, not wanting to wake anyone else who might still be resting,

"Naruto-san", the swaying motion that had characterised the progress across the desert slowed slightly and, now he knew he was being heard, the Hyuuga spoke again, "dawn – we should wake the others".

"Hai, brace yourself a second", not exactly sure what was coming next Neji prepared for anything and felt his efforts rewarded as he and the rest of his team were swung off Naruto's shoulders and laid out in the desert sand. Once he was prone, Neji reached around his sleeping bag and unzipped himself, glancing up at the Senju-Uzumaki with well-concealed surprise; _he must have been running all night but he's barely even breathing heavily_;

"Give me a hand a minute", the sudden command broke Neji from his temporary trance and, between the efforts of the two of them, the other five members of the team were quickly roused and returned to action,

"Ahh, I slept like a brick", Sakura yawned as she stretched upwards, glancing at the sleeping bags Naruto was sealing away with his harness with renewed respect, "Jiraiya-sama truly is a genius of fuuinjutsu, and I know you must have had a hand in helping him create those things Naruto-kun".

"Only a minor one, and it's mostly just the harness that's mine", he responded curtly before standing to his full height and giving the others a once-over, "if I'm right we should be about five or six hours from Suna; if we push we can make it there before midday". Two pairs of very thick eyebrows rose,

"From Konoha to Suna in less than twenty-four hours; yosh, a new record", Gai mentioned with a victorious smile, "your flames of youth are a conflagration Naruto-kun".

"Nah, my jigokuton is a conflagration Gai-sensei, though with any luck you won't see that any time soon", the taller man smiled before his face became more serious, "for now though we have a mission to complete and Gaara-sama's life may depend on our swiftness. We must move on now".

With that and only a momentary pause to grab ration bars and water canteens for eating and drinking on the run, the six-man team raced across the desert towards their objective, the rays of the dawn chasing them the whole way there.

XXX

Sabaku Temari had a lot on her plate at the moment; both her younger brothers were somewhere on the brink of life and death and the state of her village defence was tenuous to say the least; therefore it should have come to no-ones' surprise that when a panicked-looking chunin sprinted into the hospital calling her name, the first thing she did was introduce the tip of her war fan into his gut at some speed,

"Quiet you idiot", she seethed, letting him slump to his knees as she scowled towards the door where Kankuro lay being treated as best the medical staff could manage for such a deadly toxin, "there are injured here being treated – you shrieking like a fishwife may distract the medics".

"The, the team", hugging his traumatised stomach, the chunin nevertheless managed to glance up from where he'd fallen and deliver the message, "reinforcements, from Konoha, they arrived a few minutes ago".

"What? That's impossible", even with futon jutsu and virtual flight, never before in history had there been such rapid movement between the allied villages, "they couldn't have got here so quickly..."

"The _ketsueki kuroku_ runs with them Temari-sama".

At that name some, but by no means all, of the tension drained away from the eldest of the Sabaku siblings; since hearing of his exile from Konoha and the explanation the Godaime Hokage had given for it in the face of Gaara's ire following his coronation as Kazekage, she and her brothers had met the Senju-Uzumaki once or twice in the past and each time he had given them reason to believe that when he was concerned the term impossible should be used with the very greatest of care. Though neither she nor Kankuro truly knew what had occurred between the two jinchuuriki within that Konoha detainment cell nearly four years ago, Temari was well aware both that Gaara held his Konoha counterpart in the highest of regard and that Naruto reciprocated such concern; _though why I don't know. Does he need Gaara for something, to hold to whatever bargain it was so long ago – well, either way that's immaterial now_; nodding to the chunin who'd brought her such good news and giving him a hand back to his feet, Temari made to move off towards the main administration building of Suna, thankfully untouched following the attack of the Akatsuki; _as long as he and his team can return Gaara and help Kankuro, I can deal with whatever other deals he's struck as and when they become important_.

Some fifteen minutes later, after she had managed to talk the elder Chiyo out of attempted murder of Hatake Kakashi following mistaken identity on the part of the older woman, she finished her debrief of the attack and what had happened in the aftermath. As she'd expected the Konoha party looked grave with the exception of the two kunoichi, one of whom looked merely determined as she flashed a glance at the eldest Sabaku to confirm a few facts,

"Poison you say?"

"Yes, though not one familiar to our medical staff"; Sakura merely nodded before flicking her eyes to her sensei and, seeing his nod, started making her demands,

"Okay leave this to me taicho, I won't let you down; Tenten-chan, would you mind lending me a hand and Neji-san, you come too, I might need your eyes. I'll get the rest of the details from your hospital when we're there – sorry elder, can I help you?" The wizened old woman who had attacked Kakashi earlier merely stayed silent for a moment before, just as Sakura was tempted to push past and get to her patient faster, her croaking tone faintly mocking as she faced down the younger kunoichi,

"What makes you think you can counter the poison of Akasuna no Sasori, the prodigy of our puppeteer corps and slayer of the Sandaime Kazekage?" Sakura merely smiled,

"Simple, I was trained by the best Chiyo-baasama", if the elder was surprised that Sakura knew her name she didn't show it, instead merely waiting passively as the pink haired medic went on, "oh yes, Tsunade-shishou told us all about how you and she were rivals during the earlier wars, and she mentioned that your grandson went rogue from the village as well. Still, the way I see it if she was able to detoxify all your poisons and taught me, there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to do the same when it comes to the grandson you taught". The smaller puppeteers' eyes narrowed but before she could answer Sakura took her leave, followed by two members of team nine; as Chiyo watched them depart with a calculating gleam in her eyes, Gai turned to Temari with an uncharacteristically serious look on his face,

"We should come up with a strategy to recover your youngest brother while our students save your elder one Sabaku-san; my youthful rival, do you think you could track them through the desert?" Kakashi rubbed his chin for a moment, book out of sight to reflect the severity of the event as he considered the other times he'd fought in the dunes of Suna and how difficult it had been to ensure the target was brought to book by either himself or his team as he led them to their place or rest,

"Not easily, especially if one of the abductors has the ability to fly", the Copy-nin admitted, "though my summons might be of greater help if we can get them a scent to go off. Naruto-kun..."

"Same issue", the jinchuuriki grated, his irritation plain for all to see as he began to pace slightly, "though the extraction of Shukaku should generate huge amounts of chakra residue that anyone should be able to pick up on if they get close enough. We are in a tight bind; as the last one to see the Akatsuki was Kankuro-san, we have to wait for him to recover to get at least an idea as to which way they went; any idea how long Sakura-chan's treatment might take?" Both jounin present swapped a glance before Kakashi answered for the two of them,

"I'm not a med-nin Naruto-kun, though I trust my student and Tsuande-sama's teaching to treat Kankuro-san as quickly and safely as possible".

Naruto nodded at this and made to depart, though anyone even casually looking in his direction could have seen that he was not exactly happy with such news and with good reason; it was not in his nature to be on the defensive or react to a situation. He was the one who sought fights rather than waited for them; the Akatsuki might not have been foes on the level he had seen from the cursed memories that had been bequeathed to him as irresistibly as Goa-chichioya had but they were still dangerous and cunning foes; not for the first time he cursed Jiraiya for not telling him about one particular technique of the toad clan until he had been on the steppes of Kumo. If he had known such a manner of travel existed then he could have ensured all the jinchuuriki were as protected as those of Lightning and Waterfall, though as things stood he couldn't wish for what was now impossible. All he could do was wait however much it irked him to do so, and put his trust in the skill and dedication of his team mates in the way his second-father had failed to place his trust in his brothers long ago in the distant past. He would rely on humans untouched by the gifts of the biological mutations that set him apart, normal people who could and would do extraordinary things for those that they loved; this trust, this belief in the power of mankind as it was, would be what would set his future visions apart from the mistakes that had been made so long ago and plunged the greatest empire ever known into ruin and decay.

Despite himself though, regardless of the mantras he had repeated in his mind and brain until even the Kyuubi knew them by rote, there was one small part of him that snarled its discontent, a savage, unfettered monster that demanded the blood of those who had dared place themselves in his path as obstacles. There could be no peace, no diplomacy, it decided – there was no need for reason, no requirement for empathy with enemies. Only through blood and death could the matter be decided; might would, and would always, make right.

And regardless of how he cursed himself for such feelings, he could not help but consider such a savage point of view as having a certain amount of validity to it.

XXX

Fortunately for both the rescue mission as a whole and Naruto's wrestling with his own internal doubts and recriminations Sakura, with assistance from Tenten and Neji, was easily able to extract whatever poison had laid Kankuro though, though the puppeteer was still desperately weak and would likely be in recovery for a good many weeks until his strength returned. He was so knocked out by the poison of the nuke-nin, who he did quantify as being Akasuna no Sasori to back up Chiyo's observations based on the wounds he'd received, that he had to rely on another Suna jounin to retrieve the head of his puppet Karasu and the small scrap of fabric held within its jaws.

"Felt myself going", he managed to grate out from his bed as Sakura held the black and red cloth with a pair of surgical forceps, not willing to risk contamination of the only lead they had by touching it with her bare hands, "so did the only thing I could to try and get a trail off them". Realising what the Suna nin had done, Gai-san gave a thumbs-up,

"Good work Kankuro-kun, the act of turning a defeat into victory if proof that your flames of youth burn brightly". To his credit the puppeteer merely blinked at the disturbing sight of a grown man in tight spandex posing at him for a few seconds before, rather than freaking out as many had done in the past, merely turning to the med-nin who'd saved him and nodding at the small vial of ominous green-black liquid she'd extracted from his wounds and speaking in a perfect deadpan,

"If this is going to be a regular occurrence, any chance I could get that poison back Sakura-san? Pretty please?"

"No", the chunin answered, though she didn't look entirely unsympathetic as she watched Gai's team distract his attention with what looked like practised ease, "I'll need this to come up with an antidote in case we end up facing Sasori to get Gaara back".

"Though before you start, give it to me Sakura-chan", Naruto broke into the conversation as he eyed up the toxin with something like professional interest, "I may be able to determine at least some of its effects and only require a small sample".

"Really?" _Must not have been her part of the training_; the jinchuuriki held in a sigh as he nodded at her question,

"How else do you think I survived Anko-sensei?" The reminder of the somewhat insane jounin was enough to make all the Konoha nin present shiver for a moment before the medic handed over the precious sample, watching with interest as Naruto, after giving the bottle a gentle sniff, merely raised it to his lips and took a small gulp of it into his mouth.

Though Naruto did not exactly know what all his new organs were and how they worked, he had a rough idea of what was going on with his altered biology when he did certain things. Ingestion of poisons was one such occurrence and something he had done frequently over the years, mostly due to the influence of Anko-sensei, who had always been one for developing resistance to toxins and had been delighted to find he was so naturally resilient that she could immediately introduce him to some of the more dangerous weapons in her arsenal. Through experimentation the student and sensei had discovered that the most effective way for him to gain immunity to venoms that were novel to his system was for him to ingest them; the fact that, once exposed in this manner, he could quickly remember where the poison had come from was just the icing on the cake and, in this case, made rapid disassembly of the poison used to incapacitate Kankuro much less hassle than might have otherwise been expected,

"It's a compound mixture", he spoke, swirling the compound around in his mouth and allowing his own alien biology to dissect the toxic soup in his mouth, "based mostly around _fugu_ venom, though there's uh, at least two, no, three other types, one of which I'm fairly certain is that of a scorpion, quite a generic one as each of them have two types of sting; reckon Sasori uses this one just to attack the nerves and cause pain. The others seem to attack the chakra network and act as facilitators for the _fugu_ toxins but I don't know exactly what they're from. Hope that helps", he said curtly before swallowing the venom completely, allowing the next phase of his digestive system to both break down the proteins making up the poison and educate his body into how to counter such a venom should, as was likely, he encounter it in the future.

"Perfect, thanks a lot for that Naruto-kun", Sakura's beaming was brighter than the sun overhead as she turned to the nearest medical orderly and began barking instructions, "_fugu_ venom is the main issue, the rest aren't immediately fatal so we should be okay. I assume you have anti-venom for that fish in stock?"

"Uh, maybe a little", the somewhat overawed medic managed to tear his eyes away from the man who'd drunk what should have been an immediately lethal cocktail and seemed ready for a second course enough to defend himself from Sakura's suddenly ominous glower, "hey don't look at me, we're miles from the sea here, _fugu_ isn't exactly a common dish in Suna". Recognising the logic, the Hokage's apprentice sighed before nodding,

"Well get me all the stocks you have, and I assume you've got some sort of treatment for scorpion stings here somewhere? Get me the cures for the most dangerous scorpions in this damned desert, and if a chakra poison is involved I'll need infusions from these three herbs..."

XXX

Despite Sakura's apparent genius in the chemistry lab, however, the sun was certainly starting to sink when she emerged into the light once more, somewhat haggard but certainly triumphant as she held aloft three injectors containing a clear, very light blue medical liquid,

"Got it", she exclaimed triumphantly following Tenten, who'd been acting the part of laboratory assistant for the past few hours, rounding up the rest of the rescue squad, "these antidotes will convert the poison into harmless protein for up to three minutes after injection into the body, though", she glanced down at the floor as though somewhat disheartened, "due to the lack of _fugu_ anti-venom I could only make a total of three injectors".

"Well then we'll just have to be careful how we fight", Kakashi eye-smiled at his former student, relieving one of the injectors from her and tucking it securely into his equipment pouch, "I suggest you take one of them as the medic and split the other two between myself and Gai-sensei; that way if anyone on the team is injured there's a cure available in both squads if we have to split up. Unless, Naruto...?" The jinchuuriki shook his head,

"No need for me, that poison's nasty but it won't keep me down"; _not any more at least_; admittedly he would have had cause for concern if he'd been going up against the supposed Sasori blind but thanks to a little luck that wouldn't be the case. Kakashi, to Naruto's mingled relief and gratitude, seemed to take his assurance at face value and merely bit his thumb; a few seals and a puff of smoke later, a very familiar squat little form blinked up at the shinobi owlishly,

"Kakashi", the little pug always seemed to sound morose, even when not in the middle of a battle to the death, "what you need me for?"

"Can you get a scent off of this Pakkun; should be at most a day or two old?"

"Hurmm, good enough", the nin-ken allowed Sakura to lay the little scrap of cloth before him and took several deep breaths through his nose before backing off, wrinkled nose scrunching up even further in distaste, "gah, what did that come off, a training dummy? All wood polish and machine oil – oh, we're in Suna right – puppeteer?" Kakashi eye-smiled at his favourite summon as he retrieved the cloth from the floor,

"Apparently so; Naruto-kun?" Pakkun watched with boredom as his summoner offered the cloth to someone else, most likely an Inuzuka as they were the other clan he knew of to work with canine partners, only to for his face to fall as much as it was able to at the sight of the huge fingers that emerged from a nearby doorway and snagged the scrap of fabric. Seeing the cloth stuffed into the massive humans' mouth and chewed up, the nin-ken felt compelled to make a comment even if he kept his tone respectful; annoying someone who had feet the same size as your body was simply not the done thing even for a summoned creature,

"Wow, this is the Naruto you were on about Kakashi?" At the Copy-nins' nod, Pakkun craned his neck up to see the Senju-Uzumaki roll an eye towards him, "You're a big kid aren't you?"

"And you're a small pug; it takes all sorts to make a word", the jinchuuriki riposted before spitting out the masticated bullet of the Akatsuki cloth and tasting the air with his tongue, "can you get us to the desert Pakkun-san, my senses work best where there's not interference".

"Yah, I can follow something that distinctive", the pug assured the retrieval team, making to move off as Naruto nodded; taking his cue from his summons Kakashi stood tall to address the shinobi under his command before a harsh, crackling old laugh cut him off; glancing over, the Konoha jounin was quick to sidestep behind the spandex-clad form of his eternal rival as the geriatric who'd attempted to murder him almost as soon as he'd entered Suna approached their team, Temari dogging her heels with her fan holstered over her back and a worried but determined expression on her face,

"So, you're all off the play the hero and bring my errant grandson to book are you?" The Suna elder looked them all up and down before, inexplicably, smiling, "So then, looks like I'll be joining you then; I want to see little Sasori-kun once more before the Shinigami claims me for his own".

"Elder Chiyo, you cannot..."

"Bah, don't tell me what I can and can't do; just because I handed in my headband twenty years ago doesn't mean I'm a useless old woman Sabaku no Temari; just ask your brother how much my skills have declined if you doubt my word", suitably chastised, the eldest of the Suna trio of siblings fell quiet as Chiyo glanced around at her erstwhile team mates before Naruto stepped forwards and glared down at her imperiously; both generations of shinobi regarded each other for a long time before, at last, Naruto broke the stare down first,

"You don't keep up I'm carrying you baachan; Temari-chan", his fellow blonde simultaneously glanced up and stepped back; though time had dulled the memory and over the past few years she had been given the chance to get a little more familiar with the mysterious container of the Kyuubi, she knew she would never be truly able to like him – the dead face of her former sensei Baki loomed too large over the jinchuuriki's for such familiarity to ever occur, "we'll get him back".

"You bet, and then we're going to have that rematch you owe me Sandy", the sudden shout made Temari simultaneously start and glance around; seeing the kunoichi of team nine staring down at and twirling a kunai around her fingers, her more traditional smirk broke over the Suna ninja's face,

"You that desperate to get blown away again? Fine, I look forwards to beating some more sense into that twin-bunned head of yours". Jarred by the reminder of her defeat during that ill-fated chunin exam Tenten growled low in her throat and her knuckles whitened on the knife she was holding, though before she could snap back at the infuriatingly smug Suna jounin her sensei stepped between them,

"Tenten-chan control your flames; it is most unyouthful to pick a fight with an ally when our mission is still in progress", under the eye of the jounin the kunoichi backed down grudgingly, glaring at Temari the whole time until, at last, the now-seven members of Gaara's rescue team raced away to the main entrance of the desert village and, following Pakkun's trail, ran across the desert on the trail of the stolen friend.

XXX

The earth of the summoning chamber shifted suddenly, one half of the main scout of the Akatsuki returned early from his vigil and addressing the rest of the organisation, though only two were present in body rather than projected from the rings they wore,

"They come", the black half of Zetsu spoke, apparently unconcerned that his white half stood with the others around the chamber and the suspended form of the One-tailed host was held in the air before them, "seven of them, including your dear old grandmother Sasori-kun". The hunched form of the puppeteer said nothing at the information, just as well at it would likely have been drowned out by the raucous laughter of one of the other members,

"Wow, now that's really scraping the ass-end of the barrel", the figure with a tri-bladed scythe turned his smirk on his fellow S-ranked ninja, "she must be, like, older than rag-man over there; not one of your old flames is she Kakazu?"

"I will kill you one of these days Hidan, immortality be damned!"

"Ha, you're welcome to try", the Jashinist smirked, glad that he'd managed to rile up the Taki bounty hunter again, "Jashin-sama armours me against your pathetic might you money-grubbing old bastard".

"Enough", the voice of the leader, even though his spectral body was hidden in shadow and let only his ringed eyes show in the gloom, "they have moved faster than we anticipated, we require at least a further day to complete the sealing. Itachi, Kisame, your decoys are prepared?"

"Hai Leader-sama", the shark-nin replied, concentration not wavering from the ritual all nine of the Akatsuki were involved in, "we're ready to lead any desert rats that come after their leader a merry chase". A soft laugh broke across Kisames' words, Zetsu only just managing to contain himself as he glanced first to the Kiri nuke-nin, then his partner,

"It won't be that easy, this isn't just some Suna-nin wanting to play hero; they have Konoha with them and the _Senso Haundo_ runs at their head. Oh", the artificial construct feigned shock at the way all attention suddenly shifted towards him, "you remember him then?"

Of course they did, there wasn't a member of the organisation that didn't know that name; one of their targets that couldn't yet be touched, the Kyuubi jinchuuriki had first made his presence known following the Konoha chunin exams and then again immediately afterwards by somehow almost crippling one of the more powerful of the Akatsuki teams sent to test his capacity. Had it not been for luck on the part of the Akatsuki operatives there might be only eight in the summoning circle now rather than ten, and it appeared those who had escaped the jaws of the War Hound were in no mood to repeat the experience if the sudden widening of Kisames' eyes were anything to go by,

"I believed him to still exist in exile; Sasori, your spy network has let us down", though nothing showed through his veiled face the puppeteer could easily hear the disapproval of the Akatsuki leader, "still, there is little to be done about it now. Send out the decoys; should our perimeter be breached you, Deidara and Sasori, are to ensure the One-tails remains within our possession until it can be correctly sealed away".

"You got it leader-san, un", the taller of the two partners smiled with all three of his mouths, fingering his pouch of explosive clay before grinning widely, "I can't wait to introduce the Kyuubi container to my art; I'll blow him back to the Leaf with his tail between his legs!"

For a moment no-one answered the youngest member of the organisation and Deidara smiled at his boast until, with crushing inevitability, his smile was ground to nothingness and he scowled at the sibilant voice that spoke next, a note of caution in its tone,

"I would advise you don't antagonise him Deidara-san", the slight form, shielded by the bulk of his partner, had to lean slightly forwards to speak to the glowering Iwa ninja, "remember your mission, do not be side-tracked by your art or vainglorious war".

"Hey, un, you were the one who got your ass kicked by the kid Itachi", the blonde spat back, still disgruntled that he had been bested by the Uchiha so easily and forced into the Akatsuki ranks against his will, "we're all grateful that you showed us how it shouldn't be done but not all of us are quite that incompetent; after all Sasori-danna and I already got our bijuu, you and Kisame-san can't say the same".

_Damn, that was good_; though a lot of the Akatsuki didn't get on with each other due to clashing egos, Deidara was usually the one who came off worst when he tried to pick a fight with the Uchiha prodigy so to roll him over so effectively in front of the whole organisation left the former Iwa nin with a rosy glow. Itachi for his part was silent for a long, long moment but, as always, just when he was daring to relax and consider the point won conclusively, the flat, monotone voice he hated so much was a poured into his ears like an evil liquid wax and despite his better judgement he was forced to listen,

"I do not deny we were unprepared for the Kyuubi", that was about as close as Itachi was likely to come to admitting he'd made a mistake, "but incompetence and unpreparedness are not the same thing Deidara-san. After all, what Naruto-kun took from me in vision", the Sharingan wielder finally turned towards his tormentor and, despite himself, Deidara couldn't help but twitch ever so slightly as he was force to match and hold that half-dead gaze, listening as the Uchiha finished with one of his eyes glowing from the disembodied form of his astral projection,

"I have merely regained in perspective".

XXX

The shadows were lengthening, the day drawing to a close but none would dare slow down, not with the Akatsuki tantalisingly within reach; under the guidance of Pakkun's nose, a hundred times more sensitive than that of his summoner even if Kakashi enhanced his sense of smell with chakra, the team made good progress through the desert, the trail leading them towards an outcrop of rocks at the edge of Suna where, Chiyo surmised, it would be easy for a small group to set up a camp in a defensible location. The mood of the travelling team was tense and alert, Neji with his Byakugan almost constantly activated and ready for use while even Gai and Lee appeared quiet and contemplative; in fact such was the apprehension in the atmosphere that it was almost a relief when Pakkun, by now being carried by Sakura because he liked the smell of the shampoo she used, suddenly tensed and barked a warning after catching an unfamiliar scent upon the air,

"Ahead of us, two of them", the nin-ken briefed the others, "one stinks of water and blood, the other..."

"Ash", Naruto finished for him, having tasted the air with his tongue as Neji engaged his bloodline to pin-point the location of the two charka signatures ahead of them all, "so then, the bishie and the fishie again; looks like I'll have a chance to correct the balls-up we had three years ago". He drew two of his kunai, the weapons long, slender and glinting in the dying suns' rays before a word from Kakashi caught his attention,

"Naruto, you can't just take on the Akatsuki alone; you are one of their targets along with Gaara after all", the jounin reminded him, though he was careful not to get too close to the Senju-Uzumaki as Naruto's gaze snapped onto him with terrifying intensity, "we'll take them together".

"Right", he replied after a moment before glancing across at Gai, "you know how to defeat the Sharingan I'm told Gai-sensei?"

"Hai Naruto-kun; though an unyouthful bloodline, it matters little if the enemy can't catch your eye – just look at their feet and most of an Uchiha's normal tactics are undone. However Itachi, though most unyouthful, is not an ordinary Uchiha; he may well have adapted to such a fighting style". The jinchuuriki smiled,

"Well we're about to find out because you will be taking him down", he indicated the rest of his team with a broad sweep of his closest kunai before drawing the weapon in close to his body and speaking again in a tone that wasn't a threat, or an order but nevertheless inspired those that heard it to take heed and pay attention to it,

"Kisame is mine".

A few moments later, just as the desert dunes began to recede into rockier ground, the Akatsuki revealed themselves and for the first time the difference between Naruto and his fellow shinobi was revealed; as they drew lines of sight to their opponents seven members of the retrieval team slowed and then halted in guard positions in a typical shinobi reaction to sighting the enemy; using perfect teamwork even if from different villages in some cases, each member was quickly covering angles and preparing to engage the target after scanning for weaknesses and determining which techniques and tactics their enemies were likely to employ.

The eighth member, on the other hand, didn't even slow down.

XXX

"_You will see him fight Kakashi..."_;

Unbidden the words from a few days ago came back to him; in the fifteen minutes he'd had to prepare for this mission following the Godaime dismissing them all, the Copy-nin had spent at least thirteen of those minutes in conversation with Tsunades' fellow sannin. Jiraiya had been waiting in his apartment for him to return and, having thrust a bundle of sealing tags into his arms the moment he'd arrived, the Toad sage had quickly spoken the words that were now echoing around Kakashi's mind as he saw, for the first time, exactly how the jinchuuriki of the most powerful demon within the Elemental Nations dealt with his foes:

_ "You will see him fight Kakashi", the older man seemed grim and reserved as he said such a thing, a million miles from the goofy persona he preferred to portray to the world, "and when you do you will realise why Naruto-kun is no longer a shinobi, in fact he's almost the antithesis of what a shinobi should be. But for all that you'll also realise exactly why he's so damned dangerous, the power of the monster he's holding back in his head – I've never needed those seals I've given you but at the same time I've never been able to bring myself to get rid of them entirely. I want to, never for a second think otherwise, but because I've seen what he's capable of I can't, in fact I will not not have a way to restrain him in case his control does finally reach a limit and break. Should that happen, should Naruto lose the war he's been waging since the second he was bitten by that damned axe..." Jiraiya broke off, breathing harshly and the Copy-nin was surprised but not shocked to see tears glistening in the older mans' eyes as he turned away and hopped onto the windowsill, his last words breathed over his shoulder as he leapt away into the normal world of Konoha,_

_ "...you know what you have to do"._

He knew, of course he knew; if nothing else the betrayal of Sasuke, even if he hadn't exactly been Kakashi's problem when he turned his back on the Leaf, had taught him that there could be no second chances for potentially treacherous behaviour; but seeing the fight before him, almost stunned for a second before recollecting himself and following his eternal rival into the fray, he found himself wondering if he would even get a chance to use the sealing tags should the worst occur. Naruto had simply swept past them all, disregarding the chance to study his opponents in favour of simply closing the distance; the move was so completely unexpected that it had caught out their enemies as well as his allies and because of that it had been successful, the ring of steel on steel evident as the jinchuuriki's sudden bellow burst in the ears of his team,

"Get Itachi! I'll handle the half-shark". Even before the shock was over, however, Kakashi was in motion, using a flight of shuriken from Tenten as cover as he followed on Gai's heels towards the most infamous traitor Konoha had ever produced.

_So then, that's him out of the picture_; though he had heard the rumours of how gifted Itachi was as a shinobi Naruto had trust, as his bastard of a second-father had not, that his team would be able to keep the Uchiha off his back while he reduced the number of legendary ninja swordsman in the world by one. A kunai in each hand was enough to keep Kisame backpedalling and off-balance, the much larger blade of the Kiri nuke-nin actually a hindrance at close quarters, though to his credit the swordsman was able to deflect most of the offence of his antagonist and received only glancing cuts and grazes. That would be enough though; from what he had learnt in Kiri about the wielders of Samehada there was a reason the Monsters hidden in the Mist were considered the most dangerous of Seven Swordsmen, the bijuu with no tails. The semi-sentient blade could not only devour chakra, it would also heal the wounds of its bearer, enabling him to outlast virtually all opponents in a war of attrition; _though the virtually is the key there_; the enhanced shinobi considered as he continued to press his advantage – unlike years ago when Kisame had been stronger than his sealed form, now he wasn't hiding any more he was able to match the monster strength against strength; _Kisame, in fact none of the Akatsuki have ever met a foe like me_.

The nuke-nin for his part was getting considerably more annoyed by his opponent; he'd been caught on the back foot for a split-second after the jinchuuriki had made his suicidal charge and that had been long enough for the damned brat to take the advantage and not give it back. Snarling, Kisame attempted to fall back and earn some breathing room only to find the Senju-Uzumaki matching him step for step, denying him the advantage of the longer blade. It was as frustrating as engaging a samurai, one of the masters of idate who could stop ninjutsu experts in their tracks simply by taking advantage of the pauses needed to craft ninjutsu seals; as he felt himself nicked time and again by the shorter kunai-like blades of his opponent, the half-shark decided it was time to take more serious action to throw off this tenacious aggressor,

"Hey, kid", he broke off to deflect a straight thrust with the flat of Samehada, "heard you, were with Kiri these days?" He received no reply save a rip on his upper left arm for a few seconds before the jinchuuriki answered, though he did not relent in his blizzard of attacks, almost driving Kisame to one knee,

"Eighth Swordsman", he grunted back, "just a title, nothing more".

"Not, much of one", Kisame pointed out viciously, finally able to shove his opponent back half a step, "where's your sword?"

_There!_; finally able to go back on the offensive, the Kiri nuke-nin took full advantage of a fractional lull in the jinchuuriki frenzied attack following his words eventually piercing the haze of Naruto's concentration. Jumping away slightly, Kisame brought his blade down two-handed in a vertical overhand slash, hoping to either make the jinchuuriki back off or split him in two; what actually happened next, however, left the Akatsuki member reeling. Rather than getting completely out the way Naruto merely sidestepped to the left and slightly forwards; not exactly the last think Kisame had expected, he would have been able to deal with the unorthodox move had it not been for the fact that the jinchuuriki also brought his left arm up and caught Samehada in the crook of his elbow, sandwiching the steel between his forearm and bicep at the same time as flipping his kunai around and over the top of the sword, preventing Kisame from trying to lift it clear of the trap. _Impossible_; even as he watched bright red blood start to gout down his enemy's arm and felt the rush of charka from Samehada as it feasted, it seemed impossible to the rogue that even a jinchuuriki could stand up to the crushing force that should have sheared his arm from his body; _even if the fox was helping him, that should have shattered every bone in his arm..._;

It was at that point that Kisame realised he had another, rather more serious issue to contend with; though technically Samehada was still in his hands, the fact that both of his aforementioned limbs were no longer attached to the stump of his wrists was a cause for considerable consternation as the jinchuuriki's other short sword, held in his right hand and completely unaffected by his ensnaring move, whistled upwards in a flash of silver, hacking through the extended wrists as though they weren't there. The amputation was so fast that Kisame barely felt any pain, stumbling backwards with blood jetting from his new stumps before, with grim finality, the Konoha ninja stopped his retreat by darting forwards and driving his kunai through the half-sharks' closest thigh like a nail. Feeling his bone break and with only one remaining limb working, Kisame could do little more than stare and curse as Naruto stood to his full height and flexed his left arm, Samehada left to fall to the floor with a clatter as the jinchuuriki spoke,

"Know what I hate?" He didn't even give his opponent a chance to answer, instead ramming his remaining kunai through the Akatsuki members' sternum with finality and speaking only as the light left the dying man's eyes,

"I hate it when people automatically assume they're worth the axe".

Kisame, of course, didn't answer, though as his form began to change Naruto merely spat upon the ground near his former adversary, cleaning the venom he'd been storing there from the two glands in his hard palette in case he needed to use it if the duel went awry. It hadn't gone so far of course, though how much of that was due to his tactics and how much was due to the comparative weakness of whatever simulacrum technique Kisame had used was a matter of conjecture; all told, he'd won a proxy duel against arguably the most powerful member of the Seven swordsmen still living today using purely kenjutsu, not an achievement to be sniffed at. Glancing at his arm to see that the blood flow had already stopped and the bruising of the tendon in his lower arm was starting to fade, a combination of his own unique clotting factors and the presence of Kyuubi, he turned to face his remaining opponent only to see there was no need; Itachi, or at least whoever the unfortunate Itachi had possessed to spring this attack had been, was currently airborne and being riddled with shuriken from the ground courtesy of Tenten, Neji and, if the way some of the projectiles weren't just lodging in his flesh but tearing through it and leaving exit wounds was anything to go by, Sakura-chan as well. Lee was standing slightly to one side looking a little confused about something, though judging by the way Chiyo-baachan was smirking Naruto would have laid better than even odds she was behind it somehow, and just before the traitor landed both jounin made themselves known, a double Leaf Whirlwind slamming home simultaneously from opposite directions to drive all life from the traitors' proxy. Realising the fight was over, Naruto reached down and picked up the fake Samehada, casually ignoring the pain in his hand as it seemed to stab him somehow with ease of long practice, and paced towards where the others were examining the remains of their foe, his extra-sensory hearing enabling him to pick up what Chiyo was saying even at this distance,

"...one of Suna's captains; this raid must have been planned for a long time for Akatsuki to get their tendrils in this deep, just as we feared. Ah, you survived then brat", Naruto raised a hand at the oblique greeting, causing many of his team to gasp at the sight of how barley he appeared to have been torn up; _huh, they think this is blood – just as well they weren't there when I led the breakout of Pansuki in Kiri, that was bloody night alright_; "thought you were supposed to be half-decent with a sword?"

"Heh, you haven't seen the other guy yet baa-chan; bear with me a moment, there's a message I have to send now", Chiyo seemed to smirk a little at the returned banter before raising an eyebrow as the jinchuuriki took a knee and, in a display of strength, rammed Samehada into the soft dust at his feet up to the hilt, speaking in his mind as he did so,

"_Kyuubi, this sword plagues me"._

"**Have you considered letting go of it?**"

"_Of course_"; despite himself the jinchuuriki smiled at the fox's caustic comment, causing some of the other shinobi to exchange worried glances as they began sensing him building up his chakra, "_but that's not exactly the message I wish to send to the bastards that have Gaara and your brother. You know what's on my mind – you have any objections?"_ He could almost feel the bijuu's crocodile grin from the depths of his mind, a familiar burning down the length of his arm as he channelled the fox's foul chakra into the sentient blade,

"**No, though cruelty doesn't become you kit**".

"_Cruelty? This is mercy Kyuubi_", he corrected his prisoner, feeling the metal beneath his fingers grow warm and vibrate – as he suspected, there was a limit to the level of chakra Samehada could absorb and he was fast approaching that, "_this is merely a warning for all the Akatsuki, who may heed it and avoid me or ignore it and face their end at my hands. I know people like this Kyuubi, much to my dismay – they won't listen to reason, the only thing they respect_", he closed his eyes and braced himself as the fake Samehada approached critical mass, "_is brute strength_".

There was a noise like a bundle of explosive tags going off, a cloud of earth thrown up and a chakra flare so bright Neji was glad he'd disabled his bloodline limit; he was already without hair, he had no desire to be robbed of his eyesight as well. For a heart-stopping second everyone stared into the cloud hoping to see an inkling of what had just happened, only for the imposing figure of the jinchuuriki to step forth from the airborne dust and cough slightly,

"So, that's the message delivered; let's hope the Akatsuki pay attention before I get serious and we have to kill the lot of them", he remarked conversationally, clapping the dust and dried blood off his hands while his enhanced healing cells began clotting on the surface of his palms, "so then Chiyo-baachan", the eldest shinobi present took a step back as Naruto smiled in her direction, though even if the gesture was meant for reassurance, there was still a cut-throat edge to its depths as she and everyone else in the retrieval team realised exactly what he had done and where the evil chakra she had felt building up around him had gone, "let's go get your leader back".

XXX

"Crap".

"What do you...?" Hidan's voice suddenly dropped as the Jashinist suddenly realised who had spoken, "are you screwing with us?"

"No", strangely enough the voice of Kisames' partner added more gravitas to the situation that Kisames' original outburst did, Itachi appearing contemplative as he reviewed the memory from the flesh clone that had just been obliterated by the combined Konoha teams, "even at nearly half strength our opponents were able to overcome us in moments, and Naruto-kun has only grown stronger". There was sudden shuffling from somewhere in the vicinity of the rogue ninja swordsman and Kisame snarled, a rare light of anger in the shark-nin's eyes that was visible even over the astral projection,

"The bastard just..." disrespect of another mans' blade was a taboo in Kiri, one even nuke-nin adhered to, "...next time I see him I rend his flesh from his bones and drain every scrap of chakra from his coils for what he did to Samehada!"

"But not now", it was a testament to how serious the situation was that Itachi actually raised his voice to be heard, "Leader-sama, we do not have the time to seal the One-tail now, we must withdraw". The concentric rings of the one doujutsu in the world more powerful than the Uchihas' own swept over to him before, eventually, the shadowy figure of the Akatsuki leader made his decree,

"We will seal as much of the bijuu chakra as we are able to at the moment; when we are uncovered you", Sasori and Deidara perked up, the taller of the two shooting a smug look in Itachis' direction as he realised the Uchiha had once more been found lacking, "will ensure we maintain ownership of the container until the rest of the Shukaku can be sealed. If you can weaken the Kyuubi jinchuuriki as well, do so".

"You sure Leader-san? I mean we wouldn't want Itachi-senpai to feel inadequate when we catch his bijuu for him", Deidara chuckled before feeling the eyes of the organisation on him and falling silent, directing his attention to the jinchuuriki suspended above them, feeding his chakra into the sealing ritual even as his victorious smirk wouldn't leave his lips and the tongue of one hand dipped into his clay pouch, tasting the explosive death within and imaging the magnificence of his art being shown to a new, ignorant audience a few hours from now.

XXX

Almost before he'd heard the problem he had used the gift of his clan and seen the solution,

"There are four tags", his intoning placed him as the centre of attention as he quickly indicated the location of the hidden anchors of the barrier seal protecting the Akatsuki hideout; quickly deciding on a plan, team nine and their sensei donned short-ranged radio sets and moved out, preparing to destabilise the barrier while the remaining four shinobi quickly discussed their plan of attack,

"That oversized pebble is mine", Sakura declared, cracking her knuckles inside their protective gloves as Naruto nodded and turned to the oldest member of their party,

"I assume you're a puppeteer Chiyo-baachan; your job is to get Gaara out of there, I'll cover you and Kakashi-sensei, anything goes wrong you step in. Make sure you all get out way and take Kazekage-sama with you", staring at the seemingly impenetrable rock before him, Naruto narrowed his eyes and began garnering his chakra around him as he took in a breath of air for both his respiratory systems, "I'll handle the rest".

A moment later the signal came through the radio set Kakashi was wearing and his former student sprinted forwards; as the massive boulder was reduced to powder Naruto found himself rapidly reappraising his one-time Academy colleague; _looks like baa-chan really did find someone who could surpass her_. Luckily Sakura seemed to follow orders rather better than her sensei adhered to Shizune-neechan's paperwork schedule, quickly retreating to behind the jinchuuriki even before the dust finished settling, Naruto himself stepping forwards and trusting to his enhanced eyesight to pick out the important items in the scene before him. Vision sharper and able to see in more spectrums than even the fabled Byakugan, the enhanced jinchuuriki immediately sized up the scene before him and took the most appropriate cause of action to save his friend from the attentions of the nine madmen attempting to kill him for nothing more than the happenstance of his birth.

Due to his quickness of eye and matched quickness of hand there was an oversized kunai lodged in the opening eye of the giant statue dominating one end of the rough-hewn cave. Even as its sudden high-pitched scream of rage echoed around the cramped confines of the hideout a stream of chakra strings whipped out and latched on to the suspended form of the Kazekage, the sand-user dragged towards safety as Chiyo snapped her strings expertly to safeguard her village leader, shouting forwards as she did so,

"Ha, are these old bones too quick for you grandson? I'm ashamed of you Sasori, if this is how far you've fallen". One of the only two living opponents present seemed to react to the old womans' chiding but, before any further action could be taken on the part of the Akatsuki to recover their hostage Naruto took one step forwards, flashed a glance to the side to make sure the ancient puppeteer had dragged Gaara far enough clear before channelling his chakra and taking a deep breath into his massive and massively altered lungs,

"Jigokuton"; _and now I know how baa-chan and ero-sennin feel_; originally he'd hated that name for his techniques but, over the months and years, he had come around to feel a strange kind of fondness for the Kiri-based description of his combination techniques, the ones that had earned him his Dragon moniker, "Jigoku no kuchiwohiraku!'"

He didn't expect to kill his opponents of course; against such strong opponents such a straightforward technique, even one as hot to handle as a fire and wind collaboration technique, was hardly enough to even begin to hope for a lethal strike; but hopefully it would be enough to keep them occupied enough for him to plan his next move and, more importantly, dissuade them from pursuing their main target. After a few second she let the white fire die and scanned the chamber, another of his knives in his hand and trained on the thick wall he could see erected in front of the last position of the two definite enemies he could see, the rest of the Akatsuki vanished back to their own bodies and no longer a factor while whatever summon had been used to seal away the tanuki's chakra had disappeared as well. The second the cracks began to appear in the fired clay the blade was in motion, cracking through the burnt red wall with a noise like a sheet of ice shattering. There was no scent of blood, nothing to suggest he'd hit a flesh target as opposed to a clone but then he hadn't expected to; in fact the sensation of a couple of senbon digging into his left arm almost came as a relief as it pin-pointed the location of his opponent even if the sudden acceleration of both his heart rates as they worked to pump the poison now in his system towards where the growth on his kidney would easily purge it from his system was an annoyance he could have done without,

"Heh, guess he wasn't that tough danna; he didn't even see your attack coming"; _I know it's a bad habit and I really shouldn't do it, but_; sometimes he could see where his godfather came from, there was a certain element of sense in letting your enemy know they were outmatched and could either attempt to escape or, in this case, simply die where they stood. Therefore, as he casually glanced over at the Akatsuki duo and made a show of pulling the poisoned needles out of his arm with a chilling smile, he couldn't help but feel a certain grim satisfaction in the twitch of consternation hat raced across the face of the taller of the two nuke-nin,

"Or maybe he just didn't see the point in getting out the way of such a weak strike", he offered his point of view before returning the senbon to their owner at speed, the hunched figure dodging the splinters with the slightest of motions, "come on little poisoner, surely that can't be all you can do?"

"So", the voice was low and growling, more metallic than human as the Suna missing nin spoke, "your bijuu renders you immune to even my venom?"

"No; he helps but no, you're just not in my league any more string-flinger", Naruto scoffed, the derogatory name for an amateur puppeteer intended to draw Sasori's attention onto him, "run along and play with your dolls, and take your little friend with you; you'll live longer that way".

"But you will not; Deidara, this one is mine", with that the Scorpion of the Red Sands brought forwards a single fist that fired forwards, shedding thousands of senbon on its flight until a blast of wind scattered them uselessly, Naruto wagging a finger at the ineffective attack,

"Projectiles against a futon user – are you sure you're from Suna originally little scorpion? At the minute I see you as little more than a cockroach and about as threatening; give me more!" The veiled face shook, the rage of its owner betrayed as Sasori began to use more of his puppets' weapons, speaking to his partner as he did so,

"Crush the rest of this vermin; Leader-san's wishes be damned, I will take the nine-tails and have his pelt for a new puppet".

"Right danna, un", with that the Iwa-nin chewed up and spat out a new clay steed, leaping atop it only to jump straight back off as a the earth cracked underneath his ride and a hand blazing with light emerged, cutting the construct apart as though it were butter. Cursing, the Iwa-nin made to dodge and find some room before he stumbled, almost tripping as something snagged his ankle. The hitch in his step was enough to allow his new enemy to come to grips with him, Sasori too engaged with his own opponent, who had simply stormed through a blizzard of venomous weapons as though it were a shower of rain, and he found himself ensnared by the eye he hated so much. The sight was so unexpected that he froze, just for a second, but that was a second far too long as Kakashi closed with his prey and with a flash of lightning, the life of the explosive artist ended in the most beautiful and powerful explosion in the natural world.

Sasori, for his part, couldn't have cared less about his partner as he attempted to find room to get deploy his more powerful and dangerous techniques against this new opponent that wasn't felled by his poisons but the jinchuuriki would not give him an inch. Much like Kisames' clone had been hemmed in, the puppeteer was unable to get any distance making the majority of his ninjutsu useless; only the durability of his puppet shell kept him from taking a debilitating strike. Only the fortunate combination of a second explosion from somewhere close by and Sasori shedding his outer shell was enough give him a chance to deploy his most powerful puppet, the permanent reminder of his most high-profile target to date,

"The Sandaime Kazekage", Chiyo's voice was heard in the background, "so you did kill him Sasori?"

"Hai, and now he serves a much greater purpose", the puppeteer spoke, his strings already anchored to the joints of the former leader of his village, "I have evolved the art of the puppeteer to beyond mortal parameters; as a human puppet I can never age, I shall be eternal..."

Dragon-fire belched forwards once more, the rest of Sasori's speech swallowed in a rush of white flame; as Naruto had grown in the world of ninja he had easily found that one of the most glaring weakness many powerful ninja had was a need to speak, to aggrandise their supposedly infallible techniques; though occasionally guilty of this himself, it was the one weakness he loved to exploit, especially when he knew of other chinks in his enemy's armour. This time he didn't let the fire drop, he kept the flame hot and pumped chakra into his technique until, at last, he smelt the distinctive tang of molten metal on and dropped his technique before diving forwards through the remnants flickers of flame, enhanced senses straining to find his enemy and, upon location, detaining him. Punching through what was left of the smouldering human puppet, the jinchuuriki seized his opponent by the neck, casually ignoring the pair of swords that were thrust towards his chest and deflected from his rib plate as he hefted Sasori off the floor one-handed,

"How", apparently having his throat crushed didn't prevent the animatronic human being able to speak, "you've taken enough toxin to kill an army, bijuu or none! And how did you defeat the Iron Sand?" Naruto didn't answer immediately, instead ripping both the puppets' arms from his body and catching the sprung-loaded coil before it punctured his abdomen as his ears caught the distinctive sound of the weapon chambering an instant before it launched. Dropping the weapon, Naruto faced the unchanging expression of the Akatsuki member and let out a gruff snort,

"Metals lose their magnetic properties if exposed to too much heat, and heat denatures the proteins that make up your venoms", he quoted, his near-eidetic memory and superhuman neural transmission speeds allowing him to both recall the bloodline of a shinobi he'd only read about once and figure out a plan to undo him in an instant to get to his enemy, "and as for you", he drew the puppet closer to him, voice dropping as he lowered his gaze slightly, "did you really think I couldn't smell the blood amid all that wood and metal?"

Sasori had no time to even begin to answer as Naruto thrust a few fingers forwards, hitting the sealed portion of Sasori's puppet body and knocking the cylinder loose from its moorings; the missing nin immediately fell lifeless, the puppets' strings cut without the living part of Sasori to control it. Reaching forwards and retrieving the small sealed container, the jinchuuriki allowed himself to smile and glance across at the other combat that had gone on while he dealt with Sasori. To his disappointment, however, there was no second body; instead Kakashi and Chiyo were glancing around at a discarded Akatsuki robe and a new hole in the ceiling which Sasori's partner must have blasted to make his escape. Seeing this and smirking slightly, Naruto fought down the slight feeling of nausea that arose due to his massively accelerated pulses forcing the blood to circulate around his body at high speed, the Senju-Uzumaki tracked back and rose a hand in greeting at Kakashi's lazy wave,

"He got away then? I know Chiyo-baachan's got an excuse but are you sure you're not letting old age catch up with you Kakashi-sensei?"

"Maa, these things happen; I might be fast with my eye but even I find it hard to tell an Iwa-bunshin from the real thing in a second, least of all when used by a master of doton techniques. Still", the Copy-nin held up his right hand, the fingers still sticky with blood up to second knuckle, "he didn't get away entirely unscathed, though it's a shame I couldn't take his whole arm rather than just halfway cripple it. Hope they've got a good medic on their side though otherwise that's going to be a wounded soldier they've got on their side for the foreseeable future. Did you want this by any chance?" The Copy-nin offered his fingers forwards but, seeing the blood on them drying, the jinchuuriki held up the hand containing Sasori's few mortal remains,

"No, I've got what I need here and no", catching a glimpse of Chiyo's face tightening Naruto made to head off any potential issues before they could arise, "this is not the property of Suna any longer; ask your Kazekage if you've any objection". The elderly woman merely coughed and spat onto the dusty floor, casting a bemoaning glance towards what was left of her grandson's puppet body,

"Hm, we can glean more from his body than what's left of his withered heart; anyway it'd be a little much to ask the Kazekage anything now considered what he's just been through".

"I hope you're not disparaging my cute student there Chiyo-sama", Kakashi spoke with an eye-smile as the Suna kunoichi glanced up annoyed, "Sakura-chan does good work; with any luck Gaara-sama should be up and about any time soon".

As things turned out Kakashi was proven half-right; Gaara was certainly conscious following Sakura's tender ministrations, the med-nin as always staying out of the fight to treat the injured and bring the Kazekage around, though the Suna leader wasn't able to stand or even sit up without grimacing. Rolling his teal eyes towards the figure that blocked out some of the newly-revealed starlight, the current Kazekage managed to master himself enough to speak, Sakura helping brace him up and running soothing healing chakra into his fractured system, though the seal that held back his prisoner was still intact despite their opponents' best efforts. Smiling down at his fellow jinchuuriki, the Senju-Uzumaki decided to break the ice with his standard diplomatic aplomb,

"Hey Gaara-san, enjoying having a pretty girl waiting on you hand and foot?" As he'd expected a pair of filthy looks attempted to flay him to the bone before, with a great effort, the Kazekage managed to speak,

"You don't know how lucky you are that I'm in too much pain to gather my sand", the youngest of the Suna siblings told him before relaxing slightly on the cold earth, Sakura continuing to channel her medical chakra to paper up the cracks of the Kazekage's chakra network, "still, did you get what you needed?" Holding up the container that held what was left of the S-ranked Suna missing nin, Naruto casually flipped it over and pointed to where Chiyo was exiting the cave with the puppet body of her grandson sealed in a scroll,

"Yeah, this should be all I need; anyway, seeing as I need a little while to get rid of the last of that asshole's attacks, I suppose there's no better time to get this over with. Kakashi-sensei, Sakura-chan, sorry to impose on you but you might have two jinchuuriki to look after for a minute, though", a sudden thought occurred to him just before the pressure he placed on Sasori's heart container became intolerable to the carved wooden cylinder, "while we're on the subject, where are team nine?"

About fifteen minutes after this observation, following the removal of a quartet of clones, the seizing of one of the trapped tags for further analysis by the Konoha crypto-analysis squad and a stare-down between Chiyo and Lee, who for the first time in living memory seemed to have met a person whom his flames of youth couldn't burn down the barrier between, Naruto sat down beside the still-recovering form of Gaara. The Kazekage was about able to sit upright by this point and had told his most senior puppeteer that a deal did exist between Konoha and Suna regarding the Akatsuki situation, the last diplomatic wrinkle in the plan that Naruto had come up with to gather information on their elusive enemies,

"Glad we nailed this one to be honest", Naruto admitted, glancing to his right to see Gaara's almost expressionless eyes, though most of the bags had been removed following Shukaku allowing his host to sleep after being terrified into obedience by the sight of the true monster both he and Gaara had glimpsed within the recesses of Naruto's inherited memories, "I recognise his seal-work from some of the bodies we found in Suna; your scorpion must have had his claws deep in many different areas, especially if the seals we found on some of the Suna shinobi were loyalty seals as your sister suggested. This", he lifted the heart container he'd kept hold of for the duration to prevent any last minute bids for freedom his prisoner might have had in what was left of his mind, "should tell us what we need to know. So than Gaara-san, for surviving the attentions of the Akatsuki and getting us the information we needed", he raised the heart container in a salute, "a toast".

With that he gently squeezed the top of the cylinder until it eventually cracked in a spray of fine red droplets; without further ado Naruto casually raised the gory contents to his lips and downed them in a single draught. With this done and the cold meat swilling around in the first chamber of his stomach, the Senju-Uzumaki concentrated all his focus inwards and fell into his standard resting trance, his enhanced bodily functions breaking down the meat and running the resultant stew through part of his mind dealing with learning. As he watched through flashes of a life that wasn't his own, his focus narrowed onto the recent past and, like a Suna-nin digging a scorpion free of the desert sands, the jinchuuriki eventually began unravelling the recent past of Akasuna no Sasori and, more importantly, the eight or nine other shadowed figures that he had worked with to try and bring about the birth of a world twisted by the dreams of a madman.

XXX

"Is Naruto-kun asleep?" Lee, as always, voiced the question others were only thinking, though in this case Sakura, having done all she could for Gaara without exhausting her chakra, pushed some of her hair back behind her ear and shook her head,

"Not exactly; I can't say too much about it", though unspoken, the secrecy seals that some of the med-nins were branded with were relatively common knowledge amongst the shinobi corps, "but from what I understand he's aware of what's going on around him. Never tested it though and to be honest, wouldn't want to".

"Yeah, I wondered about that as well", though considered a more junior medic to someone like Sakura who had studied at Tsunades' side, no-one gainsaid Tenten as she stepped forwards with a kunai in her hand and a curious glint in her eye as she beheld the thousand-yard stare of the seated jinchuuriki, Naruto seemingly oblivious to the world around him as the weapon mistress stepped towards him and slowly raised her weapon before letting it descend towards his exposed head in slow time. For a moment it seemed as though the strike would hit true until one of his hands shot up, gripping her wrist even if he nicked the side of his hand against the keen edge of her kunai. The tableau remained frozen for a moment before Naruto eventually let go slightly and allowed the kunoichi to withdraw, Tenten rubbing her wrist with a chagrined expression,

"I wonder no more", she pouted before breaking her funk and shrugging, "though truth be told I think I prefer my beauty sleep to that kind of trance he goes into".

"Yosh, Tenten-chan, you do yourself too little credit; you require no beauty sleep", fortunately in the darkness no-one could see if the kunoichi was blushing or not as the taijutsu master went on from where he was helping his sensei and team mate build a camp for the night, Sakura having declared the Kazekage slightly too delicate to risk moving at night, "still, the night is drawing in and it gets cold in the desert; I shall have this camp fully set up before the first star is seen in the sky or I shall run back to Suna on my hands".

"Yosh my student, such is the power of youth raging into a conflagration that will brighten even a night in this desert", the deeper voice of Gai-sensei echoed that of his protégé, "such dedication, such training will only ensure your triumph in your next contest with your eternal rival, right Kakashi-kun?"

"Hmm, you say something Gai?"

"Curse you and your hip attitude Kakashi!" With such a debacle taking place in front of her eyes the eldest ninja in the rescue mission retreated the side of her village leader and spoke from the corner of her mouth,

"Much as I respect our allies for their strength, is it truly necessary to closely entwined with such...eccentricity?" Despite himself Gaara smiled at the comment as he answered his advisor,

"This from the woman who threw herself at one of my rescuers screaming about revenge against the White Fang; Sakura told me after I was revived and requested a debrief", the Shukaku jinchuuriki explained his apparently prescient knowledge as Chiyo had the good grace to appear slightly embarrassed by her own examples of less than completely professional behaviour, "still, considering what could have happened but for the intervention of Konoha, a little insanity seems to be small price to pay for Sunas' safety and, more personally, my life".

Chiyo seemed content with that as the elderly woman said nothing more for the remainder of the night; the seven shinobi, with Gaara helping as best he could in his weakened state, made camp and set a watch for the remainder of the night, ready to move in the morning. The majority of the entertainment for the night came from Team nine, the quartet of shinobi recounting how they Akatsuki seals had created almost perfect duplicates of themselves to stop them getting involved in Gaara's rescue, though as a huge shadow suddenly loomed across the campsite everyone immediately dove for a weapon before the figure resolved itself and everyone relaxed again,

"Ah, hey Naruto-kun", Sakura greeted, casually trying to make it look like she hadn't just snatched a spread of shuriken out of her weapon pouch at his appearance, "get what you needed?"

"Most of it", the jinchuuriki spoke in a guarded tone, settling down in the rough circle and reaching into his pouch for a ration bar, "put it this way; Jiraiya-sensei's going to have a field day with this. Don't take this as impolite Gaara-sama but as soon as you're back in Suna we'll have to shoot off home ourselves – there is some information here that may be time-sensitive". The Kazekage for his part merely raised a hand and nodded,

"I understand Naruto-san; you and your companions have more than fulfilled their obligations to Suna by my rescue"; _so he's really starting to go into the diplomacy of his village_; the flowery language of the other shinobi didn't go unnoticed by the much more perceptive jinchuuriki, "you are all free of any further service, I will stamp your mission successful and write to the Hokage a personal note of commendation for your swift and decisive actions"

"You do us too much credit Kazekage-sama", in the gloom no-one could see Kakashi's eye-smile but there was no doubt it was present as he leant across the smokeless fire, grateful for the warmth, "Konoha will always honour its treaties with a true ally".

As Gaara was unable to travel all that far the return to Suna was a much slower affair than the journey out of it, though the sight of Gaara's face as he was returned to the cheering masses of his village was more than worth the sight as far as the majority of the rescue team was concern. The village was almost ready to declare his semi-resurrection as an impromptu holiday, especially as the Suna siblings were reunited with their youngest brother with Kankuro recovered from Sasori's poison and Temari simply relieved that her youngest brother was still alive. The Konoha team was profusely thanked by the entirety of the Suna council; Temari was even feeling so grateful as to send a funny sort of half-bow towards Naruto, closing her eyes temporarily to the bloodstained spectre of her sensei hanging behind the gargantuan form of his killer; and the following morning the seven Konoha shinobi were ready to depart for their home village. However, almost as soon as Suna had receded into the heat-haze of the distance, Naruto had closed the distance to the leader of the team and spoken as quietly as he was able to,

"Kakashi-sensei, permission to disengage from the team and make best speed to Konoha when the situation arises?" The Copy-nin raised his one visible eyebrow,

"Your information?"

"Hai; I was truthful when I said some of it might be time-critical".

"In that case permission is granted", the jounin said, raising his voice to let the rest of the team know his command, "your new mission, Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, is to relay the information you have garnered on the rogue terrorist organisation Akatsuki to our Hokage. On my authority as a jounin of good standing within the shinobi force of Konoha, this mission is authorised as B-rank". With those words spoken Kakashi turned towards his eternal rival and Gai, who had been listening in as intently as everyone else within earshot, spoke his lines seamlessly,

"As a jounin of good standing within the shinobi force of Konoha, this mission is witnessed and recorded", the Green Beast spoke, the Konoha requirement of new missions in the field requiring two separate jounin to issue and ratify being fulfilled and, heeding this, Naruto nodded at his commanding officer and demanded every ounce of speed his enhanced frame could produce to race away from the others; though it was nothing even close to the top speed either of the Beasts of Konoha could achieve, the difference was that he could carry on that speed until was stood in the Hokage's office giving the debrief. Even as he ran and left his friends temporarily behind just as they had him at the start of the mission, behind his guarded eyes he began to determine exactly what of the schemes, plans and abilities of the Akatsuki he had gleaned from Sasori's meagre biological remains he could reveal even to the Hokage, the woman who was both his leader, his superior officer and the closest thing to a mother he had ever known.

XXX

The aftermath of the Suna recovery was considered a success on a par with the Yondaime's decisive strike against Iwa during the closing stages of the Third war, though as usual in ninja business the truth behind the matter was hushed up; only those who needed to know were allowed to know what they needed to know. The reverberations of the Akatsuki's first defeat, however, were even more subtle but just as widely felt; though at first glance they would have appeared to be little more than ripples spreading out from a stone cast into a pond, by anyone looking underneath the underneath they would have appeared more akin to a tsunami threatening to sweep away many of the constants of the shinobi world.

For example, Sarutobi Asuma was a proud and well-respected jounin of Konoha who had a long and enviable record of service for his village; after all, of all the shinobi and kunoichi in Fire country, only two dozen at most were permitted to wear the crest of the Daimyo on their personal clothing, a token of gratitude from the lands' ruler to those whose bodies had been his shield. However as with all ninja sometimes a little time away from the front line was necessary to maintain a healthy mental balance and therefore no-one, least of all the now-chunin force of team ten, were surprised when their sensei was temporarily replaced for a few weeks as Asuma was taken off duty for a short break. It was also no surprise, at least to those who knew the chain-smoking jounin and his previous history, that the majority of that holiday was spent travelling to the monastery of Fire country to seek out his old friend Chiriku, one of his former comrades within the Guardian Twelve who at the end of his service had turned his back on the world of shinobi and become a monk. The spiritualist for his part had been delighted to see his old friend again and the two had spent many fine evenings reminiscing on shared missions, past friends and sharing many games of shouji and go in the warmth of the Fire country sunshine.

However what was not seen or overheard by any of the younger monks of the Fire temple were the private conversations held between the two veteran shinobi behind closed doors; this was done mostly at the behest of Chiriku, who decided that it was for the best that the mention of the nearly-dead but still dark religion Asuma brought with him on his travels did not reach the ears of the younger generation – better that the creed of Jashin be unremembered forever than spoken anew.

In a similar vein, at the same time Asuma began his holiday new diplomatic ties were forged between the Leaf and the Waterfall; again, hardly surprising since the two villages were allied with each other and had been since the Third war. Shibuki, the leader of Taki, was most pleased to receive the emissary of the more powerful village and, over several days of negotiations of the price of chakra paper supplied to Konoha, shared several snippets of information regarding some of the Waterfall's most famous and infamous shinobi, just as the beautiful jounin commander of the tracker team sent to secure the negotiations was happy to regale him tales of their Hokages past. It was typical shinobi bantering, the passage of completely harmless information that had been part of the ninja way ever since there had been ninja; in a world of secrets, it was something of a relief to be able to talk frankly about the skills and secrets of shinobi who had been quite safely dead for at least fifty years.

The last piece of the puzzle was the one that was simultaneously the most important and swiftest to resolve, undertaken by Naruto himself almost as soon as he was home after debriefing both his godparents in the aftermath of the Kazekages' rescue mission. A drop of his blood and a few words led to a few restless hours wait only to be greeted by an ear-searing response, though regardless of the ill-feeling in the words that met his pseudo-warning and commands, he was grateful to realise that at heart the person on the other end of his toad-based communication system was willing to listen and adapt her plans to his warning. Because of this warning some two weeks later, when another duo of the Akatsuki chased their quarry into a deserted subterranean system, they had no way of knowing that they were attempting to take on a much greater and infinitely more dangerous foe than a single isolated jinchuuriki.

Almost as the two hunters disappeared into the darkness however, half the continent away the law of unintended consequences was rearing its ugly head and a single shinobi wearing a headband marked with a musical note symbol realised the deadline had passed and stepped away from the bridge he had arrived at some ten minutes earlier, never once suspecting his masters' presence or the ire that appeared in Orochimarus' eye as he realised a chance for revenge against the organisation that had cast him out had somehow slipped through his fingers.

That didn't stop him spitting his sword through the potential information leak just in case, the Oto jounin not even feeling his death as the rogue sannin terminated the potential mole in his organisation just in case his former Akatsuki partner had somehow caught wind of his plan and avoided the trap meant to end him. To a personality as narcissically perfectionist as Orochimarus, such loose ends were simply too unspeakably ugly to be born.

XXX

Almost before the attack was halfway towards her Yugito had avoided it, the Nibi jounin twisting acrobatically in the air as her newly-summoned companion disappeared into the darkness around her. Memories of the warning that had been scrawled on the paper passed to her some weeks ago fresh in her mind, the Kumo kunoichi was careful to keep well away from the head of the tri-bladed scythe even as its wielder, shoulder to shoulder with his partner, stepped forwards into the murky light of the underground world Yugito knew so well.

"Aww man, I must have the slowest attacks in the Akatsuki", the pale, almost albino man complained, tugging the rope of his scythe to make the wicked-looking weapon fly back to his hand, "I just never seem to hit anything".

"Perhaps if you spent more time training and less time on your knees you'd be a better shot".

"Hey, screw you Kakazu", the younger-looking one of the duo replied angrily, attaching his scythe back together with an audible click, "Jashin-sama demands genuflection from His loyal followers ya filthy heathen; the only thing you value is money".

"Because it is eternal Hidan", the masked shinobi spoke, his red sclera seemingly emitting an eerie light in the darkness, "humanity will always be reliant on money when even the memories of the gods have faded to dust, even yours". Hidan's face mottled, what little blood actually remained in his body following his profane rituals rising to his face before, slowly, he forced himself calm and wrapped the pendent of his faith around his fist,

"When the final day comes Kakazu, you will be the first I beg Jashin-sama to drown in the lake of eternal blood", the prophet assured him, holding his simple iron necklace like a talisman as he raised it towards his lips, "I am armoured by the blessing of Jashin-sama and before this kill, in His holy name, I pray to him".

"You may pray to your god prophet", a voice that most definitely did not belong to their quarry growled from the darkness just as the Nibi jinchuuriki finished focussing her chakra and clapped her hands together, covering for her fellow jinchuuriki as he finished emerging from the mouth of the toad that had transported him halfway across the Elemental Nations and stood to full height on the water next to her, "but I know that here and now, He will not answer you".

The Akatsuki were unable to answer this question due to the rather more pressing concern of dodging several tonnes of falling rocks and the resultant cloud of dust the explosion kicked up. Quickly rallying side by side, the Immortal duo of the bijuu-hunting organisation heard faced down their newest opponent, recognition dawned on the face of one of them and a tri-bladed scythe was levelled at the newcomer,

"Hey, you! You're the ass-hat that stopped us claiming the One-tails!"

"Guilty as charged", Naruto admitted, having to almost physically check himself from readying his own weapon in the face of provocation from an armed opponent, "and though I'm sure she doesn't much need or appreciate the help", Yugito gave a slight snort at this that fortunately went unnoticed by the two S-ranked shinobi opponents, "I am here to ensure your master doesn't get his hands on the Nibi no Nekomata as well". Hidan gave a derisory laugh,

"Master? I have no master save the great Jashin-sama, the god of darkness and bloodshed who has gifted me his boon of immortal suffering, that I might spread His creed of desolation to the world".

Recognising a zealot lashing himself into a religious fervour when he saw one, Naruto merely took in his opponents' words and, rather than replying in kind, merely smiled and readied himself for the inevitable as he spoke the next words sure to provoke the foul-mouthed mans' temper,

"To the world – that your so-called god has such small desires is somewhere between amusing and downright pitiful". As he'd expected the casual insult was the straw that broke the camels' back; after being stunned into impotent rage for a moment Hidan let out a blood-curling scream and lashed his scythe forwards, the triple blade whipping through the air and, to the dark priests' delight, drawing the blood he so required for Jashin's ritual to deliver divine justice to the infidel. He yanked back to retrieve his weapon only to almost end up jerked off his feet; Naruto had caught the weapon by the rope haft and held it tight in his right hand, almost completely oblivious to the wound all three blades had struck in the arm above his hand,

"Let me tell you two things Hidan the Immortal", the jinchuuriki spoke, thinly amused by the sight of the smaller man heaving on the rope to try and get his weapon back, "firstly there is only one god of blood, a deity one of my fathers worshipped and who, thankfully, is unknown to the Elemental Nations. Secondly, even were you to worship him from what I have seen he would be most displeased with you; for his altar..." Unexpectedly he let his arm go forwards, the lack of resistance almost knocking Hidan onto his backside before his opponent suddenly used all the strength his enhanced musculature could produce and pulled his fist backwards, the incredible tug irresistible and dragging Hidan into stumbling forwards, straight into range of what was likely the progenitor of the millions upon millions of sacred weapons to his second-fathers unholy god that had once existed,

"...a much greater sacrifice would be demanded!"

With a plume of smoke from his arm and a downward slash, Hidan found himself meeting the same fate as the first victim of the rediscovered chain-axe; the demonic keening filled the now-sealed catacomb as with a spray of gore the Jashinist was ripped asunder, caught by the iron mandible on the left shoulder and free of its tearing bite only when it exited the ruin of his body halfway down his right thigh. Forewarned of the silver-haired man's strange ability to defy death due to the blessing of a god he'd never heard of, Naruto was not yet finished; in a blizzard of strikes so fast they appeared as a continual blur to even the two nin spectating the gruesome event, Goa-chichioya descended four more times before its controller allowed the mangled, mutilated remains of his opponent to sink beneath the blood-filmed surface of the shallow, underground lake. Even then Naruto thrust the head of the pole-arm below the surface, the whirling teeth of the chain-axe churning the top of the formerly pristine pool into a bloody soup of water, viscera and foam-flecked froth as the jinchuuriki smiled at the one remaining Akatsuki, Kakazu apparently taken aback by the violent demise of his partner in a matter of seconds,

"Stitch that back together if you can, Kakazu of Five Hearts", Naruto's voice was a clarion, a strident call that could be heard over the roar of even the most convoluted battlefield, "yes I know your name, I know who you serve and I know the abilities of your Earth Grudge Fear jutsu, how you have lived so long. I also know that, should you stand against us", reddened water flew from the teeth of his axe as he lifted Goa-chichoya out the water, the flying liquid landing on his skin and drawing rivulets through where the blood of the man he had just rent asunder had painted itself to the flesh of his killer, "the oldest living shinobi to date will meet his end. Against two jinchuuriki", he shook his head slowly, Yugito doing her best to look intimidating at the same time as trying not to vomit copiously at the memory of Hidan's demise; _please tell me none of that blood landed on me_; "not even you can survive. You have two choices; you can either live or die, but either way you're leaving the Akatsuki".

For a moment Naruto was certain his opponent was going to die for the cause and his weapon echoed his irritation, the throaty growl of the rotating metal a threatening purr that only rose in pitch as Kakazu reached slowly around under his robe; it died away, however, at the sight of the cover of a familiar publication rising up to eye-level with the ancient shinobi. Kakazu studied the Bingo book closely for a moment, glancing between the pages of his well-thumbed copy and the shinobi before him; after a moment of silence, the aged bounty-hunter spoke in a gravelly tone,

"You are Senju-Uzumaki Naruto; heh", Kakazu's chuckle was like a dying mans' last rattling breath as he replaced his Bingo book, "fifteen million ryo? Whoever wants you dead is either a cheapskate or a fool to place a bounty that meagre on your head". Feeling slightly more confident in the situation as she too recognised exactly who she was standing side by side with (and also, to her surprise, finding herself in agreement with the man who was supposed to be hunting her down and helping drag the Nibi out of her that his Bingo book rating really didn't do him justice), Yugito wrestled down the last of her nausea and dared to speak again,

"So, you're turning in your robe?"

"I don't appear to have a lot of choice", the man retorted caustically, casually sweeping the black and red cloak from off his shoulders and casting it into the water at the jinchuurikis' feet, "much as I love money, even that is useless if you're not alive to spend or save it". Naruto seemed to nod at this logic before holding forwards a single hand,

"The ring as well; I know they hold a purpose for the Akatsuki". Kakazu nodded and removed the ring from his finger, the metal flashing as he casually tossed it towards the waiting figure of the enhanced jinchuuriki. As he watched his membership of the apparently doomed organisation slip away into the weapon pouch of one of the would-be targets of his fellow S-ranked shinobi, the bounty hunter felt compelled to ask a question that had been in his mind, and, he knew, not just his mind, since Deidara had reported that the Kyuubi jinchuuriki had been the one to rescue the Kazekage while his charred and half-severed arm was being stitched back into place by Kakazu's own forbidden jutsu,

"Why do you fight?"

"What?"

"I asked why do you fight; do not test my patience with bewilderment", the aged shinobi warned, confident that even if he was likely to die in a fight with the two in front of him, he could at least make his end worthy of remembrance in the minds of his last foes, "I fight for money, Hidan for the glory of his god. Every shinobi fights for something and you are no exception – Konoha and Kumo, working together", Kakazu shook his head as though in disbelief, "had I not seen it with my own eyes I would have never have suspected Leaf and Cloud could ever set aside their differences. Something, some force or belief has driven you to break boundaries in your struggle and it's not just against us, the Akatsuki; we're just the first step for you to overcome", jaded though he might have been Kakazu was also one of the most experienced shinobi in the world and that experience made him almost unmatched in the art of discerning lies from truth, falsehoods from the real reasons man behaved as he did, though Itachi was also inherently gifted in that art, "you've got something else, a greater plan that we're just a factor of. I don't expect you to tell me what it is"; _I don't need you to have another reason to kill me_; "but I would know why you fight so hard, why you would come to the aid of an enemy of your state when it would be in Konoha's interest to see her dead? What is it, other than loyalty, that commands the _Senso Haundo_?"

Kakazu's question was answered with silence for a long, long minute before, just as the former Akatsuki member was beginning to suspect that he would get no answer, Naruto spoke once more, a much quieter tone to his voice as he rumbled into the grim blackness,

"I cannot tell you what I fight for Kakazu-san"; _that much I cannot reveal, not until far, far in the future – Kyuubi, stand ready_; just as the answering growl from the kitsune was heard in the back of his mind, the Senju-Uzumaki met eye to eye with the former Taki-nin and inexplicably smiled wolfishly, "but I can show you what I fight against"; _now!_

A few seconds later, as she beheld the much older shinobi stagger backwards as though hit with a physical blow, Yugito glanced between her would-be abductor and her rescuer, voice polite but inquiring even if she didn't move closer to the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, apprehensive at the sight of the unnatural weapon he held negligently in one hand, its broad head resting atop the water that even now wasn't clear of Hidan's blood,

"What did you do to him?"

"Me?" Naruto's voice managed to sound surprised at the question, "I have done nothing, genjutsu will likely be forever outside my area of expertise. However what we, Kyuubi and I that is, managed to do recently was find a way to project certain memories from my eyes into those of my opponents; mostly useless due to the time it takes but useful in some circumstances. As to what he's seeing", the Senju-Uzumaki shrugged shoulders that Yugito suspected could bear a half-dozen of her on each of them, "I imagine it's mostly the same thing you and Bee-san did".

The Kumo kunoichi shivered, she was not ashamed to admit it; most likely she would never be able to remember the day that had changed everything she thought she had known about her world so violently she still sometimes felt she was spinning on a different axis to the rest of the world; _and if I feel disjointed at times, imagine how he feels – I remember what he showed the two of us, he lives it every day_. She had been receiving last-minute instructions from the eight-tails jinchuuriki prior to her taking the journey to the Turtle Island to fully tame her bijuu; hopefully mostly a formality as she and Nibi had a good relationship despite an admittedly rocky start; when Bee had suddenly stiffened at the appearance of an unfamiliar stranger at the head of his valley. Yugito had at first castigated herself for not sensing the unknown chakra but Bee knew his valley like he knew the back of his own hand and therefore blaming herself was unnecessary; ready for anything, the two Kumo jinchuuriki had waited together for the unfamiliar presence to appear and, to Yugito's slight surprise, that had been exactly what had happened. Even half-way up the valley the profile of the stranger had been visible, the man apparently cut from the same cloth as A-dono, Bee's older brother and the current Raikage. Answering their challenges with a raised hand, the man what had introduced himself simply as Naruto had been responsible for single-handedly shifting the focus of two of the most loyal shinobi Kumo had ever produced if not away from their village entirely, then at least to encompass a much wider view than merely the Elemental Nations.

He had spoken, in a deep voice she always remembered, of a history unknown to shinobi; of wars on a scale unimaginable to anyone who lived currently, in fact since before the time of the Sage of Six Paths, a time of heroes undefinable by shinobi legend or myth. She and Bee had listened politely to what she had entirely believed were either the words of a gifted storyteller or, rather more unkindly, the ravings of a lunatic, until he had spoken of other things much more valid to both her and her sensei personally. He had claimed that his true name was Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, a shinobi exiled temporarily from Konoha and, more importantly, the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi, the nine-tailed fox – more worryingly from a Kumo security perspective, he had also been able to tell them that they too were jinchuuriki, holding the two and eight tails respectively. At that point both she and Bee had stood ready for a fight but conflict seemed to be far from his mind; Naruto had told them that during his exile he had spoken to many of the nine jinchuuriki of the Elemental Nations, even had a hand in creating the new container of the three-tails – his eventual goal was to speak to them all. When pressed by Bee as to why, he had merely smiled and offered both his hands forwards with a comment that words were immaterial compared to the message of the heart spoken with a hand, rather than the closed fist shinobi were so fond of using. Yugito could remember, with perfect clarity she could remember, sharing a long look of disbelief with her mentor before, along with Killer Bee, she had reached up and taken one of the strangers' massive hands in both her own.

Fortunately, and she would forever consider herself fortunate in this regard, she could remember very few of the actual details of what she had seen next; it all seemed to fade together into a macabre carnival of bloodshed, gore and cruel, wanton, mindless slaughter overseen by two laughing, screaming monsters, one she could, if she was feeling the need to, see clearly if she closed her eyes while the other, infinitely more powerful being remained mercifully hidden, unable to be seen or comprehended by the human mind, even one as inured to demonic interference as a jinchuuriki. She couldn't accurately remember when the dream, or vision, had ended and reality began; the next thing she remembered accurately had been coming back to herself in the overwhelmingly embarrassing position of the stranger's arms, hugging him tightly and shivering in a manner she swore she'd left behind along with her childhood. Fortunately Naruto had been too understanding and Bee too grave with his own recollections to make a mention of it, though through the perfect lens of hindsight she couldn't help but feel slightly embarrassed about such unprofessional conduct. She didn't, however, regret pledging her allegiance to the Senju-Uzumaki's cause of eradicating the Akatsuki from the world before ensuring, when the time was right, that the demon in his mind would be conquered forever with the help of the other eight bijuu and their jinchuuriki; as such a goal wouldn't endanger Kumo, it placed no conflict of interest between her village and her conscience to agree to his plan. She had laughed, something she'd been afraid she'd never do again, as the solemn trio were suddenly broken apart by the appearance of another large man, this one easily recognisable, and the way he immediately began berating the Kyuubi jinchuuriki for wandering off without leaving him a message was just too amusing not to raise a smile even if her eyes were still wet with tears of sorrow form the oceans of blood she had seen spilt.

After that day, though she hadn't seen Naruto until a few moments ago, his influence was in everything she saw and did; whereas before Kumo's prosperity had been her one and only goal, now the village seemed, small, almost insignificant in the grand scheme of things – how many such populations had been burnt to ashes with their living population still trapped inside their new tombs on the orders of the demon she had been forced to see the echoes of? The Raikage, in the face of such unholy might what power did he actually hold – though she was nothing but loyal to her kage, in her heart Yugito knew now that she served two masters with very different goals – she served Kumo with her body and career to keep her village and family safe but, when the time was upon them all, she and Nibi both would do their duty to Senju-Uzumaki Naruto to ensure the nightmare was finally ended forever; _and, as of right now_; the sudden lurch of movement from in front of her told her that whatever evil show Kakazu had been party to, it had at last ended and released the Taki traitor from its grip; _we might have a new convert to the path_.

"What", the voice was as thin and reedy as one of the thread that held his ancient body together, "what was, that? You, that axe", a trembling hand pointed out the weapon Naruto still held ready, though Goa-chichioya was quiescent at the moment, the water having cleaned its metal teeth of Hidan's blood, "it is a weapon that's doomed worlds – have you come to end us all?"

"No", not even a nin as experienced as Kakazu could hide the relief that swept over him as he heard that denial and the truth the one simple word held within it, the promise of reprieve for the Elemental Nations and its people from the blood-spattered ending he had seen, "if I can I will ensure the creature that held this weapon before me remains where it belongs; a memory locked in my head. I do not wish to fight anyone Kakazu-san, not even the Akatsuki", the admission made the would-be assassin of the Shodaime Hokage cock his head as the Senju-Uzumaki, possibly the last living descendant of the man he had failed to kill so long ago in the past, glanced between jinchuuriki and former jinchuuriki hunter, a strange sort of expression twisting his face before, inexplicably, he smiled in a way that made both of them nervous, "and, as such, before you leave to do whatever it is in the world you want to do, I wonder if you would do me a favour. Though be aware Kakazu", as the malignant weapon the jinchuuriki carried was levelled towards him even the man of five hearts dropped back a pace, respect borne out of fear of what that blade had done in the past etched large in his face, "you've made me a promise to leave the Akatsuki and I will hold you to that oath. Break your word and there will be no place in this world or any other where the _Senso Haundo_ will not be able to hunt you down and bring you to heel. Understand?"

"Hai", and just by the tone of his voice Naruto knew he'd made his point and made it absolutely; Kakazu simply sounded his age, his voice more humble and defeated than before as he spoke on, "I think I've been in the shinobi lifestyle too long. Maybe a different career beckons; I've heard Nami is good this time of year, something to look into after this last mission. What was the message you wanted me to send?" Once more Naruto smiled, a finger on his chin as he sealed his axe away and the tension lightened because of it,

"Well..."

A few moments later, as she watched the last vestiges of one of the men who had been sent to hunt her down and deliver her to her death disappear with his new burden, one she herself had had a hand in creating to make it look more authentic, slung over one shoulder, Yugito held in her shivers and turned to her fellow jinchuuriki once more, not quite able to bring herself to look him in the eye as she spoke,

"Are you sure it was a good idea to let him go?"

"Hard as it might be to believe I'd rather talk than fight"; _least of all because that way I have a lot less of a chance of losing myself, though, if you come through for me one more time Yugito-chan, hopefully that will be much less of an issue soon_; "he won't come after you again, either through fear of me or honour to his word, you've no need to fear him any more".

"Hah, as if I did in the first place", the Nibi jinchuuriki snorted, giving a proud flick of her pony-tail as some of her usual bravado returned to the fore, "still you were right in what you said earlier; I'm not going to thank you for the help, in fact I was looking forwards to tearing that weird prophet a new one myself". Naruto chuckled,

"Sorry, doubt that's much of an option now; even if he's supposedly immortal, sewing him back together as he is now would be beyond the ken of most med-nin. Anyway", much as Yugito tried to hide it, he could see even in her slanted eyes that she didn't want to talk or remember what Goa-chichoya was capable of in his hands, "now it's just us jinchuuriki alone, I have something for you".

Yugito felt her eyebrow rise despite herself; after all better than anyone she knew she was an attractive woman whose bijuu had gifted her natural beauty with a touch of the exotic. Naruto wouldn't' have been the first man to have been ensnared by her looks – heck even Bee fanned a bit of a flame for her, though the knuckle-headed ox was far too professional to act on such an instinct save serenading her bedroom window with his cheesy rap rhymes; _a stunt which nearly got him both his head reshaped by his brothers' Iron Claw and his knackers stomped flat by me_. Luckily she was able to banish the excruciating memory by the time the larger man had found what he was looking for and focussed his attention back on her and held out a few slips of what looked like paper,

"Take one of these for yourself and pass the other two to Bee-san"; examining the paper she plucked from his thick fingers, Yugito was at first confused by the mess of squiggles she could see on the page before they seemed to resolve themselves in something approaching a seal matrix, though a fantastically complex one. Nonplussed, the kunoichi glanced up at her fellow bijuu host,

"Thanks, I think – what are they?"

"A more effective way for me to get to you than using toad-based techniques", he said cryptically, Yugito knitting her brows before she recalled the tales of another blonde shinobi of Konoha, famous for one particular fuuinjutsu-based transportation technique. Suddenly feeling very cold as she realised exactly what was in her hands, what Naruto had entrusted her with, she licked dry lips and spoke in a whisper,

"Th, that technique? Konoha has managed to replicate it?" Naruto shook his head,

"No, I have merely reclaimed yet another legacy that was mine; I seem to be overburdened with them", Naruto admitted with a shrug before turning slightly more serious, "if the Akatsuki come for you again channel your chakra through the tag and then throw it somewhere safe for me to appear; I will come to help you. I hope to get one of these to all eight of you but I only finished deciphering the matrix towards the end of the three years grace I had, and it took me until very recently to recreate the technique in its entirety – Minato-dono truly was the prodigy everyone claimed him to be. The Kazekage, Gaara of the Desert, was the first to receive his; now you and Bee-san and likewise protected". Yugito just about managed to keep her face straight and her tone level as she glanced from the anchor tags to their creator, speaking after a moment absorbing the news that had just been broken over her head,

"Namikaze Minato was, is your father?"

"He was my first-father; as you know it's complicated", the Kyuubi jinchuuriki admitted before moving back to business, "still, keep one of those tags on you at all times and make sure Bee-san gets the other two".

"Two? Why does…?" The question died on her lips as she recalled some of what Bee had told her of the conversations he'd had with Naruto and sense was made at last, "the Turtle Island? You're trying to master the Kyuubi?" _Sorry fox, no offense meant_;

"**None taken – better they don't know exactly what we're going to do if my guess is right about that place**"

"Yes, I do need to learn to control the bijuu but Konoha has nothing like the Turtle Island Bee-san mentioned to me", the Konoha ninja lied with a perfectly straight face; it was better, he deduced, than telling the truth in this case; "with the Akatsuki on the rise, the last thing I need is for the fox to rear up his ugly head and make my life any more difficult than it already is". Yugito nodded, tucking the seals into her equipment pouch,

"Can't say I've had too much of that problem, Nibi's mostly placid as long as she gets a bit of exercise every so often", the Kumo jinchuuriki confessed before shrugging, "still, I'll make sure madman of rapping who proudly serves the Cloud alongside me gets the message".

"Good; in that case would you also mind telling said madmans' brother about the Akatsuki – ero-sennin's done a bit of digging and discovered they have a potential army stashed away somewhere. If they start mobilising properly, and they might now that their first two attempts to claim the jinchuuriki have failed, we'll need the Nations to work together to match them man for man". Yugito nodded, expression betraying her consternation,

"It'll be a hard sell, especially since I've not been touched really – I could say I had to make a break for it, rough myself up a bit on the journey back – I'll do what I can but what else has been said to who?"

"Kiri is on-side though their jinchuuriki haven't been struck at yet, Iwa I'm not sure of, Suna will stand beside Konoha and Kumo – well, that one's up to you and Bee-san. From what I know of Iwa and the Tsuchikage, mostly what I've been told by Roshi and Han, Onoki will likely be brought to the table if he sees the rest of the kage conspiring – the Fence-Sitter won't run the risk of his country being isolated from an alliance of the other four great nations".

"Sounds like the Tsuchikage ji-san's always complaining about", Yugito admitted before, after glancing around, shrugging and heading towards one of the tunnels behind her, "still, let's get out here; it's a bit depressing. Don't worry", she shot down the slight hint of concern that arose in Naruto's face almost before it fully surfaced, "I know my way around this place as well as I know the shinobi codes; I'll have us back in the sunlight before you could smell the fresh air".

Naruto nodded and made to follow the kunoichi into the darkness; as the two departed, Yugito concentrated for a split-second before emitting a pulse of chakra; in response, as two sets of footsteps faded into the distance, their passage was obliterated by a chair of explosions from the roof of the chamber where the two jinchuuriki had faced the Akatsuki down. Masonry rumbled and broken stone tumbled down, the chamber collapsing to bury the last remnants of the religion of Jashin forever, the dark gods' last priest destroyed and consigned to history by the last son of the premiere worshipper of another, infinitely more powerful deity of slaughter.

XXX

Considering the recent run of bad form his organisation had suffered from, least of all the loss of one of their members and the failure to capture and seal the Shukaku, the first and least of their objectives, it was to be expected that the lord of Ame was in a black temper; even as the ground moulded around a single figure with a peculiar growth around his neck, the Rin'negan user spoke with a bite of impatience in his voice,

"You better have some good news this time Zetsu".

"Sure thing boss", as always the literally bipolar shinobi spoke in two voices, "Kakazu approaches and he bears the Nibi with him".

"Finally", the lord of Ame muttered under his breath before speaking aloud again, "Hidan?"

"No sign", the black half of the plant-based man spoke before the white chipped in, "guess he met something that could end even him".

"Damn; it was hard enough trying to find Kakazu a partner he wouldn't immediately kill if his temper gave – I doubt we'll be so lucky a second time", Pain admitted, not particularly caring that the Jashinist was dead as, had he not needed the seemingly immortal man as a buffer to keep Kakazu's temper from spilling over onto the rest of the organisation, he would have been perfectly happy to do the deed himself and rid the world o the foul-mouthed zealots' presence permanently, "still, we have one of our targets. I will assemble the others and summon the Outer Path statue as soon as the jinchuuriki is secure". Fortunately the damage to the bijuu receptacle from the kunai of the Nine-tails was relatively minimal and had already been repaired; therefore the Nibi could be sealed away prior to any potential rescue mission being attempted and the Akatsuki could finally start picking up the schedule that had been lost by the attentions of Suna and Konoha combined.

Some minutes later the Deva path of the ruler of Ame stood just outside the gates of is village, the rain that characterised his water-logged land pressing the hair to his face as he watched the slow, shambling figure before him gradually become clearer, Kakazu never one to hurry unduly without cause to do so. Pain could also be patient and thus he waited, the treasurer of his organisation and his comatose prisoner within twenty feet before the corpse that had once been Nagato's best friend broke the silence between the two S-ranked shinobi,

"Kakazu-san, your hunt was successful then? What of Hidan?" The bounty hunter didn't speak for a moment and Pain had the impression the Taki rogue was for some reason measuring his words before, with a noise like a dying mans' last breath, Kakazu chuckled,

"Hidan is as dead as he's ever likely to get; not even I could piece him back together after his opponent was through with him". Scrutinising his underling through his Rin'negan, Pain spoke in his usual monotone despite his rising apprehension – Kakazu was never one to mince words usually so his somewhat cryptic language was a cause for concern,

"The Nibi was that fearsome?"

"Wouldn't know", Kakazu admitted, swinging the unconscious figure off his shoulder and onto the floor where the doton clone of Nii Yugito began to dissolve in the rain, the slight flicker of fire around the mud that made up the chakra construct caused by a burn off of the chakra of the Nibi that the jinchuuriki had imbued his technique with to make the clone look more authentic to prying eyes, even if those eyes supposedly shared a lineage with the Sage of Six Paths himself, "never fought her, but the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi was enough to put paid to all that fools' ranting about the blessing of his beloved Jashin-sama".

The name made Pain jerk his head up from where he'd been observing the fake Nibi host decomposing into slurry under the effect of the rain, Rin'negan eyes boring into Kakazu as the leader of the Akatsuki readied himself for a potential fight – obviously the Taki nuke-nin had gone rogue,

"What is this?" That question had a number of connotations and, fortunately, Kakazu was experienced to know that, answering with a gruff snort as he glanced down at the now-disappeared clone,

"Consider it my resignation; don't bother trying to find me", even as he gave that warning tell-tale streamers of mud began to flow out from where Kakazu's feet should have been, the second mud clone destabilising as its creator moved out of range for it to maintain coherency, "with Sasori dead I can cover my tracks too well to be worth your while hunting down". Nothing showed in the eyes of God, the Rin'negan as cold as the corpse they were shown through as Pain dispassionately watched the traitor disappear,

"There are consequences for disobeying the will of God Kakazu"; his answer was little more than a gritty chuckle, the clone slipping away into the floor even as it answered,

"You're not God Pain; I have seen a true god, jus the barest glimpse of what He was capable of and that was enough to show me He is as far above you as you are above an ant", the clone of Taki bounty hunter somehow managed to smile even as its throat was reduced to muck and it finally returned to the earth it had been born from, "the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, Senju-Uzumaki Naruto, he is the one who walks in the shadow of a god, though he refuses to acknowledge it; stand before him Pain, you will die and not even your eyes will save you!"

With that there was silence at the gates of Ame; in fact Pain was still staring at the spot where the doton technique had ended and considering his options when the air behind him warped and his partner in leading the Akatsuki appeared once more. He didn't even need to look to know how angry Tobi, or at least the legend masquerading as the childish shinobi, was but at the same time the Uchiha progenitor managed to keep the wrath from his voice as he stated the facts,

"Three of our members dead or fled, no jinchuuriki sealed and the entirety of the Nations, or at least our quarry, aware that we exist and that we are hunting them; about the only good news that has come to us recently was the death of Orochimaru by the blade of my kin. Even if Sasukes' triumph will likely mean the end of Itachi, he will at least be another useful member for our little association, though even his joining us will serve no purpose", for the first time a shade of anger appeared in his tone as the masked shinobi folded his arms and bit his tongue, recalling again that a member of the clan who were the ancient enemies of the Uchiha clan was attempting to stall his latest plan to rise to glory, "should we not destroy the current stone that lies in our path, one Senju-Uzumaki Naruto". Pain was silent for a moment, the Rin'negan user finally tearing his eyes away from the clones' remains and turning towards the older shinobi,

"Kakazu's abdication is not as damaging as the loss of financial capital he brought to the table", he said quietly, the mulling the options over in his head, "however the Kyuubi, though powerful, is still little more than a weapon to be wielded by the hand of a god. I will take him myself Madara; the bijuu can be just as easily sealed last to first as first to last – with him gone the rest will fall into line easily".

"We can but hope", the legendary Uchiha spoke before meeting his Sharingan to Pain's Rin'negan, "regardless, I will look for alternatives to power the Zetsu army we will need to take the Nations themselves; having been to Spring country, I believe it may be possible to replicate the generators of that country to produce chakra, though it would be rather more vulnerable to attack compared to the chakra of the bijuu. Itachi and Kisame have gone into Iwa; we can but hope the animosity between Konoha and Iwa was enough to dissuade even the Kyuubi from seeking out his opposite numbers in Stone. We should wait for them to return, though it may take them some time to track down the jinchuuriki present there; if successful we may be able to create at least some of the troops we require from the Gedo, rather than somewhat more esoteric sources".

"Assuming the whelp of your clan doesn't interfere", Pain pointed out, though in truth he could see the logic in Madara's plan; only a fool would play his ace when he still had cards in hand, "still, once they are returned I will move on Konoha – the Leaf will feel my pain and know the judgement of God. You will oversee Itachi and, if necessary, sway your last kin to our side; the Mangekyou Sharingan is a powerful tool and Itachi has been broken for many years now". _Yes_; Madara remembered that day with an evil temper – for a while it had been touch and go as to whether even the clan-slaying Uchiha could pull through the depressed skull fracture he had suffered at the hands of the last Senju and, even when he had, the fact one of his eyes had prematurely and permanently darkened was almost as bad as him surviving at all; _broken, but perhaps upon a useless handle can a new, sharper blade be mounted_.

With that thought in his mind Madara inclined his head and warped away, leaving Pain to his thoughts as he too returned to his spire looking over his village, though even as he did so, the words of Kakazu still echoed in his head. Kakazu was one of the Akatsuki Pain respected if not actually liked, thinking his temper too quick to be a true friend, but at the same time when he wasn't in a killing mood the Taki-nin was surprisingly good company and often had sage ideas and plans, though most of them revolved around money and the acquisition of said money. For him to turn from the Akatsuki with such short notice was as disquieting as it was annoying, and try as he might Pain couldn't dislodge his former subordinates' last words from his head as he surveyed the drizzly land he called his home; if Senju-Uzumaki Naruto was supposedly touched by a god but would not admit it, did that mean he, who was a god, could overcome him easily, or would it be a true deific collision that his creed of pain would have to survive before he could claim his prize and teach the world the lesson of suffering?

XXX

In the aftermath of the Kazekages' rescue Naruto had, to little surprise to those who knew him, taken up residence in the Forest of Death rather than the village properly, though he often dropped in to visit friends and family and, occasionally, picking up the odd mission, usually substituting for a jounin-sensei if one was required even if his official rank was still chunin, the promotion apparently still grinding its way through the gears of the village. He had many reasons for returning to his old stomping grounds, some of which were more important than others; firstly it was the place in Konoha where he had the most positive memories – training with Anko-sensei might have been considered a death sentence for most shinobi but, as he wasn't most shinobi, he'd enjoyed his time under the tutelage of the mad Snake Mistress. Apart from that there was also plentiful food around assuming he could catch it, though he was careful to always keep some normal food around in a series of caches scattered about the forest for the few occasions he had reason to entertain guests, but the main reason he returned to the Forest of Death was for the simple reason very few people were insane enough to go in there and it was therefore it provided enough privacy for his purposes.

It was because of this privacy that, some month and a half after he had come face to face with Yugito Nii for the second time, when he felt a tug of chakra pulling on one of the sealing tags from a great distance away he was easily able to create a shadow clone to masquerade as himself, issue it some curt instructions to remain hidden for a few days and then disappear in a flash of light without anyone in the village being any the wiser to the fact that he'd left.

A split-second later the altered jinchuuriki felt himself appear in a place that was alien to him but that he'd heard a great deal about; glancing to the side of him where he had sensed the man who had summoned him, he smiled at where Killer Bee stood awaiting him, fighting off the slight drain on his chakra reserves as a result of using his father's technique to travel so far across the Elemental Nations,

"Good to see you again Bee-san; my thanks for your working so fast and inviting me to your private sanctuary". Sunglasses glinting in the early morning sun the Hachibi container nodded at the compliment, his expression unusually serious to those who knew him,

"My pleasure; bro didn't look too much into my request, mostly 'cause he was concerned with what little miss two told him about the Akatsuki and he knows this is as safe a place as any in Kumo to both train and hide. On top of that", for the first time the strong white teeth of the Kumo jinchuuriki were seen as he glanced around the wooded area around them all, "all the creatures great and small were overdue a visit from the baddest mofo of them all, yo". Naruto gave a snort that could have meant anything from annoyance to affection for the rappers' odd rhymes,

"It's a shame we never met earlier Bee-san; the younger me could have used a role-model like you". That much was certainly true; from what Naruto could remember of his childhood before the change forced upon him made him turn down a path he would otherwise have never considered in his life, he would have been very happy if he'd turned out as a shinobi like the Hachibi jinchuuriki. Though the brother of a kage, Bee had earned his reputation and the adoration of Kumo by his own hard work and relatively easy manner, though perfect control of the eight-tails also helped in that regard. He was a good example of what jinchuuriki could become and would have doubtless been a shining exemplar for a young, impressionable child to look up to – not for the first time Naruto found himself envious of the younger Kumo jinchuuriki for having Bee to guide her as she learnt to control the power of the Nibi. _Still_; he scrubbed the doubt from his mind; _this is no time for envy, or any other such thought_; knowing what was coming, the reckoning that was at hand, Naruto could only trust that both he and Kyuubi in tandem would be enough to overcome his most dangerous enemy to date and, more importantly, not be forced to devolve into a blood-craving lunatic to do so; _fear, anger, hatred, pride – they destroyed the man who should have become a champion of humanity, they will not claim me as well_.

Such were his thoughts as he dogged Bee's footsteps deeper into the interior of the Turtle Island, heading towards the Kumo shinobi had called the Waterfall of Truth, the first stage a jinchuuriki had to pass in order to gain mastery over their inner demon; _though, as I promised fox, I will not even attempt to control you and I expect the same curtsey in response_; from the recesses of his mind he felt the Kyuubi grin almost as much as he heard its answer,

"**There are very few men who would promise such a thing Naruto, and even fewer that I would believe. But then again, you're not most men are you?**"

"_You'd know that better than I would – you watched the rest of me grow from the bastards' genetic stock, I just dealt with the aftermath of it developing_", it had taken some time and a lot of experimentation but Naruto had finally mastered the art of talking back to his tenant without speaking aloud or falling into a trance, "_still, you know what we're about to face now; I'll need every scrap of help you can give me to pull through this_".

"**I still don't understand why you are determined to go through with it**", the bijuu confessed, though this was just raking over an argument the two of them had tussled over many times in the past in order to stave off thinking too much about what was coming, "**surely you are already powerful enough to get your point across?**" Unseen by his guide, Naruto shook his head slightly,

"_To show them the truth about me, almost certainly; for them to fully appreciate the truth of the War-Hound itself, no – though I can rend apart enemies and even cities, only the true Senso Haundo can open their eyes to the real horror that ended so long ago. To awaken that beast without losing my mind, however, I have to be absolutely sure that I, not my second-father, is and will always be the master of my mind. You feel it though fox, the Waterfall is close and it is, it must be as we suspected_". Hearing the roar of the water from its hosts improved ears made the fox simultaneously grin and shy away from the prospect of combat; though the bijuu had accepted the truth and sense in his hosts' explanation of his plan, it too knew exactly what they were going up against perhaps better than Naruto himself did and, because of that knowledge, it was not so proud that it couldn't feel fear gnawing at its belly as the execution hour drew ever closer,

"**I believe so but hope not, though I doubt hope will bear me out here**", Naruto chuckled dryly at the comment before deflecting the curious glance Bee shot over his shoulder by tapping his temple, indicating that his prisoner was a little rowdier than normal; fortunately the other jinchuuriki had just turned around as the fox continued his words, "**though, as we are likely walking to our deaths, at least call me by my name**".

"_Your name – I thought you were just known as the Kyuubi? You never gave me a reason to call you anything else – is this to do with demons and their true name?_"

"**No, those rules don't apply to the other bijuu and I; we are not demons as you understand the term**", the Kyuubi corrected his delusions before sighing and breaking the barrier and giving away his final secret at last, "**I am Kurama**".

"_Kurama huh? I can live with that, though for how much longer is a matter of conjecture_", the jinchuuriki thought to both himself and his tenant even as he came into sight of the rushing water he could hear and his twin hearts started to pound a little harder as the first faint tendrils of emotion began to beckon him towards the battle that was coming, "_you can feel it as well can't you? I doubt I'll need your youkai to open the gate but, just in case…_"

"**I am ready**", the bijuu assured his host, crouched behind his seal and for once praying it could hold in case their next opponent attempted to somehow influence the mind of his host, "**best tell your friend what is likely to happen next and give him the chance to run away screaming – Kami knows I'd take it if I could**".

"_Sorry Kurama-san, you're stuck with me and if I'm about to get ripped limb from limb messily then so are you. You do have a point though_", holding back a sigh, Naruto stepped forwards to come abreast of his Kumo counterpart at the edge of the waterfall's lake, "_there's someone here who deserves to know at least a bit of what's going on_".

Killer Bee was about to explain exactly what had to happen for his fellow jinchuuriki to begin to tame the nine-tails, the bijuu his own tenant had more than once referred to the most cantankerous and uncooperative of all the nine, but even before he could get the first word in the Senju-Uzumaki spoke, his voice surprisingly soft for his size,

"So, this is the Waterfall of Truth", it wasn't a question as he gazed around the mighty natural edifice, "it's beautiful".

"Uh, glad you like it", the Kumo shinobi managed after a seconds' floundering; of all the people he'd ever brought here, none had ever commented on the actual place itself, "still, now you're here I'm sure you want to know how to make the Kyuubi your bro?" In answer one hand rose to the back of Naruto's head, the Konoha shinobi giving a rueful grin as he answered in a way that began to tell some of the truth,

"Uhh, not exactly Bee-san; Kyuubi, or Kurama as he's actually called, has been on my side since the day I got the memories you and Yugito-san were unfortunate enough to live through – without him I would never have survived my change". To the biologically enhanced human's surprise, rather than demanding answers or spoiling for a fight after being tricked, Bee seemed to smile at the declaration of the younger jinchuuriki,

"Heh, me and the little cat though it might be something like that; one way you'd be able to wrestle with the Killer Bee without the Kyuubi"; _so, they thought something like this was coming then? Good, that makes it easier to explain this next part_; "so then, what's your call – why'd you need Turtle Island's waterfall?"

Deciphering the rapping speech of the somewhat eccentric shinobi, something not unlike trying to unwrap any message delivered by either of the Green Beasts of Konoha as they smothered it in their flames of youth, Naruto gave a slight smile and stepped forwards again to the very edge of the lake, speaking as he did so,

"You, and not just you in fact; no-one knows what this place truly is Bee-san; even I could only guess until I stood here and realised for myself my guess was correct", he began, glancing down at the water before him as it lapped delicately at the shore near his feet, "there is a reason why this Waterfall of Truth allows jinchuuriki to enter communion with their beasts and inner selves. There are places, on this world and many others, where the barriers between the realm we live in and the other realm, a place of nightmares and dreamscapes, is weaker, thinner than it should be. The Waterfall of Truth is one such place; things happen here, things _are_ here, that should not be possible even in a world of shinobi and chakra – the weakened barrier is the reason why jinchuuriki, those already touched by the other realm, can grapple with their inner beast because, here, it is possible to literally come face to face with your inner self and the bijuu themselves". Trying to take this logic in, Bee was silent for a long moment as he both wrestled with his own mind and tried to speak with his own inner bijuu before asking the question that had first surfaced in his mind,

"Are you saying this place, this waterfall that you called beautiful, is some kind of portal straight into Jigoku? No way fool, uh-uh, I can't believe that; hell I've stepped through the waterfall, I know what's behind it and so does Yugito-chan – if you're saying this place leads to a big drop into the hot place, how come we never fell down it?"

"There is no name for the other realm in our language Bee; it is not Makai, Jigoku or any other place of damnation; its name was originally…" Bee raised an eyebrow as his Konoha counterpart seemed to cough at a crucial moment; only when he carried on did the Hachibi container realise that jagged, harsh-sounding word was the supposed name; _guess it doesn't translate well_; "… but it hasn't been called that in many years. As to why you and Yugito-san didn't 'fall down the hole' as you put it, it is because the bijuu themselves are not native to that dread place", Bee had just enough time to start feeling grateful for that small mercy before he saw Naruto square his shoulders and take his first step forwards onto the lake itself, the Kyuubi containers next words stopping the older man dead in his tracks,

"My quarry, however, now calls it home".

Memories Bee had wished forgotten since the minute he'd gotten them burst into malevolent life in front of his eyes and almost before he could control himself his shout split the still of the night,

"No! Against _them_, you're mad man, no-one, not even the whole Elemental Nations together could topple that monster! The Akatsuki are fair game, they're mortal men like you and me but that, that thing", before the crimson face of the evil god who had drowned stars in blood and still thirsted for more Bee closed his eyes and shook his head, hoping to dislodge the nightmare as though it were a splinter, "that's beyond us all". Naruto, however, merely glanced over his shoulder and smiled, somewhat sadly, as he and the bijuu he carried felt the water before them react to his presence, the call sent across the barrier that should never be breached and, far away, so faint it was almost imperceptible even to his enhanced hearing, the answering roar came back from across the depths of the starless existence,

"But you are wrong Bee; mortal men have faced down this monster and have defeated him in the past – now I have to do the same if only to ensure and prove to myself that I am my own man, not merely a flesh-puppet controlled by the lusts and urges of the beast whose blood created me. You've done more than enough for me already Bee-san, but once more I must ask something of you; do not follow me when the door opens", his tone was both gentle and warning at the same time as at last he felt and sensed the change occurring, the gateway to the land of his cursed second-father opening before him and tainting the very existence around it with its presence as he faced down his fellow shinobi, Bee with his swords almost drawn and seemingly ready to either fight him to stop him or join him in what was likely to be his final battle and death, "there are things under this heaven and this earth that should never be seen, even by battle-hardened shinobi such as yourself. The gate is only open because I am here and will close regardless of whether I live or die; where I go now", he glanced upwards, eyes set on the waterfall before him as he watched the terrible transformation that marred the earth before him as the maw to his second-fathers' world opened like the entrance to a long-sealed tomb,

"I must go alone".

Bee would have liked to argue this point, perhaps even try to dissuade Naruto of this suicidal course but, even as he made to move his foot to step upon the choppy surface of the waterfall's basin he found himself suddenly stepping backwards, appalled in a manner that his lifetime in service to Kumo had never prepared him for. Before his dread-struck eyes the water itself was changing, the falling fluid changing colour to a light fuchsia, a soft pink that darkened quickly to rose, then wine, then port and finally, horribly, to a colour completely unmistakeable to a shinobi such as himself. The stench hit him like a physical slap, the scent of blood so heavy in his nose that he retched, hugging his stomach as the stone that now supported the waterfall of gore now writhed as though it were alive and in torment. Moulded like the wax of a candle, the living rock twisted this way and that, bubbling and churning as shapes appeared within the formerly blank stone until hundreds upon hundreds of skulls sat stacked atop each other, every one of them bleached to the colour of old bone and weeping yet more blood from their eye sockets as a terrible low moan filled his ears. It was a sound of the damned, a mortuary chant that somehow also sounded like a prayer, a battle hymn to a raging, wrathful god that he couldn't understand and never wanted to even try to understand. Two lines spoken, repeated, over and over again, a chant of the damned that was equal parts war cry and burial prayer to the creature those who had owned the skulls had lived for, slain for and died for.

Even as he fought to hold his nausea down as he witnessed one of the happiest sights of his childhood, the one where he had first actually met and made contact with the bijuu who had become his first friend, transforming into this scene from a psychopath's nightmare, Bee found his attention broken by the guttural noise from nearby; dimly he recognised the axe-like shape as being the weapon Yugito had breathlessly but privately explained had been the thing to end one of the two Akatsuki that could have been the end of her had Naruto not interfered. The snarling of the axe jarred against the wailing of the skulls and, in that moment of dissonance, Bee was able to speak, shout out one last time as he watched Naruto step forwards towards the blasphemy before him, shoulders bowed but unbroken as he approached the battleground, Goa-chichioya held firmly behind the head as it growled at the taste of the flecks of blood spat into its face by the crashing blood-fall before them,

"Naruto!" Seeing the figure pause, Bee pressed his advantage for all it was worth, "What can I do – there must be something that can help you?" For a moment Bee was sure he wouldn't get an answer but, just as he thought such a thing, he noticed the shoulders facing away from him shivering slightly and caught the edge of a single word called back to him,

"Pray Bee-san", the answer was called back to him just before the figure took the final fatal step forwards and was swallowed by the torrent of vitae, "that always seems to help; there are very few atheists during the end times".

A few seconds later, as one jinchuuriki was lost to sight, the second fell to his knees at the edge of the lake of blood and began kow-towing for aid from any kami who might be able to intervene on the behalf of his fellow while, at the same time, the second-most powerful of the tailed beasts intoned the name of the human who had created him and his brothers and sisters and invoked the old man's ghost to watch over his nine-tailed brother.

XXX

The journey simultaneously lasted forever and was over in the blink of an eye; holding his breath and with his head bowed against the battering of the descending blood, his dark baptism continued almost until spots appeared before his eyes from oxygen deficient until, with a gasp, he found he could breathe again, the air stale and smoky with the tang of dust, mould and blood. Shifting his axe into a guard position, the Senju-Uzumaki trusted his eyes, other senses and Kurama to warn him of any approaching danger as he scanned the small alcove of purgatory his second-father had invited him into.

From what little he could gather regarding this strange world, he himself could have an impact on how the world behaved around him; unbound by normal rules of existence, this place was literally limited only by his imagination, though of course in here he was the guest, not the master of the house he found himself in. The place was not unfamiliar to him; from the dust on the floor he could see and the cracked, crumbling architecture around them, it appeared that his past had touched with that of his second-father, terraforming the world around him into a cross between the Chunin exam arena and the rather more bloodstained fighting pit where his part-creator's bloody legacy had begun; _though it looks like no-one's been around to sweep up in a while_;

"**He is close kit**", the familiar voice in his head warned, suddenly becoming sharper as Kurama felt his host's breathing and heart rates quicken, "**control yourself – this is an enemy you cannot simply overpower. Either you use your head or lose it this time**".

"As if I'd give him the satisfaction as opposed to Zabuza-sensei", memories of the zanbatou-wielding shinobi who had sworn several times that no-one was going to kill his student before he did brought a smile to the jinchuuriki's face before a sudden rattling noise filled his ears, a grating mechanical screech that announced the lowering of one of the rusting iron gates at the far end of the fighting arena. Spinning his axe around to face the direction of the threat, Naruto dropped his eyes slightly as he felt as much as heard the approach of the being who had created him, the lost, warped son of the most powerful human to have ever existed whose blood had simultaneously elevated a scared, lonely child to a physical peak that would likely never be surpassed at the same time as force him to teeter upon a mental precipice that, if he slipped from, would force him to share in his progenitors' damnation forever,

"I often wondered what to call you, it was almost my first question when I realised this was inevitable", Naruto spoke as the gate boomed back into place, the champion of the arena unleashed once more upon new prey, "you had many titles; Akai Tenshi, Ten'nō no kuchiku-kan, Chi-shin no hidarite, but overall I think I'll stick with the one I know best…" without fear, for he and his kind had been created to know no fear, his head rose and his brilliant blue eyes finally beheld the monster that had tormented him for over half his life and cast a long shadow over not only his life, but the lives of those he loved and the fate of his world as he knew it; _until now, when I lift that shadow forever or die trying_;

"…hello Angron".

This was not the demon primarchs' true form, that much he knew; elevated to near-godhood by the dark deity he served, the fallen Red Angel was free to assume a variety of guises just as any denizen of the shadow of the physical world was able to, though even now, as it had been during his mortal life, subtlety was not a great part of Angron's mindset. To Naruto he appeared as he had during his earliest life; the ultimate gladiator, the lord of the bloody fighting sands of his world and an undisputed grandmaster in the art of dealing death; this was before his liberation by the master of humanity, in fact even before his rebellion for freedom; this was the primarch as he had been before he had been armed and armoured by the greatest minds that his father's people had to offer. Strangely enough this incarnation of his second-father wasn't as massive as Naruto had expected, more wiry muscle than outright brawn, though there was no denying his obviously apparent strength as he hefted an axe in every way the mirror of Goa-chichoya as though it were a branch of willow. Scars dotted and criss-crossed the chest, arms and abdomen of the warrior and, atop it all like a jagged, rust-speckled crown of thorns, the arcane monstrosity that had begun Angrons plunge into darkness, the Butcher's Nails rose from the crown of his head and continued down the back of his neck as the demon lord surveyed his returning son and, after a moment, spoke,

"Remove that disguise", it was not a command nor a request, it was what would happen simply because Angron decreed it, spittle flying from the twitching lips of the mad demi-god, the hyper-aggression forced upon him by his biology and his own psychosis quieted for the moment, "no son of mine stands before me with a false face". Naruto considered this for a second before, with a whisper and pulse of chakra, he revealed the part of himself that none in the Elemental Nations were yet ready to see and stood before the thing that had helped create him; father and son scrutinised each other a second longer until Naruto broke the silence, having eventually worked out exactly what felt out of place about the unholy tableau he was beholding,

"Is that the real one?" Angron's answering smile, more a bare-fanged grimace as his lips had receded from his sharpened canines, told him all he needed to know, "How did you get it here?" The head of his opponents' axe flashed out and to the side; following it for the barest instant with his eyes, Naruto saw something that had been masked by the primarchs' presence; a suit of baroque armour, rent and pitted with dust, lying abandoned in the arena that was the demon's home,

"My most loyal son, he who followed my path most closely", the primarch's voice was like a razor and a rasp combined, wearing at the ears of those who heard it even as its owner twitched and shuddered involuntarily, nervous paroxysms caused by resisting the urge of both his body and his psyche to fly at what he could consider to be a new threat, "with slaughter he brought it to me, sought to turn it against me as is the creed of the Blood God. Only the victorious are worthy enough to serve; he died at the edge of my blade but it was a glorious battle, a fitting end", a glazed look slipped over his face for a moment before another tremor raced through him and he faced down the slightly shorter figure again, "and now you bring the other, another of my sons to be a tribute for the altar".

"Save your sermon madman", Naruto spat back, tensing himself a she could see in his father's eyes that Angron was seconds from springing; _brace yourself Kyuubi, here we go_; "I'm not and never have been your son. I've fought your influence every day of my life and right here, right now, I'm gonna take this axe you threw onto my world and ram it…"

With a single pounce and a scream that matched that of his axe Angron ended the life of his traitor, the surprise dying in his cowardly sons' eyes as his patron reached out to claim even as unworthy a sacrifice as this… smoke clouded his vision and he ducked before he was truly aware of the threat, something whistling over his head as he watched the chattering teeth of his weapon smash through the broken armour that had once been worn by his greatest son, the last remnant of the Betrayer destroyed by his primarchs' hand. Fury unbound by the way the coward had avoided the death stroke and then struck his opponent in the back, the demon that had once been part of a brotherhood of humanity's exemplars let out a howl of pure rage and sprinted towards the source of the attack, axe leading the way as chemicals and hormones flooded his system, his face transforming into the crimson death-mask that had been the last thing countless foes across the galaxy had seen before they met their end,

"I will tear your skull from your body", he screamed, bullets of bloody spittle flying as the extreme rate of his heart beats ruptures capillaries in his tongue, "there will be no clean end for a coward like you". Even as he struck once more though there was a flash of light and his opponent was gone, denying him the honest clash of blade on blade even as the voice of the insect who blasphemed against his fathers' creed issued forth once more, Naruto retrieving the kunai he'd thrown and wordlessly thanking his other father for developing the technique that would, he hoped, help put this beast down,

"But you forget Angron", to make the taunt unbearable to someone so attached to his martial pride as the former leader, the Senju-Uzumaki casually shouldered his axe nonchalantly as he smiled at the thin streamer he could see trickling down from the demon's nose; _good, he's getting angry_; "you've never fought a coward like me!"

With another deafening howl and profane proclamation to his god, the demon pounced once more.

_Now I know what Zabuza-sensei was complaining about_; how long he had been matching the entity that had once been a mortal he didn't know or care about – time had no meaning in this place after all. The only thing that mattered was the dance of battle and bloodshed, one he had to stay one step ahead of or it would be his end; this was much more easily said than done when your opponent was stronger than you, faster than you and held a weapon that could carve you in half with just a touch. He already bore one great rent on his arm where he'd been just a touch too slow and taken a glancing blow from the teeth of Angron's chain-axe, though the primarch was far from untouched himself; even if as a demon he could regenerate his flesh to a greater or lesser extent, he was still bloodied and had to shake his head periodically to keep his eyes clear of blood from where his craven son had virtually scalped him, the kunai wound open and bloody, hard for even his god-like physique to heal completely. Naruto, however, as he took stock of his situation and watched one of his clones engage his maddened opponent for a moment, was slightly more confident than he'd been expected to be in this situation as he realised exactly how this fight was panning out and how great the advantage he had against his second-father.

Angron was truly worthy of his dread reputation; Naruto had never even heard of anyone or thing that could even hope to come close to touching the fallen one in combat. Up close Naruto knew he would be dead and in ribbons in the space between heartbeats – he had no hope of matching his second-father in a fair fight.

Fortunately Naruto was and would always be a shinobi, a warrior who never fought fair – he also had access to his chakra and Kyuubi even in this strange place; because of this he was able to keep Angron at a distance as he relentlessly pressed the demon's greatest weakness for all it was worth; in his rage, in his bloodlust as formidable as it was, Angron couldn't think in anything beyond the extreme short-term. This lack of foresight, fine against the foes the primarch was used to fighting, was akin to fighting with his arms tied behind his back against a shinobi and Naruto punished his opponent every chance he was presented with. Jutsu and clones were mostly diversions, traps that tricked and goaded his opponents into ever greater fury as occasional blows bit home and drew whatever counted as his blood; dancing on the edge of a bloody, terminal precipice, the jinchuuriki led his opponent by the nose until he could wear down the war-god enough to open the way for a killing strike. Even a monster had limits that he would have to hit eventually and, gradually, Naruto noticed his opponent starting, minutely, to slow down.

Fractional pauses, not longer than split-seconds, were starting to appear in his enemy's attacks, a snatched breath here, a sudden gasp there as the raging creature hunted its elusive quarry, Naruto not hanging around long enough for his second-father to even try to engage let alone hit him. Though a terrible foe, about the worst thing a shinobi could hope to face due to his relentless attacks preventing his opponents having the time to plan even the most basic of strategies, never mind attempt to craft jutsu to use against him, Naruto had an advantage against even as mighty a foe as the fallen one.

Because it was the way he himself often settled a conflict, he knew how to counter the tactics of the berserker Angron had devolved into.

Keeping his distance, striking at range or only when it was in his favour to do so; he could have counted the number of times their blades had actually clashed on a single hand - he held back, frustrating the effects of Angrons' assault even as the roaring demon screamed at him to stand and fight. He waited, he was patient; he had to be or the result would be death, plain and simple; and to his slight surprise he found the bloodlust he usually had to keep at bay in battle, though elevated, not as mentally draining as he'd expected; though the traitor primarch was a beacon of fury that was setting a touch-paper to his own internal rage, the fact that Naruto knew it was just him in danger, for if he died the portal to the this alien world would be closed, meant Kyuubi needed to speak only three or four times before, in a flash, he saw his chance to end the fight and took it.

It had been a slip, nothing more; whether brought about by lethargy or ill-luck Naruto didn't care – he was trained to seek and attack weakness in his enemies and without a second thought he moved to end the contest, a lethal strike. His chakra control was far from ideal; regardless of the training he forced himself through, he simply produced too much to be able to channel it properly, but a lot of the time if he threw enough mud at the wall he could gain the desired result. For the first time in the battle, however long it had been, Naruto was within the sweep of both weapons, Angron's fingers slipping from his stumble and loosening his hold on the chain-axe which was then jerked unceremoniously out of his fingers, a bellow of triumphant vindication echoing in his ears like a thunderclap before a sphere of shining blue-white power slammed into his naked chest and flung him away into the sand,

"Rasengan!"

XXX

As soon as his strike landed Naruto shunshinned away from the impact zone, the kawarimi with the weapon Angron had held successful; though an A-ranked technique for good reason, he didn't trust the hitting power of one of the jutsu his godfather had taught him to put a demon as tough and powerful as Angron was down for long; _if nothing else he's got no insides left to mulch_. Keeping all his senses strained as he peered through the cloud of grit his second-father had vanished into, he felt a small surge of pride as he beheld his second-father down on one knee, breathing heavily as his bloodshot eyes lanced pure, inhuman malevolence towards the last of his cursed kindred. Seeing the monster docile for the moment, no doubt regenerating the effect of the Rasengan's impact on his effectively-immaterial body, Naruto took the bull by the horns and spoke, Goa-chichioya extended as he did so and growling as it always did; the axe recognised no friend when it was hungry for blood,

"Tell me teme", though the word was unfamiliar to the primarch Naruto was under no illusion that Angron would understand the gist of it at least; all the sons of the lord of humanity had been created for genius and military acumen as much as pure physical prowess, though admittedly Angron himself had hardly been an exemplar of rational thought and strategic planning even when he had been loyal to his fathers' dream; _not that I wasn't grateful for his brains though – without them I might never have been able to break down my other father's last gift to me_; "I've seen as much as your blood could tell me when Goa-chichioya left your hand; how did the story end? What turned you from a near-deity into", he gestured dismissively with the blunt head of his axe, "this, this shell of what you once were. Once you consumed worlds and their entire populations, now you skulk in abandoned lairs waiting for your challengers; what happened at the end of the end times?"

The fury did not abate; from that hate-fuelled visage it never could – damned as much by humanity's hand as he was by the oaths he sworn and signed in blood, Angron would never be able to know release from his inner pain unless he was writing his name in his enemy's innards or heaping yet more skulls at the feet of the dark patron Naruto would never name, for even using the names of the fell brothers in darkness could give power to them as he knew from his inherited memories of havoc and slaughter. However the beast was at least cunning enough to take a respite when one was offered and, spitting up blood from lungs it no longer possessed, the demonic once-superhuman spoke,

"Blood, fire and death; all the galaxy in flames for an age, ten millennia of blood, fire and the laughter of the mad gods; my Dominion of Fire, the servants of the Breathing Corpse scattered and slain, groves and worlds of the Ancient Enemy burned and black, beautiful, beautiful", to Naruto's distaste the monster he was forced to claim as his kin seemed almost happy as those memories of his war years brought a blood-flecked smile to his lips before they creased once more in a snarl of loathing, Angron's tone noticeably harsher as a more recent memory grated across his mind with as much tenderness as the bite of his axe, "then the Coward died, and all that should have been was ended".

Naruto knew who his twisted progenitor was referring to; heck in the few quiet moments he'd had over the years, he and Kurama had often wondered with each other how the madness had ended; the war that had rent the domain of Naruto's surrogate grandsire asunder must have finished somehow but even Goa-chichioya could provide no answer, the dread axe already slumbering beneath the sod of a virgin world millennia before the end times dawned. Out of respect for the death of the greatest of men Naruto inclined his head fractionally, never taking his eyes off his opponents' kneeling form as he spoke again, the words carefully chosen now as Kyuubi rumbled that he other demon seemed to be regathering his lost strength,

"So then, He died; surely that should have meant the triumph of you and your traitor brothers?" Angron bit out a vile curse in a tongue that made his surrogate sons' ears ache,

"No, He died and was reborn between the worlds; we hurried, I hurried for the kill, hungry for revenge for my brothers, those I should have died alongside but even then He mocked me. There was light, a bright light in the darkness, then it faded, nothing was left of Him; I rejoiced even as I howled in anger, the Coward was gone beyond even my vengeance, but victory was ours, His sons had outlived him for we are eternal. But even in death He would spite us, rob us of what was ours; His mind was strong enough, engorged with the souls of those humans whose minds could pierce into our realm, that He could stand in the way of even the Gods, even their chosen ones and their children. In our victory we were consigned to our tomb; He was dead and His children as helpless as sheep before the slaughter men but He ensured there was no way left to pierce the veil; mortals could call to us but we could not rip the barrier between worlds down".

"And you've stayed here ever since", Naruto finished for him, a strange smile on his face as he saw clearly in his mind what had been done, the sacrifice the lord of the largest empire humanity had ever or would ever know had made for His people, "He knew he was dying and turned even that against you who betrayed him. He thickened the barrier between your world and ours; you can't be summoned, you can't get out", stirred into life by his rising emotion and the flares of chakra he was emitting, Goa-chichioya whirled into a languid life even as the fox in his mind rumbled a warning in his ear to remain calm, "your vengeance was taken from you".

"By a coward!" Angron's voice was like thunder, a sonic explosion that the world he had claimed for his own echoed by making the earth dance, pieces of the ruined stadium around them crumbling for the floor as it champion howled, "He was no innocent; my brothers, the ones who died beside me in the pits and were slain so that we might all be free; they died by His hand, as surely as if He had turned His soldiers upon them! Devoid of honour, empty of martial pride – you talk of the Coward like one of the countless fools I slaughtered, the sheep who followed him", finally Angron stood, his arms flexing like living snakes as he shivered under the effects of the new chemicals being poured into his enhanced frame, the Butchers' Nails almost vibrating atop his skull as they sought to at least partially monitor the rage of the monster they were bound to, "you call Him a god – he was as _nothing_ to the men who followed me and the god who granted me the means to avenge them in the blood of those who would follow their killer!"

In the face of such insanity Naruto could only hold in his sigh; the primarch, whatever few scraps of him that were left under the ocean of gore, insanity, fury and mindless, directionless hate, were too far gone for him to even try and reach. Instead he held in his sigh as best he could and shook his head, shifting his weapon to a ready poise and speaking,

"You are correct in one respect and one respect only Angron; your father, by grandfather, was no god; He was a man, infinitely more powerful than other men true, but a man nevertheless who made mistakes, just like any other man, and did his best to atone for them when He could. You could have been great, amongst the greatest like all your brothers; instead you turned from Him because you could not forgive him a single mistake, a mistake any father could and probably would make in trying to rescue his lost son", blue eyes were locked onto crimson, the expression of malice countered calmly by the placid, relaxed expression of the speaker as Naruto spoke on, measuring his foe once more and preparing to counter any move he might make, "I have nothing in my hearts but regret when I look at you now, my nii-tou-san, regret for the man you could have been...", for the first time something else, something other than blind fury trickled into the dark primarch's eyes, a hint of confusion that was crushed almost before Angron could even acknowledge it, submerged beneath yet more slaughter-lust and wrath as Naruto slashed with his axe, beckoning the disarmed demon forwards as he spat his last curse at the beast before him,

"...and I feel nothing but contempt when I see the beast you've become; you're not a champion of anyone anymore; you're just a rabid, mindless animal too caught up in its own suffering to see how far it has fallen, and I am here", Goa-chichioya burst into song, Naruto for the first time snarling at his enemy as Angron reared up to his full height, evidently fully restored to health after the Rasengan's debilitating impact, " to put you down!"

He didn't charge, he didn't even recover his lost weapon instead leaving it in the dust, cast away just as the other had been; with an avastatic bellow the evil thing slammed his fists against his bare breast, fingers cutting grooves through even his scar-stitched and toughened hide. As blood, bright red and much more voluminous than could have been expected from even a demon, belched forwards Naruto took some steps back, waiting to see what new ace his sickening progenitor had up his sleeve as he continued to tear himself apart. A second roar made the earth shake, almost forcing the jinchuuriki to a knee as the stadium around him was blown apart, cracking and crumbling at the warlords, screamed command. From the pool of arterial blood that had gathered around Angron's feet something was thrust upwards; in the sudden gloom and besmirched by blood Naruto couldn't see what it was as Angron lay his hands upon it and threw back his head with a scream somewhere between triumph and horror, the last shreds of his humanity disappearing as his form exploded in a shower of vitae, the blood steaming and hissing from the potent chemicals it was laced with as it landed around the ruin. From the haze of gore something else emerged, a new, hulking creature that twisted and expanded, defying human physics and the human mind as it grew grotesquely, filling with rage until, at last, the real monster was revealed and Naruto was left gazing up at what the Lord of Skulls had crafted one of the sons of a solar empire into.

Huge he was; huge, bat-winged and with skin the colour of congealing gore; the air around him was a choking miasma of flyblown meat and singed bone as the demon primarch took a step forwards, the earth around his hoof cracking with a piteous wail and oozing dark blood. Tasting the air with a tongue that protruded from behind many rows of razor-sharp teeth, the true form of what his second-father had become glared down at the now-diminutive form before it and, with a noise like a thousand nails being scratched down glass, laughed mockingly,

"_**A beast I am, and this beast you cannot slay**_", he declared as he stomped on the earth once more, this time breaking the crust into a pool of magma, the hot blood of the earth sputtering and spitting as he made a grasping gesture over it; as the hilt of a sword so black it seemed to absorb all light around it was thrust into his waiting claw and he brandished it aloft, the motion sending a spray of molten rock around haphazardly, the prince of Hell went on, "_**you share my blood but you shall never be mine – I name you Coward, and when you are dead I shall crush your skull beneath my feet and consume your soul for all eternity. Yes**_", despite himself, his confidence in his own body, Kurama's reassurance and the fact that he could logically see that Angron had just gifted him another advantage despite the fact he was now leagues more powerful than he had been before, as that hellish gaze swept over him Naruto couldn't help but feel a shiver run through him, "_**prepare yourself – it will take you a long time to die Coward!**_" Forcing himself to throw off the malignant aura of the demon, a sheer side effect of being so close to the unnatural thing, Naruto met his foe eye to eye one last time and, inexplicably, smiled,

"You know, for the fact you're your patron's favoured son and most loyal follower, I'd have thought he could've made you taller..." He was then gone in a flicker of leaves as the Black Blade descended in a strike that would have shorn him in two had it connected and instead split another grievous, bleeding wound in the battleground.

XXX

Recovering from where the giant sword had nearly made him half the man he used to be, Naruto took a breath and recollect himself and face down his second-father's true, repugnant form; _and it's time to finish this, I don't know how much time could've passed in the real world. Kyuubi..._;

"**I am ready**" and, true to the bijuu's word, Naruto felt a hot fire race through his veins as his bijuu channelled the barest slip of his power through the seal he was imprisoned behind; it was a calculated gamble as the use of demonic energy was sure to alert Angron to their location and, true to form, with a beat of his wings that blew the smoke of a hundred battlefields across the bloody ground the primarch went airborne for a second before arrowing towards the ground, splinters of bone and clods of bleeding earth thrown skywards as the much taller of the two combatants sought to smash his opponent to paste before whipping around, Black Blade trailing towards across the ground at his rear. He'd expected his spineless son to appear behind him and bifurcate him with his swift attack but once more hit nothing but air; only the sudden shout to his front showed him where Naruto had manoeuvred to,

"Kage kunai no jutsu!"

One became a hundred and, imbued with the cutting power of the wind, most of them bit home into Angron's armour though very few actually penetrated the hell-forged steel to cut the flesh beneath; even as he roared with equal parts anger and mocking laughter, the primarch spoke at the flea who dared believe such pitiful attacks could harm him,

"_**Mortal steel and human strength is no match for the might of the Blood God's chosen!**__"_

"No", even at full, impressive volume, Naruto's voice sounded like a child shrieking defiance at an adult, "but human ingenuity is – thank you tou-san!"

There was a flash of golden light and Angron bellowed again as another blade slammed into his flesh; swatting at his armour with his free hand he was still too slow to stop the technique that would still make many Iwa-nin sweat cold in their beds at night if its name was whispered near them. With Kyuubi's chakra increasing his speed even more than the Harashin could normally and Goa-chichioya able to cleave through even demonic plate as though it were tinfoil, Naruto flashed around and around his gargantuan opponent, pausing only long enough to strike and no longer. Black ichor belched forth from would opened in the iron-hard skin, bubbling and hissing malevolently as Angrons' crimson armour twisted and writhed, spikes shooting out of it to skewer the craven pest who so irritated its wearer. Even as he was nicked and scalded by the unnatural nature of the monster he was tearing down Naruto would not relent; this was his best and likely only chance to bring the demon down before the a plan to counter his speed percolated the red haze that was Angron's mind. _Just a few more_; no longer disorientated by the near-instantaneous movement, Naruto hacked down once more and was rewarded as the head of his terrible axe drank deep of diabolic vitae, Goa-chichioya sinking into a joist between the armour plates and feasting mightily; _Kyuubi, how much damage is he doing?_;

"**You're better off not knowing**", the fox replied, already assisting the altered jinchuuriki's superhuman physique to heal up the damage Angron's armour and a few mean buffets of his arm were going, "**is it ready?**"

"_In position_", Naruto thought back, flipping off the shoulder of his second-father just as Angron's massive, misshapen head twisted and lunged, the demon attempting to swallow his blood-kin whole but frustrated as the jinchuuriki flashed away, "_going for it now – brace yourself this is probably going to hurt at best, kill us at worst!_"

His second-to-last target was one of the kunai that originally hadn't been thrown; instead he had stabbed it in or as close to the vital area he needed to strike as he could manage without getting crushed for his trouble. Appearing in a golden halo, he felt himself fall and counted two, just two, before rotating his body and commanding every ounce of torque and power he could demand from his momentum, his muscles and his chakra to swing his chain-axe at its target. For the first time there was a note of pain in one of his enemy's bellows, the weapon slashing through one of the tendons that made up the great knuckled right knee of the monster, though before Naruto could even think to feel proud of his blow the world span around him as Angron whipped about, dislodging the weapon that was anchored in his joint and sending its bearer flying. Naruto hit the ground like a comet and bounced hard; he felt something inside give with a dull little snap but paid it no mind; if he gave into pain now he would die. Spinning to his feet he let loose a wolfish smile as he beheld his infernal adversary once more down on one knee, the severed tendon enough to keep even Angron down for a moment as Naruto called out mockingly,

"Ha, the Chi-shin no hidarite", he tasted blood on his lips but put the thought from his mind, trusting Kyuubi to sort out the most important damage fist, "your skills have dulled in your long exile gladiator; you've been forgotten. No more do people chant your name and offer sacrifice to you – as a demon that makes you weak – what is a god who no-one worships!"

As expected it was the mention of weakness that overcame Angron's threadbare rationality; with a sweep of his midnight wings he ascended towards the twisted heavens of this unnatural place, a ball of molten fire coalescing around his hand as he sought to use the one advantage he had over his smaller, much faster opponent; his ability to fly. For a moment the traitorous son of humanity was at the centre of a corona of fire, the infernal heat melting off the last of the kunai his frenzied struggles hadn't thrown clear before the flames died and he stared down at his treacherous offspring; before he could correct his flight to attempt to swoop in or unleash the ball of fire in his hand, however, Naruto vanished once more. Angron scanned the battlefield for a second before sensing the presence now on his back and attempting to corkscrew his body around to dislodge the clinging parasite; before he could even begin to twist however, the pain slammed home into his back and drove him towards the unforgiving earth.

_You could get rid of my kunai_; seeing the winged horror before him made Naruto smirk triumphantly, even if the sight of the self-immolation the demon put himself through was an unexpected kink in his plan; _but you couldn't get rid of the last seal I placed!_ That much was certainly true; using the intelligence that had been gifted to all the first sons of the man who had become the god of humanity Naruto had discovered, as his father before him had, how to imbue one particular seal matrix onto virtually any surface with nothing more than a glancing touch, a drop of blood and a flare of chakra. The result had been the true rebirth of the Hirashin, the Flying Thunder God that once more flashed into life and caused him to reappear right between his second-father's massive shoulder blades, the wings either side of him flapping languidly as Angron scoured the sky of his hell. Realising he had only one shot at this to hopefully ground and then pound his adversary to defeat, he raised his hand and almost immediately a second ball of spinning chakra, much larger than the one that had done for the primarchs' first body, manifested in his palm. He felt the flesh under him buck as his opponent realised his danger, gritted his teeth as his legs and feet were perforated by jagged, brutal spikes that thrust upwards from the remaining metal plates Angron wore before, with a triumphant cry, he let his massive technique descend like the hammer-blow of a god onto the back of his second-father.

The wings were the first to go, ripped into shreds of meat as Angron screamed in pain, back bowing obscenely as the technique ground through his armour and started working on the flesh below. Teeth set in a grimace Naruto forced the Rasengan to keep spinning, keep tearing through the meat and bones of his adversary even as his ride started to lose height, plummeting towards the ground in a suicidal dive as his means for stability had been ripped away from him. Naruto fell with him, had no choice even as the technique finally ended and he forced himself to move, grunting in discomfort as he ripped his skin from the bitter spurs he'd been impaled on and limping further up the demon's body towards his true target. Even in the middle of his descent Angron still fought to twist around and Naruto was not able to stop him; instead he used the chakra present in all shinobi to adhere to the body of his opponent and clamber around, seeking his next target as he avoided the retaliatory swipes of the arms of his maddened, wounded opponent. Goa-chichioya's roar matched that of both its first and second bearer as the ground zoomed upwards dizzyingly, Naruto raising the weapon high and letting it drop upon his target only split-seconds before the moment of impact; with the momentum of the fall and his own strength of arm, there was nothing that could stop the chain-axe burying itself in the exposed throat of the demon lord, half-severing his neck even as Naruto felt the shock of the landing reverberate up his legs and crack some of the toughened bones in his feet.

Instinct, that and nothing more made the shinobi move again; his opponent was wounded, perhaps almost as mortally as any devil could be, but he was not yet dead and because of that Naruto leapt off the chest of his second-father to near his shoulder, leaving a trail of bloody red footprints behind him. Even in death Angron still flailed, desperate for the end of his foe as he could think of or understand nothing else; however stunned by the impact and with bubbling murk fountaining from his throat, even he was helpless to react as his once-favoured weapon descended again and, this time, ended the job it had begun during the fall.

XXX

He had staggered away, avoiding the spreading pool of acidic, steaming demon gruel by nothing more than willpower as finally his cracked and broken legs gave out and he pitched onto his knees, catching himself with the haft of Goa-chichioya to prevent himself sprawling onto his face. For a long time all he could do was breathe, in and out, over and over to ensure that he was yet amongst the living; he couldn't even look over his shoulder to see for sure that he and Kurama's schemes had come to fruition and together they had undone one of the greatest mistakes made in a past neither of them had been any part of. There was a rough fire raging below his waist and not abating, the chakra of his bijuu he assumed and, with a mental pant of effort, he spoke in his mind again,

"_How bad is it?_"

"**Bad**", the fox assured him curtly, "**both your legs are fractured, if you'd been a normal man you've have bleed out just from the wounds caused by that damned armour and even my chakra is barely keeping your punctured lung from collapsing**".

"_I'm still alive though – that is what matters; I'm alive and he's... well, as dead as he's likely to get for quite some time_". Despite his exhaustion, Naruto felt the bijuu give an ominous smile in the back of his mind,

"**Aye kit, defeated and broken in his own arena; let me speak to him**", the request caught the jinchuuriki quite by surprise but the fox pre-empted the question, "**I would show him the fate that awaits him once the plan comes full-circle**".

"You're a sadistic bastard aren't you Kurama-san", the superhuman muttered tiredly before eventually heaving himself back to his feet, gritting his teeth against the aching pain from his legs and the countless other wounds across his body as he stepped towards the now-severed head of his second-father. Angron wasn't dead; it was virtually impossible to kill a demon even in its home realm, but the defeat and beheading had left him badly wounded and weakened, unable to react save by glaring as the flat of Goa-chichioya clouted him on the nose to get his attention,

"Pay attention teme", Naruto spoke, grateful that his blow seemed to have severed the demon's vocal chords and rendered the raging entity mercifully mute, "someone here wants to speak with you".

With that said Naruto let his eyes close for a minute and felt himself drifting away, the sensation not unlike falling into his sleeping trance but at the same time slightly different as he knew it wouldn't end until the Kyuubi gave him back control of his own body again. While many would have decried letting his bijuu take control of his body the move or tactic of a madman, Naruto had built up a lot of trust with the fox over the years and was usually content to let his prisoner out for a little exercise as long as he promise to behave himself; some years after he had first discovered how to let the fox's consciousness supersede his own, Kurama had given him no reason to break his part of the deal. Away from war, battle and even pain for a moment, Naruto was at last able to rest and be freed from the confines of his physical shell for a moment while his prisoner had a talk with their vanquished foe and made then made tracks to get him back to the world he had left.

As always it could have been minutes or days before he felt himself coming too, Kyuubi sending a surge of chakra through the implant that basically placed his body in suspended animation and allowed the fox to control it like a puppet, breaking his conscience free and into the waking world again; _complete with all its aches and pains_. Screwing up his face against the throbbing pain from his multiple wounds, Naruto risked a cautious step forwards and was grateful that his tenant had left Goa-chichioya in his hand; without the axe to use as a kind of crutch, he reckoned he'd have had to have crawled to the exit of this dread place to get home. More of his senses coming online, he glanced around only to see the place deserted, the barren wasteland empty save for him and no sign of the decapitated corpse of his opponent,

"**He fled kit**", Kyuubi filled him in with a wolfish smile, savouring again the hint of fear he'd seen in the eyes of the much more powerful demon and instant before his body had burst into a welter of gore, oozing into the ground and away as the primarch left to try and recover his strength, "**he knows what is coming, the plan to deal with him forever. Though he will be better prepared next time, he will still have no hope of victory against all of us united**".

"I sure hope so fox", the jinchuuriki muttered under his breath before registering something strapped to his thigh; glancing down, he almost jumped as he saw the sliver of midnight pressed against his almost-bare flesh, "what the hell is that doing there? You can't expect me to use something like that in the Elemental Nations surely?" From the back of his mind the fox gave the equivalent of a negligent shrug,

"**It's just a shard; besides regardless of where it came from it's a weapon, a tool, same as any other blade and only as evil as the purpose it's put towards**", the kitsune pointed out before a wicked grin split his lips and Naruto internally cringed; _that is never a good sign_; "**besides, if you think that's bad you should see the other trophy we've taken...**"

He didn't even need to look; as he felt the familiar sensation on his arm and realised exactly what was wrong the enhanced jinchuuriki shook his head as though trying to deny a bad dream,

"That too?"

"**It'd be a waste to leave it – besides, take it with us and it's another weapon he can't use when we come back here**". Seeing the logic in this argument the last descendent of two clans nodded wearily, too tired to even fight as he took another agonising step towards freedom, feeling the world around him alter once more and hearing rushing water from nearby, the barrier between the worlds thinning once more as he demanded to go back to the Waterfall of Truth, purge it of the corruption his second-father's domain had forced upon it,

"True enough", Naruto agreed tiredly, carrying on his unsteady march through willpower alone as fatigue caught up to even him after such a battle, "just have to figure out a clever way to hide it until the time is right..."

XXX

Despite the fact the Waterfall of Truth was now the gateway to a charnel house Bee still maintained his vigil, simultaneously wanting to be anywhere but where he was at the same time as sure he wouldn't move until either the waterfall returned to the way it had been or, preferably, Naruto returned and then peace was restored. He had blocked his ears against the monotone psalms of the skulls before him and kept a silent watch upon the place of horrors, swords drawn and alert against any devilry that could emerge from the maw of vitae before him. The stars were beginning to bloom overhead, the waterfall fading to a black streak in the night as the day ended and nothing altered; it was only due to his experience in staying awake to complete missions as a shinobi that he didn't let his guard drop and therefore was immediately alert as for the first time his sensitive ears caught the distinctive change of pitch of the waterfall, a break in the monotonous rhythm of gushing blood that brought all seven his swords into his normal fighting stance; regardless of Naruto's assurances, Killer Bee was not going to run the risk of some nightmare from a world of insanity drag its carcass over the threshold of his world without him having a say in the matter. In the darkness he was unable to make out a clear picture and was lot more grateful than he let on when the stranger spoke first and set his mind at rest,

"Relax Bee-san; it's me".

"Prove it", even a shinobi as easy-going as Bee was on first-name terms with paranoia and because of that he remained ready until, a second later, he felt the unmistakable signature of the one tailed beast in the world more powerful than his own. Sheathing his swords with a breath of relief, the Hachibi jinchuuriki stepped back a bit to allow his fellow shinobi to move off the lake of blood; the sight that awaited him when Naruto came close enough to see, however, was far from a pretty one,

"Whoa, what happened in there nine? When you left you were fine?" Grinning as much as his pain-wracked body was able to, Naruto limped forwards a short way and would have collapsed had it not been for Bee's quick reflexes, the Kumo shinobi allowing his Konoha counterpart to fall on his shoulder rather than the earth beneath him,

"A lot happened in there Bee; a lot of it better left unsaid", the Kyuubi container managed to gasp as he lowered himself to his knees, "I don't think I'm going to be able to stay awake much longer – would you mind making sure no-one finds me until the fox gets off his nine-tailed rear end and sets about healing me up?"

"**I heard that you...!**" Fortunately Naruto had learnt to tune out the ranting of his tenant when he felt like it and, as the eight-tailed jinchuuriki slowly lay him down on the soft ground and he felt his consciousness begin to suspend itself once more, the last thing he saw before fading away temporarily was the sight of the Waterfall of Truth slowly returning to normal, the skulls being eroded away as the blood began to peter out of the water that cascaded down the rock, the barrier restored and the gateway to the lair of his second-father sealed away until he would need it again, hopefully not until many years in the future.

He slept, as much as he did sleep, for nearly eight hours, something he'd last done during his exile, about halfway through the Kiri rebellion; since then his brain had attuned to its new biological add-ons and removed his requirement for the proper night's sleep most people needed to be at least semi-functional in the morning, members of the Nara clan excepted. As he came too and recognised his location, he stood with a groan as the aches of mending bones and straining sinews flooded over him before, after sensing a chakra presence from nearby, nodding at where Killer Bee appeared,

"My thanks for your vigilance Bee-san", he said after stretching off, his axe still in his hand, "though I will need slightly longer to heal than I can safely stay here – I've been gone over a day, any longer and Konoha may get suspicious". Bee's shoulders shook,

"Heh, you should take a leaf from my book fool; wander round on your own, the epitome of cool and the ladies will know you rule". Despite himself Naruto smirked,

"Yes, I heard about how well that went for you last time, though I suppose Yugito-san finally mastering her two-tailed state was worth the trade off of your pride and most of your rapping notebooks", almost immediately a raincloud appeared over the Kumo shinobi's head as he recalled the sight of his precious rhymes being burnt to cinders by the younger jinchuuriki's power, Killer Bee so far gone into his misery that he almost didn't hear Naruto prepare to leave after crunching down on a soldier pill, "still then, time I wasn't here. I'm not sure exactly what the next step will be but Jiraiya-sensei's on the case; he'll find something I'm sure and as soon as he does Konoha will be sending out diplomatic letters to all the other four nations; I'm relying on you, Yugito, Roshi and Han to bring Kumo and Iwa to the table". Banishing his ill-feeling at the loss of his raps, the older shinobi nodded,

"We can do that; our pact with Iwa's still strong so if one of us gets targeted we'll both move in, though old man Onoki's used Akatsuki before in the past – if anyone's going to be a blot in your copybook it'll be that crusty old troll".

"I'll cross that bridge when I come to it", Naruto admitted somewhat evasively, still slightly grateful he'd had the foresight to teach both jinchuuriki of Iwa, who were certainly not as well respected as their Kumo counterparts and virtually isolated from humanity as a whole, a certain jutsu that they could use to get away should they be attacked by the organisation, the Kage Bunshin even enabling them to use the power of their bijuu to make the fight look more realistic as they made a break for it should the battle go badly; _if nothing else a report from one of them should be enough to convince even the Tsuchikage that the Red Dawn has its own goals and can't be trusted_; "until then though, I have to go".

"Now you're gettin' it", Bee suddenly smiled, brightening as he recognised the lyric, "took a little time but soon you'll appreciate the power of a good line".

A flash of gold was his only answer.

Returning to his home village in the centre of the Forest of Death, Naruto's first task was to fall back to sleep and recover the chakra it had taken him to both fight his second-father and teleport halfway across his known world; jinchuuriki or not, the distance for that Hirashin was not something easily recovered with his body as battered as it was. Upon waking some time the following morning he was met by his clone, the chakra construct giving him a nod before bursting and informing him of what had gone on in his absence; _nothing crucial thank the Kami – if the Akatsuki had moved while I was away that could have been a serious wrinkle in the plan_. After hunting down a couple of spiders and making a meal out of them, the Senju-Uzumaki turned his head towards Konoha for a moment but thought better of it as he looked down at his axe again; he had another task to do before he could drag himself to baa-chan for healing, something he'd done only once before and had never expected to do again.

It was ironic that, as his hand and the kunai in it descended to make the fist incision, in another much more remote location a second hand descended and brought with it a beast of lightning that obliterated the object of the hatred that had ruled his life and made him a traitor to his home. Even as he cackled with sudden mad, delirious laughter at the same time wrestle down the influence of the Curse Seal on his shoulder with the dregs of his chakra, Uchiha Sasuke found himself for the first time in his life liberated of his clan's curse of hatred as the ashes of what had once been his brother were scattered by the wind and rain, Itachi reduced to less than dust by the impact of the Kirin lightning dragon.

XXX

As the rain fell around them, Konan felt herself pressed to ask her only living companion the question that was pressing on her mind and had been since the setbacks had mounted for their organisation,

"Do you truly trust Madara can emulate the power of Spring country to raise the army we need?" Rippled eyes turning towards the Angel of Ame, Pain spoke with a note of caution in his tone,

"Yes, though it will take us longer, far longer to achieve than if we had been able to capture the bijuu", the God of the weeping land answered tonelessly, "to avoid the Nations noticing the movement of the machinery needed to create such power we must move slowly, very slowly, and spread our purchases throughout the Nations via sleeper cells and agents. The loss of Sasori's spy network and Kakazu's underworld contacts has hindered us in this regard, as has the loss of Itachi and his illusionary powers, though his younger brother appears quite skilled in that art. I must trust Madara to oversee his younger protégé though; the time of God cannot be taken wet-nursing a boy through his pain; either he will rise above it and master it, let it make him powerful enough to understand our goals of bringing peace to the world, or it will break him". The almost expressionless kunoichi nodded once to show her understanding of the Gods' will before speaking again,

"The loss of Itachi is a great blow; without him Kisame has become a rogue element – he is unlikely to form a coherent team with the man who killed his previous partner".

"And since the debacle in Iwa I sense he has begun to lose hope in our cause", Pain finished, neither of the two Ame orphans admitting that the first faint stirrings of doubt were also swirling around their own minds as the Rin'negan user went on, "two potential targets, both missed due to them knowing a technique everyone assumed to be unique to the Leaf; though I cannot be proven I'm sure the hand of the _Senso Haundo_ played a part in such a situation. Now even Onoki grows too wary of us to appreciate our services", another of the many, many worries piling up around them, the lack of funds was hurting not just the Akatsuki but the village of Ame as well; though Pain was destined to bring peace to the world, he also longed to make the land of Rain a fit place for people to live and families to grow rather than a battlefield for the other great nations, "still, he is loyal for the moment if only for his hatred of the nine-tails for the disrespect of his sword".

That at least was a crumb of good news at an otherwise fairly bare banqueting table; somehow the other Nations seemed to have been one step ahead of them at all times, though how this was no-one, not even Madara or Zetsu, could shed any light on. None of their members had been taken alive to be interrogated; most, in fact, had been killed where they stood by enemies, or an enemy in particular, who seemed to know how to negate most of their techniques right off the bat. Though Pain himself could use his paths to determine the truth if any of Akatsuki's remaining contacts were trying to sell information to the opposite side the cost of the soul of the interrogated was too high considering they Red Dawn had relatively few reliable links left across the Nations. With all this weighing down even his enlightened mind the leader of the terrorist cell who's goal was to bring peace to the war-torn world of shinobi raised his ringed eyes to the heavens and spoke, a decree of God that none could gainsay or set asunder,

"The way to peace has been opposed for too long; Konoha and its jinchuuriki have stood in my path for too long. I will go to the village hidden in the Leaves and teach it the..."

As Pain suddenly trailed off in mid-speech Konan glanced across at the reanimated body of Yahiko, wondering if one of the chakra receivers had come loose again and robbed him of his ability to speak; however before she could phrase her question, the body of one of Pains' six paths spoke again,

"...it appears", the Rin'negan user spoke slowly, though there was a slight smile tingeing the corner of his otherwise expressionless mouth as he turned his full attention to his angel and moved his fingers slowly through a long sequence of hand-seals, "that the journey will not be necessary. God will not have to travel to the Leaf for the Leaf has travelled to the feet of God and they have brought their target with them. Come Konan-chan", pushing himself fully upright, the proxy of the leader of Ame stood to his full height as the rain above them cleared, "I shall ready my paths and clear the way of the rain. If you will deliver me to a place close enough to the south-west border of Ame, I will bring the _Senso Haundo _to heel!"

XXX

"So, let me get this straight", not for the first time in the two months since his unnoticed excursion outside the village into the heart of Kumo, Naruto found himself struggling to believe some of the information that was coming out of the mouth of both his sensei and his village leader-stroke clan head, "I see from Sasori's memories a figure with those strange eyes, shaped like ripples, and you're now telling me you not only recognise what those eyes are, you may very well know exactly who they belong to?" Jiraiya nodded, though there was no triumph in his strangely serious eyes as he folded his arms,

"Yes; towards the end of the Third War we, the Detsu no Sannin that is", he explained, indicating himself and Tsunade who remained behind her desk and nodded, "encountered three orphans in Ame, kids that that had lost everything in the struggle. Orochimaru was all for killing them to save them from the pain of growing up with no-one and, truth be told, if my suspicions are correct about the leader of the maniacs hunting down you and your kind I'm kind of sorry we didn't take his advice back then – either way, I hung around for a while with the youngsters, taught them a bit about being shinobi in the time I had between missions. One of them, the smallest and youngest, had the eyes you saw from Akasuna no Sasori's memories, I'm sure of it".

"Who was he, and what are they then?" The Hokage broke in softly, steepling her hands under her chin as she was wont to do when considering an important matter of state, "I assume he had some kind of doujutsu?"

"Yeah, the rarest and most powerful; the Rin'negan, the eyes of the Sage of Six Paths", Jiraiya confirmed in a melancholy voice, "I hoped to steer the three of them towards a brighter path but if it truly is Nagato running around with the Akatsuki I'm going to have to assume I messed up, big style. Sorry gaki", the Toad sage gave an embarrassed grin towards his current student as an apology for the actions of his past pupil, "seems I really do suck as a sensei". Naruto didn't reply to this, instead remaining silent for a moment before, eventually, inclining his head towards the letter on the corner of Tsunade's desk, the same as countless other bits of paper near it but marked out as truly unique because of the seal it bore,

"Still at least we've got an idea of what we might be going up against in the future; if he really is running the show with those S-ranked nutcases chances are we're going to come to blows sometime in the future – they must have an idea I'm behind most of their recent setbacks by now", Naruto explained with a slight note of glumness in his voice before he glanced at the letter again and brightened, "still, whoever this Nagato is can come with as much force as he likes; if even Onoki of Both Scales is swapping love notes with baa-chan things must be changing for the better across the entire Elemental Nations".

Jiraiya hastily averted his eyes and did his best to stifle chuckles as the Godaime's expression darkened palpably; after glaring death at her would-be clan heir for a moment, she blinked and put her business head back on, tapping the latter that had arrived earlier in the morning by courier-nin and was one of the reason she'd called this three-man meeting; the Toad sages' information on the Akatsuki being the other,

"Despite your way disrespectful way of putting it", both blondes matched stares for a minute before relenting, "this news is as good as I could have hoped it'd be. The shrivelled old prune didn't give away any more details than he had to; he never does; but I get the impression the jinchuuriki of his nation have been targeted by the terrorist cell since they now know or suspect those of the other four countries have their jinchuuriki better protected. Both, however, seemed to have survived their run-ins with the Red Dawn", Naruto immediately relaxed at that news; though he'd gotten off to a rocky start with Han and only really got to know the steam-using shinobi after he'd had most of his skin parboiled off and the Iwa jinchuuriki had ended up with most of his armour mangled beyond recognition in retaliation, he had enjoyed Roshi's company as the old man was very experienced with using his bijuu's powers and had a relationship with the four-tailed monkey second only to Bee's partnership with the Hachibi, "and reported to the kage. Coupling this with the increase of paperwork we, the kages as a whole that is, have been shuffling between each other, the whole thing's coming down to the first ever Gokage summit to be held in Tetsu".

The impact of this statement was not to be underestimated; never before had the leaders of the five great nations ever been in the same location without blood being spilt and fists flying everywhere. That the threat of Akatsuki was being taken so seriously was a great boon to the minds of all present, Naruto most especially as it meant that, in the event of an alliance, it would make slotting the final piece of his decade-long puzzle home much more simplistic than would otherwise have been the case. All three ninja mulled the news over before, with his finger on his chin in a thinking pose, Jiraiya spoke first,

"When and what are the conditions?"

"One month from three days ago; each kage can bring as many bodyguards as they feel they need to though, from what I heard from Mei-sama, two seems to be the magic number, and as well as that all nine of the jinchuuriki will also be in attendance". Naruto felt his eyebrows rise even as he clamped down on his excitement as hard as he could,

"It's a trap as well as a meeting then? Fair enough; anyone stupid enough to gate-crash a meeting with that much raw chakra is going to simply be asking for a hammering, weird eyes or not. Who were you thinking of for bodyguards baachan – surely not Shizune-neechan right, she's ready to go any day now?" Tsunade rolled her eyes,

"Of course not Shizune-chan; if nothing else I don't think even I'd be able to pry her out of Iruka's arms if he thought she was having to leave so close to giving birth to the next generation of Umino", she explained before looking more serious, "though thankfully as you're there I doubt I'll need much more in the way of an escort. I was actually thinking of Izumo and Kotetsu..."

"What?" Jiraiya's sudden squawk brought the entire conversation to a shuddering halt, "hime, how could you leave me here; without the flower of your beauty I will wither and die like a tender blossom denied the warm caress of the sun". Tsunade simply shivered while simultaneously cracking her knuckles as her fellow sannin's attempt at a chat up line while Naruto slapped a palm to his face before regarding his clan head through a single lidded eye,

"Baa-chan please just sleep with him; you'd only need to do it once", Tsunade tried to turn white and green at the same time as a hand flew to her mouth as though attempting to deny a gag reflex while Jiraiya gawped at his student amazed before nodding so rapidly in agreement it was a wonder his neck didn't crick, "I've tried everything else to get him to give up that crush so it's all in your hands now".

"Hands, thighs, cleavage", Jiraiya repeated to himself like a zombie, a trail of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth as his nose bled copiously, "and all other parts as we..." Mercifully he was cut off by an explosion of killing intent and a paperweight slamming into his gut at near the speed of sound, Tsunade banging her hands against her desk as she glowered at the two perverts before her,

"Firstly never even _think_ of suggesting something like that around me again or I'll find a way to injure you in a way even the Kyuubi couldn't heal", the Slug sage demanded, expression in Naruto's opinion black enough to make even Angron think twice about having a go before she calmed down and spoke more rationally, "secondly you're staying here Jiraiya as my regent in case the village is attacked; I know it's unlikely but your reports of Akatsuki apparently trying to lay their hands on an army from somewhere is enough to worry me and the village will need a figurehead to stand behind if they do make a move. And anyway as I recall those three orphans you rescued weren't overly enamoured with Konoha for invading their land – if it truly is your old student pulling the strings he might see my absence as a chance to earn his revenge for misdemeanours occurring in the Third War".

It was a well-made and logical argument, Jiraiya couldn't dispute that; even so though, it felt wrong to be sitting on the sidelines while his godson and team mate had all the fun, least of all as he bore some responsibility over the foundation of the Akatsuki if Nagato truly was responsible for its formation. As well as that he was known as a renowned spy-master – surely if he were there supplying information it would lend more weight to Konoha's position than anything else short of Naruto revealing some of the plans he'd put in place over the past few years. He pouted, trying to buy time to mull this decision over for a moment before his eye caught on a sudden document on Tsunade's desk and the edge of the map it showed; he saw that and inspiration struck with the force of a bludgeon. Stepping forwards, he carefully tugged the paper responsible for his brainwave out of the pile of paper it was sitting in before smoothing it out across the Hokages' desk,

"Maybe there's a way to kill two birds with one stone", he explained, jabbing his finger at the map, "we know the village will be safe for a month at least because no-one's moving 'til then. When we do, however, there is a way to get to the Land of Iron through the Land of Rain, though the route's a bit convoluted. I've used it myself but I don't like it; somehow Ame is locked down tighter than a nun's cloisters and virtually nothing gets in or out unnoticed. I have a suspicion this is to do with the current souso of the village who I'm virtually sure is Nagato; the Rin'negan has abilities beyond my knowledge but is reportedly the most powerful doujutsu in creation; I wouldn't put it past a Rin'negan user to be able to watch over a country as big as Ame with relatively little issue".

"So", Tsunade urged, "how does this help us?"

"Akatsuki want the bijuu", Jiraiya's smile was far from his usual beaming grin; it was the cut-throat expression of an S-ranked shinobi gearing himself up for a war, "so we'll give them what they want. If we step into Rain to get to Iron there are three things that might happen as far as I can see; either Nagato is in charge there in which case he might try to engage us, the souso sends some of his shinobi out to see us in which case it's an diplomatic oops from us but was the only real was we could get to Tetsu without potentially pissing off Iwa as we're neutral with Ame at the minute, or nothing happens at all. In any of these three cases having me there with you serves two purposes; I might be able to glean some information about the place while we're moving through and, if the worst does come to the worst", the tall sannin grimaced for a moment before shaking his head sadly, "it's the job of the sensei to correct his students' mistakes".

Both members of the Senju-Uzumaki clan looked upon their team mate and sensei with concern and commiseration before, after a moment, Tsunade glanced up and looked her team mate dead in the eye,

"Are you serious about this Jiraiya-kun?" There was no boasting, no grandiose in the sage's poise, instead he finally looked as old as he actually was as he lowered his head and nodded,

"Yeah; if nothing else if it comes to a choice between my godson and my student there's no doubt in my mind who I have to pick. Hopefully nothing'll come of this little jaunt but, in case of the worst case scenario, it can never hurt to be prepared".

"That's probably the most sensible non-perverted thing I've ever heard you say ero-sennin", Naruto admitted before being forced to clamp down on a smirk as his eyes tracked across to his clan head and he folded his arm, the new bandaged he had wrapped around his left one shining a pearly white in the evening sun as he grinned, "though when it comes to the statement of your guards Hokage-sama, I think I've got a better choice than the gate chunin..."

XXX

_Hate you..._;

Haruno Sakura was usually a cheerful person who didn't suffer fools gladly and was a professional kunoichi when she was on a mission; during her down-time however she was as stable and well-balanced as a ninja could hope to be, especially as a good bedside manner was virtually a requirement for a medical kunoichi. Therefore it was rather odd to see the cherry blossom trudging along in the footsteps of her group shooting invisible eye lasers at her sensei. Tsunade was of course impervious to her students' dirty looks but even so Sakura wouldn't be denied her righteous sulk; it had all been going so well – she had an important A-rank mission as the bodyguard of her kage and was getting a chance to visit the semi-mythical Iron country. Then she had been introduced to her partner for the mission, realised she'd been well and truly set up and everything had gone straight down the crapper.

_...Hate you, hate you, hate you, hate yoaargh!_ She jumped a clear foot in the air as two fingers landed in her sides simultaneously, shocking her out of her funk and causing her to whip around with a fist raised threateningly. Kiba for his part simply grinned and blew on the tips of his fingers, apparently unconcerned at the temper he was stirring into life,

"Don't look so grumpy Sakura-chan; if the wind changes you'll be stuck that way". The kunoichi merely glared at the Inuzuka, scowling as she resumed her march through the wet, waterlogged land, though thankfully the seemingly perpetual rain had lulled over the past fifteen minutes or so and made progress a lot more swift than had other been expected,

"And if my fist connects with your face you'll never get it back to the way it was Kiba-baka, you've got my word on that", she threatened, clenching a fist as the dog-nin grinned at her; the two held an impromptu stare-down for a minute before, as always, she relented first, "can't believe I got paired up with you – even Ino-buta would have been better company. Touch me again and you'll find out exactly what it means to end up spayed the hard way".

"Well as someone not a million leagues from here was fond of saying believe it you got paired up with me, though the last threat was unnecessary", the Inuzuka shot back cheerfully after every man in the party was done wincing at the threat to their combined manhood, "still, cheer up; we're about a third of the way through this bog now and the sun's coming out, what's not t...oh".

Sakura might have denied Kiba was anything to do with her, least of all on an intimate level, but she knew that it wasn't like him to tail off in the middle of a sentence like that; Akamaru whined in tandem with his master as he too tasted the unfamiliar scent upon the air and Kiba dropped into a fighting crouch, tensing and getting ready for trouble,

"Looks like we've got company incoming", the heir to the House of Dogs growled, tensing in the direction of the prevailing wind, "can't tell you how many but they stink of man, age and, uh, paper for some reason".

"Paper?" Jiraiya questioned, looking uncharacteristically serious as Kiba nodded; _so then it is them – nothing else for it, I'm going to have to go all out_; "I'd hoped it wouldn't come to this but, like so many things in the world of shinobi, hope's a fickle beast at the best of times. Sakura-chan, Kiba-kun, retire with Hokage-sama; your mission is to keep her safe regardless of the cost to yourselves; Naruto-kun and I will handle the interlopers".

"But..." the combined expression of all three larger shinobi was more than enough to still all notions of dissent and, following the lead of their village leader, the two chunin departed after Tsunade gave some last-minute instructions to her honour guard, as much as 'try not to die' could be considered instructions. As soon as they were out of sight Jiraiya bit his thumb and pressed it to the ground; there was a flare of chakra and two tiny figures stepped out of the smoke, looked around somewhat bemusedly,

"Jiraiya-boy?" The female toad elder cocked her head up at the older signaturee of the Toad contract, "what d'ya need Pa and I for?"

"Hopefully nothing, but probably to correct a mistake I made a long time ago; we'll have to go all out", Jiraiya warned the two elders and, after sharing a look, both Fukasaku and Shima hopped up onto his shoulders, melding with the sage and gathering the natural energy needed for Jiraiya to use the techniques that had truly made him an S-ranked shinobi. Naruto watched the transformation from the corner of his eye, hoping that when the time came for him to transform likewise the effect wouldn't appear quite so disturbing as he nodded at his godfather,

"We go to them?"

"Might as well; if nothing else it draws them away from Tsu-hime and you're their target anyway"; nodding at the logic, the altered jinchuuriki followed his godfather at a run, having to almost sprint to keep up with the pace the perverted hermit set with sage chakra flowing through his coils.

The two groups met each other on open ground; seeing one set of Rin'negan eyes gazing down at them imperiously as the bearer was borne aloft in the arms of a paper-winged angel, Jiraiya skidded to a halt in slight confusion, Naruto mimicking the action and glancing at his teacher questioningly,

"That's not Nagato", the sage explained under his breath, trusting the enhanced ears of the jinchuuriki to pick up his words, "I do recognise him but it's not my former student. The kunoichi is one of mine though; Konan-chan", he raised his voice at the woman who was looking down on the coolly, apparently disinterested by the whole scene, "this doesn't have to end in violence. Come down here and let's talk face to face, and at least tell me what happened to Nagato-kun and Yahiko-kun after I was forced to leave Ame?" The Amen in didn't answer him with words but did at least float gently down to the floor, hovering a foot above it as though the earth was unworthy to feel her tread while her passenger alighted to the floor, not raising a ripple from the water he landed atop as he spoke in a flat, dead voice from behind his multiple piercings,

"You trespass in the land of God Konoha-nin; give to me what should be mine and one of you may leave alive". Naruto and his teacher both shared a pointed look before dropping into fighting stances, though neither of them made an aggressive move yet,

"I see", Jiraiya said shortly, apparently electing himself as spokesman for the two Konoha shinobi present, "well whoever this God of yours is I'm sure he's quite capable of smiting us with lightning if we do too much to piss him off, so why don't you both turn around and go away before this gets ugly. I don't want to fight you Konan-chan", there was sincerity in the sage's voice as he looked to the kunoichi present, though his face hardened as she burst apart in a spray of paper and her companion made swift hand-seals, summoning his own reinforcements to the field. A second later, now staring down six pairs of identical eyes and feeling rather creeped out by the whole thing, Naruto spoke to his godfather once more,

"Any of these your old student?"

"No, but I recognise them all, especially that one", it was Jiraiya's tone that caused the bio-enhanced jinchuuriki to look at his mentor again; in all the years he'd known the Toad sage, he could count the number of times he'd heard true anger in his voice on one hand with fingers to spare, "and they are all dead; there is no natural energy within them. Whoever you are, if it is you Nagato, you have desecrated the dead for your own ambitions; I would not forgive my old team mate for such an abomination, I will certainly not forgive my old student!"

"These are but the faces of God", one of the meat-puppets spoke, Naruto regarding it with a critical eye as though picturing which one would be best to strike down first; _and they are moving already – hmm, they must really want to get this thing started. Ah, now that's interesting_; using the tactical acumen both gifted to him by bio-enhancement and learnt by hard practice, Naruto selected his first victim with well-hidden predatory interest, "they are the ones who will teach the creed of Pain to all people. You, nine-tails, are both a key to peace and a weapon to be wielded by god".

"Am I now – first I knew about it", Naruto admitted, gathering his chakra as subtly as he could, "and what, pray tell, is this weapon you're hoping to forge from the nine bijuu. Oh don't look so shocked", none of Pain's faces had shifted at all but it seemed like the right thing to say, "I know you're after all of us – hell I've personally killed enough of you Akatsuki to know that".

"It is a weapon nine-tails; a weapon unlike any before seen in the Elemental Nations; when used all will know Pain", the Rin'negan user spoke as though preaching to a slightly dim choir, "the suffering will be legion, so much that all will fear war and none raise arms again..."

"Ah screw this", a crabby old voice broke into the monologue, Fukasaku showing manners far worse than his age would dictate he had as he shouted into Jiraiya's ear, "this could be the destined child the Elder Toad spoke of? We gotta put him down Jiraiya-boy – he's gone more squirrelly in the head than Ma".

"Whaddya mean squirrelly in the head, y'old fart", the other half of the cantankerous couple shouted back, "everyone know's you'd have been dead a hundred years back without me takin' care of your wrinkled old ass!"

"Ha, and everyone one of those days in the grave would have been a mercy for my poor ears compared to your whinin'!"

"You senile old coot – when we get home I'll..."

What Fukasaku's punishment was to be at the hands of his irate wife, however, was never discovered as, using the argument of the elder toads to his advantage, Naruto moved.

It was a motion as seamless as it was effective; seeing the giant blonde suddenly disappear into a whirl of leaves and then reappear behind all of the Pains was pure poetry in motion as far as a shinobi was concerned. Aware they had been surprised all six opponents leapt clear, turning to try and see the enemy now behind them only for the one at the rear of the party to belatedly discover how bad a move that was; he jumped out of range of the jinchuuriki's sweeping arm only for a cloud of smoke and screeching scream to herald his end, Goa-chichoya having a much longer reach than its master. Even as the Pain fell, bisected in half at the waist, Naruto wasn't done, instead stepping forwards deliberately and stomping on the head of his downed adversary – this close he was able to hear the truth in Jiraiya's earlier statement; their opponents had no heartbeat and were therefore dead. Rather than run the risk of one of the six getting back up again, the sole of Naruto's sandal reduced its head to a pulp of mangled metal and brain matter, the jinchuuriki grinning in tandem with his howling axe as he faced down the rest of his enemies,

"Always take the one at the back out first", he bellowed to the sky, "thank you Shizune-neechan!"

With that benediction, he leapt forward into the attack once more.

XXX

A cough, low and wheezing arose for the man strapped into the antiquated life-support machine and Konan was at his side in an instant, her question answered before she could even speak it,

"The, the nine-tails", the lord of Ame spoke in a voice choked with phlegm, "it destroyed the Nakara path". That news sent a chill through the kunoichi, though Pain had never been defeated, the removal of his ability to reincarnate his fallen bodies was a serious blow indeed,

"Should we...?"

"No", with his prize so close Pain would not back down, "as long as I am careful I can still win this". With that statement, he sat forwards in his dais and once more commanded his remote bodies to do his bidding.

XXX

After that early success in knocking out one of the Pains, the good fortune of the godfather and godson combination seemed to have stalled somewhat; though Naruto was using his preferred method of shunshin and sheer speed to keep piling the pressure on his opponents and Jiraiya's abilities were amplified by his connection to sage chakra, they just couldn't seem to land a blow against the paths. However just because their attacks weren't landing didn't mean they were not making progress; even as his opponents concentrated on his most dangerous abilities, Goa-chichioya foremost amongst them, Naruto knew they, just like all who had come before them, were underestimating his subtler but equally as devastating gifts. His ability to learn, even in the heat of battle, was a talent he had only honed upon the battlefields across the Elemental Nation and he put to use now, realising quickly the difference between the one strike that had connected and the others since then which hadn't, shouting across to his godfather as frustration boiled in his tone,

"Damn them", he casually vanished in a leaf body flicker, scattering the green petals everywhere around him even as his target slipped free of the wide sweep of his axe, "it's like fighting Neji-san and Hinata-chan when they don't want to be hit. Reckon they can see all around them?"

"Possibly", Jiraiya shouted back, his hearing fortunately enhanced by his connection to the earth and therefore able to hear the whispered plan passed to him underneath the bombastic shout, "this is a legendary doujutsu we're up against here, who knows what it can do?"

"In that case let's find out", the jinchuuriki declared, hands blurring as the technique he wanted came back to his effortlessly, "kirigakure no jutsu".

A dense wall of fog flooded the battlefield and Naruto immediately tasted the air; sight to him was unnecessary at such close range; he could virtually taste his prey. Powering down his axe to improve his silent killing, he stalked towards his newest target in the mist, hoping his hypothesis was correct and this would tip the scales back into his and Jiraiya's...

"Shinra tensai".

Whatever the technique was it managed to do two things; it simultaneously blasted both him and Jiraiya away and cleared the air of the mist; shaking his head as he flipped back to his feet, Naruto locked eyes with the Pain that had its arm extended; _that one has to go next_;

"Against God even your powers are useless nine-tails; you will never get close enough to hit me even with your speed", the emotionless figure intoned, lowering its arm, "come quietly and your death will serve a grea..."

It was cut off by the hand that shot out the water and locked onto its ankle with a grip like the Shinigami; the path was dragged beneath the water so fast it virtually disappeared only to resurface some seconds later, Jiraiya underneath it with a rasengan swirling on his palm as the water clone he'd substituted himself for in the seconds Naruto's mist had been up splashed back into the lake. Under the effect of the senjutsu-enhanced technique the body was rent asunder, whatever life it had possessed finally banished but the sage was not yet done. With a whisper and some seals his hair shot forwards, hard and sharp as steel and tore the body that had once been one of his students apart, the older man speaking to the deceased in a tone somewhere between regret, respect and pure, blazing anger,

"Rest in peace Yahiko-kun"; the altered eyes of the sage fell upon the four remaining paths and Jiraiya snarled ferally, "your friend may well be joining you shortly".

"By your hand ero-sennin, but these other four are mine", Naruto suddenly snarled, leaping into the air and twisting around with a spray of chakra, "futon; Ha senpū o katto!"

Against the sheer scale of the technique there was nowhere for them to hide and they couldn't move far enough to escape its reach; a blizzard of foliage erupted from the Senju-Uzumaki as the Preta path of his adversary stood to shield its companions from the ninjutsu, secure in the knowledge that it could nullify the technique used. The leaves pelted them like a rain of hail, annoying but not dangerous as they fell about, scattering in the water around them until at last the jinchuuriki ended his technique and fell back to the water with a splash. The Preta path was about to speak but found itself cut off by Naruto's bellow, his voice backed up by his axe restarting,

"God of Ame", he declared before giving a wolfish smile, "meet the God of Konoha, and meet your end!"

Just as before the first path to die was the one at the rear; surrounded as they were by leaves cloned and inscribed with a fuuinjutsu matrix known completely to only two shinobi in history, the end was inevitable; four flashes, four hacks with a braying blade and it was over, the leader of the Akatsuki defeated as the victors stood above them. Naruto breathed deeply a few times, forcing his hearts to calm down slightly as he sealed Goa-chichioya away and looked over the corpses before him; after a second he turned to Jiraiya,

"You send a message to baa-chan, I get rid of the trash?" To his surprise the sage shook his grizzled head,

"No, the real one isn't among them", Jiraiya explained, moving over to the carved corpses and stooping down to remove one of the chakra rods from the bodies, preparing himself for what he had to do next.

XXX

As Nagato went into a seizure Konan could do nothing but watch, heart in her mouth as the man she did love in some way suffered from an aliment she could not even see never mind try to treat. Only when he finally began to calm down did she dare to speak after purging all worry from her tone; now was the time to be strong for her friend,

"Nagato-kun, what happened?"

"The paths, all six paths", he mumbled, mentally traumatised by the sudden severing of the connection to his bodies, "all gone, cut down". Konan stared and, despite herself, trembled slightly,

"But; there is no choice", paper flew around her as she formed her wings, "we must flee, they cannot find us here". Nagato's head lolled towards her, something like panic in his eyes as he managed to murmur a warning,

"They have already found us; Jiraiya-sensei's sage mode tracked my chakra. They are moving; Konan-chan, you must fly – you now hold the dream of Yahiko-kun". The kunoichi shook her head, determined but slightly pale as she spoke,

"Never; I will not lose another friend Nagato-kun; if we die now we die together knowing we did all in our power to bring peace to the world; that alone will be enough to ease my passing into the Pure World". Nagato, despite his internal injuries, smiled,

"You were always the most loyal Konan-chan; I was not worthy of a friend like you", he admitted, feeling the chakra receiver his sensei had used to trace him approaching at a terrifying pace, "so be it then; we go to meet Yahiko-kun together". Konan nodded, and the two of them braced themselves and waited for death.

XXX

He could smell his sensei's blood even over the incendiary destruction of Pain's paths as his jigokuton consumed both flesh and metal alike; turning in time to see a clone of the sage disappear to tell the rest of their party that they'd catch up, Naruto nodded at his sensei as the taller man wiped the blood from his hand and spoke in a voice that betrayed even more years than Jiraiya had accrued on the world,

"I have him; about four and some miles, that way".

"Three minutes and some at a sprint", Naruto muttered before speaking aloud, "I'll leave this in your hands sensei; he is or was your student".

"And right now I know what it is to feel blind Naruto", the sage admitted, trying hard to deny his tears as he realised how close he may have come to damning the world through teaching one lost, lonely boy the path to power, "I should kill him for what he was planning to do; murder on a scale even the, well, your... inner monster might have approved of – that is what he perverted my words to! But he was my student; he was that lost, lonely boy", at last Jiraiya could hold it back no longer, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he went on, "and now he must be lost again. We've ripped it all down and left him with nothing just like Konoha nin did in the past – I wanted to end the cycle of hatred Naruto-kun, now I've only made it worse". Naruto was silent for a moment and Jiraiya was almost sure he wasn't going to speak again before suddenly he started, peering at the sage with a strange half-smile on his lips,

"Wait sensei, say what you said again?"

"The cycle of hatred?"

"No, actually yes; hate, the one thing I and, by extension and my blood, you know better than anyone", one meaty fist thwacked into a palm as Naruto recalled the day that had changed four lives forever, the memory of which could now change another and turn it around before more harm was done, "we can show them the truth of their so-called pain; how good are you at genjutsu?" Puzzled for a moment, Jiraiya finally cottoned on to his godsons plan and gave an evil smile, nodding at the perfect simplicity of the plan,

"Not great usually but in sage mode it's not an issue; I've got an idea of what to do assuming you don't mind being made the villain of the piece. I'll explain as we go – we best hurry before they try and pull off a dramatic escape..."

Fortunately there was to be no escape for either of the Ame-nins; Goa-chichioya split through the tower of paper as though it weren't there and allowed them both to step through into the interior of the chamber, two sets of eyes enhanced by both chakra and biological experimentation easily picking out the foes nearby,

"I assume you two are Nagato and Konan?" Unusually it was Naruto who played diplomat, though he kept his axe out to show he would not hesitate to use violence if pushed. The emaciated man in the chair nodded and drew a shuddering breath,

"Have you come to kill us nine-tails?"

"No", Jiraiya answered for his godson, his technique completed, "we've come to tell you it's over; the Akatsuki has failed. Even now the villages mobilise against your group and no matter how many bodies you can place upon the field it won't be enough; go back to your village Pain, whatever's left of it". The last line, almost a throwaway comment, made both Ame nin freeze for a moment before, mastering herself Konan was able to speak,

"What do you mean left?" A dark chuckle was her answer, the noise reverberating from Naruto's barrel chest like a man pounding an empty steel drum,

"It is simple, I listened to the creed of Pain and have followed it to its logical conclusion; after all", though none present knew it, Naruto spoke his next words from personal experience, "what is a God with none left to worship him? My clones are already at the gates of Ame, the people there will be the first to know Pain", seeing the horror dawning on the two faces before him Naruto smirked and spread his arms wide, "the _Senso Haundo_ is abroad", his grin revealed teeth that could rival those of Kisame and he seemed to drink deep of his enemy's sudden terror as he finished his dire proclamation, "and a very poor shepherd has abandoned his flock. Let's go ero-sennin; the lesson of Pain has been taught".

Even before the two of them exited the paper tree it burst apart, the top of it exploding as Konan erupted through it, her paper cradle bearing Nagato aloft as well as sickening dread coiled in her heart; surely, surely the nine-tails could not mean what she feared he meant. She forgot exhaustion, her own fatigue and pushed herself on, refusing to believe the warning to be true even as the village of the Rain loomed on the horizon and plumes of smoke rose about it like funeral pyres. Even as tears ran down her face and she deposited both herself and her last living friend on the ground, she refused to believe what had happened until she saw it with her own eyes.

XXX

The entire city was an abattoir.

No, it was worse, because in an abattoir the cattle were killed quickly and cleanly; here, in this new place of horror, the people who had once lived and called this village home had not been afforded such a luxury. They had been torn apart, smashed like china dolls only with blood for bleeding and bones for breaking – almost as soon as they came within sight of the ominously silent walls the scent of blood had smashed into them both but even that, and the plume of smoke rising from parts of the destroyed city, was nothing compared to the soul-breaking sight that awaited them as the man who would be god hurried forwards as much as he was able to, shouldered open the door to the city of Ame with the front of his command dais and felt what was left of his god-complex, already reduced to ruin by the defeat he had suffered earlier in the day and the manner in which that defeat, no, humiliation had been administered, ground further into powder by the sight of what had happened to his village in his absence.

Ame was a land that had known more than its share of heartbreak; as a virtually-constant battleground for the larger shinobi world powers it had been scarred by war, death and loss but this, this final atrocity was surely the death-knell of the country. Everywhere his ringed eyes looked there were bodies, corpses; gutted, shredded, hewn asunder by the same nightmare weapon that had been the end of his Six Paths, there was nothing else in the world he knew that could kill so quickly and yet with such gleeful malice. Slumping forwards, overwhelmed by horror and sickness even as he heard Konan behind him turn away and retch, the man who had once been Pain and was now merely known by his true name of Nagato was forced to confront the true folly of his plan of action, of the Akatsuki, of everything he had ever believed in as the sight of the entire population of his city butchered in their own streets pounded mercilessly at his mind, a price that these innocent people had been forced to pay for his mistakes.

How long he remained there, his own misery and merciless horror pounding at his mind as the sight of the dead carpeting the ground, their blood mixing with the rain and turning the ground into boggy red slush, Nagato neither knew nor cared. His city was dead, his land was dead and his dream was dead as well; there was nothing left for him now but to exist until his own crippled body gave out and was reduced to the same state as the civilians of Ame after the monster had come to claim them all. The rain, the rain he had once controlled and used to keep out intruders that would threaten his sodden but still beloved land flattened his red hair to his head, trailing down his face like the tears he was unable to shed though, even as he felt rather than heard Konan move up to stand beside him as the kunoichi swallowed down her horror and subconsciously drew towards the one source of comfort she had left in the world, a noise cut through the repeated drumming of the rain that fell ceaselessly on the dead city.

A series of splashes, rhythmic, each one falling closer and closer and even before he looked up Nagato knew what he would see even before he looked up and, in a twisted, oblique way he welcomed it – for his failure and the price it had extracted on his city, surely it was only fitting that his punishment was to die by the hands of the same beast that had slaughtered the entire population of Ame. Strangely accepting the certainty of his own death, the Rin'negan wielder summoned the last of his strength and raised his head slowly, seeing the approaching figure step forwards from the bowels of the massacred city, drenched in gore and breathing slightly heavier than before but, otherwise, unchanged from the brooding, malevolent figure Nagato remembered prior to seeing himself torn apart six separate times through the eyes of his paths. Stepping forwards as the rain washed the blood clean of both his body and the terrible cleaver that rested over his shoulder, the demon clothed in human flesh looked at the last two Ame ninja in existence and, after a long moment, let a slow, languid, smile split through his gore-caked face as he spread his arms wide, his horrifying axe purring slowly as though temporarily sated by the flesh and blood it had been fed as its bearer spoke,

"Welcome", his voice was a deep as an ocean and as threatening as a thunderhead, pregnant with the promise to break at any moment and unleash a deluge of violence unmatched in history or myth, "to the world you'd have created. Remember this place, the world of carrion ruled only by the peace of the grave; this is the world you would have damned us all too; take it with you on your final journey", overwhelmed by horror and numb with shock neither S-ranked shinobi moved as the man who would kill them stepped forwards, his axe raised as he came within reach of them; suddenly the axe moved, falling to the floor as its bearer released it and lanced forwards with both his hands, speaking only a single word again as he poked them both on the forehead and released a chakra pulse,

"Remember..."

They were falling, no, spinning; up was down, inverse was nothing; all faded away in a swirl of water, mud and gore as they fell, they were returning, they were going back...

With an almost physical impact they were both back in their own bodies, the shock making Konan stagger and almost fall as Nagato banged the back of his head on his command throne; Jiraiya removed his fingertips from their foreheads, sage eyes boring into them as both younger shinobi attempted to recover from the genjutsu he'd cast over them,

"Consider that the last lesson I will ever teach you", he spat bitterly, disgusted despite himself it had come to this, "you could, perhaps should have been the destined child Nagato but you pissed it up against the wall, frittering your gifts on schemes of madness. I wash my hands of you both", he turned away abruptly, not wanting his students to see the tears in his eyes as he stepped away from them for the last time, "it is over; return to Rain and never darken my life again; I have only one student now". With this final word the Toad sage moved away, all three of the former team now crying as the two of them realised another bond, one they had virtually forgotten about, was broken forever.

Naruto, however, remained where he was, not moving even as Jiraiya stepped out of the tree and back towards the path his former team mate had trodden; what had happened was a private affair between the three of them and he'd had no right to interfere. However he wasn't so blind as to leave a potentially lethal weapon in the hands (or rather, face) of a man who had been prepared to use it once before and stepped forwards, both of the two Ame nin too badly shocked to react to his approach,

"Forgive me", he tried to make his voice soft; violent and a warrior he might have been but he had no wish to punish those who were already suffering more than he had to, "but those eyes are the eyes of legend, and to the legends they must return".

The sight of the Senju-Uzumaki opening his mouth was the last, tear-blurred sight Nagato would ever see through the eyes that were never his to begin with.

XXX

"Damn Kiba-kun", Naruto was impressed as he glanced down at his Inuzuka friend, "you've got a nose on you and no mistake". Kiba shrugged, attempting to deflect the praise,

"Me, I do what I can; anyway they certainly seem friendly enough and there's a familiar scent there but I can't place it; I probably will when we get closer though, or when I actually see who I've caught wind of, which is usually the case".

"Well either way we might as well try to catch up with them", Tsunade decreed, setting a rugged pace towards the heart of Iron country as she huddled down well in her furs, "travelling together at least gives us a chance to get out of this blasted wind, save for those of us who can't bloody feel it", she muttered, fixing her adopted clan member with a vicious glance. Naruto however, didn't seem to notice; having finally caught wind of the party ahead himself and run the scent over the glands in his mouth that allowed him to taste the air in a manner similar to a snake, Naruto broke ahead of the main group and ran up a sharp incline to the right of their current path, tearing up the surface as though it weren't there and shielding his eyes against the breeze in time to catch sight of the friends ahead of them and bellow out a greeting despite the whipping gale,

"Mizu, wait and be welcomed!"

It took only minutes for his cry to be reciprocated; across the snow of the country a figure came running and he dropped to a knee, allowing his fellow jinchuuriki to throw her arms as far around his chest as she could reach; try as she might, Hotaru was still too short to reach his neck,

"Naruto-nii", the Mizu kunoichi declared, stepping back to allow the Kyuubi jinchuuriki to stand to his full height, towering over her by at least a factor of two and a half, "it's been too long".

"I know, and I'm sorry I couldn't see you as often as I'd have liked but duty calls and all that", the Senju-Uzumaki explained, casting an eye backwards to check that the rest of his party were clambering up the slope behind him, including the new addition they'd picked up in Taki, "how have you been Hotaru-chan; is Utakata-san still the old grouch I remember?" He jerked his head to the side to avoid a speeding bubble, not even bothering to hide his smile as the Rokubi jinchuuriki sniffed in displeasure,

"I'll take that as a yes then". Hotaru giggled and was about to ask something else when another voice cut her off, this one even more familiar to the enhanced demon-host than that of either of his fellow jinchuuriki,

"And what am I then brat - shisami?" Standing in all her normal fish-netted glory despite the biting cold, the one and only Momochi Anko beheld her one-time student with an apprising eye and carefree grin, one that soon dropped off her face as Naruto raised an eyebrow,

"Don't tempt me". The current Kiri emissary goggled for a moment before spinning on her heel and folding her arms with a loud 'humph', nose in the air as she turned her back on boy who had once been her student,

"Damned big-headed gakis; one sniff of fame and they think they're all that – never even think of the shoulders they had to stand on to reach those peaks" she grumbled under her breath before her rant was cut short by Naruto's hand descending on her shoulder and spinning her right back around into a rib-splintering hug, "gahh, gerroff! Abuse, this is an unwarranted attack on a dual-nationality kunoichi!" Chuckling as he let her go, the jinchuuriki merely shrugged,

"Heh, as if that defence would stick against any jury who knew even the rumours of what you were like; Zabuza-san", finally tearing his attention away from the kunoichi, Naruto greeted the volcanically-glowering shinobi who stood just behind her, "good to see you again".

"I wish I could say the feeling was mutual", the swordsman grated, still trying to stare a hole through the jinchuuriki's head, "but seeing as you've just had your hands all over my wife the only reason I'm not taking your head here and now is because I prefer life to a vainglorious attempt to write myself into the history books,".

"Proof you are indeed a smart man Zabuza-san, and trust me you'd need a lot of proof to convince people of that in Konoha once they discovered you married Mitarashi Anko", the Snake Mistress merely beamed at her notoriety before, after glancing around, Naruto noticed the missing garnish in this bowl of ramen, "where's Haku-san; he's usually stuck to you like a shadow?"

_I get the feeling_; despite being used to living on the edge, Naruto couldn't help but feel an icy spider creep up his spine as that question made both Anko and her husband grin in tandem, Zabuza's shoulders even shaking before they both answered together,

"Baby-sitting".

"You cruel bastards", Naruto replied after a moment of commending the effeminate boy's soul to the afterlife; if his sensei's kids were anything like their mother, if they didn't kill the Hyoton user he'd end up topping himself anyway just to get away from the madness, "what did he do to deserve that? You're both sick". Zabuza chuckled again,

"I learnt from the best"; Anko, as always, took such a condemnation as a compliment and seemed to wind herself around her husband like a constrictor, grinning proudly as he twisted his head away from where she was trying to nibble at his mouth bandages,

"Aww, koi says the sweetest things about me"; Naruto rolled his eyes and made to comment but before he could do so both the Mizukage and Hokage, having exchange the archaic words of greeting expected when kage meet outside of battle, called to their respective parties to move off again, the reunited friends speaking as they walked as Naruto introduced his friends from Konoha to the rather strange new couple from the Hidden Mist village.

XXX

Lounging around the waiting area set aside for the guards of the five kages had to be the most boring deployment of Kurotsuchi's entire ninja career; far from the political back-stabbing and threats of war she'd been expecting and her grandfather had warned her about, instead she along with the rest of the unwilling audience were being forced to sit through nothing less than a series of lectures from various spymasters of each village, most especially Konoha, Suna and Kiri. Okay the facts they were spelling out painted a relatively grim picture and only confirmed what a good idea it had been to have gathered all the nine jinchuuriki together, but even so the monotonous reports, combined with the heat of the meeting hall compared to the frigid temperature outside, was enough to have her eyelids drooping. More to keep herself awake than anything else, the Iwa kunoichi took her attention off the report the oddly-dressed white-haired man was giving about irregular trading patterns originating from the land of Spring to pay attention to the other people around her.

The guards themselves seemed to be a relatively mixed bunch in terms of age and gender, though as they were entrusted with their kages' lives she afforded them the respect they were due as shinobi even if she found it hard to reconcile the fact that anyone could become a half-competent shinobi with hair that shade of pink. The other guard of the Hokage was an Inuzuka; she could tell that by the marks on his cheeks as well as the massive dog that sat by his side as he and his partner talked cordially with the siblings of the Kazekage. Unusually the Raikage didn't have any bodyguards with him, or at least they weren't here; instead Nii Yugito and Killer Bee were conversing with their fellow jinchuuriki in an area across the room, including, the Iwa kunoichi had noticed with interest, some blonde-haired squirt with a Leaf headband; _well, at least we know now what happened to the Kyuubi. The Yellow Demon died at the hands of one of his kin but with his last breath sealed it away as a weapon for Konoha_; credit where credit was due it was a ploy any shinobi would have been proud to make, sacrificing his life for the villages' future, though Kurotsuchi was somewhat surprised when, as she watched the demon-hosts interact a little more, it suddenly dawned on her that unlike the kage's guards, who were generally aloof from each other, the jinchuuriki themselves were actively mingling with each other.

By Iwa tradition, and one that was replicated in Kumo she knew, jinchuuriki of the village had to be related to the current kage in order to help keep them loyal to their nation; she knew Roshi was something like a second-uncle once removed and Han was even more distantly bound by blood, but seeing the two of them casually chuckling and swapping stories with the other demon-hosts and laughing at the antics of the youngest two present, some blonde from Kiri and a girl with mint-green hair who was originally for Takikagure but had been brought to the summit by the Hokage's party, as they chatted together animatedly just like young women their age were wont to do. _Must be because they're with people who can appreciate their pain_; Kurotsuchi decided to herself before glancing away and stifling yet another yawn, wishing the meeting would end just so she could find something amusing to occupy her time rather than waiting here with only her brother for company and her mind slowly rotting away.

Some five minutes later however, she was more alert than she'd ever been in her life and trying hard to get out of a predicament she'd not been in since her last relationship ended; the strange white thing that had wrapped itself around her was way too close for comfort and she wanted to desperately get out of his embrace to get to her grandfathers' side. Originally she'd been as shocked as anyone when the odd half-man had burst out the floor with a name on its lips and a challenge to find him, but as the suicidal interloper had been promptly pounded back into the dirt it had sprung from by the Raikage she hadn't been unduly bothered even if she kept her guard up. However she along with everyone else had been caught out by the sudden sprouting of multiple copies of the same figure all around the room, the strange fungal things almost growing out of the walls as they grappled their opponents and began draining chakra. Even as she focussed enough to gather a mouthful of quicklime, she heard a voice from the other side of the room shout,

"Hey baa-chan", glancing away from the ruin of the face of the thing she'd just shot her technique into, Kurotsuchi had to stifle a laugh as she realised exactly who the Konoha jinchuuriki was referring to – only a very powerful shinobi or a relative could get away with calling Senju-Uzumaki Tsunade old, "want me, Sakura-chan and Kiba-kun to take care of the unwanted guests?"

"Stop calling me that, and yes", the answer came back as the Hokage casually folded her would-be captor up like a pretzel, "Sasuke is Konoha's mistake, Konoha will rectify it".

"Right"; glancing across as she saw the jinchuuriki smile and turn to face the thing pinning him down, Kurotsuchi narrowed her eyes and began to lip-read; at the distance she couldn't be sure exactly what she was seeing but the words 'you', 'unlucky' and 'henge' were definitely in there, and the white creature had just enough to say 'oh' in response before there was a plume of smoke, both its arms were ripped off at the socket by the size of the body it was trying to hold increasing exponentially and the Iwa kunoichi blanched as she realised exactly who had been under her nose the whole time she'd been at this meeting.

Two streaks of steel shot through the air and impaled the clones holding the Hokages' guard prisoner, though Kurotsuchi was somehow suspicious they could have got free on their own just as she had before the shinobi who now mimicked Han with his armour on in both size and apparent physique vaulted the railing, calling his commands as he did so,

"Kiba track him down, Sakura with me until we find him, he must have back-up to attack this many high-ranking targets; I'll deal with any help he has, you two take him down".

"Hai", the other two Konoha ninja shouted back in tandem, the Inuzuka giving a fierce smile as he dashed off behind the trail blazed by his companion, shouting as he went,

"Kaa-san will never believe me when I said I got to hunt with the _Senso Haundo_, and today we hunt traitor!"

XXX

His eyes could now see in the darkness but, as he had closed them to the light, it was immaterial as his path was laid out before him. Itachi had died, had been a sacrifice again, to awaken the power he needed to bring the true murderers of his clan to account and, as the Hokage and her entourage were here, they would be the first to feel the cold hunger of his revenge. Madara's dreams of world domination were as nothing to him; he followed his own path as he always did; the samurai around him had fallen easily though they were not dead, unworthy as they were to die by the Kusanagi's caress. Stepping forwards with the rest of Taka at his side, the team he had recruited to hunt down his brother and now used to locate and cripple his opponents following his enlightenment by the man who knew the truth, Sasuke suddenly paused, head cocked, as he head in the distance a sound he had almost forgotten and, with a snarl on his lips, remembered exactly who possessed the weapon capable of making such a sound,

"Oh shit!"

The sudden swear by the side of him made him glance around to see with some surprise Suigetsu actually falling back a step, the look on the liquid human's face somewhere between trepidation and outright terror as he glanced down the hallway the noise seemed to be coming from. Juugo, also perturbed, glanced down at his friend and spoke,

"Problems Suigetsu-kun?"

"We gotta bail, as in right now", the swordsman spoke before a curt word from the leader of his group stopped all movement,

"No".

"Are you insane?" The former Kirin in was almost shrieking, "Do you know what that is – it's the eighth blade of the Mist..."

"Then it will be another for your collection", Sasuke cut him off coldly only for Suigetsu to laugh in his face, shaking his head as he answered,

"Ha, I can dream; I heard what happened in Taki, how the Kayuga got taken out in the end and I sure as hell don't fancy my chances against the Mists' Hidden Dragon. If that really is Senju-Uzumaki Naruto we're all dead the second he finds..." Despite his own confidence in his skill at the glare Sasuke shot at him, backed up by the Sharingan swirling in his eyes, he fell mute and let the youngest Uchiha speak,

"Speak not of the Senju to me", Sasuke demanded, reaching for his sword out of reflex, "betrayers and murderers of my clan; they will all die by my hand along with Konoha to grant my brothers' soul peace and avenge our massacre", he decreed before glancing around and apparently nodding at something, "this is as good a place as any to make our stand. We will wait for them here, and the so-call 'Blood-Cloaked' will be the first to feel the wrath of the Uchiha..."

Wiping his Kunai clean Kiba couldn't help but complain slightly as he and his nin-ken dispatched yet another of the strange plant-based clones,

"These things are really weird, even for shinobi techniques; it's like they're made out of wood or something – they certainly bleed tree-sap".

"hence why we're letting Naruto-kun clear the path", Sakura explained from over his shoulder, casually kicking a would-be attacker in a solid stone wall hard enough to spider-web the brickwork, "that axe of his is a far better log-clearer than any of our kunai or even you and Aka-kun's spinning techniques". Kiba snorted,

"There's a matter of conjecture, but anyway look alive Sakura-chan", he tasted the air with his nose again and looked forwards, face set in an emotionless mask as the cherry blossom girl nodded and did the same, "we're about there".

A few seconds was all it took for Kiba's prediction to be born out; the two teams of three were facing each other down; there was silence for a moment before Juugo, having seen the weapon carried in the hand of the shinobi who seemed to be regarding him most closely, felt a long-overdue pang of survival instinct and glanced down at his leader to speak,

"Uhh, Sasuke-sama, perhaps Suigetsu-san's suggestion does have..."

A single glance, one glimpse of the Sharingan was all it took to convey the message, Sasuke speaking emotionlessly as his team mate began to transform into his berserk state under the hypnotic effect of his doujutsu,

"Distract and weaken the Senju while I deal with the other annoyances; I will kill him myself".

"Genjutsu teme", Naruto scoffed as he realised what had happened, sealing away his weapon as he realised the man he was most likely to be facing was not actually his enemy, more a helpless bystander forced to fight against his will, "even for an Uchiha that's low? I'll keep the psycho and the swordsman off your backs; you two take care of Sasuke". Both Kiba and Sakura nodded before dropping into their fighting stances and springing away as Juugo, laughing crazily, sprinted headlong towards where the Kyuubi jinchuuriki awaited him. Wincing as he felt the impact of the two juggernaughts against each other almost as much as he heard it, Kiba made sure to keep his eyes on Sasuke's feet as the Uchiha approached; though he could fight with just his nose if needs be, it was pointless to completely lose one of his senses unless there was a real need to,

"You're a real piece of work aren't you Uchiha? What, happy to throw away the lives of your friends for your own goals – just as well Jiraiya-sama busted your ass back to the Academy, no way you'd have survived on a team with that kind of outlook".

"I have had no friends since the death of my clan, a slaughter Konoha was responsible for and will reap in kind", the traitor answered, Kiba's keen ears picking up the sound of him unsheathing his blade as he did so, "they are just tools to bring me my revenge, starting with the death of the Senju-Uzumaki".

"Not if we can help it teme", Sakura's voice, followed by the sound of scuffling, told the Inuzuka that she had engaged the target and, knowing what was expected of him now due to the number of times he'd worked with his girlfriend before in the field, he clicked his tongue in a pattern Akamaru understood even as Sasuke was sudden thrown backwards, catching a glancing blow from one of Sakura-chan's punches and recovering himself even as she quickly healed the few nicks and scrapes she'd accrued in the brief sparring match,

"How, how did you avoid my eyes?"

"Trained by a Senju-Uzumaki", there was the voice that always got him both irritated and affectionate, a perfect blend of informative and condescending which must have been doing a number on someone as naturally arrogant as Sasuke, "Sharingan's a useful tool but its' far from perfect; why do you think no Uchiha ever became Hokage? If you know what you're doing it's easy to counter; either don't be seen, hit them in the blind spot or, my preferred option, use perfect chakra control to throw off its predictive abilities and make the owner walk onto a punch he thought he saw coming. This is as strong as your clan ever got", Sakura shook her head as Kiba touched the earth with his palm, the vibrations in there telling him his partner was in position, "man, no wonder Itachi killed you all off so easily..."

The explosion of chakra from around the Uchiha was enough to cull any further comment; as a spectral, skeletal warrior made of purple flames began forming around Sasuke, the Uchiha bellowed his demands to the world,

"My brother, my clan died because of your village, now you and everyone else in Hi no Kunai will know the power of the Uchiha. Behold the Sasunoo, the ultimate attack and defence of our clan, and die knowing you are as no..."

"Now!"

At Kibas' shout the ground beneath the traitors' feet shifted violently and Sasuke was hurled into the air, Akamaru's twister form hitting the bottom of the yamabushi before it was fully formed and tearing into Sasuke's feet and the bottom of his legs. Even as he fought against the pain and called upon his Mangekyou to strengthen the Sasunoo, Sasuke was rocked once more by another impact, this one from the top of his protective shield as Kiba ran up a nearby wall and kicked off, his own technique sandwiching the Uchiha between the grinding tornadoes. Disorientated and shocked at his technique being breached, Sasuke had no way to react as with a war cry harking back to her genin days, Sakura sprinted at her one-time crush and focussed all the chakra she could contain into her fist, throwing it forwards towards the ribcage of the ghostly figure before releasing it all in a crushing impact and explosion of chakra. The purple-outlined figure was flung away towards the far wall, kicking up a cloud of dust as he went while the two Konoha ninja regrouped, Kiba giving a whistle as he saw the handiwork of their collaboration technique,

"Damn I love that move; the old ichi-ni-san usually puts 'em down for good; you've gotten stronger since the last time I saw you throw that punch Sakura-chan". The medic smiled even if she kept her eyes forwards, ready for anything as she was certain the battle wasn't over yet,

"Maybe but I don't think even that was enough to put him down for good, and I hate it when I'm right", she complained as the dust cleared slightly as she beheld the same purple construct present as before, though the man in the middle of it had seen better days. Sasuke was on his knees, legs obviously ripped up by Akamaru's subterranean strike, but still snarling, still not ready to concede; even as the two partners shared another look and tried to wordlessly come up with another plan they could use, a sudden shout from the other battle sealed the deal for them,

"Sakura-chan, use this!"

Her response was as quick as a reflex; she saw the kunai, or at least something the shape of a kunai being flipped towards her even if it was almost so black it defied colour classification and, just as it had been with Kakashi-sensei years ago, she caught it between two fingers, ignored the sudden cold that pinched her hand and let the missile fly true. Sasuke was certain his defence would hold; his brothers' technique had never given way to attacks far stronger than a mere flying knife and such was the strength of his conviction that he died with his usual arrogant smirk on his face, not even time for surprise to claim him as the knife tore through Sasunoo like it wasn't there and sent him pitching onto his back, the life of the second Uchiha traitor ended by one who had once considered him her soul-mate and partner for life.

As she watched the spectral puppet fade to nothingness Sakura simply stared and then looked down at her hand, unable to believe she'd thrown the strange kunai that fast and that hard that it had pierced through the shield so quickly. Kiba too seemed caught up in the moment, seemingly not accepting that Sasuke had died just like that; in fact the two of them were so startled that it was only when Akamaru whined that they both glanced up and saw with shock that someone else had beaten them to their kill. Standing over the body of the self-proclaimed mortal enemy of his clan, Naruto quickly secreted something into his weapon holster and stood up with a whistle, admiring the work that had taken Sasuke out,

"Nice throw Sakura-chan; you've got an arm and an eye that'd put Neji-san to shame".

"Uh, thanks", she offered back tentatively before starting and glancing around only to relax; the seemingly mad opponent Naruto had been set against was on the floor in his normal, of what she assumed was his normal form and the swordsman was still hanging back, regarding Naruto with a good deal of healthy respect and nervousness, "stay where you are!" The strange-looking man merely nodded and dropped the sword in his hand and Sakura was about to move into standard detainment practices before Kiba's hand flashed out and a shuriken spread embedded itself in the banister above them,

"That includes you!" The Inuzuka called up to the gantry, though typically just before Sakura could question him the question was answered by a red head of hair peeking cautiously over the banister and shakily raising their arms in surrender. Sakura merely huffed in the face of Kiba's cheesy victory grin before Naruto's voice overrode any potential argument between them, the Senju-Uzumaki flicking his eyes between the blade on the floor and the one who wielded it,

"That's the Nuibariisn't it, one of the swords of the Mist? How did you come by it?" Suigetsu shrugged,

"Picked it up after a tip-off about its final resting place; what did you do to Juugo – hey", he snapped as Naruto raised an eyebrow at his impertinent question, "I answered one of you questions, you answer one of mine. Never seen anyone handle him like that when he gets into one of his rages".

"I'm a little tougher than most; I just choked him out", the jinchuuriki explained with what was, in Sakuras' opinion, a great deal of understatement, "you any good with it?" Suigetsu blinked at the unexpected question before Naruto spoke again, "Sakura-chan, Kiba-kun, escort the other prisoner and the body to the kage; Tsuande-sama will want to verify the death of a traitor. I'll take responsibility for anything that may happen here", the jinchuuriki said with a chilling note in his voice, reaching down to pick two kunai from his weapon pouches as Suigetsu, realising the reprieve he'd been granted by the Eighth Swordsman, stooped to recover his own blade before pausing,

"No jigokuton; it'd destroy me in a way even I couldn't be sure I'd be able to put myself back together from". Naruto nodded,

"I've heard of your clan from the bloodline wars; another one the Fourth thankfully missed completely. Pure kenjutsu; once my companions are gone", he flicked a glance towards where the other Konoha shinobi were making preparations to move the remaining bodies, both living and dead, "the fun will begin".

Despite knowing who he was facing down and the fact the huge man could probably end him at a whim, Suigetsu couldn't help but grin at that promise.

XXX

"For war and for peace? That makes no sense whatsoever". Despite his face being covered by a spiral mask, the man calling himself Uchiha Madara seemed to smile as he spoke again,

"It doesn't matter, then again nothing really does; I wish to destroy this useless reality and replace it with a world where only good things can be found".

"Boy did this guy step out of a manga", Kankuro whispered to his sister, Temari having to fight down a smile even if her attention never wavered from her opponent, the man who was seemingly insane enough to threaten five of the most powerful ninja alive in the world at the same time; fortunately Madara didn't seem to hear him as Tsunade spoke up, a somewhat secretive smile on her lips as she spoke,

"But your world, this ten-tails you speak of; a fusion of all the other beasts. Hmm, seems to me like the bijuu are relatively happy where they are", she pointed out, sweeping her hand towards where the jinchuuriki present in the meeting stood alert and ready for trouble, Fu even going to far as to wave at the masked man as he regarded them levelly, "what makes you think we'll simply hand them over to you?"

"You will have no choice..."

"Oh but we will, and we have in the past Madara", for the first time since the meeting began it started to become clear why Senju-Uzumaki Tsunade was the Godaime Hokage, her killing intent enough to make lesser ninja pass out and civilians expire as she focussed it on the man before her, "we, Konoha and the other nations that is, have tripped you up every step of the way. You have claimed no bijuu for the loss of most of the Akatsuki; even now my nephew and ninja I trust with my life as on their way to cleanse another of your cursed bloodline from this world. You cannot win against us Madara-teme; send forth your armies, what's left of the Akatsuki – we will crush them all". Madara merely laughed hollowly,

"Big words from one who hides her face behind genjutsu and her reputation behind her nephew; I have watched the Kyuubi jinchuuriki for a long time now and I will not deny he is, somewhat skilled, but he is still only one man and one man cannot topple an army of the size I command, not even your fabled Yellow Flash. I have forces you cannot match; yes Jiraiya, your spies did unearth some of my contacts in Spring but they couldn't find them all – I can match and exceed you body for body. As for Sasuke-kun", the Uchiha progenitor shrugged, "he was sent here only to test his capacity against the last of the Senju clan – as I and Hashirama fought at the valley of the end so the last of our blood will clash; it is our chain of fate and it can be severed only by the ending of one of the founding Konoha clans".

"Ah, so I suppose you really wouldn't want to hear that that fight's not going to happen then?"

The new voices made everyone glance over as Kiba stepped into the meeting room somewhat sheepishly, shielding himself behind the girl he had locked in an arm-bar hold as Karin bit her lip against the pain,

"Yeah, sorry if we kind of scuppered that plan of yours but, well, Sasuke-teme didn't really consider us worth his time and paid the penalty for it – what's the old proverb about being eaten by ants if you only look for giants?" Madara would have scoffed at this until he glanced past the Inuzuka and saw something else held in the girls' hand, a black-edged scroll with only one purpose through all the Elemental Nations, the one thing no ninja ever wanted to bear sealed within its pages. Eyesight enhanced by his hidden doujutsu Madara couldn't help but seen the name written in the centre of the sealing matrix and for the first time his self-control slipped a fraction; both Kiba and Sakura flinched under his killing intent (Karin, being slightly closer, fainted dead away) before Tsunade brought the attention back to herself by slamming her hand on the table before her, smirk almost predatory as she leant forwards,

"So then, another kink in your grand plan Madara – my, they seem to be accruing at a rate of knots don't they? Run away from here Uchiha; as I've said you cannot win; if you even try to face us it will be the end of you and all who follow you, as it already has been for some". Before Madara could ponder this oblique comment for too long a danger sense of his pinged up and he activated his technique to warp away from the projectile speeding towards his face at great speed.

Tumbling end over end as it was let fly with both hand the head of the monstrous axe buried through brickwork as though it were paper, lodging a foot deep in the wall and sticking there as the Uchiha progenitor reappeared on the other side of the room to the weapon that had sought to cleave him apart as it had so many others, the bearer of such a blade stepping forwards and glaring volcanically at the shinobi before, after a brief stare-down, smirking, breaking eye-contact and speaking to someone else,

"Mei-sama", the Mizukage glanced across at her name, eyes widening slightly as she saw the smaller figure the Eighth Swordsman pushed forwards in his wake and, more importantly, what he was holding, "got a place open in the Seven Swordsmen? Suigetsu here's pretty sharp with the _Nuibari_", he held forth his left arm, the bandages he now habitually wrapped around it cut in places and patched with clotted blood, "reckon you could shoe-horn him in?"

"I'll see what I can do", the Mizukage assured him, Naruto nodding as the Hozuki clan member tried hard not to seem too overjoyed by the news before the jinchuuriki fixed his gaze on Madara once more,

"It's over teme; nothing you do or try now will make a damned bit of difference. Akatsuki has failed, your shinobi are dead or fled and whatever else you can field will simply be mown down like wheat. Just go away, fade into obscurity like you should have after the Valley of the End". The masked man remained motionless for a moment before, slowly standing to his full height, he pointed directly at the altered jinchuuriki's primary heart,

"I will drag you to the Gedo Mazo myself Uzumaki; I will take..."

"Senju-Uzumaki", Naruto corrected, holding up a finger, "if you're going to threaten me at least have the curtsey to do it right". Madara was once more seemingly stunned for a minute before the air around him seemed to blur and he warped time and space around him, vanishing with only his voice as proof he had ever been there,

"Consider the Fourth Shinobi World War begun!"

In the immediate aftermath of the mad Uchiha's leaving no-one immediately relaxed; instead glances were thrown as though expecting an attack from any angle; the guards clustered around their kages, ready for anything until, after a few minutes of racketing tension, it was dispelled by a quiet cough from Mifune, the samurai general chosen as an impartial overseer for the Gokage meeting,

"Gentlemen, ladies", he said courteously as he gestured towards the chairs the five kages had been occupying before the Akatsukis' sudden strike, "I believe it would be pertinent to begin discussing a battle strategy in the face of this new threat, especially as our enemy has confirmed our fears that he does indeed possess an army to rival the five great villages. And Senju-Uzumaki-san", Naruto glanced over only to scratch the back of his head sheepishly as he followed Mifune's finger, "would you kindly remove your axe from the wall?"

"Heh, sure; sorry Mifune-dono", he apologised, casually walking up the stonework and prying Goa-chichioya free before wincing at the size of the dent left behind, "uhh, anyone here good with doton?"

XXX

The loss of Sasuke was far for a critical blow, a wounding one certainly but nothing like a mortal one; such were the thoughts of the man who called himself Madara as he stalked through the streets of Ame, the rain flattening his hair to his mask as he cursed under his breath. The youngest Uchiha had been nothing but a disappointment all along; certainly nothing like a genius on par with his brother, he had almost died at the hands of a half-blind Uchiha who was himself wasting away from a chronic illness no medicine could cure and even then, when he had won, he'd been stupid enough to reduce Itachi's body to atoms, destroying his remaining Mangekyou eye. Since that point Obito had considered him a glass cannon as well as a loose one; unable to gain the Eternal version of the Mangekyou and certainly cut off from the Rin'negan for all time, all he could do with his terminally revenge-fuelled clan member was point him at a target and hope he did some damage before he finally died but, somehow, Sasuke had failed to attain even that meagre standard; _humph, if that was as low as my clan had fallen, perhaps it was for the best that Itachi and I ended them all_.

With such thoughts in his mind Obito focussed on his remaining problems, or actually the problem; though he had no doubt of his own abilities, least of all the power of his Kamui to avoid the rending strikes of the man who was likely to be his opponent in the final battle, it was true what the damned Hokage had said. Numerous as the Zetsu clones the Spring generators had sprouted were, they were no match for the might of the Elemental Nations shinobi, least of all if an alliance was actually formed. There were only two ways he could think of to possibly tilt the scales back in his favour and, since the only practitioners of the Edo tensai were both dead, he was going to be forced to move the Moons Eye plan along a little prematurely; mighty though the _Senso Haundo _undoubtedly was, against the power of the real Uchiha Madara, restored to life through the Rinne Tensai of the Rin'negan's heretic path, even he would be as nothing. With this in mind he approached the tower of God and phased through the door, tracking down one of his associates with ease and hailing her as he approached,

"Konan-san, where is Pain-sama; I must speak with him?"

Though she was facing away from him Obito could have sworn the Ame kunoichi seemed to flinch as she heard his voice; however it was when she turned around he truly felt worry start to crawl up his back. Though often aloof and frequently cold, he could never remember the Angel of Ame looking as defeated as she did now,

"Madara", she spoke, her tone as listless as her face, "there is nothing for you here".

"Nothing?" _If these two even attempt to pull a Kakazu on me I kill them both and take the eyes for myself_; having decided that the supposedly-dead Uchiha spoke once more with dark malice in his voice, "I believe that, as founder of the Akatsuki, everything here is for me". Konan merely smiled sadly,

"You have come for Nagato-kun, for his eyes; you have arrived too late"; in an instant there was a crushing force around her throat, the Sharingan boring into her with wild ferocity as Obito snarled,

"Those eyes were never Pains, they always belonged to me. Speak before I cast down God's angel – what happened to the task I entrusted you with?"

"It was ended", Konan replied, body already flaking into paper, "sensei and this other, his only pupil", she seemed to have to bite her lip for a moment before carrying on, the outbreak of emotion deadening Obito's anger for a moment – what could inspire sorrow in a kunoichi as cold as Konan? "they passed through Rain to get to Iron; Nagato faced them and was defeated, easily – their power and, worse, teamwork were enough to overcome even the Six Paths. They tacked us, Jiraiya-sensei using his sage powers and then..." She tailed off, unable to meet him eye to eye or finish as the memory of the genjutsu torment she and her partner had been put through and, worse, the severing of the bond between teacher and student came back to her, the pain too fresh for her to truly cope with so soon after the event. Obito, however, had no time for her excuses and merely shook her, uncaring that he couldn't actually hurt her or warp her away while she was using her paper techniques,

"I do not care for your failures or excuses; what happened to my eyes, eyes that I gave to Nagato for safekeeping only?" Finally Konan seemed able to meet him eye to eye, the kunoichi smiling wanly as she recounted the end of the doujutsu that seemed to have promised so much but, in the end, brought only heartbreak and pain to a land already suffering from more than its fair share of suffering,

"Ended; Jiraiya's pupil used a technique, some kind of suiton, a poison spat into Nagato-kun's eyes", cold horror coiled in the pit of Obito's stomach and he once again cursed and raged against the shinobi who seemed to have been born to thwart the rightful destiny of his clan, "he has his eyes still but they are lifeless, blind; he cannot see but, at the same time sees more clearly than ever before. Now more than ever I finally understand Itachi-kun when he said the _Senso Haundo_ took from him vision but granted him perspective instead".

Mention of the Konoha jinchuuriki was enough to break the fickle hold Obito still had over his temper; with a wordless howl of rage he bodily threw Konan away from him, the kunoichi bursting into paper flakes and leaving him alone with his fury. She had not lied, he could see that even without the use of his Sharingan; now Madara-sama could never be resurrected and the Moon Eye Plan was forever doomed to failure – he had failed his mentor just as he had failed his love. Sinking to his knees the Uchiha felt himself fall towards despair, the words of the damnable Senju echoing in his head; _you cannot win_; and it appeared he couldn't – with no way of bolstering the Zetsu, even if he did launch his war he stood no hope of actually wining it; _but, then again, did I not say to myself that my hope died when Kakashi thrust his lightning blade through the chest of our team mate and proved himself lower than trash?_

Memories of Rin, his beloved Rin, were all that allowed him to stand once more; his path seemed clear enough now. Without the eternal Tsukuyomi he would never see her again in the Impure world; the only thing he could do now was cross over to the other side and reunite with her that way; _but I will not go alone_. Even if it was hopeless he would still fight, he would still give the Nations their war; they would remember the Uchiha name even if only as a curse; for a second he thought about ending those who had failed him but thought better of it – there was no need to finish such broken tools and incite war against another village when the rest of the Nations seemed ready to have a piece of him. Instead he span space and time around him, reappearing in the most secretive place of the Akatsuki amid humming machinery and rank upon rank of still white figures as the imposing figure of the Gedo Mazu, still silent and inert as none of its fragments had yet been reunited with it, towered over all. Seeing this and planning his next strategy, Obito smiled slightly behind his mask and swore to himself that come defeat and his own death, he would see at least some of the world burn before the end came for him.

XXX

It had been remarkably swift all things considered; actually the longest delay came in issuing all rank and file shinobi with their new headbands to show they were fighting as part of an alliance rather than for their own villages, though here and there the odd village symbol still appeared due to a paperwork mix-up or two. Battle plans had been devised and nin of different specialities segregated to areas of the Nations where they could do the most damage; it had been Kumo who had taken the lead in helping to pin-point the likely location of the Akatsuki headquarters, their numerous ration users sensitive to the amount of sheer electrical power required to activate as many generators as Madara seemed to have accrued and stating his likely base was somewhere in the mountain graveyard region of the Nations, though where exactly was unknown even to them. Because of this even now shinobi were racing towards the pre-arranged chokepoints out of this place, ready to engage the enemy forces as they emerged, though apparently not everyone was happy about the current state of affairs even as someone else prepared himself for the final revelation, the last day of his life as he knew it,

"Yo Bro, why can't we go; you know we jinchuuriki are best breaking heads and knocking the enemy dead, so why keep us back when we could be picking up the slack, yo?" Just about resisting the urge to apply the Iron Claw until he had a chance to physically see if his brother actually had anything inside the apparently-empty chamber he called a cranium, A shot his partner a glare that made even the exuberant Kumo jounin back down,

"For the last time B you and the other jinchuuriki are here at mission command because you're the whole reason for this war; we were going to hold you all on Turtle Island but seeing as our enemy has supposedly been alive since the creation of the Elemental Nations he might know it exists and try to attack there directly. And stop your stupid rhyming", the quick-tempered man bellowed, only just resisting the urge to break something close by, "it's not clever, it's not even very good and no-one here likes it", he snapped, fortunately not seeing the affronted looks shot his way by Hotaru and, surprisingly, Han as well as his brother deflated at the criticism. Before anyone else could raise a voice or a fist to break the sanctity of the war room, the Mizukage spoke up to pour oil over troubled waters,

"Despite his words and tone, Raikage-sama is correct in essence", she explained, hopeful as she saw Bee perk up at her voice, "for too long we have used you and people like you as mere weapons, front-line combatants to point at our enemies and nothing else; consider this the start of an apology to you all. This time we, the villages, fight for you rather than forcing you to do the same for us".

The words and the sincerity with which they were spoken seemed to mollify the jinchuuriki somewhat and even made the assembled kage nod in appreciation before, after clearing his throat, a single one of the assembled spoke to counter the Mizukage's voice somewhat,

"If that is the case Mei-sama", though technically it was a lack of respect for him to use her name rather than her title, Mei couldn't find it within herself to condemn the man who'd had a big hand in putting her in the seat she now occupied as he spoke to them all, "please forgive me for what I am about to do – it appears that, this time, your apology may have to wait for another day". As expected everyone here swapped glances at Naruto's words before, tentatively, Jiraiya spoke, the Toad sage present both as a remote commander and a bodyguard to his kage,

"What do you mean by that Naruto-kun? What are you doing?"

"What I have planned to do for a long time now", he sighed, readying himself as he looked at the assembled shinobi directly, the inhuman focus back in his eyes even as the first reports of contact came through the speakers, reports trickling in in prelude to the flood,

"It is time you knew the truth of the _Senso Haundo_".

XXX

Not for the first time Kurotsuchi felt undeniably proud of herself as she watched the army she and her father had unearth tumbled towards the floor, though she doubted many of them would die even from a fall that high; however then she glimpsed a flash of blue amongst the pale bodies, focussed on it and felt her stomach drop as the S-ranked ninja swordsman landed, his blade already open and in his hand as he swiped it through the air experimentally, grinning all the while,

"So then, so many enemies, so little time; who's first for the chop?" He questioned almost whimsically before suddenly the smile on his face froze, his sword seeming to vibrate before, inexplicably, Hokigaki Kisame laughed outright, great gales of unstoppable belly-laughter piercing the air as he leant on Samehada to support himself, the army he had promised Madara he would lead until the end forming up behind him as he eventually gained a handle on his mirth and spoke to the assembled allied shinobi set before him,

"Oh this is just too perfect; surely Kami-sama has a special place in his heart for swordsman seeking a memorable end! I came here expecting to drown in pygmies and instead have a chance to cut down a titan; come forth Dragon, you cannot hide from me", his shark-teeth glinted in the sun as he levelled his blade like an arrow somewhere off to Kurotsuchi's left, "Samehada never forgets a taste, least of all one as distinctive as yours". For a moment all was silent until, with an answering laugh, a shedding of a henge and a roar she knew all too well, the challenge was accepted and the cast down gauntlet picked up,

"So it would seem Monster; very well then", stepping forwards before the ranks of both armies, the two ninja swordsmen set their eyes on each other and only on each other, the rest of their opponents fading into nothingness as they focussed on the duel to come, Naruto casually ignoring the glare being shot into his back by one particular Iwa kunoichi; _he's not supposed to be here_.

XXX

Faces shot between the viewing screen showing Kitsuchi's division and the Senju-Uzumaki before them he swore he heard several necks crick; before the inevitable questions started, he admitted his deception; _or at least the first part of it_;

"I am a clone".

Truth be told the reaction to this news wasn't as bad as he'd been expecting; baa-chan, ero-sennin, the Mizu and Kazekages looked, if not happy, then reasonably understanding as did his fellow jinchuuriki. The Rai and Tsuchikages appeared somewhat less pleased with this turn of event but before they could start raving, they were cut off by a sudden voice,

"That is most unfair Naruto-kun", to their surprise it was Gaara who spoke up, the Kazekage with an odd smile on his lips as he regarded the taller man, "out of common curtsey the least you could have done was invited the rest of us to whatever party you were planning to throw". Naruto smirked before the expression dropped from his face and he shook his head,

"Not this time Gaara-kun", he spoke to the jinchuuriki, not the hat he wore, "there are thirteen people who know at least part of the truth of what I am and where I came from; one of those is sadly no longer with us, may the Sandaime Hokage rest forever at Kami-sama's side, another will very soon be celebrating the birth of her first child and the other eleven are here, myself included. However even those thirteen do not know the whole truth; it is that which you must see now".

"I dislike your riddles Konoha-nin", as always A made his feelings on the matter clear with the subtlety of a thunderbolt, "what is this truth that's so important you couldn't even stick to a simple instruction such as 'stay here'? That is treason against your kage; are Konoha's standards so lax as to allow this?" Tsunade and Jiraiya both shot the muscular man a venomous glare but, to their surprise, Naruto merely shrugged,

"Technically as a kage bunshin I'm in two places at once so your argument is mostly moot Raikage-sama; however as I said the truth must out at some point and now, in the middle of a war for the fate of the Nations, seems as good a time as any. I have not lied but I will admit I have been conservative with the truth; for example, grateful as I am for your patronage during my training trip Jiraiya-sensei, it was necessary for me to have a little privacy for at least a few weeks; that way", the clone reached up, once more grateful that the Shadow Clone technique replicated everything a shinobi had on them at the time and had been enough to keep one of his secrets safe as he rubbed at a spot at his forehead, tugging away the false layer of skin that he'd worn there since the Sanbi was recaptured and revealing what still lay beneath it to looks of outright horror from those who knew what it was, "I could ensure my real face would never be seen until it was necessary".

XXX

Sparks flew and dust was kicked up as the two duellists fought and contested their arms across the earth between the two armies; by unvoiced approval the two armies seemed to have reached a mutual agreement that Hoshigaki Kisame fighting Senju-Uzumaki Naruto was akin to the two leaders of ninja divisions squaring off against each other, a common tactic during shinobi conflicts that allowed a battle to be decided at the loss of only a single life, the command of the defeated general ceding the field to their leaders' vanquisher. The two swordsmen, though how such a term was applicable to the Konoha ninja a question Kurotsuchi wasn't sure she even wanted answering; _just blame it on Kiri being nuts, that seems to make everything easier_; though for the moment the two seemed evenly matched against each other. Neither of the combatants, of course, cared what the spectators thought, instead focused only on each other and their kenjutsu; by mutual consent this was a challenge of swordsmen, not mere ninja,

"Heh, you really are worthy of your title brat", Kisame admitted somewhat begrudgingly, having been on the defensive for a lot of the fight as he didn't want to risk locking Samehada's blade against the teeth of Goa-chichioya, "the Eighth Swordsman indeed".

"As are you fish-man", Naruto riposted in kind, a thrust from his pole-arm clattering against the legendary sword and almost glancing Kisame's sword-arm, though the wily ninja stepped to the side out of range and attempted to bring his sword down on the fingers Naruto had wrapped around his weapon before he knocked the attack away with the haft of his blade, "when Samehada gets back to the Mist Mizukage-sama will make sure it goes to a worthy heir".

"Ha, I ain't dead yet".

"No", Naruto agreed, once more trying to subtly shift the half-shark into position, "not yet!"

XXX

Onoki didn't actually know what the little dot on the jinchuuriki's head was or what it did but, judging by the way three of the kage and the single sage present were currently paling rapidly he was prepared to accept that it was probably something important. He therefore held his peace, waiting to hear more information that was sure to come as Tsunade pointed at the seal that mirrored her own with a shaking finger,

"You, you're still sealed? Why, for how long?"

"Since the end of Kiri, as I said baa-chan", the other member of her clan quoted before giving a slight smile, "as for why, I didn't want to scare you. Hell I know I look intimidating as things are now – trust me it's about to get a lot worse".

"How?" The Tsuchikage asked in a measured tone, levitating to meet the jinchuuriki eye to eye, "You're more powerful than we, than anyone suspected; that is to be expected of those who contain the bijuu, even one as famous as you _Senso Haundo_".

"It is there, and there alone that you are wrong Tsuchikage-sama; I am not the War-Hound, not in the manner you think I am; it is complicated to explain, but I will do so as best I can".

"Well seeing as we've got a war on at the minute, any chance you could be quick about it brat?" Jiraiya chipped in, still internally beating himself up for missing something that damned obvious; _the greatest spymaster in Elemental Nations, missing a scrap of fake skin like that – I'll never live it down_; "Just the essentials if you please".

"No problem ero-sennin", the title made the Mizukage smile inexplicably before she ironed her expression flat and listened in to the jinchuuriki's story, "first and most important point, I am not human in the way you understand the term – I was once but, straight after finding Goa-chichioya, I was injected with the blood of someone, something else that changed me into what I am now. Tsunade-sama will back me up here; I heal faster, have sharper senses, more efficient blood, stronger bones and a host of other advantage over other humans, including a second heart", not surprisingly several disbelieving glances were shot towards the Hokage and they didn't immediately disappear as she nodded in agreement with her adopted nephew, "the thing that changed me is the thing, and I use the word thing deliberately for it is no longer even remotely human as I am, I call my second-father and he is a figure from a different age, a time of war across the heavens when stars and world were drowned in blood and entire populations reduced to ash at the push of a button".

"This is insane..."

"No", Naruto shot down the Raikage's comments with venom before recollecting himself and carrying on before anyone else could interrupt him, "my second-father was insane, went insane even after being gifted with power beyond mortal comprehension. He was one of twenty sons, created by the greatest man who would ever live, to be exemplars of humanity; instead he became nothing more than a slaughterer, a fate I have had to fight every day of life to avoid slipping down the same blood-slick road he went down. His blood is within me and has made me what I am but, Kami-sama help me, I am _not_ my second-father, nor am I one of the bloodthirsty _Senso Haundo_ that followed in his footsteps to damnation".

The mention of the War-Hound brought the focus back on to Naruto's title, the one he seemingly both claimed and renounced simultaneously, though before anyone could say anything else a strangled voice, little more than a croak, broke the silence,

"That, your forehead", unlike most of the other shinobi present one of the Mizukages' guards hadn't turned away from the live-action feeds of the sensor shinobi present within each of the battle groups, watching the duel between the first and eighth seat of the Shinobi Swordsmen with professional interest before something had caught his eye just now, a fractional pause that let him see a dread conclusion, "take off the bandages on your arm – that mark up there isn't the only seal you carry now is it gaki?" Naruto, for his part, smiled, grateful that someone had given him the opportunity to explain this little wrinkle in the plan without deviating from the story too much,

"I was wondering if someone would notice", he began, only to be interrupted again by the other Momochi present, Anko squinting at the screen and trying to make out anything in the blur of metal and bodies before her,

"What are you on about koi, I don't see anything?"

"The axe, his axe", Zabuza said gruffly, to his credit only the slightest waver in his voice betraying his sudden apprehension as he pointed to the weapon the true Senju-Uzumaki was using in his duel, "there's no number on its head, it's just bare metal"; even as the others who knew of Naruto's history with Kiri felt themselves grow cold, the swordsman spelt it out for the rest of them,

"That's not Goa-chichioya".

XXX

The end, when it came, was as violent and unexpected as most of the other death Kurotsuchi had ever seen during her service to her village and country, remarkable only due to the blood and noise it created.

The appeared evenly matched; both physical monsters with blades hewn from legend, neither could break the defence of the other as the duel wore on, an intricate dance that no-one wanted to miss a step of; they could have been fighting for minutes or hours, none cared for the passage of time, before Naruto made the decisive move in a way none could have anticipated, least of all his opponent. He had tried an overhead slash, an apparently all-or-nothing blow that would have hacked Kisame in two had it connected only for the half-shark, who had his back to the alliance shinobi, to shuffle forwards and raise his blade to catch the pole arm on the haft, though the strength and weight behind the blow almost knocked him down to one knee and that was enough for the fight to end forever.

There was a second roar, a spray of viscera and Kurotsuchi felt her heart stop dead in her chest as she saw Kisame eviscerated and, more importantly, the weapon that had done the deed. She couldn't see it for long however, Naruto moving too fast for anyone to accurately see as he hopped backwards and raised both his arms, the weapons held at the ends of them brought into optimum range and slamming down and home as Kisame's sword fell from his surely lifeless hand. Torn apart by the rotating steel the S-ranked nuke-nin fell, gaining in death as much notoriety as he had in life by his manner of falling as his killer suddenly raised both his blades, crossed before him into the shape of an X. Fighting hard to stop herself retching as she beheld the blood-splattered form, Kurotsuchi was sure she saw something else, something under the gore that dotted the jinchuuriki's face before it suddenly began to glow softly, the light transfusing his whole body as he suddenly span, axes before him in a different shape as he roared aloud a technique and the battlefield became clogged with smoke.

XXX

Seeing the second matrix, twin to the one that held Goa-chichioya at bay, carved into Naruto's other arm stunned most of the strongest ninja in the Nations, the only swordsman present being the first to recover his tongue,

"I thought it had to be a paired weapon", he said feebly, staring at the flesh-crafted fuuinjutsu as though half-expecting it to come to life and start slithering over Naruto's entire body, "no-one designs an axe or a sword like that with a completely flat back unless it has a twin to go with it. Where did you find the other one?"

"In the lair of the second-father", Naruto explained, letting the bandages drop to the floor as they had served their purpose now, "which I entered through the Waterfall of Truth".

"What?" The Raikage was shocked out of his stupor by the mention of one of Kumo's most sacred sites, "How do you know about the Waterfall?!"

"I summoned him there bro; don't bother", strangely enough it was the sad, almost regretful look that made A drop the claw he'd been about to fix to Bee's head for being so stupid as to invite a foreign jinchuuriki into one of his country's most secret training locations, "what I saw there when he went through will haunt me until the day I pass away more than anything you could do to me". Naruto nodded at this, placing a hand on the Kumo shinobi's shoulder in support as he stared the Raikage down,

"Bee-san speaks the truth; the entrance to the lair of my second-father, or at least the demon my second-father eventually became, was more or less a gateway to Jigoku. But I had to go there, I had to face him to make sure I would be free of his influence, his bloodlust and madness that was trying to warp my mind as surely as his blood did my body. I faced him down and I defeated him", it was worth it, worth coming clean about all these scheme and plans within plans, just to see the look of his baa-chan's face as he said those words and she realised what they meant for her irritating but still beloved younger clan member, "getting two weapons, one of which is the twin to Goa-chichioya as you suspected Zabuza-san, out of such a fight was just the icing on the cake compared to knowing I'd thrown that devil off my shoulder for a while".

"You beat him", Jiraiya spoke as though he were dazed or drunk, "does that mean, forever?" Much as he didn't want to, Naruto had to shake his head,

"It's never that easy; demons never die easily but it can be done and I will see it done when the time is right", if any of the kage noticed the other demon-containers present at the time swap looks at this point none of them mentioned it as Naruto went on, "but still, my second-father; one of twenty sons created by the greatest man, ruler of the heavens, who was then lost along with his brothers as powers humanity cannot understand intervened. His creator, my second-grandfather if you like, was dismayed but he could not turn back for his plans; he had lost his generals true but he still required armies to fight for him, reclaim his realm from the powers that had stolen his sons. From the flesh that remained of his lost ones did he craft new warriors, greater and more terrible than men, who would be the edge of His sword, the tip of His spear; it was an age of conquest ad glory, humanity reunited across stars and worlds. The conquest never ceased, never ended as one by one the lost sons were reunited with their father and given command of the children he created from their genetic material and that is where the mistake you all make comes into play". He took a breath, just one, allowing the seemingly fantastical story to sink in to all present before he finally ended the confusion, nothing but grim truth on his face as he spoke,

"My second-father had many names but the most used one was the Akai Tensei; the _Senso Haundo_ was his Legion".

There was silence, thunderstruck silence as the assembled attempted to even try and understand this concept; eventually the struggle proved too much for one of them and it was Utakata, after forcing his fingers to remain steady on his bubble pipe, who broke the quiet to ask the fatal question,

"What do you mean by Legion Naruto-kun?"

"An army", he replied shortly, trying to convey the mingled horror and pride he had seen from the memories in his head, how the War Hounds had truly been before their mad father corrupted them all, "hundreds of thousands strong, each one of them a man like me, armed with weapons like my Goa-chichioya for close range and weapons that could kill from a distance greater than any kunai in the blink of an eye. They were armoured with plate not even your ration jutsu could penetrate Raikage-sama; they were bred for one purpose and one purpose alone – war, the absolute destruction of the enemies of man. Such was their reputation many foes surrendered wholesale if they knew the alternative was the Red Angel descend upon them with his sons in tow – where the _Senso Haundo _fought, as you will see", having had half an eye on the duel he could see and witnessed its end, he spoke again to finish his story, the tale of woe from the dawn of history as he knew it, "their leader issued them only a single command, one that was their creed, their ethos and their entire battle strategy..."

As he spoke the final world, a long way away, the clones' creator looked forwards at his new foes, bared his teeth in a chilling grin and repeated the word of the chakra construct with seamless synchronicity,

XXX

"Kill!"

And the world, as far as Kurotsuchi knew of it, exploded into noise.

Clapping her hands to her ears she squinted at the battle before her only for her brain to almost disbelieve what its eyes told it; before there had been but one victor of the duel, now there were what looked like hundred, each an exact replica of their creator and armed as such, though with only a single axe to their name rather than the supposed pair the real one seemed to have pulled out of nowhere. She could hear her father bellowing orders and tried to listen over the sudden shrieks of the cacophonous axes and the sudden crunching sounds they made as they bit into flesh and hewed through bone, the men before them little more than insects to be crushed as the entire throng of clones; oh dear Kami how she hoped they were clones; rushed into the front of their enemy, slashing right and left and reaping huge slaughter. Following the crowd and falling back, the kunoichi glanced back when she could to see the fight as it progressed; the one-man fighting force decimating its opponents and giving them no chance to flee – even when groups of the mass-produced men tried to break away, either across open ground or into the earth, a pack of their remorseless opponents simply tore after them or tore up the earth and then tore them apart. No mercy was given, no quarter offered; in the space of minutes the entire opposing force, some twenty thousand enemy shinobi if estimates were right, had been wiped out to a man by a force a about a twentieth of their size. It was unprecedented, unbelievable and, as the victors began to celebrate, only the precursor to the worst.

Shrieking chain blades where thrust skywards, the warriors roaring something in some bestial, sharp tongue as they stood careless amid the corpses and gore of their opponents, not one whole body left after the attention of such horrendous weaponry. Hands once more over her ears and fighting to keep her eyes open, Kurotsuchi and the shinobi around her could only pray for the nightmare to end before either something more terrible than what she was seeing happened or, worse, their would-be allies turned to look for new prey.

Her prayers, and the prayers of those she served alongside, were answered by a thunderclap from the hands of the son of the most violent angel ever seen on their world or any other.

XXX

Though not naturally a ration user Naruto had learnt enough to convert his chakra into positive and negative current; when channelled into pieces of metal, such as his weapons, this gave them a charge that could be violently discharge by, for instance, clapping the heads together, releasing a sonic discharge guaranteed to get someone's attention. In this case it worked to bring the sons he had created to heel, the new Legion crafted in the likeness of his sealed form looking up to their unsealed father for guidance he duly gave,

"Four-hundred left", one axe flew in the direction he had roared, mirrored quickly by its twin, "four-hundred right; hit the flanks and roll them over. Rest of you, with me", with that he brought his weapons together again, this time for a different purpose; after long millennia of separation a father and a child touched, embraced and then roared together and their new bearer swung the completed form of the axe around and pointed straight towards his target, voice rising into a bellow as he called his last command,

"We go for the throat!"

XXX

"Where we tread, annihilation follows", Naruto's clone quoted as the kages and his fellow jinchuuriki saw as much of the ruined Zetsu force as their remote eyes could see, "he told me his plan; go to him at the Mountain Graveyard – he will see you all there, and you will see the truth".

With that the shadow clone vanished, leaving behind a very shocked, very scared and suddenly very inadequate audience behind it, each of them asking the others the same questions without opening their mouths; _should we follow him?_

XXX

She saw the danger just in time and to her relief was fast enough; the clone that would have stuck one of its obscenely twisting limbs through her suddenly motionless teammate falling dead with hr kunai in its heard as she roared over the battlefield,

"Dammit Neji; get you head in the game!" She saw his lips move, his Byakugan still active and she was about to shout at him again when he suddenly shouted aloud at the top of his voice, something about as rare as Lee's black moods or Kakashi-sensei being seen without his normal book on hi,

"Get off the beach!" The Hyuuga warned, falling back after disabling a Zetsu grappling with a Kiri shinobi and dragging the wounded man back, "Fall back, everyone fall back!"

"What is going on?" Darui, the leader of the division charged with holding the cliffs, shouted, appearing next to the apparently raving Hyuuga with a flash of light, "Who the hell was dull enough to make you commander?"

"They're coming senpai", Neji as always remembered his manners, slightly calmed from his former mad panic, "they are... reinforcements, of a sort; if we clear the beach we'll give them a free run at the enemy". The Kumo jounin met the blank eyes of the Hyuuga for a second before, seeing nothing but sincerity in the eyes his country had once coveted, he nodded and tapped his earpiece, giving instructions for all allied forced to gradually retreat to the top of the cliff edge.

The order was about halfway through completion when the reinforcements arrived and what Neji and, to a lesser extent as her Byakugan wasn't quite as strong as his, his cousin had feared came to pass.

Jigokuton fire scoured the sand and boiled the sea, searing or scorching Zetsu to death before the front ranks of the charging clone army made contact with their foes and it became a massacre; barely slowed by the sand under their feet, the resurrected War Hound Legion, all four hundred clones of it, hacked into the ranks of the enemy like the edge of a katana through a block of balsa wood. They fought with little or no coordination, very few tactics; each was a single man in his own right and simultaneously a one-man army capable of rending foes limb from limb, cauterising them with fire or slicing them with wind or even, if other options were exhausted, simply crushing chests and pulverising heard with little more than basic taijutsu. Reorganising at the top of the cliff after clearing the few beachheads that the enemy had forged there, Darui gave the order for support fire but it was difficult to distinguish friend from foe in the mad, swirling melee below. Only true weapon experts such as Tenten were able to claim definite kills in support of the unleashed gladiators and it was this expertise that led to one of the most terrifying and surreal experiences of her life.

It had been a misstep and nothing more; one of the multiple clones, after slicing through one opponent and staving in the brains of another on the back-swing, turned to parry a whipping Zetsu tentacle attack but his foot lost purchase in the blood he'd just split, making him half-drop his axe and leaving him open for the killing blow. Tenten saw this and didn't even think; she just reacted; in a second there was a spread of shuriken in the Zetsu's chest, each one striking a vital point, and it was down, its would-be victim able to recover; the weapon mistress nodded grimly and chalked up another triumph before she suddenly found herself quailing. The clone she'd saved whipped his head around and his eyes locked squarely with her for a second, nothing more; she shivered as if the Shinigami had peered at her before the stare was broken and she was free of those shackling eyes, breathing heavily as the clone went back about its gory business.

What would have been a battle all day between shinobi ended in less than an hour; though no-one could be sure all the Zetsu were vanquished, there was a general consensus that if any were left they were likely to be too few as to pose a threat to the stability between the nations and, anyway, the shinobi alliance's temporary allies had done a job much better than most in trying to get rid of them all, even going so far as to boil the sea back a hundred metres with their combination techniques and use doton to disturb the sea bed to get rid of any parasites that might have been hoping to survive down there. When this was done the triumphant army let out a combined roar of triumph, their blood-drowned blades joining them in the symphony of destruction, before to a man they looked across the sea and then started running across it, aiming to move across the bay towards the Mountain Graveyard to reunite with their creator.

All but one, who scanned the cliff top for a moment before jumping up it and approaching his target with his axe slung casually over one shoulder.

_Show no fear, show no fear_; it was one of the shinobi codes but never before had Tenten been closer to breaking it; this close to even a clone of the destroyer she simply knew that if he decided she was unworthy of life she was going to die, plain and simple, nothing that she or anyone else could do about that. Still she held her ground and tried not to flinch as the clone stomped up to her and gazed down, standing silent for a moment before speaking,

"You saved me". It was a simple statement and not one she could deny, though she didn't trust her voice to speak, instead merely nodded and hoping her relief wasn't too obvious as the clone smiled and help out one of his arms,

"Tradition", it declared, "when we fight with allies the most martial of them is gifted with a token of our esteem. Here", from out of the cloud of smoke came a second monstrous form, every inch the twin of the one still dripping blood upon the ground at his feet, "Goa-okayo, it is yours".

She almost reached out for it, despite everything else she had wanted to hold that weapon almost since the first time she'd seen it and because of that her fingers twitched towards it; then her sense took over and she looked past the immediate offer and saw what that butchers' cleaver had done. The scent of spilt blood and burning bone filled her nose like the rankest of perfume, the sand stained so red it would likely never be clean again; a weapon that new no purpose but to kill, could never be tamed from a sword to a ploughshare, was that really what she wanted?

"No", her voice was a whisper but she shook her head, trying to recover her lost courage, "no", she said again, finally bringing herself to look him in the eye and state her answer as plainly as she could manage,

"I don't want it".

"Good", the answer almost made her collapse with relief; had he taken offense to her refusal she knew she would have been dead before she'd been aware what had happened, the clone instead sealing his spare axe away and turning to follow his brethren across the sea, "live long Tenten, and look after the others at home". With that he leapt away and ran into the distance, the last time any of the ninja watching his from their cliff top position would ever see even a clone of Senju-Uzumaki Naruto again.

XXX

Uchiha Obito was now a man who considered he had nothing to lose and therefore he faced down the man who was going to try and make an end of him with the nihilistic courage of the damned; whipping around his kusuri-gama, he adopted a ready stance before the monster that glared down at him through eyes that appeared as blind as one of Itachis' had been following the cursed Senju-Uzumaki getting through with him even as the beast bellowed instructions to the army of lesser monsters it had brought with it,

"Get in there and tear anything in that place down"; this Obito could not allow; his fingertips flared with chakra, he erected the barrier Madara had taught him just before the ancient Uchiha finally passed away,

"You will not touch the Gedo", he declared, forcing the semi-human thing before him to look at him anew, a grudging respect in his bestial face as he unlimbered his massive, now-double bladed axe from his shoulders,

"So be it; I will grant you a swift death"; that was all the warning Obito had before the clone-son of the primarch of the War Hounds leapt for him.

His phasing jutsu kept him alive but he was unable to get close enough to touch his opponent and warp him into the other world, the length of his axe and his apparent ability to see him without eyes making it impossible to get close enough. It would be a battle of tactics and attrition, though not ninjutsu as he respected the Senju-Uzumaki enough to know his jigokuton would overpower any katon technique he was likely to use. His chain whipped out like the tongue of a snake, scoring superficial wounds that to his chagrin healed almost as soon as he inflicted them; he wasn't even going to think about trying to trip or entangle his physically much larger opponent. _He cannot wound me, I cannot touch him_; the Uchiha thought to himself, crucially missing his opponent reaching into the pouch by his side; _it will be a battle of time and strategy – I need only a touch to win this_. In the other world his opponent for all his great speed and strength would be a virtual non-entity until he weakened due to hunger and thirst enough for Obito to claim him, though getting him there was the issue as he once more ghosted through a swing of the mighty cleaver that would have killed him a dozen times over but for his Mangekyou ability; it was only when he attempted to swing his kusuri-gama again to try and lock up the shrieking blade and found he couldn't that he suddenly stopped and realized in horror the reason his body hadn't done as he'd asked it to.

His right arm and the chain wrapped around it were lying in the dirt some three feet away and bleeding copious.

The sight, it seemed, released the pain; warping away as he tried to gain some breathing room, Obito clutched his severed stump and tried to channel his chakra through the Senju cells of the Zetsu he had been bonded to all those years ago. However unlike all the other times before nothing happened, blood continued to squirt from severed arteries and, feeling himself go dizzy from shock and blood loss, he managed to remain lucid enough to demand an answer even if he saw his enemy, the incarnation of death, step towards him with the inevitability of the march of time,

"How did you", he grit his teeth at the pain and tried again, "how did you penetrate into my dimension; it is impossible to..."

"There is nothing impossible for a demon", Naruto corrected him, holding up the single black kunai that had been the end of Sasuke as Sakuras' hand and would now end the so-called Madara and the Fourth Shinobi war simultaneously, "this is a shard of the weapon of my demonic father, the Black Blade of Angron; when it strikes it cuts apart all realities. There is no defence against its bite".

"**Except stupidity; remind me who thought to take it out of that arena again, you'd have just left it there to rot**".

"_Quiet fox, this is my big victory speech – I don't get many of them, I'm usually the strong, silent type. I'll pay homage to you magnificence later, let me deal with this now_".

"**Humph, you better**", the kitsune threatened mock-seriously before cutting the link while Naruto, deciding he'd explained enough and rather put off by the fox's intervention, simply decided to end things; with a shunshin and a downward stab straight through the mask of his semi-conscious opponent, he brought the conflict of the world of shinobi to a halt.

The barrier fell and his clones, remembering his last orders, charged in wholesale; when they returned some fifteen minutes later with every generator smashed and bearing the head of a grotesquely ugly statue between two dozen of them, the Gedo Mezu finally destroyed beyond repair, they found their creator waiting for them, weapon at the ready and a determine, expectant look in his eye,

"I have had battle", he said softly before he let his voice and his axe rise, charging towards his sons as they reciprocated, his last words barely heard over the din of so many axes powering up at once,

"I need a war!"

XXX

It was obvious where the Legion, who had cleared and slaughtered the enemy of both flanks after crushing their centre, were headed and equally obvious to the kage and jinchuuriki who had followed the instruction of their guide what was happening when they were arriving.

It was fratricide, death on a smaller scale than the war that had both begun and ended earlier in the day but no less violent for that; clones challenged each other, slew and were slain without pause, strategy or restraint, a constant cloud of chakra smoke covering the Mountain Graveyard as the War Hound once more tore itself apart, though this time at the behest of its creator rather than the hand of its most lunatic son. Not even the most powerful ninja in the nations were prepared to enter that valley of death, instead remaining at the entrance to the valley until the sounds of battle had receded and only a few dozen, rather than hundreds, of axes could be heard. Slowly picking their way through the rubble and detritus of battle, the shinobi and demon hosts crept closer to the heart of the fight in time to see the last of the clones swept apart by a two-handed flash of the paired weapon Zabuza had guessed Goa-chichoya had been part of and the true face, the one none of them had ever seen, of Naruto revealed as he raised his weapon and bellowed his triumph to the heavens.

If he wanted them dead they were all going to die; that was the first impression most got from the sight of the near-eleven foot gargantuan that swung around a blade heavier than most oxen as though it were a willow switch – this in actually fact wasn't true as together than kage and jinchuuriki could have probably taken him down but such a victory would have demanded a very high price in blood. His face and most of his chest was bright crimson, his second-father's moniker of the Akai Tenshi finally proven as he lowered the sky-bound axe, turned eyes as red as the rest of his face due to the frantic pounding of his hearts during combat on the approaching party and, recognising them, overcoming the slight niggling in the back of his mind to put them to the sword as well, instead grounding the butt of the double-bladed battle axe in the earth; _just wait second-father, you'll get your reckoning yet_;

"Sorry about that", his voice was even deeper than before, terrifying despite him not meaning to frighten anyone, "had some adrenaline to burn off".

"What", the Raikage dared to venture, taking in the corpse of the masked Uchiha and the massive severed head of the statue nearby, "what are your plans now?"

"I will go; I doubt any of you will see me again before the time is right", the pointed look he gave towards some of the assembled nin simply could not be missed even intentionally, "I am sorry baa-chan but I do not belong here anymore. I am a destroyer made, as Kami-rendaringu was made", he flipped his axe upwards before pulling it apart, Goa-chichoya and Goa-okayo visible only for a moment before both were sealed away, "to tear down false gods and idols. I don't belong in a world trying to rebuild itself like this world of shinobi. I will be watching though", a note of warning entered his voice as he raised a finger before smiling and making hand-seals, Tsunade trying to be strong even as she realised her clan was going to be reduced back down to one again as the technique completed, Naruto departing with a whirl of leaves and leaving behind only his voice,

"So try and stay out of trouble".

XXX

All was silent, quiet for a good long minute as everyone simply stared at the spot where quite literally the most powerful military force the Elemental Nations had ever seen had simply up and disappeared; each shinobi or jinchuuriki grappled with their loss or thoughts in their own way until the one who thought the least of the departed Senju-Uzumaki broke the silence to speak to her brother,

"Gaara-kun", she cared not for his rank now; if the demon had made another Faustian pact with her brother she'd be damned if she wouldn't find some way to see the bargain broken, "he was looking at you, all of you when he said you'd meet again – what did he mean by that?" The Kazekage glanced sidelong at his sister, Temari as always perceptive as ever, and considered his answer before, eventually, folding his arms and speaking once more,

"Naruto mentioned thirteen people who knew part of his truth; nine of those thirteen are us, the jinchuuriki – he found us all during the time between the war in Kiri ending and his return to Konoha..."

"Unauthorised contact with an enemy agent", as always Onoki moved to take advantage of the situation, rounding on the Hokage, "that is sedition Tsunade-sama".

"Bah, with what we know now I'd call it sense you old git", unbelievably the Hokage was defended by none of than Roshi, the Yonbi jinchuuriki too long in the tooth to be much worried by the punishments the jinton-user could dish out to him, "he sought us out because he knows there's one more fight he has to have in the future, one last battle that only he can pull off – he has to destroy, truly defeat, that bastard he calls a second-father".

"But he's already done that"; Anko pointed out only for Roshi to shake his head,

"I said destroy, not defeat; it is possible but very difficult to truly destroy anything not of the world around us, hence the reason we have to seal the bijuu rather than actually get rid of them at last. However Naruto-kun has found one way, the way he will use to bring that mad bastard down at last. If he can't do it, he'll use something that can; one demon can kill another, simply consume it and add its power to that it possessed beforehand". Still not seeing exactly where this was going, Anko crashed headlong into another mental roadblock,

"So why didn't he let big, red and fluffy deal with it last time?"

"Couldn't", Fu replied, shrugging her shoulders, "not even the nine-tails is strong enough to consume something as powerful as his second-fathers' meant to be; the ten-tails on the other hand..."

The Takigakure jinchuuriki got no further as pandemonium erupted, the Raikage in particular livid not just that two of his most loyal shinobi had apparently gone behind his back but also because Kumo, if he was understanding what the jinchuuriki had agreed right, might well lose two of their most powerful weapons in the future,

"Impossible, outrageous", Onoki was lathering himself into a fine old temper, unheeding of the worrying creaking from the region of his hips, "I will not allow two of our finest shinobi to merely be sacrificed like this – how is it any different from what that so-called Madara was trying to do?" Utakata, as always one of the calmest of the nine jinchuuriki due to the docile nature of his bijuu, sighed and let his voice rise to answer such a question,

"It is different simply because, rather than hunt us down and kill us, Naruto-kun will simply collect the bijuu when our time is up; he has spoken to all of the tailed beasts at the same time he spoke to us, their hosts, and all have agreed with him", Hotaru nodded, backing up her mentor as he went on, meeting Onoki eye to eye as he suddenly smiled, "and if you're so preoccupied with losing your fine shinobi Tsuchikage-sama, why don't you think on this question; how exactly are you planning on _stopping_ him coming to get what we promised him?"

On that day, in that valley, the five kage departed with their guards and jinchuuriki in tow; no blood was shed, no cross words heard as the head of each village leader was filled with questions that none of them could answer. They returned to their village and, by the dawning of the next day, there was peace across the Elemental Nations once more.

Omake 1 – The Devil's Brood

_Looks like the place_; casually shifting his sword over his shoulder, Suigetsu double-checked the address he'd been given before approaching the non-descript house and rapping sharply on the door. He waiting a few seconds, heard movement from within and, as the door opened, slapped on the friendliest grin possible yo someone with pointed teeth and raised a hand in greeting,

"Hey there, uh", having been told a little about what to expect the sight of an apparently dishevelled kunoichi regarding him with eyes that appeared wild with suppressed killing intent and a killing smile that rivalled one of his own was distinctly off-putting, "is, ah, is this the Momochi place?" The grin only widened as the girl spoke,

"Oh yes, yes it is", there was definitely an undercurrent of hysteria to her voice and Suigetsu made ready to run at the slightest hint of this turning nasty; he'd had enough bad experiences from Karin to know that kunoichi were most dangerous when they were stressed out an unpredictable, "I'm Haku, the baby-sitter!"

"Oh right, yeah Zabuza-sama mentioned you; he wanted me to ask how the kids are and how've yo..."

He had the distinct feeling he'd been somehow set up for a fall by his sadistic new master about half a second after it would have been useful; almost without him realising it Haku had reached forwards and with strength that belied her petite frame, dragged him close enough that he could count every one of the suddenly-pulsing capillaries in her sclera,

"They are not children", she hissed up his nose, Suigetsu foregoing any and all response save to nod hastily in agreement and hope she let him go, "they are demons, spawned from the womb of Lilith after impregnation by Lucifer himself – even Jigoku wouldn't let these devils in! Why are you here", suddenly her eyes were on him and it was all he could do to keep from whimpering in terror, "have you come to add to my torment; they have the protection of their father, a man I owe my life to but you will have no such defence!"

Suigetsu tried very hard to think of something, anything that might get him out of this mess without ending up shy a body part and, what felt like a very long time later, a distant memory of his brother came back through the murk of his memory – as he had nothing else to go on he decided to cross his fingers and hope like hell,

"Hey, I can see you're really stressed out", he spoke with a carefree cheer he certainly didn't feel, praying to his brother's departed soul this would work, "but I think I can cure that; eight o'clock, I'll pick you up from here, you pick the place, my treat. What do you say?"

Just for an instant he thought he'd got away with it; certainly Haku let him go and retreated a step to give him room to breathe; but as the temperature nearby started to plummet and the swords of what looked like water and then, to Suigetsu's extreme consternation, ice began to appear in both the kunoichi's hands, he had just enough time to swing the _Nuibari_ off his back and into a guard position before she sprang at him with a war-cry on her lips that filled him with equal parts horror and revulsion,

"I. Am. Not. A. _Girl!_" _Oh my kami, oh my kami, I just propositioned a pissed-off bishie – I'm so going to hell for that_.

Some moments later another pair of figures appeared within eyeshot of their home and, seeing the apparent two-ninja war raging outside it, one of them thought it prudent to ask the obvious question,

"Any idea why Haku-kun's trying to disembowel my latest apprentice?"

"Ah, they're just getting to know each other".

"No", Zabuza corrected his wife after wincing as Suigetsu avoided some seriously nasty-looking blows to the soft bits by the skin of his teeth; _damn, wearing all those kimonos had finally sent him around the twist – he's even starting to fight like a kunoichi_; "I'm pretty sure at least one of them's trying to kill the other; our kids aren't that bad surely?" Anko snorted,

"No way; at that age I was worse".

"Yeah but you're just crazy and blood-hungry", Zabuza riposted before grinning and slipping an arm around his wife, "guess that's just why fell for you".

"You mean it wasn't the great body and smoking hot personality?"

"Those might have had something to do with it", the swordsman admitted before sounding a tad more serious, "though you still have yet to deliver on you promise of a son to continue the Momochi name..."

"Hey, I told you", Anko neatly turned the question on its head just like he knew she would, "you provide the Y-chromosome and I'll do the rest. Hey", she was suddenly swept off her feet, struggling for a minute before realising what Zabuza had done and relaxing in his arms,

"Excellent idea; I say we mark our grand homecoming by having another go at it – you never know, third time's a charm and all that".

Anko merely chuckled as the two of them casually walked past the two brawling junior swordsmen, casually ignoring Suigetsu's pleas for help and Haku's bellows of fury, entered their home through the front door and closed it behind them with a bang.

Omake 2 – Test of Endurance

It was safe to say that whatever she'd been expecting to see in the hospital this morning, the sight now burning its way into her poor, undeserving retinas was certainly not amongst them; it had started normally – turn up for shift, punch in, head for the changing rooms to scrub up and then walk straight into the horror show currently dooming another little part of her sanity for all time.

Sakura was face to face, or more accurate face to back with Tenten; not unusual, the changing facilities weren't that big and they were all girls together; however it was the sight of the weapon mistress straddling the figure underneath her that was most disconcerting, though by the mercy of the Kami she couldn't see exactly where Tenten's friend actually had his hands at the moment. Though she couldn't see the shinobi's face it was impossible to mistake him for anyone else; there was only one set of leg-warmers that colour in Konoha and only shinobi with fashion sense bad enough to wear them; now he and one of her colleagues, one of the eldest of her colleagues now Shizune-sensei was looking after her own child, appeared to be giving or about to give the taijutsu prodigy of the Leaf a physical that certainly wasn't covered by any of the regular medical textbooks.

The cherry blossom was in that horrible limbo, trying to decide whether to just slink off before either of the two partners noticed her or announce herself discreetly when either by an action on hr part or just bad luck she somehow alerted Tenten to her presence. The older kunoichi immediately gasped and blushed a fiery red, the signal for Sakura to break the shackles of her paralysis and squeak out the first words that came into her head,

"Gomen, I'll give you five minutes; be in the waiting room". With that and before she could think too much more on what she'd just seen she turned tail and fled, the door banging shut behind her as she retreated to the waiting room and place to clear her head.

It was amazing what a little breathing room could do, she decided about four and a half minutes later, nursing a cup of water from one of the dispensaries and now looking back to the scene with a snicker rather than a shudder; who'd have guessed that Tenten, one of the most private kunoichi she knew, could have such a kink for encounters where she might be walked in on? _Well, speak of the devil_; recognising the still flushed figure walking towards her she did her best to keep the grin off her face as the bun-haired kunoichi slumped into a chair next to her and folded her arm, staring ahead and speaking in a monotone,

"Go on, you can laugh; I'm ready for it".

"And, and why would I do that?" Sakura asked, trying to keep her giggles bottled up before pointing at part of her friends' attire, "you're, ah, kind of crooked there". Flushing again the weapon user hastily rearranged her undergarments; unlike many kunoichi, she wore a bra rather than bindings as the underwire could be deadly in her hands; before glancing across at Sakura's next question,

"So, how'd it happen? I know you were team mates but, nah, I'd never have suspected you and Lee; Neji maybe, Lee no". Tenten shook her head,

"I was in a funk after the Blood Cliff battle; he got me out of it, we snowballed from there", she cut back curtly, not liking the open discussion of her love-life and seeking to turn the whole thing around, "not unlike you and the dog-boy after Sasuke went walkabout really". To her surprise Sakura merely nodded; _wow, maybe she is starting to warm up to him – took her long enough_;

"Yeah, baka that he is; so", there was suddenly an impish glee in her eyes that made Tenten cringe, "what's it worth I don't hand over this truffle to the buta; I can almost hear Gai-sensei crowing from the rooftops even now".

"The fact that if you don't, I won't tell her about that time you snuck your nurses' uniform home for that little date with your man". Sakura's jaw dropped open even as her face flushed,

"I never did that"; _might have thought about it but never did it_; Tenten merely smirked,

"You know that and I know that, but what do you think Ino-chan's going to believe". Sakura ran her hand through her cropped hair before suddenly an idea struck her and she sat upright, glancing at Tenten with a serious air,

"Okay, let's do this right; this weekend, pick a place; you get Lee, I get Kiba and we meet up even, deal?" Tenten examined the hand thrust towards her as though there were a kunai hidden in the non-existent sleeves before, cautiously, sealing the deal,

"Done".

"Good", Sakura asserted before grinning again, "now go help Lee-kun out with his endurance training; you have to lay across him all day for him to pass that bet you know?"

"Don't make me stab you Sakura-chan; I've just come off-shift and Tsuande-shishou doesn't like blood on the hospital floor if she can avoid it".

Omake 3 – A Closer Look

_Typical of my luck this is_; once more Jiraiya raged against the unfairness of life, his own in particular, as he did some last-minute tidying of the office he was temporarily in charge of; _no sooner does Tsu-hime get dragged off to Suna for negotiations about wheat and rice prices than the Mizukage requests an audience and I can't say no. All those hours I could have been using sensei's crystal ball for the purpose it was always designed for; _he stared beseechingly at the draw that contained said crystal ball before shaking his head; _no, no village business must come first. So, an hour to go, ready to move_; with that he reclined in his chair in what he hoped was a relaxed posture, hoping to set the fabulously beautiful woman who was coming to see him at ease when she walked through the door.

She was as gorgeous as he remembered, though he had his game face on as he stood and welcomed the leader of one of their allied villages to his office and offered refreshments. The Toad Sage and Water Goddess swapped some chat, some light banter and probed each other for information before, leaning forwards in a manner that Jiraiya was sure she did to get under his guard and was unfortunately succeeding, Mei smiled in her most heart-melting fashion and made a polite request,

"Regent-sama", even if Tsunade was absent, there was only ever one kage of any village, "would you mind dismissing your ANBU as I do my TIDE; I have information most distressing I feel I should give to you only in the strictest of confidence"; _damn it she's using my greatest weakness against me_; and, as always in the face of feminine cuteness and beauty, he lasted about three seconds before making a hand-seal for the dismissal of the guards of his office.

"Very well Mizukage-sama, we are alone", he assured her before smiling broadly, "what was the information you had for the Leaf?"

"Oh, nothing much really", Mei began in a flighty tone before reaching around in her robes and offering something forwards, "it's just something that concerns this publication; one of yours I believe Jiraiya-sama?"

There was an almost audible noise as the Toad sages' grin froze on his face and then shattered at the sight of _Icha Icha: Steam Room Chronicles_; even as he attempted to force his body to learn the only technique that might get his most important assets out of this alive, one most commonly used by sumo wrestlers, he almost didn't hear the rest of his guests words,

"Yes, I confess myself quite disappointed in you sage-sama", Mei spoke in a deflated tone, "I can only assume that when you were daring to peek at me you didn't catch my best side – this is something I can't allow to happen in the future. So", Jiraiya just about dared to glance upwards as he realised he wasn't yet dead, just in time to hear the rest of the Mizukages' words, "I believe you need a closer look"; with that, Mei stood up.

She rose like Venus on a clam shell, her robes flowing away from her body like the water she was considered the Goddess of, leaving nothing but soft, creamy skin the colour of sweet buttermilk on display; Jiraiya did not, could not move as his eyes yawned into pits, hoping to capture forever the perfection it was forced to endure before he reached his limit and slumped sideways out of the Hokage chair, nothing else changing in his posture other than the transition from vertical to horizontal. Mei smiled sweetly at the success of her little plan and regathered her official clothes about herself, hardly concerned about her exposure; in a land as humid as Kiri, walking around with undergarments on a lot of the time was just begging for death by chafing. Having redressed, she strode around the Hokage desk expecting to see the Toad sage begin to recover from the unexpected shock; it was when she noticed the froth bubbling out from between his lips that she realised the situation might have been a little more serious than she'd bargained for she moved quickly to summon help.

Konoha held its breath; all of Fire Country held its breath; one of their S-ranked shinobi had been rushed the hospital in critical condition and the red light was still on above his door. Many people offered up prayers for him, burnt incense sticks that he would pull through and great was the relief when the light went off and the medical team emerged with news of a job well done to the milling masses,

"Yeah, he'll pull through", Sakura said irritably to the jounin nearby, most notably Kakashi-sensei who had had to be virtually physically restrained from the entering the surgery to make his offering of incense wrapped in leaves of one of his old Icha Icha novels to ensure the great mans' survival, "though what I want to know is how does anyone even _have_ four simultaneous heart attacks, never mind survive them all?"

"You answer that, I just want to forget today ever happened", Ino said disgustedly, ripping off her gloves, "is he really that perverted he gets a case of praipism even when he's in a coma just because there are kunoichi medical personnel working on him?"

"Don't know, never want to know; yes sensei", she barked at the grovelling Kakashi, tears streaming from his uncovered eye as he looked up at her from his knees outside the hospital doors, "the perverted old man will survive; now get out of here, you look far too creepy for me to be comfortable with". The jounin said nothing but bowed and shunshined away, eternally grateful that his student had saved one of the brightest lights in the Elemental Nations, and he apparently wasn't the only one either; as they changed to go home after work, the surgical team found themselves in the odd position of being bowed to by the leader of another village,

"Is it true Jiraiya-sama will recover?" Mei asked melodiously, answered a moment later by Sakura as she finished her answering bow,

"It'll take a while but he'll pull through".

"I am glad", the kage answered before bowing again and moving away accompanied by her TIDE guards, "tell him I am sorry, and I hope to see him again in the future"; _and I hope to see me again in the future – surely if I made that big an impression surely he can't help but remember me flawlessly_; she hoped so at least, but for now she was grateful the author would survive. After all, despite having killed many men over the years without much more than blinking an eye, Mei knew that murdering the author of her favourite book series, even if it was by accident and in a way he would surely have wanted to go, would have weighed heavily on her conscience for the rest of her life.

Omake 4 – Road to Redemption

It was about three weeks after Jiraiya was rendered _hors de combat_ by the single most devastating anti-pervert technique ever devised that, for the first time in living memory, something interesting happened at the front gate.

The two chunin guards easily saw the two figures stumbling towards them, one leaning heavily on the shoulder of the other, before as they came close enough to the gate for the two ninja to be able to make out their faces, they suddenly both dropped to their knees as though in prayer. After raising eyebrows and a quick game of jan-ken-po, one of the duo was elected to go and see what was going on and, after reaching the two and seeing the generally poor state the two were in, decided to speak,

"Uh, hello?"

"Hello shinobi-san"; the words were muffled by the floor but the chunin could understand them and, after thinking for a second, tried again,

"You have business in the Hidden Leaf?"

"He have come begging forgiveness", it was a woman who answered this time and, seeing as he was getting answers, he continued along this line of questioning,

"Okay, who from?"

"He must come to us", the man replied, a real bag of bones if ever there was one from what the chunin could see, "he will come to us or we will die here awaiting for him to forgive our rotted bones"; _okay, that sounds somewhat macabre_; deciding he wasn't paid enough to deal with the crazies, the chunin spoke one final time and was grateful to see the two prostate figures crab slowly to the side of the road, though neither raised their head or stood up as they moved out of the way of potential traffic. Retreating to his post after making the universal sign for 'crazy' in sign-language, the chunin resumed his duties; they were just a pair of harmless kooks; chances were they'd be gone by the morning.

But they weren't gone, nor were they the morning after or the morning after that; in fact the defied all attempted to move them into shelter at the end of the second day, proving they were shinobi by attaching them to the floor. Even Tsunade, the Hokage recently returned from trading with Suna, spoke with the two strangers but they gave her the answers they gave everyone else; they were waiting for forgiveness and would not move until it had been bestowed by the only one who could grant it. Utterly bamboozled by this, the Godaime had simply decreed that the two were at the mercy of the village; if they lived or died from either starvation or exposure, it was all in the hands of the Kami and the population of Konoha.

Konoha was thankfully merciful; as the tale of the two interlopers spread many came to witness them or, thinking they were perhaps monks, leave offerings of food or blankets to keep out the cold. The shinobi were also not completely hard-hearted enough to shut themselves off to the suffering of the two strangers; as the rain season moved in, someone erected a shelter of stone above them and a tag with fire sealed within it was provided, keeping out the bitter cold. Through it all the two never moved, thanking each person that brought them something that enabled them to survive and to the med-nin who periodically appeared to give them massages and scans to ensure they would not suffer permanent deformity from their enforced penance; as the year grew older and the legend of the two only more prominent, it was only when the occupant of one particular bed in the hospital blinked himself awake for the first time in three months that part of the mystery was revealed.

XXX

After being notified her former team mate was awake Tsunade had hurried to his room and the two had spent time catching up with the comings and goings of the village since Jiraiya's incapacitation (though he adamantly refused to tell Tsunade his last thoughts before his cardiac arrests had wracked him, which she immediately found suspicious). It was only when she brought up the topic of the two waiting at the gate that the mood had changed; instantly sobering, Jiraiya had asked curtly for a description and, as it was provided, immediately seemed to build a wall around himself, telling his Hokage that he would begin rebuilding his fractured web of contacts following his recovery to full health.

When she came in to see him the next day he was already gone.

XXX

Two months later, having finally realised or at least had an inkling of what had been going on, she was ready for him; as he came to the end of his report and nodded, took on a fortifying sip of sake and then spoke,

"You were never this cruel before Jiraiya".

"I was never betrayed like that before Tsunade", he riposted, "I told them they were dead to me; if they want to kill themselves out there let them go ahead; two less S-ranked, or former S-ranked nin in the world that want to kill us – far as I can see everyone's a winner". Tsunade's hit on the table made her sake cup jump three feet,

"No, I will not let you do this", his folded arms and posture just dared her to try and stop him, "weren't you that man who tried to end the chain of hatred that bind all shinobi together? Well what is this you're doing now, replacing it with a chain of neglect, of casual indifference to people who've spent five damned months waiting for just a glimpse of you? Yes I admit it they were wrong if it really is them but who hasn't screwed up once in their lives; I wasted the prime of my life drowned in booze until you came and found me, Sarutobi let Orochimaru go and, who else? Oh yeah, how about someone who's not strictly human who turned my adopted nephew, your _godson_, into a semi-human killing machine who only didn't go off the deep end because he's the strongest man I've ever met and the fact his dad stuffed a bloody great fox into his head the day he was born", drawing in a breath after her rant, Tsuande continued more levelly,

"I don't want to but if I have to I will order you to do something about them Jiraiya", he started; that was a cheap shot as far as he was concerned, "they're starting to get bad for business. Go", she dismissed him with a wave, "I have a feeling you need them as much as they need you right now".

For a long, long moment there was silence in the office, tension crackling between them before, with a snort, the Toad sage broke the stare-down and turned away, missing Tsunade's grateful breath that she'd managed to outlast him fractionally,

"I'll talk to them, nothing more; if they end up dead at the end of it just hush it up for me - you'll never find the bodies". With that and a nod from his leader, Jiraiya hopped out the window and was gone.

XXX

Feet approaching them weren't unusual but the noise made them both dare, for the first time in years, actually dare to hope once more; they didn't dare raise their eyes though, unworthy to even look upon him as he approach and, eventually, cast his shadow over them both. Silence reigned for a moment before, eventually, he spoke in a harsh, cold voice that scoured their battered, bleeding souls anew,

"They are poor students who do not heed their sensei", he lectured in a voice far removed from when they had been children, "especially those who were told their sensei is done with them".

"We should have made this journey decades ago", it was the man who spoke first, face still flat against the ground, "we should never have stayed in Rain".

"Hindsight is always perfect", the older shinobi spat caustically before folding his arms, "what business do you have here; I have told you forgiveness is forever out of your reach". A quiver arched through both their backs, though it was the woman who spoke next,

"Then kill us", she stated matter-of-factly, as though suggesting nothing more serious than a walk, "we lived in darkness only for you to return and show us a chink of light; if we cannot get closer to it then end us out of mercy if nothing else". There was silence for a moment before with a clack of wood on road surface, the Toad sage spoke again,

"Stand, if you can; I see nothing from your backs – show me a sign of the light you claim to have seen".

He made his demand and, haltingly, shuffling and with many gasps of pain as the two of them used muscles that had atrophied after long decay, both his students eventually came to their feet and beheld their teacher, saw his face drop in horror as he saw their mutilation and, clutching at his chest to prevent a repeat of the Mizukage debacle, he manage to speak in a ghostly whisper,

"What have you done?"

"We were blind", Konan repeated, the scars around her missing eye duplicated on Nagatos' face where both his Rin'negan had been torn away and only one had been replaced with the orb of his kunoichi friend, the last one he had left in the world, "you showed us the way, you and your remaining student. We share the eyes that saw the true path so that we may never lose it again, it will never be hidden by lies and deceit".

She would have bowed, Nagato too, but just standing was torture enough; it took all her willpower not to scream in pain as her body fought against gravity just to remain upright. With Nagato on her shoulder, his legs still crippled after extraction from his throne, the struggle was excruciating and only getting harder every moment; nausea reached for her and she prepared for the fall; her one remaining eye filled with tears, tears she had never cried as the Angel of Ame but now, Konan once more, she was free to express as Jiraiya reached forwards and softly embraced them both, heart grievously wounded by the sight of people he had helped to mould into what they were now and disgusted with his earlier thoughts of prolonging their torture. Sensei and students were reunited again, the suffering ending for the final time as, with another snap that no-one could even notice or see, another chain of hatred around the shinobi world snapped and withered to nothing.

Omake 5 – Nine Live Lived

Cats have nine lives had been one of her favourite sayings and fate, it seemed, had borne her out; alone in the world now save for one other who didn't really count, she was the last of the jinchuuriki.

She had been sure it would be Hotaru but, sadly, the Kiri blonde hadn't survived six months after the death of the man who'd been her teacher, guide and, eventually, lover and husband, quietly fading away to join Utakata in the Pure world. Roshi, Bee, Gaara; names she could no longer put faces to swam through her foggy mind as she prepared for the end; when she was gone there would be no bijuu left, and the world would be a safer place for it. It had been ironic that since the end of the One-Day war, as the Fourth World War had first been nick-named and then officially recorded as, none of the jinchuuriki alive on that day had died in battle. They had lived until their time was up and departed happily, just as she knew she would before the sun set again.

She herself had outlived her own partner by a good seventeen years; having ended up marrying Darui, as much to her surprise as his own after the two of them found they actually got on rather well together, Yugito was a mother three times, a grandmother eight, had to many great-grandchildren to remember and, just last month, her first great-great-grandchild had entered the world, though she barely remembered that introduction through the fog in her memory. Still there was one last reunion she was looking forwards to before her time was done and, as she felt the flare of chakra from the somewhat dog-eared and creased but still perfectly functioning seal tag, she smiled as she recalled the face clearly from her mind,

"Hello Naruto-kun".

"Yugito-chan", his answer was deep but powerful, just as she remembered his voice, "still as beautiful as ever". She would have laughed had she feared she'd lose her last breath to a coughing bout,

"Hah, flatterer", she accused, grateful she'd clear the rest of her family away and requested to die alone in a sealed chamber; at least this way no-one, especially the youngsters who might not have known or agreed with her bargain with Naruto, could try to interrupt the passage of her burden, "we'd best do this fast; not long left, I know". He said nothing more but, as she felt an area of warmth over her abdomen, once so flat you could have eaten peas off it (as Darui would have attested, even if his repeated stabbing with a fork had been murder for her slight ticklishness in that region), she felt a surge of his chakra and felt herself falling once more into her mindscape, a place she'd spent more time in the older her physical body had become.

XXX

She was herself as she had been in her youth in her mind, should she could still feel the Shinigami's pull as she looked forwards between the bars of the cage one last time, Matatabi as always purring at the sight of her host,

"This is it then Yugito-chan", there was genuine sorrow in the bijuu's voice, "goodbye".

"You too furball", the Nibi managed a half-hearted snarl as her host raised a hand to wave farewell, "Naruto, make sure you take good care of them all, and kick you second-father's ass for us will you?"

"I will", he nodded with sincerity and, happy, Yugito closed her eyes and felt herself slip away; her body shone with a light not of the world, it consumed her, subsumed her, faded, and was gone, the last jinchuuriki gone from the world forever. Naruto inclined his head in respect for the deceased before turning to the Nibi again, the cage she was held behind deconstructing in response to her hosts' death,

"I grieve with you Matatabi-san", he said respectfully, the giant cat nodding at his good meaning before the area behind him darkened and another set of bars, sturdier and thicker than those of Yugito's seal, appeared with a host of familiar faces behind it that made the Nibi purr with joy at seeing her brothers and sisters reunited again. Naruto loosened the Shiki Fuuin with but a thought, the key to the seal ingrained within his memory as he let the last of the nine in and prepared himself.

It was a testament to Kumo's seal masters that none in the village detected the flare of chakra that heralded the last of the jinchuuriki dying and the rebirth of one of the most powerful men to walk the Elemental Nations. Through eyes that were not his own Naruto beheld the room around him before kow-towing to the deceased before him, Yugito relaxed and peaceful in death as he stood again and faced towards the entrance to his last battleground, the rematch with his insane creator; _we train first, then there will be a final reckoning!_

Omake 6 – Greatest of Men

As the heat of the small forge cooled down, Naruto heeded the voice in the back of his mind,

"_Took you long enough_", only he, just as the Sage of Six Paths had before him, could dare to joke with the resurrected Juubi, "_I've been waiting for this conversation since you finished licking your lips over that devil's corpse_".

"_**Yes, and after that fight, after he was destroyed forever**_", both partners paused to review those memories, already a year old but still ones they never tired of; Angron was able to learn from his defeat but, even so, he was once again brought down by the same tactics that had slain him the last time, his temper far too fragile to fight a shinobi. His final scream, something between rage, terror and denial, had been music to both Naruto and the Juubi's ears as they finally ended the immortal life of a terrible evil and corrected a mistake that should never have been made. After the review however, the bijuu tried again,

"_**I said it was over; you said it had just begun – what did you mean? What is left for us to do here?**_"

"_Here? Simple, we wait_", Naruto said as though it were the simplest thing in the world, "_this world of shinobi is changing, but it is not ready yet for the next step upwards, to reach the stars. We are timeless, we will wait for them to grow and reach out on their own, guide them when we can but otherwise not interfere_".

"_**The stars? You seek to rebuild the empire of your grandsire?**_".

"_No_", he answered, plunging his axes into a large trough of water to let out a hiss and a cloud of steam, "_the man who became known as the Emperor was still a man and, as such, he made mistakes just as any man would. I will learn from the past I remember, eliminate the errors he made and hopefully, this time, the hell that was the Imperium my second-father terrorised will be averted forever_".

"_**What mistakes Naruto? What have you planned so far?**_"

"_For a start I will trust humanity as He never did_", Naruto explained mentally as he rubbed the new design on his axe down with a cloth before inspecting his handiwork, "_the Imperial Creed, the denial of the existence of all gods, even the creation of my kind, the Astartes – all mistakes of a man who believed He could not trust his fellow men to remain pure in the face of temptations. He tried to remove the flaws He thought he saw in mankind, refine us to a more effective soldier suitable for his crusades and wars but He could not – you can't simply excise basic human wants, needs and fears like rotten teeth. Even the Astartes, even his own sons fell to whispers from things they could not understand because their father did not tell them about them – the rebellion was in part due to this, the ignorance He spread to try and protect His people and weaken those who dwelt beyond and sought to consume them_".

The Juubi was quiet after this for a moment, ruminating the argument before, eventually, it spoke again just as Naruto finished his labours at last and rested both his weapons over his shoulders, the axes still as dangerous now as they ever had been but at last reconsecrated to their true, original purpose,

"_**You mean to tell them everything then -when the time is right of course?**_"

"_No, they can figure it out for themselves; man learns by his mistakes, even men as powerful as the Emperor Himself – I will aid them if I have to, perhaps introduce myself at some time in the future if it becomes feasible but, this time, for the most part I'm leaving them to it and trusting them to make a better fist of it of my second-grandfather. There could be other worlds out there Juubi_", he stepped out of the forge and into the twilight, breath smoking in the air, as he stared up at the night sky, "_the Senso Haundo has a new mission. The War Hound must become the Guarding Dog; I will protect my own people and anyone else we find who managed to survive the final cataclysms that came with His death – humanity will rise again Juubi, and this time..._"

Both axe clashed above his head and he looked down their haft, almost as if tracking the flight of the twin-headed Aquila to the heavens and above as he saw the stars once more, then looked down at the ground and the good earth at his feet, and smiled as he finished his thought,

"..._we'll try and get it right_".

A/N: Done, at last; now as promised, the important note:

Due to work deciding I'm the perfect man to be dropped off at a very remote location in the ocean somewhere surrounded by highly-sensitive equipment for the next God-only-knows how long, this fic and its sister are going to have to be put on hold until probably the end of next spring. Where I'm going it's not possible to take my laptop due to the equipment we're using (seriously, going in there with a normal computer is about as smart as walking into the middle of an oil refinery and striking a match) and using work machines is right out as they're in a public domain so I can't do any writing while I'm out there – sorry guys, but reality bites and I kind of like earning a wage I'm afraid.

Okay, now that's said, time to bury some other potential hatchets before they rise and attempt to reap my legs off:

To those that read this and thought Naruto turned into a Mary-Sue; yes, yes he did because he's effectively a _Primarch_ – seriously, read the 40K fluff, read the stats they printed for Angron himself (primarch and demon primarch) and understand it's effectively required Primarch be Mary-Sue characters, they were created that way – this chapter and its first part were an attempt by me to take something out of the box and make it at least kind of believable and worth reading – please let me know if I succeeded and don't just complain I made the main character overpowered (and while we're on the OP subject 'cough'Madara 'cough' oh well 'splutter').

To those that complain 'hey, the chapter's misleading because this isn't about the actual God of War' – right, okay Angron and Krakos have similarities – effectively both demi-gods, duel-wield kick-ass axes and have daddy-issues – but Games Workshop was trading in the 80's, GoW came out in the noughties, so effectively who potentially copied from who there?

To those that read TMok – An Easter egg for you; regarding one of the lines Naruto says just after effectively pepper-bombing his school, this is where the inspiration came from. Go to YouTube, type in 'Cool Guys Don't Look at Explosions' and let your imagination run wild with how damn bad-ass the Mouse could've looked just walkin' away... (if I could get a Deviantartist on the case for that I'd be very grateful indeed; pm or email me the link, my address is on my profile).

Okay, that's it from me – hopefully see you some time in the spring next year; if not, someone chuck a lifebelt into the sea for me...


End file.
